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Speaker 1: What's up with you?

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Speaker 2: Wait a minute, is this the right number? It's the

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Speaker 2: loser line. Goodby, just call.

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Speaker 1: Me back if you're new to the Loser line. This

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Speaker 1: is how it works. Let's say someone approaches you while

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Speaker 1: you're out at the club and uses this charming pickup

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Speaker 1: line on you.

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Speaker 2: Oh hey there, sweet cheeks, what's that I smell?

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Speaker 3: Hell?

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Speaker 2: You smell like trash. That's a good thing, because it's

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Speaker 2: making me want to take you out.

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Speaker 1: Whatever you do, resist the urge to defrag his hard

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Speaker 1: drive in front of everyone. Instead, tell him you'd like

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Speaker 1: to make his hard drive even harder. And that's when

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Speaker 1: you give him the number to the loser line. So

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Speaker 1: hopefully he leaves you an awkward voicemail that we can

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Speaker 1: play on the air. Voicemails like this.

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Speaker 4: One.

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Speaker 3: Yo, this is Ashley. Listen. I met you last night

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Speaker 3: and it was amazing. Thank you so much for giving

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Speaker 3: me your number. I know that you know we had

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Speaker 3: a conversation about you having a boyfriend. You know I

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Speaker 3: don't give two craps about that. Listen, already have a

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Speaker 3: major good plan. Since my name is Ay and I'm

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Speaker 3: a masseuse perfect, just let him know I'm a girl

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Speaker 3: come on man, like, just say on that. That's my

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Speaker 3: home girl. Ask anytime I call or whatever. You can

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Speaker 3: set up a little cold words whatever we need to

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Speaker 3: do because I'm interested. I want to get to know you.

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Speaker 3: I don't care if you got a man. So that's

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Speaker 3: the plan, you know, that's that's the mission. If you

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Speaker 3: choose to accept it, let him know. I'm a female

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Speaker 3: and I do massages, even though I'm a very attractive dude,

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Speaker 3: and I do massages. You know what I'm saying. And

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Speaker 3: you know I want you to know what these hands

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Speaker 3: feel like. So I'm pretty sure you're gonna benefit from it.

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Speaker 3: Trust me, relieve stress, relieve any kind of tension that

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Speaker 3: your man is probably giving you. So come on over

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Speaker 3: to my apartment. I'll make sure everything is done right

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Speaker 3: for you. It's all set up, is ready for you

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Speaker 3: to go. Come on over all right next?

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Speaker 1: Wow, Wow, very well thought out.

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Speaker 5: It sounds like a man you can trust.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's air tight.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Ashley, he's there. Yeah, and he loves only dating

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Speaker 5: women that have boyfriends. I know, definitely.

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Speaker 1: But you know he would commit even if the boyfriend

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Speaker 1: came on the other side of the door. He would

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Speaker 1: do the girl's voice too.

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Speaker 5: He just feels like though one of those massage therapists

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Speaker 5: that talk through the whole thing, and I'm not into that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just the fact that he talks.

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Speaker 3: Just like, you know, let me enjoy it.

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Speaker 5: I don't even need to have a conversation with you.

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Speaker 5: He'd be wanting to get to know you while he's

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Speaker 5: rubbing you down.

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Speaker 1: All right, if you're rubbing broke down, put your hands

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Speaker 1: on her and shut the hell up.

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Speaker 4: Next message, Hey, I kind of sort on that you

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Speaker 4: at the bar the other night. I mean we were

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Speaker 4: like dancing right by each other, and you know, I

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Speaker 4: was kind of like watching you. You're super hot, and

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Speaker 4: I don't know. I've called like six or seven times

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Speaker 4: and I haven't you heard anything and you haven't picked up,

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Speaker 4: so I don't know. Like I'm super fun. I'm like

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Speaker 4: so fun to hang out with, and you should definitely.

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Speaker 2: Call me that.

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Speaker 1: Next message, I'm just gonna say what everybody's obviously thinking, alexis,

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Speaker 1: do you have a sister? She sounds really fine.

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Speaker 5: Just really get the clue or the hint e for

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Speaker 5: calling six or seven times.

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Speaker 3: They're not getting called that.

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Speaker 6: They will call that my personality.

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Speaker 2: By cran that nothing's wrong with that.

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Speaker 7: Next message, the candy man can cuse he mixtures it

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Speaker 7: the next super Taste Good. Hey Michelle, it's me. You

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Speaker 7: know how the song goes. I would just thinking, you know,

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Speaker 7: we could do some things in the candy store. There's

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Speaker 7: all different kinds of flavors. You know. They got sour

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Speaker 7: patch kids, gummy worms. We can melt the chocolate and

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Speaker 7: it could drip down my body. We can get strawberries

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Speaker 7: and it could be all for your pleasure. Oh my god,

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Speaker 7: how does that sound? Sounds amazing to me because he

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Speaker 7: mixes it with the mixed sup Taste Good.

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Speaker 1: Minus the creepy singing though. That's Brooks dream guys all

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Speaker 1: day and night.

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Speaker 4: I think it, like, does he literally have a candy store?

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Speaker 1: Because you want to go there?

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Speaker 3: I feel like you would show up into the room

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Speaker 3: with Brooke and she already has a bull.

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Speaker 1: Of like, oh, you're bringing chocolate too, Yeah, I already

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Speaker 1: have some melted This is my chocolate.

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Speaker 3: I was this.

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Speaker 5: Yeah you have a straw Yeah, wait, you want to

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Speaker 5: do what with it?

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Speaker 3: I don't want to wait job exactly.

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Speaker 6: Next message, Hey Jason, this is how are you?

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Speaker 8: I really enjoyed talking to you, and I just sort

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Speaker 8: of wanted to tell you something that I didn't tell

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Speaker 8: you the other night. About six months ago, I got

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Speaker 8: fired from my job and like it, it was not my.

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Speaker 6: Fault, nothing to do with me. Anyways, I have this

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Speaker 6: new sort of side job. I have started working as

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Speaker 6: a private investigator, you know, like like a PI, like

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Speaker 6: a dumb shoe. Anyways, I left you a couple of

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Speaker 6: messages and like, I don't want to bust out my skills,

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Speaker 6: but like I can't. You know, you had a napkin

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Speaker 6: the other night that was on the bar and you

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Speaker 6: definitely wiped your mouth with it, and it would definitely

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Speaker 6: have your DNA on it. And I'm not saying I

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Speaker 6: took it because I would never say that, but let's

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Speaker 6: say I did. And then the gum shoes on the case,

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Speaker 6: so you know, again I'm not saying I did that.

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Speaker 8: But call me back before I start searching, because again

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Speaker 8: I can find you.

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Speaker 7: Next message.

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Speaker 1: Oh gosh, it just gave me that wedding crashers girl

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Speaker 1: vibes at the very end.

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Speaker 5: Definitely should be so good with the candy man guy.

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Speaker 5: She is like a horror couple together.

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Speaker 3: Movies.

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Speaker 1: Remember you can listen to Loser Line regularly at this

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Speaker 1: time every week. We got your phone tap coming up

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Speaker 1: right after this