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Speaker 1: What Epics. Way up with Angela Yee. I'm Angela Yee

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Speaker 1: and Jasmine Brand is here with me today.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I'm here.

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Speaker 1: And now we have a best selling author and you're

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Speaker 1: also a psychotherapist, mental strength trainer and award winning host

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Speaker 1: of Mentally Stronger with Therapists Amy Moore and podcast. Thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for joining us, Amy Moren, thank.

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Speaker 3: You so much for being here and letting me come

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Speaker 3: to your show.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, we love these type of conversations. All right,

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Speaker 1: So you have a new book out, Thirteen Things Mentally

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Speaker 1: Strong Couples Do. Now you've done a lot of mentally

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Speaker 1: Strong you have like a whole Mentally Strong series. And

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Speaker 1: so before we even start, what makes you the expert

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Speaker 1: on this? Just so people who are listening understand why

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Speaker 1: you're writing these books.

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Speaker 3: Well, I started my career as a therapist, and I thought, oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to teach all of these skills I learned

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Speaker 3: in college. But it was really when I went through

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Speaker 3: my own journey. My mom died when I was twenty three,

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Speaker 3: which was just shortly after I'd launched my career as

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Speaker 3: a therapist. And then when I was twenty six, my

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Speaker 3: husband passed away and It was really those losses that

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Speaker 3: taught me the most about mental strength. It wasn't just

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Speaker 3: about the stuff I'd learned in college anymore. It really

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Speaker 3: set me on my own journey to say, what makes

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Speaker 3: you moo mentally strong? And what are the bad habits

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Speaker 3: I want to give up if I want to be

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Speaker 3: a strong person and come out on this on the

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Speaker 3: other side.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you write about this in the book as well,

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Speaker 1: just so people can know your whole history of the

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Speaker 1: things that you went through to bring you here. And

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Speaker 1: one thing that you did do was you went viral

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Speaker 1: on social media. Can you talk about that list that

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Speaker 1: you did, the thirteen things mentally strong people don't do.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: My father in law had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

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Speaker 3: I had gone through that series of losses. I felt

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Speaker 3: like I just spent a whole decade grieving and now

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Speaker 3: I was faced with the rumtal prognosis, and I thought, oh,

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Speaker 3: I can't stand another loss. So I sat down and

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Speaker 3: I wrote myself a letter of what mentally strong people

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Speaker 3: don't do. And initially I thought it was just for me,

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Speaker 3: but I thought if it's helpful to me, maybe it

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Speaker 3: will help somebody else. I put it on the internet

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Speaker 3: and fifty million people read the article. One of them

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Speaker 3: was a literary agent who said you should write a book.

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Speaker 3: But at first nobody knew why I wrote it online.

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Speaker 3: It was pretty much just the list. It didn't give

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Speaker 3: my backstory. So my agent said, well, if you share

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Speaker 3: the backstory, maybe it would even give you more credibility

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Speaker 3: when people know you didn't master this list just because

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Speaker 3: you went to college and you're a therapist, but you

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Speaker 3: went struggled it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what do.

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Speaker 2: You think on the list? Based on the list, what

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Speaker 2: do you think people struggle with the most, because it's

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Speaker 2: a lot of them kind of struggling with.

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Speaker 3: The one people talk about the most is don't give

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Speaker 3: away your power. Mm okay, which is really about when

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Speaker 3: we blame other people, like, oh, you ruined my day.

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Speaker 2: So that's that's an example of giving away your power.

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Speaker 1: Right, blaming other people for it? Yeah, okay, it said.

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Speaker 1: They don't allow others to control them. They don't give

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Speaker 1: someone else power over them. They don't say things like

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Speaker 1: my boss makes me feel bad, because you do have

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Speaker 1: control over your emotions and a choice in how you respond.

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Speaker 1: You know, sometimes you can't control other people's actions, but

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Speaker 1: you can control how you respond to other people's actions.

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Speaker 2: That's exact way.

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Speaker 3: And then but sometimes we want to be like, oh,

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Speaker 3: it's their fault that I'm having a bad day or

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Speaker 3: they're making me feel bad. But taking back your power

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Speaker 3: Holt saying no, I can control these things myself.

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Speaker 1: You know, thirteen is an interesting number. That's till the

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Speaker 1: Swift's lucky number, right, but not my lucky number.

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Speaker 2: So I just want to thirteenager your lucky number.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's my birthday January third, Okay, so one three thirteen,

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Speaker 1: So it's always been kind of my lucky number two.

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Speaker 1: And now here's so let's talk about this list first

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Speaker 1: and then let's get into the book. Some other things.

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Speaker 1: They don't fare taking calculated risks, and I think the

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Speaker 1: keyword is calculated.

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Speaker 2: Yeah right.

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Speaker 3: We don't want to be impulsive and just leaped because

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Speaker 3: something sounds good. But on the other hand, sometimes we think, oh,

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Speaker 3: this seems scary, so it must be risky, and then

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Speaker 3: we don't do it right. So it's about balancing your

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Speaker 3: emotions with some logic and knowing, okay, just because this

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Speaker 3: seems scary, is it really and can I do it anyway?

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Speaker 1: That's an interesting thing. Too, because I always tell people like,

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Speaker 1: if you're an entrepreneur and you want to start a business,

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Speaker 1: do a business plan, come up with all the information

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Speaker 1: that you can have to help you lessen the chance

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Speaker 1: of failure, and then take the risk. Don't just be

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Speaker 1: like I'm just gonna quit everything and start a business,

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Speaker 1: but I wouldn't. Well, yeah you did, it worked out.

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Speaker 1: It worked out, though, but yeah I got fired kind of.

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Speaker 2: Hey I kind of got ultimatum. Yeah no, But I

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Speaker 2: do think it's a good idea to have a business plan,

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Speaker 2: all that kind of stuf. But I feel like people

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Speaker 2: sometimes use that as an excuse, excuse not to get

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Speaker 2: I still need to do this. I still need to

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Speaker 2: do that. We come up with reasons of why we're

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Speaker 2: not doing it yet.

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Speaker 3: I need too. I think sometimes people assume that they

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Speaker 3: that they're not ready yet, so they keep planning and

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Speaker 3: planning and planning and planning.

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Speaker 1: You'll plan forever.

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Speaker 3: Then they don't take action.

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Speaker 1: And that is there's a balance with that too, because

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Speaker 1: I also know people who have done things and they're like,

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Speaker 1: if I would have known all of the obstacles I had,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't have done this, right, you know. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: sometimes it is just flying, but you know, trying to

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Speaker 1: make sure you're as educated as I'm prepared financially, making

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Speaker 1: sure you're stable enough to be able to do something. Now, Amy,

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Speaker 1: let's get into this book Thirteen Things mentally Strong Couples

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Speaker 1: Don't Do. And it was so interesting for me because

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Speaker 1: there's quizzes in here and I was taking some of

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Speaker 1: them and I'm clearly not perfect when it comes to

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Speaker 1: reading this book. But I I want to get into

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Speaker 1: some of the things that we talked about that you

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Speaker 1: talked about in this book privacy.

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Speaker 2: It is that because I don't have that one book that's.

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Speaker 1: In page twenty six, thank you. Now you talk about

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Speaker 1: certain things that couples my degree, should be kept private

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Speaker 1: and then secrets they wouldn't want to keep want one

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Speaker 1: another to keep. So let's talk about privacy and things

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Speaker 1: that are okay to keep private. But then what do

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Speaker 1: the secrets that to keep tell you about your relationship?

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Speaker 3: Well, there is a difference between secrecy and privacy that's

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Speaker 3: tough sometimes to figure out. Is that okay to not

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Speaker 3: mention this, But the damaging secrets are when we do

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Speaker 3: things like I'm not going to tell you how much

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Speaker 3: I spent on this because you'd be mad, Or I'm

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Speaker 3: not going to tell you where I was this morning

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Speaker 3: because you'll make a big deal out of it, And

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Speaker 3: those are the things that damage the relationship. But privacy

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Speaker 3: might be something like I'm not going to let you

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Speaker 3: look at my social media, I'm not going to give

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Speaker 3: you my password, Or if my friend calls me with

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Speaker 3: an emergency and so she needs to talk, I don't

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Speaker 3: necessarily need to share that with my partner because that's something.

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Speaker 1: That's not her private.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 1: Let me ask you this. Let's say you all went

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Speaker 1: through something where he cheated and then you're like, I

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Speaker 1: need your passwords. What do you do in a situation

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Speaker 1: like that, because now that's something that normally you should

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Speaker 1: be able to have as privacy, But because you're trying

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Speaker 1: to rebuild trust, is that an indication that this relationship

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Speaker 1: may not be strong?

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Speaker 3: In some instances, that make sense to say, all right,

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Speaker 3: if you broke trust, then we're not going to keep

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Speaker 3: those things private. So in our therapy office we'll do

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Speaker 3: that sometimes where somebody will say, Okay, I'm going to

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Speaker 3: let you look at my DMS, I'm going to let

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Speaker 3: you check out my passwords, So that you feel better.

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Speaker 3: You know that when I say I'm going to be

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Speaker 3: somewhere that you can trust me, and if you have

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Speaker 3: to check up on me for a little while until

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Speaker 3: we rebuild that trust, go for it.

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Speaker 2: Are you in a relationship? I am okay? Are you married?

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Speaker 3: Or are I do?

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Speaker 1: Okay?

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Speaker 2: How long?

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Speaker 3: Good question? I know you'd think of somebody that wrote

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Speaker 3: the couple's book of you know, I.

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Speaker 2: Would say, I would say, uh huh.

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Speaker 3: And the reason I say this so I was married

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Speaker 3: the first time and my husband passed away and after

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Speaker 3: five years, so when I got remarried, I was like,

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Speaker 3: you know, it doesn't matter how long you're married. I'm

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Speaker 3: going for quality over quantity. Yeah. So I think it's

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Speaker 3: been like fourteen years.

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Speaker 2: And she's gonna say too, and this is Steve.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this is Steve.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, See how does he feel like? How

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Speaker 1: is it for him being married to somebody that implements

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Speaker 1: these things? Because does he sometimes feel like you know,

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Speaker 1: because I always think about like being what it would

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Speaker 1: be like to be married to somebody who's a therapist.

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Speaker 1: Would they be analyzing things that I do or trying

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Speaker 1: to tell me the right way to do things or

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Speaker 1: instead of you know, you should say it like this,

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Speaker 1: you make me feel this way.

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Speaker 3: He's the coolest person, and he knows that although I'm

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Speaker 3: a therapist, I'm also a human, so he knows that that, yes,

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Speaker 3: I know all of these things. However, I don't always

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Speaker 3: do all the things that I say, and I don't

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Speaker 3: try to psychoanalyze him or call him on Hey, that's

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Speaker 3: the seventh thing mentally young people don't.

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Speaker 1: Right, So wait, what did you say? Let me write

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Speaker 1: this back exactly. It's in the book.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: Here's something also that I think is important practice asking

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Speaker 1: for help and accepting it all right, because I'm never

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Speaker 1: good at asking for help. But sometimes we don't ask

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Speaker 1: for help, but we get mad when somebody doesn't help us.

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Speaker 1: And it's also how you ask too, So can we

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Speaker 1: talk about that when it comes to relationships and not

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Speaker 1: being like you never do this or do this for me,

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Speaker 1: or will you at.

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Speaker 2: Least do this for me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Right, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: A lot of it has to do with the way

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Speaker 3: we word it, or we don't ask for help, but

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Speaker 3: we expect our partners to know. So you start slamming

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Speaker 3: stuff around in the kitchen and you're like, oh, if

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Speaker 3: only they'd recognize that.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing all the work out even slamming this right,

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Speaker 1: or or.

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Speaker 3: We could make a complaint like I have so much

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Speaker 3: to do instead of saying, could you please help me

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Speaker 3: with this? So I think it's really important to look

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Speaker 3: at how we express our concerns, whether we are asking

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Speaker 3: for help, and then if somebody offers us help, to

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Speaker 3: accept it, because sometimes we're like, ah, you don't do

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Speaker 3: it right, So I just will do it myself right

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Speaker 3: when somebody's trying to help us.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because I definitely always will do the dishes, because

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Speaker 1: I'll be like, because I wash the dishes before I

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Speaker 1: put them in the dishwasher. Some people don't do that, right.

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Speaker 2: I only do that when i'm what your house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't play about that because I think it's

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Speaker 1: very nasty to put like dirty dishes, like very dirty

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Speaker 1: dishes in the dish washer you aren't supposed to use. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I find that very odd.

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Speaker 2: I've always had one, not always, but I mean as

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Speaker 2: an adult, I've always had a dishwasher, never used it,

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Speaker 2: but I mean when I'm at her house, I am.

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Speaker 1: Very I'm very like particular about certain things, and I

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Speaker 1: do feel like I'll just do it myself because even

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Speaker 1: like with laundry, I like to do my own laundry

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Speaker 1: and do the laundry because I know that like certain times,

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Speaker 1: you know, with my man, he may not read that

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Speaker 1: it has to be air dry, like you have to

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Speaker 1: hang dry it.

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Speaker 2: You know, some of your things are expensive. You don't

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Speaker 2: want to just.

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Speaker 1: And I'd be like, oh my god, he watched the

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Speaker 1: Gucci sweatpants. You know what I mean. And so, but

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Speaker 1: I do try not to get angry about I don't

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Speaker 1: get angry, I feel like, but I can be very

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Speaker 1: passive aggressive, don't jasmine what was that you can okay,

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Speaker 1: And that's something that I'm working on within myself because

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Speaker 1: even like we're reading this book, I'm like, ooh, I

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Speaker 1: do do this.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: Like one thing I do that you talk about in

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Speaker 1: this book is I'll be very quiet. Instead of addressing

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Speaker 1: an issue, I just won't talk at all. And that's

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Speaker 1: something that I know can be really frustrating for another

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Speaker 1: person because my thing is I don't want to argue,

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Speaker 1: so I'd rather just not say anything.

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Speaker 2: I use the silent treatment when I'm angry. That's on

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Speaker 2: page one oh five.

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Speaker 3: You put that for me and that's a pretty common thing.

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Speaker 3: Or if somebody will say, you know, I'd rather just

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Speaker 3: not talk about it. Although if we talked about it,

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Speaker 3: maybe we could work through it. But on the other hand,

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Speaker 3: it might get worse.

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Speaker 2: So uncomfortable when you talk about it.

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Speaker 3: And bringing things up. But when we don't work through,

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Speaker 3: the conflict usually grows bigger. The problem gets repeated again,

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Speaker 3: and it's harder to solve those things if we don't

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Speaker 3: sit and talk about it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I just can't talk about it right away, which

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Speaker 1: makes sense.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes it's about giving yourself that space till your emotions

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Speaker 3: come down.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because I never want to say something like in

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Speaker 1: the heat of an argument that I can't take back.

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Speaker 1: I saw that to Jasmine the other day. She was

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Speaker 1: very angry about something and she was about to go

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Speaker 1: in and she let the word bitch fly a lot,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, Jasmine, I don't think you should

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Speaker 1: do this while you're mad.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you said, never respond while you're upset.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I said, just wait a minute, and I didn't.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know because a couple of hours later, and

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Speaker 1: then after that she felt bad for the pros.

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Speaker 2: Of the girl. Yeah, for the young lady who came

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Speaker 2: at you, and that's wise.

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Speaker 3: Advice is to say when you're when you're really heated,

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Speaker 3: don't do it in that moment. But what sometimes happens

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Speaker 3: is with couples is somebody will say I walked away

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Speaker 3: because I was upset, and the other person chased me

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Speaker 3: because they felt abandoned or they felt like we have

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Speaker 3: to rehash this right now, and then they end up

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Speaker 3: in a blow up. But if you have that agreement

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Speaker 3: of I'm too upset to talk about it, but I

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Speaker 3: will talk about it later, that makes things go a

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Speaker 3: lot smoother. Usually.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'll be very clear on I'm not good

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Speaker 1: at talking about things while I'm mad, but just give

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Speaker 1: me a couple of hours because I know how I

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Speaker 1: am and I just and you know, I just never,

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Speaker 1: like I said, I'm the type of person I never

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Speaker 1: want to say anything that I can't take back and

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Speaker 1: say something while i'm mad, because you know where is hers.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, once you say it, you say it.

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Speaker 1: What's something that's been the hardest struggle for you when

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Speaker 1: it comes to being in a relationship, Like what would

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Speaker 1: Steve say if he was and it's like, you know, Amy,

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Speaker 1: this is something that you kind of do do sometimes

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

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Speaker 3: He would certainly be able to find plenty of plenty

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Speaker 3: of mistakes that I make. One I think would probably

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Speaker 3: be boundaries. I have an incredible ability to tolerate something

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Speaker 3: for probably too long, and then when I decide I

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Speaker 3: don't want to do this anymore, you just cut it

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Speaker 3: off right. And then I think sometimes other people are like, wait, what,

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Speaker 3: because they're confused by that. So it's something I try

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Speaker 3: to work on, is if you set the boundary first

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Speaker 3: and then work on it instead of just putting the

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Speaker 3: hammer down too fast.

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Speaker 1: Just how you talk about that with the boundaries, and

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Speaker 1: you said it is at times okay to just cut

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Speaker 1: things off, but the better thing, like you said, is

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Speaker 1: to set those boundaries early.

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Speaker 3: Right, if somebody's annoying you, somebody keeps asking you to

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Speaker 3: borrow money, somebody keeps showing up at your house on announced,

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Speaker 3: they keep doing things you don't like, make sure you

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Speaker 3: speak up early.

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Speaker 1: Now, you said borrow money that hurt. I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, I do not want nobody calling it. My

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Speaker 1: theory with borrowing money is a lot of if I

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Speaker 1: lend somebody money, I automatically assume I probably won't get

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Speaker 1: it back. Yeah, So that helps me. So I have

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Speaker 1: to say, if I'm lending you this money, should I

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Speaker 1: be okay with not getting it back? And then I

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Speaker 1: also know you can never ask me for money again, right,

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Speaker 1: And so you let borrow money from me. If I'm

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Speaker 1: okay with just giving it to you, that's fine. But

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Speaker 1: just know that's the last time you'll be able to

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Speaker 1: ask me for money. And I already know that in

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Speaker 1: my head.

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Speaker 3: And those are good policies to have. I think, as

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Speaker 3: long as you know this is.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure if that's a good okay, So that

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Speaker 1: is a good policy.

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Speaker 3: Think so, and as long as you're comfortable with that,

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Speaker 3: and you set these rules for yourself ahead of time,

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Speaker 3: and then you're not tempted to keep loaning money or

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Speaker 3: giving money away if you're not comfortable with it.

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Speaker 1: And now we talked about secrecy versus privacy earlier, and

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about things that why people keep

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Speaker 1: secrets because that was very interesting to me, Right, secrets

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Speaker 1: to protect yourself. Sometimes we keep secrets because we don't

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Speaker 1: want to hurt the other person. Ye, And that's something

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Speaker 1: that you talk about as well. And there are some

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Speaker 1: secrets that are really old that you're like, well, if

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Speaker 1: it's something that may not ever come up again, why

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Speaker 1: bring it up, because you're really only hurting the other person.

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Speaker 1: So let's just say early in the relationship, you know,

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Speaker 1: five years ago you cheated. The person's never going to

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Speaker 1: find out. And they ask you, have you ever cheated?

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Speaker 1: Is that a secret that You're like, they'll never find

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Speaker 1: this out, I should not tell, or is that something well,

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Speaker 1: they ask me directly, I should be honest and tell.

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Speaker 3: So it kind of comes down to what somebody's values are.

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Speaker 3: So it might be I'm gonna keep this secret. It's

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Speaker 3: not gonna happen again, it's not gonna hurt the other person,

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Speaker 3: so I'm not gonna tell. There are people that come

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Speaker 3: to that conclusion. They can live with it, they're comfortable

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Speaker 3: with it. Other people who say, you know, the guilt

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Speaker 3: will eat me up forever if I lie to this

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Speaker 3: person straight up. So I'm gonna tell you what happened,

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Speaker 3: but I'll give you the whole story. I'm not just

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Speaker 3: gonna give you a half truth, because that's what happens

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Speaker 3: more often than not. So I'm like, well, here's what happens.

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Speaker 3: They don't tell the whole story. If you're gonna be honest,

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Speaker 3: tell the whole story, Tell.

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Speaker 1: The whole thing.

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Speaker 2: So there's no black and white answer to that.

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Speaker 3: There isn't. I think it's really up to people to decide,

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Speaker 3: because sometimes somebody will be like, something happened ten years ago,

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Speaker 3: very early on in our relationship. If I bring that

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Speaker 3: up now and I tell that to you, like, why

384
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Speaker 3: am I doing it? Am I just trying to clear

385
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,560
Speaker 3: my conscience? Am I trying to Are we working through something?

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Speaker 3: Does it make sense to talk about it? So I

387
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Speaker 3: think it's really important to think about the watch.

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Speaker 1: What about if you guys have a kid together, but

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Speaker 1: you it may not be his Oh my gosh, now

390
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,280
Speaker 1: and it's already let's just say the kid is fifteen.

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Speaker 1: Is that a time where you should be like, I

392
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:14,040
Speaker 1: want to confess, like there is a possibility. What would

393
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,560
Speaker 1: you tell us about it if they were sitting in

394
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,600
Speaker 1: the chair and it happens it?

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Speaker 3: Does I get people in my therapy office that that

396
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,360
Speaker 3: this will happen, that will probably come to light at

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Speaker 3: some point. If that's not somebody's child through a doctor's visit,

398
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,920
Speaker 3: it's something you'll do, write something down the road, it

399
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,960
Speaker 3: might come to light. So you may be the one

400
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,880
Speaker 3: who says, I'm going to tell you before somebody else.

401
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,200
Speaker 1: Does you know what I find interesting? There's people that

402
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,520
Speaker 1: may know things that the other person has kept from them,

403
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,640
Speaker 1: but they also won't bring it up.

404
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:40,040
Speaker 2: Right.

405
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,760
Speaker 1: What is that about? Like, say you're the person you

406
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,680
Speaker 1: find out that's not your child, but you're not gonna

407
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,360
Speaker 1: say anything to your significant other and you'll just keep

408
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,120
Speaker 1: on living life. But you might have some resentment, you know,

409
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,960
Speaker 1: in that situation. But people do do that. People know

410
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,120
Speaker 1: things about their significant other but don't say anything.

411
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Speaker 3: Often it's about keeping the peace, and that happens often

412
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Speaker 3: too in the therapy office. Somebody like my partner goes

413
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,160
Speaker 3: on a lot of business trips. I know what's going on,

414
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,960
Speaker 3: but I'm not gonna say anything because then we would

415
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,160
Speaker 3: either right and maybe break out, work through it, or

416
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,560
Speaker 3: do something differently. But if I just don't say anything,

417
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:12,680
Speaker 3: we could keep the peace.

418
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,400
Speaker 1: Oh, I can't imagine, because no matter what, you're still

419
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,240
Speaker 1: gonna feel away. Yeah, you know, And how do you

420
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 1: operate like that? Do you see that people have a

421
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 1: lot more non traditional relationships now?

422
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:23,960
Speaker 3: Definitely?

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

424
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Speaker 3: Over the years, I would say it's been twenty years

425
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,360
Speaker 3: since I've been a therapists and things have definitely become

426
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:30,840
Speaker 3: less traditional over time.

427
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Speaker 1: Why do you think that is?

428
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Speaker 3: I think what people are just opening their eyes realizing

429
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,280
Speaker 3: that relationships aren't as as cut and dry as we

430
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,280
Speaker 3: used to think they were, right, and people are like,

431
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,120
Speaker 3: you know, actually there's some different things we could do here,

432
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Speaker 3: and I think people are more accepting of it now too.

433
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Speaker 2: One of my favorite out of all the lists that

434
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,960
Speaker 2: you have is they don't expect the relationship to meet

435
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,120
Speaker 2: all their needs. And I think for a long time,

436
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,520
Speaker 2: I thought, not that there was a perfect guy, but

437
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,680
Speaker 2: I thought, you know, the person that was my person

438
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,439
Speaker 2: was gonna kind of meet all my needs. And I

439
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,800
Speaker 2: realized that a while ago, or you're a few years ago, like,

440
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,679
Speaker 2: there's no person that can meet all my needs, Like

441
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,600
Speaker 2: I have friendships, I have relationships with my girlfriends, and

442
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,400
Speaker 2: he can't be those things to me. And I think

443
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,879
Speaker 2: that's something a lot of women, kind of not a

444
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,919
Speaker 2: lot of women struggle with. Some women struggle with that,

445
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,600
Speaker 2: like thinking a guy is going to meet all their

446
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:20,800
Speaker 2: needs when it's impossible.

447
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:24,159
Speaker 3: And we get this message from every romantic comedy, a

448
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,360
Speaker 3: lot of music, things like that that when you meet

449
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:28,080
Speaker 3: that person, it will just take away all.

450
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:29,879
Speaker 1: These like birds flying and chirping.

451
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they get it all right, they check all

452
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,879
Speaker 2: the lists and then they can Yeah.

453
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,840
Speaker 3: And then when people have those expectations that get in

454
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,600
Speaker 3: a relationship and they think, yeah, but I'm still kind

455
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,200
Speaker 3: of lonely are this? Yeah, still struggling with certain things

456
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,199
Speaker 3: in life? And then why aren't I happy with you?

457
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,639
Speaker 1: When do you know it's time to give up? Because

458
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,280
Speaker 1: one thing that you said early on in the book

459
00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,840
Speaker 1: is also you just may not being meant to be

460
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,480
Speaker 1: with that person, and you don't have to stay together.

461
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,879
Speaker 1: Sometimes people feel like marriage is and for everything, and

462
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,840
Speaker 1: there are people that really feel like that for whatever reason,

463
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,359
Speaker 1: and so no matter what happens, we have to stay together.

464
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,399
Speaker 1: But have you ever had to tell people y'all just

465
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,600
Speaker 1: may not be good together? Or is it always trying

466
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:06,960
Speaker 1: to work it out and figure out how can we

467
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:07,399
Speaker 1: fix this?

468
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,000
Speaker 2: You got a list for that too, You got a

469
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:09,560
Speaker 2: quiz for that.

470
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:10,119
Speaker 1: I do.

471
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,840
Speaker 3: Sometimes you will come in to me and they'll they

472
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,760
Speaker 3: really don't like each other, but for whatever reason, and

473
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,120
Speaker 3: neither one really wants to say, well, could I do differently?

474
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 3: They come in and they say, I want you to

475
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,400
Speaker 3: change my partner so that my life isn't so bad.

476
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,800
Speaker 3: If my partner just didn't do this thing, or if

477
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,600
Speaker 3: my partner acted differently, I'd be happier. And so then

478
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,240
Speaker 3: we talk about, well, if your partner is not going

479
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,359
Speaker 3: to change, is this what you want to put up

480
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:32,840
Speaker 3: with for the rest of your life? Or do you

481
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,880
Speaker 3: want to do something different? Because I don't have any

482
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,000
Speaker 3: magic ones to make the other person change. And so

483
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,280
Speaker 3: some couples decide, you know, we don't really like each other,

484
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,560
Speaker 3: but it's easier, might be financial, or there might be

485
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,879
Speaker 3: other reasons why they stay together. But some couples are like,

486
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,360
Speaker 3: you know, actually this isn't working for us.

487
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, we had to come here and figure that out,

488
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,080
Speaker 1: right now, listen to this. Thirty six percent of people

489
00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:57,040
Speaker 1: say their partners are sometimes rude, condescending, or disrespectful. Right,

490
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,720
Speaker 1: and so a lot of times, when we're not in

491
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 1: a situation, were like, how could somebody deal with that?

492
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,480
Speaker 1: Until you find yourself in a situation dealing with that,

493
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,440
Speaker 1: And there is a quiz here to talk about how

494
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,440
Speaker 1: many of these seem like you, I roll my eyes

495
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:09,640
Speaker 1: at my partner.

496
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 2: Who doesn't roll their eyes sometimes at their partner don't

497
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,640
Speaker 2: we all? Sometimes do I do that? I don't.

498
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:18,159
Speaker 1: If I do, it's a joke, like I'll do it

499
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,960
Speaker 1: for him to see it, and he'll be like, oh

500
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 1: my god, what's wrong with you? But I do? Okay,

501
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,360
Speaker 1: I say mean things to my partner.

502
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,960
Speaker 2: Are you looking at me? I'm looking at you to see,

503
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,000
Speaker 2: do you I don't have a partner partner, so but.

504
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,800
Speaker 1: Okay, No, I don't. I call my partner name, so

505
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,160
Speaker 1: you don't do that. I make disparaging remarks about them.

506
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,800
Speaker 1: We discussed this the other day when one woman said

507
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,639
Speaker 1: she was dating a guy and he would tell her

508
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,919
Speaker 1: she's a cheezburger away from being fat. Oh my gosh,

509
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,960
Speaker 1: I mean, that's an awful thing to say to somebody.

510
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:47,520
Speaker 1: But let me ask you this though, If you do

511
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:52,400
Speaker 1: feel like somebody has you know, because this does happen, right,

512
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,800
Speaker 1: somebody looks way different than they did when you guys

513
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 1: first got together. They put on a lot of weight.

514
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,399
Speaker 1: They're not making the effort to really do anything about it.

515
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,280
Speaker 1: They're not eating right, they're not going to the gym.

516
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,040
Speaker 1: But you still love this person. How do you address

517
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:05,680
Speaker 1: something like that?

518
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 3: So what we don't want to do is lecture you

519
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,680
Speaker 3: don't nag somebody. If you tell them all of these things,

520
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,680
Speaker 3: it's not going to work. So in the book, there's

521
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,399
Speaker 3: a section where I talk about wishes and dips and

522
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,760
Speaker 3: other people's motivation. So if you have a partner who

523
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,520
Speaker 3: doesn't take care of themselves, but maybe someday they're like,

524
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,359
Speaker 3: you know, I wish I had more energy, they're giving

525
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:25,359
Speaker 3: you a signal like, oh, that's great. That's a door

526
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 3: that you can open then and say, what do you

527
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 3: think would help you have more energy? Or somebody says, oh,

528
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 3: my pants don't fit me anymore. Oh, let's have a

529
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,840
Speaker 3: conversation about that. Wait for them to bring it up.

530
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,439
Speaker 3: You don't have to point it out like they know.

531
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're aware, right. Sometimes I'd be wondering if people

532
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:40,960
Speaker 1: are aware though, of a certain things.

533
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 2: You know, some people were like, why you didn't tell

534
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,119
Speaker 2: me I was getting.

535
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 1: This big Yeah, and you're like, I didn't know how

536
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 1: to dot you saw all right. Here's some other things.

537
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 1: I share embarrassing things about them in front of others,

538
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:55,879
Speaker 1: even though I know it bothers them. Yeah, that's really nasty.

539
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,639
Speaker 1: I use sarcasm with my partner often. I raise my voice.

540
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 1: Sometimes I use a disrespectful tone of voice. These are

541
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 1: all indications this is disrespectful communication, and so I think

542
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: it is something that you do have to make a

543
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 1: conscious effort when you find yourself like saying and doing

544
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 1: certain things and being respectful of somebody else's feelings but

545
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,040
Speaker 1: also making sure that they're respectful of yours. If somebody's

546
00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 1: doing this to you, right, how do you address this

547
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 1: with them?

548
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 3: Now we'll go back to the boundaries where you can

549
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 3: speak up and say I saw when I when I

550
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 3: mentioned I was going to my mom's house, you rolled

551
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:32,080
Speaker 3: your eyes pointed out, like, hey, I just I'm acknowledging

552
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 3: what I just saw, and call them out on it,

553
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 3: and then make it clear too, like I'm not going

554
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,199
Speaker 3: to tolerate it. If we're having a conversation and you

555
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 3: say something disrespectful, we're going to end the conversation. Doesn't

556
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 3: mean I'm gonna not come back to it. We are,

557
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 3: but we're gonna come back to it when when you're

558
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 3: calmer and you can be polite.

559
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 1: You know, you also did a Ted talk that's like

560
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 1: one of the most watched Ted talks ever, and I

561
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 1: want to ask you, like, what do you think, what

562
00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,080
Speaker 1: do you owe all this popularity to from because you

563
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,199
Speaker 1: did this list just kind of because of what you

564
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 1: were going through for yourself when you did this list

565
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 1: of the thirteen things that mentally strong people don't do?

566
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 1: You did this Ted talk? How many views did to get?

567
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 3: Twenty three million?

568
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,400
Speaker 1: Twenty three million views? Make sure you watch this Ted

569
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 1: talk too. But I know you couldn't have anticipated this happening.

570
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,200
Speaker 1: What do you think is the reason that people are

571
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: so drawn to this conversation?

572
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 3: Nobody taught us about mental strength. People are really interested

573
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 3: in learning, well, how do you become mentally stronger? These

574
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 3: little skills can make a huge difference, but nobody knows.

575
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 3: They don't teach us in school. Our parents didn't teach us.

576
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:33,600
Speaker 3: So I think people really want to know, like, how

577
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 3: can I have a healthier mindset? What would help me

578
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,879
Speaker 3: have healthier relationships? How do I deal with sad feelings?

579
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 3: So I believe right now the world is just ready

580
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,640
Speaker 3: to hear that message and people want to know how

581
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 3: do I dive into this because it makes the rest

582
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 3: of your life better when you're mentally stronger.

583
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 1: And I'm sure COVID also affected a lot of that too.

584
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 1: You know, we've seen a lot of things changing, and

585
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 1: for you as a therapist, have you seen a lot

586
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 1: of people coming in with different types of issues than

587
00:22:58,119 --> 00:22:58,920
Speaker 1: you've seen before.

588
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think it really open the door to

589
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 3: people realizing that we're all just a few things away

590
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,960
Speaker 3: from having a mental health issue. You used to be

591
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 3: that stigma of like, oh, you're broken. If you're struggling

592
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 3: with depression, you should pull yourself out of it. And

593
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,200
Speaker 3: if anything good came out of COVID, it's that idea

594
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,440
Speaker 3: that take away a few of our favorite coping skills,

595
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 3: like can't go to the gym, you can't see your

596
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 3: family as often, and so many more people were like, yeah,

597
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 3: I'm struggling with depression and anxiety too. And I think

598
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,680
Speaker 3: that really helped people realize that, yeah, there's skills and

599
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,880
Speaker 3: strategies and things we can do to manage our mental

600
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,640
Speaker 3: health and we should be doing that proactively.

601
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, And this is a chapter two about

602
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 1: how addressing your problems actually helps you grow stronger. So

603
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,919
Speaker 1: those are some really important things to do when you

604
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,160
Speaker 1: can identify that and know how to deal with it,

605
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 1: you know, that has been something that I think it's

606
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 1: all a journey, even for me, like every day I'm

607
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 1: trying to figure out ways that I can do things better,

608
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 1: say things better, be stronger mentally. What don't you tell

609
00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 1: somebody who because the workplace has changed too and so

610
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,200
Speaker 1: some people have jobs that they know they have to

611
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 1: keep because they have to pay the bills, but they

612
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 1: hate going to work. And I had to realize I

613
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,639
Speaker 1: had a job previously. Every day I will wake up

614
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: and be like, should I call out sick today? And

615
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: it was really really tough for me, and I hated

616
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 1: that I felt that way, and I remember I ended

617
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,439
Speaker 1: up getting fired from it anyway, But you know, some

618
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 1: things happen. But I have to also change my mindset

619
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: as far as waking up in the morning and going

620
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,120
Speaker 1: to work and realizing that, like, this is an opportunity

621
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 1: for some great things to happen, just you know, feeling

622
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 1: blessed to get up and get out of bed in

623
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: the morning. What do you tell people who are hating

624
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: their jobs feeling like they wake up in the morning

625
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 1: like I hate my life. You know, I don't want

626
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 1: to do this anymore. I don't make enough money. I

627
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 1: hate what I do, I hate my boss, I hate

628
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,679
Speaker 1: my coworkers. What are some things that they can do

629
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 1: to become stronger.

630
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,439
Speaker 3: Yeah. Life short, and so if there's something you can

631
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 3: do to switch jobs or do something different, do it.

632
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,960
Speaker 3: But it's not always feasible. Sometimes people have to stay

633
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 3: in the job they have. So if that's the case,

634
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 3: look for as many positive things as you can. I

635
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,239
Speaker 3: don't care if the only thing you have to look

636
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,360
Speaker 3: forward to during the workday is lunch, but make sure

637
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 3: that you say, Hey, I'm going to go eat with

638
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 3: a friend today, I'm going to go do something enjoyable.

639
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 3: Look for those little nuggets of things that you do enjoy. Otherwise,

640
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 3: once you come to that conclusion I hate my job,

641
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,199
Speaker 3: your brain will only look for all the things that

642
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 3: you hate about it. So you have to be proactive

643
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 3: about saying, here's three good things I'm looking forward to today.

644
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 3: The end of the day, you might go through and say,

645
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,199
Speaker 3: here are five good things that happen today, and just

646
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 3: be proactive about reminding yourself that there's good parts to

647
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:24,160
Speaker 3: it too.

648
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 1: All Right. I just asked that because I know there

649
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 1: are so many people they show who with that.

650
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, it's pretty common.

651
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 1: I feel like, yeah, well, Amy, thank you so much

652
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,199
Speaker 1: for joining us. I know that This has been a

653
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 1: long time coming for you to come up here and

654
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,439
Speaker 1: sit down and kind of talk about how we can

655
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 1: be more mentally strong individually and as a couple, you know,

656
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 1: because I feel like you have to be a mentally

657
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 1: strong individual to be in a successful relationship too, exactly.

658
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 3: And so when I interviewed people about the book and

659
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 3: surveyed people, they said, yeah, eighty six percent of them

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00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,199
Speaker 3: said I want to strengthen my relationship. And I think

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00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,360
Speaker 3: the key to strengthening my relationship is growing stronger.

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00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 1: Right, And one of the key is not think yourself,

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00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 1: is to not worry about pleasing others. And a lot

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00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 1: of times there are people who are people pleasers out

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00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,040
Speaker 1: there that feel and there's no way you're ever going

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00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:10,679
Speaker 1: to please everybody exactly, so we have to keep that

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00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,680
Speaker 1: in mind. Well, thank you so much for coming through.

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00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 1: I appreciate you for taking the time for us. Again,

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00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 1: it's thirteen things mentally strong couples don't do, and there's

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00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: definitely some quizes in here. This I think is something

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00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,640
Speaker 1: great that you could sit down with your significant other

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00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,439
Speaker 1: with and actually, yeah, and there are certain things that

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00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 1: you guys can talk about. Maybe it's hard for you

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00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,639
Speaker 1: to address this book can address it for you, you know,

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00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 1: I hope so yeah, I hope so too, because I

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00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,400
Speaker 1: want to. I want to see it if I feel

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00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 1: like people always the way that things have changed as

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00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:42,639
Speaker 1: far as marriage and relationships, and I feel like social

679
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 1: media gives us so much access where you feel like

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00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 1: things are so much better outside of what you have

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00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 1: going on. And then on the flip side, there's people

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00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 1: who act like their relationship it's perfect on social media,

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00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 1: but in real life it's not, and we have these

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00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: really unrealistic expectations, you know. But where can people find you? Also, Amy,

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00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:00,440
Speaker 1: just so we know that, Thank you, Dan.

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00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 3: My website is Amy Moorean lcsw as in Licensed Clinical

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00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:07,360
Speaker 3: social Worker dot com and you can find my ted

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00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,199
Speaker 3: talk and information about my books and my podcast Mentally

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00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 3: Stronger with therapist Amy Moore.

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00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: All right, she's a real expert. Guys. Don't just take

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00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:18,160
Speaker 1: it from us anyway, Amy Moore, and thank you so much,

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00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 1: Thank you

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Speaker 3: Well,