Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this special edition of Keep It Positive, Sweetie.
Speaker 1: Today is a special episode because you, my listeners, have
Speaker 1: written into me and asked me for advice. We always
Speaker 1: do positive outcomes where I read a letter from you
Speaker 1: all that you write in and I give you my
Speaker 1: advice and Soda is my guest. But today I'm taking
Speaker 1: some time out for just me and you to listen
Speaker 1: to what you have to say and give you the
Speaker 1: best advice that I can. All right, so let's get
Speaker 1: into it.
Speaker 2: Good morning, Crystal. First, I want to say thank you.
Speaker 2: I love to watch your show and you are so
Speaker 2: inspirment and honest. Thank you for being who you are authentically.
Speaker 2: I am on a quest to get back my femininity,
Speaker 2: but as a fifty two year old woman, I'm not
Speaker 2: sure what that means. Is it the way a woman dresses, speaks, smells,
Speaker 2: moves at and can you lose it? And if so,
Speaker 2: how do you get it back? As a single, divorced
Speaker 2: mother of three adult children, I am in search to
Speaker 2: recreate myself. I have been hard for so long that
Speaker 2: I don't know anything else. But I know that's not
Speaker 2: how God made me. As I am typing this, my
Speaker 2: eyes are filling with tears. I had to be hard
Speaker 2: in order to raise three children, two males and one daughter,
Speaker 2: on the South Side of Chicago, keeping them out of gangs,
Speaker 2: not selling drugs or becoming baby daddies or baby mamas.
Speaker 2: It was hard, but I did it because I wanted
Speaker 2: the best for them, and doing that I lost me.
Speaker 2: I like the line in Lauren Hill's song when she said,
Speaker 2: don't be a hard rock when you really are a gym.
Speaker 3: That's me.
Speaker 2: I don't know how not to be hard. What does
Speaker 2: feminine mean and what does it look like?
Speaker 3: Thank you? Wow?
Speaker 1: Well, first of all, thank you so much for writing in.
Speaker 1: I didn't get your name, but I wanted to let
Speaker 1: you know that I appreciate you, and thank you so
Speaker 1: much for taking the time to write in and for
Speaker 1: watching every week a mother of three, a single mother
Speaker 1: of three that in itself, playing the role of a
Speaker 1: man and a woman, it almost forces you to take
Speaker 1: on those masculine attributes that men have because you have
Speaker 1: to play both roles. So I definitely want to take
Speaker 1: my house to you for doing that, and especially in Chicago,
Speaker 1: which is known for its crime, I know that that
Speaker 1: in itself, you had to really prepare your children for
Speaker 1: what they were going to face every day when they
Speaker 1: left that house. But when it comes to being a
Speaker 1: woman and tapping into that feminine side, you asking what
Speaker 1: does femininity mean? The Webster Dictionary definition of femininity is
Speaker 1: qualities or attributes regarded as characteristics.
Speaker 3: Of women or girls.
Speaker 1: And I can attest that in my life as a
Speaker 1: single woman. When I was in my single woman phase,
Speaker 1: there was times where I was taking on the man
Speaker 1: and the female role and I definitely had a very
Speaker 1: hard shell, which came off masculine to some people. As
Speaker 1: a businesswoman, you have to be very stern and direct,
Speaker 1: and that comes off as masculine. It wasn't until recently
Speaker 1: that I decided that I really wanted to tap back
Speaker 1: into my femininity. You asked, is it like whey you smelled,
Speaker 1: the way you walk, the way you dressed. A lot
Speaker 1: of those things can be ways to describe a woman
Speaker 1: that gives off feminine and energy, But I think versus
Speaker 1: what it looks like on the exterior, those are things
Speaker 1: that you can do to kind of exude that, but
Speaker 1: it really is about how you feel on the inside.
Speaker 3: Do you feel like a woman?
Speaker 1: Are you doing things to take care of yourself and
Speaker 1: make yourself feel like a lady.
Speaker 3: You know, I did an episode called.
Speaker 1: The Soft Life, and that was where I was starting
Speaker 1: to tap back into my feminine energy because I was
Speaker 1: just tired of being so hard all the time. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm a tomboy at heart, but I knew that there
Speaker 1: was a time where I needed to really soften up
Speaker 1: a bit. And as women, and if you're dating someone
Speaker 1: or if you're even still single, you want to try
Speaker 1: to tap into that just so that you can.
Speaker 3: Really just feel what that feels like.
Speaker 1: I would say, you want to know how you can
Speaker 1: tap back into that. I would say, start doing more
Speaker 1: self care routines. I would say be with someone who
Speaker 1: makes you feel safe, because a lot of times, if
Speaker 1: we don't feel safe from relationships, we may feel like
Speaker 1: we can't let that wall down and let our guard down.
Speaker 1: So I would say that, and I would also say,
Speaker 1: just really take time to get to know yourself and
Speaker 1: love on you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Hope felt, and thank you. Thank you so much
Speaker 3: for writing in. All right, let's see who else right now? Hey,
Speaker 3: my name is Lisa.
Speaker 4: I saw on Instagram a while ago that you wanted
Speaker 4: people to send their questions and you wanted them to
Speaker 4: stand in like topics for kIPS, and I figured, why not.
Speaker 4: So I'm going to take a second to be transparent.
Speaker 4: I'm in a very very peculiar season with God, like
Speaker 4: very isolating season, very lonely and misunderstood season. If I'm
Speaker 4: being honest.
Speaker 3: I'm being stretched.
Speaker 4: I don't really understand the purpose of the stretch, and
Speaker 4: I don't know to what capacity I'm going to be stretched,
Speaker 4: but like I'm being pulled. And so when I first
Speaker 4: walked into the season, I knew that I needed support,
Speaker 4: but I did understand the season. And so my therapist
Speaker 4: cr and I like never miss a week, and I
Speaker 4: was like, I need to like reflect, like I need
Speaker 4: to self reflect, and like I I need to just
Speaker 4: like figure out what the season is. And so after
Speaker 4: a few sessions, I realized that there were some people
Speaker 4: and some relationships that I was going to have to
Speaker 4: let go of, and I wasn't necessarily ready to do
Speaker 4: that or even deal with the aftermath. And so I
Speaker 4: told God, I was like, I hear you, Like, I
Speaker 4: see the people I'm supposed to walk away from, But
Speaker 4: can we do that after I get through the season,
Speaker 4: because I already feel like, there's a lot going on,
Speaker 4: and he was like, all right back. Within the next
Speaker 4: few weeks, the bottom fell out. Mad relationships around me
Speaker 4: started to go left. I started to see people's true intentions.
Speaker 4: I started to notice relationships that weren't reciprocal. I started
Speaker 4: to see people that I held safe space for not
Speaker 4: hold safe space for me, not be able to hear me.
Speaker 4: They weren't listening to me, they couldn't see me, and
Speaker 4: they were choosing not to be there for me, And
Speaker 4: that in itself was heartbreaking. And so my question is,
Speaker 4: how do you allow yourself to be open and vulnerable
Speaker 4: again after a friendship heartbreak? How do you trust your
Speaker 4: own judgment to make and find new friends? And then,
Speaker 4: at this age in Atlanta, how do you make new friends?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 4: How do you start to create bonds and connections with
Speaker 4: people who may already be around you and you feel
Speaker 4: like you want them to be a part of your
Speaker 4: village and you feel like they are people you want
Speaker 4: to be around, but you don't want the connections to
Speaker 4: seem like it's being forced or it's not genuine.
Speaker 3: So how do you.
Speaker 4: Navigate recovery friendship recovery after a friendship breakup?
Speaker 3: Where do you start? What do you do? What it
Speaker 3: is that? So it's to thank you so much for
Speaker 3: writing in when I Wow.
Speaker 1: You asked you touched on a lot of things, a
Speaker 1: lot of things that I've been through myself, as far
Speaker 1: as a stretching season.
Speaker 3: We're going to start there.
Speaker 1: You talked about how you feel like you were being stretched,
Speaker 1: and you were, you were in a very peculiar season.
Speaker 3: Of your life.
Speaker 1: And I had a season in my life where I
Speaker 1: definitely was being stretched and I did not know what
Speaker 1: God was preparing me for. Things are happening and I
Speaker 1: was like, Lord, what is this? Why are you taking
Speaker 1: me down this road? And why are you connect me
Speaker 1: with these people? This has nothing to do with what
Speaker 1: I want to do? And I couldn't see it because
Speaker 1: I didn't know what was to come.
Speaker 3: But God did. And I remember it was a point
Speaker 3: where I was a costumer working on what show is it?
Speaker 3: I want to say if loving you is wrong?
Speaker 1: And the having to have nots and the costume designer
Speaker 1: at the time would always like have me right there
Speaker 1: with her and the responsibilities that were being put on me.
Speaker 1: I didn't understand why because it was well, but my
Speaker 1: pay grade and it was not. It was it didn't
Speaker 1: align with my actual job description. I had no idea
Speaker 1: what was ahead of me. But sometimes God will take
Speaker 1: thank you through things in a point or assign people
Speaker 1: to you because he knows what's coming up. And within
Speaker 1: a few months after that, I ended up getting a
Speaker 1: call to be the costume designer.
Speaker 3: Everything I had learned through that.
Speaker 1: Season where I was like, oh my gosh, this is
Speaker 1: just so much like I just want to come to
Speaker 1: work and do my job, but in that season, she
Speaker 1: was teaching me so much and I would do it
Speaker 1: just because that was my boss. But I didn't understand
Speaker 1: it until later on when God revealed what he had
Speaker 1: in store for me. So whenever there are seasons where
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm being stretched, I always know that
Speaker 1: it's God working for something that is for my good
Speaker 1: and I may not know exactly what it is. And
Speaker 1: I love that you took time to do some self reflecting.
Speaker 3: I love that your.
Speaker 1: Therapist said, hey, let's take a beat here and let's
Speaker 1: reflect on some things. And when you do that, sometimes
Speaker 1: you may not always find the answer and the reflection.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's later on after time has passed, where you're like, ah,
Speaker 1: I realized why that happened, as it pertains to heal
Speaker 1: it from friendships that have ended. I did an episode
Speaker 1: called Pershing Season where I saw that, you know, saying
Speaker 1: certain people in my life were not for me, and
Speaker 1: it was I had to do.
Speaker 3: I had a very reflective.
Speaker 1: Season and then I also do inventory, not just of people,
Speaker 1: but of myself as well. And things had ended with
Speaker 1: a few people, and I I will say, it's a
Speaker 1: very lonely place to be in it is.
Speaker 3: I'm very guarded.
Speaker 1: So when it comes to making new friends, I'm not
Speaker 1: the one that's just like, hey, my name is Chris,
Speaker 1: I want to be your friend.
Speaker 3: Like it takes me while.
Speaker 1: I'm big on energy, I'm big on vibes, so it
Speaker 1: takes me a minute to really let people in. And
Speaker 1: when it came to ending that, it took years before
Speaker 1: I wasn't like you where it was just a okay, God,
Speaker 1: let me get through this season and then I'll figure
Speaker 1: that out. It took me years to like I would
Speaker 1: see little signs here and there, and then finally I
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, all right, this is too much.
Speaker 1: Let's go ahead, and these are things I need to
Speaker 1: cut out of my life. But by that time, you're
Speaker 1: so invested that it hurts even more. So I'm glad
Speaker 1: that you I hate at the bottom, he said, the
Speaker 1: bottom just fell out and everything was revealed.
Speaker 3: Sometimes God has to shake things up.
Speaker 1: That happened to be in a relationship where it was
Speaker 1: so toxic and God I talked about on my Sisterhood
Speaker 1: episode where it really really got bad, and God was like,
Speaker 1: I knew that if you stayed in this, I had
Speaker 1: to make it bad enough so that you would leave
Speaker 1: because where I'm taking you, he can't go. And we
Speaker 1: don't want God and have to shake things up cause
Speaker 1: we don't like that. When it gets to that point,
Speaker 1: he got to shake the table. It was definitely gonna
Speaker 1: be a little after math and something that we've got
Speaker 1: to recover from.
Speaker 3: So I would say.
Speaker 1: When it comes to making new friends after having to
Speaker 1: lose people and let people go, I would say, be
Speaker 1: open to it, but don't force it.
Speaker 3: Do not force it.
Speaker 1: They're like you said that maybe people that's already in
Speaker 1: your life it's you kind of like, hmmm, I kind
Speaker 1: of like them. I do want them to be in
Speaker 1: my circle. Just maybe say hey, would you like to
Speaker 1: go grab some dinner? I have a friend that I
Speaker 1: knew from the gym. We didn't have a personal relationship,
Speaker 1: but we ended up going out to eat and we
Speaker 1: are like this close, like that's my girl.
Speaker 3: But it all started with just say, hey.
Speaker 1: Would you like to go have dinner or go grab lunch,
Speaker 1: or go get some coffee.
Speaker 3: I don't drink coffee, but maybe you do. That's what
Speaker 3: people do.
Speaker 1: Go get some coffee or tea or whatever your thing
Speaker 1: is and just get to know people.
Speaker 3: But that doesn't have to be a I'm forcing a friendship.
Speaker 1: You know, you can just feel people out, spend time
Speaker 1: with them, and see what people's energy speak to your spirit,
Speaker 1: because your spirit will never let you down. Just listen
Speaker 1: to your gut, follow that intuition, and you'll know how
Speaker 1: who the right people are.
Speaker 3: Letting your life.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's the luck with everything. Just know that in
Speaker 1: this lonely season and it doesn't last forever.
Speaker 3: Learn to be happy by yourself. That's another thing I
Speaker 3: had to learn.
Speaker 1: Learn to be happy by yourself because a lot of
Speaker 1: times people they need somebody to be attached to. If
Speaker 1: you get to a space where you can literally just
Speaker 1: be by yourself, that's when you really find true happiness
Speaker 1: and then anything else that comes along is just a bonus.
Speaker 1: All right, Thank you Julisa for writing it. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for tuning in the keep a positive sweetie.
Speaker 3: Love you all right, guys, let's see who we have next.
Speaker 5: Good morning, Crystal. I'm a funny seven year old woman
Speaker 5: who feels lost. I have everything I could ever want
Speaker 5: except for love. I have a nice home in a
Speaker 5: nice neighborhood, a nice car, and I'm a college graduate
Speaker 5: with a decent job. I've always been a single mother.
Speaker 5: My daughter is twenty seven and her dad just recently
Speaker 5: passed away. They had a great relationship, although he was
Speaker 5: in and out of jail. I've never kept her from him.
Speaker 5: My son is sixteen. His father passed away when he
Speaker 5: was one years old. I have another daughter who's twenty nine,
Speaker 5: race touched since she was two years old. I have
Speaker 5: six sisters and six brothers. Yeah, a huge family. But anyways,
Speaker 5: the reason I'm writing is because I literally have everything,
Speaker 5: my own everything, but for some reason, I can't find love.
Speaker 5: I've been in about four serious relationships, with my last
Speaker 5: one less than four years. I feel like I don't
Speaker 5: want to be dating just to be dating. I want more.
Speaker 5: I go to church, I listen and I read the word.
Speaker 5: I know God has a plan for me, and I
Speaker 5: know he wants to bring me happiness. I don't question God.
Speaker 5: So I've been patiently waiting my sis. I'm sorry, when
Speaker 5: will my boys come? Because I'm sick of his cousins.
Speaker 5: Y'all know broke ass, poe ass don't have a job ass. Yeah,
Speaker 5: well that I just needed some advice we should think
Speaker 5: I should do, she.
Speaker 1: Said Tyler broke ass. She wants her boass since it's tired.
Speaker 1: Since I feel you, I've been in your situation. Oh
Speaker 1: my goodness. You mentioned that you have a nice house,
Speaker 1: you live in a nice neighborhood, you have a nice car,
Speaker 1: you do really well for yourself, and as a woman,
Speaker 1: you sound very independent. I can speak to my experience
Speaker 1: when it comes to that. One is in the past.
Speaker 1: I've dated men that feel like, Okay, yeah, I love
Speaker 1: I got a girl that's got something going on, and
Speaker 1: everything is great until they like really kind of see everything.
Speaker 1: They're like, ooh, this is intimidating. So depending on the
Speaker 1: type of men that you are attracting, they may be
Speaker 1: intimidated by all the things that you have, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe they don't find they can measure up to it.
Speaker 1: Some people feel like this may be too much for
Speaker 1: them to afford, or that they don't want to commit
Speaker 1: to that. And you're a beautiful woman, so I'm sure
Speaker 1: off top they're attracted to you, but then they realize, Wow,
Speaker 1: this is a lot of upkeep, and I have to
Speaker 1: if she's our set in the standard here, I have
Speaker 1: to exceed that. And to some men, not all, but
Speaker 1: to some men that is intimidating. I would also say,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you do this, but if you
Speaker 1: go into relationships or bring up all the things you
Speaker 1: had because you opened up with.
Speaker 3: I have this, I have that, I have this, I
Speaker 3: have that don't.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it can come off as you're like materialistic or
Speaker 1: that you're wanting that person to come in and be
Speaker 1: able to provide all these things, when relationships are so
Speaker 1: much more than the tangible things, and that may be
Speaker 1: a part of the reason why you're not having something
Speaker 1: that you can really hold on to. So I would say,
Speaker 1: take away what you have, take that off the table,
Speaker 1: and really, like, find somebody that knows your worth, you know.
Speaker 1: Tyler Tyler Perry has a quote that says, meet me
Speaker 1: at my worth, And what that means is not meet
Speaker 1: me at the type of house I have, meet me
Speaker 1: at my bank account, meet me.
Speaker 3: At the type of car I have my garage.
Speaker 1: It's meet me at my heart, meet me at how
Speaker 1: I value myself, you know. And I had mistaken that,
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of times successful women we
Speaker 1: go into it because it's been put in our heads
Speaker 1: that you need to find somebody that is either equal
Speaker 1: to you or doing better than you.
Speaker 3: And that's not always a case, you know.
Speaker 1: And I've seen a lot of failed, failed relationships because
Speaker 1: we go after it looking for the wrong thing, and
Speaker 1: we miss an amazing man in the process. So I
Speaker 1: would say, really, hone in on those characteristics that you're
Speaker 1: really looking for in a man. Look at you do
Speaker 1: some inventory, look at the type of man that you're attracting,
Speaker 1: because I know, for me, I used to attract a certain.
Speaker 3: Type of man.
Speaker 1: This I wanted, you know what I'm saying, That's what
Speaker 1: I wanted, and I end up with my heartbroken every
Speaker 1: single time, no matter how many years it lasted, I
Speaker 1: always realized, dang, I'm attracting the same type of person,
Speaker 1: you know, And I on paper, they look great, But
Speaker 1: then when it comes to can can you speak to
Speaker 1: me intelligently? Can you touch me in those type of ways?
Speaker 1: Can you get to my mind? Do you make me
Speaker 1: feel safe? Do you look me in my eyes when
Speaker 1: we talk? Do you have a relationship with God? Are
Speaker 1: you the type of person I can talk to about
Speaker 1: therapy that I can go to church with on Sundays
Speaker 1: and sit down and have those conversations about what the
Speaker 1: pastor talked about and apply it to our lives. These
Speaker 1: are things that are so important to me, but I
Speaker 1: was missing it because I was looking for the man
Speaker 1: that had the money, had the house, had the car,
Speaker 1: had everything that I had, and I was And you
Speaker 1: can have all those things, you know, Like I've been
Speaker 1: blessed to have somebody who has all those things, but
Speaker 1: he also gives me the other things I need.
Speaker 3: And that's what you have to focus on.
Speaker 1: So I think a lot of times we life is
Speaker 1: gonna be good relationships and bad relationships.
Speaker 3: That's just life.
Speaker 1: But when you wanna find something that you really can
Speaker 1: hold on to, you gotta really wait on God to
Speaker 1: bring that person to you.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 1: I went through a drought like a few years where
Speaker 1: it was just like I wasn't dating anyone. I wasn't
Speaker 1: really going out either. And I always say to put
Speaker 1: yourself in places where you know the type of man
Speaker 1: that you need, cause sometimes what we want is women
Speaker 1: is not what we need.
Speaker 3: It's not good for us.
Speaker 1: So put yourself in places where the type of your
Speaker 1: type of man that you need would actually come to
Speaker 1: so that you have a better chance of meeting someone
Speaker 1: that's good, that can really feed your soul and you
Speaker 1: can feed his vice versa.
Speaker 3: What else I would say, don't go like just looking
Speaker 3: for it.
Speaker 1: You know, a lot of times I found that when
Speaker 1: I'm least expecting it, that's when it comes.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Focus on doing self work, focus on figuring out, hey,
Speaker 1: what is it that I need to work on, you know,
Speaker 1: cause it may a lot of times as women, we
Speaker 1: don't realize we're the problem too, you know, And they're
Speaker 1: sayings that we need to work on so that our
Speaker 1: our men do feel safe, especially our black men. They
Speaker 1: already have to go out to the world to fight
Speaker 1: everything every single day, and then they come home they
Speaker 1: want to feel their love, you know, and they want
Speaker 1: to feel a safe space.
Speaker 3: So as women, we have to really.
Speaker 1: Dig deep and make sure that because it sounds like
Speaker 1: you've had to get it out the mud yourself and
Speaker 1: do a lot of things yourself, that we do provide
Speaker 1: a safe and soft land and.
Speaker 3: When they are in our presence. Okay, I hope that
Speaker 3: helped you. Sis. I didn't get your name, but thank
Speaker 3: you so much for writing in and I appreciate you
Speaker 3: so much for watching. All Right, y'all and they see
Speaker 3: who else we got.
Speaker 6: Hi. My name is Agiyana, and I would just like
Speaker 6: to start off by saying thank you, thank you for
Speaker 6: this positive platform that has changed me lives in many
Speaker 6: different ways, including mine currently in my early twenties. Yes,
Speaker 6: I'm a baby, and I can honestly say that I'm
Speaker 6: just gonna find on my wheel a little bit. I know,
Speaker 6: don't have to have everything figured out right now, and
Speaker 6: it's okay to go at your own pace. And your
Speaker 6: podcast has really opened my eyes to a lot of
Speaker 6: different perspectives about my situation. However, it is a little
Speaker 6: tough trying to navigate with the way of the world
Speaker 6: on your shoulders. In your recent podcast, you reminded me
Speaker 6: that we shouldn't worry because God would supply all your needs.
Speaker 6: And honestly, that's something I needed to hear. Yet it's
Speaker 6: hard putting that token of wisdom into action. I'm the
Speaker 6: youngest child on both sides, and I am the child
Speaker 6: to chase a degree, two board certified licenses, and in
Speaker 6: the process I've graduating with my bas I feel as
Speaker 6: though I have big shoes to feel because everyone has
Speaker 6: their eye on me to accomplish so much, and at
Speaker 6: this moment, I'm not happy. I'm very introverted, so I
Speaker 6: don't talk a lot. I have one friend. I only
Speaker 6: go to work, go to school, and come home. I
Speaker 6: don't speak up much now because I've changed and I'm.
Speaker 3: Doing better mannerism.
Speaker 6: Wise, and I'm in the process of unlearning old rude
Speaker 6: behaviors to express. Furthermore, little do they know, I'm on
Speaker 6: my healing journey as well. So with me being busy
Speaker 6: and trying to keep myself to myself for myself and
Speaker 6: my health, I feel as though everyone is becoming a
Speaker 6: distraction for me. I don't go around family as much
Speaker 6: because I'm a big energy person and I really feel
Speaker 6: as though everyone energies be off. So I just take
Speaker 6: time for myself and slowly watch myself become the black
Speaker 6: sheet more and more, even though I'm doing positive things.
Speaker 6: It hurts, but sorry to just put my whole life
Speaker 6: story out there that no one asks for. But this
Speaker 6: is starting to become one of my only safe spaces
Speaker 6: to vent being that I don't have a listening ear
Speaker 6: of my own. I guess all I'm asking for is prayer.
Speaker 6: God is still working on me as well as I'm
Speaker 6: working on myself. So until next time, thank you for
Speaker 6: being a positive scapegoat and keep it positive. Sweetie.
Speaker 1: Hi Adrianna, thank you so much for writing in while
Speaker 1: in your twenties. I remember when I was in my twenties.
Speaker 1: I do and I thought I had it all figured out,
Speaker 1: but I did not, and I still don't have it
Speaker 1: all figured out. You know you talked about you're on
Speaker 1: a healing journey and you have distractions and trying to
Speaker 1: navigate that. I know that can be tough, especially at
Speaker 1: a young age when you have it been through a
Speaker 1: lot to really understand what's happening around you. I find
Speaker 1: that in those moments when I feel like you're feeling
Speaker 1: right now, I often just ask God to order my steps,
Speaker 1: you know, and and guide me and show me who's
Speaker 1: here for the right reasons, who's supposed to be my life,
Speaker 1: and who's not. And I definitely navigate and gravitate to
Speaker 1: the people that I feel like God has pulled me
Speaker 1: closer to. And sometimes it's okay to be alone. You know,
Speaker 1: you said that when you go around in your family,
Speaker 1: you're really big on energy, and you don't feel like
Speaker 1: the energy is right or good. And when you're in
Speaker 1: these spaces where you're really working on yourself and really healing,
Speaker 1: a lot of those.
Speaker 3: Things may be triggers for you.
Speaker 1: So you have to be really careful about the energy
Speaker 1: that you surround yourself with.
Speaker 3: So I applaud.
Speaker 1: You at a very young age for being someone who
Speaker 1: knows that you can't just be around certain energies and
Speaker 1: people when you're trying to go in a different direction,
Speaker 1: I would say to you, keep healing.
Speaker 3: Therapy is really real.
Speaker 1: If you don't have anyone else to talk to, a
Speaker 1: therapist is good. There's putting of apps that you can
Speaker 1: use if you don't have access to a therapist that
Speaker 1: will provide you with someone that you can talk to
Speaker 1: about the things that you don't feel like you may
Speaker 1: be able to talk to other people about and I
Speaker 1: would say, continue to find joy in yourself in that isolation, Pio,
Speaker 1: draw closer to God, because that's what I've had to do,
Speaker 1: and really just take time for Adriana.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: I'm here for you, and I want to think thank
Speaker 1: you for watching. I'm glad that I could reach reach you,
Speaker 1: you know, twenty years old. Sometimes I know your generation
Speaker 1: is dealing with a lot, you know, and a lot
Speaker 1: more than I did when I was twenty years old.
Speaker 3: Because now we.
Speaker 1: Have social media, we have so many different influences that
Speaker 1: it's a lot that you guys have to battle and
Speaker 1: fight again. So just keep being strong, keep the faith,
Speaker 1: and keep it healing.
Speaker 3: Sweetie. Thank you so much for right man, and thank
Speaker 3: you for watching. Love you all right, Let's see this
Speaker 3: next young lady.
Speaker 7: Hi, Crystal, my name is Alexis. I am thirty from Texas.
Speaker 7: I just want to thank you for the opportunity of
Speaker 7: highlighting my story on your segment of Positive Outcomes. I
Speaker 7: admire you your authoricity and vulnerability and keep a positive
Speaker 7: Sweetie podcast. Your episodes have been pouring into me on
Speaker 7: many relatable times topics, so I thank you specifically on
Speaker 7: your purgencising episode I was so relieved to not feel
Speaker 7: like I was the only one in this challenging era
Speaker 7: of losing people. I recently encountered a terrible breakup of
Speaker 7: regarding choosing my relationship with Christ and beginning the journey
Speaker 7: of abstinence until marriage. I am divorced. I'm a single mom,
Speaker 7: so the dating scene is definitely new to me. But
Speaker 7: I thought, you know what, it's time to put some
Speaker 7: boundaries in place for myself. So unfortunately, the other person
Speaker 7: was not willing to support me on this journey in
Speaker 7: which I was not going to compromise.
Speaker 8: My heart was broken.
Speaker 7: And I kind of, in a way like feel persecuted
Speaker 7: for recommitting my life to God. But you know, I'm
Speaker 7: absolulutely okay with enduring that. But my question is am
Speaker 7: I wrong for holding on to hope that one day
Speaker 7: it will work out once God transforms their heart and mind.
Speaker 7: I understand that God allows us to encounter certain people
Speaker 7: to cross our paths, and sadly this one I feel
Speaker 7: for so any insight would be great. And again, I
Speaker 7: thank you for the awesome opportunity. Bye.
Speaker 1: Okay Alexis from Texas. Wow, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: writing in and hats off to you for making the
Speaker 1: choice to fully give your life to God and I'm
Speaker 1: staying from sex until marriage. I know that was a
Speaker 1: very strong decisions you had to make to like really say, hey, God,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm gonna do, and I want to
Speaker 1: be tapped in with you fully without distractions, because we
Speaker 1: all know that sex can cloud some things if you
Speaker 1: don't really take the time to do it the right way.
Speaker 3: I'm a living witness of that.
Speaker 1: I say that you ask if you should keep hope
Speaker 1: for this person to change your mind. If that person
Speaker 1: is for you one, they are going to be with
Speaker 1: you through it all. And the thing that stands out
Speaker 1: to me the most is that he may not be
Speaker 1: on the same walk with you. And if your walk
Speaker 1: with Christ is very important, the man in your life
Speaker 1: is going to have to take that just as serious,
Speaker 1: because you can't be unequally yoked when it comes to that,
Speaker 1: especially when you have some people who like, Okay, look,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do these things, but this right here, I
Speaker 1: can't give up.
Speaker 3: You're fully committing.
Speaker 1: And if you don't have a man in your life
Speaker 1: that's going to fully commit as well, then I don't
Speaker 1: see how it could work. But I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: the guy that we serve cannot change someone's heart. You know,
Speaker 1: if that's the man for you, God will make him
Speaker 1: see like, hey, this is a good woman and she's
Speaker 1: doing the right thing, and I too want to be
Speaker 1: a man after God's own heart. But if he doesn't
Speaker 1: come around, don't lose hope on love. That man just
Speaker 1: wasn't meant for you. I would say that there are
Speaker 1: some amazing men out here who are on fire for Christ,
Speaker 1: who love Him and don't mind waiting till marriage. You know,
Speaker 1: there's not a lot of them, but there are some
Speaker 1: that are like, hey, I'm with you and let's.
Speaker 3: Do it, you know.
Speaker 1: So I wouldn't lose hope on that because I too
Speaker 1: have been in situations there seasons in my life where
Speaker 1: I'm like I'm saying and they're like, okay, me too,
Speaker 1: Like I can do that. And then if you months
Speaker 1: down the road we don't spend enough time together, like
Speaker 1: all right, now, you was for really about this thing?
Speaker 1: You're really not gonna give me none. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm serious. So I would say, just stay faithful, stay strong,
Speaker 1: stay steadfast in your walk with God, because I'm telling
Speaker 1: you every area of your life is gonna be clear.
Speaker 1: You're gonna see it prosper because you're choosing to put
Speaker 1: him first. And I can say that when I walk
Speaker 1: with God and I put Him first, everything else just
Speaker 1: falls in line. So keep hope for love, but don't
Speaker 1: be fixated on one person.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: I hope this blessed you, and thank you so much,
Speaker 1: and I'm so so proud of you. Thank you for watching,
Speaker 1: and thank you for writing in all right, so let's
Speaker 1: see who we have next.
Speaker 9: Hey, Crystal hating kIPS, My question is what advice do
Speaker 9: you have on how best to navigate the pivot space?
Speaker 9: And this is your mid forties professional career going great,
Speaker 9: that household is going good, and Jesus said, we're going
Speaker 9: in a different direction, pivot space. With that said, I've
Speaker 9: been getting instructions. I've been fasting and praying and you know,
Speaker 9: doing what I do in my walk. But what I'm
Speaker 9: realizing is also in my obedience, he had asked me
Speaker 9: to leverage my community.
Speaker 3: So this is me.
Speaker 9: Reaching out to those who I know as believers that
Speaker 9: are showing up authentically and doing life at a different level.
Speaker 9: So with that, I am here. I hope to get
Speaker 9: some gems looking forward to all you have to share.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Wow, thank you so much for tuning in
Speaker 1: and thank you for writing in.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 1: The pivot space, Wow, the pivot space is it's a
Speaker 1: scary space. Sometimes you know you're walking in into uncharted territory.
Speaker 1: You are walking into the unknown, and sometimes it's dark.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's lonely, and you have no idea what's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: This is where your faith is stretched. So I've been
Speaker 1: there before. I'm trying to think of a time when
Speaker 1: my faith was really.
Speaker 3: Really stretched. I'll give you a few examples.
Speaker 1: The first time was when I was leaving Washington, DC
Speaker 1: coming to Atlanta, and it was a ten year time span,
Speaker 1: ten years from the time that I moved to Atlanta
Speaker 1: to the time that I got my first gig. I
Speaker 1: knew when I moved here this is what I wanted.
Speaker 3: But that first year I'm talking about it was so bad.
Speaker 1: I it was one of the the darkest seasons of
Speaker 1: my life, and I started to question what have I done, Like,
Speaker 1: I know that I'm pivoting into a space that I
Speaker 1: know you have called me to God, but this is
Speaker 1: not happening in the way I thought it was gonna happen.
Speaker 3: And what I've.
Speaker 1: Learned now is the journey and everything that I've gone
Speaker 1: through has helped me be who I am today and
Speaker 1: to navigate this space the way I'm able to through
Speaker 1: all the lessons that I learned, even the dark times,
Speaker 1: because what I know is when things change and switch up,
Speaker 1: we can be a little scared and uneasy. But on
Speaker 1: the opposite side of there, we're like, oh, that wasn't bad.
Speaker 1: That wasn't as bad as I thought it was when
Speaker 1: I was in it, you know.
Speaker 3: But I will say.
Speaker 1: That it was another time, which is actually right now.
Speaker 1: Right now, I'm in a season where my faith is
Speaker 1: being stretched and we're right now I'm not sure if
Speaker 1: you're sure or if you have heard of it, but
Speaker 1: we are on a strike as actors and writers in
Speaker 1: TV and film, and we cannot work, we cannot talk
Speaker 1: about our work, we can't do anything. And now I'm
Speaker 1: in a space Okay, God, we don't know when this
Speaker 1: is gonna be over with, you know. So I'm in
Speaker 1: a pivot season myself from like, Okay, what else can
Speaker 1: I do where I don't have to depend on this
Speaker 1: one thing, you know?
Speaker 3: So faith is being stretched.
Speaker 1: Not knowing when I'm going to go back to work,
Speaker 1: trying to think of new things to do to bring
Speaker 1: in income, and it's a season where I have to
Speaker 1: really buckle down and structure new things.
Speaker 3: And I'll say that when God puts.
Speaker 1: You in a space like that, sometimes you have to
Speaker 1: find the space to be still and listen to him
Speaker 1: and hear his voice. There's times where you have to
Speaker 1: see what else you can do to like really hone
Speaker 1: in on where you're trying to go, because in that pivot,
Speaker 1: it's like you don't want to just go in any
Speaker 1: direction because when you pivot, you got one foot planet.
Speaker 1: The other foot's going to take in the direction you
Speaker 1: want to go to. You have to be really careful
Speaker 1: about that direction that you're going to. So I always say,
Speaker 1: God ordered my steps, and then find something that you're
Speaker 1: super passionate about, because a lot of times we're in
Speaker 1: a pivot, we get very.
Speaker 3: Impatient.
Speaker 1: We get impatient and we want things to happen just
Speaker 1: like this, and you have to be patient and allow
Speaker 1: God's timing to be in his time and not in
Speaker 1: our time. I know I'm the type of person I'm
Speaker 1: very guilty of this where I'm very visual and I
Speaker 1: see things.
Speaker 3: I'm like, Okay, God, this is it.
Speaker 1: We're gonna do this, and I go for it and
Speaker 1: I go for it, but I really haven't waited on
Speaker 1: God to give me the plan.
Speaker 3: Because God will bring he can. He's so strategic.
Speaker 1: He'll bring some pe into your life that will affirm
Speaker 1: the thought that he put into your mind. He'll bring
Speaker 1: somebody in your life that can help you make it
Speaker 1: happen and give you the guidance that you need so
Speaker 1: you don't have to hit so many roadblocks. But if
Speaker 1: we try to do it on our own, a lot
Speaker 1: of times we hit those roadblocks that it could have
Speaker 1: been prevented if we hadn't just waited on God for
Speaker 1: a minute. So in this season, I say pray, I
Speaker 1: say be patient, I say be still, but also figure
Speaker 1: out what it is that you want to do and
Speaker 1: go for it. But go for it in God's way,
Speaker 1: because a lot of times we confuse works. Faith without
Speaker 1: works is dead and we're like, oh, we gotta work,
Speaker 1: gotta work. What you're working aimlessly, you're not really knowing
Speaker 1: what you're going for. So I say wait and hear
Speaker 1: that voice from God, so that you know what direction.
Speaker 3: You're gonna pivot. All is sis. I love you, Thank
Speaker 3: you so much for writing and I hope this helped
Speaker 3: you all right too.
Speaker 1: All Right, last and final positive outcomes listener video.
Speaker 3: We have Hi, Crystal.
Speaker 8: My name is Taylor, and I love all of your
Speaker 8: work from Sisters and Zatima and hearing about your background
Speaker 8: story working for Tyler Perry and all of your other
Speaker 8: work in the future, I know I love just the same.
Speaker 8: This year, this past Yearjanuary, I recently walked away from
Speaker 8: a two and a half year relationship. My ex gave
Speaker 8: me an ultimatum to stay or go based off me
Speaker 8: not wanting to have a threesome. And it wasn't just
Speaker 8: the threesome. Was he wanted to travel with this person
Speaker 8: and sleep in the same bed and practice things of
Speaker 8: a polygamous lifestyle, which I was not with at all,
Speaker 8: And it came out of nowhere. So the day I
Speaker 8: decided to break up with him, I grabbed the things
Speaker 8: I did have in his for my house and I
Speaker 8: took to his house. I dropped it off with his key. Luckily,
Speaker 8: when I dropped things off, he was not there, and
Speaker 8: before I left, I deregistered the fire stick. Fast forward
Speaker 8: to now. It's been seven almost eight months since I
Speaker 8: broke up with him, and I haven't heard from him since.
Speaker 8: The only thing I see is that I get likes
Speaker 8: and emojis when I post on my social media and
Speaker 8: he's the first one or one of the first people
Speaker 8: to like my pictures. Because I didn't feel the need
Speaker 8: to block him, I just made a clean break and
Speaker 8: that was that. What are some ways to move on
Speaker 8: besides time? And when do you know when you're ready
Speaker 8: to date again or even entertain someone else?
Speaker 1: Thank you, Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: writing in Ooh, so that's tough. You had a man
Speaker 1: that you were in a relationship for two and a
Speaker 1: half years that wants you to be in a threesome
Speaker 1: and they wanted this person to be in your lives.
Speaker 1: I too, like you, I ain't with it. It's me
Speaker 1: and only me, Okay, we not doing all that. If
Speaker 1: you need somebody else, then you might need to go
Speaker 1: find somebody else.
Speaker 3: That's how I look at it. But while you asked
Speaker 3: me what do you need to do to move on?
Speaker 1: First thing I would say, you say you didn't block him,
Speaker 1: But every time you go to your pictures. He's the
Speaker 1: first one that looked at your stories, the first one
Speaker 1: that liked your pictures. You may need to block him
Speaker 1: because him doing that is a constant reminder.
Speaker 3: You're seeing him too much.
Speaker 1: You're still reminded of him every time you get on
Speaker 1: Instagram or Facebook or wherever these pictures are that he's liking.
Speaker 1: You're seeing that, and he's letting you know I'm still here,
Speaker 1: I'm still watching you, and in a way, he's still
Speaker 1: controlling you. You know, So if I too, like, I
Speaker 1: don't block everybody, only black haters, you know.
Speaker 3: That's about it.
Speaker 1: But when it comes to like people that if they're
Speaker 1: gonna do something horrible, I don't block people because I
Speaker 1: want you to see how great things are, even.
Speaker 3: Though you're not here. You know, we gotta let you
Speaker 3: see it.
Speaker 1: You got a front row seat, baby yo lost, But
Speaker 1: I would tell you because the way you brought it up,
Speaker 1: it lets me know that. Every time you see his name,
Speaker 1: you're like, you're thinking something like does he still like me?
Speaker 1: Or is there hope for this? Or maybe he's changed?
Speaker 1: Or what does this mean? If you want to get
Speaker 1: over him, you got to completely block him out of
Speaker 1: your life, and that's gonna also let him know, oh,
Speaker 1: she's not playing, she's done for real. But as long
Speaker 1: as you give him access and you're thinking like that,
Speaker 1: because it's okay to like allow people access and you,
Speaker 1: but if you're trying to move on, you have to
Speaker 1: literally cut off all access points to your life. I
Speaker 1: would say to know when it's time to date again,
Speaker 1: only you can know that you know, only you know
Speaker 1: your heart knows, And if you're having to ask me, sweetheart,
Speaker 1: then you're probably not ready to date, you know. I
Speaker 1: would say that if you're having to ask somebody when's
Speaker 1: a good time to date again, if you don't know
Speaker 1: that in your heart of hearts, you're not ready, and
Speaker 1: what's going to end up happening. You're going to take
Speaker 1: all the curiosity that you still may have about your
Speaker 1: ex or the issues that you had that you may
Speaker 1: not have healed from, into the next relationship.
Speaker 3: And you don't want to do that.
Speaker 1: Because that's how we set self sabotage and ruin a
Speaker 1: good thing. So I would say, until you know in
Speaker 1: your heart of hearts that you are ready to move on,
Speaker 1: I would take this time to just work on Taylor.
Speaker 1: Take this time to figure out what it is exactly
Speaker 1: what you want, what you want in a man, you know,
Speaker 1: because I've been guilty of thinking I wanted one thing
Speaker 1: and then getting the med and was like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is not what I wanted at all, Like this ain't it?
Speaker 1: And then my idea of a man changes. So figure
Speaker 1: out exactly what it is that Taylor wants before jumping
Speaker 1: into something else, and make sure that Taylor's happy with Taylor, okay.
Speaker 3: Because it all starts with you. It starts with that
Speaker 3: self love.
Speaker 1: It starts with that self knowing of who you are
Speaker 1: before you bring somebody else into the picture.
Speaker 3: All right, boom, best of luck. I hope that you
Speaker 3: do find love.
Speaker 1: I hope you find somebody that loves on you and
Speaker 1: only you the way that you want to be loved,
Speaker 1: and that there's no shot at anybody who likes polygamy
Speaker 1: or three soomes or whatever y'all getting into that sh'll business,
Speaker 1: but me and my girl Taylor lein with it. So
Speaker 1: I hope you find somebody that you love, that you
Speaker 1: like and that loves on you. All right, boo, thank
Speaker 1: you so much.
Speaker 3: Guys, thank y'all. This is just my way of talking
Speaker 3: to you.
Speaker 1: One on one showing you that I see you, that
Speaker 1: I hear you, and that I love you. I thank
Speaker 1: you guys so much for tuning in every week. We
Speaker 1: are growing as a family, and I literally I didn't
Speaker 1: have any idea of how impactful this show would be.
Speaker 1: I want to again, I always thank Donor but my
Speaker 1: manager for pushing me to do this because I didn't
Speaker 1: think my voice mattered. I didn't think that people wanted
Speaker 1: to hear what I had to say. And so I'm
Speaker 1: happy that you guys are relating so well to the
Speaker 1: topics that we touch on and that you're tuning in
Speaker 1: every week and you're rewatching them.
Speaker 3: So guys, I love it.
Speaker 1: It feels my heart to know that we are one
Speaker 1: family and I can't wait to continue to.
Speaker 3: Grow with you guys.
Speaker 1: So with that said, I'm gonna sign off. Thank you
Speaker 1: guys for writing in. Keep writing in, and if you
Speaker 1: want to be highlighted on our positive outcomes listening to
Speaker 1: letter write in to keep it Positive. Sweety at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com and that's Sweetie with an Ie. If you
Speaker 1: want to follow me, you can follow me at luv
Speaker 1: Christahay on all platforms and you can follow keep it
Speaker 1: Positive sweety on all platforms as well. Thank you guys
Speaker 1: so much, and in the meantime you already know what
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 3: Keep it positive, Sweetie, Love you guys.