1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:06,040 Speaker 1: M Hey guys, and welcome back to this week's episode 2 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,119 Speaker 1: of a Let's Be a Podcast. This week I got 3 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 1: to chat with the incredibly talented director, author, actor, filmmaker 4 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:16,759 Speaker 1: Justin Baldoni. Now you may know him from Jane the Virgin, 5 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,040 Speaker 1: or you may know him from his book Man Enough 6 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 1: or the Man Enough podcast which he hosts, which really 7 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: breaks down the stigma of toxic male masculinity. And then 8 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: this episode we talk a lot about that. We talk 9 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:31,440 Speaker 1: about the fakeness of social media, being enough as just 10 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 1: who you are, and I go into more of my 11 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 1: mental health struggles and my journey. I hope you guys 12 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:44,480 Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode. Ye. So I just want to start 13 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,240 Speaker 1: out by saying this, and I don't say this lately. 14 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: Your podcast makes me want to become a better human 15 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:55,959 Speaker 1: um and I know that through creating a podcast, just 16 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,000 Speaker 1: when I've done in the past three years. It's a 17 00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: lot of work, and it's a lot of effort that 18 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: people we don't see, and especially when you're doing it 19 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,480 Speaker 1: on a platform you don't know who's listening, and it 20 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 1: can sometimes feel like, at least I felt like you're 21 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: putting in all this work and not sure if it's 22 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,320 Speaker 1: even being acknowledged. But I want you to know that 23 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:18,119 Speaker 1: I think that this podcast man Enough his truly changing 24 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: a lot. It's making me want to reflect on how 25 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 1: I can grow as a person. And I think you 26 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,520 Speaker 1: are doing the mission you set out to do. Wow, 27 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 1: I mean, ja, that's so kind of you. Thank you 28 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:33,160 Speaker 1: that really that really means a lot. I appreciate that 29 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: very much. And you know, the topic of being man 30 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: enough and male masculinity is so interesting. We had Kevin 31 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,399 Speaker 1: Love on for the season two finale and he talked 32 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 1: about having a panic attack on the basketball court. And 33 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 1: yet these are things that are so common. I've struggled 34 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 1: with anxiety my entire life in O c D. There's 35 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,040 Speaker 1: such a stigma with it and mental health. And I've 36 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 1: said this before, but it's just like you're supposed to 37 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: work out your body, you're supposed to work out your mind. 38 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 1: And that's one of the great things about talking things out. 39 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,640 Speaker 1: Yet there's such a stigma with it. Where do you 40 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 1: think this stigma is rooted in? And by having these conversations, 41 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,920 Speaker 1: how do you think we can break it? Well, first 42 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: of all, you're an awesome podcast host. Oh my god, 43 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 1: thank you mean it's really hard to ask questions and like, 44 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 1: first of all, yeah, you're just you're just doing you're 45 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,079 Speaker 1: doing it, all right. You're better than I am, far 46 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:32,720 Speaker 1: better than I am. Absolutely not all right. So thank 47 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,400 Speaker 1: you for talking about your anxiety. I think that it's 48 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 1: wonderful that young people are talking about that. It took 49 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 1: me thirty something years to even realize that I had anxiety. 50 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 1: And I'm thirty seven now and i still feel like 51 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,920 Speaker 1: i'm twenty one. But I'm thirty seven though, and I'm 52 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 1: just really getting to the root of it for me. 53 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 1: So it's really important to talk about what is the 54 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:03,079 Speaker 1: root of how this started. I mean a combination of 55 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,640 Speaker 1: a lot of things. Self preservation is one of them. 56 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,520 Speaker 1: I think that we live in a we live in 57 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: a culture where we've all been socialized, especially men, to 58 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: believe that any sort of perceived weakness means that we 59 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 1: are not men, that we are not strong. Like it's 60 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: like this strange idea, But what do you does that 61 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: even mean? It doesn't mean anything. It's all it's all, 62 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: you know. I don't think I'm allowed to swear on this, 63 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: but it's all crapy. Justin you've got young listeners it's no, 64 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 1: no, no no, no, no, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be good. 65 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: You know what. See I broke it, Oh Sammy Jay 66 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: with swear with the F bomb. Um. Look, it's it's 67 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 1: just this whole idea of we think that we have 68 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:52,280 Speaker 1: to be a certain way to be considered strong, and 69 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 1: yet the entire definition of strength and bravery, I think, 70 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 1: is backwards. It's all rooted in external things like this 71 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 1: idea that if I'm physically strong, that I'm strong. If 72 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 1: I am physically brave, meaning if I go and take 73 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 1: physical risks, if I risk my life to help somebody else, 74 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: then I'm brave. Right, But we completely forget what I 75 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,280 Speaker 1: believe the true definition of strength and bravery is, which 76 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 1: is internal. For sure. Absolutely, it's not about taking physical risks, 77 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:25,280 Speaker 1: about taking emotional risks. It's not about physical strength. It's 78 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 1: about emotional strength. You can't have. You can look, you 79 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,479 Speaker 1: can be the strongest man in the entire world, but 80 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 1: if you have a panic attack and you don't know 81 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:36,280 Speaker 1: what it is, you are as weak as you could 82 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 1: ever be because you don't have the emotional vocabulary to 83 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 1: first of all, understand what's happening to you, and second 84 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,680 Speaker 1: of all, you don't have the emotional strength in the 85 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,560 Speaker 1: bravery to ask for help. So what do you do? 86 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 1: These things debilitate us. It's kind of like being super 87 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: strong and stubbing your pinky toe. That's the worst, by 88 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 1: the way, it's the worst, right you can be. Like 89 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,479 Speaker 1: you see like these uh, these strong young men, like 90 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 1: they can lift cars, they stubb their pinky toe and 91 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:06,000 Speaker 1: they're down down for the count. Well, it's the same thing. 92 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 1: It's so like you could as strong as you want, 93 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: but if you're not dealing with your your actual mental health, 94 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,159 Speaker 1: your emotional health, your well being, your spiritual health, then 95 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,520 Speaker 1: you're just a shell. You're just a suit of armor. 96 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 1: That's so true. And I think one of the things 97 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 1: that I've been in therapy since I was like seven, Um, 98 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 1: I grew up with learning disabilities my entire life, and 99 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,600 Speaker 1: I thought I was incapable of learning. I learned that 100 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:31,239 Speaker 1: wasn't true. Been there. But there are so many people 101 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 1: that think that they are incapable of learning, that they 102 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 1: are stupid, and which in turn, specifically like a d 103 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: h D for example, looks very different on guys than 104 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 1: it does girls. And I think guys in the classroom 105 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,920 Speaker 1: they're being pointed as disruptive and if they feel sad 106 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: or discourage, what society has taught us is to channel 107 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 1: anger instead of to actually feel that. Um, there's uh 108 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,360 Speaker 1: Anthony Ramos, one of my favorite musicians. He has a 109 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: quote in a song about kind of toxic male masculinity 110 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: and he says, why am I pushing away with silence 111 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,720 Speaker 1: has to say? And I feel like sometimes we need 112 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:11,760 Speaker 1: to embrace that, embrace the feelings we are having and 113 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: let ourselves feel that. What is the journey been like 114 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,719 Speaker 1: for you to go through that? While you've acted, you've directed, 115 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,920 Speaker 1: What is the process of doing that while managing your 116 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:26,840 Speaker 1: career and being a happy person? Wow? The great question. 117 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 1: Let's separate the happy person thing because the idea like 118 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:36,719 Speaker 1: happiness starts with contentment, right, It starts with it starts 119 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: with appreciating what you have. It starts with gratitude. And 120 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 1: there's been a lot of times over the last decade 121 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,360 Speaker 1: where I haven't been happy and I have no idea why. 122 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:49,359 Speaker 1: I'm just looking around like I have everything? What's wrong? 123 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: And nobody talks about that? Oh, absolutely right, because we're 124 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,480 Speaker 1: sold this idea of the American dream, right, this capitalistic patriot, 125 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,359 Speaker 1: patriarchal society that we live in, that if you just 126 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 1: acquire an off then you'll be good, right, because so 127 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,039 Speaker 1: many people don't have. If you can figure out how 128 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:07,360 Speaker 1: to acquire, if you can reach the top of the pyramid, 129 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: or even midway up, then you're good. Yeah, it's not. 130 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: That's not the case, because it starts with contentment, it 131 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 1: starts with happiness. It starts with the inside. It's not 132 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,840 Speaker 1: the x the outside, it's not the external. And were 133 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 1: sold this idea that happiness comes from the external, from 134 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 1: the outside. Look at social media, look at everything that 135 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 1: we're seeing. It's all coming from external forces. But it 136 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: will only ever stick if it comes from inside, from 137 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 1: doing the work and looking at the person in the 138 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 1: mirror and figuring out if you actually like what you see, 139 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: if you like the person staring back at you. If 140 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: you don't, no matter what you do, it's a house 141 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 1: of cards. You don't have a foundation. So for me, 142 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,320 Speaker 1: what it looked like is this, As I started doing 143 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: this work, as I started truly healing, I was doing 144 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: it very much publicly. I'm doing and I'm not even 145 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 1: going to use the past tense. I am doing it 146 00:07:56,520 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 1: very publicly you would love promo. I am trying to 147 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 1: figure it out in real time, and I did that 148 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: on purpose. One is, nobody ever did that for me. 149 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 1: I never saw anybody hell in real time. I never 150 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 1: saw anybody that I looked up to talk about their 151 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 1: broken parts. And that's a massive problem because if you 152 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 1: don't see it, you can't be it. And if you 153 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 1: don't see it, then that means that you feel like 154 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: you're the only one. So growing up for me as 155 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: a man, I didn't know that I had anxiety until 156 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,360 Speaker 1: I was in my thirties. I had no idea that 157 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,840 Speaker 1: I had ever really been depressed until I was in 158 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 1: my thirties and I started really looking at Wow, I 159 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 1: feel really sleepy today. I feel really tired, but I 160 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:39,839 Speaker 1: got sleep I don't really want to go out of bed. 161 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 1: I feel tightness in my chest? What is that? Normally 162 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,080 Speaker 1: I would just want I would just go through it. 163 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 1: As I'm a man, I'm gonna do. That's what we do. 164 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: We pushed through everything. Conqueror, right, That's what we're taught 165 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 1: growing up. We have to be no pay, no gain, 166 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,320 Speaker 1: just push push push push. Yeah, like, man up, what 167 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 1: does that even mean? That's it? Man up? Be man enough. 168 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: That was my entire life as an athlete. Right, You 169 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,720 Speaker 1: get muscles by pushing, pushing, pushing, and then we do 170 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,680 Speaker 1: the same thing with everything else in life. Look at sports. 171 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: You watch these guys they break their freaking legs and 172 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,080 Speaker 1: they think they have to keep playing. What does that do? 173 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,479 Speaker 1: And they can't walk when they're older, they're in wheelchairs. 174 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: You look at these boxers that beat the crap out 175 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: of themselves. Then they can't even put sentences together when 176 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,080 Speaker 1: they're in their fifties and sixties. Like football players, it's 177 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 1: all backwards. What for for for the win? What does 178 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 1: that actually mean? So here I am in my thirties, 179 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,680 Speaker 1: it's like, oh wow, my heart's my heart's really beating 180 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 1: fast today, but I'm not really doing anything. Huh. I 181 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 1: gotta tickets, I gotta take deep reast. There's something off, 182 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 1: all right, It's okay, I'm fine. And then you stuck 183 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: it up and you bury it down, and you don't 184 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 1: allow your body to feel what it is screaming at 185 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 1: you that it needs to feel, which is repressed emotion, 186 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 1: which are repressed feelings, anger, madness, We're more shame, get 187 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 1: whatever it is. It's all we bury it down to 188 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 1: the point where like a like molten lava and eventually 189 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 1: is going to rise to the service and explode like 190 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,560 Speaker 1: a volcano. But eventually, no matter what, we're gonna have 191 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,520 Speaker 1: to deal with it. I'm now in my thirties being like, 192 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:21,840 Speaker 1: oh shit, I gotta I gotta deal with it. Why well, 193 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 1: I have lives that depend on me. I have a partner, 194 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 1: I have this amazing wife who's doing the exact same 195 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 1: work that I am. And we're looking at each other 196 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 1: and we're saying, we cannot pass this on to our children. 197 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 1: We cannot have our children grow up in homes like 198 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,280 Speaker 1: we grew up. And now, granted we grew up okay 199 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 1: my wife. My wife's family had alcoholism and her dad 200 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 1: passed away when she was eighteen. I grew up in 201 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: a in a wonderful house. The problem is that we 202 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,079 Speaker 1: never talked about the broken pieces. We just swept them 203 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 1: under the rug. My dad was the master at that exactly. 204 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 1: You realize that like this all comes up when you 205 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,080 Speaker 1: don't deal with it, and even though what even and 206 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: when we deal with it, it comes up even more. 207 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: And that's the thing that I think it's important for 208 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 1: people to know you start healing, like it all starts 209 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 1: to come up and you have to address it, and 210 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 1: that's and that's also scary. And then you address it 211 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 1: and you're like, Okay, well, what's at the core of 212 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,600 Speaker 1: that panic attack, what's at the core of my shortness 213 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 1: of breath, what's at the core of my depression, what's 214 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,640 Speaker 1: at the core of the thing that's keeping me out 215 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: of bed? And then you've got to go into it. Oh. Absolutely, 216 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 1: I'm dealing with it in real time. I'm struggling. It's awesome, 217 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 1: and I want to talk about it as much as 218 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 1: I can because these are the things that don't make 219 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,720 Speaker 1: us just man enough, and they make us human enough, 220 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: all of us. That the things that allow all of 221 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,720 Speaker 1: us to connect because we are all struggling, we all 222 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:45,560 Speaker 1: have trauma, and trauma looks different for everybody. It really does. 223 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 1: And I think something that I've learned, I mean, everyone's 224 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,520 Speaker 1: journey is so different. But I just went through my 225 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:54,080 Speaker 1: first midterms at college. I justved across the country and 226 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 1: I was really overwhelmed balancing school, the social life and 227 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,440 Speaker 1: the podcast. I was terns are hard. I was doing 228 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 1: that thing where I was pushing it down. I was 229 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,960 Speaker 1: just getting through the days and then I just took 230 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: a day. I took There's one moment and I just 231 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,040 Speaker 1: cracked and I just sucking let it out and it 232 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 1: was one of those cries where like I could physically 233 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 1: feel it leaving my body. Oh those are good, which 234 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 1: was so good. But like I've grown up doing UM, 235 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,840 Speaker 1: cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive behavior therapy. Yeah, and I've been 236 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,280 Speaker 1: doing exposure therapy, where it's essentially like if you're afraid 237 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 1: of a spider, you start in a room with a spider, 238 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: and you lead up to actually holding it. Um, which 239 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 1: is one of the most afraid of spiders. No, but 240 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 1: there's just just an example. I was. I had separation anxiety, 241 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: really bad separation anxiety with your parents. Yes it was 242 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 1: no older brother. Um. And then like growing up with 243 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 1: learning disabilities to like the thought of a girl with 244 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,240 Speaker 1: processing issues probably wouldn't have a podcast. So everything that 245 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,360 Speaker 1: I'm trying to do is to prove to myself that 246 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: I can do all of the things that I thought 247 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,760 Speaker 1: I could never do. It's awesome, it's really and I'm 248 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,839 Speaker 1: so happy you're doing it. The crazy thing is soon 249 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,640 Speaker 1: you're going to recognize what, oh ship all my success 250 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: is actually a trauma response. Oh absolutely absolutely. The podcast 251 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,920 Speaker 1: was created as a distraction because of my anxiety. All 252 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,400 Speaker 1: of this is like, wait, so I'm this is all 253 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,880 Speaker 1: a responsive from trauma. Doesn't mean it's bad or good, right, 254 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,439 Speaker 1: It's taking a shitty situation and creating something good out 255 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: of it. You look at that and you're like wow. 256 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 1: So in some ways I have to have a lot 257 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:35,199 Speaker 1: of gratitude for that. Oh absolutely, things I look back on, 258 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 1: Like I've talked about this, I hate my anxiety, but 259 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: I'm also very grateful for it because it makes me 260 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 1: who I am and I think something that's I'm currently 261 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 1: struggling with that. I'm sure you can give me advice 262 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 1: on is you have you're balancing a lot. You know, 263 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 1: you have your production company, you have your podcasts, you 264 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 1: have a family. How have you dealt with balancing all 265 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 1: of that? Terribly? I've dealt with it. I doubt This 266 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:05,160 Speaker 1: is where understanding that your drive comes coming from trauma 267 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 1: is really important, because when it comes from a place 268 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:16,320 Speaker 1: of pain and it's disguised as drive, then you never 269 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: have an end. So what I tell people, because I'm 270 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 1: on this same journey, is that there's like no matter 271 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 1: how much success I get, it's not going to change anything. 272 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 1: It's not going to heal me. Until you're content with yourself. 273 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 1: I have to I have to heal. And then the 274 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 1: success on top of that, it can be additory if 275 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 1: you will. It's like I can. I can be grateful 276 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 1: for it. But the second that my perceived success in 277 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 1: America and social media and whatever business that I'm in 278 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:54,440 Speaker 1: becomes my identity is the second that I just fall 279 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:57,200 Speaker 1: into like that bottomless pit of despair because it's not 280 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 1: real because eventually that's going to go away, and what 281 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 1: happens when that goes away, I'm just again, I'm prolonging 282 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 1: a panic attack of prolonging depression. You that's why you 283 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 1: see so many people just fighting to stay in front 284 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,560 Speaker 1: of the limelight, like just doing everything they can for fame, 285 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 1: because they're so deadly afraid of losing it, because losing 286 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,760 Speaker 1: it is death to them, because you don't have an 287 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: identity without it, and if that's your identity, exactly expect 288 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,640 Speaker 1: and also because it's you're you're trying to heal your 289 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 1: trauma with these external things when in reality, you can 290 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: have all of this stuff. You can do your podcast, 291 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 1: you can do all you could. I could do mine, 292 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,480 Speaker 1: You could write your book, so long as you know 293 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:38,360 Speaker 1: that it doesn't define me, and if it goes away, 294 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 1: it's okay. Justin we have to take a quick break. 295 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 1: But when we come back, I want to continue talking 296 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: about what defines us and the stigma as to why 297 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,120 Speaker 1: so many guys don't like to open up and be 298 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:59,000 Speaker 1: vulnerable and much more. We'll be right back and we're back, 299 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,200 Speaker 1: So then what does define you? Though? Is the question? 300 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: Because that's something that I'm going through, Like if, for example, 301 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 1: the podcast has been my identity, who am I a 302 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,960 Speaker 1: girl with a podcast? If I used I just work 303 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 1: for Radio Disney, I was a Radio Disney girl who 304 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 1: like it goes to the question of they think we're 305 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 1: all struggling with, like who are you besides the materialistic things? 306 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,880 Speaker 1: I always I always think about, well, what would happen 307 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 1: if a meteor hit Earth and suddenly we lost all 308 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 1: of our technology? Be nice in a way, wouldn't it be? 309 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,240 Speaker 1: I think a lot of us would be like, oh 310 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 1: my god, I can breathe again. Can you imagine how 311 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,800 Speaker 1: many people would just be able to like take a 312 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:41,280 Speaker 1: full breath for the first time in their life. Wow, 313 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,400 Speaker 1: if it all went away, You think about that, all 314 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 1: of us, we are all enough already, but the world 315 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 1: is telling us we're not so. So long as we're 316 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 1: looking to the world and others for cues, were never 317 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 1: going to feel like we're enough. My wife and I 318 00:16:56,440 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 1: talked about this a lot. What is enough? Content meant? 319 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 1: What is enough? I have my perfect idea of what 320 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:08,120 Speaker 1: my career is. When will I be satisfied? When will 321 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,040 Speaker 1: I be happy? In my book, I talk about the 322 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,159 Speaker 1: y ladder. If you go into the y ladder, if 323 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: you ask yourself why more than once, If you ask 324 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:19,119 Speaker 1: yourself that question, what will make me happy? You'll probably 325 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,720 Speaker 1: recognize that you won't find the answer because the answer 326 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: doesn't exist out there, it exists here inside. So balance 327 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:32,280 Speaker 1: really comes down to prioritization. It's not balance, it's prioritizing. 328 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 1: It's man, I'm feeling low today. You know what, I'm 329 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,159 Speaker 1: not gonna do anything. I'm gonna take care of myself. 330 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not gonna push myself into a podcast. 331 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,960 Speaker 1: You know what, I'm going to cancel though I had, 332 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,879 Speaker 1: You know what I had? Justin Biebern, as awesome as 333 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 1: he is, I gotta take care of myself. I would 334 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 1: never cancel and Justin Bieber, though I would choose him 335 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 1: over my mental health. That's between you and your mental health. 336 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,919 Speaker 1: And if you give my point, it's like we just 337 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 1: if if all of us would would be able to 338 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,920 Speaker 1: breathe deeply and have so much less anxiety of all 339 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,879 Speaker 1: of the technology in the world went away, what is 340 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: that telling us? It's telling us that all of it 341 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:14,720 Speaker 1: is bullshit. It does good, of course it does good. 342 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: You're helping people, Sammy, like I'm helping people, were all helping, 343 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 1: But we have to also ask ourselves like that does 344 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,359 Speaker 1: that define us? Does us helping people define us? Or 345 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 1: are we trying to heal something in ourselves by helping others? 346 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,040 Speaker 1: And there's a big difference too that I think is 347 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 1: needs a distinction. Something that I'm like I said, I'm 348 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 1: a freshman at college and something that I'm realizing, the 349 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:46,000 Speaker 1: toxic masculinity alone within just guys in college is so 350 00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:49,320 Speaker 1: prevalent that I'm witnessing on a day to day that's 351 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,919 Speaker 1: kind of shocking, um and you should do, honestly a 352 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,159 Speaker 1: podcast episode on it. Because something that I'm realizing is 353 00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: with the frat culture. Yeah, it's terrible. My like my 354 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:04,679 Speaker 1: guy friends, like they're just starting to open up, but 355 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 1: it's oh, I can't do that. Something that I've realized 356 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 1: with that is just guys are afraid to show their 357 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 1: emotions even to their girlfriends. And I'm and my friends 358 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,199 Speaker 1: are trying to be like no, Like crying is a 359 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,520 Speaker 1: good thing. It shows strength. It's hot when guys are 360 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:26,520 Speaker 1: freaking honest and open and not just focusing on getting 361 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 1: this because it's cool, And I feel like that should 362 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:34,240 Speaker 1: be talked about more. The social pressures are so much 363 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 1: more than I think anybody realizes. Yeah, boys and men 364 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,120 Speaker 1: just want to be liked and accepted by their boys 365 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,159 Speaker 1: and men. We think that we're doing it for women. 366 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,920 Speaker 1: We think we're doing it for girls, but in reality, 367 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,200 Speaker 1: like if we were to listen to the women and 368 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 1: the girls in our lives, we wouldn't be doing half 369 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:53,239 Speaker 1: the ship that we're doing. And in college, it's just 370 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,320 Speaker 1: I want to fit in. You want to be a 371 00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:56,680 Speaker 1: part of a club. You want to be a part 372 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 1: of a team. You want to have your bros. You 373 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:00,639 Speaker 1: want to be a part of that. And fat culture 374 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 1: is extremely toxic. It's terrible. Um, but honestly, so a 375 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: sorority culture. Absolutely, it's all toxic. It's taking social media 376 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 1: and you're just putting it in the real world and 377 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 1: you're saying like, am I enough? Judge me, Please tell 378 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,160 Speaker 1: me If I'm enough, let me into your group. That 379 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,160 Speaker 1: is toxic and it breaks my heart. I just read 380 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:24,080 Speaker 1: an article like young women are developing ticks, like like 381 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,080 Speaker 1: little ticks, and they're thinking that it's because of TikTok we. 382 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,840 Speaker 1: This is the largest experiment in the history of the universe, 383 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 1: what we're doing to young people in their brains right now. 384 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,360 Speaker 1: We've never had this much comparison or this much beauty 385 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 1: standards and ship shoved in our faces. And us men, 386 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,800 Speaker 1: God like, it's already so hard for us to just 387 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,439 Speaker 1: except who we are is enough. We don't have the 388 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,879 Speaker 1: language of the vocabulary to go in to figure out 389 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 1: what we're feeling, because we've never been asked what we're 390 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 1: like feeling none, none of us have. The whole idea 391 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 1: of masculinity is that we have to have people under 392 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 1: us in order for us to feel powerful. That's the 393 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,919 Speaker 1: that's the fraternity structure that is so true. And I 394 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 1: feel like it's one of those things where I'm so 395 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,879 Speaker 1: glad that you are talking about this, and there are 396 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,480 Speaker 1: so many other issues. I know in your book you 397 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:17,919 Speaker 1: were so open about, like body image, because that's with guys. 398 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: I wish that was discussed more, because I feel like, 399 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,960 Speaker 1: in turn, if we all discuss it and we would 400 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 1: all feel less alone. You know, No, it's not just girls, 401 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,080 Speaker 1: it's not just this. Um. You've talked about your struggle 402 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,560 Speaker 1: with body dysmorphia, and especially you're a lot of your 403 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:37,880 Speaker 1: characters were these shirtless jack dudes. And how did that 404 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 1: affect the way you looked at your own body, because 405 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 1: people probably from TV were like, man, I wish like 406 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,919 Speaker 1: I wish I looked like you. Yeah, I read about it. 407 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,200 Speaker 1: I talked about how it was hard to be on 408 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:50,840 Speaker 1: TV while I was suffering from a problem that I 409 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:55,960 Speaker 1: was also helping to perpetuate. Ah um and uh, you know, 410 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,680 Speaker 1: they would write my abs into a scene. And here 411 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 1: I was like newly married with a kid on the way, 412 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:06,120 Speaker 1: not able to work out every day, like struggling and 413 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,520 Speaker 1: trying to figure out how do I how do I 414 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,160 Speaker 1: keep my body so that I can you know, keep 415 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,920 Speaker 1: my job and so you can support your family, And 416 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,080 Speaker 1: and it was really, really, really tricky because when I 417 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,879 Speaker 1: would try to talk to people about how I was 418 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,199 Speaker 1: suffering and my insecurities, they would look at me like, 419 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,240 Speaker 1: oh please, I wish I looked like you. So it's 420 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 1: shamed me in many ways into silence where I wasn't 421 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 1: able to talk about my insecurities. Yeah, and it's and look, 422 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 1: I understand I have a lot of privilege here, right, 423 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,120 Speaker 1: I have able bodied privilege, I have genetic privilege. I'm 424 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:38,480 Speaker 1: a man, I you know, But at the same time, 425 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 1: I'm a human. You know. We are all afraid. All 426 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 1: of us have insecurities, but we just project this confidence. 427 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 1: And what happens when we just project confidence is it 428 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,399 Speaker 1: makes everybody else feel like there's something wrong with them 429 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,480 Speaker 1: if they don't have that same confidence, or like that's 430 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,840 Speaker 1: the gold standard, or like we have to get to 431 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:01,200 Speaker 1: that when in reality, like what if we were all 432 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,560 Speaker 1: just okay being who we are. Some of us would 433 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 1: have more confidence in some areas than others, some would 434 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,760 Speaker 1: have some would be more insecure, but we wouldn't shame anybody. 435 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,639 Speaker 1: There wouldn't be there'd be a spectrum of enoughness, if 436 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 1: you will. There wouldn't be a definition because we would 437 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,920 Speaker 1: have undefined it. All of us would be allowed to 438 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,160 Speaker 1: be who we are, and there would be space for it. 439 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 1: If we could teach our young boys specifically to have empathy, 440 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 1: to have compassion for each other, then there would be 441 00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:28,200 Speaker 1: no shame, because why would you ever want to bully 442 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 1: somebody who's already suffering. Why would you ever want to 443 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,320 Speaker 1: pick on a kid who's struggling in class, or who's 444 00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:37,400 Speaker 1: dyslexic and who doesn't know the answer who or who's overweight. 445 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,440 Speaker 1: Obviously they're dealing with something at home, so you would 446 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,199 Speaker 1: have empathy for that person. That's where we gotta get to. 447 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,680 Speaker 1: We gotta see each other as human beings. I'm so 448 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 1: glad you said that, because that's something that's come out 449 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 1: of this podcast that was not planned. But I've realized 450 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,200 Speaker 1: through the many conversations we've had, is how the media 451 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,640 Speaker 1: takes the human out of the person. Right. Oh yeah, 452 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,880 Speaker 1: of course. For example, we had Cash on the podcast 453 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,680 Speaker 1: season one. I was so excited, but I did not 454 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,879 Speaker 1: know what to expect because the way the media portray 455 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,960 Speaker 1: these people, you forget that they're just a human being 456 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,080 Speaker 1: like you. And when I sat down with her, I'm like, man, 457 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,200 Speaker 1: I really want this to be a mission for people 458 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,560 Speaker 1: to realize that we shouldn't be putting people on the 459 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:23,159 Speaker 1: pedestal because it gives them unexpected um standards and it 460 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 1: gives us that as well, and we shouldn't have that. 461 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:30,399 Speaker 1: Pedestals are broken. I mean, that's why the whole idea 462 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,320 Speaker 1: of pedestal I mean, it's forget about cancel culture. The 463 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,200 Speaker 1: pedestal culture. That's what we do. Can we talk about 464 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,640 Speaker 1: that more? That should be a thing. Pedestal culture. Well, 465 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,120 Speaker 1: that's what it is. That's what social media it is 466 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 1: because it's like pedestal culture. Suddenly you have millions of followers, 467 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:48,080 Speaker 1: so you're different than somebody else, Like what what does 468 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: that actually mean? Followers mean absolutely nothing, nothing, nothing, but 469 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:58,000 Speaker 1: people make it their entire lives. So we we love 470 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,879 Speaker 1: putting people up on pedest soles, but you know what 471 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 1: we love more bringing them down. Why the Internet tears 472 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,320 Speaker 1: you up to bring you down, because we all are 473 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,120 Speaker 1: hurting when I when I look out in the world, 474 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,560 Speaker 1: when I did I deleted Twitter for my from my 475 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 1: phone recently, and I'll probably slowly start to leaving all 476 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 1: of the apps um and asking friends and people to 477 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 1: post for me because it's just not I don't feel good, 478 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:24,480 Speaker 1: Like I don't like the feeling of being stuck on 479 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,959 Speaker 1: a scroll or looking at all everybody else's lives and 480 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,679 Speaker 1: what they're you know, it just it doesn't make me 481 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,160 Speaker 1: feel good. And the more we start to honor those 482 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:33,679 Speaker 1: parts of ourselves where we say, like, that doesn't make 483 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,439 Speaker 1: me feel good, so I'm gonna stop doing it, the 484 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:40,440 Speaker 1: healthier we're going to become. Again. If the world if 485 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,440 Speaker 1: the meteor hit and the satellites all went out and 486 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: there was no social media, no podcasts, know any of 487 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,679 Speaker 1: this stuff, you would just all be people. And how 488 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:52,199 Speaker 1: would we create hierarchies. I'm sure we would because we 489 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,840 Speaker 1: did it before, But it also be about like compassion 490 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,760 Speaker 1: and empathy and who I want to be around, and 491 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,080 Speaker 1: who I want to spend my time with, and who 492 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 1: makes me feel good and who's of service, who's exuding 493 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:03,639 Speaker 1: love and all the qualities that I want to be with. 494 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,320 Speaker 1: It would had nothing to do with how somebody looks 495 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 1: or there. There would be no followers. Okay, we have 496 00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:12,240 Speaker 1: to take one more quick break, but when we come back, 497 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,280 Speaker 1: let's talk about how to stay true to ourselves, especially 498 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,719 Speaker 1: with the fakeness of social media. Your spiritual journey and 499 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 1: the balance of working on yourself while helping others. We'll 500 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: be right back, and we're back, and it just goes 501 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 1: to show like it's so important to just stay true 502 00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:36,960 Speaker 1: to yourself because, especially in a world with social media, 503 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 1: when we're throwing a fake reality, there's only one you, 504 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 1: and you were only created you for a reason exactly. 505 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,800 Speaker 1: And when people talk about, oh, I want to change 506 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,719 Speaker 1: this about me, he change out be like, but they 507 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,760 Speaker 1: didn't make you a copy and paste version of another 508 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,639 Speaker 1: person for a reason. We should have just all embrace that. 509 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,200 Speaker 1: And that's really hard. Um. And I know something that 510 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 1: you talk a lot about being in higher name nature, 511 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:04,359 Speaker 1: which is our souls, and I'm I would say, I'm 512 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,960 Speaker 1: more so starting a spiritual journey, just asking more questions 513 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:11,200 Speaker 1: and exploring covering topics I've never really thought of. Um, 514 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,360 Speaker 1: can you explain that what do you believe? I believe? 515 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:19,360 Speaker 1: I believe, I don't know what I believe? Great, that's awesome. 516 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:21,400 Speaker 1: Is there anything that gives you hope? Is there any 517 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,200 Speaker 1: foundational belief that you have in your life that that 518 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: makes you feel better about existing in this world? Honestly, 519 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:36,439 Speaker 1: my grandma, because she has this just this ability to 520 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 1: always take the high road and be the bigger person 521 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:44,359 Speaker 1: in situations where what does that look like? Situations where 522 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:47,880 Speaker 1: she could easily and I would easily want to just 523 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:53,000 Speaker 1: call something out or just go for what you want 524 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:54,720 Speaker 1: to do in the moment, But she has this ability 525 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:58,960 Speaker 1: to rise above it. And that's how I want to 526 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:00,880 Speaker 1: be as a person and now I want to grow. 527 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,120 Speaker 1: So that's why do you think? Why do you think 528 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:08,360 Speaker 1: she can do that? Because she's an angel. I love her. 529 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 1: She's a walking angel, literally, But I don't know. I 530 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:13,920 Speaker 1: think it's the way she was raised, and I think 531 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,840 Speaker 1: just I think if we all gave each other a 532 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,320 Speaker 1: chance and listened, I think that would make a big difference, 533 00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:21,840 Speaker 1: because there's a lot of talking but not a lot 534 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,680 Speaker 1: of listening. Yeah. As a quote in the by Writings 535 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,320 Speaker 1: which is My Faith, that says it is impossible to 536 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:31,400 Speaker 1: talk and listen at the same time, m H, which 537 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,000 Speaker 1: I love. Okay. I think this world can be a 538 00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,440 Speaker 1: very very scary and dark place if you don't have 539 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 1: a belief system, and so I encourage everybody to look 540 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,240 Speaker 1: for a belief system of some sort. I mean, look, 541 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,480 Speaker 1: we've been doing that forever in the time we were 542 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: created or showed up on this planet, or you know, 543 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:53,400 Speaker 1: as we transitioned from monkeys to humans, whatever you believe, 544 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 1: We've always been searching for a meaning, a bigger why 545 00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:00,200 Speaker 1: as to why we're here. I look at life this 546 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:05,120 Speaker 1: We are here for a very short time, and regardless 547 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,960 Speaker 1: of what you believe, we have to spend our time 548 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:12,360 Speaker 1: in service, both to ourselves, which we forget, but also 549 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:16,480 Speaker 1: to others, because that is the thing that if you 550 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:18,560 Speaker 1: that's the only thing you can accumulate at the end 551 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,720 Speaker 1: of your life. That means anything. We think about the 552 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,760 Speaker 1: life that we want, like, well, let's think about our 553 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,320 Speaker 1: death for a second. I encourage people to think about 554 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:30,720 Speaker 1: their mortality. If you meditate on your mortality, it will 555 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,520 Speaker 1: influence the way that you live. And my belief is 556 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 1: that the only thing that we can take with us 557 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:38,720 Speaker 1: is the good that we do, is the service, is 558 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 1: the you know, that's the kindness that we are. If 559 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,920 Speaker 1: you will, that's the stuff that will matter in the end. 560 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,360 Speaker 1: And that's so beautiful. And you've done so many documentaries, 561 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,959 Speaker 1: uh and like for example, clouds On, you've worked with 562 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 1: people going through terminal illnesses. Has that clouds was inspired 563 00:29:56,880 --> 00:30:01,800 Speaker 1: by Zach Zack the documentary. Has that mindset helped you 564 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,440 Speaker 1: in your filmmaking for sure? I mean it influenced to 565 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,520 Speaker 1: how the projects that I've taken on. I mean I 566 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:10,440 Speaker 1: spent seven years making documentaries about folks dying, as you said, 567 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,480 Speaker 1: and then my last two movies were inspired by real 568 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,000 Speaker 1: people that we're friends of mine who passed away. But 569 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,720 Speaker 1: I think for me, the thing that it did the 570 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,000 Speaker 1: most is one is it give me some PTSD Because 571 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 1: I had to deal with a lot of people that 572 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:27,200 Speaker 1: I love dying and I would willingly show up and 573 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,080 Speaker 1: become very close to them, knowing that we're going to die, 574 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:32,520 Speaker 1: and it's very hard. It's an emotional toll. For sure. 575 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,440 Speaker 1: I took a big toll, um And on the other 576 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,840 Speaker 1: end of it, I recognized just how important everything else is. 577 00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 1: All the things that we don't make important that aren't 578 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,680 Speaker 1: rewarded in our culture right now because they don't have 579 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:50,520 Speaker 1: some tangible meaning. How important moments of stillness and nothing, 580 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,480 Speaker 1: or how how important moments where there's no phone or 581 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,040 Speaker 1: no social media posts are. How important is to just 582 00:30:56,080 --> 00:31:00,360 Speaker 1: be with family, how important not working actually is. Um. 583 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,840 Speaker 1: It influenced everything in my life, But I wanted to 584 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:05,600 Speaker 1: make movies that help people realize that, like, there's so 585 00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 1: much more to life than what what we think right now. 586 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,400 Speaker 1: And then we have one life, we have to actually 587 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 1: live it. I love that live it. We're coming out 588 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,640 Speaker 1: of a pandemic. We truly, that's what I'm realizing. I 589 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:18,880 Speaker 1: can't just let my anxiety when I really have to 590 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:22,320 Speaker 1: go out and live my life. Are you working on 591 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: any other documentaries or any other projects? Well, right now, 592 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 1: my I mean, my studio is making a bunch of movies. 593 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: So we're, um, we're currently shooting two movies. One movie 594 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:35,040 Speaker 1: started today. Um, we're shooting moving in Texas called The Senior, 595 00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,800 Speaker 1: which is a really cool football movie about a fifty 596 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 1: nine year old guy who was kicked off his football 597 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,719 Speaker 1: team senior year and he decided to go back and 598 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:46,760 Speaker 1: try out again and he makes the team. And it's 599 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:50,480 Speaker 1: about never giving up on your dreams. It's about healing 600 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:52,840 Speaker 1: and all kinds of stuff. And then we're making a 601 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:58,040 Speaker 1: movie in uh, Upstate New York right now called Empire Waste, 602 00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:02,360 Speaker 1: which is a movie about body positivity, which is really exciting. 603 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,959 Speaker 1: It takes place in a high school and um, we 604 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,280 Speaker 1: address fat phobia and all kinds of things. Um, and 605 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:14,520 Speaker 1: it's this really inspiring story that I'm so proud that 606 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,280 Speaker 1: we can that we can help tell. In fact, I 607 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:21,479 Speaker 1: cast one of the roles off TikTok. The director Claire 608 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:25,760 Speaker 1: there's a brilliant writer director, Sheia. She wanted to cast 609 00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,200 Speaker 1: and put out a casting call on TikTok and so 610 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 1: I posted about it and we found one of our 611 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,240 Speaker 1: leads who had never really acted before, and she's gonna 612 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:36,240 Speaker 1: be a huge star. We had two thousand submissions. That's amazing. See, 613 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:38,560 Speaker 1: that's a good thing with social media. That is one 614 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,080 Speaker 1: of the good things with social media. Um. You know 615 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,800 Speaker 1: that the part of communitee Again, it's like everything is 616 00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:46,680 Speaker 1: good and bad. It's what we do with it. And 617 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,200 Speaker 1: then I'm getting ready to make my next movie, which 618 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,640 Speaker 1: I'll probably make it uh March April next year, which 619 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,960 Speaker 1: is a sci fi love story that I'll be directing. 620 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,520 Speaker 1: You're doing so much and I just want to thank 621 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,640 Speaker 1: you for coming on my podcast because you were truly 622 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:02,320 Speaker 1: I think doing something doble work with just telling your 623 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,320 Speaker 1: story and telling other people's stories, which is what I 624 00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:08,240 Speaker 1: want to do, and you're doing it, and you're doing it. 625 00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:11,840 Speaker 1: Just remember no matter how successful. You are. You were 626 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 1: enough before and you'll be enough after. Thank you, thanks 627 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,360 Speaker 1: so much for coming on the podcast. All right, bye, 628 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:25,240 Speaker 1: bye bye. Thank you guys so much for listening to 629 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:28,080 Speaker 1: this week's episode of the Let's Be Real Podcast. Please 630 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 1: know that you are enough and you're so great, just 631 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,080 Speaker 1: as you are justin. Thank you so much for coming 632 00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:35,720 Speaker 1: on my podcast. I am truly inspired by this conversation. 633 00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:39,400 Speaker 1: And if you haven't already followed Justin on Instagram, follow 634 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 1: the Man Enough podcast, read his book, and if you want, 635 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,160 Speaker 1: follow me on Instagram at it Sammy J. That's I 636 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,800 Speaker 1: T S S A M M, Y J A y E. 637 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,680 Speaker 1: And subscribe to the Let's Be Real Podcast if you 638 00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 1: haven't already. New episodes are out every Thursday. Trust me, 639 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,520 Speaker 1: the season's only getting started. All right, guys, I'll see 640 00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:01,280 Speaker 1: you next week. Bye to the cant of the Land 641 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:02,120 Speaker 1: of Candor.