1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,360 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,680 Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast and we have 3 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing 4 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors. 5 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: So stick around two minutes and we'll get into the episode. 6 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 2: My wife cheated to find herself and lost everything instead. 7 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,599 Speaker 3: Well she sure did f around and find out. 8 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 2: I forty mail, confronted my wife, thirty five, female of 9 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 2: ten years about her infidelity a few hours ago, and 10 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 2: I'm utterly at a loss. She has been my life 11 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,960 Speaker 2: partner for sixteen years. We have four children together, and 12 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,680 Speaker 2: I considered this my little patch of heaven on earth 13 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,919 Speaker 2: compared to the rest of my dysfunctional families drama. I 14 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 2: really thought I had it all. And by the way, 15 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,320 Speaker 2: this comes from user goals in Mind And if you 16 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:50,920 Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r 17 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 2: Slade Showcase Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota and I'm Angie, I'm Riley, 18 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 2: and we're here to give you good advice goofully. But 19 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:02,040 Speaker 2: we don't have all the answer. Yes, we're not the Pharaoh. 20 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,120 Speaker 2: We only know what we would do in this situation. 21 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 2: So if you would do something different. Let us know. 22 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:11,759 Speaker 2: In the comments, Opie says, our marriage has had its 23 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 2: ups and downs. I am a flawed person and a 24 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,759 Speaker 2: flawed partner. She helped build me up from nothing into 25 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 2: a successful, functioning member of society. Throughout our marriage, she 26 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 2: accused me of cheating without providing proof. I have never 27 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 2: touched nor entertained another woman. She is my literal world. 28 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:33,959 Speaker 2: Then came the offers of hall passes since she said 29 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,560 Speaker 2: she felt bad she couldn't compromise on our differences in libido. 30 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 2: I am high libido and she is a low libido. 31 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 2: She was high libido at the beginning of our relationship, 32 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,840 Speaker 2: even up to two years after our first child, before 33 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 2: it waned to near nothing. When I voiced my frustrations 34 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 2: and options for recovery like a hormone panel, HRT, meditation, counseling, 35 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 2: she turned them all down and said this is how 36 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 2: it's gonna be from now on. Then the offers of 37 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 2: open marriage and cheating accusations started, Oh, how are you 38 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 2: going to offer open marriage? And then also accuse cheating what. 39 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 4: Because they didn't read the poly handbook? 40 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:15,880 Speaker 2: Pick a Lane, Gurly Pop pick a Lane. Fast forward 41 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,320 Speaker 2: eight years later in the marriage I bought a house 42 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 2: for us, I bought her car. I provided everything I 43 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 2: thought she wanted. I come to find out that she 44 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,839 Speaker 2: pursued a coworker of hers, planned a time and date 45 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,400 Speaker 2: to meet at our house, and then cheated on. 46 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 3: Oh it was projection. 47 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 2: And the proof was exhaustive, filthy text messages, pictures, video 48 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 2: sent to him. She couldn't even be bothered to expend 49 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,640 Speaker 2: five percent of that energy in maintaining our physical or 50 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 2: emotional relationship. It was like she was another person, her 51 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 2: younger self when we first met. It was so graphic. 52 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 2: I don't think I can recover from what I saw. 53 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,120 Speaker 2: He came over when I was at work, and they 54 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 2: performed many spicy acts for hours in our home. 55 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,119 Speaker 3: Are we getting all these details? 56 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 2: None of these she would do with me. Intimacy with 57 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 2: me was very minimal and more basic than what could 58 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,560 Speaker 2: be considered vanilla. I even had a fifteen minute time 59 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,519 Speaker 2: limit before she started getting irritated. 60 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,959 Speaker 3: Irritated. Oh you poor thing. 61 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:19,639 Speaker 5: She started getting irritated. 62 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 2: What a way to put it? 63 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:23,560 Speaker 6: Started a time. 64 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 3: Fifteen minutes, she's irritated. That sucks, dude. 65 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 2: So after he had left, we had the spicy sleep 66 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 2: that evening, and she didn't bat an eyelash. I found 67 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 2: out a day after and confronted her with the evidence 68 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:40,600 Speaker 2: after I had a gnawing feeling in my gut that 69 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 2: something was really wrong. The last few days she was 70 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 2: hiding her screen for me, texting and giggling things she 71 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,240 Speaker 2: never does. I asked her if it was a sick 72 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaker 2: joke to see if I would snoop on her and 73 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 2: to catch me red handed. I have never snooped. I 74 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 2: always only asked her openly and believed her, and she 75 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 2: can affirmed everything about her infidelity. She cried, she was 76 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:08,640 Speaker 2: remorseful in my mind only because she was caught. She 77 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 2: confirmed that if I didn't find out, she never would 78 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 2: have told me and it would likely have continued. 79 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,920 Speaker 3: Yikes, yikes. At least she's being honest now. 80 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:25,599 Speaker 2: I guess my world is shattered. I wanted to run 81 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 2: screaming into the night. Me too, buddy, many intrusive thoughts. 82 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 2: Her only reason for doing so was to find out 83 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 2: if she was Ace, had responsive desire, had any desire 84 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 2: for me, or no desire at all, or desire for 85 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 2: another man. She said there was no emotional connection, but 86 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 2: it was clear that was false based on their long 87 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 2: text conversations planning to meet again, and they're many hours 88 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:55,360 Speaker 2: working together. It's four am. Now, you're right. I don't 89 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 2: know what to do. I'm an emotional wreck, and I 90 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 2: don't want to make any decisions while I'm in the state. 91 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 2: My mind is telling me to cut her loose, as 92 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,600 Speaker 2: she picked me and the family last and put emotional 93 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 2: and physical cheating first. My heart is fighting the rational thoughts. 94 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 2: I love her, but I'm hurting from the betrayal. I 95 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,799 Speaker 2: want to try and salvage this, but is it even 96 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 2: worth it. She's agreeing all of a sudden to hormone 97 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:21,279 Speaker 2: panels and counseling. I called off work tomorrow. I want 98 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,720 Speaker 2: to spend some time with our kids. They don't need 99 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 2: to know. There are no friends I can talk to 100 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 2: about this, no one in my family either, as it'll 101 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 2: just be another footnote in my family's messed up history. 102 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,839 Speaker 2: What can I do? I'm spiraling? We have an update. 103 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 7: Well, it's time, dude, divorce. I believe that to divorce. 104 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 7: It's time for you to divorce. You've got to get 105 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 7: a divorce. Go and divorce your WAF, divors your wife. 106 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,720 Speaker 2: Do it. Yeah, you got a divorce your wife. 107 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:01,360 Speaker 8: Yeah, it was like it's also just it's it's weird 108 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 8: that part of what she's doing to like make it 109 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 8: up to you is to agree to go to those 110 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 8: like a hormone paneling things. 111 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 2: But it's like, girl, but we. 112 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,560 Speaker 3: Know that that's not a problem. We know that that's 113 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 3: not the issue here. 114 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:22,479 Speaker 2: You just banged your coworker. Yeah, and you like you're 115 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 2: still like it wasn't like a yeah, well we I 116 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 2: wrote up the contract and I guess you'll come over around. 117 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 2: It was your sending pics, you're sending videos, you're sending 118 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 2: smut texts. 119 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 3: All this crazy stuff that you guys didn't do. 120 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:39,719 Speaker 8: Like that's just it's just silly, like that doesn't make sense, Like, yo, yeah, 121 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 8: well see now my hormones are fixed. Now we are 122 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 8: all good. It's like, no, well you just you've just 123 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 8: been like that. You just didn't tell me. You didn't 124 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 8: want to be like that with me, so you know, 125 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,599 Speaker 8: and they've got kids, dude, they've got kids. 126 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:55,719 Speaker 2: It's kids. 127 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:56,240 Speaker 5: Uh. 128 00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:01,239 Speaker 2: Update, it's day two post D day. I finally allowed 129 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 2: myself to cry. Not gonna lie. I got a real 130 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 2: ugly cry face. 131 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 6: We all do. 132 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 2: I think all the anger and confusion, disassociation from the truth, 133 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:14,800 Speaker 2: and denial. We're blocking a very necessary realization that this 134 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 2: marriage is done. Once that hit, it's been Niagara falls here. 135 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 2: Figures are really easy, and I wish they weren't the 136 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 2: time eleven twenty six, the act of physical cheating, for example, 137 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 2: my heart rate increases the high start missing eleven twenty seven, 138 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,760 Speaker 2: and all the emotional weight drops off my shoulders, and 139 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 2: I have zero energy or motivation to do anything. Twice 140 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 2: a day, been looking at replacement furniture for everything that 141 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 2: was touched. Dame. Kids think I'm weird for doing interior decorating. 142 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 2: Speaking of the kids, I met with each of them 143 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 2: individually during quiet times and teld them how amazing and 144 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 2: important they are to me, each other, and the world. 145 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 2: I have to stop because the tears start falling and 146 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 2: I don't want them to see. Therapy will be scheduled 147 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 2: Monday through my employee assistance program at work. It's better 148 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 2: than what my health insurance provides. Looking forward to unpacking 149 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,560 Speaker 2: all this and finding my sense of self again. And 150 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 2: the part you're all waiting for is not terribly exciting. 151 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 2: She's seeking counseling for herself to heal an attempt to 152 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 2: fix what was broken in her in the first place, 153 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,280 Speaker 2: and I'm glad she's doing that for herself. Yes, I 154 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 2: shouldn't care after being betrayed. Yes I should be angry, 155 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 2: but I'm not vengeful and it's not so easy to 156 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 2: stop caring for someone just like that. And there's another update. Wow, 157 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 2: say it's been a roller coaster is an understatement. I 158 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 2: feel like I've been on every ride in the amusement 159 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:42,079 Speaker 2: park twice fun. I'm almost four months post D day. 160 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:46,560 Speaker 2: Legal counsel has been acquired, divorce has been initiated, and 161 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 2: now the six month waiting period California is in effect. 162 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:52,840 Speaker 2: She has been scrubbed from all my social media and 163 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 2: my devices. My life has been sanitized as much as possible. 164 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,440 Speaker 2: We made it through the holidays amicably for the kids. 165 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 2: Sometime around Thanksgiving, I emerged from my own denial fog 166 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 2: and chose myself. It was an amazing moment of clarity. 167 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 2: Realized that the I was subjecting myself to was really 168 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,080 Speaker 2: not her fault. It was because I was allowing myself 169 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 2: to feel this way, waiting on her to make a decision, 170 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 2: relying on her to choose. After I took my agency back. 171 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:24,319 Speaker 2: There was a drastic change. I started to realize all 172 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,960 Speaker 2: the things she accused me of were her own insecurities, 173 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 2: and she was projecting them onto me, calling me controlling, 174 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 2: calling me insecure, calling me weak. All the things I 175 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 2: suppressed about myself in order to make her happy have 176 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 2: been resurfacing while I heal and find myself again. I dance, 177 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,160 Speaker 2: I sing, I dress how I want, I exercise again, 178 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 2: I go out. I am choosing me and as a result, 179 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 2: she is losing control and becoming more erratic. We used 180 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,840 Speaker 2: to share locations and she would always proclaim to everyone 181 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 2: I was checking on her. No, not once, actually did 182 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 2: I do that. It turns out she was using it 183 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 2: to mono me so she could find time to cheat. 184 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 2: She even took screenshots and videos every hour and sent 185 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 2: them to her friends, who eventually alerted me for concern 186 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 2: over my safety, my goodness. After I turned off location sharing, 187 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 2: she started to find other ways to keep tabs on me, 188 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,240 Speaker 2: asking people I was out with, who I was talking to, 189 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,360 Speaker 2: who I was dancing with. Eventually these people blocked her 190 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,560 Speaker 2: and her circle shrunk. She takes videos of me dancing 191 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 2: and sends them to people saying how annoying and stupid 192 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,200 Speaker 2: I look. She records when I sing and post about 193 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 2: how idiotic I am, Oh my god, which is crazy 194 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 2: because that just makes her look like a bitter, petulant 195 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 2: little child. Yeah and yeah, and everyone's just gonna go, yo, 196 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,320 Speaker 2: who is this cringe woman? 197 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 3: And they did pretty much. 198 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 2: The most cringe thing you can do is call like 199 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:51,080 Speaker 2: whimsy like yeah, that's icky, Like, oh he's enjoying life right, uh, gross, 200 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 2: Like how dumb and stupid he is. 201 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,240 Speaker 8: It's like, it's like you can joke a little bit 202 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 8: if you're like in person with someone just like hah, like, 203 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 8: oh that looks like funny, but it's cause you're there 204 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 8: with them and you're like gonna go join in later 205 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 8: or something like that, you know what I mean, Like 206 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 8: that's all good fun. But yeah, on like social media, 207 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 8: when no one is like it on the joke, if 208 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 8: they're even this one, you know, it's like, oh, it 209 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,800 Speaker 8: just looks embarrassing, Like why do you have a problem 210 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:18,079 Speaker 8: with that? 211 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,800 Speaker 2: You just look like the worst kind of person. Yeah, 212 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 2: what little friends are left follow me around when I 213 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,959 Speaker 2: go out so they can report back to her what 214 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 2: I'm up to, And she dared to call me controlling. 215 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,599 Speaker 2: I gray rock and for the most part, do not engage. 216 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,839 Speaker 2: She cries on the floor and I just walk by 217 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,079 Speaker 2: without acknowledgement. You're still living together. 218 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 3: Well for the kids, this is not a good I guess. 219 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,319 Speaker 8: So, yeah, no, I know, well, I mean the guess 220 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 8: they've got nowhere to go, she does. 221 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 2: I guess. So she asks how my day is, and 222 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,320 Speaker 2: I put on my headphones and pick up a book 223 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,000 Speaker 2: instead of answering Thanksgiving dinner with my in law. She 224 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 2: told me she feels as if everyone has abandoned her. 225 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,439 Speaker 2: I shouldn't have said anything, but I opened my mouth 226 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 2: for the last time. I told her she abandoned herself 227 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,560 Speaker 2: when she chose to cheat and destroy our family. In 228 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 2: doing so, she abandoned everyone else. No one left her. 229 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,320 Speaker 2: She was speechless. She has now slept with twenty one 230 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 2: random men, and the number is increasing, often going out 231 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 2: two to four times a week and using my house 232 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 2: as a hotel to wash up between. She doesn't use 233 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,560 Speaker 2: any protection. Try to sleep with me again, but I 234 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,439 Speaker 2: told her she's diseased and to please not breathe too 235 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 2: close to me. I feel such pity for the wretched 236 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 2: creature she's become chasing her validation. Can't wait to buy 237 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,960 Speaker 2: her out and accelerate my healing. I don't wish any 238 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 2: ill will or karma for her. In fact, I want 239 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:35,880 Speaker 2: her to heal from this so she can be a 240 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 2: better person and continue to parent effectively. As our children 241 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 2: are the real victims of her infidelity, I would honestly 242 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,200 Speaker 2: consider getting you and the kids out of the house 243 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 2: while she's in this kind of state. I don't know, 244 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,080 Speaker 2: the kids are bound to pick up on whatever's going on. 245 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 3: Doesn't seem very stable right off, for. 246 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 2: Sure, and it just seems like an insane situation to 247 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 2: be in for six months. Yeah, he's you know, yeah, 248 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 2: who knows? You know, she's she's throwing tantrums on the floor. 249 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:12,040 Speaker 2: I don't know. Uh, kids are priority one. 250 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:16,679 Speaker 8: Yeah, that was That was very nice of him. I 251 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 8: think I kind of honestly wouldn't think of or I 252 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 8: don't know, is it a nice way to put it, 253 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,720 Speaker 8: like the kids are the real victims here. Yeah, that 254 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 8: was very nice of you. But don't but you know, 255 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 8: you're also a victim here too. 256 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,440 Speaker 2: You one got got cheated on. 257 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,120 Speaker 3: But that's very kind of you from looking out for them. 258 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, it just shows heart. 259 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:35,080 Speaker 3: Yeah. 260 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 2: Update number three, I'm still an individual counseling and plan 261 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 2: on continuing it for other reasons. The affair is no 262 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 2: longer a topic of discussion. I also hope to taper 263 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,760 Speaker 2: off my SSRI in the next month. Sleeping is back 264 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,960 Speaker 2: on track. My revenge body is amazing. 265 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 3: Yeah. 266 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 2: All my weight lost has been regained. I've got new 267 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,400 Speaker 2: hobbies and new friends. I feel like I'm living rather 268 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 2: than just being alive. Ah. I haven't felt this peaceful 269 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 2: in months. And that's the Yes, dude's got the revenge 270 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 2: bod live in the dream. 271 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,160 Speaker 3: Ah, dude. Good for you, dude. 272 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,000 Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. Then we're gonna 273 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 2: move on to the next one. 274 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,440 Speaker 4: My wife moved in with her a fair partner, and 275 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 4: still blames me for everything. 276 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,240 Speaker 2: What's your fault for marry and your wife. 277 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,520 Speaker 4: As the betrayed spouse. I filed for divorces past November 278 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:28,800 Speaker 4: after discovering my wife was having an emotional and physical affair. 279 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:33,320 Speaker 4: After discovery Day, I offered to reconcile and did the 280 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,720 Speaker 4: pick me dance, but she was in this la la 281 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,360 Speaker 4: land with her a fair partner. By the way, this 282 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 4: comes from cool Lavish nineteen fifty five, and if you 283 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 4: want us to your own stories, go to the r 284 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 4: slash Okay story time subreddits. 285 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 2: I'm Riley, I'm Dakota. 286 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:48,720 Speaker 9: Don't look at me. 287 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 6: That's Angie, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully. 288 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers. We only know 289 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,280 Speaker 4: what we do, So let us know what you would 290 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 4: do in the comments below. As Opie says, I have 291 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 4: three K and gave up after marriage counseling proved useless 292 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 4: last October. She is now six months into a relationship 293 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 4: with her a fair partner, and remains so angry with me. 294 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,560 Speaker 4: I'm not sure what is causing this. My therapist thinks 295 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 4: is because my soon to be ex believes I didn't 296 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 4: fight hard enough for her, which is a warped view. 297 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 4: What do you do you want like your husband and 298 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 4: your fair partner to like. 299 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:28,440 Speaker 2: Duel over you. 300 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,800 Speaker 4: I moved out three weeks ago because her energy is 301 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:32,840 Speaker 4: so toxic. 302 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 6: Need advice? Please? We have an update? 303 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think moving on to a sad clown pagliac 304 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 2: she is in No, wait, he's not a sad clown 305 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 2: in that joke. I don't know, man, what's do you 306 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 2: need advice? Leave your partner? Yeah, don't look back. 307 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:48,800 Speaker 6: Yeah. 308 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:54,600 Speaker 4: Next question update behavior of in laws post discovery. I 309 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,000 Speaker 4: had a close relationship with my in laws before and 310 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:01,200 Speaker 4: after I served my cheating wife divorce paper. My entire 311 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 4: in law family completely cut me off because she probably 312 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 4: spread lines ABOALU you that you were the cheating partner. 313 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 4: Just asking if this is routine. Honestly gets stung initially, 314 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,960 Speaker 4: but not anymore. We have a comment, yes, this is 315 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:18,360 Speaker 4: quite common. They are her family. They have the internal narrative, 316 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,880 Speaker 4: may not be accurate to the truth, but it works 317 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 4: for them. We have second updates. She never showed remorse 318 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 4: and reconciliation was an immediate failure. I am deeply distraught 319 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,480 Speaker 4: seeing how evil and vicious she has become during the 320 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 4: divorce process. She is almost like an unrecognizable person. I'm 321 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 4: seeing this really dark side that is scary, something I 322 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 4: have never seen before. Divorce is a very emotional process. However, 323 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 4: she's been vindictive, even making false accusations. This is something 324 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 4: that is normal but dissipates over time. I'm maintaining no 325 00:16:56,520 --> 00:17:01,040 Speaker 4: contact and still sticking to Great Rock, using a co 326 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 4: parenting app for communication only now I believe she has 327 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 4: always been this person, but hit it well and was 328 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,639 Speaker 4: using me because I am financially successful and we have 329 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 4: a third update. Oh my gosh, this guy's just really 330 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,560 Speaker 4: going through it. Oh, round yourself around people that love you. 331 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, keep doing what you're doing, communicating through the co perade. 332 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,920 Speaker 2: I don't understand why you're asking questions. You're like my 333 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,280 Speaker 2: ex that cheated on me turned out to be a 334 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:28,439 Speaker 2: bag and her family are standing behind her. Yeah. Yeah, 335 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:35,240 Speaker 2: next life begins now, Yes, moving forward, next life, co parenting, 336 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 2: worry about your kids. 337 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 6: Yeah, that's it for real. Uh hope, he continues. 338 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,680 Speaker 4: The affair partner was served a subpoena two days ago, 339 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,360 Speaker 4: and my sooner be acces has gone off the rails, 340 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:51,840 Speaker 4: seeming me mean messages and accusatory messages which I'm completely ignoring. 341 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,720 Speaker 4: I'll be seeing the affair partner in a few days 342 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,440 Speaker 4: as my kids have soccer practice on this same field. 343 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:03,680 Speaker 4: Oh see what happens. As a title states, I see 344 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:07,119 Speaker 4: my soon to be ex's a fair partner fairly often 345 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:08,639 Speaker 4: because he's a soccer coach. 346 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,639 Speaker 6: My soon to be ex goes out. 347 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,359 Speaker 4: Of her way to see him and is giggly around 348 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:16,440 Speaker 4: him like a high school girl. I think she's doing 349 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,800 Speaker 4: this intentionally. I'm keeping my cool, but I see the 350 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 4: affair partner looking at me, almost mocking me, like he won. 351 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,159 Speaker 4: How do you guys handle something like this? I do 352 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,240 Speaker 4: not want to talk to him, and I despise seeing him. 353 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:34,359 Speaker 4: It obviously makes me angry too. We have an update 354 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:39,360 Speaker 4: four cheating wife trying to provoke problems. I'm currently undergoing 355 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:43,120 Speaker 4: a divorce. Mediation has been set for September. This has 356 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 4: been a very costly process with constant issues she brings up. 357 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:51,320 Speaker 4: Now she's broking and instigating new problems. She took one 358 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:54,280 Speaker 4: of my sports cars that had been in storage under 359 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 4: her possession. She doesn't even know how to drive stick shift, 360 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 4: probably had her boyfriend or father drive it. I'm going 361 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:04,600 Speaker 4: through my lawyers for this. Has anyone that had similar 362 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:08,440 Speaker 4: circumstances where the cheating spouse constantly provokes or instigates problems. 363 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,920 Speaker 4: I'm in no contact except for kid related issues through 364 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,399 Speaker 4: a co parenting app. I haven't even brought up the 365 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 4: car issue through the app. My thought is that she's 366 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 4: trying to instigate a reaction from me, or simply trying 367 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,439 Speaker 4: to get back at me for filing for divorce. We 368 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:29,399 Speaker 4: have an update five wayward wife angry and very cold 369 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:29,679 Speaker 4: at me. 370 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:33,679 Speaker 2: Are you do you still not know your ex wife sucks? 371 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:38,239 Speaker 2: Acting like this is like news she already cheated on you. 372 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:39,280 Speaker 2: Do you think she cares? 373 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 6: Oh no, dude, heck now. 374 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,320 Speaker 2: I don't really think she minds. 375 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:48,240 Speaker 4: Tons of crazy drama throughout the divorce process, including my 376 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:52,440 Speaker 4: in laws stealing my car from my storage unit at Cepheleny, 377 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 4: along with heavy involvement from her parents throughout the case, 378 00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 4: which drove up legal costs. The expenses were absolutely staggering, 379 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 4: but my final divorce decree was finalized on October twenty third, 380 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,679 Speaker 4: twenty twenty four, and I finally feel free. 381 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,920 Speaker 6: What I learned from this whole process. 382 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,440 Speaker 4: Is that you get to see Cheeter's true personality as 383 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 4: well as the family ethics. In my case, I saw 384 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,399 Speaker 4: the level of selfishness from my ex wife that is 385 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,800 Speaker 4: beyond comprehension, which was even echoed. 386 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:25,160 Speaker 6: By the mediator reused. 387 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:30,119 Speaker 4: I received an extremely favorable agreement, even in a fifty 388 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,720 Speaker 4: to fifty state. I had to give a small payout, 389 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,879 Speaker 4: but I was able to keep almost double the assets 390 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 4: in my possessions. There is no doubt my ex wife 391 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:42,400 Speaker 4: will be hash strapped and will never have the quality 392 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,200 Speaker 4: of life she had when we were married. She's even 393 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 4: more angry and volatile now, and honestly, I'm very scared 394 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:51,359 Speaker 4: to be even remotely close to her. I've never seen 395 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:55,200 Speaker 4: her like this. I assume this is projection of guilt, 396 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,560 Speaker 4: along with the realization that are live will never be 397 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:03,240 Speaker 4: the same. But hey, she still has her Dirk Pickle, 398 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,040 Speaker 4: a fair partner who makes literally no money. I'm in 399 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,200 Speaker 4: no contact with her except for kid related matters through 400 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:16,000 Speaker 4: the co parenting app, which still creates drama. Oh my gosh. 401 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 4: She even tried to take my son during my parenting 402 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,879 Speaker 4: time without discussing it with me and made a huge 403 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,720 Speaker 4: scene in front of him. I spoke with my lawyer 404 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,679 Speaker 4: on the spot and got guidance on what to do 405 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 4: and say. She ultimately backed off. I entered the dating 406 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,600 Speaker 4: scene for the first time since getting married and met 407 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:38,600 Speaker 4: a lot of great women. It's interesting that I now 408 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:43,720 Speaker 4: have so many choices and I'd actually enjoyed it. Oh, 409 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,880 Speaker 4: single life's doing good for Opie here, eh. 410 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 2: I'm sure it's way I'm sure your whole married life 411 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,640 Speaker 2: was way worse than you even realized. Now you're gonna 412 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 2: look back at it and be like, oh, she was 413 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:57,320 Speaker 2: just she just sucked the whole time. I didn't notice. Yeah, 414 00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:58,879 Speaker 2: I just got used to. 415 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,640 Speaker 6: It got used to. We've got the rhythm. 416 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,240 Speaker 4: I found out a few days ago from my sister 417 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,760 Speaker 4: in law that my ex's brother have just owned her 418 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,679 Speaker 4: because of the cheating and never want to meet the 419 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,080 Speaker 4: affair partner. I was shocked, as this was my first 420 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 4: real communication with any family member since filing for divorce. 421 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:20,680 Speaker 4: This truly gave me validation. I told my sister in 422 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,040 Speaker 4: law that I will cut off any relationship with those 423 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,560 Speaker 4: who support her and the affair partner. My ex wife 424 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:30,200 Speaker 4: is already not following some of the divorce degree agreements 425 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,480 Speaker 4: we have, so this is going to be a very 426 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 4: long and painful process to co parent with her. 427 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:36,920 Speaker 2: Kids. 428 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 4: Were split sixty forty with forty for me, which works 429 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 4: well with my job. I'll likely increase this in a 430 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:47,080 Speaker 4: few years. I'm sleeping and eating well, and I fell 431 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,480 Speaker 4: ten years younger. This is truly amazing what happens when 432 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:52,919 Speaker 4: you let go of emotional baggage they put on you, 433 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:57,320 Speaker 4: and when the human trash takes itself out Update six, 434 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 4: A fair partner in competition with me? 435 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:04,440 Speaker 2: In what way? How? In what way could he possibly 436 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,199 Speaker 2: compete with you? 437 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,360 Speaker 4: Last thing that keeps bothering me that the affair partner 438 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 4: seems to be in competition with me. Mind you, this 439 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,800 Speaker 4: guy's beneath me in every possible category. 440 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,560 Speaker 2: Then what the hell are you talking about? I guess 441 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 2: he's not in competition with you? 442 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 6: Then, yeah, why are we yapping about those? Man? 443 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 2: Do you? 444 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 4: Honestly, I hate say this. I don't really think he 445 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 4: has many friends. It's the only way you can really 446 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:30,639 Speaker 4: process what's happening. 447 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,959 Speaker 2: I don't. Yeah, I don't know, But dude, you just 448 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:35,359 Speaker 2: said it. 449 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:40,680 Speaker 4: I'm better looking, far more financially successful, much more educated, 450 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,479 Speaker 4: and I have more style. 451 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:43,920 Speaker 6: I don't forget the style. 452 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,360 Speaker 2: Guys, don't forget this style. 453 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,879 Speaker 4: Yet this guy seems to want to be me and 454 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 4: it's trying to slip in. 455 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 2: Well, he already did. 456 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,720 Speaker 4: That, almost like he's helicoptering in to fill the void. 457 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 4: He's even trying to act like a dad to my kids. 458 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 4: How are you feeling about Opie in this situation? 459 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:03,919 Speaker 2: Well, I think bringing in the affair partner as a 460 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:09,239 Speaker 2: father figure to your children would probably. I don't know 461 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,439 Speaker 2: if the courts would factor that in. I feel like 462 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,359 Speaker 2: they'd have to, right, I think that can't be healthy 463 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 2: for the children bringing in the man who broke up 464 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:23,879 Speaker 2: their family, who along with their mother, to be a 465 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,520 Speaker 2: part of the family unit. I don't think a court 466 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,240 Speaker 2: would be like, yeah, that sounds good. 467 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 9: Yeah. 468 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 2: I think that would probably end up with reduced custody 469 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,200 Speaker 2: or next to no custody. I would assume I don't 470 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,920 Speaker 2: know anything about that, to be honest. Yeah, but yeah, 471 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,280 Speaker 2: just be a good dad. All you need to worry about, right, 472 00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,119 Speaker 2: are your kids. Don't you want to worry about this dude? 473 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,000 Speaker 2: Be a good dad. 474 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,359 Speaker 4: I don't think this guy wants to really be a dad. 475 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 4: It's like, oh, it's sixty forty forty for me, I'll 476 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,960 Speaker 4: probably have her, you know, have seventy thirty soon. 477 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,000 Speaker 6: What he said or was it going to increase his. 478 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:01,880 Speaker 2: I thought he was the one with more. 479 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:03,080 Speaker 6: No, it's her. 480 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 4: I don't really think he wants to be a dead 481 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 4: so if he continues. I'm in no contact with my 482 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,199 Speaker 4: ex wife and I do not even look at or 483 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,600 Speaker 4: talk to this guy. My ex wife looks horrible. You 484 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,880 Speaker 4: can tell she's unhappy. Also, our friend circle doesn't even 485 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 4: acknowledge the affair partner, nor do some of my own laws. 486 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,760 Speaker 4: Has anyone else experienced this kind of competition with the 487 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:29,000 Speaker 4: betrayed spouse. I truly think it's messed up. I suspect 488 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:32,239 Speaker 4: the affair partner has slow self esteem and confidence and 489 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:36,119 Speaker 4: wants to make himself feel better by comparing himself to me. 490 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 4: And I think you got to get your kids out 491 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:40,960 Speaker 4: of that, because that is such a toxic place for 492 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,360 Speaker 4: them to live in agreed comment. 493 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 6: He's in competition with you because he is jealous. 494 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,920 Speaker 4: Of you and afraid that what your ex wife did 495 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:52,399 Speaker 4: to you will sooner or later happen to him as well. 496 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,679 Speaker 4: On his mind, the most likely culprit to be her 497 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:59,440 Speaker 4: fair partner is you. The problem for him, most likely 498 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,600 Speaker 4: is that during their affair, he really thought of himself 499 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,840 Speaker 4: as better than you, especially Spicy sleep Wise, Your wife 500 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 4: was invested and probably got off easily due to the 501 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:14,840 Speaker 4: adrenaline that comes with an affair. He risked everything only 502 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,560 Speaker 4: for him, and that made him feel like the king. 503 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,719 Speaker 4: But the affair is over now, they're now in a relationship, 504 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:24,439 Speaker 4: and she really lost a lot because of him. What 505 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,679 Speaker 4: felt thrilling before became a burden. Now he knows that 506 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,040 Speaker 4: your wife is asking yourself all the time if this 507 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 4: or he was worth it, And he knows that when 508 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,560 Speaker 4: this thought crosses her mind, she is thinking of you 509 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:41,159 Speaker 4: and comparing you to him. He's insecure and has no 510 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:45,199 Speaker 4: self esteem, the opposite of what he was during the affair. 511 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,359 Speaker 4: Funny what a good dose of reality can do. 512 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:49,640 Speaker 6: Right when he. 513 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:52,239 Speaker 4: Looks at you, he sees a guy that stood up 514 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:56,720 Speaker 4: for himself, respects him, loves himself, and is successful everything 515 00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 4: that he is not. And then he remembers is that 516 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,439 Speaker 4: your ex wife sees that too, So he tries to 517 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,040 Speaker 4: be a bit more like you to ease the anxiety 518 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 4: that he feels each time when your ex wife looks 519 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,160 Speaker 4: at picks of the past, looks at her phone while 520 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 4: he can't see what she's doing on her phone, or 521 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,639 Speaker 4: when she comes home five minutes late. 522 00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 6: Yeah. 523 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that guy summed it up right there. 524 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 4: He really does want to be like you. 525 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,040 Speaker 2: That was a good summary. 526 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:27,240 Speaker 6: Yeah, that was great. 527 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, because you you lose him, how you get him? 528 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,359 Speaker 2: And Op, I would really cheat on that guy. 529 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, you'll probably cheat on that guy. And if I 530 00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 4: was OP, i'd probably really want to. I don't know, 531 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:44,520 Speaker 4: take your time with it, really, just work on yourself. 532 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,000 Speaker 4: And it seems like you are, but I don't know. 533 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 4: Ignore what's happening as best as you can. 534 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,400 Speaker 6: And that's the end of the story. We're gonna read 535 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:51,880 Speaker 6: the next one. 536 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,879 Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get 537 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,600 Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads 538 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: from our sponsors. 539 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 2: My wife secretly planned a date with her massage therapist 540 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:03,320 Speaker 2: while I was away. 541 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 5: Show up to the date. 542 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,920 Speaker 2: I forty two male, need opinions and advice because I'm 543 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,720 Speaker 2: livid and not thinking straight. While I was out of 544 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:16,159 Speaker 2: state last Friday, my wife, thirty nine female, was online 545 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:20,280 Speaker 2: late looking up her sports massage therapists facebook. 546 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 9: Phone number and email. 547 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:23,639 Speaker 2: The next day, she ended up with his number and 548 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,119 Speaker 2: from what I saw in her text with her best friend, 549 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:29,040 Speaker 2: she was excited about it. By the way, this comes 550 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,119 Speaker 2: from How to Proceed one, two, three, and if you 551 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,119 Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r 552 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,760 Speaker 2: slash showcase storytime suburn it. I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and 553 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:37,919 Speaker 2: we're here to give good advice. 554 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,720 Speaker 9: Goofley, but we don't have all the answers. 555 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 2: We just know what we would do, so if you'd 556 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 2: do something different, let us know in the comments, Op says, 557 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,760 Speaker 2: from those texts, I can only infer that she was 558 00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,800 Speaker 2: planning to ask him to dinner, because the next morning 559 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 2: my wife updated her with a boring lol text, and 560 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 2: her best friend replied that she was glad my wife 561 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:01,560 Speaker 2: stayed home and just did a normal stalk. Her friend added, 562 00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,400 Speaker 2: just get a massage and do not ask anyone to dinner. 563 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,880 Speaker 2: My wife's response back was, I can't make any promises. 564 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 2: What the F dude, this is not your wife anymore? 565 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,840 Speaker 2: Like a huh I think this? You know that you 566 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,959 Speaker 2: should leave? Yeah, I'd be leaving. 567 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:21,440 Speaker 5: That's like, yeah, she's cheat. I mean she hasn't done 568 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:23,600 Speaker 5: the deed of cheating, but she's ready to. 569 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 9: She's like reveling in it. 570 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 5: She's like premeditating cheating. 571 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,400 Speaker 2: She's very excited about it. Yeah, not only was she 572 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,320 Speaker 2: planning a date with this guy, she also hasn't shut 573 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:38,240 Speaker 2: the door on it. That night, our kids slept over 574 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 2: and my mother's and she went radio silent around nine 575 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,479 Speaker 2: forty five for the rest of the evening, which felt odd. 576 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,959 Speaker 2: It shouldn't feel odd, Buddy, you should know what's going on. 577 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,120 Speaker 2: She almost always sends a going to sleep text when 578 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,880 Speaker 2: I'm away, but I just assumed she fell asleep. I 579 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 2: would have never guessed this is what I'd stumble on. 580 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,400 Speaker 2: A week later, she got his number because the following 581 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,520 Speaker 2: day she hurt her leg and told her another friend 582 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,960 Speaker 2: about it. Not the best friend she was texting, but 583 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,720 Speaker 2: someone who had recommended the therapist nine months ago. That 584 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:10,600 Speaker 2: second friend messaged him on Instagram. He apparently replied right 585 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,760 Speaker 2: away with his personal number, and she passed it along 586 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:14,400 Speaker 2: to my wife. 587 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:16,720 Speaker 9: From what I can tell, friend. 588 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 2: Too has no idea about the flirty back and forth 589 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,400 Speaker 2: between my wife and her best friend. But my wife 590 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 2: made a big deal to her best friend about how 591 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 2: crazy it was that now she had his number. She 592 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,440 Speaker 2: also shared that she only texted him about the injury 593 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,360 Speaker 2: and that he followed up to check in on her 594 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 2: the next day, but nothing more. 595 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,040 Speaker 9: I'm not texting him. I'm just going to leave it alone. 596 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:41,080 Speaker 2: Effing great, I guess, and piecing this together entirely from 597 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,920 Speaker 2: her conversations with her best friend. She obviously hasn't mentioned 598 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,680 Speaker 2: any of this to me and has deleted the whole 599 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:50,720 Speaker 2: text conversation with the guy that in itself feels dang enough. 600 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,200 Speaker 2: What also stands out is that something must have happened 601 00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 2: on Friday to trigger all of this, because she thanked 602 00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 2: her best friend for listening to me be a psycho. 603 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,640 Speaker 2: There were no arguments between us leading up to my 604 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 2: weekend away, which is not an excuse, but I'm trying 605 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,040 Speaker 2: to rationalize and nothing I can think of that would 606 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 2: have triggered this. In fact, that morning before she left 607 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 2: for work while I was at work, she was really nice, 608 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,480 Speaker 2: setting aside a few things for me to pack when 609 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 2: I got home. It makes me wonder what the f 610 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,520 Speaker 2: shifted between being sweet that morning and this bs in 611 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:26,160 Speaker 2: the evening. I can't find anything. I'm holding all my 612 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,040 Speaker 2: willpower not to blow this up right now, but I 613 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 2: don't have any proof they've met outside of appointments or 614 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,720 Speaker 2: that things have gotten physical. However, the searching, the late 615 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,880 Speaker 2: night effort to find him, the flirty tone with her friend, 616 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:43,280 Speaker 2: the I can't make promises comment, the coincidence of getting 617 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:46,440 Speaker 2: his number, the missing messages, the radio silence, and the 618 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,200 Speaker 2: fact that something unknown happened to set this all off. 619 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:52,560 Speaker 2: It feels like emotional cheating at the very least, and 620 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,880 Speaker 2: something that could easily escalate further. This is so out 621 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 2: of character for her, or at least I thought so. 622 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:04,520 Speaker 2: But since nothing happened, is this salvageable? Then my mind 623 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:07,800 Speaker 2: wonders thinking about any other time in the last twenty 624 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,920 Speaker 2: one years that crap like this could have happened. Do 625 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,239 Speaker 2: I even want to save it? I'm spiraling, swinging from 626 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 2: extreme anger to complete numbness, over and over again. I 627 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,520 Speaker 2: have the receipts to prove it, and I still can't 628 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,800 Speaker 2: effing believe it. That said, I don't want my next 629 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,080 Speaker 2: move to be a mistake, and I'm not thinking clearly 630 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 2: what should I do. My marriage and family are everything 631 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:32,200 Speaker 2: to me, but I'm not going to ignore this. 632 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,000 Speaker 9: It's not a question of if. 633 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,320 Speaker 2: But when I'm setting off this bomb, should I confront 634 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 2: her now or monitor the situation for something more? And 635 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:44,320 Speaker 2: there's an edit. I'm adding a confirmed timeline I have 636 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,480 Speaker 2: of the weekend. I summarized it in the original post 637 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:50,400 Speaker 2: to avoid it getting too long and scaring people from reading. 638 00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:53,520 Speaker 2: Here's a cleaned up version. This detailed version seems to 639 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:57,200 Speaker 2: change some perspectives. Thank you all for the replies thus far. Sadly, 640 00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,120 Speaker 2: it's been eye opening, to say the least. She was 641 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:03,040 Speaker 2: working until eight pm ish That Friday night. She spoke 642 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 2: to her best friend for thirty two minutes at nine 643 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:07,000 Speaker 2: forty seven pm. 644 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 9: Thanks for listening to me bea psycho last night. 645 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,280 Speaker 2: I last spoke to her right before that at nine 646 00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,880 Speaker 2: forty five, telling her I was driving and would let 647 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,160 Speaker 2: her know when I got to the hotel. She Google 648 00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:23,719 Speaker 2: searched him from eleven twenty to twelve twenty six amish. 649 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,520 Speaker 2: I got to the hotel around one twenty ish and 650 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,680 Speaker 2: texted her with no answer. The next morning, she texts 651 00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:32,680 Speaker 2: a boring update, and her friend says she's glad my 652 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,640 Speaker 2: wife stayed home to just get a massage and don't 653 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,640 Speaker 2: ask anyone to dinner. I can't make any promises. This 654 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,320 Speaker 2: is where I see read. That same morning, she texts 655 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,600 Speaker 2: friend too that she's limping and can't run. Friend two, 656 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:48,120 Speaker 2: also a runner, also sees the therapist totally innocently gets 657 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,280 Speaker 2: the guy's number through Instagram so my wife can call 658 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,160 Speaker 2: for advice. I found a draft and her clipboard of 659 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,680 Speaker 2: the first message she sent to him, entirely about just 660 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:57,680 Speaker 2: the injury and how she should treat it. This is 661 00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,640 Speaker 2: still Saturday. That night, she texts her her best friend. 662 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,720 Speaker 2: You won't believe this, but I got hurt and texted 663 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,560 Speaker 2: friend too, and she got me his number, so I 664 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,279 Speaker 2: had to text him. Best friend says, oh no, this 665 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:12,640 Speaker 2: is bad. Wife says she can't make it up and 666 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:15,440 Speaker 2: tells her she had to text him now or it 667 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:19,880 Speaker 2: would be awkward, which matches the draft message. Best friend jokes, 668 00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 2: he's like, finally she has my number. It's mommy's turn. 669 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:29,760 Speaker 2: What what? Okay, don't know what that means? Laughing emojis 670 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,920 Speaker 2: from my wife with an I hate you. Then. Wife says, 671 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 2: the guy said to keep him posted, but she says, 672 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:36,120 Speaker 2: I'm not texting him. 673 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:37,320 Speaker 9: I'm just gonna leave it alone. 674 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,439 Speaker 2: On Sunday night, she texts best friend that he sent 675 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:44,000 Speaker 2: her a how are you feeling? Text? Friend says, stop really? 676 00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:48,400 Speaker 2: Wife says, yes, that was the text exclamation point Wife, 677 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,200 Speaker 2: nothing else crazy, But I had to text you friend. 678 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,960 Speaker 2: Did you say you would feel better if he cured you? Wife? 679 00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:59,320 Speaker 2: If I could only and I'm better now lol? Friend 680 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,520 Speaker 2: mentally better now? Lol. Wife actually way worse. 681 00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:03,720 Speaker 9: And there's an update. 682 00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:10,680 Speaker 5: Yeah, your wife was like fully like low key down. 683 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,680 Speaker 9: To cheat your wife seems like an idiot. 684 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:18,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, she's messaging a physical therapist like, hey, my leg's hurt, 685 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:20,080 Speaker 2: Like what do I do? 686 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:21,960 Speaker 9: And he's like, do this and then let me know 687 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:23,439 Speaker 9: how it's going the next day. 688 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,319 Speaker 2: And then he reaches out to her and says, how 689 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,440 Speaker 2: are you feeling? And she's like, ee aw see how 690 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:34,680 Speaker 2: I'm feeling? Freaking dunce cap on her. Yeah I don't know. 691 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,640 Speaker 5: And the friends like what kind of friends? Like they know? 692 00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:42,879 Speaker 2: I yeah, I would just be like, honestly, I saw 693 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 2: the messages. 694 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,040 Speaker 9: Yeah, I've seen them. We have two options. 695 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:52,200 Speaker 2: We either do counseling if that's something, OPI you're open to, 696 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,480 Speaker 2: which you said you're you know. This is either something 697 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,399 Speaker 2: we can attempt to work through no promises that it'll work, 698 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,160 Speaker 2: or we just split right now out. Those are our 699 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 2: two though, because why, you're like a giddy schoolgirl fantasizing 700 00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:08,520 Speaker 2: about having an affair. 701 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,879 Speaker 9: So how long until you just make that a real thing? 702 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:13,680 Speaker 2: Right? 703 00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:16,000 Speaker 5: You already seem pretty ready to do it with this one. 704 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,680 Speaker 9: Yeah, Well we have an update. 705 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:23,560 Speaker 2: Let's see what happens. Update. Please don't ask how I 706 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:26,879 Speaker 2: got the text. I won't reply, Okay. I added some 707 00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:29,800 Speaker 2: commentary to help correlate with the timeline and the other posts. 708 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,600 Speaker 2: Once again, thank you all for offering advice and guidance. 709 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,160 Speaker 2: Having people to talk this out with really helped me 710 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:40,440 Speaker 2: from spiraling deeper than I already was. This is the 711 00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:44,400 Speaker 2: text that the wife said on Saturday. Hey, sorry to 712 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,960 Speaker 2: bother you. I'm literally limping around. I don't know what happened. 713 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,040 Speaker 2: I just can't lift my leg. I wasn't even doing 714 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,560 Speaker 2: anything crazy. It just happened out of nowhere. I think 715 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,680 Speaker 2: maybe it feels like nerve pain, but it's not just 716 00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:55,640 Speaker 2: the back of my leg, it's the front two. I've 717 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:59,000 Speaker 2: had siatica issues in the past. This exactly matches the 718 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,880 Speaker 2: draft I found in her bared. The sciatica, she mentions, 719 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,840 Speaker 2: is a lingering on and off issue since our youngest 720 00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:07,080 Speaker 2: son was born. Therapist says, could be your back or hip. 721 00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,879 Speaker 2: What movements hurt the most? Wife says, if I move 722 00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:11,960 Speaker 2: my knee inward or if I just try and stretch flat. 723 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,160 Speaker 2: Therapist says, Okay, for the next two days, you need 724 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,719 Speaker 2: to focus on anti inflammatory practices, ice a leave and 725 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,400 Speaker 2: comfortable positions. These flare ups happen and they suck. Focus 726 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,200 Speaker 2: on lowering the inflammation wife. All right, that's what I'm 727 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,040 Speaker 2: gonna do because I really hate going to the doctor. 728 00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:27,960 Speaker 2: Hopefully it doesn't last too long. MG, I just remembered 729 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:30,920 Speaker 2: you're away for the weekend. I'm being that annoying client. Lol. 730 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,480 Speaker 2: Thanks for getting back to me, therapist, No problem, keep 731 00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:34,960 Speaker 2: me posted over the next few days. 732 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,319 Speaker 5: Wait wait, wait, So was the only reason that she 733 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,080 Speaker 5: couldn't cheat then because he was away for the weekend. 734 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:41,960 Speaker 9: I don't know. 735 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,480 Speaker 2: I guess I would assume the only reason she couldn't 736 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,640 Speaker 2: cheat is because this guy's probably not into her at all. 737 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,879 Speaker 5: Right, and he's probably just being like, yeah, you're here 738 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:53,480 Speaker 5: for yeah, therapy advice for sure. I don't know the 739 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,879 Speaker 5: way she's dealing with it, though, asking it, asking how 740 00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,000 Speaker 5: you're feeling is enough. 741 00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:58,839 Speaker 2: And then it's like after those messages, she's like telling 742 00:37:58,880 --> 00:37:59,920 Speaker 2: the best friend, I won't. 743 00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:01,200 Speaker 9: Text, I'll just leave it alone. 744 00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,759 Speaker 2: But it's like, even if you do not doing this, 745 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:09,879 Speaker 2: you're like fantasizing about having an affair with somebody, so 746 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:13,040 Speaker 2: like we need to have some we need to do 747 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:16,360 Speaker 2: some serious work, or it needs to be over. Yep, 748 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,799 Speaker 2: wife says, will do Thanks, And here's the text from 749 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,520 Speaker 2: the therapist Hey, how are you feeling? Then she texted 750 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:25,799 Speaker 2: best friends Sunday night that he reached out to check 751 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:27,560 Speaker 2: in on her. Wife says, so much better. I think 752 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,200 Speaker 2: it was my lower back. It just came out so 753 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,719 Speaker 2: suddenly I was freaking out. Therapist says, these things happen. 754 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:33,800 Speaker 2: It's important to have forty eight hour plans ready to 755 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,440 Speaker 2: go from there. Glad it was short lived. Stretching session 756 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,680 Speaker 2: will be important from now until race day. You can't 757 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,680 Speaker 2: afford a flare up close to racetime. Wife. Oh, I know, 758 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,319 Speaker 2: I was like, what's happening. I'm just glad it wasn't worse. 759 00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:46,360 Speaker 2: I'd be dragging myself to that race if I have to. 760 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:46,920 Speaker 9: Lol. 761 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:49,840 Speaker 2: Wife. Are you doing the stretching at the new place 762 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,880 Speaker 2: or is it the other girl? Therapist says, I'm done stretching. 763 00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:55,880 Speaker 2: Wife says, okay, at which place? How do I book it? 764 00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:57,600 Speaker 2: I'm going to wait a little because some of the 765 00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:02,719 Speaker 2: stretching was hurting me, but so I know h Therapist says, 766 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:04,680 Speaker 2: you're still in the process of the inflammation going down, 767 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:06,560 Speaker 2: so give it some time. You'll be able to book 768 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:09,640 Speaker 2: through an app. Both facilities will have them. Wife says, okay, 769 00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:12,440 Speaker 2: do you have a preference or does it not matter? Uh. 770 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,600 Speaker 2: Therapist says when it comes to who stretches you, odd 771 00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:19,680 Speaker 2: question to ask, but definitely not a big red flag. 772 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,440 Speaker 2: Wife says, no, I'll go to you if you do it. 773 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:25,680 Speaker 2: I'm saying, do you have a preference which location therapist? 774 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:29,759 Speaker 2: Location will have exclusive stretched sessions. We can include more 775 00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:32,839 Speaker 2: stretches in our massage sessions if you like. Wife says, Okay, 776 00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:34,800 Speaker 2: got it. I just want to make sure I think 777 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:39,360 Speaker 2: that you know, it doesn't seem like she cheated with 778 00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:41,400 Speaker 2: the therapist or that they even really want to. 779 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:42,759 Speaker 9: He's just being professional. 780 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,200 Speaker 2: I think you need to really confront your wife about 781 00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:50,680 Speaker 2: you are aware that she was fantasizing about cheating on you, right. 782 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:54,640 Speaker 5: Yeah, therapist seems very just like, oh, like go wherever 783 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:56,920 Speaker 5: your oll gets stretched there, no matter what. 784 00:39:57,800 --> 00:39:59,359 Speaker 2: And he just finally got to like, are you talking 785 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,120 Speaker 2: about who's gon to stretch you? Because I mean and 786 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:03,960 Speaker 2: then even there it's like therapists like okay, well yeah, 787 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:07,520 Speaker 2: if you already you know, prefer me as a massage therapist, 788 00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:09,000 Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, it makes sense that you would have 789 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:10,080 Speaker 2: a preference for that. 790 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:12,239 Speaker 5: It's funny though, because she's probably taking this back to 791 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,680 Speaker 5: the friend and being like, he like wants to know 792 00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:17,839 Speaker 5: if I want to stretch with him. Yeah, it's like, no, dude, 793 00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:18,720 Speaker 5: Like it's so profound. 794 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:19,880 Speaker 9: Honestly, it's pretty pathetic. 795 00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:24,560 Speaker 2: Also, not sure like how you're sleuthing on all of 796 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,920 Speaker 2: your wife's messages, but if you're already at that point, yeah, 797 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,480 Speaker 2: it's not looking good for your relationship. 798 00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:32,440 Speaker 5: But I did want to know was that something that 799 00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:36,400 Speaker 5: he like previously set up from suspicion or like, was 800 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,840 Speaker 5: it by chance, like you said, just signed in somewhere, 801 00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,400 Speaker 5: Because that then it's like, yeah, why are you already looking? 802 00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:42,720 Speaker 9: It's all bad all around. 803 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:44,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, and it just makes it worse that you have 804 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:46,840 Speaker 2: a I guess a reason to be looking. 805 00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:49,479 Speaker 5: But yeah, you felt it so good. 806 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:51,520 Speaker 9: Well, let's finish this story. 807 00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,920 Speaker 2: So that's it. No further text or call since Sunday 808 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,399 Speaker 2: or any contact. It's completely professional. And I stumbled onto 809 00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:00,560 Speaker 2: this convo using her phone for something else. I would 810 00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:02,880 Speaker 2: have never thought anything of it, but she deleted it, 811 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,239 Speaker 2: and it doesn't change the facts of her conversations with 812 00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:08,440 Speaker 2: her best friend, implying very strongly she wanted to get 813 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,680 Speaker 2: his number Friday night and ask him to dinner I'm 814 00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,440 Speaker 2: still going ahead with my plans for the confrontation tomorrow night, 815 00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:15,840 Speaker 2: but I think I'll soften my approach. I need to 816 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,960 Speaker 2: know what triggered the psycho phone call Friday night that 817 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,440 Speaker 2: set this all in motion. Only my wife will have 818 00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:22,920 Speaker 2: that answer, and that is the end of that story. 819 00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,240 Speaker 2: But yeah, that's a mess. 820 00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:29,080 Speaker 5: Yeah. I moved back home after my husband filed for 821 00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:31,239 Speaker 5: divorce and now everyone hates me. 822 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:33,200 Speaker 2: You just can't catch a break. 823 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:38,120 Speaker 5: I've been getting cruel messages from my ex, his family, 824 00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:41,719 Speaker 5: and our friends for the past few days. My soon 825 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:45,000 Speaker 5: to be ex husband, Levi thirty three male and I 826 00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:48,920 Speaker 5: twenty eight female, have been together for a decade and 827 00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,920 Speaker 5: married for five years. I'm currently pregnant with our first 828 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:56,280 Speaker 5: baby and due next month. By the way, this comes 829 00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,960 Speaker 5: from dig Grassanova, and if you want us to make 830 00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,120 Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime 831 00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:05,480 Speaker 5: sub reddit. I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and we're here to 832 00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:08,200 Speaker 5: give good advice goofully, But we don't have all the answers. 833 00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:11,120 Speaker 5: We only know what we would do, So let us 834 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,240 Speaker 5: know what you would do in the comments, and Opie says. 835 00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:18,560 Speaker 5: After I graduated, I moved back to his hometown, a 836 00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:22,160 Speaker 5: major city on the West coast with him. I'm from 837 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,680 Speaker 5: a bigger city in the Midwest, but I loved living 838 00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:29,040 Speaker 5: out there. I thought we were happy. We planned our 839 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:33,080 Speaker 5: baby and we're so excited. But a few weeks ago, 840 00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:35,799 Speaker 5: he told me he was going to file for divorce. 841 00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,120 Speaker 5: He said he didn't want to be tied down anymore, 842 00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,400 Speaker 5: he was still young and needed to live his life, 843 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:46,560 Speaker 5: et cetera. He said there was nobody else, but I 844 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:50,680 Speaker 5: know since then he's been seeing someone. He wanted me 845 00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,920 Speaker 5: to move out, but this is my house too. I 846 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:58,000 Speaker 5: put the down payment even so he's staying with his friend, Lewis. 847 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,799 Speaker 5: I can't afford to live here on my own while 848 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:05,640 Speaker 5: maintaining my lifestyle. Sure I could make it work, but 849 00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,239 Speaker 5: it wouldn't be the kind of lifestyle that I'd want 850 00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:12,200 Speaker 5: to live, especially with a baby. I make really good money, 851 00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:16,640 Speaker 5: even but it's so expensive. I have friends, for sure, 852 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:20,480 Speaker 5: but not the support system. He does. No family here, 853 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:24,480 Speaker 5: so I've decided to move back home, and luckily my 854 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:27,960 Speaker 5: company has a location in my hometown, so I was 855 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:31,480 Speaker 5: able to keep my job. My parents have been so supportive. 856 00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,680 Speaker 5: They're divorced and hate one another, but are now combined 857 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:38,880 Speaker 5: in their hatred of Levi, which is interesting to see. 858 00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:44,120 Speaker 2: Wow, well, one union ends and another gets less bad. 859 00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,160 Speaker 9: Well, I guess they don't have a union anymore. 860 00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:49,960 Speaker 5: One union ends and one somehow gets better from the 861 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:50,760 Speaker 5: second ending. 862 00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:56,600 Speaker 2: One union ends, another beginnings a union of distaste for Levi. 863 00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,640 Speaker 5: They've secured me a nice rental home in my city 864 00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:03,719 Speaker 5: and refuse to let me pay them back, saying I 865 00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:06,440 Speaker 5: need to save for my next house. They're paying for 866 00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:10,040 Speaker 5: my divorce lawyer and my copays at my new doctor here. 867 00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,160 Speaker 5: They said I'm doing the right thing for my baby 868 00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,960 Speaker 5: and are happy to help. My mom is about to 869 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,719 Speaker 5: retire and even wants to watch my baby while I 870 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:22,680 Speaker 5: work after my maternity leave, so it's been an ideal 871 00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:27,880 Speaker 5: situation for me. Levi is furious, Oh is he boo hoo? 872 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,759 Speaker 2: Maybe you shouldn't have just, I don't know, done the 873 00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:33,279 Speaker 2: most immature possible thing and been like I need to 874 00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,799 Speaker 2: be free and then just started dating someone else. 875 00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:39,560 Speaker 5: Yeah, he's claiming that I moved back to get at him, 876 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,360 Speaker 5: and I'm going to try to keep him out of 877 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:42,280 Speaker 5: our baby's life. 878 00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,719 Speaker 2: Didn't you literally say you didn't want to be tied down. 879 00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:47,000 Speaker 2: My guy's what happened all that? Don't you just want 880 00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:48,759 Speaker 2: to pay child support? Why you hang out with your 881 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:49,239 Speaker 2: new girl. 882 00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:52,840 Speaker 5: I explained very clearly that I couldn't afford to be 883 00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:56,440 Speaker 5: a single mom in San Diego, But he doesn't believe me. 884 00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:00,000 Speaker 5: He's told everyone I moved to get the upper hand 885 00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:04,200 Speaker 5: on custody. That's not why I moved. But it's definitely 886 00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:07,840 Speaker 5: a plus. His job doesn't have any locations here and 887 00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:10,520 Speaker 5: they won't keep him if he moves. He could get 888 00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:13,879 Speaker 5: another job here, of course, but he's saying that's too 889 00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,759 Speaker 5: much to ask of him. I told him I'd be 890 00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,640 Speaker 5: going for child support once the baby is born, and 891 00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:21,960 Speaker 5: he told me I needed to make up my mind. 892 00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:25,160 Speaker 5: Could he be a dad or no? I told him 893 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:27,719 Speaker 5: he was going to be a dad regardless, and if 894 00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:29,640 Speaker 5: he doesn't want to move here, then he would be 895 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,600 Speaker 5: a dad by paying child support. I don't think i'm 896 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,120 Speaker 5: the ahole. I think I'm doing what I have to do. 897 00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:37,960 Speaker 5: But I don't know what I'm supposed to say to 898 00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:41,120 Speaker 5: all these people texting and calling me and telling me 899 00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,359 Speaker 5: I'm keeping Levi's baby from him. 900 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,160 Speaker 9: Insane that people are not on your side. 901 00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:51,319 Speaker 2: Yeah, he's leaving you pregnant to explore his other options, 902 00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:54,359 Speaker 2: telling you he doesn't want to be tied down, and 903 00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:57,120 Speaker 2: now that you're moving back home where it's less expensive 904 00:45:57,120 --> 00:46:00,560 Speaker 2: and you have the support of your own family, like, well, 905 00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,400 Speaker 2: are you gonna let me be a dad or not? Buddy? 906 00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,120 Speaker 2: You told me you didn't want to be one. 907 00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:11,080 Speaker 5: Info from comments pregnancy seven months, Current place Southern California, 908 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:16,080 Speaker 5: San Diego City, moving to Midwest. Info about other girl. 909 00:46:16,719 --> 00:46:20,520 Speaker 5: She's like thirty eight, I know, not old, but she 910 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:24,520 Speaker 5: knew he was married because they worked together. She congratulated 911 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:31,440 Speaker 5: me on my pregnancy nake and has three kids that 912 00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:33,960 Speaker 5: she doesn't even have full custody of. I found out 913 00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:37,360 Speaker 5: we have an update six days later. But yeah, girl, 914 00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,279 Speaker 5: you moved back to have your support system and be 915 00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:44,239 Speaker 5: able to live. Yeah, that's a big deal. 916 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,520 Speaker 2: Honestly, at this point, I think I would be like, 917 00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:51,040 Speaker 2: we're gonna just have all our communications handled with the 918 00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:56,600 Speaker 2: divorce lawyers, and you know, I'm gonna document you sort 919 00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:59,480 Speaker 2: of turning all these people against me, because again, I 920 00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:00,880 Speaker 2: did not move out here to get the upper hand 921 00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:02,640 Speaker 2: and move dit here because I can't afford it. We're 922 00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:06,000 Speaker 2: no longer together and you're not supporting me, and I 923 00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:08,400 Speaker 2: wanted to be closer to my family to have the support, 924 00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,720 Speaker 2: you know, while I'm going through the eight later stages 925 00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:12,360 Speaker 2: of my pregnancy. 926 00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:16,799 Speaker 5: Yeah update six days later. So first off, I thought 927 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,080 Speaker 5: I was clear in my first post, but the amount 928 00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:22,560 Speaker 5: of helpful comments who skipped over the following info was 929 00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:27,200 Speaker 5: driving me insane. I have already moved back to the Midwest, 930 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:30,680 Speaker 5: and I already have a lawyer, So no need to 931 00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:33,040 Speaker 5: tell me to move before baby is born or yell 932 00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:36,000 Speaker 5: at me to get a lawyer. I've done both. A 933 00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,040 Speaker 5: few weeks after moving out, he had filed for divorce 934 00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:42,680 Speaker 5: in California. Since I was moving and obtaining a lawyer, 935 00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:46,680 Speaker 5: I had not yet responded. I have an obgyn here 936 00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:49,520 Speaker 5: in my hometown and am set to give birth here. 937 00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:54,600 Speaker 5: I have legal advice from a professional. My ex leve I, 938 00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:57,320 Speaker 5: came to my place like the day after my post. 939 00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:00,719 Speaker 5: I hadn't been responding to him or his friends or 940 00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:04,839 Speaker 5: family and had just muted their numbers. I got home 941 00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:06,920 Speaker 5: and he was talking to my new neighbor, who I 942 00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,759 Speaker 5: haven't met yet. I wanted him to stop, so I 943 00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:12,560 Speaker 5: let him come inside to talk, but also texted my 944 00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:16,680 Speaker 5: parents what was going on. Basically, he said everything had 945 00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:20,120 Speaker 5: been a mistake, he didn't think everything through enough, and 946 00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:23,279 Speaker 5: that he had withdrawn his divorce petition. So you just 947 00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,279 Speaker 5: got to go out with another girl for a couple 948 00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:28,160 Speaker 5: months and we think that everything is just like fine. 949 00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:31,719 Speaker 2: This guy, this guy, or not a couple months this guy. 950 00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:36,920 Speaker 2: Come on, this guy, We're still getting divorced, buddy. 951 00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:41,200 Speaker 5: Yeah, he said he was fine living in my hometown. 952 00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:43,960 Speaker 5: He'd need time to find a job, but could work 953 00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:47,120 Speaker 5: on selling the house back west in the meantime and 954 00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:50,560 Speaker 5: work remote until he found a new job, kind of 955 00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:54,600 Speaker 5: acting like everything was fine. Very strange, though not like 956 00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:58,879 Speaker 5: he was on substances. I've seen him on substances, it's 957 00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:02,080 Speaker 5: been years, but it wasn't that. I don't know. By 958 00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:04,880 Speaker 5: the time my dad got there, I was very upset 959 00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:08,480 Speaker 5: and not thinking clearly. His wife drove me to their 960 00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:10,879 Speaker 5: house and he stayed there with Levi for a bit 961 00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:13,640 Speaker 5: and got him to leave. And he's been at my 962 00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:16,759 Speaker 5: mom's and won't leave town. I don't want to get 963 00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:20,040 Speaker 5: too into it. My lawyer was able to confirm he 964 00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:24,600 Speaker 5: sort of withdrew the petition, but it was either incomplete 965 00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:28,919 Speaker 5: or incorrect. His behavior has been odd. Yes, I told 966 00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:32,440 Speaker 5: them I'm not talking to him unless he gets evaluated. 967 00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:34,799 Speaker 5: And I don't know if my mom wore him down 968 00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:37,759 Speaker 5: or what, but he agreed and has been at the 969 00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:41,160 Speaker 5: hospital all day. My mom's boyfriend has been through a 970 00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:43,960 Speaker 5: lot of this with his own son and was able 971 00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:46,239 Speaker 5: to get him into a good hospital. I hope will 972 00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:50,120 Speaker 5: know something soon. To be honest, I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. 973 00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,120 Speaker 5: I feel bad saying this, but I don't want to 974 00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:56,280 Speaker 5: be dealing with this right now. I have so much 975 00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:59,359 Speaker 5: going on and had already kind of divorced him and 976 00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,960 Speaker 5: started my life as a single mom. In my head, 977 00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:05,080 Speaker 5: I'm not saying I'm gonna stay with him even if 978 00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,880 Speaker 5: this is a health thing. He has crossed so many 979 00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,760 Speaker 5: boundaries and hurt me so bad in just two months. 980 00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,799 Speaker 5: But I did make a vow that I take seriously, 981 00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:16,680 Speaker 5: and before all of this, if you told me he'd 982 00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:20,120 Speaker 5: done any of this, you'd think I was insane. So 983 00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:22,759 Speaker 5: I'm not really sure why I'm posting an update. I'm 984 00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:26,080 Speaker 5: not religious, but grew up Catholic, and maybe someone who 985 00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,320 Speaker 5: is reads this and can pray for us. I guess 986 00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:32,239 Speaker 5: they'd have a more direct line to the big guy 987 00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:35,160 Speaker 5: than me. Right now, I'm not sure what i'd pray for. 988 00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,000 Speaker 5: If he's fine, then he's just the a hole and 989 00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:41,560 Speaker 5: I'm fine divorcing him. But if it's something more, I'm 990 00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:44,000 Speaker 5: so overwhelmed at the thought of taking care of both 991 00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:47,760 Speaker 5: him and a newborn. But it would mean he hasn't 992 00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:49,440 Speaker 5: been deceiving me all these years. 993 00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,319 Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm hoping for like you know, oh, 994 00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:55,319 Speaker 2: he's got like a benign tumor in his brain. 995 00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:57,719 Speaker 5: Like I don't want to be mine wrong. 996 00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:01,000 Speaker 2: But also like if he doesn't, then it just means like, okay, 997 00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:03,200 Speaker 2: so clearly you've been together for a long time. You've 998 00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,200 Speaker 2: been together for ten years, all of your twenties basically, 999 00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:10,319 Speaker 2: you know, and now he's like, well, I need to 1000 00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:14,040 Speaker 2: explore other options. And it's like, so the fact that 1001 00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:18,759 Speaker 2: he could let a pang of emotion of like, oh 1002 00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:21,799 Speaker 2: I missed out or I have this other opportunity, which 1003 00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:24,920 Speaker 2: by the way, was definitely cheating on you with that 1004 00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,000 Speaker 2: woman at his job, And there's no way he would 1005 00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:33,439 Speaker 2: have just like broke off the marriage and then been 1006 00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:36,280 Speaker 2: like now I'm hoping I can get with this other person. 1007 00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,880 Speaker 2: That was already locked in. So he did cheat on 1008 00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:42,279 Speaker 2: you while you were pregnant. To what extent. Whether it 1009 00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:45,600 Speaker 2: was just emotional or not, it doesn't matter. I don't 1010 00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:46,600 Speaker 2: I don't know. 1011 00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:52,239 Speaker 5: Yeah, he's bros for doing that. We just have an edit. 1012 00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:55,160 Speaker 5: I've gotten a few comments and also want to say this. 1013 00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:58,720 Speaker 5: I have his phone. I now know for a fact 1014 00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,520 Speaker 5: the woman he was seeing was not the woman I thought. 1015 00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,960 Speaker 5: He didn't meet that woman until after he filed for divorce, 1016 00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:08,200 Speaker 5: and that she still wants to be with him. I'm 1017 00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:12,399 Speaker 5: not saying this changes anything, but people kept bringing her up. 1018 00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:16,120 Speaker 5: Some top relevant comments. Commenter one says, how did he 1019 00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:19,560 Speaker 5: get your address? That's not good, Opie says, I gave 1020 00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:22,359 Speaker 5: him my address when I moved. He was an a hole, 1021 00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:26,560 Speaker 5: not harmful. I was never scared of him. Commander two says, 1022 00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:29,520 Speaker 5: his girlfriend who he was cheating on with you dumped 1023 00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:32,040 Speaker 5: him when she found out about you and or the baby. 1024 00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,160 Speaker 5: Of course, he'll pass the medical assessment because there's no 1025 00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:39,120 Speaker 5: test for douchiness. Opie says, I don't want to get 1026 00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,680 Speaker 5: too into it. I know this isn't the case, and 1027 00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:45,320 Speaker 5: I have his phone, though. We'll see how everything goes. 1028 00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:48,640 Speaker 5: He was voluntarily admitted earlier, but they haven't told me 1029 00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:49,360 Speaker 5: anything yet. 1030 00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:50,040 Speaker 4: Uh. 1031 00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,360 Speaker 5: Commentar three says, how did you get his phone? He 1032 00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:54,680 Speaker 5: was staying at your mom's and you are at your dad's. 1033 00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:58,280 Speaker 5: How do you know he doesn't have another phone? Anyway 1034 00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:01,400 Speaker 5: you slice it, you see to be such a decent person. 1035 00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:04,480 Speaker 5: I am wishing the best for you and your baby, 1036 00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:07,920 Speaker 5: whatever you decide, and Opie says, they gave it to 1037 00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:10,319 Speaker 5: me after he was admitted. I don't know if he 1038 00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:12,880 Speaker 5: has another phone, I guess, but everything seems to be 1039 00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:17,400 Speaker 5: on here. Another commentary says, however everything goes, and whatever 1040 00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:19,920 Speaker 5: you decide, I want to wish the best for you 1041 00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:23,719 Speaker 5: and your baby. You've made all the right moves considering 1042 00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:27,200 Speaker 5: your circumstances. At this point, it's all about you and 1043 00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:31,080 Speaker 5: the baby staying safe and healthy. Opie says, thank you. 1044 00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:34,520 Speaker 5: I agree. I know everyone is mad. I still care 1045 00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:38,960 Speaker 5: about him, but it's about my baby, and honestly, I 1046 00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:42,200 Speaker 5: think the best thing for baby is having a healthy dad, 1047 00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:45,400 Speaker 5: even if he's an a hole. If something is wrong, 1048 00:53:45,520 --> 00:53:48,520 Speaker 5: I might still leave him, but i'd be supportive of 1049 00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:52,080 Speaker 5: him getting better, and so would my family. I don't 1050 00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:54,960 Speaker 5: even know what I want to happen. That's the end 1051 00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:55,760 Speaker 5: of that story. 1052 00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:59,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, that is a rock in a hard place. 1053 00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:00,920 Speaker 9: I don't know. 1054 00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,759 Speaker 2: I just I'd have to really get down to the 1055 00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:08,800 Speaker 2: emotional root of how all of this happened and what transpired. 1056 00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:12,400 Speaker 9: And maybe he wasn't cheating on you when all this happened. 1057 00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:15,400 Speaker 2: But it's like, Okay, how do we How can I 1058 00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:18,520 Speaker 2: move forward in this relationship without the fear that you're 1059 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,399 Speaker 2: going to do this when our child is five or 1060 00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:24,759 Speaker 2: ten or whenever, Like, and am I supposed to move 1061 00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:27,799 Speaker 2: forward without never being able to trust that you're just 1062 00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:28,640 Speaker 2: gonna drop me? 1063 00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:32,080 Speaker 5: Right? I feel like that's like that would be the 1064 00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:36,279 Speaker 5: whole question depending on her answer to that is how 1065 00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:38,920 Speaker 5: you move forward? Like, if you think it's possible, then 1066 00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:43,240 Speaker 5: sure give it a try, especially if there's something like diagnosed. 1067 00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:48,480 Speaker 5: But otherwise he sucks. But that's the end of that story. 1068 00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:51,239 Speaker 2: Here's John, you og host. Here, We're gonna get back 1069 00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:52,839 Speaker 2: to the stories. But he's a quick three minute break 1070 00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:56,560 Speaker 2: of ass from our sponsors. My husband prioritized his friends 1071 00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:59,040 Speaker 2: over me during a trip out of the country. 1072 00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:01,640 Speaker 5: Was he on the tripe with you or the friends? 1073 00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:05,560 Speaker 2: My husband and I book a trip to Mexico as 1074 00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,319 Speaker 2: one of his college buddies was getting married. There wasn't 1075 00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:10,920 Speaker 2: an official wedding party per se, but about eighty people 1076 00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:13,280 Speaker 2: flew out from all over the US for the event. 1077 00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:16,760 Speaker 2: The couple getting married have been together for about nine 1078 00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:19,680 Speaker 2: or ten years and have built some really wonderful friendships 1079 00:55:19,719 --> 00:55:22,640 Speaker 2: with some pretty awesome, funny people. By the way, this 1080 00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:24,960 Speaker 2: comes from user leather Radish thirty fifty and if you 1081 00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:26,799 Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r 1082 00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:30,520 Speaker 2: slash okay story. I'm Subreddit, I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and 1083 00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:33,040 Speaker 2: we are here to give good advice goofly, but we 1084 00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:35,200 Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We just know what we 1085 00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:37,480 Speaker 2: would do, so if you would do something different, let 1086 00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:41,560 Speaker 2: us know in the comments. Opi says some of those 1087 00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:44,680 Speaker 2: in attendance were people he went to college and high 1088 00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:47,680 Speaker 2: school with but didn't regularly stay in touch with or 1089 00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:50,560 Speaker 2: reach out to on even the big events like holidays 1090 00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:54,239 Speaker 2: and birthdays. There were also many people we'd both never 1091 00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:57,719 Speaker 2: met before but nonetheless ended up being super friendly, while 1092 00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:00,440 Speaker 2: some of the girls were not super open and friendly. 1093 00:56:00,920 --> 00:56:03,560 Speaker 2: It's been about fourteen years since we've lived in our hometown, 1094 00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:06,239 Speaker 2: where he met some of these people. Originally, it was 1095 00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:08,680 Speaker 2: my first time spending more than a few hours with 1096 00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:12,680 Speaker 2: any single person there. The trip itself was six days. 1097 00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:15,920 Speaker 2: For background, my husband makes quite a bit more money 1098 00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:19,520 Speaker 2: than me and had decidedly paid for the flights as 1099 00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:22,239 Speaker 2: well as the stay for the all inclusive five star 1100 00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:25,360 Speaker 2: resort we were staying at. This was really nice because 1101 00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:27,680 Speaker 2: it was super pricey and I wouldn't have been able 1102 00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:31,040 Speaker 2: to swing paying half. I did not ask nor expect 1103 00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,520 Speaker 2: him to do this. It was his choice for us 1104 00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:35,879 Speaker 2: to go for such a long length of time, as 1105 00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:39,200 Speaker 2: the only official planned event was the wedding and reception 1106 00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:42,399 Speaker 2: to follow on Saturday night. Also for background, I let 1107 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:44,920 Speaker 2: my husband know before we traveled down for the trip 1108 00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:48,880 Speaker 2: that I was having some general anxieties, mostly good, and 1109 00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:51,800 Speaker 2: felt a little eager and nervous to be around so 1110 00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:54,320 Speaker 2: many people I didn't know on back to back days. 1111 00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:56,880 Speaker 2: I assumed we would take some time out of the 1112 00:56:56,920 --> 00:57:00,279 Speaker 2: six days to do something cute just us, since we've 1113 00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:02,840 Speaker 2: also been married for about a year and have what 1114 00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:06,279 Speaker 2: I would call a healthy, loving relationship. He reassured me 1115 00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:08,879 Speaker 2: prior to leaving that he was also feeling a little 1116 00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:11,520 Speaker 2: nervous but said we'd have a great time together. I 1117 00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:14,480 Speaker 2: already knew this, but I needed a tiny push of 1118 00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:17,720 Speaker 2: positivity from the moment we landed for the trip. I 1119 00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:20,240 Speaker 2: let him know I needed to freshen up, and he 1120 00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:22,560 Speaker 2: preferred to go meet the group and didn't want to 1121 00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:26,240 Speaker 2: wait for me to get ready whatever, so I said, cool, 1122 00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:28,880 Speaker 2: just let me know where you're at and leave your 1123 00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:31,720 Speaker 2: ringer on so I can call. Because I knew I 1124 00:57:31,720 --> 00:57:35,080 Speaker 2: wouldn't find him. This resort is massive and so easy 1125 00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:38,080 Speaker 2: to get lost. I rinsed off, threw on my bikini, 1126 00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:40,040 Speaker 2: and tried to call him to see where he was. 1127 00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:45,200 Speaker 2: No answer. I called fifteen minutes later, Still no answer. 1128 00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,720 Speaker 2: I left the room to try and venture on my own. 1129 00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:52,400 Speaker 2: Still no answer. I couldn't find him. At this point, 1130 00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:54,880 Speaker 2: I'd been trying to call or walk around for over 1131 00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:59,760 Speaker 2: an hour's and was getting annoyed. He called back, already wasted, 1132 00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:02,720 Speaker 2: short with me and told me to chill. He gave 1133 00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:05,320 Speaker 2: me vague instructions because he'd been drinking, and then told 1134 00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:08,400 Speaker 2: me I had overreacted. I gave him the benefit of 1135 00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:11,080 Speaker 2: the doubt, though I was annoyed, and we started drinking 1136 00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:15,320 Speaker 2: at the pool, already huge just red flag that he 1137 00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:17,400 Speaker 2: doesn't have the patience to just wait for you to 1138 00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:21,280 Speaker 2: be ready. After about five hours of drinking, it was 1139 00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:24,520 Speaker 2: almost six pm and I was getting hungry. The concierge 1140 00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:27,440 Speaker 2: when we checked in had mentioned that a few of 1141 00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,280 Speaker 2: the included restaurants at the resort are delicious, so I 1142 00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:33,480 Speaker 2: had my sights set on a particular one. I said, Hey, 1143 00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:35,600 Speaker 2: let's go to dinner. You haven't eaten, and I really 1144 00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:37,600 Speaker 2: need to get some food if we're going to continue 1145 00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:40,480 Speaker 2: at this pace. His response was that he wanted to 1146 00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:43,160 Speaker 2: be with his friends and he wasn't hungry. We started 1147 00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:45,280 Speaker 2: getting into a tiny spat because it was the first 1148 00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:48,000 Speaker 2: night in town, and he suggested I go to dinner 1149 00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:51,800 Speaker 2: by myself, as he preferred to spend time with these people, 1150 00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:55,600 Speaker 2: some of whom he had never met. Buddy, you can 1151 00:58:55,640 --> 00:58:57,600 Speaker 2: go to dinner and come back and spend time with 1152 00:58:57,640 --> 00:58:58,200 Speaker 2: those people. 1153 00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:00,880 Speaker 5: Only do those people Maybe they're hungry too. 1154 00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:03,240 Speaker 2: I don't know, why are you pretending like you don't 1155 00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:04,040 Speaker 2: have a wife? 1156 00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:04,600 Speaker 5: Right? 1157 00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:07,080 Speaker 9: Stop it stop. 1158 00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:10,320 Speaker 2: I got upset and he went down to his buddy's room. 1159 00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:14,320 Speaker 2: It felt silly, but I reminded him that we're married, 1160 00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:17,680 Speaker 2: and I was looking forward to it. His response was 1161 00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:20,000 Speaker 2: that if I was so hungry and didn't want to compromise, 1162 00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:22,840 Speaker 2: I could just order room service. After he left, I 1163 00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:25,040 Speaker 2: decided to put on makeup and a hot outfit, because 1164 00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:25,360 Speaker 2: why not. 1165 00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,240 Speaker 9: I'm in Mexico. I'm not going to just stay in 1166 00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:29,280 Speaker 9: and order room service. 1167 00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:31,760 Speaker 2: So I got dressed and made a reservation for one 1168 00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:33,880 Speaker 2: and was about to head out the door when he 1169 00:59:33,920 --> 00:59:36,440 Speaker 2: called me and said this big group was going to dinner. 1170 00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:39,680 Speaker 9: I said, no, I made a reservation at this place. 1171 00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:41,960 Speaker 2: You said you weren't interested in going to dinner with me, 1172 00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:45,600 Speaker 2: so I made plans alone. His response was, do you 1173 00:59:45,680 --> 00:59:47,160 Speaker 2: know how that will make me look? If I'm with 1174 00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:49,080 Speaker 2: this group having dinner and you're by yourself in a 1175 00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:52,840 Speaker 2: different place. Yeah, maybe you should have offered to Hey, 1176 00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:55,439 Speaker 2: we'll all get dinner as a group later or soon. 1177 00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:57,720 Speaker 5: Right, Can we get a snack and then we'll go 1178 00:59:57,720 --> 00:59:58,800 Speaker 5: to dinner in an hour? 1179 00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:03,760 Speaker 2: Your mess up here, buddy. You're prioritizing the group over 1180 01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:04,560 Speaker 2: your wife. 1181 01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:07,240 Speaker 5: You're like really flopping this, dude. 1182 01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:11,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, I didn't care for the drama, so 1183 01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:14,440 Speaker 2: I said I didn't care. I looked cute and was 1184 01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:16,320 Speaker 2: looking forward to eating what I'd already picked out from 1185 01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:18,240 Speaker 2: the menu, and if he really needed to be with 1186 01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:21,600 Speaker 2: me for the optics, he could join me. I found 1187 01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:24,440 Speaker 2: him in the lobby waiting for me, wasted, looking pissed 1188 01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:27,840 Speaker 2: and giving me the silent treatment. The restaurant was full 1189 01:00:28,120 --> 01:00:30,200 Speaker 2: and they couldn't update the reservation for two, so we 1190 01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:33,120 Speaker 2: couldn't go there. I ended up ordering room service. Gotten, 1191 01:00:33,280 --> 01:00:35,800 Speaker 2: I told you so, look, and he met up with 1192 01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:36,560 Speaker 2: his friends. 1193 01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:39,680 Speaker 5: No, girl, you go to dinner, you say you can 1194 01:00:39,680 --> 01:00:41,800 Speaker 5: get room service though, if you don't want to look bad. 1195 01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:45,480 Speaker 2: Aye. He got back to the room around two am, 1196 01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:48,960 Speaker 2: incredibly wasted, and he peed in the bathtub. The next day, 1197 01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:52,240 Speaker 2: we wake up and he's still annoyed with me. He 1198 01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:54,640 Speaker 2: wakes up super late and hungover, so we missed breakfast. 1199 01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:57,560 Speaker 2: I ordered a crappy breakfast through room service for both 1200 01:00:57,560 --> 01:01:00,720 Speaker 2: of us. Yeah, ordering bad room service when you're at 1201 01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:04,200 Speaker 2: an all inclusive, five star resort crazy sucks. 1202 01:01:04,360 --> 01:01:07,480 Speaker 5: Cool. Get up, get your own breakfast, start doing things alone. 1203 01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:08,800 Speaker 5: You'll have a great time. 1204 01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:12,480 Speaker 2: So later that evening, after drinking and socializing for around 1205 01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:16,680 Speaker 2: ten hours with nothing to eat, a similar situation comes up. 1206 01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:19,480 Speaker 2: I say, I'm hungry, Please can we go get dinner. 1207 01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,360 Speaker 2: His response was no, he didn't want to be taken 1208 01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:24,800 Speaker 2: away from his friends. He told me to go get 1209 01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:28,080 Speaker 2: food by myself or order room service. Most of the 1210 01:01:28,080 --> 01:01:30,320 Speaker 2: other couples at this point had broken away to go 1211 01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:33,400 Speaker 2: get dinner or we're making plans with their significant others. 1212 01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:36,560 Speaker 2: Mind you, this is a five star resort with incredible 1213 01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:39,840 Speaker 2: food options. Getting dinner alone is not really my jam 1214 01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:42,520 Speaker 2: and makes me a little anxious. I pulled my husband 1215 01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:44,720 Speaker 2: to the side built him. I was super hungry and 1216 01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:48,160 Speaker 2: asked if he could just take thirty minutes, literally just that, 1217 01:01:48,720 --> 01:01:51,400 Speaker 2: to please go sit down with me. He said no, 1218 01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:54,560 Speaker 2: I was embarrassing him and making a scene in front 1219 01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:58,400 Speaker 2: of his friends. Brother. The only person embarrassing themselves. 1220 01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:02,440 Speaker 5: Is you, right, I guarantee every other couple is looking 1221 01:02:02,480 --> 01:02:06,280 Speaker 5: at him and being like, Wow, he's really embarrassing. Not 1222 01:02:06,840 --> 01:02:07,400 Speaker 5: your wife. 1223 01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:11,160 Speaker 2: You're out here cos playing as a frat boy. Yeah, 1224 01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:14,920 Speaker 2: with like a clingy girlfriend. That's not what's going on. 1225 01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:19,840 Speaker 2: You're an adult who's married to his wife. 1226 01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:23,360 Speaker 5: And your wife's all she's asking for is food after 1227 01:02:23,480 --> 01:02:27,760 Speaker 5: ten hours of a thirty minute dinner with her husband. 1228 01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:33,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, So I said, effet, let's just keep drinking. Am 1229 01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:36,160 Speaker 2: I get sick or throw up from drinking all day? 1230 01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:38,600 Speaker 2: But God forbid? He spends a moment away out of 1231 01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:40,600 Speaker 2: the six day trip to have a dinner with me. 1232 01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:43,280 Speaker 2: He says that his priority is to be with the 1233 01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:46,080 Speaker 2: people here at the wedding, his old friends and the 1234 01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:50,160 Speaker 2: people he hasn't met before over me. Around three am, 1235 01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:52,120 Speaker 2: we get back from the bars and the only room 1236 01:02:52,160 --> 01:02:55,240 Speaker 2: service they have is bad pizza. The next day, I'm 1237 01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:57,880 Speaker 2: over arguing or trying, he says, he's going to go 1238 01:02:57,920 --> 01:03:00,000 Speaker 2: see who's at the pool and makes plans with other people. 1239 01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:01,920 Speaker 2: About an hour before he would need to be at 1240 01:03:01,920 --> 01:03:04,760 Speaker 2: the wedding, I got ready by myself and was alone 1241 01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:08,120 Speaker 2: all afternoon. Some of the girls in the group he 1242 01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:11,000 Speaker 2: was with weren't super friendly or engaging with people that 1243 01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:13,640 Speaker 2: weren't in their clique. The people he was with all 1244 01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:15,720 Speaker 2: day were all new people he hadn't met, with the 1245 01:03:15,720 --> 01:03:18,600 Speaker 2: exception of one sort of friend from college, but they 1246 01:03:18,640 --> 01:03:21,040 Speaker 2: hadn't spoken to in about ten years. He got a 1247 01:03:21,080 --> 01:03:23,480 Speaker 2: little bit more story left. 1248 01:03:24,960 --> 01:03:27,800 Speaker 10: How would you how do you like diffuse this situation 1249 01:03:27,960 --> 01:03:31,920 Speaker 10: and get the husband to recognize he's just being so 1250 01:03:32,040 --> 01:03:34,400 Speaker 10: bad because clearly op he has said multiple times that 1251 01:03:34,440 --> 01:03:36,120 Speaker 10: they've just sort of given up. 1252 01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:39,360 Speaker 5: Right, So, like, my whole thing was, did they go 1253 01:03:39,560 --> 01:03:43,080 Speaker 5: into this trip on the same page of like because 1254 01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:44,760 Speaker 5: they are there for a wedding, they are there to 1255 01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:47,000 Speaker 5: be with friends, but like, I'm totally on her side 1256 01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:49,680 Speaker 5: of like you can still like everyone else too, is 1257 01:03:49,720 --> 01:03:52,040 Speaker 5: still doing their own couple stuff. So did he go 1258 01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:54,480 Speaker 5: in telling you like I'm gonna be with the boys 1259 01:03:54,520 --> 01:03:55,080 Speaker 5: the whole time? 1260 01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:57,960 Speaker 2: At the beginning of the story, she said that she 1261 01:03:58,040 --> 01:03:59,040 Speaker 2: had brought up right. 1262 01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:01,400 Speaker 5: But was he also on that page? Yeah, for sure, 1263 01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:03,640 Speaker 5: like he agree currently right. 1264 01:04:03,560 --> 01:04:06,280 Speaker 9: He had said like, yeah, no, I get I hear he. 1265 01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:08,960 Speaker 5: Gets their one year of this and he's being such 1266 01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:10,439 Speaker 5: a little poopy boy. 1267 01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:12,959 Speaker 9: He is being a poopy diaper baby boy. 1268 01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:15,400 Speaker 5: Poopy diaper baby boy just wants to drink at the 1269 01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:17,160 Speaker 5: pool all day with strangers. 1270 01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:19,800 Speaker 2: And it's like, you op, he even like is doing 1271 01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:22,040 Speaker 2: that with him. And then when it's just like, hey, 1272 01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:25,040 Speaker 2: remember how I'm your wife, don't you want to go 1273 01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:27,880 Speaker 2: get dinner with me at the really nice restaurants at 1274 01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:31,840 Speaker 2: the resort that you're paying for And he's just like, nah, 1275 01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:33,880 Speaker 2: bab you're really harsh in my mellow. 1276 01:04:34,400 --> 01:04:37,120 Speaker 9: I'm just trying to chill with the with the boys. 1277 01:04:37,400 --> 01:04:39,880 Speaker 5: Yeah, I genuinely don't know how I would handle it. 1278 01:04:40,040 --> 01:04:42,360 Speaker 5: I know that you would want to maybe try to 1279 01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:45,480 Speaker 5: catch him sober, which seems like a hard thing to 1280 01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:48,720 Speaker 5: do right now. But I'd be getting breakfast on my own, 1281 01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:52,880 Speaker 5: I begin I'd be getting those nice hotel foods. 1282 01:04:53,080 --> 01:04:53,600 Speaker 9: Yeah. 1283 01:04:53,720 --> 01:04:55,520 Speaker 2: I think if if it just comes to the point 1284 01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:58,000 Speaker 2: where he's like, you know, I would I would bring 1285 01:04:58,080 --> 01:05:00,440 Speaker 2: up like, hey, I feel like you're really just like 1286 01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:03,240 Speaker 2: treating me like you don't want to hang out with 1287 01:05:03,280 --> 01:05:04,400 Speaker 2: me at all. 1288 01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:07,960 Speaker 9: So I'm gonna just do my own thing. 1289 01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:10,720 Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, have a great vacation still if you can 1290 01:05:11,360 --> 01:05:11,840 Speaker 5: and then. 1291 01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,360 Speaker 2: Out, it just speaks to a larger issue. 1292 01:05:15,520 --> 01:05:19,080 Speaker 5: Yeah, I'd be so mad. 1293 01:05:19,760 --> 01:05:23,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, well it's yeah, he's just he's being a horrible partner. Yeah, 1294 01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:28,920 Speaker 2: you know, being a very very childish, inconsiderate partner. 1295 01:05:30,320 --> 01:05:31,320 Speaker 9: Let's finish the story. 1296 01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:34,320 Speaker 2: Am I the a hole for expecting my husband to 1297 01:05:34,360 --> 01:05:36,760 Speaker 2: break away and have a nice meal or just want 1298 01:05:36,760 --> 01:05:38,520 Speaker 2: to have one on one time with me for even 1299 01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:41,360 Speaker 2: a tiny portion of this trip. I'm feeling a little 1300 01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:44,280 Speaker 2: hurt still, and he completely doesn't understand why I would 1301 01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:47,800 Speaker 2: anticipate any kind of devoted time or attention. He's even 1302 01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:49,400 Speaker 2: thrown in the fact that he paid for the trip 1303 01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:51,360 Speaker 2: and flight and that I didn't even try to plan 1304 01:05:51,440 --> 01:05:54,080 Speaker 2: anything while we were there. These same people he was 1305 01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:57,280 Speaker 2: obsessing over prioritizing did not do the same for him. 1306 01:05:57,680 --> 01:06:00,200 Speaker 2: For context, his friends really loved me and we all 1307 01:06:00,240 --> 01:06:02,960 Speaker 2: got along great. It don't intentionally mean to sound any 1308 01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:06,200 Speaker 2: type of way about wanting alone time. I'm just a 1309 01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:08,680 Speaker 2: bit more introverted, and six days straight of tequila and 1310 01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:11,400 Speaker 2: being with new people felt quite tiring. This might be 1311 01:06:11,440 --> 01:06:14,160 Speaker 2: our last trip together before he's away for work for 1312 01:06:14,240 --> 01:06:17,600 Speaker 2: quite a while. Oh no, I don't think you're an 1313 01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:20,600 Speaker 2: a hole, not at all. Is he like thinking so 1314 01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:24,880 Speaker 2: so this six day trip? And maybe he's thinking like, oh, well, 1315 01:06:24,880 --> 01:06:27,480 Speaker 2: we're gonna spend time alone after the wedding, because I'm 1316 01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:30,280 Speaker 2: sure a lot of people are going to leave after 1317 01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:30,760 Speaker 2: the wedding. 1318 01:06:30,800 --> 01:06:34,600 Speaker 5: But regardless, even the fact that he left her to 1319 01:06:34,680 --> 01:06:38,440 Speaker 5: get ready alone for the wedding is insane. 1320 01:06:38,920 --> 01:06:42,640 Speaker 2: Didn't get ready for the wedding together day one literally 1321 01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:45,280 Speaker 2: left you to get ready and like just ditched you 1322 01:06:45,320 --> 01:06:49,280 Speaker 2: for an hour, Like I. 1323 01:06:49,280 --> 01:06:52,520 Speaker 5: Don't know, it's just like he's not concerned about you 1324 01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:53,360 Speaker 5: in the slightest. 1325 01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:56,400 Speaker 2: He's fully regressed back to like college. 1326 01:06:56,120 --> 01:06:58,760 Speaker 5: A yeah, and half the time he's with people he's 1327 01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:01,360 Speaker 5: just meeting, not even his college buddies, like I. 1328 01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:05,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it would be a big strain. 1329 01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:09,720 Speaker 5: And you're still enjoying of their wedding. 1330 01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:12,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope you still enjoyed that trip though. 1331 01:07:12,280 --> 01:07:12,680 Speaker 5: I hope