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Terms and conditions apply. 27 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,399 Speaker 3: Introducing Wondersuite from bluehost dot com. 28 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 1: Website creation is hard. 29 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,560 Speaker 3: It's hard, but not anymore thanks to wonder Suite from 30 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,399 Speaker 3: blue Host. Answer a few questions about your business and goals, 31 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,919 Speaker 3: and the wondersweet tools will automatically create your website or store. 32 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 3: From there, you can customize your design, colors, and content, 33 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 3: and we automatically help you get found in search engines 34 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 3: like Google and Bing. From step by step guidance to 35 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 3: suggested plugins, Blue host makes WordPress wonderful for everyone. 36 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 4: Go to blue hoost dot com slash Wondersuite. Welcome back 37 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 4: to she Pivots. I'm your host, Emily Tish Sussman. One 38 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 4: of my goals in starting this podcast is to highlight 39 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,320 Speaker 4: voices and stories of women who went through something deeply personal, 40 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 4: only to come out of it on the other side 41 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,359 Speaker 4: better than they could have imagined and after launching she 42 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 4: Pivots last year. It's clear this is not a small group. 43 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 4: This applies to most women, whether it's a big pivot 44 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,399 Speaker 4: or maybe just a tiny pivot. What's clear is there's 45 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,799 Speaker 4: a lot of unpacking to do around pivoting. So as 46 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:33,359 Speaker 4: we're continuing to build this platform and community through new episodes, 47 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:37,399 Speaker 4: I also want to bring you more stories, unfiltered and honest. 48 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:41,079 Speaker 4: So I'll be sitting down with even more women, maybe 49 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 4: the occasional man who have mastered their own pivot, maybe 50 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 4: they're just starting their pivoting journey, or just have something 51 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 4: to teach us about the deeply personal moments of life. 52 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 4: So stay tuned for more of these candid conversations this season. 53 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:56,079 Speaker 4: Let's jump right in. 54 00:02:58,639 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 5: Today. 55 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,119 Speaker 6: If you are a mom and you are online, there 56 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:07,400 Speaker 6: is no way you don't know about this guest doctor Becky. 57 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 6: I feel like has revolutionized the world of mom influencing 58 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:16,400 Speaker 6: from a educated place, like of information that we really 59 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 6: need and use. But her advice is like truly changing 60 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 6: the way me my friends are thinking about parenting. 61 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:26,960 Speaker 7: What I posted that even on my personal Instagram that 62 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 7: I was interviewing today, the response that I got from 63 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 7: moms that I know, they were so excited and wanted 64 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 7: to know what I was going to ask you, and 65 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 7: I promised I was going to ask about your hair 66 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 7: also because. 67 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 4: We have hair questions. Yeah, we'll get there. 68 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 7: But what was actually so interesting to me was the 69 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 7: variety of backgrounds of moms that I know. It was 70 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 7: not one model like it was, you know, like one 71 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 7: type of person. It was like across the board. 72 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 4: Moms that I know said, oh my god, I look 73 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,640 Speaker 4: to her like they have. People have a really intense 74 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 4: relationship with you. I think the biggest takeaway for me 75 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 4: do you feel that? Yeah? 76 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 5: I feel that in a couple of ways. Like number one, 77 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 5: I remember when my Instagram account started getting larger and 78 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 5: then someone from Instagram and Facebook reached out, because when 79 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 5: you get to a certain size, you're like, hey, do 80 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 5: you have questions. It was so nice actually, and they 81 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,359 Speaker 5: actually said, you know, I just want to let you 82 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:21,799 Speaker 5: know your parenting focused account is totally different than anyone else, 83 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 5: is based on your global community. Our Instagram followers, I 84 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:31,359 Speaker 5: think are sixty percent United States, forty percent outside, so 85 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 5: it is so global. And then when we launched our membership, 86 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 5: the thing that I'm proudest of is in under a week, 87 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:42,039 Speaker 5: we had members from every continent, not Antarctica. Okay, so 88 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 5: still not Antarctica. I am hoping there's someone, okay, but 89 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,839 Speaker 5: under a week. It's just there's something I think so 90 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 5: global about our searching for goodness and strength and compassion, 91 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,840 Speaker 5: and the way that I think we know that to 92 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 5: really show up is the parent we want to be. Yes, 93 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 5: we need things for our kids, we really need things 94 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 5: for ourselves. It's really like a journey as well. And 95 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 5: I think that that's speaking to people and in terms 96 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 5: of other feeling it when I meet people on the 97 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 5: street and they come up to me, I mean, I 98 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 5: really do. I love it, Like I feel I'm so 99 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,320 Speaker 5: used to as a psychologist having one to one, so 100 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 5: having me talking to like the ether, like knowing that 101 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,040 Speaker 5: there actually are real humans on the other side and 102 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 5: seeing them and meeting hearing their names of their kids, 103 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 5: like I really actually appreciate it. It feels much more 104 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 5: like me than this version of a relationship. 105 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,719 Speaker 7: Yeah, well, if you weren't true, if there were real people, 106 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 7: I'm assuming that means that you were not on Twitter, 107 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 7: because that is not real people. 108 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 4: That is like, oh my god, don't even that. 109 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 5: It still confuses me. I'm trying to build up on Twitter. 110 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 5: It has not been us successful, so working on it. 111 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 7: Okay, So we've got a couple ask for our audience 112 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 7: so far, I who know someone in the Antarctica, get 113 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 7: them in. We did and subscribed, and we need to 114 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,279 Speaker 7: follow Becky on Twitter. That's our first fun. 115 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,880 Speaker 4: Okay. But this is a business show, so I actually 116 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 4: want to cycle back a little bit and go to 117 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 4: the business of I'm also at my friend's house at 118 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,479 Speaker 4: a Valentine's Day party, so we are in her baby's room. 119 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 4: So I want to back up a little bit and 120 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 4: talk about the business of your structure. So start with 121 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:14,479 Speaker 4: us from the beginning. You are a psychologistst the doctor 122 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,360 Speaker 4: is not. You're not like a witch doctor, like you're 123 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 4: a real doctor. What did your practice look like at 124 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,640 Speaker 4: that point, and what brought you onto Instagram? 125 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 5: Yeah? I love talking about it. There's so many things 126 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 5: I want to do with good inside, but one of 127 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 5: them really has changed the narrative for women around, like 128 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 5: the things that we can be seen for, and business 129 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,040 Speaker 5: is a big part of it. So yes, I'm a 130 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:36,120 Speaker 5: clinical psychologist. The doctor is a PhD. So I can't 131 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:39,240 Speaker 5: prescribe medicines. I'm not a psychiatrist, which is kind of 132 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,960 Speaker 5: a doctor who specializes in struggles and feelings, but from 133 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,000 Speaker 5: a more medicalized perspective. So I got my PhD in 134 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 5: clinical psychology from Columbia really because when I realized in 135 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,159 Speaker 5: college I can make a career out of getting to 136 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 5: know people, I was like, Oh, that's my favorite thing 137 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 5: to do. Anyway, I guess that as a job, that's 138 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 5: that's great, right, So I mean. 139 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,560 Speaker 4: I feel the same way right here, by the way, right. 140 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 5: And So I then had a private practice and I 141 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:08,280 Speaker 5: started working with parents in addition to working with adults 142 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 5: who might be parents, but somewhere in intensive psychotherapy, right, 143 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 5: I used to work with kids, but I actually realized 144 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 5: I liked working with the parents in parenting sessions better 145 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 5: than the play therapy itself. And I always felt like 146 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 5: I could have real impact there. And what I noticed 147 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 5: is wait, the par dying for parenting and what we're 148 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 5: taught timeouts, punishments, like all this stuff is completely at 149 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,320 Speaker 5: odds with the way I work with adults in therapy 150 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 5: to kind of rewire and you know, have lives that 151 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 5: they feel good about. This can't be the way I 152 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,440 Speaker 5: just it struck me like no, And so then I realized, well, 153 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 5: what if I took all the ideas that I know 154 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,360 Speaker 5: really help adults in therapy and kind of repackage them 155 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,560 Speaker 5: and reverse engineered them to parents so we could give 156 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 5: those ideas to kids early while they were kind of 157 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 5: wiring their bodies and brains. And that left in a 158 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 5: ton of writing, right because I was like, I was 159 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 5: like writing all these ideas and then I was talking 160 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 5: my husband's dear about it. Every night. I'd be like 161 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,560 Speaker 5: doing parenting group, sharing thisess and honestly, one day he's like, 162 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 5: I know this really lights you up inside. That's amazing, 163 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 5: but like maybe write them down I kind of watch 164 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 5: a show or like do something else every night, And 165 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 5: so I did, and then I realized I had all 166 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 5: this writing, and then I was like what am I 167 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 5: doing with this writing? And then I put it out 168 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 5: on Instagram on February twenty eighth, twenty twenty. I didn't 169 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 5: have a goal, I really didn't. All I knew was 170 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,880 Speaker 5: this stuff lights me up, these ideas. There's a better way. 171 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,440 Speaker 5: There's a way where we can both respect ourselves, respect 172 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 5: our kids, we can help them grow. We could rethink 173 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,800 Speaker 5: the way we raise our kids while we re raise 174 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 5: ourselves along the way, and I just floating out. So 175 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 5: I don't know what my goal was, but I already 176 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,320 Speaker 5: had a full private practice. It wasn't to get referrals. 177 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 5: But one thing led to the next, and then I'm 178 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 5: sure there's other things we'll get to. But that's like 179 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 5: this began. 180 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 4: Do you remember what your first post was. 181 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,200 Speaker 5: I think it was high I'm doctor Becky. You know 182 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 5: that's like what it was. It didn't do very well 183 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 5: a cappelling, but it was something very, very simple. And 184 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,960 Speaker 5: then two weeks later New York City shut down and 185 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,199 Speaker 5: I live in New York City for COVID, and I 186 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,680 Speaker 5: remember exactly the post that went viral, and I remember 187 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 5: I had two hundred followers exactly at the time, and 188 00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:16,440 Speaker 5: I put out this post about how our kids will 189 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,800 Speaker 5: remember more about how their family homes felt during COVID 190 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 5: than anything about COVID itself. Our kids are looking at 191 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 5: us and learning how to respond to uncertainty. Let's wire 192 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 5: them for resilience and not panicked. And then nine slides 193 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 5: for like here's how, and that really struck a chord 194 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,080 Speaker 5: and went viral. 195 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 4: I mean, I think I was sent that twenty five times. 196 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 7: At that moment, your timing really you really answered to 197 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,160 Speaker 7: a moment of people. We had not been prepared to 198 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 7: parent in that My kids at that point were two, 199 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:50,040 Speaker 7: three and three weeks old, and it was nothing but 200 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:51,679 Speaker 7: panic because we didn't know. 201 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 4: There was just so much uncertainty. And to think that 202 00:09:54,720 --> 00:10:00,680 Speaker 4: somebody was giving us something realistic and tangible think helped 203 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 4: us because it did feel like for the first time 204 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 4: I saw parenting advice for me. I know that's the 205 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,720 Speaker 4: perspective that you were trying to come from, but I thought, 206 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 4: oh my god, like because I didn't really connect with 207 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 4: my kids as babies, because it seemed a little bit 208 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 4: too that's going to sound so selfish of me, but 209 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,959 Speaker 4: about them, And I was like, but I'm still a person, 210 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 4: don't I exist? And so for someone to acknowledge that 211 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:25,199 Speaker 4: I was a participant in this definitely struck a chord 212 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 4: with me. So what was your business trajectory at that point? 213 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 5: I had so many ideas. I just wanted to get 214 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,839 Speaker 5: out there, and then there was this moment where I 215 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 5: like realize, wait, I have so many more ideas about 216 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 5: resilience and like, I can't capture it in twenty two 217 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:41,440 Speaker 5: hundred characters, which is an Instagram limit, you know, or 218 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,120 Speaker 5: in a carousel post. And so I guess I'm going 219 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,960 Speaker 5: to do a live event, right, And it was just me. 220 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 5: It was like obviously quarantine and I had a small 221 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 5: private practice two days a week. My kids like, there's 222 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 5: so much going on, and I said, okay, how have 223 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 5: I gone to live events before? I guess I've gotten 224 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:57,680 Speaker 5: tickets on event right, I'm going to sell something on 225 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 5: event right, even though it's not like a concert. And 226 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 5: then I realized people might want this after I'm going 227 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 5: to record it. I'm going to make it like a 228 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 5: private YouTube link. I'm then going to send that out 229 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,080 Speaker 5: or like I don't know, I just kind of put 230 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 5: some things together. But even that started because I thought, 231 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 5: I have a whole hour. I want to teach about 232 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,240 Speaker 5: resilience because I love Instagram and Instagram has been amazing 233 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 5: to me. But one of the things I think, and 234 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 5: I would say this directly to all parents, is just 235 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 5: like if you if you met a surgeon who was 236 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,839 Speaker 5: telling you they want to learn a different type of 237 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 5: surgery because whatever they're doing isn't working, and then you heard, well, 238 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 5: I get my tips for surgery on Instagram, but it's 239 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,959 Speaker 5: not going as well as I want. I feel like 240 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 5: i'd say, well, look, you sound busy, but that's not 241 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,400 Speaker 5: your fault, Like you can't learn a new surgery technique 242 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 5: from a tip here and there. And I realized these 243 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 5: Instagram moments like I have these tips here and there. 244 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,360 Speaker 5: But I really think in terms of arcs, I always 245 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,840 Speaker 5: think we have to understand before we intervene. We then 246 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:56,680 Speaker 5: have to translate understanding into practical strategies that are based 247 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,680 Speaker 5: on a deep understanding of the core problem. We always 248 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,600 Speaker 5: have to incorporate work for ourselves to manage our triggers, 249 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,439 Speaker 5: and then we have to go through specific tricky situations 250 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:09,319 Speaker 5: to make it real. Understanding strategies stuff for us real, 251 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 5: like tricky situations. I can't do that on an Instagram post. 252 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,319 Speaker 5: And if you really want to deal with your kids 253 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,520 Speaker 5: rudeness or your triggers or they're anxiety or sleep, like, 254 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 5: you need the arc. That's what I would say, you 255 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,440 Speaker 5: just need the whole arc, right, it's a story. And 256 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,080 Speaker 5: so then I started doing these like once a month 257 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 5: on a different topic kind of workshops and I just 258 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,199 Speaker 5: love them. I was like, oh, and I see people's 259 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,760 Speaker 5: faces and their response and how different it felt. Mentor 260 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,240 Speaker 5: the end of twenty twenty, I connected with. 261 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 4: Someone I went to grad school with. 262 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,439 Speaker 5: She's also a psychologist, and it's kind of non traditional, 263 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 5: but the two of us as psychologist has said, like, 264 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,840 Speaker 5: we see a much bigger vision here, Like we knew 265 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,319 Speaker 5: we wanted to build what we always needed when we 266 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:53,120 Speaker 5: were parents of our youngest kids. Like parents have the 267 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 5: hardest and most important job in the world, and in 268 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,680 Speaker 5: my mind, there's no other job that we say is 269 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,760 Speaker 5: hard and important where we don't give those people training 270 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 5: and support, hard start, and so we really did, Like 271 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,319 Speaker 5: we got angry about it, and I love the feeling. 272 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,560 Speaker 5: Finger are most afraid of it. But A tells us 273 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 5: what we need. It gives us that information and then 274 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,079 Speaker 5: we can move and do something with that. Like this 275 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:22,640 Speaker 5: is messed up because then women do something else. In parenting, 276 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 5: they feel bad about themselves when things aren't They're yelling. 277 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 5: They're like, oh, I'm the worst parent, right, Like we 278 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,199 Speaker 5: blame ourselves. We then don't talk to other people about it, 279 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,920 Speaker 5: and the whole cycle perpetuates. We're like, we want a 280 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 5: platform that changes all of this, and Instagram tips I 281 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 5: love them, that's not it. We need three things. We 282 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 5: knew it from the beginning. We need content that actually 283 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,840 Speaker 5: speaks to us, that makes sense so we can learn. 284 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 5: Like any training program, we need each other. We need 285 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 5: an antisocial media space to talk about things that are real, 286 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 5: and we need experts we trust. So we manualize my 287 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 5: good inside approach. We have a clinical trainer, we have training, 288 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:02,640 Speaker 5: we have coaches. We then also knew we needed experts 289 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:06,560 Speaker 5: in ot and neurodiversity and other specialties, but who come 290 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,679 Speaker 5: from a good inside approach. So you weren't being told like, oh, 291 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,360 Speaker 5: do it a sticker chart and you're like, wait, that 292 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,720 Speaker 5: doesn't actually make sense to me. And we just wanted 293 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,280 Speaker 5: to put it all together, and so that really started 294 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,120 Speaker 5: January first, twenty twenty one. The podcast came out. Other 295 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,760 Speaker 5: things came out first, and we launched that last April. 296 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 7: So that is your subscription membership model, right, So how 297 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:27,280 Speaker 7: does that work? 298 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 4: So that's really interesting. I feel like this is a 299 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:33,320 Speaker 4: growing model of business for experts. 300 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 7: Yeah, sort of the freebie of the social media brings 301 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 7: new business, like new people inside. But this is an 302 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 7: interesting growing field. I'm very interested how you structured this business. 303 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 5: Yeah, so you know, we have so many different versions 304 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 5: of like where people can get our guidance. So obviously Instagram, 305 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:55,080 Speaker 5: podcasted longer form. We have also a Thursday email. I 306 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,120 Speaker 5: hate calling it a newsletter because there's no like news 307 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 5: in it, but to me, it's like just a long 308 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 5: letter I write every week of like an idea. All 309 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 5: of those are free to us. Giving information that brings 310 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 5: AHA moments and real impactful change and making that as 311 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 5: accessible as possible is really really important to us and 312 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 5: is aligned with our mission of just empowering every parent 313 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:24,640 Speaker 5: who is looking for something slightly different. So that's all there. Then, 314 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 5: when I think about our membership, I think fitness and 315 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,720 Speaker 5: eating have kind of been established at these things that 316 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 5: people used to think of as like problems solution moments, okay, 317 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 5: where they'd be like, oh, I haven't worked out in 318 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 5: a while, I got to like get to the gym, right, 319 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 5: or I have to lose ten pounds or right. But 320 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 5: I think people know now weight it's not about losing weight, 321 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,600 Speaker 5: and it's not even about getting to the gym a 322 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,960 Speaker 5: certain time. It's like it feels good to some people 323 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 5: to be in a fitness routine. It just feels good 324 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 5: to ongoing do that you actually get less attached to 325 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 5: the outcome and you kind of just get addicted to 326 00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:00,480 Speaker 5: the feelings of being in the process. Same thing with food, right, Oh, 327 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 5: I need to lose this waight. No, some of people 328 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 5: are like, I love just eating in a way that like, 329 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 5: I know, feels good in my body, right, Like, and 330 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:10,600 Speaker 5: I think we're parenting honestly, are bigger mission Emily with 331 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 5: the membership is to start thinking about it that way, 332 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 5: to get parents out of the mindset of Okay, there's 333 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 5: a problem. What do I do that the tantrums are 334 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,640 Speaker 5: a mess sibling? Right, Okay? Because then I feel like 335 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,280 Speaker 5: we're just we're in whackable and it's a really anxiety 336 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,040 Speaker 5: provoking way to live. 337 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 4: Right. 338 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 5: What I hope and what our membership really gives people 339 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 5: is every solution to problems. Do you have a problem, 340 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,760 Speaker 5: And I always say, we will bring you back to baseline, 341 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 5: But most parents I know want to raise their baseline. 342 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 5: I'm going to cry because raising your baseline doesn't happen 343 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 5: when you have a problem. Raising your base happens when 344 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,600 Speaker 5: I'm like, you've kind of gotten a little bit of 345 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,680 Speaker 5: hold and now I can reflect more on myself. Now 346 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,400 Speaker 5: I get being more connected to my kid. Now I 347 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,560 Speaker 5: get to have that moment with my kid that's like 348 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 5: ten seconds and we both know these moments that just 349 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 5: felt so important, like I was reminded to do something right. 350 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:04,919 Speaker 5: And that's an ongoing practice, right, like you never really finished. 351 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,040 Speaker 5: Not to say you need to be a member for years, 352 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:10,200 Speaker 5: not to say it's so arduous, but I really love 353 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 5: this idea of practicing, of being engaged with, you know, 354 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,400 Speaker 5: being a sturdy leader in your home. And that's why 355 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,439 Speaker 5: we kind of, you know, operate from that model. 356 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,639 Speaker 7: Well on the content piece, the good inside is at 357 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 7: the core. 358 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:31,639 Speaker 4: I mean, it's the name of your book. 359 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,240 Speaker 7: It was like, you know, is it the core of 360 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,040 Speaker 7: everything that you talk about that your child is good inside? 361 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,320 Speaker 7: And it is just the behavior, which I think is 362 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:40,919 Speaker 7: I think a lot of parents need to hear in 363 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 7: a lot of moments, I've definitely needed to hear it. 364 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,160 Speaker 7: I also feel like a big theme that I hear 365 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 7: coming through a lot of your work is building resilience 366 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 7: through children. Do you think do you see those as 367 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,919 Speaker 7: connected or as two different but important paths that we 368 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,640 Speaker 7: should be keeping in our minds when we're thinking about 369 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 7: raising kids. 370 00:17:58,359 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 5: Yeah, I think those are two, like what I would say, 371 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 5: or like core principles or pillars, there's really ten. It's 372 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,040 Speaker 5: also like why I wrote the book. I don't even 373 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 5: mention the book. The reason I wrote the book is 374 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,480 Speaker 5: I said, like, I do have an even bigger story 375 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,880 Speaker 5: to tell around the foundations that guide everything I talk about. 376 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:15,040 Speaker 5: And there's really ten. So whether you're talking about sleep, anxiety, 377 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 5: sibling rival read, rudeness, tantrums, whatever, the problem is the 378 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 5: interesting thing we hear from our members as well, Like 379 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,080 Speaker 5: I'm so getting versed in these principles that I see 380 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,600 Speaker 5: how they apply to like hear it's actually always the 381 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 5: same thing. It sounds a little different my interventions, right, 382 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 5: but it's like learning a language, right. And so when 383 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 5: I think about good inside, let me say this first. 384 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 5: We often as humans, like we collapse things really quickly. 385 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 5: So someone will say, oh, so my kid's good inside, 386 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,840 Speaker 5: So it's just okay that he's like hitting his brother, 387 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,959 Speaker 5: Like no, definitely not Like I would never look at 388 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,960 Speaker 5: my kid and be like, oh, you're good inside, keep 389 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 5: saying I hate you, get it out, I love it, 390 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 5: I love it, Like that would never happen. Okay, But 391 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:57,920 Speaker 5: good inside is the idea of separating good internal identity 392 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 5: from any given moment or behavior. Here's my identity, here's 393 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,800 Speaker 5: my behavior. This doesn't mean this is okay. It just 394 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,960 Speaker 5: means they're different. And actually, as soon as we say 395 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 5: they're different, we can then intervene effectively to actually change behavior. 396 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 5: That's the big eyn me right, because when I see 397 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 5: my kids good inside, instead of saying you hit your brother, 398 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,840 Speaker 5: go to your room, why do you think you can 399 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:20,440 Speaker 5: act like this? 400 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:20,760 Speaker 4: Right? 401 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,800 Speaker 5: I can act these things out because I say these 402 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,200 Speaker 5: things too, even though I don't want to. Let me 403 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 5: just make that clear. 404 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,719 Speaker 4: I was like, I was like that one sounded familiar. 405 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 5: Yes, right. My husband like sometimes sends me doctor Becky 406 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,800 Speaker 5: posts like you might you might want to watch. You 407 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:33,560 Speaker 5: might want to watch. 408 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,200 Speaker 4: Oh that's so rude. All that cuts so deep. 409 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 5: But when I see good inside, I can say, hey, 410 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 5: I'm not going to let you hit. Look, you're having 411 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 5: a hard time. We're going to figure this out. I'm 412 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,920 Speaker 5: gonna help you. And then maybe the next day, when 413 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,320 Speaker 5: things are calmer, I may say it's really hard to 414 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 5: play blocks with your brother. I know, it's so frustrating 415 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 5: when you want something and don't have it ps. That's 416 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,440 Speaker 5: hard for us too. Nobody likes wanting and not having. 417 00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 4: I don't. 418 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 5: So if I say that and I say, look, I'm 419 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,880 Speaker 5: gonna actually do something funny with you. I'm gonna play 420 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,800 Speaker 5: blocks with you. And I know these big ones are 421 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,119 Speaker 5: your favorite when you're building a fire station, I'm going 422 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,720 Speaker 5: to have them. I really am not going to give 423 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,960 Speaker 5: them to you, and that's going to be frustrating. And 424 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,160 Speaker 5: when you want them, we're going to practice together, taking 425 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 5: a deep breath, putting our hands here they don't hit, 426 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 5: moving away, and saying this is hard and I can 427 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,119 Speaker 5: deal with it. I'm kind of making this up. So 428 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,880 Speaker 5: but beeing my kid is good. Inside, I see see 429 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 5: that they're not a bad kid. They actually are just 430 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 5: missing a skill. And by realizing that the skills they 431 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:38,120 Speaker 5: need are managing emotions, I'm building resilience along the way. 432 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,960 Speaker 5: Because here's the big picture, and here's actually what I 433 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 5: think I'm most proud of. It got inside and this 434 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,160 Speaker 5: is where my background really helps. I know the types 435 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,920 Speaker 5: of things in childhood that end up helping versus holding 436 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,120 Speaker 5: us back in adulthood. These are all the reasons people 437 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 5: can't room now. I don't think most thirty year olds, 438 00:20:55,760 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 5: although some are getting frustrated that someone else has their blocks. Okay, 439 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,199 Speaker 5: that's probably not concretely what's happening. But your circuit that 440 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:08,240 Speaker 5: you build for managing frustration around sharing blocks at age 441 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:12,040 Speaker 5: four is the same circuit in your body that will 442 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,879 Speaker 5: activate when there's traffic on the road. It's the same 443 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,280 Speaker 5: circuit that will activate when you don't get the job 444 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,880 Speaker 5: you want it. It's the same circuit that will activate 445 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 5: that when you get to a restaurant and you're like, oh, 446 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,440 Speaker 5: I want the special and they say, oh, we're out. 447 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:28,000 Speaker 5: You don't have an adult tantrum. So the good inside 448 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,840 Speaker 5: of approach our strategies buy you wins in the future 449 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,439 Speaker 5: because you're spending time now building skills that are not 450 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 5: only going to help today, but actually set your kid 451 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,120 Speaker 5: up to not have to do all of that rewiring 452 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,720 Speaker 5: that most of us have to do down on the line. 453 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,400 Speaker 5: To me, that's the ultimate gift I want to give 454 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:47,199 Speaker 5: my kids. 455 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,159 Speaker 4: I think that's huge. I mean, thinking about parenting to 456 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:54,200 Speaker 4: build good adults I think is actually quite different than 457 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,680 Speaker 4: the parenting advice of the last couple of years. I 458 00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:58,960 Speaker 4: would say a better. 459 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,719 Speaker 7: Goal, but you know, I think a lot of it 460 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 7: over the last couple of years has been how to 461 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,800 Speaker 7: deal in that actual moment, just to keep just to 462 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 7: manage the situation, like just to get yourself out of 463 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,400 Speaker 7: that situation. And often the thing that gets you out 464 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:15,200 Speaker 7: of that situation does not build skills for your children 465 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,480 Speaker 7: ahead of time. And when you were talking about, you know, 466 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,080 Speaker 7: building the routine, whether it's food, whether it's exercise, whatever 467 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 7: it is, I feel like I've had to build new 468 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 7: skills myself as a parent because I had never been 469 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 7: in any of these situations before. Like it was totally new, 470 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,959 Speaker 7: and I was thought to myself, Oh, I'm an accomplished adults, 471 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 7: like I know how I could take this on. 472 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,960 Speaker 4: But no, that is ridiculous. I had never done it before. 473 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 4: So I think the idea of building a routine, of 474 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:44,600 Speaker 4: having a coach who's thinking about an end outcome, I mean, 475 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 4: that's how I would approach the work situation. 476 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:50,560 Speaker 5: Like that makes total sense exactly. So here's something I 477 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 5: hear a lot from parents, but we say to our 478 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:53,919 Speaker 5: kids things like it's okay to be angry, it's not 479 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 5: okay to hit right. Here's what I don't love about 480 00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:01,280 Speaker 5: these those interventions they're purely logical, right, just like if 481 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:04,879 Speaker 5: someone I think I often think about basketball as a metaphor. Okay, 482 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 5: let's say your kid couldn't make a layup and instead 483 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 5: threw the ball out of bounds. Right if I said 484 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,720 Speaker 5: to my kid, it's not okay to throw the ball 485 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 5: out of bounce, I don't think anyone would think that 486 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,720 Speaker 5: was Like the best coach, you'd be like, well, shouldn't 487 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,440 Speaker 5: you like practice what they what. 488 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 4: They should do. 489 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:24,480 Speaker 5: We can't teach basketball through logic. We teach basketball through 490 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:28,440 Speaker 5: movement and practice, right and repetition. The workshop I did 491 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,640 Speaker 5: that was by far the most popular, honestly that I've 492 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,800 Speaker 5: ever done, was why punishments and timeouts don't work and 493 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,440 Speaker 5: what to do instead? Because I know parents want kids 494 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,679 Speaker 5: who are going to be resilient, and I get it 495 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,440 Speaker 5: they're worried. I totally get it. Like this feels soft 496 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,720 Speaker 5: to not like punish my kids. I don't want to 497 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,600 Speaker 5: raise kids one day are going to like, you know, 498 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:46,360 Speaker 5: not be able. 499 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,440 Speaker 4: To deal with life. Right. 500 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,440 Speaker 5: But the irony is if you watch your kids basketball, coach, 501 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 5: say to them, you're not making layups, go to your room, 502 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,399 Speaker 5: go to your room, and you come back when you 503 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,760 Speaker 5: can make a layup I just don't know anyone and 504 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:03,880 Speaker 5: be like, that is an awesome coach, yep, any sense right? 505 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,919 Speaker 5: You want the coach to practice right. And you know 506 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,680 Speaker 5: the most powerful thing, EMILYE is like I love a 507 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,880 Speaker 5: good inside the company really how much we live. It's 508 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,240 Speaker 5: all the same principles as we talk to everyone else. 509 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,359 Speaker 5: It's about Okay, something didn't go well, what can we 510 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,960 Speaker 5: learn from it, How can we actually make a change, 511 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,120 Speaker 5: What skills do employees need to show up the way 512 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,200 Speaker 5: they want? And watching how applicable it is to parenting 513 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 5: and business right, is just it's so heartening, and it's 514 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,160 Speaker 5: what makes it feel kind of so big. 515 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:36,240 Speaker 4: That's so interesting. 516 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,639 Speaker 7: And actually you got right into When I was, you know, 517 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,840 Speaker 7: thinking about having this conversation with you, I kept having 518 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,200 Speaker 7: to reset myself to not make this like a personal 519 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,040 Speaker 7: therapy session with you, like does not just like dominate 520 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:47,879 Speaker 7: like my own questions about things I have to do. 521 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 7: And the one that I kept coming back to is 522 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,119 Speaker 7: I feel like I'm like actually the last parent of 523 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:54,000 Speaker 7: my generation that does do timeouts. So I will pose 524 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,880 Speaker 7: my question to you, which was, in what way am 525 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 7: I screwing up my children? 526 00:24:58,560 --> 00:24:59,280 Speaker 4: No, that's. 527 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,360 Speaker 5: So the way I think about questions in general more 528 00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 5: than anything else specific, because it's as applicable to kids 529 00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:10,480 Speaker 5: as relationships as your partnership as you. A question you 530 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 5: ask someone is a road you want want to walk. 531 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 4: Down with them. 532 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,399 Speaker 5: I mean that the questions we ask people determined the 533 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 5: way we connect to them. And so when I think 534 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 5: about the question when I'm doing a time out, how 535 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,199 Speaker 5: does that mess up my kid? What I'm going to 536 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,439 Speaker 5: say to you IM say, I don't want to rock 537 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,400 Speaker 5: down that road with you, like no matter, I just don't. 538 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,199 Speaker 5: I don't think that's a productive road to be on. 539 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,359 Speaker 5: We're either messing up our kid, We're not messing up 540 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,240 Speaker 5: our kid. What I would say instead is okay, well 541 00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:35,960 Speaker 5: tell me what you're trying to accomplish there, right, tell 542 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,640 Speaker 5: me what you're trying to accomplish or what it does 543 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:38,000 Speaker 5: for you. 544 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:38,880 Speaker 4: So let's do that. 545 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:40,760 Speaker 5: What does that do for you when I'm out like 546 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,800 Speaker 5: just totally neutral, like no judgment, What does that help 547 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:43,639 Speaker 5: you with in the moment? 548 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,240 Speaker 7: For me as a parent, it gives me a little 549 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,680 Speaker 7: breathing room. It makes me It also makes me feel 550 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 7: like I'm sending the message to my child that the 551 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,159 Speaker 7: behavior they exhibited is not appropriate. 552 00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 5: This is great, this is what I hear that this 553 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,920 Speaker 5: was such core of my You have to take the punishment. 554 00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:59,280 Speaker 5: I'm going to send it to you after the timeouts 555 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 5: don't work. I want to do instead because I really 556 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,480 Speaker 5: think you'll love it, because I think you can tell 557 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 5: talking to me. Nothing about me is like soft. It's 558 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,239 Speaker 5: why I don't like the term gentle parenting. I'm like, 559 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 5: in the list of adjectives I used to describe myself, 560 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 5: gentle is just nowhere on the list. But that doesn't 561 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,280 Speaker 5: mean it's me. So here's the thing about a time out. 562 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,719 Speaker 5: Let's use that basketball example, Like, if you watched your 563 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:20,639 Speaker 5: kids basketball coach give them a timeout for missing a layup, 564 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,280 Speaker 5: I can't imagine you'd think that was productive. And if 565 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,200 Speaker 5: the coach is like, well, I just don't want your 566 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:28,520 Speaker 5: kid to think that. I think it's so pay that 567 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 5: they miss layups, I don't know about me, I'd be like, 568 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,639 Speaker 5: that doesn't what. It doesn't even make sense, you know, 569 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,240 Speaker 5: because if we take a different example, Let's say you're 570 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,359 Speaker 5: late to work all the time, okay, and you have 571 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:43,080 Speaker 5: a boss who's like, you know what, Emily, you've been 572 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,080 Speaker 5: late to work where we're not ordering you lunch this week. 573 00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:46,760 Speaker 5: It is totally unacceptable. 574 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 4: Okay, let's just take that and just. 575 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:51,639 Speaker 5: Notice how that feels, okay, Versus let's say you had 576 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,440 Speaker 5: a different boss who said, Hey, i'mily come to my office. 577 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 5: You're not in trouble. You've been really late to work 578 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:02,119 Speaker 5: this week, and look, you're a good employee, Like I 579 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,240 Speaker 5: actually know you want to be productive and get things done, 580 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,040 Speaker 5: which also lets me know you must be kind of 581 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,040 Speaker 5: struggling with something about getting here on time, or maybe 582 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:10,480 Speaker 5: the workplace doesn't feel great for you. I don't know, 583 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 5: you must be struggling with something, And actually I feel 584 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,679 Speaker 5: like what would be most productive is for us just 585 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 5: to get to the bottom of that together. We're on 586 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:19,040 Speaker 5: the same team now. I just want to know, do 587 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,119 Speaker 5: you walk out of your boss's office being like, Wow, 588 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:25,359 Speaker 5: she thinks it's okay for me to get to work late, 589 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 5: Like I just like, I don't know anyone who would 590 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:27,440 Speaker 5: think that. 591 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:28,000 Speaker 4: Yeah. 592 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 5: No, totally such a common mindset, but when you actually 593 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 5: break it down, it actually doesn't really make sense. We 594 00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,919 Speaker 5: are not kind of animals that are purely responsive to 595 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 5: various reinforcement. We are very, very complicated when we operate 596 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:49,359 Speaker 5: through connection and attachment more than anything else. Trying to 597 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,119 Speaker 5: understand your kid's behavior and then helping them build the 598 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:57,400 Speaker 5: skills they were missing to change that behavior doesn't mean 599 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,879 Speaker 5: you approve of the original behavior, and it actually means 600 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:04,639 Speaker 5: you're just most invested in productive change, which is what 601 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 5: I think all good bosses and probably good parents and 602 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,040 Speaker 5: leaders in general do. The other thing about a timeout, 603 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:11,520 Speaker 5: I think we canna be honest with ourselves, is like, 604 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,200 Speaker 5: what do we think a kid is doing? 605 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:13,680 Speaker 4: Again? 606 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,119 Speaker 5: I'm just like, I'm oriented not by being softw by 607 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:18,600 Speaker 5: being effective, Like I don't know a kid who's like, 608 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,000 Speaker 5: you know what, when I get a time out, I 609 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:24,720 Speaker 5: google have managed my anger toward my mom. So I 610 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 5: don't say I hate you, like what what are they 611 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:28,440 Speaker 5: doing in that room? 612 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:29,000 Speaker 4: Right? 613 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,280 Speaker 5: And so I think what you're saying, though, that's important 614 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:36,399 Speaker 5: most time out parents needs. So what I would shift 615 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 5: is just saying, hey, like, I need a moment to 616 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,600 Speaker 5: come my body and then you and I are going 617 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:43,440 Speaker 5: to figure this out together. I'm on your team. I 618 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,640 Speaker 5: need that moment and maybe in exam thing, Hey, I'm 619 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 5: not going to give you so many timeouts anymore. I 620 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 5: don't really think it's productive. I sometimes need a time 621 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,200 Speaker 5: out to come my body. So the next time something 622 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,520 Speaker 5: hard happens, I might just say, hey, now that time, 623 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,360 Speaker 5: I'm taking a mommy time out for myself. I love you, 624 00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,320 Speaker 5: I'll be back. We're going to figure this out. 625 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:01,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, that the mommy time out. 626 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 5: Has been huge for me. 627 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,880 Speaker 4: Like I feel like it's okay to tell them, like. 628 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,440 Speaker 7: I'm having trouble with this situation right now, I need 629 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 7: a bit. 630 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:09,520 Speaker 4: Okay. 631 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:11,520 Speaker 7: I could talk to you all day and ask you questions. 632 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,120 Speaker 7: I don't want to take up too much of your time, 633 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,720 Speaker 7: Doctor Becky, How can we find you? 634 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 4: Where do we find you? Tell us everything? 635 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:22,200 Speaker 5: Thank you? So everything is a good inside dot com 636 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,400 Speaker 5: if you haven't checked it out, like the website has 637 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,720 Speaker 5: so much there, so all my podcasts you can get 638 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 5: through there. There've been some recommended here if you haven't 639 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,720 Speaker 5: signed up for that Thursday newsletter good Insider. It's a 640 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:33,800 Speaker 5: great way to start to get content that's a little 641 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 5: bit longer than like here on Instagram, which I think 642 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,959 Speaker 5: is something we just deserve to have a little bit 643 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,000 Speaker 5: of a fuller picture. And then if you're sitting here 644 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,840 Speaker 5: being like wow, I deserve kind of ongoing resources and 645 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,880 Speaker 5: support I do have an important job, or someone said 646 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 5: to me in our membership. You know, I used to 647 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,400 Speaker 5: work outside the home before I was a stay at 648 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,440 Speaker 5: home mom, and I always looked at ongoing training as 649 00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,360 Speaker 5: a sign of people belief in me and being really 650 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,200 Speaker 5: good at my job, and like, this is my ongoing 651 00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,840 Speaker 5: kind of training in that way. So I love that. 652 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:02,680 Speaker 5: So our membership is there whether you have a big problem, 653 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,160 Speaker 5: not big, but whether you're like, oh, I'm in the 654 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,480 Speaker 5: midst of like a big cant frum sibling rivalry. I 655 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,840 Speaker 5: promise you we have a workshop for it. Some people 656 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 5: join because they kind of want to start with solving 657 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 5: a problem, and other people join because they're like, you 658 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,040 Speaker 5: know what, I just really want that ongoing community, that 659 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,320 Speaker 5: ongoing support resources. 660 00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:18,960 Speaker 4: I trust. 661 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 5: Right, we just did it great and you're going to 662 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,600 Speaker 5: love this because I'll do the workshop and it'll come 663 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,160 Speaker 5: with membership. How to talk about sex event, Like we 664 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,320 Speaker 5: really get into all the like how do you really 665 00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 5: deal with all these things? 666 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:28,920 Speaker 4: Right? 667 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,040 Speaker 5: Parenting is a journey, and I just like, I really 668 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,160 Speaker 5: mean this, like I'm honored to be so many parents 669 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:35,120 Speaker 5: co pilots there. 670 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 4: Well, I think someone put in the comments and it's 671 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,680 Speaker 4: great non judgmental advice, and I think that is a 672 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 4: lot of what is connecting everyone so much to your advice. 673 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,600 Speaker 4: Thank you so much, doctor Becket. This has been such 674 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,880 Speaker 4: a pleasure to have you on. Thank you so much. Bye. 675 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,720 Speaker 4: Thanks for listening to this special minisot of she Pivots. 676 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,960 Speaker 4: Check back in weekly for more conversations with inspiring women. 677 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:05,200 Speaker 4: To learn more about our guests, follow us on Instagram 678 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:09,440 Speaker 4: at sheep Pivots the podcast. Leave a rating in comment 679 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,160 Speaker 4: if you enjoyed this episode to help others learn about it. 680 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 4: A special thank you to our partner Marie Claire and 681 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:18,360 Speaker 4: the team that made this episode possible. Talk to you 682 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:24,120 Speaker 4: next week. Sheep Pivots is hosted by me Emily Tish Sussman, 683 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:28,760 Speaker 4: produced by Emily eda Veloshik, with sound editing and mixing 684 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:32,680 Speaker 4: from Nina Pollok, and research and planning for Christine Dickinson 685 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:33,760 Speaker 4: and Hannah Cousins. 686 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,560 Speaker 8: I endorsed Cheap Pivots. 687 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,320 Speaker 9: Get the best workout with the best kept secret in fitness, Hydro, 688 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:52,360 Speaker 9: The state of the art at home rower Hydro engages 689 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,160 Speaker 9: eighty six percent of your muscles, delivering the ultimate full 690 00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:58,080 Speaker 9: body workout. 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