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Speaker 1: Coming up on You Need Therapy.

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Speaker 2: One of the questions you gave me is like, what

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Speaker 2: are things that great leaders do? Man? Great leaders just

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Speaker 2: like great therapists or great helpers. They are constantly investing

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Speaker 2: in themselves and trying to make themselves better first so

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Speaker 2: that they can have better influence on the people around them.

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Speaker 2: I started to realize that not being an expert isn't

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Speaker 2: a liability, it's a real gift. If we don't know

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Speaker 2: something about ourselves at this point in our life, it's

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Speaker 2: probably because it's uncomfortable to know. If you can die

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Speaker 2: before you die, then you can really live. There's a

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Speaker 2: wisdom at death's door.

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Speaker 1: I thought I was insane.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I didn't know what to do because there

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Speaker 2: was no Internet. I don't know, man, I'm like, I

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Speaker 2: feel like everything is hard.

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Speaker 3: Hey, y'all, my name is Kat. I'm a human first

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Speaker 3: and a licensed therapist second. And right now I'm inviting

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Speaker 3: you into conversations that I hope incur you to become

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Speaker 3: more curious and less judgmental about yourself, others, and the

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Speaker 3: world around you.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to You Need.

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Speaker 3: Therapy, Hi guys, and welcome back to another Monday episode

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Speaker 3: of You Need therapy podcast.

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Speaker 1: My name's kat I.

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Speaker 3: Am the host, and here is your quick reminder that

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Speaker 3: although the podcast is called You Need Therapy and I'm

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Speaker 3: a therapist, this does not and cannot serve as a

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Speaker 3: replacement for any actual mental health services. But we always

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Speaker 3: hope that it can be helpful along whatever journey you're on.

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Speaker 3: So this week we have a really awesome guest. It's

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Speaker 3: a returning guest, and he is my friend and former

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Speaker 3: classmate that I met in twenty twelve at Vanderbilt when

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Speaker 3: we both went to grad school for counseling. His name

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Speaker 3: is Luke Durham, and some of you might remember him because,

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Speaker 3: like I said, he was here last year and he

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Speaker 3: talked about what it's like to be a male in

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Speaker 3: a female dominated space, which is kind of weird because

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Speaker 3: it's usually not the norm. We talked about his company

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Speaker 3: and what they do and how they serve communities around

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Speaker 3: our country, and then he's coming back again because we

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Speaker 3: didn't get to focus on this as much. But one

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Speaker 3: of the things that his company, Dreamfoward does is it

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Speaker 3: helps create and sustain really healthy leadership in organizations and communities,

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Speaker 3: and whether you find yourself in a leadership role or

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Speaker 3: you're finding yourself being led by people. We can't get

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Speaker 3: away from that idea leadership and what makes a good

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Speaker 3: healthy leader. So this is an episode that I think

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Speaker 3: really can impact and help anybody because one, there's just

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Speaker 3: so many really good nuggets in here that Luke offers us.

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Speaker 3: But again, all of us are going to touch leadership

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Speaker 3: some point, if not always, in our lives. So I

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Speaker 3: hope that you guys like this episode. I hope that

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Speaker 3: you enjoy as much as I enjoy talking to Luke.

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Speaker 1: Hearing what he has to say.

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Speaker 3: If you really find yourself loving it, you can learn

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Speaker 3: more and reach out and get more information about what

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Speaker 3: he does and how he serves by going to dreamfor

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Speaker 3: dot Co. So Dream and then the number four dot Co.

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Speaker 3: I will put all of this stuff in the show

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Speaker 3: notes so you can just click and find a way

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Speaker 3: to reach Luke and his team and his company. Luke,

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Speaker 3: thank you so much for having this conversation with me.

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Speaker 3: I know that you enjoyed it as much as I did,

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Speaker 3: And there will be probably more of him as a guest,

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Speaker 3: because again, he does have so much good stuff to

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Speaker 3: say and so many good experiences that have led him

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Speaker 3: to be able to offer that to us. So, without

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Speaker 3: any further rambling from me, here is my conversation with

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Speaker 3: my friend Luke. So I brought Luke back or I'm

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Speaker 3: bringing Luke back to talk about We talked about a

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Speaker 3: lot of stuff the last time he was on. We

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Speaker 3: talked about going back to school for a career. We

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Speaker 3: talked about learning about how to be a therapist.

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Speaker 1: We talked about.

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Speaker 3: Being a male in a female heavy industry, and also

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Speaker 3: what he does and this time we'll talk a little

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Speaker 3: bit about that. But my main goal is for him

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Speaker 3: to talk to us about his beliefs on leadership because

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Speaker 3: that is something that he focuses on every single day.

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Speaker 1: Basically at his job.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 3: So with that being said, can you give a refresh

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Speaker 3: on what you're doing your company and then enter us

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Speaker 3: into this leadership realm that to me is newer?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely so. Dream for our company is a personal

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Speaker 2: well being and leadership development company, meaning we partner with

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Speaker 2: organizations to help them become healthier by investing in their

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Speaker 2: people as people, professionals, leaders and teams. Right is, every

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Speaker 2: part of that organization needs to be healthy for it

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Speaker 2: to thrive. And so where we started was really is

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Speaker 2: providing life coaching services as a part of a company's

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Speaker 2: benefit package right to be able to help companies employees

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Speaker 2: just be healthier deal with their problems in life, because

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Speaker 2: when they're doing better personally, they do better professionally. And

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Speaker 2: so that is the main thing that Dreamforce started from.

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Speaker 2: And what we started to find overdoing that is we

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Speaker 2: would come in and invest in these people inside of

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Speaker 2: their organizations, but that was from the bottom up of

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Speaker 2: the company, and they were getting no investment from the

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Speaker 2: top down. And so as these employees were improving, they

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Speaker 2: were still running into leaders who didn't really know how

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Speaker 2: to lead. And so what we wanted to do was

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Speaker 2: take a more healthy and holistic approach to investing in

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Speaker 2: leaders inside of organizations. And that really comes from human skills, right,

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Speaker 2: the stuff that we learned in graduate school, right, how

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Speaker 2: to have empathy, how to have difficult conversations, how to

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Speaker 2: deal with conflict, how to truly be an active listener.

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Speaker 2: That's what we want to teach inside of leadership development.

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Speaker 2: There's so many people that kind of exist in this

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Speaker 2: leadership consulting world, and I'm not saying they all do

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Speaker 2: it poorly at all. There's value in what they do,

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Speaker 2: but these half day speaking engagements, are these off site retreats,

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Speaker 2: these one little things. Hey, if we just come in

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Speaker 2: and be really inspirational and give you thesets and say great,

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Speaker 2: now you're leaders. Like, that's not how it works. You know.

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Speaker 2: Just as people visuals were made to change, were made

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Speaker 2: to grow, we're made to develop. That's how training to

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Speaker 2: leadership should be approached is that it's an ongoing process.

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Speaker 2: You never really arrive, right, there's no idealistic future or

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Speaker 2: a degree that you get that says congratulations, now you're

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Speaker 2: a great leader. And so we wanted to take that

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Speaker 2: different approach to leadership and really now have a three

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Speaker 2: year curriculum that has metrics with it and measurables with

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Speaker 2: it to something that is can sometimes be hard to measure,

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Speaker 2: which is those human skills. And when we can help

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Speaker 2: leaders understand what that looks like, they start to become

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Speaker 2: more influential and powerful. And that's really what leadership is, right,

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Speaker 2: It's influence in that role that you were given or

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Speaker 2: assigned or promoted to. And a job is that you

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Speaker 2: touch people's lives every day and have influence over them.

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Speaker 2: And what we try to teach and what's the core

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Speaker 2: of our leadership is the main goal of a leader

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Speaker 2: should be the development and support of the people that

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Speaker 2: support or report to you. You become irreplaceable by training

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Speaker 2: your replacements, and that kind of turns leadership on its head,

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Speaker 2: is that it's really about developing those people that report

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Speaker 2: to you, and so it should be an ongoing process.

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Speaker 2: It's not just a one day thing. And what we

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Speaker 2: have seen now in the last few years, as we

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Speaker 2: have developed this curriculum and partner with organizations to do it,

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Speaker 2: they are getting leaders that truly know how to lead.

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Speaker 2: Leadership isn't some innate quality that you're born with. It

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Speaker 2: can be learned and they're learning it and it's making

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Speaker 2: a difference and how they interact with their people.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so a couple of things caught my brain as

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Speaker 3: you were speaking. One of those was, what did you

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Speaker 3: say the replaceable quote?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Again, so you become irreplaceable by training your replacements,

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Speaker 2: meaning like, if you want to have impact as a

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Speaker 2: leader and you want to make a difference as a leader,

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Speaker 2: the best way that you can do that for your

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Speaker 2: organization and yourself is that you help your people get better.

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Speaker 2: You help them develop, mature, grow support. Right, like so

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Speaker 2: as a therapist, right, Like Kat, you're constantly trying to

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Speaker 2: work yourself out of a job, right right, Like you

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Speaker 2: want your clients to get better to leave, right, Like

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Speaker 2: there should be an end date in this, And I

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Speaker 2: kind of think that's what leadership should be too, is

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Speaker 2: like you should want these people to grow, to develop,

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Speaker 2: to get better at their jobs so that if and

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Speaker 2: when you leave, they could do that job or they

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Speaker 2: have the opportunity to move up. But there's so much

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Speaker 2: ego inside of kind of American corporate leadership, right of

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Speaker 2: like fear based, like well, can't have this person get

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Speaker 2: too good because then they'll make more money for me

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Speaker 2: or take my job. That's so unhealthy. Like I said,

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Speaker 2: we're trying to turn it on its head and get

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Speaker 2: people to embrace like true leadership is only about making

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Speaker 2: your people better. And when your people get better, then

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Speaker 2: your department, your area, your influence gets better, and like

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Speaker 2: that's attributable to you. Yeaheah, that's attributable to the leader.

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Speaker 2: But people don't see it that way all the time.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's like this kind of like there's some scarcity

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Speaker 3: mindset in that I feel, because when you said there's

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Speaker 3: so much much ego, and there is like there's this

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Speaker 3: fear that, well, I can't It's almost like we gate

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Speaker 3: keep secrets as a leader, like I can't teach you

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Speaker 3: how to do x y z, I can't delegate x

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Speaker 3: y z, because then what if you can do that

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Speaker 3: and then I'm no longer needed. But what I'm hearing

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Speaker 3: you say and what I feel like I feel is

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Speaker 3: if you have this reputation of creating really healthy groups

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Speaker 3: of people in communities and you help elevate other people,

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Speaker 3: there's always going to be a line of people at

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Speaker 3: your door who are going to want a taste of that.

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Speaker 3: Like if your culture is that's gonna end up being

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Speaker 3: contagious versus oh, guess what, all these people can do

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Speaker 3: this better than you. So you're out of a job

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Speaker 3: and these people that you trained are going to come

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Speaker 3: take your job. While that might happen, I don't work

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Speaker 3: in those kinds of organizations, so I can't really speak

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Speaker 3: to that, but I just feel like that is something

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Speaker 3: I see over and over and over of not in

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Speaker 3: my own life, because again I think I work in

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Speaker 3: a different kind of environment, but especially with clients and

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Speaker 3: people that I know in the world, it's that I

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Speaker 3: have to stay up here at the top, like to

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Speaker 3: be a leader, and to become a leader, I have

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Speaker 3: to climb this ladder and then I have to stay

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Speaker 3: at the top wrong, and anybody who gets closer to me,

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Speaker 3: I need to find some kind of shield to keep

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Speaker 3: them at least two or three below me.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, I mean it's you mentioned the ladder. It's this

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Speaker 2: idea that I pervades again. American corporate culture is that

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Speaker 2: the goal is growth, right, the goal is just to

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Speaker 2: achieve the next position or the next title, or the

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Speaker 2: bigger office or the higher paycheck. And we pursue positional

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Speaker 2: leadership right for stature or title or income or whatever

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Speaker 2: else it is. But positional leadership is BS, I mean,

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Speaker 2: because it's all interfocused, right, It's about the become selfish

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Speaker 2: and like the most mature leaders should be really really

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Speaker 2: excited about deflecting praise and should all go down to

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Speaker 2: their people. It should not be about you anymore. It

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Speaker 2: should be about what your people have done, what your

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Speaker 2: team has done, and taking a healthy amount of pride

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Speaker 2: and seeing that success. And like you said, for the

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Speaker 2: most part, they are leaders out there that when ever

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Speaker 2: they feel like somebody else is doing something awesome, or

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Speaker 2: somebody that reports to them is succeeding. They want to

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Speaker 2: build this barrier and then shoint it back on themselves, like, well,

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Speaker 2: they couldn't have done it without me, you know, this

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Speaker 2: idea was really mine. Man. That's sad, like, that's that's

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Speaker 2: just it's it's not healthy. So many of the clients

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Speaker 2: that we work with, right the number one thing that

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Speaker 2: they bring up to us is, hey, is this going

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Speaker 2: to help with retention?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: They're so concerned about keeping their people.

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Speaker 3: Oh, because right now that's a huge problem. Everywhere. People

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Speaker 3: are leaving every six months. I feel like, and again,

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Speaker 3: I'm not in this world, but just knowing what I

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Speaker 3: know from growing up, my experience is that our parents

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Speaker 3: would stay at jobs.

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Speaker 1: For thirty years or ten years or whatever.

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Speaker 3: And maybe it's not always a bad thing, but there's

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Speaker 3: no there's less I want to stay in this environment,

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Speaker 3: in this culture, in this community. It's more I'm going

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Speaker 3: to leave jump this isn't working. I'm going to go here.

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Speaker 3: And it feels like everybody it's like wherever you go,

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Speaker 3: there you are. I'm finding the same problems in every

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Speaker 3: organization that I'm hopping to.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, and so like, the work is so different than

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Speaker 2: it was twenty thirty, even ten years ago. Is that

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Speaker 2: back then work was segmented, right like our parents, that generation,

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Speaker 2: they went to the same place over and over again

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Speaker 2: every day, and then they would you know, they'd work

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Speaker 2: for thirty years, retire, get a watch, and hey, hey

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Speaker 2: that was it. But their work and their lives were segmented.

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Speaker 2: You'd go to work and then you would come home,

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Speaker 2: and then you'd have your community, whether that was a

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Speaker 2: faith community or whether that was a neighborhood community. Everything

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Speaker 2: was segmented. But now people's expectation of work, everything is

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Speaker 2: more blended. And so they want to go work in

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Speaker 2: a place that they feel appreciated, They feel valued, They

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Speaker 2: see what their path is to grow and have success.

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Speaker 2: They don't want bosses, They want somebody to take them

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Speaker 2: through that. They don't want just paychecks. They want purpose.

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Speaker 2: And if you're worried about retention, whe do you think

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Speaker 2: people are going to stay. Are they going to stay

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Speaker 2: at a place where they feel valued and cared about

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Speaker 2: and invested in and grown. Are they going to stay

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Speaker 2: in a place where their leaders or their bosses are

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Speaker 2: only worried about the bottom lines or the checklists or

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Speaker 2: all of those things. Like leadership has got to be

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Speaker 2: and organizations have to just become more holistic and care

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Speaker 2: about their actual people and not just what they produce.

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Speaker 3: And this goes back to because I think sometimes this

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Speaker 3: conversation can get turned on the just like the employee,

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Speaker 3: Like the employee is jumping around and like they need

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Speaker 3: to learn how to stay somewhere.

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Speaker 1: But this going back to what you said in the beginning, Well.

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Speaker 2: Those millennials, right, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Horrible, and gen Z is even worse.

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Speaker 3: Yeah right, I've in so many debates about this with

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Speaker 3: by own parents. But anyway, that goes back to you saying,

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Speaker 3: like you started working like bottom up with the employees

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Speaker 3: and investing, but then you learned that, like this has

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Speaker 3: to be a top down thing. So if the people

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Speaker 3: at the top of your organization have that ego mindset

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Speaker 3: of a leader, have that I have to stay on

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Speaker 3: top mindset of a leader, then it doesn't matter what

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Speaker 3: you do with the bottom, with your with your employees.

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Speaker 3: If I don't feel safe and I don't feel cared about,

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Speaker 3: and I don't feel like these people are giving credit

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Speaker 3: where credit is due, then of course I'm going to

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Speaker 3: end up leaving, or of course I'm going to misread things,

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Speaker 3: or of course there's going to be drama in the workplace.

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Speaker 3: But to me in this it's going to lead into

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Speaker 3: something else but a really good leader. And the good

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Speaker 3: leaders that I've been around in a part of in

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Speaker 3: my life have been people that did not maintain the

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Speaker 3: highest level of talent at what.

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Speaker 1: We were doing.

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Speaker 3: I use this example with you when we talked about

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Speaker 3: this episode to begin with. Growing up, I remember like

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Speaker 3: voting for captains for like the soccer team, everybody voted

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Speaker 3: for the best player, right, so it was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: so and so, I'm going to vote for so and

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Speaker 3: so she's the best player. I think that partly is

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Speaker 3: because we don't really know what to do. But the

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Speaker 3: best player is very different than like the best leader

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Speaker 3: on the team. You can be the best leader on

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Speaker 3: the team and play five minutes a game. You can

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Speaker 3: take the stats and be the best leader, but we

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Speaker 3: don't really know that. I think it makes sense as

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Speaker 3: a high schooler because we're in a stage of development

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Speaker 3: where ego is very prominent. But as we're growing, we

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Speaker 3: still keep that mindset and it seems like the leader

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Speaker 3: is going to be the best person, and that works

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Speaker 3: both ways. The leader thinks that and then we think that,

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Speaker 3: and I'm finding that isn't the healthiest way to run

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Speaker 3: any kind of organization, not just a company. So in

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Speaker 3: your mind, in your way of viewing good leadership, what

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Speaker 3: do you see as somebody who makes the best leader?

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Speaker 1: What are the qualities that the best leader has?

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Speaker 2: So I'll speak to kind of what you were talking

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Speaker 2: about there first, but this is kind of borrowed a

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Speaker 2: little bit from a guy named Simon Sinek who lives

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Speaker 2: in the leaderleadership and corporate wellness world. Is that I

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Speaker 2: look at it like an X Y axis, right a graph.

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Speaker 2: Is that one of those whichever which ever side is

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Speaker 2: kind of the human skills or let's start with the

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Speaker 2: hard skills, right, like the talent that you're talking about

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Speaker 2: on the soccer field, right, how well do they do

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Speaker 2: their actual job? And the other part of that graph

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Speaker 2: would be the human skills, right, what people used to

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Speaker 2: call soft skills, Like what we talked about in the beginning.

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Speaker 2: The best leaders are not always the people that just

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Speaker 2: excel at the hard skills of doing their job. The

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Speaker 2: best leaders are the ones that can connect and utilize

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Speaker 2: their influence well with the people around them, right, that

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Speaker 2: can have a level of empathy in selflessness, that they

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Speaker 2: can be authentic, that they can have difficult conversations, that

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Speaker 2: they can resolve conflict, that they're willing to delegate and

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Speaker 2: not micromanage. And so what I see as the healthiest

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Speaker 2: leaders excel in human skills and they're at least competent

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Speaker 2: in the hard skills. But they don't have to be

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Speaker 2: the best at that, but they have to be good

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Speaker 2: at it. They have to know what they're doing. But

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Speaker 2: the best leaders really are excellent at the human skills

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Speaker 2: stuff that we teach, and that's what our curriculums based

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Speaker 2: around of is that.

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Speaker 3: And it makes sense when you just talk about it

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Speaker 3: and you don't have your own emotion involved. Of If

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Speaker 3: I'm leading an organization, of course I want a team

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Speaker 3: of people that are better at I.

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Speaker 1: Don't want just me to be good at what we're doing.

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Speaker 3: I want to be able to Like, let's just I'm

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Speaker 3: a therapist and I have people that work for me

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Speaker 3: in a practice. I don't want people sending in an

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Speaker 3: email only wanting to work with me throughout my team,

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Speaker 3: Like I want people to be able to send an

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Speaker 3: email in and be like, I don't care who you

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Speaker 3: place me with, but I know that you guys have

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Speaker 3: a good reputation for having good therapists. Because if I'm

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Speaker 3: the one that's maintaining the best talent, then I'm going

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Speaker 3: to end up being exhausted exactly. Yeah, I might feel like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm so great whatever. I'm not something that cares about

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Speaker 3: that as much, but I want to offset that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean, like you said, there's a shelf

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Speaker 2: life to it. You'll be exhausted because if you're the

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Speaker 2: only one and you're protecting that for yourself, that is

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Speaker 2: not sustainable, right, And so there's this idea that leadership

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Speaker 2: is lonely, not if you're doing it well.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be the smartest person in my company.

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Speaker 2: I want to be the dumbest person in the room.

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Speaker 2: Like I want to bring in people to my organization

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Speaker 2: that are better than me, because that's going to make

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Speaker 2: us better, that's going to make Dream four more successful

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Speaker 2: in all of those things. But there are again people's

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Speaker 2: ego and people's fear that scarcity mindset doesn't lend to that. Right.

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Speaker 2: They want to protect what they've created or protect their

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Speaker 2: ego or protect what they've been able to build. But

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Speaker 2: you shouldn't want to be the only person to be

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Speaker 2: the only thing. And that, let me say it this way,

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Speaker 2: is that the most healthy organizations are based on process

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Speaker 2: and not people. Okay, So, like I think about how

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Speaker 2: we've built our company, is that the success of this

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00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 2: organization shouldn't organization shouldn't be reliant on me or any

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Speaker 2: one of my employees. It should be based on the

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Speaker 2: things that we create and the process by which we

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Speaker 2: do it. Leadership development. Somebody shouldn't want to hire Luke Derham.

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Speaker 2: Somebody shouldn't want to hire Dream four. My job is

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Speaker 2: to create the process of Dream four. And the best

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Speaker 2: way I can do that is surround myself with better

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Speaker 2: people and help them get better at their job. I

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Speaker 2: hope that I'm leading our organization healthily. I think that's

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Speaker 2: missing and so much of our so many of our organizations.

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Speaker 3: So what I'm thinking about, as we're talking about build

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Speaker 3: bilding up the talent of our organization and the people

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Speaker 3: below us, how would you as a leader maintain that respect?

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Speaker 1: As sure? What I want to say is like respect

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Speaker 1: is I'm still above you? Does that make sense?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 1: How like respect the authority, Yes, yes, yes.

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Speaker 3: How do you maintain that without it being like this

399
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Speaker 3: dictatorship kind of vibe?

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Speaker 2: I think that is the healthiest versions of leaders. They

401
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:31,280
Speaker 2: work on building that true vulnerability based trust first, right,

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Speaker 2: And what I mean by that that trust is not

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Speaker 2: just hey, if I hand you an assignment or give

404
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 2: you a job to do, that you're going to do

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00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:42,119
Speaker 2: it well and on time, but that I create a

406
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,520
Speaker 2: space that, like you said earlier, where you feel safe

407
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:49,719
Speaker 2: that you can be yourself and that your strengths, your weaknesses,

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00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,280
Speaker 2: especially your weaknesses or blind spots, are not going to

409
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 2: be held against you. Right. If I can create that

410
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 2: space where you feel free to express yourself, to be

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00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 2: who you are to do those things like that trust,

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Speaker 2: that level of vulnerability based trust where you can be

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Speaker 2: authentic and you create an authentic work environment, Like how

414
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 2: much more do you respect me for creating that space?

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Speaker 2: Then being somebody that walks into a meeting and goes, Catherine,

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Speaker 2: where's that report? Do you get it done? Right?

417
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 3: Like?

418
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,159
Speaker 2: All that creates is I mean truly what it creates

419
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 2: its feet And that's that's all you're doing, is trying

420
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 2: to get stuff done well and on time, so you

421
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 2: don't get reprimanded or fired or whatever else. But if

422
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 2: the leader can create a space where and their people

423
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 2: can feel like they can be themselves and be authentic

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00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 2: and that's valued and trusted, that engenders this idea of respect.

425
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 2: And you don't have to be a dictator about it.

426
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:52,360
Speaker 2: You don't have to demand respect. Me. Respect is it's earned.

427
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 2: And what we talk about is that you've heard it.

428
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,680
Speaker 2: And in the past we've talked about how we look

429
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 2: at our model and development of people and organizations. The

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00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 2: end goal for leaders should be to earn stature and

431
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 2: a stature. To me, right, is that X Y access

432
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,679
Speaker 2: between human skills and hard skills, and that that stature

433
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,520
Speaker 2: is that you got people lining up outside your door

434
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:21,919
Speaker 2: because they trust you, because they respect you, they want

435
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 2: to do better, buy you for you with you. You

436
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,199
Speaker 2: can't you can't earn that stature if you're just micromanaging,

437
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 2: demanding and leading by fear. You earn that by allowing

438
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 2: your people to be themselves and to grow. So many leaders,

439
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 2: right is do it the way that I used to

440
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 2: do it, you know, Just do it the way I

441
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 2: did it. Look at me, I succeeded. Right, Just do

442
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 2: it this way. Now. People are unique and different, and

443
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 2: the best way to do it is is to give

444
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 2: somebody expectations, guidelines, and then they'll let them go execute

445
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:59,479
Speaker 2: and you support them through that. That breeds this idea

446
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 2: of respect or what we would call stature.

447
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,639
Speaker 3: That reminds me of the same kind of idea of

448
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 3: how do you have respect in a relationship? Where if

449
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 3: I try to earn respect in my relationship with a

450
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:15,919
Speaker 3: partner by scaring them, that's not really respect. I'm just

451
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 3: afraid of you, and I'm acting out of fear, not

452
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 3: out of trust and respect and love.

453
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:21,160
Speaker 1: So it's the same thing.

454
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,159
Speaker 3: But if I come to you and I am vulnerable

455
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,159
Speaker 3: with you and I talk with you like you're a human,

456
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 3: that I'm naturally going to give that back to you

457
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 3: versus do what you say because I'm scared and I

458
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 3: don't want to be in that relationship.

459
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 2: No, And it's all too common and kind of the

460
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 2: inside of organizations all over the place right now, is

461
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 2: that people are afraid of their bosses and they're doing

462
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 2: things because they're afraid of what's going to happen to them.

463
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 2: There's not an authentic connection with the people that they

464
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:54,439
Speaker 2: work with. And so Kat, you're talking about it like

465
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 2: the it is a relationship. I mean it's not the

466
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 2: same as a you a partnership, you know, a romantic relationship,

467
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 2: but it's really close. Yeah, Like these are human interactions,

468
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 2: and so I think respect is earned the exact same way,

469
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 2: which is genuine, authentic, vulnerable, vulnerability based trust. And that's

470
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 2: that's how you create That's how you create retention, that's

471
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 2: how you create a healthy team, that's how you create

472
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,120
Speaker 2: a healthy environment. As you build relationships in the workplace

473
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 2: very similarly that you would build them outside of it.

474
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 3: You mentioned people saying like do it like I used

475
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 3: to do it, or do it like I do it,

476
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 3: or do what I did at worked.

477
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:39,120
Speaker 1: I feel like I see that a lot.

478
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,880
Speaker 3: I've experienced that a lot, and especially I think two

479
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:46,359
Speaker 3: things that I've done are very It's different than I

480
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 3: guess a marketing job or a finance job, because there

481
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:52,120
Speaker 3: are certain things you just have to do certain ways

482
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 3: that way. But in therapy and in my old part

483
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 3: time job of teaching cycling, everything do you do for

484
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 3: the most part, I mean, there are technical parts, but

485
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 3: it's very personality based. Like there are so many different

486
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:08,880
Speaker 3: kinds of therapists. There's so many different kinds of fitness

487
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 3: instructors and all of that, and so often when you

488
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,199
Speaker 3: go to a training or a workshop or something like this.

489
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 3: I see this more in the fitness world than in

490
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 3: therapy because I think those people are probably more connected

491
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 3: and they've worked on their ego and they've done more

492
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,119
Speaker 3: that kind of stuff. But you hear that all the

493
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 3: time of like, leaders are wanting you to be a

494
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 3: not just have the talent of them, they want you

495
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 3: to be a replica of them, right, absolutely, So, so

496
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 3: how do you work with leaders? And what would you

497
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 3: say to a leader? Because I get why somebody would

498
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,400
Speaker 3: say that. I get why somebody would be like, well,

499
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 3: this is working, and so just do it. Can't you

500
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 3: just do what I'm doing? Because it would probably work

501
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 3: for you. What would you say to somebody who's stuck

502
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 3: in that mindset of like, but why wouldn't I want

503
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:53,199
Speaker 3: them to be like me?

504
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 1: Because what I did is got me here?

505
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 2: Everybody is different, everybody. I think that just as a

506
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 2: human being and then as a professional as a leader

507
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 2: of all of that stuff, where you find your best

508
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 2: performance is an authenticity, is a genuineness that you're being

509
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,679
Speaker 2: true to who you are. Right, if I go and

510
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 2: try to run this company like somebody else that's out

511
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 2: there now, I can learn from mentors in my life

512
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 2: or people that have written books about how to start

513
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 2: companies and all of those things. But if I'm not

514
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 2: doing it true to myself, if I'm not being who

515
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:31,199
Speaker 2: I am, there's absolutely no sustainability in that. That's not

516
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,199
Speaker 2: going to work. I'm going to be burnt out, I'm

517
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,119
Speaker 2: going to be exhausted, I'm going to be frustrated because

518
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,880
Speaker 2: I'm not who I am in it. And so what

519
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 2: I want leaders to understand is the most important thing

520
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 2: that you can bring to this is knowing who you.

521
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 3: Are and getting your people to know who they are too,

522
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:50,920
Speaker 3: right absolutely help.

523
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 2: Them and that process of self awareness.

524
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:54,920
Speaker 3: I want to know what you think about this. That

525
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 3: made me think of like being an intern as a therapist,

526
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 3: you don't really know what kind of you want to

527
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 3: be until you really get in there. And I got

528
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,919
Speaker 3: to experience a lot of different type of therapy, and

529
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 3: there are some things that I was just like, I

530
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 3: feel so uncomfortable and I feel like I'm acting like

531
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 3: this is just not me, and it doesn't mean it's

532
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 3: bad like they are just these therapists that are I

533
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 3: envy them that are just like so like calm, and

534
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 3: they have this voice and they're very earthy and they're

535
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 3: just like very naturally and that's not me. Very like naturally,

536
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 3: like very somadic is where they just go and it's

537
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 3: it's so cool. But I remember going to a training

538
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 3: and a somatic training which I learned a ton of

539
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 3: information that's so helpful. But I had to wrestle with

540
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 3: this of like wait, but I want to be like

541
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 3: this therapist that I really look up to that think

542
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 3: is really good, and that's not authentic to me, so

543
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 3: when I do it, it doesn't really work. It would be

544
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 3: like somebody who is a fitness instructor who really likes

545
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 3: I mean me, who like really likes Britney Spears, But

546
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 3: I want to be like so and so who only

547
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 3: plays I don't know, like EDM in the club, Like

548
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 3: I don't know, like I'm going to be more upbeat

549
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 3: and pop and da da da and not. So we

550
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 3: can't emulate because then it goes back to like people

551
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 3: aren't going to be attracted to that. Clients aren't going

552
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 3: to keep coming to me if they can sense how

553
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 3: awkward I feel trying to be like somebody else.

554
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 2: Incongruent living is exhausting. Yes, yeah, hey, I think that's brene.

555
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 2: But like if you if you're trying to be somebody else, right,

556
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 2: it's like putting on a mask and putting on armor

557
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 2: to try to emulate or be like somebody else, and

558
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 2: it will be exhausting and it won't be authentic.

559
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: And you'll burn out.

560
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 2: Guess what, And guess what. People don't follow fake. Yeah,

561
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 2: people smell fake a mile away and they're like, Oh,

562
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 2: that's just a nack, that's just a game, that's whatever

563
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 2: this is. I mean, you know this, Like I think

564
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 2: it's the whole journey of why people should go to

565
00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 2: therapy is like self awareness. Self awareness is a souper power.

566
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 2: And it's not just knowing who you are and what

567
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 2: you're good at and who you should be, but it's

568
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 2: it's that you're comfortable in it.

569
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 3: Self awareness is a hot topic for me because I

570
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 3: feel like it's such a buzzword right now. Everybody wants

571
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 3: to say they have it, but nobody really wants to

572
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 3: have it because it's work.

573
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 1: If somebody said this.

574
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,280
Speaker 3: Maybe two years ago, that I was interviewing, she said,

575
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 3: self awareness is the awareness of how much I don't know.

576
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 3: It's me coming into the realization that I am very limited.

577
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 3: And most leaders that are in these toxic kind of environments,

578
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 3: they don't really want self awareness, but they want to

579
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 3: tell people that they have it, because it's almost like

580
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 3: a shield that's like I know or like I'm up here,

581
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 3: and no self awareness means that I know how many

582
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 3: things out there I can't do and I need to

583
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 3: pull somebody in to help me with Yeah.

584
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 2: Absolutely, so, I mean, like, let's go back to graduate school, right,

585
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 2: do you remember the Jahari window, like the open area

586
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 2: area and all that stuff. Like our little known area

587
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,120
Speaker 2: here is pretty darn small. The goal of self awareness

588
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 2: should be to expand into all those other areas have

589
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 2: experiences that challenge how we think and believe. It should

590
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,360
Speaker 2: be to have people in our lives that can point

591
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 2: out here are the blind spots. It can to be

592
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 2: more comfortable in sharing that hidden area and that facade.

593
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 2: And so like every time that we start leadership with

594
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 2: a new organization or a new team, is that we

595
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 2: start with a personality assessment. We use strengths finders. I'm

596
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 2: a big positive Psychology Guide, and that's why we chose it,

597
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 2: and it's not dichotomous. And so it starts with, let's

598
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 2: explore who you are, who you naturally are, how you

599
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 2: naturally interact with the world, and start to become comfortable

600
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 2: with that, and then imagine how powerful it is to

601
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 2: get a group of people to all in a room

602
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 2: to share who they are, and so that you start

603
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 2: to understand how your teammates or how your direct reports,

604
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 2: how they think, and how they naturally interact with the world,

605
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 2: how they process in information, and they understand that about you.

606
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 2: And so when you get that, that starts to open

607
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 2: up that trust to build that team. And with that

608
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 2: self awareness becomes, oh, I get why this person thinks

609
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 2: this way or speaks this way or does it this way.

610
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 2: And you don't just look at your boss or somebody

611
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 2: else you go, well, that person's a jerk or that

612
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 2: person's whatever. No, you go, oh, I get where they're

613
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 2: coming from and how they think. Man, if you can

614
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 2: do that inside of and I get to every day,

615
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,760
Speaker 2: which is awesome. When you do that, you watch these

616
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:41,680
Speaker 2: walls break down between people, Like the first time I

617
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 2: finally got my wife to take strengths Finders like two

618
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 2: years ago, and this is how big of a nerd

619
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 2: I am. Like, we're on like our ten year anniversary

620
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 2: trip and like, you know, it'll be fun, babe, Like, hey,

621
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 2: without the kids, let's read each other's strengths finders. But

622
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 2: I'm not kidding you. When she read mine for the

623
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:01,240
Speaker 2: first time, she goes, oh, you're not an ass. That's

624
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 2: just how you think. And I'm like, hey, I love

625
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 2: you too. Here's in the next ten years. But I

626
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 2: mean it really did help her understand why I think

627
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 2: and act the way that I think can act. So

628
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 2: to me, self awareness is it's being able and willing

629
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 2: to pause inside of everyday life and go, why am

630
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 2: I thinking and acting this way? To be able to

631
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 2: distance yourself enough and not get caught in emotional decisions

632
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 2: or reactionary thinking, but to stop and go, hey, is

633
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 2: this an alignment with who I want to be? Is

634
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 2: what I'm about to say or what I'm about to

635
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 2: do align with the person that I want to be?

636
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 2: It is aligning your being and your doing and really,

637
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 2: really really good leaders. Like one of the questions you

638
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 2: gave me is like, what are things that great leaders do? Man,

639
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 2: great leaders just like great therapists or great helpers. They

640
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 2: are constantly investing in themselves and trying to make themselves

641
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 2: better first so that they can have better influence on.

642
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 3: The people around them, Versus I've gotten to the top,

643
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 3: now I have no more work to do.

644
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 2: Correct. That's the positional leadership, Like, hey, check it out,

645
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 2: I've earned it, and now I just get to go

646
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 2: tell everybody else what to do. No, that leadership is

647
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,919
Speaker 2: lonely and it's ego driven and it's selfish. But when

648
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 2: you earn your place there, like your job should be

649
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 2: to create a tribe and bring those people along with you,

650
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 2: right it is, leadership shouldn't be lonely and you should

651
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:40,760
Speaker 2: be training, developing, and supporting your replacements.

652
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 1: I think I've got caught in this.

653
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:45,360
Speaker 3: I will say I will take responsibility for having this

654
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:48,760
Speaker 3: mindset at times. But when you work really, really hard

655
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,880
Speaker 3: to get to where you are, there is a lot

656
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 3: of pain in getting to a place that people look

657
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 3: at and say like, oh, I want to be there

658
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 3: one day, or that's so cool, Like there is so

659
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 3: much behind the scenes, I think pain and just like

660
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 3: wrestling and a lot of stuff. So I feel like

661
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,280
Speaker 3: I've got caught, and I've had to catch myself getting

662
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 3: in this mindset of everybody else should have to work

663
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 3: that hard too, and everybody else should have to go

664
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 3: through that too, versus I feel like a healthy way

665
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 3: to view that is I crawled through these trenches and

666
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 3: dug these holes, so we now have a path where

667
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,800
Speaker 3: you don't have to do that absolutely, And I feel

668
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 3: like that that goes back to ego. It's something that

669
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 3: I just have seen in my own life and I

670
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 3: see in people around me as I've had to do

671
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,399
Speaker 3: all this, It's not fair for you just to come

672
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 3: and like have this cake walk. But also yeah, yeah,

673
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 3: but also why why why should somebody have to I

674
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 3: want people to want to work that hard, but I

675
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 3: don't want people to have to go through what was

676
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:55,280
Speaker 3: really painful for me just for the sake of going

677
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 3: through it.

678
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:58,800
Speaker 2: Now, your journey, right is your journey somebody should and

679
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 2: else have to necessarily experience the pitfalls or the challenges

680
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,359
Speaker 2: that you did. And the healthy way, right, like you said,

681
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 2: is that you should want to have blazed a path

682
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 2: to where we can avoid those potential pitfalls. So if

683
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 2: there are any people out there that are listening to this,

684
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 2: that are leaders of an organization or leaders of a team,

685
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:20,759
Speaker 2: or find themselves in a position of influence. I'll give

686
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 2: you a quick litmus test to how healthy you're doing

687
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,920
Speaker 2: it is that if you were to leave for two weeks,

688
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 2: whether you're going on vacation or you know, you get

689
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:31,840
Speaker 2: hit by a bus, whatever, if you were to step

690
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:34,600
Speaker 2: outside of your organization for two weeks to four weeks,

691
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 2: would it excel or would it burn to the ground? Right,

692
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,959
Speaker 2: and really ask yourself that question. If I can walk

693
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:46,359
Speaker 2: away for a period of time, would it continue, would

694
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 2: it continue to grow or would it fall apart? And

695
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,720
Speaker 2: if it would fall apart, you're not leading the right way.

696
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,799
Speaker 2: That the success of a team or an organization or

697
00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:00,840
Speaker 2: a leader shouldn't be about that one person. It should

698
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 2: be about whether this thing is sustainable or not. And

699
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 2: one of the ways that I can kind of speak

700
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:10,320
Speaker 2: to seasoned leaders is that like, what kind of legacy

701
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 2: do you want to leave? Like when you go away,

702
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 2: do you really want this thing to crumble when you're gone?

703
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 3: Like?

704
00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 2: No, Like you should want to, you know, build something

705
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:21,719
Speaker 2: that's going to outlive you. Right, I'm trying not to

706
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,440
Speaker 2: start singing Alexander Hamilton. There but like you know that

707
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 2: you should want to do that, and that should that

708
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 2: should be that litmus test is that if you walk away,

709
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 2: does it continue? Does it get better? Otherwise I would

710
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 2: I would argue that you are not leading in the

711
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:39,760
Speaker 2: healthiest way possible.

712
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 3: What have you seen as the hardest realizations for the

713
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 3: people that you've led through your program, for the leaders

714
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 3: that you've led through, what have been the most challenging

715
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 3: parts of that.

716
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 2: I think you were talking about it earlier with self

717
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,480
Speaker 2: awareareness right? Is that we don't want to admit what

718
00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 2: we don't know. And one of the things that I

719
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 2: tell people and leaders all the time is that a

720
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:12,839
Speaker 2: cornerstone of it is this idea of personal accountability or ownership,

721
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,280
Speaker 2: is that you should constantly be holding up a mirror.

722
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:19,320
Speaker 2: Is that when something goes wrong inside of your organization

723
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 2: or one of your people makes a mistake or doesn't

724
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 2: follow through. Instead of going like why did they do this?

725
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:28,479
Speaker 2: Or when are they ever going to get this? Those

726
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 2: why and when questions, they're blaming and they're procrastinating, what

727
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,720
Speaker 2: you should do is go what could I have done

728
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:39,879
Speaker 2: to help them? How could I have poured into them more? Right?

729
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 2: Like those questions are powerful, and so the hardest thing

730
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 2: that people have to do is go as a leader,

731
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:51,720
Speaker 2: as a true influential leader, constantly hold up a mirror

732
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 2: first and go, this is on me. If you buy

733
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 2: into our thesis of your main job is the development

734
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 2: and support of your people. When they screw up, it

735
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,760
Speaker 2: is your fault, not theirs.

736
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 3: I'm so glad you said that I have to bring

737
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 3: up I saw this video or this person on Instagram.

738
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 1: I didn't know who they were.

739
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:12,839
Speaker 3: I want to say that they actually are a therapist

740
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:17,879
Speaker 3: that turned into a leadership development speaker coach. I need

741
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 3: to find so I can say her name, cy Wakeman.

742
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 1: Do you know who that is?

743
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 2: I don't think I did.

744
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm going to send some stuff to you because

745
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 3: I saw this video and then it took me down

746
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 3: a rabbit hole watching these other videos where she was

747
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 3: giving a like example of a employee that came to

748
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:39,280
Speaker 3: her and was just seemed very distraught but was complaining

749
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 3: basically about how I think it was like the IT

750
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,400
Speaker 3: department did something that gave this department a lot of

751
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 3: extra work and messed up their deadline or something like that.

752
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 3: So what she was doing as this person was saying

753
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 3: all this because you know, everybody wants to shift blame.

754
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,480
Speaker 1: It's a survival strategy. I get it, but it also

755
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 1: doesn't really help.

756
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 3: And so it was this, oh my gosh, it gave

757
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 3: us da da da da, and we're going to miss

758
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 3: our deadline. And I didn't know that I had to do.

759
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,359
Speaker 3: And she just responded, okay, so it sounds like you

760
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:14,680
Speaker 3: have more work than you thought you were originally going

761
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 3: to have. Okay, go on, And then they kept going,

762
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 3: and every time they gave the spiel of like really

763
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 3: just negative stuff, she would summarize it in a way

764
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 3: of like, okay, so we have this piece of information,

765
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 3: go on, like trying to like, what's the problem here?

766
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 3: And her thing is she puts on people's name tags.

767
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 3: On the back of their name tags, what can I

768
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 3: do to help? Or what did I do to help?

769
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 3: So she said, okay, so what did you do to help?

770
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 3: And she said, well, I'm.

771
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 1: Coming to you. I'm coming to you. I'm telling you

772
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:41,840
Speaker 1: the problem.

773
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 3: She goes, well, to me, it just sounds like you

774
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 3: used character assassination against other people in our company, and

775
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:51,239
Speaker 3: so I don't know that's very helpful. So she took

776
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 3: that person straight to the IT department and said, hey, Angela,

777
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:58,359
Speaker 3: so and so has something they want to tell you

778
00:40:58,920 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 3: or ask you.

779
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: And she just goes, what can I do to help?

780
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 1: Because what the.

781
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 3: Boss essentially was saying is it sounds like the IT

782
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 3: department is struggling because we're a team. It sounds like

783
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 3: this stuff landed on you because they are overworked.

784
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:15,840
Speaker 1: So let's go talk to them and see what we

785
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 1: can do to help.

786
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 3: And I love that so much because instead of being like, oh, yeah,

787
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 3: you know, they never can get it right or they

788
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,040
Speaker 3: always seem to be doing that which isn't helpful, she

789
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 3: was like, Okay, let's go talk to them because we're

790
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 3: all working on the same thing, right, And it just

791
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 3: feels like in those kinds of environments, everybody's shifting blame

792
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,800
Speaker 3: to somebody else, but nothing's getting done.

793
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 2: Correct, right, And like if the I mean to me,

794
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 2: the most healthy team, right is or the definition of

795
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 2: a team is that you've got a set of results

796
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 2: that you're trying to go accomplish, especially in a workplace.

797
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 2: Right you're trying to sell a certain amount of things,

798
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 2: you're trying to whatever the job is, you're driving toward

799
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 2: those results. But when you have an unhelped the environment,

800
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 2: like you said, is that is that everybody's pointing the

801
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 2: finger at somebody else, going who's fault is this? Or

802
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 2: why did this happen? Or when am I going to

803
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 2: get the right materials to be able to do my

804
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 2: job if they just gave me more? But none of

805
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 2: that is productive. And so if we can teach and

806
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 2: train those I love the question of like, hey, what

807
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:18,160
Speaker 2: can I do to help?

808
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 1: How can I do so simple?

809
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 2: What do you need right now? That actually leads to production? Right? What?

810
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:28,360
Speaker 2: And how? Questions? Especially when you make I the subject

811
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:31,279
Speaker 2: of it? What can I be doing right now? What

812
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 2: can I control? What can I do that actually leads

813
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 2: to production and those results that I was talking about.

814
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 2: And that's what healthy leaders actually end up doing is

815
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:48,880
Speaker 2: constantly teaching personal accountability or responsibility ownership. Is that when

816
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 2: somebody comes to you, like in this video that you're

817
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 2: talking about, and is launching into all of the reasons

818
00:42:56,120 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 2: that I'm overworked or whatever else this is unfaired, is

819
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,280
Speaker 2: to listen and then go, now, how do we move forward?

820
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 2: And then what can how can you be a part

821
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 2: of that solution? As opposed to let's blame somebody.

822
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 3: Let's absolve myself from responsibility. It's like, I just want

823
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:16,160
Speaker 3: you to know that this isn't happening and it's not

824
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 3: my fault versus I want you to know this isn't happening,

825
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 3: and we got to figure out a way how to

826
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 3: get back on track.

827
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:23,879
Speaker 1: And again it's all survival.

828
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 3: But I think in this whole conversation, what I really

829
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:29,480
Speaker 3: want people to hear is that if you have a

830
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:35,399
Speaker 3: system at the top, who is accepting responsibility, who is saying, hey,

831
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 3: what can I do to help? What do you guys need?

832
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 3: Is who is saying, hey, I am open to feedback,

833
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 3: that's going to trickle into everything. We see that from

834
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:45,839
Speaker 3: every system in the world. We see that from our

835
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,279
Speaker 3: family system. That's where we learn everything. If we have

836
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 3: parents who are just again like this authoritarian dictatorship, go

837
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:54,960
Speaker 3: to your room and I'm not going to tell you

838
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 3: what you did wrong or what you can do to

839
00:43:57,200 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 3: fix it, we never learn how to repair relationships. Then

840
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,319
Speaker 3: we're scared of our parents, and then we act out

841
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,040
Speaker 3: of fear, and then when we grow up we don't

842
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 3: want relationships with them.

843
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 2: Yeah right, yeah, And it's you know, one of the

844
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 2: common things that I hear from leaders or people that

845
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:14,279
Speaker 2: I that I tell about our leadership program is like,

846
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,759
Speaker 2: and this all sounds so softire, Are people actually going

847
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 2: to follow through on what they're supposed to do? Like? Yes,

848
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 2: like you can still have expectations, boundaries, results that are there.

849
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 2: But the healthiest leaders, right, are people that put something

850
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 2: out there to say, hey, this is what we're striving

851
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 2: to do, this is the direction we're going. Let me

852
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:35,239
Speaker 2: help you understand where we're going to go go work. Now.

853
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,040
Speaker 2: If they fail or if they come up short, the

854
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 2: response should be, hey, how can I help you? Help

855
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:43,840
Speaker 2: me understand what happened here? What do you need from me?

856
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:50,799
Speaker 2: Because that is supportive accountability, and that actually engenders progress

857
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:54,560
Speaker 2: and development and growth from your person and your people

858
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:57,319
Speaker 2: and your employees, as opposed to let me tell you

859
00:44:57,360 --> 00:44:57,959
Speaker 2: what you did wrong?

860
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,080
Speaker 3: Well, and you hit on something, I feel like I

861
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 3: talk a lot about again this is you can use

862
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 3: this in any relationships you have. But I talk a

863
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,239
Speaker 3: lot about taking the word why out of your vocabulary

864
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 3: and in conflict. Right, So if I say why didn't

865
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:12,839
Speaker 3: you do that?

866
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:13,480
Speaker 1: It's like.

867
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 3: And then you feel like you have to give yes,

868
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,959
Speaker 3: And then I feel like I have to be defensive versus, hey,

869
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 3: what you just said, can you help me understand how

870
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:26,279
Speaker 3: this didn't get done by this date? And then they

871
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 3: tell you, you're like, okay, well then let let's make

872
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:29,360
Speaker 3: a plan.

873
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 2: Let's yeah, then let's make a plan to go do it.

874
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,360
Speaker 3: And like you never meet it, help you facilitate that

875
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 3: whole plan coming to fruition versus why didn't you do this? Yeah?

876
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 2: Again? And so like if anybody out there that's leading,

877
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 2: that wants just a simple little tip is take it

878
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 2: from what you just said, is ask how can I help?

879
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 2: What do you need from me right now? Say those

880
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,320
Speaker 2: words a ton. You know, I used to used to

881
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:56,719
Speaker 2: run a summer camp and I had a group of leaders.

882
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 2: There's four guys every summer that would kind of be

883
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 2: in charge of those things, and that we made a

884
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 2: rule that every time we ran into each other, like

885
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:08,799
Speaker 2: passing each other on property, we would ask each other

886
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:10,719
Speaker 2: that question. It was a rule, Hey, what do you

887
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:12,319
Speaker 2: need from me right now? How can I help you?

888
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 2: I'm not kidding. It was the best thing that we've

889
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 2: ever done. Because you've got five people that are just

890
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,359
Speaker 2: all you know is hey, I'm here for you. I'm

891
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:24,680
Speaker 2: here to support you, I'm here to do it. What

892
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 2: do you need? And so that one little phrase it

893
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 2: takes away fear, It builds understanding. Right, it builds a

894
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,800
Speaker 2: bridge and not a wall, and there should never between walls.

895
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 3: But if it's authentic, because what I was thinking when

896
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 3: you said that is, if I'm worried about climbing a ladder,

897
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,319
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna want to ask for help because what

898
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 3: if that means I can't do my job?

899
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:49,879
Speaker 1: What if you take that as I can't do my job?

900
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:53,359
Speaker 3: So you have to facilitate a whole with that, which

901
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:56,800
Speaker 3: I'm sure in that community you had it felt real.

902
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:58,920
Speaker 3: You can't just all of a sudden start doing that

903
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,799
Speaker 3: without any other content because then people are like, uh,

904
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:04,479
Speaker 3: are you trying to like point out that I can't

905
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 3: do my job?

906
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 2: Yeah? Exactly.

907
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 1: Yeah.

908
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:09,840
Speaker 3: The other I saw this recently which I thought was

909
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:14,239
Speaker 3: really cool. Somebody was talking about how at one of

910
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:16,920
Speaker 3: the companies they worked at, when they had all staff

911
00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 3: meetings or I think probably any meetings, they would start

912
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 3: the meeting with what they would call like clearings. And

913
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:23,879
Speaker 3: I've never heard this before, and it was, hey, does

914
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 3: anybody have any clearings? And then the people would go

915
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 3: around the room being like, hey, my two year old

916
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 3: was sick last night. I was up, so if I yawn,

917
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,120
Speaker 3: it's not because I'm bored, it's just because they didn't

918
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:38,400
Speaker 3: enough sleep. Or hey, my husband is in the hospital

919
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:41,799
Speaker 3: with my mother in law, and so if I'm looking

920
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 3: at my phone, it's because I'm waiting to get a

921
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 3: text to see when she's going into surgery.

922
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 1: Or something like that.

923
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,719
Speaker 3: So it helps with that assumption of positive intent, so

924
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:52,840
Speaker 3: people can from the gate get go feel one that

925
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 3: they don't have to act like they have it all

926
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:57,160
Speaker 3: together if they don't. And two, I'm not making assumptions

927
00:47:57,200 --> 00:47:58,800
Speaker 3: about what everybody else is doing in the meeting, So

928
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,360
Speaker 3: I'm not like Amber wasn't listening to me when I

929
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 3: was getting my proposal, and it's like, well, little did

930
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:05,480
Speaker 3: you know Amber's mother in law had a heart attack

931
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 3: last night.

932
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:10,040
Speaker 2: Right exactly, And I think that's so to me, Like

933
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 2: Level one development of healthy leadership is we call it selflessness,

934
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:17,200
Speaker 2: but I don't just mean that they're willing to put

935
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 2: other people in front of themselves. I look at it

936
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 2: and we define it as are you willing to put

937
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:25,400
Speaker 2: yourself in somebody else's shoes and understand what's going on

938
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 2: in their world. It's a level of empathy, right, is

939
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 2: that we've all got stuff happening all the time. We've

940
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 2: all got responsibilities and hardships and difficulties. But as a leader,

941
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:38,399
Speaker 2: you should that should be one of the first things

942
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:39,920
Speaker 2: on your mind. Is I have no idea what my

943
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 2: people are dealing with right now, personally or otherwise. And

944
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 2: my hope is that your first thing as a leader

945
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 2: is to be able to connect with people on that

946
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 2: level as a person and not just what they are

947
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 2: producing for you. And I think leaders to be really,

948
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:01,359
Speaker 2: really healthy have to invest in that part of themselves first, right,

949
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:05,840
Speaker 2: Like I think about today, Today is Today's Friday. Today

950
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 2: is ice cream day at my daughter's after care program.

951
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 2: The most important thing that I did today was to

952
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 2: remember to put three dollars in her backpack so that

953
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 2: she could buy an ice cream. It's not what I

954
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 2: remembered for my company, or what I remembered for what

955
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:22,800
Speaker 2: we had to do at our meetings today or anything else,

956
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,480
Speaker 2: because that is so core to who I am and

957
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 2: what I believe. That makes me healthier, that makes me better,

958
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:32,600
Speaker 2: to know that I'm taking care of my six year

959
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:35,399
Speaker 2: old and doing those things, and I'll be better at

960
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:38,000
Speaker 2: this other stuff. And so here's the point that I'm

961
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,720
Speaker 2: trying to make without the story, is that you will

962
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 2: never be consistently as good of a leader, a team member,

963
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 2: or professional than you are as a person. Is that

964
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 2: you have to be consistently developing, working on yourself, taking

965
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 2: care of what's authentically important to you, getting better at

966
00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:58,439
Speaker 2: the things that you want to get better at as

967
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:03,360
Speaker 2: a human being, as a person. And if you do that, well,

968
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,319
Speaker 2: then those other things are going to follow. You're going

969
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:09,000
Speaker 2: to have the ability in bandwidth to do that other stuff.

970
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 2: And so and then as a leader, knowing that your

971
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 2: people have those things too, and being willing to care

972
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,279
Speaker 2: about that to understand that. I love the idea of

973
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 2: those clearings of being able just to say like, hey,

974
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 2: this is what's going on with me, just so you know.

975
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:25,800
Speaker 2: But to do that, man, you've got to have a

976
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 2: lot of trust inside of an organization and build that.

977
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:33,960
Speaker 2: And so when we start our meetings, we talk about, hey,

978
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:35,879
Speaker 2: one good thing that has nothing to do with work.

979
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:38,440
Speaker 2: Tell me something that's happened in your life that made

980
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 2: you smile, that made you happy. I do that with

981
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 2: every single workshop that I facilitate, every single group that

982
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:48,400
Speaker 2: I partner with, as we start there one, it allows

983
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 2: people to get present to where they are and it

984
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 2: starts breaking down the walls and you actually get a

985
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 2: team and it becomes really really powerful just to know

986
00:50:56,719 --> 00:50:58,879
Speaker 2: what's going on in everybody's world.

987
00:50:59,200 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 1: I like that.

988
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 3: Okay, So to wrap this whole thing up, because we

989
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:07,040
Speaker 3: started this conversation with you talking about how you at

990
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:10,760
Speaker 3: Dream four work with leaders and you develop leaders. People

991
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 3: listening to this conversation forgot what you said at the beginning.

992
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:16,200
Speaker 3: Can you give them a little bit of a if

993
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 3: they want more of what you're saying, where they can

994
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:20,799
Speaker 3: essentially find you and what you can do for them.

995
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:25,520
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely so. Dreamfor dot co is our website, dreamfo

996
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 2: dot co. We're one of those fancy we don't have

997
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 2: to elm. But I mean, if you look around it,

998
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 2: I think if you wanted to connect with us and

999
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 2: learn more about what we do, that's the easiest way

1000
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 2: to get in touch with us. But if you look

1001
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 2: around your organization, I mean there's constant drama, there's constant turnover.

1002
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,880
Speaker 2: If there are things that are happening that you're not

1003
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 2: consistently producing results. I would say that that's when you

1004
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:52,919
Speaker 2: need to examine, Hey, how healthy are we and how

1005
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:53,759
Speaker 2: can we get better?

1006
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 3: Right?

1007
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:55,840
Speaker 2: Not the why is this happening or when is it

1008
00:51:55,840 --> 00:52:00,200
Speaker 2: going to get better? But how and what? And what

1009
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:03,719
Speaker 2: I believe about leadership is that it takes an intentional,

1010
00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:08,160
Speaker 2: consistent investment. It can be learned. It is a process,

1011
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:10,840
Speaker 2: and if you want things to get better and healthier,

1012
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,799
Speaker 2: you have to be willing to make the investment in it.

1013
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:18,399
Speaker 2: Leadership and human skills can't be learned in a one

1014
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:24,920
Speaker 2: day or half day conversation or speech or workshop. It changes,

1015
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:28,359
Speaker 2: and so it needs to be consistently invested in. And

1016
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 2: what we've seen is that if leaders are willing to

1017
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 2: work this process, it works. You have to want it,

1018
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:37,439
Speaker 2: you have to want to be able to lead. And

1019
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 2: so I hope that there's somebody out there that says, hey,

1020
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:42,359
Speaker 2: let's let's let's learn more about it, let's see how

1021
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 2: we get healthier.

1022
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:45,640
Speaker 3: But I also just really like the idea of this

1023
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 3: long form teaching versus I'm going to give you a

1024
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 3: bunch of information, now go implement, implement it by yourself,

1025
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 3: and make all these changes alone in a vacuum, Like

1026
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:57,520
Speaker 3: it's the same thing with their goal.

1027
00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:58,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1028
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:01,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've all gone to conferences and really excited about

1029
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 2: things and taking notes and then they end up on

1030
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 2: a bookshelf and they never get executed. And like, at

1031
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,360
Speaker 2: the heart of everything that we do inside of our

1032
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 2: leadership development is still kind of this personal coaching and

1033
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 2: mentoring aspect, so that we can meet people where they

1034
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,680
Speaker 2: are consistently through this process to just get better at

1035
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 2: being people and healthier people. And then again, when you're

1036
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 2: better and healthier as a person, you're going to be

1037
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 2: better and healthier as a professional, as a leader, as

1038
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 2: a member of the team, and you're going to start

1039
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 2: to see that bleed throughout the company.

1040
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:35,879
Speaker 3: So amen, Well, thank you, and I hope people reach

1041
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 3: out to you. And you said your website, do you

1042
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 3: guys have an Instagram you want people to follow?

1043
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, just it's still it's still just dreamfor dot co

1044
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:46,399
Speaker 2: is our Instagram.

1045
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:50,800
Speaker 3: Okay, so at dreamfor dot cot And then that's the

1046
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:52,759
Speaker 3: same as the website. It'll all be in the show notes.

1047
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 3: If anybody just wants to quick link to click, you

1048
00:53:55,960 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 3: can do that. And if you have any questions about

1049
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 3: out anything that has been said today. You can send it.

1050
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:05,840
Speaker 3: You can send it probably by contacting y'all on the website.

1051
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 3: You can also email me, Katherinett Youned therapypodcast dot com

1052
00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 3: and happy.

1053
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 1: Friday to you everybody listening. Hopefully this is Monday, so

1054
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 1: happy Monday.

1055
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 2: Absolutely