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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John. We're the ancient

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Speaker 1: two K story Time podcast hosts, and we have some

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Speaker 1: ancient wisdom in the stories coming up. If you want

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Speaker 1: to hear the wisdom from two old heads that know

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Speaker 1: more than they know what to do with, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to wait for a quick message from our sponsors

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Speaker 1: for the next two minutes or so.

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Speaker 2: My husband planned an affair on a trip that I

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Speaker 2: paid for.

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Speaker 3: Were you on the trip too?

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Speaker 4: I hope not.

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Speaker 2: I am thirty two female and my husband is thirty

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Speaker 2: six male. We've been married two years and together nine

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Speaker 2: and up until yesterday, I thought we were genuinely happy together.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Throwaway WTF and if

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Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories to go to

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Speaker 2: our Okay Storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 4: I'm Vincent, I'm Carly, and I'm Savannah, and.

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Speaker 2: We're here to give good advice. Goofully. But we don't

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Speaker 2: have all the answers. We only know what we would do,

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Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 2: Back to Opie a bit of context. We have this

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Speaker 2: thing where I changed my name to random things on

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Speaker 2: his phone every few months. They're always funny and well

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Speaker 2: over the top. The last one was something like perfect

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Speaker 2: human form. It's just a joke that has gone on

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Speaker 2: for a few years. So yesterday he was in the

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Speaker 2: shower and his work phone was out, so I changed

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Speaker 2: my name and his contacts. As I did so, a

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Speaker 2: notification from Snapchat came through with an image and a

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Speaker 2: name of a woman he knew back home. He's from

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Speaker 2: another country and moved here the UK around ten years ago.

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Speaker 2: As this was his work phone, it was really weird,

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Speaker 2: so I clicked on it. It opened to a five day

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Speaker 2: streak chat with this woman who's with seriously crude texts,

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Speaker 2: photos of both of them, not the face, and them

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Speaker 2: playing to meet up. When he goes back, dates, times,

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Speaker 2: locations and everything. She was even planning on taking a

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Speaker 2: sick day from work. One of his dpicts was in

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Speaker 2: our bed with me in that house.

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Speaker 3: Ah.

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Speaker 2: He has booked to go back for a few weeks

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Speaker 2: end of November to see a very sick relative. I

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Speaker 2: paid for his flights so he could see them before

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Speaker 2: they passed. I had a panic attack and he walked

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Speaker 2: out the shower to see me hyperventilating. I asked him

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Speaker 2: why and how could he He said it was only talking,

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Speaker 2: and that he'd been feeling neglected recently.

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Speaker 3: So, Liarlayer, your pants are burning off, are on fire

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Speaker 3: because you guys sent pictures too.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you sent pictures back, and yeah. I asked how

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Speaker 2: and he said work has been stressful and that he

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Speaker 2: just wanted someone who wanted him for him, and that

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Speaker 2: he doesn't feel like he's ever enough for me.

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Speaker 3: Well, you should figure out your insecurity then, buddy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I had no idea. He hasn't mentioned anything, and

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Speaker 2: nothing has changed a few years ago, I think three

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Speaker 2: or four, when we first moved into our house, he

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Speaker 2: shared that he sometimes didn't feel enough for me. We

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Speaker 2: went to counseling and worked through it. A major effort

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Speaker 2: was made on both of our sides to get through it,

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Speaker 2: and I thought we had. The thing is, I know

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Speaker 2: I can be hard work. I'm closer to a type

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Speaker 2: A than Type B. I'm pretty successful career wise and

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Speaker 2: not massively touchy feely. But I'm not closed off and

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Speaker 2: have never given a crap about his job or anything

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Speaker 2: like that. I've been supporting him off and on two

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Speaker 2: years when he took a career break and became an actor.

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Speaker 2: Forf's sake, he hasn't even paid towards the mortgage in

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Speaker 2: four years, as I didn't want him to feel dependent

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Speaker 2: on me slash stretch his pay too thin. I don't

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Speaker 2: know why I'm posting or what I'm expecting from this.

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Speaker 2: I just don't know what to do. I punned him

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Speaker 2: out for now, but there are major logistics to deal

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Speaker 2: with as I work away and we have two dogs.

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Speaker 2: How do I navigate this? I absolutely consider this as

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Speaker 2: a cheating. How can I make sure I don't let

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Speaker 2: myself forgive him? He's been in my life for almost

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Speaker 2: ten years. I've supported him in every way. Can I

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Speaker 2: end it for a week of messages? How can I

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Speaker 2: not end it after that? Sorry for all the questions.

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Speaker 2: I know this post was soon un answered upon millions

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Speaker 2: in the millions of I'm so surprised he cheated stories,

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Speaker 2: But within twenty four hours, my happy, hard earned life

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Speaker 2: is in flames and I'm staring at the wreckage.

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Speaker 3: I hate the fact that we see emotional cheating like

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Speaker 3: some people see emotional cheating as like not actual cheating,

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Speaker 3: because it is. It fully is a complete like I.

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Speaker 4: Can't even think of my word.

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Speaker 5: It's a betrayal, betrayal.

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Speaker 3: Thank you of your trust in this person. They trust

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Speaker 3: you wholeheartedly, and you're giving yourself in any way emotionally,

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Speaker 3: physically through pictures that he sent away to somebody else.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's forgivable.

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Speaker 3: I don't think you should, and I think if you

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Speaker 3: can make sure to convince yourself not to, I understand

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Speaker 3: that that is so hard after ten years, especially, like

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Speaker 3: give yourself the respect that you need to get out

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Speaker 3: of it.

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Speaker 2: Uh huh. And I think that's the big thing. I

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Speaker 2: like what you said, like respect yourself. Yeah, because if

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Speaker 2: you let that slide, it's again. Yeah, it's gonna happen

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Speaker 2: again and again. People respect you as much as you

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Speaker 2: respect yourself. Yeah, so the standard ground on this one. Also,

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Speaker 2: cancel his tickets. You bought them, genius. Cancel tickets fee

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Speaker 2: a little vindictive, you deserve it?

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Speaker 3: Or change them yeah or no, you are really inconvenient time?

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, switch the flight to a place that you

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Speaker 2: want to go and take the dogs. Okay. Comment comment

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Speaker 2: from Crazy Dixie. Hmmm, I would cancel his flight ticket

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Speaker 2: for sure. Hey, crazy Dixie, I love you. He is

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Speaker 2: feeling down but not doing anything about it. He's planning

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Speaker 2: to f someone else because his ego was stroked. What

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Speaker 2: about your love and devotion? Yeah, it is difficult, but

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Speaker 2: you can do it. And even if you don't divorce him,

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Speaker 2: think about the fact that he actually needs to prove

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Speaker 2: that he is sorry about what he did and not

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Speaker 2: because he was caught. If there is no explanation, the

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Speaker 2: trust will not go back to the way it was.

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Speaker 2: It happened to me with my husband even now after

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Speaker 2: seven years, I don't know why he cheated. I don't

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Speaker 2: trust him and we regularly argue about anything. Okay, Sarah

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Speaker 2: I Canceler return flight commenter YadA YadA abso zero says this,

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Speaker 2: I'll tell you gotta stop laughing, and commenter Melodrama says

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Speaker 2: cheaper to pay a dog sitter than subsidize a worthless man.

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Speaker 2: Update one month later, Hi everyone, almost five weeks later

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Speaker 2: and after how helpful so many of you have been.

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Speaker 2: I want to give you an update to start it off.

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Speaker 2: Many of you said he'd been cheating for longer or

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Speaker 2: had done so before.

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Speaker 5: You were right.

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Speaker 2: I originally believed that he'd been cheating for a week,

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Speaker 2: but due to a particularly noticeable carpet in the hotel

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Speaker 2: room of the d picts were taken in I found

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Speaker 2: out it has been going on for at least a month.

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Speaker 2: He of course denied it and lied when confronted, but

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Speaker 2: that month included our nine year and aversari.

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Speaker 3: Oh no tomato, tomato at this.

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Speaker 2: Move, tomatoes, all the rotten fruit, and countless other events,

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Speaker 2: so it was really really useful to stop me blaming myself.

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Speaker 2: He's still adamant that has never happened before, and I

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Speaker 2: do believe him, but that didn't stop me from taking

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Speaker 2: an STI test just in case. All clean, Thank goodness,

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Speaker 2: thank god. He also admitted to lying about them having

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Speaker 2: a previous relationship, and I caught him in another lie

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Speaker 2: about the snapchat messages, so he stayed true to form.

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Speaker 2: Since I punted him, we've only spoken twice. He left

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Speaker 2: the dogs, so I guess they're my dogs. Now wants

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Speaker 2: a percentage of my house. I can't speak for other countries,

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Speaker 2: but the UK marriage for enough years entitles you to

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Speaker 2: half of everything, regardless of who contributed to what. Under

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Speaker 2: advice from a lawyer, we're staying amicable, so he only

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Speaker 2: takes the agreed amount and leaves my pension savings etc. Alone.

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Speaker 2: On the dogs. I've gotten a load more dog sitters

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Speaker 2: and I've agreed to let them stay with him while

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Speaker 2: I'm away with work, as long as he covers most

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Speaker 2: of their costs. Outside of this, I did the usual

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Speaker 2: change the locks, CANCELSS flights, throughout all his stuff on Bende,

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Speaker 2: and had a full blown breakdown as a crying wasted

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Speaker 2: I have great friends who are supportive, but he's the

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Speaker 2: only family I have Slash had, so I've started seeing

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Speaker 2: a therapist as well to help the process of moving forward.

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Speaker 2: I'm taking this as an opportunity for a full reset

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Speaker 2: and evaluation of what I want. So I'm trying to

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Speaker 2: move jobs, sell my house to move closer to my friends,

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Speaker 2: and get a load of dental work that I've been

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Speaker 2: putting off. Good for you, throw in some injured dogs

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Speaker 2: and oh, I'm sorry your dogs are injured, and it's

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Speaker 2: turned out to be a truly horrific month. Honestly, it sucked.

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Speaker 2: But I'm rebuilding my life to be something I choose,

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Speaker 2: and it's getting easier week by week. Let's discuss good

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Speaker 2: for you.

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Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you are done with him.

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Speaker 6: Kim Foyn said, what if you met a twenty eight

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Speaker 6: year old unemployed nanny that's literally me.

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Speaker 4: That's literally, don't come at me.

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Speaker 2: Is that a reference to a movie that just came out.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know. It's my life, but uh,

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Speaker 2: it's gonna be hard. It's got to be hard in

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Speaker 2: those first couple months, especially with all of that going on,

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Speaker 2: but it's going to be for the better. You still

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Speaker 2: have your whole life in front of you, and talk

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Speaker 2: to your lawyer and see how you can get more

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Speaker 2: of that stuff in your name.

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Speaker 3: That's unfortunate that that's the laws there.

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Speaker 2: But see how you can. Yeah, see how you can

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Speaker 2: make sure he doesn't get too much of what you've

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Speaker 2: worked so hard for, because right now he don't deserve

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Speaker 2: it at all. All right, So let's get back into it.

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Speaker 2: Op says, thank you all so much for your help

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Speaker 2: and comments when I first posted. Seeing the overwhelming support

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Speaker 2: and brutal comments against both him and me put it

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Speaker 2: into perspective and was enough to convince me that I

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Speaker 2: wasn't crazy for overthinking this. I'm massively grateful for the

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Speaker 2: dose of reality, and don't worry to all of you

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Speaker 2: who called me a doormat, thank you for that. I

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Speaker 2: won't be taking him back or allowing anyone else to

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Speaker 2: take advantage of me like that again. Good. May the

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Speaker 2: force be with you random Reddit strangers, and thank you again,

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Speaker 2: cat like creature. I'm so curious. How has this been

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Speaker 2: for him and how did he react? Was he sad

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Speaker 2: trying to make it right, heartbroken without remorse? Ope, very

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Speaker 2: very sad. He spent the first few weeks feeling really

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Speaker 2: sorry for himself and quote unquote in shock. He stopped

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Speaker 2: blaming anything except himself. I think due to the therapist

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Speaker 2: and going down the route of saying it was self

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Speaker 2: sabotage slash depression and he needs to work on himself

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Speaker 2: for a bit. I agree this may all be very true,

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Speaker 2: and to be honest, I kind of think it is.

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Speaker 2: But he hasn't tried to reconcile or even make much

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Speaker 2: of an effort to fight, not begging to chat or

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Speaker 2: turning up no suggestion of couples, counseling, et cetera. Just

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Speaker 2: kind of rolled over and has been licking his way.

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Speaker 2: Commenter stink eye sixty three. Can he still get half

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Speaker 2: the house even if he hasn't contributed anything for four years? Yep.

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Speaker 2: It's a law I genuinely agree with to protect stay

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Speaker 2: at home parents Apparently the law doesn't differentiate between that

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Speaker 2: and someone who wanted to try acting.

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Speaker 4: It's funny, you know, I was that to myself.

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Speaker 2: I feel little attacked. No, I'm kidding.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's tough. And that's another thing in relationships.

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Speaker 2: I've been in a relationship for a while. I understand

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Speaker 2: when like, sometimes one person has to carry more, but

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Speaker 2: I like to try to keep it fifty to fifty

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Speaker 2: as most general balance.

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Speaker 3: It can labor one miacwaver the other way, but you

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Speaker 3: hope that it comes back to mostly the middle. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Balance is always important in a lot of things, all right,

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Speaker 2: according to Pizza eighty four to eighty four. Also who

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Speaker 2: made the down payment, Uh, i'd get all your receipts

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Speaker 2: and ducks in a row at least fight him getting

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Speaker 2: a cent more than he's legally entitled. Top and two

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Speaker 2: lawyers agree. I am staying amicable and trading the house

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Speaker 2: for the rest. I don't want his debt either, also

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Speaker 2: on the table legally.

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Speaker 3: Ugh.

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Speaker 2: So compromise is the aim of the game, and that's it.

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Speaker 3: I checked my wife's phone records and caught her lying

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Speaker 3: about texting her coworker.

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Speaker 2: Ooh liar liar pants on fire.

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Speaker 3: So I male sixty one, always had a very naive

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Speaker 3: and blind faith in my wife fifty nine females fidelity. Honestly,

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Speaker 3: it never entered my mind that she even noticed other

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Speaker 3: men or would ever even think about someone else. By

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Speaker 3: the way, this comes from throwaway two one three four

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Speaker 3: five four three two one, and if you want to

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00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,319
Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay

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Speaker 3: storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 4: I'm Carly, I'm Vincent, and I'm Savannah, and we're.

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Speaker 3: Here to give good advice goofuy. But we don't have

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Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we would do.

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Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments,

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Speaker 3: and Opie says foolish, ignorant, and naive. I now realize

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00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,360
Speaker 3: not because of what she's done or not done, but

256
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:09,080
Speaker 3: just because duh. Of course she's human, and so is

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00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:13,600
Speaker 3: everyone else. She's attractive and friendly, and attractions happen. I've

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00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,640
Speaker 3: literally been punting my butt for a few months now,

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00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:20,360
Speaker 3: over realizing just how stupid I've always been. One day,

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Speaker 3: a couple months ago, she tells me a story about

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Speaker 3: a prank a couple guys at her work pulled on

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00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,920
Speaker 3: their supervisor it's a fun work environment, and shows me

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Speaker 3: a text from one dude kidding around to her about it.

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00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,480
Speaker 3: I jokingly said, who is this dude texting your phone?

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Speaker 3: She responds kind of surprised and says, do you want

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Speaker 3: to read it all? I smirked and said no, I

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Speaker 3: don't care, which was not entirely true, but I didn't

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Speaker 3: want to look insecure or like I was accusing her

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Speaker 3: of wrongdoing. Things settled down, But you see, I fly,

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Speaker 3: and so does this dude mentioned above. I got a

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Speaker 3: new to me plane last year and she mentioned this

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Speaker 3: to him. Oh my god, fly like a play Okay,

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Speaker 3: Since then she's bringing him home. His stories are flying

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Speaker 3: and how he said I should do X and Y

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Speaker 3: to my plane, and that he knows how I should

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Speaker 3: do my maintenance. So I'm a red blooded man and

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Speaker 3: really do not want another dude saying these things to

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Speaker 3: my wife like he wants to puff himself.

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Speaker 4: Up to her.

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Speaker 3: Am I sounding like a teenager?

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Speaker 5: I know? Haha.

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Speaker 3: A few weeks past and she brings me her phone

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Speaker 3: and says, look at this, all excited. It's him flying

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Speaker 3: his plane, newer and a little larger than mine. Oh no,

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00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:37,600
Speaker 3: oh Pius he's played a little bigger than yours. You

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00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:41,080
Speaker 3: may a little uncomfortable that he's got a big old plane.

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Speaker 2: Plane hit flies father.

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Speaker 3: Last little bit kind of dangerously. He got a few

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Speaker 3: of his buddies to record him doing some stunts out

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Speaker 3: in the country and stitch them into a short that

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Speaker 3: she somehow got hold of. I had no idea it

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Speaker 3: was him at first. I assumed it was a random

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Speaker 3: Facebook video or whatever. She scrolls Facebook like all the time. Crazy.

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Speaker 3: Then she shows me a text thread with him that

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Speaker 3: she initiated, kind of teasing him about how dangerous that was.

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Speaker 3: He texts back, ha haa blah blah, and she says

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Speaker 3: something funny that she wanted me to see was funny.

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Speaker 3: That's when she shared all of this, because she got

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Speaker 3: a zinger in on him that didn't sit well, And

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Speaker 3: since I was holding the phone, I said, what else

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Speaker 3: do you guys talk about? And scrolled up. Well, the

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00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 3: very next previous exchange was them going over a work issue,

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Speaker 3: which she solved for him, and he responds with a

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Speaker 3: cartoon bitmoji of his face and upper body holding heartthands

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00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,520
Speaker 3: to her. I kind of went read when I saw

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00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,160
Speaker 3: that and scrolled a little more to see. The next

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00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:48,040
Speaker 3: oldest exchange was the above mentioned prank, which was around

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00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,480
Speaker 3: a month prior, so. Not seeing a lot of frequent action,

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00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 3: I stopped and handed her phone back. I found this

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Speaker 3: dude on Facebook and he rarely posts anything that I

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00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:01,200
Speaker 3: could see. Some updates a couple times per year, nothing

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00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,040
Speaker 3: in twenty twenty four. So how did she get the

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Speaker 3: plane video? I told her I looked him up and

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Speaker 3: the video wasn't on his public feed. And she says,

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Speaker 3: I don't know how that works. Huh, you don't know

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Speaker 3: how you were able to see it. I dropped it

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Speaker 3: because again I don't want to appear insecure or accusing.

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Speaker 3: But dang, did he send her a private link? Was

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00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:25,720
Speaker 3: he just trying to game her and humiliate me? Am

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Speaker 3: I now being a child for feeling this insecurity?

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Speaker 4: Lmao?

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00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,360
Speaker 3: After that, I told her later remember offering to show

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00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,879
Speaker 3: me his text way back that first time about the prank.

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00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,399
Speaker 3: I'd take you up on that now, she said, I

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00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:43,280
Speaker 3: already deleted everything. Oh great, I was pissed at the hearthands.

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Speaker 3: That's a sign of love, in my opinion, she said,

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Speaker 3: don't be jealous. I work with these people. Et cetera,

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00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,479
Speaker 3: which did not make me feel better. I had already

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Speaker 3: been leaving anyway, So I left and we didn't speak

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Speaker 3: for a few hours. Then she called me and we

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Speaker 3: had a chat, and it seemed she was trying to

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Speaker 3: sweep it away and not consider my feelings on the matter.

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00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:04,560
Speaker 5: Well.

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Speaker 3: I was also pissed that she initiated a personal text

335
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:11,800
Speaker 3: teasing him about his plane. And why are they using

336
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,440
Speaker 3: their personal phones for business anyway? They have a desk

337
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:18,800
Speaker 3: phone and DM through their IT systems. It's all starting

338
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:22,320
Speaker 3: to look fishy to me. I'm gonna pause real fast. Yeah,

339
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,560
Speaker 3: I personally, I'm not gonna downplay your feelings. Oh, p okay,

340
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,280
Speaker 3: you can have them. And I think it's good to

341
00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:30,720
Speaker 3: get him out there so she knows. I think you're

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Speaker 3: sounding a little insecure.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I agree.

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Speaker 2: And here's the key thing here, she's showing you this, right,

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00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:42,040
Speaker 2: if there was like some actual romantic feelings between these two,

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Speaker 2: she would try to hide that.

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Speaker 5: From you, right.

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Speaker 2: And she hasn't done any actions or made anything seem

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Speaker 2: like she's actually into this guy. This guy might be

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00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,320
Speaker 2: into her, for sure, I would definitely.

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Speaker 3: Like it's one of those things where it's like I

352
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 3: think that you can make your life aware of the

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00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,280
Speaker 3: situation and just have that so she knows that it's

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00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,879
Speaker 3: in your mind and she can be aware of it

355
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:09,080
Speaker 3: and everything. But ultimately they work together. They were gonna

356
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,399
Speaker 3: have to communicate.

357
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, they work together. I might like let her know

358
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,760
Speaker 2: that way, like, hey, I don't know if you know,

359
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,439
Speaker 2: but this guy definitely has a thing for you or

360
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,480
Speaker 2: I feel like it. It makes me feel like this, right,

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00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 2: and then yeah, go from there.

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00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, I will not look at her phone. I did

363
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 3: it one time during this ordeal and felt horrible, closed

364
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,959
Speaker 3: it quickly without digging, and never touched it again. Please

365
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,240
Speaker 3: share your feedback on this information and any similar stories

366
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 3: or advice you would give me. I appreciate your reply

367
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,439
Speaker 3: and thank you for reading. And there's an update and

368
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 3: we'll get into that. So I read every response. Thank

369
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:47,520
Speaker 3: you to everyone who contributed, some great advice, some not

370
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 3: so great. But I reviewed it all and paid attention

371
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:52,720
Speaker 3: to how many up votes each reply got in order

372
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Speaker 3: to judge which advice was most favorable and most likely

373
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 3: to help solve my problem. Really doing that, very scientific, dude, Okay,

374
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 3: anyway about to burst. I finally had to broach the

375
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:07,040
Speaker 3: subject in a face to face conversation yesterday Sunday while

376
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 3: we were relaxing. She was very open and willing to

377
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 3: discuss anything I wanted. But once we got into it,

378
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 3: one thing happened that was funny. When this all first

379
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,480
Speaker 3: came to light, I had asked her to tell me

380
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 3: if she had any contact with her friend, and she

381
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,480
Speaker 3: had not come to me to report any in the

382
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,239
Speaker 3: two weeks since. So I asked her yesterday and she

383
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:30,040
Speaker 3: said no, none. Then I said none, and she said, well,

384
00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 3: he passed my open office door one time and said hey,

385
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,200
Speaker 3: and I replied hey. She said that's all one time,

386
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 3: she told me. I said, but you just said none

387
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:42,480
Speaker 3: a minute ago, and she said, just one, Hey, that's all.

388
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 3: I thought it was mildly humorous that she left that out,

389
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,520
Speaker 3: because so far the conversation was going really well. So

390
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 3: I asked her if he'd entered her office and she

391
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 3: said no, no other contact period. That satisfied me. Then

392
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 3: we talked about the heart emoji he sent her, which

393
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 3: I still felt was inappropriate. She again one was reluctant

394
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,080
Speaker 3: to say he was flirting with her, And she was

395
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 3: so open and convincing that I started to just accept

396
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 3: that she has a better feel for his intentions and

397
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,880
Speaker 3: how he behaves around her to make this judgment, and

398
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 3: that I could trust her on this point. I asked

399
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,560
Speaker 3: her a lot of other questions, and we spent a

400
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 3: good bit of time on discussing boundaries and protecting our relationship.

401
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 3: Our relationship started when we were teenagers. Times were different then,

402
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:29,440
Speaker 3: and it's simply something we had never discussed. Arrows from enemies,

403
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 3: keeping a wall of defense around our hearts. She wanted

404
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,160
Speaker 3: to draw a picture of her wall, and it went

405
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 3: to the sky. She drew a picture of other people's

406
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 3: walls that had openings and places where they could peek

407
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:43,120
Speaker 3: out to look for possible opportunities with others. She said,

408
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 3: her wall is impenetrable. She offered several other unsolicited, reassuring comments.

409
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,119
Speaker 3: Then she said, I have answered all of your questions

410
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:54,439
Speaker 3: with utmost honesty, and now I want to ask you

411
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,119
Speaker 3: a question. I was a little nervous, but she said,

412
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,240
Speaker 3: what can I do to make you feel more secure?

413
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,679
Speaker 3: What do you want from me? I smiled and she

414
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 3: just said, no answer me, And I just said that

415
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 3: I smiled because her asking me that was exactly what

416
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 3: I wanted. My only answer was, I do not want

417
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 3: you to do anything different than you already are, so

418
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,439
Speaker 3: her asking that was just perfect. I also stressed that

419
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 3: I did not want her to feel she has to

420
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,880
Speaker 3: change who she is and how she behaves, and not

421
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,880
Speaker 3: to feel like she has to hold back work stories

422
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 3: involving men for fear of causing me anxiety. I do

423
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:30,119
Speaker 3: not need that. She has fully restored my trust and

424
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 3: faith in her. I then said, wait, I do want something.

425
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,640
Speaker 3: I want you to come to me if ever you

426
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:40,560
Speaker 3: perceive any issue with other men, with us, or within yourself,

427
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 3: so we can discuss it openly. That's all I want.

428
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 3: I did not get to all of the questions in

429
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 3: my mind or cover all the possible scenarios that came

430
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 3: from everyone's input. It just got to the point that

431
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 3: I was convinced it was a false alarm and wanted

432
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 3: to move on with our day, which was fantastic. Later

433
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,480
Speaker 3: we had really great time in the bedroom.

434
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 5: Smiley face, hope you had fun.

435
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 2: That's great. Good, But uh, I think you just ran

436
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 2: to a little bit insecurity. She doesn't need to change anything,

437
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 2: but I think you might need to do a little

438
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 2: thinking of like what do you need? Because clearly like

439
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,359
Speaker 2: something like what reassurance?

440
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 3: It was a very valid question, and I was kind

441
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 3: of hoping that he gave her something that she could do. Yeah, sure,

442
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,439
Speaker 3: because it's like, yeah, because you sound like you need it.

443
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, because like your feelings are valid. Like if you're

444
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 2: feeling something, that means something's happening to you, and if

445
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 2: you can address it and figure out, Okay, I'm feeling

446
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:39,119
Speaker 2: this because I'm afraid of something, then work out what

447
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 2: you may need from her or what you need to

448
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,160
Speaker 2: do for you in order to react in the most

449
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,919
Speaker 2: positive way you can to address that feeling, because you're

450
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 2: going to have those feelings.

451
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 5: Yeah.

452
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 3: I just wanted to pass along this conclusion to my

453
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 3: problem and to thank everyone who took the time to

454
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 3: help me sort this out. We have another update anyway.

455
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 3: She ended her sabbatical with a few weeks left, which

456
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,880
Speaker 3: she often reserves to use over the holidays. She's been

457
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 3: back under the same roof with her male friend for

458
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 3: a couple weeks and I just can't get it out

459
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,359
Speaker 3: of my head. Here's why this keeps bugging me. She

460
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 3: has never brought this up again, even though it's impossible.

461
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 3: They haven't encountered each other since the event, either before

462
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 3: her taking leave or since returning. Sure, they may pass

463
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 3: in the hall and say hi, and I don't want

464
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,880
Speaker 3: to get those updates several times a day, But before

465
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:28,160
Speaker 3: the event, his name would crop up in afterwork stories

466
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 3: at least every couple months, if not more, her telling

467
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 3: me guy said this guy did that. Since then not

468
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 3: a peep. Why is he suddenly invisible to me? You

469
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:38,919
Speaker 3: need to maybe think about the fact that she's like

470
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 3: respecting your boundary and your concerns and is staying away

471
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 3: from him.

472
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 2: At this point, you're creating the problem in your head. Yeah,

473
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 2: like she's just working with this guy. You're spiraling rely.

474
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,640
Speaker 2: So this is what I was talking about earlier. Figure

475
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 2: out what that is, and then figure out what you

476
00:24:58,359 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 2: need to do fix that.

477
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:04,359
Speaker 3: For either she truly has not had spontaneous contact, or

478
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 3: she shut him down, or she's protecting us by not

479
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 3: mentioning it. Since I had a strong negative reaction to

480
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,639
Speaker 3: her relationship with him, she's got me feeling like I

481
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 3: shouldn't even bring it up again, even though she assured

482
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:20,440
Speaker 3: me multiple times that she would report any interaction which

483
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 3: hasn't happened and that she was fine with me bringing

484
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 3: it up Ah. In the meantime, I've been stand alert,

485
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 3: which has also been eye opening. She openly engages with

486
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 3: men right in my presence in ways that I now

487
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 3: feel are inappropriate and flirtatious. I never noticed it before

488
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:41,879
Speaker 3: because I always had one hundred percent blind trust and

489
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 3: just saw her as a super friendly type of person.

490
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,639
Speaker 3: But when she sits next to a man on the

491
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,399
Speaker 3: other side of the room to tease him, sitting against

492
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 3: him so their shoulders touch, smiling, laughing and putting her

493
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 3: hand on his shoulder at church, then to me, that

494
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,439
Speaker 3: is now suddenly sus This is a man I know

495
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,879
Speaker 3: for certain she has zero spicy related interest in. But

496
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 3: come on, I'm right here watching this crap h what

497
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 3: are you doing with hot guys when I'm not around?

498
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 4: Anyway?

499
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 3: This is my quick question, Loo, Sorry it was so quick.

500
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 3: I'm still debating whether to reopen this issue. We have

501
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,920
Speaker 3: had a fantastic summer with lots of spicy sleep, love

502
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 3: and caring, so I don't want to upset her or

503
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 3: us unnecessarily. However, I don't think I can just wish

504
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 3: this away. Sometimes I feel like I can just decide

505
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,959
Speaker 3: to let it all go and be happy and return

506
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 3: to normal. But the question is which of these three

507
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 3: courses would you advise or another one? Do nothing for now,

508
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:45,120
Speaker 3: continue to observe and be diligent in reacting to anything.

509
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 3: Sus two. Bring it up in a casual way, just

510
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 3: ask any contact with guy three? Number two adding a

511
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 3: lot more of very probing questions, like has guy texted

512
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 3: or messaged you since the event? Did you ever have

513
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 3: physical contact with guy? Either of you touch each other?

514
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,919
Speaker 3: Does he make you laugh and feel special? Do you

515
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 3: think he's attractive? Do you have other men that you

516
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 3: message directly non work? Do you have Snapchat friends other

517
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 3: than family? We all use Snapchat for family chatting. Do

518
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 3: you Facebook message with any men? She's an avid Facebook user?

519
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,919
Speaker 3: Do you use any other messaging apps? Do you have

520
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,439
Speaker 3: anything else relevant to share that I might be interested in?

521
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 3: Three is what I want to do, but I'm afraid

522
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,640
Speaker 3: it could damage our relationship, especially if there's nothing going on.

523
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 3: Don't you, Oh my god, don't you freaking dare do three?

524
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 3: I'll tell you that much.

525
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 2: Three definitely will mess up your relationship.

526
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 4: Yike, dude, this poor girl.

527
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:38,919
Speaker 2: You're thinking it's over it?

528
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 4: Dude?

529
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 2: What you want to do? You want to control everything

530
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,120
Speaker 2: every person she meets.

531
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, hat people exist in the world, and she's gonna

532
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 3: come across them.

533
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 5: Yeah.

534
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 2: And she has given you no reason, no reason to

535
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 2: doubt her in any way. The dude, the call is

536
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,680
Speaker 2: coming from inside the house. It's it's all you right now.

537
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,680
Speaker 3: It's that's the yikes, dude, what do we do?

538
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 2: You gotta do some work. I think you should choose

539
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 2: option E. Go do a therapist stock and like, don't

540
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 2: blame her for any of this because like, just say,

541
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,359
Speaker 2: I'm feeling this. Why am I feeling like this? And

542
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 2: it's not her. It's I'm feeling like this because I

543
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 2: feel like abandoned or I feel afraid of something. Figure

544
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:27,440
Speaker 2: out what that.

545
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 3: Is and do the work get to the root of it. Dude,

546
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,919
Speaker 3: it is not her. I feel like it's warranted, but

547
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,440
Speaker 3: it's very intrusive and she would probably be offended by

548
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 3: the level of scrutiny. To add, we have open phones,

549
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 3: but I do not, snoop. I need to resolve this

550
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 3: one way or another. It's eating me up. I think

551
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 3: about it every day almost all day, interfering with work,

552
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 3: and can't go a day or two without drinking. I

553
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 3: appreciate your time and thoughtful replies, and also feel free

554
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 3: to comment on my other threads if you like. Update three.

555
00:28:57,880 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 2: Wait did he just plug his other threads?

556
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 4: Yeah?

557
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 3: Some of you might remember my tail, but briefly, around

558
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 3: four months ago, my wife showed me some taxi chains

559
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 3: between herself and a male coworker that made me uncomfortable.

560
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 3: We had a few conversations and I felt we settled

561
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 3: the issue, but it has continued to gnaw at me

562
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 3: for months now. Please are remove my post history for

563
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 3: all the details.

564
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 2: Another plug.

565
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 3: As mentioned to my last post, she ended her sabbatical

566
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 3: and is back at work with our male friend these

567
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 3: past couple of weeks. Still looking for a way to

568
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 3: resolve this, I went back to the cell phone logs

569
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 3: and thanks to reading these forums, I found vast people's

570
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 3: search dot com, which actually gives you the name of

571
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 3: the owner and a cell phone number very reliably. I

572
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 3: had tried other ways to get her for friends number before,

573
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 3: but none worked until this.

574
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, I see you.

575
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 3: But so I went back through her text logs and

576
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 3: finally hit on his number. Gnawing feeling in the stomach,

577
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 3: I made a little chart and found all the dates

578
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 3: they texted this mostly reassured me and made things better,

579
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 3: except for one small detail. Back when I first searched

580
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 3: for text logs, I recognized several numbers of family and friends,

581
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 3: but she interacts with a lot of people in her

582
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 3: work using her personal phone, and dozens of unknown numbers

583
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 3: were of no help. As of now, I have identified

584
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 3: all but about two numbers. His was next to the

585
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 3: last one on my list, but I found him onto

586
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 3: the good and the bad. The good, I could see

587
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 3: that there was not a lot of activity prior to

588
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 3: my discovery the event, and never outside work hours, although

589
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 3: I could only see back to February now. This reassured

590
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 3: me that she was honest when she said most of

591
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 3: their texts were boring, work related, although some of the

592
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 3: exchanges were longer than what I remember seeing in that

593
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 3: flash of time that I viewed the thread ten fourteen,

594
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 3: even twenty four total back and forth. But I also

595
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 3: realized texts add up fast. Some of my threads with

596
00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 3: her can go thirty or forty in a matter of minutes,

597
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 3: so not too big a deal. The bad, so you

598
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 3: might have read where I asked her the day of

599
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 3: the event to tell me if he ever contacts her again,

600
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:10,720
Speaker 3: and she agreed. One of my issues in my last

601
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 3: post was that she has never come to me to

602
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 3: report anything, even though I know they must interact in

603
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 3: some way.

604
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 4: I don't want her.

605
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 3: To report every high in the hall, but non work

606
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 3: chats or especially texts or anything like that should be reported.

607
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 3: So two weeks after the event, and after seeing advice here,

608
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 3: I sat her down to discuss things and asked her

609
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 3: if there had been any contact. She said no, not

610
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 3: Then when I pressed her, she admitted he had greeted

611
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,479
Speaker 3: her outside her open office door, which is fine, and

612
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 3: I let it slide since that kind of contact I

613
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 3: know is going to happen and not a problem. But

614
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 3: that was it period. However, once I knew his number

615
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 3: and could scan for every interaction, I found it. He

616
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 3: texted her two days after the event three quick texts,

617
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 3: and she texted back one time.

618
00:31:58,040 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 4: That is all.

619
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,560
Speaker 3: Nothing after that, even up to today. So she lied

620
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 3: two days after she promised to tell me if he

621
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 3: texted her. He did. Two weeks later, when I asked

622
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 3: her about it, she denied it. Dude, it was probably

623
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 3: work related. I'm horrified this man is driving me nuts.

624
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 2: Well, one like he stocked his own wife's phone.

625
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 3: Drive me nuts. You have no trust.

626
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 2: If you continue doing this, you will be destroying your relationship.

627
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 3: Yeah.

628
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, he's just like ruining it for himself for absolutely

629
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 6: no reason at all, like just being insecure and just

630
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 6: being like weird about it and just being like, hmm,

631
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 6: what else can I possibly find to pause an issue?

632
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 2: It's almost like he wants to find something, right, That's

633
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 2: what I'm thinking. And it's like, what's the goal? She's

634
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 2: proven herself time and time again.

635
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's rough out here. This is kind of danging,

636
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,720
Speaker 3: but not super bad, and no other texts have occurred.

637
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 3: But it reminded me of an event shortly after all

638
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 3: this where she showed me something on her phone and

639
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 3: when she closed that app and she saw a five

640
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 3: Facebook notations on her home screen, her finger instinctively went

641
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 3: to swipe the Facebook icon, but then she quickly closed

642
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 3: her phone. I was a little suspicious at the time,

643
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 3: but now I wonder if they just moved their chats

644
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 3: to Facebook Messenger instead of texts.

645
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 2: I'm so mad at op.

646
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 3: Yeah no, this dude stinks. Dude, he needs just a

647
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 3: lot of help.

648
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 2: Yeah again, he's creating an issue. Yeah, and like, why

649
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 2: can't you had a good summer with a lot of

650
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 2: spicy sleep time with your wife. Things are happy, Things

651
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 2: are good. Right back to what he said, get help,

652
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 2: go to therapy. What are you afraid of?

653
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 3: Insecral man, Leave your wife alone. She's still her best here.

654
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's also like, what what else do you need

655
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 6: her to do? And you know she even said she

656
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 6: asked that, right.

657
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 3: And I'm pretty sure the text you found, dude, was

658
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 3: probably just work.

659
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 6: No.

660
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was three texts, and she's like and it

661
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 2: was him saying something, her responding, and then him saying

662
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 2: like thank you or whatever, and then he's like, she lied.

663
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 2: That's pretty dang air.

664
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 3: Such a good chance that that was during work or

665
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 3: shortly after. It was was like, hey did you do

666
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 3: this today? And she was like, yeah, I like submitted

667
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 3: and he's like, hey, thanks so much, have a nice.

668
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 2: Night, and she completely forgot about it and went home

669
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:11,440
Speaker 2: to you, the person that she loves.

670
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 3: She loves you. See, I don't think that's what's happening.

671
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 3: It's just a suspicion, and a mild one at thou.

672
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 3: I truly think they had some near innocent, borderline inappropriate

673
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,399
Speaker 3: text going on, and she stopped because I didn't like it.

674
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 3: And everything is fine, and I think she admitted telling

675
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 3: me about that last text just to keep the peace,

676
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,239
Speaker 3: but it still sucks that she wasn't honest with me.

677
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 3: I'm gonna sit tight for now and watch the cell

678
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:37,280
Speaker 3: logs for a couple months.

679
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,959
Speaker 2: Don't don't do that, watch the cells, and.

680
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,399
Speaker 3: If nothing else fishy comes up, I'll probably just let

681
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,280
Speaker 3: it all go. My biggest fear is that they resume

682
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 3: texting in the future and I have.

683
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 4: To confront her.

684
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:49,280
Speaker 3: Hope that doesn't happen.

685
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 4: That is the end of that story.

686
00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 5: Sam.

687
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:53,919
Speaker 1: Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's

688
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 1: three minutes bads from our sponsors.

689
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 4: My boyfriend said I kept failing his tests, and I'm

690
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:00,080
Speaker 4: tired of it.

691
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 5: Your tests are failures.

692
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,359
Speaker 4: My twenty eight female boyfriend thirty two Mail and I

693
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 4: have been together for almost two years. Our relationship has

694
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 4: been good up to this point. However, the past two

695
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 4: months he's been doing weird things. He'll test me to

696
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 4: see what my emotional response will be to different situations.

697
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 4: Apparently I'm failing these tests and not reacting how he

698
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:25,800
Speaker 4: thinks I should. By the way, this comes from Throway.

699
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:27,880
Speaker 4: This is dumb, and if you want to spit your

700
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime subpured it.

701
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,

702
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

703
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,919
Speaker 4: what we do, So let us know what you would

704
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 4: do in the comments, and OP says, for example, he'll

705
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 4: call me to tell me that he's going to his

706
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 4: friend's house for a few hours. Before he comes home,

707
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 4: I'll tell him something along the lines of, Okay, thanks

708
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,720
Speaker 4: for letting me know. He thinks this is wrong because

709
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 4: it's not emotional enough. He feels like I should be

710
00:35:56,280 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 4: upset that he's not spending that time with me. Just

711
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:01,240
Speaker 4: wants you to be toxic.

712
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,919
Speaker 5: Yeah, he just wants you to feel like codependent.

713
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 4: Same thing. When he took a trip to visit a friend.

714
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 4: I told him to have fun and tell his friend

715
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 4: I said hi. He thought I should be upset crying

716
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 4: asking him not.

717
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:17,920
Speaker 5: To go, and then I guarantee you if you did that,

718
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 5: he would just be upset about that.

719
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,800
Speaker 4: And calling him every few hours while he was gone.

720
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 4: He thinks that my incorrect responses are a sign that

721
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 4: I don't love him and I'm not invested in the relationship.

722
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 4: If this is his idea of investment, I would be

723
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:33,720
Speaker 4: very scared.

724
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's not good. That's a problem.

725
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:39,959
Speaker 4: He started giving me the silent treatment when he's upset

726
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 4: about something. I usually let him have a silence for

727
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:44,440
Speaker 4: a little bit and hope that'll just come out and

728
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 4: say what's wrong. But that doesn't happen. I have to

729
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:50,800
Speaker 4: acknowledge that he's upset and giving me the silent treatment.

730
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:51,399
Speaker 5: To break the.

731
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 4: Silence and get the conversation going, I'll say, Okay, you're

732
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 4: obviously upset about something. Are you going to tell me

733
00:36:58,160 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 4: what it is so we can talk about it and

734
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 4: resolve the issue. Every single time, his response has been

735
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:06,720
Speaker 4: you're a smart girl, figure it out. Shut up, dude,

736
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 4: I hate this guy.

737
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 5: Smart girl, smart goir with leave.

738
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 4: If you're a smart girl, dump him. This response just

739
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,800
Speaker 4: seems really dumb on multiple levels. It doesn't resolve anything,

740
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 4: It essentially cuts off any discussion that could happen, and

741
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 4: it's said to antagonize me. I don't play into it,

742
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 4: and I just tell him, Okay, you're not ready to talk,

743
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 4: that's fine. I'm gonna continue with what I'm doing and

744
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 4: enjoy myself. When you're ready to talk, let me know

745
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 4: and we can resolve this. Then I just continue on

746
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,839
Speaker 4: with whatever I was doing. He gets upset with these

747
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 4: responses because they aren't the correct reactions. According to him,

748
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 4: I'm supposed to be upset. Keep asking him what's wrong,

749
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 4: asking what I can do to fix the situation. Maybe

750
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:54,800
Speaker 4: cry who is this guy? He's like, why aren't you crying?

751
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 5: How are you even? How are you questioning if you

752
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:02,240
Speaker 5: should stay with this guy or fix this? Which is absurd.

753
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,880
Speaker 4: What's shocking to me is that OP seems really well adjusted,

754
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 4: like understands how to handle conflict, all that really well,

755
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:13,360
Speaker 4: and yet is dating this absolute baby.

756
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 5: Maybe she's so good, Yeah, it was too easy before.

757
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,399
Speaker 5: It's not registering how bad this is.

758
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 4: I'm not doing any of that stuff. He thinks that

759
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 4: I'm emotionally stunted. Man needs to look in a mirror,

760
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 4: and then I need to work on developing the right responses.

761
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 4: I've told him that his tests are causing unnecessary strain

762
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,879
Speaker 4: on our relationship. I've also tried to talk to him

763
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 4: about what prompted this change, but he gives me the

764
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 4: same line.

765
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 5: Of you're more groomed.

766
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 4: Figure out, Shut up, shut up? I hate you. I

767
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 4: don't feel like there's anything wrong with how I'm reacting.

768
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 4: But the few friends that we have here all agree

769
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 4: with him. Your friends need to be dumped as well.

770
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:01,359
Speaker 4: What your friends need to be done so quick? Your

771
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 4: boyfriend needs to be dumped. Anyone who thinks this is

772
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:06,840
Speaker 4: normal is weird.

773
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 5: If your boyfriend is telling you his end goal is

774
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,319
Speaker 5: that you should be crying because of the way I'm

775
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 5: treating you, and you're not, that's weird.

776
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 4: Are my emotional reactions wrong. I don't think they are,

777
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,160
Speaker 4: but would like to input from other people on this.

778
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:23,720
Speaker 4: How do I approach this to get him to stop

779
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 4: testing me? And there are some comments? Yeah, but I

780
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 4: think there's one really easy way to get him to

781
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 4: stop doing this.

782
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, you break up with it.

783
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:34,960
Speaker 4: Yep, there it is.

784
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 5: It's that easy.

785
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:40,840
Speaker 4: It's so simple, and maybe he'll cry. We'll see. Comment

786
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 4: one says, oh, for f's sake, shut it down. He

787
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 4: sounds like a stunted twelve year old. This man is

788
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 4: in his thirties. He wants you to scream and wail

789
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 4: when he goes down the street. He sounds utterly exhausting

790
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 4: and childish. Relationships are not supposed to be this way.

791
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:02,839
Speaker 4: Op says, I agree completely. This is exhausting. For a minute,

792
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 4: I was trying to figure out exactly how he thought

793
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 4: I should react, But I can't do that. It's not

794
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 4: who I am as a person, to be fair. This

795
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 4: is new behavior, but I'm over it and I'm over

796
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,840
Speaker 4: this relationship. I just wanted to get input on the

797
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 4: situation and find out if there was a way to

798
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 4: approach this that would shut down the behavior and maybe

799
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 4: salvage the relationship. Reply. My ex put me in a

800
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:27,760
Speaker 4: situation that was very similar to yours. They will never

801
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,919
Speaker 4: be satisfied with how you react, even if you act

802
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 4: exactly how they insist, they'll always find something wrong. Get

803
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 4: out before it gets worse. Coma two says, this is

804
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 4: emotional from him, plain and simple. A quick Google search

805
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 4: and it didn't take me long to find an article

806
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 4: listing his behavior. Your feelings are valid. Please don't stay

807
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:49,880
Speaker 4: with him long enough that he gets you to a

808
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:53,800
Speaker 4: point where you think you're being unreasonable. How you feel

809
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 4: is how you feel, and no one else can tell

810
00:40:56,080 --> 00:41:00,320
Speaker 4: you what is reasonable. Op says, very true. I hadn't

811
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 4: even considered emotional. I think I've been too focused on

812
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 4: the sudden change when he started testing me and trying

813
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 4: to figure out what caused it.

814
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 5: Well, that's good. It's like it hasn't even like sunk in,

815
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,480
Speaker 5: Like you're like, oh, I was just looking at this

816
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 5: like a puzzle.

817
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 3: Yeah.

818
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 4: I just didn't even know why he was doing it,

819
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 4: hadn't even gotten to the point where it affected me.

820
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 5: Yeah. I wonder if if you're just completely unaware of

821
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 5: a like, does it even Yeah, does it have the

822
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 5: same impact because you're just like, no, I don't know.

823
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 5: I literally, I literally thought of this as a mental like,

824
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:33,920
Speaker 5: this was a brain.

825
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 4: Teaser, a brain teaser reply, I'd say about the sounds

826
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,399
Speaker 4: of this, you're out of the love bombing stage by

827
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 4: any chance. Was he always loving and sweet up to

828
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 4: this point or something similar? It's unfortunately very common with

829
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 4: it to have a period of time where things are

830
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 4: picture perfect, then all of a sudden things start to

831
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:54,840
Speaker 4: change negatively. Oh, he says. I wouldn't say he was

832
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:56,919
Speaker 4: overly loving and sweet, just kind of what you would

833
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,800
Speaker 4: expect to see in a normal relationship. He was pretty

834
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 4: about stuff previously. He had no issues with me being

835
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 4: fine with him hanging out with friends. When we would argue,

836
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 4: he would sit down and discuss the issue. The relationship

837
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 4: just looked like a normal relationship with two normal people.

838
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:17,839
Speaker 4: Then two months ago he did a complete change. Now,

839
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:20,440
Speaker 4: me being laid back and fine with time spent with

840
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 4: friends is considered to be not caring. Disagreements have to

841
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 4: be dramatic and drawn out. I don't understand what happened,

842
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 4: and there is an update. I don't get it either.

843
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 4: I think it must be as friends.

844
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 5: The human psyche is a mysterious thing.

845
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:42,160
Speaker 4: Yeah. Update. Thank you to everyone who responded to my

846
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 4: original post. I really didn't expect this kind of response. Sorry,

847
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 4: it took me a bit to get back to all

848
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:51,440
Speaker 4: of you, but it was a pleasantly busy night really quick.

849
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:53,680
Speaker 4: I wanted to address a couple of things people had

850
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 4: mentioned or asked about. I was pretty sure that there

851
00:42:56,680 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 4: was nothing wrong with my reactions. However, of doubt had

852
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,479
Speaker 4: crept in upon curing the people in our friend group

853
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 4: support his actions. The friend group were his original friends,

854
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 4: and I was kind of adopted into the group. Our

855
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 4: friend's girlfriends act how he thinks I should be reacting

856
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 4: when he goes out with his friends. Their girlfriends are

857
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 4: calling and texting them the entire time. Yeah, this is

858
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 4: also how my boyfriend's previous girlfriend acted.

859
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 5: Okay, we know, well you were right on the money. Yep,

860
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 5: it's the friends.

861
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,360
Speaker 4: As far as I know, he hasn't been watching and

862
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 4: listening to anyone. He doesn't have any social media accounts

863
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:39,239
Speaker 4: except the Blue app. His U Tube history is all

864
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 4: video game stuff. He's never shown any interest in podcasts.

865
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 4: He's been fine the times that I've gone out, but

866
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,719
Speaker 4: I'm an introvert and don't go out very often. Some

867
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 4: people have stated that he didn't suddenly change, but he

868
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 4: really did. He went out with friends one night and

869
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 4: he was fine. The next week when they went out,

870
00:43:56,680 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 4: he was suddenly not fine. Also, I'm single, nice yay.

871
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 4: I mentioned in some comments that I had already gone

872
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,439
Speaker 4: to his place to get anything I had left there,

873
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 4: and I was waiting for him to get home from work.

874
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 4: When he arrived, I gave him his house keyback, told

875
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 4: him I was done, suggested he needs therapy and good luck.

876
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:20,360
Speaker 4: He was confused and asked what happened. I took the

877
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:22,919
Speaker 4: advice of the comment section and told him that I'm

878
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:24,399
Speaker 4: smart and figured it.

879
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 5: Out, oh man dang jang, Oh, hey what go? Go ahead?

880
00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:33,400
Speaker 5: Take that cold water.

881
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 4: Stone cold response from ope oooh. It was satisfying to

882
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 4: watch his face as he started putting the pieces together.

883
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 4: Then the meltdowns started. He began panicking and apologizing. I

884
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 4: told him I wasn't sure what happened, but the past

885
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 4: couple of months have been total garbage and I'm done.

886
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 4: He said he could explain. He told me a couple

887
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:57,359
Speaker 4: months ago, one of our friends had mentioned that his

888
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 4: ex would check on him when they were out, but

889
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:03,839
Speaker 4: I don't. Maybe have we thought about the reason that

890
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 4: that friend said x as and he's no longer with

891
00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 4: that person?

892
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, do you just want to go be

893
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:11,759
Speaker 5: with that x? You just want to go be with

894
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:12,240
Speaker 5: that person?

895
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 4: The friend said. He would make him wonder what his

896
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 4: girlfriend was up to and if she even wanted him.

897
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 4: He said it made him start questioning why I didn't

898
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 4: act like the other girlfriends. He decided that he needed

899
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 4: to test me to see if I was invested in

900
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 4: him and the relationship. He said he was sorry and

901
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:31,800
Speaker 4: he wouldn't aus me anymore. He just wanted me to stay.

902
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 4: I told him that he needs therapy. He allowed a

903
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:38,480
Speaker 4: single comment to disturb him enough that he blew up

904
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 4: our relationship. Then he got angry, Not violent angry, just

905
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 4: frustrated angry. He said that if I continue down this path,

906
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 4: I was dangerously close to losing a chance to keep

907
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 4: him as a friend. If you keep commenting on my

908
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 4: failings in this relationship, I might not even want to

909
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:57,879
Speaker 4: be your friend after this.

910
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 5: And that's great, Champ, I was already planning on not

911
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:01,839
Speaker 5: being your friend.

912
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 4: He were not continuing any sort of relationship after this.

913
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:07,280
Speaker 4: I told him I'm good with that and left.

914
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 5: You made your tests and now you will lie in them.

915
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 4: Yep, exactly, tough luck, Beddy.

916
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:17,960
Speaker 5: Always weird energy to test people like, oh weirdl tests,

917
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:19,239
Speaker 5: always a weird vibe.

918
00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 4: Why why why can't like, if you are in a

919
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 4: relationship with someone and you can't just actually like be

920
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 4: straightforward and tell them how you're feeling, then what's going on?

921
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 4: What's the point? Op? He continues. When I left, I

922
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:34,919
Speaker 4: blocked him on everything and call my parents and brother

923
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 4: to let them know what happened and to not give

924
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 4: him any info if he reached out to them. I

925
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:42,960
Speaker 4: went home, changed the locks on my doors, had a

926
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 4: couple of friends over and at a girls' night. My

927
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 4: phone has been blowing up with calls and messages from

928
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 4: his friends and their girlfriend, but I've just been blocking

929
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 4: them as they come in. He came to my house

930
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 4: this morning, but I didn't answer. He hung out on

931
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 4: my porch for about thirty minutes. When he decided to

932
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,920
Speaker 4: give up. He left. I'm on my favorite plant, an orchid,

933
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,840
Speaker 4: and a note. I'm keeping the plant. It's not the

934
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 4: plant's fault that he brought it, but the note went

935
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 4: straight to the trash. It's amazing how much better you

936
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 4: feel after dropping two fifty pounds of garbage weight. And

937
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:14,440
Speaker 4: that's the end of that story.

938
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 5: Folks. Note in the trash trash my girlfriend insisted on monogamy,

939
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 5: but continue to entertain a coworker.

940
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 4: Seems like she's a little hypocritical.

941
00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 5: Me mail twenty five and my girlfriend twenty one, Susie,

942
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:35,280
Speaker 5: started dating around March this year. When we started dating,

943
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,400
Speaker 5: it was already clear she would be out of the

944
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 5: country for half a year doing a practical semester from

945
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 5: August twenty five to February twenty six. By the way,

946
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:48,280
Speaker 5: this comes from user grape agitated forty two to fourteen,

947
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 5: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

948
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,840
Speaker 5: to the r slash Okay storytime subburd it. I'm Dakota,

949
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:55,960
Speaker 5: I'm Sophia, and we're here to give you good advice. Goofully,

950
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:57,880
Speaker 5: but we don't have all the answers. We just know

951
00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:59,920
Speaker 5: what we'd do, so let us know what you'd do

952
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 5: in the comments and op says I wasn't sure if

953
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 5: getting together in those circumstances was the right thing to do,

954
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:10,839
Speaker 5: but we got really close, really fast. We had really

955
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 5: open and honest conversations, and when at the start of

956
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 5: May she said she loves me and asked for a stable,

957
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 5: monogamous relationship and to stay together long distance for the

958
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 5: six months she would be away, I agreed, as I

959
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 5: had grown to love her too. For more context, I

960
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:30,520
Speaker 5: have had bad experiences with long distance relationships in the past.

961
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 5: My ex girlfriend and I had slowly grown apart when

962
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:35,839
Speaker 5: she was away for a year, leading to her ending

963
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:39,360
Speaker 5: things over WhatsApp a few days before getting back to

964
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:42,800
Speaker 5: our country and me later learning that she had cheated

965
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 5: on me there. As this had left me quite wounded

966
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 5: and not wanting that experience again, I sat Susie, my

967
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:53,839
Speaker 5: current girlfriend down before she left in mid July, and

968
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:57,360
Speaker 5: we talked about what we expected from our long distance relationship.

969
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 5: We promised brutal honesty if something about our feelings changed,

970
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 5: and I offered that we could open up the relationship

971
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:07,720
Speaker 5: for the time she was away. WHOA okay, so OPI said.

972
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:09,920
Speaker 4: Obi said, I'll even let you.

973
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:11,360
Speaker 5: I'll even let.

974
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:13,800
Speaker 4: You do this, just be honest.

975
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,279
Speaker 5: You can't cheat on me if I give you permissions.

976
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 5: She didn't want that, and we both wrote down what

977
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:22,359
Speaker 5: we wanted from this relationship. One of the things both

978
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 5: of us wrote down was presenting ourselves to others as

979
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 5: being in a monogamous relationship. Another one was that if

980
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 5: we got the feeling the relationship was holding us back

981
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 5: in any way, we would talk about it and make adjustments,

982
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:37,279
Speaker 5: rather than living with the feeling of being caged as

983
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 5: She had an affair in a previous relationship where she

984
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:43,400
Speaker 5: tried to solve it by opening the relationship after it

985
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 5: had already happened, which she told me knowing that this

986
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,080
Speaker 5: was a huge mistake on her end.

987
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:51,399
Speaker 4: Wait, I'm sorry, I'm sorry she had an affair and

988
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:53,560
Speaker 4: then tried to open the relationship.

989
00:49:54,719 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 5: Uh, yeah, I believe so I would be.

990
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:06,319
Speaker 4: So weary of having a long distance relationship with this girl.

991
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:08,560
Speaker 5: Well, that's kind of ambiguous the way it's written, but

992
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:11,240
Speaker 5: I feel like it is her that had the affair,

993
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 5: and she's like, we'll open the relationship, but that sounds psychotic.

994
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 5: We also talked specifically about that being an absolute no

995
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 5: go if we wanted to change the nature of our relationship.

996
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 5: This needed to be a discussion between the two of

997
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:27,880
Speaker 5: us way before anything happened between her and someone else,

998
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 5: or me and someone else for that matter. Fast forward

999
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 5: two months, Susie is away living in a closed community

1000
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:38,239
Speaker 5: working with people with disabilities as an intern and a

1001
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 5: full time worker. Thirty eight male starts hitting on her,

1002
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 5: offering messages, asking for her age, and flirting. She tells

1003
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 5: me this via text, and my immediate reaction is, this

1004
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:52,799
Speaker 5: is weird. If some near forty year old higher up

1005
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,000
Speaker 5: in my company would start hitting on the female interns

1006
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 5: half his age, I would offer to go to h

1007
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 5: R with them, as this is not a healthy power

1008
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 5: dynamic and inappropriate behavior in the workplace. That wasn't her reaction, though,

1009
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 5: She tells me she doesn't know if she's interested in him,

1010
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,880
Speaker 5: and that she's liking the attention he gives her. I

1011
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 5: ask if she has told him she has a boyfriend.

1012
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:17,600
Speaker 5: She hadn't, And that feels like that's all she wrote

1013
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 5: right there.

1014
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:21,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's it. That's it. I honestly, I understand.

1015
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 4: I think that normally, like there are situations where maybe

1016
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,880
Speaker 4: like opening up the relationship or having that conversation prior

1017
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:32,080
Speaker 4: would have been good. But I think that OPI was

1018
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:35,359
Speaker 4: so worried about being cheated on that he's like, I'm

1019
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:37,879
Speaker 4: not even gonna give her that option. I'm not even

1020
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:40,120
Speaker 4: you know, like I'm gonna make sure that she literally

1021
00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 4: can't textbook cheat on me.

1022
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:44,880
Speaker 5: Because I'm a letter. I'm gonna leave the door open.

1023
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think that you shouldn't have done that, honestly, Yeah,

1024
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:49,279
Speaker 4: but you you know.

1025
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,799
Speaker 5: But however, she came back and said, I don't even

1026
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:53,759
Speaker 5: want that, and we're not gonna do that, And now

1027
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:56,719
Speaker 5: this guy's giving her attention. She's like, but I like

1028
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 5: it though.

1029
00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:59,880
Speaker 4: I think that like the fact, like, I don't think

1030
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 4: this is any of this is your fault. I think

1031
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 4: that she's a cheater and she's cheating again.

1032
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:07,760
Speaker 5: Um, she's a pumpkin eaton.

1033
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:11,320
Speaker 4: But I think that like going forward, Ope, you want

1034
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:13,799
Speaker 4: you don't want. You know, it doesn't seem like you

1035
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:17,920
Speaker 4: really want not a monogamy. So I feel like we

1036
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:21,319
Speaker 4: just need to set the president. If you go off

1037
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:22,640
Speaker 4: and buy someone else, we're done.

1038
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:24,799
Speaker 5: Honestly, the way she's talking right now, I think it's

1039
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:25,759
Speaker 5: already done.

1040
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 3: I would be.

1041
00:52:26,920 --> 00:52:29,440
Speaker 5: Endings right now. It is just based on what you said.

1042
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:32,399
Speaker 5: I don't think this is gonna work exactly. I tell her,

1043
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:34,960
Speaker 5: I appreciate the honesty, but this feels weird for me,

1044
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:37,840
Speaker 5: And if we're in a monogamous relationship, why hasn't she

1045
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:39,359
Speaker 5: told the guy hitting on her?

1046
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:41,520
Speaker 4: She said, she just told you that she has a

1047
00:52:41,600 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 4: question him.

1048
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 5: She says she doesn't want anything from him at the moment,

1049
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 5: assures me she still wants a monogamous relationship with me

1050
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,879
Speaker 5: as she loves me, and will tell him she has

1051
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:54,560
Speaker 5: a boyfriend.

1052
00:52:54,640 --> 00:52:58,000
Speaker 4: She just said, I don't want anything from him at

1053
00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:01,480
Speaker 4: the moment break up with her.

1054
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 5: I think I think it's I don't I don't like that.

1055
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:10,239
Speaker 5: I asked her about the not interested at the moment formulation,

1056
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,319
Speaker 5: and she brushes it off with a generic Nobody knows

1057
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 5: how they'll feel in a few months. Huh. But I'm

1058
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:19,120
Speaker 5: sure I don't want anything from him right now.

1059
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 4: Huh.

1060
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 5: And I only want a platonic friendship at most. Huh ah.

1061
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 5: I just and that's it, And that's curtains. You say, no,

1062
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 5: you clearly that's not I don't know.

1063
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:33,239
Speaker 4: I think. Ope. My advice for you going into your

1064
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:36,919
Speaker 4: next relationship, because you're breaking up your break I'm I'm

1065
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:40,759
Speaker 4: I'm manifesting. My advice for you going into your next

1066
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:46,359
Speaker 4: relationship is figure out what you want before you get

1067
00:53:46,400 --> 00:53:46,919
Speaker 4: into one.

1068
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:50,319
Speaker 5: They did. They did. They sat down and made a

1069
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 5: list of all the things they wanted before they did

1070
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:53,800
Speaker 5: long distance.

1071
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 4: That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, before you even

1072
00:53:56,960 --> 00:54:02,319
Speaker 4: get into a relationship, decide do I ever want an

1073
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 4: open relationship or do I just want a monogamous relationship?

1074
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:09,480
Speaker 4: And if you just want a monogamous relationship, keep that

1075
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:12,120
Speaker 4: boundary throughout the whole relationship. Doesn't matter if they go

1076
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 4: long distance, doesn't matter. If they meet someone like you,

1077
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 4: are monogamous, and if they want to change that, then

1078
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:18,680
Speaker 4: you break up.

1079
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:22,399
Speaker 5: A few days later, I asked her what happened with him,

1080
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:24,840
Speaker 5: and she casually tells me that she's told him she

1081
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:28,759
Speaker 5: has a boyfriend. His first question was are you too exclusive?

1082
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:32,440
Speaker 5: And her answer was for now, but we have agreed

1083
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:36,839
Speaker 5: we can talk about anything break up. I ask her

1084
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 5: again why she uses that formulation, as that is not

1085
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:45,600
Speaker 5: how we agreed to present ourselves to interested others. We

1086
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 5: can talk about ending the monogamous relationship and discuss if

1087
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 5: this relationship has a future the way it is, no,

1088
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:54,040
Speaker 5: But if we say we are together and want to

1089
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:57,960
Speaker 5: stay monogamous, then this is weird because for me, and

1090
00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:00,840
Speaker 5: I'm quite sure also for him, her behavior seems like

1091
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:03,600
Speaker 5: she's trying to keep the possibility for something to happen

1092
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:07,400
Speaker 5: between the two of them open. She again brushes it

1093
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 5: off with something like, but this is our status, right,

1094
00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:13,879
Speaker 5: we're exclusive, but we talk about everything, right, You're not

1095
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:17,279
Speaker 5: talking like you're exclusive, girl. I try to explain my

1096
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 5: point of view. Yes, but for me, that means we

1097
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:23,280
Speaker 5: share our feelings, we talk about unmet needs. We don't

1098
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:26,359
Speaker 5: stay together just for the sake of staying together. But

1099
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:28,799
Speaker 5: this doesn't mean we lead people on, tell them we

1100
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 5: might get something going with them, while still telling our

1101
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:33,880
Speaker 5: partner we are exclusive and we don't have interest in

1102
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:37,319
Speaker 5: anything more than a platonic friendship with someone else. After that,

1103
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:40,400
Speaker 5: she reassures me she isn't interested in him in any

1104
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:43,560
Speaker 5: other way than platonic, and then put it in parentheses.

1105
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:47,279
Speaker 5: Right now, for right now, it isn't like she's trying

1106
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 5: to keep the possibility of getting on with him. And

1107
00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 5: if I knew him, I would see this. I don't

1108
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 5: need to worry that. I ratchet up to worry.

1109
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:56,440
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1110
00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:58,440
Speaker 5: Four days later, we talk on the phone about our

1111
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:00,719
Speaker 5: days and how it's going. When she, two hours into

1112
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:03,400
Speaker 5: the phone call, casually mentions that she talked with him

1113
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:06,759
Speaker 5: about intimacy and is writing quite a lot with him,

1114
00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:09,959
Speaker 5: and she is going out with him for drinks next week.

1115
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 5: Break up and that has to be the nail in

1116
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 5: the coffin that Hey, that's we're.

1117
00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:19,480
Speaker 4: Done, relationship's done.

1118
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:22,759
Speaker 5: You can pursue that guy, because you clearly want to

1119
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:27,560
Speaker 5: pursue that guy, So just pursue him and will break up. Tada.

1120
00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:30,080
Speaker 5: I tell her why I feel weird about that, basically

1121
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 5: retelling what I wrote in the post to her and

1122
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:35,840
Speaker 5: explain that all of this makes me uncomfortable. She listens,

1123
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 5: says maybe she needed this outside perspective, but also argues

1124
00:56:39,680 --> 00:56:41,960
Speaker 5: that it may look weird from the outside, but it's

1125
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:46,279
Speaker 5: all innocent and platonic for now. For now, she makes

1126
00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:48,560
Speaker 5: no offers to change her plans. She doesn't ask if

1127
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:50,800
Speaker 5: there's something to make me feel better, and she wouldn't

1128
00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:53,279
Speaker 5: even have told me they were going out together in

1129
00:56:53,360 --> 00:56:55,839
Speaker 5: a pub if we did not happen to stumble upon

1130
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,680
Speaker 5: the topic of pubs, let alone ask me how I

1131
00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:01,880
Speaker 5: feel about this. So this is our situation right now.

1132
00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:04,560
Speaker 5: I texted her after saying I would like to talk

1133
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:08,279
Speaker 5: about what relationship means for us before she goes out

1134
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:11,200
Speaker 5: with him. She agreed, I don't know how to deal

1135
00:57:11,239 --> 00:57:14,480
Speaker 5: with this situation and if I'm overreacting or being naive.

1136
00:57:15,040 --> 00:57:18,439
Speaker 5: In general, I am not totally opposed to open relationships

1137
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:22,720
Speaker 5: or a break until she gets back. Long distance relationships suck,

1138
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:25,840
Speaker 5: but if so, it must be a shared decision to

1139
00:57:25,960 --> 00:57:29,360
Speaker 5: end the relationship or change its nature, and an honest conversation,

1140
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 5: putting the partner first. Until then, I don't know if

1141
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:34,800
Speaker 5: this is a realistic possibility. I would really love some

1142
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 5: outside perspective and advice, especially from people who may have

1143
00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:40,960
Speaker 5: had similar situations. At this point, I'm unsure if I'm

1144
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:46,320
Speaker 5: reacting unreasonably hoping the interacting, hoping the fine folk on

1145
00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 5: the internet might give me an outside perspective and help

1146
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:51,800
Speaker 5: me decide what to do. The desired outcome is more

1147
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:55,240
Speaker 5: insight on how I'm going to move forward with this relationship.

1148
00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 5: And there are comments we don't think you should move forward.

1149
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:02,439
Speaker 5: Pick God, break ap do the breakup Brigo to make

1150
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,920
Speaker 5: it open. She just wants she wants to cheat on

1151
00:58:04,960 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 5: you with this guy.

1152
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 4: He wants to cheat on you. She is emotionally cheating

1153
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:08,680
Speaker 4: on you.

1154
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:09,640
Speaker 5: Break up with her.

1155
00:58:10,760 --> 00:58:11,480
Speaker 4: We're Donezoh.

1156
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:14,720
Speaker 5: Comment one didn't read all of this. You offered to

1157
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 5: change your relationship to an open one, and now she

1158
00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 5: wants to sleep with another guy because you said you

1159
00:58:18,480 --> 00:58:20,200
Speaker 5: were cool with her sleeping with other people as long

1160
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 5: as she told you. That's not what he said. You

1161
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:22,919
Speaker 5: didn't read the whole poet.

1162
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 4: You did not read that post.

1163
00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:28,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I'm just gonna go to Op's response, hmm

1164
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:31,440
Speaker 5: okay to reiterate she was the one wanting a closed

1165
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:34,680
Speaker 5: relationship in the first place. I offered an open relationship

1166
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:37,640
Speaker 5: before she left to deal with the struggles of long distance.

1167
00:58:37,960 --> 00:58:41,800
Speaker 5: She declined and didn't want that, so we agreed. We

1168
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 5: have a closed relationship. She tells me this guy is

1169
00:58:44,880 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 5: hitting on her. I say, I find it weird she

1170
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 5: isn't directly telling him she's in a closed relationship. Asking

1171
00:58:50,040 --> 00:58:52,720
Speaker 5: if this is still what we both want, she says yes,

1172
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 5: she still doesn't want an open relationship. She doesn't want

1173
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:59,480
Speaker 5: anything from him. She still goes forward basically dating him,

1174
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:02,400
Speaker 5: telling me she is and wants to be in a

1175
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:05,720
Speaker 5: close relationship with me. She is not telling me she

1176
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 5: wants to sleep with another guy. I never said I

1177
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:10,240
Speaker 5: am cool with her sleeping with other people as long

1178
00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:12,320
Speaker 5: as she told me. Sorry, but I don't see your

1179
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:15,520
Speaker 5: reasoning here. Am I missing something? No, that commenter was

1180
00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 5: missing the entire context of your post. Yeah, and there

1181
00:59:19,240 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 5: is a little bit more story here. There's an update,

1182
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:25,160
Speaker 5: a final update. I hope it's a breakup update.

1183
00:59:25,240 --> 00:59:27,520
Speaker 4: I hope it's I broke up with my girlfriend because

1184
00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:32,080
Speaker 4: she's a jul a breakupdate, bructa please brook up date.

1185
00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:35,680
Speaker 5: So we spoke. I asked if she had told me everything.

1186
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:39,919
Speaker 5: She told me basically yes, which means no. But when

1187
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:44,000
Speaker 5: asking more precisely, she revealed more and more spicy texts

1188
00:59:44,080 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 5: from him.

1189
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 4: And then she still talked.

1190
00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:50,360
Speaker 5: About how this is maybe bad for her, as he

1191
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:53,400
Speaker 5: has a status in the community and the power dynamics.

1192
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:57,120
Speaker 5: I told her how she had disrespected my boundaries and

1193
00:59:57,160 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 5: not even told the full truth, not to speak of

1194
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:02,959
Speaker 5: the revelation that makes about how little I am worth

1195
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 5: to her, and that this is more than enough reason

1196
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:08,760
Speaker 5: for me to break up and this relationship is over.

1197
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 5: She basically said, I'm right, and she gaslighted herself into

1198
01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 5: thinking this was okay in any way, and then I

1199
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 5: deserve someone better. And that was that freshly baked single

1200
01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:22,640
Speaker 5: dude here reporting for duty. And that is the end

1201
01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:23,360
Speaker 5: of that story.

1202
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:26,880
Speaker 4: Dang man, we got the brickup date, per cup date

1203
01:00:27,160 --> 01:00:31,680
Speaker 4: secured love to hear it. Hey, kind you're going.

1204
01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:33,600
Speaker 5: I gotta love hate relationship with that.

1205
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:36,160
Speaker 4: That sucks, but sucks, but it's good for you.

1206
01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:36,800
Speaker 5: It is good.

1207
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:37,600
Speaker 4: She sucks too.

1208
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:42,120
Speaker 5: I can't long distance. I can't. I can't even I

1209
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:42,960
Speaker 5: can't even imagine.

1210
01:00:42,960 --> 01:00:45,800
Speaker 4: Long distance seems very hard.

1211
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:48,440
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1212
01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 5: on to the next one. Hey, y'all, it's John og

1213
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:52,360
Speaker 5: Host here. We're gonna get back to the story. So

1214
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:53,840
Speaker 5: but here's a quick three minute break from As for

1215
01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:54,720
Speaker 5: more sponsors.

1216
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:58,800
Speaker 4: My boyfriend convinced me to adopt kittens, but won't.

1217
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:02,080
Speaker 5: Help me at all with them kittens because they're cute

1218
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:05,560
Speaker 5: like you. I, twenty eight female, adopted two kittens at

1219
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:06,479
Speaker 5: the beginning of the month.

1220
01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:09,200
Speaker 4: They were sick and it was a real struggle while

1221
01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:12,000
Speaker 4: they were on antibiotics. I got them healthy and then

1222
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:15,760
Speaker 4: I experienced the full kitten crazies. I'm sure i'll get

1223
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:19,120
Speaker 4: crap on for this decision, but having never owned cats before,

1224
01:01:19,320 --> 01:01:21,560
Speaker 4: I like them, just never own them or been around kittens.

1225
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:23,960
Speaker 4: I decided it wasn't really a good fit for me,

1226
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 4: and I returned them to the no on a live

1227
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:30,680
Speaker 4: shelter where I adopt them. In total, I had them

1228
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 4: for twenty days. By the way, this comes from throw

1229
01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:35,640
Speaker 4: Away six eight ninety five and throw Away Yeah Yeah.

1230
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:37,440
Speaker 4: And if you want to spit your own stories, go

1231
01:01:37,480 --> 01:01:40,480
Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay storytime subbured it. I'm Sophia,

1232
01:01:40,720 --> 01:01:43,160
Speaker 4: I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice. Goofy,

1233
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:45,120
Speaker 4: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

1234
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,919
Speaker 4: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

1235
01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:50,440
Speaker 4: do in the comments and OPI says the adoption staff

1236
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 4: were nice about it and suggested that I take some

1237
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:55,240
Speaker 4: time and think about it, but maybe consider adopting an

1238
01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:57,720
Speaker 4: older cat. I really do not want to debate the

1239
01:01:57,760 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 4: moral implications of returning or not return pets. I did

1240
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:03,480
Speaker 4: not think I was that kind of person who would

1241
01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:06,480
Speaker 4: return a pet, but I guess I am. The cats

1242
01:02:06,480 --> 01:02:08,760
Speaker 4: are super sweet and adorable, and they did not do

1243
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:11,360
Speaker 4: anything wrong. I thought the company would help with my

1244
01:02:11,440 --> 01:02:14,680
Speaker 4: depression and anxiety, but it kind of made it worse.

1245
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:16,880
Speaker 4: And I do not know if it was just an

1246
01:02:16,880 --> 01:02:19,919
Speaker 4: initial panic on my part or what, but I thought

1247
01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:21,960
Speaker 4: that since I had been on the fence about returning them,

1248
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:23,840
Speaker 4: it was best to just give them back and give

1249
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:27,040
Speaker 4: them a good shot at a loving home before they're older.

1250
01:02:27,200 --> 01:02:29,280
Speaker 5: I mean, how many cats did you adopt too?

1251
01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:32,000
Speaker 4: Why did you? I don't know, I don't know.

1252
01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:35,000
Speaker 5: Hey, I don't see anything wrong with this personally. I

1253
01:02:35,120 --> 01:02:38,680
Speaker 5: see nothing wrong with you adopted animals from a you know,

1254
01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:42,600
Speaker 5: an ethical shelter, and you know, after three weeks you

1255
01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:44,440
Speaker 5: were like, I don't know, I just don't think I

1256
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:46,520
Speaker 5: can do this, and so you brought them back to

1257
01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:48,040
Speaker 5: the same shelter. I don't see anything wrong with that.

1258
01:02:48,120 --> 01:02:51,720
Speaker 4: I think that is a good I think that is

1259
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:55,400
Speaker 4: a good decision for Ope, because she couldn't handle it.

1260
01:02:55,440 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 4: And I think that if you can't handle the pets,

1261
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 4: like do not keep them. But just in general, I

1262
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:05,320
Speaker 4: think before we are adopting animals, just doing a lot

1263
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 4: of research about what that you know and you never know.

1264
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:11,360
Speaker 4: Obviously feels like it was an impulsive thing, yeah, which

1265
01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:11,840
Speaker 4: is my point.

1266
01:03:11,880 --> 01:03:14,760
Speaker 5: It's like, maybe it'll help my depression and anxiety, and

1267
01:03:14,760 --> 01:03:17,640
Speaker 5: it's like, I didn't. I've heard it does didn't help me.

1268
01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:19,240
Speaker 4: I think in this case it was probably the right

1269
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:22,240
Speaker 4: decision for her and the cats. However, in the future,

1270
01:03:22,960 --> 01:03:25,600
Speaker 4: anyone who's thinking about adopting pets, let's really look into

1271
01:03:25,640 --> 01:03:28,080
Speaker 4: that and maybe maybe you can, you know, maybe if

1272
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:31,200
Speaker 4: fostering is not the best decision, you can do like

1273
01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:33,760
Speaker 4: dog sitting, there's a lot of apps and stuff or

1274
01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:36,240
Speaker 4: pet sitting you know that will let you do that

1275
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:39,800
Speaker 4: and you can get paid for two. So I had

1276
01:03:39,840 --> 01:03:42,160
Speaker 4: told my boyfriend thirty mail, who I had been with

1277
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:44,560
Speaker 4: for two years and who lives about two hours away

1278
01:03:44,600 --> 01:03:47,040
Speaker 4: from me, that I was planning to return the cats.

1279
01:03:47,520 --> 01:03:49,800
Speaker 4: He told me they were my pets, so was my decision.

1280
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:53,040
Speaker 4: I took them back last Friday afternoon. He came in

1281
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:55,640
Speaker 4: town that night to stay for the weekend, and as

1282
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,280
Speaker 4: soon as he arrived he asked where the cats were.

1283
01:03:58,680 --> 01:04:01,080
Speaker 4: I told him I took them back, and he was

1284
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:03,480
Speaker 4: really weird and cold toward me the rest of the night.

1285
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:05,000
Speaker 4: I mean, I kind of deserve it.

1286
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:06,040
Speaker 5: Oh you don't.

1287
01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 4: I will also go ahead and mention here that I

1288
01:04:08,320 --> 01:04:11,880
Speaker 4: was feeling really sad and guilty about returning them, and

1289
01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:14,480
Speaker 4: he definitely made me feel worse about my decision.

1290
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:15,360
Speaker 5: Boo.

1291
01:04:15,640 --> 01:04:17,600
Speaker 4: The next morning, I woke up and he said we

1292
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:20,080
Speaker 4: needed to go get the cats and that he would

1293
01:04:20,120 --> 01:04:23,520
Speaker 4: take them. Okay, I do not know why I agreed

1294
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:25,800
Speaker 4: to help get them back, probably because I still feel

1295
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 4: sad and guilty. So we went to the shelter as

1296
01:04:28,320 --> 01:04:31,000
Speaker 4: soon as it opened and explained the situation. One of

1297
01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:33,440
Speaker 4: the cats already had a hold and another couple was

1298
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:36,360
Speaker 4: going to adopt her. I was crying and explaining that

1299
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:38,360
Speaker 4: it was a mistake returning the cats, that I wanted

1300
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:42,160
Speaker 4: them back. Oh why, Okay, now you're I think you're

1301
01:04:42,240 --> 01:04:43,680
Speaker 4: kind of becoming a little bit of the ale.

1302
01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 5: No, your boy it's your boyfriend's got hooks in your brain.

1303
01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:48,440
Speaker 5: You're sad and guilty, and you feel like you've done

1304
01:04:48,480 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 5: something wrong now and I don't want the cats. I

1305
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:54,000
Speaker 5: think you want to make your boyfriend appeased.

1306
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:55,920
Speaker 4: The couple agreed to pick a different cat so we

1307
01:04:55,960 --> 01:04:59,120
Speaker 4: could get both cats back. I essentially re adopted them

1308
01:04:59,160 --> 01:05:01,200
Speaker 4: and brought them back to my apartment. I had to

1309
01:05:01,240 --> 01:05:03,640
Speaker 4: take the GRE that afternoon, so I took a nap

1310
01:05:04,040 --> 01:05:07,760
Speaker 4: because I was emotionally and mentally exhausted from that morning. Also,

1311
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:10,760
Speaker 4: my boyfriend at this point started talking about joint custody

1312
01:05:10,800 --> 01:05:12,840
Speaker 4: of the cat. Now hold on, now, no, no, no, no.

1313
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:15,560
Speaker 5: You said you were gonna adopt the cats.

1314
01:05:15,800 --> 01:05:18,360
Speaker 4: I took the GRE and did not do as well

1315
01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:21,120
Speaker 4: as I wanted, but whatever. I went back to my

1316
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:24,400
Speaker 4: apartment and not proud of this, blame my boyfriend for

1317
01:05:24,440 --> 01:05:27,640
Speaker 4: me not doing well. This basically started a huge fight,

1318
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:30,000
Speaker 4: the gist of which boiled down to ME being a

1319
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:33,200
Speaker 4: terrible person because I cared more about my test than

1320
01:05:33,240 --> 01:05:36,000
Speaker 4: about the two cats staying together and having a good home.

1321
01:05:36,360 --> 01:05:38,840
Speaker 4: I will probably not make it through a PhD program

1322
01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:41,880
Speaker 4: because I quit when things get hard. I ended up

1323
01:05:41,880 --> 01:05:44,200
Speaker 4: apologizing over and over and agreeing with him that getting

1324
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:46,320
Speaker 4: the cats was the right thing to do. It feels

1325
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:48,680
Speaker 4: like you're just kind of being bulldozed in all of

1326
01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:51,200
Speaker 4: these decisions. He also apologized for what he said about

1327
01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:53,560
Speaker 4: the PhD program, but said that he was actually not

1328
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:57,160
Speaker 4: sure if I would finish a program if I started it.

1329
01:05:57,800 --> 01:05:59,760
Speaker 4: He went back home on Sunday, and I agreed to

1330
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:01,600
Speaker 4: keep the cats for the week and sort out their

1331
01:06:01,640 --> 01:06:05,840
Speaker 4: next vet appointment and their flee and HeartWare medications. No, no, no, no,

1332
01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:11,000
Speaker 4: this is ah ah no. You give them to You

1333
01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:13,880
Speaker 4: give the cats to him, and you say, hey, you

1334
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:16,280
Speaker 4: wanted these cats. You had me go back and get them.

1335
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:20,080
Speaker 4: I a fer like. I was pretty clear, I cannot

1336
01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:22,520
Speaker 4: take care of the cats. So they are going to

1337
01:06:22,560 --> 01:06:24,960
Speaker 4: be your cats. They're gonna leave at your house.

1338
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:28,720
Speaker 5: You're the relationship might not be very healthy if this

1339
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:30,320
Speaker 5: is just like standard.

1340
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:33,760
Speaker 4: Over the next few days, I got super angry. I

1341
01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:36,760
Speaker 4: still cannot identify why exactly I am so angry. I

1342
01:06:36,840 --> 01:06:39,520
Speaker 4: think we can, yeah, but there are some things about

1343
01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:42,000
Speaker 4: the whole situation that just feel wrong to me. I

1344
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:44,360
Speaker 4: told them on Wednesday that I didn't want joint custody

1345
01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:47,680
Speaker 4: and that the cats should be his. It turned into

1346
01:06:47,720 --> 01:06:51,280
Speaker 4: another huge fight. Neither of you guys want these cats.

1347
01:06:51,320 --> 01:06:53,320
Speaker 5: It's what he said he wanted I know.

1348
01:06:53,840 --> 01:06:57,040
Speaker 4: But neither of you want them? What is this? At

1349
01:06:57,040 --> 01:06:59,360
Speaker 4: this point, he started talking about how I cannot handle

1350
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:02,560
Speaker 4: the real world, He's tired of always cleaning up my mistakes,

1351
01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:04,680
Speaker 4: how he's not better off now than he was two

1352
01:07:04,720 --> 01:07:07,560
Speaker 4: years ago when we started dating, He's not getting anything

1353
01:07:07,560 --> 01:07:08,400
Speaker 4: out of the relationship.

1354
01:07:08,440 --> 01:07:08,600
Speaker 1: Etc.

1355
01:07:09,320 --> 01:07:11,560
Speaker 4: At this point, I'm super hurt by all the things

1356
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:14,760
Speaker 4: he's said. It is clearly escalated to more than just

1357
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:17,320
Speaker 4: the cats. Maybe I was in the wrong by returning

1358
01:07:17,360 --> 01:07:20,280
Speaker 4: the cats. He definitely believes he has the moral high ground,

1359
01:07:20,280 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 4: and maybe he does. I don't know. He really doesn't

1360
01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:25,680
Speaker 4: doesn't he doesn't. I am supposed to go to his

1361
01:07:25,760 --> 01:07:28,200
Speaker 4: place this weekend and bring him the cats. I don't

1362
01:07:28,240 --> 01:07:30,040
Speaker 4: know if he's planning to break up with me or not.

1363
01:07:30,200 --> 01:07:32,160
Speaker 4: It would be good. I do not know if I

1364
01:07:32,200 --> 01:07:34,400
Speaker 4: should break up with him. I also don't know if

1365
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:36,720
Speaker 4: I want to give him the cats. After all, I

1366
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:40,840
Speaker 4: feel pretty crazy. It's been a super emotional and terrible week.

1367
01:07:41,360 --> 01:07:43,800
Speaker 4: Am I being crazy and blowing things out of proportion?

1368
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:47,080
Speaker 4: I also generally feel like a terrible person and the

1369
01:07:47,120 --> 01:07:50,160
Speaker 4: events that have unfolded are my fault, and I brought

1370
01:07:50,160 --> 01:07:52,800
Speaker 4: this on myself. My boyfriend has also made several big

1371
01:07:52,840 --> 01:07:56,720
Speaker 4: career decisions to stay near me, turned down several good opportunities,

1372
01:07:56,720 --> 01:07:58,760
Speaker 4: and I feel like I've been fairly chaotic in my

1373
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:02,680
Speaker 4: decision making and have not made any similar sacrifices for him.

1374
01:08:03,160 --> 01:08:06,280
Speaker 4: And there is an update. I don't think we should

1375
01:08:06,280 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 4: be in this relationship. It doesn't seem like it's beneficial

1376
01:08:08,560 --> 01:08:09,200
Speaker 4: for either of you.

1377
01:08:09,480 --> 01:08:11,120
Speaker 5: I need a brickup date right now.

1378
01:08:11,240 --> 01:08:15,880
Speaker 4: Doesn't seem like y'all are growing on either end. Update.

1379
01:08:16,479 --> 01:08:18,679
Speaker 4: I recently moved to a new state with my boyfriend

1380
01:08:18,880 --> 01:08:21,960
Speaker 4: as I started PhD school. He moved with me back

1381
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:24,360
Speaker 4: to the area he's from, actually, and we've been living

1382
01:08:24,360 --> 01:08:26,639
Speaker 4: together since July. It's been rough.

1383
01:08:27,400 --> 01:08:29,799
Speaker 5: Oh, no way, it's been rough. No way?

1384
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:33,040
Speaker 4: Where are the cats? When we first moved into our apartment,

1385
01:08:33,120 --> 01:08:35,439
Speaker 4: I did almost all of the unpacking, since he was

1386
01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:38,760
Speaker 4: working full time and I hadn't started school yet. There

1387
01:08:38,760 --> 01:08:41,240
Speaker 4: are still a few boxes lying around containing some of

1388
01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:44,840
Speaker 4: his odds and ends. I did not unpack those because

1389
01:08:44,840 --> 01:08:46,240
Speaker 4: I wasn't sure where he wanted them.

1390
01:08:46,320 --> 01:08:48,920
Speaker 5: Let me guess that's gonna be a moral failing on

1391
01:08:48,960 --> 01:08:49,479
Speaker 5: your part.

1392
01:08:49,800 --> 01:08:51,879
Speaker 4: He is still not dealt with them and they're currently

1393
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:55,479
Speaker 4: stacked under his computer desk. I unpacked and set up

1394
01:08:55,520 --> 01:08:59,719
Speaker 4: all his other stuff, including his clothing, desk, etc. In October,

1395
01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:02,320
Speaker 4: parents wanted to come and visit over my fault break.

1396
01:09:02,800 --> 01:09:05,519
Speaker 4: My boyfriend was not very happy that they wanted to

1397
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:09,440
Speaker 4: stay in our guest room and computer room. Buddy acquiesced

1398
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:12,559
Speaker 4: after I asked multiple times. I really needed a yes

1399
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 4: or no if they could stay with us, so they

1400
01:09:14,120 --> 01:09:17,320
Speaker 4: could book a hotel if they needed to. In preparation

1401
01:09:17,479 --> 01:09:19,840
Speaker 4: for their visit, I did a lot of cleaning. The

1402
01:09:19,880 --> 01:09:22,360
Speaker 4: apartment had not really been clean since we moved in,

1403
01:09:22,600 --> 01:09:24,680
Speaker 4: and I did a first round deep cleaning. It was

1404
01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:27,000
Speaker 4: kind of gross. When we moved in. My boyfriend did

1405
01:09:27,040 --> 01:09:30,599
Speaker 4: not help at all. Granted I have a more flexible schedule,

1406
01:09:30,960 --> 01:09:32,680
Speaker 4: but for part of the time he sat in the

1407
01:09:32,720 --> 01:09:35,880
Speaker 4: living room playing video games while I cleaned. This is

1408
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:38,840
Speaker 4: actually how those boxes of his ended up under his desk.

1409
01:09:39,439 --> 01:09:42,639
Speaker 4: I needed a place to tuck away his clutter. Two

1410
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:46,040
Speaker 4: or three weeks later, our bathroom was getting pretty gross

1411
01:09:46,080 --> 01:09:49,519
Speaker 4: with growing mold in the shower. I asked him if

1412
01:09:49,520 --> 01:09:51,280
Speaker 4: he would help me clean it over the weekend, and

1413
01:09:51,320 --> 01:09:53,559
Speaker 4: he told me, no, I could do it. It's not like

1414
01:09:53,600 --> 01:09:55,200
Speaker 4: it takes very long. And I should do the things

1415
01:09:55,240 --> 01:09:57,000
Speaker 4: I care about, And he would do the thing he

1416
01:09:57,080 --> 01:09:57,639
Speaker 4: cares about.

1417
01:09:58,800 --> 01:10:01,360
Speaker 5: Buddy, you don't care about mold in the bath, he say, I.

1418
01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:03,320
Speaker 4: Don't care if the house is disgusting.

1419
01:10:03,400 --> 01:10:05,559
Speaker 5: I love mold. Molden makes me strong. I love it.

1420
01:10:05,840 --> 01:10:08,160
Speaker 5: Give me a big spoonful in the morning. It's my supplement.

1421
01:10:08,400 --> 01:10:10,200
Speaker 4: This sparked a fight where he said he did other

1422
01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:13,759
Speaker 4: things around the apartment. Look cooking. That's true. He does cook,

1423
01:10:14,160 --> 01:10:16,960
Speaker 4: but he cooks meat. Meat is not a balanced meal

1424
01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:19,800
Speaker 4: for me, so I still cook veggies for myself. I'm sorry.

1425
01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:21,080
Speaker 4: He just cooks meat.

1426
01:10:21,160 --> 01:10:23,240
Speaker 5: All he does is cook slabs a beef.

1427
01:10:23,280 --> 01:10:26,080
Speaker 4: He just cooks steak every night. He's just like, I

1428
01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:29,880
Speaker 4: made you steak, and he's like and he's like, steak,

1429
01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:30,880
Speaker 4: and what do you.

1430
01:10:30,920 --> 01:10:32,400
Speaker 5: Mean steak and steak?

1431
01:10:32,760 --> 01:10:35,920
Speaker 4: Does he only eat steak? Who is this guy? His

1432
01:10:35,960 --> 01:10:38,280
Speaker 4: division of labor we only do the things we care

1433
01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:41,479
Speaker 4: about is crappy. He did end up wiping the mold

1434
01:10:41,520 --> 01:10:44,600
Speaker 4: in the shower with a washcloth and leaving it on

1435
01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:46,800
Speaker 4: the side at the bathtub for a week until I

1436
01:10:46,880 --> 01:10:51,080
Speaker 4: finally dealt with it. So I, yeah, you guys should

1437
01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:53,479
Speaker 4: not be living together. If he can't. I wonder what

1438
01:10:53,600 --> 01:10:56,200
Speaker 4: his apartment was like before welding together.

1439
01:10:56,479 --> 01:10:58,040
Speaker 5: Probably probably very moldy.

1440
01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:01,120
Speaker 4: Sometime later, I asked if he could start wiping his

1441
01:11:01,680 --> 01:11:04,320
Speaker 4: pee off the toilet seat when it dripped. Are you

1442
01:11:04,439 --> 01:11:05,479
Speaker 4: dating a toddler?

1443
01:11:06,320 --> 01:11:07,439
Speaker 5: Googo ga ga.

1444
01:11:07,560 --> 01:11:09,960
Speaker 4: He sulked for a day and didn't really talk to me,

1445
01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:12,320
Speaker 4: and then, in a sort of joking but it's not

1446
01:11:12,479 --> 01:11:14,920
Speaker 4: funny way, kept saying you don't love me enough to

1447
01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:17,920
Speaker 4: wipe my peed, and I tried to bring up the

1448
01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:20,880
Speaker 4: we only do things we care about issue. A few

1449
01:11:20,880 --> 01:11:23,400
Speaker 4: weeks after all of this, I told him I was

1450
01:11:23,439 --> 01:11:26,360
Speaker 4: having some doubts. He immediately asked me if I was

1451
01:11:26,400 --> 01:11:29,160
Speaker 4: moving out. I was not prepared for that escalation, so

1452
01:11:29,200 --> 01:11:32,400
Speaker 4: I tried to back up and explain that by his logic,

1453
01:11:32,439 --> 01:11:34,360
Speaker 4: what if we have a house next year, he wants

1454
01:11:34,400 --> 01:11:36,639
Speaker 4: to buy one and he doesn't care about yard meeting.

1455
01:11:36,560 --> 01:11:39,120
Speaker 5: For God's sake, don't buy a house with this guy.

1456
01:11:39,280 --> 01:11:42,240
Speaker 5: Don't live with this guy another day, Be done with

1457
01:11:42,320 --> 01:11:42,760
Speaker 5: this man.

1458
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:45,640
Speaker 4: Dude can't even get rid of mold in an apartment,

1459
01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:48,320
Speaker 4: You think that he's gonna get rid of any any

1460
01:11:48,479 --> 01:11:50,800
Speaker 4: like issues in a house? None he has to take

1461
01:11:50,800 --> 01:11:51,400
Speaker 4: care of fully.

1462
01:11:51,640 --> 01:11:54,639
Speaker 5: None of this is gonna get better. It's gonna get worse.

1463
01:11:54,840 --> 01:11:57,360
Speaker 4: Would that mean I'm responsible for both all of the

1464
01:11:57,400 --> 01:11:59,880
Speaker 4: cleaning and all of the yard maintenance. I would not

1465
01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:02,719
Speaker 4: have time to do all of that because of PhD school.

1466
01:12:03,560 --> 01:12:06,040
Speaker 4: His solution was that we should just keep running the apartment.

1467
01:12:06,240 --> 01:12:08,439
Speaker 4: And then I asked, what if we have kids and

1468
01:12:08,720 --> 01:12:11,479
Speaker 4: he doesn't care about changing poopy diapers? When I brought

1469
01:12:11,520 --> 01:12:14,120
Speaker 4: up kids, he told me I'm not the one who

1470
01:12:14,160 --> 01:12:19,240
Speaker 4: bails on my responsibilities. You just don't even start your responsibilities, dude.

1471
01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:22,120
Speaker 4: He was referencing a fight we had last year. For

1472
01:12:22,160 --> 01:12:24,360
Speaker 4: the sake of brevity, I will not get into it here,

1473
01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:27,839
Speaker 4: but I posted under a different throwaway about the kittens.

1474
01:12:28,080 --> 01:12:30,120
Speaker 4: So that shut the whole thing down. And our division

1475
01:12:30,120 --> 01:12:33,240
Speaker 4: of labor is still we only do things we care about.

1476
01:12:33,479 --> 01:12:35,599
Speaker 4: It's not working for me, and he was not receptive

1477
01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:37,840
Speaker 4: to the feedback I tried to give him about my doubt.

1478
01:12:37,960 --> 01:12:40,040
Speaker 5: Just start telling him like, well I don't care about that,

1479
01:12:40,160 --> 01:12:42,240
Speaker 5: and he's like, why is everything? Why the dish is dirty.

1480
01:12:42,360 --> 01:12:43,320
Speaker 5: I don't care about that.

1481
01:12:44,120 --> 01:12:44,559
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1482
01:12:44,720 --> 01:12:47,120
Speaker 5: Oops, I guess. I guess you care about it more

1483
01:12:47,160 --> 01:12:47,479
Speaker 5: than me.

1484
01:12:47,840 --> 01:12:52,040
Speaker 4: Or alternatively, break up, yeah, or just do that. It

1485
01:12:52,120 --> 01:12:54,400
Speaker 4: is also not really about the cleaning per se. I

1486
01:12:54,439 --> 01:12:56,680
Speaker 4: know we could hire a housekeeper, but I don't think

1487
01:12:56,680 --> 01:12:59,080
Speaker 4: that would fix the root of my issue. It wouldn't.

1488
01:12:59,520 --> 01:13:02,120
Speaker 4: I cannot quite pinpoint what my issue is. It's your

1489
01:13:02,200 --> 01:13:06,960
Speaker 4: boyfriend if I were at a hazard A guess, let's

1490
01:13:06,960 --> 01:13:09,519
Speaker 4: say it's your boyfriend. But there is something here that

1491
01:13:09,600 --> 01:13:15,920
Speaker 4: is causing me to question the relationship. Frustrated, I think

1492
01:13:15,920 --> 01:13:18,840
Speaker 4: it's your boyfriend. I found a new therapist in my

1493
01:13:18,960 --> 01:13:22,000
Speaker 4: area and I'm planning to work on this with her.

1494
01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:23,840
Speaker 4: I would like for him to come as well, but

1495
01:13:23,880 --> 01:13:26,960
Speaker 4: I do not think he would be willing. I'm wondering

1496
01:13:26,360 --> 01:13:29,760
Speaker 4: what others think about this situation. If anyone has been

1497
01:13:29,760 --> 01:13:32,760
Speaker 4: in a similar situation, what did you do? Is there

1498
01:13:32,840 --> 01:13:35,840
Speaker 4: some example language I could incorporate next time I bring

1499
01:13:35,880 --> 01:13:38,200
Speaker 4: this up. I'm also a little scared to bring it

1500
01:13:38,280 --> 01:13:41,040
Speaker 4: up without having a solid contingency plan in case it

1501
01:13:41,080 --> 01:13:43,759
Speaker 4: goes straight to moving out again. I mean, at this point,

1502
01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:45,800
Speaker 4: if I moved out, at least me and the cats oh,

1503
01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:46,880
Speaker 4: they still have the cats.

1504
01:13:46,960 --> 01:13:48,200
Speaker 5: They still have the cats.

1505
01:13:48,960 --> 01:13:52,559
Speaker 4: The cats are here as the cats are okay, except

1506
01:13:52,560 --> 01:13:53,679
Speaker 4: they're living in a moldy house.

1507
01:13:53,720 --> 01:13:56,040
Speaker 5: They I'm old in the bathroom, but there the cat's okay.

1508
01:13:56,400 --> 01:13:58,040
Speaker 4: At least me and the cats could live in a

1509
01:13:58,040 --> 01:14:00,479
Speaker 4: clean environment and I would not. I feel like is

1510
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:03,800
Speaker 4: made as a final note. I by no means need

1511
01:14:03,800 --> 01:14:05,799
Speaker 4: my home to be an a plus on the cleaning scale.

1512
01:14:06,120 --> 01:14:09,320
Speaker 4: I can handle some mess, but this has been downright gross.

1513
01:14:09,760 --> 01:14:14,360
Speaker 4: And there is a second update. But geez Loiz jump him.

1514
01:14:14,560 --> 01:14:18,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, your your home will be cleaner when you get

1515
01:14:18,080 --> 01:14:22,280
Speaker 5: rid of this stinky man, stinking everything up, stink stinking it.

1516
01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:25,400
Speaker 4: I handed things a little over a month ago, yeaes,

1517
01:14:27,240 --> 01:14:33,719
Speaker 4: and things have been simultaneously terrible and amazing. I asked

1518
01:14:33,760 --> 01:14:35,439
Speaker 4: him if he would be willing to go to therapy

1519
01:14:35,479 --> 01:14:38,040
Speaker 4: with me, and he refused. He told me when we

1520
01:14:38,080 --> 01:14:40,479
Speaker 4: first started dating that he would never go to therapy,

1521
01:14:40,520 --> 01:14:43,920
Speaker 4: and you still you still dated him, and I assumed

1522
01:14:43,960 --> 01:14:46,080
Speaker 4: he'd changed his mind at some point because he would

1523
01:14:46,120 --> 01:14:48,320
Speaker 4: care enough about me and our relationship to work through

1524
01:14:48,360 --> 01:14:51,040
Speaker 4: the hard things and counseling. We see this all the

1525
01:14:51,040 --> 01:14:53,120
Speaker 4: time on the sub but really when people tell you

1526
01:14:53,160 --> 01:14:54,800
Speaker 4: who they are, believe them.

1527
01:14:55,479 --> 01:14:58,320
Speaker 5: It's it's gonna be more awesome than terrible the longer

1528
01:14:58,439 --> 01:14:59,000
Speaker 5: time goes on.

1529
01:14:59,479 --> 01:15:02,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, refusing to go to therapy really left me with

1530
01:15:02,439 --> 01:15:04,960
Speaker 4: the two choices of staying and having nothing change and

1531
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:09,800
Speaker 4: being unhappy or leaving sounds pretty good. I opted to leave,

1532
01:15:09,880 --> 01:15:12,800
Speaker 4: even though it was scary and so so hard. The

1533
01:15:12,840 --> 01:15:15,320
Speaker 4: initial heartbreak is starting to fade, and I'm working on

1534
01:15:15,360 --> 01:15:18,360
Speaker 4: rediscovering myself. I know that I did the right thing

1535
01:15:18,400 --> 01:15:21,240
Speaker 4: for myself, but it was also the hard thing. I

1536
01:15:21,360 --> 01:15:23,880
Speaker 4: kept this account around, and I'm posting this update because

1537
01:15:23,880 --> 01:15:27,120
Speaker 4: I wanted to thank this community and the individuals who

1538
01:15:27,160 --> 01:15:29,519
Speaker 4: offered their help. I know I didn't comment on anything

1539
01:15:29,520 --> 01:15:31,600
Speaker 4: in my original post, but it was very helpful to

1540
01:15:31,600 --> 01:15:35,000
Speaker 4: have advice. And that is the end of that story.

1541
01:15:35,479 --> 01:15:37,960
Speaker 4: Opie's left, and she still has the cats, and it

1542
01:15:38,000 --> 01:15:39,639
Speaker 4: seems like everyone's in a better situation.