WEBVTT - Don't be a human reminder 

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to come up with a system of

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<v Speaker 1>reminders so you don't need to be a human reminder

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<v Speaker 1>for all the people around you. I am guessing, as

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<v Speaker 1>a listener of this podcast that you have smart systems

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<v Speaker 1>for managing all your responsibilities. I'm guessing that you've also

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<v Speaker 1>noticed that other people in your life might not have

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<v Speaker 1>such robust systems. Sometimes this is for a good reason.

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<v Speaker 1>Perhaps these people are four years old and yes need

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<v Speaker 1>to be reminded to go to the bathroom before they

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<v Speaker 1>get in the car with older children or partners or colleagues, though,

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<v Speaker 1>this need to remind people of everything can become a

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<v Speaker 1>bit tedious. Maybe you and your partner agree to have

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<v Speaker 1>a calendar meeting every Sunday night, and yet Sunday after

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<v Speaker 1>Sunday you are the ones saying, hey, when can we

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<v Speaker 1>sit down to do this, feeling like a nag as

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<v Speaker 1>your partner's size looking up from the TV show he

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<v Speaker 1>or she just turned on. Your teenager asked to take

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<v Speaker 1>tennis lessons, Yet week after week you have to go

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<v Speaker 1>find him or her ten minutes before you were supposed

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<v Speaker 1>to leave to make sure you'll be able to leave

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<v Speaker 1>on time. This feels frustrating for many reasons. First because

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<v Speaker 1>you have to keep up with the mental load of

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<v Speaker 1>managing other people who should be managing themselves, and second

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<v Speaker 1>because you feel like mr or miss is no fun

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<v Speaker 1>pulling the other person out of what they were doing

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<v Speaker 1>to remind them about what they said they do. And

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<v Speaker 1>while it's fine to let people fail or miss things

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<v Speaker 1>that only affect them, that's always what's going to happen.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, you could skip the Sunday calendar meeting, but

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<v Speaker 1>then there is a good chance you will be doing

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<v Speaker 1>all the driving yourself. So what to do? Do your

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<v Speaker 1>best to put systems in place that keep you from

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<v Speaker 1>being a human reminder. For example, if you and your

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<v Speaker 1>partner have decided to get together on Sunday nights for

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<v Speaker 1>a calendar check in where you'll decide who's driving who where,

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<v Speaker 1>talk about any extra work responsibilities, and think through your

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<v Speaker 1>fun on the next weekend, then set a joint calendar

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<v Speaker 1>reminder for Sunday night at let's say eight o'clock to

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<v Speaker 1>have your check in. You can both be sitting down

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<v Speaker 1>to watch TV when the alarm will go off, you'll

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<v Speaker 1>both be reminded of your shared responsibilities, rather than you

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<v Speaker 1>trying to figure out when is the right moment to

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<v Speaker 1>remind your partner of this. You've externalized the reminder, so

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<v Speaker 1>it's coming from the calendar, not from you. The task

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<v Speaker 1>is remembered, but you don't have to feel like you're

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<v Speaker 1>pestering anyone to do it. A child who is old

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<v Speaker 1>enough to have a phone can likewise be taught to

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<v Speaker 1>set reminders. Now that's not to say your kid will

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<v Speaker 1>eagerly stop what he or she is doing to get

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<v Speaker 1>ready for the tennis lessons that, by the way, they

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<v Speaker 1>asked to sign up for. But still, at least you

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<v Speaker 1>know the kid saw the reminder and had to make

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<v Speaker 1>a decision, because well, what kid isn't always on their phone.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes people might ask you to remind them of things,

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<v Speaker 1>and if you decide that you're going to do this,

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<v Speaker 1>like reminding an older child to take out the trash

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<v Speaker 1>on Thursdays, then set a reminder for yourself. Your calendar

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<v Speaker 1>or alarm will remind you that on Thursdays at PM,

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<v Speaker 1>you need to tell your kid to take out the trash. Now, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>it might be ultimately preferable not to have to remind

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<v Speaker 1>someone of their chores. But if the alternative is that

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<v Speaker 1>the garbage is in the garage all week, well it's

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<v Speaker 1>good to help this person build the habit for a while.

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<v Speaker 1>At least the reminder means you don't have to think

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<v Speaker 1>about it except on Thursday at now. Of course, this

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<v Speaker 1>is easier said than done. I have been trying to

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<v Speaker 1>figure out a good way to get my children to

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<v Speaker 1>practice their musical instruments three times a week without my

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<v Speaker 1>being a human reminder. I would love for everyone to

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<v Speaker 1>remember to do baths and showers on certain nights without reminders,

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<v Speaker 1>and to pick up the basement so the cleaning service

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<v Speaker 1>can vacuum, and to start their remote learning classes on time,

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<v Speaker 1>and so forth. When there are a lot of things

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<v Speaker 1>that have to happen, I will make a checklist with

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<v Speaker 1>the names of the four older children along the top

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<v Speaker 1>and their tasks down the left hand side. Some of

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<v Speaker 1>the children are better than others that completing these things,

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<v Speaker 1>but the upside of the checklist is that I can

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<v Speaker 1>see immediately what reminders still need to happen, Rather than

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<v Speaker 1>trying to remember and remind everyone of everything. At least

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<v Speaker 1>it's a little better, and the hope is that over

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<v Speaker 1>time people will come up with their own reminders. Sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>this happens as incentives change. A young kid doesn't care

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<v Speaker 1>about showering, which is why you are constantly reminding them.

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<v Speaker 1>A teenager does care and so generally won't need to

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<v Speaker 1>be reminded. But until that point, or with other things

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<v Speaker 1>that might otherwise cause tension, it's best to figure out

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<v Speaker 1>ways where you don't have to be the constant human reminder.

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<v Speaker 1>By avoiding taking on the job of being the human reminder,

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<v Speaker 1>you will save your energy to use for interacting in

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<v Speaker 1>other more pleasant and uniquely human ways. In the meantime,

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<v Speaker 1>this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey everybody, I'd love to

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<v Speaker 1>hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the

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<v Speaker 1>number four then Breakfast p o D. You can also

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<v Speaker 1>shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i

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<v Speaker 1>heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out

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<v Speaker 1>with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward

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<v Speaker 1>to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of

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<v Speaker 1>I heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,

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<v Speaker 1>visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

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<v Speaker 1>you listen to your favorite shows. Yeah y