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Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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Speaker 1: Today's tip is to come up with a system of

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Speaker 1: reminders so you don't need to be a human reminder

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Speaker 1: for all the people around you. I am guessing, as

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Speaker 1: a listener of this podcast that you have smart systems

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Speaker 1: for managing all your responsibilities. I'm guessing that you've also

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Speaker 1: noticed that other people in your life might not have

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Speaker 1: such robust systems. Sometimes this is for a good reason.

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Speaker 1: Perhaps these people are four years old and yes need

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Speaker 1: to be reminded to go to the bathroom before they

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Speaker 1: get in the car with older children or partners or colleagues, though,

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Speaker 1: this need to remind people of everything can become a

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Speaker 1: bit tedious. Maybe you and your partner agree to have

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Speaker 1: a calendar meeting every Sunday night, and yet Sunday after

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Speaker 1: Sunday you are the ones saying, hey, when can we

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Speaker 1: sit down to do this, feeling like a nag as

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Speaker 1: your partner's size looking up from the TV show he

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Speaker 1: or she just turned on. Your teenager asked to take

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Speaker 1: tennis lessons, Yet week after week you have to go

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Speaker 1: find him or her ten minutes before you were supposed

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Speaker 1: to leave to make sure you'll be able to leave

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Speaker 1: on time. This feels frustrating for many reasons. First because

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Speaker 1: you have to keep up with the mental load of

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Speaker 1: managing other people who should be managing themselves, and second

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Speaker 1: because you feel like mr or miss is no fun

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Speaker 1: pulling the other person out of what they were doing

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Speaker 1: to remind them about what they said they do. And

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Speaker 1: while it's fine to let people fail or miss things

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Speaker 1: that only affect them, that's always what's going to happen.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you could skip the Sunday calendar meeting, but

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Speaker 1: then there is a good chance you will be doing

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Speaker 1: all the driving yourself. So what to do? Do your

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Speaker 1: best to put systems in place that keep you from

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Speaker 1: being a human reminder. For example, if you and your

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Speaker 1: partner have decided to get together on Sunday nights for

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Speaker 1: a calendar check in where you'll decide who's driving who where,

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Speaker 1: talk about any extra work responsibilities, and think through your

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Speaker 1: fun on the next weekend, then set a joint calendar

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Speaker 1: reminder for Sunday night at let's say eight o'clock to

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Speaker 1: have your check in. You can both be sitting down

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Speaker 1: to watch TV when the alarm will go off, you'll

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Speaker 1: both be reminded of your shared responsibilities, rather than you

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Speaker 1: trying to figure out when is the right moment to

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Speaker 1: remind your partner of this. You've externalized the reminder, so

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Speaker 1: it's coming from the calendar, not from you. The task

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Speaker 1: is remembered, but you don't have to feel like you're

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Speaker 1: pestering anyone to do it. A child who is old

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Speaker 1: enough to have a phone can likewise be taught to

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Speaker 1: set reminders. Now that's not to say your kid will

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Speaker 1: eagerly stop what he or she is doing to get

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Speaker 1: ready for the tennis lessons that, by the way, they

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Speaker 1: asked to sign up for. But still, at least you

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Speaker 1: know the kid saw the reminder and had to make

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Speaker 1: a decision, because well, what kid isn't always on their phone.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes people might ask you to remind them of things,

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Speaker 1: and if you decide that you're going to do this,

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Speaker 1: like reminding an older child to take out the trash

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Speaker 1: on Thursdays, then set a reminder for yourself. Your calendar

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Speaker 1: or alarm will remind you that on Thursdays at PM,

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Speaker 1: you need to tell your kid to take out the trash. Now, yes,

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Speaker 1: it might be ultimately preferable not to have to remind

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Speaker 1: someone of their chores. But if the alternative is that

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Speaker 1: the garbage is in the garage all week, well it's

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Speaker 1: good to help this person build the habit for a while.

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Speaker 1: At least the reminder means you don't have to think

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Speaker 1: about it except on Thursday at now. Of course, this

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Speaker 1: is easier said than done. I have been trying to

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Speaker 1: figure out a good way to get my children to

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Speaker 1: practice their musical instruments three times a week without my

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Speaker 1: being a human reminder. I would love for everyone to

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Speaker 1: remember to do baths and showers on certain nights without reminders,

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Speaker 1: and to pick up the basement so the cleaning service

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Speaker 1: can vacuum, and to start their remote learning classes on time,

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Speaker 1: and so forth. When there are a lot of things

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Speaker 1: that have to happen, I will make a checklist with

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Speaker 1: the names of the four older children along the top

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Speaker 1: and their tasks down the left hand side. Some of

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Speaker 1: the children are better than others that completing these things,

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Speaker 1: but the upside of the checklist is that I can

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Speaker 1: see immediately what reminders still need to happen, Rather than

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Speaker 1: trying to remember and remind everyone of everything. At least

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Speaker 1: it's a little better, and the hope is that over

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Speaker 1: time people will come up with their own reminders. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: this happens as incentives change. A young kid doesn't care

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Speaker 1: about showering, which is why you are constantly reminding them.

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Speaker 1: A teenager does care and so generally won't need to

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Speaker 1: be reminded. But until that point, or with other things

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Speaker 1: that might otherwise cause tension, it's best to figure out

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Speaker 1: ways where you don't have to be the constant human reminder.

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Speaker 1: By avoiding taking on the job of being the human reminder,

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Speaker 1: you will save your energy to use for interacting in

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Speaker 1: other more pleasant and uniquely human ways. In the meantime,

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Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey everybody, I'd love to

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Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

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Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the

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Speaker 1: number four then Breakfast p o D. You can also

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Speaker 1: shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i

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Speaker 1: heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out

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Speaker 1: with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward

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Speaker 1: to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of

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Speaker 1: I heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,

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Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows. Yeah y