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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, we're back with another episode of tvgu I'm

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Speaker 1: your host, doctor joy Hard and Bradford. We'll be back

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Speaker 1: with our special guests for the week right after a

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Speaker 1: word from our sponsors. Nyla Morton is a graduate of

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Speaker 1: Howard University, where she earned her master's in social work

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Speaker 1: and a passionate disability advocate. Born with all rich congenital

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Speaker 1: muscular dystrophy, a rare condition that requires her to use

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Speaker 1: a wheelchair, her advocacy work focuses on challenging ableism and

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Speaker 1: promoting inclusivity within the disability community. Nyla has shared her experiences,

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Speaker 1: including a traumatic incident during air travel, to raise awareness

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Speaker 1: about the challenges faced by individuals with disabilities. She contributes

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Speaker 1: to the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation's blog discussing topics

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Speaker 1: such as black disabled history and the importance of inclusive holidays.

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Speaker 1: Through her writing and public speaking, Nyla strives to amplify

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Speaker 1: the voices of disabled individuals and foster a more inclusive society.

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Speaker 1: In our conversation, Nyla opens up about the struggles of

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Speaker 1: fighting for accountability and accessibility for disabled people on campus,

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Speaker 1: in the professional world, and their personal lives. If something

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Speaker 1: resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with

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Speaker 1: us on social media using the hashtag TBG in session.

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Speaker 1: Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for joining us today, Nyla.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. I'm so excited.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm excited to chat with you as well. So

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Speaker 1: for those who may not be familiar, tell us a

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Speaker 1: little bit about yourself and your background and the work

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Speaker 1: that you do.

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Speaker 2: Yes, So, I'm Nyla Morton. I currently live in Washington,

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Speaker 2: d C. I got my master's in social work. I

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Speaker 2: recently just grow for Howard with that back in May.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, congratulations, thank you.

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Speaker 2: I'm a youth coordinator for a nonprofit that's recently been

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Speaker 2: my new job. I lived with a rare disease called

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Speaker 2: or muscular gistrophy. The way you spell it is ull riicch.

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Speaker 2: At the time of my diagnosis back in two thousand

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Speaker 2: and nine, I was the only one in the state

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Speaker 2: of South Carolina with my disease and also number ninety six,

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Speaker 2: So I love to say I'm one in a million.

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Speaker 1: In lots.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm also a disability advocate. So I became

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Speaker 2: an advocate when I was an undergrad, I used my

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Speaker 2: social media to talk about the lack of accessibility and

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Speaker 2: also the systemic ableism on college campuses, and my platform

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Speaker 2: started to grow as I connected with other disabled people

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Speaker 2: who were also experiencing the same thing. And then I

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Speaker 2: as my platform expanded, that's when I started to talk

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Speaker 2: about many disability related topics, especially things that are considered

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Speaker 2: uncomfortable a taboo like sex and disability dating as a

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Speaker 2: disabled person, things like that. And even though most of

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Speaker 2: my advocacy is on social media, I had the opportunity

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Speaker 2: to collab with other disability organizations, speak on different panels,

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Speaker 2: and also be intern for the US Department of Transportation

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Speaker 2: last summer under a Disability policy advisor, where I was

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Speaker 2: able to help with making sure that transportation was more

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Speaker 2: accessible for disabled people, which was a wonderful opportunity.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, very important work. In my past life. Before Therapy

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Speaker 1: for Black Girls was my full time job, I was

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Speaker 1: actually the director of the Counseling Center at Clark Atlanta University,

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Speaker 1: and the counsing Center was combined with the Office of

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Speaker 1: Disability Services there and so I know a little bit

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Speaker 1: about you know, like the kinds of concerns that students

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Speaker 1: will have on campuses. Can you share from your work, like,

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Speaker 1: what are some of the common accessibility things that happen

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Speaker 1: on college campuses that you'd like more people to be

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Speaker 1: aware about.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So something I would love for more people to

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Speaker 2: be aware about is having access to the disability services.

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Speaker 2: Something that was a trouble, a constant like struggle for

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Speaker 2: me was the fact that they wasn't as accessible. There

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Speaker 2: wasn't like around, It wasn't easy to find. It's kind

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Speaker 2: of one of those you just have to know somebody

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Speaker 2: to know somebody that know them. And also like the timeline,

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Speaker 2: I didn't know that I had to be connected to

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Speaker 2: the disability services so early on, even before I got

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Speaker 2: on campus, so I was sort of considered behind getting

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Speaker 2: my accommodations and all those things in order. Also the events,

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Speaker 2: you know how school have certain events so students can

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Speaker 2: come together and make connections all those things. Most of

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Speaker 2: those events weren't a sucessible. There wasn't in places where

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Speaker 2: a person like me who have a wheelchair a power wheelchair,

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Speaker 2: that can go and just enjoy myself at an event.

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Speaker 2: It was like always a constant struggle and professors having

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Speaker 2: their biases when it comes to accommodations. A lot of

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Speaker 2: them believe that accommodations are like handouts, not looking at it,

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Speaker 2: accommodation is to help someone be successful and they work.

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Speaker 2: I want people to be aware of, like how even

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Speaker 2: though they hear the word accommodation, they think it's, oh,

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Speaker 2: anybody can get it, It's really not like it's a

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Speaker 2: constant battle. And also just like the dorm rooms or

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Speaker 2: their campus apartments, sometimes they're not always accessible, and if

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Speaker 2: they do have accessible rooms, it's very limited. So you

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Speaker 2: have to be one of the people to be aware of,

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Speaker 2: like making sure to apply for housing on time so

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Speaker 2: you can get one of those rooms or else it

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Speaker 2: can be very booked out. But they don't provide that information.

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Speaker 2: So I think overall it's just the lack of resources,

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Speaker 2: the lack of support, and also the lack of information

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Speaker 2: that make it very inaccessible on college campuses.

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Speaker 1: M Yeah, you know, you bring up some really good points,

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Speaker 1: not that I mean, because I think the other thing

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Speaker 1: is that people get confused, like accommodations are not really

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Speaker 1: optional for colleges and universities, right like the Americans with disabilities,

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Speaker 1: that means that you have to provide these things like

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Speaker 1: federal funding and so these are things that are legally

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Speaker 1: required as a you know, a default of you being

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Speaker 1: a public institution. And so what kinds of things would

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Speaker 1: you tell fellow college students about how to advocate for

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Speaker 1: themselves and what kinds of documentation and things are required

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Speaker 1: for them to be able to get the accommodations that

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Speaker 1: they may need.

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Speaker 2: Yes, so I always say it's very necessary, and it's

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Speaker 2: also okay to have someone to support you. So for me,

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Speaker 2: it was my mother. My mother was able to help

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Speaker 2: advocate on times when I wasn't able to advocate for myself.

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Speaker 2: So she was asked the necessary your question because my

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Speaker 2: mom used to work in the medical field, so she

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Speaker 2: knew what questions to ask and making sure to go

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Speaker 2: to the doctor and saying, hey, this is my disability.

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Speaker 2: You already know what I go through. Can you make

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Speaker 2: sure to fill out the documentation so you can give

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Speaker 2: it to the disability services. But also even with them,

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Speaker 2: sometime they can be a little not as supportive because,

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Speaker 2: like I mentioned, biases and just being more vocal and like, hey,

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Speaker 2: like this is what I need, this is what the

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Speaker 2: doctor said about law y'all have to provide these accommodations.

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Speaker 2: Make sure you even read your disability rights so you

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Speaker 2: can know your rights. I think a lot of people

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Speaker 2: go in when they hear the word no or unfortunately

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Speaker 2: you can't, they think that's it. No, No, you're right because,

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Speaker 2: like I said, by law, they have to accommodate you regardless,

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Speaker 2: because they have the resources to do that. They have

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Speaker 2: to be ADA approved anyway, so they have the resources.

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Speaker 2: Don't let them make you feel like it's not optional.

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Speaker 2: If you need those accommodation, get those accommodations, and don't

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Speaker 2: be afraid of using your voice or coming off as annoying.

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Speaker 2: It's better to seem annoying and having what you need

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Speaker 2: than try not to seem like a bother in struggling,

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Speaker 2: Like you do not want to struggle in college because

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Speaker 2: college yourself is already a struggle and you definitely don't

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Speaker 2: want to struggle even more if you don't have your

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Speaker 2: needs and being supported.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Sonala, what has it been like for you to

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Speaker 1: navigate being both black and disabled in spaces where that

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Speaker 1: is not equally affirmed, even in advocacy spaces. Would have

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Speaker 1: been your experiences there?

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Speaker 2: I would say my experience has been unique and it

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Speaker 2: has not been easy dealing with both racism and ableism.

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Speaker 2: It comes with very unique challenges that it's sometimes hard

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Speaker 2: to discuss with a lot of people because if I

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Speaker 2: talk to someone who's black, they may not understand ableism

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Speaker 2: as much. I'll talk to someone who's disabled. Unfortunately, if

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Speaker 2: they are different color, then they don't understand my struggles.

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Speaker 2: So like their intersectionality of race and disability, it comes

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Speaker 2: with so many unique challenges because I've been in places

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Speaker 2: and a lot of spaces where I've been with a

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Speaker 2: lot of disaved people but unfortunately did not look like me.

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Speaker 2: So the struggles they went through, I'm not gonna say

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Speaker 2: it wasn't bad or like it's invalid, but I will

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Speaker 2: say it's certain things I know for a fact that

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be able to go through because of the color

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Speaker 2: they skin, and I unfortunately go through those things. I

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Speaker 2: remember being in a group and there was a conversation

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Speaker 2: about intersectionality, and it was a group of to save people,

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Speaker 2: and I remember being uncomfortable because a lot of them

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Speaker 2: had a limited understanding of intersectionality. It was kind of

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Speaker 2: like trying to play the struggle game love who got

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Speaker 2: it worse? And I was trying to explain that no

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Speaker 2: matter what they go through in life, because of the

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Speaker 2: color they skin, that would somewhat be protected and still

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Speaker 2: be picked. And I said, the fact that we even

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Speaker 2: in this group, that's privilege. And I said, in intersectionality,

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Speaker 2: they talk about how your identity is not only caused

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Speaker 2: you to experience oppression, but also there's certain privileges because

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Speaker 2: of your identities. I said, the fact that y'all focus

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Speaker 2: on the oppression part but don't want to acknowledge that

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Speaker 2: the color of your skin give you some level of privilege,

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Speaker 2: Like that says a lot that y'all don't want to acknowledge.

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Speaker 2: There is some racism within the disability community. You feel

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Speaker 2: like we're all the same, but we're not. So navigating

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Speaker 2: to a lot of spaces, it can be hard because

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Speaker 2: most of the time when I can say I'm privileged,

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Speaker 2: like I mentioned earlier, my mom worked in a medical field,

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Speaker 2: so she was able to get access to a lot

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Speaker 2: of things. So I can be able to be a

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Speaker 2: part of things to get the resources I need, and

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Speaker 2: most of those spaces will unfortunately people who didn't I

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Speaker 2: look like me. I always acknowledge that yes, I do

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Speaker 2: have privileges because of my background, but also too when

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Speaker 2: I go in these spaces, I'm the only one or

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Speaker 2: one of the feuds that is black and disabled.

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Speaker 1: And can you tell us a little bit more about

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Speaker 1: like ableism and how it shows up, because I do

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Speaker 1: think that that is one of those things that people

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Speaker 1: are not like always aware of or realize, like how

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Speaker 1: much our society like promotes in ways that are very

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Speaker 1: I think innoculous send sometimes. So what are some examples

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Speaker 1: of ableism that people might miss that you think is

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Speaker 1: important for them to know?

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Speaker 2: Yes, so I feel like people have a very limited

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Speaker 2: view of ableism. One of the biggest things is not

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Speaker 2: just only like places being inaccessible. It's like how it's

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Speaker 2: inaccessible because people think, oh, there's a ramp so you

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Speaker 2: can go in, but it's not necessary, just that it's

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Speaker 2: the space. Can I move around? Can I navigate without

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Speaker 2: hitting a chair, hearting a table? Hear in the walk?

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Speaker 2: Can I move around and actually talk to people? Is

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Speaker 2: the bathroom accessible? Is there a real so I can

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Speaker 2: hold on and transfer myself to the toilet and transfer

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Speaker 2: myself back to my chair. Also, like when there's outside events,

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Speaker 2: is it on the grass? Some wheelchair users or people

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Speaker 2: who use mobility aids or whatever the case they may be.

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Speaker 2: When it comes to the disability, they may not be

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Speaker 2: able to walk on the grass and that's not accessible either,

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Speaker 2: especially like if it's a rainy day, they can be

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Speaker 2: very muggy and nobody wants to deal with all that

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Speaker 2: also too, like I mentioned about when I was in college,

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Speaker 2: people idea of accommodation, people thinking it's a handout. That's

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Speaker 2: another ablest belief that can hinder people from being able

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Speaker 2: to thrive and they work or in school, whatever the

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Speaker 2: case may be. Something else I have talked about earlier

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Speaker 2: where is when people pretend to be friend the disabled

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Speaker 2: person to make themselves feel good. That's another form of

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Speaker 2: ableism because you're not actually seeing that disabled person as

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Speaker 2: a person. You see them as a way, as I say,

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Speaker 2: a ticket to heaven. So you're trying to make yourself

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Speaker 2: reel good, but you're not actually being genuine. Another thing

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Speaker 2: is like transportation. A lot of people don't think about

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Speaker 2: how transportation is very inaccessible. I'm from Greenville, South Carolina,

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Speaker 2: and in the South, it's not a lot of access

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Speaker 2: to public transportation. If there is, it's very far away.

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Speaker 2: So like now, me being in DC, I would say

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Speaker 2: transportation is very reliable because I can take the Metro,

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Speaker 2: I can take the bus, there's accessible ubers, but all

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Speaker 2: those options is not in the South. So that's another

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Speaker 2: form of ableism, which is more aligned with systemic ableism,

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Speaker 2: because if you don't have access to reliable transportation, then

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Speaker 2: it can impact your overall well being, and I don't

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Speaker 2: think a lot of people think about that. So a

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Speaker 2: lot of the times to say people don't have access

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Speaker 2: to transportation or have a hard time getting accessible vans

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Speaker 2: which can cost thousands of dollars, and that's a lot

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Speaker 2: of to save people that's just living in their homes

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Speaker 2: because they don't have transportation. Also, going more in the

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Speaker 2: medical not believing to save people, that's another form of ableism,

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Speaker 2: not believing in their pain, not believing in the fact

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Speaker 2: that we have certain issues and we are aware and

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Speaker 2: it needs to get checked. I know recently I went

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Speaker 2: to the doctor and basically how to advocate for myself

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Speaker 2: because they were trying to ignore an issue I had

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Speaker 2: by saying, oh, where it's related to your muscular distriphee,

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Speaker 2: when I knew for a fact it's not. Because I

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Speaker 2: know my disease I have to study, and plus it's rare.

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Speaker 2: Not everybody is aware of my disease. So I'm telling

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Speaker 2: my doctor like, hey, I know what something's wrong. I

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Speaker 2: know when it's my disease, and I know when it's

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Speaker 2: something else, and I don't want to get worse, So

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Speaker 2: we need to check that. And a lot of the

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Speaker 2: times to say people have to advocate for themselves or

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Speaker 2: they constantly ignore and they have to go to different doctors,

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Speaker 2: and some to say people don't have the privilege of

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Speaker 2: going to different doctors because that costs. And unfortunately, there's

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Speaker 2: a lot of the same people that live in poverty,

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Speaker 2: so their pain or their illness get ignored and they

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Speaker 2: become worse. So it's a lot of form of ableism

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Speaker 2: that we don't think about day to day. But that's

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Speaker 2: just some that people aren't aware that is happening.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, more from our conversation after the break. You talked

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Speaker 1: a little bit earlier about the internship or the fellowship

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Speaker 1: that you were able to do with the Department of Transportation.

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Speaker 1: What kinds of policy changes were you able to kind

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Speaker 1: of help with and what kinds of things did you

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Speaker 1: look forward to seeing change in the future as it

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Speaker 1: relates to transportation.

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Speaker 2: Yes, so that was one of the best opportunities I

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Speaker 2: was given something that I worked on and the policy

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Speaker 2: that was helped able to push was fly with Dentity

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Speaker 2: and so that policy focused on making sure that disabled

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Speaker 2: passengers are able to remain safe for traveling by air. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: when disaved people, especially those who have mobility a's, when

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Speaker 2: they travel by air, most of the time their mobility

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Speaker 2: a's are damaged. And one of those people that happened

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Speaker 2: to me back in November. I was traveling back to

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Speaker 2: DC from being home for Thanksgiving and the hair rest

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Speaker 2: of my chair was broken and the joystick was missing.

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Speaker 2: Also when I was heading to South Carolina for Thanksgiving,

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Speaker 2: to airport staff, they dropped me and so yeah, so

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Speaker 2: I've been living with with chronic pain ever since then.

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Speaker 2: So it's been a constant battle. But that's just an

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Speaker 2: example of what the saved people go through when traveling

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Speaker 2: by air, another form of systemic ableism unfortunately, and so

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Speaker 2: I was able to help push that because it's a

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Speaker 2: very important policy, like to say, people should be able

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Speaker 2: to travel without being injured or having the mobility aids

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Speaker 2: like being broken. Because I don't think people realize our

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Speaker 2: mobility aids help us live. That's the way we survive

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Speaker 2: life each and every day. That's how we navigate the world.

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Speaker 2: So without them, it impacts our lives.

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Speaker 1: So what kinds of work came out of that initiative,

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Speaker 1: the fly with Dignity initiative? Are there specific ways now

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Speaker 1: that maybe wheelchairs need to be stored on planes? What

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Speaker 1: kinds of changes came out of that?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, so now like airlines are being held accountable

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Speaker 2: if there any negligence or dorees, anything that goes wrong

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Speaker 2: with somebody mobility aid, they are responsible to making sure

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Speaker 2: they're replaced it and making sure they get repaired. Also

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Speaker 2: just basically just holding the airlines more accountable because before

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Speaker 2: it would be a constant thing, but not a lot

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Speaker 2: would happened. It would just be like oh okay, but nothing,

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Speaker 2: nothing would move. But now airlines are being held accountable

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Speaker 2: more and being more responsible if something does happen on

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Speaker 2: their airline.

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Speaker 1: M yeah, and that's really important, I mean, because you know,

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Speaker 1: it's one thing to be able to just pay for

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Speaker 1: the repairs, but you know, sometimes it takes a while

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Speaker 1: for like those kinds of chairs to be replaced or

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Speaker 1: even care, right, and so now your ability to maybe

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Speaker 1: get to work is impacted. So does the initiative also

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Speaker 1: talk about like time for like lost wages and that

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Speaker 1: kind of thing.

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Speaker 2: No, it doesn't, It doesn't get into that, but it

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Speaker 2: just mostly making sure that, like I said, the airlines

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Speaker 2: to be held accountable, but also making sure that the

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Speaker 2: person get their mobility age repaired quickly as possible, because

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Speaker 2: unfortunately a lot of just say people been like, have

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Speaker 2: to wait weeks or months or years just to get

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Speaker 2: something fixed or replaced. And that's not accessible, Like it's

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Speaker 2: not it's inaccessible and it's not acceptible at all.

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Speaker 1: So something else that you've been pretty vocal about talking

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Speaker 1: about on your platforms is inspiration porn. Right, And you

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Speaker 1: kind of talked about this right with the oh my

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Speaker 1: best friend is disabled kind of thing. Right, How do

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Speaker 1: you define inspiration porn and why is that damaging especially

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Speaker 1: for black women who are disabled?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, So inspirational porn is basically using disay people

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Speaker 2: who are doing something, whatever the case. Maybe it could

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Speaker 2: be like they'm going to the cafe or going out

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Speaker 2: to eat with friends and using that as a way

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Speaker 2: to motivate yourself and make yourself feel better about your circumstances.

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Speaker 2: It's so damaging, and I don't think people realize how

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Speaker 2: damaging it is because you're basically trying to say that, oh,

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Speaker 2: like this person is disabled, at least I'm not living

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Speaker 2: the life they live in, like I should be happy

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Speaker 2: because I'm not like them. And it's very damaging for

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Speaker 2: black disabled women because people have high expectation for black

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Speaker 2: women anyway, and it can be very exhausting because we

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Speaker 2: can do no wrong, we have to look a certain way,

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Speaker 2: we have to be presentable. It's like all these unrealistic

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Speaker 2: rules that is placed on black women, but for black

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Speaker 2: disabled women when it comes to inspirational porn, it's like

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Speaker 2: you're basically trying to shame black disabled women who are

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Speaker 2: not capable of doing something that somebody else is doing. Like,

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Speaker 2: for example, someone trying to use me and use my

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Speaker 2: accomplishment to shame a black disabled person who may not

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Speaker 2: have those same accomplishment and not looking at that Black

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Speaker 2: disabled women just existent is enough, and that's why it's

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Speaker 2: very damaging. I have seen that happen a lot, especially

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Speaker 2: with me, when people use like the fact that I

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Speaker 2: graduated or the fact that I share my accomplishment as like, oh,

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Speaker 2: if she could do it, then why can't you. It's like, no,

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Speaker 2: I have those capabilities. But also that's not all who

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Speaker 2: I am. My accomplishment is not all who I am,

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Speaker 2: and it shouldn't be tied to my word. It's wrong

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Speaker 2: to do that to black disay with people, black disay

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Speaker 2: with women, because just us existence should just be enough.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, has there been any pressure for you to kind

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Speaker 1: of modify the way that you show up online or

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Speaker 1: like present yourself as more digestible or change kind of

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Speaker 1: how you show up in any kind of way.

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Speaker 2: I would say yeah. I like yeah, because I feel like,

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Speaker 2: especially now with a lot that is going on, I

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Speaker 2: do feel like I have to be seen in a

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Speaker 2: certain way that it's light because I don't think a

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Speaker 2: lot of people understand that I'm a black disabled woman

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Speaker 2: and what I mean by that, like, I'm black, I

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Speaker 2: have my culture. So it's certain things that I say,

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Speaker 2: it's certain things that I express in a different way.

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Speaker 2: And unfortunately, certain people who are my target audience they

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Speaker 2: can't understand or they have a problem with the way

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Speaker 2: I say things or the way I express myself. They

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Speaker 2: feel like it's wrong and it makes me feel like

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Speaker 2: I can't really fully express who I am or express

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Speaker 2: all my identities. It's like I have to be presentable

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Speaker 2: in a certain way that is like by other people.

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Speaker 2: Got it?

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Speaker 1: So what suggestions would you have maybe for people who

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Speaker 1: are also maybe hoping to develop a platform and they

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Speaker 1: are disabled, Like, what kinds of suggestions would you tell

387
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Speaker 1: them about? You know, maybe pointers that you wish you

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Speaker 1: had known before they get into this space.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, I would say, make sure you have a

390
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Speaker 2: good circle outside of social media. Make sure you have

391
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:39,720
Speaker 2: a great support group, because if it wasn't for my

392
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Speaker 2: support group, I know, me being on social media would

393
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 2: drive me, like in saying, honestly, seeing the hate comments,

394
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 2: seeing the constant ableism, all that having a good support

395
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,960
Speaker 2: group does wonders and it helps you be able to

396
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Speaker 2: focus on the purpose of why you want to start

397
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 2: your platform. I also would say, you don't have to

398
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Speaker 2: engage in every hate comment or every hate post that's

399
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 2: about you. Unfortunately, people are gonna have thoughts and sometimes

400
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 2: it can be very triggering, and sometimes you do want

401
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:13,719
Speaker 2: to be like, you know what, let me tell this

402
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Speaker 2: person something, But it's not worth it all the time

403
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Speaker 2: because unfortunately with certain people you can't educate, but there

404
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 2: are certain people you just can't, and it's like, okay,

405
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,560
Speaker 2: that's a lost cause, and I'm just gonna ignore it

406
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 2: and let it go. You will be a lot happier

407
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:35,119
Speaker 2: that way. And I would say third, understand that you

408
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 2: don't have to take on everything. There's certain issues that

409
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Speaker 2: I know I specifically cannot talk about because I'm not

410
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Speaker 2: educated in that area. So I don't try to like

411
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Speaker 2: pretend I just take that as you know what, that's

412
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Speaker 2: just not for me to talk about. I just give

413
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Speaker 2: that to somebody who's more knowledgeable in that area, and

414
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 2: that's okay to do. It doesn't mean that you're wrong.

415
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 2: If you're not able to talk about something, doesn't mean

416
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 2: that you aren't aware. It's just you just it's very

417
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,920
Speaker 2: important to know what to share, what not to share,

418
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,399
Speaker 2: and know what you're knowledgeable of, because that's a lot

419
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 2: of people who love to spread misinformation and you can

420
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 2: see how that turns out. So it's just best to

421
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 2: stay in areas that you have more information about. Cause

422
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 2: then I feel like that's why I don't want to

423
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 2: say you used to worry canceled, but you get less canceled.

424
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 2: That way instead of like trying to talk about something

425
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 2: you know you don't know any information about. You know.

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Speaker 1: Other black women who have large social media platforms have

427
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Speaker 1: talked about this experience of especially when you do advocacy

428
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,960
Speaker 1: work or like pointing out things that you know are

429
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:47,440
Speaker 1: going wrong, it will often get bombarded in their DMS

430
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Speaker 1: or emails with these requests are like, hey, have you

431
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 1: seen this bad thing happening? Like you should talk about this?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: Has that been your experience? I see you shaking your head. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So it sounds like yeah, and how do you protect

435
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,199
Speaker 1: yourself against you know, because you want to be like

436
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:04,120
Speaker 1: supportive and advocate for people in your community, but there

437
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 1: is a limit, right, Like, just because this is your

438
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: platform doesn't mean that you can overly extend yourself to

439
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 1: do all the things, to talk about all the awful

440
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 1: things happening. How do you protect yourself against that and

441
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 1: gorge your mental health there?

442
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 2: So what I do I always tell people thank you

443
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 2: for letting me know and I'll read up on it.

444
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 2: But I also like let them know like, hey, I'm

445
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 2: only one person. I cannot talk about every single thing.

446
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 2: And plus I try not to sound rude when I

447
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 2: say that but I do have a life outside of

448
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,240
Speaker 2: social media and sometimes like outside of advocacy, even though

449
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,439
Speaker 2: it's an everyday thing, but it has to get to

450
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 2: a point where I'm like, all right, I gotta stop.

451
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 2: And it be hard because I don't want to come

452
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 2: off as like insensitive or I'm not being aware of

453
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 2: what's going on, or I'm just being ignorant. There's a

454
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 2: certain things that just beyond my intelligence level, and I'm

455
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 2: okay with saying that. And sometimes there's stuff that's very

456
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,919
Speaker 2: triggering where it takes time for me to read something

457
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:01,920
Speaker 2: and I'll be honest, I may not want to read

458
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 2: it because I don't want to get triggered, because I

459
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 2: don't think people realize how triggering ableism is as a

460
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,679
Speaker 2: desay your person, especially as a black to say your person.

461
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 2: And like when people send me things like someone died

462
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,400
Speaker 2: or someone went through something that's very traumatic, like all

463
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 2: I think in my head like, oh my god, that

464
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,400
Speaker 2: could have been me. And I try to get information,

465
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,400
Speaker 2: but sometimes it, like I said, it can be very triggering.

466
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 2: So I have to pick and choose what's best that

467
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,680
Speaker 2: I can share that's not going to affect my mental help.

468
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,199
Speaker 2: But I always try to acknowledge the person who sent

469
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:35,679
Speaker 2: it to me and be like, oh, thank you for

470
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 2: this information, thank you for trusting me to be able

471
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 2: to share. But also please be aware that I'm only

472
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 2: one person. And I think that's okay, like to say,

473
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 2: because like it is true, I'm only one person. Yeah.

474
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, So, as you mentioned, Nila, you know, something else

475
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,720
Speaker 1: that you use your platform to talk about is like

476
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 1: sexual health, right, and like the lack of information and confidence.

477
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: I think that is sometimes there when you talk about

478
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 1: sexuality and disability when it comes to your sexual health.

479
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 1: How has your mom's involvement in that space really helped

480
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 1: you to kind of be more informed and feel more

481
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: confident talking about sexual health?

482
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, So it started when I was just tweeting

483
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 2: like any other person. I had a partner at the time,

484
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 2: so I had shared a wonderful night with that partner

485
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,199
Speaker 2: and it went viral. I did not expect it to

486
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 2: go viral because the way I think is the things

487
00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 2: that go viral are not the things I want to

488
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 2: go viral. But when I'm talking about like anything disability

489
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 2: related crickets, which I'm okay as long as it get

490
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,679
Speaker 2: to who we need to get to. But I just

491
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:43,120
Speaker 2: find it hilarious, so I shared that it went viral,

492
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 2: and like I saw this whole discourse going on about

493
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 2: me having sex and people wondering if I should be

494
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 2: having sex, having these debates without my input or anything.

495
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 2: So like it's like going viral, Like other people haven't

496
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 2: like thank pieces about at me saying how it was

497
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 2: discussing anybody find me attractive, saying that the person who

498
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 2: I had sex with they need to be putt down

499
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 2: like a dog, all this ableism basically, And at first

500
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, I probably shouldn't have

501
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 2: shared it because all these people having all these think pieces.

502
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 2: But then it dawned on me in that moment, I'm like,

503
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 2: people have these think pieces because they're not aware that

504
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 2: the same people have sex. They think that we just

505
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 2: either asexual or we just not capable of having sex,

506
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,440
Speaker 2: and I said, that is a concern. But then there

507
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 2: was people who was messaging me or making comments who

508
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 2: were also the same when they were like, actually, thank

509
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 2: you for sharing, because I want people to actually see

510
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 2: that we are human beings. We also a sexual beings

511
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 2: and that's okay. And for a while it was annoying,

512
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 2: like seeing all the think pieces. But I replied and

513
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 2: I was like, Hey, this is just life. Yes I

514
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 2: have a disable, Yes I'm in a wheelchair, but that

515
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 2: doesn't necessarily mean that I can't have sex, or that

516
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 2: it's impossible or I'm not attractive. Like what my wheelchair

517
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 2: had to do anything about me being the tractive. I'm

518
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 2: just in a wheelchair and my partner at the time,

519
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 2: they just was laughing. It was like, I don't understand

520
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 2: why people mad at me too. I'll say, I don't know.

521
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 2: They just mad at everybody all involved. But at that

522
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 2: moment I took that as this is a great way

523
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 2: to start talking about sex and disability, because when people

524
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 2: who have that mindset, they don't realize how it can

525
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 2: not only be very negative, but how it can influence

526
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 2: a lot of people, especially in the healthcare system, especially

527
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 2: when it comes to policy making, how those believe can

528
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 2: impact the same people on la a systemic level.

529
00:29:52,800 --> 00:30:04,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, more from our conversation after the break, Ella, what

530
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 1: were some of your early maybe spoken and unspoken information

531
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:12,719
Speaker 1: and ideas as it came to sexuality and disability, Like,

532
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 1: what were some of your early thoughts about.

533
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 2: That When I was younger, I did not think I

534
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,800
Speaker 2: could have sex. I used to think, oh, okay, I'm

535
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 2: to say, well, it's just not possible for me. So

536
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 2: I was still back in South Carolina having these thoughts

537
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,719
Speaker 2: and I was talking to my doctor back then, and

538
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 2: I was like, Hey, can I have sex? And she

539
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 2: was like, can you feel when you pee? I'm like yeah,

540
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 2: she said, okay, day, so you can have organs, So yes,

541
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 2: you can have sex. I was like, oh, okay, but

542
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 2: that's that's a wild answer, but all right. But she

543
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,080
Speaker 2: didn't see me as oh, to say a person. She

544
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 2: acknowledged that I have a disability, but she was like, yes,

545
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,320
Speaker 2: it is possible, and she was honest. She said you

546
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,959
Speaker 2: may have to do it differently because of your disability,

547
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 2: and that's okay. She said that the important part is

548
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 2: just having a partner who is willing to be patient, understanding.

549
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 2: She said that's the most important part. And I was like, okay,

550
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 2: thank you. So my mom. One thing I always appreciated

551
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 2: by her when growing up. She was always open and

552
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 2: honest when it came to the sex talks. She will

553
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 2: always explain what STDs were, you know, making sure that

554
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 2: I understood the importance of a condom, all those things

555
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 2: and she would have those talks for me when I

556
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 2: turned thirteen, all the way up until like I grew

557
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 2: up going to college. Even now we just have a

558
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 2: little conversation here and there, but she believed that I

559
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:33,959
Speaker 2: could have sex. She was like, I know what's going

560
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 2: to happen, and I want you to have this information.

561
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 2: But when I was in the outside world, I think

562
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 2: I let the outside work influence me to think that

563
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 2: it wasn't possible. Until one day I did engage in

564
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 2: sexual activities with someone and I was like, oh, okay,

565
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 2: so it is possible. It's just I have to just

566
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 2: do it differently, and I just need to make sure

567
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 2: I have somebody who's willing to be patient and open minded.

568
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 2: I think that was very important for me to have,

569
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 2: Like whoever I have sexual relationship with, they have to

570
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 2: be very open minded because sex is different for me.

571
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 2: And as I was like starting to express like my

572
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 2: sexual experiences and just sharing them, not going in too

573
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 2: much details, but just basically sharing enough for like others

574
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 2: to say people to not only have hope, but be

575
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 2: aware that yes, it's possible, and yes there is so

576
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 2: many positions. Please know that it is possible. And also

577
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,480
Speaker 2: wanted them to know that you define what sex is

578
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 2: for you. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's you in

579
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 2: a mail or it could be a woman and a woman,

580
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 2: it could be whoever, but it is possible. Something that

581
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 2: people would share with me was how in the medical

582
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 2: feel there were doctors who didn't believe they could have sex.

583
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 2: This one person shared that she almost didn't get a

584
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 2: pep smear because the doctor said, oh, you don't need that,

585
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 2: it's not necesscessary. And luckily she advocated for herself because

586
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 2: when she did finally get a pet SMAR, something was

587
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 2: wrong and she was like, all she can think about

588
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 2: is what if she just, you know, accepted what the

589
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 2: doctor said and it could have been something worse. And

590
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 2: that's something that a lot of the saved people go through.

591
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:22,239
Speaker 2: And also the lack of sex education. There's a lot

592
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 2: of the same people who never received sex education when

593
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 2: they was younger because of that thought or that bias

594
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 2: that the saved people don't have sex. So when they

595
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,239
Speaker 2: grow up and then they do finally have sex, they

596
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 2: don't even know their own bodies because they are already

597
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 2: having in their head like, oh, I'm not having sex.

598
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 2: But when they they don't know what they like, what

599
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 2: they don't like, like how they body feel, like being

600
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 2: able to guys want to be like, oh yeah, I

601
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 2: like this, I don't like that. And unfortunately there's a

602
00:33:53,800 --> 00:34:00,040
Speaker 2: lot of disaved people who haven't sexually assaulted because some

603
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 2: people are aware that they believe they can't have sex,

604
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 2: or they just take advantage of their innocence. And that's

605
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 2: also because to say, people don't have the knowledge about

606
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 2: sex education, about how sexual work and consent and all that,

607
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,320
Speaker 2: and it's very important that we talk about those things

608
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 2: because to say, people are sexual beings and they deserve

609
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:27,719
Speaker 2: to have a healthy, safe and consensual sex life. And

610
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 2: so I would try to use social media to share that,

611
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 2: like this is the reason why I share, because I

612
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 2: want people to understand this is what a safe and

613
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,760
Speaker 2: consensual sex life looks like. This is what it's about

614
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 2: because it's about pleasure and plus, sex is a part

615
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:46,720
Speaker 2: of life and it shouldn't be something that's only seen

616
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 2: for able body people. It's for everybody whoever consent to it.

617
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know the number of dms it sounds like

618
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 1: that you got after you share some of your experiences

619
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 1: and the way that you're talking about this lets me

620
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 1: know that there is like lots more of education and

621
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 1: you know, sex, I think it's hard to talk about

622
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 1: for lots of different people, and I would imagine you

623
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,279
Speaker 1: know this as an additional factor to that. What are

624
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:12,000
Speaker 1: some places beyond like your social media, like, are there

625
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 1: other organizations or other resources for people who you know,

626
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 1: maybe want to have more of these conversations and get

627
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 1: more education about the combination of sexuality and disability.

628
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 2: I would say there's not really many organizations that focus

629
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 2: on that, unfortunately, I feel like because they see it

630
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:34,399
Speaker 2: more as a taboo. So a lot of the sex

631
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,840
Speaker 2: and disability conversations are very limited. So it's like people

632
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 2: like me who just share my story and just trying

633
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 2: to educate people. There's like articles online that people can

634
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 2: look up that talks about sex and disability, but it's

635
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:52,720
Speaker 2: not really many organizations. I know some like there probably

636
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 2: is some people who have platforms that are disabled and

637
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 2: they're very more expressive when it comes to sex, like

638
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 2: sex and sexuality, but it's not really a lot because

639
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,800
Speaker 2: there's a lot of shame around sex and disability because,

640
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 2: as I mentioned, the biases that people think that we

641
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 2: shouldn't be having sex, so we can't have sex or

642
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 2: they feel like it's disgusting. But that's why I wanted

643
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 2: to use my platform to kind of help like tear

644
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 2: down those misconceptions, because it shouldn't be seen as an

645
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 2: uncomfortable thing. Like, yeah, sex is a hard topic, but

646
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 2: I feel like it shouldn't be hard when nowadays, like

647
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 2: people push for people to have children and all that,

648
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 2: and I'm thinking they got they gotta make kids somehow,

649
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:41,879
Speaker 2: So like we shouldn't shame be shameful when it comes

650
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 2: to the top of sex, Like sex is a part

651
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 2: of life, It creates life, and it shouldn't be seen

652
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 2: as something bad. But especially when it comes to the

653
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 2: same people, like it shouldn't be seen as something terrible.

654
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 2: But I think that's just because of eugenics. Like people

655
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:01,880
Speaker 2: they yeah, they believes even though they may not admit it,

656
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:02,359
Speaker 2: they do.

657
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:06,240
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So one of your goals is to become

658
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 1: a sex therapist at some point, what are you hoping

659
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 1: to do with as a sex therapist? And are you

660
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:12,920
Speaker 1: thinking you're going to have a private practice, Like what

661
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 1: would that look like for you?

662
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 2: Yes, so my goal is to be a sex therapist.

663
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 2: I think what I really want is to have a

664
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:24,280
Speaker 2: private practice. I do want to provide a space where

665
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 2: to say, people can come to me and find like

666
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 2: different ways when it comes to pleasure, being able to

667
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 2: feel more confident in their bodies, because I think that's

668
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,399
Speaker 2: something that's really big, Like society really shamed to say

669
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 2: people for how we look, especially we have a physical

670
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 2: disability or it's very invisible that we have a disability,

671
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 2: and society have this idea that if you're disabled, you're

672
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 2: not attractive, you're not desirable. And I want to use

673
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 2: my work as a way to help the say people

674
00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 2: feel more confident, we're not in a badroom, and not

675
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 2: feel a shame for being disabled, because everybody deserve to

676
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:05,120
Speaker 2: feel desired and feel beautiful and to try to do

677
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 2: and even if someone is disabled, they still deserve to

678
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 2: have those feelings as well. So I would love to

679
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 2: use my work to help with that, also helping with

680
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 2: finding position that works for them and all those things,

681
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 2: and also just not being ashamed of being a disabled

682
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,320
Speaker 2: person who loves sex. Yeah.

683
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: So do you feel like therapy in the mental health

684
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 1: space in general is a welcoming space for people with

685
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 1: disabilities or is there more work to be done there.

686
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 2: I think it's a lot more work to be done there.

687
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 2: I feel like, in my opinion, I don't think that's

688
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:47,319
Speaker 2: enough conversation about ableism for like therapists to actually be

689
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 2: able to provide the best services to disab clients. I know,

690
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 2: for me who like go to therapy, I'm really big

691
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 2: on therapy. I'm pro therapy, but I do notice that

692
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:03,880
Speaker 2: there is a limited knowledge about ableism and how it

693
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 2: can impact one mental health. There's been times when I

694
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 2: feel like I always had to educate my therapist or

695
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:13,839
Speaker 2: basically had to do like the whole rundown, and as

696
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 2: someone who constantly go through ableism, and there's been times

697
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 2: when I've been in dark places because it just took

698
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:24,319
Speaker 2: a big mental toll on me. I don't want to

699
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 2: explain ableism sometimes, like I just want to be able

700
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 2: to say, hey, like today I felt real bad about

701
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 2: being disabled and I hate it, Like I need help

702
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 2: navigating out those feelings because it's really impacting my overall

703
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,360
Speaker 2: life right now, and then having a therapy be like, okay,

704
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 2: but can you explain like how it's like, No, I

705
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 2: don't feel like doing that. I just want you to

706
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 2: already have that understanding and I feel like there is

707
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 2: work that is out there where therapists are getting more knowledge.

708
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 2: You know, there's more articles out there, there's more books.

709
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 2: But I do feel like there's a lot of work

710
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 2: that do need to be done, especially when it comes

711
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 2: to how ables to impact someone's mental health.

712
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, we already talked a lot about the work that

713
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 1: you want to do around sexuality and disability and the

714
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: work that you've done in terms of transportation policy. Is

715
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 1: there any other lane or policy that you're looking forward

716
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 1: to happening in the future.

717
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'm a really big policy girl. So right now,

718
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 2: I think just bringing awareness right now about medicaid. Unfortunately,

719
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 2: like they trying to cut Medicaid, which I would try

720
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 2: to bring awareness to people that it's very important that

721
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 2: we make sure that doesn't happen because it's a lot

722
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:40,880
Speaker 2: of the same people who rely on medicaid, like me,

723
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 2: because that's how way of having access to our needs,

724
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:47,719
Speaker 2: to the things that help us live, especially when it

725
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:51,840
Speaker 2: comes to medical needs and doctors all those things. Even

726
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:54,879
Speaker 2: like my wheelchair it costs fifty thousand dollars, but if

727
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 2: it wasn't for Medicaid, I wouldn't be able to have

728
00:40:57,239 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 2: this chair, and I'm hoping that a lot of people

729
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 2: become more aware, a lot of people are able to

730
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 2: use a voice, so that doesn't happen because just a

731
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 2: people deserve to live and our benefits should be cut

732
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:15,239
Speaker 2: off or because of hate. Like I feel like we

733
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:19,480
Speaker 2: deserve to live just like anybody else, especially like we

734
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 2: already deal with enough. We already have to struggle enough,

735
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 2: and that's something that we shouldn't have be punished just

736
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,080
Speaker 2: because of who we are. Like I feel like a

737
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 2: lot happened, like a lot of policies that implemented in

738
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:37,319
Speaker 2: place is because of ableism, but also it's like a

739
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 2: form of punishment for us just being who we are.

740
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 1: No, what's something that you would say to eighteen year

741
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 1: old Nila?

742
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,279
Speaker 2: I would just say, just keep on living. I know

743
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 2: during that time, I was uncertain, I was scared. I

744
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:56,879
Speaker 2: didn't know how life was going to be, and even

745
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 2: with my red disease, I didn't even know if I

746
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:00,839
Speaker 2: was going to be here. But all I wuna say

747
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:04,720
Speaker 2: just keep on living. Never be afraid of using your voice,

748
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 2: and always take up space and don't feel bad for it,

749
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 2: because what you have to say is very important and

750
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 2: very impowerful.

751
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 1: Are there any particular affirmations or wellness rituals that are

752
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 1: helpful in grounding you?

753
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, I have many of them. But one of

754
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,400
Speaker 2: the things that I love to say every day. It's

755
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 2: funny because I used it when Beyonce had made an

756
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:32,279
Speaker 2: announcement about the Renaissance Tour and I thought I was going.

757
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 2: But that's when I was having to move for graduate school.

758
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 2: But I was. I said, I couldn't get the tickets,

759
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 2: but I was like, it's okay. I said, could one

760
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 2: thing about my God she gonna always provide and she

761
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 2: don't play about her children. And ever since then, I've

762
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 2: been saying that because anytime I go through a situation

763
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 2: where uncertain about something, I'm dealing with so much ableism

764
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:55,880
Speaker 2: that is impacting me, or whatever the case may be,

765
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:58,239
Speaker 2: I always say that one thing about my God, She's

766
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:00,720
Speaker 2: gonna always provide and she don't play it by her children.

767
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,759
Speaker 2: And every time I say that, for some reason, I

768
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 2: always feel like that's when miracles happen and I feel

769
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:10,800
Speaker 2: very grounded. Also, like, just keep on living. That's something

770
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:14,480
Speaker 2: my mom had always said, and at first I was like,

771
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 2: what does she mean? Just keep on living? Like I

772
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 2: don't know what that means, but I get it. I

773
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 2: get it because even though it may not seem okay

774
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 2: right now, but it does get better.

775
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, very South coated. My grandmother from Louisiana would always

776
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 1: say that a lot to.

777
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 3: Those a little South Carolina roots clearly coming back. Oh yeah, yeah,

778
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 3: it has been so great to talk with you, Nila.

779
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:43,840
Speaker 1: Please let us know where we can stay connected with you.

780
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 1: What is your website as well as any social media

781
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:47,240
Speaker 1: channels you'd like to share?

782
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:51,359
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, so I'm all on social media, so for Instagram,

783
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:56,399
Speaker 2: TikTok and Twitter x whatever that is. But you can

784
00:43:56,440 --> 00:44:01,879
Speaker 2: follow me at Nila the letter N Morton m rt.

785
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 1: N perfect will be short to include that in our

786
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 1: show notes. Thank you so much for spending some time

787
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:07,320
Speaker 1: with us today.

788
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,400
Speaker 2: Oh yes, thank you. I really enjoyed this conversation.

789
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:16,879
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm so glad Nila was able to join

790
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,360
Speaker 1: me for this conversation. To learn more about her and

791
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: her work, be sure to visit the show notes at

792
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:25,479
Speaker 1: Therapy for Blackgirls dot com, slash tvgu and don't forget

793
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 1: to text this episode to two of your girls right now.

794
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 1: Did you know you could leave us a voicemail with

795
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 1: your questions for the podcast. If you have books or

796
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:35,440
Speaker 1: movies you'd like to suggest for us to review, or

797
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 1: even have thoughts about topics you'd like us to discuss.

798
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 1: Drop us a message at Memo dot fm slash Therapy

799
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,280
Speaker 1: for Black Girls and let us know what's on your mind.

800
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,759
Speaker 1: We might just feature it on the podcast. Also, we're

801
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: switching things.

802
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:48,400
Speaker 2: Up with TVGU.

803
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,840
Speaker 1: We're introducing a new advisory console to help shape the

804
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,880
Speaker 1: direction of the podcast and to join me for lively

805
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 1: conversations around issues and topics that are most important to you.

806
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 1: To learn more about how you can apply for the council,

807
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 1: go to Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash jobs. If

808
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 1: you're looking for a therapist in your area, visit our

809
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 1: therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory.

810
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:16,240
Speaker 1: This episode was produced by Elise Ellis, Indichibu and Tyree Rush.

811
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 1: Editing was done by Dennis and Bradford. Thank y'all so

812
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 1: much for joining me again for this episode of CBGU.

813
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:25,439
Speaker 1: We'll be back with another conversation next month. Until then,

814
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:26,399
Speaker 1: take good care,