Speaker 1: Who's that man talking in my e He's Rong Burgundy
Speaker 1: Me talking, me talking, me talking, me talking, me talking
Speaker 1: me talking. Hello, you're listening to the Me Talking Show
Speaker 1: where I talk and talk and talk and talk. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm interrupted by a young woman named Carolina. Her talking
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like my talking. Say something, Carolina, right, Hello,
Speaker 1: this is Carolina. You see her voice sounds different than mine.
Speaker 1: Mine sounds like this our ah we and her sounds
Speaker 1: like this. Do it? Ah, you you can you tell
Speaker 1: a difference. Here's what it sounds like when we both
Speaker 1: do it together. Ah oh ah. So you can see
Speaker 1: that when I'm talking, which will undoubtedly be a lot,
Speaker 1: my voice will sound one way and Carolina's will sound another.
Speaker 1: Now on with the Me Talking Show, the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Then, oh,
Speaker 1: is that what we are calling it? We've we've always
Speaker 1: called it that. We've called it that for years, always
Speaker 1: since the beginning. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope nope.
Speaker 1: I called it the Jeremy hold Quist Show for a
Speaker 1: few weeks before we went on the air, and that
Speaker 1: was when Vanessa la Scha was my co host. What why?
Speaker 1: I've always just loved the name Jeremy Holquist. And if
Speaker 1: there's someone out there with that name, I say, lucky you.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't it be great to go through your day with
Speaker 1: the name Jeremy Holquist. What a pleasure that would be.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine such a lucky fate? Carolina? Ah, I cannot,
Speaker 1: I can I imagine? Jeremy Holquist is a man of distinction.
Speaker 1: He holds his head high when entering a conference room
Speaker 1: or the lobby of an international hotel. He's got some
Speaker 1: facial hair, and his nails are trimmed very neatly, with
Speaker 1: the lightest of gloss applied to them, not so much
Speaker 1: to attract attention, but just enough to say I'm here
Speaker 1: and I drink champagne for lunch. His attache case is
Speaker 1: made from the soft hides of webbed duck feet, but
Speaker 1: only after they have died of natural causes and are
Speaker 1: given a proper duck burial for Jeremy Holquist is an
Speaker 1: amateur naturalist and an animal lover. He resides in several homes,
Speaker 1: a beach house off the coast of Maine, an expensive
Speaker 1: condo atop knob Hill in San Francisco, and a lookout
Speaker 1: station on Mount Rainier in Washington State. He has written
Speaker 1: several best selling suspense novels under the pseudonym Carl Klaus. Anyway,
Speaker 1: that's just how I imagine Jeremy Holquist. What do you
Speaker 1: think he's like? I just can't believe you've spent so
Speaker 1: much time thinking about the personality for a fake name.
Speaker 1: I mean, do you think maybe you're imagining him a
Speaker 1: little bit how you see yourself? What? No, No, not
Speaker 1: at all. Holduist is six ft two and I am
Speaker 1: six ft three. Fold. Uist is also two months older
Speaker 1: than me. So no, you're so stupid for saying that
Speaker 1: he's That's not needed. He's an entirely different person. Why
Speaker 1: why did you even suggest that? Yes? I have written novels,
Speaker 1: of course, but I go by the name Daniel Steele,
Speaker 1: not Carl Klaus. You write under the name Dan You
Speaker 1: know what, I'm not going to bite um? Okay, well
Speaker 1: for now, can we just stick to calling the show
Speaker 1: the Ron Burgundy Podcast for today? Yeah, that's fine with me.
Speaker 1: You know my name is Ron Burgundy. Is there a
Speaker 1: bump there? I'm sorry. Well, if we call the show
Speaker 1: the Ron Burgundy Podcast, people will think I named it
Speaker 1: after me. That's not a problem. For you. You are
Speaker 1: Ron Burgundy and this is your podcast. We've been doing
Speaker 1: this for three years. What is right? Of course I
Speaker 1: get confused inside my brain from time to time, thoughts
Speaker 1: splash around in there like Piranha's attacking a water buffalo.
Speaker 1: Hello everyone, let's start over. Yeah, my name is Ron
Speaker 1: Burgundy and you are listening to the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm joined as always by the lovely under sext and
Speaker 1: over educated Carolina. Hello Carolina, Hello Ron. What have we
Speaker 1: got on the docket for our show today? It's a
Speaker 1: little controversial. Um, you wanted to talk about Q and On? Yes,
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about the mysterious and dark world
Speaker 1: of q ah. So tell me, Carolina, what do you
Speaker 1: know about so? Q and On is a conspiracy theory
Speaker 1: that there is a group of Satan worshiping elites run
Speaker 1: a child sex ring and are also trying to control
Speaker 1: our politics and media. Um. Something like sevent of adults
Speaker 1: in this country believe in Q and On. Okay, not
Speaker 1: a bad start first, because this has always been a
Speaker 1: fair and balanced, news based podcast. Let's not start off
Speaker 1: by calling it a conspiracy. It's a belief held by
Speaker 1: many good Americans and even some members of Congress unfortunately. Yeah,
Speaker 1: are there Satan worshippers in this world? Yes? There are,
Speaker 1: are there people trying to control our media. Probably. Are
Speaker 1: there sickos out there? Yes, So when we look at
Speaker 1: it objectively, Carolina, you can see the common sense here.
Speaker 1: Run Are you seriously going to try and defend Q
Speaker 1: and on? We know we can't do this. Hold the
Speaker 1: boat there. I'm a journalist, I'm not a politician. I
Speaker 1: work in hard facts, not spin. Let's consider the first elements.
Speaker 1: Satanic cults. Do they exist? Who runs them? Well, here's
Speaker 1: where my vast knowledge of the world comes in handy.
Speaker 1: They do exist, And I confess I was once in
Speaker 1: such a cult for a short while. This was back
Speaker 1: in the seventies, of course, and I had gotten ahold
Speaker 1: of an experimental new root plant that, if prepared correctly,
Speaker 1: could transport me to a new dimension. Yes, I was
Speaker 1: always one to explore my boundaries. So I prepared the
Speaker 1: meat of the route in a cyboreum or what you
Speaker 1: refer to as a sacramental cup, and I drank. Nothing
Speaker 1: seemed to happen except that I grew very tired. However,
Speaker 1: when I awoke, I was in an adobe hut in
Speaker 1: New Mexico, surrounded by naked adult people people. Yes, I
Speaker 1: hadn't a clue as to how I had gotten there
Speaker 1: or who these people were. I noticed right away that
Speaker 1: I had what surgeons and anyone in the medical profession
Speaker 1: would call a boner. My head felt like cotton candy
Speaker 1: wrapped in velvet. It was a marvelous sensation. A man
Speaker 1: introduced himself to me as Lord Voltrix and said that
Speaker 1: I had arrived at my final destination. Final destination, I asked.
Speaker 1: I was still a young man full of vim and vigor,
Speaker 1: and I I doubted this dirt hut was to be
Speaker 1: my final destination in life. But this fella Voltrax yes,
Speaker 1: assured me this was as far as I was meant
Speaker 1: to go. Well, I went with it. It was fun.
Speaker 1: My head felt great, I had that boner and wasn't
Speaker 1: going anywhere, so I went with the flow, as they say.
Speaker 1: Pretty soon the room filled with more naked people, all
Speaker 1: adults and mainly women. Do you know what it feels like, Caroline,
Speaker 1: to have sex with sixteen people? I am so glad,
Speaker 1: I don't. I mean, like most people. I tried like
Speaker 1: a way in college, free way smee way, buddy, that's
Speaker 1: Thursday night in the Burgundy household. I'm talking about sixteen
Speaker 1: or twenty people all doing it, different bodies, tall, little, big, small,
Speaker 1: making love and the most passionate and oily way possible.
Speaker 1: And there was a lot of oil, mink oil, I
Speaker 1: believe it. Most of it was being poured on me.
Speaker 1: Mink o, Yes, mink oil, the steady supply of mink oil.
Speaker 1: So much oil, like a fifty five gallon drum full
Speaker 1: of mink oil, poured over my body. Jesus, I already
Speaker 1: felt like a marshmallow dipped in warm syrup, but that
Speaker 1: oil added to my euphoria. Soon I was being transported
Speaker 1: by the naked women to the outside hut. It was
Speaker 1: night and I could see people carrying torches everywhere. We
Speaker 1: were were in a great clearing and a large crowd
Speaker 1: of maybe a hundred people had gathered. The naked women
Speaker 1: laid me down in a soft but prickly mound of sticks.
Speaker 1: My wrists were tied to some posts, as well as
Speaker 1: my ankles. Now we're getting someplace, I thought, B D
Speaker 1: S M for sure, although no one had asked me
Speaker 1: for my safety word, which, by the way, is simply
Speaker 1: a mix up of my name bond Urgandy. I don't
Speaker 1: need to know your safe word. Safety words are very important,
Speaker 1: and bondage situation Scarelina. Well, to be honest, that one
Speaker 1: seems kind of easy to mess up. Hmm yeah, let's
Speaker 1: return to that later. We don't have to Anyway. Somewhere
Speaker 1: a fire was lit and it was getting hotter. This
Speaker 1: Lord Voltrex guy, was now dressed in a ridiculous wizard costume,
Speaker 1: started yelling about satan and worthy sacrifices blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: While I was thinking to myself, I shouldn't get too
Speaker 1: close to one of them torches with all that oil
Speaker 1: all over my body. Then the fire erupted and it
Speaker 1: finally dawned on me. These naked mofos were trying to
Speaker 1: burn me at the stake. I quickly unloosened their pitiful knots.
Speaker 1: I mean ship, If you're going to stake a man
Speaker 1: to the ground so you can burn them, learn a
Speaker 1: simple knot. These idio it didn't know what hit the
Speaker 1: Still high on the juice of that South American root plant,
Speaker 1: I jumped to my feet, grabbed a large branch, and
Speaker 1: began beating everyone in sight. Oh my god, it was
Speaker 1: a night to remember. But to be honest, I don't
Speaker 1: remember much. I can only tell the tale because years
Speaker 1: later I ran into Lord Voltra, Yes, listen to this,
Speaker 1: who was now going by the name Doug Jenkins. Now
Speaker 1: Jenkins told me he was the leader of a sex
Speaker 1: cult out of Frisco that was starting to fall apart.
Speaker 1: He rebranded it a Satanic cult to keep people on
Speaker 1: board so there would be more sex parties. Genius, I thought,
Speaker 1: But then inevitably he had to up the anti first
Speaker 1: with animal sacrifices, and then I was to be the
Speaker 1: first human sacer. He found me wandering in the desert
Speaker 1: and nothing but a cut off football jersey and brought
Speaker 1: me back to this cult where they were going to
Speaker 1: burn me. I shook his hand and we parted ways,
Speaker 1: no hard feelings. I went back to my news desk,
Speaker 1: and he started a little company called l Computers. And that,
Speaker 1: my friends, is where the story really begins. No, the
Speaker 1: story began a long time ago. I just I don't
Speaker 1: get it. So you're trying to say there are satanic cults,
Speaker 1: and Q and On is right to believe it. Precisely,
Speaker 1: there are satanic cults. However, do they really control anything
Speaker 1: other than hippies and runaways? Hardly likely. The Satanic cults
Speaker 1: I have encountered have all formed because one guy wants
Speaker 1: to get laid. That was true of manson nexium cults
Speaker 1: and most cults. It's actually pretty apt. I mean, heck,
Speaker 1: I would form a cult, except I can get laid
Speaker 1: any day of the week. Oh yeah, that's true. You
Speaker 1: should form a coult, Carolina. What's that supposed to mean?
Speaker 1: You know you? No, I don't nothing, nothing at all.
Speaker 1: Just just maybe you'd find a date. You don't have
Speaker 1: many options, and this is an option, That's all I'm
Speaker 1: saying I can do. Just find dating without joining a call.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, never join a cold. Then you're stuck
Speaker 1: sleeping with some greasy loser. You have to start your
Speaker 1: own and pile up naked men like Jenga pieces. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to do that, Ron, I mean, honestly, this
Speaker 1: is the most normal dating advice you've ever given me.
Speaker 1: But I don't need to start or join a cold
Speaker 1: to find a boyfriend or find a partner or whatever. Okay,
Speaker 1: fair enough, moving on, I want to talk about the
Speaker 1: whole child abduction part of Q and On right. So,
Speaker 1: one of the main beliefs of the Q and On
Speaker 1: followers is that this cabal of elites, mainly Hollywood actors
Speaker 1: and Hillary Clinton, kidnap children, slaughter and eat them to
Speaker 1: gain power from their blood. Those are some serious charges, yes,
Speaker 1: but you can't take them seriously. It's like the most
Speaker 1: ridiculous claim ever. It's like what Nazis used to say
Speaker 1: about Jews. There's a real correlation here with Nazis and
Speaker 1: Q and On. But but that's for another day. Let's
Speaker 1: consider the fact. I don't know if we should do
Speaker 1: that episode, but I want to make it abundantly clear.
Speaker 1: I have never ever eaten a baby. No one thinks
Speaker 1: that that needs to be on the record. Ron has
Speaker 1: never eaten a baby, Are we clear? Yes? We always
Speaker 1: assumed that. I know some pretty powerful people. Randy Quaid
Speaker 1: comes to mind, Neil de grass Tyson, another TikTok celebrity,
Speaker 1: Charlie Damilo. So yeah, I'm a big deal, and as
Speaker 1: far as I know, none of them have engaged in
Speaker 1: baby eating. That said, let's discuss the science. I think
Speaker 1: there's some idea that would eating a baby make you
Speaker 1: appear younger. That's the question. Yes, once again, I've never
Speaker 1: eaten a baby. However, my old work associate and drinking
Speaker 1: buddy Champ kind once took me on an adventure into
Speaker 1: one of the darkest corners of human depravity. Champ, as
Speaker 1: you know, could be a little reckless in his associations.
Speaker 1: That he introduced me to a suspicious man named Larry Choi,
Speaker 1: who claimed he could rejuvenate the human body with a
Speaker 1: dren of chrome harvesting. If you haven't heard of a
Speaker 1: dren of chrome harvesting, then you're lucky. I was to
Speaker 1: learn all too much about this very real and dangerous subject.
Speaker 1: Champ introduced me to Mr Choi one night in a
Speaker 1: Denny's dinner, where I munched carelessly on a three egg
Speaker 1: Grand Slam breakfast with bacon and sausage patties and home fries,
Speaker 1: along with two silver dollar pancakes and a side of
Speaker 1: ham slices with French toes, and another omelet with feta
Speaker 1: cheese and ham, which came with a side dish of
Speaker 1: sausage links and a wavers grand cheros and biscuits and gravy,
Speaker 1: all washed down with hot cups of coffee and a
Speaker 1: malted milkshake. All in between bites. I got to know
Speaker 1: Larry Choi, and he invited me to a private island
Speaker 1: off the coast of South America where certain celebrities, liberal elites,
Speaker 1: and high powered athletes were also present. Not wanting to
Speaker 1: damage anyone's reputation, I can't divulge who was there. I
Speaker 1: could drop clues. If you want to really work out it,
Speaker 1: you can try. For instance, a recent Super Bowl winning
Speaker 1: quarterback who used to play for the New England Patriots
Speaker 1: was there, A handsome Hollywood leading man known for his
Speaker 1: work in Titanic, and Peter Thield. So you just outed
Speaker 1: Tom Brady, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Peter Field. You're a super sleuth. No,
Speaker 1: I made that. I made that super easy. I couldn't
Speaker 1: help it. It was kind of cool that I was
Speaker 1: on a secluded island with these celebrities and others. I
Speaker 1: can't mention Eva Longoria, Ashton cut you're Lebron James. I
Speaker 1: can't help it to be in the company of these people.
Speaker 1: It speaks to my vanity. Hillary Clinton, George so Stephen
Speaker 1: King enough, I'm revealing too much. Kira Knightley halle Berry,
Speaker 1: Brian Williams, They're all done good, Andy Sandberg, Michael Strahan,
Speaker 1: Dame Judy Dench, so many more. Anyway, suffice it to
Speaker 1: say I was in good company. Now, for my listeners
Speaker 1: who are a little squeamish, the details of what I'm
Speaker 1: about to tell you are horrific, beyond the pale. If
Speaker 1: you cannot handle blood, or torture or murder, please stop listening.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, Cameron Diaz was there too. I just had
Speaker 1: to throw that in. All the events that followed did
Speaker 1: in fact happen, and by recounting them, I know I'll
Speaker 1: give great support to the que and on followers, but
Speaker 1: I cannot deny the facts of the night. Are you ready, Carolina?
Speaker 1: I really I don't know if I am Carolina. This
Speaker 1: is real life I'm talking about. Are you ready? I'm ready,
Speaker 1: I'm ready. There we were, this majestic group of elite people,
Speaker 1: seated along too beautifully appointed dining tables in an outdoor
Speaker 1: patio that overlooked the ocean. The atmosphere was electric. Over
Speaker 1: in the corner, popular singer and musician Sting played gently
Speaker 1: on his guitar for our amusement. The conversation was intoxic,
Speaker 1: and the wine was selected by the finest Somalia from
Speaker 1: the private bolts of Peter Theo. From out of the lodge,
Speaker 1: a group of masked waiters appeared, holding individual serving platters
Speaker 1: covered on top, so we could not as of yet
Speaker 1: see the delicious meal that was to come. Each person there,
Speaker 1: Rachel Maddow was there, had their own covered silver platter.
Speaker 1: The anticipation was great. Larry CHOI made a quick toast
Speaker 1: and then told everyone to dig in. I lifted the
Speaker 1: cover off my plate, and there before me was a
Speaker 1: live baby. At first, I thought this must be some
Speaker 1: kind of joke. But I turned my head and saw
Speaker 1: all of these elites and Hollywood celebrities taking huge forkfuls
Speaker 1: of baby meat and stuffing it in their mouths. I
Speaker 1: know none of this happened, of course not. I'm bullshitting you.
Speaker 1: See how easy it is to make up stories about
Speaker 1: people we don't know. I do know Michael Strayan, however,
Speaker 1: no eats babies. It's ridiculous, Carolina. But it's fun to
Speaker 1: make up mean stories about people who have better lives
Speaker 1: than ours. It just is. Are there some elites who
Speaker 1: are immoral and criminal? Donald Trump comes to mind, along
Speaker 1: with Jeffrey Epstein. But is there a group of elites
Speaker 1: that eat babies or drink blood. Give me a break, people.
Speaker 1: There are too many Americans who spend too much time
Speaker 1: online reading about Hillary Clinton, satanic baby eating cold and
Speaker 1: not enough time with hobbies. Do you have hobbies, Carolina? Hobby? I?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I like shopping online, I guess, and
Speaker 1: then I watched TV like most people. Well that's the
Speaker 1: problem with kids these days. What happened to hobbies? We
Speaker 1: should we should do a whole show on hobbies. I
Speaker 1: have so many hobbies. I only have time for my hobbies.
Speaker 1: I like to whittle. Do you like to whittle? Like whittle? Would?
Speaker 1: I've never even tried. Give it a try. Whittling is fun.
Speaker 1: How about stamp collecting? Do you collect stamps? No? Neither
Speaker 1: do I, But stamp collecting would take great perseverance and research.
Speaker 1: If you collected stamps, you probably wouldn't have time to
Speaker 1: think about a cabal of Satan worshiping elites who are
Speaker 1: staying youthful by eating babies. No, you'd be on the
Speaker 1: lookout for that rare inverted Jenny, the rarest stamp out there.
Speaker 1: What a hobby that would be. You can almost feel
Speaker 1: the blood pumping excitement in stamp collecting. Can't you care
Speaker 1: that the blood pumping excitement? No, I stamp Clifton kind
Speaker 1: of sounds boring as hobbies go. Sure, it's boring if
Speaker 1: you're used to sitting around looking at porn all night
Speaker 1: and reading about satanic colts. But not all hobbies are boring,
Speaker 1: by the way, Well, give me an exciting hobby. Okay, easy,
Speaker 1: metal detective. If you want to get the blood pumping
Speaker 1: and the heart racing, get yourself a metal detector. It's
Speaker 1: a better feeling than you'll ever get in a Nevada horehouse,
Speaker 1: if you know what I mean. No, you can't just
Speaker 1: say that, and I don't know what you mean. You
Speaker 1: never even talked about metal detecting to me before. I can't.
Speaker 1: I'm afraid I might reveal my secret spots. Secret spots. Yes,
Speaker 1: metal heads as we call ourselves. You know we have
Speaker 1: our secret locations where great treasures have been found. So
Speaker 1: no need to invite other metal heads to take our plunder.
Speaker 1: Over the years, I've found watches, rings, coins of plenty.
Speaker 1: I even found Spanish doubloons where thousands of dollars. However,
Speaker 1: I don't do it to make money or bragg I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: If you don't do it to make money or brag,
Speaker 1: why do you do it? It's good fun and here's
Speaker 1: the bonus. Because I'm out there looking for old metal,
Speaker 1: I don't spend my time thinking there's a satanic cult
Speaker 1: stealing babies and eating them does make sense, of course,
Speaker 1: it makes sense. If people had hobbies, they wouldn't care
Speaker 1: about demographic changes in the country. They wouldn't care about
Speaker 1: gay people getting married or who's using a bathroom. Remember
Speaker 1: that guy who drove forward miles to comment Ping Pong
Speaker 1: pizza because thought Hillary and John Podesta were operating a
Speaker 1: pedophile ring in the back. Um. Yeah, they called pizza Gate.
Speaker 1: He actually shot the place up. Well, if he collected
Speaker 1: bottles or painted rocks, he wouldn't have done that. He
Speaker 1: wouldn't be in jail. He'd be at home cleaning his
Speaker 1: bottle collection or painting a rock to look like a ladybug.
Speaker 1: People need to get hobbies. It's that simple, okay, But
Speaker 1: what about the news media. Is there a caball of
Speaker 1: elites who run our news outlets that I'm afraid is true.
Speaker 1: I worked in the news game for most of my
Speaker 1: life as you know. In fact, not to brag, but
Speaker 1: I was one of the most important news anchors in
Speaker 1: the history of evening news. For much of my career,
Speaker 1: I was with k vw N on Channel four down
Speaker 1: in San Diego, a town kissed by the sun gods
Speaker 1: and blessed by the what people don't know too well
Speaker 1: as I did a stint out of Little Rock on
Speaker 1: the news desk for their evening news. The station was
Speaker 1: w r O P. You can look it up. This
Speaker 1: is a true story, and it was owned and operated
Speaker 1: by Clem Hawkins, the am King they called him. Clim
Speaker 1: was married to a very beautiful, large, very large, extremely
Speaker 1: large world named Patricia Anne Hawkins. Everyone included Clem called
Speaker 1: her Patty Cakes. And when I got to Little Rock
Speaker 1: there was there was a lot of unrest brewing over
Speaker 1: civil rights, the Vietnam War, and women's lib I was
Speaker 1: eager to get stories about these earth shattering events out
Speaker 1: to my viewers. My first day, Clem sat me down
Speaker 1: and explained the rules. I quickly learned I wasn't going
Speaker 1: to have a lot of say about the kinds of
Speaker 1: stories I was reporting on. He and Patty Cakes had
Speaker 1: approved everything we reported on in our half hour patty
Speaker 1: cakes didn't mind a little pizzaz. She tolerated some feel
Speaker 1: good stories from Vietnams and an occasional story about a
Speaker 1: woman with her own business. She apparently spent a semester
Speaker 1: in an East Coast school getting a liberal education, but
Speaker 1: she didn't want to dip her large pink round toes
Speaker 1: and any of the boiling waters of that civil rights stuff.
Speaker 1: The ham King had a business, and he couldn't take
Speaker 1: sides too much on any issue. His business was to
Speaker 1: provide the juiciest and most tender honey baked hams the
Speaker 1: Little Rock and the surrounding areas. He reasoned, if he
Speaker 1: ran a story that anger had divided his viewers, he
Speaker 1: could lose out on a ham sale. Stories that were
Speaker 1: too political were out of the question. Our job, besides
Speaker 1: reporting on the amazing charitable work of petticakes, of which
Speaker 1: truth be told, there were none, was to keep everyone
Speaker 1: happy and sell hams. Hams built the empire. Clem Hawkins
Speaker 1: sat at top, and he'd be damned if his own
Speaker 1: TV station wasn't going to keep it that way. So
Speaker 1: you avoided news stories that might make people sad or
Speaker 1: angry because the owner didn't want a drop in ham sales.
Speaker 1: Is that? Am I getting that right? Essentially? Yes? Well,
Speaker 1: I can imagine as a newsman that must have been oppressive.
Speaker 1: I mean, I bet you were glad to get out
Speaker 1: of there. Are you kidding me? I love Little Rock.
Speaker 1: I had a house overlooking the Arkansas River with an
Speaker 1: eight person capacity hot tub. My face was on billboards
Speaker 1: all over town. I hosted the annual Easter egg hunt.
Speaker 1: But you're a news anchor. You didn't get to tell
Speaker 1: the news didn't matter to me. I was young and
Speaker 1: having a ball. So why did you leave Little Rock? Well?
Speaker 1: You know me. I I got into the old trouble
Speaker 1: I always get into. I had patty cakes in my
Speaker 1: hot tub almost every night, and we weren't playing patty
Speaker 1: cakes if you know what I mean. You don't have
Speaker 1: to tell me that. Almost everyone in town knew I
Speaker 1: was rolling around with Clem's wife except the ham king himself.
Speaker 1: And let me tell you something. She was a real expert,
Speaker 1: professional grin. I don't need to I'm sure you don't
Speaker 1: have any idea what I'm talking about. I'm not really interested. No,
Speaker 1: of course not. Do you like a plump guy? Um?
Speaker 1: I based my romantic attachments on character. Usually I don't
Speaker 1: think about that stuff me too. Do you like the
Speaker 1: character of a plump, very hefty gentleman. You know we've
Speaker 1: talked about this with Hr in the room, but I
Speaker 1: don't really want to talk about my love life. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to start a cult to get laid, and
Speaker 1: I'm not going to talk about professional lovers. Fair enough, yes,
Speaker 1: HR says, I can't push it. Well, you're pushing it
Speaker 1: right now, push it, push it real good. Bump bum bump,
Speaker 1: bump bump. But no, no, no no, no, I'll forgive me.
Speaker 1: I'll just say this, Patty Cakes. If you're still out
Speaker 1: there and you're listening, you're always welcome in the Burgundy
Speaker 1: at dub. Do not bring your husband. Do bring one
Speaker 1: of his hams. They were beyond delicious, the ham Kings hams.
Speaker 1: His hams were mouth wateringly good. You tried to shoot
Speaker 1: my own butt off, But I see this, Christ, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I slipped out of down on a stolen Stingray bicycle.
Speaker 1: Those were desperate days. They were heavy days, and days
Speaker 1: filled with wonder and love. I'm sorry, I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: still a little confused. Swept story. You say you didn't
Speaker 1: mind the station owner controlling the news. But you're a
Speaker 1: news anchor, so you're there to tell people what's going
Speaker 1: on in the world. Right, Carolina, What that did they
Speaker 1: teach you at Mount Holyoke College. Let me tell you
Speaker 1: something about the news game, young lady. There's never been
Speaker 1: a news show that isn't controlled by a business interest
Speaker 1: the end, whether it's keeping your margins, selling hands, or
Speaker 1: selling ad space, news is not truth. When some station
Speaker 1: owner weighs the cost of financial damage against truthful news,
Speaker 1: the scale never tips to the truth. I was the
Speaker 1: top anchorman in the San Diego region because I kept
Speaker 1: the ratings up, way up. I'm handsome, have the best voice,
Speaker 1: and I have a great deal of sex appeal. If
Speaker 1: I didn't have the trifecta, as it's known in the
Speaker 1: news game, then ratings would have dropped and I would
Speaker 1: have been out. Pure business decision. There isn't a news
Speaker 1: station out there that can afford to tell Americans the truth. Okay,
Speaker 1: what about PBS though it stands for a pure bullshit.
Speaker 1: They've got their own pressures to stay afloat, and they
Speaker 1: have to suck a lot of metaphorical and literal boners
Speaker 1: to do it. You can quote me on that. So
Speaker 1: there is, in fact that cabal of elites running our
Speaker 1: news and information services. Is that what you're saying precisely?
Speaker 1: And the cabal is called capitalism. It's the fifth greatest
Speaker 1: ideology invented since the beginning of man. It's messy and
Speaker 1: silly and unfair, and it leads to a lot of
Speaker 1: slanted and untruthful news that makes life very confusing for
Speaker 1: people who don't have hobbies. Wow, so you're saying truth
Speaker 1: is impossible under a capitalist system. I'm not a professor
Speaker 1: at Spellman College, where you went to school. But the
Speaker 1: answer is no, they is truth. People have to be
Speaker 1: smart and use their noggins and sometimes, if they're very lucky,
Speaker 1: they will find it. Can can the news help you? Bet?
Speaker 1: Did I try every night from my news desk to
Speaker 1: tell the truth? I sure did? Did I also lie
Speaker 1: straight to people's faces? I did that too, I'm not
Speaker 1: even sorry about it. Lying is fun. It just is
Speaker 1: you must lie all the time. You're young and smart.
Speaker 1: I bet you're a good liar. Um, I honestly try
Speaker 1: not to lie. It just makes me feel way too guilty.
Speaker 1: Is that a lie? No? I call bs really give
Speaker 1: me a break. You are a foul mouth, dirty liar
Speaker 1: and you know it. You know it. You you filthy,
Speaker 1: dirty lying machine. Everywhere out of your mouth is a lie,
Speaker 1: a bold face lie. You never said a truthful thing
Speaker 1: to me ever, ever? Do you hear me? Liar? You're
Speaker 1: the biggest liar in the world. Jennifer Bagley, Run, run, run,
Speaker 1: look at me. It's me Carolina. Which happened? Where did
Speaker 1: that come from? Oh? I have some anger issues with
Speaker 1: an old girlfriend and you to work through. Jennifer Bagley. Yes,
Speaker 1: Jennifer Bagley, she dumped me in a I took it
Speaker 1: pretty well, did you. I remember I was calm and
Speaker 1: collected and didn't bother me one bit. We set our goodbyes,
Speaker 1: and then I remember I went to a Macy's department
Speaker 1: store and bought a new pair of leather gloves. Holy hell,
Speaker 1: that resurface in a very unexpected way, didn't it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it feels like maybe you carried a lot of anger
Speaker 1: around that rejection. It's normal. I mean, we all carry
Speaker 1: anger around from past trauma. At the time, we push
Speaker 1: it away so we don't have to feel the pain,
Speaker 1: but it always comes back one way or another to
Speaker 1: hurt us, which it sounds like it's happening to you,
Speaker 1: and it literally always will until you can sit down
Speaker 1: and honestly deal with the pain. I believe you're right, Carolina.
Speaker 1: Is it possible these Q non believers are carrying around
Speaker 1: a lot of rejection and trauma, as you say that,
Speaker 1: they just haven't dealt with it in an honest way. Instead,
Speaker 1: maybe they find comfort in ridiculous conspiracy theories about Hillary Clinton,
Speaker 1: the way I might find comfort in gladiator films and long,
Speaker 1: barefoot walks along the freeway. I guess we all have
Speaker 1: our ways of dealing with internal pain. I suppose there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with believing an elite cabal of Satan worshippers
Speaker 1: eats babies. I I guess it's only wrong when they
Speaker 1: storm the Capitol Building. So basically you're saying NAN is harmless. Well,
Speaker 1: except that most of them are racist too, So in
Speaker 1: that sense, we're talking about some pretty gullible dumps who
Speaker 1: are mad they've been rejected in the world and can't
Speaker 1: deal with it. It would be great if they all
Speaker 1: got hobbies and mellowed out, but in the meantime, all
Speaker 1: we can do is laugh at them. The world keeps
Speaker 1: moving on their their kind will lose out A new
Speaker 1: conspiracy theories will take the place of the old. There
Speaker 1: is one conspiracy theory I shall never let go of,
Speaker 1: and I will believe till the day I die. Um, Yeah,
Speaker 1: which one is that? You could probably guess when I'm
Speaker 1: to say, no, I can't. I can never do that.
Speaker 1: I think about one of the things I like to
Speaker 1: talk about a lot um the patty cakes. Uh. The
Speaker 1: conspiracy of love? All right, right, yes, I guess that
Speaker 1: makes sense. Love controls the world despite what it looks
Speaker 1: like in our our newspapers and on TV. Love has
Speaker 1: held us together throughout the history of man. For if
Speaker 1: it were not for love, we would have finished ourselves
Speaker 1: off long ago. There there's no need to look any
Speaker 1: deeper than that. A great power we don't understand does
Speaker 1: control everything. It is a conspiracy, a conspiracy born within
Speaker 1: the human heart. The conspiracy is love. For what is love?
Speaker 1: H gosh, darn it. That was very ill time, But
Speaker 1: I just couldn't hold that in what a corker, A
Speaker 1: real room clear. It's so awful it brought tears to
Speaker 1: your eyes. Excuse me, I mean, I certainly didn't mean
Speaker 1: to put on a Broadway musical, so to speak. I'll
Speaker 1: tell you what happened. I had a lobster sandwich for lunch,
Speaker 1: and for the life of me, I don't remember buying it,
Speaker 1: so it could have been months old. Jesus, that won't
Speaker 1: take a toll on the digestive system for sure. And
Speaker 1: for those of you not in the studio, the sound,
Speaker 1: although grandiose and forceful, I can't even compare to the
Speaker 1: damage it's doing to the air quality here in this
Speaker 1: small Carolina Wait, what's going on? Why? Why are you
Speaker 1: packing up? I'm going to throw up Byron. No, don't
Speaker 1: you know what. I don't blame her. This one feels different,
Speaker 1: perhaps dangerous. I hope you learned something about Q and
Speaker 1: On today. I know I did. It's not going away,
Speaker 1: much like the smell in this studio right now. I
Speaker 1: assume if you're smart enough to be listening to this podcast,
Speaker 1: then you're not stupid enough to fall for this Q
Speaker 1: and On bullshit. If you are, though, get a hobby.
Speaker 1: My name is Ron Burgundy, and it could be weeks
Speaker 1: before I can step into the studio again. So in
Speaker 1: the meantime, brush your teeth and try and stay Glassie