1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:04,120 Speaker 1: Support for today's podcast comes from the Leadership Conference Education Fund. 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: This is your loving reminder that you don't have to 3 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:10,160 Speaker 1: wait until November three to cast your ballot. You can 4 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: be an October voter. In most states. You can vote early, 5 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 1: request your mail ballot, return your completed ballot in the 6 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: mail or in person, or vote early at an early 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,320 Speaker 1: voting location. Let's do our part to try to make 8 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,640 Speaker 1: sure all voices are heard. Make a plan to vote, 9 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,840 Speaker 1: visit and still I vote dot org to join the 10 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:34,720 Speaker 1: fight for voting rights today. Support for today's podcast also 11 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,960 Speaker 1: comes from Magic Spoon. Do you remember what your favorite 12 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 1: cereal was when you were younger? Mine was definitely fruit loops. 13 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 1: As a kid, of course, those fruity rings were delicious, 14 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 1: but as a grown up, the ingredients are definitely not 15 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,559 Speaker 1: a great idea. Well, what if I told you you 16 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,239 Speaker 1: could capture some of the joy you loved about cereals 17 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:57,720 Speaker 1: as a kid with much healthier ingredients into magic spoon. 18 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 1: Magic Spoon cereals are keto friendly, gluten free, grain free, 19 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:08,000 Speaker 1: soy free, low carb and GMO free, and they have 20 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:12,160 Speaker 1: zero sugar, eleven grams of protein and only three net 21 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 1: grams of carbs in each serving. They come in four 22 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 1: tasty flavors, Cocoa, Fruity, frosted, and blueberry. My boys and 23 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: I have been eating the cocoa flavor as snacks all week, 24 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,319 Speaker 1: and since my youngest son has lots of food allergies, 25 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 1: it's been great for him to have another snack that 26 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:32,880 Speaker 1: he can eat safely. Try them for yourself by going 27 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: to magic spoon dot com slash Therapy for Black Girls 28 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 1: to grab a variety pack, and be sure to use 29 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: our promo code Therapy for Black Girls at checkout to 30 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:45,320 Speaker 1: get free shipping. Magic Spoon is so confident in their 31 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 1: product gets backed with a happiness guarantee, so if you 32 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,559 Speaker 1: don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money, 33 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 1: no questions asked. That's magic spoon dot com slash Therapy 34 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: for Black Girls and use the code Therapy for Black 35 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 1: Girls for free shipping. Now let's jump into the episode. 36 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, a weekly 37 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 38 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 39 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:29,360 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host. Dr Joy hard and Bradford, 40 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:34,760 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 41 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 42 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope 43 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:45,920 Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it 44 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with 45 00:02:49,160 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, think so much 46 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,799 Speaker 1: for joining me for Session one seventy nine of the 47 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. If you're anything like me, 48 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 1: you've probably been spending much of your time watching or 49 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 1: rewatching some of your favorite shows from the past, like Girlfriends, 50 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,400 Speaker 1: Living Single or One on One. But did you know 51 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,680 Speaker 1: that there's a very good reason why so many of 52 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,000 Speaker 1: us are turning to our old favorites right now to 53 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: help soothe ourselves. Joining us again this week to dig 54 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:29,359 Speaker 1: into why is Dr Alicia Little Hodge, who you may 55 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,119 Speaker 1: remember from session thirty eight Slaying your anxiety and all 56 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 1: time favorite. Dr Hodge is a licensed psychologist in Maryland 57 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: and a registered psychology associated in the state of Virginia. 58 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 1: She received a Masters Incounseling Psychology from Bowie State University, 59 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 1: as well as a master's and doctor a degree in 60 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 1: clinical psychology from the University of Hartford. Dr Hodge has 61 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 1: extensive experience in providing cognitive behavioral therapy across various treatment 62 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:02,200 Speaker 1: settings with adolescents and adults, and as a certified adoption 63 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 1: competent therapist. She and I chatted about how nostalgia works 64 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 1: to calm anxiety, how anxiety looks different since the pandemic, 65 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:15,120 Speaker 1: and she offers her perspective on managing our anxiety around 66 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,799 Speaker 1: the election season. If something resonates with you during our chat, 67 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,440 Speaker 1: please share it with us on social media using the 68 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:28,719 Speaker 1: hashtag tv G in session. Here's our conversation. Thank you 69 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,479 Speaker 1: so much for joining us again, Dr Hodge, Thank you 70 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,560 Speaker 1: for having me back. I'm so excited. Always a pleasure, 71 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 1: always a pleasure. If you miss Dr hodges first interview 72 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 1: with us about Slaying your Anxiety Session thirty eight, it 73 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: is a classic, so you definitely want to revisit. But 74 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,160 Speaker 1: I wanted to have you back today to talk about 75 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,880 Speaker 1: something that it feels like it's unique to what's happening 76 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: with the pandemic. It feels like there has been a 77 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: resurgence in people revisiting their old favorites. Right, so we 78 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 1: know Netflix just got Girlfriends and one on one and 79 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,839 Speaker 1: people are just kind of going back to watching some 80 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: of their favorite TV shows. Can you talk a little 81 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 1: bit about how that might be calming and the purpose 82 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,520 Speaker 1: of that during the pandemic. So I think that because 83 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: the times are so uncertain, it can be nice to 84 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:18,040 Speaker 1: revisit something that gave us fond memories, good feelings, just 85 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 1: the warmth of it, like sort of returning to something. 86 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 1: If you think about it, we already know what happened, 87 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:26,200 Speaker 1: so there's no surprises. There's a little bit less suspense, 88 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,360 Speaker 1: but it's also giving you a space to sort of 89 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 1: like focus in slash zone out on something that you 90 00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: don't have to essentially think too hard about. Mm hmmm, yeah, 91 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: I mean, and I think you know, when we think 92 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,480 Speaker 1: about like just our bandwidth, right, and the amount of 93 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,039 Speaker 1: mental resources we have for a lot of us, they're 94 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 1: probably minimal, right, So if we want to kind of 95 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,599 Speaker 1: just feel entertained, we don't necessarily want to have to 96 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,800 Speaker 1: do a whole bunch of extra thinking exactly, Because when 97 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 1: you think about it, a lot of these stories, the 98 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: cast members feel like friends or family to us. We're 99 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 1: familiar with them. So although we may be watching it 100 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: in with different eyes because of life experience, it feels 101 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:07,160 Speaker 1: very comforting to not have to follow in great detail 102 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,839 Speaker 1: like a plot development, and you return to something like 103 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,000 Speaker 1: I remember this, This was in a way, this is 104 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:17,720 Speaker 1: when times felt simpler, right right? Yeah, you mentioned you 105 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 1: know that it is kind of escapist, and I know 106 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,239 Speaker 1: it feels like that's an interesting thing to talk about 107 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: as it relates to anxiety. Right because even when you 108 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 1: were with us the first time you talked about you know, 109 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: some escape is okay, but too much is not great, 110 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 1: especially when we're talking about anxiety. So can you talk 111 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,920 Speaker 1: a little bit about where that line is about escapism 112 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: versus like doing too much to avoid the anxiety? Definitely, 113 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 1: so I will like me the line is blurry meaning 114 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,839 Speaker 1: we all need you know, you you mentioned bandwidth, and 115 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: I believe that we all have limited bandwidth, especially right now, 116 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,679 Speaker 1: and it can be very tempting to say I wanna 117 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: disconnect in a way that is entertaining. So that's usually 118 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,440 Speaker 1: through like TV. And now that we have the deviate 119 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: to binge, we have the ability to sort of cocoon 120 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,280 Speaker 1: ourselves because we are at home. You have to pay 121 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: attention to am I losing track of time? Because I 122 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 1: can intentionally beinge There are times where I'm like, I'm 123 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 1: going to watch four episodes and make no apologies for it, 124 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 1: and I think that can be okay. But it's more 125 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 1: so if you look up and you're like, I started 126 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: watching this at one and it's six o'clock and I 127 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,520 Speaker 1: don't really know how I got here, and I actually 128 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,200 Speaker 1: haven't even really been watching the show that might be 129 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: assigned that you are escaping under the guys of like 130 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 1: relaxing and entertainment. Mm hmmm. And how much of that 131 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 1: is okay right now? Dr Hodge? I mean, because we know, 132 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 1: you know, I mean, so much of this even started 133 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 1: with us being anxious about, you know, contracting COVID nineteen, 134 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: and you know we're still concerned about that, right But 135 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: it just feels like anxiety is at such an all 136 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 1: time high that I honestly don't know all the time, 137 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: like where the line is about, like how much is 138 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 1: manageable and how much is not. That's a good point, 139 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 1: And to be honest, I wish I had a hard 140 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: and fast answer like this is okay, this is not okay, 141 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 1: And I think the reality of it is, are you 142 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: particularly not attending to certain responsibilities? Might be the answer. 143 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: So if you find I've just been escaping binging and 144 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: I haven't been eating properly, I haven't done any of 145 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:22,000 Speaker 1: my responsibilities and or chores, and now I feel potentially worse. 146 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,720 Speaker 1: Then I would take a look at you know, how 147 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: are you coping, how are you taking care of yourself? 148 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,000 Speaker 1: But with anxiety. I think one of the things that 149 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 1: I've talked about in our last interview was, you know, 150 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,640 Speaker 1: the difficulty with uncertainty, and everything is uncertain right now 151 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 1: if you ask me, you don't know what's safe and 152 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,679 Speaker 1: what's not saying, of course, I will be clear. We 153 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,920 Speaker 1: have CDC guidelines. However, it doesn't feel so great to 154 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,520 Speaker 1: go out and do the things that we used to 155 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: do or we're restricted. So ultimately we don't know, like 156 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,559 Speaker 1: there's no end date to the pandemic, there's no specific 157 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,200 Speaker 1: answer about what is okay and what's not okay. So 158 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 1: I would say it's a really personal thing to say 159 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 1: or to evaluate what am I potentially dropping the ball 160 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 1: on meeting. I may not make dinner every day like 161 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: I used to. However, if I'm not making dinner and 162 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:11,280 Speaker 1: I'm not eating, and I'm not feeling well and I'm 163 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 1: not sleeping, those are sort of signs that this may 164 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: be out of proportion to how I would expect someone 165 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,199 Speaker 1: to try to be coping at the moment. Mm hmm. Yeah. 166 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,840 Speaker 1: And is there any kind of programming that you would 167 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,959 Speaker 1: say it is probably not programming we want to be 168 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 1: engaged in right now, or we may just want to 169 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 1: kind of think twice about you know, I have to 170 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 1: admit that I used to be a fan of some 171 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 1: of those movies like End of World. End of World movies, 172 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: and if you still have the capacity for it, go 173 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 1: for it. But if you start watching it and you 174 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: notice your heart is beating significantly, or you're just like, 175 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is just like now I knew it, 176 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,680 Speaker 1: these are the signs I would encourage you to take 177 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 1: a step back from some of those apocalyptic movies and 178 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 1: maybe stick to another type of thriller m M. But 179 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,840 Speaker 1: you know, it's so interesting because I think early on 180 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 1: in the pandemic, a lot of people were revisiting those 181 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 1: kinds of movies, right, And I think it was an 182 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:15,960 Speaker 1: attempt to get some answers. Right, even though we knew 183 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,720 Speaker 1: we was fictionalized, people still were just craving, like, Okay, 184 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: what can I expect because we have no framework for 185 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,360 Speaker 1: how a pandemic really unfolds. That is true, Like there 186 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:29,440 Speaker 1: is some research on individuals with anxiety who actually enjoy 187 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,800 Speaker 1: scary movies because it sort of allows them to assert 188 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:37,439 Speaker 1: some sort of control, Like I am intentionally scaring myself 189 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 1: in a small dose, So that actually, to me kind 190 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,560 Speaker 1: of explains like wanting to look at some of those things. 191 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: But if you find that it puts you in a 192 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,839 Speaker 1: worse off place, you definitely have it under your power 193 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 1: to say, you know what, I will not I will 194 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 1: not engage in that way, right. Right, It also feels 195 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,079 Speaker 1: like a lot of people have turned to like horror movies, 196 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 1: right or horror shows. You know, love Craft is one 197 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,680 Speaker 1: of the ones that I see most people talking about 198 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: when it feels like it is still some escapist kinds 199 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 1: of stuff, but you know, kind of getting lost in 200 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 1: this world that you know is kind of very familiar 201 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 1: to lots of us, but in some ways not familiar. Yeah, 202 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,400 Speaker 1: and and that's the hard part. I definitely don't fault 203 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,679 Speaker 1: all of us for wanting to escape, like it is 204 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 1: tempting and sometimes needed. So I'm definitely not doing all 205 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 1: or nothing things to say, hey, don't watch any of 206 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,720 Speaker 1: these things. It's more so being mindful of how does 207 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 1: this impact me and doesn't perpetuate maybe some of the 208 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,160 Speaker 1: fears that I have. Is it bringing me some sense 209 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: of peace or is it, like you know, strictly for 210 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: the purposes of entertainment, you have to touch base with 211 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 1: yourself as much as possible and say, where can I 212 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 1: assert my control? Because reality is that don't think that 213 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,559 Speaker 1: we have much And the pandemic really gave light to 214 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,840 Speaker 1: those of us who may have been more controlled than others. 215 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,439 Speaker 1: It really challenged our sense of like, wow, I thought 216 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,559 Speaker 1: that I was really in charge, and the driver's seat 217 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 1: here in this situation has made me feel like you know, 218 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:07,680 Speaker 1: some of my clients say like, not only am I 219 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 1: in the passenger seat, Like I feel like I'm in 220 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 1: the trunk right now, Like I don't know where we're going, 221 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 1: I don't know what we're doing. Yes, so I want 222 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 1: to hear more about that. Dr Hades, you know, because 223 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,080 Speaker 1: your whole practice is really helping people to manage their 224 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 1: concerns around anxiety. How has your work changed since the pandemic. 225 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 1: I will say I have received significantly more calls as 226 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:35,840 Speaker 1: you can imagine of people noticing you know, this felt 227 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: manageable to me before, and now it is not. I 228 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 1: wouldn't say that it has entirely changed. I think that 229 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: I actually do a lot more normalizing, meaning a lot 230 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:49,839 Speaker 1: of my work can be around asking like is this 231 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 1: rational or irrational? Where's the evidence for this, and challenging 232 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 1: those types of thoughts, whereas now it's mostly all rational. 233 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,840 Speaker 1: You know, there's a there's a lot of fear, there's 234 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 1: a lot of concerns, and it actually has resulted in 235 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,559 Speaker 1: me probably disclosing more to say, like, listen, I'm struggling 236 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:10,840 Speaker 1: to sis. I don't want you to think that I'm 237 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 1: over here just taking a few deep breaths and just 238 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,160 Speaker 1: living my life like this is really difficult, and I 239 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,400 Speaker 1: think it's okay for us to all acknowledge that this 240 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:23,079 Speaker 1: is difficult and and almost leave it at that, not 241 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,360 Speaker 1: to justify it. I hear a lot of my clients 242 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,960 Speaker 1: feeling guilty and saying, oh, I know it could be worse, 243 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, but what would that look like? 244 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,920 Speaker 1: Like that is a minimization of your feelings for you 245 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 1: to say, oh, it could be worse, because the reality 246 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,079 Speaker 1: of it is it could always be worse. So let's 247 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,880 Speaker 1: just sit with what we're feeling now and say, I 248 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 1: am more than the fact that I didn't have a 249 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: birthday party for my kid. I am more than the 250 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: fact that I can't travel. Whatever those things might have been, 251 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,040 Speaker 1: and it could be worse, but this sucks. I'm glad 252 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,680 Speaker 1: you shared that because it does feel like you know, 253 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,560 Speaker 1: we've had this conversation on the podcast too as it 254 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: relates to grief, right that it feels like, Okay, some 255 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 1: people have lost loved ones and so of course that 256 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 1: feels significant, but there's also space to grieve all of 257 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:08,560 Speaker 1: these other losses that we've experienced this year as well. Yeah, definitely. 258 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 1: So it's really normalizing and saying, you know, I've told 259 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 1: all of my clients that you're leveling of anxiety. If 260 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 1: it has gone up, do not interpret that as personal failing, 261 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 1: like what is wrong with me? Why can't I just 262 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 1: cope and remind yourself like this is entirely unexpected, There's 263 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 1: no one way to go about this, and therefore I 264 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,760 Speaker 1: may actually feel more anxious. I think biologically, you know, 265 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: understanding what a pandemic is and understanding that your life 266 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 1: could be threatened in some form, you're going to be 267 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 1: on higher alert and that's just normal. Mm hmmm. So 268 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: what about Dr Hajj for people who already had concerns 269 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:53,440 Speaker 1: about like germs and contamination and stuff, right, and now 270 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: we have this pandemic that is real, right, that there 271 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 1: is a real concern about contracting things you what kinds 272 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,000 Speaker 1: of um suggestions would you have for people or what 273 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 1: does that work look like? So I have to admit 274 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 1: I did have some clients circle back to me and 275 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,080 Speaker 1: be like, remember all that stuff you're telling me about her? 276 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 1: I was right, right, and you know, to some degree 277 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 1: we we had to laugh about it, just like we're 278 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 1: laughing now. And I was like, you know what, I 279 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 1: hear you, And you know, you may be very equipped 280 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 1: with your stash of chlorox wipes right now. However, what 281 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,760 Speaker 1: my guideline has been, are you remaining at least within 282 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 1: the CDC guideline. So if the CDC said, you know, 283 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 1: do X, Y and Z, I would encourage you to 284 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,440 Speaker 1: do that. But if you're doing that times twenty, that 285 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:45,200 Speaker 1: still maybe an indication of anxiety feeling your behavior not 286 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 1: what we know to be true. So what I have 287 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: sort of talked about is just level of comfort and 288 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: functioning and letting people sort of help me and collaborate 289 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 1: with me around what feels comfortable to you so okay. 290 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 1: For example, if the CDC said six ft with masks 291 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,160 Speaker 1: is okay, if I have clients who are telling me, 292 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 1: you know, I'm not really feeling that. It hasn't been 293 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 1: my place to say, well, you need to do it 294 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 1: right away. It's more so me saying, okay, but what 295 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,680 Speaker 1: do you feel comfortable with, Let's work with that. I'm 296 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,160 Speaker 1: not interested in seeing you now isolate yourself for the 297 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 1: next five months, you know, are you interested in eight feet? 298 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 1: Can we work with that? So it's more so being 299 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 1: flexible and not not me taking a heart and fast 300 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: stance on what is rational versus irrational, but kind of 301 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 1: working with people's comfort and challenging them when possible. Mm hmmm, yeah, 302 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 1: I mean, and it does feel like, you know, some 303 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 1: of that is so much in the air, right, I mean, 304 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: because it is still a chance. And I know when 305 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,640 Speaker 1: you were with us the first time, you talked about 306 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,600 Speaker 1: like the Envivo work that you would do right like 307 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 1: so maybe you would be walking on the sidewalk with 308 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 1: your client, and so I'm curious to hear how that 309 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 1: has changed or shifted for the virtual environment, like are 310 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 1: you still able to do some of that stuff? So well? 311 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 1: I definitely even of myself will I mean I have 312 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:09,440 Speaker 1: suspended sessions in person a for comfort, be for convenience 313 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,119 Speaker 1: and having family members that I have to take into consideration. 314 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 1: And also my office was like we would have been 315 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 1: backed on the walls with masks, not just think therapy 316 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 1: sessions like that would be awkward. But I have done 317 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:24,120 Speaker 1: some virtual somewhat in vivo, more around getting people out 318 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:28,160 Speaker 1: of the house, not necessarily into public, but in particular 319 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,560 Speaker 1: if a client is concerned about just outside air exposure, 320 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,679 Speaker 1: we may challenge that notion and say, well, let's do 321 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,480 Speaker 1: a walk around the block. I'm not asking to talk 322 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:40,400 Speaker 1: to anyone. I'm not asking you to socialize or touch anything, 323 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,920 Speaker 1: but let's sort of re establish that what feels safe 324 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: and what isn't safe. And you know, Dr Hodges, that's 325 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,560 Speaker 1: the thing that I am most concerned about is how 326 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: many of us even recover after the pandemic, right, I mean, 327 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 1: like you already mentioned, we don't have any in date. 328 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 1: We have no idea really how long this is going 329 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 1: to go on and when it will be safe to 330 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,040 Speaker 1: kind of re engage, And so I'm curious to hear 331 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 1: if you already started thinking about like what kinds of 332 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:10,280 Speaker 1: things we will need to kind of readjust to once 333 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,080 Speaker 1: you know, the pandemic is not, you know, in full 334 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 1: swing like it is now. Yeah, you know, I have somewhat, 335 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 1: And I'll admit that I even refrain a little bit 336 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,480 Speaker 1: from being to future focused because I will start the 337 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 1: what IF's, like oh my gosh, what about this and 338 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:30,359 Speaker 1: what about that? But I have considered how this impacts 339 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:35,159 Speaker 1: the way we socialize what we consider necessary versus unnecessary. 340 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:38,439 Speaker 1: I see the extremes. I see people rushing to return 341 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:42,640 Speaker 1: to quote unquote normal and you know, be at large gatherings. 342 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,840 Speaker 1: But I think it has really, in the beginning at 343 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,399 Speaker 1: least made to sort of reevaluate our activities and the 344 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,480 Speaker 1: meaningfulness of family time and like being very choosy about 345 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,200 Speaker 1: the things we're doing. So my hope is that we 346 00:18:56,359 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 1: don't make a dramatic shift of like Okay, everything's fine 347 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,640 Speaker 1: now and we don't wash our hands anymore, because that's 348 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:08,359 Speaker 1: probably not the way. But I think ultimately it's going 349 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 1: to be a learning curve. I think that, you know, 350 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,600 Speaker 1: I'm not an expert, but moving slow and just asking 351 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:18,199 Speaker 1: yourself what feels good to me and how can I 352 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,679 Speaker 1: get my needs met in a way that appears to 353 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 1: be safe. Mm hmmm. Yeah, we've talked about this too, 354 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: just in terms of like school openings, right, um, you know, 355 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,359 Speaker 1: and kind of reminding yourself that you have agency over 356 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,800 Speaker 1: what happens for you and your children. You know, so 357 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 1: even though the school system may be open, if it's 358 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,359 Speaker 1: not something that you feel comfortable with and you have 359 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 1: the option to, you don't necessarily have to send your 360 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: kids back to school. Yeah. Absolutely, And I think that 361 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:46,359 Speaker 1: kind of falls into like boundaries work, which although my 362 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:50,399 Speaker 1: specialty is anxiety, I'm really interested in helping my clients 363 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 1: feel the better for lack of a better term, whole 364 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,920 Speaker 1: all around that they're they're operating an agency. So really 365 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: you have to kind of evaluate what are my boundaries, Like, 366 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 1: like you said, maybe school might be open, but this 367 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,159 Speaker 1: might be I might be making a move to a 368 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 1: different alternative style of education and not allowing other people 369 00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 1: to necessarily make you feel bad about that. That's your 370 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,919 Speaker 1: It's your choice. It's always been your choice, and this 371 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 1: is a great time to enforce those boundaries and maintain them. Yeah, 372 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 1: it feels like something else that has been coming up 373 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:24,040 Speaker 1: in terms of boundary work is around making decisions about 374 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 1: like attending gatherings for family and friends. Right, So, you know, 375 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,440 Speaker 1: some people decided to cancel weddings. Other people have decided 376 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:34,240 Speaker 1: to go forward with, you know, weddings and birthday parties 377 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,879 Speaker 1: and stuff like that. So it feels like there's some 378 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,960 Speaker 1: boundary work that's been tested for people around like how 379 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,040 Speaker 1: to say no or if you want to go, how 380 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,360 Speaker 1: do you keep yourself safe? You know? So it does 381 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 1: feel like these are continuing exercises and boundary setting that 382 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,720 Speaker 1: we didn't have to think about a year ago. Yeah, definitely, 383 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 1: And it allows you to see for yourself, Like you said, 384 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,000 Speaker 1: there's always work to be done. I think I was 385 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,520 Speaker 1: happy even been you know, confronted with some of those 386 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,080 Speaker 1: things people saying like, oh, well, why don't you just 387 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: see this and having to say like, because I don't 388 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:10,040 Speaker 1: want to. Yeah, reminding ourselves that it is always our 389 00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:15,639 Speaker 1: choice are at least in most cases usually. Yeah. So 390 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,360 Speaker 1: the other thing that we've talked about a lot as 391 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:21,159 Speaker 1: it relates to kind of managing throughout the pandemic is 392 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,960 Speaker 1: the importance of routine and predictability, and we know that 393 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 1: a lot of that has kind of gotten up ended. 394 00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,879 Speaker 1: So what suggestions do you have for people who may 395 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,880 Speaker 1: be trying to figure out steal, Like, what does routine 396 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 1: look like right now? Oh my gosh, I'm so glad 397 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 1: that you asked that, because I did a podcast interview. 398 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,800 Speaker 1: I believe sort of like right maybe a month into 399 00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:47,480 Speaker 1: Social Distancing UM and even some posts. So I do 400 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,360 Speaker 1: believe in routine, but I have to admit that this 401 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,960 Speaker 1: has challenged me to be even more flexible. So I 402 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,639 Speaker 1: sort of like, keep a routine, do these things, and 403 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,960 Speaker 1: that's what I thought, like, this is gonna last ninety days. 404 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: And now in my own life, I have my routine 405 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:07,080 Speaker 1: has been upended multiple times for multiple reasons, and I 406 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 1: believe the one thing that has kept me is the flexibility. 407 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,320 Speaker 1: So instead of being so rigid to say, here's my routine, 408 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 1: this is what I do every single day in this manner, 409 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,200 Speaker 1: I have to be open to the fact that if 410 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,520 Speaker 1: it doesn't happen for one day, it's not shocked. So 411 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: not doing the all or nothing, black or white thing, 412 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,439 Speaker 1: or maybe realizing that I'm going to institute something to 413 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 1: try to keep me on track and structure. But it's 414 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,760 Speaker 1: only three days a week. I think sometimes we jump 415 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: from not having a routine to then saying I'm gonna 416 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,919 Speaker 1: do this seven days a week. And I found that 417 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,399 Speaker 1: my clients have really struggled with that and sometimes the 418 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:46,199 Speaker 1: guilt of not being consistent. And I've talked about, Hey, 419 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:48,120 Speaker 1: if you would like to wake up at a certain time, 420 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,560 Speaker 1: even though you know work car as we log in later, 421 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,919 Speaker 1: let's shoot for that time. Let's set an alarm. But 422 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,360 Speaker 1: if you don't wake up and it is not consequential 423 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,040 Speaker 1: to you, meaning like you know you're gonna be in 424 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,159 Speaker 1: trouble at work or fired, then ask yourself what do 425 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,520 Speaker 1: you need? So if you want to wake up at 426 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,159 Speaker 1: seven and you need to log in at nine and 427 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,439 Speaker 1: you wake up at seven thirty, it's not worth the 428 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 1: energy to be like, oh my gosh, I should have 429 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,600 Speaker 1: woke up at seven. I'm messing up. My routine is shot. 430 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,639 Speaker 1: You just say maybe I was a little tired today, 431 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,120 Speaker 1: I'm glad I'm up now, and then I'm gonna shoot 432 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,960 Speaker 1: for seven tomorrow. You know, have the grace to be flexible. Yeah, 433 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,439 Speaker 1: the grace piece is important, right, I mean, because like 434 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,960 Speaker 1: you said, so much is unpredictable, and we think we 435 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,120 Speaker 1: wake up and have an idea of what the day 436 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:30,919 Speaker 1: is gonna look like, and then something happens in the 437 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:35,000 Speaker 1: day is completely different. Correct, especially those of us who 438 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: are at home with other people to consider, be that 439 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,639 Speaker 1: other adults or even children. You know, we have to 440 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:45,679 Speaker 1: understand that while things quote unquote look normal, you know, 441 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 1: we have our back to school or back to work, 442 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,560 Speaker 1: this is not how we were doing things before. So 443 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,040 Speaker 1: it's not going to flow the same and may not 444 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,320 Speaker 1: be the same. And as I said before, I know 445 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,840 Speaker 1: uncertainty and anxiety can go hand in hand, but I 446 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,879 Speaker 1: think perspective shift as well is really important to say, 447 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,439 Speaker 1: you know what, I have a couple of things that 448 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,560 Speaker 1: I really need to get done, Like I'm gonna prioritize 449 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,400 Speaker 1: today and do my best, but if everything else changes, 450 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,640 Speaker 1: I can go with that. I can buy that wave 451 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:17,119 Speaker 1: as well. Mm hmmm, So I know, and you're right, Like, 452 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,480 Speaker 1: I also doing interviews and stuff very early on talks 453 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,760 Speaker 1: about the importance of the routine, and you know, it 454 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 1: feels like there are some parts of that that we 455 00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,080 Speaker 1: do want to at least make an effort for because 456 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,840 Speaker 1: it feels Like what I often hear people talk about 457 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 1: is like this sense of like you have no idea 458 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,480 Speaker 1: like what time of day it is, right, so it 459 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,920 Speaker 1: just feels like hours move into hours and you're like, oh, 460 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 1: it's midnight, and like what did I do today? Right? 461 00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:45,199 Speaker 1: So I think that that's a part of why, like 462 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,879 Speaker 1: some of the routine is important, but if not a 463 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 1: routine are there are other things that you would suggest 464 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:53,240 Speaker 1: for helping people to kind of demarkeate like what's happening 465 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:57,560 Speaker 1: from day to day. Definitely, So I often have an 466 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,639 Speaker 1: encouraging class to have something to look forward to at 467 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,960 Speaker 1: the end of to day, whether that is a semi 468 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,879 Speaker 1: ice cream like dessert or even like we're mentioning, you know, 469 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 1: watching that show then you've been looking forward to at seven, 470 00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:13,119 Speaker 1: but sort of realizing like this is a sort of 471 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,879 Speaker 1: like a start, middle, and ending of my day. The 472 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,439 Speaker 1: in betweens may look a little different, but sort of 473 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,760 Speaker 1: like having a cap If people do have a work 474 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,600 Speaker 1: from home space, I encourage people to try to keep 475 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 1: doing their work in that space so then when they're 476 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,959 Speaker 1: done working they can kind of not have that association 477 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 1: and the rest of their home if possible. And then 478 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 1: also you know, I know a lot of us work 479 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,880 Speaker 1: really hard. But if it's possible choosing like an end 480 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:43,760 Speaker 1: time to be working or doing homework and then tell 481 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,280 Speaker 1: yourself this remaining time is for me and me only, 482 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 1: not to have everything spilling into each other, because I 483 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,399 Speaker 1: think that is the fastest way to wake up and 484 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 1: be like, what's today? What am I doing? You know, 485 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 1: I found that even for myself. I have clients, I 486 00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,760 Speaker 1: have a schedule, but I do catch myself being like 487 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:04,160 Speaker 1: today like Wednesday. I don't know, because it does feel 488 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,320 Speaker 1: a lot, you know, like the same day over and 489 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:11,320 Speaker 1: over again. Mm hmmm yeah, I like that. So you know, 490 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:13,879 Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter as much what happens in the middle. 491 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,199 Speaker 1: If you can have like a clear beginning and a 492 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,520 Speaker 1: clear end, that helps to frame it at least a 493 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:22,639 Speaker 1: little m m. Yeah. And you already mentioned like setting alarms, right, 494 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: I would imagine some of that might be helpful too, 495 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,960 Speaker 1: that not that the alarm is necessarily indicating that you 496 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,879 Speaker 1: have to do something, but that it is alerting you too. Okay, 497 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,760 Speaker 1: this is the time where we want to wrap up 498 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,320 Speaker 1: work or we want to start the work day. Yes, 499 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 1: I also have recently been suggesting so For some of 500 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:42,639 Speaker 1: my clients who are teleworking and have a fairly involved 501 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,520 Speaker 1: schedule or work demands, I've been suggesting, like, make a 502 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:49,960 Speaker 1: couple of random alarms to remind yourself to go take 503 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,520 Speaker 1: a walk around the house or around the block. If 504 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,720 Speaker 1: you feel comfortable, go get some water, just take a 505 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,520 Speaker 1: step away, because you can kind of fall into that 506 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 1: tunnel did in And then, like you said, you look up, 507 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,040 Speaker 1: especially now with the season changing and the light daylight 508 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:07,760 Speaker 1: savings depending on where you are. I don't want you 509 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,199 Speaker 1: to look up and be like, wow, it's dark. I 510 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:13,440 Speaker 1: don't even remember did I eat lunch? I'm not sure. 511 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 1: I think that can be really destabilizing. Mm hmmmmmm. So 512 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,080 Speaker 1: something else. So a couple of other things that I've 513 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:26,119 Speaker 1: I've noticed people talking about people are really struggling with sleep. 514 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,640 Speaker 1: So there's like an increase, it feels like in insomnia. 515 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,560 Speaker 1: So people are up either kind of scrolling on social 516 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:37,120 Speaker 1: media or watching the news or you know, doing different things, 517 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,280 Speaker 1: and they're talking about having trouble actually falling asleep at night. 518 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,520 Speaker 1: You have suggestions for people about how they can do better, 519 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 1: maybe or do a little bit better and maybe falling 520 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:49,159 Speaker 1: asleep at night. Yeah, for sure. So that is definitely 521 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 1: a challenge that I couldn't admit that I've also had 522 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:55,280 Speaker 1: that challenge just because it's so easy to stay up 523 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:59,000 Speaker 1: and like you said, scroll or think about things. If 524 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,159 Speaker 1: you were to have a routine at all, maybe around 525 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,920 Speaker 1: bedtime would be really a great time to sort of 526 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,600 Speaker 1: the institute and give your body and bring some signals 527 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,119 Speaker 1: like okay, here are the few things that I do 528 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,639 Speaker 1: before bed, Like I turned off the TV for a 529 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: little while. I try not to be activated by the 530 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:18,399 Speaker 1: screen because the screen is a really big interference with sleep. 531 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,520 Speaker 1: I think we all knew that, but we're really seeing 532 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,959 Speaker 1: it now with maybe we're doing like computer work, phone time, 533 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,240 Speaker 1: TV time. Our brand is just like what next, what 534 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:32,480 Speaker 1: we're doing next? And I think ultimately you have to 535 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,800 Speaker 1: give yourself a little bit of time to start to 536 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:38,960 Speaker 1: decompress um from the screen. If possible, put on the 537 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,520 Speaker 1: I can't remember what the mode is called on my phone, 538 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 1: but just like you know, it decreases the light. I 539 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,680 Speaker 1: would encourage people to kind of put that setting on 540 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:52,200 Speaker 1: so that helps your brain sort of decompress a little bit. 541 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,720 Speaker 1: But also just having like a quick matine. It doesn't 542 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,960 Speaker 1: have to be elaborate like a bubble bath and massaging 543 00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,600 Speaker 1: and with oils, all these things, but it can be 544 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,680 Speaker 1: a quick one too. Threes with three things that I 545 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:05,160 Speaker 1: do before bed, and I kind of rest. This is 546 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,720 Speaker 1: why I think if you can have a workspace you 547 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,040 Speaker 1: know that's not working in your bed, you don't have 548 00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,160 Speaker 1: that association of like the bed or the bedroom is 549 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,680 Speaker 1: very potentially stressful or this is the time where I 550 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:19,440 Speaker 1: do all the thinking, so that I would encourage people 551 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:23,280 Speaker 1: to try to keep that space reserved for sleeping if possible, 552 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 1: but also give yourself again. Grace is my favorite word 553 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,720 Speaker 1: during this time, because I've had a lot of people 554 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 1: telling me about getting really tense around I'm looking at 555 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,720 Speaker 1: the clock and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm still 556 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,000 Speaker 1: awake on they have three hours now, Oh my gosh, 557 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,680 Speaker 1: I'm never going to go to sleep. And I tell 558 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 1: people those are sleep interfering thoughts. And although this sounds paradoxical, 559 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,240 Speaker 1: one of the easiest things that you can do when 560 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 1: you are coming up on like I get up for 561 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 1: a couple of hours is to say that's cool, I'm 562 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 1: just gonna stay up all night. And most of my 563 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:58,600 Speaker 1: pasts are like what I don't want to do that. 564 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,000 Speaker 1: Why would you tell me that? And I'm like, because 565 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,880 Speaker 1: at that point thinking and are saying that to yourself, 566 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 1: your brain actually gets less interested in what time is 567 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:11,160 Speaker 1: it and stop sort of saying like I'm never going 568 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,000 Speaker 1: to get to sleep, and you actually kind of just 569 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 1: relaxed into the idea of like, all right, I'm gonna 570 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:19,920 Speaker 1: be up and you usually fall asleep. Mm hmmmmmmm. Are 571 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,600 Speaker 1: there other paradoxical thoughts that you think could be helpful 572 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,320 Speaker 1: for people right now that you've maybe even suggesting more often? 573 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 1: So I'm like big on humor. That's just my personality stuff. 574 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,240 Speaker 1: So I think sometimes when my clients comes to me 575 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 1: and discuss like some of the feelings of guilt that 576 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:37,240 Speaker 1: they may be having or it could be worse. I'll 577 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: kind of give an example. I think I was discussing 578 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:44,360 Speaker 1: around like caretaking, how it can be difficult to care 579 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,520 Speaker 1: for your family um in a way that maybe you 580 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,480 Speaker 1: were doing before the pandemic, and you know, I kind 581 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,560 Speaker 1: of got a little bit facetious and I was like, yes, 582 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 1: you're a really bad caregiver, Like your children don't ever eat, 583 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,760 Speaker 1: they sleep outside. And then we sort of laugh because 584 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,960 Speaker 1: I was like, no, you know, you have to recalibrate 585 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:05,440 Speaker 1: your concept of what a caretaker is right now. Like 586 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,600 Speaker 1: my mom before pandemic, probably maybe it was like making 587 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,960 Speaker 1: homemade muffins and doing all these things. Pandemic mom might 588 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:17,600 Speaker 1: not have time for that, and that's okay, yes, So 589 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:23,160 Speaker 1: really readjusting those baselines and challenging your idea of the 590 00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:26,480 Speaker 1: value judgment of what a good blank is. A good 591 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,160 Speaker 1: mom does this, a good friend does this, a good 592 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:32,760 Speaker 1: daughter does this. And it's sort of like, okay, who 593 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,040 Speaker 1: made that rule? Was it was it you? Because if 594 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,120 Speaker 1: it was you, then you were at liberty to change it. 595 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,880 Speaker 1: I like that. So the other thing that has been 596 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 1: giving people lots of anxiety is the upcoming election. Oh 597 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 1: my god, all right, I mean I have the anxiety myself. 598 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 1: I mean so I think lots of people just feel 599 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,800 Speaker 1: very anxious, very worked up, especially at least I find 600 00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:01,000 Speaker 1: myself getting more anxious when I see the countdowns, like 601 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,720 Speaker 1: we only have twenty five days left and twenty three 602 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: days left, right, and it it's like, oh my gosh, 603 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,000 Speaker 1: like we're counting down to this thing. Um, So, what 604 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,080 Speaker 1: kinds of things you know might you offer or any 605 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,320 Speaker 1: suggestions you have for people who are struggling with anxiety 606 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 1: as it leads to the election. You know, as an expert, 607 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,440 Speaker 1: I am going to say that this one is tough. 608 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:26,600 Speaker 1: This is when I reflect on the idea that I 609 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 1: often show with my clients, like I deal with these 610 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,840 Speaker 1: things just as much as you do. And ultimately that 611 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,800 Speaker 1: is when we talk about like the healthy levels of 612 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:41,880 Speaker 1: escape or boundaries or limiting your exposure to things. So 613 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:46,200 Speaker 1: I have found that I have really decreased how much 614 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 1: I'm reading about the elections. Sometimes I will admit it's 615 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,200 Speaker 1: at the risk of being uninformed because I realized that 616 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,480 Speaker 1: I will over incorporate. At times, I will go hard. 617 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,000 Speaker 1: I'll be like, I need to read this article on 618 00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,880 Speaker 1: this one and this one, and now I know too 619 00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:04,360 Speaker 1: much so to speak. So yeah, I don't have a 620 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,520 Speaker 1: great answer for you. I will admit that that is 621 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:10,240 Speaker 1: stressful myself included. When I see things like coulmdowns, I 622 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,240 Speaker 1: will close the window. And the one thing I will 623 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,719 Speaker 1: say that I've told myself is I'm going to do 624 00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,040 Speaker 1: what I can which is in my control, and exercise 625 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:22,360 Speaker 1: my right to vote, and I'm I'm going to try 626 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:25,720 Speaker 1: to be hopeful that other people exercise that, right, and 627 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,680 Speaker 1: that is the most that I can do in this moment, 628 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:29,560 Speaker 1: Like that's the most that I can bring myself to 629 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:33,160 Speaker 1: deal with. Mm hmmmmmm, Yeah, I agree. I mean it 630 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,440 Speaker 1: definitely feels like I will fall down a rabbit hole 631 00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:39,239 Speaker 1: reading stuff right and paying attention to the news. And 632 00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,600 Speaker 1: you have to remember that the news really plays on 633 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 1: the loop, right, So the story that you get if 634 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:46,960 Speaker 1: you watch the news at one o'clock is the same 635 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,360 Speaker 1: thing that you're gonna get at three o'clock, but you're 636 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,560 Speaker 1: not necessarily paying attention because like the anchors might change, right, 637 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,200 Speaker 1: So if you're looking at something like Seeing It or MSNBC, 638 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,560 Speaker 1: it feels like it's a slightly different story because it's 639 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,360 Speaker 1: a different maybe panel of guests or whatever, but it's 640 00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,240 Speaker 1: still the main point, like they're discussing the same things. 641 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,440 Speaker 1: So I think that it does help to kind of 642 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,360 Speaker 1: limit like, Okay, I'm gonna check in a little bit, 643 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:09,160 Speaker 1: but I don't need to have seen in on the 644 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,480 Speaker 1: whole day. Oh definitely, I watch at a clip because, 645 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,560 Speaker 1: as you said, the story just recycles itself and I 646 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:18,319 Speaker 1: don't need to hear it four times. And then also, 647 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,480 Speaker 1: the one thing I tell people because I do have 648 00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,279 Speaker 1: some people share with me like, oh, you know, I 649 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 1: keep it too gong because I don't want to miss anything. 650 00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:27,440 Speaker 1: In the age of technology and social media and alerts, 651 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:31,680 Speaker 1: you will not every time there is a breaking news 652 00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:36,040 Speaker 1: so to speak, it pops up somewhere some way. So 653 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,719 Speaker 1: don't sort of buy into this concept of like I 654 00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:42,480 Speaker 1: won't know what's going on. You will know if anything 655 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,440 Speaker 1: big happens, you will know. So let it come to you. 656 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:47,960 Speaker 1: You don't have to go look for it, right. I 657 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,560 Speaker 1: think even the term breaking news, right, like do you 658 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,040 Speaker 1: have to know it the moment it happens? You know, 659 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,560 Speaker 1: Like there are some things you know safety wise you 660 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:57,680 Speaker 1: may need to know, like a fire alarm or whatever, 661 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,560 Speaker 1: but you know the latest story out the White House 662 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,120 Speaker 1: or whatever, like it probably is not going to be 663 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,880 Speaker 1: detrimental if you don't know it the moment that it happens, 664 00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,719 Speaker 1: exactly if it's an emergency, you'll get an emergency aler 665 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:16,440 Speaker 1: on your friend. Right, So what does overthinking and like 666 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,000 Speaker 1: the what if game you've already alluded to that, what 667 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:21,719 Speaker 1: does that look like now in the midst of the pandemic? 668 00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:24,400 Speaker 1: Like how when you were here before you talked about 669 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,600 Speaker 1: like playing out the wood if game. How does that 670 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:30,080 Speaker 1: look different? Now? Oh my gosh. So I often joke 671 00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,759 Speaker 1: with my clients when we start going down the what 672 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 1: if hole, like I'm like, here right now, I just 673 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:41,879 Speaker 1: won't let you know that I believe that there are 674 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,759 Speaker 1: so many what ifs in the harder card I have 675 00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:51,080 Speaker 1: to admit is that some of them stopped real. So 676 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:53,560 Speaker 1: you know, sometimes we're like, oh, what if this? And 677 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:55,799 Speaker 1: what if the earth explodes? And I'm like, okay, you know, 678 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 1: come on now. However, some of the what ifs I've 679 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,200 Speaker 1: heard lately, I'm like yeah, And sometimes I just sit 680 00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,840 Speaker 1: with it and say, what if that would happen? Like, 681 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:07,360 Speaker 1: let's talk about it a because it's exposing you to 682 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,759 Speaker 1: this feared idea anyway that I want you to sort 683 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:14,359 Speaker 1: of play out because most often then that I can't 684 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,160 Speaker 1: speak for every single one if of course, right, but 685 00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:23,240 Speaker 1: more often than not, you would be able to manage 686 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,880 Speaker 1: that what if. So I'm not talking about something like 687 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:32,239 Speaker 1: very devastating to some extent, but for example, if you were, 688 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,360 Speaker 1: you know, maybe in an industry that feels threatened by COVID, 689 00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,360 Speaker 1: and you notice that your hours were reduced and you 690 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,239 Speaker 1: think like oh my gosh, what if my place of 691 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,759 Speaker 1: employment closes, which is a scary thought and a very 692 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:46,279 Speaker 1: realistic one. Instead of sort of looping on what if 693 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,200 Speaker 1: it closes, what if it closes? What if it closes, 694 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:51,040 Speaker 1: I will sit with someone and say what if it closed? 695 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:54,640 Speaker 1: What will we do and get them to sort of 696 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:58,040 Speaker 1: a confront the thought and talk through how would I 697 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:01,279 Speaker 1: seek out another job? I f or underneath it is 698 00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,920 Speaker 1: maybe I'll be destitute and I won't have anything. And 699 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:08,240 Speaker 1: again legitimate, if you can't work, how would you earn income? 700 00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,280 Speaker 1: But I want to talk through, like we said before 701 00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:15,560 Speaker 1: your agency, what is your ability within this situation and 702 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:18,440 Speaker 1: what would you do? And oftentimes we are able to 703 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,759 Speaker 1: say like that would really be awful, and I would 704 00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,440 Speaker 1: update my resume and I would look for something else, 705 00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:25,520 Speaker 1: and I would do X, Y and Z. Now I've 706 00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:27,600 Speaker 1: helped you problem solve in a way that was useful 707 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:31,800 Speaker 1: to you, not overthink, which is just an ineffective style 708 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:35,640 Speaker 1: of problem solving. Yeah, So when you can kind of 709 00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:38,200 Speaker 1: get down to like, Okay, these are the resources that 710 00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:41,480 Speaker 1: I have available, this is how I might act, then 711 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:43,600 Speaker 1: it takes some of the sting really out of all 712 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:49,520 Speaker 1: of that overthinking absolutely, because usually overthinking doesn't land on 713 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,239 Speaker 1: a solution, it just lands on like a lot of 714 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:56,279 Speaker 1: information and over incorporating. And the idea is that your 715 00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,960 Speaker 1: brain is trying to problem solves, just a little stuck 716 00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:04,040 Speaker 1: or confused. Yeah, mostly because you don't have all the information, right, 717 00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:07,200 Speaker 1: I mean, because we're trying to future focus and our 718 00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,120 Speaker 1: brain doesn't have the We don't we can't feel in 719 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:13,479 Speaker 1: the blinks. M Yeah, I agree. I agree. So what 720 00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,440 Speaker 1: are some of the favorite or maybe if you have 721 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,680 Speaker 1: a favorite right now exercise that you would suggest for 722 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:22,040 Speaker 1: somebody who is struggling with overthinking or you know it's 723 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,759 Speaker 1: just struggling with like overwhelming anxiety right now, what kind 724 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,200 Speaker 1: of technique or strategy have you been sharing that you 725 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:32,520 Speaker 1: find clients really enjoy or is super effective. Oh that's 726 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:36,040 Speaker 1: a good one. Two things come someone. One which I 727 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,120 Speaker 1: believe I mentioned on the first podcast is it's just 728 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:43,239 Speaker 1: a classic is grounding because it is so easy to 729 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:46,160 Speaker 1: fly into the future mentally, and it's so easy to 730 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:50,719 Speaker 1: be overwhelmed or consumed by physical sensations of anxiety. So 731 00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:53,359 Speaker 1: my go to is just let's take a step back, 732 00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,520 Speaker 1: let's sit down, let's pay attention to our five senses. 733 00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,560 Speaker 1: Take some deep breaths. What are some things in the 734 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:04,760 Speaker 1: room that you see here potentially smell or feel, meaning 735 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,080 Speaker 1: you know, I feel the sensation of my body in 736 00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:11,000 Speaker 1: the chair, I feel my shirt. But really working to 737 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:15,520 Speaker 1: get yourself into the present moment as much as possible 738 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:20,040 Speaker 1: and just sort of like be mindful of it's exercising 739 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,520 Speaker 1: a muscle in your brain. What I mean by that 740 00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,680 Speaker 1: is it's very easy to be carried away by our thoughts. 741 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:31,279 Speaker 1: And by coming to the present, by sitting still, we 742 00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 1: are basically training ourselves to say, no mind, come back thoughts, 743 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:38,520 Speaker 1: come back to the present moment, and just be instead 744 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:43,600 Speaker 1: of anticipate your fear. And I would say the second 745 00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:47,840 Speaker 1: thing that I've suggested to people is scheduling worried time. 746 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:54,279 Speaker 1: So we are all worrying, myself included about lots of 747 00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:59,120 Speaker 1: different things. And if you find that you are worrying significantly, 748 00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:02,480 Speaker 1: or to read that the worries are spilling into most 749 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,719 Speaker 1: moments of your day, I would say I would like 750 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,720 Speaker 1: you to pick a time, preferably not before bed, because 751 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,320 Speaker 1: that is not a good idea. But maybe let's do 752 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,960 Speaker 1: three o'clock in the afternoon. Get a pen and paper 753 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,239 Speaker 1: and just jot down some of your worries for about 754 00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:21,400 Speaker 1: ten twenty minutes. Max. I don't want you to have 755 00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:24,160 Speaker 1: like a book when you're done, but shot down some 756 00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:27,000 Speaker 1: of the worries that you have. And what this does 757 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,080 Speaker 1: is a it gets them out of your head a bit. 758 00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:32,080 Speaker 1: But also if you start worrying at seven, you have 759 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,359 Speaker 1: to tell yourself, I need to let that pass. I'll 760 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:39,360 Speaker 1: write it down tomorrow at three, when my schedule worry 761 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,760 Speaker 1: time is because of what that does is that helps 762 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:45,719 Speaker 1: you similarly to ground and bring your mind back to 763 00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:47,600 Speaker 1: the present and say, there are some things that I 764 00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:49,960 Speaker 1: worry about, but I don't have to let every single 765 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,920 Speaker 1: thought take me away. I don't have to let everything 766 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:56,879 Speaker 1: that pops into my mind set me off. I'm going 767 00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,920 Speaker 1: to table that and I will worry about it tomorrow. 768 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:04,879 Speaker 1: It sounds strange, and when people practice it, they tend 769 00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:07,920 Speaker 1: to enjoy it. Yeah, that definitely is one of my 770 00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:11,680 Speaker 1: favorite as well. Um, And you're right, like it sounds 771 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,000 Speaker 1: like something you would be really hesitant to try because 772 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,200 Speaker 1: your first thought is that's not gonna work, right, But 773 00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:18,759 Speaker 1: it is something that after you practice for some time, 774 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:22,040 Speaker 1: you recognize like you're providing a container for yourself. You're 775 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,719 Speaker 1: helping yourself to think, Okay, this is when I will 776 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:27,000 Speaker 1: do that thing, and it doesn't have to spill into 777 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:31,480 Speaker 1: every area of my life, right, yeah, exactly. Thank you 778 00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:35,640 Speaker 1: for sharing those, So any additional resources that you'd like 779 00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:37,640 Speaker 1: to share. You gave us a ton the first time 780 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:38,920 Speaker 1: you were here. But I don't know if there are 781 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:41,920 Speaker 1: other books, are you know, podcasts or videos that you've 782 00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,040 Speaker 1: come across that you really feel like would be helpful 783 00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:48,560 Speaker 1: for people who want to maybe dig more into this now. Honestly, 784 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:53,000 Speaker 1: those have still been my go toos. I've just been 785 00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,239 Speaker 1: I have a document, just a copy paste the ones 786 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:58,600 Speaker 1: that I recommended before I essentially send them to everyone 787 00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,840 Speaker 1: after the first session, like copy pace. Here are some 788 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:06,839 Speaker 1: things that I recommend. Uh Yeah. And the other thing 789 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:11,000 Speaker 1: that maybe I can think of is I found this 790 00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,719 Speaker 1: graphic recently and I have to look it up who 791 00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,200 Speaker 1: created it because I want to give them a proper credit. 792 00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:20,040 Speaker 1: But I talk a lot about thinking styles, meaning getting 793 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,560 Speaker 1: people to step back and an examine what is my 794 00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:25,520 Speaker 1: perspective and how am I seeing things? And is this 795 00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:29,400 Speaker 1: point of view possibly distorted? And I found a recent 796 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:35,399 Speaker 1: graphic that gave these thinking styles actual character names like personifications, 797 00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:40,840 Speaker 1: and I believe it's probably intended for children, but it 798 00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:44,200 Speaker 1: works for all ages. So for example, when I talked 799 00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:48,600 Speaker 1: earlier about having that guilt and people saying like, oh, 800 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:51,600 Speaker 1: I should be doing this or I should be doing that. 801 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:58,319 Speaker 1: In the thinking styles graphic, it's called shashrrnda. I love it. 802 00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:01,320 Speaker 1: I know I've been doing this is something like Sharondo, 803 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,000 Speaker 1: you know, lives her life in this way, and even 804 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:05,840 Speaker 1: if no one told her to do it, Shendo feels 805 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:07,400 Speaker 1: like she should be doing it and it makes her 806 00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,560 Speaker 1: feel bad. And I shared it recently with a few 807 00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,120 Speaker 1: people in a group and they were like, oh my gosh, 808 00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:16,200 Speaker 1: there's so helpful. So when I get that information, I 809 00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:19,239 Speaker 1: will share it with you specifically because I think it's 810 00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:21,960 Speaker 1: really cool. In it it sticks in your head and 811 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,960 Speaker 1: you're like, I'm being a Shanda, right, Uh, this is 812 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:28,680 Speaker 1: not helping. Yes, And those kinds of little techniques and 813 00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:30,919 Speaker 1: tricks are really helpful to kind of get yourself out 814 00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:33,040 Speaker 1: of that negative self talk right like you can catch 815 00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,560 Speaker 1: it and then it gives you a little chuckle like 816 00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:40,800 Speaker 1: you're doing right now exactly exactly. Yeah, Yes, I appreciate 817 00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,239 Speaker 1: that yet, we will definitely find that and make sure 818 00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:45,719 Speaker 1: to share it with everybody in the show notes, So 819 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,200 Speaker 1: remind us how to contact you, Dr Hodge. What is 820 00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,480 Speaker 1: your website as well as any social media handles you 821 00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:54,360 Speaker 1: want to share? Yes, if you would like to find me, 822 00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:59,279 Speaker 1: my website is www dot Slay your Anxiety dot com, 823 00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:03,919 Speaker 1: which was definitely inspired by the Slayer Anxiety podcast, So 824 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:09,799 Speaker 1: right on on trend there. And if you also would 825 00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:12,359 Speaker 1: like to follow me on social media, I'm on most platforms. 826 00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:16,319 Speaker 1: We'll see Facebook, Instagram, Twitter at helped me Hodge so 827 00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,320 Speaker 1: h E L P M E H O d G 828 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:21,960 Speaker 1: E perfect. Well, thank you so much for visiting with 829 00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:25,280 Speaker 1: us today. I really appreciate it. Thank you. It's always 830 00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:31,600 Speaker 1: always a great time when we're together. I'm so glad 831 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,400 Speaker 1: Dr Hodge was able to join us again today. To 832 00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:37,160 Speaker 1: learn more about her and her work, or to check 833 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,120 Speaker 1: out the resources she shared, be sure to visit the 834 00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,640 Speaker 1: show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash 835 00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:46,160 Speaker 1: Session one nine, and don't forget to share this episode 836 00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:48,600 Speaker 1: with two other sisters in your life who might appreciate 837 00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:51,480 Speaker 1: the conversation. If there's a topic you'd like to have 838 00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:54,359 Speaker 1: covered on the podcast, Please admit it to us at 839 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,839 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash mailbox, and if 840 00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:00,680 Speaker 1: you're looking for a therapist in your area, be sure 841 00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:03,600 Speaker 1: to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black 842 00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:07,480 Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash directory. If you want to continue 843 00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:10,560 Speaker 1: digging into this topic or connect with some other sisters 844 00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:12,960 Speaker 1: in your area, come on over and join us in 845 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,680 Speaker 1: the Yellow Couch Collective, where we take a deeper dive 846 00:45:15,719 --> 00:45:19,120 Speaker 1: into the topics from the podcast and just about everything else. 847 00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:21,719 Speaker 1: You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot 848 00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:24,560 Speaker 1: com slash y c C. Thank y'all so much for 849 00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,440 Speaker 1: joining me again this week. I look forward to continue 850 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,919 Speaker 1: in this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care,