WEBVTT - BA Q&A: Girl, Take That Maternity Leave 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:20.160 And now it's time for the b a q a, 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:23.439 the b a q a, the b a q a. 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:27.760 Now with time, I really think that somebody should like 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:30.280 gift us a b a q a songs. I feel like, 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:32.400 you know, like I feel like, can't you hear like 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:33.320 a heavy bass? 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:37.559 Did I imagine it? Or do you actually have a 0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:40.240 theme song for some of your ig lives? 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:44.800 And honestly, and the people but Chris, oh my goodness, 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:48.280 and his wife Sheila, Oh, Chris and Shaila, they're amazing. 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:50.839 First of all, why do they like produce music with 0:00:50.960 --> 0:00:53.480 like John Legend and stuff. 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:54.360 I'm like, wait what? 0:00:54.760 --> 0:00:56.920 So they were like, Tiffany, you helped us on our 0:00:56.920 --> 0:00:58.600 financial journey. We were able to get our house as 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:00.120 a result to you, so we want to gift you 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:02.720 this song. So they created a song called The Budget 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:05.160 Needs to break Down and it is so jazzy. If 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:07.319 you guys go to my Instagram, like once a week, 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:10.759 I post like this like short video where I break 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:13.080 down like a topic or whatever, and it's called the 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:15.200 Budget Needs to break Down and it opens up. It's like, 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:20.000 it sounds so amazing. It's like, welcome to your wealthy place. 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:22.480 This is where you belong. 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:25.880 I can't say, but it's just like it's so jazzy. 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:28.560 But if anybody else got a little jazzy in their 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:30.920 soul and they want to gift us a baqa song, 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:33.520 me and manager say yes, ma'am, we'll take it. 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:36.280 So with that being said. 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:38.520 I mean, if they want to hook us up, they can. 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:40.880 They can feel free if anyone else out there wants 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:43.240 to take be a Qa and turn it into a jingle, 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:46.240 although Tiffany I cannot, we did, once upon a time 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:50.920 have some unsolicited submissions of podcast artwork that shall never 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:57.120 be shared, so you know, don't you know? We will 0:01:57.120 --> 0:02:03.440 have editorial approval over any approach. Is not a boy, 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:06.480 I don't know everybody. It's just like the aesthetic. It's 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:08.880 just maybe our aesthetic is not y'all's aesthetic. But all 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:11.440 all is good. Well, what do we have on the 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:13.840 dot cut for this week's of this week's be a 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:14.960 Q and a Tip? 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:17.840 So first on a docket, we've got an anonymous submission 0:02:18.600 --> 0:02:22.680 like my fiance and I have been binge watching Marriage 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:26.560 or Mortgage on Netflix. Basically, just like the title says, 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:29.800 couples meet with a wedding planner and a real estate 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:34.080 agent simultaneously, each person is trying to win them over. 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:37.279 Then at the end of the episode, the couples decide 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:40.080 what they're going to do with their money as someone 0:02:40.080 --> 0:02:43.080 who is newly engaged. Is it crazy or possible to 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:47.239 have both? I fully understand that the average wedding costs 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:50.280 thirty thousand dollars. As of right now, we're renting and 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:53.000 we just signed for our third year here. Do you 0:02:53.080 --> 0:02:56.520 have any tips on how to save now for either choice? Also, 0:02:57.040 --> 0:02:59.360 we would like to have our first home be a 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:03.000 multi family unit duplex. We want to use it for 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:06.280 family also an extra source of income. Does that change anything? 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:06.760 Thanks? 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:07.320 Ladies. 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:12.720 Oh man, this actually is so cute and timely because 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:15.360 if you go back to Wednesday's episode when we share 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:20.840 our first ever BA episode from the archive, I was 0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:23.720 just about to be engaged later that year, and I 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:26.360 was in full saving for the wedding mode, even before 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:27.600 I had a ring on this finger. 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:29.560 Okay, I gotta do girl, please me too. 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:32.760 You know I wasn't. I was not. The savings account 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:35.480 was not named Husbie and my say wedding fund. It 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:37.480 was just Mandy's wedding fund. Okay, because you know I 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:39.880 wanted to get married. I just didn't know at the time. 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:42.640 It didn't matter to whom. I just wanted to be ready. Yeah, 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:44.240 and I have you heard of the show Marriage or 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:45.240 Mortgage on Netflix. 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:46.760 I've heard of it. I have not watched it, but 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:47.280 I've heard it. 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:50.720 I watched one little episode and it kind of it 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:53.240 just made me cranky because this person asks. I know 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:55.760 they want to be anonymous, but they ask, is it 0:03:55.960 --> 0:04:00.080 crazy or possible to have both? No, it's not. It 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:04.120 is not crazy. You can definitely have both. I mean, yeah, absolutely, 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:06.520 and I did both. I had I had the wedding. 0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:09.400 I spent thirty k on a wedding and I were 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:11.960 around about that much. And we saved a lot by 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:15.920 living with my husband's parents for how long do we 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:18.960 live with them? Like five or six months? I survived 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:23.159 that ordeal. You know. Actually I actually wrote about this 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.719 in that CNBC article, so I did the math for myself. 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:29.520 We saved about eleven thousand dollars by living with them, 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:32.680 and we were able to. And the thing was, I 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:34.920 was we moved in with my with his parents when 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:37.599 I was earning the most I've ever earned in my career, 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:41.039 Like I was earning well over six figures, had equity 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:43.039 all this stuff, and that is when I was like, 0:04:43.240 --> 0:04:45.720 this is it. This is the moment when you decide 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:48.360 are you going to let lifestyle lifestyle inflation creep on 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:51.040 you and steal your wealth or are you going to 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:56.120 make the unpopular decision and down size. And that is 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:58.840 what he and I decided to do. And it wasn't easy, 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:01.680 but we knew you wanted to have money in the 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:04.080 bank for a wedding and a mortgage down the line. 0:05:04.160 --> 0:05:06.159 And yeah, we got married in twenty seventeen and had 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:09.040 a house in twenty eighteen, and I just wanted to 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:11.520 share that because just to illustrate that, yeah, you can 0:05:11.600 --> 0:05:15.000 have both, but you may have to sacrifice some things 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:16.000 to get there. 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:19.719 Yeah, and I'll say this too, that so I opted 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:22.760 not to have a wedding, not because we couldn't afford it. 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:24.680 I just honestly I didn't want one. 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:27.240 But instead we ended up purchasing our house and we 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.600 bought a cash you know, because we had the excess 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:31.280 funds in order to do so. There is no right 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:34.039 or wrong. It's up to you for what you want 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:36.719 to do. But to answer your question about tips of 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:39.520 how to save now for either choice, I say both 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.680 if you're able. So one, you want to identify what's 0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:45.839 your saving school. So I know the average wedding costs 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:48.640 thirty thousand, but what do you want to spend. Do 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:50.440 you want to spend twenty do you want to spend forty? 0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:50.920 What is that? 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:55.000 And then two, have you started to scope out multi 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:57.960 family homes to see how much that costs? So you 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:00.840 can start to identify what is our down payment going 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:03.200 to look like? Have you taken a first time home 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:06.559 buyer course? I highly recommend it was so helpful before 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:09.160 about my first home because then I learned like, oh, 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:11.479 I don't necessarily have to save for twenty percent down. 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:14.280 You know, I might go for an fah loan, which 0:06:14.320 --> 0:06:17.000 is a loan that's backed by the government, and so 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:19.440 I only had to put three point five percent down, 0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:22.640 you know, So do the math. Take a first time 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:25.040 home buyer's course, and so that way at least you 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:27.640 can kind of map out. Okay, all in all, we 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:30.480 need to say fifty thousand dollars In the next Let's 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:33.680 pretend you're getting married in two years because you didn't share, right, 0:06:33.920 --> 0:06:36.240 and so you can split that and say, okay, what 0:06:36.480 --> 0:06:39.520 is fifty thousand dollars divided by twenty four months. How 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:41.880 much do we need to start saving now in order 0:06:41.920 --> 0:06:45.400 to get to our goal? So, like, ultimately, any goal 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:48.400 can be reached as long as you want identify what 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:50.640 the goal is and start to break down the steps 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.800 to get there. Is it Is it like Mandra moving 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:57.039 in with your in laws or your parents, you know? 0:06:57.360 --> 0:06:59.280 Is it asking for a raise at work? Is it 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:01.479 side hustle so you can make additional money on the 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:04.760 side and stash it away. One thing my sister, one 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:07.200 of my sisters, did, Carol that you always, guys are 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:09.000 always asking to come on brodn ambition. 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:11.760 Is that she girl, that's because. 0:07:11.560 --> 0:07:14.240 You keep pelling the same anecdote. Yes, she bought ten 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:15.280 people want her on the show. 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:17.720 Yes, she bought Tesla. 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:21.080 Yes, because my sister Carol's an engineer, and so she 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:23.640 was telling us about these electric, crazy electric cars. I 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:25.800 was like, sounds crazy to me, and she was like, no, 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:28.680 I'm buying Tesla, you know, and like I just think 0:07:28.720 --> 0:07:30.640 it's just a really great investment. She bought Tesla when 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:33.720 it was like something crazy, like under one hundred dollars 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:36.960 a share, and so she sold some of it in 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:39.080 order to pay she was able to. I can't remember 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:41.840 how much she put in, but you know she had 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:44.080 tens of thousands of dollars and she sold some of 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:45.920 it in order to pay for her wedding. Her and 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:48.679 her fiance both invested and sold some of their shares 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:50.600 to pay for the wedding. So there are a myriad 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:54.080 of ways, but it starts with identifying your goal, how 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:55.640 much that goal is going to cost you, so you 0:07:55.640 --> 0:07:57.640 can walk toward that goal, and when do you need 0:07:57.640 --> 0:07:58.200 the money buy? 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:01.920 Yeah, I'm sitting here thinking about why that show a 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:04.080 marriage or mortgage kind of gets on my nerves, or 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:06.040 it got on my nerves when I was watching it. 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:10.320 It's also the idea that those two things are super comparable. 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:14.400 I mean, one, it just depends on your values as 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:16.320 a couple and where you're at in your life. But 0:08:16.760 --> 0:08:21.080 if that show was called, you know, marriage or dream rental, 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:23.600 there'd be nothing wrong with it, Like you don't have 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:27.800 to buy a mortgage, that is not it. I am 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:30.480 as shocked as anyone that my life has followed such 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:35.040 a conventional linear path. Okay, first comes love, then comes baby, 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:38.320 then you know all that thing and the marriage and 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:40.200 the mortgage. I did it all in the right and 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:43.720 like the quote unquote right way. And I'm so annoyed 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:48.000 at myself because I'm supposed to be like rebel progressive, 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:51.480 you know, non traditional feminist lady. But that's just how 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:53.800 life worked out for me, you know, it wasn't It 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:58.160 was just a super traditional kind of one step after 0:08:58.200 --> 0:08:59.960 the next. It just it just worked out that way. 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:02.640 But that is not at all the way that your 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:06.720 story has to go. And I just don't want anyone 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:09.200 to feel like they're doing something wrong if they get 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:11.520 married and they put off the wedding and they stay 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:14.000 renting for a while, Like, you don't have to let 0:09:14.040 --> 0:09:19.560 anyone else's labels or expectations divert you from your goals. 0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:22.679 But what Tiffany said is so smart, because being clear 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:26.120 on what you want and why you want it is 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:29.200 what's going to help you make decisions. Or at the 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:31.360 end of the day, I can say without an ounce 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:33.400 of regret that I spent as much as I spent 0:09:33.440 --> 0:09:36.000 on my wedding, that I bought the house that I 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:39.400 bought because I did it with our goals and a 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:43.400 shared desire for those things, and it made me so happy. Yeah, 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:47.120 no regrets, no regrets, right, So, I mean you may 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:48.920 have regrets for things that are outside of your control. 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:52.319 But if you go into a decision with your partner 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:55.040 knowing that it's what you guys want as a couple 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:58.719 and that you will both be happy working toward this 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:02.200 goal together as a partner, then ultimately what will be 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:05.400 will will be, and you can never regret having made 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:07.200 that decision because you knew it was what was right 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:07.760 for you too. 0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:09.439 To start with, that's very good. 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:10.960 I'm so wise. 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:19.840 Six years later, we've got a second one. 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:22.240 I don't realize I have one earring in my ear? 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:25.439 Why didn't no one tell me? I didn't notice, y'all. 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:28.360 I am a mess. Oh my god. Okay, go ahead, 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:31.199 now we got it. We gotta just felt it, danglin. 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:35.839 A message from a beautiful prego lady. What does she 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:37.800 have to say, Mandy, a. 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:40.640 Beautiful prego lady. Yeah, she said no. Wait, oh, she 0:10:40.720 --> 0:10:44.199 signs it pregnant and confused. Listen, any woman who's pregnant 0:10:44.280 --> 0:10:46.280 is also a little confused. What is happening down there? 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:50.160 All right? This is an interesting, interesting question, and I 0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:51.559 want to do it justice to let me read this 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:55.160 soul slope. Pregnant and confused, says, I got a new 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:57.400 job at a fitness startup and I have been here 0:10:57.440 --> 0:11:00.560 for two months. The thing is, I was when I 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:02.800 was hired, and I just informed my boss of this 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:05.640 last week. I will only have been at the company 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:08.200 for six months when my baby is due. However, the 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:11.040 company offers a six month maternity leave as part of 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:14.679 its benefits package. I am not sure whether I should 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:17.440 take the full maternity leave or cut it short due 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:20.240 to my newness at the company. On the one hand, 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:22.400 it would be time where I get to be dedicated 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:24.680 to the new baby and can prolong having to find 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:27.000 and pay for childcare. I already have a two year 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:28.760 old and we do have to foot the bill for 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:32.040 his childcare costs already. Plus being a new mom is 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:34.719 hard and it'd be nice to have the full six months. 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:37.600 On the other hand, it's that much longer being away 0:11:37.640 --> 0:11:40.000 from work, not being able to show what I'm capable of, 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.320 and having my projects be taken on by someone else. 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:45.240 Having been through this once already, there's always that little 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:47.360 voice in my head going, what if they figure out 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:50.040 they don't need me. My last company had a horrible 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:53.720 maternity leave policy where I was unpaid outside of insurance 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:54.360 and back. 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:55.880 At work after eight weeks. 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:58.640 Part of me is extremely tempted to take advantage of 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:01.199 the great benefits of my new come company, but another 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:03.040 part of me wonders if it's worth it to take 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:06.440 the career head. What should I do? Any and all 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:07.240 advice is. 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:09.840 Appreciated, Oh pregnant and confused. 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:12.200 First of all, I'm just pissed that you even have 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:14.880 to be in this position where you're like I was, 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:19.280 just me, I bring life, stop being is this world beautiful? 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:20.200 Life into this world? 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:23.080 Or like your career, like you know, it just sucks 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:26.960 that like men don't have to like contemplate, like you know, 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:29.000 if I bring life into this world the whole reason 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:31.640 why we're here in existence, then maybe I'm not going 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:33.320 to be advanced in my career. 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:34.319 That sucks. 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:36.360 So let's just put that out there. I'm just trying 0:12:36.360 --> 0:12:38.480 to think to myself as an employer. So we actually 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.400 have we have a new Unicorn niece, So I call 0:12:41.480 --> 0:12:43.280 my team the Unicorn Squad and. 0:12:43.800 --> 0:12:45.680 Tamra shout out to you. Miss Tamra. 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:48.160 She is the manager of our literature academy, and she 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:51.160 gave us a new niece. It's my third baby. So 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:54.240 Tamora has been on raternityly twice since she's worked with me, 0:12:55.160 --> 0:12:56.040 and I think she's. 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:57.760 Been here four or five years. 0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:05.280 And it depends on the company obviously, you know, tam 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:08.240 is able to take as much time as she needs. 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:12.560 She has prepared her team to give them all the 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:15.520 things that they needed to be able to move, you know, 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:17.880 move forward without her being here on a day to 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:20.880 day basis. Would I feel some kind of way if 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:26.480 six months it honestly, it really would depend on was 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:29.440 that person here when they were here, you know. So 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:32.439 it's almost like it's not even about the it's maternity. 0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:34.560 Let's just say it's vacation. You're gone for two weeks 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:38.640 or whatever. And ultimately, if you bring value of what 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:41.800 I call illustrating your OPRAH, if you bring value to 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:45.240 the workplace, then you know, if the company is fair, 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:48.120 then they will see your value either way. So illustrating 0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:49.600 your OPRAH. This is what I tell my team and 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:51.760 my mentees and things all the time, is that when 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:55.319 you illustrate your OPRAH, you make your value so undeniable 0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:59.200 that like if someone if Oprah said, hey, you want 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:00.800 me to come speak at you event, it's going to 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:03.800 be twenty thousand dollars. People would find the money even 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:07.080 if they normally wouldn't because you're like, no, the value 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:10.160 that Oprah brings to the table is so valuable. Even 0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:12.240 though twenty thousand is out of my range, I'm going 0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:15.679 to find it. And so, like, illustrating your Oprah just 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:18.760 means going above and beyond, like you know, bringing all 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:22.280 your genius and excellence to work, you know, making sure 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:23.960 that you know when you're working on something, the buck 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:27.160 stops with you, Like you're not passing along responsibility to 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:29.960 others when when you know, when the responsibility is yours. 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:30.480 You know. 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:33.960 So when I look at Tam, like, you know, if 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:35.640 she was gone for eight months, I would want her 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:39.720 back because she is Oprah, you know, she the value 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:41.840 that she brings to the table is not diminished because 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:44.920 she's been gone for however many months the Tam is 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:48.640 taking for maternity leave because I also know that the 0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:52.560 team is running so smoothly as a result of her excellence, 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:56.560 like she planned to make sure that everyone was going 0:14:56.600 --> 0:14:59.760 to be good. And yeah, so I say, you know, 0:14:59.800 --> 0:15:02.960 not things more important than life and family, nothing, even 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:04.960 if that does mean you take a hit professionally, which 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:07.080 is not fair. But I think if you illustrate your 0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:08.880 oprah and your company is as good as you say 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.440 that it is, then you should hopefully be fine. 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:16.160 Yeah. First and foremost, you are completely within your right 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:18.320 to not tell your employer when you're interviewing if you're 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:20.320 pregnant or not. You can walk in there nine months 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:22.080 pregnant and they can't say a damn thing. Now, they 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:25.200 can choose to penalize you for that by not hiring you, 0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:28.560 but that's illegal, so they better not say that out loud. 0:15:28.720 --> 0:15:30.640 So you've been hired, and now you've told your boss 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:34.040 that you are pregnant. Let's talk about this six month 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:37.880 maternity leave policy, and let's compare it to that horrible 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:40.080 leave policy that you had at your previous job where 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:42.880 you said that you were back at work after eight weeks. 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:46.240 First of all, I just hate that this country is 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:49.320 a first world country, as I say, which I know 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:50.880 we're not supposed to say anymore, but we are a 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:54.560 rich nation, okay, and we spend so much money on 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:58.320 so many things, and one of them is not actually 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:02.040 mandating paid maternity leave or parental leave for families, which 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:05.200 is just outrageous to me even now, because it puts 0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:08.080 women like you in this position where you feel like 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:10.400 you need to put your career in front of your 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:13.960 family's best needs, and it is just like it pisses 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:15.560 me off to no end. But here's what I want 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:19.240 to say. I don't want you to take the mistreatment 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:21.520 or the poor treatment and you received it your last job, 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:26.480 and let that talk you out of the incredible value 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:29.360 that this new company is offering you. They are offering 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:33.200 you an incredible opportunity. One that I will say is 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:36.840 a recruitment incentive that they have because they want to 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:42.120 retain and recruit talent like you. They want people, potential 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:45.400 employees to know that they value This is what they're 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:49.080 telling you with this policy. We value families, We value 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:52.200 the work of being a parent. We want to make 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:54.600 sure that you have plenty of time with your family 0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:56.440 so that you can be there for them in those 0:16:56.480 --> 0:16:59.000 early crucial months. I would love to have had six 0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:01.480 months off with little boy. Wait, little boy? What I 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:04.119 would love to have six months off with Rio? I 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:05.560 guess I just spent a week with my mom and 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:08.119 she anyway, and you know I only got like twelve 0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:10.199 weeks and this is this is amazing. I mean, you 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:13.240 should take full one hundred percent, without a drop of 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:17.840 guilt or fear, take full advantage of this incredible policy. 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:20.639 I think you were so wise to jump ship. And 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:23.879 I think other employers, especially your previous employer, they should 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:27.680 be terrified and watching these companies at how they're able 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:30.960 to snatch amazing talent away from each other because they 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:35.080 offer these more generous parental leaf policies. So yeah, I 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:37.520 a thousand percent think you don't need to think. I mean, 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:39.399 I hate that you're thinking twice about it, but just stop. 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:42.919 Take your six months off, enjoy it in enjoy it, 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:44.920 do the job that you were hired to do. While 0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:47.280 you were there. You've given them your not you've given 0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:50.240 them notice of your you know, your amazing news of 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:53.600 being pregnant again. So, like Tiffany said, now you can 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:55.640 help them prepare for when you're not going to be there. 0:17:55.800 --> 0:18:00.439 And any smart company with any proper planning and proper 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:04.680 management would already be planning for cases when employees may 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:07.960 need to be gone. Whether it's for yes, parental leave, 0:18:08.040 --> 0:18:10.640 but it could be an illness, it could be needing 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:12.959 to leave to take care of their mental health, like 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:15.920 other situations may occur when you may need to leave 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:18.760 your job, right, And companies they just shoot themselves in 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:20.879 the foot if they do not properly plan for it, 0:18:20.920 --> 0:18:23.320 and then they try to penalize employees for their own 0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:27.000 lack of planning and poor management. Right, Like, why am 0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:30.000 I feeling guilty for taking advantage of the policy the 0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:33.480 time off that you gave me when it's only because 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:37.600 you know you don't feel like you're prepared to keep 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:40.680 the ship running without me. And yeah, so I think 0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:43.720 pregnant and confused, you should, like Tiffany said, step up 0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:46.879 and help them, you know, make sure it's all smooth 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:50.040 while you're on your maternity leave. But at the end 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:53.280 of the day, it's it's it's your management's responsibility to 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:56.560 create processes and systems that are put in place so 0:18:56.600 --> 0:18:59.000 that anyone other team feels like they can be a 0:18:59.080 --> 0:19:00.920 human when they need to be a human and take 0:19:00.960 --> 0:19:03.399 time off for their family, for their health, whatever it 0:19:03.400 --> 0:19:06.159 may be. And I hope, I hope that you if 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:09.360 were listening to this, and I hope that you are 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:12.639 going into this decision feeling much more confident because you 0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:15.920 have every every right to be taking this time off 0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:19.240 and I if you feel like you're penalized when you 0:19:19.280 --> 0:19:20.800