1 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,720 Speaker 1: Hey, this is any and Samantha, and welcome to Stephan. 2 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: I've never told your production of I Heart Radio and 3 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 1: it is time for another edition of Smindy Fiction. And 4 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,840 Speaker 1: as always, thanks right up front to super producer Christina 5 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 1: who makes things happen. And also right up front disclaimer. 6 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 1: If this is not your thing, we only do it 7 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 1: once a month, so you know, move on. We'd love 8 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:42,200 Speaker 1: to have you. But if you don't want to be here, 9 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,240 Speaker 1: move on, Samantha. When he came out a bit more 10 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: bluntly than I did, Okay, sorry, that's just where we 11 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 1: are today. Okay, perfect, perfect, perfect um. So to start 12 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,280 Speaker 1: this one, I guess I should say like, this one's 13 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 1: a little gnarly. Um, not that too much. I'm trying 14 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 1: to think of a way to describe it without spoiling it. 15 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 1: But it's a little gross. It's not that gross. Little gross. 16 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: I think you'll be fine. Okay, I'll put that out there. 17 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 1: I want to ask you, Samantha. We've talked about this 18 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,399 Speaker 1: a lot in several locations, but I don't think i've 19 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,679 Speaker 1: ever asked you. Did you like people to read what 20 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 1: you wrote? It's according to who it was, and if 21 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:31,760 Speaker 1: I trusted you I sent you one of my short stories. Actually, 22 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,760 Speaker 1: I had a small group of friends that we did 23 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,639 Speaker 1: a little writing club so that we could get together 24 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: and quitta ea other's writing and talk about it. At 25 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,400 Speaker 1: the end of thing, we were a pretty healthy group. 26 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,120 Speaker 1: There was about four or five of us and we 27 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 1: would share stories and short stories and gift critiques. And 28 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: then there was a few friends that I would send 29 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,760 Speaker 1: to and let be like, let me know what you 30 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: think about this. So, yes, handful of people probably all 31 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: could be like ten and less ten and less. That's 32 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 1: pretty good, though. Yeah, how do you when someone would 33 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 1: send you something that they wrote to read? Were you 34 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: like nervous to do it? Were you like, what if 35 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:08,400 Speaker 1: this is terrible? I can't know. Um, it wasn't until 36 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 1: after the fact of like oh what do I do? 37 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,360 Speaker 1: But initially I would just go win and be like 38 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 1: all right, here we go. And also who it was, 39 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: because if I know you and know the type of 40 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 1: writing you do, I'm like, oh, here we go, type 41 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:26,800 Speaker 1: of like mentally preparing. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense, that 42 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: makes sense. I I'm very protective of stuff I've written, 43 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,920 Speaker 1: which might sound funny given that would do this segment. 44 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:41,919 Speaker 1: Now you did destroy your previous works. I did. If 45 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,359 Speaker 1: you don't know what she's talking about listeners when I 46 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 1: think I used in high school. Gosh, I can't wait 47 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,639 Speaker 1: to talk about Turning Red. There's so many things that 48 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,119 Speaker 1: connected with in that movie. But there was a point 49 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:56,799 Speaker 1: in high school where I destroyed pretty much everything i'd 50 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: ever written, including a four book and then an ethically 51 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: long Harry Potter fan fiction and Peter Pan fan fiction 52 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 1: and Lord of Rings fan fiction. I ripped them up 53 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 1: and then burned them. Sad. Yeah, I'm really sad. I 54 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,120 Speaker 1: bet they were terrible, But I wish I could read 55 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: them and make that judgment for myself. Now, yeah, I 56 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 1: wish I could. That's a lot of commitment, Like I've 57 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 1: hit a hundred, I think a D fifties, the Maccid 58 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:32,959 Speaker 1: I don't like, Nope, done. Yeah, And I think one 59 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 1: of the reasons I destroyed it is something we've also 60 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,480 Speaker 1: talked about before, where I felt like, that level of 61 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 1: it's not perfect, so I have to get rid of it. 62 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: But also I was ashamed of them because I was 63 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 1: even though like now I'm a sexual, uh, I was 64 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: going through puberty and I was writing about what I 65 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 1: thought like and I just sex, but like kissing. And 66 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: I remember in my to the Rings when I wrote 67 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 1: I let a friend read it, and there's a kissing scene, 68 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 1: and she, rightfully but hurt my feelings, pointed out, I 69 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 1: don't think that's how kissing works. You don't kiss for 70 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 1: that long, because I think I like, they kissed her 71 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 1: ten minutes under like a waterfall or something. Look, one 72 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: of the worst kisses I ever had was doing the 73 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,159 Speaker 1: movie Kiss and it was so bad. It was like, 74 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,680 Speaker 1: what are you doing. I was like, yeah, that was 75 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,280 Speaker 1: bad because that's what I'd seen on TV. But it's 76 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,280 Speaker 1: so unrealistic. So this is what we were taught. So 77 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 1: I don't blame you, Thank you, thank you. But I 78 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,720 Speaker 1: was embarrassed when she said that because I was like, oh, no, 79 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 1: she's right. I have no idea how this works. And 80 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 1: then one of my brother's friends accidentally he read one 81 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 1: of my journals and he was real neat about it. No, 82 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:50,599 Speaker 1: that's an invasion of privacy. It was it was it 83 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,920 Speaker 1: was a short story. It was a fan fiction. It 84 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,160 Speaker 1: was a celebrity fan fiction. I can't remember who it 85 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 1: was with, but he is the car broke down and 86 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 1: I helped him. I helped him out and then he 87 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 1: fell immediately, of course, of course. And then my mom 88 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 1: she read one and she had the grace not to 89 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 1: say anything, but that one was kind of sexual. That 90 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,679 Speaker 1: one was a little so I was like a turning 91 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,920 Speaker 1: red moment. It was sexual in yourn. I know. That's 92 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 1: why I can't wait to talk about it. It's gonna 93 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,159 Speaker 1: be great. I was like, oh, my god, this is 94 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: exact thing, same thing happened to be almost oh, but 95 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 1: I said, the short story reading today is kind of 96 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:36,119 Speaker 1: an abridged I wrote a trilogy of books that's based 97 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 1: on this idea, and this is like a three page 98 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:43,479 Speaker 1: short story that is sort of consolidating it. Um. And 99 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: I loved this story. I did my first Dungeons and 100 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,440 Speaker 1: Jagon's campaign. The character I made I've talked about before 101 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:55,279 Speaker 1: was based on this, which actually was really difficult because 102 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 1: it's a real messed up story. So you introduced that 103 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: element into a just in Jackon's campaign. I guess, real messy. 104 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:06,280 Speaker 1: But I loved it, and it was something I did 105 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:08,839 Speaker 1: for stress where I would write on this right on 106 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:13,599 Speaker 1: this story, and people really wanted to read it because 107 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,599 Speaker 1: they had heard me talk about it. Um. Probably no 108 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: one has seen it. But there is a movie I 109 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 1: was in called Annie in the City, and they even 110 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,279 Speaker 1: mentioned it in there, like there's an assassin at the 111 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: end that like wakes her up in a dream that 112 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 1: characters involved in this. But it's kind of it's it's 113 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 1: well known, it is what I'm saying. My friends knew 114 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: where I was writing it, and I wanted to know 115 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: about it, wanted to read it, and I kept like 116 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 1: holding it close to my chest. No one ever was 117 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: going to read it. I still have people ask me 118 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 1: about it. In fact, a colleague of ours recently asked 119 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,280 Speaker 1: me if I could read it. I was like sure, 120 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 1: and then I never sent it because I am very 121 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: protective and like I get really in my head about 122 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,040 Speaker 1: if something's good or what if what if it's not feminist? 123 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 1: What if I'm like passing on some harmful message that 124 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 1: I don't know that I'm passing on, which I guess 125 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: ultimately be good to know that better than not know 126 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 1: that or you trying to publish something. But at one time, 127 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 1: my one of my ex boyfriends read part of it 128 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 1: and I didn't know he read part of it, and 129 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 1: I freaked out, like not on him, but like in 130 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:24,320 Speaker 1: my in my heart, like in my body panic, Samantha panic. 131 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: And he said I liked the part that I read, 132 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 1: and I was like, then you're messed up too. And 133 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 1: then I thought, well what does that say about me? 134 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 1: So listeners, you're in for a treat and go inside 135 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 1: the mind. Yes, and I have some points I want 136 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 1: to discuss afterwards, but in the meantime, let's get to 137 00:07:48,360 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: to this short story called Dark Family Secret. Can I 138 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 1: let you in on my Dark Family's Secret? We all 139 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 1: have origin stories, lies we tell ourselves over and over 140 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: until we believe them. The lies I told myself they 141 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: held so much power over me. I wanted to be fearless, 142 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: but fear exists for a reason. Open your eyes to 143 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:40,040 Speaker 1: the lies. I will change you, It will liberate you 144 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: if you let it. Be brave. Living with a lie 145 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 1: is easy, but don't shy away from the gray. As 146 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: complex and unsatisfying as it may be, embrace it. It's 147 00:08:54,640 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: where you live with all of us. I first heard 148 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,640 Speaker 1: of Nova as a pledging reporter researching a string of 149 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: unexplained phenomena, people disappearing into thin air literally, others apparently 150 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:17,319 Speaker 1: harnessing fire in their fist, manipulating time, super strength, superspeed, 151 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:23,840 Speaker 1: quick healing generation, and with all of this whispers whispers 152 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 1: of an elusive drug behind it. It was called Nova. 153 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: Even finding this information took a monumental amount of leg work. 154 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,640 Speaker 1: It was as if the people on the no authorities 155 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 1: included were actively hiding it. Even as the rate of 156 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,640 Speaker 1: these incidents increased, cover ups became more difficult to believe, 157 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:48,400 Speaker 1: thet whispers growing and possible to ignore. The difficulty of 158 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,240 Speaker 1: finding it made the allure of being the one to 159 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 1: break the story all the more intoxicating. Asking around, for 160 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 1: the most part, resulted in blank stares, but on rare occasions, 161 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 1: these sustions yielded parentoige responses or vague threats, urges to 162 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 1: drop it. If I knew it was good for me, 163 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 1: but I didn't drop it, some would argue I didn't 164 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:14,000 Speaker 1: know what was good for me either. I scoured the 165 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,959 Speaker 1: dark corners of the Internet, encountering images and stories that 166 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 1: made my skin crawl, that made me think of people 167 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: in a different way that are forever burned into my brain. Finally, 168 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:30,440 Speaker 1: I uncovered a form dedicated to finding people who sold Nova. 169 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 1: For the first time, I acknowledged the question that had 170 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: been lingering in the back of my mind, like a shadow. 171 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 1: If I got my hands on some was I going 172 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 1: to try it? Who doesn't? What superpowers? Right? The paranoia 173 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:52,800 Speaker 1: surrounding it, the threats hinted at something sinister. Still I 174 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:57,520 Speaker 1: was curious. I put out feelers to the group, build 175 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 1: up a rapport, established a trust as much as can 176 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 1: be established in the darkest corner of the Internet, trying 177 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 1: to get a lead on an underground drug. It took time, 178 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 1: but I got an invitation to an address I didn't recognize, 179 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,320 Speaker 1: with instructions to show up after midnight and to promise 180 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,920 Speaker 1: that if I shared this with anyone, the consequences would 181 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:20,959 Speaker 1: be severe. This was followed by a block of personal 182 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:26,440 Speaker 1: information social security number, apparent social security numbers, phone address, 183 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: credit cards, passwords. My stomach curdled, and for a moment 184 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 1: I teetered on calling the whole thing off. But I'm 185 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 1: nothing if not stubborn. The next night, I found myself 186 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,600 Speaker 1: nervously looking around a dark alleyway, fighting against the chill 187 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 1: in the post midnight air. A fog hung in the dark, 188 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 1: obscuring the streets the sky. I checked my phone GPS 189 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: for the fourth time to confirm that I was in 190 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 1: the right place. I wrapped my arms around my midsection, 191 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,320 Speaker 1: wondering if I should just leave, if it had all 192 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:58,200 Speaker 1: been a setup. A metal creaking to my left made 193 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 1: me jump so badly almost fell over. Red light flooded 194 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 1: into the alleyway, the fog twirling within the humming crimson beam. 195 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 1: It was a door in the ground. I just assumed 196 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 1: it was a cellar or for maintenance, and certainly didn't 197 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,720 Speaker 1: look like something I should open. I crept towards it, 198 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:25,320 Speaker 1: anticipation building almost painfully within me. My friends always joked 199 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:30,000 Speaker 1: my curiosity would get me killed. One day, as I 200 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 1: got closer, I realized there was a heavy, pulsating beat 201 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 1: coming from inside. An electric energy from within or without, 202 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,200 Speaker 1: I couldn't be sure. Made the hair on my arms 203 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: stand up. A tall, thin man emerged, dressed mostly in black, 204 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,520 Speaker 1: his silhouette throne and struck relief in the red light, 205 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 1: almost making him glow around the edges a thin, bright 206 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:55,280 Speaker 1: red line. For a moment, we stared at each other, frozen. 207 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 1: Then he turned sharply on his heel and left eerilysa 208 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 1: islence swallowed up in the red and the fog. I hesitated. 209 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:11,360 Speaker 1: He'd left the door open. I needed answers, I needed 210 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:18,120 Speaker 1: to know. I longed for fame, prestige, for immortality in 211 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 1: one form or another, that gaping need. I don't know 212 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,440 Speaker 1: why it was a part of me, why it's a 213 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:30,240 Speaker 1: part of so many of us. A way to cheat death, 214 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 1: perhaps to convince ourselves that we mattered. Decision made. I 215 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 1: strode towards the cellar door, blinking against the light. As 216 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 1: I turned towards its source, a red rectangle burned on 217 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 1: my retina, as if in a trance. I descended a 218 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: set of steep metal stairs that clanged with each step, 219 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: the sound oddly loud, despite the music growing in volume 220 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 1: as I headed towards it. On the final step, the 221 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,040 Speaker 1: door slammed shut behind me. I nearly jumped out of 222 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 1: my skin. Screen caught my throat. When I spun around, 223 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: another figure stood in front of me, a pale, smiling 224 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,440 Speaker 1: figure for the second time in as many seconds. I 225 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: almost fell backwards, gasping wildly. Hello, she said, pleasantly enough. 226 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 1: I tried to look behind her to gauge the safety 227 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,120 Speaker 1: of entering further, but her body in the entry way 228 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 1: scared my view. I wondered how likely I'd be able 229 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: to lift the door in the chance I needed to 230 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: make a quick exit. She laughed and unseddening the false sound. 231 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:38,040 Speaker 1: Do not be afraid, she said, I will be your guide. 232 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 1: Then she held out her hand as though to take mine. 233 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 1: I forgot how to breathe. I did not take her hand, 234 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: but I steeled myself and took the final stare, descending 235 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 1: completely into the burning red light. She smiled, too white 236 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 1: for her face. Her eyes blowed unnervingly. The woman led 237 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:04,440 Speaker 1: me inside her pace. Oh. The entryway led into a large, wide, 238 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,160 Speaker 1: open space, big enough that the red light mellowed and 239 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 1: I was able to make out the details of the space. 240 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,080 Speaker 1: On the left was what appeared to be a bar. 241 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: The board above sporting names. I didn't recognize the descriptions underneath, 242 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 1: reminiscent of wine or oysters, where it's like salty, briny, robust, 243 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:28,120 Speaker 1: fruit forward, bitter. Some had phrases like take a walk 244 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,640 Speaker 1: on the wild side, flirt with death. Next to the 245 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 1: descriptions were two sets of percentages, ranging from relatively low 246 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 1: to quite high. Some almost assize too high to be alcohol. 247 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 1: The prices were exorbitant. I shifted my focus to the 248 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,920 Speaker 1: center of the room and faltered with a dreadful start, 249 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,080 Speaker 1: I realized that the people sitting around the tables were 250 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,800 Speaker 1: hooked up to what looked like ivy bags of dark 251 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 1: liquid to stretching like umbilical cords. The woman's hand on 252 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 1: my arm directed me forward. Still processing what I was seeing, 253 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,160 Speaker 1: I allowed her to lead me to a table in 254 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 1: the center, and she guided me onto a soft leather seat. 255 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,760 Speaker 1: She sat across from me. That too wide, smile on 256 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:17,800 Speaker 1: wavering on her face. Tell me what you seek, she asked, 257 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 1: My mouth dry, I managed nova. Her voice was strange, 258 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 1: vibrating when she responded, you have come to the right place. 259 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 1: What what? I looked around, unsure what to ask. First, 260 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 1: I gestured at the ivy chords. Is that Nova? She nodded, once, 261 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 1: her eyes bright. What about the percentages? She told me 262 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:53,920 Speaker 1: Nova was unlike anything I ever seen, that it offered 263 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:58,320 Speaker 1: an unlimited power, immortality, but that the offering did not 264 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 1: come without a risk. The first percentage was the likelihood 265 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 1: you turn forever, never needing to take Nova again to 266 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:13,359 Speaker 1: reap its benefits, becoming more than human, a part of 267 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:18,240 Speaker 1: the new world order. The second was the risk of 268 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 1: death or insanity. My gaze darted back to the board 269 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:29,639 Speaker 1: so high I breathe this. Many people are willing to 270 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 1: take the risk, aren't you, the woman asked, I was, 271 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 1: I realized. Her smile grew wider, as though she already 272 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:46,800 Speaker 1: knew the answer. Human life is meaningless, she said, nova 273 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:52,560 Speaker 1: can offer so much more. Life can be so much more. 274 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:58,440 Speaker 1: The greater the risk, the greater the reward. In the end, 275 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,400 Speaker 1: I still went with the least risky option, cringing at 276 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,199 Speaker 1: the price. She asked if I'd like the drip or 277 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 1: the drink. I asked the difference. She looked at me 278 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 1: for a long moment before she stood without responding. I 279 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,359 Speaker 1: glanced around as she rose to get it for me, 280 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:20,320 Speaker 1: subtly cataloging the other patrons. Their faces were painted with ecstasy, 281 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:25,800 Speaker 1: as though they were seeing wonders, untold wonders unimaginable. It 282 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:30,879 Speaker 1: filled me with awe and terror and cavernous curiosity. I 283 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 1: had to admit there was some excitement in toying with 284 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 1: death and madness. The woman returned with a glass of dark, 285 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:41,199 Speaker 1: viscous liquid, retaking her seat and delicately placing it in 286 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 1: front of me. I stared at it, the red light 287 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 1: reflecting off of it. My heart pulsing along with the music. 288 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:54,479 Speaker 1: Something about it pulled a siren song. Tentatively, I grasped 289 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:59,359 Speaker 1: the stem, slowly, twirling it around, asking if I drink this, 290 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 1: I'm my just die or there's my mind right here, yes, 291 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: she smiled. I thought of my body being dragged out 292 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,680 Speaker 1: of this grungy space, tossed like garbage. No one would 293 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: ever know what happened. Or I could take this right 294 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:28,359 Speaker 1: now and become legendary, no risk, no reward. I tossed 295 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:30,639 Speaker 1: it back in one big gulp, slamming the glass on 296 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,560 Speaker 1: the table with perhaps too much force, wiping my mouth. 297 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,920 Speaker 1: It tasted like salt and overly ripe fruit. I took 298 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 1: a gasp, then another, thinking it hadn't worked, but I 299 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:46,640 Speaker 1: was all alive after all. Then the world split apart. 300 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,560 Speaker 1: My mouth was on fire. Every taste but on my 301 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 1: tongue was reverberating. It was like tasting pure undistilled power. 302 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 1: I had never felt anything mike, It never believed anything 303 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:05,439 Speaker 1: like it could have existed. It was as though I 304 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: had been dead and was now alive, that I could 305 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:12,400 Speaker 1: truly see for the first time, and everything so much 306 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 1: more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. I could 307 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 1: see time itself, all of the past not taken, the universe, 308 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 1: like bear, all of it. Mine too alive to alive, 309 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:33,119 Speaker 1: life itself, fire, fire, fire, too much for this pitiful body. 310 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,520 Speaker 1: I was laughing wildly. I realized my skin tingled with pleasure. 311 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,000 Speaker 1: A wide smile pulled up my lips. I forced my 312 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:46,000 Speaker 1: eyes to focus every breath pure electricity. The glass in 313 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 1: front of me exploded, and I laughed louder. People looked 314 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 1: at me and away, grinning, clearly having seen it before, 315 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,440 Speaker 1: ready to go back to their own highs. Is this real? 316 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:05,920 Speaker 1: I asked what? There was no answer. Instead, my guide said, congratulations, 317 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:11,119 Speaker 1: you survived. Then I asked the question I should have 318 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,439 Speaker 1: asked at the outset, but had been too afraid to, 319 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 1: afraid it would stop me. What is this? What is nova? 320 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 1: Do you care? The voice asked, and for a moment, 321 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,840 Speaker 1: bathing in the beautiful warmth and casing me, I didn't, 322 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:35,640 Speaker 1: but I made myself nod. Ever, the curious one, it's 323 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:40,480 Speaker 1: a gateway to what we could be, what we could experience. 324 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,640 Speaker 1: It's the next step in human evolution, she offered, somehow 325 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:51,879 Speaker 1: both serene and terrifying. I persisted, you want in on 326 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: our dark family's secret. She whispered, somehow loud over the music. 327 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:03,000 Speaker 1: Now that you're one of us, The words blared chaotically 328 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 1: in my brain. She leaned closer, a red halo around her, 329 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:15,360 Speaker 1: everything in vivid clarity. Why it's blood, my dear. Her 330 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:19,640 Speaker 1: words were like horrible bells, clawed hands wrapping around my lungs. 331 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 1: The blood of children aged, it's the most effective. I 332 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,240 Speaker 1: stared down into the broken glass at the vestiges of 333 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 1: dark buscus, liquid dream like surreal. I pivoted, observing all 334 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:38,720 Speaker 1: the patrons hooked up to their I VS. They all knew. 335 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:43,600 Speaker 1: I realized they all knew, and we're choosing it anyway. 336 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:50,959 Speaker 1: And the children, do you kill them? My voice sounded 337 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 1: distant to my own ears. Only sometimes came the far 338 00:22:56,200 --> 00:23:00,680 Speaker 1: to non slad answer. They're rare, the ones that into SNOVA. 339 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,679 Speaker 1: Try to keep them alive again. I glanced around, wondering 340 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:11,119 Speaker 1: if what we've chosen was life our death. Ultimately I 341 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,920 Speaker 1: decided it didn't matter. I did not ask any more questions. 342 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,639 Speaker 1: I didn't push the high was so great. I just 343 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,760 Speaker 1: didn't want to know, and knowing what I do now, 344 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,879 Speaker 1: I would do it again. I try not to linger 345 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 1: too long on that thought, but it is the truth. 346 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,760 Speaker 1: I was one of the family now, a family connected 347 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,480 Speaker 1: by blood and by the knowledge we drank the blood 348 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:42,399 Speaker 1: of children, joined forever by the dark truth of what 349 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 1: we've done. My family is growing all around to be 350 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 1: honest with herself. Give them the chance. Can you be 351 00:23:54,440 --> 00:24:19,640 Speaker 1: certain you wouldn't take it? And we're back? Yes, Yes, 352 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:24,439 Speaker 1: very dramatic, very dramatic. So there are several things I 353 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,520 Speaker 1: want to talk about. First of all, I want to 354 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 1: say I wrote this the first version of this story 355 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,800 Speaker 1: in middle school, and I've rewritten it like seven times. 356 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:40,520 Speaker 1: But I had this idea a long time ago, I 357 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:44,960 Speaker 1: want to say, because it's weird to be reading this now, 358 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:50,720 Speaker 1: which is a story about drinking someone's children's blood essentially 359 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:57,560 Speaker 1: to get powers. When Q and On has this whole 360 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 1: idea that is very similar as part of their conspiracy 361 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,800 Speaker 1: and way of thinking. And when that happened, when I 362 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:16,160 Speaker 1: was hearing about what they believe gave me boss oh 363 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:22,440 Speaker 1: no looks like hands to me, going okay, um, I 364 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:27,359 Speaker 1: think it's some bed pan and you bypass that. I 365 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:35,200 Speaker 1: love it so so I think one of the things 366 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:40,480 Speaker 1: we've talked about that is related to this. We've discussed 367 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:45,080 Speaker 1: it many times. Is this idea of really playing on 368 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:51,520 Speaker 1: women and their protection, like I need to protect children 369 00:25:52,960 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 1: and those quote maternal instincts and using that sort of 370 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:07,639 Speaker 1: a trojan horse for a lot of other nefarious things. 371 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:11,960 Speaker 1: Because if you're saying I mean essentially, if you get 372 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,400 Speaker 1: behind the like we've got to protect the children flag, 373 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 1: I feel like we've used that for so many damaging 374 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:26,520 Speaker 1: causes throughout time. So when I originally had this idea, 375 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,600 Speaker 1: which again I was in middle school, which I guess 376 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,439 Speaker 1: you can judge me for that if you want, but 377 00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:33,439 Speaker 1: I think I think I was going off of the 378 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:39,920 Speaker 1: what would be the most kind of disturbing trolley problem 379 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,680 Speaker 1: of I want superpowers? Oh it means I'm drinking this 380 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,639 Speaker 1: child's blood to get them? Do you still do it? 381 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:50,240 Speaker 1: So I get like the that I remember I had 382 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,440 Speaker 1: a teacher I think I've talked about her before, Ms. Tipton. 383 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,800 Speaker 1: She was my language professor, and she was so difficult. 384 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:58,959 Speaker 1: She was in high school. She's so hard. And I 385 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,560 Speaker 1: read this essay one that I had written about well, 386 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,479 Speaker 1: I didn't think we should go to war in Iraq, 387 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 1: and I had like a really what I thought was 388 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:13,640 Speaker 1: like a really moving passage and there about basically like 389 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,120 Speaker 1: I focused in on a story about a child who 390 00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:23,560 Speaker 1: had died in a strike, and she was like, you know, 391 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,119 Speaker 1: you can use that stuff, but that's a lot of 392 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: emotional manipulation, and you're doing a lot of like you 393 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 1: need to give more than that. And that's like a 394 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,199 Speaker 1: lot of our politics today does that. Like we were like, 395 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,960 Speaker 1: here's this one story, it's so terrible, right, therefore that 396 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 1: means all of it's terrible. We have to fix yeah, right, right, 397 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,440 Speaker 1: And I think that really stuck with me. I think 398 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,960 Speaker 1: obviously I still think about it to this day. But 399 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:58,480 Speaker 1: it also is interesting again, this is a really consolidated 400 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: version of what I originally wrote, and I do have 401 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,159 Speaker 1: plans to read more of it on on here eventually. 402 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,639 Speaker 1: But it also has like the most cinnamon role of 403 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,000 Speaker 1: cinnamon roal characters before I even know what a cinnamon 404 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 1: role was. So then you feel extraterrible because it's a 405 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,879 Speaker 1: cinnamon role that you're doing this too. And it also 406 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,679 Speaker 1: has a tripe. I know we've talked about it recently 407 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: and I've written several things about this, so clearly it's 408 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,600 Speaker 1: a thing and I know that people it bothers people 409 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:26,600 Speaker 1: and it is worth talking about. But of the like 410 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:31,760 Speaker 1: journalists who isn't a good journalist who you know, um 411 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:36,720 Speaker 1: falls in love with the subject or engages in something 412 00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 1: like this. I like this character because she, um, she 413 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 1: has this whole backstory in my head about wanting to 414 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 1: be famous, like wanting to be a journalist for the 415 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:55,520 Speaker 1: wrong reasons, like um, So I think that's also something 416 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 1: we should talk about. But I just want to say 417 00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,200 Speaker 1: I totally hear that critique, and I think it's a 418 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: good critique. I think it's legit mm hmm, especially for 419 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 1: like women journalists right right. And then the title from 420 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:14,520 Speaker 1: this one I liked because I like a lot of 421 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:18,640 Speaker 1: that stuff of you know, the dark things in our 422 00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:20,720 Speaker 1: families that we try to hide, that we keep secret, 423 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:22,400 Speaker 1: and in this one, being like, if you know the 424 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,920 Speaker 1: secret of how you've got the powers, the dark family secrets, 425 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:26,880 Speaker 1: you know where it comes from, so you're kind of 426 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:32,400 Speaker 1: connected through this bloodline, through this drug, So to continue 427 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 1: to engage in it dark family SECRETO. Yeah, it didn't 428 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: end well for my character and Dungeons and Dragons, I'll 429 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 1: tell you that it didn't end well for like anybody's 430 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:55,320 Speaker 1: character in my campaign. But you know, we all made 431 00:29:55,320 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 1: our choices. We made our choices. It is there, it 432 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:06,840 Speaker 1: is well. We hope that you've enjoyed this fictional segment. 433 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,320 Speaker 1: We love doing them, and we'll see you next month 434 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,960 Speaker 1: with another one. Uh. In the meantime, if there's any 435 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,920 Speaker 1: fiction in the public domain you want us to read 436 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:18,240 Speaker 1: and give the same treatment to we up to do it. Um. 437 00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 1: You can emails that stuff in your mom stuff at 438 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 1: i heeart meta dot com. You can find us on 439 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,680 Speaker 1: Twitter at mom Stuff Podcasts or Instagram at stuff I 440 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,320 Speaker 1: Never Told You. Thanks it's always to a super producer, Christina, 441 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:30,040 Speaker 1: super duper producer. Oh yeah, and thanks to you, you're 442 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:32,280 Speaker 1: listening stuff I Never told you protection I h Heart 443 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,800 Speaker 1: Radio from more podcast from I Heart Radio. Visit radio 444 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,080 Speaker 1: at Apple podcast or ready listen to your favorite shows