Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, it's your big sister Cheeky's and you've reached
Speaker 1: my personal voicemailbox for the Dear Cheeky's podcast. I'm here
Speaker 1: to give you a device on anything and everything you
Speaker 1: need help with. Whether you're going through a breakup or
Speaker 1: having issues with your family, or maybe you have a
Speaker 1: question about my personal life. Whatever the case is, I
Speaker 1: want to hear from you. Remember these are my thoughts
Speaker 1: in my opinions, and if you're suffering from a serious
Speaker 1: issue or hardship, you should seek help from a qualified professional.
Speaker 1: All right, now, go ahead and leave your message at
Speaker 1: the sound of the beeB.
Speaker 2: Heye Cheeky's. I just want to start off by saying
Speaker 2: I'm a huge fan of you and your family, and
Speaker 2: I want to say thank you so much for having
Speaker 2: this podcast. It's like listening to my big sister that
Speaker 2: I never had. I had a question to ask you,
Speaker 2: how did you know you were ready to be with Emelia.
Speaker 2: I know, after your doors and everything, it was extremely
Speaker 2: hard for you, but how did you know that it
Speaker 2: was someone that you wanted to be with. I guess
Speaker 2: my question in general is I recently got out of
Speaker 2: a narcissistic, abusive relationship, and he dated five other girls
Speaker 2: at the same time, and we all came forward together,
Speaker 2: Me and the girls exchange stories. However, the group chat
Speaker 2: and all of them wasn't the best supportive. So knowledge
Speaker 2: I feel betrayed by him, but also by them, and
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to navigate this whole situation of betrayal
Speaker 2: and trust issues and try not to compare myself to
Speaker 2: know when I'll be ready to date again. I'm lucky
Speaker 2: that I have great friends that are supporting me and
Speaker 2: helping me right now through this difficult time. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I just would like some big sister advice. But anyways,
Speaker 2: thanks girl, love.
Speaker 1: You, Oh Christina, thank you, thank you for listening. Thank
Speaker 1: you for all those beautiful things you said. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: first of all, thank goodness you're not with that person anymore.
Speaker 1: Oh what a blessing. And you know what, don't even
Speaker 1: take it personal with these girls. If they betrayed you,
Speaker 1: if you feel like they backstabbed you, it's all good.
Speaker 1: Wish them well to each their own good riddance, you know,
Speaker 1: so just let them all go. This is the best
Speaker 1: thing that could have happened to you. I've been there,
Speaker 1: done that, I was in a narcissistic relationship. I was
Speaker 1: in an emotional abusive relationship. I was in somewhat of
Speaker 1: a loveless relationship. So I completely understand, which is why
Speaker 1: when I met Emilio, I could say I was tainted,
Speaker 1: I was jaded, but I was very honest with him
Speaker 1: from the beginning. I said, hey, I am nowhere near
Speaker 1: ready to be in a relationship. I am heartbroken, I
Speaker 1: am healing, I am learning new things about myself, and
Speaker 1: I'm still not divorced. So there it is. I laid
Speaker 1: it all out and he took it. He said, it's okay,
Speaker 1: it's fine. There's no reason why you need to heal
Speaker 1: by yourself. Because for a long time I thought I
Speaker 1: needed to be alone in order to heal, like I
Speaker 1: had no business being with anyone. And Emilio was like,
Speaker 1: very patient and said, this world is for us to
Speaker 1: love one another and have a partner and so on
Speaker 1: and so forth. So he kind of made me feel safe,
Speaker 1: and that's how I knew, well, this is a person
Speaker 1: I want to spend time with. For about two years,
Speaker 1: I was back and forth. It was very difficult, and
Speaker 1: he was very patient, and he was in a lot
Speaker 1: of therapy, doing therapy weekly because I was still healing.
Speaker 1: But I was very honest, So you know, in my defense,
Speaker 1: I was honest and I was very straightforward, but he
Speaker 1: was patient. I think it just takes a person that
Speaker 1: is patient. But also, even if you don't have anyone
Speaker 1: right now, there's don't rush into anything. Take this time
Speaker 1: to heal, to read, you know, self help books. I
Speaker 1: know they sound like, oh, there's such a cliche, but
Speaker 1: honestly they help. I love anything that's going to make
Speaker 1: my heart feel better, So meditate, go on hikes, do
Speaker 1: things that make you happy, take care of your body.
Speaker 1: All those things are going to make you feel better
Speaker 1: about yourself. So when that person comes, you accept it
Speaker 1: and you're more open to it. And I always tell
Speaker 1: people this, try becoming the person that you want to retract.
Speaker 1: So if you want a responsible person, then you need
Speaker 1: to be responsible. If you want a healthy person, then
Speaker 1: you need to be healthy first. If you don't want
Speaker 1: someone that has addictions, then don't have addictions, you know,
Speaker 1: So become that person you're trying to attract while you're healing.
Speaker 1: So that is my suggestion, and that's what I did.
Speaker 1: I was doing that a little bit right before I
Speaker 1: met a medium and then you know, he helped me
Speaker 1: the rest of the way. You know, but I didn't
Speaker 1: know I was ready. I was still healing. I just
Speaker 1: happened to have someone that was very patient, and because
Speaker 1: I was honest, it worked. So if someone does happen
Speaker 1: to come along the way and in your path, then
Speaker 1: just be honest and say here, this is where I'm at.
Speaker 1: And you also have to know what you won't tolerate.
Speaker 1: You have to tell that person from the very beginning
Speaker 1: so they know I'm not here to play games like
Speaker 1: either you are in with your two feet and not
Speaker 1: one foot in one foot out, or don't waste my time.
Speaker 1: So that is my suggestion. Sorry, very long response, but
Speaker 1: I thought it was very important that you knew all
Speaker 1: of this. And thank you for your question, Christina. I
Speaker 1: appreciate it and I'm wishing you all the best. All right,
Speaker 1: next question guys from an anonymous listener. Let's see what
Speaker 1: they gotta say.
Speaker 3: Hi, Cheeky's since I was sixteen years old, I haven't
Speaker 3: had a relationship or plan on having a relationship with
Speaker 3: my older sister. I am now twenty five. I was
Speaker 3: sexually abused by her at six years old and was
Speaker 3: sexually assaulted by her friend's husband at fifteen while she
Speaker 3: left me alone upstairs to party downstairs at her friend's house. Wow,
Speaker 3: all's babysitting her children, my niece and my nephew and
Speaker 3: two other children. I stopped having a relationship with her
Speaker 3: because she hasn't apologized sincerely about any of the abuse
Speaker 3: or recognized that she did anything wrong. Even my own
Speaker 3: parents have said I should be the bigger person and
Speaker 3: forgive her and move on to have a relationship with her,
Speaker 3: because she's my sister. She has always been a lying, manipulative,
Speaker 3: and narcissistic person. I don't think she'll ever change or
Speaker 3: see that she did anything wrong. What would you do
Speaker 3: if you were in my place? Would you move on
Speaker 3: and forgive her?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: My goodness, bab I'm so sorry all of that happened
Speaker 1: to you. Ah. Look, they say blood is thicker than water,
Speaker 1: but I say we choose who we want our family
Speaker 1: to be. If your sister has not accepted, he has
Speaker 1: not apologized sincerely, and it sounds like your mom is
Speaker 1: kind of enabling that behavior, then in my opinion, it's
Speaker 1: okay to make and create distance between you and your sister,
Speaker 1: it's that healthy for you. It's not going to help
Speaker 1: your healing process and your healing journey. I think you
Speaker 1: should forgive her, even if she doesn't ask for forgiveness,
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean you have to have a relationship
Speaker 1: with her, And that doesn't mean that you're going to
Speaker 1: forget everything she did. I think forgiveness is for you.
Speaker 1: It's to liberate you and not carrying that around. I
Speaker 1: forgave my dad for sexually abusing me way before he
Speaker 1: even asked me to forgive him. I chose that. I said,
Speaker 1: you know what, your sister has demons that she's fighting,
Speaker 1: that she has to fight the things that she needs
Speaker 1: to heal. Only she knows deep down inside why she
Speaker 1: did what she did and why she acts the way
Speaker 1: she acts, and she has things. I'm not saying she's
Speaker 1: a bad person, but she has things that she has
Speaker 1: to work through and you have to just understand that.
Speaker 1: But that does not mean that you have to have
Speaker 1: a relationship with her because she hasn't accepted and that
Speaker 1: doesn't feel good. If someone doesn't validate you and you
Speaker 1: don't feel vindicated, you're just enabling their behavior and that's
Speaker 1: not okay. So I'm okay with you. I, as your
Speaker 1: big sister, give you permission to not talk to her.
Speaker 1: It's okay. She's not a person that is going to
Speaker 1: bring the best out in you. If anything, she's gonna
Speaker 1: make you upset. It's going to bother you, especially if
Speaker 1: she hasn't apologized and accepted that she did something wrong.
Speaker 1: Not okay with that, It's not okay. And boundaries are
Speaker 1: good and they're healthy. So that is my opinion, and
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I wish your sister was a better sister,
Speaker 1: and one day she will realize, and hopefully it's not
Speaker 1: too late when she realizes what she did. But don't
Speaker 1: close the door all the way. I would say, you know,
Speaker 1: have hope that she'll come around and apologize and become
Speaker 1: a better person all around, not only for you, but
Speaker 1: for her children, for herself. Let's pray for her. Let's
Speaker 1: send her love and light. Love and light to your sister,
Speaker 1: sending you a big hug. Okay, guys, let's go with
Speaker 1: Hopefully I'm pronouncing your name correctly, Kania.
Speaker 4: Hi Cheeky's First, I want to say I've been a
Speaker 4: huge fan of you for a long time. You your
Speaker 4: whole family and everyone. And my question is I have
Speaker 4: a hard time socializing, and I think that comes from
Speaker 4: a lot of things, like I don't know what to
Speaker 4: say or how to react to conversations. So what do
Speaker 4: you think is the biggest piece of advice with socializing Kania?
Speaker 1: Okay, I totally understand that. I used to deal with
Speaker 1: this with my brother, my little brother, Johnny, and now
Speaker 1: he's a little better. He would always say, I'm so antisocial.
Speaker 1: I feel so weird around people if I'm afraid of
Speaker 1: sounding dumb. And I think that comes from being in
Speaker 1: your head too much. You think a little too much,
Speaker 1: and I think we all do. I definitely overanalyze a
Speaker 1: lot of things. But I think once you get to
Speaker 1: a point where you like completely accept yourself and love yourself,
Speaker 1: and you're just like, this is who I am. I
Speaker 1: like myself, you are not worried about sounding dumb or
Speaker 1: like faking the funk. You know, because sometimes when you
Speaker 1: are in a group of people and they're talking about
Speaker 1: something that you may not even know what they're talking about.
Speaker 1: I used to feel the same way. To be honest,
Speaker 1: I'd be like I don't even know, like sometimes about
Speaker 1: politics or cause I tend to forget things, and I
Speaker 1: don't know a lot about a lot of things, you know,
Speaker 1: So I used to just pretend or stay quiet, and
Speaker 1: now what I do is, oh what does that mean?
Speaker 1: I ask questions and I don't care if I sound
Speaker 1: dumb or they think that I don't know about things,
Speaker 1: like I'm like, well, it's better to ask a question
Speaker 1: and just say straight up like, oh, I don't know,
Speaker 1: you know? Can you explain that? Can you elaborate? You know?
Speaker 1: And that's how you start a conversation, and then they'll
Speaker 1: go and tell you hey, and they'll explain it, hopefully.
Speaker 1: So I think it's all about getting out of your
Speaker 1: head and just being unapologetically yourself. I think that helps
Speaker 1: a lot, and just saying well, it's okay not to
Speaker 1: know everything, it's okay not to be like everyone else.
Speaker 1: I think it's just mainly getting out of our own
Speaker 1: head that gets in our way, and I think that'll
Speaker 1: definitely help a lot. So hopefully that made sense, and
Speaker 1: hopefully that helps you. And thank you so much for
Speaker 1: your question, and just don't worry. Don't worry so much,
Speaker 1: just shake it off and start a conversation. And if
Speaker 1: you don't feel comfortable, you don't feel comfortable and you
Speaker 1: never know like if you just take the risk of
Speaker 1: talking to someone, it will open up another world for you.
Speaker 1: So do it unapologetically and do it even if you're scared.
Speaker 1: Do it scared. It's gonna be fine, I promise you.
Speaker 1: And before I let you go, Knia, look, trust me,
Speaker 1: We're not the only ones and you're not the only
Speaker 1: one that feels that way. I think we are all
Speaker 1: in our head a lot. We all overthink, we all overanalyze.
Speaker 1: We all feel a little shy or intimidated in a
Speaker 1: new crowd or around people that we're not used to.
Speaker 1: So just know you're not alone in that. And just
Speaker 1: people know and have worked through it. And all you
Speaker 1: have to do is just work through it and it'll
Speaker 1: be fine. You'll see. Just try it, all right, guys,
Speaker 1: So this one was just three questions, but don't worry,
Speaker 1: we have more of Dear Cheeky's for you very soon.
Speaker 1: Thank you all for your questions, Thank you for taking
Speaker 1: the time. I hope that my advice helped. Please keep
Speaker 1: us updated. I'd like to know what's going on, if
Speaker 1: my advice helped or not. And if you have a question,
Speaker 1: please leave your question at speakpipe dot com, slash Cheekys
Speaker 1: and Jail podcast. Okay, I love you, I appreciate you,
Speaker 1: and I will see you here. I'll be waiting for
Speaker 1: you and your question.
Speaker 3: Love ya.
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