1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,440 Speaker 1: My fiance said, he dumped me if I cheated, and 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,760 Speaker 1: it's really upsetting me. 3 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:08,119 Speaker 2: Okayop, this is Okayop. I'm Samuel Dunner and I'm John Fro. 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,520 Speaker 2: Can we tell the funniest I tell you? 5 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:11,039 Speaker 3: Then? 6 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 2: John? 7 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 3: Uh, can you please tell me something funny to uplift 8 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 3: my spirits in this dark, tumultuous time that we call 9 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 3: the present. 10 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 1: My fiance said, he dumped me if I cheated, and 11 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:21,680 Speaker 1: it's really upsetting me. 12 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 3: What let's let's dig into this bad boy well, he said, 13 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 3: he dumped me if I cheated. If keyword yeah right, yeah, yes. 14 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: Buckle your seat bell, get ready for you a right? 15 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:42,560 Speaker 1: Okay uh oh, he acknowledges you. Yes, this sounds very strange. No, 16 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:46,120 Speaker 1: I haven't cheated. Just to cut off that, my fiance 17 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,920 Speaker 1: and I have been together for seven years, so you know, 18 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: not nothing. A while, a while, we were planning on 19 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 1: getting hitched last year, but the pandemic kicked that out 20 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 1: of the window, and now that's on indefinite hold. 21 00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 2: As we both agreed, we aren't. 22 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: So bobbed by the notion of marriage and we want 23 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,120 Speaker 1: to wait until we can have the massive blowout wedding 24 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 1: where everyone can attend that everyone is so keen on 25 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: and that we've saved for makes sense to me, you know, 26 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: wait to where we can have the big celebration. One 27 00:01:13,959 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 1: of the things we've had in common right from the 28 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 1: start is we both are the same type of person. 29 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:23,560 Speaker 2: When we're drunk. Okay, an interesting commonality to share. 30 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 3: You got your see, like, I have drunk buddies that 31 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 3: I love to drink with. Yeah, I'm not sure necessarily 32 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 3: sure of a marriage material. You gotta spend a lot 33 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 3: of time not drunk unless you're you're trying to have 34 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 3: liver cancer. 35 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, liver problems leave a pretty corpse. 36 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: As they say, we both get really tactile and flirty 37 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: and lovey dovey with whoever happens to be around. Boundaries 38 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 1: go out of the window a little bit on that front. Okay, 39 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: interesting nice? So uh well, when we both got together, 40 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 1: a large part of our so life was parties with 41 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: lots of booze. But shortly after I got an internship 42 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,640 Speaker 1: followed by job after a job after job that wasn't 43 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:12,640 Speaker 1: compatible with that lifestyle. So my fiance had a period 44 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 1: of about a year where he would attend all of 45 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,600 Speaker 1: these parties without me. Before he also got a job 46 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: that meant he couldn't go out anymore during that time. 47 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: I later found out wild drunk, he kissed slash made 48 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 1: out with some random women. And this happened on wait women, women, 49 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 1: this happened on three or four occasions. 50 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 2: Wow, that's a bomb to beat drops. 51 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,919 Speaker 1: He made out like, oh, peace partner, not ope, oh 52 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 1: Pea's partner. 53 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:49,640 Speaker 3: People, that's okay, yeah, okay, yeah okay. 54 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,920 Speaker 1: So Opie says, I didn't find out until after the 55 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,920 Speaker 1: last one had happened shortly before he started the job. 56 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 1: While I was upset at first, I later realized it 57 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: wasn't the that accepted me. 58 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 2: It was the implications of it. 59 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,960 Speaker 3: Well, I like that that he lied and he wasn't 60 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,320 Speaker 3: forthright about what he did because he knew it would 61 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 3: have consequences. Like you have to be honest right in 62 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,960 Speaker 3: that relationship, in honesty, Like there can be mistakes, but 63 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:18,359 Speaker 3: honesty has to be at the center of that relation. 64 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 1: So you have to actually put in some amount of work. 65 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:24,200 Speaker 1: If a mistake happens, you have to actually put in work. 66 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 1: And like part of work is like being honest, yeah, 67 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,920 Speaker 1: coming forward and like okay, like I don't want to 68 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: be this person, and I want to, you know, and 69 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 1: prove and be better. Opie adds to that sentiment. She says, 70 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 1: normally when people cheat, it means they aren't happy or 71 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: want to leave their partner, right, But I realized this 72 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: wasn't the case here. He was none of those things. 73 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 1: He was just drunk and happy, and those women happened 74 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:48,680 Speaker 1: to be present, and like, wow, quite a perspective. I 75 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 1: wouldn't say I was enthusiastic about it, but once I 76 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 1: made that jump, it felt like no biggie, and I 77 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 1: probably would have been okay with it happening again as 78 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: just part of the standard night out for him if 79 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,200 Speaker 1: it had happened again, Like, some people get drunk and 80 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 1: have incredibly intimate heart to heart with random folks where 81 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 1: they reveal things that they haven't told their partner even 82 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 1: and I think I'd probably be more upset over that 83 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 1: than a little tongue action. 84 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,240 Speaker 2: Very progressive. 85 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:20,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, takes an interesting take basically like I'd rather you know, 86 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: you have some random meaningless like makeout than like bear 87 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,920 Speaker 1: your soul to someone in a way that you haven't 88 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,279 Speaker 1: bared it to me before. 89 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 3: I don't know if I agree with that, Like I 90 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:35,240 Speaker 3: understand maybe giving a pass for making out with someone, 91 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:39,040 Speaker 3: especially if you're having a more progressive relationship where it's 92 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 3: maybe a little bit more polygamous. 93 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 2: Well, they haven't agreed upon that. 94 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 3: They haven't agreed upon about that agreement, so it's not 95 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,880 Speaker 3: it's still like a little bit of lying, especially if 96 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 3: you're if you have an agreement that that's not going 97 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 3: to happen. 98 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 2: So that's a little bit of a questionable territory. But 99 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 2: I don't know. 100 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 3: I think bearing your soul to people while drunk is fine. 101 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 3: Yeah that I you can have intimate conversations with anyone 102 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,920 Speaker 3: like I've had, I have intimate conversations with strangers, I 103 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 3: mean in the street all the time. 104 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe it. I believe it in a good way. 105 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:13,599 Speaker 3: By the way, a tongue action though. 106 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:18,279 Speaker 2: No tongue action, well just tongue action of talking. Yeah, soul, 107 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 2: you know, not of other regions. 108 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 1: But the job happened, so he didn't do this with 109 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 1: anyone else, and bearing his profuse apologies at the time, 110 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: it didn't really come up again. None of this came 111 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,360 Speaker 1: up in years actually until last week where we were 112 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: discussing another post on this very subreddit and he suddenly 113 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: busted out the belief that cheating, any kind of cheating 114 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 1: at all, is totally unforgivable and an instant relationship ender, 115 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:50,599 Speaker 1: no matter the length of time or circumstances surrounding the incidents. Huh, 116 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:54,080 Speaker 1: there is never any excuse. Cheaters are all morally bankrupt 117 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: and horrendous human beings. It's practically abused, et cetera, et cetera. 118 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,720 Speaker 2: Seems a little hypocritical scene. 119 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 3: Seeing that you made out with three to four girls 120 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,280 Speaker 3: on multiple occasions, I'd be like. 121 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 1: Oh, oh right, so you are a morally bankrupt, horrendous 122 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,840 Speaker 1: human being that deserves an instantly ended relationship. 123 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, why are you arguing against yourself? 124 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 3: That? 125 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:19,600 Speaker 1: Oh goodness garacious. Yeah, there's a clear misalignment of views 126 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:20,080 Speaker 1: right here. 127 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:20,560 Speaker 2: Op. 128 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 1: He goes on to say, Now, don't get me wrong, 129 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: I'm sure there's lots of folks out there that would 130 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,000 Speaker 1: say this hard line is admirable and exactly what. 131 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 2: They would want to hear. But for me, this gave 132 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,560 Speaker 2: me pause. Yeah, because your boyfriend is being a hypocrite. 133 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: Bro, he's fucking slang in that tongue all over the place. 134 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 1: I did point out, Oh here you go, now, I 135 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,320 Speaker 1: did point out that if that's the case, what does 136 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 1: that make him based on those actions years ago? 137 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 2: Oh oh my god? 138 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,280 Speaker 1: And did that mean if I got up to the 139 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,599 Speaker 1: same stuff now that he did, he would end it 140 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:01,200 Speaker 1: with me? Hmm, oh, here we go. This is where 141 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:04,679 Speaker 1: it's getting good. His response that because he was young 142 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 1: and stupid and it wasn't the same if I did 143 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: it now, then yes, he would dump me because I'm 144 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 1: not young anymore. 145 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 2: And I don't have this excuse. 146 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 3: Do you a double standard? Seems like a double standard. 147 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 3: She gave you a break. 148 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: I need to find curse words that I can say 149 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: to describe people on tam you fiddle stick. 150 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:28,280 Speaker 2: He's a buffoon, freaking incompoove a great one. 151 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 1: And we've tabled it since then because honestly, it really 152 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,840 Speaker 1: upset me, and I'm struggling to get him to understand why. 153 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 1: I don't think that those incidents were because he was 154 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 1: young and stupid. I think now that they're reflective of 155 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 1: who he is. We've been drunk together in company since then, 156 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 1: and he has flirted with other women during that time, 157 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: even if he ended up focusing on me by the 158 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: end of those nights. So it's not like that's not 159 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,240 Speaker 1: part of his personality and it's not present. So the 160 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: thing is, it's not like that's not part of his personality. 161 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 1: He just hasn't had the opportunity to make out with 162 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:02,480 Speaker 1: someone else again. 163 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 2: Like he did in the past. Hm. 164 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 1: It feels like I did a lot of emotional work 165 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: back then to accept him for who he is, and 166 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 1: he is not willing to do the same back for me. 167 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 3: Yeah uh yeah. She gave him such a big break, dude. 168 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 1: A big big breakak And just like I mean think 169 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,600 Speaker 1: like the way that she described that like emotional journey 170 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 1: she went through, like she clearly was like went through 171 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: it to finally reach this very forgiving ground. 172 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 3: Like I understand like that where she sees the mesh 173 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 3: between it, Like they're both very flirtatious personalities, like pretty bubbly, 174 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 3: but like taking it to making out with a bunch 175 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 3: of people, especially if you're you don't have that agreement 176 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 3: that that's okay. It's just lying, and like lying is 177 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,200 Speaker 3: not a part of any good relationship ever. 178 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,560 Speaker 1: Lying And also like it's just the the amount of 179 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: extreme hypocrisy coming from him so much, and just like 180 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 1: how unfair he's essentially being Opie says, Honestly, I'm really 181 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: hurt that, in his hypocritical world, one drunken smooch would 182 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 1: be enough for him to pull the plug on seven 183 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 1: years of our shared lives together and everything that we've built. 184 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:20,440 Speaker 1: When I loved him enough that multiple incidents and hiding 185 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: it from me wasn't enough for me to pull the 186 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 1: plug on less than two years? Yeah, am I making sense? 187 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 1: Is this me being strange or him being unforgiving, or 188 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:36,199 Speaker 1: both of us some fundamental incompatibility that we've somehow never noticed. 189 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 1: In my darker moments, I've even wondered about calling myself 190 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 1: off and ending the relationship because if he values it 191 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 1: so little, I'm just setting myself up for failure. But 192 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,680 Speaker 1: then again, is this me overreacting? I'm not sure it's. 193 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,440 Speaker 3: An indicator that he values the relationship so little, but 194 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 3: I think as an indicator of him being a huge hypocrite. 195 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 2: He's not treating her right. 196 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,800 Speaker 1: Essentially, no, boil it down like that's that's very very 197 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 1: fair treatment from him, because you know, if again, if 198 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 1: if op was ever in his shoes, then he would 199 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: you know, immediately probably pull the plug in a really 200 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,080 Speaker 1: nasty way where. 201 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 2: She gave him her. 202 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 1: When he you could literally say, quantified did like three 203 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,920 Speaker 1: to four x worse than she did it once. 204 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,000 Speaker 2: Three to four times. 205 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 3: The ones even was it was three to four times 206 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 3: if he gave and she forgave every single time. 207 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 1: Putting some math on it, Yeah, your freaking nerds. I 208 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:31,439 Speaker 1: guess I just need to hear someone else's thoughts on this, 209 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 1: because I really don't want to have to expose his 210 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: cheating years to my family and current friends because highly ironically, 211 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:42,440 Speaker 1: I worry. I worry about it negatively impacting their opinion 212 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,679 Speaker 1: of him. Yeah. 213 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 3: Wow, she's like, even in this moment, she's still being 214 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,839 Speaker 3: about Huber, empathetic and about his well being of a op. 215 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:57,040 Speaker 2: Do it for yourself, girl, listen, do it for yourself. 216 00:10:56,679 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 3: Girl, damn, but you know what you should always do 217 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 3: for yourself too. 218 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,439 Speaker 2: Oh man. Subscribe to Okay. 219 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:09,599 Speaker 3: Subscribe, follow, follow the podcast, subscribe to the podcast, the 220 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 3: YouTube channel, the tick doc, everywhere you go. 221 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: I've heard that people have struggled through their finals and uh, okay, 222 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,360 Speaker 1: we'll help them through it. 223 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:17,800 Speaker 2: That's true. 224 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,200 Speaker 1: You know, people are taking a long, grueling road trips 225 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,319 Speaker 1: and binging all of our episodes. 226 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, and uh and so we appreciate the support and 227 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 3: we want to get you through these tough, boring times 228 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 3: a little bit of humor and a little bit of 229 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:30,200 Speaker 3: a smile. 230 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,679 Speaker 2: Yes we do, and see you next time.