Speaker 1: So I've been giving a lot of dating advice lately,
Speaker 1: which people are devouring like a viral Hailly Bieber smoothie
Speaker 1: from Airwan. So basically, I have many different opinions and
Speaker 1: philosophies on dating, as I've shared with you, and I am.
Speaker 2: A seasoned expert dater.
Speaker 1: So one of the things that is important is that
Speaker 1: when you start dating, you treat it like it's a
Speaker 1: Viking stove with multiple burners.
Speaker 2: This I call the burner method.
Speaker 1: So what this means is you have multiple options going
Speaker 1: at the same time at different heats. Something you can
Speaker 1: be very into, you just matched with someone, You just
Speaker 1: someone you're into it that's on boil.
Speaker 2: Someone that you.
Speaker 1: Like you're not sure, you haven't heard from them in
Speaker 1: a minute, but they're in the mix.
Speaker 2: They're on simmer.
Speaker 1: Somebody who turns you off, is cheap, is unattractive, there's
Speaker 1: a red flag. They come off the stove completely. So
Speaker 1: you're moving things around, and what that does is that
Speaker 1: if you really like someone, you're not going to be
Speaker 1: so thirsty and so energetically desperate because you've got multiple
Speaker 1: burners going. So it just energetically keeps your attention in
Speaker 1: many places, think about it. You always get a job
Speaker 1: when you have many jobs. You never get a job
Speaker 1: when you have no job. That's when you're desperate scared.
Speaker 2: Money never wins.
Speaker 1: You're going into the casino needing to make money and
Speaker 1: you lose. Dating is the same. If you've got game,
Speaker 1: you've got game, and it just is an energetic law
Speaker 1: of attraction.
Speaker 2: So now you get full.
Speaker 1: Now you've been scrolling, now you've been dating, You've got
Speaker 1: a bunch of burners, and they all tastes like shit,
Speaker 1: nothing's exciting you. That's when you start to pull one
Speaker 1: off at a time, and whatever you've learned during that
Speaker 1: experience informs what you're going to do in the future.
Speaker 1: Meaning you may say, I'm not hungry for a while,
Speaker 1: I don't want to cook for a while. As long
Speaker 1: as you're comfortable being alone, which is the ultimate key
Speaker 1: to meeting someone. The ultimate key to meeting someone is
Speaker 1: being alone and being comfortable with it. Not being alone
Speaker 1: and crying about it on social media and eating ice cream.
Speaker 1: Being alone and confident about it. You are happy, You
Speaker 1: are a whole. No man completes you. I heard recently
Speaker 1: that Jennifer Lopez went out to dinner by herself. And
Speaker 1: that's wonderful, and it's great to be able to go
Speaker 1: out to dinner alone, but someone needs to actually be
Speaker 1: happy being alone to be in a healthy relationship with
Speaker 1: someone else, because you are a fully formed human being,
Speaker 1: now you are ready.
Speaker 2: To be a good match.
Speaker 1: And it's also important when doing the Burner method to
Speaker 1: treat every person very well.
Speaker 2: Be respectful, be kind, be.
Speaker 1: Open, because you're learning, even if it's something you don't like,
Speaker 1: you can become friends with this person. They could be
Speaker 1: someone you know. It's a big pictured discussion, it's chestnut checkers.
Speaker 1: And one big thing I've learned is that you should
Speaker 1: take responsibility for how someone else feels. So let me
Speaker 1: give you an example. A guy really likes you. You
Speaker 1: know how much he likes you. He sends you flowers,
Speaker 1: he tells you how much heat thinks about you. He's
Speaker 1: into you. You've told him that you are not that
Speaker 1: into him, or that you don't want something right now,
Speaker 1: or it's just not it's not him, it's you, whatever,
Speaker 1: But the guy still hasn't hurt the message, and he's
Speaker 1: coming in hot, right He's coming in hot. You can't
Speaker 1: just let him keep doing nice things for you. And
Speaker 1: keep him in the friend zone because he will eventually
Speaker 1: resent that, and you know how.
Speaker 2: He feels about you.
Speaker 1: So it's your responsibility as a good human and good
Speaker 1: karm to take responsibility for his feelings. Also because often
Speaker 1: we say, well, I told him, he knows we're just friends,
Speaker 1: or he knows I'm out into him, or he knows
Speaker 1: I don't want this. It's not emotionally responsible to know
Speaker 1: that someone else is very into you and to kind
Speaker 1: of toy with that exploit that just the person might
Speaker 1: not be strong enough to stay away from you. I've
Speaker 1: been through this so many times, and you have to
Speaker 1: be strong enough to stay away from them. Even though
Speaker 1: they are a comfort zone. They're easy, they're your safety school.
Speaker 1: The biggest thing is that if you're in the wrong
Speaker 1: thing or the wrong things for too long, meaning the
Speaker 1: burner methods good, but it's not sustainable. I mean, you
Speaker 1: can have stamina and have people in and out, but
Speaker 1: you need to be able to focus when something's good,
Speaker 1: and if you spend too much time with the wrong thing, you.
Speaker 2: Get in the comfort zone.
Speaker 1: The guy who kind of really likes you and you
Speaker 1: know is the friend zone guy that maybe with benefits
Speaker 1: those nights that you're with that person are making you
Speaker 1: feel like you don't need to be out there or
Speaker 1: be working on yourself or be open to when the
Speaker 1: right person comes. So if you stay with the wrong
Speaker 1: person too long, or spend time with even the wrong
Speaker 1: person for too long, you will not see when the
Speaker 1: right person comes. So make sure that that is really
Speaker 1: a priority for you. Don't be with someone just to
Speaker 1: fill a seat, scare Money never wins, so you have
Speaker 1: to be It's back to being alone. You have to
Speaker 1: be comfortable being alone, and then you're not going to
Speaker 1: be so desperate that because you have a guy who's
Speaker 1: willing to hang out with you. The worst thing ever
Speaker 1: said was if you can't be with the one you love,
Speaker 1: love the one that you're with. That's the most stupid
Speaker 1: thing that anyone's ever said, because it's not true.
Speaker 2: It's not true at all.
Speaker 1: You're not supposed to be with like filler, good enough
Speaker 1: isn't good enough in business or in relationships.
Speaker 2: So work a quality versus quantity model.
Speaker 1: You can go through different iterations to get there, but
Speaker 1: ultimately I would rather not eat than eat something shitty,
Speaker 1: So I would rather not date then date someone shitty.
Speaker 2: That's just me. It's really hard.
Speaker 1: To say no, and it's a discipline and no one
Speaker 1: else can do it for you. And when you're in
Speaker 1: demand and people want you to do a bunch of
Speaker 1: different things, you have to just really try to look
Speaker 1: at the chess board and find a way to say no.
Speaker 1: I had a big TV appearance that a week and
Speaker 1: a half before it, I canceled why because I was
Speaker 1: feeling stripped and I was looking at the board and
Speaker 1: knowing myself. I knew that I would end up presenting
Speaker 1: it and then I would end up doing it half asked,
Speaker 1: and then I would end up feeling resentful about doing
Speaker 1: other things because it's Domino's so if you can't do
Speaker 1: one thing, if one thing falls, then everything's going to fall.
Speaker 1: And sometimes we just get overloaded. And this was a
Speaker 1: thing that would have been a good appearance, but I
Speaker 1: just knew that I'm starting to feel stripped, and you
Speaker 1: got to think about what you want. I want to
Speaker 1: spend time with my daughter. I want to be present.
Speaker 1: You can't do everything, And now that I've become more
Speaker 1: and more successful, the less that I do, the more
Speaker 1: opportunities that come in. Because I'm being truthful and honest,
Speaker 1: and because when I do something, I give it my own.
Speaker 1: I did a Lifetime movie, and to be perfectly honest,
Speaker 1: I did for a lot less money than I do
Speaker 1: anything else, for a lot more time. I went to
Speaker 1: Canada for twelve days and was paid what I would
Speaker 1: be paid probably to do something else for one day.
Speaker 1: And I make a lot of money. And that's all
Speaker 1: very warped and skewed, but not everything's about money. I
Speaker 1: did that because I thought it was an opportunity. It
Speaker 1: was a new space, it was a new sphere. It
Speaker 1: was stretching me. Can I be an actress? Can I
Speaker 1: do a good job? And I did that because I've said,
Speaker 1: notice so many other things, whether lucrative or not, that
Speaker 1: I don't really want to do. So then when I
Speaker 1: want to do something, I'm able to put my all
Speaker 1: into it, Meaning this was an opportunity that wasn't about money.
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong. I got paid well. They paid
Speaker 1: me well, all due respect to Lifetime. I just make
Speaker 1: a lot of money doing a lot of things, so
Speaker 1: they paid me really well. But I did that because
Speaker 1: of a passion. I wanted to try something. I wanted
Speaker 1: to test myself. I wanted to push myself, and I've
Speaker 1: said no to a lot of other things, so I
Speaker 1: can have the luxury of saying yes to that. That
Speaker 1: actually applies to dating too. If you start just dating
Speaker 1: crappy and filler, then when something good comes along, you'll
Speaker 1: be busy, you'll be somewhere, you won't be present and available.
Speaker 1: Don't be afraid to just be present and sit in
Speaker 1: your own skin when something doesn't feel right. So the
Speaker 1: bottom line is quality versus quantity and having boundaries in
Speaker 1: your life and saying no means saying yes. Want to
Speaker 1: back to become of them