Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome to cheek Ease and Chill. I
Speaker 1: have some very exciting news to share. So Apple Podcasts
Speaker 1: has this program called Spotlight. Basically, they pick one podcast
Speaker 1: they love and highlight it for an entire month so
Speaker 1: that more people can find it. That's right. Apple's editorial
Speaker 1: team listens to thousands of podcasts and they chose cheek
Speaker 1: Ease and Chill. It's the first I Heart podcast to
Speaker 1: be highlighted, so I'm super excited about this. So if
Speaker 1: it's your first time listening to the show, welcome, and
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you're here. And if you've been with
Speaker 1: me for a while, you know how I feel about you.
Speaker 1: A Chickens and Chill is my comfort zone. I talk
Speaker 1: about anything and everything. Since I have you here, I
Speaker 1: wanted to remind you of some of my favorite episodes.
Speaker 1: We have one on cheating a betrayal, losing my mom Jenny,
Speaker 1: and a really important one with my fertility doctor on
Speaker 1: freezing my eggs. And of course I've had interviews with
Speaker 1: some special guests, so be sure to check those out too.
Speaker 1: New episodes drop every month to you guys, ray subscribe
Speaker 1: to Cheeckens and Chill don't forget. Now, let's start the show.
Speaker 1: I grew up in a household where you didn't talk
Speaker 1: about sex, about having your period, about being gay. It
Speaker 1: was just like no. As I got older in school
Speaker 1: is when I learned about sex and all this stuff.
Speaker 1: Here's a confession of mine that might shock you. I
Speaker 1: actually have not had sex since two thousand sixteen. You're
Speaker 1: more sensitive and you feel it more like just other
Speaker 1: stuff that. Oh my god, everybody's gonna be talking about
Speaker 1: this episode. I'm blushing already. Hello everyone, Welcome to a
Speaker 1: very sexy and mature episode of Cheeckens and Chill. I
Speaker 1: always tell you guys that this podcast is somewhere I
Speaker 1: can speak about topics that aren't talked about enough in
Speaker 1: our community. So today we're going to be diving into
Speaker 1: something pretty taboo, sex and toys. We have a really
Speaker 1: a great guest with us, so I can't wait to
Speaker 1: get this conversation started. This is cheek Ease and Chill.
Speaker 1: So as promised, we have a really great guest who
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to talk to you today. Sitting here
Speaker 1: with me is the one and only Perez Hilton. He's
Speaker 1: an entertainer, an entrepreneur, a father, and podcast host. You guys,
Speaker 1: welcome for us. How are you? I am well. I
Speaker 1: was listening and enjoying your episode with Emily Stefan, and
Speaker 1: I was so excited to be on myself. I will
Speaker 1: do everything in my power not to take over and
Speaker 1: start asking you all the questions which I want to do.
Speaker 1: You can't ask me whatever you want to Okay, this
Speaker 1: is a two way conversation, so you can ask me
Speaker 1: whatever you want. I'll let you start and then we'll
Speaker 1: go back and forth like a good two way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: a good two way. Yeah, it's talking about sex. That's
Speaker 1: a good way to put it. Okay. So I want
Speaker 1: to start off the conversation. Well, we've been following on
Speaker 1: social media. We've been following each other for a while.
Speaker 1: I've been you comment on my stuff, I comment on
Speaker 1: your stuff. I love your kids, by the way, they're
Speaker 1: so freaking cute, and I love that now you're incorporating
Speaker 1: them in in the videos that you guys are doing.
Speaker 1: It is perfect. I don't know. I just wanted to
Speaker 1: tell you that first, thank you, before we move on
Speaker 1: to you know, the sex and mature part of this conversation.
Speaker 1: I do want to talk to you about something. Tell
Speaker 1: me if I'm wrong, but are used. Do you consider
Speaker 1: yourself or I'm sure you've heard it before that you're
Speaker 1: a pretty controversial person. Me, me, me controversial. No. Actually,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to start off by saying
Speaker 1: something that has revealed itself to me, and I think
Speaker 1: it's true, maybe not my brain playing tricks. Is that
Speaker 1: over the last many years, my people, my fellow Latinos,
Speaker 1: have really shown up for me and made me feel
Speaker 1: like we're family. And I don't get that necessarily from
Speaker 1: Anglo America. I think you might understand this. You know,
Speaker 1: I grew up in Miami, the son of Cuban immigrants,
Speaker 1: and I'm very different and even controversial within my own family. However,
Speaker 1: I believe you know that you still love your family
Speaker 1: even if you disagree with them on politics or whatever
Speaker 1: it might be. So there are a lot of Latinos
Speaker 1: out there who might think, well, he's controversial, he's we local,
Speaker 1: but you know, I still kind of like him, and
Speaker 1: I've actually always been a little bit local, even since
Speaker 1: high school. However, there came a point in time when
Speaker 1: I realized that how I was doing things was wrong
Speaker 1: and not to pat myself on the back. But there
Speaker 1: are some people who never learned that lesson. There are
Speaker 1: some people who will go their entire lives without growing up,
Speaker 1: without maturing. I mean, I don't want to get political,
Speaker 1: but I don't care. Look at Donald Trump. Donald Trump
Speaker 1: is in his late seventies and he will still say
Speaker 1: everything he thinks, and he got rewarded for all the
Speaker 1: way into the White House. I'm not saying people should
Speaker 1: censor themselves. I believe in free speech. However, I am
Speaker 1: now acutely aware of the power of words, and I
Speaker 1: believe that you can express yourself in a way that's
Speaker 1: not cruel or nasty, or mean or purposefully hurtful, which
Speaker 1: is what I used to do. I fully own it.
Speaker 1: When I was young. Well, I'm not I was still
Speaker 1: a grown man. Okay, I can't even I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to excuse it on youth. I was in my late twenties,
Speaker 1: and I did not care if my words were hurtful.
Speaker 1: All I cared about was me, me, me, and the
Speaker 1: attention that I was getting and the views and the
Speaker 1: this and the that. And I look back at that
Speaker 1: period of time now with deep shame, remorse, regret, and
Speaker 1: gratitude that I'm not that person anymore. But I also
Speaker 1: know that maybe even the majority of your audience still
Speaker 1: sees me as that old person. It's like that expression,
Speaker 1: a first impression is a lasting impression, and hopefully your
Speaker 1: followers can see me as a cautionary tail. Things that
Speaker 1: you say today on social media could stay with you
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. Because the Internet is forever,
Speaker 1: people will always be pulling up receipts from my past.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter that it was fifteen years ago or
Speaker 1: thirteen years ago. Yeah, you know what, But I respect that.
Speaker 1: I respect the fact that you can say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I regret it, I apologize, and we can't live in
Speaker 1: the past. We could just say, you know what, that's
Speaker 1: not who I am today and that does not define
Speaker 1: who I'm going to be tomorrow. So I think that's great.
Speaker 1: But do you think it has to do like your
Speaker 1: change doesn't have to do with your children having children,
Speaker 1: or it was just something that you I don't know,
Speaker 1: it started before children. I noticed a change within me
Speaker 1: when I be again, my journey to be a healthier person.
Speaker 1: If people remember Perez Hilton from two thousand seven, I
Speaker 1: was so unhealthy and that's how I like to talk
Speaker 1: about it. I don't like to say fat. I was fat,
Speaker 1: but it's more than just wait. It's more than just wait.
Speaker 1: I was unhealthy and it was bringing me down. And
Speaker 1: when I began on this journey to being a healthier person,
Speaker 1: I became a happier person. And I noticed that my
Speaker 1: thoughts changed. I was thinking clearer and differently, but I
Speaker 1: was afraid to make a change. I was paralyzed by
Speaker 1: fear because at that point I had been Perez for
Speaker 1: a long time and things were working well for me.
Speaker 1: But eventually there came a point when the universe smacked
Speaker 1: me upside the head specifically. You know. It was a
Speaker 1: long time ago now, and in the fall of two
Speaker 1: thousand and ten, there was this rash of gay teenagers
Speaker 1: that were dying by suicide, and this journalist named Dan
Speaker 1: Savage created this campaign called It Gets Better. It was
Speaker 1: very simple. It was encouraging older people to make videos
Speaker 1: directly speaking to younger people. And I found out about
Speaker 1: it the very same day he launched this campaign. I
Speaker 1: made it it Gets Better video, and the response that
Speaker 1: I got it changed me forever, because I thought, wow,
Speaker 1: in this moment of darkness. I'm doing something to spread light.
Speaker 1: But people did not see it that way. They said,
Speaker 1: how dare you? How dare you make and it gets
Speaker 1: better video. You're a hypocrite, you're a bully. You're a
Speaker 1: part of the problem. And it was at that moment
Speaker 1: that I said, Okay, I have to make a change,
Speaker 1: and I have to stop all of the BS lies
Speaker 1: that I was telling myself, things like, oh, it's just
Speaker 1: a character. If people don't like what I'm saying, it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter because it's not the real me. But no,
Speaker 1: it was the real me. I was just beating my
Speaker 1: brain these lies, and you know, I was saying things like, well,
Speaker 1: people don't like it, they should just ignore me. But
Speaker 1: it's not as simple as that, Like you might be
Speaker 1: a perfect person to talk on this, you know, like
Speaker 1: you might ignore people talking smack about you, but then
Speaker 1: a friend might innocently say, oh my god, I can't
Speaker 1: believe that person said that about you, or they might
Speaker 1: bring it to your attention thinking they're doing you a favor.
Speaker 1: So I decided to make a change. And it's not
Speaker 1: like I've reinvented the wheel. I just put new rims
Speaker 1: on it because I like that well, thank you, thank
Speaker 1: you for sharing that with us, for being honest and transparent.
Speaker 1: Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we
Speaker 1: can talk about you know, well, we're here to talk
Speaker 1: about okay, because I thought you were the perfect person
Speaker 1: I like to talk about sex. I'm that friend that
Speaker 1: I'm always asking people questions, especially my gay friends, and
Speaker 1: you're a gamel and you're open about it. So it's like,
Speaker 1: I want to have him on and I know he'll
Speaker 1: be fun and I know he'll be honest because I
Speaker 1: have a lot of questions. Okay, Well, let me ask
Speaker 1: you some questions before you start asking your questions. So
Speaker 1: I'm curious. You know, it's been many years years now
Speaker 1: since you started doing work in television and you first
Speaker 1: came out on the scene with the reality TV. Do
Speaker 1: you think if you have not done reality television that
Speaker 1: the Spanish language media, which can be very vicious, do
Speaker 1: you think that they would have covered you differently. That's
Speaker 1: a very freaking good question. Um, I think so, I
Speaker 1: do thing. So I don't regret doing the reality that
Speaker 1: was like my first step into like my own career.
Speaker 1: But because I exposed so much of my personal life
Speaker 1: whenever I wanted to keep some to myself. It was
Speaker 1: just why why now? And you know, it's still kind
Speaker 1: of like that. I did ten years of reality TV
Speaker 1: and I don't regret it, but times were obviously different.
Speaker 1: Um it was the thing back then, but they have
Speaker 1: been a little bit more harsh, I guess, a little
Speaker 1: bit harder on me. And I think it might have
Speaker 1: to do with that. For sure. I've thought about it,
Speaker 1: which is why now, even if they offered me, I'm
Speaker 1: just like I think about it a lot before. I
Speaker 1: would bring my siblings and I to do something like
Speaker 1: that again. Okay, well now my questions all right. So,
Speaker 1: as you know, in our Latin culture, and this is
Speaker 1: why I wanted a podcast, I can talk about anything
Speaker 1: and everything. I grew up in a household where you
Speaker 1: didn't talk about sex, about having your period, about being gay.
Speaker 1: It was just like no, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: My family was very traditional, very religious. Yeah, right, So
Speaker 1: I just started like as I got older in school
Speaker 1: is when I learned about sex and all this stuff.
Speaker 1: It was my friends and what they were talking about.
Speaker 1: And it's not until like I was and I don't know,
Speaker 1: my little late twenties, I would say that I was
Speaker 1: introduced to a vibrator and I love them. I had
Speaker 1: a boyfriend that was not okay with me having a vibrator,
Speaker 1: and it was like, no, that's my competition sort of thing.
Speaker 1: Now that I'm thirty seven and I want to try
Speaker 1: to and things, I have a man younger than me,
Speaker 1: seven years younger, and he's totally fine with it. He's like,
Speaker 1: let's bring it in, like, let's have fun, you know.
Speaker 1: And it's been amazing, you know, And I can't really
Speaker 1: talk to well, some of my friends. I'm that friend
Speaker 1: that would tell you, here, here's a vibrator for Christmas
Speaker 1: or your birthday. Sit on this instead of straining this.
Speaker 1: I'm that friend. I'm like, have safe sex. But my
Speaker 1: grandma was like I would tell her, I'm my grandma,
Speaker 1: you haven't had sex for so long. This is years ago.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you haven't had sex for so long's you're
Speaker 1: not supposed to masturbate. And I'm just like, what isn't
Speaker 1: that safer than just like having sex with Random's? Absolutely
Speaker 1: and it's it's quicker too. I don't know about straight people,
Speaker 1: but most gay men they use the apps to to
Speaker 1: hook up, and I just don't have the time or
Speaker 1: the desire for that. Like, I would just rather take
Speaker 1: care of business myself, and I'm done much quicker than
Speaker 1: it would take me to like try to find buddy
Speaker 1: and meet up with them and all of that. But
Speaker 1: I'm curious, though I love that you love your your toys,
Speaker 1: I would guess that straight men would not really be
Speaker 1: into toys for themselves. But here's my question. I'm all
Speaker 1: but certain that straight men, a lot of them, if
Speaker 1: not most, love porn. So are you okay with your
Speaker 1: younger boyfriend watching a lot of porn and masturbating without you.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be real with you right now. Before the
Speaker 1: younger me was like, no, I was jealous, I was immature.
Speaker 1: It was just like ridiculous. But now I wouldn't mind
Speaker 1: because I feel like it would give me a little
Speaker 1: bit of a breaknout. That I don't want to have
Speaker 1: sex with him, obviously, but sometimes I'm just busy and
Speaker 1: it's just like it's another kind of chore, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So now, like I asked him, do
Speaker 1: you watch porny says no, that he doesn't even like
Speaker 1: to jack off or anything like that's not his thing.
Speaker 1: Now i'd be fine with it. I'd be like, you
Speaker 1: know what, just do your thing like him and I.
Speaker 1: We haven't gotten to that point. We've been dating for
Speaker 1: a year and a half, like watching porn together, but
Speaker 1: I want to and with my mom. My mom was
Speaker 1: very very open. You know, we'd be leaving the house
Speaker 1: on a date or with some friends. She's like, okay,
Speaker 1: well make sure you cover it, make sure you were
Speaker 1: a condom or like. She was very like that a
Speaker 1: little later, you know, because in the beginning she didn't
Speaker 1: really teach me much about sex or anything like that.
Speaker 1: And so she got older and then she met this
Speaker 1: guy that was like the love of her life, her
Speaker 1: soul mate, and she just said that she became a woman.
Speaker 1: At like thirty something years old, she had her first orgasm.
Speaker 1: So we started talking about it. I was older, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So we we had these conversations.
Speaker 1: So your mom told you was telling you about her
Speaker 1: first orgasm? Oh she did. She told us all have
Speaker 1: you because you're so well known, Like, well, first of all,
Speaker 1: is your boy is your current boyfriend Latino or not?
Speaker 1: He is, he's half Mexican, And have Filipino have you
Speaker 1: found like over the last decade or so that you
Speaker 1: have to be very cautious about dating because guys are
Speaker 1: just trying to use you. Um. Yes, in the beginning,
Speaker 1: when I start dating someone, I'm still a little bit hesitant,
Speaker 1: a little worried, you know. But I think with with
Speaker 1: the media and my current boyfriend, he's just very like
Speaker 1: transparent and just very like you could tell right away
Speaker 1: he's so different. But I have had guys that have
Speaker 1: used me and have even called the paparazzi on us,
Speaker 1: and that just yeah, it's like you think that they're
Speaker 1: there for the right reasons and then you just realizing
Speaker 1: I was dumb to just ignore it for a while,
Speaker 1: but I learned my listen, let me tell you I
Speaker 1: learned it. So you've been dating a year and a half,
Speaker 1: I would say the honeymoon phase is over, but you're
Speaker 1: still excited about him. And at this point in your relationship,
Speaker 1: how often are you having sex? You know what, you
Speaker 1: live together? We do live together. Now you live together
Speaker 1: and we have sex. It all just depends at least
Speaker 1: three times a week, three times a week that amount
Speaker 1: of time. You know. I just actually have our little
Speaker 1: like thing, you know, our night schedule, and it just happens,
Speaker 1: and he knows when I'm trying to get first scale
Speaker 1: put something sexy on and I just like pretend like
Speaker 1: I'm in my little like baggy Pj's and then I
Speaker 1: pull him off and there's something nice down there, you know.
Speaker 1: So he's young. I gotta I gotta freaking keep up.
Speaker 1: Here's a confession of mine that might shock you. I
Speaker 1: actually have not had sex since two thousand sixteen. I
Speaker 1: have not gotten naked with anybody. Perez, No way, way, okay,
Speaker 1: And why well, I'll explain why. So my son was
Speaker 1: my first child to be born. He was born in
Speaker 1: and after he was born, I decided that I wanted
Speaker 1: to go to New York City for a while because
Speaker 1: I love New York and I went to college there,
Speaker 1: and I said to myself, this is my last opportunity
Speaker 1: to enjoy New York because after this I have to
Speaker 1: really settle down. So I went and we were there
Speaker 1: for two and a half years, and I went through
Speaker 1: a huge slut phase using all of those apps, and
Speaker 1: I got it out of my system. And it was
Speaker 1: really easy to meet guys in New York because you
Speaker 1: don't need a car. You can take the subway and
Speaker 1: you can be very spontaneous and very quick. Then I
Speaker 1: moved back to l A and it was really hard
Speaker 1: to even date, like using the same websites and the
Speaker 1: same apps. It was just very challenging. And then I
Speaker 1: realized I don't need to. I mean, I'm open to it.
Speaker 1: I would like to. I'm not against it. I enjoy sex,
Speaker 1: but something changed where I didn't want to chase it
Speaker 1: that much. And I love sex, but I wanted to
Speaker 1: be easy. I feel, you, well, things have changed so much,
Speaker 1: you know, and then you your personality, yourself, your celebrity like,
Speaker 1: and you just feel like, are these people he's been
Speaker 1: coming into my life because they you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: you just I don't think about that. I think the
Speaker 1: opposite it. Actually, I think anybody who messages me it
Speaker 1: wants to embarrass me. So that's another reason why I
Speaker 1: kind of stopped doing that. I thought, oh, they're just
Speaker 1: chatting with me to try to, you know, lead me on,
Speaker 1: so that they can screen grab our conversation and then
Speaker 1: leak it. And that's another reason why I'd rather just
Speaker 1: be more old school and meet somebody at the gym
Speaker 1: at my kids school, out at a concert, sitting next
Speaker 1: to them on a plane, you know, like people still
Speaker 1: do meet other people that way. How did you meet
Speaker 1: your boyfriend at a party? At a I was having
Speaker 1: a birthday party for a friend of mine, for Becky g.
Speaker 1: Actually they're like cousins. They grew up together, and he
Speaker 1: was one of the guests, and I had seen him before.
Speaker 1: We did a photo shoot together, but we had like
Speaker 1: never exchanged numbers or anything. And that day we were
Speaker 1: just drinking, having good time. And I'm glad I met
Speaker 1: him that way and not through someone that was sliding
Speaker 1: through my d M s, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I'm more traditional in that way as well. I tried
Speaker 1: the dating apps that should like scared the hell out
Speaker 1: of me, and I'm like, know what, It's just not
Speaker 1: for me, and these blind dates. I'd rather just like
Speaker 1: you said, I don't know how to library. Are there
Speaker 1: any libraries anyway? Anyways, I'm saying the library because I
Speaker 1: would like a guy that reads, you know, he reads
Speaker 1: by the way. Um, but I get it. I get
Speaker 1: exactly what you're saying. Like the whole screen. You gotta
Speaker 1: be so careful with everything that you do now because
Speaker 1: they will just take a quick screenshot and try to
Speaker 1: screw you over so on the same token, Like I
Speaker 1: don't even care if they do, Like I kind of
Speaker 1: just I expect that. So I'm prepared for the worst.
Speaker 1: And it's not even that that I've been doing what
Speaker 1: I do now for eighteen years. I would rather be
Speaker 1: embarrassed publicly than ignored, Like I'd rather have that humiliating
Speaker 1: attention than no attention. I keep it real, honest. That's
Speaker 1: what I love about you. You're honest. Have you slept
Speaker 1: with women before? No, you've never. I've never had any interest,
Speaker 1: no desire. Oh my god, everybody's gonna be talking about
Speaker 1: this episode. I'm blushing already, Louis, Oh my god. So
Speaker 1: you have siblings. Do you talk about these things with
Speaker 1: your siblings? Oh no, No No, we my siblings and I
Speaker 1: are very very close, like really close, like sometimes too close.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if I've ever shared this before,
Speaker 1: but we're just very open. My mom was that way
Speaker 1: with us, and so I'm like that with them as well.
Speaker 1: My brother, who's thirty one years old, he hasn't done
Speaker 1: it a long time, but when we lived together way back,
Speaker 1: like I don't know, I must have been in my
Speaker 1: early twenties. I'd be taking a shower and he'd walk in.
Speaker 1: He's like, sister, I'm like, I'm literally naked showering. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what's up. He'd be like, I don't know this bitch,
Speaker 1: Like he was telling me just whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: We're very open. We were just on a trip and
Speaker 1: I took them out for my brother's birthday and we
Speaker 1: were talking about He's like, oh, I'm like, did you
Speaker 1: get any birthday sex? He's like, oh, yeah, she gave
Speaker 1: it to me real good and she just you know,
Speaker 1: she sucked it really nice. And that's also brother at
Speaker 1: the breakfast table. So we are are you very very open?
Speaker 1: I don't have that, but I think you know, well
Speaker 1: you're probably closer and well, no, you're around the same.
Speaker 1: My sister is six and a half years younger, so
Speaker 1: we never had that kind of relationship. Do you feel
Speaker 1: like with your children you wanted to do talk to
Speaker 1: them or because they're they're fairly young, but do you
Speaker 1: talk to them about their parts and like penis and
Speaker 1: vagina like oh yeah, using clinical words yeah, and saying
Speaker 1: things like you know, nobody can touch you, only the doctor.
Speaker 1: When the doctor asked for permission, and not even anybody,
Speaker 1: your siblings especially nobody can you know, we have those
Speaker 1: kinds of discussions. But my oldest is only nine years old,
Speaker 1: and I think it's a little young to have more.
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm a single, gay dad and I
Speaker 1: had my children through surrogacy, so I've I've talked about
Speaker 1: that process with them and how they came to be.
Speaker 1: And I believe in being honest, which my mother doesn't
Speaker 1: always agree with everything I do. She's like, you don't
Speaker 1: need to be honest with children, their children, So yeah,
Speaker 1: I believe in being honest and age appropriate as well,
Speaker 1: because they're only going to understand so much. And like,
Speaker 1: I like that my kids are a little bit sheltered,
Speaker 1: Like I want my kids to remain kids. Like my
Speaker 1: kids don't have cell phones. Like there's some nine year
Speaker 1: olds that have cell phones. And if that's your family
Speaker 1: and your and I understand it. You know, some people
Speaker 1: might have a kid that has to go between a
Speaker 1: mom's house and the dad's house, and the phone is
Speaker 1: an important tool that the kid needs. My kids don't
Speaker 1: need phones for me, and they're not they don't have it.
Speaker 1: But I will be honest and educating my children. But
Speaker 1: when they're in their twenties, I don't need you them
Speaker 1: to be telling me about if they orgasms or not.
Speaker 1: I don't I know you. But but if if they
Speaker 1: talk about it with each other, that's great. I wanted
Speaker 1: to talk about it with each other. They don't need
Speaker 1: to talk about it with me, though, you Okay, I
Speaker 1: feel you, I feel you, but I and I totally,
Speaker 1: I totally get that. I was watching I think the
Speaker 1: View the other day and they were talking about, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't remember who she was, but she was talking about, yes,
Speaker 1: you know, I speak to my children about their penis
Speaker 1: and their vagina and that, like what you said, no
Speaker 1: one should touch you there. And I think those conversations
Speaker 1: early on, Yes, for me, are very important because of
Speaker 1: what happened to me. I was actually used by my
Speaker 1: dad and and my mom. She was she was young
Speaker 1: with she had me. She was fifteen, so she was
Speaker 1: a kid raising a kid, you know. But now when
Speaker 1: she got older she did tell me, she's like, I
Speaker 1: wish I would have talked to you about that because
Speaker 1: it would have prevented so many things. You know, it
Speaker 1: happens too often, and I think if they're aware of
Speaker 1: their body parts and their privacy. I think that that
Speaker 1: is something important. Going back to something you said earlier,
Speaker 1: you know, like you I had, well, I was much
Speaker 1: younger when my dad passed away. It was the summer
Speaker 1: between freshman and sophomore year of high school. And not
Speaker 1: only did my Latino Cuban family not talk about this
Speaker 1: or talk about that, but they also didn't believe in therapy.
Speaker 1: Oh that's for our good ing goals. We don't do there.
Speaker 1: You don't go to therapy. We didn't do therapy. But
Speaker 1: I wish that I was in therapy back then. I'm
Speaker 1: in therapy now and I find it's so helpful. So
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask, you know, you've been through so
Speaker 1: much in your life, and just from speaking to you now,
Speaker 1: you seem very adjusted and happy. And I don't know,
Speaker 1: but maybe like healed or it's a healing is a
Speaker 1: constant work in progress. But how did you get to
Speaker 1: that point of where you are at now of healing yourself?
Speaker 1: For sure? Therapy. I've been in therapy since I was twelve.
Speaker 1: The doctor that examined me when all this came out
Speaker 1: to light, um, he suggested, and again my family was
Speaker 1: very like, well, what's therapy. All you need is God.
Speaker 1: All you need to do is pray, and yes, you
Speaker 1: do need that. I feel like you need to have
Speaker 1: your relationship your faith. But therapy has helped me so much,
Speaker 1: you know, and like you said, it is a taboo
Speaker 1: and it's something that I talked about on my podcast
Speaker 1: and I share and I'm a huge advocate for it
Speaker 1: because it's helped me and my faith and having such
Speaker 1: a strong mother that no matter what happened, she never
Speaker 1: allowed me to feel sorry for myself. This happened, you
Speaker 1: gotta pick up and then, you know, dust yourself off
Speaker 1: and keep walking. And I always say that because I
Speaker 1: have that in the back of my mind of we
Speaker 1: gotta keep going, we gotta be strong. It's been that.
Speaker 1: It's been that and knowing the responsibility that I have,
Speaker 1: having the platform that God has given me to share
Speaker 1: and to spread light and to be an example of Yes,
Speaker 1: I've been through this, but that does not define who
Speaker 1: I am today. I mean, I'm still in therapy. I
Speaker 1: do it every week because it just helps me. It's
Speaker 1: I need the mentorship. I love it. I mean, I
Speaker 1: have so much empathy and compassion because when you have
Speaker 1: trauma that happens like what you experienced, or even with
Speaker 1: me losing a parent at a very young age. You
Speaker 1: can respond one of two ways. You can respond how
Speaker 1: you did and how I did, or you can respond
Speaker 1: by choosing a path of destruction, you know, whether that
Speaker 1: be exert alcohol or extreme promiscuity. And but what's fascinating
Speaker 1: is I didn't really get into therapy until in my forties,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't until the last couple
Speaker 1: of years that I realized, Wow, I've been carrying all
Speaker 1: this baggage from when I was a teenager that I
Speaker 1: never really addressed because I didn't have the tools or
Speaker 1: the mental and emotional maturity to process all of these things,
Speaker 1: like my dad dying and my grandfather died the same week.
Speaker 1: That was pretty earth shattering, and my grandfather lived with
Speaker 1: us as well. My mom's dad and then her husband
Speaker 1: both died seven days apart, and my dad was unexpected.
Speaker 1: He had an aneurysm. And yeah, it's interesting because you
Speaker 1: had a really close and special relationship with your mother
Speaker 1: because you were close in age, and I have a
Speaker 1: very close and special relationship with my mother as well,
Speaker 1: because in a way, I had to become at an
Speaker 1: early age. The parents and I had to start financially
Speaker 1: supporting my mother and she lives with me. I I
Speaker 1: love her, and I say this with love. In many ways,
Speaker 1: my mother is an inspiration for me in how I
Speaker 1: don't want to parent, so I try to correct how
Speaker 1: I was brought up and and and make sure that
Speaker 1: I'm doing things differently from my kids, for example. And
Speaker 1: you probably could relate to this too, you know, I don't.
Speaker 1: I do have also compassion and grace and understanding from
Speaker 1: my mom, knowing that she did her best. She did
Speaker 1: her best given her upbringing and what she knew. But
Speaker 1: I always struggled with my weight from youth to adulthood
Speaker 1: as well. And I remember there was a period where
Speaker 1: my mom decided we're gonna be healthy. So her i
Speaker 1: of being healthy was having us eat iceberg lettuce with tomatoes,
Speaker 1: and the salad dressing was mayonnaise. Iceberg lettuce with tomatoes
Speaker 1: and mayonnaise. But then there's some things that when I
Speaker 1: was younger, I used to fight my mom on. Actually,
Speaker 1: I'll ask you this, This is the best thing that
Speaker 1: my mother told me growing up, which I never believed.
Speaker 1: And maybe you might think this is cynical. But I
Speaker 1: never really believed or got or understood until recently because
Speaker 1: for me, I always was a big proponent of friendship
Speaker 1: and I love having friends. I love friendship. But my
Speaker 1: mom said friends will come and friends will go, but
Speaker 1: the most important thing in life is family. And I'm like, Mom,
Speaker 1: that's so cynical. You can have friends that are like family,
Speaker 1: and she's like, no, it's not true. No family is
Speaker 1: family and friends are friends. And and I do believe
Speaker 1: that now, m it's probably like that. You know, blood
Speaker 1: is thicker than water. And for me, I feel like
Speaker 1: I consider my family my siblings. To me, it's it's
Speaker 1: us and and I feel that there are certain friends
Speaker 1: like you can make your own family like people that
Speaker 1: you meet or you know what I mean. And for
Speaker 1: me that that's that's my family. For a long time,
Speaker 1: I had and I had an episode on this called
Speaker 1: toxic loyalty that in our culture, we're we're like, but
Speaker 1: that's your dad, but that's your cousin. It doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: that's your family. But I'm like, but wrong is wrong.
Speaker 1: If they're not making me feel good, and they're making
Speaker 1: me more sad than happy, then I'd rather and I
Speaker 1: learned this through through therapy, where it's just it's okay
Speaker 1: to let people from afar. It takes a long time
Speaker 1: to understand that because I was taught in a way
Speaker 1: toxic loyalty in my whole life. And now I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: I wanted to be every relationship it doesn't matter who
Speaker 1: it is, for it to be reciprocated, for me to
Speaker 1: give and they give as much as I do sort
Speaker 1: of thing. It took me a long time. That's not realistic.
Speaker 1: What what is our realistic? Even even my sister, for example,
Speaker 1: I hope she doesn't listen. Oh my god. With my sister,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm always the one taking the initiative,
Speaker 1: like hey, let's do this with the kids, or let's
Speaker 1: do this, or let's do that. And it would be
Speaker 1: nice if she's the one saying, hey, you want to
Speaker 1: come over or whatever. But it's okay if it's not
Speaker 1: fifty fifty. She's my sister, and I'm still gonna continue
Speaker 1: to be the one making the bigger effort. And I'm
Speaker 1: the older sibling, you know, Yeah, as older siblings, it's
Speaker 1: just going to always have to be that way. To
Speaker 1: be honest, It's like I've learned that I'm like and
Speaker 1: I'm okay with it. As long as you motherfuckers call
Speaker 1: me back and take me back, I'm good. Anyways, Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing everything, for being so open for
Speaker 1: your questions to me. I loved having you on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I hope this is not the first and the last time.
Speaker 1: Do you want to share your social so people follow you?
Speaker 1: A lot of people do, but still well, the number
Speaker 1: one thing I'll say is people who listen and enjoy
Speaker 1: podcasts usually check out and enjoy more than one. So
Speaker 1: check out mine the Perez Hilton podcast with Chris Booker.
Speaker 1: You can hear it at Perez podcast dot com. That's
Speaker 1: Perez podcast dot com. And that's it. I'm everywhere and
Speaker 1: I'm just so grateful to have had this time together
Speaker 1: with you, and uh that I'm still here. It's like,
Speaker 1: it's crazy that I started life as Perez in two
Speaker 1: thousand and four, really before there was social media, Like
Speaker 1: I was an influencer before that word even existed. And
Speaker 1: while I'm not an IT girl anymore, I'm still here
Speaker 1: and I am an icon and icons are forever. Yes,
Speaker 1: I love that absolutely. Thank you guys so much, and
Speaker 1: as you guys know I always share my motivational quote
Speaker 1: right before we end. Here's the quote for you guys.
Speaker 1: When things change inside you, things change around you. I'll
Speaker 1: tell you I'm a living proof of that. So I
Speaker 1: hope you guys enjoyed this conversation with Perez Hilton. Thank
Speaker 1: you for being on and I will catch you on
Speaker 1: the next episode of Chickies and Chill. Do you need
Speaker 1: advice on love, relationships, health emas. I'm so excited to
Speaker 1: share with you that my Cheekies and Chill podcast will
Speaker 1: have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be answering
Speaker 1: all your questions. Just leave me a voice message. All
Speaker 1: you have to do is go to speak pipe dot
Speaker 1: com slash Cheeks and Chill podcast and record your questions.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear from you. This is a
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio and the Michael Dura podcast Network.
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow
Speaker 1: me checks that's c h I q U I s.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My heart, visit the I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
Speaker 1: favorite podcasts. H