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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome to cheek Ease and Chill. I

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Speaker 1: have some very exciting news to share. So Apple Podcasts

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Speaker 1: has this program called Spotlight. Basically, they pick one podcast

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Speaker 1: they love and highlight it for an entire month so

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Speaker 1: that more people can find it. That's right. Apple's editorial

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Speaker 1: team listens to thousands of podcasts and they chose cheek

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Speaker 1: Ease and Chill. It's the first I Heart podcast to

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Speaker 1: be highlighted, so I'm super excited about this. So if

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Speaker 1: it's your first time listening to the show, welcome, and

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy you're here. And if you've been with

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Speaker 1: me for a while, you know how I feel about you.

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Speaker 1: A Chickens and Chill is my comfort zone. I talk

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Speaker 1: about anything and everything. Since I have you here, I

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Speaker 1: wanted to remind you of some of my favorite episodes.

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Speaker 1: We have one on cheating a betrayal, losing my mom Jenny,

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Speaker 1: and a really important one with my fertility doctor on

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Speaker 1: freezing my eggs. And of course I've had interviews with

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Speaker 1: some special guests, so be sure to check those out too.

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Speaker 1: New episodes drop every month to you guys, ray subscribe

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Speaker 1: to Cheeckens and Chill don't forget. Now, let's start the show.

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Speaker 1: I grew up in a household where you didn't talk

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Speaker 1: about sex, about having your period, about being gay. It

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Speaker 1: was just like no. As I got older in school

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Speaker 1: is when I learned about sex and all this stuff.

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Speaker 1: Here's a confession of mine that might shock you. I

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Speaker 1: actually have not had sex since two thousand sixteen. You're

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Speaker 1: more sensitive and you feel it more like just other

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Speaker 1: stuff that. Oh my god, everybody's gonna be talking about

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Speaker 1: this episode. I'm blushing already. Hello everyone, Welcome to a

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Speaker 1: very sexy and mature episode of Cheeckens and Chill. I

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Speaker 1: always tell you guys that this podcast is somewhere I

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Speaker 1: can speak about topics that aren't talked about enough in

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Speaker 1: our community. So today we're going to be diving into

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Speaker 1: something pretty taboo, sex and toys. We have a really

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Speaker 1: a great guest with us, so I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: get this conversation started. This is cheek Ease and Chill.

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Speaker 1: So as promised, we have a really great guest who

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited to talk to you today. Sitting here

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Speaker 1: with me is the one and only Perez Hilton. He's

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Speaker 1: an entertainer, an entrepreneur, a father, and podcast host. You guys,

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Speaker 1: welcome for us. How are you? I am well. I

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Speaker 1: was listening and enjoying your episode with Emily Stefan, and

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Speaker 1: I was so excited to be on myself. I will

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Speaker 1: do everything in my power not to take over and

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Speaker 1: start asking you all the questions which I want to do.

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Speaker 1: You can't ask me whatever you want to Okay, this

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Speaker 1: is a two way conversation, so you can ask me

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Speaker 1: whatever you want. I'll let you start and then we'll

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Speaker 1: go back and forth like a good two way. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: a good two way. Yeah, it's talking about sex. That's

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Speaker 1: a good way to put it. Okay. So I want

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Speaker 1: to start off the conversation. Well, we've been following on

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Speaker 1: social media. We've been following each other for a while.

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Speaker 1: I've been you comment on my stuff, I comment on

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Speaker 1: your stuff. I love your kids, by the way, they're

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Speaker 1: so freaking cute, and I love that now you're incorporating

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Speaker 1: them in in the videos that you guys are doing.

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Speaker 1: It is perfect. I don't know. I just wanted to

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Speaker 1: tell you that first, thank you, before we move on

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Speaker 1: to you know, the sex and mature part of this conversation.

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Speaker 1: I do want to talk to you about something. Tell

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Speaker 1: me if I'm wrong, but are used. Do you consider

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Speaker 1: yourself or I'm sure you've heard it before that you're

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Speaker 1: a pretty controversial person. Me, me, me controversial. No. Actually,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to start off by saying

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Speaker 1: something that has revealed itself to me, and I think

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Speaker 1: it's true, maybe not my brain playing tricks. Is that

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Speaker 1: over the last many years, my people, my fellow Latinos,

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Speaker 1: have really shown up for me and made me feel

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Speaker 1: like we're family. And I don't get that necessarily from

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Speaker 1: Anglo America. I think you might understand this. You know,

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Speaker 1: I grew up in Miami, the son of Cuban immigrants,

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Speaker 1: and I'm very different and even controversial within my own family. However,

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Speaker 1: I believe you know that you still love your family

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Speaker 1: even if you disagree with them on politics or whatever

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Speaker 1: it might be. So there are a lot of Latinos

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Speaker 1: out there who might think, well, he's controversial, he's we local,

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Speaker 1: but you know, I still kind of like him, and

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Speaker 1: I've actually always been a little bit local, even since

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Speaker 1: high school. However, there came a point in time when

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Speaker 1: I realized that how I was doing things was wrong

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Speaker 1: and not to pat myself on the back. But there

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Speaker 1: are some people who never learned that lesson. There are

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Speaker 1: some people who will go their entire lives without growing up,

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Speaker 1: without maturing. I mean, I don't want to get political,

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Speaker 1: but I don't care. Look at Donald Trump. Donald Trump

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Speaker 1: is in his late seventies and he will still say

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Speaker 1: everything he thinks, and he got rewarded for all the

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Speaker 1: way into the White House. I'm not saying people should

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Speaker 1: censor themselves. I believe in free speech. However, I am

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Speaker 1: now acutely aware of the power of words, and I

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Speaker 1: believe that you can express yourself in a way that's

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Speaker 1: not cruel or nasty, or mean or purposefully hurtful, which

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Speaker 1: is what I used to do. I fully own it.

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Speaker 1: When I was young. Well, I'm not I was still

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Speaker 1: a grown man. Okay, I can't even I'm not trying

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Speaker 1: to excuse it on youth. I was in my late twenties,

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Speaker 1: and I did not care if my words were hurtful.

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Speaker 1: All I cared about was me, me, me, and the

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Speaker 1: attention that I was getting and the views and the

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Speaker 1: this and the that. And I look back at that

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Speaker 1: period of time now with deep shame, remorse, regret, and

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Speaker 1: gratitude that I'm not that person anymore. But I also

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Speaker 1: know that maybe even the majority of your audience still

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Speaker 1: sees me as that old person. It's like that expression,

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Speaker 1: a first impression is a lasting impression, and hopefully your

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Speaker 1: followers can see me as a cautionary tail. Things that

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Speaker 1: you say today on social media could stay with you

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Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. Because the Internet is forever,

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Speaker 1: people will always be pulling up receipts from my past.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't matter that it was fifteen years ago or

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Speaker 1: thirteen years ago. Yeah, you know what, But I respect that.

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Speaker 1: I respect the fact that you can say, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I regret it, I apologize, and we can't live in

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Speaker 1: the past. We could just say, you know what, that's

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Speaker 1: not who I am today and that does not define

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Speaker 1: who I'm going to be tomorrow. So I think that's great.

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Speaker 1: But do you think it has to do like your

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Speaker 1: change doesn't have to do with your children having children,

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Speaker 1: or it was just something that you I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it started before children. I noticed a change within me

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Speaker 1: when I be again, my journey to be a healthier person.

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Speaker 1: If people remember Perez Hilton from two thousand seven, I

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Speaker 1: was so unhealthy and that's how I like to talk

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Speaker 1: about it. I don't like to say fat. I was fat,

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Speaker 1: but it's more than just wait. It's more than just wait.

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Speaker 1: I was unhealthy and it was bringing me down. And

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Speaker 1: when I began on this journey to being a healthier person,

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Speaker 1: I became a happier person. And I noticed that my

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Speaker 1: thoughts changed. I was thinking clearer and differently, but I

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Speaker 1: was afraid to make a change. I was paralyzed by

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Speaker 1: fear because at that point I had been Perez for

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Speaker 1: a long time and things were working well for me.

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Speaker 1: But eventually there came a point when the universe smacked

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Speaker 1: me upside the head specifically. You know. It was a

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Speaker 1: long time ago now, and in the fall of two

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Speaker 1: thousand and ten, there was this rash of gay teenagers

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Speaker 1: that were dying by suicide, and this journalist named Dan

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Speaker 1: Savage created this campaign called It Gets Better. It was

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Speaker 1: very simple. It was encouraging older people to make videos

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Speaker 1: directly speaking to younger people. And I found out about

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Speaker 1: it the very same day he launched this campaign. I

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Speaker 1: made it it Gets Better video, and the response that

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Speaker 1: I got it changed me forever, because I thought, wow,

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Speaker 1: in this moment of darkness. I'm doing something to spread light.

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Speaker 1: But people did not see it that way. They said,

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Speaker 1: how dare you? How dare you make and it gets

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Speaker 1: better video. You're a hypocrite, you're a bully. You're a

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Speaker 1: part of the problem. And it was at that moment

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Speaker 1: that I said, Okay, I have to make a change,

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Speaker 1: and I have to stop all of the BS lies

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Speaker 1: that I was telling myself, things like, oh, it's just

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Speaker 1: a character. If people don't like what I'm saying, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter because it's not the real me. But no,

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Speaker 1: it was the real me. I was just beating my

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Speaker 1: brain these lies, and you know, I was saying things like, well,

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Speaker 1: people don't like it, they should just ignore me. But

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Speaker 1: it's not as simple as that, Like you might be

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Speaker 1: a perfect person to talk on this, you know, like

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Speaker 1: you might ignore people talking smack about you, but then

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Speaker 1: a friend might innocently say, oh my god, I can't

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Speaker 1: believe that person said that about you, or they might

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Speaker 1: bring it to your attention thinking they're doing you a favor.

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Speaker 1: So I decided to make a change. And it's not

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Speaker 1: like I've reinvented the wheel. I just put new rims

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Speaker 1: on it because I like that well, thank you, thank

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Speaker 1: you for sharing that with us, for being honest and transparent.

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Speaker 1: Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we

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Speaker 1: can talk about you know, well, we're here to talk

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Speaker 1: about okay, because I thought you were the perfect person

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Speaker 1: I like to talk about sex. I'm that friend that

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Speaker 1: I'm always asking people questions, especially my gay friends, and

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Speaker 1: you're a gamel and you're open about it. So it's like,

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Speaker 1: I want to have him on and I know he'll

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Speaker 1: be fun and I know he'll be honest because I

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Speaker 1: have a lot of questions. Okay, Well, let me ask

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Speaker 1: you some questions before you start asking your questions. So

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Speaker 1: I'm curious. You know, it's been many years years now

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Speaker 1: since you started doing work in television and you first

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Speaker 1: came out on the scene with the reality TV. Do

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Speaker 1: you think if you have not done reality television that

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Speaker 1: the Spanish language media, which can be very vicious, do

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Speaker 1: you think that they would have covered you differently. That's

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Speaker 1: a very freaking good question. Um, I think so, I

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Speaker 1: do thing. So I don't regret doing the reality that

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Speaker 1: was like my first step into like my own career.

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Speaker 1: But because I exposed so much of my personal life

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Speaker 1: whenever I wanted to keep some to myself. It was

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Speaker 1: just why why now? And you know, it's still kind

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Speaker 1: of like that. I did ten years of reality TV

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Speaker 1: and I don't regret it, but times were obviously different.

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Speaker 1: Um it was the thing back then, but they have

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Speaker 1: been a little bit more harsh, I guess, a little

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Speaker 1: bit harder on me. And I think it might have

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Speaker 1: to do with that. For sure. I've thought about it,

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Speaker 1: which is why now, even if they offered me, I'm

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Speaker 1: just like I think about it a lot before. I

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Speaker 1: would bring my siblings and I to do something like

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Speaker 1: that again. Okay, well now my questions all right. So,

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Speaker 1: as you know, in our Latin culture, and this is

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Speaker 1: why I wanted a podcast, I can talk about anything

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Speaker 1: and everything. I grew up in a household where you

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Speaker 1: didn't talk about sex, about having your period, about being gay.

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Speaker 1: It was just like no, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: My family was very traditional, very religious. Yeah, right, So

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Speaker 1: I just started like as I got older in school

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Speaker 1: is when I learned about sex and all this stuff.

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Speaker 1: It was my friends and what they were talking about.

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Speaker 1: And it's not until like I was and I don't know,

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Speaker 1: my little late twenties, I would say that I was

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Speaker 1: introduced to a vibrator and I love them. I had

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Speaker 1: a boyfriend that was not okay with me having a vibrator,

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Speaker 1: and it was like, no, that's my competition sort of thing.

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Speaker 1: Now that I'm thirty seven and I want to try

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Speaker 1: to and things, I have a man younger than me,

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Speaker 1: seven years younger, and he's totally fine with it. He's like,

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Speaker 1: let's bring it in, like, let's have fun, you know.

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Speaker 1: And it's been amazing, you know, And I can't really

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Speaker 1: talk to well, some of my friends. I'm that friend

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Speaker 1: that would tell you, here, here's a vibrator for Christmas

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Speaker 1: or your birthday. Sit on this instead of straining this.

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Speaker 1: I'm that friend. I'm like, have safe sex. But my

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Speaker 1: grandma was like I would tell her, I'm my grandma,

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Speaker 1: you haven't had sex for so long. This is years ago.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you haven't had sex for so long's you're

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Speaker 1: not supposed to masturbate. And I'm just like, what isn't

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Speaker 1: that safer than just like having sex with Random's? Absolutely

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Speaker 1: and it's it's quicker too. I don't know about straight people,

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Speaker 1: but most gay men they use the apps to to

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Speaker 1: hook up, and I just don't have the time or

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Speaker 1: the desire for that. Like, I would just rather take

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Speaker 1: care of business myself, and I'm done much quicker than

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Speaker 1: it would take me to like try to find buddy

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Speaker 1: and meet up with them and all of that. But

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Speaker 1: I'm curious, though I love that you love your your toys,

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Speaker 1: I would guess that straight men would not really be

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Speaker 1: into toys for themselves. But here's my question. I'm all

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Speaker 1: but certain that straight men, a lot of them, if

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Speaker 1: not most, love porn. So are you okay with your

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Speaker 1: younger boyfriend watching a lot of porn and masturbating without you.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be real with you right now. Before the

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Speaker 1: younger me was like, no, I was jealous, I was immature.

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Speaker 1: It was just like ridiculous. But now I wouldn't mind

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Speaker 1: because I feel like it would give me a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a breaknout. That I don't want to have

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Speaker 1: sex with him, obviously, but sometimes I'm just busy and

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Speaker 1: it's just like it's another kind of chore, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. So now, like I asked him, do

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Speaker 1: you watch porny says no, that he doesn't even like

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Speaker 1: to jack off or anything like that's not his thing.

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Speaker 1: Now i'd be fine with it. I'd be like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, just do your thing like him and I.

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Speaker 1: We haven't gotten to that point. We've been dating for

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Speaker 1: a year and a half, like watching porn together, but

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Speaker 1: I want to and with my mom. My mom was

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Speaker 1: very very open. You know, we'd be leaving the house

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Speaker 1: on a date or with some friends. She's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: well make sure you cover it, make sure you were

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Speaker 1: a condom or like. She was very like that a

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Speaker 1: little later, you know, because in the beginning she didn't

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Speaker 1: really teach me much about sex or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: And so she got older and then she met this

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Speaker 1: guy that was like the love of her life, her

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Speaker 1: soul mate, and she just said that she became a woman.

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Speaker 1: At like thirty something years old, she had her first orgasm.

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Speaker 1: So we started talking about it. I was older, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. So we we had these conversations.

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Speaker 1: So your mom told you was telling you about her

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Speaker 1: first orgasm? Oh she did. She told us all have

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Speaker 1: you because you're so well known, Like, well, first of all,

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Speaker 1: is your boy is your current boyfriend Latino or not?

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Speaker 1: He is, he's half Mexican, And have Filipino have you

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Speaker 1: found like over the last decade or so that you

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Speaker 1: have to be very cautious about dating because guys are

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Speaker 1: just trying to use you. Um. Yes, in the beginning,

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Speaker 1: when I start dating someone, I'm still a little bit hesitant,

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Speaker 1: a little worried, you know. But I think with with

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Speaker 1: the media and my current boyfriend, he's just very like

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Speaker 1: transparent and just very like you could tell right away

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Speaker 1: he's so different. But I have had guys that have

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Speaker 1: used me and have even called the paparazzi on us,

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Speaker 1: and that just yeah, it's like you think that they're

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Speaker 1: there for the right reasons and then you just realizing

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Speaker 1: I was dumb to just ignore it for a while,

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Speaker 1: but I learned my listen, let me tell you I

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Speaker 1: learned it. So you've been dating a year and a half,

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Speaker 1: I would say the honeymoon phase is over, but you're

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Speaker 1: still excited about him. And at this point in your relationship,

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Speaker 1: how often are you having sex? You know what, you

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Speaker 1: live together? We do live together. Now you live together

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Speaker 1: and we have sex. It all just depends at least

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Speaker 1: three times a week, three times a week that amount

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Speaker 1: of time. You know. I just actually have our little

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Speaker 1: like thing, you know, our night schedule, and it just happens,

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Speaker 1: and he knows when I'm trying to get first scale

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Speaker 1: put something sexy on and I just like pretend like

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Speaker 1: I'm in my little like baggy Pj's and then I

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Speaker 1: pull him off and there's something nice down there, you know.

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Speaker 1: So he's young. I gotta I gotta freaking keep up.

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Speaker 1: Here's a confession of mine that might shock you. I

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Speaker 1: actually have not had sex since two thousand sixteen. I

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Speaker 1: have not gotten naked with anybody. Perez, No way, way, okay,

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Speaker 1: And why well, I'll explain why. So my son was

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Speaker 1: my first child to be born. He was born in

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Speaker 1: and after he was born, I decided that I wanted

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Speaker 1: to go to New York City for a while because

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Speaker 1: I love New York and I went to college there,

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Speaker 1: and I said to myself, this is my last opportunity

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Speaker 1: to enjoy New York because after this I have to

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Speaker 1: really settle down. So I went and we were there

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Speaker 1: for two and a half years, and I went through

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Speaker 1: a huge slut phase using all of those apps, and

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Speaker 1: I got it out of my system. And it was

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Speaker 1: really easy to meet guys in New York because you

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Speaker 1: don't need a car. You can take the subway and

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Speaker 1: you can be very spontaneous and very quick. Then I

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Speaker 1: moved back to l A and it was really hard

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Speaker 1: to even date, like using the same websites and the

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Speaker 1: same apps. It was just very challenging. And then I

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Speaker 1: realized I don't need to. I mean, I'm open to it.

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Speaker 1: I would like to. I'm not against it. I enjoy sex,

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Speaker 1: but something changed where I didn't want to chase it

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Speaker 1: that much. And I love sex, but I wanted to

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Speaker 1: be easy. I feel, you, well, things have changed so much,

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Speaker 1: you know, and then you your personality, yourself, your celebrity like,

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Speaker 1: and you just feel like, are these people he's been

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Speaker 1: coming into my life because they you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: you just I don't think about that. I think the

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Speaker 1: opposite it. Actually, I think anybody who messages me it

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Speaker 1: wants to embarrass me. So that's another reason why I

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Speaker 1: kind of stopped doing that. I thought, oh, they're just

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Speaker 1: chatting with me to try to, you know, lead me on,

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Speaker 1: so that they can screen grab our conversation and then

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Speaker 1: leak it. And that's another reason why I'd rather just

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Speaker 1: be more old school and meet somebody at the gym

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Speaker 1: at my kids school, out at a concert, sitting next

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Speaker 1: to them on a plane, you know, like people still

338
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,120
Speaker 1: do meet other people that way. How did you meet

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00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,880
Speaker 1: your boyfriend at a party? At a I was having

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Speaker 1: a birthday party for a friend of mine, for Becky g.

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Speaker 1: Actually they're like cousins. They grew up together, and he

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Speaker 1: was one of the guests, and I had seen him before.

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Speaker 1: We did a photo shoot together, but we had like

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00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,000
Speaker 1: never exchanged numbers or anything. And that day we were

345
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,280
Speaker 1: just drinking, having good time. And I'm glad I met

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00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,159
Speaker 1: him that way and not through someone that was sliding

347
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Speaker 1: through my d M s, you know what I mean.

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00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,040
Speaker 1: I'm more traditional in that way as well. I tried

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Speaker 1: the dating apps that should like scared the hell out

350
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Speaker 1: of me, and I'm like, know what, It's just not

351
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 1: for me, and these blind dates. I'd rather just like

352
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,359
Speaker 1: you said, I don't know how to library. Are there

353
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,720
Speaker 1: any libraries anyway? Anyways, I'm saying the library because I

354
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,960
Speaker 1: would like a guy that reads, you know, he reads

355
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Speaker 1: by the way. Um, but I get it. I get

356
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,320
Speaker 1: exactly what you're saying. Like the whole screen. You gotta

357
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,199
Speaker 1: be so careful with everything that you do now because

358
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,879
Speaker 1: they will just take a quick screenshot and try to

359
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 1: screw you over so on the same token, Like I

360
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,280
Speaker 1: don't even care if they do, Like I kind of

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Speaker 1: just I expect that. So I'm prepared for the worst.

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Speaker 1: And it's not even that that I've been doing what

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Speaker 1: I do now for eighteen years. I would rather be

364
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 1: embarrassed publicly than ignored, Like I'd rather have that humiliating

365
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 1: attention than no attention. I keep it real, honest. That's

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Speaker 1: what I love about you. You're honest. Have you slept

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Speaker 1: with women before? No, you've never. I've never had any interest,

368
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 1: no desire. Oh my god, everybody's gonna be talking about

369
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 1: this episode. I'm blushing already, Louis, Oh my god. So

370
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,960
Speaker 1: you have siblings. Do you talk about these things with

371
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 1: your siblings? Oh no, No No, we my siblings and I

372
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,880
Speaker 1: are very very close, like really close, like sometimes too close.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if I've ever shared this before,

374
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Speaker 1: but we're just very open. My mom was that way

375
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Speaker 1: with us, and so I'm like that with them as well.

376
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Speaker 1: My brother, who's thirty one years old, he hasn't done

377
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,640
Speaker 1: it a long time, but when we lived together way back,

378
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:34,879
Speaker 1: like I don't know, I must have been in my

379
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,199
Speaker 1: early twenties. I'd be taking a shower and he'd walk in.

380
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:41,080
Speaker 1: He's like, sister, I'm like, I'm literally naked showering. I'm like,

381
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,200
Speaker 1: what's up. He'd be like, I don't know this bitch,

382
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 1: Like he was telling me just whatever it may be.

383
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 1: We're very open. We were just on a trip and

384
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 1: I took them out for my brother's birthday and we

385
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:51,800
Speaker 1: were talking about He's like, oh, I'm like, did you

386
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 1: get any birthday sex? He's like, oh, yeah, she gave

387
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,199
Speaker 1: it to me real good and she just you know,

388
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,639
Speaker 1: she sucked it really nice. And that's also brother at

389
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 1: the breakfast table. So we are are you very very open?

390
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 1: I don't have that, but I think you know, well

391
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,240
Speaker 1: you're probably closer and well, no, you're around the same.

392
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,479
Speaker 1: My sister is six and a half years younger, so

393
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 1: we never had that kind of relationship. Do you feel

394
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,119
Speaker 1: like with your children you wanted to do talk to

395
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 1: them or because they're they're fairly young, but do you

396
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 1: talk to them about their parts and like penis and

397
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:24,159
Speaker 1: vagina like oh yeah, using clinical words yeah, and saying

398
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 1: things like you know, nobody can touch you, only the doctor.

399
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 1: When the doctor asked for permission, and not even anybody,

400
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 1: your siblings especially nobody can you know, we have those

401
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 1: kinds of discussions. But my oldest is only nine years old,

402
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,359
Speaker 1: and I think it's a little young to have more.

403
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm a single, gay dad and I

404
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 1: had my children through surrogacy, so I've I've talked about

405
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,880
Speaker 1: that process with them and how they came to be.

406
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 1: And I believe in being honest, which my mother doesn't

407
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 1: always agree with everything I do. She's like, you don't

408
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 1: need to be honest with children, their children, So yeah,

409
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,120
Speaker 1: I believe in being honest and age appropriate as well,

410
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:08,439
Speaker 1: because they're only going to understand so much. And like,

411
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 1: I like that my kids are a little bit sheltered,

412
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 1: Like I want my kids to remain kids. Like my

413
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,280
Speaker 1: kids don't have cell phones. Like there's some nine year

414
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,919
Speaker 1: olds that have cell phones. And if that's your family

415
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,240
Speaker 1: and your and I understand it. You know, some people

416
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 1: might have a kid that has to go between a

417
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 1: mom's house and the dad's house, and the phone is

418
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,400
Speaker 1: an important tool that the kid needs. My kids don't

419
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,200
Speaker 1: need phones for me, and they're not they don't have it.

420
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 1: But I will be honest and educating my children. But

421
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 1: when they're in their twenties, I don't need you them

422
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 1: to be telling me about if they orgasms or not.

423
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 1: I don't I know you. But but if if they

424
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 1: talk about it with each other, that's great. I wanted

425
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 1: to talk about it with each other. They don't need

426
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 1: to talk about it with me, though, you Okay, I

427
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,960
Speaker 1: feel you, I feel you, but I and I totally,

428
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,200
Speaker 1: I totally get that. I was watching I think the

429
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,639
Speaker 1: View the other day and they were talking about, you know,

430
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 1: I don't remember who she was, but she was talking about, yes,

431
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,679
Speaker 1: you know, I speak to my children about their penis

432
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:09,199
Speaker 1: and their vagina and that, like what you said, no

433
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,679
Speaker 1: one should touch you there. And I think those conversations

434
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 1: early on, Yes, for me, are very important because of

435
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,159
Speaker 1: what happened to me. I was actually used by my

436
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 1: dad and and my mom. She was she was young

437
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 1: with she had me. She was fifteen, so she was

438
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 1: a kid raising a kid, you know. But now when

439
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 1: she got older she did tell me, she's like, I

440
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: wish I would have talked to you about that because

441
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 1: it would have prevented so many things. You know, it

442
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 1: happens too often, and I think if they're aware of

443
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:36,120
Speaker 1: their body parts and their privacy. I think that that

444
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 1: is something important. Going back to something you said earlier,

445
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 1: you know, like you I had, well, I was much

446
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,399
Speaker 1: younger when my dad passed away. It was the summer

447
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 1: between freshman and sophomore year of high school. And not

448
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:57,480
Speaker 1: only did my Latino Cuban family not talk about this

449
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,920
Speaker 1: or talk about that, but they also didn't believe in therapy.

450
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 1: Oh that's for our good ing goals. We don't do there.

451
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 1: You don't go to therapy. We didn't do therapy. But

452
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 1: I wish that I was in therapy back then. I'm

453
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 1: in therapy now and I find it's so helpful. So

454
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,239
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask, you know, you've been through so

455
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 1: much in your life, and just from speaking to you now,

456
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:24,200
Speaker 1: you seem very adjusted and happy. And I don't know,

457
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 1: but maybe like healed or it's a healing is a

458
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,439
Speaker 1: constant work in progress. But how did you get to

459
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 1: that point of where you are at now of healing yourself?

460
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,639
Speaker 1: For sure? Therapy. I've been in therapy since I was twelve.

461
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,360
Speaker 1: The doctor that examined me when all this came out

462
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,719
Speaker 1: to light, um, he suggested, and again my family was

463
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,680
Speaker 1: very like, well, what's therapy. All you need is God.

464
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:47,679
Speaker 1: All you need to do is pray, and yes, you

465
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 1: do need that. I feel like you need to have

466
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: your relationship your faith. But therapy has helped me so much,

467
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,479
Speaker 1: you know, and like you said, it is a taboo

468
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 1: and it's something that I talked about on my podcast

469
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,879
Speaker 1: and I share and I'm a huge advocate for it

470
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 1: because it's helped me and my faith and having such

471
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,720
Speaker 1: a strong mother that no matter what happened, she never

472
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: allowed me to feel sorry for myself. This happened, you

473
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,360
Speaker 1: gotta pick up and then, you know, dust yourself off

474
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: and keep walking. And I always say that because I

475
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,200
Speaker 1: have that in the back of my mind of we

476
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,880
Speaker 1: gotta keep going, we gotta be strong. It's been that.

477
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: It's been that and knowing the responsibility that I have,

478
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 1: having the platform that God has given me to share

479
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,680
Speaker 1: and to spread light and to be an example of Yes,

480
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 1: I've been through this, but that does not define who

481
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 1: I am today. I mean, I'm still in therapy. I

482
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,919
Speaker 1: do it every week because it just helps me. It's

483
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 1: I need the mentorship. I love it. I mean, I

484
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 1: have so much empathy and compassion because when you have

485
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 1: trauma that happens like what you experienced, or even with

486
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 1: me losing a parent at a very young age. You

487
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 1: can respond one of two ways. You can respond how

488
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 1: you did and how I did, or you can respond

489
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: by choosing a path of destruction, you know, whether that

490
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: be exert alcohol or extreme promiscuity. And but what's fascinating

491
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:11,080
Speaker 1: is I didn't really get into therapy until in my forties,

492
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 1: and it wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't until the last couple

493
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 1: of years that I realized, Wow, I've been carrying all

494
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 1: this baggage from when I was a teenager that I

495
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: never really addressed because I didn't have the tools or

496
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 1: the mental and emotional maturity to process all of these things,

497
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: like my dad dying and my grandfather died the same week.

498
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 1: That was pretty earth shattering, and my grandfather lived with

499
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 1: us as well. My mom's dad and then her husband

500
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:49,399
Speaker 1: both died seven days apart, and my dad was unexpected.

501
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:54,479
Speaker 1: He had an aneurysm. And yeah, it's interesting because you

502
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 1: had a really close and special relationship with your mother

503
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 1: because you were close in age, and I have a

504
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 1: very close and special relationship with my mother as well,

505
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 1: because in a way, I had to become at an

506
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:12,480
Speaker 1: early age. The parents and I had to start financially

507
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:17,360
Speaker 1: supporting my mother and she lives with me. I I

508
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 1: love her, and I say this with love. In many ways,

509
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 1: my mother is an inspiration for me in how I

510
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 1: don't want to parent, so I try to correct how

511
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,880
Speaker 1: I was brought up and and and make sure that

512
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,959
Speaker 1: I'm doing things differently from my kids, for example. And

513
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: you probably could relate to this too, you know, I don't.

514
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,880
Speaker 1: I do have also compassion and grace and understanding from

515
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: my mom, knowing that she did her best. She did

516
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 1: her best given her upbringing and what she knew. But

517
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 1: I always struggled with my weight from youth to adulthood

518
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 1: as well. And I remember there was a period where

519
00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: my mom decided we're gonna be healthy. So her i

520
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 1: of being healthy was having us eat iceberg lettuce with tomatoes,

521
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 1: and the salad dressing was mayonnaise. Iceberg lettuce with tomatoes

522
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:17,199
Speaker 1: and mayonnaise. But then there's some things that when I

523
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 1: was younger, I used to fight my mom on. Actually,

524
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,719
Speaker 1: I'll ask you this, This is the best thing that

525
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: my mother told me growing up, which I never believed.

526
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,719
Speaker 1: And maybe you might think this is cynical. But I

527
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: never really believed or got or understood until recently because

528
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 1: for me, I always was a big proponent of friendship

529
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: and I love having friends. I love friendship. But my

530
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 1: mom said friends will come and friends will go, but

531
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 1: the most important thing in life is family. And I'm like, Mom,

532
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: that's so cynical. You can have friends that are like family,

533
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 1: and she's like, no, it's not true. No family is

534
00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 1: family and friends are friends. And and I do believe

535
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 1: that now, m it's probably like that. You know, blood

536
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 1: is thicker than water. And for me, I feel like

537
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:12,400
Speaker 1: I consider my family my siblings. To me, it's it's

538
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 1: us and and I feel that there are certain friends

539
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,840
Speaker 1: like you can make your own family like people that

540
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 1: you meet or you know what I mean. And for

541
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 1: me that that's that's my family. For a long time,

542
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 1: I had and I had an episode on this called

543
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:29,240
Speaker 1: toxic loyalty that in our culture, we're we're like, but

544
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: that's your dad, but that's your cousin. It doesn't matter,

545
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 1: that's your family. But I'm like, but wrong is wrong.

546
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 1: If they're not making me feel good, and they're making

547
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: me more sad than happy, then I'd rather and I

548
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 1: learned this through through therapy, where it's just it's okay

549
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 1: to let people from afar. It takes a long time

550
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 1: to understand that because I was taught in a way

551
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,040
Speaker 1: toxic loyalty in my whole life. And now I'm like, okay,

552
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 1: I wanted to be every relationship it doesn't matter who

553
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 1: it is, for it to be reciprocated, for me to

554
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 1: give and they give as much as I do sort

555
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 1: of thing. It took me a long time. That's not realistic.

556
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 1: What what is our realistic? Even even my sister, for example,

557
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 1: I hope she doesn't listen. Oh my god. With my sister,

558
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,719
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm always the one taking the initiative,

559
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 1: like hey, let's do this with the kids, or let's

560
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: do this, or let's do that. And it would be

561
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 1: nice if she's the one saying, hey, you want to

562
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 1: come over or whatever. But it's okay if it's not

563
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 1: fifty fifty. She's my sister, and I'm still gonna continue

564
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 1: to be the one making the bigger effort. And I'm

565
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 1: the older sibling, you know, Yeah, as older siblings, it's

566
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 1: just going to always have to be that way. To

567
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 1: be honest, It's like I've learned that I'm like and

568
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: I'm okay with it. As long as you motherfuckers call

569
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 1: me back and take me back, I'm good. Anyways, Thank you,

570
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing everything, for being so open for

571
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 1: your questions to me. I loved having you on the podcast.

572
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 1: I hope this is not the first and the last time.

573
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 1: Do you want to share your social so people follow you?

574
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: A lot of people do, but still well, the number

575
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 1: one thing I'll say is people who listen and enjoy

576
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: podcasts usually check out and enjoy more than one. So

577
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 1: check out mine the Perez Hilton podcast with Chris Booker.

578
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 1: You can hear it at Perez podcast dot com. That's

579
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 1: Perez podcast dot com. And that's it. I'm everywhere and

580
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: I'm just so grateful to have had this time together

581
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 1: with you, and uh that I'm still here. It's like,

582
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 1: it's crazy that I started life as Perez in two

583
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 1: thousand and four, really before there was social media, Like

584
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 1: I was an influencer before that word even existed. And

585
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 1: while I'm not an IT girl anymore, I'm still here

586
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 1: and I am an icon and icons are forever. Yes,

587
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: I love that absolutely. Thank you guys so much, and

588
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,719
Speaker 1: as you guys know I always share my motivational quote

589
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 1: right before we end. Here's the quote for you guys.

590
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 1: When things change inside you, things change around you. I'll

591
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: tell you I'm a living proof of that. So I

592
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 1: hope you guys enjoyed this conversation with Perez Hilton. Thank

593
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 1: you for being on and I will catch you on

594
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: the next episode of Chickies and Chill. Do you need

595
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 1: advice on love, relationships, health emas. I'm so excited to

596
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 1: share with you that my Cheekies and Chill podcast will

597
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 1: have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be answering

598
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 1: all your questions. Just leave me a voice message. All

599
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 1: you have to do is go to speak pipe dot

600
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,680
Speaker 1: com slash Cheeks and Chill podcast and record your questions.

601
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear from you. This is a

602
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio and the Michael Dura podcast Network.

603
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow

604
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 1: me checks that's c h I q U I s.

605
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My heart, visit the I Heart

606
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your

607
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: favorite podcasts. H