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Speaker 1: Hello, podcast friends. Jonathan Here. For the protection of those

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Speaker 1: involved in today's story, some of the names have been changed,

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Speaker 1: but not my name. I'm still me Jonathan Goldstein. Boom boom,

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Speaker 1: Let's start the show.

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Speaker 2: Hello.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember when you came back from England and

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Speaker 1: you were referring to the bathroom as the loo?

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Speaker 2: What's wrong with that?

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Speaker 3: You?

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Speaker 1: We were in a cafe and you were like, oh,

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Speaker 1: one moment, I just have to find out where the

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Speaker 1: loo is.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, Lou, I mean, you spent a

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Speaker 2: year in the country.

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Speaker 4: You pick up stuff that.

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Speaker 5: I think you were only there like a couple of weeks.

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Speaker 2: I was there for I think you were.

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Speaker 5: There for a couple of weeks.

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Speaker 1: I'm it's been a while, all right, all right, let's

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Speaker 1: let's okay. You know we're getting off on the wrong

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Speaker 1: foot here. Let's walk it back. Do you like eating

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Speaker 1: buttered mashed potatoes? Would you eat a toilet? Do you

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Speaker 1: like noodles? Do you like the sound of the wind

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Speaker 1: in the trees? Do you like climbing trees? Conclusion, I

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Speaker 1: would like to say that this was a very nice

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Speaker 1: telephone call for who from Gimblet Media. I'm Jonathan Goldstein

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Speaker 1: and this is heavyweight today's episode, Rachel. Sometimes an impetuous

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Speaker 1: decision you make as a kid carries over into adulthood,

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Speaker 1: and day after day you write out the consequences on autopilot.

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Speaker 1: Sure you could always take back the wheel and change course,

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Speaker 1: but it's easier just not to think about it.

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Speaker 6: So it sort of starts out in that.

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Speaker 7: So I never had I never had a boyfriend or

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Speaker 7: anything in high school.

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Speaker 1: Just for Rachel's a thirty year old PhD candidate in genetics,

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Speaker 1: and she has a decision like that, a choice she

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Speaker 1: made as a college student that's determined the last ten

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Speaker 1: years of her life. Lately, though, she's been wondering if

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Speaker 1: there's something she can.

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Speaker 5: Do about it.

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Speaker 6: I was in college, And the.

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Speaker 1: Story begins when Rachel was eighteen and she took a

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Speaker 1: job at a restaurant to make some extra money.

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Speaker 7: And as I was working in this restaurant, I started

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Speaker 7: dating this guy.

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Speaker 5: What was his name?

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Speaker 7: His name was Oscar Okay, yeah.

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Speaker 6: Which is the name I've not said in a while.

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Speaker 7: So Oscar just immediately started like paying attention to me.

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Speaker 7: He like asked if I wanted to come early one

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Speaker 7: day and like help him cook because I really liked.

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Speaker 7: I really like cooking, and I have this like very

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Speaker 7: clear memory of being next to him in him like

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Speaker 7: toasting fennel, which was like.

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Speaker 6: Super hot.

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Speaker 7: It was really he made me feel special. And then

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Speaker 7: every now and then I'd look over and they'd.

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Speaker 6: Be like a perfectly seared scallop on my station.

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Speaker 1: In the beginning of their relationship, Oscar and Rachel would

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Speaker 1: go out after work, still wearing their chef clothes, and

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Speaker 1: they'd hang out into the night. It was fun, but

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Speaker 1: pretty soon Oscar started demanding more of her time. Rachel

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Speaker 1: was in college and Oscar wasn't.

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Speaker 7: There would be points where I was studying and he'd

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Speaker 7: be like, we need to hang out and I would

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Speaker 7: be like, no, I'm studying, and he would be like

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Speaker 7: this is unacceptable, Like are you studying with other guys?

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Speaker 1: Oscar could get needy, moody, and the two of them

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Speaker 1: didn't communicate well. After about a year, Rachel wanted to

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Speaker 1: break up with Oscar, but as a teenager in her

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Speaker 1: very first relationship, it was hard. She kept trying, but

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Speaker 1: you couldn't make it stick. So in a last ditch

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Speaker 1: effort to put some space between them, she took as

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Speaker 1: I'm her job as a nanny in England.

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Speaker 7: We then had sex one last time, and then I

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Speaker 7: went to England and I never saw him again.

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Speaker 1: In the autumn, Rachel returned to school oscarless. One Sunday morning,

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Speaker 1: while over at her parents, she noticed them looking at her.

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Speaker 5: Funny, I guess they.

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Speaker 6: Hadn't seen me in a while.

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Speaker 7: And my mom she literally just lifts up my shirt,

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Speaker 7: pokes my stomach and was like, Rachel, go.

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Speaker 6: Take a pregnancy test.

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Speaker 7: I went back to my apartment and took the pregnancy

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Speaker 7: test and it was positive. I remember just being just

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Speaker 7: not feeling anything and being on the bathroom floor, and

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Speaker 7: then I called my parents and my dad came and

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Speaker 7: I remember him picking me up off of the bathroom floor.

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Speaker 1: At that point, without even realizing it, Rachel was already

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Speaker 1: six months pregnant.

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Speaker 7: Which I find hilarious because I was a biology major

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Speaker 7: and by that time being six months pregnant, I just

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Speaker 7: we were going with it at that point. So I

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Speaker 7: basically had three months to like find a doctor and

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Speaker 7: like build a crib and figure out daycare. Like the

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Speaker 7: health insurance issue was a big enough headache on its own,

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Speaker 7: Like student health insurance doesn't cover maternity On the.

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Speaker 1: Day of the delivery, a friend posted an open invite

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Speaker 1: to the hospital on Rachel's Facebook wall.

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Speaker 6: Hey, Rachel's having a baby. Come over.

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Speaker 1: It's like you're having a keger or something. Yeah, were

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Speaker 1: you like the first of the friends to have a baby?

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Speaker 6: Oh yeah, by like ten years.

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Speaker 1: Rachel sent me a photo of everyone hanging out in

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Speaker 1: the maternity ward. They look exactly like what they are,

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Speaker 1: a bunch of kids too young to legally at tande

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Speaker 1: Kegger and with all of these baby faced, sweatshirted classmates

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Speaker 1: rooting for her outside the delivery room.

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Speaker 6: I like had my daughter.

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Speaker 1: That night, after her parents left the hospital and her

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Speaker 1: friends returned to their dorms, Rachel was left all alone

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Speaker 1: for the first time with her daughter, Lena, and.

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Speaker 7: I remember holding around just looking at her and saying, like,

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Speaker 7: I have a baby, Like I have a baby.

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Speaker 1: It was Friday night, Monday was a holiday. By Tuesday,

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Speaker 1: Rachel was back in class And as for Oscar.

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Speaker 6: So that's the crazy thing is.

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Speaker 7: The only thing I really knew was that, like, the

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Speaker 7: one thing that could make this really really hard is

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Speaker 7: if I have to deal with a person that I

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Speaker 7: really really don't want to deal with and so I didn't, So.

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Speaker 5: You meaning you didn't you didn't tell Oscar?

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I didn't tell him because I just there were

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Speaker 7: so many things that got on the to do list

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Speaker 7: that the only thing going in my mind with regards

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Speaker 7: to Oscar was like, let's just not deal with that now.

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Speaker 1: And so Rachel's let's just not deal with that now.

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Speaker 1: Kept getting kicked down the road, one day handing off

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Speaker 1: to the next until today's her birthday, hadn't She's turning ten.

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Speaker 6: Wow, I have a ten year old.

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Speaker 7: I still can't believe it, Like she's amazing.

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Speaker 1: For Rachel, it's been ten years of birthdays and Christmases,

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Speaker 1: ten years of card games, bedtime stories and big Saturday

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Speaker 1: morning breakfast. But ten years too, of not telling Oscar

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Speaker 1: about his daughter, ten years of not telling Lena about

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Speaker 1: her dad. Rachel says that so far it hasn't really

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Speaker 1: come up.

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Speaker 7: I think she has once in like preschool, when they

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Speaker 7: were doing making a family tree, and she was like,

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Speaker 7: why why don't I have a dad? And I was like, Mary,

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Speaker 7: you just don't, like you have Nana and pops. And

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Speaker 7: then the other cool thing is like one of her

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Speaker 7: good friends has two moms, so I can just be

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Speaker 7: like Eli has two moms, like look.

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Speaker 6: Over there, Like Eli doesn't have a dad either her like,

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Speaker 6: and she just sort of accepts that. But as my

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Speaker 6: daughter grows up right more and more, it.

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Speaker 7: Is obvious to me that one day she's actually going

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Speaker 7: to ask me about him. And then I don't know

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Speaker 7: what I'm gonna say, because the thing that scares me

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Speaker 7: is her being God sixteen seventeen eighteen and being like, mom,

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Speaker 7: like why did you do this? And me being like,

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Speaker 7: because it seemed kind of complicated at the time, like

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Speaker 7: it is one hundred percent on me.

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Speaker 6: Is the reason that like, this person is not in

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Speaker 6: her life.

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Speaker 7: I've never even been close to trying to, Like I've

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Speaker 7: never googled him. No once or twice a year. I'm

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Speaker 7: just like, hey, like I should tell Oscar, and then

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Speaker 7: it's sort of a passing.

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Speaker 6: The feeling passes.

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Speaker 1: It isn't like Rachel doesn't think about Oscar in choosing

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Speaker 1: Lena's name, She intentionally picked something that could be pronounced

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Speaker 1: in Chinese. Rachel's half Chinese, as well as in Spanish

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Speaker 1: because Oscar's Mexican. Rachel doesn't want to live her life

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Speaker 1: wondering if Oscar's out there, oblivious to the fact that

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Speaker 1: he has a ten year old daughter, and she doesn't

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Speaker 1: want another ten years to pass with Oscar still a

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Speaker 1: ghost that she and Lena can't discuss. So she wants

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Speaker 1: to find Oscar and tell me as a daughter, but

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Speaker 1: she says the Oscar she remembers ran hot and cold

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Speaker 1: before getting Lena involved. She wants to know how he

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Speaker 1: feels about his fatherhood, and so Rachel wants to take

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Speaker 1: his temperature, or rather, she wants me to take it.

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Speaker 6: Can't you take someone's temperature? Isn't that what you do?

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Speaker 5: Hew? Do you mean?

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Speaker 4: I don't?

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Speaker 6: I want you to do all the work.

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Speaker 8: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I'm not so much a temperature taker. I'm in an interlock.

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Speaker 1: It it's into locator. Yeah, but uh, I could take

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Speaker 1: the temperature.

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Speaker 6: You would do that.

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 6: Wait, so we're doing this.

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Speaker 5: I think we are. I mean, that's what it sounds like.

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Speaker 1: And you know what this music sounds like, bargains boogying

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Speaker 1: out your buds, your earbuds. So make room in your

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Speaker 1: wallet for all the Benjamin's coming your way. You're about

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Speaker 1: to save big time, boss, big time. Rachel hasn't seen

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Speaker 1: Oscar in more than ten years, and she doesn't know

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Speaker 1: how to find him to tell him about Lena. Back

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Speaker 1: in the day, an old friend from the restaurant told

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Speaker 1: her that her pregnancy was the talk of the kitchen.

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Speaker 1: So Rachel thinks it's possible Oscar might have already heard.

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Speaker 5: But we all know what.

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Speaker 1: Happens when one assumes, or at least I assume we

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Speaker 1: all know. But since I don't want to be indicted

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Speaker 1: for the very crime against which I am building a case,

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Speaker 1: let me just say it outright, And if you already

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Speaker 1: know this, you can press fast forward. When one assumes,

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Speaker 1: one makes an ass out of you and me. Though

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Speaker 1: now that I say it out loud, I realize it

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Speaker 1: makes more sense written out. Let's stroll on over to

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Speaker 1: the chalkboard.

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Speaker 5: Shall we.

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Speaker 1: See the letter you stands for yo you, and then

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Speaker 1: the letters M and E spell me and ass.

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Speaker 5: That makes the ass part.

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Speaker 1: Of the proverb. Alex might want me to edit out

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Speaker 1: that ass, but I'll just say I was talking about

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Speaker 1: a donkey in the zoo. I assume he's too busy

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Speaker 1: capitalizing on opportunities to even notice the difference.

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Speaker 5: Hello, can you hear me?

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Speaker 2: Hey?

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Speaker 5: I can That's important? Can you hear me, yes, I

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Speaker 5: can hear you. We can hear each other.

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Speaker 1: This is Diane, the old friend of Rachel's from the restaurant,

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Speaker 1: who thought Oscar might have heard about the pregnancy. So

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Speaker 1: reaching out to her seems like a good way to

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Speaker 1: start the search.

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Speaker 8: I haven't been in pets Oscar for quite some years.

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Speaker 8: After I left the restaurant, they started working at a

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Speaker 8: the same Crown, Okay, and I had seen him there

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Speaker 8: several years ago when he brought his family there.

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Speaker 5: He was with a family, as in, like he has kids.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 8: He the last that I knew he had two little girls.

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Speaker 8: He had gotten married to this woman and had two

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Speaker 8: children with her.

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Speaker 1: So Oscar now has a family of his own, two

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Speaker 1: little girls. Maybe when Rachel finally tells him about Lena,

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Speaker 1: as they get into the little things, Lena's love of chess,

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Speaker 1: how she's getting into anime, he could tell her about

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Speaker 1: his daughters, the things they like. They could talk about

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Speaker 1: being parents. And at the time that you that you

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Speaker 1: saw him, the subject of Rachel didn't come up.

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Speaker 8: Well, it kind of did. He would like ask me

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Speaker 8: how she was, and I'd be like, well, I haven't

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Speaker 8: seen here.

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Speaker 1: Diane wasn't sure whether Oscar was fishing around for information,

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Speaker 1: and if he was, she didn't know what Rachel would

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Speaker 1: have wanted her to say, so at the time she

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Speaker 1: just played dumb and after that day she never ran

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Speaker 1: into Oscar again.

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Speaker 8: I hope that they're able to connect. I mean, just

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Speaker 8: so everybody's in the know.

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Speaker 2: I guess.

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Speaker 1: The only problem is it's not just Diane who's lost

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Speaker 1: touch with Oscar. No one from the restaurant has heard

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Speaker 1: from him in years. It's like he's just vanished.

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Speaker 4: Rachel, let me kick the dogs out of the room.

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Speaker 1: I'm really glad that you finished that sentence with out

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Speaker 1: of the room. I call Rachel to fill her in

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00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:53,480
Speaker 1: about Oscar's two little girls, his marriage. Now, no one

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00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,880
Speaker 1: knows where he is, and to this last point, Rachel

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00:14:56,920 --> 00:15:00,840
Speaker 1: isn't surprised. Since we last spoke, she's gun searching for

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Speaker 1: Oscar on her own.

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00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:07,040
Speaker 4: Is like impossible to find, like for someone in twenty eighteen,

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00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,720
Speaker 4: Like I cannot find any name because then, you know,

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00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,600
Speaker 4: when we first talked, I was like, I've never even

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00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 4: looked about on Facebook, and now I've been like, I've

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00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,760
Speaker 4: been cognitomode and look for him on Facebook like all

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Speaker 4: the time, and.

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Speaker 1: Like, I can't mind any other defining Uh middle does

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Speaker 1: he have a middle name?

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Speaker 4: The answer is yes, because he has two last names.

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Speaker 2: Well, I don't remember what the other one.

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Speaker 5: Do you know what my middle name?

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Speaker 2: Okay, here's the other the other thing.

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Speaker 1: My middle name is Stuart. And so I keep searching.

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Speaker 1: I look for Oscar on all the major sites, Facebook

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Speaker 1: dot CA, Twitter, dot Google dot Ca, but no dice.

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00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,800
Speaker 1: Growing desperate, I even join LinkedIn. But after Jorge in

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00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,480
Speaker 1: fun adds to my list of professional endorsements, the fact

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00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:08,520
Speaker 1: that I quote smell moderately presentable, I delete my account.

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Speaker 1: Just as I'm about to give up, Rachel phones with

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Speaker 1: some good news.

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Speaker 8: My dad He found a W two form.

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00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,000
Speaker 1: Rachel's father found an old W two of Oscars. It

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00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,800
Speaker 1: was in a box of Rachel's old poetry, and the

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00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:28,360
Speaker 1: form contains Oscar's first, last and middle name, which is

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00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,840
Speaker 1: not Stuart, because why would it be Stuart's my middle

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00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:35,440
Speaker 1: name if you've been following along thus far. Armed with

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00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,800
Speaker 1: Oscar's full name, Rachel did some research and found two

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00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,920
Speaker 1: possible addresses, and so she drafted.

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00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,560
Speaker 4: A letter and I feel like we could send it

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00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:48,000
Speaker 4: to both addresses, and just like hope that it gets.

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00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,040
Speaker 1: To them, and maybe we'll even get one of those

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00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,320
Speaker 1: fun stamps, or.

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00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,320
Speaker 4: Like you could get a verified.

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00:16:53,960 --> 00:17:00,000
Speaker 1: Letter, right, Oh, that is an idea. That's a really

293
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,760
Speaker 1: good idea. Then we would know that it's been received

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00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:07,760
Speaker 1: and signed for. Yeah, for someone who had asked me

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00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,280
Speaker 1: to do all the work. It seems like Rachel is

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00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:14,040
Speaker 1: really taking care of business. Only her business is the

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00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,400
Speaker 1: business of putting me out of business.

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00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,680
Speaker 4: I feel really good about this. Thank you so.

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00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:22,919
Speaker 5: Much, Rachel. Don't condescend to me.

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00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,119
Speaker 1: In the letter, Rachel tells Oscar about her pregnancy and

301
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,320
Speaker 1: about Lena, my daughter and I have a great life,

302
00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:37,760
Speaker 1: she writes, and I don't want or need anything all

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00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,960
Speaker 1: these years later, I just want to be able to

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00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:44,240
Speaker 1: have an honest conversation. Rachel makes two copies of the letter,

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00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,320
Speaker 1: one free to dress and to make me feel like

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00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:52,040
Speaker 1: I'm not dead weight. She generously allows me to mail them.

307
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,399
Speaker 1: At the post office. I'm served by a kind clerk

308
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:59,600
Speaker 1: named Magnus. While those in line wait patiently. I ask

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00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,800
Speaker 1: Mags to run down the list of all available stamps,

310
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,080
Speaker 1: and he's more than delighted to do so. Birds in

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00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:10,560
Speaker 1: winter solar eclipse. The Art of Magic Illinois statehood, Uncle

312
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:15,439
Speaker 1: Sam's Hat and dragons. After several minutes of back and forth,

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00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:17,840
Speaker 1: and with lots of support from the people waiting in

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00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,000
Speaker 1: line behind me, egging me on, I choose a stamp

315
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:26,119
Speaker 1: celebrating frozen treats. But here's the corker. After all of

316
00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:31,200
Speaker 1: my choosing, rechoosing, hemming and hym get this. You don't

317
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:35,560
Speaker 1: actually use a stamp on a verified letter. In fact,

318
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:39,199
Speaker 1: it's not even called a verified letter. It's called a

319
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,479
Speaker 1: certified letter because it certifies.

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00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:42,800
Speaker 5: That it's verified.

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00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:50,199
Speaker 1: Learning about the United States Postal Service was fun, so

322
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 1: back at Gimblet headquarters, I decided to further educate myself online.

323
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 1: Did you know that the original Pony Express was something

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00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:02,800
Speaker 1: of a misnomer. It actually made use of full size horses,

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00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:07,640
Speaker 1: and on its inaugural ride, those regular sized horses delivered

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00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:15,320
Speaker 1: important bank letters, miscellaneous papers, and five telegrams. Telegrams are

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00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:19,600
Speaker 1: transmitted using Morse code. Because I don't have a telegraph

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00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:23,359
Speaker 1: with which to provide examples, I've instead here chosen to

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00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:33,560
Speaker 1: use this airhorn. That's how you say the word ass

330
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 1: in morse code. If Alex asks me to bleep out

331
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,679
Speaker 1: any portion of it, I'll just say that a bleep

332
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 1: in Morse code language has meaning as well as a

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00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:48,800
Speaker 1: rich historical significance that ought to shut them up. After

334
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,480
Speaker 1: a week of learning Morse code square words to tap

335
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:55,520
Speaker 1: out on my stapler, I receive confirmation one of the

336
00:19:55,600 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 1: letters has been received, and the signature on the receipt oscars.

337
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:10,119
Speaker 1: For weeks, I wait for Oscar to phone, but he

338
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,600
Speaker 1: never does. I can't drop by his house because his

339
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:17,520
Speaker 1: family might not know anything about Lena or even Rachel,

340
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 1: so we need another way to reach him, a phone number,

341
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:25,160
Speaker 1: an email address. I keep searching, and finally, after applying

342
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 1: some good old fashioned Canadian elbow grease and hiring a

343
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 1: private investigator, I discovered two potential Facebook accounts for Oscar.

344
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 1: Immediately I send a message to each one, the same

345
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,879
Speaker 1: message we'd sent by certified mail. Further research reveals the

346
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 1: phone number for Oscar's landlords, who also happened to be

347
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 1: Oscar's in laws.

348
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 5: Please record your message.

349
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:50,640
Speaker 4: Hi.

350
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,959
Speaker 1: My name is Jonathan Goldstein, and this is I leave

351
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,760
Speaker 1: a message for Oscar's mother in law, Barb. I don't

352
00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 1: make mention of Rachel, or Lena or even Oscar. All

353
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,679
Speaker 1: I say is that I sent a letter to one

354
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,920
Speaker 1: of her tenants, and I wanted to follow up.

355
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,160
Speaker 2: Yes, this is concerning Oscar for mister Goldstein.

356
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 1: Before long, I received a message back from Barb. As

357
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:15,119
Speaker 1: it turns out, all my discretion was for not. She

358
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,520
Speaker 1: knows all about the letter and everything in it. This

359
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:27,959
Speaker 1: is because Barb's the one who signed Oscar's name for it.

360
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 2: It's a long story, but Austin's been deported. He is

361
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,400
Speaker 2: the daddy of my two granddaughters and was a very

362
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,919
Speaker 2: active father with them. I would like him to know

363
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:45,040
Speaker 2: that he has another child. He was a very loving father.

364
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:49,399
Speaker 2: But well, things happened. So anyway, give me call and

365
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 2: see what you want to do. Bye bye, hello, Yes, hello.

366
00:21:58,720 --> 00:21:59,439
Speaker 4: Hello Hello.

367
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,880
Speaker 1: When I returned Barbe's call, she's at a school out

368
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 1: in the desert where she does mental health work with kids.

369
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 2: Your name is Jonathan something.

370
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, Jonathan Goldstein.

371
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 2: Okay, all right.

372
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 1: Barb tells me that although she's still in touch with Oscar,

373
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,320
Speaker 1: he and her daughter are no longer together. I asked

374
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,160
Speaker 1: her how long ago Oscar was deported.

375
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 2: Ah, exactly two years ago. He got three duys. He

376
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 2: was a great guy, and then he suddenly went off

377
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 2: the deep end, so he ain't coming back for a while.

378
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 1: Barb says, Oscar's trying to quit drinking, but right now

379
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 1: he isn't able to be much of a father.

380
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 2: I mean because even his kids that you know he

381
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 2: knew about, and that he was very.

382
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,480
Speaker 5: Close to your grandkids.

383
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:49,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, he has very sporadic contact with him. Right His

384
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 2: younger daughter knows him well and loves him and was

385
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 2: in a terrible shock he got taken away. So we're

386
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 2: going to go to Mexico at some point and try

387
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,639
Speaker 2: to link up with him, but at this point, not

388
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 2: yet till you know, he says he's getting sober, so

389
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 2: that's sort of the goal. You don't want him to

390
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,520
Speaker 2: be with him if he's drinking. But he was a

391
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 2: good daddy when he was a daddy.

392
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:13,919
Speaker 1: So Barbara can't say if Oscar knows about Lena, but

393
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 1: she thinks that if he doesn't know, he'd want to.

394
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,400
Speaker 1: She has a number for him in Mexico, but says

395
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,680
Speaker 1: it really goes through. She offers to tell Oscar about

396
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 1: Lena the next time he calls, though she can't predict

397
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 1: how long the wait will be. As it turns out,

398
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:38,480
Speaker 1: though it's not long at all, just A few days later,

399
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 1: oscar Facebook message is Rachel, he's received the message about Lena.

400
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,880
Speaker 1: I'm in Mexico having problems, He responds, the economy here

401
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 1: is bad. They don't share stories about their daughters. There

402
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 1: isn't a lot of small talk. Instead, Oscar tells Rachel

403
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,919
Speaker 1: that with regard to their talking, he can't afford a

404
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:03,439
Speaker 1: phone call, so Rachel suggests they try skyping, and Oscar

405
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 1: asks to be sent money to buy some internet time.

406
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,000
Speaker 1: The two get caught up in a volley of messages

407
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 1: about the logistics of setting up a phone call, who

408
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 1: will pay for it, when it'll happen, but ultimately it

409
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:20,680
Speaker 1: doesn't happen at all. Their exchange ends with Oscar messaging

410
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,400
Speaker 1: to say, I ask for money to get phone time

411
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 1: and internet to talk and solve all this, but seems

412
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 1: like you don't care well have a nice day. Throughout

413
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 1: the correspondence, Lena's name never even comes up.

414
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,359
Speaker 4: I went straight to like you don't care about me,

415
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 4: Like you don't care about this, which is insane to

416
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 4: me because like that's the kind of stuff he would

417
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 4: say to me when we were in a relationship, Like

418
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 4: if I didn't pick up the phone, it was just

419
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 4: immediately very I don't know, it brought back like a

420
00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 4: lot of things very very quickly, and none of those are.

421
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,960
Speaker 5: Good things, right right?

422
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 3: And then she never even wanted to know it was

423
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 3: never even tell me about the kid, right right?

424
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 4: I mean I accomplished what I originally set out to accomplish,

425
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 4: which is I wanted to find him and I wanted

426
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,400
Speaker 4: to tell him that he had a kid. I guess

427
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 4: the one the part that is like now sort of

428
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 4: a U can of worms, is like, what do I

429
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:43,199
Speaker 4: tell Lena?

430
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: For years, Rachel's assumed Lena's never asked about her dad

431
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:53,639
Speaker 1: because she's not curious. But lately a few things have

432
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: happened that have begun to make her wonder if she

433
00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 1: hasn't been wilfully naive, if Lena isn't already curious but

434
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:05,199
Speaker 1: too afraid to ask. For instance, Rachel's father, Lena's granddad,

435
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,439
Speaker 1: recently overheard a friend of Lena's ask her over and

436
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: over who her dad was. Throughout, Lena remained silent.

437
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 2: She's just like a really good kid, and like she

438
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:20,639
Speaker 2: broke her.

439
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 4: Toe the other week, and like I didn't even know

440
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 4: what happened until like she was like my toe really hurt,

441
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,440
Speaker 4: and like that was I had this moment of intersection.

442
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 4: Then I was like, oh my gosh, like what if

443
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:35,120
Speaker 4: I done to my child? Because she's like doesn't want

444
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 4: to cause trouble.

445
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 1: And then three weeks after we speak, Rachel finds one

446
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 1: of her old college diaries in Lena's room. It's a

447
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 1: black moleskin she started when she was pregnant. There's all

448
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 1: this writing in there about that time in her life.

449
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 1: Her anxiety is about having a kid, a bunch of

450
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:57,440
Speaker 1: poems she wrote trying to process her feelings. It's clear

451
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: that Lena is looking into Rachel's past, doing it in

452
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,920
Speaker 1: her own way, a way that's private and quiet. Did

453
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 1: you read my notebook? Rachel asks? No, Lina says, Are

454
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 1: you sure? Asks Rachel, Maybe, Lina says, And in that

455
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 1: maybe Rachel realizes that though the timing might not be

456
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 1: right for her and Oscar to talk, it might be

457
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:28,639
Speaker 1: the right time for her and Lena. So one Saturday,

458
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 1: after their ritual big Saturday morning breakfast, as Rachel and

459
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 1: Lena lounge around in their pajamas, Rachel leads her daughter

460
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 1: into the coziest room in the house, Rachel's bedroom, and

461
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 1: with the morning lights spilling in through the windows. Lena

462
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,679
Speaker 1: and Rachel sit down on the carpet beside the bed

463
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:47,920
Speaker 1: and talk.

464
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:51,399
Speaker 3: So.

465
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 6: I was wondering whether.

466
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 7: You had ever wondered about out, maybe why you don't

467
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 7: have a father. I haven't wondered in a while about that.

468
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 5: I have in the past.

469
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:23,119
Speaker 3: I didn't know that really.

470
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:30,399
Speaker 7: Yeah, when you wondered, mm hmmm, why didn't you ask

471
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 7: me about it?

472
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 3: I didn't know how to ask.

473
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 6: You didn't know how to ask. Is it just because

474
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 6: you don't know.

475
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 9: How to ask.

476
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 5: I don't know how to ask, you don't know.

477
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 6: How to ask?

478
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 9: No?

479
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 6: Well, so, now is there anything I want?

480
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 7: All the w's.

481
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 6: You want, all the wu's.

482
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 9: Yeah, the w questions?

483
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 3: Who?

484
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 7: What?

485
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 8: Where?

486
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 9: Why?

487
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 3: When?

488
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 5: Yeah?

489
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 6: Okay? So who?

490
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 10: Uh?

491
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 3: So you.

492
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 6: Have a father. His name is Oscar.

493
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 7: And he is in Mexico. We met when I was

494
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 7: in college. We worked at a restaurant together.

495
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 2: Yea.

496
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 7: So one of the things that happened was I didn't

497
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 7: know I was pregnant with you, But I also didn't

498
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 7: I didn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore.

499
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 5: Mm hmm.

500
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 7: And then he was here. He's from Mexico, so he's

501
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 7: Mexican and then he went back to Mexico. Why I

502
00:29:54,520 --> 00:30:00,200
Speaker 7: was at the that's the w U because that's where

503
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 7: he was from. So he is no longer here. So

504
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 7: now you know something else, right, So you know that

505
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 7: you're half Mexican half half Mexican half half.

506
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 6: So now you know.

507
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 9: Now I know.

508
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 7: And now even if you don't know how to ask,

509
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 7: do you feel like you can come talk to me

510
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 7: about anything?

511
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 6: Because you totally can.

512
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 2: Thank you.

513
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 6: What else do you want to know?

514
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 9: I don't know what else I want to know.

515
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 6: Okay, but if you think about it, will you tell me?

516
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 5: Yeah?

517
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 6: Okay, okay. So that's all we want to know.

518
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 7: That's all I want to know for now, for now.

519
00:30:54,200 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 5: Dun dun dum.

520
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 1: Rachel keeps checking in over the next couple months to

521
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 1: see if there's anything Lena wants to ask, and while

522
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 1: there never is, Rachel's getting into the habit of taking

523
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 1: the temperature. It's not until a few months later, when

524
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 1: Rachel and Lena are snuggling in bed. Then Lena looks

525
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: up at her mother and asks mom how tall was Oscar.

526
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 1: When Rachel hears the name spoken so casually by Lena,

527
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 1: it still gives her a slight twinge in her chest.

528
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 1: But Oscar's no longer a ghost. He's her daughter's dad,

529
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 1: and when Lena has a question about him, Lena's no

530
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 1: longer afraid to ask. Oscar was a little shorter than

531
00:31:43,880 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 1: your granddad, Rachel tells her. Okay, Lina says.

532
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 9: Now that the fern entures returning.

533
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 10: To its goodwill home, now that the last month's rent

534
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 10: is skiming with the damage deposit, take this moment to dissolve,

535
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 10: if we mentage, if we tried to remember felt rent

536
00:32:54,720 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 10: for far too from things An Accidentally Heavyweight.

537
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 1: Is hosted and produced by me Jonathan Goldstein, along with

538
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 1: Khalila Holt, Peter Bresnan, and Stevie Lane. The show is

539
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: edited by Jorge Just, with additional editing by Alex Bloomberg.

540
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:18,960
Speaker 1: Special thanks to Emily Condon, Caitlin Bagooki, Andrew Goldberg, Rachel Ward,

541
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 1: and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed the episode with music

542
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 1: by Christine Fellows, John K. Sampson, Blue Dot Sessions, and

543
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 1: Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on our

544
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: website Gimbletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song is

545
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 1: by the Weaker thands courtesy of Epitaph Records and our

546
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 1: ad music is by Hailey Shaw. Follow us on Twitter

547
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: at Heavyweight or email us at Heavyweight at gimletmedia dot com.

548
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 1: We'll be back with new episodes after American Thanksgiving, Happy

549
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 1: toy Ky Day, and now here's a special holiday song

550
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: that Bobby Lord composed for you to sing with your

551
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 1: family while celebrating.

552
00:33:57,920 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 5: Take it away.

553
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 1: Bob Alex might want me to edit out that ass.

554
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 1: Should I try, but.

555
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:09,320
Speaker 5: No doubt bad ass flex edit out that ass bogging

556
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 5: out your.

557
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 1: Butt, edit out, edit out bad ass, edit out that

558
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 1: ass boging with that ass both bogeing, Edit out that ass.

559
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:22,240
Speaker 5: Full sized horses