Speaker 1: I turned twenty five this year, y'all.
Speaker 2: For the fifteenth time. Yep, dead ass, baby, I can't
Speaker 2: wait to welcome you to the forty forty club. It's
Speaker 2: Lyddy over here.
Speaker 1: Oh hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos.
Speaker 2: With our boys and reading each other publicly as a
Speaker 2: form of therapy.
Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open
Speaker 1: dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: We about to take philosof to our whole new.
Speaker 2: Level dead ass. Start right now, story time.
Speaker 1: This story will take y'all back to August twenty twenty three.
Speaker 1: I'm playing scout team quarterback for Jackson's football team. Little
Speaker 1: kids start talking shit, so I automatically go into competitive
Speaker 1: dad mode, getting outside until the offensive line don't even
Speaker 1: block the edge rushers. I'm gonna get outside of them
Speaker 1: so they don't block the edge rushers. I got on
Speaker 1: my ear maxes on the turf. It's a little slippery.
Speaker 1: I don't care because I'm in competition mode. Snap comes,
Speaker 1: Why lady, why lady? Catch the ball? Boom? First edge
Speaker 1: rusher comes. If I'm not as I juped him, he fell.
Speaker 1: What I didn't know what that moment was that he
Speaker 1: took my MCL with him. So after I did, I
Speaker 1: went to explode and it was no more ass left.
Speaker 1: I started running and my leg immediately gave out. They
Speaker 1: like they're looking at me, like coach the vale, what happened?
Speaker 1: I said, stop, stop, started, it's too much huther. Go
Speaker 1: back to the huddle, go back. I immediately called in
Speaker 1: the other quarterback, which is a twelve year old kid,
Speaker 1: and I say, you don't run this play. So I'm
Speaker 1: standing on the side right. So the jackson comes over
Speaker 1: the dad you all right? But yeah, yeah, why he
Speaker 1: goes Your knee is swollen. O, my knee has swollen up.
Speaker 1: Man big I was on the spot started swowing up
Speaker 1: on the spot. So I was a little bit nervous,
Speaker 1: but I can't show the nerves to the kids. So
Speaker 1: go home that night, get in the cold top, put
Speaker 1: some ice on my knee. At this point, my mind
Speaker 1: is still saying you twenty five divide, You'll be all
Speaker 1: right for my body. When I woke up the next morning, man,
Speaker 1: my knee was the size of a watermelon. Yes, and
Speaker 1: it's in that way since it is now January and
Speaker 1: my knee still so.
Speaker 2: I used to call you Wolverine because you used to
Speaker 2: heal fast. But uh, you know, when you approach the
Speaker 2: top of the roller coaster and we're about to fall
Speaker 2: down to the other side. Baby long, you don't.
Speaker 1: Got to describe. You don't got to describe forty like that.
Speaker 1: You don't have to describe for it. This is very,
Speaker 1: very wrong. Okay, my knee is taken a lot longer
Speaker 1: to heal. I am back now.
Speaker 2: You are back.
Speaker 1: I am back now. But I will say though for
Speaker 1: all of the end of twenty twenty three, man, I
Speaker 1: was limping. Bro I ain't never experienced this in my
Speaker 1: life ever ever, So my knee was jacked up. My
Speaker 1: body was saying, welcome to forty karaoke.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got something for us today.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take it back to the old school.
Speaker 2: Oh how old is it? Forty years old?
Speaker 1: The song? Maybe forty? Matter of fact, this song is
Speaker 1: older than forty.
Speaker 2: Oh is it?
Speaker 1: I feel good?
Speaker 2: Get it? I knew that I would none ran under.
Speaker 1: I feel and you know that I would so good,
Speaker 1: so good I got of you.
Speaker 2: It's the moves for me.
Speaker 1: My ney really just got sore again, just doing.
Speaker 2: Nothing careful now because it's under armor with the shorts
Speaker 2: to me today to get up.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you that up is cute. Earlier I
Speaker 1: heard me telling you telling them, don't let case, don't
Speaker 1: let them shame k into putting on makeup. I don't
Speaker 1: give a ship no more. I'm at forty. I'm putting y'all.
Speaker 1: I'm doing this and exactly what I was gonna wear today.
Speaker 1: Because I was about to go to the gym. I
Speaker 1: had to come and do the podcast. I'm not putting
Speaker 1: on no clothes. K rubbing my knee, Sure you all right,
Speaker 1: I'm good, keep rubbing my knee. Go ahead to stop
Speaker 1: this podcast.
Speaker 2: Let's go, Let's go pay some bills, take a break
Speaker 2: and get you a little knee rub and then we'll
Speaker 2: come back. Talk about your approach the downwards. It's I'm
Speaker 2: over here. I'm over here, money, pay bills, We'll be back. Yo,
Speaker 2: you're you're like that whole story time was hilarious to
Speaker 2: me because you still to this day challenge all these kids.
Speaker 2: But I will get the challenge me.
Speaker 1: I don't challenge them. They challenge that.
Speaker 2: It's true, but I will get you. You'll be holding
Speaker 2: your own against these little young bucks. Okay, you have
Speaker 2: for years, for years? What made it different this time around?
Speaker 1: Though?
Speaker 2: You probably didn't even warm up or anything.
Speaker 1: I didn't warm up, didn't have one, yes, I didn't.
Speaker 1: It was a little rainy, so the you know, the
Speaker 1: turf was a little bit slippery. It was a lot
Speaker 1: of things, a lot of elements, a lot of variables
Speaker 1: that added to the fact that I slightly tore my
Speaker 1: m c L but or sprained my m CL.
Speaker 2: And the self diagnosis too for me.
Speaker 1: When you've been an athlete as long as I've been
Speaker 1: an athlete, you understand what pain is, and you know
Speaker 1: you're also studying exercise physiology. I know the body, so
Speaker 1: I was like, it's the inside of my knee. It
Speaker 1: only hurts when I do this movement. Right here. I
Speaker 1: can still go up and down the stairs. I can
Speaker 1: still squat and run. It's just sore when I do
Speaker 1: lateral movement. That's an MCL.
Speaker 2: I couldn't believe it when you hit me that day.
Speaker 2: I was out on the road and you hit me
Speaker 2: with the if you swing past a pharmacy or whatever,
Speaker 2: let me get a little ben gay, little icy hot.
Speaker 1: I did not say stock stop compression knee gentlemen, let
Speaker 1: me tell you come home with like four different competitives. Capping.
Speaker 1: She's capping. I never asked for ben gay or icy hot.
Speaker 1: She's capping. But this is the difference and when men
Speaker 1: become older or when they become older. When Kadeen was
Speaker 1: turning forty, did you hear how I was bigger her baby,
Speaker 1: you look great. I wanted to empower her to feel better.
Speaker 1: I'm turning forty. She lying, you needed Ben Gay? You dying.
Speaker 1: It's a downward slope the road, little coasters off the track. Ah,
Speaker 1: y'all hear the difference this, No, no, no, I'm glad you'll
Speaker 1: hear the difference in how I support her and empower
Speaker 1: her and then what I get. So go ahead, keep
Speaker 1: lying that, keep lying story.
Speaker 2: And talking about forty I talked about all the things
Speaker 2: that are on the downward tick. Keep lying, Okay. All
Speaker 2: I'm saying is that I couldn't believe it when you
Speaker 2: called me and I said I had to bring all
Speaker 2: the stops, the ben Gate, the icy I never asked
Speaker 2: for ben Gate, asked for it, but didn't. I didn't
Speaker 2: use it.
Speaker 1: I wanted to, didn't bring.
Speaker 2: I wanted to be Seve.
Speaker 1: Asked you for a sleeve, so she went and got
Speaker 1: the copper fit. So now I'll put the copper fit on.
Speaker 1: And Jackson see the copp talking about some Oh you
Speaker 1: got the Jemmy Rice two thousand on? It should hurt
Speaker 1: my heart, bro.
Speaker 3: I said to what he said, you know you got
Speaker 3: the Jemmy Rice two thousand joints? Did Jemmy Rice Brett
Speaker 3: fav joint? Did they be having in the commercials when
Speaker 3: they be on the farm playing it? I said, Yo,
Speaker 3: I know what's commercial he's talking about too, because I
Speaker 3: remember seeing them in that commercial being like those is
Speaker 3: my idols growing up for football, and now they're all.
Speaker 1: Here playing on a farm with regularly dude, the sleep
Speaker 1: with the sleeve and the back joint. Because Jerry had
Speaker 1: the back joint on his lower back.
Speaker 2: That's the back joint for you in your lower back.
Speaker 2: Because we've been going to the chiropractice, we've been stretching,
Speaker 2: and we've been juicing and taking care of ourselves. Shall
Speaker 2: hear her talking, We're not doing that.
Speaker 1: You talking like I'm seventy five years old. We even
Speaker 1: I've been taking you to the chirocter. Fact that we've
Speaker 1: been juicing, and we've been doing a drinking, the tumor
Speaker 1: ic and the gym just shots.
Speaker 2: In the moment. We've not been doing it.
Speaker 1: Yes, but why you got to talk like this when
Speaker 1: you're saying talking like a slave. We we's gonna go
Speaker 1: get better today. We's you coming upon forty?
Speaker 2: Y'all hear me sound like that? We wanted to take
Speaker 2: I didn't not sound like that.
Speaker 1: See how she make fun of me for turning forty,
Speaker 1: But when she was turning forty, I was like, you,
Speaker 1: glamorous baby, you look better than ever.
Speaker 2: And I think you look better than ever too. But
Speaker 2: what we're gonna talk about is you know your approach
Speaker 2: to forty, what that's looking like for you, and I
Speaker 2: just want to age gracefully with you. We're gonna do
Speaker 2: this stick to being fly the entire way from forty
Speaker 2: to fifty, to sixty to seventy to eighty to.
Speaker 1: I can imagine you talking about me turning turning, talking
Speaker 1: about me turning forty. I can't imagine what you're gonna say. Then.
Speaker 2: It wasn't even just you. I said it in my
Speaker 2: podcast when I talked about turning forty, I said, did
Speaker 2: I talk about the roller coaster, y'all run the tape bag.
Speaker 2: I talked about being at the top of the roller coaster,
Speaker 2: and it's just like that slope down I think, And.
Speaker 1: I said, no, don't do that to yourself. Do not
Speaker 1: do that to yourself. You know there's no roller coaster.
Speaker 2: Take them for you to your fingers.
Speaker 1: No roller coaster. We still a baby.
Speaker 2: No roller coaster, Yes damn. But you know what's even
Speaker 2: worse is the facts and stats that Triple put in
Speaker 2: here for you. Number One, heart disease is more prevalent
Speaker 2: in men over forty and can be fatal. To talk
Speaker 2: about the talk about forty, you talking about me feelings
Speaker 2: making you feel some kind of.
Speaker 1: Way, Triple did this. Triple ain't talk about death at
Speaker 1: all in yours. She talked about your libido. She's talking
Speaker 1: about for me is fatal? She talking about something forty
Speaker 1: your libido, Well, for me, I'm gonna die.
Speaker 2: Increase libido and wait, okay and hear loss.
Speaker 1: Definitely was experiencing that.
Speaker 2: Health professionals recommend that men over forty take a conscious
Speaker 2: or make a conscious effort to engage in stress reduction
Speaker 2: and management practices to improve their heart health. Baby, So
Speaker 2: my increased libido will help with your stress decrease.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm talking about. Now we're getting the problem.
Speaker 2: This is this is ellis math.
Speaker 1: No, this is what Trubu said, that that stress reduction
Speaker 1: and management practices need to improve in order for my
Speaker 1: heart health to maintain the standard.
Speaker 2: Right, So with my increased libido and your stress decrease,
Speaker 2: by way of that, Viya.
Speaker 1: I should be living a lot longer.
Speaker 2: Some baby, we're gonna be living forever at this rate.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. Testosterone decreases about one percent
Speaker 2: every year after the age of forty fifty. Men ages
Speaker 2: forty to forty nine experience occasional sexual dysfunction because of this,
Speaker 2: You know, why not devour ever in life? I don't
Speaker 2: ever think I'll ever see a decrease in your testosterone. No.
Speaker 1: You know why, Why because I work out every day
Speaker 1: that on these red tights. And here's gentlemen, I don't
Speaker 1: just do.
Speaker 2: I'd be tired, y'all.
Speaker 1: I don't do industry friendly workouts. When I say industry
Speaker 1: friendly workouts or workouts that you'll see like go to
Speaker 1: the gym and do this to you know, stay in shape,
Speaker 1: which is get on the treadmill for an hour. Those
Speaker 1: workouts do not increase your testosterone. You know what workouts
Speaker 1: increase your testosteron. This is a scientific This is a
Speaker 1: scientific fact. When you squat, when you deadlift move heavyweight,
Speaker 1: that's a boost of your testosterone because it takes a
Speaker 1: lot of energy, a lot of your testots are on
Speaker 1: to push that heavyweight. So men who continue to dead life,
Speaker 1: if squad do explosive movements sprints, continue to keep their
Speaker 1: testosterone high because you need testosterone to rejuvenate those muscles
Speaker 1: that are being broken down. A lot of men when
Speaker 1: they turn thirty like, oh I can't do these exercises
Speaker 1: no more. I'm gonna get old, So they stop doing
Speaker 1: those movements. They stop deadlifting, they stop squatting, they stop
Speaker 1: bench pressing, they stop doing muscle ups, they stop doing
Speaker 1: all of the things that young men do, and in turn,
Speaker 1: it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You turned yourself into
Speaker 1: an old man by stop doing what young men do.
Speaker 2: So because I squat and deadlift, can that be the
Speaker 2: testosterone production that's giving me these chin heres? I'm making
Speaker 2: this mustache so stubborn to get lasered away, y'all? Is
Speaker 2: it the testosterone in women too?
Speaker 1: I don't think it works like that. There's a ton
Speaker 1: of testosterone that's already in my body that continues to increase.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work that way for women. And I'm not
Speaker 1: even gonna joke about that because women used to think like,
Speaker 1: if I lift weights, I'm gonna look like a man. No,
Speaker 1: you won't.
Speaker 2: You won't.
Speaker 1: You won't because K lifts all the time heavy and
Speaker 1: all the time heavyweight, particularly on the the lowers. But no,
Speaker 1: in all, honestly though, I continue to live like I'm
Speaker 1: twenty five. Yeah, so that I can keep my testa
Speaker 1: too hot, because not only do I want to be
Speaker 1: here for you sexually, and I know that that becomes
Speaker 1: an issue for people in this age range man turns forty,
Speaker 1: his libido starts to drop. Woman turns forty, her libido
Speaker 1: goes up. And I was like, yo, what you're doing,
Speaker 1: Like you been chasing me all these years and now
Speaker 1: I'm chasing you. And dudes like I don't know how
Speaker 1: to keep up the way you can keep up. Number one,
Speaker 1: continue to lift weights and do sprints. Don't go to
Speaker 1: the gym and just get on the treadmill. Don't do that,
Speaker 1: go go there. Walk or leisurely walk. Yeah, and walking
Speaker 1: can be part of your workout. For example, I walk
Speaker 1: for thirty minutes before I start my workout. I get
Speaker 1: my heart flowing, I get the blood pump, and I
Speaker 1: get my legs warmed up. Then after I walk, I
Speaker 1: lift my heavyweights. After I'm done lifting my heavyweights, I
Speaker 1: sprint for like ten minutes ten seconds on fifty seconds
Speaker 1: off high incline. I go as hard as I can,
Speaker 1: only for ten reps. And that just keeps my body
Speaker 1: like moving, like rejuvenates.
Speaker 2: I've heard of that chain reaction that some men do
Speaker 2: experience when you have chronic ailments diseases for example, like
Speaker 2: high blood pressure. So it's like a almost like a
Speaker 2: self fulfilling prophecy because you're going to be dealing with
Speaker 2: high blood pressure issues, which is probably a result of
Speaker 2: not working out the way you used to or might
Speaker 2: have when you were younger, then having to get on
Speaker 2: medication for that that then, yep, causes erectile dysfunction or
Speaker 2: any other kind of disease. And then men are inclined
Speaker 2: to not take those medications because it then interferes with
Speaker 2: their sex life. So really, just trying to maintain that
Speaker 2: healthy lifestyle going into your forties is what's most important.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought that up, because that is actually
Speaker 1: a real thing. Most men fear going to the doctor
Speaker 1: because the doctor is going to put them on medication.
Speaker 1: That medication will then prevent them from being able to
Speaker 1: do the one thing that they want to do, which
Speaker 1: is be intimate with their partner. So they say, fucking
Speaker 1: I'm not going to the doctor and I'll just ignore it.
Speaker 1: And I've lost family members that way. I've lost close
Speaker 1: people to me in their fifties who went to sleep
Speaker 1: one night, woke up, We went to sleep one night
Speaker 1: and never woke up and their wife, and the wife
Speaker 1: was like, you had the medication, all the medications in there,
Speaker 1: and he didn't want to take it and that comes
Speaker 1: from heart disease. But the biggest thing is not getting
Speaker 1: to that point right. Another thing that can and I
Speaker 1: have been talking about a lot recently, which is funny
Speaker 1: because I went today, is juicing. Juicing. There's so many
Speaker 1: healing factors and natural fruits and vegetables that I think
Speaker 1: has come to a point now where we have to
Speaker 1: start stop ignoring the fact that the foods that we eat,
Speaker 1: even if it's organic, it's not healthy for us.
Speaker 2: My dream is to like leave here and go on
Speaker 2: an island and just have a big farm and do
Speaker 2: everything my own, because it's ridiculous. And it's funny because
Speaker 2: one of the facts that we kind of kind of
Speaker 2: spoke into, men are less likely than women to go
Speaker 2: to the doctor every year after age forty. Men have
Speaker 2: seen an increase in diabetes in high cholesterols. So it's
Speaker 2: important to get that yearly blood work. You're actually going
Speaker 2: to go soon for you.
Speaker 1: You're on top of me with that stuff because my
Speaker 1: mind typically doesn't go there. But like you discussed before,
Speaker 1: every year you go get your paps, fear and pap smere.
Speaker 1: Now you have to go get a mammogram. You're really
Speaker 1: on top of your health, and you make sure that
Speaker 1: it's important to me to stay on top of my house.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I like to be proactive instead of reactive.
Speaker 1: I don't ever want to go to the doctor in here.
Speaker 1: I have a problem and try to fix it. So
Speaker 1: over the past year, it's gonna hurt me so much
Speaker 1: because y'all know I've cut eaten beef.
Speaker 2: I thought he was really gonna have an emotional moment.
Speaker 1: I was like, wait what, I'm a Southern boy, I
Speaker 1: cut pork. I'm from New York. It's been seven months.
Speaker 2: I haven't had a bager nigga cheese. No, you're for real.
Speaker 2: You haven't though, dead ass, y'all. And since I learned
Speaker 2: about my egg allergy, like, I haven't been having eggs.
Speaker 2: So the bacon, egg and cheese, Like.
Speaker 1: I haven't had a bacon, egg and cheese.
Speaker 2: It likes seven months with the bev bev you know
Speaker 2: what I mean?
Speaker 1: Eat it in the morning Asai bowls.
Speaker 2: Yo doval. Literally every morning, I'm my baby, what do
Speaker 2: you want to have for breakfast? I'm so used to
Speaker 2: getting in the kitchen and frying up some bacon and
Speaker 2: eggs and all that assieh bowls, y'all, here's the portanola
Speaker 2: and vegetables, I mean fruits.
Speaker 1: My street, my street, rep. It's just going down. I really,
Speaker 1: let me get a bowl with spinach and.
Speaker 2: Granola and enjoying it, enjoying it. So sad, don't be sad.
Speaker 2: Be happy that you're feeling good, that you're feeling better.
Speaker 2: It's even a thing where the boys are now, Like
Speaker 2: Jackson was just eating in a cye bowl for breakfast.
Speaker 1: Yes, what, here's here's here's the truth.
Speaker 2: It's the kids see.
Speaker 1: It without joking because I like to entertain and make
Speaker 1: people laugh. But here's the truth. You know how we
Speaker 1: say things are hereditary? Yeah you know what you know
Speaker 1: runs in the family. You know, oh well that's in
Speaker 1: your blood. Is gonna have no you know what's hereditary
Speaker 1: watching your parents do stuff and repeating the behaviorct I
Speaker 1: told the boys two weeks ago, we have a new model,
Speaker 1: the new Ellis model. Right, we won't always do what
Speaker 1: we want because we will always do what we have to.
Speaker 1: And it was like, what you mean? I said, guys,
Speaker 1: you are young men, your boys not but your young men.
Speaker 1: As young men, you have to understand that in life
Speaker 1: you will not always be able to do what you
Speaker 1: want to do because you are required to do what
Speaker 1: you have to do, and sometimes what you have to
Speaker 1: do doesn't fall in line with what you want to do,
Speaker 1: and you have to get used to doing that. And
Speaker 1: I told him right before we were eating dinner, and
Speaker 1: I said, look, that broccoli not gonna taste like them cookies.
Speaker 1: Spinach is a super fool. Daddy loves spinach. It's not
Speaker 1: gonna taste like the candy that you eat. But I
Speaker 1: have to eat it. Y'all want me to be here
Speaker 1: for y'all, right, And they were looking at me like yeah.
Speaker 2: Especially Kirol. Cayrol was locked in. He was like, what
Speaker 2: I got to do because he's my one kid. Whenever
Speaker 2: I saw taste spinach, that poor baby be gang and
Speaker 2: like a motherfucker because he hates the I think it's
Speaker 2: a texture thing for him. So what I ended up
Speaker 2: doing with Cairo instead is that I give it to
Speaker 2: him raw, like just straight out of the package, you know,
Speaker 2: wash it, and.
Speaker 1: Don't ever give anything to my son. Row. Okay, how about.
Speaker 2: That, iggy, how about that You're so annoying, But I
Speaker 2: give it to him that way because I'm like Okay,
Speaker 2: at least he can still stay you know, you're still
Speaker 2: geting your spinach in, right, but we can make it
Speaker 2: different ways, right.
Speaker 1: So yeah, and ever since then, Jackson, Cairo, Caaz, they
Speaker 1: just like bought in. They bought in. Like they go
Speaker 1: to the pantry, they look for something and they're like that,
Speaker 1: there's no there's nothing in here to eat to snack on.
Speaker 1: But you started buying the seaweed chips, which Jackson started
Speaker 1: to love. My kids love oreoles because I love oreos,
Speaker 1: and we stopped buying oreos. And they don't complain like
Speaker 1: they just Jackson just said to me, it is like
Speaker 1: that you bought the turmeric shots, the ginger shots and
Speaker 1: the wheat grass shots. I was like, yeah, He's like,
Speaker 1: I'm gona take one every morning.
Speaker 2: I just want ahead and brought a massifying juice or
Speaker 2: just for that purpose, like to grow juice, ginger all.
Speaker 1: And I'm excited about it. As much as this has
Speaker 1: been about me for myself being better going into forty,
Speaker 1: I can't help but look at my sons and say,
Speaker 1: they're going to be forty year old men at one
Speaker 1: point at some point, and I want when they are
Speaker 1: forty year old men to look back and say, my
Speaker 1: mom and dad prepared me for this moment, so my
Speaker 1: body is intact to take on whatever new ailments may
Speaker 1: come after forty years of life.
Speaker 2: But also too, I feel good that we're doing everything
Speaker 2: in our power to make sure that we are not
Speaker 2: a liability to our children when they're older. Hell yeah,
Speaker 2: think about how many people have to sacrifice and do
Speaker 2: all the things for their parents in an older age
Speaker 2: because they didn't take care of themselves, that is a
Speaker 2: fact when they could. So now you have parents who
Speaker 2: are battling with all these different ailments and chronic diseases
Speaker 2: that maybe could have been avoided, you know, had they
Speaker 2: taken a little bit more time, and diabetes are hurt
Speaker 2: in my family. Yeah, to take care of themselves. And granted,
Speaker 2: we have more resources now, more knowledge now than our
Speaker 2: families you know, generations before us did. But just a
Speaker 2: little bit like getting up and getting on that treadmill,
Speaker 2: like doing what you have to do, getting out and
Speaker 2: just walking for twenty minutes a day, or you know,
Speaker 2: eliminating something out of your diet, Like I don't want
Speaker 2: to be a liability to my children and I'm older.
Speaker 1: Because we've changed our lifestyle. Like for me in particular,
Speaker 1: I'm not going a day without working out. And when
Speaker 1: I say working out, that is at least a twenty
Speaker 1: minute walk. That to me, it classifies as a workout
Speaker 1: for today. There's never a day you're going to see dival.
Speaker 1: That's why y'all always see me in tights or shorts
Speaker 1: while you always see Kadeen and tights and sports bards.
Speaker 1: Because look, some points, you gotta get on that treadmill.
Speaker 1: If it's not nice outside, get on that treubmill and
Speaker 1: do twenty minutes. It just keeps your heart going, keeps
Speaker 1: your legs, your posture, your core, you know, get your
Speaker 1: mind free.
Speaker 2: That was me last night. I felt a little sniffle
Speaker 2: coming on. I was like, oh no, I got on
Speaker 2: again the trendmill for thirty minutes, walked, sweat, let everything
Speaker 2: run out. And then this morning I was like, ginger shot,
Speaker 2: good to go, and not for nothing.
Speaker 1: The oxytocin that's released when you work out, you just
Speaker 1: feel good, you know, after I get my twenty minutes
Speaker 1: in that ok, I'm ready. I'm ready first thing in
Speaker 1: the morning. Wake up. Let me walk on my off days,
Speaker 1: but on my on days, I'm a walk, lift, run,
Speaker 1: and then after that I feel good. I'm ready to
Speaker 1: attack the day. My mind is free.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: I'm excited about where we are going. You just turned forty,
Speaker 1: me turning forty. But realistically, it's about preparing our children,
Speaker 1: you know, because life now doesn't matter to me if
Speaker 1: it's not preparing for my wife and my kids.
Speaker 2: That's the fact that you learned about yourself in your
Speaker 2: thirties or is there like a big way that you
Speaker 2: want to end your thirties?
Speaker 1: Man, there's a lot I learned in my thirties. I
Speaker 1: had made this. I'm not made this reality, but I
Speaker 1: had really thought about this. From fifteen to twenty, you
Speaker 1: think you know everything. From twenty to twenty five, you
Speaker 1: know you know everything. From twenty five to thirty, you
Speaker 1: realize that you didn't know shit the whole time. And
Speaker 1: then in your thirties you're trying to fix all of
Speaker 1: the stuff you did wrong in your twenties. And I
Speaker 1: feel like that's what my thirties has been. I've just
Speaker 1: been trying to correct I don't want to say all
Speaker 1: of my wrongs. But you get blinded in your twenties
Speaker 1: when you have success early and being a divisione athlete
Speaker 1: and going to the NFL and having success. Early in
Speaker 1: my twenties, I felt like I had the world figured out.
Speaker 1: So you go back and you listen to interviews of yourself,
Speaker 1: you watch videos of yourself, You think about the things
Speaker 1: you've done. You're like, man, I really didn't know anything
Speaker 1: figured out, but I thought I did so during my thirties.
Speaker 1: I've just been trying to correct that to prepare for
Speaker 1: my forties. But I've also realized that all the things
Speaker 1: that I thought matter didn't matter. Materialistic things, people's opinions
Speaker 1: of me, my opinions of other people, my judgment of
Speaker 1: other people, my mindset, and the things I thought about
Speaker 1: life as just I've just learned so much more about
Speaker 1: not being so closed minded and finite about what I
Speaker 1: think is black and white. Yeah, I've learned to just
Speaker 1: be open to listening learning.
Speaker 2: I can see that, and I'm happy you acknowledge that too,
Speaker 2: because you've gotten feedback the same way I have, from
Speaker 2: like family members, people close to us who we thought
Speaker 2: whatever they were doing in that moment, no, you should
Speaker 2: do it this way. Like you know that your way
Speaker 2: was going to be the right way. And I think
Speaker 2: now you've just been like, listen, I have four children.
Speaker 2: Those are my only children. Everybody else, y'all can do
Speaker 2: whatever it is that y'all want to do, because my
Speaker 2: focus is these four boys. Everybody else there adults, they're
Speaker 2: going to figure it out in their own time. So
Speaker 2: I like that you've done that because I feel like
Speaker 2: that really some portions of stress that you might I
Speaker 2: was worrying about other people.
Speaker 1: I was definitely, I was definitely gonna say that, Like
Speaker 1: a lot of my stress in my twenties was thinking
Speaker 1: that I knew everything and I could fix everybody, and
Speaker 1: trying my hardest to make you do it like.
Speaker 2: This, do it like that they could see them to
Speaker 2: see and.
Speaker 1: Realizing in my thirties that you can't fix everybody. So
Speaker 1: since you can't fix everybody the same way you couldn't
Speaker 1: be fixed, it takes a lot of self reflection for
Speaker 1: someone else to fix themselves. So give people time and grace.
Speaker 1: That's That's one thing I'll say. I don't stress as
Speaker 1: much because I'm like, whether it's our brothers and sisters,
Speaker 1: our parents, our aunts and uncles, grandparents, all of these
Speaker 1: people that we feel like we figured out a way
Speaker 1: and they should do it our way. I've learned to
Speaker 1: let them live their life the way that they want
Speaker 1: to live their life and support them in whatever way
Speaker 1: they can. But not only our family and friends, just
Speaker 1: people out in the street. You know, back in the day,
Speaker 1: and I say back in the day when I was twenties,
Speaker 1: but it really wasn't that far people to ask me
Speaker 1: for advice and I would tell them, you got to
Speaker 1: do it this way because this is the way it
Speaker 1: has to be done. Now, it's just like they asked
Speaker 1: me for advice, and I'm open about saying I don't
Speaker 1: know how to give you advice about your life. I
Speaker 1: can share with you what I've done, and if you
Speaker 1: want to do it that way and go ahead. If
Speaker 1: you look at what I've done and you say, hell no,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that, I'm cool with that too,
Speaker 1: because it might not work for you. But that's been
Speaker 1: able to give me some peace in life and not
Speaker 1: be stressed about doing things one way and trying to
Speaker 1: be perfect, because there is no perfect.
Speaker 2: You know, what do you think you have left to learn?
Speaker 1: I think I have a lot left to learn. I
Speaker 1: honestly feel like I was walking through the world with
Speaker 1: blinders on for the first thirty years of life. Right.
Speaker 1: I was talking to Josh about this last night. If
Speaker 1: you really think about what we learn and what we know,
Speaker 1: everything we've learned we learned through entertainment, right, So think
Speaker 1: about this. Josh was taking a class on directing and
Speaker 1: they talked about how we learned everything about life through
Speaker 1: the male gaze, because over ninety percent of productions are
Speaker 1: with male directors male producers. So when we see anything,
Speaker 1: when we see a woman, we see it through the
Speaker 1: male gaze. When we see a man, we see a
Speaker 1: man through the male gaze. What that realization made me
Speaker 1: realize is that I've learned about the world through someone
Speaker 1: else's perspective. You know, everything I know or thought about life,
Speaker 1: it was either through entertainment or through news. But that's
Speaker 1: also just one perspective. So I feel like I have
Speaker 1: so much more to learn about the world, which makes
Speaker 1: me feel that much smaller, but also makes me feel
Speaker 1: like that less of an expert. Even when it comes
Speaker 1: to relationships, right, people's like, oh, y'all love relationship goals,
Speaker 1: and I honestly feel like, no the hell we are not.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like you can look at one person
Speaker 1: for anything and say that that person knows everything about anything.
Speaker 1: I want to learn from as many people. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: like part of me is wanting to sit down amongst
Speaker 1: a bunch of people and just listen.
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny you say that, because I struggle
Speaker 2: with just even thinking about me turning forward and all
Speaker 2: that on this topic wanting to learn from others. It
Speaker 2: can be so convoluted now just thinking about social media,
Speaker 2: Like you can literally pick up your phone and like
Speaker 2: search for anything or go into a rabbit hole of
Speaker 2: things you want to learn about, but that's always going
Speaker 2: to be through somebody else's perspective. Absolutely, So I feel
Speaker 2: like in our forties or in my forties at least,
Speaker 2: I'm selective about who I want in my presence, who
Speaker 2: I want in my space absolutely, and curating experiences where
Speaker 2: I can learn from people purposefully. And that's my force
Speaker 2: absolutely through social media or things that are just fed
Speaker 2: to me through my phone. And that's why I think
Speaker 2: I've put my phone down a lot more now, because
Speaker 2: then you just get into a rabbit hole of everybody
Speaker 2: else's ideas about what you should think about certain things,
Speaker 2: and I just it's noise at this point, it's noise.
Speaker 1: Okay, I kid you not. I'm now understanding why my
Speaker 1: grandparents called the TV the idiot box, while my parents
Speaker 1: called the phone an idiot box, and then why we're
Speaker 1: going to be calling whatever it is about the oculus,
Speaker 1: whatever new technology is, the idiot box, because what it's
Speaker 1: doing is feeding you all the information that they want
Speaker 1: you to have. But now it's allowing even young kids
Speaker 1: to curate their own experience, so they only will follow
Speaker 1: who they want to follow their world, and that's all
Speaker 1: they see. The minute they look up and they put
Speaker 1: their their phone like this, they're just being fed information
Speaker 1: and they're taking it all this truth. And I'm realizing
Speaker 1: now that I did the same thing through the television
Speaker 1: from the time I was young. So it's about unlearning
Speaker 1: everything I know about life now and trying to relearn it.
Speaker 1: So I think in my thirties I took a lot
Speaker 1: of time to self reflect, and that's why when you
Speaker 1: hear me talk a lot, I talk about the mistakes
Speaker 1: I made, and I talk about the things I wish
Speaker 1: I could have done differently, not so much because I
Speaker 1: want to seem like I'm the perfect person. That no,
Speaker 1: I really feel like that, Like, damn, man, what if
Speaker 1: I just unlearn this stuff and now with a different
Speaker 1: perspective on life, let's take in more information. I want
Speaker 1: more people to do that too.
Speaker 2: Anything you dread about aging, dread.
Speaker 1: About aging, man.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: The only thing I dread about aging is losing time
Speaker 1: with my sons. Yeah, like the time I have with
Speaker 1: them now. Think about Jackson. Jackson is twelve. I have
Speaker 1: six years left with Jackson living in his house, and
Speaker 1: then he's going to be college. And we are empowering
Speaker 1: our children to go out in the world and not
Speaker 1: need us. So there's a good chance, just like me,
Speaker 1: once he turns eighteen, he goes to college, he may
Speaker 1: never live back in our house. I never lived back
Speaker 1: with my parents after that. You did it, and my
Speaker 1: brother never lived back with my parents. We did everything
Speaker 1: together when he graduated college, and then he went and
Speaker 1: got his own spot. But when I think about that,
Speaker 1: it's like, man, I've already spent sixty six percent of
Speaker 1: the time I'm going to spend with Jackson in his house. Yeah,
Speaker 1: six years left, then he's gone, and I.
Speaker 2: Really just be trying to soak up these moments now,
Speaker 2: especially and when I talked about forty and just really
Speaker 2: making sure that I'm invested in the space is that
Speaker 2: I need to be. We talked about just even pulling
Speaker 2: back from like our social media presence, just to be
Speaker 2: present present. It's really really I share the same sentiment
Speaker 2: with you, just like not running out per se, but
Speaker 2: the time that we have with them in this space.
Speaker 2: Because I think about my life at forty, I've only
Speaker 2: was I was under my parents' wings, you know, for
Speaker 2: lack of a better word, until I was about seventeen
Speaker 2: than I was in college. It's only seventeen out of
Speaker 2: my forty years of life.
Speaker 1: I know you spent more time with me, you and
Speaker 1: you spent with your parents.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, What are you enjoying about aging information?
Speaker 1: I love learning, like I honestly feel like I can
Speaker 1: slow down the aging process by treating my body the
Speaker 1: right way. What we consider to be good for us
Speaker 1: turns out not to be good for us. Team No
Speaker 1: sleep not good for us, yolo. I'm gonna eat and
Speaker 1: drinks whatever I want because you only once. That's not
Speaker 1: good for us. So I've learned to adapt different mantras
Speaker 1: in a different lifestyle. I'm going to sleep when I
Speaker 1: get a chance to sleep, I'm gonna eat better, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna refrain from taking medications that dull or numb the pain,
Speaker 1: just to get by and really find a solution to
Speaker 1: what it is, so that I can maintain this body
Speaker 1: that I only have one of for as long as
Speaker 1: I can. You know, I feel like I can stay
Speaker 1: at this version of myself for another thirty years. I
Speaker 1: honestly feel like that. I've been doing a lot of
Speaker 1: research and reading and understanding that if you constantly move,
Speaker 1: if you eat right, if you sleep, if you don't
Speaker 1: put toxins in your body, you can stay at your
Speaker 1: peak version of yourself for three decades. Like there's proven this.
Speaker 1: There are fact there are men and women who've done it.
Speaker 1: There are men and women in other countries and different
Speaker 1: cultures who are seventy who still move like us. Yea,
Speaker 1: the same man, you know what I'm saying. Yes, So
Speaker 1: that's just I'm looking forward to defining the odds. I'm
Speaker 1: spending as much time as I can with my family,
Speaker 1: but also continuing to learn the world. Like the world
Speaker 1: that we see through our gaze and through entertainment and
Speaker 1: through whatever else we look at, it's not the real world.
Speaker 1: The real world is the world that exists between when
Speaker 1: you leave your house to get to work and come back,
Speaker 1: because those are the people, those are the things you
Speaker 1: see every single day.
Speaker 2: And also travel finding new places and learning new cultures
Speaker 2: and new customs.
Speaker 1: And I can't wait. I want to do a lot
Speaker 1: more traveling.
Speaker 2: We're traveling with you and with the boys, little global citizens.
Speaker 2: So your perfect fortieth birthday scenario. So your birthday, just
Speaker 2: to give people context for the past, at least five
Speaker 2: years have gone to shit because of something interfering. Yes,
Speaker 2: with plans. For example, I had a huge birthday trip
Speaker 2: planned for you to Jamaica or last year. No, that
Speaker 2: was a nice year we had. We got COVID that
Speaker 2: year and couldn't go. That was maybe twenty one. We
Speaker 2: moved here twent twenty one. Yeah, so there was that.
Speaker 2: A couple of the times you've had either to work,
Speaker 2: to film big auditions, callbacks. Yes, okay, Yes, your birthday
Speaker 2: happens to fall around the time when a lot of
Speaker 2: things get filmed. Yes, However, now that I'm kind of
Speaker 2: waiting to see what I can plan according to your
Speaker 2: film schedule, because we're always going to manifest work and
Speaker 2: all those things. But I feel badly that it's taken
Speaker 2: away from your birthday experiences for the past couple of years.
Speaker 2: If you had your dream fortieth birthday extravaganza, what would
Speaker 2: that look like for you?
Speaker 1: My dream birthday extravaganza would I would be working, but
Speaker 1: they would know that April second to April tenth is
Speaker 1: the time that I need off. So of course I
Speaker 1: would be working on the project because I want to
Speaker 1: be able to provide for my family. But from that
Speaker 1: time of April second to April tenth, which is about
Speaker 1: nine days or eight days, we would travel to Egypt.
Speaker 1: We will be able to see the Pyramids. We were
Speaker 1: able to see something that we haven't been able to
Speaker 1: see that I really want to see. We will take
Speaker 1: the kids, we would explore, we would travel, we would
Speaker 1: come back. We would celebrate Jackson's birthday, because Jackson's terms thirteen.
Speaker 2: This year, y'all, oh my god.
Speaker 1: So it would be a collective birthday experience, and I
Speaker 1: would just get back to work. Like the perfect experience
Speaker 1: would be me sharing something with my family that I've
Speaker 1: never experienced before, but still working. I wouldn't say that
Speaker 1: I want to work. I want to be able to
Speaker 1: continue to push the needle forward. You know, that's what
Speaker 1: I would do. But I want to travel with you. Guys.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's exactly what we want to do with Ju Chow.
Speaker 2: So we're waiting to see. Because we had Egypt booked
Speaker 2: a couple of years of that. I think it was
Speaker 2: your thirty fifth birthday. We actually had a couple along
Speaker 2: with us, and we had to cancel that trip for
Speaker 2: work also, So we'll see. Maybe the Good Lord will
Speaker 2: make away that we can do both that you'll be working.
Speaker 2: I'm manifesting it, booking a future film, leading mail type vibes.
Speaker 2: Let's know what I'm saying, twenty twenty four is saying,
Speaker 2: looking like it's going to be an amazing year. Excited
Speaker 2: to spend another birthday with you that's coming up April second, y'all,
Speaker 2: my aries baby over here. I can't wait to see
Speaker 2: what this next decade has for both of us as
Speaker 2: a unit and also individually. So all right, y'all, let's
Speaker 2: take a quick break. We're gonna pay some bills and
Speaker 2: where you're gonna get back with listener letters, so stick
Speaker 2: around alrighty, then I will jump in and do the
Speaker 2: first one. Hey, Ella's family just want to start by saying,
Speaker 2: I love yeah, thank you, love you back. This podcast
Speaker 2: gets me through my in office days, long driving commutes,
Speaker 2: plane rides, you name it. Els. I love that there's
Speaker 2: something so soothing and inviting about you too. Thank you.
Speaker 2: See another reason why people be trying to get us
Speaker 2: stay on this podcast. I was telling y'all about to
Speaker 2: be done, and now y'all make me want to stay
Speaker 2: all right, and as a Bronx girly, I'll always be
Speaker 2: here for a good New York love story. Won't hold
Speaker 2: the whole Bronx thing against you being Brooklyn Heads, but hey,
Speaker 2: New York forever. I've been with my boyfriend for four years.
Speaker 2: We have a beautiful daughter together, and we met at
Speaker 2: a minimum wage job where we were both working at
Speaker 2: the time. Since then, I've moved up significantly career wise
Speaker 2: and have secured myself financially. He has two but it
Speaker 2: took for me to really push him to actually apply
Speaker 2: for him to find something else. I have a settlement
Speaker 2: coming which I want to use to invest and move
Speaker 2: our financial situation forward. I would really like to involve
Speaker 2: him and run this business together. My dilemma is he
Speaker 2: takes a backseat when it comes to running the household.
Speaker 2: He'll give me all his money if I ask for it,
Speaker 2: but he doesn't really take charge or give any input.
Speaker 2: He just says, I'll do whatever you need. It's ray
Speaker 2: that if I involve him, I might end up carrying
Speaker 2: the financial and daily upkeep of the business by myself
Speaker 2: and resent him for it. He is so selfless, a
Speaker 2: great father, and he works daily to be a better boyfriend.
Speaker 2: I really don't want to make the wrong decision here.
Speaker 2: Should I involve him or just leave him out of it?
Speaker 2: What do you think from a business standpoint?
Speaker 1: I think that this is a perfect example of every
Speaker 1: man isn't made to lead the house. He doesn't want
Speaker 1: to lead the way she wants him to lead, but
Speaker 1: he's willing to give her all the money and say, Yo,
Speaker 1: whatever you want to do, I'll be of support. That's
Speaker 1: a different type of leadership. And I say what I'm saying, it's.
Speaker 2: A different type of leadership. So he's like essentially empowering
Speaker 2: her to make the move.
Speaker 1: Whatever it is you want to do, I'm in support,
Speaker 1: she says. Here he'll give me all of his money.
Speaker 1: He just says, whatever you want to do, I'll be
Speaker 1: in support. And he's a great father. Why wouldn't you
Speaker 1: want that as a teammate. She wants him to be
Speaker 1: the one to go out there and find the business
Speaker 1: run the business. That's not what he wants to do.
Speaker 1: But if she's good at that, there's nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: her handling that aspect of it. Using his finances to
Speaker 1: help support the business in whatever way she needs help.
Speaker 1: He's willing to be a support So why not do it?
Speaker 2: I don't even think, because I can't even think of
Speaker 2: a couple that comes to mind who we know where
Speaker 2: the man has been a provider, you know, done everything
Speaker 2: that he's needed to do financially to make sure the
Speaker 2: family was okay. Yes, and the wife, I think wanted
Speaker 2: to see more of an assertion in him that she
Speaker 2: didn't see because she felt like that would make him
Speaker 2: more of the leader of the household when really he
Speaker 2: was helping her to do the things that they wanted
Speaker 2: to do she wanted to do by just being able
Speaker 2: to provide financially. Not everybody is going to be the
Speaker 2: creative mind. Not everybody's an entrepreneur's person. Right.
Speaker 1: If he's a worker, If he's a worker, be and
Speaker 1: he brings in good money, let him support you in
Speaker 1: that way. There's nothing wrong with being supportive in that way.
Speaker 1: I don't think that. I don't think there's anything wrong
Speaker 1: with this formula. I think it could actually work. To
Speaker 1: be honest, if she's an entrepreneur, entrepreneur, she has the spirit,
Speaker 1: she knows how to run and build businesses. Most of
Speaker 1: those people who have those type of attributes struggle because
Speaker 1: they don't have capital. I got everything I need, but
Speaker 1: I don't have capital. Well, now you have a partner
Speaker 1: who has capital, who's willing to give you what you need,
Speaker 1: and you're good at that, then y'all do that together.
Speaker 1: Like your version of what love or what a family
Speaker 1: looks like doesn't have to mimic or mirror what you
Speaker 1: think you see from other people. You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That's why I always say when people say, oh, y'all,
Speaker 1: a relationship goes I hate that because I don't want
Speaker 1: her in her mind to feel like well de Valles
Speaker 1: and entrepreneurial minds. But he's the one who goes out
Speaker 1: and do it. So a man is supposed to do that. No,
Speaker 1: there is no gender specific role in a relationship that's
Speaker 1: that's required in order for it to be successful. Whoever's
Speaker 1: the more successful person that that do that? And you
Speaker 1: find a teammate who can do something else.
Speaker 2: Literally and it works literally, Yes, think about it. You
Speaker 2: always come to me, babe, I think we can do.
Speaker 2: You even just came back from the juice spot was like, Babe,
Speaker 2: I think you can do. And I'm just like, all right, well,
Speaker 2: what do we gotta do? And then tell me what
Speaker 2: I need to do. And then I get on the
Speaker 2: administrative side of things and I start to look things
Speaker 2: up and research and organize and it's like the perfect
Speaker 2: marriage in that sense when it comes to business. But
Speaker 2: I think she should also be vocal about this with
Speaker 2: him and say, hey, all right, babe, if you're going
Speaker 2: to be bringing home the bacon pretty much and letting
Speaker 2: me cook it up, fry it, do all different things
Speaker 2: with it, I'm going to need you to kind of
Speaker 2: pick up some of the slack at home because I
Speaker 2: may not be able to do the things around the
Speaker 2: house that I typically would do if I'm going to
Speaker 2: be doing the business stuff. And I think that's what
Speaker 2: she's fearing here, that she's going to have to run
Speaker 2: the household and the business and then be resentful.
Speaker 1: I don't know, because she said that he says, I'll
Speaker 1: do whatever you need. She never said that he's not willing.
Speaker 1: She said, I'm afraid that if I involved him, I
Speaker 1: may end up carrying not financial and daily upkeep up
Speaker 1: the business. Now, if you're a business minded person and
Speaker 1: you're an entrepreneur, you're going to have to do that anyway.
Speaker 1: Like if it's your dream, if it's your vision, if
Speaker 1: it's your goal, you have to do that.
Speaker 2: Now, I get it on the business side of things,
Speaker 2: but I'm saying she doesn't want to also do that
Speaker 2: and then have to run the household stuff as well.
Speaker 2: So maybe their agreement will be if she's going to
Speaker 2: be focusing on the business and he's still going to
Speaker 2: work and contribute just the day to day things that
Speaker 2: they take care of in the household, maybe he will
Speaker 2: have to take over.
Speaker 1: But she never said that that's a problem. She said
Speaker 1: that he is a great father, he's selfless, So she
Speaker 1: never said that her problem is based on what I've read.
Speaker 1: Her only problem with him is that he's not a
Speaker 1: go getter when it comes to finding opportunities and handling
Speaker 1: the business. She says here that he's willing to do
Speaker 1: whatever I need. He'll give me all his money.
Speaker 2: I hear that, but I was just speaking to My
Speaker 2: dilemma is he takes a back seat when it comes
Speaker 2: to running the household. So I'm just saying, if that
Speaker 2: was a portion that she was worried about, just say, hey, babe,
Speaker 2: I know you're going to help me to execute this
Speaker 2: menness by being a financial backing, but if I'm focusing
Speaker 2: on this, I'll just need some more help around the household.
Speaker 2: That's all.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I got you. But she said he'll take
Speaker 1: a back seat. But she also said that he says
Speaker 1: I'll do whatever you need. She sounds like she doesn't
Speaker 1: want to have to say it. She wants him to
Speaker 1: go and do it. No, if this is something you
Speaker 1: need and require, speak on it. She never said that
Speaker 1: he won't do it. He takes a back seat, take
Speaker 1: a back seat, but I'll do whatever you need to
Speaker 1: know what you need. It's no different than us two
Speaker 1: will tell me like, yeah, I may take a back
Speaker 1: seat in the business, but tell me what you want
Speaker 1: get done and I'll do it. So even when it
Speaker 1: comes to creating content, you like I want to be talent,
Speaker 1: I don't want to have to think about that. I'm
Speaker 1: not looking at that like, oh, she lazy, she don't
Speaker 1: want to do what I want to do. I'm looking
Speaker 1: at it as like, Okay, she told me very clearly
Speaker 1: what she wants to do.
Speaker 2: Just communicated right.
Speaker 1: And what I'm saying is that him saying he'll take
Speaker 1: a back seat doesn't mean he's not willing to do it.
Speaker 1: He's not coming up with the ideas. I think they
Speaker 1: have a formula that works. My only issue with what
Speaker 1: she's saying is that she expects that because he's the man,
Speaker 1: he's going to take the forefront. And what I'm saying
Speaker 1: is is that doesn't have to be the case. You know,
Speaker 1: Oprah has a Steedman. Steedman is like, I'll do whatever
Speaker 1: you need to support, but Oprah is still the she's
Speaker 1: the mastermind. Imagine if Oprah. Imagine if Oprah was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna wait until Stepman figures it out,
Speaker 1: and we wouldn't have half the ship that we have here.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, I don't think it has
Speaker 1: to be gender specific. You're a entrepreneur and he's a worker.
Speaker 1: Bee tell them, babe, that's what I need you do
Speaker 1: pick up the kids, pick up our daughter these days.
Speaker 2: And that's how you involve him. Don't leave him out
Speaker 2: of it altogether, but that's how you involve him in
Speaker 2: the business strategy and what the plan will be moving forward.
Speaker 2: So good luck to y'all. I love when people feel
Speaker 2: like they have something that they can really just run
Speaker 2: with and just grow their business and take that entrepreneurial
Speaker 2: spirit spirit and actually apply it. So I think I
Speaker 2: have a good recipe here says good luck to you guys.
Speaker 2: I hope everything works.
Speaker 1: Out and you're right. Involve him, tell him exactly what
Speaker 1: you need from him, because he sounds like, based on
Speaker 1: what you wrote, he's that type of guy, whatever you need.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's like that's the perfect love language
Speaker 2: for me. I'll do whatever you need, babe. That's amazing,
Speaker 2: all right.
Speaker 1: Number two, Hey Devala Kadeen. My name is k pronounced
Speaker 1: k kaye. I wonder who else pronounced what do they
Speaker 1: say kaye ou kaye? But she says my name is
Speaker 1: Kate pronounce k. I'm pretty sure people be fucking her
Speaker 1: name up for sure. I really love and adore you guys.
Speaker 1: I've been following your journey since twenty nineteen, and it
Speaker 1: is amazing to see how how far you too and
Speaker 1: the family have come. Thank you so much. I remember
Speaker 1: rushing back to the dorm after classes in first year
Speaker 1: to watch your family videos on YouTube while I ate lunch.
Speaker 1: Those were some good times. Now, that's what's up. They
Speaker 1: were some good times anyway. To give you some context,
Speaker 1: I'm currently twenty two, a female, in my last year
Speaker 1: of university, studying kinesiology and rehabilitation scientists, and writing you
Speaker 1: to writing you this letter at two o'clock in the
Speaker 1: morning because I am stuck in capital letters for many years.
Speaker 1: I've been struggling with confidence. Growing up. It was hard
Speaker 1: making friends and never really around my crew until grade
Speaker 1: eight at a small private school. Even in first year
Speaker 1: of UNI, I spent most of my time in my room,
Speaker 1: locked away when I didn't have class, because I simply
Speaker 1: did not know how to open myself up around others
Speaker 1: without the fear of being disliked or judged. This is
Speaker 1: what we talked about earlier. When you become forty, you
Speaker 1: realize that that doesn't matter. But I get where she's
Speaker 1: coming from. As a twenty two year absolutely, it even
Speaker 1: got to a point where I started to doubt myself,
Speaker 1: my skills, and my abilities, especially when applying for things.
Speaker 1: For my last year, I have the privilege to participate
Speaker 1: in the strength and Conditioning practicum after building enough courage
Speaker 1: to apply at my school. I aspired to be a trainer,
Speaker 1: but I constantly feel behind looking at my classmates and
Speaker 1: some of the athletes I work with. It feels as
Speaker 1: though I don't know what I'm doing and often feel
Speaker 1: that I do not have what it takes to actually train. Furthermore, ooh,
Speaker 1: that just sounded like I am writing a paper. Yikes.
Speaker 1: There is a large stigma on female trainers, especially in
Speaker 1: the sports industry. For example, my supervisors are one of
Speaker 1: three female strength and conditioning coaches at the university level
Speaker 1: across Canada, and Canada is not small, y'all. It may
Speaker 1: just be all in my head, as I tend to
Speaker 1: overthink a lot. Yes, but I really need to get
Speaker 1: a handle on this. I graduate in June and need
Speaker 1: to start practicing or preparing for that transition into the
Speaker 1: career aspects of life as I can be a swim
Speaker 1: instructor forever. Two questions Deval, what advice do you have
Speaker 1: for someone going into the training industry, specially in sports. Kadeen,
Speaker 1: what are some things you do to improve or maintain
Speaker 1: confidence in yourself? Ps? I really really really really really
Speaker 1: really really really really really guys, every video I watched
Speaker 1: with a smile on my face, even as I am
Speaker 1: crying writing this, and one more thing, you see what
Speaker 1: I did there? Y'all really need to come to Toronto.
Speaker 1: Shout out to Toronto.
Speaker 2: Year Toronto. We were in Ottawa for a little bit.
Speaker 2: Canada Girl, No one is going to be bought into
Speaker 2: the idea of you if you're not brought into the
Speaker 2: idea of you.
Speaker 1: Facts.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure what her background is like growing up,
Speaker 2: how she was raised, and the lack of confidence and
Speaker 2: where that stems from. But if you approach anything with
Speaker 2: any sort of apprehension and people don't feel like you
Speaker 2: even believe in yourself, then why would they? Then why
Speaker 2: would they? You can speak more to the training aspect
Speaker 2: of things, because you know what it's like for that
Speaker 2: being I think a male dominant or driven industry, and
Speaker 2: it is it is for the most part.
Speaker 1: I understand where she's coming from because she said there's
Speaker 1: a stigma around female trainers. Number One is the idea
Speaker 1: that a female trainer can't get me to the level
Speaker 1: because they've never done this, which is absolutely false. Right,
Speaker 1: training is about two things. Number One, the most important
Speaker 1: thing is the science. If you know the science, you
Speaker 1: know how to get people better. It doesn't matter if
Speaker 1: you're a man, a woman, a dog. If you know
Speaker 1: how to get people better, people will come. The second
Speaker 1: part is interpersonal communication. You have to find ways to
Speaker 1: motivate people to do the things that they don't want
Speaker 1: to do because you, as a trainer, know that they
Speaker 1: have to do them and they can do it, and
Speaker 1: they can do it. So those are the two most
Speaker 1: important aspects, your ability to motivate people into personal communication,
Speaker 1: but also the science, and if you practice those two things,
Speaker 1: you'll be a great trainer. The best way to practice
Speaker 1: interpersonal communication skills is to interpersonally communicate. Stop being afraid
Speaker 1: of people. You're in school, walk up to people, introduce yourself,
Speaker 1: because one thing you're gonna have to do is a
Speaker 1: trainer isself. You have to sell yourself. You have to
Speaker 1: sell packages. You have to be willing to walk up
Speaker 1: to people in the most uncomfortable situations and say, hey,
Speaker 1: how are you doing? My name is K. You know,
Speaker 1: I've noticed that you were doing this exercise a little
Speaker 1: bit wrong. You mind, if I help you mm hm
Speaker 1: through that relationship, you build a rapport. Through that rapport,
Speaker 1: you sell them whatever it is that you want to
Speaker 1: sell them, right, So it all starts with confidencing yourself.
Speaker 1: And like KK said over here, if you don't believe
Speaker 1: in you, who else is going to believe in you?
Speaker 2: It's true, there's people out here who are mediocre as
Speaker 2: fuck at a lot of things. At a lot of things.
Speaker 2: They're just very average and very mediocre. But what sells
Speaker 2: them is their confidence and their ability for other people
Speaker 2: to buy into whatever it is that they are doing
Speaker 2: or selling or involved with. So you ask me specifically,
Speaker 2: what are some things that I do to improve or
Speaker 2: maintain myself confidence? It's really doing the uncomfortable things over
Speaker 2: and over again. You know. I started when I was
Speaker 2: about ten or eleven, getting in front of an audience,
Speaker 2: getting in front of pe people, like trying to be
Speaker 2: outgoing pageants definitely helped because you know, you put yourself
Speaker 2: up on the stage and you have to introduce yourself
Speaker 2: and talk to people and be scrutinized like that's a
Speaker 2: huge lens to be under at at a at a
Speaker 2: young age. But it never stopped. I always felt uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: I always had moments where I was unsure of myself
Speaker 2: until I said, you know what, I'm just gonna keep
Speaker 2: doing this over and over and over again. So it
Speaker 2: starts with, like Deval said, walking up to people saying
Speaker 2: what's up. I think also the New Yorker in US
Speaker 2: gave us an advantage because think about all of the
Speaker 2: crazy shit that just happens on a random subway ride
Speaker 2: in New York. People just be out there doing stuff.
Speaker 1: But New Yorkers don't talk to each other. They walk
Speaker 1: right by people in New York. I wouldn't use New
Speaker 1: York as an example.
Speaker 2: No, the reason I say New York is because you're
Speaker 2: just so accustomed to people doing outlandish and weird things
Speaker 2: that if somebody does just come up and spark conversation
Speaker 2: with you, it's not off putting. It's not off putting
Speaker 2: because you're accustomed to that.
Speaker 1: Now, some New Yorkers said this off person, like why
Speaker 1: are you talking to me? Why are you? Like being
Speaker 1: on a train, someone goes, hey, how are you doing?
Speaker 1: They looking at you like, why the fuck are you
Speaker 1: talking to me, I can see that. Southern. Yeah, Southern
Speaker 1: people they have more of a you know, southern hospitality. Hey,
Speaker 1: how are you?
Speaker 2: They look you in the eye when because you used
Speaker 2: to like seeing people and saying hello.
Speaker 1: I think that's more Caribbeans than the New York because
Speaker 1: New york Is don't tell true what I will see,
Speaker 1: what I will say. Though. What you said about pageants
Speaker 1: is what I noticed too. Even when I did martial
Speaker 1: arts for five years from nine to fourteen, before you
Speaker 1: went up to do a kata, right, you had to
Speaker 1: go in front of the crowd, in front of the
Speaker 1: judges and say good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name
Speaker 1: is daval Ellis from Modern Combat Systems. I'm about to
Speaker 1: perform my blue belt Da da da da, which your permission,
Speaker 1: I may begin doing that over and over again, and
Speaker 1: feeling confident to go up and say something and speak
Speaker 1: gave me the confidence and then go perform my kata.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. So I think it's that
Speaker 1: part of the experience that people are forgetting in this
Speaker 1: day and age. Everybody do things through the phone. No
Speaker 1: one walks up to anyone anymore. Even when I'm speaking
Speaker 1: to the and I'm just like, hey, that so and
Speaker 1: so go and say hello. Yeah. I watch how other
Speaker 1: people's children don't know how to speak. When I'm speaking
Speaker 1: to young kids or young people, and when I say kids,
Speaker 1: I'm saying kids.
Speaker 2: Like eighteen, twenty two, yes, she's twenty two.
Speaker 1: When I go to speak to these young kids, sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, how you doing. I heard you saying.
Speaker 2: It's just oh, yeah, you actually hit the nail on
Speaker 2: the head, babe. That's what it is. That's it's this
Speaker 2: generation like her, generation of twenty two and eighteen, that
Speaker 2: just don't even know how to look somebody in the
Speaker 2: eye and have a conversation and to speak up. You know,
Speaker 2: it's like a lost art form, the interpersonal communication side
Speaker 2: of communication side of things. It's really like becoming a
Speaker 2: lost art.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, it's not a lost art amongst
Speaker 1: the entire world. It's this generation, especially Americans. Americans have
Speaker 1: become addicted to this cell phone. Think about how often
Speaker 1: we travel now and we go other places. We don't
Speaker 1: see everybody with their head down in the phone everywhere
Speaker 1: we go. One thing in America though, that's everywhere, that's
Speaker 1: every every person is now stuck what they face in
Speaker 1: the phone. But when we travel to what we went
Speaker 1: to Italy this past year, when we go to the islands,
Speaker 1: people are a lot more warm when they see you,
Speaker 1: and a lot more people sit down at dinner and
Speaker 1: they have conversations and they're not they're not in their
Speaker 1: phone with their head you know, stuck. So I think
Speaker 1: that that's the biggest thing with this generation. Man, Get
Speaker 1: put the phone down, get away from television, to go outside,
Speaker 1: speak to your neighbors. You know, we've lived here for
Speaker 1: three years now, three years now. There are certain neighbors
Speaker 1: that don't speak. They just don't speak, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. That's never been the case in the world.
Speaker 1: I knew who all my neighbors were growing up.
Speaker 2: You know. Well, good luck to you, sis. I think
Speaker 2: you have pretty much all the tools, but this desire
Speaker 2: and wanting to be better and wanting to be confident,
Speaker 2: you just have to go out and do it. There's
Speaker 2: no other way around it. There's no shortcut, right, But
Speaker 2: good luck to you. Thank you for all the support
Speaker 2: that you've given us. Yes, we look forward to you
Speaker 2: growing into your greatness. Look at me sounding like a
Speaker 2: forty year old woman growing into your greatness. All Right, y'all,
Speaker 2: If you want to be featured as one of our
Speaker 2: listener letters, continue to write into us. Email us at
Speaker 2: dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's D E A D A S S A D
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: All right, Moment of truth time. We're talking about Devo's
Speaker 2: approach to forty looking fine in the process. I know
Speaker 2: my moment of truth for you as you approach forty
Speaker 2: moment is just I want to continue to find ways
Speaker 2: to enrich your life as you approach a new decade.
Speaker 2: We've been together for two decades so far, this being
Speaker 2: year twenty two approaching for us, and I just want
Speaker 2: to give you your flowers and just say I just
Speaker 2: love having this front seat and just watching the man
Speaker 2: that you've evolved to be. You've been great since day one.
Speaker 2: I knew when I met you. After two weeks of
Speaker 2: knowing you, you want someone I love you? Did? I
Speaker 2: love you? Boy? But no, I'm really looking forward to
Speaker 2: this ride now that I feel like we are. We
Speaker 2: have a lot of things figured out. There's still more
Speaker 2: to be figured out, but he's doing it with you
Speaker 2: makes life that much greater. So I'm here with you
Speaker 2: in whatever capacity you need to make sure that your
Speaker 2: forties are the best decade yet.
Speaker 1: I love you.
Speaker 2: I love you too.
Speaker 1: No, I love you, little Fineance. My moment of truth
Speaker 1: is simple, man. I'm forty. That's it.
Speaker 2: Not yet, not quite yet.
Speaker 1: I will be forty. I'm embracing it. I asked that
Speaker 1: you guys give me grace. I'm looking back at what
Speaker 1: I've done through my thirties and through my twenties. Some
Speaker 1: things I like, some things I don't, but all things
Speaker 1: I've learned. And I know that when I turn fifty,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna look back at my forties and say the
Speaker 1: same thing. And when I turn sixty, I'm gonna look back.
Speaker 1: But I'm excited about that, you know. I'm excited about
Speaker 1: evolved and learning and changing and growing and just being
Speaker 1: here with you with the kids. I'm excited about life.
Speaker 1: I just love life. That's just what it is. I
Speaker 1: love life, and I love everybody who supports us. I
Speaker 1: even love everybody who don't like I'm just at the
Speaker 1: point in my life now where all that I love
Speaker 1: for people. Man, that's all I have is love for people.
Speaker 1: I cry a lot more now because me too.
Speaker 2: I used to be the big crier. Now it's kind
Speaker 2: of evolved.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do cry a lot more now because I
Speaker 1: used to have that wall up of being tough and
Speaker 1: having to be a certain way because I thought that
Speaker 1: that's the only way you can exist in the world.
Speaker 1: But now when stuff hit me, yeah, absolutely, especially as
Speaker 1: a black man, I always have my guard up. But
Speaker 1: now when stuff hit me, I let it hit me.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: I look at my kids sometimes I just cry and
Speaker 1: they crying for and I'm just like, I look at
Speaker 1: y'all growing, and I'm happy. I'm all a students, all
Speaker 1: extremely respectful. I'm just I'm proud of everything you and
Speaker 1: I have built. I'm excited about my forty years so far.
Speaker 1: I have no regrets. No, I have no regrets. Everything
Speaker 1: that has happened to us for us, I feel like
Speaker 1: it was purposeful for sure.
Speaker 2: For sure. Is it beauty and being able to look
Speaker 2: back every year? And I can't wait to do that
Speaker 2: when we're ninety yks. You knows all right, y'all, be
Speaker 2: sure to follow us on Patreon. If you are not
Speaker 2: subscribed yet, you gotta jump on man. All the exclusive
Speaker 2: footage that we have here from dead Ass Podcasts, video
Speaker 2: content to Ellis family content. You can find it right
Speaker 2: there on Patreon, so join us, tell a friend, and
Speaker 2: be sure to follow us on social media at dead
Speaker 2: Ass the podcast I Am Kadeen, I Am and.
Speaker 1: I Am Devout And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: be sure it's rate review. Subscribe. Get your copy of
Speaker 1: We Over Me, The Counterintuitive approach to getting everything you
Speaker 1: want out of your relationship, and get them. Tickets to
Speaker 1: the Love Against the World Tour, Baby, we are almost
Speaker 1: sold out, so don't miss it. This is going to
Speaker 1: be our final tour for a while. We are going
Speaker 1: out with a bang. Baby, I'm telling y'all what y'all
Speaker 1: see from us, y'all gonna be like Dania Mellis did that.
Speaker 2: I know. And people have been asking for like certain cities,
Speaker 2: like why haven't y'all come here? There and there? We're
Speaker 2: going based on where they say podcasts have been successful
Speaker 2: and we can, you know, and we pull the crowd out.
Speaker 1: Because Chicago, Detroit. Man, we went up there to Detroit
Speaker 1: last year in February and it almost got snowed out.
Speaker 1: It was a blizzard, so Detroit, you know, I love
Speaker 1: y'all Shout out to u of M national championships for
Speaker 1: their football team. Shout out to the Detroit Lions when
Speaker 1: they first playoff game for the first time I think
Speaker 1: since nineteen ninety one. Detroit is popping right now, So.
Speaker 2: We Come Back has a special place in our heart.
Speaker 2: In Chicago, that show was.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that was my favorite show so far.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, But Chicago in February is woe.
Speaker 1: Maybe summertime. Summer time shot.
Speaker 2: Listen, just come on to New York real quick. The
Speaker 2: Apollo is going to be iconic.
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