Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nick here. I am welcome
Speaker 1: to the show. It's Nicki Lazer Podcast. It is Wednesday. Um,
Speaker 1: I am in Los Angeles, California, in my hotel room.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I did that. And um, Andrew
Speaker 1: is in St. Louis knows no as an Arizona's and um, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful little day over here in sunny col
Speaker 1: walk to Sunset to get my starbucks. Saw a bunch
Speaker 1: of new billboards, a lot of new TV shows coming out.
Speaker 1: Um shows that I'm just like God so much goes
Speaker 1: into these things and they don't get canceled. They all
Speaker 1: gonna get canceled. Like you just look at like this.
Speaker 1: There's this new billboard for Charlemagne the Gods New. She
Speaker 1: has a new show coming out on Comedy Central. I'll
Speaker 1: promote it. Why not, it's gonna get canceled like everything else.
Speaker 1: No offense to him, you know. Um it's called I
Speaker 1: like the name of it because whenever I see a
Speaker 1: good name for a show, I always think back on
Speaker 1: like the times I've had to come up with names
Speaker 1: for shows. I have a document in my phone like
Speaker 1: full of possible names for shows. Podcasts, talk shows, um specials,
Speaker 1: children bands, plumbing companies. I don't know where my career
Speaker 1: is gonna take me. And his is called um A
Speaker 1: hell of a Week and it's once a week and
Speaker 1: it's a talk show. Maybe it'll do well. I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean he's amazing. It doesn't I mean, shows get
Speaker 1: cancel all the time that are great, but it'll get
Speaker 1: canceled just like everything else does. There was some quote
Speaker 1: I read recently that someone said, oh, this was from
Speaker 1: It was a subreddit about It was in the dom
Speaker 1: wi subreddit, which I don't even subscribe to because it
Speaker 1: is such a toxic place. But sometimes on demoi d
Speaker 1: e u x m o y on Instagram they have
Speaker 1: like a blind item where it'll be like this b
Speaker 1: list comedian was a terror to work with. No, this
Speaker 1: this blonde uh badass in quotes female comic was a
Speaker 1: total cunt to everyone she worked with. And I'm always like,
Speaker 1: was this me? And then I read further and I
Speaker 1: like it's like, you know, it says something about like
Speaker 1: she there's always like one thing that makes me think
Speaker 1: it's not me. Um, And it's like, because I could
Speaker 1: sometimes be a cunt, but then it's like to every
Speaker 1: single person on the crew and always like not me,
Speaker 1: you know, like, I'm not gonna I've never been. I
Speaker 1: don't think rude to a camera, op or like and
Speaker 1: do whatever. So I always go to dema subreddit because
Speaker 1: that's where they break it down and they go who
Speaker 1: could this be? And everyone speculates and usually people know
Speaker 1: exactly who they're talking about. So I went there the
Speaker 1: other day just to look see what was going on,
Speaker 1: and okay, that's not good. Um hold, I think he's
Speaker 1: muted because I was wondering why he's being so quiet.
Speaker 1: I like this silent film star Andrew. Andrew's like Eric
Speaker 1: from f Boy Island. Oh now he's kissing the llama.
Speaker 1: Now he's looks like he's things are getting Brenna needs
Speaker 1: to be alerted. Oh no, oh no, he's telling us
Speaker 1: to be quiet, and well he penetrates the guys. He's
Speaker 1: fucking the llama, which representive Andrew. I don't know now
Speaker 1: he's going down that. I hate this so much. Andrew,
Speaker 1: You're not gonna be able to ever run for Congress
Speaker 1: because of what you're doing right now. This is really
Speaker 1: not that you ever would, but I mean you could,
Speaker 1: but that's what you want to do with your fame
Speaker 1: or infamy at this point if it's a fake, Yeah, God,
Speaker 1: that is funny. And we were still going, is that
Speaker 1: what is God that you guys have to watch the
Speaker 1: video of that and go on our YouTube because what
Speaker 1: I just witnessed you really get a little look into
Speaker 1: how Andrew might fuck. Um. That's why I like Chelsea
Speaker 1: Bretti used to have this joke of when guys go like,
Speaker 1: oh really and they do like the jerk off motion,
Speaker 1: you can tell how they jerk like. It's like a
Speaker 1: little window into how they jerk off when they're like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, oh so I'm gonna wait in line for
Speaker 1: forty five minutes. Yeah, And then she's like and then
Speaker 1: she does a great thing where she's like, you know,
Speaker 1: like women when they eat it. She's like, I hate
Speaker 1: eating a banana because it's just so sexual and I
Speaker 1: just can't stand it. So instead I just I pull
Speaker 1: it off with my fingers and then I smush it
Speaker 1: in between my fingers and like from so she's then
Speaker 1: just doing the pussy eating side. That's so funny. Well
Speaker 1: that when guys do the jerk off, they always make
Speaker 1: their dick way bigger. It's always out to here and
Speaker 1: their hands are wide. You never see a guy like go,
Speaker 1: you know, like get real close. You know, it's always
Speaker 1: closer than what that is, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's always like fuck you, bro. So this joke has
Speaker 1: been done. But women are never like, oh, really, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna pay four hundred dollars like rubbing their clips for
Speaker 1: a fucking haircut. Yeah, I'm just gonna um not that
Speaker 1: that's a phrase it I don't like is that when
Speaker 1: you use that? Yeah, whenever the barberge charges me too much?
Speaker 1: Quite before. But did you have any thoughts on what
Speaker 1: I was saying about Charlomagne the Gods? I thought you
Speaker 1: were like friends with Charlomagne the God when I was
Speaker 1: like mouthing off on trying to be so quiet because
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for it. He wants to be in with
Speaker 1: Charlomagne the God. I'm the ghostwriter for God. I like
Speaker 1: the idea of you naming It's just so funny, how
Speaker 1: like like if you named yourself Nikki the Goddess, and
Speaker 1: then everyone just imagine like, hey, that's your name, that's
Speaker 1: who she is, Nikki the Goddess. I mean, you think
Speaker 1: it's not humble. You don't you don't think that's chilling? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't. I smelled with a A. I mean imagine
Speaker 1: waking up in the morning, Charlemagne the god six. Yeah
Speaker 1: you know how like where's the six? Yeah? The six
Speaker 1: is like an a and like you know like hack
Speaker 1: or speak or whatever. Oh yeah, like really is know
Speaker 1: what you're into? Some definite different little ship the dark
Speaker 1: web dark Web Noah finishes every email with that little
Speaker 1: like emoji face that has like glasses but like the
Speaker 1: is our browser furrowed if you know what I'm talking
Speaker 1: about this And she put on a wig and she's
Speaker 1: like a little bit more eyeliner and she's like, hello,
Speaker 1: welcome to four chance. I don't even know what is
Speaker 1: imagine if I knew, Yeah, like wake up, Like imagine
Speaker 1: yourself ten years ago, fifteen years ago and you're getting
Speaker 1: in the comedy or you're getting in the radio and
Speaker 1: before you really even made a name for yourself. It's
Speaker 1: like bringing a wookie on stage. I mean that's just
Speaker 1: as much of a look that you are committing to.
Speaker 1: I mean what it is. It's like it's the same
Speaker 1: thing though, Andrew, because it's like because you're just starting
Speaker 1: now overcompensate for the fact that you don't have talent yet,
Speaker 1: so you need to, like, do have something else, which
Speaker 1: we I mean, I brought a cigarette on stage of
Speaker 1: open mics, like it's all and if you're from like
Speaker 1: the rap world, it's not too weird. If you're a
Speaker 1: black person, it's a little bit. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think it's it's it would be lame for I mean,
Speaker 1: not that it's just this is not a race thing,
Speaker 1: but maybe it is. I don't know. You can find
Speaker 1: the rest of that thought. On four June, did sound
Speaker 1: like that was cool? That was cool with so thank you, Andrew.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I gotta pass from you. You man
Speaker 1: pass about a black man thing thing. I mean, I
Speaker 1: just feel like, no, I get it, you couldn't. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to describe it, but everyone knows what
Speaker 1: the funk I'm talking about, right, Like I think, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I just feel like it looks cooler when Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, although you know, Kesha, I'm trying to I'm
Speaker 1: thinking of like Lizzo, like names like that, CARDI B.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm Meg, the Stallion, jay Z, Little Wayne. Yes,
Speaker 1: And then you know that's it doesn't sound as cool.
Speaker 1: I mean it's it is cool. I mean why did
Speaker 1: we let why do we let that go? Why? I mean,
Speaker 1: because are there any other comedians that have names like that? Anyway?
Speaker 1: Eliza tried to lose Slessinger, and I think she goes
Speaker 1: by Eliza. But I think that's just because she was,
Speaker 1: like Slessinger's as hard for people to get and it
Speaker 1: does make a statement of like I'm fucking Eliza, or
Speaker 1: like I'm Adele, you know, like I'm not what's Adele's
Speaker 1: last name? Do you know? Um computers? Um a deli
Speaker 1: not anymore? Bit I got no, oh no too early?
Speaker 1: Or I think her. I think Adele is actually her um.
Speaker 1: I think Dell was her last name and um u
Speaker 1: a was her initial and it was her first name
Speaker 1: was the farmer and or last name's computer. Yeah that's
Speaker 1: what I said. I said that over eat. Oh my bad,
Speaker 1: Oh god, lady, dude, you're getting a doubt. I'm getting
Speaker 1: man and so um yeah, I don't know, like what
Speaker 1: what could I change it to? Like I could go
Speaker 1: by Nikki. I don't think anyone else is just NICKI
Speaker 1: there's no other like famous. Well there's Nicky Taylor, there's
Speaker 1: Nicki Read, there's Nicki Nicki minaje. Fuck I think Nicki
Speaker 1: Minaj gets Nicky. I'm gonna give it to her, not
Speaker 1: you know, just based on the coolness factor. It's she's
Speaker 1: got to get it. Who what did you just say?
Speaker 1: Nikki Oh, Nikki and Ella? What's her name? Bella? Nicky Bella?
Speaker 1: Do you know that I got her? I mean, I
Speaker 1: think you do know, but maybe my listeners don't. I
Speaker 1: when I did Dancing with the Stars, she was on
Speaker 1: the season uh of on me before me, I was
Speaker 1: just in Montreal, So I'm gonna slip in some frong
Speaker 1: lay and she left behind her robe that said, you
Speaker 1: know I had Nikki at strawn into it, so I
Speaker 1: stole her robe, kept it like if you don't want it,
Speaker 1: how do you keep your robe from Dancing with the Stars?
Speaker 1: Which is like this beautiful velvet robe. That's how well
Speaker 1: she's doing in life. She's just like, I don't need this,
Speaker 1: this is perfectly. She went back for her husband. Well
Speaker 1: who did she marry? Um Are Artem Artem Artem was
Speaker 1: her dance partner and they do this really sexy dance
Speaker 1: in an elevator, Like the scene is like an elevator,
Speaker 1: and they were not fooling around during the show. Allegedly
Speaker 1: she was very much in a relationship and nothing went on.
Speaker 1: That's impossible. It's impossible that that didn't occur. I'm not
Speaker 1: making any assumptions, but as someone who was on this
Speaker 1: show for one episode, I know that you feel things
Speaker 1: that you can't help when a hot Russian man is
Speaker 1: throwing you around. Your husband doesn't exist, your boyfriend doesn't exist.
Speaker 1: Nothing in the world matters when a hot Russian man
Speaker 1: may throw when you were around. It's not possible. I
Speaker 1: can't believe these guys that Robert Hershevik as well, thank you.
Speaker 1: I would do anything for my career. I would, except
Speaker 1: just burn it down by alleging that Nikki Bella uh
Speaker 1: An Artem maybe had feelings for each other before she
Speaker 1: under the season. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like
Speaker 1: that just because you didn't then you still were rubbing
Speaker 1: genitals like there was yeh, it's okay, Like you can't
Speaker 1: turn it off. I don't even begrudge anyone feeling things
Speaker 1: for other people when they're in a relationship. Like if
Speaker 1: you were to get mad at your partners because they
Speaker 1: felt something for someone else at one point and developed
Speaker 1: a crush. I mean, you can get mad at them
Speaker 1: if they let the crush like go on and on
Speaker 1: and on and like possibly lead to betraying you. But
Speaker 1: you can't help your feelings, y'all. You just can't help it,
Speaker 1: and cry just gonna happen, and hopefully you can, you know,
Speaker 1: talk to your partner about it and get ahead of it.
Speaker 1: I kind of gave um Chris the scenario the other
Speaker 1: day where I was like, because we're talking about long
Speaker 1: term success of our relationship, and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: let me give you an example of like maybe something
Speaker 1: down the road when we are like our worst nightmare
Speaker 1: of like we're a couple and like, um, I don't
Speaker 1: know like this, I meet someone at a show or
Speaker 1: something and I just feel some energy in me that's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm like attracted this person. And then
Speaker 1: he makes a flirty joke and maybe, um, you know,
Speaker 1: our arms touch or something, and I feel it through
Speaker 1: my body in a way that's like arousing, and then
Speaker 1: I think about him like like can I go to
Speaker 1: you about that? What would we do? And he's like,
Speaker 1: is this a real thing that I'm like, no, it's not.
Speaker 1: I like made up a total scenario and it was
Speaker 1: funny because he was like, this sounds so specific. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm a writer, I'm good at this, Like and I
Speaker 1: did you know I pulled? I pulled from like obviously
Speaker 1: like things I felt before when I wasn't in a relationship.
Speaker 1: But um, he was so a quarter. He's ad two pounds.
Speaker 1: His name is Jeff, He's from Wyoming. He was cool
Speaker 1: about it specific you get with. He has this great
Speaker 1: opener where he's like, comedian, Yeah, well I did. I
Speaker 1: did kind of Chris's worst scenario, which is like, you're
Speaker 1: gonna get dazzled by one of these comics who like
Speaker 1: is funny and charming and like kills on stage. Because
Speaker 1: he's heard my act, he knows how I feel about
Speaker 1: male comedians sometimes, how women just cannot help but be
Speaker 1: attracted to them because instinctually there you know, if you
Speaker 1: watch my special, they look powerful, they seem like the
Speaker 1: tribe leader. Everyone's watching them. There's something like horny about
Speaker 1: it that you can't help I Luckily, I've been exposed
Speaker 1: to it so often that it does not dazzle me anymore.
Speaker 1: And to be an actual great comedian and to really
Speaker 1: knock my socks off or get my socks wet from
Speaker 1: like you know, my pussy juice is flowing down my leg.
Speaker 1: You really have to like be a really good I
Speaker 1: mean I I see potential in people all the time
Speaker 1: as young comedians and go, Wow, that guy is gonna
Speaker 1: be good. Wow, that guy is so good for his age.
Speaker 1: But there's not there. I know every comedian, now I've
Speaker 1: been through them. I've seen them all. You know. It's
Speaker 1: not like I've i've seen them all well, I've been
Speaker 1: through him in the sense of like I've tried, I've
Speaker 1: clocked him, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: get it. I guess I get what you're saying. They've
Speaker 1: been through me all through. But like, there's no one
Speaker 1: that's gonna emerge on the scene that I'm going to
Speaker 1: be like, oh my god, Like I just doubt it
Speaker 1: because anyone who's gonna emerge is going to be young.
Speaker 1: And comedy is a fair industry, Like no one is
Speaker 1: good out of the gate in a way that is
Speaker 1: good in fifteen years. There's just no one. I would
Speaker 1: almost like if I was sending my girlfriend over to
Speaker 1: do Dancing with the Stars. I'd be like, you know what,
Speaker 1: just fuck the guy the first day. I'd rather know,
Speaker 1: build up, just get it over with, because you're gonna
Speaker 1: realize it's okay, it's not gonna it's gonna be good.
Speaker 1: Just to never let their partner do Dancing with the Stars.
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding. You Just let him the first day,
Speaker 1: then get out of ay. I don't even think, like,
Speaker 1: if Brenna was wanted to become an actress and she
Speaker 1: got into some movie where she had to like have
Speaker 1: intimate love scenes with someone, I would say say the
Speaker 1: same thing to her there, because I just don't think
Speaker 1: that you can have these if if the person is
Speaker 1: single and you're in this location and everything's like you
Speaker 1: just it's not like cheating is going to happen, but
Speaker 1: there's going to be a removal from you because you're
Speaker 1: not going to be on set. There's going to be
Speaker 1: this like secret world that you have with this person.
Speaker 1: It's gonna get You're gonna need a plan of action
Speaker 1: for when I'm the guy that puts the sock on
Speaker 1: the guy's cock before he does the love. If you're there,
Speaker 1: that's fine, that's I heard Jada Pickett Smith was there
Speaker 1: for every one of the love scenes and make out scenes.
Speaker 1: Will Smith did that movie with Mark Rabbie, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: just staring and apparently Margot Robbie and him did have
Speaker 1: a thing. I didn't have a thing. If you look
Speaker 1: online and you go to De Moins, which is where
Speaker 1: I was last night, um they have there's this one.
Speaker 1: There's like this photo um series of them and like
Speaker 1: at the after party you could tell, like for the
Speaker 1: rat party or maybe the premier party for um, what's
Speaker 1: the stupid movie they did? Blink? I don't think even
Speaker 1: think it's stupid. I think it's good. I haven't seen here.
Speaker 1: It's good. They did a movie together with one word
Speaker 1: and it's like blink or like space or something and
Speaker 1: bounce or something, yes, like slap or something like that.
Speaker 1: And there there's a photo booth pictures of them and
Speaker 1: you can tell they're both drunk and letting it fly
Speaker 1: a little bit too much of like them being hooking
Speaker 1: up in and um anyway you think, do you think
Speaker 1: like they're like, you know what, gett in the photo
Speaker 1: booth we're gonna I think they won with like celebrity
Speaker 1: ship like that. It's like we're gonna put you, We're
Speaker 1: gonna have your whold hands, we're gonna look strong in
Speaker 1: the eye, and then we're gonna put Jade in the
Speaker 1: back photo bombing. I mean, yeah, it's a good idea,
Speaker 1: it really is. Have you noticed that Justin timber Lake
Speaker 1: and Jessica Bill, like right after he got caught like
Speaker 1: holding hands of that girl in on the balcony in
Speaker 1: New Orleans while he was filming, Like afterwards, they started
Speaker 1: wearing all these jazzy outfits together, like they match and outfits.
Speaker 1: They're like doing this whole promotional tour for like our relationships. Fine,
Speaker 1: go look at like Justin timber Lake and Jessica Bill. Lately,
Speaker 1: I cannot either the relationship is stronger than ever or
Speaker 1: weaker than ever. It's kind of like Instagram posting. Either
Speaker 1: couples are about to break up and they're doing one
Speaker 1: last like push, or they're strong and it's consistent. We'll
Speaker 1: see if the jazzy outfits are consistent. But they keep
Speaker 1: wearing matching outfits and everywhere together. And I'm jealous of
Speaker 1: the relationship. Um, not that mine isn't great, because I
Speaker 1: do have. It was nice to just like run that
Speaker 1: scenario by my my man Sea World and just be
Speaker 1: like uh, and he's like, oh, you know, he had
Speaker 1: a good I don't think you'd want me to tell
Speaker 1: you what he said, but he had a good, non nefarious,
Speaker 1: um way of handling it that I liked that maybe
Speaker 1: if he ever comes on the show, we'll talk about
Speaker 1: it again. But um, yeah, it was. It was because
Speaker 1: acknowledging those things instead pretending like they're not going to happen.
Speaker 1: Because if you plan on spending the rest of your
Speaker 1: life with someone and interacting with other people in the world,
Speaker 1: when your partner isn't holding your hand next to you,
Speaker 1: you're gonna get crushes. You know. My only thing is like,
Speaker 1: why even bring up a worst case like I feel
Speaker 1: like with brend she'll bring up like things that are
Speaker 1: during a tornado. Why having to go under a desk?
Speaker 1: You know I'd rather just die, didn't. Well, I'll tell
Speaker 1: you why, Because if you have a relationship that spans decades,
Speaker 1: someone's going to have a crush on someone else because
Speaker 1: you are people that have working sexual organs and hormones. Agreed.
Speaker 1: But my only thing is, like, I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: not saying women, but Brenna shall bring up things like
Speaker 1: four years from now, like what what about four years
Speaker 1: from now? And this is the scenario And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I'll just we'll do it. Then we'll deal with it then,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like why are we even
Speaker 1: bringing up these future problems or future things like why?
Speaker 1: Why do it? Why run the tsunami? You're gonna go
Speaker 1: out and collect seashells when the when the shore starts
Speaker 1: pulling from the I'll be like, woa, Like, come on out,
Speaker 1: let's play football. Remember Thailand? No, dude, that was different? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was different. Did you guys are freaking weird playing?
Speaker 1: And you're not wrong. I mean, there's ways to handle
Speaker 1: it in both ways. But I think that I would
Speaker 1: wonder what Esther Perel would say, Well, we're going to
Speaker 1: play Esther Perel's game later, and is this excent um
Speaker 1: insulting to her for some reason because she's French? I
Speaker 1: feel like it is not because when you buck the
Speaker 1: French EXI inherently or Austin Okay, well still I feel
Speaker 1: like Austria that region. I feel like I can buck it,
Speaker 1: not mock it, but you know, imitate it because I
Speaker 1: inherently think it's better than me. Hey, as a guy
Speaker 1: from originally Russia and Florida. That's it's cool. Okay, thank
Speaker 1: thank you so much. All Right, when we get back,
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you the thing I read on
Speaker 1: Don that I was teasing before before we realized Andrew
Speaker 1: couldn't talk Charlie chap Let's be right back, Andrew. We're back.
Speaker 1: And Andrew left us off last before the break with
Speaker 1: a song about calling it a song is quite a stretch.
Speaker 1: Um about Snickers bars. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: a jing'. That's the slur you posted recently on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Your callie, bit callie, your DJ CALLI bit cal no,
Speaker 1: come on, no no, and let him say Cali us
Speaker 1: a DJ CALLI. Yeah, I think it's silent. I believe
Speaker 1: I'm not wrong. CALLI like the is very soft. I think, Um,
Speaker 1: I'm sure his is okay, so uh yes, Can I
Speaker 1: just quickly say that Jim wat thing is that there
Speaker 1: was a subreddit that was like or like a post
Speaker 1: on Jima that was like, what's the It's all people
Speaker 1: talking about celebrities and they're like, what's the best celebrity,
Speaker 1: what's the best advice you've ever heard? From the celebrity
Speaker 1: and you might actually have some of this too, because
Speaker 1: you've fallen asleep to books on tape of celebrities Andrew right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's where real good advice comes from. I think it
Speaker 1: is like when they write books because none of them
Speaker 1: really know how to talk um like on interviews a
Speaker 1: lot of times, but from YouTube you get a good quote.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there was one from God. I forget who
Speaker 1: it was now, but it was that. Um. When you
Speaker 1: make a TV show and this goes for like anything
Speaker 1: in your life, it will eventually get canceled. So make
Speaker 1: the show you want to make, because if they cancel
Speaker 1: it and you make a show that you're trying to
Speaker 1: get people to like, it's gonna go away eventually. There's
Speaker 1: only so many shows The Simpsons, Um, Friends, Seinfeld. Those
Speaker 1: are the only shows that I can think of right
Speaker 1: now that people don't that that ended, you know, sim As,
Speaker 1: it hasn't even ended. But Friends and Seinfelter the two
Speaker 1: ones that I go, oh, they walked away from them
Speaker 1: when they could have kept going. But that doesn't. That's
Speaker 1: so rare. That's like literally your better chance of getting
Speaker 1: you know, struck by lightning while getting eaten by a
Speaker 1: fucking shark. Um, so your show is gonna get canceled,
Speaker 1: So make the show you want to make. I wish
Speaker 1: I would have read that advice because I think that
Speaker 1: and I'll probably need to read that again. Like I
Speaker 1: think I've gotten better at it in my life, doing
Speaker 1: the thing I want to do, Like the carrot top
Speaker 1: joke I did the other night that bombed. I wanted
Speaker 1: to do that joke. I thought it was funny. Even
Speaker 1: though it didn't do well. The audience sucked for everyone
Speaker 1: that show, so that was a good news. But um,
Speaker 1: not doing what people want of you and doing what
Speaker 1: you want to do because it's going to something's going
Speaker 1: to go wrong with it anyway, and if it goes wrong,
Speaker 1: at least you can say I did it my way.
Speaker 1: I did it my way. What's interesting, the more you
Speaker 1: do stand up if we're just talking about stand up,
Speaker 1: even when you do well, like that kind of goes
Speaker 1: away too. So you might as well do exactly what
Speaker 1: you want because yeah, you know what I mean. I
Speaker 1: have this whole idea. I was talking to myself in
Speaker 1: the shower. I have this like because I'm I'm performing
Speaker 1: at Zanies in Nashville, and I'm already planning. I'm planning
Speaker 1: the opening and I'm thinking about Nashville. And I literally
Speaker 1: told myself this whole like seven minute not seven but
Speaker 1: maybe like four minutes story that would be like an
Speaker 1: opener for Nashville. That's a little um out there, But
Speaker 1: you gave me a pass, I'll say. Yeah. My point
Speaker 1: is is like and said, that's fine, dude. You know
Speaker 1: when comics like do like made up stories and they're
Speaker 1: like these long winded like stories where you're like, uh,
Speaker 1: like speak you into this scene of like Richard Pryor
Speaker 1: would do it, and like he was like yeah, anyways,
Speaker 1: So like I have this whole idea and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can't do that, Like what if this bomb? Because
Speaker 1: to come back from a five minute made up story
Speaker 1: would be insane. Why don't you just do it later?
Speaker 1: Why don't you just open when they've already I mean,
Speaker 1: I know you're gonna do what you're gonna do, but
Speaker 1: like there are tricks of the trade that tend to work,
Speaker 1: so you can get this. You can do that and
Speaker 1: not risk anything because you should open. You never listen
Speaker 1: to my advice on this, and it always goes well
Speaker 1: for you, but you can't. You have no um uh
Speaker 1: impulse control when it comes to like something you're excited about,
Speaker 1: Like it's that's just who you are. Good thing about
Speaker 1: who you are? Yes, Like I think that's a good
Speaker 1: thing for you to follow. Is like you're the guy
Speaker 1: that like, if there are things to put on your
Speaker 1: hamburger that will make it taste better, but you're hungry
Speaker 1: and they're across the room, you will just eat the
Speaker 1: hamburger instead of walking to make it slightly better because
Speaker 1: maybe you would make it better, but maybe this story
Speaker 1: would have been better off. So I mean I would
Speaker 1: never know. Like, so the idea very quick is like
Speaker 1: it's like this whole scenario of a guy named Jimmy
Speaker 1: Ray from a small town in Texas who he doesn't
Speaker 1: even have WiFi, but he has six songs on a
Speaker 1: CD and the whole town believes in them. And he
Speaker 1: gets in his pickup truck that the whole town paid
Speaker 1: for him and he drives auto way into Nashville to
Speaker 1: meet with Warner Brothers. Warner Brothers goes, you know how
Speaker 1: many TikTok fires if you have? Are you trying out
Speaker 1: a bit right now? No? I'm telling you what the
Speaker 1: bit is. I'm not trying it. I'm telling you what
Speaker 1: kind of is I guess it's kind of our I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm really it's fine, just do it. But I
Speaker 1: would never do that. I'm just boggled with when you
Speaker 1: do this because I'm like, people are listening that are
Speaker 1: going to be at that show. Well, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: what do you Does that not register to you? Because
Speaker 1: i know people are gonna be like, Nicky, don't stop him,
Speaker 1: You're being a bit. But I'm like, when when you
Speaker 1: hear something a second time, it takes some of the fun.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm just so precious about stuff. Continue if
Speaker 1: you want to, but like, do not think of that?
Speaker 1: I think of that all the time. Well here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm going to do it at the show.
Speaker 1: That's why I really so many weeks before. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: I I just like almost you'd be here. Jimmy Ray
Speaker 1: has a mixtape and everyone believes in him, and he goes,
Speaker 1: he packs up of stuff and he moves to Nashville.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm gonna make it. Mom and dad, and
Speaker 1: mom and dad, you know, sit on the porch and yell,
Speaker 1: you know, check the oil there's out the window and says,
Speaker 1: I'm leaving my boy. Names didn't seem like I left
Speaker 1: long ago. He gets the Warner brother and they're like,
Speaker 1: first of all, we don't have a CD player here.
Speaker 1: We can't even list. But he got Hot Chicken. By
Speaker 1: the way, he had to stop get the hot Chicken.
Speaker 1: He heard about that, and it was I'm kidding. Nashville
Speaker 1: is like known for hot Chicken. I like the idea that, like,
Speaker 1: he's still okay, I gotta know you're jumping. No no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, no, okay, I'll go back. I got the
Speaker 1: hot Chicken. No one's gonna know what you're talking he's
Speaker 1: I know, I know, but even in not I knew
Speaker 1: exactly what you're talking about. But I also I need
Speaker 1: to play Devil's advocate a little bit here and say
Speaker 1: that you go. He gets to the place he's got
Speaker 1: they don't have a CD player, which is hilarious. He
Speaker 1: got the hot Chicken. I pictured the record exects with
Speaker 1: Hot Chicken. You're in, you have planted us in the
Speaker 1: recording student, you've ended us at the studio and Warner Brothers,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, you go. But he
Speaker 1: got that chicken. It's like, just know he got the
Speaker 1: hot chicken before he went to his studio. Okay, so
Speaker 1: you need to say that, yes, that would be a
Speaker 1: joke about like his assholes already burning before he gets
Speaker 1: to Warner Brothers. A get Okay, you skipped that part
Speaker 1: before it because I was doing the cliff note version,
Speaker 1: because okay, we can't drop a ham drip without the ham.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're talking about hot ham. So
Speaker 1: so they go, you know, get the funk out of
Speaker 1: my office, and then the guy's like comes out, So
Speaker 1: jim Jimmy Ray doesn't even sleep a night and naturally
Speaker 1: just drives right back to his small town and he's
Speaker 1: just so sad, and he's with a dog, a dog
Speaker 1: somehow showed up and the dogs uh huh. The dog
Speaker 1: showed up in his car. Ye, Like he's in the
Speaker 1: back of the truck. And he's like, no, I guess
Speaker 1: I picked this guy up on the way. So the
Speaker 1: exact comes out. He goes, I don't want another motherfucking
Speaker 1: Jimmy Ray in my office. I don't want anyone fuck
Speaker 1: Jimmy Ray. Now, if we could get Jumping Jackie from TikTok,
Speaker 1: who has twenty five million followers. I'd love to have her.
Speaker 1: And they're like, well, she doesn't sing. He goes, that
Speaker 1: doesn't do you think I fucking care if she sings.
Speaker 1: And then late at night, he's sitting in his chair
Speaker 1: and he comes across Jimmy Ray's c D and uh,
Speaker 1: he plays it and he just starts smiling. He got
Speaker 1: a CD player, Yeah, he had one at home. Home. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's an old It's okay. I just need to go
Speaker 1: on this journey. I just need to understand where this
Speaker 1: record executive is. Okay, So that after he's yelled about
Speaker 1: Jackie and he doesn't care Jumping Jackie, who's viral. I
Speaker 1: mean this literally is the movie Elvis if you haven't
Speaker 1: seen it yet, He's what, he's what you mean, He's what? Okay,
Speaker 1: go on. So essentially he plays the music, he smiles,
Speaker 1: He runs back to his office the next morning, or
Speaker 1: drives back. He's so excited. Jimmy Jay has already killed himself.
Speaker 1: No Jumping Jackie, I got I heard the six most
Speaker 1: amazing songs in my life last night. Get Jumping Jackie's
Speaker 1: reps on the phone. She's we're giving him to her.
Speaker 1: So Jumping Jackie now has these amazing songs, and Jimmy
Speaker 1: Ray five months later driving in his truck and he
Speaker 1: hears on the radio his own song by Jumping Jackie,
Speaker 1: and then he just drives off a cliff. Okay, I
Speaker 1: think he should go to a get a lawyer and sue.
Speaker 1: But I know I had a few different endings. Okay.
Speaker 1: One was, I don't understand where this story came from.
Speaker 1: I think this is your fantasy of what might happen
Speaker 1: to you or something. Well, no, I think, well, I'm
Speaker 1: sure it's some kind of projection. I mean, all our
Speaker 1: stories are about us, about TikTok's, and like everyone who's
Speaker 1: famous now is a TikTok star, and like just Nashville,
Speaker 1: and I feel the way I look at country music,
Speaker 1: Jimmy j could go be a songwriter in Nashville. Those
Speaker 1: people make tons of month monthy. Yeah, that's maybe he'll
Speaker 1: drive back. Even Jimmy J. I wanted him time. Jimmy Well,
Speaker 1: I think jim Jumping Jackie and Jimmy Ray should collab
Speaker 1: and jim Jimmy so so my talk. I think we
Speaker 1: should work at. My other thought is that he was
Speaker 1: he would do a dance to his own song by
Speaker 1: jumping Jackie on TikTok and go viral, and that's how
Speaker 1: his career would then. Okay, so that whole that whole
Speaker 1: thing to open with would be it would be a
Speaker 1: fun ride like we had fun, had fun. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I just don't I'm a little confused if it's a joke.
Speaker 1: It's like how you get into it, Like what do
Speaker 1: you say to them and go my my idea of
Speaker 1: the Nashville dream is I mean I think that that
Speaker 1: makes sense. Just go, hey, Nashville. This is how why
Speaker 1: I see you doing it because you're so excited about it. Hey, Nashville,
Speaker 1: how's it going? Okay, So Jimmy Ray, he's a guy
Speaker 1: that believes in himself. He's from Texas, and he gets
Speaker 1: in his car because remember you are no I do
Speaker 1: it to do sometimes where I'm just like, I need
Speaker 1: to get this joke out right away or I'm gonna
Speaker 1: forget it. And so then you how are you going
Speaker 1: to get into that though? I really want to know
Speaker 1: know exactly how you said, Well, I have to joke
Speaker 1: about how Naturville used to be really country now whatever
Speaker 1: I very pickup truck is a Bachelor atte party mobile,
Speaker 1: They're like, We're gonna live forever, Morgan, while and what's
Speaker 1: my pussy? If Johnny Cash was alive today, he would
Speaker 1: shoot all these people. Nashville is just not the same
Speaker 1: like Nashville. Now. I think when I look at a
Speaker 1: country story of Nashville, this is how I imagine it.
Speaker 1: Something like that. Yeah, yeah, Okay, No, I like that.
Speaker 1: I think, um, I think it's I like it. I
Speaker 1: think it's just I mean, I think it needs all
Speaker 1: the I don't think it needs a story as much
Speaker 1: as like your point about I think you could make
Speaker 1: it just a joke about how you know, I don't
Speaker 1: know it could be Good songwriters are being replaced by
Speaker 1: TikTok stars who named something like jumping to Jim and
Speaker 1: Jackie is so funny though, And Jimmy Ray, Yeah, are
Speaker 1: you Jimmy Ray? Who wants? Who wants to know? Are
Speaker 1: you any Ray who wants to know? Who wants? I
Speaker 1: mean that song? This hasn't been that long that good
Speaker 1: music is not making its way to the front because
Speaker 1: that song was not good? Who wants to know about that?
Speaker 1: Are you any Ray who wants to know? Who wants? You?
Speaker 1: Don't remember that song. Definitely knew it. Um It's almost
Speaker 1: like I'm bloon Okay, what are the lyrics? Uh oh,
Speaker 1: it's actually are you Johnny Ray Ray, Slim Ray? Are
Speaker 1: you Slim Ray? Who wants? Are you are you Fay Ray?
Speaker 1: Who wants? Are you Sting Ray? Are you sing Ray? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Are you Link Ray? Are you Sugar Ray? Oh? Sugar Ray?
Speaker 1: Every Morning? Hello? And I'm gonna tonight. Um oh, this
Speaker 1: guy's like mocking him, this kid, and he just goes nuts.
Speaker 1: He was so cute. It was like so much type
Speaker 1: back in like the nineties, like that kind of surfer
Speaker 1: boy that kind of looks like he's looking at the
Speaker 1: sun too, Like it's like he doesn't have sing song
Speaker 1: like it's kind of squinting, like I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: he's like hungover looking you can light a match on
Speaker 1: his face kind of surfer boy. Had a couple of
Speaker 1: good hits. Yeah, every Morning. Do you know that? Hoodie
Speaker 1: and the Blowfish hold like the record for the most
Speaker 1: album sales ever, Like it's one of the top five
Speaker 1: and in the world ever. He's had an insane country
Speaker 1: career on his own too, I know. But Hoodie were
Speaker 1: so fucking big back six. How did they come up
Speaker 1: with that name? And everyone calls him hoodie? You know, like,
Speaker 1: who wouldn't think his name was hoodie Darius? I mean,
Speaker 1: that's insane. What a weird name. It is weird, but
Speaker 1: it was. I think it was part of their appeal.
Speaker 1: But almost like you would go, don't do that, Like,
Speaker 1: if you have a band, you're like, that sounds too ridiculous.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I always thought if I had, it
Speaker 1: would be called do you have any band names? What's
Speaker 1: a hoodie? I don't. I think it was just now
Speaker 1: maybe I don't know. I don't think it was ever
Speaker 1: called a hoodie hoodie? You know, have you ever been
Speaker 1: in a band? Um like for a hot minute? And
Speaker 1: it was a cover name for a hoot minute, hot minutes?
Speaker 1: A hot minute is a hot minute? Is a good
Speaker 1: name for a ben What was the band's name? We
Speaker 1: didn't even have We didn't even get to that part, okay,
Speaker 1: but it would have been a hot a hot minute,
Speaker 1: crib death. What was your idea for a band name?
Speaker 1: You had one? Stars without makeup? Oh that's good. Minds
Speaker 1: me of that that Lizzie song or Lizzie what's her name?
Speaker 1: Stars Ellie Goulding Golden Even before her there was a
Speaker 1: song about stars. Star Yeah, okay, that's not about stars.
Speaker 1: Her name was about stars. Okay, let's get to the news.
Speaker 1: Fade into you strange. You never knew that nothing, no
Speaker 1: star in there, no fade. I was fading stars, Fade exchange.
Speaker 1: You never knew. It is a good song. And she's
Speaker 1: so beautiful. She looks like Angelina Jolie and they never
Speaker 1: she never did anything else. She has a good YouTube
Speaker 1: video of her singing like a Day. It's like, it's
Speaker 1: just like Fiona Apple alually looking like, Okay, we gotta
Speaker 1: go to break. We'll come back when we'll um people
Speaker 1: do why do we care? And then we'll play a
Speaker 1: little game. All right, we're back, Um, why do I care?
Speaker 1: Why do I care? All right? Euphorias Sydney Sweeney gets
Speaker 1: candid about the not so glamorous side of Hollywood. Here's
Speaker 1: her quote. It's built to try to make you backstab people.
Speaker 1: It's insane. My agent is my best teammate and I'll
Speaker 1: have her forever. I see how people are like we
Speaker 1: support each other, and I'm like, no, you fucking don't um.
Speaker 1: And then when asked about whether she talks to co
Speaker 1: stars on Euphoria about it. She said, we didn't really
Speaker 1: talk about that kind of stuff. I liked this article
Speaker 1: because also in it she talks about people being like,
Speaker 1: you're so rich, do you want to house? And she's like, no,
Speaker 1: I have I rent a one bedroom apartment. I can't
Speaker 1: afford a house. Do you know how much actors make?
Speaker 1: And Noah had sent this to me, being like, you
Speaker 1: were the first to say this, And I don't know
Speaker 1: if I was the first, but I definitely said celebrities
Speaker 1: do not make a lot of money unless they are
Speaker 1: TikTok stars and monetizing their YouTube channels. That's why Bree
Speaker 1: Larson has a fucking YouTube channel. You guys, if you
Speaker 1: don't know, Marvel isn't making her enough money? Because what
Speaker 1: did Sydney Sweeney say about that? Said, Um, she's famous, dude,
Speaker 1: She's in tons of stuff. She is she is the
Speaker 1: it girl right now and she can't afford what do
Speaker 1: you think She's making an episode on Euphoria and then
Speaker 1: literally split that in half. Yes, she has to give
Speaker 1: five percent to her lawyer. She said, ten percent to
Speaker 1: my agent, three percent or something like that to my
Speaker 1: business manager. I have to pay my publicist every month,
Speaker 1: and that's more than my mortgage. Um do you know
Speaker 1: what publicists cost? Six thousand dollars between fun but ween
Speaker 1: they were three and two thousand twelve three a month,
Speaker 1: three thousand a month. And that is not just you know,
Speaker 1: for the Brad Pitts of the world. Six thousand dollars
Speaker 1: isn't for just the Morgan Freeman's. I don't know why
Speaker 1: his name came to mind. It is for the It's
Speaker 1: for everyone. If you want to publicist, they have, um,
Speaker 1: you know, blanket like it is a flat freight fee
Speaker 1: for everyone, six thousand dollars a month. And that is
Speaker 1: why I go off and on for having them. And
Speaker 1: I you know, sometimes when I'm not having things to promote,
Speaker 1: I turned that faucet off, and I go, I'll, you know,
Speaker 1: I'll turn it back on when I have something to do.
Speaker 1: And I was going to turn it off recently because
Speaker 1: you know, a boy just aired good clean filth came out,
Speaker 1: But then I got I got tours, dates to promote,
Speaker 1: and they get me in different magazines and publications locally.
Speaker 1: So I gotta keep that faucet on the rest of
Speaker 1: my life. That's six gees a month, you guys for
Speaker 1: you know, and they're they're very good at what they do,
Speaker 1: there's no denying that. But that is a huge cost.
Speaker 1: And yeah, so every time I get any kind of check,
Speaker 1: you know, I taxes, you already take out, I take half,
Speaker 1: I cut it in half, and then I just cut
Speaker 1: that number like I cut off that number and then
Speaker 1: I take away that like it's about you know, I
Speaker 1: always give thirty percent to taxes and then another percent
Speaker 1: goes to at least goes to lawyers, manager, agent um,
Speaker 1: business manager. It's insane. It's so much money. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: day of a list celebrities making like thirty million a movie,
Speaker 1: not unless they have a wine company. No, that's why
Speaker 1: these guys all you know, zac Efron is the face
Speaker 1: of Zodiac, beef Jerky or some ship, you know, Like,
Speaker 1: this is why they and they don't have touring money.
Speaker 1: That's the problem with actors. Like thank god, people always like, Nikki,
Speaker 1: are you on the road, And I'm like yes, because
Speaker 1: that's the only way I make money. It's not the
Speaker 1: only way. I make good money from my heart radio.
Speaker 1: I make good money from TV, but it's not enough
Speaker 1: because of all the things that you I have to
Speaker 1: keep going on tour, and I feel bad for actors
Speaker 1: who don't have that ability to go on tour. I
Speaker 1: don't feel bad for them, but like that is the
Speaker 1: thing that we get to do. She also said, which
Speaker 1: that um she goes. They don't pay actors like they
Speaker 1: used to, and with streamers, you no longer get residuals. No.
Speaker 1: Rizzi's no, I didn't know that. You just yeah, there's
Speaker 1: it's it's not uh. You know, Tom Cruise made something
Speaker 1: like a billion dollars likes eighty million or something off
Speaker 1: of Top Gun because he had points are like you know,
Speaker 1: on the back end. So at some point you can
Speaker 1: negotiate that stuff. But I mean, you gotta be a
Speaker 1: real You gotta be a good with money to be
Speaker 1: able to like you got to be an investor. You
Speaker 1: have to own property like Hannibal Boris owns apartment buildings. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, Andrew Schultz is starting a whole fucking conglomerate.
Speaker 1: Like you have to think you have to be very
Speaker 1: good with um, you have to be good with money.
Speaker 1: I just thought you could just do whatever, like you
Speaker 1: could just do your talent. It's just so not enough.
Speaker 1: I mean it is, it's enough for me, but I'm
Speaker 1: leaving so much money on so like actors have a
Speaker 1: finite career. I mean, you know, she has to wed
Speaker 1: age to be a big time act and then thirty
Speaker 1: six and if she hasn't solidified herself as one of
Speaker 1: the greats, like one of the great greats, she's she's
Speaker 1: not gonna get work someone. Yesterday on Chris's show, they
Speaker 1: were talking about Ashley Judd and they're like, because she
Speaker 1: got written out of um her mom's will, her and
Speaker 1: her sister both didn't make it well nothing nothing from
Speaker 1: and you know, I think it was like dollars or something.
Speaker 1: And they were talking about like, oh, Ashley Judge is
Speaker 1: doing fine and she doesn't need money, and I go,
Speaker 1: I'm screaming at the radio or my phone. I listened
Speaker 1: on the arch app. I'm like, no, she doesn't. First
Speaker 1: of all, she got wine. I believe she got Harvey Weinstein.
Speaker 1: Where she got I think she married a driver from
Speaker 1: what I understand it. But I'm just say from acting,
Speaker 1: that girl is not making money off of what the
Speaker 1: home is, where the heart is. She's not raking in
Speaker 1: those TBS dollars when that airs once a year. She's
Speaker 1: a Jeopardy that movie, like you know, Double Jeopardy. She's
Speaker 1: not making money off that anymore. That money's long Gawan
Speaker 1: and it's just, um, I just think that we have
Speaker 1: this site. I would have never known. So, like, you know,
Speaker 1: you're an actor, you're on TV, like you probably have
Speaker 1: so much money. And not to say that fifty an
Speaker 1: episode is not a fun ton of money, but it
Speaker 1: doesn't last, especially if you have to keep up this
Speaker 1: image of having lots of money. Like I've told you
Speaker 1: guys before, When I get styled for a TV show,
Speaker 1: it is two before tailoring and you know spray tan
Speaker 1: and hair and make and then hair and makeup is
Speaker 1: at least five hundred dollars a piece for for so
Speaker 1: that's a thousand dollars So for me to go on
Speaker 1: Seth Meyers if I want to get styled, which my
Speaker 1: stylus wrote to me being like, after I styled myself
Speaker 1: for Seth Meyers, I just spent the thousand dollars on
Speaker 1: an outfit. And they wrote to me being like, hey,
Speaker 1: if you need us for anything, like you could tell
Speaker 1: They were like that was a miss, honey, Uh, you
Speaker 1: need us, Like they're just do you think as I
Speaker 1: could have looked better. My hair was, um, not my favorite,
Speaker 1: but um, I like the outfit. Um, I didn't do it.
Speaker 1: I got that was HBO actually paid for me to have.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, so that I don't know. I mean,
Speaker 1: sometimes I think you gotta be like, well, what is
Speaker 1: the cost effectiveness of? Like why do I need to
Speaker 1: spend that much money? It's huge because I look amazing
Speaker 1: every time I do something, and that can't be Adam
Speaker 1: Sandler wearing basketball shorts on Letterman. You know, I think
Speaker 1: it would be I think it'd be a amazing Yeah,
Speaker 1: one one person to do that and then it would
Speaker 1: be funny. But you, as a woman, you need to
Speaker 1: look like I'm sorry, you need to look a certain
Speaker 1: way and you don't need to, but in order to
Speaker 1: keep the image up, like you're killing it, like I
Speaker 1: talked to um. We'll get to the game in just
Speaker 1: a second. My listing a female A fellow female comic
Speaker 1: wrote me or sent me away yesterday. A fellow Philly
Speaker 1: Um sent me a message yesterday saying that she saw
Speaker 1: my special and how it made her. Um, she loved
Speaker 1: it and it made her laugh and like almost cry
Speaker 1: because she was like, you just talked about so many
Speaker 1: things that I didn't even you know, know, I was
Speaker 1: grappling with and it was so nice and and she
Speaker 1: was like, you know, I'm really struggling right now, um
Speaker 1: in my career, and this is someone who you would
Speaker 1: not think of struggling. And it was so nice to
Speaker 1: hear that from her, because listen, I know that everyone
Speaker 1: I attribute so much success to struggles. But it was
Speaker 1: nice to hear this, and I think she had. She
Speaker 1: was kind of writing to me being like, I know
Speaker 1: you're killing it right now, like maybe I could hear
Speaker 1: you tell me something about how you chose to do
Speaker 1: You're so yourself, you're so you How did you be
Speaker 1: able to turn that into what you've turned into? And
Speaker 1: I was like, Babe, read my interview magazine interview, because
Speaker 1: you will see the truth behind all of this, which
Speaker 1: is like it's all like, no matter how much I
Speaker 1: look like I'm killing it, how quaff I am, how
Speaker 1: much I'm I'm on HBO, I have a special, I
Speaker 1: have a podcast, I am on Conan. I'm like I
Speaker 1: still question everything every day and still am jealous of people,
Speaker 1: still feel like I'm hanging on by a fucking thread.
Speaker 1: I still don't know what I'm gonna do in the future.
Speaker 1: I still like I have achieved all these things, and
Speaker 1: then they didn't bring me the kind of happiness that
Speaker 1: I'm looking for. Like I'm grateful for everything I've gotten,
Speaker 1: but it's still it's never enough. And so I'm I'm
Speaker 1: desperate to always let other people know, like, yes, I
Speaker 1: don't want to say that I'm not killing it and
Speaker 1: that my life isn't so blessed and I'm not so lucky,
Speaker 1: but it's not don't ever ascribe any perfection onto me
Speaker 1: because it ain't what it looks like. And I wish
Speaker 1: more people would do that because I know all these
Speaker 1: people I prescribe or prescribe whatever, write a prescription for
Speaker 1: perfection by you know, fiser um that that they're not
Speaker 1: feeling that way, and and I like that. Sydney Sweeney
Speaker 1: came out and said that, like, it's not you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's not what it looks like and we don't
Speaker 1: all love each other on set and it's not. It's
Speaker 1: just so nice to hear that, because God, it hurts
Speaker 1: to look at this stuff sometimes to go, God, they're
Speaker 1: fucking killing it, and as someone who looks like they're
Speaker 1: killing it online all the time, I'm telling you it's
Speaker 1: it's not what it looks like. And not that I'm
Speaker 1: like so depressed you should worry about me or anything
Speaker 1: where that I'm not, you know, grateful for my life,
Speaker 1: but god, it does not change. Why do you think
Speaker 1: why do you think people get such positive response from
Speaker 1: someone looking like they're larger in life? I always wonder
Speaker 1: that because I mean I get tricks sometimes too. You know,
Speaker 1: you'll look at someone and be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: there are killing it. Man. Well I'm I'm nothing compared
Speaker 1: to that, which, you know, it sucks to have that feeling,
Speaker 1: but you know, it's just so weird. How like we'll
Speaker 1: see someone on a private jet and be like, man,
Speaker 1: what a fucking awesome person, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like we give them such power because we want to
Speaker 1: be happy. Everyone wants to be happy, and it looks
Speaker 1: like happy. Think they're happy. Yeah, yeah, we think they're happy.
Speaker 1: We think like if I had that, I would be happier,
Speaker 1: I would be more loved, I would be all these things,
Speaker 1: you know, I would have and and and then it's
Speaker 1: like even if you know that things aren't what they seem.
Speaker 1: It's somehow doesn't really make a difference. It's it's weird.
Speaker 1: Like I'm really frustrated by this psychological phenomenon where like
Speaker 1: you can trace what makes you fucked up and be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I go after this type of person because my dad
Speaker 1: did this or whatever, and that does and you can
Speaker 1: uncover it all, but it doesn't change what you're attracted to,
Speaker 1: you know. Like on was saying to me in a
Speaker 1: text the other day, she was like, because I was
Speaker 1: talking about my jealousy issues and she was like, but
Speaker 1: you know that it doesn't make you happy, And I'm like,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter that I know that. I know that.
Speaker 1: I know. I've read statistics about it. I've read books
Speaker 1: about you make as long as you're making your happiness above,
Speaker 1: that will not change. I know that for a fact,
Speaker 1: doesn't change it. So why doesn't the why won't it work?
Speaker 1: That you know it? A meal and I were talking
Speaker 1: about it. Amal this weekend was in Montreal and had
Speaker 1: the best showing and he's having all these huge successes
Speaker 1: come his way in one like from one performance and
Speaker 1: he's like, and then I had a bad set or
Speaker 1: like I had a mediocre set. Later at a bar
Speaker 1: this show he jumped onto that. You know, they were
Speaker 1: all French and so they didn't understand him, and that's
Speaker 1: probably why he didn't do as well as he wanted.
Speaker 1: And he's like, and I just feel like I'm a
Speaker 1: huge fraud and that I don't deserve any of this,
Speaker 1: and I'm like god man, and he's like, he goes,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't matter that I know, it doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: that that set doesn't matter, and that all these things
Speaker 1: are still true. It's still it's still doesn't knowing something.
Speaker 1: The only thing where knowing it changes. It has been
Speaker 1: that that back book Healing back Pain, When you know
Speaker 1: your back pain is from your cognitive struggles and your
Speaker 1: mental you know, uh turmoil, your back pain will go away.
Speaker 1: And I wonder why, knowing that you go for unavailable
Speaker 1: men because you're you're seeking the love that your father
Speaker 1: never gave you or whatever you unpack in therapy, why
Speaker 1: that doesn't make it stop. I'm still attracted to the
Speaker 1: same men even though I know that they're bad for me,
Speaker 1: And then I'm only attracted them because my dad didn't
Speaker 1: love me enough, Like, why doesn't that make it go away,
Speaker 1: and that's what people have a problem with talk therapy.
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, I'm figuring out why I do things,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't change the fact that I still want
Speaker 1: those things. So when does that end? It ends when
Speaker 1: what what I believe? And I don't know this to
Speaker 1: be true, but I believe you start doing inner work
Speaker 1: and you start giving up this idea that you can
Speaker 1: change yourself, and you just accept yourself. And when you're
Speaker 1: able to accept yourself, then comes the love for yourself.
Speaker 1: And when you really truly love yourself, then you can
Speaker 1: start making good decisions. But just knowing that you're fucked
Speaker 1: up doesn't make you able to it's it's it's the
Speaker 1: first step. Literally, in your a the first step is
Speaker 1: admitting you have a problem and seeing But if that
Speaker 1: was it, there wouldn't be eleven more steps after that.
Speaker 1: Then you'd be done. You know, Acknowledging the problem is
Speaker 1: not enough, and changing too quickly doesn't really work, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like, even if you could trick
Speaker 1: yourself and be like, I'm done fucking those kind of guys,
Speaker 1: I'm over that. I'm on the nice guys. I'm a
Speaker 1: different person. What I said about being in a relationship
Speaker 1: and thinking your partner will never be at charted someone
Speaker 1: else like you can you can say I'm gonna love
Speaker 1: you forever and I'm never gonna like anyone else. You
Speaker 1: can't help your feelings. No, you can't help your feelings
Speaker 1: when you're driving straight out of town road behind Brooks.
Speaker 1: Know that Barth Brooks drove. And now that I think
Speaker 1: about it, maybe that's why the story was in my head.
Speaker 1: He drove from Oklahoma, I think, to Nashville, failed miserably,
Speaker 1: like in two days, and left and went right back
Speaker 1: to Oklahoma and then came back another time. Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 1: Whoa that other time? That's the ticket? Keep trying. I
Speaker 1: like this other quote that I read in the column
Speaker 1: by book that said, when you're going through hell, keep
Speaker 1: going Tony Fee. Now he goes, I'm not a winner,
Speaker 1: I'm just a loser that didn't stop trying. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: really nice. I think I might I might have messed
Speaker 1: it up, but it was that was No, that's the
Speaker 1: same thing, like, if you're going through hell, keep going, like,
Speaker 1: don't stop. Final thought, Let's play the quick esther parallel
Speaker 1: game the game. Yeah, okay, alright, so the prompt card
Speaker 1: is share something unbelievable and the story is a time
Speaker 1: I unintentionally hurt someone. Okay, mine is Um the day
Speaker 1: Burt Reynolds died, I was at Dancing with the Stars
Speaker 1: promo shoot and it was, um, we're backstage, and I
Speaker 1: got up alert on my phone, like we all did
Speaker 1: you know, like a push notification from the you know,
Speaker 1: fucking CNN actor Burt Reynolds dies, age whatever. And I
Speaker 1: just said, oh my god, Burt Reynolds died, like just whatever.
Speaker 1: And this guy goes what And I was like, we're
Speaker 1: Reynolds side and he's like, oh my god, he's a
Speaker 1: really dear friend. And I was like, oh, cock fuck.
Speaker 1: And that was a good lesson I learned that, Like,
Speaker 1: and it was the same reason I got loud at
Speaker 1: the about the Pete Davidson guy, Like celebrities, no are
Speaker 1: loved by people and have people that care about them,
Speaker 1: and I have personal relationships, and when you mouth off
Speaker 1: about them, Nikki, about you know, everyone I talked about
Speaker 1: today on this episode, like their relatives might hear and
Speaker 1: care about them, and like, I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: you say bad things. And so it was a lesson
Speaker 1: that I probably needed to learn early on in this episode,
Speaker 1: what about you guys unintentionally that's tough because it's usually intentional.
Speaker 1: Um no no no. But like sometimes like there's I
Speaker 1: love that you just no no no no no no,
Speaker 1: Like we were going Andrew no and you're like no
Speaker 1: no no, but it was just dead, so please stop,
Speaker 1: please stop. Yeah, yeah, we weren't. We would say anything.
Speaker 1: But settled down. Everyone settled down, Everyone calmed down, calm down.
Speaker 1: What I meant was is that, well, that was a
Speaker 1: joke that obviously didn't land cared up. It was in
Speaker 1: between unintended, like when you when you unintentionally like it
Speaker 1: was it was. It wasn't pretty. How do I put this?
Speaker 1: So like when I filled up, when I when that
Speaker 1: guy helped me fill up my gas. Okay, so I
Speaker 1: was driving through Florida. I stopped in a small town
Speaker 1: in Florida. This guy Jimmy, Jimmy right, no, no, this though,
Speaker 1: this is not unbelievable. That was part of the prompts.
Speaker 1: So I stopped in Florida with my buddy Glenn gas station,
Speaker 1: and I filled up my car with diesel. I filled
Speaker 1: up my whole fucking car tank with diesel and I
Speaker 1: had to shove the fucking it didn't even fit in
Speaker 1: my gas tank. I was like, man, these gas tanks
Speaker 1: are weird in the middle of no Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I love the struggle to do something that you don't
Speaker 1: even need to be doing. So anyways, this guy ended
Speaker 1: up siphoning it out at two in the morning, like
Speaker 1: he had to literally put the gasoline in his mouth.
Speaker 1: It was the nicest thing pretty much anyone's ever done
Speaker 1: for me. Took him about an hour to siphon it
Speaker 1: out with his mouth. And I was like, I'll pay
Speaker 1: two hundred dollars and I never and you were like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna send it to you, man, and don't worry
Speaker 1: about it, like I'm gonna get it to you. And
Speaker 1: he gave you his address and everything. Yeah, he gave
Speaker 1: me his address. And that's why it's told Andrew through
Speaker 1: the years, you have to spend two hundred dollars and
Speaker 1: pay it forward to someone who doesn't see it coming,
Speaker 1: like you have to get rid of that karma. Or
Speaker 1: if you know this guy it's in penscle No, no,
Speaker 1: just give two hundred dollars to a charity and then
Speaker 1: you'll be or intentional, That's my point. I don't know
Speaker 1: that was intentional. That didn't Well, you can fix it
Speaker 1: by donating two hundred dollars to something, and then it
Speaker 1: will be literally your karmic um debt to the world
Speaker 1: will have been paid. All right, I'll to a homeless
Speaker 1: guy to a golf center, no idea of one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so this happened, um when I was in high school.
Speaker 1: And the unbelievable part about is that, like you won't
Speaker 1: believe that I've that I ever did this to someone.
Speaker 1: My friend and I we just found this guy. Um,
Speaker 1: this was like the time of chat rooms on line
Speaker 1: right now, cyber bullying, I think, not to find out.
Speaker 1: And we pretended to be like we found this guy
Speaker 1: from our school. We didn't. He was not in our class,
Speaker 1: just some random guy, and we pretended to be a
Speaker 1: girl that really liked him, and he wanted to meet us,
Speaker 1: meaning the girl, and um, we like arranged, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: let's let's meet by the doors on you know, like
Speaker 1: on the second floor, and he came. He was at
Speaker 1: the doors like like a single rose and we just
Speaker 1: like looked through the stairwell doors and we never showed up.
Speaker 1: And that like I didn't you know. At first we
Speaker 1: thought it was funny to go fund someone in a
Speaker 1: stairwell to make this right in the world. And I
Speaker 1: hope you two, you guys figured this out. That's you listen,
Speaker 1: that has been a dream with someone and tell them
Speaker 1: to like you're gonna, you know, like with someone that
Speaker 1: deserves it, you know, to make them think. I know.
Speaker 1: And that's my buddy did that went after he had
Speaker 1: sexually girl and he goes, yeah, meet me out under
Speaker 1: the dock out on sunset. Oh your friends with um
Speaker 1: that male comedian that um I know did that to
Speaker 1: women he slept with Chris and Dlia. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, no, no, you guys, we gotta go. Thank
Speaker 1: you guys so much for listening to the show. Um
Speaker 1: we have a one more episode this week. It'll be tomorrow.
Speaker 1: We love you so much. We're gonna gear your fan
Speaker 1: threats tomorrow. I'm in l A Anderson St. Louis. No,
Speaker 1: it's in Arizona. Don't be kot there. And Ji