1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:03,880 Speaker 1: You're ready for a comeback, and with Purdue Global, you 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 1: can do more than take classes. You can take charge 3 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: of your story, of your career, of your life, Earn 4 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: a degree you can be proud of, and get an 5 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:18,439 Speaker 1: education employer's respect. It's time, your time, not just to 6 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: go back to school, but to come back and move 7 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:25,760 Speaker 1: forward with Purdue Global, Purdue's online university for working adults. 8 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: Start your comeback at Purdueglobal dot edu. 9 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,159 Speaker 2: He'll forget about the video game you gave him on 10 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,919 Speaker 2: his birthday. Wow, Thanks Grandpa, but he'll never forget how 11 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,199 Speaker 2: you invest it in his future with the units stap. Wow, 12 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 2: thanks Grandpa. The unit stap makes it easy for grandparents 13 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 2: and family friends to give funds to a child's investment 14 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 2: account for a limited time. Download the uns stap and 15 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 2: use the code I heeart fifty at sign up to 16 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 2: receive a fifty dollars bonus when you fund your account. 17 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 2: That's code iHeart fifty when you sign up at unest 18 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 2: dot co for a fifty dollars bonus. See terms and 19 00:00:58,560 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 2: conditions at uns dots. 20 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 3: No one likes to talk about money. Am I saving enough? 21 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:05,760 Speaker 3: Can I buy a house? Am I paying too much? 22 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 3: In taxes, Will I be able to retire? What if 23 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 3: you could unlock insights about your finances in less than 24 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 3: five minutes with a clear picture of where you stand 25 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,399 Speaker 3: today and where your money can work harder. Now you 26 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 3: can visit facet dot com to take the free quiz 27 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 3: and get your financial wellness score today. That's face t 28 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 3: dot com. This add a sponsored by Facet. Facet Wealth 29 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:27,840 Speaker 3: in Corporated is an SEC registered investment advisor. This is 30 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:29,400 Speaker 3: not an offer to buy yourself security s noor is 31 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 3: it investment, legal or tax advice. 32 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 4: Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. Thanks for listening to 33 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 4: our podcast and thanks for supporting the ministry. If you 34 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 4: enjoy today's message, why don't you be a blessing and 35 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 4: share it with a friend. We appreciate you and pray 36 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 4: put God's very best in your life, and. 37 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,160 Speaker 5: God bless you. It's a joy to come into your homes. 38 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 4: Don't want it an I know that we love you 39 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,280 Speaker 4: and we're believing that two thousand and six is going 40 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 4: to be your best year so far. That's what I've 41 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 4: been telling them here in this auditorium, and we speak 42 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 4: the same thing over you. 43 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 5: Pray for you every single day. 44 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 4: We may not know you, but we feel like you're 45 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,040 Speaker 4: a part of our extended family. And if you're ever 46 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,600 Speaker 4: in our area, I hope you'll stop by and see us. 47 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 4: We'd love to have you be a part of one 48 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 4: of our services. 49 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,160 Speaker 5: Love to meet you in person. 50 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,519 Speaker 4: I say it often, but these are the finest people 51 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 4: in all of Houston. So come on out whenever you can. 52 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 4: But God bless you. Thanks for tuning in. I like 53 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,720 Speaker 4: to get started with something funny each week, and I 54 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 4: heard about these three sisters that all lived together. They 55 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 4: were ages ninety six, ninety four, and ninety two. One day, 56 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 4: the ninety six year old draws a bath and she 57 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 4: puts one foot in and she pauses. She hollers, downstairs, 58 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 4: I can't remember if I was getting in or getting out. 59 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 5: The ninety four year old says, I don't know. I'll 60 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 5: come up there to see you. 61 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 4: She gets halfway up the stairs and she pauses and says, 62 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 4: I can't remember if I was going up or coming down. 63 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 4: Year old shook her head and said, man, I hope 64 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 4: I never get that. Forgetful, and she knocked on wood 65 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 4: for good luck. Then she said, hang on, I'll come 66 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,799 Speaker 4: help both of you as soon as I see who's 67 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 4: at the door. All right, hold up your Bible. Say 68 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 4: it like you mean it. This is my Bible. I 69 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,760 Speaker 4: am what it says I am. I have what it 70 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 4: says I have. I can do what it says I 71 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 4: can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. 72 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 4: I boldly confess. My mind is alert, my heart is receptive. 73 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,920 Speaker 4: I will never be the same. In Jesus' name, God 74 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 4: bless you. We've been talking about being the individual that 75 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 4: God's made us to be, and not living. 76 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,840 Speaker 5: Just to try to please everybody. It's very easy to take. 77 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 4: On a false sense of responsibility to where we think 78 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:52,000 Speaker 4: it's our job to keep everybody happy, to fix this person, 79 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 4: to rescue this person, solve this other person's problem. And 80 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,800 Speaker 4: of course it's good to want to help, it's good 81 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 4: to reach out to others, but too often we get 82 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 4: out of balance. We're doing everything for everybody else, but 83 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 4: we're not taking any time to keep ourselves healthy. And 84 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 4: I found when I try to keep everybody around me happy, 85 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 4: when I try to meet all their. 86 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 5: Needs, I'm the one that ends up suffering. 87 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 4: And God does not want you to sacrifice your happiness 88 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:25,720 Speaker 4: in order to keep somebody else happy. And I know 89 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 4: that may sound a little selfish, but there's a balance here. 90 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 4: Your first priority is to take care of yourself and 91 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 4: some people, no matter what you do for them, no 92 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,679 Speaker 4: matter how nice you are, no matter how much time 93 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 4: and energy you give them, they're still not going to 94 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:45,039 Speaker 4: be happy. They've got issues on the inside they need 95 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:49,559 Speaker 4: to resolve, and you should not take responsibility for someone 96 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 4: else's poor choices. When you do that, before long, they'll 97 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 4: be controlling you and manipulating you, and some of you 98 00:04:56,520 --> 00:05:00,719 Speaker 4: Right now, you're not happy because you're allowing someone else 99 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 4: to keep you unhappy. A spouse, a child, a friend, 100 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 4: a neighbor. They won't do right. They're always dumping their 101 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 4: problems on you. They expect you to come bail them 102 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 4: out and keep them cheered up. And so now you're 103 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 4: kind of frustrated because you're spending all your time and 104 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:19,919 Speaker 4: energy on them, and it seems like every time you 105 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 4: get them fixed up, they're back a. 106 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 5: Week later with that same problem. 107 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,560 Speaker 4: And do you know, if you continue to help them, 108 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,720 Speaker 4: you're not only hurting yourself, but you're doing them a disservice. 109 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 4: You become a crutch to them, because as long as 110 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,920 Speaker 4: they know they can come running to you and make 111 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:40,600 Speaker 4: you feel guilty and talk you into solving all their problems. 112 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,480 Speaker 4: Then they'll never deal with the real issues on the inside. 113 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 5: Then they want change. 114 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 4: Now. I found a lot of times people like that. 115 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,480 Speaker 4: They don't really want to be helped, They don't really 116 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,559 Speaker 4: want to change. They like the attention that it brings them. 117 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,359 Speaker 4: And sometimes the best thing you can do for somebody 118 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 4: like that is to not help them. 119 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 5: Think about a little child. 120 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,240 Speaker 4: If every time they throw a fit you come running 121 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 4: and give them exactly what they want, they're going to 122 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 4: continue to do that. They know what they have to 123 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 4: do in order to get their way, and they'll use 124 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 4: that to control you. But if you let them throw 125 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 4: that fit five or six times, and even though they're 126 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 4: hollering and screaming, you don't give in, you just ignore it, well, 127 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,039 Speaker 4: it won't be long until they realize throwing a fit 128 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,240 Speaker 4: doesn't do any good, and then they'll have to change. Really, 129 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:29,719 Speaker 4: it's the same principle in adults. 130 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 5: As long as. 131 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:35,040 Speaker 4: You allow somebody to pressure you into giving in and doing. 132 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:37,320 Speaker 5: What they want, they're going to continue to do it. 133 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 4: But friends, life is too short to go through it 134 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 4: being controlled and manipulated by people that won't make good 135 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 4: choices on their own. Please understand, you are not responsible 136 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,240 Speaker 4: for everybody else's happiness. 137 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,680 Speaker 5: You are responsible for your own happiness. 138 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 4: And if somebody is controlling you today, the fact is 139 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 4: it's not their fault. 140 00:06:59,080 --> 00:06:59,840 Speaker 5: It's your fault. 141 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,080 Speaker 4: Many times they don't even realize it. You've got to 142 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 4: learn to set some boundaries. Quit allowing them to call 143 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 4: you all hours of the day and night and dump 144 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 4: their problems on you. Quit catering to them and giving 145 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 4: in every time they throw a fit. Quit loaning them 146 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 4: money every time they make poor choices. What I'm saying 147 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 4: is you have to let them take responsibility for their actions. 148 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 2: Now. 149 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,200 Speaker 4: I don't mean to sound harsh or non caring, but 150 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 4: you know as well as I do. Sometimes we can 151 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 4: be so good hearted and so generous that we allow 152 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 4: people to control us. We have to realize at some 153 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 4: point we're not helping that person anymore, and not only that, 154 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 4: now they're hurting us. 155 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 5: And I see too many people. 156 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 4: Going around upset, frustrated, discouraged, and it's all because somebody 157 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 4: in their life won't do right, and they've made the 158 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 4: mistake of taking on this false sense of responsibility. Now 159 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 4: they go around carrying this heavy load, trying to fix 160 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 4: this person, to keep this person happy. 161 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,480 Speaker 5: Now you can be free. 162 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 4: From all that if you'll just give those people to God. 163 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,960 Speaker 4: Quit trying to be the keeper of the universe. That's 164 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 4: not your job. You can't make everybody do what's right. 165 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 4: You can't make your children serve God. You can't force 166 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 4: your relatives to make good decisions. Why don't you take 167 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 4: the pressure off yourself and let God deal with them? Well, Joel, 168 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 4: if I don't loan them the money, they may get upset. 169 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,520 Speaker 4: If I don't call them every morning, they'll get mad 170 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:29,840 Speaker 4: at me. Or if I don't give in when they 171 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 4: throw a fit, they may not talk to me for 172 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 4: two weeks. Or do you want to live the next 173 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 4: twenty years like that? Or do you want to help 174 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 4: that person get free? Because you're not doing them a 175 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 4: favor by allowing them to control you. You're taking the 176 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 4: easy way out. 177 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:44,440 Speaker 1: Now. 178 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,520 Speaker 4: I realize at first it may be a little difficult, 179 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,200 Speaker 4: but if you'll put your foot down and make these 180 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 4: necessary changes, then in the long run, both your life 181 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:54,719 Speaker 4: and that other person's life are going to be much 182 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 4: much better. Now I know this couple and for the 183 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,320 Speaker 4: first few years of their marriage, it was miserable. And 184 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,360 Speaker 4: this lady had come from a very negative background. She 185 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,520 Speaker 4: had gone through a lot of unfair things growing up, 186 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:09,439 Speaker 4: and now she was just a very negative, very unhappy person. 187 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 4: And if she didn't get her way, she'd go around 188 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,360 Speaker 4: throwing fits. She'd go through the house palutin for two 189 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 4: or three days. She was always having some kind of 190 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,320 Speaker 4: crisis where she needed attention. And this husband, he was 191 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,439 Speaker 4: just as good as gold, and like probably most of us, 192 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,560 Speaker 4: he would do anything he could to try to keep 193 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 4: her happy. He was always encouraging her, trying to fix 194 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 4: her problems, letting her know she is going to be okay. 195 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,200 Speaker 4: And for three years he catered to her night and day, 196 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 4: and he basically gave up his happiness in order to 197 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 4: try to keep her happy. But one day it dawned 198 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 4: on him that she was never going to change. He 199 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:50,839 Speaker 4: finally got fed up. He realized although he had good intentions, 200 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 4: he was not helping her anymore. 201 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,679 Speaker 5: He was hurting her. He had become a crutch. He 202 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 5: was very bold. 203 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 4: He went to her and he said, listen, I loved you, 204 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,720 Speaker 4: but I realize there's nothing I can do to keep 205 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,520 Speaker 4: you happy. I've done everything I can and I'm just 206 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,839 Speaker 4: letting you know that I'm finished trying. And as harsh 207 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 4: as that consound, she said later, that was the best 208 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 4: thing that ever happened to her, That made her look 209 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:18,560 Speaker 4: inside and deal with the real issues, that forced her 210 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 4: to take responsibility for her own actions. That was the 211 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 4: wake up call she needed. That was over twenty years ago. 212 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 4: Today their marriage is stronger than ever. But see, up 213 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 4: to that point, she was miserable, and she was making 214 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 4: it her business to make everybody around her miserable. You 215 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 4: may be in relationship with somebody kind of like that today, 216 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 4: but you should not allow them to steal your joy. 217 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,079 Speaker 4: Do not make the mistake of going through life unhappy. 218 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 4: If they're making poor choices, if they're choosing to live 219 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,280 Speaker 4: down and depressed and in the pits, be kind, be courteous, 220 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 4: but don't get in the pits with them. Your attitude 221 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 4: should be if you don't want to be happy, that's fine, 222 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 4: but you're not going to keep me from being happy. 223 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 2: Now. 224 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 4: I know there's a very fine line here. There's a 225 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,200 Speaker 4: fine line here, but really, you are not responsible for 226 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:13,199 Speaker 4: your spouse's happiness. You're not responsible for all your children's happiness. 227 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 4: All of us are responsible to keep ourselves happy. I 228 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 4: know some of you today, you're on the flip side 229 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 4: of what I'm talking about. 230 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 5: You're the ones doing the controlling. Sure's you bitter lock 231 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 5: the doors. 232 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,079 Speaker 4: So you've got to quit relying on that other person 233 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 4: to carry you. Quit making your spouse cheer you up 234 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,760 Speaker 4: every day and keep you encouraged. That's not fair to 235 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:40,200 Speaker 4: that other person. Take responsibility. Quit being a baby. Quit 236 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,720 Speaker 4: throwing a fit when you don't get your way. Quit 237 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 4: going around manipulating that person for three days until he 238 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,280 Speaker 4: does what you want. No, take responsibility and learn to 239 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 4: keep yourself happy. And I'm not talking today about being 240 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 4: selfish or self centered. We should be givers, but there's 241 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:02,199 Speaker 4: a big difference between giving and allowing somebody to control 242 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,240 Speaker 4: us and make us feel guilty until we do what 243 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:09,200 Speaker 4: they want. One thing I've realized, God has not called 244 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 4: me to be unhappy in order to keep somebody else happy. 245 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 4: And if that's happening, it's not the other person's fault. 246 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 4: It means that I've taken on this false sense of responsibility. 247 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 5: And now I'm allowing them to control me. 248 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,520 Speaker 4: And if you're in relationship with somebody where you're always 249 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 4: doing the giving, you're always encouraging, you're always rescuing. Well, 250 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,960 Speaker 4: that's a good sign that something's out of balance. You 251 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 4: become a crutch. And unless you make these changes that 252 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 4: I'm talking about, then, most likely twenty years from now, 253 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:43,200 Speaker 4: it's going to be the exact same way. You've got 254 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,840 Speaker 4: to take a stand. You don't have to be mean 255 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 4: or rude about it. You can do it in love, 256 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,160 Speaker 4: but you need to go to that person and say 257 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:53,200 Speaker 4: I love you, but I'm not going to allow you 258 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 4: to keep dumping your problems on me and making my 259 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,439 Speaker 4: life miserable. I'm not gonna let you keep draining all 260 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 4: my time and energy. You've got to take responsibility and 261 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:02,200 Speaker 4: learn to. 262 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,199 Speaker 5: Keep yourself happy. 263 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:05,839 Speaker 4: Well, Joel, If I do that, they may get their 264 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 4: feelings hurt, they may get upset. 265 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:11,599 Speaker 5: Well, that's between them and God. When you stand. 266 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 4: Before God, he's not going to ask you, hey, did 267 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 4: you keep everybody around you happy? He's going to ask you, 268 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,199 Speaker 4: did you fulfill the call that I placed on your 269 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 4: own life. 270 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,920 Speaker 5: I read about this couple. They had a grown son. 271 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 4: He was thirty one years old, but he was still 272 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 4: living at home, and this young man was very lazy 273 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,360 Speaker 4: and undisciplined. He wouldn't go out and get a job. 274 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 4: He just liked to sit around the house and watch television. 275 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,360 Speaker 4: And the funny thing was, he didn't think that he 276 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 4: had a problem. He didn't see anything wrong with that. 277 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 4: As far as he was concerned, life was just great. 278 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 4: And these parents were constantly catering to him. And of 279 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 4: course they loved their son like we all do, and 280 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 4: they didn't want to be too hard on him. They 281 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,320 Speaker 4: tried to get him to go out and get a job, 282 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,840 Speaker 4: but he wouldn't take any initiative. He didn't have any motivation. 283 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 4: And they allowed this to go on year after year. 284 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 4: But one day they were so distraught by it they 285 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,800 Speaker 4: went to see a professional counselor and they explained the 286 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 4: situation to this doctrine told how the son was very lazy, 287 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 4: and they said, doctor, on top of all of this, 288 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 4: our son doesn't even think that he has a problem. 289 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:19,560 Speaker 4: And the doctor said something that really shocked him. He said, well, 290 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 4: I agree with your son. He doesn't have a problem. 291 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,360 Speaker 4: You have the problem because you've delivered him out of 292 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 4: all of his problems. He went on to say, if 293 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 4: you want your son to get better, you need to 294 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 4: give him back his problem. In other words, he was saying, 295 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 4: you've got to quit making it so easy on him, 296 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,360 Speaker 4: quit delivering him out of all of his trouble. 297 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 5: See, it's not. 298 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 4: Always the best thing to rescue somebody and make their 299 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 4: life easy. It's not always the best thing to solve 300 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:51,120 Speaker 4: their problems for them. Sometimes you've got to have tough love. 301 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 4: Sometimes you've got to say I love you. But if 302 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,440 Speaker 4: you're going to live in my household, you're gonna have 303 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,160 Speaker 4: to get up and go get a job. You're gonna 304 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 4: have to start taking some responsibility. 305 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 5: The Bible says if you don't work, you won't eat. 306 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,680 Speaker 4: You need to say to somebody like that, if you 307 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 4: don't go get a job, you're about to. 308 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 5: Find out what it means to go in a long, 309 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 5: long fast. 310 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 4: But when somebody's lazy, when they're irresponsible, when they're going 311 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 4: around pout and all through the day, we do them 312 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 4: a disservice to make their life easy and just to 313 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 4: deliver them from all of their problems. I heard somebody 314 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 4: say there are two important qualities that all of our 315 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 4: children need to have. They need to be grateful and 316 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,120 Speaker 4: they need to be eager. If they're not grateful, they're 317 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,480 Speaker 4: going to take everything for granted. They're gonna expect everybody 318 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 4: to give them what they need on a silver platter. 319 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,920 Speaker 4: In life, then they need to be eager, eager to learn, 320 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 4: eager to serve, eager to achieve. Sometimes, as parents, this 321 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 4: is difficult. I know, I like to make it easy 322 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 4: on my children. We have a little help around the house, 323 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 4: and the easy thing is to let the help do it, 324 00:15:58,640 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 4: let the help clean. 325 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 5: No, I know that's not the best. 326 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 4: Our children are ten and seven and every morning they 327 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 4: set their own alarm, they make their own bed, they 328 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,920 Speaker 4: get their own clothes on, they get dressed by themselves. 329 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 4: They come down, they have their chores to do, and sure, 330 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 4: we could have somebody else do it. But I know 331 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 4: if we make it too easy, they're going to develop 332 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 4: the wrong habits, the wrong mindsets, and it's going to 333 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,080 Speaker 4: hurt them later on in life. Really, we all need 334 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 4: to be grateful and we need to be eager. But see, 335 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,920 Speaker 4: I have that tendency to want to help everybody. I 336 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 4: want to solve all their problems. Let me do it 337 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 4: for you. But I had to realize that's not always 338 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:38,120 Speaker 4: the best. I remember one time, several years ago, I 339 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,520 Speaker 4: ran into this homeless man. 340 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 5: He was a young man about my age. 341 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 4: And I had this twenty dollars bill that I was 342 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,560 Speaker 4: just about to give him. But I felt a little 343 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,160 Speaker 4: check down in here, and so we begin to talk 344 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 4: and he told me his story, how he'd gone from 345 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,640 Speaker 4: city to city, had a pretty rough life, and he 346 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 4: tried to hold down a job but it just didn't 347 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 4: work out. And I really felt compassion for him. I 348 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 4: really wanted to help him, and so I invited him 349 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,359 Speaker 4: to church. I said, hey, I'm a pastor of a 350 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,600 Speaker 4: church here in town. Where are you on Sunday mornings? 351 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,000 Speaker 4: And I'll have somebody come by and pick you up. 352 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,439 Speaker 4: He said, oh, no, I can't come to church. I 353 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,360 Speaker 4: don't have time to come to church here. He was homeless. 354 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:17,639 Speaker 4: I thought, man, what are you going to be doing. 355 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,040 Speaker 4: You don't have to mow your lawn, you have to 356 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:24,000 Speaker 4: clean your house. The more I talk to him, the 357 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 4: more I realized he didn't want to be helped. He 358 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 4: didn't want to change, he didn't want to live in victory. 359 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,280 Speaker 4: He wanted to take the easy way out. He just 360 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 4: wanted my money. And I'm not saying he didn't have 361 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 4: a hard life. But when somebody doesn't want to change, 362 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 4: when somebody doesn't want to be helped, we do them 363 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 4: a disservice by delivering them out of all their problems. 364 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 4: And I could have easily given him that money, but 365 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,959 Speaker 4: I didn't want to do anything to prolong his misery. 366 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 5: And yes, we should help the needy. 367 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 4: But there comes a point where if you continue to 368 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:57,040 Speaker 4: help somebody, you're actually hurting them more than you're helping them. 369 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 4: And I think a lot of times we're be in control, 370 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:03,800 Speaker 4: old and manipulated more than we realize. Hell, Joel, I 371 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 4: got to work sixty hours a week, or my boss 372 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,159 Speaker 4: will look down on me. He won't invite me to 373 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,600 Speaker 4: important meetings, he'll lead me out. He recognize what's happening. 374 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 4: That's a controlling spirit. You're doing things because you're being manipulated. 375 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,000 Speaker 4: The thing to do is to set some boundaries. Just 376 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,240 Speaker 4: go to your boss and say here's what. 377 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,000 Speaker 5: I'm able to do. 378 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,159 Speaker 4: I cannot work late every single night. I've got a family, 379 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,359 Speaker 4: I've got commitments. But when I'm here, I'll give you 380 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 4: one hundred and ten percent. You need to confront it. 381 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 4: Don't go ten years being manipulated and doing things out 382 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:38,199 Speaker 4: of guilt. Start paying attention why you respond to a 383 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 4: certain way and why you do certain things. Some of 384 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,639 Speaker 4: you are doing way too many things out of guilt. 385 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,159 Speaker 4: You're working late because you feel guilty. You're helping somebody 386 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 4: because you feel guilty. You're over committed, worn out, run 387 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,280 Speaker 4: down because you're guilty. 388 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,480 Speaker 5: You're afraid you're going to hurt somebody's feelings. 389 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:58,399 Speaker 4: This is all rooted in that taking on a false 390 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,439 Speaker 4: sense of responsibility to keep everybody happy. That you should 391 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:06,480 Speaker 4: not feel guilty because you can't meet the demands that everybody. 392 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 5: Put on you. 393 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:10,639 Speaker 4: You've got to recognize what's happening and then learn to 394 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:14,919 Speaker 4: change how you respond. If every time you disagree with 395 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 4: your spouse you get the cold shoulder and life is 396 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:22,320 Speaker 4: miserable for the next four hours, that's a form of manipulation. 397 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 4: The next time that happens, you need to address it 398 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,399 Speaker 4: and don't respond the same way. Well, Joel, she's ignoring me. 399 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 4: I'll show her. I'll go to the ballgame, I'll go 400 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:35,239 Speaker 4: play golf. No, if you'll change how you respond and 401 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 4: not give in, not play those games, it'll force that 402 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 4: other person to change how they respond. Or if a 403 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,199 Speaker 4: person that invites you to an event, you check your 404 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 4: schedule and you're not able to You're way too busy. 405 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,240 Speaker 4: But you feel that pressure and you know they're going 406 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 4: to get upset, you know you're going to fall out 407 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,360 Speaker 4: of their good grace. Well, you get to recognize that's 408 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,359 Speaker 4: a controlling spirit. 409 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 5: That's not normal. 410 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 4: You need to be able to say I would love 411 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,919 Speaker 4: to go, I'm sorry, I'm just not gonna be able to. 412 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,439 Speaker 4: And if they can't understand that, that's their problem. But 413 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 4: don't go through life being controlled and being manipulated, and 414 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:12,399 Speaker 4: be aware of high maintenance people. These people are almost 415 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,719 Speaker 4: impossible to keep happy. 416 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,200 Speaker 5: You've got to call them so many times a week. 417 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 4: You got to make sure you're stroking them enough, make 418 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,640 Speaker 4: sure you're at their beck and call. If not, they're 419 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,760 Speaker 4: gonna get upset. They'll be disappointed in you. They'll make 420 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,119 Speaker 4: sure that you'll feel guilty about it. I found that 421 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:34,159 Speaker 4: high maintenance people are almost always controllers. They're not interested 422 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,160 Speaker 4: in you, they're interested in what you can do for them. 423 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,280 Speaker 4: They're interested in how you can make their life better. 424 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,879 Speaker 4: And if you fall into that trap of trying to 425 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,840 Speaker 4: keep them happy, you're going to be. 426 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 5: Totally worn out. 427 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,160 Speaker 4: You're gonna go around all frustrated. I remember one time, 428 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,800 Speaker 4: many years ago, I knew this couple and I really 429 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,320 Speaker 4: liked them. They were fine people. In fact, I went 430 00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:57,720 Speaker 4: out of my way to help them. They moved to 431 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,199 Speaker 4: another state. I gave them some money. I tried to 432 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 4: stay in touch, and they ever needed anything. I was 433 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,960 Speaker 4: always available. But it seemed like I was never doing enough. 434 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,679 Speaker 4: They were never happy here. I had gone out of 435 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 4: my way to help them. I was being kind and generous, 436 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:17,359 Speaker 4: but they never saw any of that. They just found 437 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,679 Speaker 4: some reason to find fault. They found some way to 438 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 4: make me feel a little bit guilty, like. 439 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,919 Speaker 5: I wasn't doing enough. But one day it dawned on me. 440 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,040 Speaker 4: They are just high making its people, and I am 441 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,280 Speaker 4: not responsible to keep them happy. I can't make them 442 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 4: like me. I can't make them be grateful. I need 443 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:35,960 Speaker 4: to just run my. 444 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,760 Speaker 5: Race and not allow them to steal my joy. And 445 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,480 Speaker 5: that's a very freeing way to live. 446 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,639 Speaker 4: You need to examine how you spend your time and 447 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 4: why you do what you do. Is it out of guilt? 448 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,119 Speaker 4: Is it because somebody is manipulating or controlling you? 449 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 5: If so, make these changes. 450 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,360 Speaker 4: I found if you don't take control of your life, 451 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 4: somebody else will control it for you. You've got to 452 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,199 Speaker 4: learn to set these boundaries, and you need to be 453 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 4: secure enough in yourself to tell people no. If a 454 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,400 Speaker 4: friend invites you to dinner, you're not able to go, 455 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 4: and yet they get all upset. You know what, They're 456 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:14,119 Speaker 4: not really your friend. They're a manipulator. They're using you 457 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:18,199 Speaker 4: for what they want, because a true friend understands. A 458 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,920 Speaker 4: true friend doesn't get upset when you can't meet every one. 459 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:21,639 Speaker 5: Of their demands. 460 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 4: I know, I get invitations to speak at other places 461 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,439 Speaker 4: I would love to. I'm very honored, but with my 462 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,360 Speaker 4: obligations here and with my family at this time, I'm 463 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 4: not able to. And I've received several invitations from very 464 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,800 Speaker 4: good friends of mine, people that I've loved and respected 465 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,480 Speaker 4: for many, many years, and it was very hard for 466 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,679 Speaker 4: me to tell them no because I don't like to 467 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 4: disappoint people. But I've learned what I'm telling you today, 468 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,480 Speaker 4: that I got to take care of myself. 469 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 5: That's my first priority. 470 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 4: But the first time I declined these invitations was kind 471 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,439 Speaker 4: of nervous and kind of wondering what they were going 472 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,480 Speaker 4: to think, Ah, man, they may think that I've got 473 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 4: the big head. I think I'm too important. Every time 474 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,520 Speaker 4: those people wrote back, they said, Joel, it's no big deal, 475 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,720 Speaker 4: it's no problem. Whenever you can come, the invitation is 476 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,840 Speaker 4: always open. And see, that's a true friend. Somebody that's 477 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,560 Speaker 4: not just out for themselves. Somebody is not going to 478 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,119 Speaker 4: pressure you and make you feel guilty unless you do 479 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 4: exactly what they want. It's really free to understand that 480 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 4: you don't have to keep everybody happy. And I really 481 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,639 Speaker 4: believe that if you live your life just trying to 482 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 4: please people, you will not be able to fulfill your 483 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,000 Speaker 4: God given destiny. I know when I went away to 484 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,960 Speaker 4: college after that first year, I knew, deep down on 485 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 4: the inside that I was supposed to come back to 486 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:43,919 Speaker 4: Lakewood and start a television outreach. I felt it so 487 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,720 Speaker 4: strongly down in here, but I was very concerned about 488 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:48,200 Speaker 4: what my. 489 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,520 Speaker 5: Parents were going to think. 490 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:53,719 Speaker 4: After all, my brothers and sisters had all graduated from 491 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 4: college here. My brother Paul, he had spent twelve thirteen 492 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:01,080 Speaker 4: years studying to be a surgeon, ailed at three times. 493 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:08,919 Speaker 5: I'm just kidding, it was twice, you know. 494 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,080 Speaker 4: I came back home and I didn't know what my 495 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,919 Speaker 4: parents were going to think. And I was talking to 496 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,359 Speaker 4: my father about it one day and he was very open. 497 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,159 Speaker 4: He said, Joel, that'd be great, just do what you 498 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,639 Speaker 4: feel good about doing. Daddy was fine with it, but 499 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 4: now my mother was a different story. 500 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,440 Speaker 5: Mother needed prayer. 501 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,120 Speaker 4: She couldn't stand the thought of one of her children 502 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,160 Speaker 4: not graduating from college. And as I said, I don't 503 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,720 Speaker 4: like to disappoint people, and I really struggle with that. 504 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,560 Speaker 4: But I finally had to make the decision to just 505 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 4: do what I felt good about. I had to follow 506 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 4: my own heart. And of course Mama eventually she came around. 507 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 4: Told her the other day, Mother, I didn't graduate from college, 508 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 4: but I'm doing pretty good today. Sometimes sometimes you're not 509 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,720 Speaker 4: going to be able to keep everybody happy. And of 510 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 4: course we should honor our parents, respect them, listen to 511 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,199 Speaker 4: their advice. But in the end, you got to just 512 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,320 Speaker 4: follow your own heart. And the scripture says there in 513 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,760 Speaker 4: Solomon one, verse six and the second part, they have 514 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:13,000 Speaker 4: made me a keeper of vineyards, but my own vineyard 515 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 4: I have not kept. In other words, he was saying, 516 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,439 Speaker 4: I was real good at keeping everybody else happy. I 517 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 4: kept my parents happy, kept my family happy. I took 518 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,000 Speaker 4: care of all of my relatives, my friends, but in 519 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,919 Speaker 4: doing so, I neglected to take care of myself. So 520 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,600 Speaker 4: many times, that's what we do today. We live to 521 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 4: please everybody else, but we never take time to really 522 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,160 Speaker 4: please ourselves. We end up allowing somebody else to run 523 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,920 Speaker 4: and control our lives. Remember my father told about when 524 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,159 Speaker 4: he first started pastoring. This lady came up to him 525 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,440 Speaker 4: after the service. She was one of the longtime members 526 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,200 Speaker 4: of that church, and here my father was the new pastor, 527 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 4: a very young man, and she told my father to 528 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,920 Speaker 4: go visit someone in the hospital. She didn't ask him, 529 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,360 Speaker 4: she told him, she ordered him to do it. Well, 530 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,679 Speaker 4: that kind of aggravated my father. He was already working 531 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 4: himself to death night and day, and he was not 532 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,359 Speaker 4: able to go that week. Well, the next Sunday rolled 533 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,439 Speaker 4: around and this lady came up to and she was 534 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,439 Speaker 4: so mad. She wagged her finger in Daddy's face and 535 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,359 Speaker 4: she said, didn't I tell you to go visit my 536 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:20,440 Speaker 4: friend in the hospital. 537 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,360 Speaker 5: Well, Daddy was fed up with it by then. 538 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 4: He put his finger in her face and he said, yes, 539 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,720 Speaker 4: you told me, but I didn't go, and I'm not 540 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,960 Speaker 4: planning on going well. 541 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,360 Speaker 5: She nearly hit the ceiling. She was furious. 542 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,480 Speaker 4: She said, John Osteen, I'm gonna have you voted right 543 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,320 Speaker 4: out of this church. Daddy smiled and said, the sooner 544 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:39,879 Speaker 4: you could do it, the better off I'm going to be. 545 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,199 Speaker 4: But my father wasn't trying to be rude, but he 546 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,199 Speaker 4: made a decision to just put his foot down and 547 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,960 Speaker 4: not let other people run his life. You got to 548 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,360 Speaker 4: learn to do the same thing. You know as well 549 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 4: as I do. People they may not mean to, but 550 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,199 Speaker 4: if you allow them, they'll draw all the time and 551 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,640 Speaker 4: energy right out of you. You give it minutes, they'll 552 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,359 Speaker 4: take a mile. And most of the time people like that. 553 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,840 Speaker 4: They're not interested in you. They're not concerned about your 554 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 4: well being. All they care about is what you can 555 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 4: do for them. And some of you have lived year 556 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:16,600 Speaker 4: after year being controlled and manipulated by other people. And 557 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,679 Speaker 4: you would see your life go to a new level 558 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:22,080 Speaker 4: if you would start confronting these people and start making 559 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 4: the necessary changes. 560 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,120 Speaker 5: And I'm not saying it's going to be easy. If 561 00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 5: someone has. 562 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,040 Speaker 4: Controlled you for a long time, they're not going to 563 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 4: like the fact that you're putting your foot down and 564 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:32,880 Speaker 4: you're not going to allow it anymore. 565 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,480 Speaker 5: Always do it in love. Be respectful, but stand firm 566 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,560 Speaker 5: and make a decision that you're going to be free. 567 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,280 Speaker 4: And if you're one of the ones today that are 568 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:44,399 Speaker 4: doing the controlling, you too need to change. You're not 569 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,639 Speaker 4: going to be blessed that way. Quit manipulating people in 570 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,880 Speaker 4: order to get your way. Quit pressuring people into doing 571 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:51,680 Speaker 4: what you want. 572 00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,000 Speaker 5: Take the high road, walk. 573 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,919 Speaker 4: In love, and you'll see your relationships in your life 574 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,440 Speaker 4: go to a new level. And I believe for some 575 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 4: of you this can be a turning point because you 576 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:07,359 Speaker 4: just live to please everybody. You're constantly trying to fix everything, 577 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 4: and when you can't, you feel guilty about it. Now, 578 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:14,280 Speaker 4: you've got to get rid of that false sense of responsibility. Yes, 579 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:18,000 Speaker 4: reach out to others, Yes, be kind and compassionate, but 580 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 4: make sure that you're keeping yourself happy. That's your first priority. 581 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,439 Speaker 4: Take care of your own vineyard. 582 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:25,520 Speaker 5: Friends. 583 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,399 Speaker 4: If you will run your race and not let people 584 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 4: control you and manipulate you, you'll not only have more time 585 00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:35,160 Speaker 4: and energy, but I believe you'll be happier and you'll 586 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:38,719 Speaker 4: fulfill the best plan that God's got laid out for you. Amen, 587 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:39,560 Speaker 4: do you receive it? 588 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:44,000 Speaker 5: Today. We never like to close our broadcast without giving. 589 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 4: You an opportunity to make Jesus the lord of your life. 590 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:51,320 Speaker 5: Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord, Jesus, I 591 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:56,400 Speaker 5: repent of my sins. Come into my heart. I make 592 00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:57,760 Speaker 5: you my Lord and savior. 593 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 4: Friends, if you pray that simple prayer, we believe you 594 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,479 Speaker 4: got born again. Get in a good Bible based churm. 595 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:05,720 Speaker 4: Keep God first place. 596 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,520 Speaker 5: He's gonna take your places that you've never dreamed of. 597 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:12,120 Speaker 6: Thank you for listening to the Joel lous Deine podcast. 598 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,080 Speaker 6: Help us continue to share the message of hope with 599 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 6: those all over the world. Visit Joeloustein dot com slash 600 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:21,280 Speaker 6: give Hope to give a gift today. 601 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 5: Thanks so much for listening to today's message. 602 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,840 Speaker 4: I hope you'll subscribe so you can receive the latest 603 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,960 Speaker 4: podcast to keep you inspired all through the week. 604 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 5: We're praying for you. I know God's best is still ahead. 605 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:35,320 Speaker 2: We'll see you next time. 606 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,000 Speaker 7: With millions of books on Amazon, there's a reading feeling 607 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:49,400 Speaker 7: for everyone. For example, Olivia's after learning she has quite 608 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 7: a lot in common with a ninth century Viking, is 609 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 7: different to Luna's, who after the old man narrowly escaped 610 00:29:56,200 --> 00:30:00,400 Speaker 7: being bitten by zombies, which is also different to Jerome's haha, 611 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,600 Speaker 7: his eureka moment on finding the perfect new quote for 612 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:07,040 Speaker 7: his dating profile from hah. 613 00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 8: To a. 614 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 7: Amazon books that reading feeling awaits. 615 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,320 Speaker 9: All inclusive vacations make life easy with endless eads, bottomless drinks, 616 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 9: and never ending fun, so booking an all inclusive vacation 617 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,120 Speaker 9: should be easy too, write. That's where Apple Vacations comes in. 618 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,840 Speaker 9: Book your all inclusive getaway with Apple Vacations and receive 619 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,800 Speaker 9: exclusive perks as select resorts. You'll find the best deals 620 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 9: to secrets resorts in spas, in Mexico and the Caribbean, 621 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,720 Speaker 9: and enjoy a selection of exclusive, NonStop vacation flights. Turn 622 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,400 Speaker 9: on Easymode at Apple vacations dot com or call your 623 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,080 Speaker 9: local travel advisor to get started. 624 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 8: Nice buns, soft, fluffy and ultra low net carbs Discover 625 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:51,000 Speaker 8: hero Bread, the delicious ultra low net carbbread with incredible 626 00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 8: taste and texture. Hero Bread has zero grams of sugar 627 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,240 Speaker 8: and is under one hundred calories per serving, plus high 628 00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:59,960 Speaker 8: in fiber and up to ten grams of protein perserving. 629 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 8: Available on Amazon dot com, Walmart dot com, and Hero 630 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,600 Speaker 8: dot Co. That's h e r O dot co. Order 631 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,720 Speaker 8: from hero dot co now and get ten percent off 632 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,080 Speaker 8: your purchase with promo code i h M ten