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Speaker 1: Hi. I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.

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Speaker 1: We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship and

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Speaker 1: what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling railvalry. No,

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Speaker 1: no sibling. You don't do that with your mouth revelry.

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Speaker 1: That's good. Okay, okay, here we are on another episode

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Speaker 1: of sibling Revelry where there is no sibling, well sort

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Speaker 1: of definitely not your sibling. No, no, But it's been

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Speaker 1: Aaron and I for a minute. Kate's been busy traveling

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Speaker 1: the world, working, being fabulous, and so now I have view.

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Speaker 1: I know that's sounds like a real compromise, which really

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Speaker 1: bugs me. No, it's now there's you. It's not a compromise.

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Speaker 1: Now there's you. How about this? How about this? And

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Speaker 1: you've been on this show. Now there's you. You know

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Speaker 1: like that instead of like, well more to your face? What? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can't be waving the mic like that. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: and now there's you. I like that better. Yeah, you've

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Speaker 1: been on the show before, but you've been a host,

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Speaker 1: and I guess you're a host, but you're a guest.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what you are. I know you're my

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Speaker 1: mother in case, I'm definitely your mother in case people

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Speaker 1: haven't recognized the voice yet, but my mother, the Great

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Speaker 1: Goldie gene Han, is on with me just to chat.

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Speaker 1: We have no idea what we're talking about. We're going

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Speaker 1: to talk about, but it was my birthday yesterday. I know,

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Speaker 1: nobody knows better than me, I know, and I'm forty

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Speaker 1: five years old, and I know that you've told the

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Speaker 1: story before in your book, But my birth was a

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Speaker 1: tough berth. Yeah, didn't make it, almost didn't make it,

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Speaker 1: I know. Yeah, that was a tough time. You know.

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Speaker 1: I was so big and I literally, I mean I

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Speaker 1: didn't think I would my body would ever go back

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Speaker 1: to normal because you were so big. And then my

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Speaker 1: doctor literally said, well, you know, you're a few weeks late.

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Speaker 1: But and I thought, well, I know, but that's kind

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Speaker 1: of weird because I really should go on my day.

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Speaker 1: And then I wondered if I could actually have a

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Speaker 1: baby that big, meaning what is my pelvimetry and could

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Speaker 1: my baby come out? And so finally I went into

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Speaker 1: back labor labor. Oh yeah, I did. I went into

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Speaker 1: back labor, which is different. Your back is like you know,

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Speaker 1: it's it's spasming, and you know, it was sort of

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Speaker 1: in my mid to lower back area, and I thought,

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Speaker 1: you know, something's not right. And it's not like I

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Speaker 1: was having contractions in my belly. I was having them

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Speaker 1: in the back. And I went, I better go to

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Speaker 1: the hospital. And I went in at six o'clock at night,

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Speaker 1: I mean in the morning, and rushed in and they

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Speaker 1: got me, uh started you know, looking at me, but

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Speaker 1: they didn't give me an ivy or anything, and I

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Speaker 1: was just they were just waiting for me to do

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Speaker 1: some dilating back then, right, and this was three weeks

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Speaker 1: past my bath. It was three weeks at that point. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean see that's crazy though, because they wouldn't do

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Speaker 1: that now never. They so back in the seventies. They

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Speaker 1: just let you cook until you were decided to cout.

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Speaker 1: Oftentimes they did. I think my doctor, who I loved

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Speaker 1: and he had helped me have all my children, but

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Speaker 1: he he it wasn't so bad to go over. What

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Speaker 1: happened was is that after I was in the hospital,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I was there all day long and

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Speaker 1: I had everybody examining but you know, somebody's uncle and

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Speaker 1: you know, i'd more like you put your hand and

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Speaker 1: thing and let's see it. And I didn't dilate. I

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Speaker 1: was only dilating like one or something two maybe, And

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Speaker 1: I had the fetal monitor on at that time, but

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Speaker 1: I had no IV. And I say that for a

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Speaker 1: reason because I wasn't getting any fluids or or anything.

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Speaker 1: And in those days they didn't give me potocin, which

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Speaker 1: helps you dilate and all that stuff. So now I'm

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Speaker 1: feeling the contractions, but nothing's happening. And then suddenly it

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Speaker 1: was like seven o'clock at night and I was there

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Speaker 1: all day. They rushed me in, finally gave me an IV,

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Speaker 1: rushed me in on an emergency c section because there

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Speaker 1: was feudal fetal sorry distress, and I go in and

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Speaker 1: now I you know, they're cutting me open, and of

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Speaker 1: course I had the block and everything so I could

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Speaker 1: hear and see everything. I was totally awake. And then

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Speaker 1: they pulled you out and then they swaddled you up,

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Speaker 1: and I heard you cough, and it's really interesting. It's

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Speaker 1: not like I had a baby before, but something seemed

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Speaker 1: wrong to me, and I said, is that cough okay?

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Speaker 1: And they went, oh, yeah, it's just normal. We're just

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Speaker 1: suctioning him, and then they swaddled you up and they

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Speaker 1: put you near right near me so I could see you,

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Speaker 1: and I remember looking into your beautiful, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: your face. You were eleven pounds and I looked in

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Speaker 1: your face and I said, I waited so long for you.

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Speaker 1: And then they whisk you away, and I figure they

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Speaker 1: were going to do more clean air whatever. So then

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Speaker 1: a little bit later, as he's sewing me up, I

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Speaker 1: was getting a bit nauseous, and they said, he's in ICU.

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Speaker 1: He's in blah blah blah. And I'm listening to this

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Speaker 1: doctor coming into the surgery room and I said, is

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Speaker 1: that my baby you're talking about? And then the doctor said,

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Speaker 1: just give her something and put her out. Oh really, yeah,

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Speaker 1: Oh they put you out. They didn't even let you

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Speaker 1: know what was going on. No, geez. It was terrible.

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Speaker 1: And I woke up in the ICU, I mean, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: in the recovery in the room and not really knowing

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Speaker 1: what was going on. No, but I was so thirsty

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Speaker 1: because I hadn't had anything to drink. I had no water.

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Speaker 1: I had, I mean truly dehydrated. But I didn't know

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Speaker 1: what happened. And then I learned that my baby might die. Mom,

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Speaker 1: I'm here. I made it, but anyway, and that you

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Speaker 1: had a forty percent chance of living. And I didn't.

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Speaker 1: I swear to god, I had this incredible instinct. Of course,

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Speaker 1: I was really sore and very out of it, but

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Speaker 1: I just I didn't. It's like I couldn't get it.

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Speaker 1: And then they wheeled me into my room and it

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Speaker 1: was the worst experience because it was dark and all

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Speaker 1: the hallways were dark, and you know, and they put

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Speaker 1: me in my bed and the doctor came into me.

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Speaker 1: He was very upset, and he said he's going to

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Speaker 1: make it. He's going to make it. And I said,

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Speaker 1: what happened? He said, well, he had a maconium aspiration.

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Speaker 1: And with that is that when they are under like

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Speaker 1: stress and you know, the back labor and all of it,

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Speaker 1: is that sometimes they make a bowel movement, which is

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Speaker 1: very tar like substance in your amniotic fluid, and so

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Speaker 1: when you came out, you inhaled it and that can

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Speaker 1: create a low lobal pneumonia. I like, ate shit and

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Speaker 1: almost died. You kind of want, well, honey, come on,

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Speaker 1: I mean essentially I took a dump, you did, and

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Speaker 1: then I breathed in my dump. Well you did, but

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Speaker 1: I mean you don't have to say it like that.

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Speaker 1: I mean you can just say, well I had my

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Speaker 1: first BM. You know you could do that and could say, oh,

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Speaker 1: I had my first BM. I don't think I ever

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Speaker 1: said BM. Well I never have either. But it's better

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Speaker 1: than dump. I mean, come on, I just couldn't hold

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Speaker 1: it anyway, Well you know your baby, I mean, what

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Speaker 1: could you know? Babies don't hold it. They go when

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Speaker 1: they want to go, and that's the way it is.

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Speaker 1: And so anyway, that's what happened. The problem was, of course,

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Speaker 1: is it wouldn't It wasn't so smooth because they took

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Speaker 1: you off the ventilator too soon and then you fell

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Speaker 1: a little bit lower. So but it was an interesting experience.

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Speaker 1: And I say this because now I can look at it.

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Speaker 1: You know, my mom wanted to come see me, but

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Speaker 1: someone wouldn't let her through the door. In the recovery,

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Speaker 1: she knew something was wrong and she was very upset.

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Speaker 1: And then she went home and my mom went to

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Speaker 1: bed and she didn't come out of her room for

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Speaker 1: several days because her first baby had a sid's death

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Speaker 1: and she found him fed him. At six o'clock and

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Speaker 1: found him at eight in the morning dead in his crib.

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Speaker 1: So my mother, on top of everything, was having this

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Speaker 1: PTSD horrible moment where perhaps I should not have named

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Speaker 1: Edward Rutledge because it was after my father, and she

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Speaker 1: named him Rutledge too. This was my brother who I've

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Speaker 1: never met, and so in the Jewish religion oftentimes really

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Speaker 1: and they that rabbis can say, it's a little bit

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Speaker 1: of a Jewish superstition, but you're not supposed to name

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Speaker 1: after the living. So my mother couldn't talk to me.

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Speaker 1: I could not talk to my mother, and I couldn't

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Speaker 1: see her either, because if I did, I would have

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Speaker 1: split my gut open. And I knew it. I knew

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Speaker 1: that the whiling that would come out of me would

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Speaker 1: have had to have more surgery. So after a day

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Speaker 1: and each time the door opened, somebody'd walk in and

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Speaker 1: they'd say, I think they were going to tell me

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Speaker 1: my baby died, and I was there just going, oh God,

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Speaker 1: somebody do something. I didn't know what to do. What

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Speaker 1: I found out was is that I was very toxic.

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Speaker 1: So I was being given high doses of penicillin because

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Speaker 1: I was also had toxemia right because that was in

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Speaker 1: my body. So you took what you know you're dump

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Speaker 1: which you know, I guess it's just I'm getting used

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Speaker 1: to it now, but in me. And then I got

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Speaker 1: very toxic. Well the second day, the doctor said and

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Speaker 1: the nurses said, you must go up and see him.

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Speaker 1: And I was so afraid of what would happen if

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Speaker 1: I saw you again and fell in love with you,

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Speaker 1: and you would die. And you hadn't seen me at

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Speaker 1: this point, only from the beginning, right when they swaddled you.

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Speaker 1: But I was afraid that I would fall in love

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Speaker 1: with you instantly and that that would scar me forever

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Speaker 1: if I'd lost you. But I got in the in

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Speaker 1: the wheelchair and they pushed me up to ICU. Nick

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Speaker 1: you Nicki Neo Nato, Oh yeah, nick Neo, no, no care.

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Speaker 1: And there you were. You were on a slab of

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Speaker 1: metal Jesus, with heating lamps everywhere and needles everywhere in

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Speaker 1: your head, being given medication. And they had given you

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Speaker 1: thorisine because you were so big that you were pulling

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Speaker 1: things out and you were active. They sedated, sedated, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you were absolutely gorgeous. You were eleven pounds, so

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Speaker 1: that's like a three month old baby lying there and

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Speaker 1: big and heavy and hefty and amazing, but you also

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Speaker 1: had a low heart rate, which wasn't great. So I

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Speaker 1: did what I would consider maybe the craziest thing, although

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Speaker 1: I am spiritual. Ied bose very much so, but I

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Speaker 1: I stood up and I put my hand over your

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Speaker 1: chest while you were they was breathing for you, and

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Speaker 1: I emptied my I can't I'm trying to explain what

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Speaker 1: this feels like, but it's almost as if I made

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Speaker 1: my body and my mind hollow, like just everything was

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Speaker 1: at peace, and everything was just I emptied out everything, expectation,

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Speaker 1: I emptied out you know, all of it. And it's

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Speaker 1: very tough to explain. But that's when I asked God

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Speaker 1: to heal my son through me, to use me as

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Speaker 1: your instrument. I am emptying out everything, and you need

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Speaker 1: to come through me, please and heal my son. And

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Speaker 1: that was my prayer. And I started looking at your

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Speaker 1: heart monitor and it was starting to get hired. Heart

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Speaker 1: rates started to rise incrementally, sixty something, that it would

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Speaker 1: go down, then it would go up to seventy, then

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Speaker 1: it would go down to sixty eight, and it kept

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Speaker 1: going higher and higher, and you were not conscious. Certainly

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Speaker 1: you were conscious because you knew I was there, because

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Speaker 1: all babies know that their mothers are there. And I

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Speaker 1: called the nurses, and the nurses and the doctor came

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Speaker 1: over and said, Goldie, if more mothers knew that they

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Speaker 1: had the power to heal their children, so they had

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Speaker 1: probably seen this before. Yeah, and we're trying to get

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Speaker 1: more moms all the way up into nick you more

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Speaker 1: often because this is very important for them. And so

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Speaker 1: then the days went on. I was discharged, but I

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Speaker 1: would come back to see you because they weren't ready

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Speaker 1: to let you go yet. And I came back three

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Speaker 1: times a day to feutu. I slept, you know, all

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Speaker 1: the thing from me. I would have gone, you know,

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Speaker 1: the whole thing. And I was saying something to you.

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Speaker 1: And when I was washing my hands, I would sing,

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Speaker 1: and I was in the nick, I would sing ill

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Speaker 1: of it, Oliver Hudson, and you turned your head toward me,

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Speaker 1: and you were all the way across the room. And

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Speaker 1: when finally when you were released and I was there,

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Speaker 1: I think it was about three weeks and you were released.

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Speaker 1: The nurse who the neurologist, said, he's very developed and

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Speaker 1: he does something I mean, you'll be happy to know

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Speaker 1: his neurology is very good. She said, you'll be happy

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Speaker 1: to know that every time you came in, he recognized

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Speaker 1: your voice and he turned his head towards you, because

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Speaker 1: I wasn't aware of that. So that was in their report, right,

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Speaker 1: So that connection was very strong. Was there a turning point?

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Speaker 1: You know? That was it? But the turning point, the

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Speaker 1: turning point was like, oh my god, Okay, he's on

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Speaker 1: the mend, meaning we're out of the woods and now

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Speaker 1: it's just a matter of time before he could come home. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it was about a week and they started seeing great

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Speaker 1: improvements and that was the sign, right. And I would

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Speaker 1: then come in and I would you know, breastfeed you

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Speaker 1: as well? Uh? And you I did not. I was

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Speaker 1: horrible so well lazy. You were one of those special babies, right,

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Speaker 1: So when I took you home, I breastfeed you, but

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Speaker 1: you didn't really suck on my breast that much. You

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Speaker 1: aren't like floracious. You were a little lazy. So I

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Speaker 1: took the nipple from because I also supplemented you because

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Speaker 1: you weren't getting no And I put an literally put

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Speaker 1: an ice pick in it a hole so you didn't

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Speaker 1: have to work so hard. Oh God, that set me

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Speaker 1: off on a path for the rest of my life. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know what's funny is I was went Wilder is

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Speaker 1: thirteen now, but he was born at Cedars, the same

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Speaker 1: hospital that we were all born, and he's my first

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Speaker 1: and I went we had to see section as well,

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Speaker 1: so we're there for four days and I went to

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Speaker 1: the nick you. I went up to the nick YOUU,

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Speaker 1: because that's where I was. And I get off on

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Speaker 1: the floor and I, oh, sir, like, you're not allowed

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Speaker 1: to be here. You can't just go up there unless

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Speaker 1: your baby's there or something. And I said, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I was. I was actually here and I

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Speaker 1: was thirty at the time. I was here, thirty years ago.

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Speaker 1: I was in this nick you crazy. And then there

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Speaker 1: were a couple of nurses who were oh and then no.

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Speaker 1: I was at the front desk, the little thing, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, my name was Oliver, Oliver Hudson. And

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Speaker 1: there were some nurses back there who recognized the name

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Speaker 1: and came up and they turned out to be two

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Speaker 1: of the nurses who took care of me when I

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Speaker 1: was in the nick you. Oh my god, it gives

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Speaker 1: me kills. It's crazy. They had a picture of us

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Speaker 1: on the wall, but I think they had just taken

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Speaker 1: it down because they were redoing stuff. But yeah, so

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Speaker 1: I met those nurses, I took a picture with them

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Speaker 1: and the whole thing. You know, it's funny because that

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Speaker 1: that's when I put Wilder's name on the wall. You know,

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Speaker 1: I wanted his name up on the wall because my

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Speaker 1: firstborn had a firstborn m hm. I know. And we've

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Speaker 1: talked about this recently because of all of my insanity,

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Speaker 1: my anxiety that I've been going through in the last

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Speaker 1: four or five months, and just sort of digging, digging

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Speaker 1: into the reasons why or trying to find, you know,

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Speaker 1: the foundation of where it stems from. I've been in

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Speaker 1: therapy for a billion years. I've gone over my life

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Speaker 1: a thousand times. But it's interesting how, you know, sometimes

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Speaker 1: talking about the same things with a different lens on it,

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Speaker 1: through a different perspective can sort of open your eyes

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Speaker 1: even wider. And I never even thought about my birth

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Speaker 1: as being the first moments of my life because I

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Speaker 1: wasn't conscious. But that has to have some effect on

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Speaker 1: you and your being moving forward. Yeah, there's no question,

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Speaker 1: right I mean there has to be, because if you

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Speaker 1: think about it, I was whisked away from you, didn't

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Speaker 1: have mother's love, everything, put on a metal fucking slab

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Speaker 1: with needles in my head and a respirator. It's horrible.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that was my introduction into this world, even

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Speaker 1: though it was it's unconscious. How could that not have

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Speaker 1: penetrated or affected who I am in some way? It does?

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Speaker 1: You know they have all these regression therapies, you know

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Speaker 1: that they do now where you're re experiencing your birth,

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Speaker 1: and how that how can you can rewire in a

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Speaker 1: way either way your neurons are firing about your birth

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Speaker 1: when you are put through a facilitator will help you

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Speaker 1: go through your birth in a different way. I think that.

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Speaker 1: I think it's it makes a lot of sense because

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Speaker 1: you can be traumatized by that without even realizing that

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Speaker 1: you did have trauma. You know, I had trauma, by

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Speaker 1: the way, because I didn't realize I was so traumatized

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Speaker 1: until I went with Burt Reynolds. We were doing best friends.

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Speaker 1: You were six, I think, and I went in in

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Speaker 1: B and H Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo, and I went into

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Speaker 1: a nick you there and we were visiting the kids,

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Speaker 1: and we were doing all this time and it was fine,

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Speaker 1: and I never thought about it, and I went to

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Speaker 1: the nick you and I had a panic attack. I

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Speaker 1: had to get out. I mean, it was just visceral.

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Speaker 1: It's like in my in my being. So these things,

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Speaker 1: whether you're conscious or you're unconscious, do matter. And you know,

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Speaker 1: we we really ask bigger questions about consciousness. Just how

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Speaker 1: much did children really know and feel when they can't

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Speaker 1: speak or when they can't communicate, And we're finding out

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Speaker 1: it's a hell of a lot. So it was something

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Speaker 1: that we did talk about too, which is examine your

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Speaker 1: birth because it was really hard and I wasn't there.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, secure attachment, right is one of

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Speaker 1: the most important things we can be for our children,

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Speaker 1: to be there for you. And I have cried so

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Speaker 1: many times, even in recent time, remembering how I couldn't

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Speaker 1: be there for the whole time. And then there was

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Speaker 1: no such thing in my mind that really knew what

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Speaker 1: secure attachment was. Now, of course I'm working with children

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Speaker 1: and we're doing all these things for mental health. I mean,

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Speaker 1: of course, it's probably one of the most important things

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Speaker 1: that you can give your child. So I walk around

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Speaker 1: with my own I know I couldn't help it, but

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Speaker 1: I wish I would have just known more than and

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Speaker 1: insisted that I stay in the nick you the whole time,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, nobody did at that time.

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Speaker 1: But you know it was really well, there's so much

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Speaker 1: more that we know now. Oh, I know, I know,

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Speaker 1: I'm real, you know I do. I really have to say, though,

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Speaker 1: I commend you. You're such an open person and you're fearless.

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Speaker 1: You you you have you know you are who you are,

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Speaker 1: who you are, and I love that about you, Oliver.

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Speaker 1: I mean I I you don't put on airs, You're funny,

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Speaker 1: you're completely irreverent. You you know, you're you're honest. You

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Speaker 1: tell the truth all the time, and sometimes you go

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Speaker 1: too far and I look at it and I go,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, what doing now? Do I comment on it?

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Speaker 1: Do I leave it alone? But but your idea of

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Speaker 1: sharing you know what you're going through, you know, you

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Speaker 1: know what you've been through, is so important because so

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Speaker 1: many people are feeling these things now. This is no

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Speaker 1: longer a taboo. You know, we're trying to bring mental disturbances,

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Speaker 1: things that are going on with kids, stuff that goes

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Speaker 1: on with adults. All these areas you're in self just

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Speaker 1: discovery you always have been. Do you see an uptick?

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Speaker 1: Because you do? You know for those of you who

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Speaker 1: don't know, Mom has been working with kids and the

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Speaker 1: mindfulness of children and the psychology and the science of

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Speaker 1: the brain and mind up and mind up with mind

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Speaker 1: up and have you discovered because you've been doing it

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Speaker 1: for twenty years now. Actually it's almost nine to eleven.

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Speaker 1: I mean we're coming upon yeh, this episode might even release, no,

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Speaker 1: actually a day before, but this is what was the

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Speaker 1: inspiration behind mind essentially exactly right. Yeah, then nine to

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Speaker 1: eleven came. But have you noticed an uptick in sort

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Speaker 1: of deteriorated mental health and children? Definitely? Definitely And what

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Speaker 1: would you contribute that to? Well, anxiety, uncertainty, all the

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Speaker 1: things and the reasons why when our buildings were and

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Speaker 1: everyone was killed in New York at the Twin Tower

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Speaker 1: and what was happening there, we in the trade center,

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Speaker 1: we literally had a what I felt is going to

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Speaker 1: be fearful to silent distress in children. I started looking

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Speaker 1: at the statistics suicide was climbing for children at that point,

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Speaker 1: and also their anxiety and also the advent of giving

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Speaker 1: them adderall different pills and different psychotropics during that time

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Speaker 1: because they didn't know how to handle a lot of

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Speaker 1: the problems, so they medicated our children. Well, for me,

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Speaker 1: I thought to myself, this is a disaster, right, So

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Speaker 1: what's happening now is that more children, there's more stats

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Speaker 1: on suicide. It's gone way up. That's a determinant itself

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Speaker 1: in how desperate our children are. Now, what is the

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Speaker 1: reason for it? Yeah, a lot of it could be

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Speaker 1: reasons of sort of climate meaning, I'll just give you

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Speaker 1: one little isolated area. We work with Ocean Heroes and

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Speaker 1: work with mindfulness with them, and Ocean Heroes is a

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Speaker 1: great organization. And what they do is that they have

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Speaker 1: all these kids that are actually cleaning the ocean. And

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Speaker 1: but they're becoming more and more aware of I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to say, a feeling of futility because of the

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Speaker 1: climate crisis we're dealing with. They're very depressed. They're trying

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Speaker 1: to figure out how to fix things. So there's uncertainty,

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Speaker 1: there's fear of the ending of the world. There's areas

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Speaker 1: of what's going on in terms of our politic nothing.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we've got what's happening today with children is

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Speaker 1: they can't control it, so they have no agency over

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Speaker 1: their emotions, and nor do they have oftentimes parents who

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00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,880
Speaker 1: are grounded enough to be able to be there. You

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00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 1: through all of it, are a grounded person, whether you

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Speaker 1: think you are or not. That's where you want to be.

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Speaker 1: You choose to do that. You choose to be a

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Speaker 1: great parent, and you are an amazing parent, and so

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Speaker 1: is Aaron. You have three fantastic children. That's because you

407
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 1: pay attention to them. It's because you're there for them.

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00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 1: It's because you go camping together, you play together, you

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00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,919
Speaker 1: listen to each other, and also you give them modicule

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00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 1: amounts of freedom to actually play freely, so they start

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Speaker 1: to find out who they are and develop ways that

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Speaker 1: they can manage their own emotions or manage the situation

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Speaker 1: and giving them these tools to be able to do it.

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Speaker 1: But they can't do it themselves. Neurologically, they're just beginning

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00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,680
Speaker 1: to develop their brain and it's not finished till they're

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Speaker 1: twenty five. So we're you know, we're a huge part

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Speaker 1: of our children's mental health. So you know, we so

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Speaker 1: all of it living in the outside with these ideas

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Speaker 1: of whether whoever, our leaders are, whoever whatever is going

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Speaker 1: over the news. And also I'm going to say it,

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Speaker 1: the phone and all of the things that kids are

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00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 1: getting into today, they do not promote well being at all.

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Speaker 1: They're always measuring themselves by that many likes they have,

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Speaker 1: and they're looking at themselves more in the mirror than

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00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 1: they are in other people now totally, but there's nothing

426
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,200
Speaker 1: we can do about. Yeah, you can train has left

427
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 1: the station, shying down the tracks, like this world of

428
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 1: social media, of narcissism, of sort of immediate self analysis

429
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 1: where you don't go develop a photo and look at yourself,

430
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: right you're you can film a video and look and

431
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 1: then boom, you're right there. That's just how it's going

432
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 1: to be from now on. So I would say, yeah,

433
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:29,160
Speaker 1: so I would say, unfortunately, parents want to be liked.

434
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: You know when I say unfortunately, you children always love you.

435
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 1: I know you mean, right, you want to be cool.

436
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: You don't want to be the you want to be cool.

437
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:37,680
Speaker 1: You want to be the parent who's like, you can't

438
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 1: do this exactly. You know you want you want that.

439
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,160
Speaker 1: You want to say leave that for the grandparents, right,

440
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:47,879
Speaker 1: But in terms of being a parent, you have to find, uh,

441
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 1: your boundaries. You have to find your boundaries as a person.

442
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 1: I mean, I remember Katie, you know, it was you know,

443
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,400
Speaker 1: growing up, and you know, Madonna was like the thing

444
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 1: with kat and she was quite young. But I didn't

445
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 1: stop her from watching Madonna. I thought Madonna actually had

446
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,639
Speaker 1: a great voice, and I loved your music. But I

447
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,440
Speaker 1: was also looking at certain things that I thought, well, maybe,

448
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 1: you know, we've got to look at certain things and

449
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 1: comment on them and speak about them. Maybe her costume

450
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,399
Speaker 1: or maybe it was the suggestiveness of her of her

451
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 1: way or whatever. But I didn't say you can't do that.

452
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 1: So therefore, I think parents really need to manage the

453
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: time that our children are on their what kind of

454
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: FaceTime they're having, you know, or or or technology, and

455
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,679
Speaker 1: say you can't before you go to bed. There's so

456
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,840
Speaker 1: much research right now. They should be off their devices

457
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 1: at least two hours before bed, no, I know. And

458
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 1: and then with it, you can talk, you can be together,

459
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: you can go outside, you can whatever, stretch, have fun together,

460
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 1: tell stories. Oh yeah, Oh, it's amazing what happens when

461
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: you actually follow through with those rules, which you know,

462
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: we try, and then it just gets hard because you

463
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 1: can get as parents. You know, you've got three kids,

464
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 1: you know, eight, eleven and fourteen. You know, they go

465
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 1: to school and you're sort of parenting, and then at

466
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 1: night it's like your time. You know, you want them

467
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: to just go into their rooms and do their own thing,

468
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 1: so then Aaron and I can have our time, just

469
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 1: hang out. If we're constantly on their asses about like

470
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,239
Speaker 1: to get off the tech, get off of this, then

471
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: it's just like up until the last minute. But when

472
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 1: it does happen and we're like we're done, ten o'clock,

473
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 1: you're done, they all migrate into our room and they

474
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 1: just get on the bed and then they start fucking

475
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: around with each other and pushing each other and in

476
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 1: the best way yeah, you know, and conversing and communicating time. Yes,

477
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 1: it's just naturally happens that way, you know, I mean

478
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 1: I would I don't know. Listen, we grew up. You

479
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 1: had a pager. Yeah, yeah, exactly to vibe the pager,

480
00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 1: and I'm thinking we need that now because you're teenagers, right,

481
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 1: but you didn't grow up in that world. No, totally different.

482
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 1: He just missed it, you know, which was great because

483
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 1: your communicative skills are amazing. A lot of our children

484
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 1: can't communicate. And that's another thing. One little boy in

485
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,719
Speaker 1: a mind up school. We put mind up in that school,

486
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: and he said, well, he can't have a conversation now,

487
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: but maybe when he grows up he'll be able to

488
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: have the conversation. Well he was ten, right, and I

489
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 1: thought it was fascinating that he really didn't have the

490
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: art of conversing because they text all the time. So

491
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 1: these are the things we're losing. In order to sustain

492
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 1: well being, we have to make that happen. So nine

493
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 1: thirty devices are all there to put him right there

494
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 1: in my bedroom. They're in my bedroom, so you can't

495
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 1: come and sneak and get them. That's where they are.

496
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 1: You can come visit us in the bedroom. And I

497
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:54,880
Speaker 1: tell you, I say, I think that's what I would do.

498
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: It's so hard, I really do. I mean it's about balance.

499
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: You know. Well, when you're on your camping trip, what's

500
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: that like? Yeah, I mean it's bad. There's exactly you know,

501
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 1: you're out in nature. There's no cell service. You know.

502
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 1: How we watch movies. How are the kids who watch movies? Yeah,

503
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 1: they're good because they know they don't they can't have

504
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 1: it it's just that it doesn't exist. It's not even

505
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: a possibility. So we have a bunch of movies, you know,

506
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 1: like DVDs and like we they're kind of old school movies.

507
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 1: We watch that the kids. Again, it's balanced, like as

508
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 1: long as they're outside, as long as they're getting into nature,

509
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 1: as long as when we're in Colorado they're doing their thing.

510
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 1: I agree, Ok, can we have that as long as

511
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 1: you're not in your room twenty four to seven playing

512
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 1: video games, which they're not. They're not you know, know

513
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 1: your kids are out. Yeah, they're out. I mean they

514
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 1: like their video games and that's okay. Yeah, but I

515
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: mean when we're over, when we're at the ranch, body

516
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 1: will come over, but he's out all day playing. Yeah,

517
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 1: I know what. They go ride their bikes, motorbikes. Are

518
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 1: doing a thing there, all of it and there, I'm

519
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: telling you. And then he'll come up and he'll do

520
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,719
Speaker 1: it for a while. And I don't feel bad as

521
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: a as a grandparent, I don't want to stop him.

522
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 1: That's his good things. Enjoy time. I think you're already

523
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:17,719
Speaker 1: doing this, but like a mind up because it's for kids,

524
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 1: but for parents, Yes, we have a mind up. For parents.

525
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 1: You do, yeah, because that's that's where it starts, now,

526
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:25,719
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like the book Ten

527
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: Mindful Minutes, I wrote like parents need to become more

528
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 1: mindful or learn It is not a demand, it's just

529
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 1: also an imperative. If we want to have mindful children,

530
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 1: good kids, happy kids, blah blah blah, we have to

531
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 1: carry some of these attributes. And in order to do that,

532
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 1: I give them little tips on how to do it right.

533
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 1: So what I'm doing did just this morning, I was

534
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 1: on a Zoom call with the gal who's doing our

535
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 1: little what they call mindful Moments for parents, and I'm

536
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: going through various mindful moments for them, and I just

537
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 1: worked on a brain break for them. Parents know how

538
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 1: to take a brain break, but also why they're doing

539
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 1: the brain break, and then the scientific proof of what

540
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 1: it actually does to you for your brain and your

541
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 1: body and your health. Right, So this is vital. And

542
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 1: so in our we're launching the end of October our

543
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 1: basically our digital channel, and it's mined up for life

544
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 1: and that's going to be happening, and parent program is

545
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 1: right in there, and we just finished one for a snapchat.

546
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: Oh really so we did a parent script for snap. Yeah,

547
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 1: so you're infiltrating the social media's yeah, you know, definitely, yeah,

548
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: and we're going completely digital. It's really really exciting. And

549
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:46,480
Speaker 1: with that, you know, talking about stages of your life, right,

550
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 1: and when I go stages of my life, it's like

551
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 1: what do you want to be when you grow up? Right?

552
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 1: You know? And I you always said happy. They didn't

553
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 1: say what I want to do? People didn't say what

554
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 1: do you want to do? What do you want to be?

555
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 1: I said at eleven, I want to be happy? And

556
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 1: then pretty much in my life was really about not

557
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 1: I didn't have to chase happiness. I owned it. I

558
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 1: had it in me. I lost it for a while

559
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,840
Speaker 1: another story, but regaining it back with a psychologist and

560
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: so forth. Because yes, I'm like you, I went to

561
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:21,360
Speaker 1: figure myself out right, and so well that's what that.

562
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 1: Genetics are funny that way, you know they talk about anxiety,

563
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:28,319
Speaker 1: you know, sort of having a genetic component to it. Right.

564
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 1: When I threw my first bout in my twenties, was

565
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 1: just coincided exactly with you in my cho twenties. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly,

566
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: And it can and it very well can be yeah,

567
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,879
Speaker 1: and so I'm telling you that was a whole that's

568
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 1: a whole podcast, you know. But that's a really interesting fact,

569
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 1: right So, But anyway, but in terms of what I

570
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 1: have done, right is that. Okay, I learned about the brain.

571
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,359
Speaker 1: I learned about all that. But then I I became

572
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,800
Speaker 1: a producer and I'm an actress and thing and it

573
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,880
Speaker 1: was funny and I only enjoyed everything I was doing.

574
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 1: And then I got to a certain time in my

575
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,319
Speaker 1: life when I moved away to Vancouver for Wyatt to

576
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:15,880
Speaker 1: become the hockey player his dream. I started thinking about

577
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 1: my future and the future of our world and wondering

578
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,880
Speaker 1: all my philanthropy has always been for children. I always

579
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,439
Speaker 1: wanted to help them in some way become happier. Well,

580
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,759
Speaker 1: I started mind up. Now that's been twenty years of

581
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 1: my life. I have never been more inspired. I have

582
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: never felt more excited about what I'm doing. And you know,

583
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 1: all of I've been doing this a long time. But

584
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 1: now that we're online and we're actually there, I am

585
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 1: able to speak to people are doing amazing videos for

586
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:49,359
Speaker 1: us cardiologists talking about the power of breath and how

587
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 1: it affects the brain and how the brain affects the

588
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: heart because it's so extraordinarily connected and people don't know that.

589
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:01,440
Speaker 1: And we're doing breath experts, we're doing mindfulness experts, we're

590
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 1: doing experts on neurobiology, experts on happiness, and I mean

591
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 1: there's so much that we're delving into now about health

592
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 1: and wellness, but also about children and parental stuff. So

593
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 1: I'm stimulated. So when you look at will I be

594
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 1: doing this all my life? Which is a question that

595
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 1: we ask ourselves. Yeah, sometimes if you care about more

596
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:34,920
Speaker 1: than what you're doing, now that you continue your interests,

597
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,839
Speaker 1: you keep looking at other things in the world than

598
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,520
Speaker 1: just what you're doing, sometimes it leads you to a

599
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 1: more purposeful life. Oh yeah, so it's pretty cool. Yeah,

600
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 1: but are you going to act again? Yeah? I think

601
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 1: I'm going to be miss as a clause again. I

602
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 1: think so. Well. I mean it's funny, mom. Look, you're iconic,

603
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 1: you know, you're you look at Diane Keaton and Meryll

604
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 1: and Bette Midler, and you know all of these people

605
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 1: who seem to sort of still be working here and

606
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 1: there right or Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin and all of this.

607
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:18,279
Speaker 1: You know, you are just it's almost like you had

608
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 1: to almost carve your own path because no one knew

609
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,919
Speaker 1: where to put you, so you had to create shit

610
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 1: for yourself in a sense. True, yeah, I did. And

611
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 1: maybe that hasn't changed, you know, because there's no reason

612
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 1: why you shouldn't be working unless it's something that you're

613
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:39,760
Speaker 1: kind of just over. I know, it's fun, it's something

614
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:41,720
Speaker 1: has taken on a lot more meaning in your life

615
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 1: rather than being an actor. Well, you know when I

616
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,439
Speaker 1: produced right, and I had my own production company for

617
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 1: years and years, and I produced movies for me and

618
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: for other people with my partner. But the movies that

619
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:58,760
Speaker 1: I wanted to do or produced, mostly other than Burden

620
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 1: a Wire, and some of these crazy and things were

621
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 1: about something right. It was about women. It was about

622
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 1: where we were today. It was like trying to give

623
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:09,759
Speaker 1: you know, a spoonful of medicine and laughing at the

624
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 1: same time, and which I thought was the best way

625
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 1: to get your messaging across. You know. I felt I

626
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:21,320
Speaker 1: was kind of an oddity in a way because that

627
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: that to me. Oh, I didn't have a thousand scripts

628
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:29,319
Speaker 1: on my desk the way a lot of women did.

629
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 1: I was unusual and I didn't have the opportunity to

630
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:36,920
Speaker 1: read this and read that and say, oh, I want

631
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 1: to do that, or maybe I'll do that. After that

632
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:40,880
Speaker 1: never worked out that way, and I think I was

633
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:42,839
Speaker 1: sort of averaged a year and a half or so

634
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:50,399
Speaker 1: between movies. Really. Yeah, So I knew somehow that I

635
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:54,799
Speaker 1: needed to create my own company, and so we did.

636
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:58,800
Speaker 1: I had my own company, and therefore I was able

637
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: to create you know, product if you will. So I

638
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:08,560
Speaker 1: was always creating product, working on scripts, rewriting, working with writers, right,

639
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: And I think what happened was is that as one

640
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:24,840
Speaker 1: gets older, things change, Meaning my character was not one

641
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:29,440
Speaker 1: that probably would adapt that well to being the old person,

642
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 1: you see what I mean. So and I'm looking at

643
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 1: my I'm looking at all of the areas of one's

644
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:40,280
Speaker 1: life that what are the things that are the truth

645
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 1: about you, you know, instead of pretending you're something else

646
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 1: or being having a fantasy that I can go on

647
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 1: and I'll you know, I'll play my deal one day. No, No,

648
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:56,040
Speaker 1: I'm always dreaming. And when I was seventeen, I had

649
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: my own dancing school, so that should have kind of

650
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:00,760
Speaker 1: brought that on. But when I was in my fifties

651
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:05,320
Speaker 1: and I went up there with Wyatt, I wasn't waiting

652
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 1: for the phone to ring. And I never wanted my

653
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: life to be dependent on waiting for the phone to ring,

654
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 1: for somebody to want me to be a pawn on

655
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,759
Speaker 1: somebody else's board. I just didn't want to do it,

656
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 1: not because I felt better than them, but because it

657
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:26,239
Speaker 1: wasn't fun. So that's when I created mind Up. It's

658
00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 1: how it started, slowly, and my travels and all the

659
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 1: things that I was interested in at the time, which

660
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 1: is spirituality, biology, brain, how psychology, and put all of

661
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 1: these things together, and that's how that happened. And my

662
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 1: dream was a big honkin dream, and I sat in

663
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 1: my meditation room up there and I dreamed that I

664
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 1: wanted this program to be global because I wanted our children,

665
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 1: who are going to grow the wrong way and become

666
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 1: angry and aggressive. I would like our children to lear

667
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,920
Speaker 1: learn how to look at a problem from thirty thousand

668
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 1: feet up so they wouldn't have the kind of anger

669
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 1: or kind of polarizing personalities not to come to decision

670
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 1: making together that we could make a better world through

671
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 1: our children's Well, there's a psychology there too, you know

672
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: what I mean. It's about learning who you are and

673
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 1: where you came from and why you are the way

674
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 1: that you are. You know why you feel the things

675
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:29,759
Speaker 1: that you feel, not just from a scientific standpoint. Yeah,

676
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: this is what happens to yourmigdala and it's the fight

677
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:35,280
Speaker 1: or flight and da da da da. But at what point,

678
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:39,279
Speaker 1: I guess, can you get into the psychology of it?

679
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:41,919
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, because you've got to dig

680
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 1: out the root to really get rid of it. I

681
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 1: agree with you. I think it's vital, and I also

682
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: think you have to be very, very honest with yourself.

683
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 1: We can't just do things where we're going to make

684
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: ourselves feel better by lying to ourselves. We could be

685
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 1: responsible for a lot of things. It's like, I look

686
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 1: at your life and I'm thinking, God, damn it, if

687
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 1: I could change this, if I could have done that.

688
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: I didn't know what was I thinking. I wish I

689
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 1: could put time back, and I take full responsibility for it.

690
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:11,240
Speaker 1: I don't pretend it didn't happen just to make myself

691
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 1: feel better, right, And I think that. But at the

692
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:15,880
Speaker 1: same time, you win the best that you could in

693
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 1: that Well, yeah, I mean, I can forgive myself in

694
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 1: a way, but at the same time, they're clear. It's

695
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 1: nothing crazy, and we're talking about is any crazy. It's

696
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 1: you're a working actor. You know, you're also at that

697
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 1: point single for a couple of years. You are a

698
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 1: grown woman who needs to have experiences, who wants to

699
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 1: be with boyfriends, who needs to go out and work

700
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:40,759
Speaker 1: and do their thing. You know. I mean that's just

701
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 1: that was the circumstances. I know, I know, and and

702
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:47,279
Speaker 1: and that was That's the way it was, and that's

703
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:49,279
Speaker 1: the way it isn't. I get it. And you know,

704
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 1: and everybody's driven by more than just thought. They're also

705
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 1: driven by hormones and all kinds of things in that

706
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: time of your life, So you know, I get that

707
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,040
Speaker 1: to completely. So I don't know. I mean, I just

708
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 1: think that if you don't get down to the bottom,

709
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: and I did with my family definitely. I mean I

710
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 1: went deep when that was when I was twenty one,

711
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,719
Speaker 1: twenty two, twenty three, twenty four, five, twenty seven. I

712
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 1: mean I went for eight years did what I call

713
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:20,280
Speaker 1: the University of me, so I could scaffold and dig

714
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 1: and excavate all kinds of things that happened to me

715
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:26,800
Speaker 1: that made a difference to me. And I had interesting

716
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 1: transference with my doctor, who I thought was a genius.

717
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:33,799
Speaker 1: I mean, now I could look at it, and he

718
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,320
Speaker 1: became everything to me. He became my father, he became

719
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: my mother. I mean, I transferred so much onto him.

720
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 1: And I was so freaking young that it was so

721
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:46,439
Speaker 1: helpful for my brain that I was able to look

722
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: at that and go gosh. One time I was lying down.

723
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,279
Speaker 1: It was Freudian, if you can believe it, right, And

724
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,960
Speaker 1: I was lying down and he said, I think you

725
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,320
Speaker 1: need to lie down or reassociate to day Goldie. And

726
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 1: I went, oh, no, what, I'm feeling so good. I'm

727
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,919
Speaker 1: really I feel great. He said, no, no, no, no,

728
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 1: you know, try this to lie down and say whatever

729
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:10,240
Speaker 1: comes to mind. It was like a punishment. I went, okay,

730
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:13,360
Speaker 1: and I would lay there and I'm thinking about my car.

731
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,640
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about this, I'm thinking about whatever remind me

732
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 1: of my dad's car. I did this thing, and I

733
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:23,240
Speaker 1: just I was just sifting my brain like peeling away

734
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:26,759
Speaker 1: an onion, and everything was coming out. It was sort

735
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 1: of like meditation. When you're meditating and you've got all

736
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 1: these thoughts come in and out of your brain, the

737
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 1: idea is to just let them go. And come back

738
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 1: to your breath or your mantra or whatever. That was

739
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 1: just literally thought after thought after thought. Well, it always

740
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 1: led me somewhere, and it was fascinating of the very

741
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: things that I felt. One time, I was lying there,

742
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 1: remembering when I was in the crib little, and I

743
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,440
Speaker 1: was lying playing with my feet like a baby does.

744
00:44:56,239 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 1: My physicality was matching where I believe I was in

745
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: my head, and I had no idea. I suddenly looked

746
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:08,319
Speaker 1: at myself and went, oh my god, I'm not here

747
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 1: like a baby playing with my feet. Right, So there's

748
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:20,360
Speaker 1: such magic, truly, and peeling away the onion. It's not scary,

749
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: you know, you can open that window that you think

750
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 1: you never want to open, and you realize that it's

751
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:29,920
Speaker 1: not that bad, right. It's also the commitment you have

752
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 1: to commit to it, you know, and sometimes it's hard

753
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:36,839
Speaker 1: because you have to be vulnerable, and especially for men,

754
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 1: I think it's harder to be vulnerable. I mean, even

755
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 1: with a therapist. You know, when Aaron and I went

756
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 1: through our shit, you know, when I had my two

757
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 1: years of just being a horrible human being and spiraling,

758
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:54,880
Speaker 1: you know, my therapist didn't even fucking know about it.

759
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 1: I didn't even tell him, okay, because I was I

760
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:01,839
Speaker 1: felt too ashamed to even tell to a professional, going

761
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 1: to keep that's fair about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's hard.

762
00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 1: Sometimes not unusual. Yeah, it's it's not unusual, coming threadbare,

763
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 1: opening your chest saying here I am full, full frontal nudity.

764
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 1: It's not that bad once you do it. No, it's

765
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 1: not at all. But the fear, which is goddamn, I'm

766
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 1: not opening that door. Yeah right, I know, it's amazing,

767
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: very scary, amazing. I was thinking about this the other night.

768
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,880
Speaker 1: I was actually talking to Aaron about it, just thinking

769
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:41,480
Speaker 1: about my life and where I came from and sort

770
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 1: of my being a dad and having a stable relationship

771
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:49,359
Speaker 1: with Aaron. It's been twenty years, and I didn't come

772
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 1: from that, you know what I mean, you and Dad

773
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 1: and that divorce however that went down, and then you've

774
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:59,239
Speaker 1: got Dad's side of the family and and and that

775
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 1: whole thing with his dad, you know, and then I

776
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 1: don't know what happened with my like great grandfather. I

777
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,800
Speaker 1: have no idea, right, And then on your sides of things,

778
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:10,600
Speaker 1: you know, you had Dad and then and then Grandma

779
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:14,240
Speaker 1: and Grandpa were together. But it wasn't like the most

780
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:17,719
Speaker 1: healthy sort of perfect relations Well they lived apart at

781
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 1: towards the last two years. Yeah, yeah, near each other. Right.

782
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 1: Do you think that the way that you carried on

783
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 1: and your adult relationships was a reflection of what you

784
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 1: witnessed and what you were a part of and your upbringing,

785
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 1: you know? Yeah, meaning and in some ways yes, But

786
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,279
Speaker 1: they ask you know that the question is who are

787
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 1: you more like? You know? Or do you take after

788
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,720
Speaker 1: your mother? Do you take after your father? I still

789
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 1: don't have that answer because I am a traveler like

790
00:47:55,719 --> 00:48:00,080
Speaker 1: my dad was. I am a curious investigator like my

791
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 1: dad was. My dad was a musician, and I play

792
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 1: my body, Okay, I play I've been playing myself for

793
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 1: a long time. That's my instrument. My father and I

794
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 1: were absolutely best best friends. He was quirky, he was

795
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 1: unusual man. And my mother was a very strong, very

796
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,959
Speaker 1: as we put it, took us on the table straight arrow.

797
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:32,719
Speaker 1: I mean truly one of the great Grandma was one

798
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 1: of the greats. So she she was very stabilizing because

799
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 1: she was strong, and I can be like that, There's

800
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,239
Speaker 1: no doubt about it. So I think I'm a little

801
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:49,759
Speaker 1: bit of a combination of the two of them. And

802
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 1: I remember that I tried very carefully as I witnessed

803
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 1: my own mother doing some things that I wouldn't do

804
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:02,239
Speaker 1: a little bit more controlling in a way, and so forth.

805
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: And I didn't want to be like that, right, But

806
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:10,440
Speaker 1: she loved fiercely, and you knew that you were going

807
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 1: to be okay when my mother was around. So I

808
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:17,319
Speaker 1: wanted to not to be my mother. And I think

809
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:22,799
Speaker 1: it's important to differentiate hugely to that. And my father,

810
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 1: I mean, I embody him all the time. So I

811
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:35,719
Speaker 1: think that happened because I went through forgiveness, and I

812
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 1: did that very young that I found out who they were.

813
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 1: For instance, my mother, her mother, my grandmother, died when

814
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 1: she was three years old. My mom, she was basically

815
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 1: an orphan. She had no real brothers and sisters. She

816
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 1: was an only child. She was three years old, and

817
00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 1: my grandfather gave her to my aunt Goldie, right and

818
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 1: Aunt Goldie didn't never let her call her mom or

819
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:12,719
Speaker 1: mommy or whatever because of her sister. She had a mother,

820
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:18,799
Speaker 1: and with that, Aunt Goldie had seven other children. My mother,

821
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:25,520
Speaker 1: at the age of sixteen, got up diphtheria. She lost

822
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 1: all her hair well, I didn't know this, and she

823
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 1: nearly died really, so she was there with her father, Max,

824
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 1: who came to see her, brought her things. He remarried,

825
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 1: and I have to say that my grandfather was, in

826
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:48,919
Speaker 1: many people's ideas, not the greatest. And then my mother

827
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 1: decided that she was going to go and the Black Sheep,

828
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,800
Speaker 1: by the way, the biggest party, fun girl ever. She

829
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:57,560
Speaker 1: was going to go to Washington during the war and

830
00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 1: get a job, and she did it. Brave, went with

831
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:07,360
Speaker 1: a girlfriend, aunt Sal. They got the job and she

832
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 1: met my dad right when she met daddy, and they

833
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 1: obviously had sex and she got pregnant. That was the

834
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:20,360
Speaker 1: first baby and my mother, that's right, and that with

835
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 1: that they had to get married and he died. And

836
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 1: when she had a nervous breakdown, she went to the rabbi.

837
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:30,680
Speaker 1: She should know what to do. Next thing, you know,

838
00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:35,560
Speaker 1: new baby comes along and that's my sister Patty. So

839
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:40,319
Speaker 1: my mother looked at Patty, would not leave her all

840
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: night long. She stared at her in the crib. So

841
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:50,360
Speaker 1: if my mother had any issues in life, that I

842
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:52,359
Speaker 1: may have said, oh, my mom. And then and then

843
00:51:53,680 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 1: I learned that she had a hot heart. Yeah, so

844
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 1: and then you came. I mean, then what was that

845
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:06,960
Speaker 1: that I came? Eight years later? She made a decision.

846
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 1: Eight years later, she made a decision if she was

847
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:19,239
Speaker 1: going to leave Daddy or have another child. Right, so

848
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 1: she decided, good choice to have another child. Isn't that

849
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 1: a crazy yeah? Either or it's like it's either get

850
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:33,359
Speaker 1: divorced or have another kid. I mean those are two. Well,

851
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:37,000
Speaker 1: it was a way of supporting, like going back and

852
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 1: creating more family and going back and being with my dad.

853
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. And what was Grandpa's your grandparents on that side?

854
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:50,360
Speaker 1: Would you know their story? Dad? I think Otto died

855
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:54,800
Speaker 1: kind of early or something. I never knew him, so

856
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 1: when I was still little, you know, I didn't know.

857
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 1: And then Granny had forced and one of them was

858
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:04,279
Speaker 1: my dad. She's from the Siouth and she was one

859
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 1: of those women just she had our glass figure and

860
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,400
Speaker 1: looked real good, and she was one of those I

861
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:15,319
Speaker 1: love my boys, and she was that person. She used

862
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 1: to say. She came to live with us and one day,

863
00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 1: and I was a teenager, I was like thirteen, and

864
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 1: then my mom went to work and Daddy went to work,

865
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:27,560
Speaker 1: and she said, are you gonna leave? Me alone with

866
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:32,360
Speaker 1: sleeping beauty Again. She was like, I don't think she

867
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:36,920
Speaker 1: likes me very much, but but no, no, that was

868
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:40,920
Speaker 1: that was that. But daddy's family was great brothers and

869
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:43,359
Speaker 1: and all the cousins and they were all girls. Yeah

870
00:53:43,360 --> 00:53:47,200
Speaker 1: one boy. Oh really Yeah, Stormy was the only boy.

871
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:51,880
Speaker 1: All the brothers had girls. Yeah, I mean I relate

872
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 1: to that because with my with my situation. I mean,

873
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:58,759
Speaker 1: from the outside, you know, with my dad, it's it's

874
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:02,680
Speaker 1: easy just to sort of hate and feel hurt and

875
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 1: you know, just not have any sort of compassion for

876
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:13,840
Speaker 1: his situation because it's all about me. But when you

877
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:15,959
Speaker 1: really think about it and go back into his life,

878
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,839
Speaker 1: you know, which I've talked about before, where his dad

879
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:21,880
Speaker 1: bailed on him in the middle of the night and

880
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:24,759
Speaker 1: he's sitting by the window waiting for his father to

881
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:29,319
Speaker 1: come home. Once you know that, and how can how

882
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:33,360
Speaker 1: can one not have compassion and forgiveness? I agree with you,

883
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:36,440
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, it's for me personally, it's

884
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 1: just sort of like, oh man, that's fucking rough, and

885
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:43,759
Speaker 1: at that time, no tools, you know, to deal with that. No,

886
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:47,040
Speaker 1: neither did his mother, right, neither did his mom. Yeah,

887
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 1: it was just you're just left to sort of wave

888
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:53,040
Speaker 1: in the wind and and and sort of you know,

889
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 1: move off, move into your life, and and good luck.

890
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:58,800
Speaker 1: That's right. And you know, you wonder where fear of

891
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 1: abandonment comes down or these kind of things that people

892
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:05,880
Speaker 1: live with which you know, can create a lifestyle, a

893
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 1: long life of fearing people are going to leave you.

894
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:17,239
Speaker 1: So that's very unstable, an unstable perspective on your future. Well,

895
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:21,279
Speaker 1: it's coming back to mind up. Yeah, And like I'm

896
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:23,759
Speaker 1: forty five years old, you know, and it took me

897
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 1: till I was maybe forty to truly understand what that

898
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:31,400
Speaker 1: forgiveness was after going to Hoffman and dealing with that

899
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:34,719
Speaker 1: and breaking down my relationship with you and with Dad

900
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:38,400
Speaker 1: and with Paw and all of it. But wouldn't it

901
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 1: be nice to be able to do that earlier, you

902
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:43,120
Speaker 1: know what I mean, because a lot of these kids

903
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:47,319
Speaker 1: have probably struggled with abandonment issues, with parental issues. Yes,

904
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:50,320
Speaker 1: And I know it's probably hard from a cognitive standpoint,

905
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 1: whether you're how developed that brain is, but it would

906
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,759
Speaker 1: be nice to sort of understand that kind of forgiveness

907
00:55:56,920 --> 00:56:03,480
Speaker 1: earlier on. Well that's a interesting not abstract, but you

908
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:06,320
Speaker 1: need to be a certain time and an age to

909
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:10,759
Speaker 1: get some level of an understanding like that will mind

910
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:14,440
Speaker 1: up what it does. It prepares a child, It prepares

911
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 1: their brain. It gets them used to feeling for someone else.

912
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 1: That means that, you know, like compassion, empathy can be taught,

913
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 1: which is really interesting. So when we do with a

914
00:56:27,520 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 1: mind up, we do you know, first of all, we

915
00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:31,920
Speaker 1: learn about the parts of the brain that are the

916
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:35,240
Speaker 1: emotional parts, right, and then we learn about the prefrontal cortex,

917
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 1: which is where you can think, make decisions, and so forth,

918
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:41,040
Speaker 1: And they learn about that. But in the experiential part

919
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 1: of mind up, it starts to fire the brain and

920
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 1: the neurons in a way that actually can create habituated thinking,

921
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:50,960
Speaker 1: meaning more positive thinking, or meaning that now we do

922
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:53,839
Speaker 1: an exercise where we do acts of kindness. Now they

923
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:56,120
Speaker 1: do this some when they are very little, starting from

924
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:59,320
Speaker 1: preschool and all the way up to eighth grade. So

925
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:04,040
Speaker 1: it becomes beautifully is habituated in the brain when we

926
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:07,719
Speaker 1: think do things, when we imagine things, when we are

927
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:11,279
Speaker 1: feeling bad all the and feeling good, same thing, but

928
00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 1: it's different. Obviously one's positive ones negative. But these neurons

929
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:19,160
Speaker 1: are firing together righting, same story you're telling yourself. Firing together,

930
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 1: same story I'm telling myself. I'm not very good, I'm scared.

931
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 1: I'm not going to get home, I'm not going to win,

932
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do well. I'm not going to

933
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:29,200
Speaker 1: get my grades good. My mom, you know, my brother's

934
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:33,080
Speaker 1: bothering me. My all negative. That means that they're wiring.

935
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:37,000
Speaker 1: Meaning they're firing together, means they're wiring together. When you

936
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 1: wire neurons, it's hard to get out of the loop

937
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:44,720
Speaker 1: of this sort of internal chat. And that is an

938
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:47,560
Speaker 1: important part of what we're teaching children in the school

939
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 1: on you understand how these neurons work. You have agency

940
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:57,400
Speaker 1: over your own brain by what you put in it.

941
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:04,520
Speaker 1: Because your thought is you, your brain will basically manipulate it.

942
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 1: So we talk about memories. We talk about the hippocampus

943
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:12,240
Speaker 1: and the things that we do remember and how sometimes

944
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:15,920
Speaker 1: we remember scary things, right, But we have to understand

945
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 1: that we have the understanding that we can supplant some

946
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 1: of those things. So when a child feels that way,

947
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:25,960
Speaker 1: at least they have more understanding of how to make

948
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:29,120
Speaker 1: themselves calm, and that's their brain break. So we do

949
00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:31,640
Speaker 1: three times a day a brain break. So now the

950
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 1: kids will say, I think I need a brain break,

951
00:58:33,800 --> 00:58:38,000
Speaker 1: which means that they're becoming aware of themselves and what

952
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:42,800
Speaker 1: they're feeling. This is huge. I mean, if we don't

953
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:46,040
Speaker 1: do this when they're young, they won't have the pla

954
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:48,840
Speaker 1: that you get to jump, you know, they won't have preparation.

955
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:50,640
Speaker 1: I wish I had that. I mean you talked about me.

956
00:58:50,920 --> 00:58:54,680
Speaker 1: Remember I was just negative, meaning like I would start

957
00:58:54,760 --> 00:58:57,120
Speaker 1: something and get frustrated and if I couldn't do it,

958
00:58:57,200 --> 00:59:00,680
Speaker 1: I just quit. You know, like these were negative thoughts,

959
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 1: negative patterns, just playing out in my in my mind.

960
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 1: You know, how did you deal with that then? You know,

961
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:10,320
Speaker 1: because obviously you didn't have the knowledge that you do now.

962
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 1: But with your kids, what did you do? I'm saying

963
00:59:13,760 --> 00:59:17,200
Speaker 1: to you, we try to, you know, give reaffirmation. Of

964
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:19,240
Speaker 1: course you can do it, honey. You know, you know

965
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:21,040
Speaker 1: it's really simple. You did it before, you did it

966
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 1: the other day. It's you know, a way of trying

967
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:28,280
Speaker 1: to help them know that they can do it. But

968
00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:31,480
Speaker 1: at the same time, your mindset was so strong and

969
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:34,840
Speaker 1: I didn't have, you know, any other tools than other

970
00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 1: than to say, of course you can do it. You know.

971
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:41,920
Speaker 1: So it is a way of because you would become anxious,

972
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,640
Speaker 1: you know, in which case then I may have said, okay,

973
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,600
Speaker 1: let's sit down and do our brain break. You know,

974
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:50,000
Speaker 1: because there is an example which is really interesting. We

975
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:52,720
Speaker 1: had one child in a class was an autistic child,

976
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:56,040
Speaker 1: and that his hands. He couldn't stop shaking his hands.

977
00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:59,400
Speaker 1: They were taking a test and he went completely anxiety. Written. Well,

978
00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 1: one of the kids came up and said, do you

979
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,959
Speaker 1: think we could do a brain break and sit around

980
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 1: the circle, And the teacher said, of course, and they did,

981
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:10,760
Speaker 1: and he stopped shaking his hands and he was able

982
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:14,920
Speaker 1: to contain himself and take the test. So these are

983
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 1: biological and neurological assets happening. This is the result. So

984
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:26,920
Speaker 1: the brain break isn't a meditation, right, No? No, So

985
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:29,560
Speaker 1: I was explained what that is. Yeah, because brain break

986
01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:32,200
Speaker 1: is what every brain needs a break. Okay. Our brains

987
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:35,320
Speaker 1: get overwork, they get overtired. And by the way this,

988
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:37,920
Speaker 1: adults can do this and adults can do it, right,

989
01:00:38,560 --> 01:00:40,680
Speaker 1: is that what we do have is we have something

990
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:44,960
Speaker 1: which I believe is a great apparatus and you can

991
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:48,360
Speaker 1: use it however you want. And if you don't have it,

992
01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:50,800
Speaker 1: it's fine. But what I like is is that the

993
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:55,960
Speaker 1: chime okay, is only there because it brings your brain

994
01:00:56,320 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 1: around a sound. That means that you're settling your focused

995
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:05,560
Speaker 1: attention on a sound until you can't hear it anymore.

996
01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:10,800
Speaker 1: That already brings attention to the brain. Then you start

997
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:13,919
Speaker 1: to follow your breath, and as you breathe in and out,

998
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:17,920
Speaker 1: you realize that that breath is actually going to get irregular.

999
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:20,640
Speaker 1: Sometimes you breathe in. Sometimes oh I take a deep,

1000
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:23,440
Speaker 1: deep breath. You can do any kind of breath you want,

1001
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:28,040
Speaker 1: just follow it. The reality about the brain is that

1002
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:32,320
Speaker 1: it thinks no matter what. The brain is one of

1003
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:37,480
Speaker 1: those things that just never stops thinking. As we all

1004
01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:39,640
Speaker 1: could say, oh shit, I wish I could stop my

1005
01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 1: brain from bag. Well it doesn't stop, okay. The brain

1006
01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:47,240
Speaker 1: is not your mind. Your brain is just a function.

1007
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:50,600
Speaker 1: It's an amazing thing. It's apparatus for us. It's a

1008
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:57,520
Speaker 1: great downloadable ability like a computer. But the brain itself

1009
01:01:57,640 --> 01:02:00,240
Speaker 1: is just a squiggling, massive gray matter with y right

1010
01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:02,600
Speaker 1: at the top and little areas of the brain that

1011
01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:07,080
Speaker 1: actually worth certain things to get activated. So that's what

1012
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:10,760
Speaker 1: you got to know. Thought comes in. You just let

1013
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:12,800
Speaker 1: it go like a cloud and come back to your breathing.

1014
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:17,360
Speaker 1: And this could happen fifty times during a sitting. So

1015
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 1: when you do your short brain break, know that this

1016
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:22,800
Speaker 1: is not going to take long. If you had a

1017
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:25,280
Speaker 1: bell and did it, it would be awesome. I put

1018
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 1: it at my desk for sure, or where you're working.

1019
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:32,040
Speaker 1: But at the same time, it is a great ability

1020
01:02:32,120 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 1: to relax your brain and your body breath focused. We

1021
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 1: do it in the classroom for three and a half minutes.

1022
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:45,640
Speaker 1: That's it for an adult. Five minutes goes by like wildfire.

1023
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:50,760
Speaker 1: So I think for five minutes you can find time

1024
01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:54,160
Speaker 1: to bring your blood pressure down to bring your breath

1025
01:02:54,240 --> 01:02:57,600
Speaker 1: in an easier way. Sometimes when you get really relaxed,

1026
01:02:57,640 --> 01:03:02,720
Speaker 1: your breath is very soft. You'll find that your breath

1027
01:03:02,840 --> 01:03:04,920
Speaker 1: is going to be much quicker when you start. But

1028
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:07,320
Speaker 1: then as you settle your body and relax your body

1029
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:10,760
Speaker 1: in your breath and also your your ability to focus

1030
01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:13,320
Speaker 1: on that, yeah, then you will. It's funny too, how

1031
01:03:14,520 --> 01:03:17,439
Speaker 1: you know, especially kids are more some are more apt

1032
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:19,919
Speaker 1: to that sitting still and some aren't. Because we've done

1033
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:22,480
Speaker 1: that with my three with three wilder body in Ryo. Yeah,

1034
01:03:22,520 --> 01:03:25,120
Speaker 1: first of all, body wants to like meditate every day,

1035
01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:27,880
Speaker 1: Like who do meditation? Like he gets it. Yeah, yeah,

1036
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:31,480
Speaker 1: you know he sits still and he's in wilder is

1037
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:34,600
Speaker 1: all over the place. He cannot sit still. But that's

1038
01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:38,520
Speaker 1: his nature. Yeah, he's just that, he's just that bubbly

1039
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:40,960
Speaker 1: sort of got that. He's got that energy running through

1040
01:03:41,080 --> 01:03:43,240
Speaker 1: him or that add or whatever the hell it is.

1041
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:46,760
Speaker 1: But he it's much more difficult for him, right. Well,

1042
01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:49,560
Speaker 1: it can be developed, though, And what we have to

1043
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:53,520
Speaker 1: realize is that the anything that we want, if you

1044
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:58,000
Speaker 1: want to do it, it's like dancing, it's like doing

1045
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:00,920
Speaker 1: a triple pirouet instead of a single one. You just

1046
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:03,720
Speaker 1: have to practice. And it's the same thing. That's why

1047
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:08,520
Speaker 1: they call it a practice because you can learn to

1048
01:04:08,680 --> 01:04:12,120
Speaker 1: quiet your mind. Oh yeah, I've experienced that. You know,

1049
01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:17,640
Speaker 1: I've gone through meditations or moments of trying to meditate

1050
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:19,960
Speaker 1: and where I really stick with it and from where

1051
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:23,120
Speaker 1: it begins to where I end. You know, it's night

1052
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:26,040
Speaker 1: and day. You can drop in much much quicker, much easier,

1053
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:29,760
Speaker 1: you can. And during my anxiety in the last however,

1054
01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:34,160
Speaker 1: long meditation is extremely important. But it was fucking hard. Yeah,

1055
01:04:34,920 --> 01:04:38,160
Speaker 1: it was hard to sit still and actually go there.

1056
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:41,280
Speaker 1: It was so all over the place, you know, I

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Speaker 1: found moments, but it was more of just the act

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Speaker 1: of doing it. I think that's actually important. Sometimes you

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Speaker 1: don't have a good meditation. I mean you don't. Your

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Speaker 1: brain is active, You've got stuff going your mind. It's

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Speaker 1: not easy to become a professional meditator. But what what

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Speaker 1: is important is that you do it. Yeah, all right,

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Speaker 1: I gotta go. Okay, Honey, I love you, I love you,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, mom. This was fun. This is so good,

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Speaker 1: and it's forty five years that made it. Lungs are good.

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Speaker 1: Here's so great. I love you, I love you. Bye.

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Speaker 1: Sibling Revelry is executive produced by Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson.

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Speaker 1: Producer is Alison, President, editor is Josh Wendish. Music by

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Speaker 1: Mark Hudson aka Uncle Mark. If you want to show

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Speaker 1: us some love, rate the show and leave us a review.

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Speaker 1: This show is powered by simple Cast.