1 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,160 Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's finally coming out with a 2 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:12,559 Speaker 1: less annoying smoke alarm. Oh where instead of the loud 3 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 1: blaring noises and beeping if it detects a fire, a 4 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:20,479 Speaker 1: soft voice will gently whisper I think there might be 5 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: some fire out. It's not very effective. 6 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 2: Should get out? Oh finally, snooze on it. 7 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, could sleep through the night peaceful thanks to Laser Story, 8 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 1: the segment where we read weird news stories around the glove, 9 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 1: just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser 10 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: and those other smoky jokies just don't. This first laser 11 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: story is out of Pittsburgh. A man named Clayton Law 12 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,600 Speaker 1: had a new fence put in last month, and the 13 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: workers wanted to be paying cash, so Clayton went to 14 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,320 Speaker 1: the bank and took out four thousand dollars. It's a 15 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 1: lot of money, I know, but sometimes you save a 16 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,280 Speaker 1: little bit if you're paying cash, you know. When he 17 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: arrived home, he placed the stack of bit on the 18 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: coffee table, went to the bathroom and did a few 19 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,120 Speaker 1: other things. Thirty minutes later, he went to grab the cash, 20 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,320 Speaker 1: but it was gone. 21 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 2: Oh my god. 22 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: No, didn't know what happened. But soon figured out who 23 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:18,119 Speaker 1: the culprit was. It was none other than his seven 24 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,360 Speaker 1: year old goldendoodle named Cecil Dog. 25 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,120 Speaker 2: How are you doing any mad? Is a dog just 26 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 2: sitting there with a big pile of cash in his bed? 27 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: According to Clayton, Cecil usually doesn't chew stuff up, but 28 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:31,520 Speaker 1: the big stack of. 29 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:35,960 Speaker 2: Fifties and hundreds was just too enticing. It's all chewed up. 30 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:39,680 Speaker 2: Not only that, it's chewed up and swallowed. No, so 31 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 2: it was just like with a big stack. 32 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,759 Speaker 1: Clayton took him to the vet, where he got even 33 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,840 Speaker 1: worse news. He might be able to get most of 34 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: the money back, but he'd have to sift through Cecil's 35 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,280 Speaker 1: poop to make that happen. 36 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 2: Oh man, I mean, but. 37 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 1: For four thousand dollars, I'd do it if anybody ever 38 00:01:58,560 --> 00:01:59,400 Speaker 1: handed me a bunch of. 39 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 2: Taped up This is why you need to wash your 40 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,559 Speaker 2: hands after you touch metal. You don't know. 41 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:08,040 Speaker 1: Where it's been. Also, the bank told him that this 42 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,080 Speaker 1: isn't that uncommon, and they'd replace any of the bills 43 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 1: as long as the serial numbers were still visible. 44 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 2: Oh that's crazy. It's a teller that has to take 45 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:18,679 Speaker 2: that stuff back. 46 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 1: Well, Clayton got to work. Luckily, Cecil puked some of 47 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:24,240 Speaker 1: it back up. 48 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:29,040 Speaker 2: God good, better I think it is. It is digest. 49 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 1: But to get to the rest he had to wait 50 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:35,520 Speaker 1: for him to relieve himself. Collect the half digested bills, 51 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 1: wash them and look for the numbers. 52 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 2: How much money into it? Do you start to say, 53 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 2: I don't think this is worth He's going back to 54 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 2: his bank. 55 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: Each bill was like putting together a tiny puzzle. 56 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 2: After a few days of. 57 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: It, Clayton described the smell as quotes so bad. But 58 00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:00,800 Speaker 1: after lots of hard work, he ended up with three thousand, 59 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:06,640 Speaker 1: five hundred and fifty dollars only four That was great, 60 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: really quick. 61 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 2: Four hundred and fifty bucks was lost on the deal. 62 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: Ask for Cecil. He's fine and already been forgiven. 63 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 2: Do you think that that's what the fence guy's got 64 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 2: paid with? Yeah, I don't know about that. 65 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,799 Speaker 1: Going forward, Clayton said that he is going to keep 66 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:27,240 Speaker 1: in mind that his pooch has very expensive taste. 67 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:32,119 Speaker 2: Next time, he's like, I insist on venmo, Yes, look 68 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 2: out for your fine silver. That's next. 69 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 1: This next laser story is out of the land of 70 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:41,600 Speaker 1: piping hot pies. I'm not exaggerating when I say the 71 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: last decade of radio has been dominated by one prevailing discussion. 72 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 1: Is pineapple okay on a pizza? 73 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 2: Work with a guy that literally has a tattoo of this? 74 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, that question has broken up radio families and 75 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 1: real family with kids just moving out of the house 76 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: upon learning that their parents like their pizza fruitless. Now 77 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: the argument has made its way over seas finally. In fact, 78 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:18,159 Speaker 1: Italy is in full meltdin right now after pineapple just 79 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 1: showed up on the menu at a well known pizza 80 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: place in Naples. 81 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,279 Speaker 2: Oh my god, if. 82 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,840 Speaker 1: You hear if you fold the pizza in Italy, they 83 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 1: get mad. 84 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:30,800 Speaker 2: Can you imagine? Putting comes where it's from? 85 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: Well, highly respected third generation pizzeria owner named Gino Sorbio 86 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,920 Speaker 1: just decided to challenge that trend by adding it as 87 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 1: an option at his restaurant. Apparently there's a difference from 88 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 1: normal Hawaiian pizza, though Gino has three types of cheeses 89 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,720 Speaker 1: and the pineapple he does is cooked twice to give 90 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: it a caramelized taste. So good. The biggest change is 91 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,919 Speaker 1: that it's a white pizza with no tomato sauce, because 92 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 1: see Gino says tomatoes are a fruit, and you should 93 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: never have two fruits on one pizza. 94 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,279 Speaker 2: So now he's got another argument. 95 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: But in other words, pineapple on pizza is okay, but 96 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,440 Speaker 1: if you're just tossing it on your normal order from Domino's, 97 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,840 Speaker 1: he thinks you're trash. Okay, Okay, he still got a 98 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: snoty opinion about it. Wow, Okay this next laser stories 99 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 1: out of holiday headquarters still there. Well, we just got 100 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 1: through the main holidays, so it feels wrong to already 101 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: mention another one. But a new candy for Valentine's Day 102 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: just landed. 103 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, what is it? You know? 104 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 1: Sweethearts are those little conversation heart shaped candies with messages 105 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: like b mine and please wipe. Yeah, they please please swipe. Okay, 106 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:56,000 Speaker 1: but this year they're doing a special version for single 107 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 1: people who are caught up in situationships. 108 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:01,480 Speaker 2: That's funny. And if you don't know what that is. 109 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 1: Oxford English Dictionary defines a situationship as any romantic or 110 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 1: sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established, 111 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:13,320 Speaker 1: so more than a hookup, but not quite exclusive. 112 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,040 Speaker 2: Right, right, you're in that weird gray zone. 113 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: Yeah. Starting next week, Sweethearts will sell boxes of situationship 114 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:23,360 Speaker 1: hearts that look just like their normal candy. The only 115 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: differences the words are blurry and hard to read. 116 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 2: That is so funny. 117 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 1: I thought they were gonna do like phrases and stuff 118 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:31,280 Speaker 1: about it. 119 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 2: That's even funny maybe someday. 120 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:35,039 Speaker 1: Yeah. 121 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 2: No, you just don't even know. You don't even know 122 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 2: what's going on, because that's how it. 123 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: Is, blurry and tough to read, just like gen Z 124 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 1: relationships are hard to read. Press release use the term 125 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 1: literal mixed messages, and it sounds like they might even 126 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 1: be repurposing their misprinted hearts and just tossing those. 127 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,840 Speaker 2: Into a real phrases could be too far. 128 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,279 Speaker 1: Their VP of marketing said, quote, the printing on Sweethearts 129 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 1: isn't always perfect, and this is our way of embracing 130 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 1: those imperfections in a way that taps into pop culture. 131 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 1: I love it. 132 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 2: I mean I love it. It's lazy. It's lazy, lazy. 133 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: It's like if M and MS put their broken candies 134 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 1: into its own little. 135 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 2: Bag Jeff to reuse easy money grab for sweethearts. 136 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: There they go on sale at Sweetheartscandies dot Com at 137 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,760 Speaker 1: nine am Eastern this coming Monday, when they sell. 138 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 2: Out who's gonna be laughing. This is all their income 139 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:39,840 Speaker 2: for the whole year. Let them let them get their money. Okay, 140 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 2: they can get their extra thirty dollars. 141 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 1: Fine. It is crazy that Valentine's Day is almost here. 142 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: That and this guy is no stranger to a situation 143 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 1: ship although he calls it a sich shoeation, although I'm 144 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: not entirely sure what that means. We will shim luck 145 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: on Valentine's Day. That now means Laser Stories is done 146 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 1: for the day. We will do it again at the 147 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 1: same time on Monday. 148 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,920 Speaker 2: Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.