WEBVTT - Broken

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<v Speaker 1>In the early morning hours of July two thousand and sixteen.

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<v Speaker 1>I woke up. I knew something was wrong, something had broken.

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<v Speaker 1>I was thirty six weeks pregnant, and I woke up.

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<v Speaker 1>I woke up a few hours later. I was flat

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<v Speaker 1>on my back under tungsten lighting as a team of

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<v Speaker 1>eight people cross checked each other as if preparing to

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<v Speaker 1>take flight, noting the time, confirming my name and age.

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<v Speaker 1>And then my daughter was cut out of me and

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<v Speaker 1>whisked to a table, a crowd of busy hands working

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<v Speaker 1>over her. You'd think it would be hard to read

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<v Speaker 1>someone's face if it were obscured by a medical mask,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's not. The eyes tell you everything you need

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<v Speaker 1>to know. The nurses eyes, the doctor's eyes, the an

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<v Speaker 1>enthusiologists eyes, the technicians. They all told me something was

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<v Speaker 1>very wrong, maybe even broken. This is the stuff of life,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm your host, Julie Douglas. In this episode, we

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<v Speaker 1>take a hard look at what it is to be broken.

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<v Speaker 1>My daughter was hypoxic. The umbilical cord had nearly strangled

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<v Speaker 1>the life out of her. She had what the neurologist

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<v Speaker 1>called a significant insult to her brain. And though I

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<v Speaker 1>wouldn't know it until later she had sustained a serious

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<v Speaker 1>hearing loss. I was devastated. I felt like I had

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<v Speaker 1>failed her, like my body had broken her. It was

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<v Speaker 1>like being inside of a nightmare you couldn't wake from. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>For many nights after she was born, I dreamed she

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<v Speaker 1>was in my arms and then gone. I would wake frantic,

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<v Speaker 1>tearing the pillows and sheets of the bed, looking for her,

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<v Speaker 1>calling out to her, until I saw her sleeping peacefully

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<v Speaker 1>in the bassinet. I was awake, and I was broken.

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<v Speaker 1>Since then, I've come to understand that we are all

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<v Speaker 1>broken in one way or another, and that most human

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<v Speaker 1>made things are too. Our ideas are broken, our systems

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<v Speaker 1>are broken, our governments, and in this way, the personal

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<v Speaker 1>is the political. No matter what perspective we're coming from,

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<v Speaker 1>we can all agree that the United States is broken.

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<v Speaker 1>But we've been here before. Time. It would seem it's

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<v Speaker 1>circular guide in our newsroom has been an attempt said,

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<v Speaker 1>perhaps you know now on the light for President's or

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<v Speaker 1>to be desimental to your safe is to continue this market.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm saying that this is an unlawful astamy. You have

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<v Speaker 1>to disperse your heartest at disperse go home. I'll go

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<v Speaker 1>to you a church this march will not content. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>come on seng Man, Uncle Samy to health again, godham

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<v Speaker 1>self and it's terrible jam down nd N. Now, so

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<v Speaker 1>we're start a third highest medal in the country. It

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't mean anything. I gotta silver Star, Purple Hearts, Army

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<v Speaker 1>Conversation Medal, eight Air Metal, National Defense and the rest

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<v Speaker 1>of this garbage. It doesn't mean a face. And that

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<v Speaker 1>we are living in a time when political fault lines

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<v Speaker 1>are fracturing. Society is now very apparent. Inauguration, NDR, you

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<v Speaker 1>can hear the what do you want to do in

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<v Speaker 1>the back round? Another thing, all that for all of

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<v Speaker 1>that exists, all of that opposition. Donald J. Trump is

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<v Speaker 1>now president at the United States. Can you explain your

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<v Speaker 1>emotions to me, citizens of America, explain your emotions to

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<v Speaker 1>There's just no way there's like just snow to build,

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<v Speaker 1>no way to even comprehend with this means like this

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<v Speaker 1>very for me, This earl moment is like like within

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<v Speaker 1>a cell. It's like in the world the dark and

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<v Speaker 1>the light are so tight right now at this moment,

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<v Speaker 1>it's we will face there's so much potential, will get

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<v Speaker 1>the job done for beauty and for devastated, and this

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<v Speaker 1>is one moment. It's so much incomprehensible that they can

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<v Speaker 1>exist right now, so and we are grateful, so good

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<v Speaker 1>to explore this fracture. Podcast host Holly Fry, producer Noel Brown,

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<v Speaker 1>and myself packed up our things and headed to d

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<v Speaker 1>C on the day of President Trump's inauguration to attend

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<v Speaker 1>the Women's March. The next day, the sun was just

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<v Speaker 1>starting to set and the streets were nearly empty. But

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<v Speaker 1>the closer we got to the White House, the more

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<v Speaker 1>we saw signs like dump Trump and crowds of people thickening.

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<v Speaker 1>We turned onto f Street and were met with a

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<v Speaker 1>wave of smoke. Got away from the don't breath ahead,

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<v Speaker 1>a crush of people gathered around an overturned newspaper box,

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<v Speaker 1>It's metal frame warping under the fire it was engulfed in.

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<v Speaker 1>Nearby police in full riot gear kept their shields up,

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<v Speaker 1>and just one block from the smoke a National Guard

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<v Speaker 1>and hovering helicopters. The streets were again empty. Occasionally couples

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<v Speaker 1>dressed in ballgowns and tuxedos emerged from their hotels to

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<v Speaker 1>attend inauguration festivities. This is where we met Dan. He

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<v Speaker 1>was holding a U. S flag, his young son standing

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<v Speaker 1>protectively nearby, riding the flag when it neared the ground.

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<v Speaker 1>We're here because this is probably the greatest president in

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<v Speaker 1>our lifetime, where you're celebrated, and because my daughter had

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<v Speaker 1>the privilege march in the break. Earlier we met Shine,

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<v Speaker 1>she was selling buttons with sentiments like not my president

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<v Speaker 1>in the world. The people why you will or might

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<v Speaker 1>be lace? They have mace gowns them with something that's

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<v Speaker 1>maceca tie were I Shine and Dan's moods were very different.

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<v Speaker 1>W if you're wig because we're gonna return to the

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<v Speaker 1>constitutional status where people can work to be free, where

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<v Speaker 1>they can work for merit, where they can work for

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<v Speaker 1>their future. And I honestly believe we're in the rising

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<v Speaker 1>tide that will lift all boats if you let it.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't feel like that they I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>everybody's feeling, but I feel like there's a certain move.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like you get in an uncomfortable situation and you

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<v Speaker 1>have to your force to either accept that situation or

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<v Speaker 1>you can you can't. It's like if you have broken legs,

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<v Speaker 1>you can't walk, but you eventually realize, Okay, my legs

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<v Speaker 1>are being repaired right now. I'm in a healing process.

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<v Speaker 1>We asked Dan about empathy about people who are marginalized,

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<v Speaker 1>for whom the playing fields aren't leveled. Most of us

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<v Speaker 1>see individuals as individuals, but we see groups as pushing

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<v Speaker 1>us back. I will take care of any individual of

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<v Speaker 1>any nature, any religion, any any sexual orientation as an

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<v Speaker 1>individual with truly, with with love. I don't feel that difference.

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<v Speaker 1>Any one of you guys needed something, I would do

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<v Speaker 1>it right now. I don't know who you are, I would,

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<v Speaker 1>I would do what I can to help you. But

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<v Speaker 1>you also have to understand that nobody has a requirement

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<v Speaker 1>to be nice to anybody. We want to help people

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<v Speaker 1>be nice, but you're not entitled to that. You have

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<v Speaker 1>to make that happen. And I feel there's at least

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<v Speaker 1>as much racism against as a white person these days

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<v Speaker 1>in terms of looking at skin color and reacting. Whereas

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<v Speaker 1>I'm searching when I see other people for a commonality,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to I want to find that threat, and

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<v Speaker 1>as soon as I find that thread, it's all good.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you talk to anybody who's felt that way

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<v Speaker 1>about some people, it's all to seek out the other people.

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<v Speaker 1>There was a lot of conflict on the day of

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<v Speaker 1>the inoperation between attendees and protesters, but Seine made a

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<v Speaker 1>conscious choice where I saw anger, I gave a hug

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<v Speaker 1>um and just sort of like, we could do this.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I'm ready to move forward. I don't have

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<v Speaker 1>no choice. I can't go back, I can't stand here.

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<v Speaker 1>I choose to go fullard. Everybody's just gotta be responsive

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<v Speaker 1>to the situation, move forward and take it for what

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<v Speaker 1>it is worth and watch it back. So we're there

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<v Speaker 1>any commonalities for Dan anything he could agree with? Well,

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<v Speaker 1>that's hard, hard question answer, Um, what do you like? Okay?

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<v Speaker 1>I I walked up to a protester who commented on

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<v Speaker 1>my hat right away. As right after the tear guests

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<v Speaker 1>went off at the beat up in the Starbucks, where

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<v Speaker 1>most millennials hang out more than anybody the rest of us.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know why they picked Starbucks to damage, but

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<v Speaker 1>there was dear gas, there was glass, and right afterwards,

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<v Speaker 1>young man about said don't go in there unless you

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<v Speaker 1>want to get tear gassed. And I asked him, I said,

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<v Speaker 1>what what, What's what's the issue? And he says healthcare.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's when I come up with I realized. I said,

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<v Speaker 1>but you know the government doesn't give you healthcare. People

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<v Speaker 1>get healthcare and he said, well, we wanted for free.

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<v Speaker 1>And I said, well, good luck with that. He said, well,

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<v Speaker 1>we're fighting hard for that. Go to work and fight hard.

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<v Speaker 1>So I don't agree with what the demands that I've

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<v Speaker 1>been hearing. I haven't heard demands in the post election

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<v Speaker 1>cycle that I can agree with, and that's unfortunate. But

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<v Speaker 1>I'm searching for that. Maybe you could give me a

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<v Speaker 1>point of view that you think might cross the aisle

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<v Speaker 1>about anything, anything you've heard today that you think somebody

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<v Speaker 1>you say you identified. I want to be empathetic with

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<v Speaker 1>that challenge. I mean, honestly, from what I have heard

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<v Speaker 1>from people who are quote unquote liberals is that they're

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<v Speaker 1>actually just seeing this as an opportunity to try to

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<v Speaker 1>band together. So he is the president. We do need

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<v Speaker 1>to move forward, So where do we go from here?

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<v Speaker 1>Like your legs are broken, now, you know it's a

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<v Speaker 1>healing process. They're animal, So what you do is inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

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<v Speaker 1>Your friend who is a reiki from Woodstock, New York,

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<v Speaker 1>who is you know, very and he's taught me things.

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<v Speaker 1>He's taught me as an orth beat, as many things

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<v Speaker 1>that I use in my daily life, breathing for instance, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>wonderful thought we can share that we can grow with that. Um.

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<v Speaker 1>He's praying for peace, but he's afraid of what Donald

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<v Speaker 1>Trump would mean as far as that's concerned. And I said,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm praying for the for peace too, but in the

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<v Speaker 1>opportunities allow us to live our lives. And I say,

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<v Speaker 1>what if, just maybe your prayers are answered in a

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<v Speaker 1>way you didn't expect me. And I think that we

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<v Speaker 1>have a chance for the future. For Dan, everything up

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<v Speaker 1>until this part has been broken, and there's a promise

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<v Speaker 1>of making his worldview whole. For Shine, she's just beginning

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<v Speaker 1>to see the fractures. You might think that these two

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<v Speaker 1>perspectives are like fragments from a broken bowl, never to

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<v Speaker 1>be returned to the whole again. But it turns out

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<v Speaker 1>that something can be broken and fixed at the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>and in the process made stronger. A lump of clay

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<v Speaker 1>on a spinning wheel changes shape. It rises up as

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<v Speaker 1>the potter intervenes with her hands, and by degrees the

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<v Speaker 1>form of a bowl emerges. It's then fired glazed, refired,

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<v Speaker 1>and finally the bowl is the illusion of symmetry perfection.

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<v Speaker 1>The bull falls, hits the ground, cracks open. Kintsugi is

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<v Speaker 1>the Japanese art of broken pottery, the philosophy of which

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<v Speaker 1>tells us that a shattered bull isn't broken, but simply scattered.

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<v Speaker 1>It's true potential only now revealed. The shards are fused

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<v Speaker 1>together with gold, and the cracks clow like gilded veins.

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<v Speaker 1>In a Japanese parable, it is said that the bowl

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<v Speaker 1>has become more beautiful for having been broken. The true

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<v Speaker 1>life of the bull began the moment it fell. We

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<v Speaker 1>know this story, albeit in a different form. We call

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<v Speaker 1>it the Fall, and in it Adam and Eve live

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<v Speaker 1>in Paradise, place where everything is perfect and nothing happens.

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<v Speaker 1>In Rebecca soln It's book Hope in the Dark, she

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<v Speaker 1>writes that quote, Paradise does not require of us courage, selflessness, creativity, passion.

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<v Speaker 1>She notes that quote some imaginative Christian heretics worshiped Eve

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<v Speaker 1>for having liberated us from Paradise the myth of the

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<v Speaker 1>fortunate Fall. The heretics recognized that before the fall, we

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<v Speaker 1>were not yet fully human. In Paradise, Adam and Eve

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<v Speaker 1>need not wrestle with morality, creation, with society, with mortality.

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<v Speaker 1>They only realize their own humanity and the struggle and

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<v Speaker 1>imperfect world invites. In the early morning hours of July fifteen,

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<v Speaker 1>two thousand and sixteen, I knew something was wrong, something

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<v Speaker 1>had broken. I was thirty six weeks pregnant, and I

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<v Speaker 1>woke up. I wasn't sure exactly what was wrong, but

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<v Speaker 1>I silently pled to my unborn daughter to hold on

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<v Speaker 1>to live. I swear, I said that life is beautiful.

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<v Speaker 1>I swear it's worth it. I woke up later in

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<v Speaker 1>the operating room, with hands working over her tiny body.

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<v Speaker 1>My daughter finally took her first breath. Today, I look

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<v Speaker 1>at her, and I see a kind of kintsugi at work,

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<v Speaker 1>the mosaic of people and systems that stitched together her existence.

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<v Speaker 1>And I see these same forces at work and binding

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<v Speaker 1>us all together, because life truly begins once we realize

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<v Speaker 1>it's broken. In Season two of the Stuff of Life,

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<v Speaker 1>the personal is the political, and we follow the cracks

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<v Speaker 1>in it all, starting with anger and hate, and then

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<v Speaker 1>the miracle of empty and compassion and wiring us all

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<v Speaker 1>together in this great, big, broken world of ours. Sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>anger is an entirely appropriate response to mistreatment, and it's

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<v Speaker 1>our own anger is a signal to our felt that

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<v Speaker 1>we need to take better care of ourselves. The sup

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<v Speaker 1>of Life is written and executive produced by me and

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<v Speaker 1>Julie Douglas and co produced by Noel Brown. Interviews in

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<v Speaker 1>this episode were conducted by Noel Brown and Holly Fry.

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<v Speaker 1>Original music is by Noel Brown. This episode also featured

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<v Speaker 1>music by Tristan McNeil and Dylan Fagan, and editorial oversight

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<v Speaker 1>is provided by contributing producer Dylan Fagan and Head of

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<v Speaker 1>production Jerry Rowland. We'd like to hear from you. We'd

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<v Speaker 1>like to hear your stories and your thoughts and you

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<v Speaker 1>can share them with us on our total free calling

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<v Speaker 1>number that's one eight four four hs W stuff