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Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray.

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Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to stump Mom? Never told you?

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Speaker 1: From house top works dot com. Hi, welcome to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: This is Molly and I'm Kristen Chris to me, have

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Speaker 1: a pretty good relationship, don't you think, Yeah, i'd say so.

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Speaker 1: Do you ever worried that one day we'll get a

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Speaker 1: huge fight and then it'll be really difficult to do

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Speaker 1: the podcast? No, now that you bring it up, I

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Speaker 1: might keep me up at night. But but if we

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Speaker 1: break up, who gets the podcast? Oh? Well, you know

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Speaker 1: I would get the podcast, Molly, because uh see comes

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Speaker 1: before M in the alphabet, and therefore I'm you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm first, so I'm entitled to two grabs at the podcast.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna take the whole podcast, but you leave me

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Speaker 1: the blog? Well yeah, you leave me the Twitter account.

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Speaker 1: Can I have all our online accounts? Sure? And you'll

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Speaker 1: take the podcast. So you know, we really should have

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Speaker 1: dealt with this issue way before we started the podcast. Well,

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Speaker 1: the thing is, though, Molly, if we break up, I

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Speaker 1: think how Stuff Works gets our podcasts. That's true, But

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Speaker 1: you know, if we want to consider our podcast as

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Speaker 1: a metaphor for the things that we've accumulated together for

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Speaker 1: our spiritual marriage, for our spiritual marriage exactly. Um, then

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Speaker 1: I think what it brings us to our topic of

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Speaker 1: the day, which is prenup agreements. You know, if if

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Speaker 1: if Kristy and I make this business venture together, which

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Speaker 1: in some ways is what marriage is, the joining of

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Speaker 1: two accounts. Yeah, I bring I bring my knowledge, you

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Speaker 1: bring your knowledge. Together. We make a knowledge baby of

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Speaker 1: our podcasts. I love where this is going. Keep going. Uh. Then,

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Speaker 1: you know, before before we entered into this agreement, we

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Speaker 1: might should have hammered out some some details if if

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Speaker 1: you know, if I write a book stuff Mom never

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Speaker 1: told you, do I have to give you half the proceeds.

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Speaker 1: I will. But Kristen, I don't think we'll ever have

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Speaker 1: a huge fight ever ever, And um, let's make a

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Speaker 1: pact right now, Molly on live not live podcast air.

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Speaker 1: But you know what that's also brings the topic of

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Speaker 1: prenup because I bet a lot of people don't think

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Speaker 1: they need a prenup when they get married because they're like,

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Speaker 1: we're never gonna fight. Yeah, I mean the people that

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Speaker 1: come to mind right now that's in the News Alan

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Speaker 1: to Purgore. They were married for years. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if they had a prenup or not. I haven't done

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Speaker 1: any any research into that, but you know, you think

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Speaker 1: you think of that, it's like a really long term couple.

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Speaker 1: Why would they need to just sign a prenup? What

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Speaker 1: do you know? Forty years down the line and they

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Speaker 1: both have plenty of assets and who knows what will happen.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it seems like it's a pretty amicable breakup.

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Speaker 1: But but when you consider other celebrities, which is what

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Speaker 1: we're gonna do now, we are going to see why

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Speaker 1: prenups are so vital right because we often think of

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Speaker 1: we associate prenups, at least with the rich and famous.

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Speaker 1: For instance, one one prenup agreement that kind of gave

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Speaker 1: me a little bit of joy was I found out

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Speaker 1: from Radar Online that Sandra Bullock and Jesse James have

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Speaker 1: a prenup that specifies that he gets no money in

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Speaker 1: a divorce if he cheats during the marriage. Jesse, you

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Speaker 1: might would have thought about that before you cheated with

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Speaker 1: seven women allegedly. I do want to note that Radar

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Speaker 1: Online is not normally a source for our podcast, but

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Speaker 1: when we must, when we must research celebrities, Molly, you

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Speaker 1: have to do what you have to do. Let's turn

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Speaker 1: to Esquire, which had spotlighted seven celebrities and their pre nups. Uh,

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Speaker 1: it was it's touched off by the whole Tiger would

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Speaker 1: situation because apparently when he originally got married, his deal

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Speaker 1: limited Ellen his wife to twenty million if the marriage

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Speaker 1: lasted ten years, and given all his endorsement deals and

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Speaker 1: his winnings, that's that's chump change. You know, that was

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Speaker 1: a good way to protect his assets from his wife.

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Speaker 1: But uh, you know, after the after the year that

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Speaker 1: the Tigers had apparently coined Esquire, he is revising the

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Speaker 1: deal to eighty million to keep her to stay for

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Speaker 1: seven more years. So we think about it sometimes in

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Speaker 1: terms of putting a price tag on the marriage, but

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Speaker 1: in reality, it's more about protecting your assets before the marriage.

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Speaker 1: Right now, on the other side of the spectrum, we

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Speaker 1: have Steven Spielberg and Amy Irving, who were married in

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Speaker 1: Night five. They got divorced four years later, and Spielberg

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Speaker 1: and Irving just allegedly scribbled down a pre nup on

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Speaker 1: a cocktail napkin, and uh, when the judge throughout the

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Speaker 1: Napkin and the divorce, h Irving wound up with a

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Speaker 1: hundred million dollar payout. Yes, Spielberg meet some pretty good

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Speaker 1: movies between eighty five and eighty nine. Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: the thing is like you're talking about chump change. I mean,

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Speaker 1: under a million at this point is chump changed to him?

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Speaker 1: But maybe in you know, he was like, oh, maybe

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Speaker 1: the cocktail napkin idea wasn't so great. Might have actually

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Speaker 1: wanted to see a lawyer about that. Um. Sometimes when

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Speaker 1: you've been burned by enough marriages, you know to get

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Speaker 1: a pre nup. And that us the case of Elizabeth

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Speaker 1: Taylor and Larry Fortensky, because Elizba Taylor made made sure

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Speaker 1: she had a prenup before she married for the eighth time,

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Speaker 1: and so he only got a million dollar settlement when

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Speaker 1: they split five years later. And let's talk about one

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Speaker 1: that always seems to make the TABLOIDI magazines, Tom Cruise

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Speaker 1: and Katie Holmes deal o Tom cat. Yeah. So, according

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Speaker 1: to Esquire, for every year she's married to the couch jumper,

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Speaker 1: she only gets three million from him, despite no matter

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Speaker 1: what movies he makes during the course of their marriage.

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Speaker 1: Just bite, you know, if he makes the next it

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Speaker 1: makes top gun to only Molly, only three mill I'm

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Speaker 1: in Hollywood Land right now, in Hollywood, that's only three million,

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Speaker 1: you know, because if he does make another blockbuster, it's

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Speaker 1: gonna get a nice, nice chunk of change. But if

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Speaker 1: she makes it to year eleven, then California's community property

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Speaker 1: law goes into effect, and then she can make half

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Speaker 1: of whatever he made during the marriage. Right Because, as

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Speaker 1: we'll talk about in a minute, dofferent states have different

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Speaker 1: laws pertaining to pre nups, not surprisingly, and different countries

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Speaker 1: also view prenups differently. But Molly, we're talking about the

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Speaker 1: rich and famous and uh, ourselves and ourselves. Um, so

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Speaker 1: maybe we need to dial this down a little bit

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Speaker 1: and bring it bring it back to reality because chances are, um,

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Speaker 1: our listeners, as much as I love each and every

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Speaker 1: one of you, you're probably not among the rich and famous.

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Speaker 1: And if you are, then me an email. Um. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: let's talk I mean, let's talk about like in reality,

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Speaker 1: what what is the prem up and tail? And should

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Speaker 1: people even think about it? If I am not pulling

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Speaker 1: in millions of dollars every year, is it something that

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Speaker 1: I should even consider? And I would argue that the

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Speaker 1: thing I'm going to argue over the course of the

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Speaker 1: podcast Christen is yes, yes, Molly is very pro prenup,

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Speaker 1: but I am very appropriate up. And I'm not even

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Speaker 1: someone who's going to come to a marriage with a

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Speaker 1: ton of money that I know of. Um. But the

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Speaker 1: fact matter is celebrities and they're and they're crazy Hollywood

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Speaker 1: money are not the ones who invent a pre nups,

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Speaker 1: despite the fact that that's who we associate with them. Now. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: historical records show that pre nups stretched all the way

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Speaker 1: back to ancient Egypt, especially with the wealthy families of

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Speaker 1: the day, they kind of broker these marriages. The parents

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Speaker 1: would broker marriages, and obviously they want to protect um

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Speaker 1: the assets. And then fast forward a little bit to

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Speaker 1: the nineteenth century. We um women were covered under what's

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Speaker 1: called coveragure laws and essentially, when a woman would get married,

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Speaker 1: all of her property would be automatically transferred to her husband.

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Speaker 1: Then if her husband dies or divorces her, all of

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Speaker 1: her assets could just magically disappear. Now, once the Married

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Speaker 1: Women's Property Act of eighteen forty eight was instituted, UM,

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Speaker 1: then that kind of gave her a little more leeway

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Speaker 1: with with her property that she brought into the marriage.

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Speaker 1: But prenups were pretty common to protect a woman's inheritance

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Speaker 1: or whatever kind of family assets that that she would have.

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Speaker 1: For a man as well, they are very popular, especially

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Speaker 1: in royal families. Again, you wouldn't want, you know, your

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Speaker 1: kingdom accidentally going to your in laws, so I do too,

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Speaker 1: So it was it was really just a way to

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Speaker 1: protect these major assets. But what we learned in our

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Speaker 1: research is that now even people who don't have the

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Speaker 1: most major assets, who are not Rockefellers or or Kings

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Speaker 1: of England, might want to consider prenups. So let's talk

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Speaker 1: a little bit about what the agreement actually says if

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Speaker 1: it's not trying to protect you know, your your jewels.

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Speaker 1: So even if you're not a royal, if you're not

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Speaker 1: a Rockefeller, let's talk about what might be in your

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Speaker 1: prenup and why you might need one. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: just in the simplest terms, a prenup shal agreement, as

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Speaker 1: a contract between two people who were about to would

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Speaker 1: spells out exactly how their assets will be distributed in

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Speaker 1: the event of divorce or death. Now, this is where

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Speaker 1: people start to get and see right away about pre

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Speaker 1: nups because you're basically before you get married, planning for divorce.

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Speaker 1: And so people will say this is so unromantic. This

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Speaker 1: is just you know, you're you'll never make it if

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Speaker 1: you're planning to divorce. And to this, I say, Kristen,

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Speaker 1: before we continue, just keep this in mind. No one

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Speaker 1: ever plans for a plane to crash, but we still

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Speaker 1: go over where the flotation devices are. So that's what

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Speaker 1: I'm going to say. The people who think it's not romantic, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: is you got a plan for divorce? And some people

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Speaker 1: are some people are going into this very level headed

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Speaker 1: and saying, you know, one in two marriages is going

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Speaker 1: to end in divorce. Let's be sensible about this now

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Speaker 1: when we're still in love. Even if you think it's

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Speaker 1: un romantic, Barris out because you still listen to when

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Speaker 1: the mask is going to fall from the airplane, even

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Speaker 1: though it probably never will. Well. And one thing that

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Speaker 1: I think people get confused about when it comes to

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Speaker 1: pre nups is that lawyers will advise that you lay

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Speaker 1: out prenups before you even get engaged. It's not something

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Speaker 1: we see it portrayed in movies and TV a lot

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Speaker 1: of times is something that someone has to sign like

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Speaker 1: right before they get married, and they're in the wedding

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Speaker 1: dress and they're trying to decide where they sign the

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Speaker 1: prenup um and and that's not going to happen because legally,

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Speaker 1: the closer that it happens to the wedding, the less

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Speaker 1: uh recourse that person will have in the case of divorce.

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Speaker 1: Because if the judge says, like sees it, oh, you

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Speaker 1: the bride signed this prenup like two days before the wedding,

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Speaker 1: that's coercion and she's going to get more than is

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Speaker 1: laid down this prenup. Yeah, So to you to really

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Speaker 1: make this agreement, it's got to be done sort of

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Speaker 1: with a clear head, not with a wedding head um.

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Speaker 1: And you've gotta you've gotta be pretty honest with your

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Speaker 1: finances well, and you need two separate attorneys. Also, you

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Speaker 1: don't need the same attorney. As much as you you

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Speaker 1: love your your honey, get a lawyer. And I'm sure

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Speaker 1: that's part of the reason why some people don't think

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Speaker 1: they're eligible for prenups, because a who can afford two

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Speaker 1: lawyers right now? But it's just it's insurance against anything.

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Speaker 1: If you do need two lawyers down the road, you're

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Speaker 1: gonna wish you'd had one earlier. Very true, And just

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Speaker 1: to give you an idea of some things you might

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Speaker 1: want to think about in terms of whether you should

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Speaker 1: get a pre nup, bank rt dot com recommends you

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Speaker 1: think about the old prenuptial agreement in case you have,

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Speaker 1: say any assets such as a home, stock, or retirement funds,

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Speaker 1: if you own any or part of a business, if

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Speaker 1: you have or will be receiving an inheritance, if you

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Speaker 1: have kids or grandchildren from previous marriage. Uh, if one

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Speaker 1: of you is wealthier than the other, because Molly, I

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Speaker 1: know when you become filthy rich, you know, you're you're

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Speaker 1: gonna have to lock that that uptight um. And then

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Speaker 1: if one of you will be supporting the other through

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Speaker 1: through college. Because once again, Molly, when you get filthy rich,

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Speaker 1: you know, and I know you like the you know,

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Speaker 1: the younger guys. So there we go. But again, Kristen,

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Speaker 1: my my pro prenup pet is saying, maybe I get

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Speaker 1: filthy rich while I'm married, So you've also got to

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Speaker 1: protect your future too. Yeah, because let's talk a little

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Speaker 1: it about those state laws we mentioned earlier, because depending

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Speaker 1: on where you live, pre nup is definitely going to

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Speaker 1: be a good idea. For instance, if let's say, like

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Speaker 1: many celebrities, you live in California, which is a community

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Speaker 1: property state, you get divorced, and the law says everything

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Speaker 1: accumulated during the marriage will be divided equally, just split

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Speaker 1: down the middle. So if you get married in California

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Speaker 1: and afterwards, you know, saying, get discovered an ice cream

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Speaker 1: shop and I become a huge actress exactly, and then

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Speaker 1: you know your your your honey is just you know,

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Speaker 1: a carpenter or something. Uh, then he's gonna get half

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Speaker 1: of all of your riches, your poster not even do

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Speaker 1: all that work. I know, I know, I can't believe

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Speaker 1: he's even trying to get your money anyway, But it happens.

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Speaker 1: It does happen. But there are nine community property states

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Speaker 1: where that will happen, and that's Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada,

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Speaker 1: Exicode Tech. It's really un necessary for me to say

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Speaker 1: all these so aside from California, there are eight other

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Speaker 1: community property states. Now. The rest of them, for the

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Speaker 1: most part, are called equitable distribution states, in which assets

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Speaker 1: are divvied up according to what the court deemed fair,

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Speaker 1: and the judge might take into account things like the

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Speaker 1: length of the marriage, whether or not you have kids,

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Speaker 1: the couple's age, health, job skills, and other factors. But

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Speaker 1: that is unless you have an air tight prenup. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because if let's use the actress example, if that carpenter

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Speaker 1: husband goes into court and says, oh, I constructed all

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Speaker 1: the sets for her movies, thus I am half responsible

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Speaker 1: for her success Or if he says, you know, because

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Speaker 1: of your your celebrity party lifestyle, you're an unfit mother

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Speaker 1: and he's gonna have to take care of the seven

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Speaker 1: children that you have now produced, then he might get

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Speaker 1: a little more. So it's it can definitely happen. Sort

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Speaker 1: of a life you can't even amatim for yourself could

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Speaker 1: suddenly materialize and then what are you gonna do? But

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Speaker 1: you know, we've talked a little bit about um, making

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Speaker 1: sure that a prenup is not coerced, making sure that

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Speaker 1: each person has a lawyer. What does it say in

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Speaker 1: the prenup. Let's talk about when you sit down to

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Speaker 1: have that conversation, everything you've got to put on the table.

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Speaker 1: And I do mean everything, And that is something we

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Speaker 1: talked about another podcast, is that you really just don't

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Speaker 1: want to talk about money with someone you're in love with.

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Speaker 1: It's so unromantic. But you've got to get financially naked,

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Speaker 1: even if you haven't gotten physically naked with the person.

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Speaker 1: You've got to lay it all out their credit card debt.

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Speaker 1: That's the other thing a prenup can protect you from.

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Speaker 1: Let's say that my hypothetical carpenter husband gets a drug

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Speaker 1: habit and then because you can't do with my success obviously,

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Speaker 1: and then uh runs up a credit card bill when

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Speaker 1: he's buying TVs to sell for his drug camit. That

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Speaker 1: was a very elaborate example. I don't need to get

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Speaker 1: stuck with that debt. So it's also protecting you against

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Speaker 1: maybe the bad things that at UH someone's bringing into

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Speaker 1: the relationship, maybe maybe credit card debt, student loans um,

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Speaker 1: that private island you own, you probably should havemit mentioning

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Speaker 1: that because later, if the divorce judge finds it, that's

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Speaker 1: gonna be a big, big trouble mark for you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so you're supposed to lay everything out and in that process,

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Speaker 1: especially if you're doing this around the time of an engagement.

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Speaker 1: It can be a good barometer to of of from

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Speaker 1: a practical sense, knowing whether or not this this person

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Speaker 1: is going to be a good partner. Um. But there

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Speaker 1: are some things, Molly, that a prenup cannot cover. Now,

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Speaker 1: when we were talking before this, you were like, I

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Speaker 1: want to get I want to get a pimped up

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Speaker 1: preen up, and it's gonna lay out so many stipulations. Well,

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Speaker 1: there's some really silly prenups that say things like, uh,

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Speaker 1: the two must have sex twice a week, and it

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Speaker 1: only gonna say like certain positions you have to use,

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Speaker 1: like wife cannot gain more than ten pounds, yeah over

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Speaker 1: twenty years, or she forfeits ten million dollars. So it's

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Speaker 1: you can get really crazy prenups. But tell us why

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Speaker 1: that's not a good idea. Well, if you in fact

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Speaker 1: get divorced and then you bring the zany pren up

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Speaker 1: to the judge and you say, I mean, look at us,

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Speaker 1: she gained fifty pounds and we weren't having you know,

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Speaker 1: sex eight times a week like I stipulated. But you

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Speaker 1: just gonna say that that's frivolous, that's frivolous. It's a

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Speaker 1: frivolous prenup, and even if you did have really serious

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Speaker 1: money consideration, still within there the whole thing runs the

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Speaker 1: risk of being thrown out UM. And a few more

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Speaker 1: things that you probably are not gonna be able to

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Speaker 1: get get covered in a prenup. It can't cover anything illegal, Christen,

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Speaker 1: So you can't put a stipulation in there that your

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Speaker 1: your wife loses money if she doesn't buy drugs for

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Speaker 1: you UM. And that's why some of those UM sex

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Speaker 1: clauses get thrown out because it looks too much like

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Speaker 1: prostitution UM. But infidelity clause is still okay because it's

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Speaker 1: you know, that's not illegal to ask that your husband

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Speaker 1: not cheat on your UM. The other thing that a

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Speaker 1: prenup can't have, it's a provision that goes against public policy.

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Speaker 1: So if you have children, you can't really am around

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Speaker 1: a lot about UM child support in the case of

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Speaker 1: a divorce, because courts consider child custody and the welfare

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Speaker 1: of children a matter of public policy. So let's say

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Speaker 1: that you, UM, you know you're gonna have children, and

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Speaker 1: you know that you know in the case of divorce,

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Speaker 1: the husband's gonna pay for them. The wife can't say

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Speaker 1: I wave all child support. That's a matter of public policy.

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Speaker 1: That's not the decision of a prenuptial agreement. Now, one

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Speaker 1: thing I think we got to keep in mind too

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Speaker 1: with prenuptial agreements is that while yes, they do cover

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Speaker 1: um couple's assets in case of a divorce, but it

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Speaker 1: also covers your assets in case of death. But the will,

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Speaker 1: someone's will and the prenup have a pretty interesting relationship. Basically,

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Speaker 1: your spouse's will cannot supersede the prenup if the will

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Speaker 1: is stingier. So, I mean, you're in a win win

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Speaker 1: situation if you have a really good prenup and then

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Speaker 1: someone you know and then your spouse dies, like if

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Speaker 1: if you get less. I know this sounds awful, so

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Speaker 1: sound awf of mom, I'm always giving me these these

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Speaker 1: horror eyes of horror. This is why people think pre

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Speaker 1: nups aren't sexy, because you basically have to say, what

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Speaker 1: happens if my spouse dies? Yeah, and but what's the

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Speaker 1: deal if But basically, if if the will gives you

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Speaker 1: less than the pre nup, the premu prenup is gonna

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Speaker 1: win out or vice versa. If the will gives you more,

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Speaker 1: and then uh, then all right, you get what's in

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Speaker 1: the will and the and the prenup goes away. Now,

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Speaker 1: one thing that's becoming more popular lately to add into

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Speaker 1: prenups are healthcare clauses. And this was found in US

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Speaker 1: News and World Report, and it says that with healthcare

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Speaker 1: cause continuing to rise, UM, people are getting married for

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Speaker 1: health insurance and they're adding a clause in their prenups

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Speaker 1: saying that, hey, if we get divorced, I still get

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Speaker 1: health insurance, which I think, you know, like we said,

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Speaker 1: you've got to put it all out on the table,

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Speaker 1: all the things arranged this marriage, all the things the

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Speaker 1: other person might benefit from. And yes, when you're in

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Speaker 1: the thrones of romance, you kind of think, I just

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Speaker 1: you know, what's yours is mine. And one other interest

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Speaker 1: thing that people putting their prenups um is a sunset clause.

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Speaker 1: And that's what we were talking a little bit about

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Speaker 1: with Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise is if you make

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Speaker 1: it a certain amount of marriage, certain a number of years,

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Speaker 1: then the prenups just null and void because people figure out,

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Speaker 1: if you can make it to ten years, you'll make it.

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Speaker 1: That was only to protect against hasty marriages. You know,

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Speaker 1: a marriage of a year suddenly walking away with you know,

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Speaker 1: half of someone else's things. Um, I have to say

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Speaker 1: to inject my personal opinion, I don't like that idea.

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Speaker 1: I think they need to be ironclad the whole duration

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Speaker 1: of the marriage. I mean, you are about as pro

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Speaker 1: prenup as they come. Well, I gotta say they are well,

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Speaker 1: I mean like you, like you mentioned the beginning, think

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Speaker 1: of Alan Tipper. They probably thought, oh, we'll be fine

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Speaker 1: after twenty years, and here they are at forty years

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Speaker 1: getting a divorce. Well, and it's I think it's also

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Speaker 1: worth noting to the lawyers advised couples with prenups to

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Speaker 1: review their prenups every few years. Maybe they want to

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Speaker 1: adjust something. Maybe you know, they want to loosen something

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Speaker 1: up or tighten up another part. I mean, why not.

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Speaker 1: It's a legal binding document kind of like your will. Um,

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Speaker 1: and and it's worth taking a look at. Uh. But

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Speaker 1: the thing is too that we we often associate, like

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Speaker 1: you said, prenups with just being completely unromantic. Well, it's

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Speaker 1: almost saying I don't trust you to be fair to

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Speaker 1: me when we're getting a divorce. But the thing is,

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Speaker 1: though prenups have become like the public perception towards prenups

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Speaker 1: at least has improved a lot in recent years. And

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Speaker 1: I think that it's kind of due to the recession,

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Speaker 1: because people have just turned into scrooges and want to

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Speaker 1: make sure that they're they're safe. But we found a

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Speaker 1: recent article in USA Today that cited a Harris survey

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Speaker 1: that found that UM, more than one third of adults

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Speaker 1: thirty six percent to be exact, said prenups make smart

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Speaker 1: financial sense, and that's up from twenty percent in two

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Speaker 1: thousand two. But while a third of people have a

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Speaker 1: favorable view of prenups, far fewer actually have them. According

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Speaker 1: to UH the same Hairs survey, only three percent of

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Speaker 1: people with a spouse or beyonce have a prenup, but

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Speaker 1: that's also up from one percent in two thousand two.

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Speaker 1: But then let's fast forward to divorce. A lot of

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Speaker 1: people wish that they had had one who didn't UM.

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Speaker 1: Among people who got a divorce, fifteen percent say that

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Speaker 1: they regret not having a prenup and their most recent marriage,

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Speaker 1: according again to the Harris poll. And interestingly, men are

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Speaker 1: more like within women to have this regret, and that's

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Speaker 1: nineteen percent versus twelve percent, and then nearly forty percent

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Speaker 1: of Americans also say they would have asked their significant

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Speaker 1: other to sign a prenup if they remarried. So it's

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Speaker 1: kind of like hindsight seems like a lot of people

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Speaker 1: have gotten burned by this, uh this prenups well, and

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Speaker 1: if you are guing remarried and have children, they say

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Speaker 1: that's an ideal situation for a prenup because you need

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Speaker 1: to make sure that your own children are protected, um

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Speaker 1: in the case of another divorce. And we actually read

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Speaker 1: one article about blended families and prenuptial agreements and I

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Speaker 1: got to say, Christ and that might be a topic

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Speaker 1: for a whole another podcast, just because the finances of

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Speaker 1: a blended family are so tricky. But if you just

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Speaker 1: want to think about it from a prenup perspective, if

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Speaker 1: you've got two children, you want to make sure your

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Speaker 1: assets are going to your two children as opposed to

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Speaker 1: someone you may not bitterly hate. But but the thing

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Speaker 1: about bitter hate is it can happen. And when people

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Speaker 1: say prenups are unromantic, I feel like it's it's almost

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Speaker 1: better to think about how you're going to exit a

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Speaker 1: marriage when you're most in love, because then you're more

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Speaker 1: likely to be fair and generous with someone, Whereas, you know,

425
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:36,119
Speaker 1: if you are divorcing because of let's say infidelity, you

426
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,240
Speaker 1: either want to take someone for all they've got or

427
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:39,920
Speaker 1: if you're on the other side, you want to cut

428
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,960
Speaker 1: them off completely. Whereas if you really did love someone,

429
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,119
Speaker 1: you wouldn't want that for them, You'd want it to

430
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 1: be fair in some way. So again, as Kristen said,

431
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 1: I am I am very pro prenup because it just

432
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 1: I think, far from being unromantic, it's more romantic to

433
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 1: share everything you have in terms of listing it out

434
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,159
Speaker 1: and then also saying, well, what's gonna be fair to

435
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 1: you and fair to me in the case this airplane

436
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 1: crashes well, and I think that it also reflects something

437
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 1: that women need to think about more than ever when

438
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:14,879
Speaker 1: they're entering into a marriage, as opposed to say, fifty

439
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: years ago when it was Destination housewife. You know, we

440
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: are career women. We do acquire assets, we do have

441
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,679
Speaker 1: four oh one case, and I think that we, you know,

442
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 1: it is worth thinking about those more practical sides of things, um,

443
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 1: you know, in addition to the dress and the cake

444
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 1: and the venue. Because if you think I'm giving half

445
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: of my book collection to you future husband. You are

446
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 1: wrong staying with me now, Molly? But what about all right?

447
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:46,200
Speaker 1: This is the extreme though, in my opinion, you read

448
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 1: about this New York post dating prenups, I love them.

449
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: There's no freenup you can throw at me that I'm

450
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: not gonna love. You. Tell people a little bit about

451
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 1: what dating prenups are. Sure you found this arcle in

452
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 1: New York Post about these cup moose who are just

453
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 1: living together or dating, but drawing up these same sort

454
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 1: of contracts, because think of all the things you can

455
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 1: accumulate in the course of dating. You might get a dog,

456
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 1: you might get gym memberships, you might get a certain

457
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 1: favorite bar. Some people are going so far as to

458
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,400
Speaker 1: say if we break up, I get that bar, yeah.

459
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 1: Or your parents. I mean, like, think of how much

460
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 1: you know a boyfriend or a girlfriend can get to

461
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 1: know your parents, your family, your friends. Who gets the friends?

462
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 1: CHRISTI friends? But can you really put that on a

463
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 1: piece of paper? And if you're just dating for crying

464
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,960
Speaker 1: out loud, you know, I mean, it's not just really

465
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,719
Speaker 1: putting the cart before the horse. Well, I think some

466
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,360
Speaker 1: dating is different than the other day I do think

467
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,359
Speaker 1: that when you're moving in together, if you haven't had

468
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 1: a serious conversation about finances and what living together is

469
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 1: going to be like. You know, there was one couple

470
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,359
Speaker 1: in the article that basically laid out and an unofficial

471
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 1: contract that just the two of them honored who was

472
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: going to make the bed and who was going to

473
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 1: take out the trash. Yeah, a lot of these these

474
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: dating prenups are not legal binding contracts. It's more like

475
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,360
Speaker 1: kind of like the Steven Spielberg Amy Irving thing. It's

476
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 1: it's more of a cop something we came up in

477
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 1: a bar when we decided to move in together exactly.

478
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 1: But you know, if you if you do if you

479
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: buy a dog together, if you buy you know, electronic

480
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 1: equipment that caused lots of money to our interview. If

481
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 1: you know, if someone gave up their apartment to move

482
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: into someone else's house and then the relationship ends, what

483
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 1: are you gonna do for for living arrangements? You know,

484
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:26,399
Speaker 1: just even those divisions of property that you don't really

485
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 1: even own. Um, it's just I think that's just part

486
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 1: of a practical conversation you've got to have before you

487
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: move in with someone. Well, my, my favorite anecdote from

488
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 1: this New York Post article was of a relationship blogger

489
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 1: and a comedian who created I mean, it was kind

490
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 1: of just a silly dating prenup, but I think they

491
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: did take it pretty seriously because it included creative rights

492
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: over their shattered relationship. Because you know, as on this podcast,

493
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,400
Speaker 1: every now and then, we tend to share personal stories

494
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: and you know, if you're if you're in that that realm,

495
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,400
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, dating and and breaking up and

496
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 1: all of that is such good fodder. So many times

497
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: like it can be really hurtful. Yeah. I mean, Kristin

498
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:08,640
Speaker 1: never signed an agreement that I couldn't write a book

499
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,119
Speaker 1: about her later. Yeah, and I'm going to call it

500
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:16,400
Speaker 1: the thrifty homeschooler who wanted to abolish marriage. She didn't

501
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:21,640
Speaker 1: sign an agreement, and that's not true. Um, But yeah,

502
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,439
Speaker 1: I mean I think it's I mean, that's kind of

503
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,720
Speaker 1: on the sillier side of things. I mean, I think

504
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,879
Speaker 1: that we can kind of, you know, get out into

505
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:31,920
Speaker 1: the fringes at this point, right. But I do see

506
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: your your point, Molly, that these kind of dating prenups,

507
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 1: as kind of serious as they might seem, could be

508
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: a good tool to reevaluate your relationships, see how much

509
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 1: you really care about this person and understand exactly what

510
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 1: two people coming together in a relationship really entails. And

511
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:52,880
Speaker 1: I don't. I just again, I I have a hard time.

512
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 1: And if you have the other opinion, feel free to

513
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: write in and tell me why why I'm wrong. But

514
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,919
Speaker 1: I just don't see that as unromantic. I feel like

515
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 1: most people who are successful relationships will admit that romance

516
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 1: is something that you work at. So I don't think

517
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 1: that sharing with the other person, you know, what you're

518
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 1: bringing into relationship, uh, is unromantic. I think that that's

519
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 1: an evidence of the work that you're gonna do. If

520
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 1: you say, just in dating, you know, preen up, I'm

521
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 1: going to take out the trash. That's what I'm going

522
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 1: to bring to this relationship. Well, it's kind of like

523
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: what you said, you know, if when you when you

524
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:25,719
Speaker 1: go into a dating relationship or a marital relationship or

525
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 1: just some kind of partnership with someone else in a

526
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 1: romantic sense, I mean, you're expected to be truthful to

527
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:37,959
Speaker 1: that person. You're expected to be emotionally honest, sexually honest, um,

528
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 1: and why not be fiscally honest? As well exactly fiscally naked. Yeah,

529
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 1: just this important as emotional nakedness. And that's the title

530
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,119
Speaker 1: of my next bent. And I really hope that we

531
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 1: hear from a lot of you guys, I mean, flood

532
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 1: flood the Facebook page, send us emails, because I am

533
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 1: very curious to know about people's thoughts on this prenup situation,

534
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,639
Speaker 1: because I think it's kind of it's a little controver. Well,

535
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 1: you know this, this whole um episode was suggested by

536
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 1: one of our listeners, Alicia and Missouri Yes, who got

537
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 1: married and didn't have a prenup, although it was discussed,

538
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,959
Speaker 1: and I believe that the husband had a business so

539
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 1: there was that that sort of asset and they decided

540
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,399
Speaker 1: against it. So maybe people are having this discussion and

541
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 1: deciding against it. Maybe far more people have prenups than

542
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 1: we know. The USA to Day article pointed out that

543
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 1: because it kind of falls halfway under a state law

544
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,159
Speaker 1: and halfway under family law, it's sort of impossible to

545
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 1: know exactly how many are out there. But if you

546
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 1: have them, why did you get them, If you talked

547
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,640
Speaker 1: about and decide against it, why did you do that?

548
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: And if you think that they are the most unromantic,

549
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: horrifying things in the world. Let us know about that too, Mom,

550
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: stuff at how stuff works dot com. And Mom, would

551
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 1: you like me to kick things off with an email

552
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 1: as I usually do? Umah, let's keep it as usual. Christen. Yeah,

553
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna throw a curveball this week, Molly, because

554
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 1: I don't want you to podcast divorce me and then

555
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 1: take every thing I own. Um So, I've got an

556
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 1: email here from Claire and I think it's kind of

557
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 1: addressed to me, she says. She says, I have just

558
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 1: one teeny tiny favor to ask, please, and that's in

559
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 1: all caps. Claire's not getting around. Please stop with the

560
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: phony British accents that seemed to pop up in every

561
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: single podcast. Please, it's my only request. So, Claire, I'm

562
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 1: I'm really sorry that that you find my accents so greating.

563
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 1: But and I was talking to Molly about this earlier.

564
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 1: The thing it's it's not it's not premeditated when I

565
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 1: slip into a weird voice. It's an unfortunate habit that

566
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 1: happens outside of the studio at all. It just kind

567
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 1: of does possesses me. I'll be in meetings and Chris

568
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden have an accent. But I

569
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: that's what I love about Christian in meetings, I hope maybe,

570
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 1: And it kind of falls along the lines of a

571
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 1: bad habit I've acquired of singing my wood. It's you know,

572
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: I just don't even mean to so um. So it's

573
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,719
Speaker 1: a good reminder that our shows aren't scripted. It's all

574
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 1: off the cuff. So that's also why there are still

575
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 1: a lot of ums. And you knows, and uh, but

576
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 1: I will try maybe maybe I'll just keep in mind no,

577
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 1: no British accent, but I love your British accent. The

578
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: clear doesn't. And who's going to podcast divorce you? I

579
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: guess she could do. She could, all right, So thank

580
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: you Claire, and and uh, apologies to anyone who hates

581
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 1: any vocal tis. There's one last one, alright. Letts to

582
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: a reading list, because those aren't controversial. This is a

583
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 1: reading list from Karen And like many of her our

584
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: listeners and probably people who aren't even our listeners, and

585
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 1: people just around the world, she is working on Stieg

586
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 1: Larsen's Millennium trilogy, started with Girl with the Deck, Dragon

587
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 1: Tattoo and the the last book just came out here

588
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 1: in the US The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest,

589
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 1: So she's on that last book. She writes that she

590
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 1: just finished clown Girl by Monica Drake and writes intriguingly,

591
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 1: I will never look at clowns that say way again.

592
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 1: Oh God, I don't think that books for me. It's

593
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 1: sounds terrifying. Man. She also read Valley of the Dolls

594
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 1: by Jacqueline Suzanne. She also reads a lot of music

595
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 1: bios like Bowie and Biography and Paul McCartney A Life.

596
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 1: She was trying to read the James Bond series but

597
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 1: finds the male characters used towards women in other races.

598
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 1: It's hard to read sometimes. Um, and those are a

599
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 1: few of her suggestions. So thank you all for writing in.

600
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 1: As always, it's Mom stuff at how stuff works dot

601
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,719
Speaker 1: com during the week, you should follow us on Twitter

602
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: and become a fans on Facebook. Really, we just want

603
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,479
Speaker 1: you in our lives. And on top of that, you

604
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 1: can read our blog during the week It's stuff Mom

605
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 1: never told you, and the website you can find it

606
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: at is how stuff works dot com. For more on

607
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 1: this and thousands of other topics. Is that how Stuff

608
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 1: works dot Com. Want more how stuff works, check out

609
00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: our blogs on the house, stuff works dot com. Home

610
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 1: Pitch brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve camera.

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