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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if

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Speaker 1: you need advice and relationships, work, sex, parenting and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve BARBFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and we could be reading your letter live on the air,

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Speaker 1: just like we're going to read this one right here,

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Speaker 1: right now, and you never know, it could be yours.

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Speaker 2: It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.

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Speaker 2: We got it for you here. It is Strawberry.

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Speaker 1: Letter, Thanking nep you. Subject he went missing and magically reappeared.

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Speaker 1: He's Stephen Shirley. I'm married to a drunk, plain and simple.

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Speaker 1: I have dealt with him for nine years and it's

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Speaker 1: not always bad, and we do have fun family times

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Speaker 1: with our seven year old. My husband has tried to

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Speaker 1: stop drinking a few times, and he got ashamed when

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Speaker 1: we could not stay. When he could not stay sober,

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Speaker 1: he went to stay with his brother for a few

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Speaker 1: days so we could get himself together. He avoided my calls,

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Speaker 1: so I would call his brother to make sure he

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Speaker 1: was okay. He also skipped work, so I had to

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Speaker 1: call his boss and make up a lone so he

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Speaker 1: wouldn't get fired. He did that four years ago. After that,

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Speaker 1: he only drank on special occasions, and I helped him

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Speaker 1: keep afore drink maximum. That didn't last but one year,

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Speaker 1: and he started back being a functional drunk. He can

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Speaker 1: keep a job, do sports with our son, and take

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Speaker 1: care of most of his stuff, but I have to

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Speaker 1: deal with the crankiness and constant mood swings with him.

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Speaker 1: We went to an anniversary party in October and he

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Speaker 1: had a lot of champagne. When we were dancing, he

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Speaker 1: was kissing all on my breasts and grinding on me.

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Speaker 1: I went and sat down and left him on the

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Speaker 1: dance floor. He made a big scene and started yelling

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Speaker 1: that his own wife hates him. I left with my

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Speaker 1: cousin and his wife, and one of my husband's friends

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Speaker 1: said he would bring him home. But he never came home.

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Speaker 1: He didn't call, he didn't come get any clothes, and

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Speaker 1: he wasn't at his brother's house. This time. I called

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Speaker 1: his job and he was going to work. I knew

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Speaker 1: he was alive. His friends advised me to give him

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Speaker 1: some more time, give him time, and to stop trying

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Speaker 1: to find him. This made me even more anxious because

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Speaker 1: wherever he was, he was eating, and he had clothes.

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Speaker 1: How can he magically reappear after two weeks without any explanation?

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Speaker 1: Am I crazy to still be with him after this?

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Speaker 1: There's nothing magical about any of this, nothing magical about it.

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Speaker 1: He was drunk. You left him at the party because

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Speaker 1: of it, and he had someone else, a woman. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure willing to take him in because it wasn't his

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Speaker 1: brother this time, you said, and take care of him.

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Speaker 1: Your husband's an alcoholic, you said it. The alcohol makes

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Speaker 1: him do crazy things, stuff like embarrassing you on the

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Speaker 1: dance floor, and because he had too much to drink

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Speaker 1: that night, he lost it and started yelling at you

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Speaker 1: at the party. You walked off, and he said you

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Speaker 1: hated him, No, you hated his drunkenness and how he

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Speaker 1: was acting. You were sick of his drunk behavior at

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Speaker 1: that point, and on it out of the party. His

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Speaker 1: friend said he would bring him home, so you knew

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Speaker 1: he would be safe, and you left the party and

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Speaker 1: got out of there. You thought he would come home later.

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Speaker 1: But a whole two weeks went by and you never

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Speaker 1: heard from him. The only way you knew he was alive,

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Speaker 1: you said, is because you called his job. Well, that

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Speaker 1: is way too long not to hear from your husband.

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Speaker 1: He messed up big time this time. So what did

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Speaker 1: he say when he came back? You said he offered

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Speaker 1: no explanation, just nothing. So an answer to your question,

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Speaker 1: I would say, yes, you would be crazy to stay

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Speaker 1: with him after this. He's not going to change. It's

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Speaker 1: been nine years of you being married to a drunk,

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Speaker 1: Plain and simple, Steve, this.

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Speaker 2: Is a very very easy letter because he's given me

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Speaker 2: no reason to fight for him. This man has zero

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Speaker 2: redeeming qualities as of right now, because the thing that's

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Speaker 2: in his life that's most prevalent is the drinking. You're

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Speaker 2: married to a drunk. You're married to an alcoholic who

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Speaker 2: needs help. People who are alcoholics need help, and help

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Speaker 2: is available, but help only works when the person who

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Speaker 2: is the alcoholic wants help. That's it. You can't want

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Speaker 2: it for them. You can't want a person to stop

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Speaker 2: drinking more than them. If they don't want to stop drinking,

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Speaker 2: you're fighting. I've had this in my life before. Nobody

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Speaker 2: I was married to, of course, but I've had family

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Speaker 2: members that was a full blown alcoholic. Your husband's tried

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Speaker 2: to stop drinking a few times. He got ashamed when

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Speaker 2: he could not sober up. He he he he need help,

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Speaker 2: He need help. There's a real problem. This is an addiction.

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Speaker 2: You got to go get help. If he could stop,

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Speaker 2: he'd have been stopped. He would to stay with his

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Speaker 2: brother for a few days so he could get hisself together.

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Speaker 2: He avoided my calls, so I would call his brother

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Speaker 2: make sure he was okay. He also skipped work, so

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Speaker 2: I had to find call his boss and make up

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Speaker 2: a live so he wouldn't get fired. What you tell

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Speaker 2: him he was in the hospital in coma. What did

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Speaker 2: you do? Which one did you use? Because that's a

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Speaker 2: good one. He's in the hospital in the coma out

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Speaker 2: of state, so they can't call around to check local

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Speaker 2: hospital because anybody got tired to guess what city he

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Speaker 2: is in hospitals. So now he did that four years ago.

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Speaker 2: Now listen to this. After that, he only drank on

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Speaker 2: special occasions, and I helped him keep a faux drink minimum.

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Speaker 2: But that's too damn high. Four drinks usually usually trigger

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Speaker 2: something in most human beings. Four drinks I've never heard

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Speaker 2: nobody try to stop by holding it down to full drinks. One, two,

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Speaker 2: maybe that, but by foe, you can't keep counting. No

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Speaker 2: more he does stop counting, and after foe he can't count.

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Speaker 2: But then, guess what you said? He only drank on

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Speaker 2: special occasions. Do you know the problem with alcoholics, it'd

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Speaker 2: be a lot of occasions that's special. Oh my god,

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Speaker 2: you dropped by. Let's drink to that. Hang on, are

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Speaker 2: you fit to leave? Let's drink to that. We're gonna

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Speaker 2: go to break drink to that game. Hold let's drink.

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Speaker 1: At twenty three minutes after, we'll hear part two of

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Speaker 1: Steve's response to today's Strawberry letter. It's called he went

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Speaker 1: Missing and Magically Reappeared. We'll get back into it right

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Speaker 1: after this. You're listening Morning show. All right, Come on, Steve,

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Speaker 1: let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject is he went

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Speaker 1: missing and magically reappeared.

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Speaker 2: This lady lives with a functional drunk, but he is

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Speaker 2: an alcoholic. I haven't got to the functional part, but

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Speaker 2: I'll explain that to you in a minute, because I

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Speaker 2: know somebody just like that. They are alcoholics who are

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Speaker 2: functioning alcoholics. And you actually have one. You've dealt with

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Speaker 2: him for nine years, and it's not always bad. We

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Speaker 2: do have fun family times with our seven year old

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Speaker 2: or that must be fun down there at Chucky Cheese.

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Speaker 2: He go Chucky Cheese because you can't drink down there.

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Speaker 2: But as soon as he leaves Chucky Cheese, soon as

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Speaker 2: he get out that Chucky Cheese. Matter of fact, I

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Speaker 2: think he down there drinking at the Chucky Cheese. I

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Speaker 2: think he got a little something in the bad. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: that's another story. He tried to stop a couple of times,

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Speaker 2: but he needs help. He can't do it. He's a

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Speaker 2: shamed because he can't stop. People are alcoholics need real help.

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Speaker 2: He went to stay with his brother for a few days,

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Speaker 2: who get himself together, avoided calls, and you do have

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Speaker 2: to call his brother make sure it's okay. And he

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Speaker 2: quit going to work. You had to call his boss

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Speaker 2: and make up a lie so he would lose his job.

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Speaker 2: So he told his boss he was in a medical

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Speaker 2: coma out of state and then he'll be soon as

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Speaker 2: he gets back, you'll let him know. And then after that,

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Speaker 2: he only drank on special occasions. And I helped him

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Speaker 2: keep a folk drink minimum. Wow, lady, that you ain't

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Speaker 2: helping with foul drinking minimum. The folk drink is usually

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Speaker 2: good for most people. Two two and most people really

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Speaker 2: need to go sit down somewhere after two. Surely it's

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Speaker 2: one for sure. Sholar Strawberry is one. She can't not

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Speaker 2: in the glass of wine nothing, just be just as

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Speaker 2: ignorant when she drank. She don't get loud or nothing,

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Speaker 2: but she gets sleepy and she'll swore her speech. Little

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Speaker 2: missus Budgey, I thie me who is he? Sather he?

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Speaker 2: Who is he? Anyway? That didn't last long and after

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Speaker 2: a year he started back as a functional drunk. Now

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Speaker 2: listen to me. This is the key to this letter, lady,

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Speaker 2: that you need to know. You're realizing that he's a

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Speaker 2: functional drunk. He can keep a job, do sports with

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Speaker 2: our son, and take care of most of his stuff,

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Speaker 2: but I have to deal with the crankiness and the

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Speaker 2: constant mood swings with him. Went to an anniversary party

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Speaker 2: in October. He had a lot of champagne. When we

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Speaker 2: was dancing, he was kissing all on your breast and

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Speaker 2: grinding them. I went and sat down and left him

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Speaker 2: on the dance floor. He made a big scene and

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Speaker 2: start yelling that his own wife hates him, and you do,

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Speaker 2: you do you do hate him? And it's okay, But

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Speaker 2: After that, you left with your cousband and his wife,

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Speaker 2: and one of my husband's friends said he would bring

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Speaker 2: him home. But he didn't come home. He didn't call,

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Speaker 2: he didn't get any clothes, and he wasn't at his

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Speaker 2: brother's house. This time. I called his job and he

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Speaker 2: was going to work, so I knew he was alive.

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Speaker 2: His friends advised me to give him some time and

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Speaker 2: stop trying to find him because they know where he at.

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Speaker 2: This made me even more anxious because wherever he was

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Speaker 2: he was eating and he had clothes. Remember what you

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Speaker 2: said back in the letter. He's a functional drunk. He

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Speaker 2: knows what he's doing and he knows how to do it,

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Speaker 2: So quit being anxious. Take the drunk out of it.

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Speaker 2: He's just functional. He used a drinking as his excuse

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Speaker 2: to you. So wherever he was at, he was eating,

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Speaker 2: and he had clothes. How can he magically reappear after

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Speaker 2: two weeks? It wasn't magic. He just walked in the door.

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Speaker 2: That's not a magic crick. He just came wrong. But

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Speaker 2: two weeks without any explanation? Am I crazy to still

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Speaker 2: be with him after that? Yes? You're crazy, Yes, you crazy,

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Speaker 2: and it's something wrong with you. It's no way a

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Speaker 2: man can disappear from a woman he's in a relationship

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Speaker 2: with a relationship, Let lone marry. You can't ghost your

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Speaker 2: girlfriend for two weeks. And if you met a girl

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Speaker 2: and y'all had eight conversations on the phone, you told

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Speaker 2: each other you cared about each other, you can't ghost

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Speaker 2: her for two weeks and then show up without no explanation.

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Speaker 2: How is he going to sleep in that house? You

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Speaker 2: ought to be sitting on the bed just shaking him

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Speaker 2: on the shoulder every time you roll over? Hey, where

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Speaker 2: you being? We need to talk about this two weeks now?

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Speaker 2: Who house you been over? Where you get clothed from?

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Speaker 2: What was you eating? Who took care of you? So? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you crazy for being with him because he ain't explaining

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Speaker 2: nothing to you, because he has no explanation, because he's

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Speaker 2: a functional drunk. He's functioning just fine for two weeks

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Speaker 2: without you. When you gonna learn? Stop trying to find

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Speaker 2: the good times in this. We have fun family times

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Speaker 2: with our sem Yo. That's a chunky cheese. Now when

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Speaker 2: you ain't down there? What hell y'all doing? And y'all

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Speaker 2: marriage make me sick? The other snapple in this.

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Speaker 1: On Today's Strawberry Letter, two weeks at Steve Urby at

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Speaker 1: them and check us out on the Strawberry Letter Podcast

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Speaker 1: on the Free iHeartRadio app, where free never sounded so good.

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Speaker 1: Coming up next to his Junior and sports talk. Right

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Speaker 1: after this, you're listening to Harvey Morning Show.