WEBVTT - Money Talks 0:00:01.800 --> 0:00:07.560 Flying Down and Michael and podcast. So we talked about 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:10.640 pop cultures sometimes on the show, and our producer sent 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:14.880 us a story um on Rommy Mallick and Rachel how 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:18.000 do you say your last name? Bison? And at first 0:00:18.040 --> 0:00:22.200 I was like, what's the big deal here? You know, like, okay, 0:00:22.239 --> 0:00:24.080 she posted a picture of them and it was right 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:28.400 before the Oscars, but so what was so? Explained the story? 0:00:29.480 --> 0:00:32.400 Rachel posted a picture of them from like years ago 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:35.519 on a project they worked on. They worked on. It's 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:39.480 just before the Oscars when Rommy won for Bohemian Rhapsody, 0:00:40.960 --> 0:00:45.760 and he had like an issue with it and didn't politely, 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:49.040 but it was like take it down and had an 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:51.280 issue with it? Was it like nice about or anything 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:52.400 like that? And I was just like, why is this 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:55.520 even being written about right because to you it felt 0:00:55.560 --> 0:01:01.360 what just pointless? It's okay he didn't like the picture 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:04.280 she put one up, big deal? Like why why is 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:07.520 this a story right now? You know what I mean? Yeah? 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:10.240 I was kind of feeling the same way. But it 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:12.280 was interesting because we were talking about it on the 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:14.400 car today. He's like, hey, let's not bring up the 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:18.840 Ramy story and I was like, well, something happened today 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:22.040 at the nails salon while I was sitting there just 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:26.280 like looking through Instagram and Twitter, and it kind of 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:30.040 bothered me. And it reminds me of the Rami situation, 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:35.760 and you're like, well, what was it? So my ex husband, 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:39.920 because I guess he technically was a husband, um he 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:43.680 So he tweeted out a picture of our wedding day 0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:50.000 and said I had to explain this photo to my son, 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:53.040 to tell him that I'd been married three times and 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:56.440 that his mother was the one that, um, you know, 0:01:56.560 --> 0:01:59.240 I should have ended up with. But he tags me 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:04.800 in it, and I'm like why, Like first of all, 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:07.280 like what are you? Why are you tagging me in it? 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:11.280 And secondly, like we're friends, Like there's no like bad, 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:13.560 like his his wife is my best friend, you know, 0:02:14.600 --> 0:02:16.840 like we've been great. But it kind of rubbed me 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:20.160 wrong because I was just like, a don't want a 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:24.760 photo of me technically on our wedding day, Like why 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:26.560 are you posting a photo of our wedding day that's 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:28.920 from the past, And like I don't I didn't want 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:31.240 to see that photo on my Twitter, nor do I 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:33.320 want and you're now you're tagging me in it. So 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:35.919 I don't want other people to see that photo, Like, yeah, 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:37.760 you can google it if you're like searching and you 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:41.480 want to see it. But I necessarily like that, like 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:45.440 it bothered me, and I think like people were so 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:47.400 because I was even like, why would he ask her 0:02:47.440 --> 0:02:49.640 to take that down? That's so stupid. But then I'm like, 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:52.760 because it's probably a picture that I mean, I haven't 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:57.120 seen the photo. Was he did he look? It wasn't 0:02:57.120 --> 0:03:00.320 the most flattering picture he had some waiting his face, 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:04.280 you know, it wasn't. It wasn't the most flattering picture 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:08.400 of him. Now, so I feel like, you know, whether 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:10.640 he looks he's look at, whether he was flattering the 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:13.360 picture or not. Maybe that's the past memory, Like I 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:15.680 don't personally, like a part of me wanted to. And 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:19.360 I ended up texting John and saying because he started 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:22.000 to continue commenting about like how it was a horrible 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:24.760 day and nothing was real about it, and I'm like, 0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:27.760 can you be nice and not say mean things about 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:31.520 me on Twitter? And he's like, it wasn't real, it was, 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:34.400 And I'm like it was the first of all, it 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:37.160 was so long ago, and why are you tagging me 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:39.000 and dragging and so I'm like, I'm annoyed that it's 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:41.320 still there. So part of me wants text and be like, 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:44.240 can you take that down? Because why are you tagging me? 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:46.440 What are you getting? Like, I don't, I don't understand. 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:49.720 I know it's stupid because we just thought the rammy 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:51.920 thing was stupid, but then it happens to me and 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:53.840 I'm like, oh, I don't like it. I don't. I don't. 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:57.640 I would never post a photo, nor would you were 0:03:57.720 --> 0:04:01.800 married of like an X of ours and say like, oh, 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:04.200 like you know, I had to explain to Julian Jays 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:06.680 I dated someone before, yeah, And I'm like and I 0:04:06.680 --> 0:04:09.640 would never like, yeah, okay, I would never post that, 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:14.000 And I think it's okay for someone to say, hey, 0:04:14.040 --> 0:04:16.240 can you take that down? Like that bothers me like, 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.440 so I don't I now understand Romy's thing like he's 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:22.279 probably like he was just about to get nominated for Oscars. 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:25.279 He probably didn't want this photo floating around because Rachel's 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:28.320 of notoriety and she's known and well, of course the 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:30.320 media outlet's going to take that photo and run with it, 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:33.640 of course. So it's like, I wouldn't want that photo 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:35.880 if I was him if if I don't feel flattering 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:38.159 in that photo and it was, you know, I think 0:04:38.160 --> 0:04:41.760 we're the misstep on that was he should have at 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:44.360 least thanked her after he took after she took it down. 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:48.280 Like that's where you know, I'm like out of just politeness. 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:50.440 Like if I was to ask John to take the 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:55.280 photo down, I would say thank you, because I mean 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:59.440 we're friends and everything. But should I ask him to 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:02.920 take that down because it bothers me? I mean, I 0:05:02.960 --> 0:05:05.680 think you're within your rights, And it was until you 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:10.000 told me that story earlier today, I didn't really painting 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:12.599 mind to this whole Rachel and Rami thing. But then, 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:15.400 you know, a lot of people, I'm sure that our 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:18.159 listening can relate where it's like, you know, someone tagged 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.320 you on a picture on Facebook or Instagram that you 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:22.880 didn't like, and shoot, I even remember like in college 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:24.800 and it's like, oh, don't tag me in that one. 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:28.599 I look terrible in that right, And it's like you don't. 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.240 And usually your friends of the goal sorry, you know, 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:35.480 because they know they didn't look at you in the photo. 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:38.400 I think it's funny though, because the only reason that 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:44.480 this is a conversation yours. Yeah, you look beautiful in it, 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:47.080 but it's it's I don't want to see that, right, 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:49.480 But it's it's a picture that like there's no reason 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:52.479 to be out there, but I will say I tagged me, 0:05:52.560 --> 0:05:54.440 but I got right. When I married his mother at 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:57.320 Cremer at Cremer Going, I lasted a week we weren't meant. 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:01.640 But for this photo and friendship, it's like, Okay, I 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:03.880 get you, like call like we're friends, yes, but like 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:06.280 I don't want to see that either, Nor do I 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:08.080 want to see my dead dog who I loved so 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:13.200 much in a wedding dress because you know, yeah, um, 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:18.000 But I think it's funny unless it's a bad memory 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:21.479 picture if the person looks good who was tagged in it, 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:25.719 Like you know, all right, you know what I mean. 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:31.080 If someone posted like a smoking picture of you back 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:32.800 in the day and there's no bad memory around it, 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:35.839 You're like, alright, there's someone post a terrible picture of you. 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:38.200 You like, take that down, you know what I mean. 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:41.360 So I think it's just funny because that's how it 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:45.400 would be if if Ramy looked like himself in that 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:48.719 picture that Rachel posted, Like if there is like no change, 0:06:49.800 --> 0:06:54.280 would you have an issue with it. Probably not, And 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:57.440 I just I think it's okay though, regardless of like 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:00.560 for him to ask, Yeah, for sure. I think the 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:04.440 whole the bad press around it was like, you know, 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:07.400 he wasn't the nicest about it, or it wasn't you know, 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:11.480 thankful afterwards. Who knows how many times that story has 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:16.520 been filtered until it got to us. But um still, 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:19.720 I mean, like you said, comparing to your situation, it 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:22.320 made more sense to me, Well, it was. Yeah, it 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:23.600 was just one of those things where I was like, 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:26.920 it was just the timing of it was so strange 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:29.080 because I'm just scrolling on Twitter and I'm like, uh, 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:33.040 what very interesting. I don't want to see this photo 0:07:34.040 --> 0:07:36.040 And why are you tagging me in it? For me 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:37.680 to see this photo? Are you gonna ask him to 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:41.840 take it down? It bothers me then ask him to 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:45.720 take it down and just be like, look, I know 0:07:45.760 --> 0:07:48.160 what you're trying to share. I know you're trying to 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:51.000 share the fact that you had to tell your son. Honestly, 0:07:51.040 --> 0:07:52.760 can I just say stop? I'm gonna stop right there, 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:55.000 because if that was it, I would have no problem 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:57.320 with it. It was how he was commenting in the 0:07:57.400 --> 0:07:59.880 threats like there was nothing good about that day and 0:08:00.840 --> 0:08:04.080 you know, nope, wor stay it's like those things. I'm like, okay, 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:07.120 can you like I get it wasn't like, you know not, 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:09.559 you know, we ended up breaking up a week later. 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:13.280 But you don't have to comment so negatively if that 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:16.040 unless that's your purpose of them posting it, because that 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:21.680 then that changes for me. Does that make sense? Yeah, 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:23.920 But at the same time, he could easily post that 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:28.040 without posting a picture. You'd be like, Oh, my seven 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:31.040 year old came to me and, you know, asked me 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:33.839 about some wedding photos from previous marriages and unexplained to me, 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:35.520 And where did a seven year old find a photo 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:39.120 of our wedding? Right? Why is that anywhere in their house? Yeah? 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.800 Probably isn't. Well, no, I'm probably googled it or something. 0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:46.440 And and then you know, maybe maybe he was with 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:48.240 his dad, you know, John, and they were googling. I 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:55.800 don't know, but yeah, but I just it can be 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:58.280 done without the picture, and especially the negative comments said. 0:08:58.720 --> 0:09:00.599 If it was just the picture and the kind of 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:04.000 like the thought behind it, I would say, okay, you 0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:07.200 know whatever, fine, I'll get over it. But then it's 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:09.680 the negative comments in there that I'm like, you say, 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:11.760 we're a friend, but then you're just saying how awful 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:16.160 it was, so that's now not nice. Let me ask 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:18.080 you this. I think this will answer the question for 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:20.760 you whether or not you should say something. What would 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:27.800 your therapist say to do exactly, Mike Drop, do you 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:31.480 know what she would say? What do you think Amy 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:37.040 would say? Amy? And any therapist pretty much would say. 0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:39.640 I would ask you about it, why it bothers you 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:44.319 and say, well, it clearly bothers you, and don't suppress 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:48.560 your feelings because of someone else. Speak maturely from a 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:51.440 good place and share how it makes you feel, and 0:09:51.480 --> 0:09:53.880 that you politely request for them to take you down, 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:58.920 and what about it hurt you? Right, but it doesn't 0:09:59.000 --> 0:10:02.200 hurt me. It just it bothers me, Like I just 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:06.480 I'm I'm annoyed by it because of the stuff that 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:10.920 comes after the photo to like the negative comments, right, 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:13.959 And if you don't address it now, then next time 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:16.360 you see him or around them, you might find yourself 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:19.080 to be short and annoyed frustrated with them because you 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:21.640 never addressed it, and it will remind you being like 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:24.440 how you post that picture, it's such a dick move. Hm, 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:31.560 you know, so you're just avoiding resentment bye wow, honey 0:10:32.760 --> 0:10:35.000 therapy with my Yeah, I don't know. I'll think about it. 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:37.199 I just I don't I don't even know if he 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:41.080 would understand. So it's sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's easier 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:43.240 for me just to let things go because sometimes I 0:10:43.240 --> 0:10:45.960 don't think that they would understand. Other people would understand 0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:51.000 for sure the other side of it, um, and even 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:54.200 if he doesn't, that's his work, right. Well, that's like, 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:57.560 you know, when we were having the text comvo, because 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:00.240 I was like, be nice, like that's not very ice 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:02.800 he and he was just like it was an awful 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:05.200 Like you know, I'm like, okay, it was all a lie. 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:07.320 And I'm like, well, and this is kind of where 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:08.920 it goes back. And I thought all the work that 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:10.800 I've done and I'm not trying to toot my own horn, 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:13.320 but like we could have said our wedding day was 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:17.360 a lie, but it was still my experience was not 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:19.600 a lie. So that's where I wanted to be like, well, 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:21.880 your experience, that is a big testament to your work 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:24.400 because early on and you said everything was a lie. Yeah, 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:26.000 for sure. And so it's like for him to say that, 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:32.600 I'm like, well, that's like, that's actually not accurate because eventually, 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:35.679 but that day wasn't. It's not just because something, you know, 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:37.920 we broke up. It doesn't mean that it's a lie 0:11:38.080 --> 0:11:41.120 or it's so it's like I I but then I realized, 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:43.199 I'm like, I've done that work. I can't tell someone 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:45.040 else that work because they don't They're not going to 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:50.240 recognize that. Now, Oh it sales. You've always said you 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:51.599 want me to be more jealous. I could be a 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:55.440 jealous boyfriend and go kick down his door. Look, you 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:59.720 and John are friends. That's like. Look, John, I just 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:04.599 like the thought of like posting about any x or 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.319 you know, in putting them. I I just would never 0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:11.920 do that. I don't under I don't understand. But more 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:14.319 of the story, if someone does something to bother you, 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:17.640 it's your job. You're responsible for your feelings and to 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:21.319 express them to somebody. Don't be afraid to do that, 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:25.560 whether it's Jan in this situation or someone else listening, 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:31.720 or me or Eastern or Hannah or Becky O'Riley. I 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:36.199 just got the whole team money. No, it's a good point, um, 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:38.880 all right, let's take a break and let's talk about 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:56.200 something else. So we have a money gur guru coming on, 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.520 Lynn Richardson. She's a boss when it comes to everything money. 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:03.400 I mean, she's got so many books on pretty much 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:06.120 any financial topic you can talk about. So I'm really 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:10.000 excited to get her, get her on and pick her 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:12.040 brain about a few things that you and I are 0:13:13.360 --> 0:13:18.120 dealing with financially and just obstacles people face. Yeah, because 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:21.640 I think it's interesting because you know, money is one 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:26.600 of those top three divorce It's an argument every single 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:29.440 relationship ever. And it's crazy. Because I was talking to 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:33.400 my therapist Amy and I was telling her, you know, 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:37.200 because that is one of our biggest I would say, 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:45.840 our biggest current fight. We have the underlying resentment on 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:51.000 a on a Yeah, the biggest underlying regular basis yea. 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:56.400 And I told her. I was like, and I've always 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.200 because you know, people listen to this podcast, I'm the 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:01.360 I you know, I don't spend as much. I'm a 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:04.640 little more frugal. Mike spends more money. And I said, 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:11.840 I had this insane like breakthrough of why I'm that way, 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.160 And it was when we had that conversation on the 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:17.080 couch that night when we were doing Intentional Night, and 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:20.960 I was like, I didn't even realize, like that's where 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:23.840 it was coming from. And it like, I mean, even 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:25.600 like thinking about it makes me kind of like teiod 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:29.560 because I didn't even know the weight that it held, 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:31.680 Like with all the work that I've done, I had 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:33.520 no idea that that was the weight. But Mike and 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:35.560 I were, you know, we were having our intentional night 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:39.440 and we were talking and we were I was coming 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:42.760 from a very good place about some money issues. Um 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:46.160 that was fight that we were fighting about, and um, 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:50.320 sometimes you gotta circle back when you're not angry so 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:52.440 that they go well. And I felt like I was 0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:54.040 at a good place and a good time to do it. 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:56.960 And when I started talking about it, I started saying, 0:14:57.000 --> 0:15:01.360 how it's just like came out. It wasn't it was 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:03.480 like a total just like it did a moment where 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:06.160 I started to realize that when I started saying it, yeah, 0:15:06.280 --> 0:15:08.360 it wasn't even like a planed out thing. It was 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:11.440 just diary of the mouth in terms of just raw 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:19.480 emotional and introspective thoughts coming through your brain. And it did. 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:22.400 It clicked for both of us. Yeah, whereas you know 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.120 for me when like why I'm a little bit more 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:26.800 frugal is when I was kind of doing these examples, 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:31.320 I said, you know, now, your parents weren't rich by 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:34.960 any means, but your parents had money. I never had 0:15:35.000 --> 0:15:39.600 to give up something for money. Yeah, and so as 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:41.400 as a kid, Yeah, so it's like if you wanted 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:43.320 to go on a spring break, you got to go 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:46.760 if you had to pay for that myself. But but 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:52.600 I mean they would always help. Yeah, yeah, like, yeah, 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:58.200 there wasn't much I lost out on inexperience situations as 0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:01.640 a kid. If you wanted to play a sport, they financially, 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:06.520 We're there for you in in in almost every aspect 0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:09.560 of your life. And when I started talking about it, 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:12.040 I had to And this is what clicked for me 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:14.000 is I had to give up the one thing that 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:16.840 I loved the most because my parents got divorced and 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:21.040 we couldn't afford it. And when I said that, it 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:25.840 was like the biggest like ah ha moment for me 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:27.440 because I was like, oh my god. I was like, 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:31.520 I'm so terrified of not having money because I don't 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:34.960 want to have to ever have my kids not be 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.160 able to do something because we can't afford it or 0:16:37.280 --> 0:16:40.800 give something up or lose something again, because figure skating 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:45.040 was everything to me. It was everything. I mean, I lived, 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:48.640 breathed everything. I was in the senior program, all of it, 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:52.080 and I had to give it up because we couldn't 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:55.120 afford it, and it was it was awful. And so 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:57.360 now I think I just and then I you know, 0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:00.440 I worked, and I tried to My mom tried to 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.000 work three jobs. I saw her hustle and you know 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:05.439 what she was trying to do. But eventually I was like, Okay, 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.200 this is just not working for everybody, and you're stretched 0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:11.840 up thin, and you know, I was working, and but 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:15.520 it just it was such an aha moment. And I think, 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:18.240 I'm just so scared because I've never had money before, 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:22.159 Like I've never even in my early twenties. You know, 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:24.919 I was scraping. I was like my therapist calls me 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:27.080 a scrapper. Like I was like, I'll find a way, 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:31.960 but like the electricity is getting shut off today, No, 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:35.840 it really did, you know. And that's what I don't 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:37.640 know if I've mentioned on here before or not, but 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:42.200 you know, our first breakthrough kind of understand each other 0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:47.080 financially was not too long ago a couple of months 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:49.840 ago where I kind of connected the doubts for you, 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:54.280 where like you're just saying in your early twenties, you're scrapping, clawing, 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:56.320 your power is getting shut off, you're in l a 0:17:56.600 --> 0:17:58.680 just like trying to make things work. I was like, 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:01.119 how to pay for another overture a fee? I don't understand. 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:04.360 How's this whole bank thing? Like, don't get it. I'm 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:10.440 like a negative. And then you know, my twenties, Yeah, 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:13.760 you know, I'm making you know, more money than my parents. 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:16.600 I'm making a lot of money. I'm doing well. So 0:18:16.680 --> 0:18:19.920 the value of a dollar is significantly different from me 0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:23.320 than it is other people around me and other people 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:26.560 in my age range. So you know, and that's when 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:28.719 you start to become, right, an adult is in your 0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:30.560 twenties and kind of figure out what you're doing and 0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:32.880 where you're going to who you are. And so that's 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:34.960 my initial thing of adulthood, right, It's like I got 0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:37.000 all this money, I'm value of a dollar is just 0:18:37.040 --> 0:18:40.320 like nothing. So that's the first connection of dots that 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:43.600 Jan and I had to kind of understand each other 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:46.760 a little bit more like, Okay, when I was ball 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:49.959 and doing well, Jenna was struggling, so I can definitely 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:53.080 see how being tighted with money and vice versa. And 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:55.560 then the second biggest one was that when you're just 0:18:55.560 --> 0:18:58.040 talking about like two weeks ago or a week ago, 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:01.919 where when she said it too it hit me. I 0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:04.560 was like damn. I was like she had to give 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:07.639 up something, and like we're saying, I've never had to 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:11.600 give up or make that kind of sacrifice due to 0:19:12.359 --> 0:19:17.080 financial situations. My parents are middle class, you know, hard 0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:20.960 hat lunch period, working people, punching the clock, but they 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:24.840 always provided together, so my sister and I could partake 0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:28.960 in those activities. So then me referring back to a 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:32.159 child self being like, holy, I can imagine being a 0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:34.600 kid and having to do that and how much that 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:39.160 would traumatize me around money. So it's just like over 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:43.200 the past like two months, I think connecting those dots 0:19:43.200 --> 0:19:46.239 for both of us is just going to help us 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:49.119 moving forward with financial talks, because I think there's just 0:19:49.600 --> 0:19:54.879 so much underlying resentment when one does you know, more 0:19:54.920 --> 0:19:57.439 on more spending, one does it. But here's the problem 0:19:57.440 --> 0:19:59.600 to know, I was actually talking a lot of stuff 0:19:59.600 --> 0:20:02.080 happened at the nail salon today. Okay, I was talking 0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:05.800 to my friend Catherine, and I was like, where you 0:20:07.320 --> 0:20:11.639 get frustrated with me, is like, I'll spend whatever on 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:14.520 the kids and a family vacation. But and he's like, 0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:16.560 but then why can't I get this. I'm like, because 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:19.800 this is for the family, and he's just like, but 0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:22.480 like that's five times more. I'm like, but it's for 0:20:22.520 --> 0:20:27.679 the family, like so I but also because as a child, 0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:31.479 I didn't get those things. So that's another part of 0:20:31.680 --> 0:20:33.800 my childhood wounds. And I'm like, I want my kids 0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:36.160 to have I don't want my kids to ever miss 0:20:36.200 --> 0:20:38.119 a springbreak. Like I had to miss the big cruise 0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:41.320 because my parents couldn't afford, you know, to send me 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:43.919 on where all my friends went, you know, so I 0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:47.320 never got to go on a spring break minus the 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:49.280 one where my mom drove us down to Florida in 0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:51.320 a car because I was like, I can't go because 0:20:51.320 --> 0:20:54.640 all my friends are going to like tropical this and cruises. 0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:56.560 And even my one friend was like, Lisa, She's like, 0:20:57.040 --> 0:20:58.920 my my mom said that we can pay for half 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:00.879 of it for you. And it's like I felt like 0:21:00.960 --> 0:21:05.200 a you know, I was like, man, I was just like, 0:21:05.560 --> 0:21:08.119 it sucks, but you know, obviously I said no and 0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:10.400 I didn't go, but it was just, you know, that's 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:12.680 why I'm like, I want to give my kids everything, 0:21:13.160 --> 0:21:16.120 but I can't justify you spending money on a gun 0:21:16.240 --> 0:21:18.440 your fifteenth gud. I'm like, what's the point, Like, I'd 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:21.760 rather you're like, this is like way more you're so, 0:21:22.520 --> 0:21:25.080 you know, I hope you can see that the pieces 0:21:25.119 --> 0:21:27.920 like it's for the kids. I'll never spend it on myself. 0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:31.000 You have to force me, like you literally forced me 0:21:31.080 --> 0:21:36.560 to buy things for you. But I will say too 0:21:36.560 --> 0:21:37.880 because a lot of people are like, you're so out 0:21:37.880 --> 0:21:41.000 of touch, and you know, we know how grateful we are. 0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:46.119 But I think every relationship has money issues. Every relationship does. 0:21:46.960 --> 0:21:51.879 And you know it's funny too because once you have 0:21:52.320 --> 0:21:56.240 an amount, you're always gonna want to beat that amount 0:21:56.280 --> 0:22:00.240 and then you're scared and so there there's it's just 0:22:00.320 --> 0:22:04.040 it's just scary. But again, I'm not complaining. We're very 0:22:04.160 --> 0:22:11.359 We're we're healthy, but not healthy and financially in our relationship. No. 0:22:11.480 --> 0:22:14.200 And that's the thing. It's like, we're not sitting here 0:22:14.200 --> 0:22:17.440 complaining about money that we have or don't have. We're 0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:22.800