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Speaker 1: Flying Down and Michael and podcast. So we talked about

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Speaker 1: pop cultures sometimes on the show, and our producer sent

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Speaker 1: us a story um on Rommy Mallick and Rachel how

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Speaker 1: do you say your last name? Bison? And at first

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Speaker 1: I was like, what's the big deal here? You know, like, okay,

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Speaker 1: she posted a picture of them and it was right

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Speaker 1: before the Oscars, but so what was so? Explained the story?

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Speaker 1: Rachel posted a picture of them from like years ago

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Speaker 1: on a project they worked on. They worked on. It's

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Speaker 1: just before the Oscars when Rommy won for Bohemian Rhapsody,

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Speaker 1: and he had like an issue with it and didn't politely,

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Speaker 1: but it was like take it down and had an

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Speaker 1: issue with it? Was it like nice about or anything

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Speaker 1: like that? And I was just like, why is this

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Speaker 1: even being written about right because to you it felt

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Speaker 1: what just pointless? It's okay he didn't like the picture

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Speaker 1: she put one up, big deal? Like why why is

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Speaker 1: this a story right now? You know what I mean? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I was kind of feeling the same way. But it

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Speaker 1: was interesting because we were talking about it on the

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Speaker 1: car today. He's like, hey, let's not bring up the

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Speaker 1: Ramy story and I was like, well, something happened today

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Speaker 1: at the nails salon while I was sitting there just

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Speaker 1: like looking through Instagram and Twitter, and it kind of

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Speaker 1: bothered me. And it reminds me of the Rami situation,

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Speaker 1: and you're like, well, what was it? So my ex husband,

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Speaker 1: because I guess he technically was a husband, um he

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Speaker 1: So he tweeted out a picture of our wedding day

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Speaker 1: and said I had to explain this photo to my son,

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Speaker 1: to tell him that I'd been married three times and

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Speaker 1: that his mother was the one that, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: I should have ended up with. But he tags me

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Speaker 1: in it, and I'm like why, Like first of all,

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Speaker 1: like what are you? Why are you tagging me in it?

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Speaker 1: And secondly, like we're friends, Like there's no like bad,

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Speaker 1: like his his wife is my best friend, you know,

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Speaker 1: like we've been great. But it kind of rubbed me

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Speaker 1: wrong because I was just like, a don't want a

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Speaker 1: photo of me technically on our wedding day, Like why

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Speaker 1: are you posting a photo of our wedding day that's

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Speaker 1: from the past, And like I don't I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to see that photo on my Twitter, nor do I

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Speaker 1: want and you're now you're tagging me in it. So

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Speaker 1: I don't want other people to see that photo, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can google it if you're like searching and you

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Speaker 1: want to see it. But I necessarily like that, like

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Speaker 1: it bothered me, and I think like people were so

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Speaker 1: because I was even like, why would he ask her

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Speaker 1: to take that down? That's so stupid. But then I'm like,

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Speaker 1: because it's probably a picture that I mean, I haven't

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Speaker 1: seen the photo. Was he did he look? It wasn't

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Speaker 1: the most flattering picture he had some waiting his face,

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Speaker 1: you know, it wasn't. It wasn't the most flattering picture

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Speaker 1: of him. Now, so I feel like, you know, whether

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Speaker 1: he looks he's look at, whether he was flattering the

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Speaker 1: picture or not. Maybe that's the past memory, Like I

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Speaker 1: don't personally, like a part of me wanted to. And

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Speaker 1: I ended up texting John and saying because he started

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Speaker 1: to continue commenting about like how it was a horrible

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Speaker 1: day and nothing was real about it, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: can you be nice and not say mean things about

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Speaker 1: me on Twitter? And he's like, it wasn't real, it was,

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Speaker 1: And I'm like it was the first of all, it

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Speaker 1: was so long ago, and why are you tagging me

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Speaker 1: and dragging and so I'm like, I'm annoyed that it's

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Speaker 1: still there. So part of me wants text and be like,

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Speaker 1: can you take that down? Because why are you tagging me?

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Speaker 1: What are you getting? Like, I don't, I don't understand.

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Speaker 1: I know it's stupid because we just thought the rammy

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Speaker 1: thing was stupid, but then it happens to me and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I don't like it. I don't. I don't.

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Speaker 1: I would never post a photo, nor would you were

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Speaker 1: married of like an X of ours and say like, oh,

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Speaker 1: like you know, I had to explain to Julian Jays

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Speaker 1: I dated someone before, yeah, And I'm like and I

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Speaker 1: would never like, yeah, okay, I would never post that,

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Speaker 1: And I think it's okay for someone to say, hey,

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Speaker 1: can you take that down? Like that bothers me like,

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Speaker 1: so I don't I now understand Romy's thing like he's

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Speaker 1: probably like he was just about to get nominated for Oscars.

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Speaker 1: He probably didn't want this photo floating around because Rachel's

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Speaker 1: of notoriety and she's known and well, of course the

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Speaker 1: media outlet's going to take that photo and run with it,

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Speaker 1: of course. So it's like, I wouldn't want that photo

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Speaker 1: if I was him if if I don't feel flattering

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Speaker 1: in that photo and it was, you know, I think

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Speaker 1: we're the misstep on that was he should have at

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Speaker 1: least thanked her after he took after she took it down.

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Speaker 1: Like that's where you know, I'm like out of just politeness.

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Speaker 1: Like if I was to ask John to take the

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Speaker 1: photo down, I would say thank you, because I mean

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Speaker 1: we're friends and everything. But should I ask him to

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Speaker 1: take that down because it bothers me? I mean, I

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Speaker 1: think you're within your rights, And it was until you

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Speaker 1: told me that story earlier today, I didn't really painting

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Speaker 1: mind to this whole Rachel and Rami thing. But then,

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Speaker 1: you know, a lot of people, I'm sure that our

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Speaker 1: listening can relate where it's like, you know, someone tagged

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Speaker 1: you on a picture on Facebook or Instagram that you

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Speaker 1: didn't like, and shoot, I even remember like in college

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Speaker 1: and it's like, oh, don't tag me in that one.

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Speaker 1: I look terrible in that right, And it's like you don't.

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Speaker 1: And usually your friends of the goal sorry, you know,

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Speaker 1: because they know they didn't look at you in the photo.

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Speaker 1: I think it's funny though, because the only reason that

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Speaker 1: this is a conversation yours. Yeah, you look beautiful in it,

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Speaker 1: but it's it's I don't want to see that, right,

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Speaker 1: But it's it's a picture that like there's no reason

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Speaker 1: to be out there, but I will say I tagged me,

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Speaker 1: but I got right. When I married his mother at

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Speaker 1: Cremer at Cremer Going, I lasted a week we weren't meant.

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Speaker 1: But for this photo and friendship, it's like, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: get you, like call like we're friends, yes, but like

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Speaker 1: I don't want to see that either, Nor do I

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Speaker 1: want to see my dead dog who I loved so

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Speaker 1: much in a wedding dress because you know, yeah, um,

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Speaker 1: But I think it's funny unless it's a bad memory

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Speaker 1: picture if the person looks good who was tagged in it,

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Speaker 1: Like you know, all right, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: If someone posted like a smoking picture of you back

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Speaker 1: in the day and there's no bad memory around it,

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Speaker 1: You're like, alright, there's someone post a terrible picture of you.

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Speaker 1: You like, take that down, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: So I think it's just funny because that's how it

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Speaker 1: would be if if Ramy looked like himself in that

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Speaker 1: picture that Rachel posted, Like if there is like no change,

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Speaker 1: would you have an issue with it. Probably not, And

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Speaker 1: I just I think it's okay though, regardless of like

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Speaker 1: for him to ask, Yeah, for sure. I think the

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Speaker 1: whole the bad press around it was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: he wasn't the nicest about it, or it wasn't you know,

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Speaker 1: thankful afterwards. Who knows how many times that story has

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Speaker 1: been filtered until it got to us. But um still,

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Speaker 1: I mean, like you said, comparing to your situation, it

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Speaker 1: made more sense to me, Well, it was. Yeah, it

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Speaker 1: was just one of those things where I was like,

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Speaker 1: it was just the timing of it was so strange

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Speaker 1: because I'm just scrolling on Twitter and I'm like, uh,

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Speaker 1: what very interesting. I don't want to see this photo

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Speaker 1: And why are you tagging me in it? For me

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Speaker 1: to see this photo? Are you gonna ask him to

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Speaker 1: take it down? It bothers me then ask him to

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Speaker 1: take it down and just be like, look, I know

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Speaker 1: what you're trying to share. I know you're trying to

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Speaker 1: share the fact that you had to tell your son. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: can I just say stop? I'm gonna stop right there,

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Speaker 1: because if that was it, I would have no problem

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Speaker 1: with it. It was how he was commenting in the

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Speaker 1: threats like there was nothing good about that day and

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Speaker 1: you know, nope, wor stay it's like those things. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: can you like I get it wasn't like, you know not,

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Speaker 1: you know, we ended up breaking up a week later.

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Speaker 1: But you don't have to comment so negatively if that

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Speaker 1: unless that's your purpose of them posting it, because that

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Speaker 1: then that changes for me. Does that make sense? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, he could easily post that

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Speaker 1: without posting a picture. You'd be like, Oh, my seven

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Speaker 1: year old came to me and, you know, asked me

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Speaker 1: about some wedding photos from previous marriages and unexplained to me,

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Speaker 1: And where did a seven year old find a photo

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Speaker 1: of our wedding? Right? Why is that anywhere in their house? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Probably isn't. Well, no, I'm probably googled it or something.

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Speaker 1: And and then you know, maybe maybe he was with

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Speaker 1: his dad, you know, John, and they were googling. I

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Speaker 1: don't know, but yeah, but I just it can be

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Speaker 1: done without the picture, and especially the negative comments said.

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Speaker 1: If it was just the picture and the kind of

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Speaker 1: like the thought behind it, I would say, okay, you

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Speaker 1: know whatever, fine, I'll get over it. But then it's

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Speaker 1: the negative comments in there that I'm like, you say,

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Speaker 1: we're a friend, but then you're just saying how awful

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Speaker 1: it was, so that's now not nice. Let me ask

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Speaker 1: you this. I think this will answer the question for

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Speaker 1: you whether or not you should say something. What would

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Speaker 1: your therapist say to do exactly, Mike Drop, do you

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Speaker 1: know what she would say? What do you think Amy

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Speaker 1: would say? Amy? And any therapist pretty much would say.

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Speaker 1: I would ask you about it, why it bothers you

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Speaker 1: and say, well, it clearly bothers you, and don't suppress

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Speaker 1: your feelings because of someone else. Speak maturely from a

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Speaker 1: good place and share how it makes you feel, and

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Speaker 1: that you politely request for them to take you down,

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Speaker 1: and what about it hurt you? Right, but it doesn't

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Speaker 1: hurt me. It just it bothers me, Like I just

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm annoyed by it because of the stuff that

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Speaker 1: comes after the photo to like the negative comments, right,

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Speaker 1: And if you don't address it now, then next time

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Speaker 1: you see him or around them, you might find yourself

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Speaker 1: to be short and annoyed frustrated with them because you

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Speaker 1: never addressed it, and it will remind you being like

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Speaker 1: how you post that picture, it's such a dick move. Hm,

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Speaker 1: you know, so you're just avoiding resentment bye wow, honey

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Speaker 1: therapy with my Yeah, I don't know. I'll think about it.

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Speaker 1: I just I don't I don't even know if he

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Speaker 1: would understand. So it's sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's easier

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Speaker 1: for me just to let things go because sometimes I

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Speaker 1: don't think that they would understand. Other people would understand

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Speaker 1: for sure the other side of it, um, and even

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Speaker 1: if he doesn't, that's his work, right. Well, that's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, when we were having the text comvo, because

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Speaker 1: I was like, be nice, like that's not very ice

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Speaker 1: he and he was just like it was an awful

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Speaker 1: Like you know, I'm like, okay, it was all a lie.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, and this is kind of where

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Speaker 1: it goes back. And I thought all the work that

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Speaker 1: I've done and I'm not trying to toot my own horn,

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Speaker 1: but like we could have said our wedding day was

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Speaker 1: a lie, but it was still my experience was not

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Speaker 1: a lie. So that's where I wanted to be like, well,

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Speaker 1: your experience, that is a big testament to your work

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Speaker 1: because early on and you said everything was a lie. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: for sure. And so it's like for him to say that,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, that's like, that's actually not accurate because eventually,

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Speaker 1: but that day wasn't. It's not just because something, you know,

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Speaker 1: we broke up. It doesn't mean that it's a lie

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Speaker 1: or it's so it's like I I but then I realized,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I've done that work. I can't tell someone

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Speaker 1: else that work because they don't They're not going to

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Speaker 1: recognize that. Now, Oh it sales. You've always said you

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Speaker 1: want me to be more jealous. I could be a

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Speaker 1: jealous boyfriend and go kick down his door. Look, you

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Speaker 1: and John are friends. That's like. Look, John, I just

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Speaker 1: like the thought of like posting about any x or

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Speaker 1: you know, in putting them. I I just would never

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Speaker 1: do that. I don't under I don't understand. But more

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Speaker 1: of the story, if someone does something to bother you,

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Speaker 1: it's your job. You're responsible for your feelings and to

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Speaker 1: express them to somebody. Don't be afraid to do that,

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Speaker 1: whether it's Jan in this situation or someone else listening,

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Speaker 1: or me or Eastern or Hannah or Becky O'Riley. I

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Speaker 1: just got the whole team money. No, it's a good point, um,

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Speaker 1: all right, let's take a break and let's talk about

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Speaker 1: something else. So we have a money gur guru coming on,

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Speaker 1: Lynn Richardson. She's a boss when it comes to everything money.

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Speaker 1: I mean, she's got so many books on pretty much

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Speaker 1: any financial topic you can talk about. So I'm really

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Speaker 1: excited to get her, get her on and pick her

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Speaker 1: brain about a few things that you and I are

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Speaker 1: dealing with financially and just obstacles people face. Yeah, because

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Speaker 1: I think it's interesting because you know, money is one

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Speaker 1: of those top three divorce It's an argument every single

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Speaker 1: relationship ever. And it's crazy. Because I was talking to

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Speaker 1: my therapist Amy and I was telling her, you know,

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Speaker 1: because that is one of our biggest I would say,

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Speaker 1: our biggest current fight. We have the underlying resentment on

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Speaker 1: a on a Yeah, the biggest underlying regular basis yea.

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Speaker 1: And I told her. I was like, and I've always

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Speaker 1: because you know, people listen to this podcast, I'm the

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Speaker 1: I you know, I don't spend as much. I'm a

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Speaker 1: little more frugal. Mike spends more money. And I said,

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Speaker 1: I had this insane like breakthrough of why I'm that way,

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Speaker 1: And it was when we had that conversation on the

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Speaker 1: couch that night when we were doing Intentional Night, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I didn't even realize, like that's where

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Speaker 1: it was coming from. And it like, I mean, even

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Speaker 1: like thinking about it makes me kind of like teiod

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Speaker 1: because I didn't even know the weight that it held,

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Speaker 1: Like with all the work that I've done, I had

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Speaker 1: no idea that that was the weight. But Mike and

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Speaker 1: I were, you know, we were having our intentional night

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Speaker 1: and we were talking and we were I was coming

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Speaker 1: from a very good place about some money issues. Um

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Speaker 1: that was fight that we were fighting about, and um,

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Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta circle back when you're not angry so

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Speaker 1: that they go well. And I felt like I was

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Speaker 1: at a good place and a good time to do it.

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Speaker 1: And when I started talking about it, I started saying,

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Speaker 1: how it's just like came out. It wasn't it was

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Speaker 1: like a total just like it did a moment where

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Speaker 1: I started to realize that when I started saying it, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't even like a planed out thing. It was

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Speaker 1: just diary of the mouth in terms of just raw

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Speaker 1: emotional and introspective thoughts coming through your brain. And it did.

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Speaker 1: It clicked for both of us. Yeah, whereas you know

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Speaker 1: for me when like why I'm a little bit more

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Speaker 1: frugal is when I was kind of doing these examples,

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Speaker 1: I said, you know, now, your parents weren't rich by

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Speaker 1: any means, but your parents had money. I never had

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Speaker 1: to give up something for money. Yeah, and so as

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Speaker 1: as a kid, Yeah, so it's like if you wanted

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Speaker 1: to go on a spring break, you got to go

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Speaker 1: if you had to pay for that myself. But but

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Speaker 1: I mean they would always help. Yeah, yeah, like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: there wasn't much I lost out on inexperience situations as

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Speaker 1: a kid. If you wanted to play a sport, they financially,

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Speaker 1: We're there for you in in in almost every aspect

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Speaker 1: of your life. And when I started talking about it,

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Speaker 1: I had to And this is what clicked for me

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Speaker 1: is I had to give up the one thing that

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Speaker 1: I loved the most because my parents got divorced and

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Speaker 1: we couldn't afford it. And when I said that, it

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Speaker 1: was like the biggest like ah ha moment for me

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Speaker 1: because I was like, oh my god. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm so terrified of not having money because I don't

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Speaker 1: want to have to ever have my kids not be

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Speaker 1: able to do something because we can't afford it or

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Speaker 1: give something up or lose something again, because figure skating

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Speaker 1: was everything to me. It was everything. I mean, I lived,

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Speaker 1: breathed everything. I was in the senior program, all of it,

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Speaker 1: and I had to give it up because we couldn't

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Speaker 1: afford it, and it was it was awful. And so

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Speaker 1: now I think I just and then I you know,

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Speaker 1: I worked, and I tried to My mom tried to

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Speaker 1: work three jobs. I saw her hustle and you know

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Speaker 1: what she was trying to do. But eventually I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is just not working for everybody, and you're stretched

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Speaker 1: up thin, and you know, I was working, and but

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Speaker 1: it just it was such an aha moment. And I think,

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Speaker 1: I'm just so scared because I've never had money before,

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Speaker 1: Like I've never even in my early twenties. You know,

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Speaker 1: I was scraping. I was like my therapist calls me

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Speaker 1: a scrapper. Like I was like, I'll find a way,

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Speaker 1: but like the electricity is getting shut off today, No,

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Speaker 1: it really did, you know. And that's what I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I've mentioned on here before or not, but

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Speaker 1: you know, our first breakthrough kind of understand each other

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Speaker 1: financially was not too long ago a couple of months

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Speaker 1: ago where I kind of connected the doubts for you,

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Speaker 1: where like you're just saying in your early twenties, you're scrapping, clawing,

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Speaker 1: your power is getting shut off, you're in l a

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Speaker 1: just like trying to make things work. I was like,

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Speaker 1: how to pay for another overture a fee? I don't understand.

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Speaker 1: How's this whole bank thing? Like, don't get it. I'm

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Speaker 1: like a negative. And then you know, my twenties, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm making you know, more money than my parents.

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Speaker 1: I'm making a lot of money. I'm doing well. So

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Speaker 1: the value of a dollar is significantly different from me

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Speaker 1: than it is other people around me and other people

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Speaker 1: in my age range. So you know, and that's when

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Speaker 1: you start to become, right, an adult is in your

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Speaker 1: twenties and kind of figure out what you're doing and

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Speaker 1: where you're going to who you are. And so that's

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Speaker 1: my initial thing of adulthood, right, It's like I got

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Speaker 1: all this money, I'm value of a dollar is just

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Speaker 1: like nothing. So that's the first connection of dots that

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Speaker 1: Jan and I had to kind of understand each other

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Speaker 1: a little bit more like, Okay, when I was ball

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Speaker 1: and doing well, Jenna was struggling, so I can definitely

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Speaker 1: see how being tighted with money and vice versa. And

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Speaker 1: then the second biggest one was that when you're just

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Speaker 1: talking about like two weeks ago or a week ago,

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Speaker 1: where when she said it too it hit me. I

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Speaker 1: was like damn. I was like she had to give

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Speaker 1: up something, and like we're saying, I've never had to

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Speaker 1: give up or make that kind of sacrifice due to

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Speaker 1: financial situations. My parents are middle class, you know, hard

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Speaker 1: hat lunch period, working people, punching the clock, but they

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Speaker 1: always provided together, so my sister and I could partake

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Speaker 1: in those activities. So then me referring back to a

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Speaker 1: child self being like, holy, I can imagine being a

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Speaker 1: kid and having to do that and how much that

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Speaker 1: would traumatize me around money. So it's just like over

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Speaker 1: the past like two months, I think connecting those dots

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Speaker 1: for both of us is just going to help us

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Speaker 1: moving forward with financial talks, because I think there's just

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Speaker 1: so much underlying resentment when one does you know, more

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Speaker 1: on more spending, one does it. But here's the problem

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Speaker 1: to know, I was actually talking a lot of stuff

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Speaker 1: happened at the nail salon today. Okay, I was talking

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Speaker 1: to my friend Catherine, and I was like, where you

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Speaker 1: get frustrated with me, is like, I'll spend whatever on

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Speaker 1: the kids and a family vacation. But and he's like,

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Speaker 1: but then why can't I get this. I'm like, because

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Speaker 1: this is for the family, and he's just like, but

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Speaker 1: like that's five times more. I'm like, but it's for

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Speaker 1: the family, like so I but also because as a child,

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Speaker 1: I didn't get those things. So that's another part of

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Speaker 1: my childhood wounds. And I'm like, I want my kids

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Speaker 1: to have I don't want my kids to ever miss

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Speaker 1: a springbreak. Like I had to miss the big cruise

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Speaker 1: because my parents couldn't afford, you know, to send me

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Speaker 1: on where all my friends went, you know, so I

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Speaker 1: never got to go on a spring break minus the

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Speaker 1: one where my mom drove us down to Florida in

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Speaker 1: a car because I was like, I can't go because

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Speaker 1: all my friends are going to like tropical this and cruises.

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Speaker 1: And even my one friend was like, Lisa, She's like,

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Speaker 1: my my mom said that we can pay for half

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Speaker 1: of it for you. And it's like I felt like

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Speaker 1: a you know, I was like, man, I was just like,

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Speaker 1: it sucks, but you know, obviously I said no and

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Speaker 1: I didn't go, but it was just, you know, that's

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Speaker 1: why I'm like, I want to give my kids everything,

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Speaker 1: but I can't justify you spending money on a gun

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Speaker 1: your fifteenth gud. I'm like, what's the point, Like, I'd

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Speaker 1: rather you're like, this is like way more you're so,

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Speaker 1: you know, I hope you can see that the pieces

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Speaker 1: like it's for the kids. I'll never spend it on myself.

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Speaker 1: You have to force me, like you literally forced me

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Speaker 1: to buy things for you. But I will say too

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Speaker 1: because a lot of people are like, you're so out

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Speaker 1: of touch, and you know, we know how grateful we are.

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Speaker 1: But I think every relationship has money issues. Every relationship does.

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Speaker 1: And you know it's funny too because once you have

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Speaker 1: an amount, you're always gonna want to beat that amount

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Speaker 1: and then you're scared and so there there's it's just

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Speaker 1: it's just scary. But again, I'm not complaining. We're very

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Speaker 1: We're we're healthy, but not healthy and financially in our relationship. No.

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Speaker 1: And that's the thing. It's like, we're not sitting here

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Speaker 1: complaining about money that we have or don't have. We're

401
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Speaker 1: just talking about how we view it differently, the importance

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Speaker 1: of you know, where we value it and where we

403
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Speaker 1: don't or whatever. So whether you're fighting about a hundred

404
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Speaker 1: dollars or ten million dollars, it doesn't matter because it's

405
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Speaker 1: still just two people with possibly two different core beliefs

406
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Speaker 1: or triggers or traumas or whatever around money that you

407
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Speaker 1: just have to navigate it and it is. That's why

408
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Speaker 1: it's one of the top reasons for the divorce and

409
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Speaker 1: just issues in relationships in general. Well, I'm excited to

410
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Speaker 1: get her on, So let's take a break and let's

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Speaker 1: pop her in the chat room. All right, Lynn, So

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Speaker 1: we're super pumped to have you on the show. Uh.

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Speaker 1: You know, I feel like we're talking earlier in the

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Speaker 1: show about how money is probably our biggest um. It

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Speaker 1: was common argument, most common argument in our relationship. It's

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Speaker 1: probably been that way for the last year two It's

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Speaker 1: always kind of been there though, Like this underlying resentment

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Speaker 1: kind of thing. Do you what, what is it to you? Like,

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Speaker 1: why do you think that's so common in marriages? Because

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Speaker 1: I feel like that's one of the big reasons for

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Speaker 1: divorce too. Yeah, So who's resentful? I need to understand

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Speaker 1: the dynamics a little bit better because there could be

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Speaker 1: all kinds of reasons. So who's resentful? Because that that's

424
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 1: a that's a strong but it's it's an honest word,

425
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 1: and I'm glad to hear it. I think honestly, we

426
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: both are. I mean, I think it's right. So let's

427
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 1: just take each person. Tell me why you're resentful? What

428
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:09,399
Speaker 1: are you resentful about? What's happened? Well, I don't know

429
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 1: if i've I think I'm more resentful that she's resentful.

430
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 1: I think it's okay, because let's start. Let's start with

431
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 1: the with the one who kicked off the resentment. Let's

432
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 1: start there and then because I want to work my

433
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,360
Speaker 1: way from the beginning and then come back around. Okay,

434
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 1: So I want to say this like politely too, like

435
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 1: I want I feel like I have to easy stuff

436
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 1: to be honest. No, it's okay, because we we can't.

437
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 1: You can't heal what you hide. And money is a huge,

438
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 1: big old deal, but really it's not that much. But

439
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: it's what we say, it's what we actually are honest about,

440
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 1: and it's usually the it's the gritty stuff. So so yeah,

441
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,640
Speaker 1: just go on and share. Well, I think I First

442
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,680
Speaker 1: of all, I appreciate what you can't what you hide,

443
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 1: you can't heal. I love that. That's beautiful. Um. I

444
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,119
Speaker 1: think what's why it's hard for me is because I

445
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 1: know when I say like I'm the breadwinner, that how

446
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:12,160
Speaker 1: that translates for a mail and what that makes him feel. Um.

447
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 1: So because I make more of the money, I get

448
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 1: resentful because he spends more of the money than I do.

449
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,679
Speaker 1: And so it's frustrating for me when I feel like

450
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 1: I'm working my butt off that he's not caring about

451
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:35,600
Speaker 1: the number or the dollar amount that he's spending. And

452
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:40,439
Speaker 1: so we started to do like a uh, okay, you

453
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 1: can't spend. Let's let's keep our spending under this each month,

454
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 1: and or we're gonna do like a no spend January, right,

455
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: so just to see kind of like where we're at

456
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:56,400
Speaker 1: what we could do because I feel he gets where

457
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,120
Speaker 1: I feel like he gets resentful of me, is if

458
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: because he feels he can't spend anything, or he feels

459
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,679
Speaker 1: like I'm being his mom and I'm controlling him. But

460
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,159
Speaker 1: really I'm just so scared because I just see these purchases,

461
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,639
Speaker 1: So I get resentful of that, and I'm like do

462
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 1: you not know where it's coming from and how hard

463
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:18,479
Speaker 1: I'm working? And and so there's been things in our

464
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: marriage where the dollar amount I was just like, how

465
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 1: could you spend this much on video games or the

466
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,360
Speaker 1: apps on the phones and the guns, and so it's

467
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,880
Speaker 1: just over time, it makes me feel like I feel disrespected.

468
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 1: And so you know, then we kind of got this

469
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,880
Speaker 1: dollar amount, like Okay, let's not spend more than five

470
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 1: in a month, or let's do no spend January. And

471
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 1: when he doesn't follow that, I feel very disrespected because

472
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not spending the money, but yet you're

473
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 1: not living up to what we agreed on. And we

474
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 1: had a bad therapy session about it, and he's just like,

475
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: does it doesn't even matter. I'm like, it does matter.

476
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,919
Speaker 1: Like we said we we made it an agreement to

477
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 1: not spend anything, and then you just bought a watch

478
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 1: and and so I start to carry this resentment and

479
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 1: this like I like distressing. I feel disrespected in a

480
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:15,440
Speaker 1: way understood. So, Mike, why do you step outside of

481
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 1: the boundaries of what you agree to? Tell me what

482
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 1: happens when you make those decisions? Um for me? You know,

483
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 1: the trend of things kind of the way I receive

484
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 1: it is when things are good, like between us, it's

485
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 1: our money and Mike, you make enough doing the podcast, Mike,

486
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 1: you make enough with writing the book, and you made

487
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 1: enough doing this and that. And then when some money

488
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,639
Speaker 1: has spend or we have to spend a lot on something,

489
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 1: that's her money. And so it's like, tell me what

490
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 1: you mean when we have to spend because and again

491
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:53,199
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm impartial here, but when you say we,

492
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,680
Speaker 1: are you actually talking about what we have to spend?

493
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 1: Are you talking about what you want to spend? Both?

494
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 1: There's times where if I spend money or if we

495
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 1: did it was just Christmas, and we as a family

496
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: spend a lot of money. It's like who are the

497
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:13,919
Speaker 1: Christmas presents for each other? The family? Who who's in

498
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 1: the family? Our kids? We have two kids, and how

499
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,480
Speaker 1: old are the kids? We have a five year old

500
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: little girl and a two year old little boy. Okay,

501
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 1: and and me and me kind of where we I

502
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: said we'd kind of disagree to is I'll spend because

503
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 1: I didn't have that growing up. I will do whatever

504
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 1: for my kids and spend now to in an extent,

505
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 1: but like I will do a family vacation and like,

506
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: I got it. Yeah, let me get back to Mike

507
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 1: go for a second. So so Mike, so, Janna's kind

508
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 1: of shared that she'll do whatever for the kids. So

509
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: I know what that is. I've been there, done that,

510
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: three kids Christmas toys from the front of the house

511
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 1: to the back of the house. And then I want

512
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 1: to set boundaries when I think it's time to set boundaries. So,

513
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 1: but you're spending tell me what you're spending money on, Mike,

514
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 1: tell me, just give me the things that you want

515
00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 1: to spend money on, and how you feel about what

516
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 1: seems like there may be some restrictions or boundaries that

517
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 1: you step outside of what what it seems like to me.

518
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 1: And in the past, it's like even when we said, hey,

519
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 1: any purchase over five hundred, let's discuss with one another. Okay,

520
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 1: There's even been something that I paid for that was

521
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 1: under five hundred and I still received some pushback from it.

522
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 1: And so it's like, no matter what I spend it on,

523
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm always questioned or challenged and more

524
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 1: just out of it's not out of I don't receive

525
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 1: it as curiosity. I received it as being challenged and understood.

526
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 1: And give me an example of something that you spent

527
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 1: under five dred dollars that then you received pushback for

528
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 1: just one one of the things that you've spent under

529
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 1: five hundred dollars. One thing would be we have a

530
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 1: monthly fee of two hundred fifty to three hundred dollars

531
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 1: for a golf club that I belonged to here in Nashville,

532
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: and I've gotten pushedback on that, like we're spending two

533
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 1: hundred fifty a month, Like that's a lot of money

534
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 1: and you're not even using it right now, And ask

535
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 1: him how many times he used it last year? Give

536
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 1: me a second. Yeah, all seriously, that's my exact point.

537
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 1: Though it's like that's that's not that's not fair because

538
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: it's not right to judge because everybody has their own.

539
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: But trust me, I'm getting there, So, Mike, so you

540
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 1: have to give me an example, Give me four or

541
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 1: five examples of things that you spend money on that

542
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 1: you get pushed back for. Um, you know, I do

543
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 1: admittedly know that, you know, I have more hobbies than

544
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 1: most people might might in their lifetime and it and

545
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: for me, it's kind of a addiction recovery thing too.

546
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 1: It's like my outer circle stuff that kind of makes

547
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: me hold that that keeps my mind busy on healthier things,

548
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 1: and I like to tinker. I'll go down the rabbit

549
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: hole on things. So whether it's stuff for uh, you know,

550
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 1: road cycling or firearms that I'm into or whatever thing,

551
00:30:56,120 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 1: I understand, things do add up, and I don't know.

552
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 1: There's just like this stress around it where I feel like,

553
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 1: even if I were to bring it up, Hey, I'm

554
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: thinking about doing this, I'll get up. Really you have

555
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 1: to get that or so, so let me ask you this.

556
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 1: You have a daughter, all right, So what if you

557
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 1: were talking to your daughter about this situation if she

558
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 1: was the and and I'm not making a judgment one

559
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 1: way or the other, but if your daughter was a

560
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: breadwinner and she had a husband who coming out of addiction,

561
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 1: praise God for that. That's good. But you've you've admitted

562
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: that you'll go down a rabbit hole. It's a rabbit

563
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 1: hole a good thing at times, it is. At times

564
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 1: it's admittedly it's like no, because it will consume me

565
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 1: and I'll just get so. Let me be more specific.

566
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 1: Is spending money that is not necessarily in the best

567
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 1: interests of your long term goal. So long term goals

568
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 1: are our our health, wellness, financial well being, stacking your money.

569
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 1: When you go in the rabbit hole and spend money,

570
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: do you think that that is a good thing for

571
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,480
Speaker 1: your family? And would you recommend it for your daughter

572
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: if she were in a similar situation with a husband

573
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 1: like you. Um hmm, husband like me. Uh, you wouldn't.

574
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna help you out there, you wouldn't. So here's

575
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 1: the deal now on the same in the same token, Jannah,

576
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 1: there has there has to be a level of um

577
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 1: first of all, in all things, utter and complete acceptance

578
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 1: and forgiveness, because when you marry someone, you marry them

579
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 1: for their strengths and their weaknesses. I've been the bread

580
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 1: one or two for the great majority of my marriage.

581
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 1: But let me hope you understand something. My husband is

582
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 1: probably the one that's gonna get us both in heaven

583
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 1: because I'm crazy, I'm easy as all get out right,

584
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: So he's probably gonna be one standing there holding everybody back,

585
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 1: said don't let her in, don't let her in, And

586
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 1: he's probably gonna be the one to let me in.

587
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 1: So while I have my strengths and weaknesses, he has

588
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 1: his strengths and weaknesses. The truth is, when we come

589
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 1: together as a unit, we've got to um, forgive and

590
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 1: accept because resentment. First of all, you said you would

591
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 1: do everything for your children, Janna, Let me help you

592
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 1: understand something about children. Children don't need parents who are

593
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 1: gonna give them everything. And if you are concerned about

594
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 1: spending money, then you need to be the change that

595
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: you want to see. So the best way to get

596
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 1: someone else to do something is to demonstrate how it's done.

597
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 1: So it's a bit of a it's a bit of

598
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 1: a contradiction, and quite frankly, it's a bit um uh.

599
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 1: It's an oxy moron. It's a contradiction, and it's really

600
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 1: a bit of a hypocrite to have really strong boundaries

601
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: when it comes to money on one hand, but then

602
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: when it comes to the kids, then their kids just

603
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 1: get whatever they want to. Chrisp is a crazy Let

604
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 1: me help you understand something about these entitled children running around.

605
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 1: They're rotten in the evil. Children want everything from their parents.

606
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 1: Parents feel all guilty. I've been there, I've done all that,

607
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 1: but I've raised three daughters. My youngest is twenty one

608
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,880
Speaker 1: and twenty five and they started out. I was traveling

609
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 1: all over the world. We were in all kind of

610
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 1: all start cheerleading. I was the breadwinner. My husband would

611
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 1: say something, then I'd say, no, let's not do that.

612
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:26,360
Speaker 1: They're not gon spend a whole bunch of money on

613
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 1: something else that really didn't make any sense. Because let

614
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,840
Speaker 1: me help you able to say something. Saying that I

615
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 1: love my kids is not an excuse for being financially irresponsible.

616
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 1: So the one thing that I want you both to

617
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: understand is this, both of you have some financial things

618
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,719
Speaker 1: that you're gonna have to work on together. And at

619
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:49,400
Speaker 1: the end of the day, Janna, your emotions and feelings

620
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:53,879
Speaker 1: mike your emotions and feelings while they are legitimately yours

621
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,920
Speaker 1: and they belong to you, emotions have no place when

622
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 1: it comes to money, because you know what, money is

623
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: not even optional we are. Money is factual. Money says

624
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 1: one plus one equals too. It is the most uh.

625
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: It is the most reliable thing that you have in

626
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 1: your life. Money is more reliable than a a nagging life.

627
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 1: Money is more reliable than a forgetful husband. Money is

628
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 1: more reliable than some begging children. Money is more reliable

629
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 1: than the weather. Money is more reliable because it literally

630
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 1: says this is how I operate, and I operate this

631
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:29,720
Speaker 1: way every single time. So if one plus one equals

632
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 1: too and if your stuff adds up to ten, it'll

633
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 1: never ever get into two. So what I recommend for

634
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 1: the two of you is to live by a budget.

635
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 1: And Mike, that means when you go down a rabbit hole,

636
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 1: that means that you are still trying to heal. And

637
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:48,040
Speaker 1: I understand I don't understand addiction, um um and and

638
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 1: And I'm not sure in what way you've experienced it,

639
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 1: but we've all had probably most of us have had

640
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 1: some kind of addiction. Me it was a spending addiction.

641
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 1: Literally I would get I would spend money for any reason.

642
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,399
Speaker 1: I would loan money to people even when I didn't

643
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:03,319
Speaker 1: have it, so they wouldn't think I was broke, which

644
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: I was. So I had to heal that thing. But

645
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 1: the one thing you can't do to heal and addiction

646
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 1: is covered up with another one. What you've actually got

647
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,759
Speaker 1: to do, You're being tested to actually move through that

648
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 1: thing and not have it filled up with something that's superficial, artificial.

649
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 1: And I'm just gonna say this now, I am a

650
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 1: firm believer in you doing what you want to do.

651
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 1: But let me tell you something. There's only only so

652
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 1: many golf clubs, watches, video games, and everything else that

653
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:34,400
Speaker 1: you need. At some point, perhaps those resources can be

654
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:41,360
Speaker 1: put into another education, another skill, a home, home based business,

655
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 1: another string of income, um, something that's going to produce

656
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 1: something else, and then out of your reward, then you're

657
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 1: able to reward yourself. So money is not emotional. Money

658
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: is very factual. It is reliable in its basic mathematics.

659
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 1: One plus one equals too. So what I want you

660
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 1: all to do is what my husband and I have done.

661
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,319
Speaker 1: Was been twenty six years and our money has been

662
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,319
Speaker 1: all the way at the top, and then I was

663
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,320
Speaker 1: responsible for handling and I messed everything up, and even

664
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:10,800
Speaker 1: then we stuck together. Because when the money is gone,

665
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 1: if you if you lose friends, and this that the other,

666
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,799
Speaker 1: when you've got someone there in your life that you

667
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 1: can rely upon, that has your back, that you can

668
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 1: depend on, let me tell you something. You have everything.

669
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 1: So I'd like for you all to live by the

670
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 1: ten ten thirty fifty, the first ten percent of every

671
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,840
Speaker 1: dollar that comes into the household. I'd like you to

672
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 1: say I'd like you to give. I'd like for you

673
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 1: all to think about somebody other than yourselves and your children.

674
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,880
Speaker 1: Is there a cause that you'd like to give money to,

675
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 1: perhaps UM, the one of the addiction or one of

676
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 1: the other UM low or low to moderate income, or

677
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 1: homeless or something people who are needed. Because good givers

678
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 1: are great getters. And when you learn how to give,

679
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 1: you position yourself for receiving the next ten percent. I'd

680
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 1: like for you to save, either in a four one

681
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 1: k Mike if it's extra money that you get in

682
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,799
Speaker 1: from a gig. If you don't have a four one K,

683
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,760
Speaker 1: then start your mutual fund or start your self employed

684
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 1: retirement fund. Um Janna. If it give a four one came,

685
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 1: your job would have you. But I want you to

686
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 1: save because the goal for everyone is to have at

687
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 1: least one year of an emergency fund. The pandemic has

688
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,440
Speaker 1: showed us that one stream of income has hazards to

689
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 1: your wealth. And if the red rugets f from under you,

690
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 1: then you want to be in position to thrive the

691
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 1: next thirty percent. And I want you all to be

692
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 1: really clear about this. Thirty percent is cash and this

693
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:34,880
Speaker 1: thirty percent is for groceries. Gas, hair, uh, stuff for

694
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: the kids, whatever, all the incidentals, the remaining fifty percent stays.

695
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: Then you're checking account for your bills now of the

696
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 1: thirty percent for incidentals. Once you take care of groceries

697
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 1: and gas and all your essentials, then the remainder of

698
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,720
Speaker 1: that gets split between the two of you evenly. Because

699
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: you did not get married to be separate individuals. You

700
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 1: got married to become one. So it doesn't matter who

701
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,839
Speaker 1: really made it. You split it in between you two.

702
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 1: So if you only have three, you hunt to the

703
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 1: fifty dollars and spending money for the month, that's all

704
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 1: you get. That's all you get, Okay, And if you

705
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 1: want to go to the movies, I recommend that you

706
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,360
Speaker 1: set an appointment for Netflix at the house with the kids,

707
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,879
Speaker 1: pop your own popcorn, makes something to drink and eat,

708
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,240
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. See, we've got to start

709
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 1: teaching our children how to build wealth. That's what children want.

710
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 1: Children want parents who love them and each other, who

711
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 1: know how to get along, and who know how to

712
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:35,480
Speaker 1: teach them become responsible adults mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially.

713
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 1: And then what I'd like you both to do when

714
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 1: you're upset about something when it comes to money, I

715
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,840
Speaker 1: want you to write thoughts, disentangle themselves when they passed

716
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:49,280
Speaker 1: through your fingertips. Right, what you're feeling, right, what you're thinking,

717
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 1: Tell the whole truth. And then if you feel like

718
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: getting that writing out has helped you to gain perspective,

719
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: then perhaps you can now speak to the other person

720
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 1: with dignity, without anger, without resentment. When you write it,

721
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 1: say when you said this to me, it made me

722
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 1: feel this way. Don't say to the other person you

723
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: did this to me, you attacked me. No no, no no, no.

724
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 1: Don't tell the earther person what they did. Just explain

725
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,240
Speaker 1: how it makes you feel. Because a lot of times

726
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: we communicate with someone that we love, we're just talking.

727
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,359
Speaker 1: We're not intentionally trying to attack. But if you tell

728
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 1: me I attacked you, I'm gonna say I didn't. But

729
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 1: if you tell me I feel attacked. See, nobody can

730
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 1: dispute your feeling. Right. So when you write, either now

731
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 1: figure out a way to communicate with each other, or

732
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 1: share what you wrote with the other person. Let me

733
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 1: tell you my husband and I there are times when

734
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:47,360
Speaker 1: I've written something to him and it changed his whole

735
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: way of doing something. It's times he's written something to

736
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,359
Speaker 1: me and I'm like, oh my god, I didn't know

737
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:54,320
Speaker 1: that this is what I was doing. And the truth

738
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 1: is each and every one of us. And I'm gonna

739
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 1: say this to you. Take responsibility for your own toxicity.

740
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 1: You know what's toxic you, you know, and and let

741
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:09,440
Speaker 1: me say this to you, Mike, Retaliating is not uh,

742
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:12,839
Speaker 1: it's not protection you. You as a man, your job

743
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 1: was to protect that household and to be security and

744
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 1: to be the head. Okay, retaliating. So if you said

745
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 1: that if she does something and spends money, then you

746
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:26,359
Speaker 1: feel like you could do it too. And then if

747
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 1: if but if if you did it and she didn't,

748
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 1: forget that that's petty. That's that's kindergarten. Okay, that's that's

749
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 1: on the playground, all right. So sometimes you gotta just

750
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: take it in. Sometimes you gotta just take it, but

751
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,800
Speaker 1: never feel like you have to either retaliate or because

752
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 1: you did it or when you did it. Come from

753
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 1: another place of what is right and try to come

754
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 1: from another place of power um and doing just what

755
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: is truthful. So I kind of went off on a

756
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: little preaching speech there but feel free to dialogue with

757
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,360
Speaker 1: me about what you think about that, if there's something

758
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 1: that hit you, or if there are are some other

759
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 1: things that I can that I can share with you.

760
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 1: Being as uh financially savvy and mature as as you

761
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,279
Speaker 1: and your husband seem to be obviously now, I mean,

762
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 1: you're the guru with all the books and literature and

763
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:18,719
Speaker 1: everything you've done around money. Where's the conflict between you

764
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:21,319
Speaker 1: and your husband? Like nowadays? Is there any at all?

765
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: Are you completely on the same page or as still?

766
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 1: There's moments where you guys don't see eye to eye?

767
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,280
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he gets on my last nerves, okay, because

768
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 1: he fits, he forgets things, and I'm like, what the hell?

769
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 1: And then, um, you know, I just have this saying

770
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:38,399
Speaker 1: women are crazy and men are irrational. So sometimes I'm

771
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 1: just crazy, talking talking, talking, talking talking. I know that

772
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:44,240
Speaker 1: gets on his nerves, right, and then he's just irrational.

773
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, now, how did you put that together? And

774
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 1: then there's no answer. So you know, what I found

775
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:52,280
Speaker 1: is that that's kind of similar with most marriages, most marriages,

776
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 1: and I just decided a long time ago, I'm not

777
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 1: going to I'm not gonna stroke out right because I'm

778
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 1: very grateful of thankful for the things that I can

779
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 1: get away with and recover from and heal from, and

780
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,319
Speaker 1: so the same thing for him. But I don't want

781
00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 1: you to think, uh, we're mature as it relates to

782
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:13,479
Speaker 1: we we just have some experience. We have twenty six years,

783
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 1: but we've been through it as well. But I'm gonna

784
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,840
Speaker 1: say to you, if you start to take the emotion

785
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: out and that becomes that is really the big thing,

786
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 1: and you just deal with the dollars. Okay, So at

787
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:28,320
Speaker 1: some point, and I don't care who the breadwinner is,

788
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 1: but if, if, if someone else is the breadwinner, then

789
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be very careful about tapping into those dollars.

790
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: And and this is not about who has more power.

791
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 1: It is about honor and respect and and I'm just

792
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 1: gonna say this to you, Mike. I'm gonna say this

793
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:47,080
Speaker 1: because this is this is probably something that that a

794
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 1: woman would think. You know, we grew up as little

795
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 1: girls thinking we'd marry our night and shining armor, and

796
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 1: that night in shining armor would sweep us off into

797
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 1: the sunset, take care of us. This any other well,

798
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 1: that's what that's not how happens and guess what, it's okay.

799
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 1: So for the great majority of my marriage, I've been

800
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:06,360
Speaker 1: the one to go out and grind and kick it

801
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 1: and keep the stuff in. What I'd like for my

802
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: husband to do is to acknowledge that, to honor that,

803
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 1: and to honor that with discipline, Honor that with boundaries,

804
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 1: honor that with agreement. And then, Janna, let me tell

805
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 1: you what I give my husband in exchange for that authority.

806
00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't run him. As a matter of fact,

807
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 1: I spent so much time being out in the world

808
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:41,400
Speaker 1: running everything else. I want to come home to a

809
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 1: man who can lead me and let me just let

810
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 1: go of something. I'm tired, Okay, but I've got to

811
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:51,440
Speaker 1: give the authority. I've got to relinquish authority. I'm gonna say,

812
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:55,160
Speaker 1: give it. I gotta relinquish authority and allow him to

813
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:58,400
Speaker 1: grow in authority. And then I've got let me give

814
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 1: you an example, and this is common. Um. Then you

815
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: get in the car and you think you know where

816
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 1: you're going and you don't. And the wife was sitting

817
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 1: there week was like, aren't we going the wrong way?

818
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 1: And you're like, no, I got it together. And eventually

819
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 1: you get lost. And you know, us women in our

820
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 1: early days, we get so mad, were so angry. Let

821
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 1: me tell you something. Just sit back, let me make

822
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 1: a mistake. Get lost, Yeah, get just get lost. Let

823
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 1: me tell you something. There is nothing more um fulfilling.

824
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:31,880
Speaker 1: Then when I tried to tell my husband, I remember,

825
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:33,839
Speaker 1: I tried to tell the baby, you need to put

826
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:35,560
Speaker 1: some gas in the car, because we're about to run

827
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 1: out of gas. No, no, I guess who guess to to,

828
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:44,800
Speaker 1: you know, a mile from home. Now. Of course, he

829
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 1: was so a irritated, be embarrassed, so I kind of

830
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,400
Speaker 1: just went out, but I waited. So he got out

831
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 1: of the car, and just when I was about to

832
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 1: go in, my three daughters and one of my best

833
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:56,759
Speaker 1: friends in the car. My youngest daughter. She was sick.

834
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 1: She said, Mom shell out because she know I was

835
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 1: about to go off. Janna, Sometimes you gotta relax because

836
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,239
Speaker 1: your mouth can't teach him how to be a man,

837
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,400
Speaker 1: but life will. And I'm not saying that you're not

838
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 1: a man. And I'm gonna say the same thing to you, Mike.

839
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:16,319
Speaker 1: Sometimes let her just rattle on off into the stratosphere

840
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 1: of where her mind is taking her. Just sit back,

841
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:24,319
Speaker 1: Just sit back and just wait because at some point

842
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:27,279
Speaker 1: her womanhood is gonna step in and that little girl

843
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 1: is gonna stop throwing a tantrum at some point. Okay,

844
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 1: So there has to be for both of you, really,

845
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 1: the ability to see the bigger picture, the the the

846
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 1: ability to let your own ego just kind of chill,

847
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:45,279
Speaker 1: let your own ago chill, and everybody's ego going at

848
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,840
Speaker 1: the same time. You're not gonna get me where. But

849
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 1: this money is easy. It's called the budget, the ten

850
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: ten fifty period. And and if your thirty percent is

851
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:58,759
Speaker 1: too much, because some of my clients, they make a

852
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 1: whole lot of money, so thirty send us too much

853
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: for spending money. It's ten ten, ten seventy. And then

854
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,640
Speaker 1: once they get done with their bills, now you're gonna

855
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 1: build your emergency fund. You're gonna pay off your debts

856
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 1: and so on and so forth. And when there is

857
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,839
Speaker 1: no money left, guess what you don't get any get

858
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 1: anymore if you want. If you get your spending money, Mike,

859
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 1: and you spend your home five on the first day,

860
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 1: guess what you're gonna eat beings and rice or whatever.

861
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 1: You're gonna play a tree fifty two hundred they came

862
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 1: out of nineteen eight two. You're not getting on the

863
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 1: video games too bad. It's called discipline. And the last

864
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:36,040
Speaker 1: thing I'm gonna say to you all, and I don't

865
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: know if it's the last thing, but you know, we

866
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,320
Speaker 1: can continue on to ask some more questions, be what

867
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 1: you want to teach your children? Try to Okay, I

868
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 1: love the kid uh the kid aspect too, because I

869
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:51,920
Speaker 1: remember all to say two things. Um, when Jolie got

870
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 1: her tooth out and the tooth fairy came, I told

871
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 1: her to say that, you know, save the money, and

872
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 1: she also gave her five dollars. Five dollars, what's their

873
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 1: first tooth? You know it'll go down from there. But

874
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 1: I land, I loved what you said about forgiveness because

875
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:12,040
Speaker 1: Michael and I had kind of a breakthrough, um a

876
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 1: few weeks ago because there was this amount of money

877
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:16,279
Speaker 1: that needs to be paid back and I and I

878
00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:20,879
Speaker 1: held and I was, I held a lot of pain,

879
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 1: and my therapist look to me and she goes, don't

880
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:28,920
Speaker 1: let this money affect your relationship and there has to

881
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 1: be this piece of forgiveness like and then she talked

882
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 1: about God and dying on the cross and how to

883
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 1: be able to forgive and to not let the money

884
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:42,800
Speaker 1: this payback money, just cause all these arguments and fights.

885
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:46,239
Speaker 1: She's like, you have to forgive. And then from there,

886
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 1: that's when y'all have to come together to meet and discuss,

887
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 1: you know, the boundaries and live by those so that

888
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 1: those resentments don't come back up, you know, because what

889
00:48:56,640 --> 00:49:00,880
Speaker 1: I don't want is to, you know, go through this

890
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:03,359
Speaker 1: and and then you know, the boundaries still aren't met.

891
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 1: And I think where I was having an issue is

892
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: is I have no I had no problem with the

893
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 1: under five hundred. Is just that the times it was spending.

894
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 1: You know, if it's under hunt, you don't get to

895
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:20,759
Speaker 1: pick what it's five hundred dollars is unless it's illegal. No, No,

896
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I think what I'm saying is it like

897
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:25,080
Speaker 1: it added up, so it's like it was a three

898
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 1: hundred purchase three D three hundred three hand. I'm like

899
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 1: that that all adds up, you know, and so that

900
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: miscommunication between us. Yeah, and it's not you get to

901
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 1: spend under five dollars eighteen times, yeah, right, it's this

902
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:40,960
Speaker 1: is the amount of money you have available to spend.

903
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:44,759
Speaker 1: And guess what, Janna, you get the same amount. You

904
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,720
Speaker 1: don't get more because you're you're the breadwinner. It's equal.

905
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:51,600
Speaker 1: Well and I yeah, and that's you know. And and

906
00:49:51,760 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 1: in the same way that maybe the golf thing is

907
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 1: too much, or the clubs or whatever, how many activities

908
00:49:57,239 --> 00:50:00,759
Speaker 1: you have the kids in a bunch. Let me tell

909
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 1: you something. There's there's your wealth right there. When when

910
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 1: I started to give my money straight, let me tell

911
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 1: you the first place I went. All the children, all right,

912
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:10,719
Speaker 1: they came out of the private school. I bought a

913
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 1: house in the neighborhood where I like the school. Now

914
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:15,480
Speaker 1: you're going to school for free dance class. Okay, Now

915
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 1: you're going to the dance ministry at the church for

916
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:20,799
Speaker 1: free cheerleading. Now this is If you've got a whole

917
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:22,879
Speaker 1: big old bucket of money and money isn't an issue,

918
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:26,320
Speaker 1: then keep spending money. But if money is tight and

919
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 1: you do not see your financial future building up the

920
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:31,799
Speaker 1: way you wanted to build up, do not miss out

921
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:36,120
Speaker 1: on your financial future and your kids financial stability by

922
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 1: spending money on things. And then let me tell you this,

923
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:42,600
Speaker 1: all of the social attachments, because I was attached to

924
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:44,440
Speaker 1: all the moms that were in all the things, all

925
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:46,880
Speaker 1: the moms of the of the ballet crew, all the moms,

926
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 1: and the football are all the moms, and the softball

927
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,800
Speaker 1: and all of this, and and everybody's up, and everybody's

928
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:53,759
Speaker 1: spending money that you don't have, an you're going home

929
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:57,480
Speaker 1: upset with your spouse because there are actually some things

930
00:50:57,520 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 1: that you can do to control you're spending. So everybody

931
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:04,279
Speaker 1: gets that thirty percent for incidentals. It has to come

932
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 1: out of that. And I will say tuition as well.

933
00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:09,840
Speaker 1: Tuition is not a bill m Tuition is a choice.

934
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:13,360
Speaker 1: And if if tuition is not, if that's not in

935
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:15,880
Speaker 1: an occasion right now, then God bless you. If it is,

936
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 1: start to think long term about what that means, because listen,

937
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:23,800
Speaker 1: and then his other thing. Money will work harder for

938
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: you than you can never work for it, but you

939
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:29,080
Speaker 1: gotta let it. But if it's going out to to

940
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 1: this over here, the kids over there, the Christmas, that's

941
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 1: massive and overwhelming, all the big old vacations and this,

942
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: then the other. A vacation is not a vacation. If

943
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 1: you're worried about how much money you spend it, you're

944
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:44,439
Speaker 1: not on vacation. The vacation is on you. So I'd

945
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:48,160
Speaker 1: like to see you all adopt some holistic things that

946
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 1: you can do as a family that don't require money,

947
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 1: and and and everybody needs healing, right. So when we

948
00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:58,840
Speaker 1: first started to cut back, the very first thing, my

949
00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: youngest daughter says, she was about four or five at

950
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 1: the time, she said, are y'all broke? That's just how

951
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 1: ridiculous I was was spending that when she asked for something,

952
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:12,440
Speaker 1: and weep my my husband because I was usually the

953
00:52:12,440 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 1: one who would just say yes, yes, yes, yes yes.

954
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:17,359
Speaker 1: And then my husband had to be want to put

955
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 1: me in check, and I was the bread winner, but

956
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 1: it didn't matter because I was the bread winner and

957
00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:26,680
Speaker 1: the bread loser. Okay, So she said, are y'all broke?

958
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 1: And my husband and I had to be together and say,

959
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:33,080
Speaker 1: you know what, you can't do this. This is not

960
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 1: we know, this isn't in the budget. But guess what

961
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 1: now they're responsible. They keep money in the bank, They've

962
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 1: got seven eight hundred credit scores, um. They have more

963
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:43,200
Speaker 1: money than most adults that I know who are working

964
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,240
Speaker 1: full time with houses and all this kind of stuff.

965
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:47,759
Speaker 1: So what legacy do you want to pass on? It

966
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:51,120
Speaker 1: starts right now, and it starts with you and changing

967
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:53,040
Speaker 1: the things that are hurting The things that are hurting

968
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:54,879
Speaker 1: you are the things that you probably want to change.

969
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, No, I was just gonna say this. Thank

970
00:52:57,680 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 1: you for all your insight. You know, it's definitely something

971
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 1: and that you know will continue to having our a

972
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 1: couple of therapy sessions. But I I feel like a

973
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 1: lot of things you said. I'm gonna re listen to

974
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 1: this podcast, UM when it airs, because I just I

975
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 1: appreciate everything you said, and I appreciate you calling me out,

976
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 1: and I just I appreciate you know your words. So

977
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:19,239
Speaker 1: thank you so much. And to our listeners. UM, where

978
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:23,359
Speaker 1: can they find you out? Oh, ask land dot org.

979
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 1: Ask land dot org. You can go there and get

980
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:29,239
Speaker 1: a class, a session, or whatever it is that you need.

981
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:31,880
Speaker 1: And I already know that you walk and do it.

982
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:34,040
Speaker 1: I know that you all can do it. I see

983
00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:36,759
Speaker 1: it in you already. UM. And I also want you

984
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:40,800
Speaker 1: both to know this, there is absolutely nothing to be

985
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:46,320
Speaker 1: ashamed of when it comes to financial difficulty or marital discord.

986
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:49,800
Speaker 1: It is the most normal thing. I've never met anyone

987
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 1: on the planet that didn't have to go through something.

988
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 1: But it's what we learn about ourselves. Life is ten

989
00:53:57,080 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 1: percent what happens to you and how respond. So what

990
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:05,239
Speaker 1: I've learned is if I got better, my life got better.

991
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:08,880
Speaker 1: If I got better, the things that were happening around

992
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,920
Speaker 1: me got better. And it takes patience. So thank you

993
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:13,960
Speaker 1: all for allowing me to share with you, and good luck.

994
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:20,439
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Appreciate it. Okay, Violin bye bye.

995
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:26,719
Speaker 1: Well she's got so much information and a lot of

996
00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:28,799
Speaker 1: insight on a lot of this, and I appreciated her

997
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:33,120
Speaker 1: her bluntness and her new book is Get Your Money

998
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 1: Back Tax Deduction you never knew about at Lynn Richardson

999
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,920
Speaker 1: dot com. So I mean again, she can talk all

1000
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 1: around any kind of money, and she's that you're dealing with.

1001
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:48,920
Speaker 1: Can I say something you got? Really? I felt it

1002
00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 1: what she said, Yeah, do you want to talk about

1003
00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:59,080
Speaker 1: because I think I don't want you to take what

1004
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 1: she said in a shaming way. And I think, right

1005
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:07,799
Speaker 1: I'm where it's just you and me and a couple

1006
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 1: of thousand people listening. But I'm trying to too, because

1007
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 1: the second she said that you, she lost you. And

1008
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 1: then interview and I was trying to rub your leg

1009
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:22,840
Speaker 1: to be like, you know, trying to get you because

1010
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:26,800
Speaker 1: I know this second what it did to you the

1011
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:29,279
Speaker 1: second she said that, And I was just like, f

1012
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 1: there goes the interview because I know where shame goes

1013
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 1: to you and I don't. I'm not trying to like

1014
00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 1: defend her at all, because I you're an amazing husband,

1015
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:49,200
Speaker 1: You're a great husband. She was just referencing she's she's

1016
00:55:49,239 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 1: not she's not a therapist, right, so she's not sensitive

1017
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:56,879
Speaker 1: to like, she doesn't know our issues, what we've been through,

1018
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 1: you know. So when she said a husband like you,

1019
00:56:02,239 --> 00:56:04,359
Speaker 1: I was like, I know how harsh you take words.

1020
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:07,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, ah, that's gonna sting him. And

1021
00:56:07,640 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, it made me upset for you because I

1022
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:13,280
Speaker 1: didn't want you to have to feel that throughout the interview.

1023
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:16,480
Speaker 1: But I think she just meant like a husband. That's

1024
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:18,879
Speaker 1: It's just I think she was just trying to say

1025
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:20,959
Speaker 1: it was like a husband that spends, you know, money,

1026
00:56:22,680 --> 00:56:25,839
Speaker 1: So a husband like you, you know, but the wording, yes,

1027
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 1: sounds harsh, but you're a great husband. Are you hearing

1028
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:32,719
Speaker 1: any of this because I feel like you're just really

1029
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 1: shut off. Now I'm hearing it. I appreciate you trying

1030
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:43,960
Speaker 1: to uh decipher in a different way. I Mark, if

1031
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,360
Speaker 1: you want to come, And I disagree a little bit

1032
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:50,360
Speaker 1: because the timing of it was right after the addiction stuff,

1033
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:53,360
Speaker 1: and so I think what she was saying what was

1034
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,080
Speaker 1: for that reason. It's just she's a money person, so

1035
00:56:56,280 --> 00:56:59,800
Speaker 1: like you said, she's not a therapist, so people just

1036
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:01,680
Speaker 1: talk more bluntly when it comes to money. That's like

1037
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 1: her whole thing, right is taking the emotion out of money.

1038
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 1: So I just think she's being that direct. I don't

1039
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 1: think she She wasn't perfectly trying to shame me. I know,

1040
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:17,840
Speaker 1: but you're wearing it for sure, and there's nothing to wear.

1041
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:21,920
Speaker 1: But you're a great husband, I know that, So what

1042
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 1: are Why are you wearing it? Because it's making me

1043
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:32,480
Speaker 1: sad that you are when as shaming as being an

1044
00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:39,240
Speaker 1: attic is when that's when you're put into a category

1045
00:57:40,520 --> 00:57:44,600
Speaker 1: or mentioned in such a way. Again, nothing personal to

1046
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:50,160
Speaker 1: Lynn at all. By no means was it purposeful or

1047
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 1: anything like that. It's just the way I received it,

1048
00:57:55,080 --> 00:58:00,760
Speaker 1: but just being categorized like I can't do something because

1049
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:04,880
Speaker 1: you're an act or you know someone like you or

1050
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: you know m Yeah, I felt for like during that

1051
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:27,480
Speaker 1: interview and I was trying to decide is she really

1052
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:30,080
Speaker 1: is she being harsh to micro my putting myself in

1053
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:33,520
Speaker 1: my position and therefore taking the guy's side kind of naturally,

1054
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:36,080
Speaker 1: But I did feel like Mike got a kind of

1055
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:38,920
Speaker 1: hard right there alright with that statement, for sure. I

1056
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 1: mean she totally called me out to for and I

1057
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 1: have to work on that in general as well, coming

1058
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:45,920
Speaker 1: in and being like, well gooys. Some the Dems used

1059
00:58:45,960 --> 00:58:49,720
Speaker 1: it like Jannah shut up, okay, you know, so that

1060
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:56,439
Speaker 1: that's my work too. I think it's just hard because yeah,

1061
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:59,800
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, because you're the overspender, of course they're

1062
00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 1: going to probably come down more on the overspender unfortunately,

1063
00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:07,160
Speaker 1: you know. It just I think it was more than

1064
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,840
Speaker 1: just that comment, because it was hard because a lot

1065
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 1: of it was just off of the forty seconds we

1066
00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:16,680
Speaker 1: talked at the beginning. A lot of it I thought

1067
00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:21,160
Speaker 1: was generalized than after that, like to an extreme. It's like,

1068
00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 1: you know, some of the words, yeah, like you don't

1069
00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:27,760
Speaker 1: you don't I don't think you retaliate. Yeah, as much

1070
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 1: as I wanted to, like like what what what, it's

1071
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 1: not the case all the time, and this is that,

1072
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:38,480
Speaker 1: you know, it just seem to really exaggerate some of

1073
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:47,880
Speaker 1: the negative traits or things and whatever. So well, I mean,

1074
00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:51,200
Speaker 1: you know, I still think it's normal for couples to

1075
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:55,080
Speaker 1: have one person that spends more, one person that spends less,

1076
00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:57,560
Speaker 1: and there's pluses and minus to both of them, and

1077
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:01,280
Speaker 1: you know, just continue to talk it out, you know,

1078
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:06,600
Speaker 1: read resources and talk to your therapists and don't let

1079
01:00:06,680 --> 01:00:10,440
Speaker 1: that drive a wedge into your marriage because that can

1080
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:12,880
Speaker 1: cause a lot of underlying resentment and that's just not good.

1081
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 1: So all right, guys, that's a show hye Bye,