Speaker 1: You will not ever ever regret taking the time away
Speaker 1: from your career and putting it into your baby boy.
Speaker 1: What's up everybody, Welcome back to the podcast. I love
Speaker 1: doing this because it's different than anything else I do
Speaker 1: during the day. I don't prepare at all for what
Speaker 1: I'm about to do. I'm answering your questions. In fact,
Speaker 1: if you have a question for me, email me at
Speaker 1: podcast at grangersmith dot com, and then I'll take these
Speaker 1: walk through it randomly like we're just two friends talking
Speaker 1: about something that you want to talk about. Could be
Speaker 1: something deep about your family or a relationship or a job,
Speaker 1: or it just could be something really simple. Either way,
Speaker 1: email me once again podcast at grangersmith dot com. We'll
Speaker 1: throw it in the queue and we'll get to it
Speaker 1: like we're sitting around a campfire. We're gonna jump it
Speaker 1: right into it right now. The first question comes from anonymous.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you want
Speaker 1: to be anonymous, make sure you include that because you
Speaker 1: know that I'll just roll right through it if not. Also,
Speaker 1: my only request for you is well two requests really.
Speaker 1: Don't send the same email twice, and don't make it
Speaker 1: longer than about a phone length. It makes it much
Speaker 1: easier to read and to sort through if it's about
Speaker 1: if your issue is about a phone length. Okay. The
Speaker 1: first one is from Anonymous, and it says, Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: about a month ago, my husband and I got baptized
Speaker 1: and joined a church that's not my parents' church. We
Speaker 1: prayed about it for a long time and have peace
Speaker 1: with this. This is the church for us. The churches
Speaker 1: are very similar. We just felt more comfortable here. But
Speaker 1: since we told our parents we're going to join there
Speaker 1: and get baptized, the relationship is just ruined. It was
Speaker 1: even so bad that my parents didn't even show up
Speaker 1: at our baptism. They barely talk to us anymore, and
Speaker 1: there's tension whenever we are together. It hurts me so much.
Speaker 1: I don't understand how someone could be upset at us
Speaker 1: that we found God and got baptized. How can we
Speaker 1: try to get along with them or deal with this
Speaker 1: hurt we've been We have tried talking with them, but
Speaker 1: this hasn't helped. My dad thinks that their church is
Speaker 1: the only church that's right and goes to heaven, but
Speaker 1: that's not right either. Okay, Anonymous, thanks for the question
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry that this is the boat that you're
Speaker 1: in right now. You know, Jesus promised that he would come,
Speaker 1: and that separates that families would separate in knowing him.
Speaker 1: It's unfortunate that it happens this way in our earthly time,
Speaker 1: that we see families split apart by this. But let's
Speaker 1: dive into a little bit of what so we could
Speaker 1: help understand the division. Let's dive into your question. And
Speaker 1: I want to. I want to. I want to be
Speaker 1: able to dissect this as much as I actually know
Speaker 1: the situation, because I don't know the denominations, I don't
Speaker 1: know the churches. I don't know if you got baptized before.
Speaker 1: Now this is a second time where if you never
Speaker 1: got baptized in why you never got baptized in your parents' church,
Speaker 1: and and now you're there's a lot of unknowns here.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna I'm gonna do my best dealing with
Speaker 1: a lot of unknowns. The first thing I know is
Speaker 1: your parents in your church. Your parents' church and your church.
Speaker 1: Although you say they are similar, very similar, you say,
Speaker 1: I don't think that that I don't think that's right.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't think they can be very similar
Speaker 1: and this happened. I think there's something more to it,
Speaker 1: and I think that's going to cause my answer to
Speaker 1: be a little iffy here, because I feel like if
Speaker 1: they were very similar, if they were like minded churches,
Speaker 1: they were very similar church, then your church would affirm
Speaker 1: that the old church, and the old church would affirm
Speaker 1: the new church and be like, oh, yeah, down the
Speaker 1: street that so and so, Yeah, they are just like
Speaker 1: we are. That's obviously not the case here. And your
Speaker 1: parents are showing that, your parents not showing up at
Speaker 1: your baptism. That's another thing. The question I have is
Speaker 1: were you converted after you left your parents' church? Where
Speaker 1: you converted later in life through the conversion, which, okay,
Speaker 1: here we go something else. Let me just throw a
Speaker 1: spike in this right now. There was a great book
Speaker 1: called Conversion. It's a nine marks book. It's called Conversion.
Speaker 1: It's a very short book and if anyone wants to
Speaker 1: know more about conversion, becoming a Christian, what it means
Speaker 1: to die and be reborn, this is a great, just
Speaker 1: little book to jump into. So side note, throw a
Speaker 1: spike in it. Take that for what you will. Conversion,
Speaker 1: it's what it's called the Nine Marks book, And so
Speaker 1: were you converted after you left your parents church? That's
Speaker 1: another question I have. And then this whole they barely
Speaker 1: talk to you anymore, and there's tension whenever you're together.
Speaker 1: That's weird, And I'm putting that on the parents, regardless
Speaker 1: of this church and what they believe, and regardless of
Speaker 1: if they did not show up at the baptism, the
Speaker 1: fact that they don't talk to you is weird, and
Speaker 1: that's a strike against them. And then you say, I
Speaker 1: don't understand how someone could be upset that we found
Speaker 1: God and got baptized. You could if it was a
Speaker 1: bad church, and if it was a weird if it's
Speaker 1: a false church and a false baptism, then you could
Speaker 1: be upset. But that still wouldn't account for the parents
Speaker 1: not talking to you. So that's kind of like a
Speaker 1: strike and either mark here, this is a difficult question
Speaker 1: without me knowing anything else. And then you say, how
Speaker 1: can we get along with them or deal with this hurt?
Speaker 1: We've tried talking to them, but that hasn't helped to that.
Speaker 1: I say, if you had a feeling this would happen,
Speaker 1: was it necessary to leave the parents church to make
Speaker 1: you feel more comfortable. That's the word you use. We
Speaker 1: feel more comfortable at the other church, the new church.
Speaker 1: Was that necessary with knowing that now you're going to
Speaker 1: make your life uncomfortable because of the way your parents feel.
Speaker 1: I mean surely that when you visited the new church,
Speaker 1: your parents showed you like, hey, we don't with that,
Speaker 1: and we're not going to talk to you anymore if
Speaker 1: you do. Like, surely you had an idea that this
Speaker 1: was coming, and yet you chose the new church because
Speaker 1: you felt more comfortable and major a whole personal life uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: That's weird. See, there's a lot of weirdness going on here.
Speaker 1: And then the very last thing that you said was no,
Speaker 1: the second yeah, last thing he said, my dad thinks
Speaker 1: that their church is the only church that's right and
Speaker 1: goes to heaven. But that's not right either. That's definitely
Speaker 1: a strike on dad. And I will say each time
Speaker 1: this is just a side note. You capitalized church with
Speaker 1: a capital C, and there is only one capital C
Speaker 1: church and that's that is the Church of God, and
Speaker 1: that is every church you're talking about is a lower
Speaker 1: case see. That is a community church, a local church.
Speaker 1: So it's important to realize that too. Like Dad's right
Speaker 1: that the capital C church is the only way to
Speaker 1: go to heaven, Like he's about that, but he's not
Speaker 1: talking in terms of capital C church. He's talking lower
Speaker 1: case C. So there's a lot of unknowns here. And
Speaker 1: because I don't know anything about this besides the fact
Speaker 1: that it's weird, and there's besides the fact that I
Speaker 1: know there are things that I don't know. Because of that,
Speaker 1: I say, love them, because your parents they are your parents.
Speaker 1: Love them, forgive them, pour into them, be selfless toward them,
Speaker 1: don't judge them, regardless of if you feel all of
Speaker 1: that coming at you, you feel judged, you feel not respected,
Speaker 1: you feel not honored as kids. Regardless of that, forgive them,
Speaker 1: love them, pour into them, continue to try to cultivate
Speaker 1: a relationship, continue to have a good conversation about the
Speaker 1: lower case C church. Hey, Dad, could we walk through
Speaker 1: maybe some of the differences that you see. What are
Speaker 1: the differences, Dad, that you see in this new church,
Speaker 1: because we feel like it's very similar. What are the
Speaker 1: differences you see in our church and your church? And
Speaker 1: why do you think that this should bring tension to
Speaker 1: our family? And why do you think that your church
Speaker 1: is the only one that goes to heaven. And let's
Speaker 1: try politely and nicely to pin him down on these
Speaker 1: doctrinal issues, like let's get him to speak specifically about
Speaker 1: here's what the Bible says, and here's what your church
Speaker 1: is going against with what this Bible says. Right, your
Speaker 1: Bible says this, and our church is going your church
Speaker 1: is going against it, and our church over here is
Speaker 1: affirming it. And here is a couple of links to
Speaker 1: some YouTube sermons that our pastor did that affirms this,
Speaker 1: and here's a couple of links to your church that
Speaker 1: denies this. Let's get there, because if you can get there,
Speaker 1: then you can go, wow, Dad, you were right here.
Speaker 1: We come. We're coming to your church. Or maybe your
Speaker 1: dad will go Okay, that's like a third tier issue,
Speaker 1: you guys, I understand where you're coming from. Maybe just
Speaker 1: maybe through prayer and through kindness and through you guys
Speaker 1: just pouring into them because they are your parents, maybe
Speaker 1: this could be resolved that way. Next question is from Jenna.
Speaker 1: It says, Hey, Granger, I love the godly of ice
Speaker 1: and wisdom that you bring to each and every question.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I'm one of those questions that you probably
Speaker 1: roll your eyes because you hear it a lot. Lol.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty years old and desperately desired to be married
Speaker 1: and have a family. I'm very active in my church,
Speaker 1: but live in a very small town. I have tried
Speaker 1: online dating, and all that that does is bring me anxiety.
Speaker 1: I know that God is sovereign that he wants me
Speaker 1: to be single. I know that God is sovereign, and
Speaker 1: if he wants me to be single forever, then so
Speaker 1: be it. I am constantly fighting this battle of knowing
Speaker 1: that but still desiring a husband and kids. I guess
Speaker 1: my question is how would you tell me to balance
Speaker 1: being content in my stage of life has me in
Speaker 1: while also being proactive and searching for a spouse. Also,
Speaker 1: if you know any godly singing golden men, I'm not
Speaker 1: opposed to long distance dating. Thank you for your podcasting
Speaker 1: your time. I've never done anything like this before, so
Speaker 1: it's a little awkward for me. Yee, okay, Jenna. If
Speaker 1: you've never never emailed a podcast like this or ask
Speaker 1: a question, ask a question, thank you. It's that's a
Speaker 1: big step. Maybe we could start there if it was.
Speaker 1: If this is something that you feel awkward, about and
Speaker 1: uncomfortable because you've never been vulnerable enough to reach out
Speaker 1: to someone like this and tell them, you know, kind
Speaker 1: of throw your laundry, your dirty laundry out there. Hey,
Speaker 1: maybe that's a good place to start being vulnerable. Admitting
Speaker 1: that there is things that you don't know. That's always
Speaker 1: a huge thing. Now, that's the thing I battle with,
Speaker 1: you know. I want to always be able to keep
Speaker 1: my ears open and to seek understanding, right because there
Speaker 1: were the majority of things in this world I do
Speaker 1: not know. I know a sliver of things. So that's great.
Speaker 1: That's great that you've opened yourself up like this, and
Speaker 1: I think you're in the right place. First of all,
Speaker 1: thirty years old super young. You're super young. I know
Speaker 1: the world wants to tell you that you're you're of
Speaker 1: the right age to get married, Jenna, but there is
Speaker 1: no you're not putting it off. It's not like it's
Speaker 1: not like you're saying, I'm thirty and I'm putting it
Speaker 1: off because I'm I just want to stay single. You're
Speaker 1: not doing that. You're saying, look, I'm open for all options,
Speaker 1: and I'm realizing that my biological clock is at a
Speaker 1: good place. So there you go, but don't listen to
Speaker 1: the world saying there is a deadline you need to
Speaker 1: be on because you do not very active in church. Good,
Speaker 1: you live in a very small town. Good. If you
Speaker 1: tried online dating but that brings you anxiety. Good, I
Speaker 1: totally agree. I could see that. And then you say this,
Speaker 1: I know that God is sovereign and he wants me.
Speaker 1: If he wants me to be single forever, then so
Speaker 1: be it. Okay, But here you go, I am constantly
Speaker 1: fighting this battle of knowing that but still desiring a
Speaker 1: husband and kids. I get it. I get it because
Speaker 1: you know why. Because you're human. You know that God
Speaker 1: is sovereign. You know that he has a plan for you.
Speaker 1: You know that he has a purpose for you. You
Speaker 1: know that it's already written. You know you're walking in
Speaker 1: it right now. But here's the big butt. You say,
Speaker 1: but I still desire a husband and kids. I would
Speaker 1: bring that to God. You could live in the Psalms
Speaker 1: with this kind of thought. You could live and meditate
Speaker 1: in the Psalms. I would go to Psalm one and
Speaker 1: just start working my way down. There's one hundred and
Speaker 1: fifty of them. It'll take you a long time, but
Speaker 1: you could pray through the Psalms or pray through the Bible.
Speaker 1: If y'all ever done that, it's a great way to
Speaker 1: kind of cultivate your prayer life. Go through the Psalms.
Speaker 1: We'll start there. You could do any of it. Start
Speaker 1: there in the Psalms and read a few lines of
Speaker 1: it and pray through it as though you're praying that
Speaker 1: same prayer. Great exercise, and what you'll see is you'll
Speaker 1: see the same attitude throughout the Psalms. You'll see God,
Speaker 1: I know your sovereign, I know you were good. I
Speaker 1: know you have a purpose. But also you know my heart.
Speaker 1: You know I desire a husband and kids, And I
Speaker 1: know that if I'm seeking you with all my heart,
Speaker 1: if I'm delighting in you, you will give me the
Speaker 1: desires of my heart. Not that He will give you
Speaker 1: what you want, but he will give you the once.
Speaker 1: He will cultivate new desires within you and start to
Speaker 1: kind of suppress old desires. If you're seeking him. If
Speaker 1: your prayer life is healthy, if you have a good
Speaker 1: devotional reading time every morning with your Word, your personal
Speaker 1: time in the Bible, you have no hidden, unrepentant sin
Speaker 1: floating around, and you have wise counsel, which is your church.
Speaker 1: You're in your church, you're involved in your church. At
Speaker 1: that point, you start doing what you want because you
Speaker 1: could be pretty sure that God is now guiding your desires.
Speaker 1: You're delighting in him. He's giving you the desires of
Speaker 1: your heart. That's what that means. So it sounds like
Speaker 1: you're kind of in this world right now, and so
Speaker 1: you're fighting against it, going I'm doing this, I want this,
Speaker 1: and I'm not seeing anything from it. So this is
Speaker 1: where I say, rest, be still and wait for the Lord.
Speaker 1: Wait for the Lord. Be still, Rest in this God,
Speaker 1: your sovereign God. I want a husband, I want a family,
Speaker 1: I want kids. So for I will wait for you.
Speaker 1: Right then, I will wait for you. I will rest
Speaker 1: in this knowledge of your sovereignty, of your providence, of
Speaker 1: your kingship. You are on the throne, and I will
Speaker 1: take this desire that I have and know that it
Speaker 1: has to be from you, because I'm seeking you, and
Speaker 1: yet I don't have it yet. And so there's the tension.
Speaker 1: Where the tension is between God is sovereign and I
Speaker 1: have a desire. The tension in between that is wait
Speaker 1: for the Lord. Right, That's what we do. It's not easy,
Speaker 1: but this is where I say. You meditate through the Psalms,
Speaker 1: pray through the Psalms, and you'll find the Psalmist over
Speaker 1: and over again, waiting and resting, kind of suppressing that
Speaker 1: anxiety and that stress went with the waiting. This is
Speaker 1: what you do, and you will, I'm sure, have clarity
Speaker 1: in this as time goes by and you continue this pattern, praying, resting, understanding, believing,
Speaker 1: knowing who he is, knowing that he's good, knowing that
Speaker 1: he's sovereign, resting in that, still attending church and going
Speaker 1: through whatever activities you're doing in your local church, serving them,
Speaker 1: serving others, serving your friends, and then boom, one day,
Speaker 1: there he is the husband. There he suddenly appears. It's
Speaker 1: crazy how that happens. But I see this happening with
Speaker 1: you either way, by resting and waiting, I see either way,
Speaker 1: either single or not. I see clarity in that in
Speaker 1: your waiting. So if anyone wants to get a hold
Speaker 1: of me, you're listening to the podcast right now, and
Speaker 1: you think, man, I would love for Granger to shoot
Speaker 1: me a text or send me a video message on
Speaker 1: something else, on some other subject, maybe a little pick
Speaker 1: me up. Maybe I wish Granger would give me a
Speaker 1: happy birthday wish. Or my brother's a huge fan he
Speaker 1: could use a happy birthday. Maybe with the holidays coming up,
Speaker 1: you're thinking, what do I get my kid? What do
Speaker 1: I get my nephew? What do I get my brother
Speaker 1: or my wife? What do I What kind of present
Speaker 1: do I get them? They already have what they need. Well,
Speaker 1: how about a gift of cameo And what that is
Speaker 1: is you got a cameo dot com slash Granger Smith
Speaker 1: and you could find me on there and you just say, Hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: I want you to send a message to my wife
Speaker 1: and just say happy birthday or Merry Christmas, whatever you
Speaker 1: want me to say. It's right there in the app
Speaker 1: in the form. It's super easy. I get that notification
Speaker 1: on my phone, I take it, do the selfie cam
Speaker 1: and then send it right back to you. Super easy.
Speaker 1: Cameo dot com slash Grangersmith. That's c ameo dot com.
Speaker 1: Or you can look for me on the cameo app
Speaker 1: Granger Smith. All right, Next question comes from anonymous and
Speaker 1: it says, Hey, Granger, I recently met a woman I
Speaker 1: feel very good in her presence. She appreciates every little
Speaker 1: thing I do, and she's very energetic, thankful, and also
Speaker 1: very direct. It seems we are soulmates. In our conversation,
Speaker 1: I heard she is seven years older. In our conference,
Speaker 1: let me read that again. In our conversations, I heard
Speaker 1: she is seven years older. It's kind of an odd
Speaker 1: way to say that. Now. I have some concerns that
Speaker 1: this age difference, especially me as a younger man, could
Speaker 1: lead into problems in a potential marriage. On the other hand,
Speaker 1: many people say it can work perfectly if you are
Speaker 1: really connected. I would appreciate to hear your thoughts on
Speaker 1: this topic. Man. Great question, and I was really taken
Speaker 1: back by the way that you said in our conversations,
Speaker 1: I heard she is seven years older. It's like, I
Speaker 1: feel like you could have said, she told me she's
Speaker 1: seven years older. She told me her birthday, and I
Speaker 1: realized that was seven years older. But it's an interesting
Speaker 1: way that you worded it in our conversations. I heard
Speaker 1: as if you were passive in that situation, like you
Speaker 1: didn't comment on that, you just let it kind of
Speaker 1: go okay. Thanks for the email, and I appreciate your brother.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming. Once again, this is another one of these
Speaker 1: examples of me just not knowing the context here. But
Speaker 1: I'm assuming let's say you are twenty five and she's
Speaker 1: thirty two, or let's say you're twenty two and she's
Speaker 1: thirty or twenty nine. Right, I see this. I feel
Speaker 1: you Let me dive into something before I get into that,
Speaker 1: before I get into the age difference. Let me let
Speaker 1: me dive into this idea of soulmate, because you know,
Speaker 1: you know on this podcast, reject that word soulmate. That's
Speaker 1: a that's an old pagan idea that you have half
Speaker 1: a soul and there is another half of your soul
Speaker 1: out there and it combines and it creates one and
Speaker 1: you your soul becomes one finally and they are your
Speaker 1: soul mate. And that's just that's a false idea. It's
Speaker 1: a it's a it's a it's it's this pagan idea
Speaker 1: that is is blown away out of proportion. And you know,
Speaker 1: hence we have Valentine's Day and this idea that keep
Speaker 1: it choots this little arrow on two people and that
Speaker 1: is the only way that it's going to happen. But
Speaker 1: the problem with thinking that way is that, Okay, for instance,
Speaker 1: this situation if we go, Okay, she's seven years older.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty three and she's thirty and and I'm thinking
Speaker 1: that by the time I'm forty and she's forty seven,
Speaker 1: that's going to be a problem. But then you go,
Speaker 1: oh no, but she's my soulmate. I've already declared, and
Speaker 1: I told Grainger on the podcast that she is my soulmate.
Speaker 1: And it becomes you see this problem where you feel
Speaker 1: like you can't you can't pull away from that idea,
Speaker 1: and so you have to get you have to get
Speaker 1: married because she's my soulmate. Okay, So I would reject
Speaker 1: that idea, okay, And as we move on into the
Speaker 1: question itself, I think, if you're first of all, could
Speaker 1: it work? Absolutely, I think it could be fantastic. You
Speaker 1: hear these kind of stories, and typically you see it
Speaker 1: the other way around. Typically you see the girl is
Speaker 1: twenty three and the guy is thirty. When it comes
Speaker 1: to a seven year difference, because of and just here's
Speaker 1: my opinion inserting here, because of the intelligence level of
Speaker 1: women is usually higher than a man at in the
Speaker 1: stage of growth, and so you get that's why at teenagers,
Speaker 1: when you have a fifteen year old teenager. She's just
Speaker 1: not She usually is not going to relate to other
Speaker 1: fifteen year old boys because she's on like a seventeen
Speaker 1: or eighteen year old level of a boy. Right, that's normal.
Speaker 1: We know this documented, but it's strange. It's stranger to
Speaker 1: see it flipped where it's it's opposite. But that's not
Speaker 1: to say that it can't work. I personally this is
Speaker 1: you hear all these like stutters I'm giving you here
Speaker 1: on this question because let me just give you my
Speaker 1: personal opinion. I don't like this idea. I don't like
Speaker 1: this idea for many reasons, and one I think the
Speaker 1: good reason is it's still early right now. I'm assuming
Speaker 1: you're not saying you love her yet, hopefully not. You're
Speaker 1: hopefully not doing something like that. Please don't do that.
Speaker 1: You're saying she's very direct. Of course she is. Because
Speaker 1: she's seven years older. She sees life differently. That's a
Speaker 1: big jump if you're twenty three and she's thirty. If
Speaker 1: you are thirty and she's thirty seven, she sees life
Speaker 1: differently because she's lived it longer in a time when
Speaker 1: things have really changed. She looks at the world differently.
Speaker 1: So that's why she's very direct. That's just a maturity thing.
Speaker 1: That's not her necessarily. But here's why I don't like it.
Speaker 1: I don't like it because you don't have these nostalgic
Speaker 1: memories that you could draw on from your childhood. Because
Speaker 1: seven years is pushing into a world where she doesn't
Speaker 1: remember the same cartoons, she didn't play with the same toys.
Speaker 1: Her parents might not be remotely the same age as
Speaker 1: your parents. She has probably a lot more boyfriends than
Speaker 1: you have had girlfriends. She might have some career that's
Speaker 1: established way ahead of yours. There are potential problems down
Speaker 1: the road. All of those can be resolved if you
Speaker 1: love her and she loves you, and you are selfless
Speaker 1: towards her and she's selfless towards you, of course that
Speaker 1: could be resolved. But I just personally don't like it, man.
Speaker 1: And I'm thinking for these people that say no, many
Speaker 1: people you say are saying it could work out perfectly,
Speaker 1: but you have the concerns. And that's my issue, brother,
Speaker 1: That's my issue, is that you have the concern with
Speaker 1: this age difference. And if you do now you say
Speaker 1: as a younger man, see you say me as a
Speaker 1: younger man could lead into problems in a potential marriage.
Speaker 1: Why would you go into this knowing there's a potential problem.
Speaker 1: I don't like that, man. I don't like it because
Speaker 1: you brought it up and this is your idea, and
Speaker 1: I think that that small idea, that tiny little that
Speaker 1: tiny little bit of leaven, you know. I feel like
Speaker 1: this is this is something that probably should be cut out.
Speaker 1: That's my opinion. You don't have to do it if you, regardless,
Speaker 1: don't move this relationship too fast. Don't start saying you
Speaker 1: love her, don't start telling her all intimate things, because
Speaker 1: you're still at a place right now where the heartbreak
Speaker 1: is going to be minimal. So minimize the heartbreak by
Speaker 1: kind of cutting this out early. That's my opinion. Take
Speaker 1: it or leave it. Let's move on here to another question.
Speaker 1: All right, next question comes from job and I think
Speaker 1: that's how you say it, Joab Joe Abb one of
Speaker 1: the two. It says, Hey, Grangeer, I hope this message
Speaker 1: finds you well. I'm sixteen years old. I have a
Speaker 1: sixteen year old friend who is in a relationship with
Speaker 1: the man whose actions are causing her intense harm. My
Speaker 1: friend has dated this young man twice She told me
Speaker 1: that the first time she had sexually assaulted her, he
Speaker 1: had sexually assaulted her, burned her with a lighter, pulled
Speaker 1: her arm and hair, thrown knives at her, and slashed
Speaker 1: her back with a knife. He was physically He is
Speaker 1: physically abusive, emotionally manipulative, and engages in dangerous behaviors such
Speaker 1: as substance abuse and criminal activity. So far, she's complained
Speaker 1: to me about him yelling at her in public to
Speaker 1: the point where pedestrians had to get involved. He is
Speaker 1: a high school dropout with a history of incarceration, no job,
Speaker 1: no future plans. My friend, on the other hand, holds
Speaker 1: a job and is the sole breadwinner in their relationship.
Speaker 1: She has even had to bail him out of jail
Speaker 1: multiple times. Sadly, she's now following his path, getting involved
Speaker 1: in substance abuse, drinking, partying, and skipping school. She used
Speaker 1: to have plans of going to college and going into
Speaker 1: the military, but since she started dating him, she seems
Speaker 1: to have given up on those goals. All right, job,
Speaker 1: appreciate the email, brother, and this could be great. A
Speaker 1: great email for anyone else that's listening that might be
Speaker 1: inside this kind of relationship. Right. So, and if your
Speaker 1: girls out there or guys that are in a relationship
Speaker 1: like this, hey, maybe this is this is an eye
Speaker 1: opener for you as well. Let me dive into what
Speaker 1: I think this means. First of all, man, the youth
Speaker 1: so young. I have a sixteen year old friend who's
Speaker 1: in a relationship with young man whose actions are causing
Speaker 1: her immense harm. Sixteen that is just a few years
Speaker 1: older than my daughter. I'm assuming, Joe ab that's what
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call you. I'm assuming that you are about
Speaker 1: the same age. I'm assuming you're sixteen, that's my guess. So,
Speaker 1: assuming you're sixteen, And we'll start with this. If this
Speaker 1: is happening and you see it, you need to get
Speaker 1: involved with authorities or her parents, probably both, and then
Speaker 1: your parents as well. This is not about keeping it
Speaker 1: a secret or let's brush this under the rug. This
Speaker 1: is a private thing. Let's keep it private. This is
Speaker 1: nobody's business. No, when we're talking about sixteen year old
Speaker 1: girl or any girl for that matter, she's sexually assaulted,
Speaker 1: which is a felony. By the way, she has going
Speaker 1: through physical, abusive, emotionally manipulative engagement danger or substance abuse,
Speaker 1: criminal life, all this stuff. Let's call the cops, Let's
Speaker 1: get them involved, Let's call the principle of the school.
Speaker 1: Let's get this needs to happen. Okay, your parents, her parents,
Speaker 1: as many people as you can get involved, the better.
Speaker 1: And then that also takes the pressure off of you.
Speaker 1: It takes the pinpoint away from you. Like if you
Speaker 1: just call the cops and then it's on you, But
Speaker 1: if you go to all these people, then it's on everyone.
Speaker 1: And she can't just kind of pin or he can't
Speaker 1: just pin one person to the person that let all
Speaker 1: this cat out of the bag here. So the other issue,
Speaker 1: and first of all, just take that. I could end
Speaker 1: right there. I could just end the question right there.
Speaker 1: But furthermore, I think you love this girl. That would
Speaker 1: be my guess. I don't think. I don't think this
Speaker 1: would be an issue if you didn't love this girl
Speaker 1: really truly, and so if she was just a friend.
Speaker 1: Sometimes after you've called the police, after you've dealt with
Speaker 1: all this, this is when we walk away. We go
Speaker 1: this is a friend that has now that is now gone.
Speaker 1: I can only do so much. But she's in a
Speaker 1: relationship now and it's now it's weird. Because I'm a guy,
Speaker 1: and how much can I just sit here and try
Speaker 1: to pull her back? Right? So that's when it gets
Speaker 1: kind of weird. But I don't think that's the case.
Speaker 1: I think she's more than a friend. I think you
Speaker 1: love this girl. And and because you love this girl,
Speaker 1: which is complicated because I also believe you're sixteen, So
Speaker 1: because you're sixteen, she's sixteen, you're both under age. This
Speaker 1: is weird. But my point is having coffee with her
Speaker 1: and telling her your true intentions. I think it's about
Speaker 1: time for that as well. It's like, Hey, I want
Speaker 1: to have some coffee with you. I just want to
Speaker 1: tell you that you're with that guy. And I've known
Speaker 1: you for a long time, and I've seen your potential
Speaker 1: and I've believed in you, and you've been so inspiring
Speaker 1: to me. And to see you now give up your
Speaker 1: college plans, to give up your plans about going into
Speaker 1: the military, to see you now with these drugs and
Speaker 1: alcohol and the party and the skipping school, it hurts
Speaker 1: my heart. But let me tell you why it hurts
Speaker 1: my heart, because I'm in love with you and you're
Speaker 1: more than a friend. I care about you so much,
Speaker 1: and this stuff bothers me because I truly want the
Speaker 1: best for you. That's what I want, and to see
Speaker 1: this hurts my heart because my heart is going after you.
Speaker 1: I think if you told her that, I think if
Speaker 1: you laid it out like that, you're then giving her
Speaker 1: the option where's maybe she hasn't heard that before, maybe
Speaker 1: she hasn't been truly loved by someone else, And you'd
Speaker 1: have to be very careful with those kind of words
Speaker 1: because you don't want to give your heart away or
Speaker 1: or you don't want to bend her heart too much
Speaker 1: at this But this is kind of calling for a
Speaker 1: different conversation because she's getting sucked down this drain, So
Speaker 1: you want to be the guy standing in the way
Speaker 1: of the drain, and to do that, you might want
Speaker 1: to tell her the way you really feel. If you do,
Speaker 1: I'm just guessing this, but I think you feel more
Speaker 1: about her than just a friend. You started this whole
Speaker 1: email saying I have a friend. It's admirable to think
Speaker 1: of a friend in this way, but I think there
Speaker 1: might be more. So call the authorities, get everyone involved,
Speaker 1: and after that, after everyone's involved, and after we've kind
Speaker 1: of suppressed this situation, take her to coffee and tell
Speaker 1: her how you really feel. Next question here, subject line
Speaker 1: says family, and the email says, Hello Granger. My husband
Speaker 1: and I recently welcomed a little baby boy into our life.
Speaker 1: With my job, I was able to take twelve weeks
Speaker 1: of maternity leave to take care of our little one.
Speaker 1: I'm coming up to the end of the twelve weeks
Speaker 1: and struggling on whether or not to continue working full
Speaker 1: time or quit to become a stay at home mom.
Speaker 1: I struggle because I love my career and the people
Speaker 1: I work with, but I almost feel I should stay
Speaker 1: home and raise a family. I'm scared of the unknown.
Speaker 1: I just don't know what to do. Do you have
Speaker 1: any advice? Did you say anonymous not I don't think
Speaker 1: you did. The question comes from Jackie, and it's a
Speaker 1: good one. Jackie, thank you so much for emailing and
Speaker 1: congratulations on your little, beautiful baby boy. That's amazing. First
Speaker 1: of all, it's amazing that you were able to take
Speaker 1: the time off, the twelve weeks off, so that you
Speaker 1: could now arrive at this new kind of decision, this
Speaker 1: new kind of thought, which I think is just fantastic.
Speaker 1: I've never been a mom. I don't know I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is like to be a mom, but
Speaker 1: I could speak in terms of being a parent, and
Speaker 1: I could say this to you, Jackie, without reservation. You
Speaker 1: will not ever ever regret taking the time away from
Speaker 1: your career and putting it into your baby boy or
Speaker 1: your toddler boy, or your kindergarten boy, or your elementary
Speaker 1: school boy, or your middle school boy, or your college
Speaker 1: age boy, or your boy that just got married or
Speaker 1: the boy that's now married and has a baby on
Speaker 1: the way. You will never ever regret taking time away
Speaker 1: from that and putting it into a career. I said
Speaker 1: that the other way around. You'll never ever regret taking
Speaker 1: time away from your career and putting it into your family.
Speaker 1: Your boy, Lord Willing, more kids, did you think about that,
Speaker 1: because right now you're talking about this new baby boy.
Speaker 1: But I mean, most likely, right Lord Willing, there's gonna
Speaker 1: be another, a little girl, another little boy, and maybe
Speaker 1: even another after that. I mean, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you would just stop at one. And so the problem's
Speaker 1: not gonna go away. It's gonna come back when you
Speaker 1: have another child, and then you've got a two year
Speaker 1: old or a three year old, and then you're bringing
Speaker 1: another baby into the world, and you're thinking about then
Speaker 1: going back into your career again. I get that you listen.
Speaker 1: I love that you love your career. That's fantastic. There
Speaker 1: would not be a sacrifice to be a mama at
Speaker 1: all if you said I hate my job anyway, I
Speaker 1: just want to be a mama. But the beautiful thing
Speaker 1: about being a mama is you're saying to the world.
Speaker 1: You're saying, look, I love you and your shiny things
Speaker 1: that you have to offer, and I love the way
Speaker 1: it makes me feel to have this big career, and
Speaker 1: I love the idea of being ambitious and building something
Speaker 1: that's the American dream, right that we always talk about.
Speaker 1: And so I'm putting that to the side. I'm giving
Speaker 1: that up. I'm suppressing that so that I could do
Speaker 1: something even better, a dream that's even greater, and that's
Speaker 1: to be a mama. You will never regret that. Is
Speaker 1: it gonna be easy. No, You're gonna have less money
Speaker 1: in your house, You're gonna have that nagging feeling like
Speaker 1: I feel less than the other women who are working
Speaker 1: in this big career. I feel less than the better
Speaker 1: version of myself that looks better physically that has the
Speaker 1: fake eyelashes and the beautiful that I've now lost because
Speaker 1: of these pregnancies. And my body isn't the way I
Speaker 1: wanted it to be. If I was in that like
Speaker 1: sleek business woman suit that I kind of picture in
Speaker 1: my mind, I forget it all. Forget it all. That's
Speaker 1: not life. That's a facade, that's Instagram. Being life is messy,
Speaker 1: and being a mom and being messy in that is
Speaker 1: so much more fulfilling. Look, this is coming from I
Speaker 1: hate to bring it up that this is coming from
Speaker 1: a family that lost a child. Put it in that perspective.
Speaker 1: What if something happened to this boy? What if you
Speaker 1: got it at some kind of illness and you're working
Speaker 1: in your career, how much would you look back and
Speaker 1: go I would give anything anything to have those days back,
Speaker 1: the days I went back to the office to trade
Speaker 1: them and take them back and pour them into my
Speaker 1: little boy. But I don't have it now. What if
Speaker 1: you're going to say, that'd be pretty pretty rough. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what you're feeling is right. The struggle that you have
Speaker 1: is right. But the sacrifice that I know you will
Speaker 1: make for this little boy is the right thing to do.
Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting this one that the subject gliance is
Speaker 1: help and the email says, Hey, grand your my name
Speaker 1: is Henry, I'm from Alberta, and my question is I
Speaker 1: have a monitor and a PS four and I am
Speaker 1: I am so addicted to playing f S two to
Speaker 1: two f S twenty two. Everyone's like, Granger, you don't
Speaker 1: know what that is. And I want to quit, Like
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm trying to read this exactly like he
Speaker 1: wrote it, and I want to quit. It seems like
Speaker 1: I don't have the power to quit. Do you have
Speaker 1: any advice to help me quit or what I should do?
Speaker 1: Ask the Lord and pray? And I am a huge
Speaker 1: fan of your podcast. Thank you for what you do.
Speaker 1: First of all, Henry, you're playing so much PS four
Speaker 1: that you have forgotten punctuation in your emails, and that
Speaker 1: will eventually catch up with you. I'm kind of kidding,
Speaker 1: but I'm kind of not kidding, because I think sometimes
Speaker 1: you can play video games so much that you literally
Speaker 1: forget how to type. But I'm thankful that you did
Speaker 1: type this email for me. So let's walk through it practical.
Speaker 1: Let's try to come up with a practical way for you. Brother,
Speaker 1: to quit this. First of all, there's nothing inherently wrong
Speaker 1: with playing PS four. I don't know what FS two
Speaker 1: two is. I don't know what that means. I can't
Speaker 1: even guess that. I don't know. I don't know what
Speaker 1: f S two two is. But it doesn't matter. I
Speaker 1: think that there's nothing inherently wrong with playing PS four,
Speaker 1: playing video games. In fact, I do know people that
Speaker 1: you that as a stress reliever. They put it like
Speaker 1: a time on it, and they're like, hey man, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get on here for thirty minutes and just play
Speaker 1: football or do whatever for thirty minutes, and it's a
Speaker 1: good stress reliever. I know. I know people that have
Speaker 1: been like that. That's just the way their brain works,
Speaker 1: and that's kind of the way they unpack their brain.
Speaker 1: You know, my brother Tyler has gone through periods in
Speaker 1: his life when he's done that. But we need to
Speaker 1: think of a practical way because you've realized, you've recognized
Speaker 1: that you're addicted to it, and so what it sounds
Speaker 1: like is this is not like thirty minutes of stress relief.
Speaker 1: This has become this is what you do. You go
Speaker 1: through this and you end up doing it for hours
Speaker 1: and hours, and then you're starting to stay up too late,
Speaker 1: and then you stay up too late playing these video games,
Speaker 1: and it's causing you to then sleep late, and then
Speaker 1: you're missing out on life because you're not being productive
Speaker 1: during the day. Right, that's what I think you didn't say,
Speaker 1: But that's what I think you mean. And that's the problem.
Speaker 1: First of all, you live Alberta, and that is one
Speaker 1: of the most beautiful places on the planet, and that
Speaker 1: is not the place to be playing video games when
Speaker 1: you could be out enjoying those incredible mountains. If you're
Speaker 1: not close to the mountains, maybe you can get to
Speaker 1: the mountains, because those mountains are some of the most
Speaker 1: beautiful things I've ever seen on this planet Earth. But
Speaker 1: if we want to think of practical ways to do this,
Speaker 1: the one if you want to just kill it, then
Speaker 1: you take the PS four tomorrow to the pawn shop.
Speaker 1: I don't think you want to do that, but I
Speaker 1: promise you if you do, it's going to end your
Speaker 1: addiction pretty quick. So how bad do you want to quit?
Speaker 1: Because you can take that thing to the pawn shop
Speaker 1: tomorrow and you're done. I don't think that's what you're
Speaker 1: asking me. I don't think that's what you want. But
Speaker 1: I don't think that that's off the table. I think
Speaker 1: that's a pretty good idea. So then let's move to
Speaker 1: a second layer of practically stopping this addiction to playing
Speaker 1: PS four. There are things I know I've seen this okay.
Speaker 1: On your TV. For instance, if it's a smart TV,
Speaker 1: most likely it has a timer on it, and you
Speaker 1: could set the screen time monitor on the TV itself,
Speaker 1: so you could say, at let me think of a
Speaker 1: time you're probably playing late. So I'm going to say
Speaker 1: at ten o'clock. Even that's late, that's late for me,
Speaker 1: but we'll go with that. Say you usually play to
Speaker 1: one am. At ten pm, your TV is going to
Speaker 1: turn off. Now you could override that, and so it
Speaker 1: depends on how heavy this addiction is. But if your
Speaker 1: TV cuts off, do you have the integrity do you
Speaker 1: have the willpower the self discipline to say, oh TV's off,
Speaker 1: I'm done, ten pm, I'm cut off. You could do that.
Speaker 1: There are also if your TV's on a smart TV,
Speaker 1: there are devices you can get on Amazon that you
Speaker 1: plug into the wall outlet and then you plug your
Speaker 1: TV into that little nugget that you plugged into the
Speaker 1: wall outlet, and that thing itself could be hooked up
Speaker 1: to your smartphone or a timer on itself. They have
Speaker 1: just analog ones that are just a timer, and it's
Speaker 1: going to kill power to that TV at whatever time
Speaker 1: you set. If you set it analog and you said
Speaker 1: ten pm, it's going to kill power to the TV.
Speaker 1: It's going to go off at ten pm. So there's that,
Speaker 1: there's the smartphone idea where your smartphone's gonna remind you, hey,
Speaker 1: no more screen time at ten pm. But all all
Speaker 1: of those things are also going to rely on a
Speaker 1: pretty pretty healthy self discipline, Henry, which I'm not sure
Speaker 1: if you have. You have built this up, but that's
Speaker 1: that's something that you build, by the way, that's something
Speaker 1: that you grow. That's a strength that you will build,
Speaker 1: just like a muscle. So self discipline. If you have
Speaker 1: bad self discipline, that's something you could improve on slowly.
Speaker 1: You could slowly build that and grow it like you
Speaker 1: would a bicep. Right. But on top of all of
Speaker 1: these things, all the suggestions I've given you, what we
Speaker 1: need to do really on top of that is also
Speaker 1: replace this with something else that becomes the new habit.
Speaker 1: So you're replacing this old bad habit with a new
Speaker 1: good one. And so how do we do that? Well,
Speaker 1: we need to find something that is productive. This will
Speaker 1: require you and I sitting in the truck driving on
Speaker 1: a back road having a discussion. But let me just
Speaker 1: throw some things out. We know reading is good. We
Speaker 1: know reading is good, and reading could really help you.
Speaker 1: You didn't even put a single bit of punctuation on
Speaker 1: this email you sent. Reading could do well for you.
Speaker 1: And so we would go into whatever FS twenty two is.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but we could do whatever genre that
Speaker 1: is and find some kind of action book that you
Speaker 1: start reading that's like super easy to read, very entertaining,
Speaker 1: and you go, Okay, when my TV cuts off at
Speaker 1: ten pm, I pull out that action book. I pull
Speaker 1: out this mystery book. I pull out the old Hardy
Speaker 1: Boys book. If you all remember the Hardy Boys. It's
Speaker 1: these two brothers that go out on these adventures and
Speaker 1: they solve these mysteries and it could be really interesting.
Speaker 1: And if you got hooked on one of those, then
Speaker 1: you could be You could leave off chapter five, right,
Speaker 1: You in chapter five, and you play your PS four
Speaker 1: until ten pm, and then you go, man, all right,
Speaker 1: I can't wait. I'm sad that I don't have to
Speaker 1: get to start keep playing this ps. Four. But I
Speaker 1: just remembered I'm on chapter six of this book that
Speaker 1: I'm into. And so you go get your comfortable chair
Speaker 1: and you get that book and you open up the
Speaker 1: chapter six and you don't overdo it, but you read
Speaker 1: just a little bit and you start cultivating a new love,
Speaker 1: a new habit, breaking away from that other addiction. A
Speaker 1: lot of ways to skin a rabbit here, but those
Speaker 1: are some suggestions. And if you want to email me back, Henry,
Speaker 1: if we can kind of follow up on this, I
Speaker 1: would love to. It's these these This is why this
Speaker 1: podcast is difficult to answer one question with one answer.
Speaker 1: It's something we need to kind of walk through. But
Speaker 1: if anyone has another question for me, email me podcast
Speaker 1: at grangersmith dot com. Again, that's podcast at grangersmith dot com.
Speaker 1: We'll throw it in the queue and we'll get to it.
Speaker 1: I appreciate you guys so much, and we'll see you
Speaker 1: next Monday. I want to leave you with a Bible
Speaker 1: verse from Isaiah forty six to ten, and I love
Speaker 1: this verse because it's it's reminding us of the sovereignty
Speaker 1: of our God. Nothing slips past his hands. Everything is
Speaker 1: within his providence. Let me read it for you Isaiah
Speaker 1: forty six to ten, declaring the end, from the beginning,
Speaker 1: and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, my
Speaker 1: counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.
Speaker 1: See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the
Speaker 1: Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could
Speaker 1: help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If
Speaker 1: you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little
Speaker 1: like button and notification spell so that you never miss
Speaker 1: anytime I upload a video. Yi