1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:13,920
Speaker 1: Ya. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a

2
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:18,799
Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the

3
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,880
Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible

4
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,480
Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford,

5
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:31,920
Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

6
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,400
Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website

7
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,160
Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope

8
00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:43,040
Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it

9
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,080
Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship

10
00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:57,640
Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so

11
00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,080
Speaker 1: much for joining me for session two twenty nine of

12
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,080
Speaker 1: the Therapy for a Black Girl's podcast. We'll get right

13
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:16,520
Speaker 1: into the episode after a word from our sponsors. In

14
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,959
Speaker 1: session thirty seven of the podcast, I shared ten ways

15
00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:22,959
Speaker 1: to optimize your mental health to give you some ideas

16
00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:26,080
Speaker 1: of some small things you could consider to begin taking

17
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,080
Speaker 1: better care of your mental health. In case you missed it,

18
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:34,880
Speaker 1: here are the tips I shared today. I want to

19
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:38,080
Speaker 1: talk with you about ten ways that you can optimize

20
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:41,840
Speaker 1: your mental health. The first tip is to get better asleep.

21
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,959
Speaker 1: So do you have anything that even remotely resembles a

22
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,640
Speaker 1: sleep routine. If not, then it's time to get serious

23
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:53,880
Speaker 1: about establishing one. Those late nights and early mornings may

24
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:57,160
Speaker 1: have felt sustainable in college, but as we get older

25
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:01,520
Speaker 1: they definitely are not. When we don't get enough quality sleep,

26
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,320
Speaker 1: we can see drastic impairments and things like our mood,

27
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:10,240
Speaker 1: our ability to concentrate, and overall alertness. I want you

28
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:13,040
Speaker 1: to work on getting a routine together that will work

29
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,519
Speaker 1: for you, and in the show notes, I will link

30
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,080
Speaker 1: you to a blog post that I've written previously about

31
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:22,840
Speaker 1: establishing a healthy sleep regiment. Tip number two is to

32
00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:26,040
Speaker 1: tighten up your circle. You know, those friends that you've

33
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,280
Speaker 1: been hanging onto just because you've been friends since second grade,

34
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,000
Speaker 1: are the ones who never seem happy for you, but

35
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,440
Speaker 1: expect fireworks anytime they accomplish something. It may be time

36
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,239
Speaker 1: to reevaluate the role of these people in your life.

37
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,000
Speaker 1: Sometimes we get so caught up and just moving along

38
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,160
Speaker 1: that we don't really pay attention to whether a relationship

39
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:50,600
Speaker 1: continues to be healthy or beneficial to us. Pay attention

40
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,320
Speaker 1: to the dynamics of the people in your circle, and

41
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:57,600
Speaker 1: make decisions based on things like reciprocity instead of history.

42
00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:00,560
Speaker 1: Her tip is to get a mental health check up.

43
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:04,160
Speaker 1: We commonly go to our primary care doctor or O

44
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,840
Speaker 1: B G y N for yearly exams, but what if

45
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:11,120
Speaker 1: we started doing the same thing with our mental health.

46
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,919
Speaker 1: You've heard me and other guests discussed this on the podcast,

47
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:19,000
Speaker 1: but it bears repeating. You don't have to and frankly,

48
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,840
Speaker 1: should not wait until a crisis to seek mental health treatment.

49
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,160
Speaker 1: Maybe you've realized that you're often giving more in relationships

50
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,800
Speaker 1: than others, or maybe you've noticed that your reactions to

51
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:36,200
Speaker 1: situations don't quite match the intensity of the situation. These

52
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,680
Speaker 1: and pretty much any other thing that you would like

53
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,120
Speaker 1: some feedback about, are great ways to use therapy. I

54
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,800
Speaker 1: think many people would be surprised by how much you

55
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,280
Speaker 1: learn about yourself and how your life might feel more

56
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,320
Speaker 1: fulfilling with even just a few sessions of therapy. Tip

57
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:58,120
Speaker 1: number four examine your relationship with food, sex, and substances.

58
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,880
Speaker 1: All of these things, of course, are incredible, but sometimes

59
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:07,080
Speaker 1: our relationships to these things are not. You heard Lisa

60
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,920
Speaker 1: talking session thirty three about how our relationship to food

61
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:15,400
Speaker 1: is sometimes rooted in trauma, and next year will also

62
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:20,159
Speaker 1: have episodes exploring our relationships to both sex and substances

63
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,840
Speaker 1: and how sometimes our decision making in these areas comes

64
00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:28,039
Speaker 1: from a place of lack, trauma or dysfunction. So I

65
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,559
Speaker 1: think it's important that we explore how we feel about food, sex,

66
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,320
Speaker 1: and substances and determine if our relationship to them is

67
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,760
Speaker 1: healthy or are we using these things to avoid dealing

68
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,600
Speaker 1: with something else. Tip number five is to get physical,

69
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,240
Speaker 1: and this is definitely at the top of my list

70
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:49,520
Speaker 1: getting more daily physical activity. There are lots of research

71
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,200
Speaker 1: that indicates that a moderate level of physical activity every

72
00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:57,800
Speaker 1: day significantly improves mood. It can help to manage symptoms

73
00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:02,200
Speaker 1: of depression and anxiety, leaf stress, and help you feel

74
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,919
Speaker 1: more connected to and powerful in your body. To have

75
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,279
Speaker 1: the best chance of success at this, make sure you

76
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,640
Speaker 1: choose something that you think you will enjoy. If you've

77
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:17,320
Speaker 1: always loathed then hated running, joining your local Black Girls

78
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:19,680
Speaker 1: run club might be a hard thing for you to

79
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:24,080
Speaker 1: stick to, but you might really enjoy something like kickboxing

80
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:28,200
Speaker 1: classes or swimming. And since this is often one that

81
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,120
Speaker 1: is on so many people's list for the New Year,

82
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,159
Speaker 1: I wanted to dig a little deeper into what makes

83
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:37,440
Speaker 1: it so hard for us to stick with exercising, So

84
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:41,640
Speaker 1: I found an article from the American Psychological Association's Monitor

85
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:46,279
Speaker 1: on Psychology that states, of all the questions that remain

86
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:50,720
Speaker 1: to be answered, perhaps the most perplexing is this. If

87
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,040
Speaker 1: exercise makes us feel so good, why is it so

88
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,880
Speaker 1: hard to do? According to the Centers for Disease Controlled

89
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:02,240
Speaker 1: and Prevention in two thousand and eight, some of the

90
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:08,040
Speaker 1: US population reported zero leisure time physical activity. Starting out

91
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,200
Speaker 1: too hard in a new exercise program maybe one of

92
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:16,320
Speaker 1: the reasons people disdain physical activity. When people exercise above

93
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:20,880
Speaker 1: their respiratory threshold, that is, above the point when it

94
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:26,080
Speaker 1: gets hard to talk, they postpone exercises immediate mood boost

95
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:31,040
Speaker 1: by about thirty minutes. For novices, that delay could turn

96
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,960
Speaker 1: them off to a treadmill for good. Given that the

97
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:39,360
Speaker 1: author recommends that workout neophytes starts slowly with a moderate

98
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,760
Speaker 1: exercise plan. So that speaks to the idea of both

99
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,960
Speaker 1: choosing something that you think that you will enjoy, but

100
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:50,919
Speaker 1: also giving yourself time to ease into the routine. You

101
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,279
Speaker 1: don't want to act as if you are training for

102
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:56,760
Speaker 1: an iron Man competition when you're just starting out. Give

103
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,880
Speaker 1: yourself some time to get into the group. Tip number six,

104
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:04,920
Speaker 1: assess your social media patterns how much time are you

105
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:09,720
Speaker 1: spending scrolling, liking, and swiping. I know we've talked about

106
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,120
Speaker 1: this in previous episodes about the impact that social media

107
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,600
Speaker 1: has on our mental health, as too much time on

108
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,679
Speaker 1: here can lead to feeling as though you're not doing

109
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,680
Speaker 1: as well as other people. It can make you anxious,

110
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,840
Speaker 1: and it can really do a number on your self

111
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:28,560
Speaker 1: esteem and feelings of self worth. So much like we

112
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:32,320
Speaker 1: discussed in terms of exploring our relationship to food, sex,

113
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,920
Speaker 1: and substances, i'd also encourage you to pay attention to

114
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,960
Speaker 1: when you are grabbing for your phone. Is it when

115
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:42,680
Speaker 1: you're feeling anxious? Is the fear of missing out kicking in?

116
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,720
Speaker 1: What else could you be doing with that time that

117
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:49,960
Speaker 1: might improve your mood or increase your productivity? Tip number

118
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:54,600
Speaker 1: seven look at your boundaries. Y'all know, boundaries are like

119
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,880
Speaker 1: my favorite thing in the world. Where do you need

120
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,800
Speaker 1: to tighten yours up? Are you saying no to yourself

121
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,840
Speaker 1: way too often because you're too busy saying yes to

122
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:08,080
Speaker 1: other people? Make sure to go back and listen to

123
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:12,600
Speaker 1: session fourteen to remind yourself why boundaries are important and

124
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:16,080
Speaker 1: how you can set better ones. And if you haven't listened,

125
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,280
Speaker 1: to this episode, yet I highly recommend that you do so.

126
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:27,400
Speaker 1: Tip number eight stop participating in celebration procrastination. So tell

127
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:31,400
Speaker 1: me if this sounds familiar. You get amazing feedback on

128
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:35,360
Speaker 1: the recent presentation you did at work, then you start

129
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:39,560
Speaker 1: worrying about your performance evaluation, only to get a glowing review.

130
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:44,079
Speaker 1: Then it's time for decisions to be made about annual raises,

131
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:48,200
Speaker 1: and you're stressed out about that sis, When are you

132
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,480
Speaker 1: going to stop and celebrate all of your awesomeness. I

133
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,280
Speaker 1: think we often get so caught up in worrying about

134
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,280
Speaker 1: the next thing, or we're moving so fast in our

135
00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:01,440
Speaker 1: lives that we don't take enough time to really celebrate ourselves.

136
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,040
Speaker 1: That a on the stats final was a big deal.

137
00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:10,319
Speaker 1: Losing ten pounds was a big deal. Publishing your first

138
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:13,560
Speaker 1: piece for your dream magazine that was a big deal.

139
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:18,280
Speaker 1: Defending your thesis that was a big deal. Slow it

140
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:22,480
Speaker 1: down and bask in your own glow and invite others

141
00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:27,440
Speaker 1: to celebrate you as well. Tip number nine Stay in

142
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:32,080
Speaker 1: the moment. Let's work on staying more in the moment.

143
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:36,679
Speaker 1: Anxiety is given space to creep in when we focus

144
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:40,640
Speaker 1: too much on what was or what might be. Instead,

145
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:44,800
Speaker 1: of what is. Challenge yourself to do what you can

146
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:48,800
Speaker 1: in this very moment, for it is indeed all we have.

147
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:54,040
Speaker 1: Pay attention to your breath, feel the ground beneath your feet,

148
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:59,280
Speaker 1: notice the sights you see in front of you. Engaging

149
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,640
Speaker 1: with your surround on things in this way is what

150
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,920
Speaker 1: we call grounding, and it's what lets you know that

151
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:09,320
Speaker 1: everything is okay. Challenge yourself to be in this space

152
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,720
Speaker 1: as often as you can, and especially when you feel

153
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:16,200
Speaker 1: like everything else is out of control, for this is

154
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:21,000
Speaker 1: something you can control. And finally, tip number ten for

155
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:25,320
Speaker 1: optimizing your mental health, get better at letting go now.

156
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,360
Speaker 1: This is one that too many of us struggle with.

157
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,000
Speaker 1: Some things are meant to be with you for a lifetime,

158
00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:37,120
Speaker 1: and many other things will only be temporary. You have

159
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,640
Speaker 1: to learn when it's time to let go. Pay attention

160
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,200
Speaker 1: to when you're staying in spaces simply because it's what

161
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:49,800
Speaker 1: you've always done. Y'all have been dating for three years,

162
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:53,640
Speaker 1: but you're not really happy and your needs aren't being met.

163
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,600
Speaker 1: You probably don't need another three to figure that it's

164
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,120
Speaker 1: probably time to walk. You're afraid to go after your

165
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,960
Speaker 1: dream job, so you're sticking with the safe job. While

166
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,960
Speaker 1: quietly beating yourself up about it. You've got to let

167
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:13,559
Speaker 1: that go. Many times we hold onto things so tightly

168
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:18,080
Speaker 1: because it's comforting, it's familiar. But I invite you to

169
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,560
Speaker 1: remember that you can't catch what's coming to you with

170
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,680
Speaker 1: a closed hand. You've got to let that thing go.

171
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:28,120
Speaker 1: So one way that I am hoping to optimize my

172
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:32,120
Speaker 1: mental health is to choose a short phrase that I'm

173
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:35,480
Speaker 1: hoping to kind of be my leading mantra. And the

174
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,679
Speaker 1: phrase that I have chosen is show up. So I

175
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:44,840
Speaker 1: am really challenging myself to be comfortable with discomfort and

176
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,560
Speaker 1: really just showing up in all areas of my life.

177
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,960
Speaker 1: And so if you have chosen a word or a

178
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,440
Speaker 1: short phrase, I would love to hear it. And if

179
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,480
Speaker 1: you haven't, then I'd invite you to choose a word

180
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,560
Speaker 1: or a short phrase so that you can be more

181
00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:02,840
Speaker 1: intentional about out creating a space that looks like what

182
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:07,160
Speaker 1: you wanted to look like by your own rules, disregarding

183
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,200
Speaker 1: anybody else's ideas about what your life should look like.

184
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:23,199
Speaker 1: More tips right after the break. As we find ourselves

185
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,600
Speaker 1: almost two years into a pandemic, it felt important to

186
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:30,120
Speaker 1: offer some additional strategies that you might find helpful during

187
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:34,000
Speaker 1: this time. So here it's ten more ways to optimize

188
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:39,920
Speaker 1: your mental health. Number one, develop a practice of showing gratitude.

189
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,680
Speaker 1: Research has shown that practicing gratitude can help to lower stress,

190
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,920
Speaker 1: help you focus on the present, and may help you

191
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:51,440
Speaker 1: to sleep better. Taking some time on a regular basis

192
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,080
Speaker 1: to say what you're thankful for can also help to

193
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,640
Speaker 1: shift your perspective. One easy way of getting started with

194
00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:01,080
Speaker 1: this is through keeping a daily gratitude journal. As I've

195
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,400
Speaker 1: told y'all before, journaling doesn't have to be fancy. You

196
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,880
Speaker 1: can just use the notes app on your phone, but

197
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,760
Speaker 1: by all means, if you love cute notebooks like I do,

198
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,320
Speaker 1: grab one and spend some time in the morning before

199
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,480
Speaker 1: your day starts, or in the evening to job down

200
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:22,200
Speaker 1: a couple of things you're grateful for. Number two. Move

201
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:26,920
Speaker 1: as quickly as you can towards acceptance and one of

202
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:30,160
Speaker 1: my most recent therapy sessions with my therapist, I came

203
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,000
Speaker 1: to the realization that my disbelief over the fact that

204
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,440
Speaker 1: we're still in a pandemic almost two years later can

205
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,960
Speaker 1: be immobilizing for me. The fact that I'm not facing

206
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,720
Speaker 1: the reality of the situation and accepting it for what

207
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,880
Speaker 1: it is means that I'm not taking action to shift

208
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:49,720
Speaker 1: and rebuild around this new reality. I wonder if this

209
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,760
Speaker 1: might be something you've seen in your own life. You

210
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,520
Speaker 1: refuse to deal with a thing because you refuse to

211
00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:59,079
Speaker 1: accept the fact that the thing exists. It doesn't make

212
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,560
Speaker 1: it go away. It just means that you might not

213
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,120
Speaker 1: be paying attention to ways that you can actually support

214
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:09,280
Speaker 1: yourself or get support around your new reality. Now, keep

215
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,160
Speaker 1: in mind there are plenty of reasons why we sometimes

216
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,280
Speaker 1: don't want to or can't face the reality of a situation.

217
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,640
Speaker 1: Sometimes we're in shock, or sometimes we're overwhelmed by other

218
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:23,840
Speaker 1: things and can't process the situation. All of this is protective,

219
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,640
Speaker 1: but when you can moving toward accepting situations as they

220
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,960
Speaker 1: are can help to free up some bandwidth and help

221
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,560
Speaker 1: you explore options that you might not have seen before.

222
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:40,400
Speaker 1: Number three practice asking for and allowing others to help.

223
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,640
Speaker 1: Many of us pride ourselves on being the one that

224
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,800
Speaker 1: everyone else can come to for help, but sometimes have

225
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,960
Speaker 1: a hard time being the one to ask. I know

226
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,880
Speaker 1: asking for help can be hard, especially if we feel

227
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,320
Speaker 1: like we've reached out in the past and didn't get

228
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,760
Speaker 1: what we needed. But just because one person didn't step

229
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:03,000
Speaker 1: up doesn't that no one will. It's important to allow

230
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,560
Speaker 1: the people in our circles to show up for us too,

231
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,840
Speaker 1: and sometimes that means taking the step to ask for help.

232
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,680
Speaker 1: And before you get too far in your head thinking well,

233
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:16,120
Speaker 1: they see I'm struggling, why don't they just offer, I

234
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,840
Speaker 1: want to gently encourage you that, yes, it may be

235
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:22,040
Speaker 1: great for someone to anticipate what you may need, but

236
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,560
Speaker 1: the help is not any less valid or necessary just

237
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:30,720
Speaker 1: because you ask for it. First number four disconnect your

238
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:35,560
Speaker 1: worth from your work. I recently had a good conversation

239
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,400
Speaker 1: with the good sister Kia from the Getting Grown podcast

240
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,920
Speaker 1: about how we're often socialized as little black girls to

241
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:47,480
Speaker 1: over function, get good grades, work twice as hard, always

242
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,840
Speaker 1: go after that next thing, and we often get praise

243
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,200
Speaker 1: and accolades for these things, which means they become closely

244
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,400
Speaker 1: tied to our identities. And while these things are great

245
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:03,160
Speaker 1: and nice to have, they are accessories. In the words

246
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:06,600
Speaker 1: of the great Tony Morrison, you are not the work

247
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:10,640
Speaker 1: you do, you are the person you are. So we

248
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,280
Speaker 1: must be careful in having our identity tied to what

249
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,680
Speaker 1: makes us productive, because that often means that we're less

250
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,080
Speaker 1: likely to take time for rest and play because these

251
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:24,280
Speaker 1: things seem less valuable, when in fact they are incredibly

252
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:29,920
Speaker 1: valuable and necessary. Number five Have some things that are

253
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,800
Speaker 1: just for you. At a very early age, we're taught

254
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 1: the importance of sharing, and I feel like that's great,

255
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,440
Speaker 1: because sharing is an important social skill to have. But

256
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,000
Speaker 1: I feel like there's also a point at which we

257
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 1: have to learn the skill of not sharing and having

258
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,360
Speaker 1: something that is just ours. Whether it's a hobby, a

259
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 1: favorite author, a skill no one else knows about our,

260
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:58,520
Speaker 1: a favorite getaway. It's okay, and I think important to

261
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:03,400
Speaker 1: have something that is is for you. More tips right

262
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:18,360
Speaker 1: after the break. Number six Do small things to care

263
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:22,520
Speaker 1: for your future self, especially right now when the weather

264
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,480
Speaker 1: is getting cooler and days of less sunlight or right

265
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,560
Speaker 1: around the corner, it's important to think about some things

266
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,719
Speaker 1: you can do to care for your future self. This

267
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,399
Speaker 1: might be making an extra serving of a favorite stew

268
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,239
Speaker 1: or soup this weekend so that you can freeze it

269
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,400
Speaker 1: and have it on days when you just don't feel

270
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:43,119
Speaker 1: like feeding yourself. Or it might mean prepping for the

271
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,359
Speaker 1: next week on Friday afternoon so that you don't have

272
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,840
Speaker 1: to do it on Sunday night. If you have the bandwidth,

273
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,760
Speaker 1: thinking ahead of small things you can do to give

274
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,199
Speaker 1: your future self a little bit of pleasure and delight

275
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:59,080
Speaker 1: can be an excellent practice in self care and compassion.

276
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:05,640
Speaker 1: Number seven Go outside. There is nothing like the warmth

277
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 1: of the sun or the briskness of the wind to

278
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,440
Speaker 1: help remind you that you're a part of something way

279
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:14,320
Speaker 1: bigger you. Often hear me talk about grounding practices to

280
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:17,480
Speaker 1: help connect with the present moment, and going outside to

281
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,639
Speaker 1: listen to the things you hear, the things you smell,

282
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,480
Speaker 1: and the things you observe are an excellent and no

283
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:30,600
Speaker 1: cost way to do this. Number eight. Find the mindfulness

284
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:35,000
Speaker 1: practice or practices that work best for you. One of

285
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,760
Speaker 1: the most profound things my therapist has shared with me

286
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,880
Speaker 1: is that when you can't control the chaos on the outside,

287
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:45,760
Speaker 1: what you can control is your internal experience, and mindfulness

288
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,119
Speaker 1: is an excellent way to do this. In session seventy

289
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 1: eight of the podcast, SHAWNA. Murray Brown shared excellent information

290
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,320
Speaker 1: about what mindfulness is and tips to get started with

291
00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:00,479
Speaker 1: developing a mindfulness practice. Definitely check out that so if

292
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:06,200
Speaker 1: you missed it. Number nine, give yourself permission to reimagine,

293
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:12,000
Speaker 1: no matter the topic, whether it be having children, getting married,

294
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:16,080
Speaker 1: changing careers. A theme that seems to re emerge in

295
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,000
Speaker 1: many of the conversations I have with y'all is this

296
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,399
Speaker 1: idea that things must continue in a certain way because

297
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 1: that's how they've always been, or because that's what others

298
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:29,160
Speaker 1: told you should happen. And I want to gently encourage

299
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:34,720
Speaker 1: you to give yourself permission to rewrite, revise, and rework

300
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,840
Speaker 1: as many things in your life as you can so

301
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 1: that it looks like what you truly desire. You want

302
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,280
Speaker 1: a new career at age fifty, go for its this

303
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,240
Speaker 1: not interested in having a big family gathering for the holidays,

304
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:52,240
Speaker 1: and you'd rather travel book the trip does The idea

305
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,680
Speaker 1: of having somebody live in your house, even though you

306
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:59,120
Speaker 1: love them dearly make your skin crawl. Get neighboring apartments

307
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 1: and everything somebody told you about what your life needed

308
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,399
Speaker 1: to look like right now was a lie. Do what

309
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:15,280
Speaker 1: works for you? And number ten be still? Did anyone

310
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,640
Speaker 1: else's grandma consistently have to tell them go sit down

311
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: somewhere and be still? No? Just mine? Well I heard

312
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 1: it quite a lot, And while I may not have

313
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:30,680
Speaker 1: appreciated it, then I so appreciate this message now. Being

314
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,160
Speaker 1: still is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.

315
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,920
Speaker 1: It's an opportunity to be with our thoughts and feelings,

316
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 1: a chance to clearly hear the desires of our hearts,

317
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:47,680
Speaker 1: a chance to practice listening to our intuition. We can

318
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 1: only do these things if we're quiet and still, and

319
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,959
Speaker 1: this is a practice just like anything else. It may

320
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,160
Speaker 1: be harder to do this if you're typically a person

321
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 1: on the go a lot, or if sitting in silence

322
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 1: may to you uncomfortable. Let's start with just five minutes

323
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 1: and notice what comes up for you. Try not to

324
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,399
Speaker 1: judge it or make commentary about it, just allow it

325
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 1: to come up, and then maybe journal about it after

326
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 1: the five minutes are up. As you continue to practice,

327
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 1: it gets easier and you may find yourself eager for

328
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,959
Speaker 1: this part of your day. I love to hear. If

329
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 1: there are other things you've been doing or practicing to

330
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 1: tend to your mental health, especially during the pandemic, please

331
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 1: share it with us on social media using the hashtag

332
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,320
Speaker 1: tv G in session, and be sure to text two

333
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 1: of your girls right now and encourage them to check

334
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 1: out this episode as well. If you're looking for a

335
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,679
Speaker 1: therapist in your area, be sure to check out our

336
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 1: therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory.

337
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 1: And if you want to continue digging into this topic

338
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,400
Speaker 1: or just being community with other sisters, come on over

339
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 1: and join us in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy

340
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,679
Speaker 1: corner of the inner net design just for black women.

341
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 1: You can join us at community dot Therapy for Black

342
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 1: Girls dot com. Thank you all so much for joining

343
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 1: me again this week. I look forward to continue in

344
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:14,120
Speaker 1: this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care,