WEBVTT - Gold Star, Not Platinum with Andrew Rannells

0:00:00.840 --> 0:00:04.080
<v Speaker 1>Hi, Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea, Hi, what's going on? I

0:00:04.160 --> 0:00:09.559
<v Speaker 1>just got back from Mexico, and is it? It's still lovely,

0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:12.160
<v Speaker 1>It's still wonderful. I go every year for this girls

0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:14.560
<v Speaker 1>trip with two of my best girlfriends. I leave my

0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:17.040
<v Speaker 1>husband at home. This time there were three dogs to

0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:19.919
<v Speaker 1>take care of, so he's slightly resentful, but has forgiven

0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:22.200
<v Speaker 1>me for just tell him to shut the fuck up.

0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:27.440
<v Speaker 2>Honestly, slightly resentful. Who sperm made those dogs his?

0:00:28.120 --> 0:00:31.040
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely exactly no, But he did great with the pups.

0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:33.400
<v Speaker 1>I was gone and I just hung out and playing

0:00:33.440 --> 0:00:35.599
<v Speaker 1>with Harris with my girlfriends and a lot of tacos,

0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:39.040
<v Speaker 1>and it was great. I like Cabo. Yeah, yes, actually

0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:40.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to Cobbo a little later this year.

0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.320
<v Speaker 2>Well, oh my god, look at you. You're like just

0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:44.600
<v Speaker 2>a regular globetrotter.

0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:46.000
<v Speaker 1>Where are you going next?

0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:48.400
<v Speaker 2>I have a lot of vacations lined up this summer.

0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:50.199
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to be all over, but I'm gonna be

0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:53.560
<v Speaker 2>globe trotting. I'm going to London, I'm going to Spain.

0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:57.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to Africa. My sister and I are going

0:00:57.160 --> 0:00:59.280
<v Speaker 2>to become lesbians. My dream for us to become a

0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:02.640
<v Speaker 2>unit is fine. Happening. She can't resist my advances anymore.

0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:04.360
<v Speaker 2>The other day she sent me a property and said,

0:01:04.400 --> 0:01:07.319
<v Speaker 2>what do you think about buying this together? I was like, Oh,

0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:11.640
<v Speaker 2>here we go. I was like, it's starting. She's starting

0:01:11.640 --> 0:01:13.720
<v Speaker 2>to capitulate to the fact that we are going to

0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:15.679
<v Speaker 2>be long lost lovers.

0:01:16.080 --> 0:01:18.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh fantastic. Which one is it that you're taking as

0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:19.680
<v Speaker 1>your lover, Simone?

0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:21.080
<v Speaker 2>Is I am taking her as lover?

0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:24.559
<v Speaker 1>Sehan is married, of course, but yeah.

0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:27.080
<v Speaker 2>She It was funny because when we were in Maine

0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:29.680
<v Speaker 2>a few years ago, my brother Roy I think I

0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:32.440
<v Speaker 2>mentioned this before, wanted to. I was like, Oh, look,

0:01:32.480 --> 0:01:34.480
<v Speaker 2>we could all get a compound because like eventually, I

0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:37.000
<v Speaker 2>just not eventually for climate change. I want to buy

0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:40.080
<v Speaker 2>like one hundred acres, either in Maine or Northern Canada,

0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:42.920
<v Speaker 2>somewhere along those lines. And I was like, we can

0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:46.000
<v Speaker 2>all have our different houses and you know, on the property,

0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:48.120
<v Speaker 2>and then have a main house. Like this is exactly

0:01:48.120 --> 0:01:51.320
<v Speaker 2>what I wanted to. Yeah, to just live with in a.

0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:54.880
<v Speaker 1>Commune, yes, exactly that you built yourself and it's beautiful and.

0:01:55.680 --> 0:01:59.720
<v Speaker 2>It stays above water. Yes, you know, I'm climate paranoid.

0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:02.480
<v Speaker 2>After reading all the things that I've read so I

0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:05.040
<v Speaker 2>have had to pivot my reading material. You guys, I

0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:08.120
<v Speaker 2>performed at Red Rocks last Wednesday, and it was the

0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:10.760
<v Speaker 2>most epic night, one of the most epic nights of

0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:11.360
<v Speaker 2>my life.

0:02:11.440 --> 0:02:14.040
<v Speaker 1>Well, you posted that you were the first woman to

0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:15.320
<v Speaker 1>ever headline.

0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:19.120
<v Speaker 2>Female comedian, the first female comedian to ever headline there. Yeah,

0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:22.680
<v Speaker 2>I know that's crazy. Hello, Welcome to the future. Anyway,

0:02:22.840 --> 0:02:26.119
<v Speaker 2>that was so fun because I woke up Wednesday and

0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:29.040
<v Speaker 2>Red Rocks is a huge show. There's like eight thousand

0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:31.680
<v Speaker 2>people there. So I get a text from my manager

0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:34.000
<v Speaker 2>or agent and they're like, Okay, it's pouring in Colorado,

0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:35.880
<v Speaker 2>bring more clothes. And I'm like, well, what do you

0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:38.360
<v Speaker 2>mean it's pouring. This is an amphitheater, Like, how do

0:02:38.440 --> 0:02:40.120
<v Speaker 2>I perform in the rain? And they're like, oh, rain

0:02:40.200 --> 0:02:42.239
<v Speaker 2>or shine, it goes on. I'm like, but it's calling

0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:45.960
<v Speaker 2>for Lender. I mean Lounder, you guys was calling for Londer,

0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:48.800
<v Speaker 2>not under And I was like, people could get electrocuted

0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:51.280
<v Speaker 2>with Lounder and they were like, no, no, they have

0:02:51.280 --> 0:02:53.480
<v Speaker 2>a whole system in place. They have a meteorologist that

0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:55.800
<v Speaker 2>works at Red Rocks that checks the storm.

0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:58.239
<v Speaker 1>So if it's actually too unsafe, yeah.

0:02:58.120 --> 0:03:00.680
<v Speaker 2>If it's like three miles within three miles of the venue,

0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:03.320
<v Speaker 2>I learned that they will call off the show. Anyway,

0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:06.919
<v Speaker 2>I went, my sister Smoke came, my bestie Sophie came,

0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:09.360
<v Speaker 2>A bunch of people were there, My agents and managers

0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:10.560
<v Speaker 2>all came out because it was just going to be

0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:13.120
<v Speaker 2>one of those nights. And I never look at the

0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:15.919
<v Speaker 2>stage before I go on stage. Huh, I just don't.

0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:18.240
<v Speaker 2>But this is something else that's not my thing. But

0:03:18.280 --> 0:03:21.680
<v Speaker 2>because it was raining, I went out and I was like,

0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:24.120
<v Speaker 2>I just want to see where the roof stops over

0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:25.079
<v Speaker 2>the performer.

0:03:25.240 --> 0:03:26.240
<v Speaker 1>Are you getting rained?

0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:28.600
<v Speaker 2>Now? What do I need to be wearing out here?

0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:30.920
<v Speaker 2>Because I had my hair done, I had like the

0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:34.120
<v Speaker 2>extension pieces in like you know, and and then I

0:03:34.960 --> 0:03:38.520
<v Speaker 2>saw the stage and the person who was performing was

0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.760
<v Speaker 2>just getting so now I was like, wait what. So

0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:43.520
<v Speaker 2>then I went in the bathroom, ripped out all my

0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:46.120
<v Speaker 2>hair pieces, put my hair in a ponytail, rolled up

0:03:46.160 --> 0:03:47.800
<v Speaker 2>my sleeves and I was like, bitch, you need to

0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:50.400
<v Speaker 2>get your head on string because you are basically going

0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:53.400
<v Speaker 2>to be walking around in the rain. And so you

0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:56.760
<v Speaker 2>also got rained on well yeah, but it wasn't as dramatic.

0:03:56.880 --> 0:03:59.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean it was dramatic for the audience members because

0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:01.600
<v Speaker 2>they are the ones that sat there. And they said,

0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:03.880
<v Speaker 2>you don't understand Colorado's because I said, I'm not a

0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:06.680
<v Speaker 2>performing to a half empty you know, we sTLD tons

0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:08.280
<v Speaker 2>of tickets for this. I don't want to perform to

0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:11.320
<v Speaker 2>a half empty house. And they were like, no, Colorados

0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:14.520
<v Speaker 2>are used to it. They don't care. And I can't

0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:18.520
<v Speaker 2>tell you how electrifying the whole night was and almost

0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:21.200
<v Speaker 2>getting I mean it was electrifying with no one getting electrocuted,

0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:23.760
<v Speaker 2>so that a life. But I was on such a

0:04:23.839 --> 0:04:26.919
<v Speaker 2>high and it was so funny. I got home. You know,

0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:29.480
<v Speaker 2>we're all drinking, having a little after party, had friends

0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:33.080
<v Speaker 2>that came from that live in Colorado. We're all out backstage.

0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:36.560
<v Speaker 2>After we go we go to the hotel. You know,

0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:40.440
<v Speaker 2>it's so much fun, and we're just such a celebratory mood.

0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.520
<v Speaker 2>And I'm lying in bed, going to sleep, going I'm

0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:48.200
<v Speaker 2>so happy no one's in my bed right now. That

0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:51.120
<v Speaker 2>was the last thing I said. As I was falling asleep.

0:04:51.240 --> 0:04:54.640
<v Speaker 2>I was like, so happy, And then I was just thinking,

0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:56.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm so happy I get to celebrate this a lot.

0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:01.360
<v Speaker 2>You get all to yourself. But it was a real

0:05:01.440 --> 0:05:06.520
<v Speaker 2>pivot because we flew from Denver to the next night,

0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:09.200
<v Speaker 2>I was in New York City. The next night I

0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:13.839
<v Speaker 2>played the Catskills, so that was quite a transition. Cat

0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:15.760
<v Speaker 2>Skills was awesome. Then I went to Bangor, Maine, and

0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:18.920
<v Speaker 2>then I went to Wallingford, Connecticut. So they were all

0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:21.920
<v Speaker 2>very great shows. So I just had a great week.

0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:24.160
<v Speaker 2>And then this weekend I'm performing at Graceland.

0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:25.120
<v Speaker 1>Oh oh my god.

0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:28.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm doing three dates in Tennessee, like Chattanooga and

0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.680
<v Speaker 2>Memphis and some other Knoxville. Yep.

0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:35.240
<v Speaker 1>I heard Chattanooga is beautiful. I've never been, but I've

0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:38.240
<v Speaker 1>heard it's wonderful and like the Mountainey and all that stuff.

0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:40.440
<v Speaker 2>Well good, I hope I see that, because you know,

0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:43.200
<v Speaker 2>Tennessee is not my hit list right now. I'm not

0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:46.159
<v Speaker 2>happy with their politics, so it's very hard for me

0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:47.839
<v Speaker 2>to go to these places, even though I know my

0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:49.640
<v Speaker 2>presence is necessary.

0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:52.240
<v Speaker 1>Right it's needed, it's needed. And we get emails all

0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:54.560
<v Speaker 1>the time too about like wait, no, but please come

0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:56.640
<v Speaker 1>to these places that are trying to keep you out

0:05:56.760 --> 0:05:58.799
<v Speaker 1>or like trying to change the laws and all this stuff.

0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:01.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'll be getting a lot of d on Instagram

0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:04.679
<v Speaker 2>and a lot of comments about my Florida, comments about

0:06:04.720 --> 0:06:06.760
<v Speaker 2>not visiting Florida. But I have to say, guys, the

0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:09.200
<v Speaker 2>only way to make a point in any place in

0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:11.799
<v Speaker 2>this country is economically. And even though I'm only one person,

0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:15.440
<v Speaker 2>I hope other artists will follow because it's just unacceptable

0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:20.039
<v Speaker 2>what he's doing down there. He's disgusting, absolutely disgusting politics.

0:06:20.240 --> 0:06:23.119
<v Speaker 2>Now he's trying to ban books from the Holocaust. He's

0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:26.479
<v Speaker 2>took away any sort of affirmative action program they have

0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:29.599
<v Speaker 2>for universities. I'm not sure what the wording is for Florida,

0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:31.880
<v Speaker 2>because it's not called affirmative action down there. I'm sure

0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:34.039
<v Speaker 2>they got rid of that language a while ago. So

0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:36.279
<v Speaker 2>it's just it makes me so sick to my stomach,

0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:38.360
<v Speaker 2>as it should to every American.

0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:43.000
<v Speaker 1>The Daily did a really interesting episode about how Tucker

0:06:43.080 --> 0:06:47.040
<v Speaker 1>Carlson is like literally in Florida, they're taking keys from

0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:50.880
<v Speaker 1>his playbook and there when he flew all those migrants

0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:55.240
<v Speaker 1>to Martha's Vanier. That was something that Tucker Carlson set

0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:57.039
<v Speaker 1>on the air and then he went ahead and did it.

0:06:57.120 --> 0:06:57.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:06:57.360 --> 0:06:59.800
<v Speaker 2>Well, I read an interesting article also about Rupert Murdoch

0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:02.120
<v Speaker 2>Vanity Fair. I guess it was last month. I don't know.

0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:04.200
<v Speaker 2>It was in my hotel room, but it was amazing

0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:07.120
<v Speaker 2>about the dynamic with his family and you know, basically

0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:10.720
<v Speaker 2>how succession is mimicking the whole. He plays the kids

0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:13.840
<v Speaker 2>all against each other. And he had lunch with Ronda

0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.280
<v Speaker 2>Santis and his wife about a year ago and said,

0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.720
<v Speaker 2>if you are the Republican nominee or if you want

0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:21.200
<v Speaker 2>to run for president, like you have our backing, because

0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:23.800
<v Speaker 2>now Trump and Fox are you know, at our cross roads.

0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:26.320
<v Speaker 2>They're not really, But I don't believe any of these

0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:28.640
<v Speaker 2>people because of what happened last time the Minute gets

0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:30.360
<v Speaker 2>the nomination, they're all going to turn around and be

0:07:30.400 --> 0:07:33.400
<v Speaker 2>like okay, because they'd be willing to take that over,

0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:37.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, another Biden administration of course, and Biden administration.

0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:39.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't have a lot to say about that either.

0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:42.120
<v Speaker 2>Like I I'm for a lot of the things that

0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:44.440
<v Speaker 2>he's done, but I understand that he's also one hundred

0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:46.880
<v Speaker 2>and seventeen years old. Yeah, that's not going to get

0:07:46.920 --> 0:07:48.480
<v Speaker 2>any young people excited, right.

0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.440
<v Speaker 1>I will say it has been very nice to just

0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:53.400
<v Speaker 1>not have to think about the president for a couple

0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:53.760
<v Speaker 1>of years.

0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:56.320
<v Speaker 2>I know, it's so nice to not have to think

0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:57.200
<v Speaker 2>about that stuff.

0:07:57.280 --> 0:08:01.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Brad has been rewatching parks and rec and is

0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:06.800
<v Speaker 1>this very hopeful time before twenty sixteen? And man, it

0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:08.920
<v Speaker 1>was a real it was a much simpler time. You're

0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:11.760
<v Speaker 1>reminded of like how how maybe foolish we were and

0:08:11.800 --> 0:08:13.680
<v Speaker 1>hopeful we were that like things were just going to

0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:15.160
<v Speaker 1>keep getting better for everybody.

0:08:15.360 --> 0:08:17.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to participate in the way that I

0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:20.520
<v Speaker 2>did last time by watching the news on ad nauseum.

0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:22.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to let I'm not going to listen

0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:25.840
<v Speaker 2>to Donald Trump speak. I can't take it. It's too upsetting.

0:08:26.360 --> 0:08:28.960
<v Speaker 2>And I'm smarter and wiser now and we have to

0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:31.480
<v Speaker 2>focus on I don't know what we have to focus on,

0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:35.800
<v Speaker 2>quite frankly, I mean it feels slightly, you know, hopeless,

0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:37.960
<v Speaker 2>and I don't ever want to I don't ever want

0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.240
<v Speaker 2>people to listen to me and feel hopeless after So

0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:43.360
<v Speaker 2>we're just going to remain positive and know that the

0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:45.920
<v Speaker 2>world is a cyclical place and yep, there are good

0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:48.720
<v Speaker 2>times and bad times, and let's just enjoy the time

0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:49.480
<v Speaker 2>that we're in now.

0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:53.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and voting still matters, you know, we do what

0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:58.720
<v Speaker 1>we can to move toward a better tomorrow, as they say.

0:08:58.600 --> 0:09:02.319
<v Speaker 2>And on it's a very special note. We have a

0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:06.480
<v Speaker 2>very special guest. We do you know him? He's in everything.

0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:10.120
<v Speaker 2>I first saw him in the Book of Mormon on Broadway.

0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:13.280
<v Speaker 2>He's had a book called Too Much Is Not Enough,

0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:14.880
<v Speaker 2>and now he has a new book out called Uncle

0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:19.040
<v Speaker 2>of the Year. Please welcome Andrew Raddles. Andrew, did we

0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:20.000
<v Speaker 2>fucking wake you up?

0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:23.480
<v Speaker 3>No? I was just like late. It's almost two thirty

0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:24.839
<v Speaker 3>here in New York, so.

0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:26.680
<v Speaker 2>You were sleeping from last night. Still.

0:09:26.960 --> 0:09:32.800
<v Speaker 3>No, I'm so sorry. Chelsea Handler, that's me. Hi, I'm

0:09:33.160 --> 0:09:35.120
<v Speaker 3>so excited to meet you.

0:09:35.679 --> 0:09:38.280
<v Speaker 2>Hi, and I'm Catherine Last Catherine my co host.

0:09:38.400 --> 0:09:38.720
<v Speaker 1>Hei.

0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:40.520
<v Speaker 3>Hello, how are you.

0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:41.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm just great.

0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:45.120
<v Speaker 2>Well, congratulations Andrew on your book.

0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:50.120
<v Speaker 3>Well, thank you. You know how hard it is to

0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:54.679
<v Speaker 3>write a book and then distribute a book. It's a

0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:55.600
<v Speaker 3>tricky situation.

0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:59.040
<v Speaker 2>It's a lot of work to put out a book.

0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:02.360
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and I'm very proud of this book. I wrote

0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:05.200
<v Speaker 3>one a couple of years ago, and that one seemed

0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:07.760
<v Speaker 3>to sort of come out a little bit easier in

0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:11.840
<v Speaker 3>some ways. This one was a little harder to talk

0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:16.160
<v Speaker 3>about and a little harder to share. But I'm very

0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:19.760
<v Speaker 3>excited to get to share it. You know. The weirdest,

0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:23.480
<v Speaker 3>the weirdest part of it was doing the audio book. Yeah,

0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:24.719
<v Speaker 3>I don't know if you had this.

0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:27.000
<v Speaker 2>I find that to be incredibly annoying.

0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:30.280
<v Speaker 3>Well, I like, I wrote it, and I did all

0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:33.880
<v Speaker 3>of the stuff, and I feel like I really processed

0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:36.320
<v Speaker 3>all of my thoughts. And then I had to like

0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:39.439
<v Speaker 3>read it out loud in front of a weird stranger,

0:10:40.240 --> 0:10:44.240
<v Speaker 3>an engineer who had not read it, by the.

0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.720
<v Speaker 2>Way, but gives you notes on your performance and hasn't

0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:48.760
<v Speaker 2>read the book and has never met you.

0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:52.880
<v Speaker 3>Yep, And he was like, it doesn't sound like you.

0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:57.040
<v Speaker 3>And I was like, I'm sorry, what now doesn't sound

0:10:57.160 --> 0:10:58.640
<v Speaker 3>like me? Okay?

0:10:58.840 --> 0:11:01.480
<v Speaker 2>I had a guy go talk more slowly. I don't know,

0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:02.800
<v Speaker 2>That's not how I talk.

0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:07.600
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it was very strange, but I'm happy with the

0:11:07.640 --> 0:11:08.840
<v Speaker 3>way it all came out.

0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:11.960
<v Speaker 2>But man, a man, So why do you think that

0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.760
<v Speaker 2>this experience or the second the second book for you

0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:16.679
<v Speaker 2>was more difficult than the first.

0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:20.840
<v Speaker 3>I feel like the first book was a little more linear.

0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:24.320
<v Speaker 3>It was a little more about like how I started

0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:27.960
<v Speaker 3>into showbiz, and like it felt like a little more

0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:34.040
<v Speaker 3>natural progression. This one is more about more adult stuff.

0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:37.600
<v Speaker 3>I guess it all kind of started because I wrote

0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:40.800
<v Speaker 3>this essay for the New York Times about my anxiety,

0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:44.439
<v Speaker 3>and it's much more personal.

0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:47.640
<v Speaker 1>Can you talk a little bit about your anxiety experience,

0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.679
<v Speaker 1>because I know you started therapy because of that, and

0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:52.640
<v Speaker 1>then you know it wound up being a very good

0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:54.400
<v Speaker 1>thing for you because of other things that happen in

0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:54.960
<v Speaker 1>your life.

0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:59.319
<v Speaker 3>I've had many therapists over the years. Some of them

0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:03.120
<v Speaker 3>are great, you know therapists, or it's hard to find

0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:08.199
<v Speaker 3>a good one sometimes. I really struggled during the pandemic.

0:12:08.440 --> 0:12:11.440
<v Speaker 3>I've been very lucky as an actor. I go from

0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:14.560
<v Speaker 3>job to job to job, and then I had a

0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:19.280
<v Speaker 3>really hard time not working and it was really hard

0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:23.319
<v Speaker 3>to like stop and slow down and figure out, well,

0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:26.320
<v Speaker 3>who are you if you don't have a job. And

0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.000
<v Speaker 3>that was a really tough thing to figure out.

0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:34.000
<v Speaker 2>And very relatable basically, since everyone was pretty much out

0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:37.679
<v Speaker 2>of a job at the same time. Yeah, even though

0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:40.080
<v Speaker 2>it feels isolated like it's happening to you, I mean,

0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:42.560
<v Speaker 2>in reality, it is happening to the whole world.

0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:45.920
<v Speaker 3>Everyone sort of had that feeling where like the bottom

0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.440
<v Speaker 3>just sort of dropped out and you had nothing to do,

0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:53.000
<v Speaker 3>and I thought maybe I could relax into it. But

0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:56.240
<v Speaker 3>I couldn't relax into it. I see, Yeah, and that

0:12:56.320 --> 0:13:00.440
<v Speaker 3>was I thought, maybe, like, well, nothing's happening in everyone's

0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:04.640
<v Speaker 3>on the same page and it's totally fine. I couldn't

0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:05.280
<v Speaker 3>get on board.

0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:07.320
<v Speaker 1>Well, And there is a sort of thing where, you know,

0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:09.800
<v Speaker 1>our identities get wrapped up in what we do. It's

0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:12.199
<v Speaker 1>the thing we spend ten twelve hours a day doing.

0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:17.040
<v Speaker 1>We say, I am a actor, podcast producer, whatever or not.

0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:19.760
<v Speaker 1>That's what I do. So it's difficult. We have to

0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:20.920
<v Speaker 1>separate those two things.

0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:25.480
<v Speaker 2>It's hard to balance the act of your consciousness like spirituality,

0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.280
<v Speaker 2>with your reality. Sometimes it's really hard to be the

0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:31.520
<v Speaker 2>person you want to be in a stressful situation sometimes

0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:33.960
<v Speaker 2>and then you're like, fuck, wait, I thought I would

0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:36.680
<v Speaker 2>be able to handle something like this better. Not that

0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:39.640
<v Speaker 2>anyone had, you know, any idea the pandemic was coming,

0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:41.360
<v Speaker 2>but no, but it is.

0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:43.800
<v Speaker 3>That's a very good way to say it. It's like

0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:46.720
<v Speaker 3>I thought maybe I could handle myself better.

0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:50.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I think with therapy a lot you did

0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:53.040
<v Speaker 2>you go to therapy before the pandemic as well?

0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:53.439
<v Speaker 1>Yes?

0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:56.840
<v Speaker 3>Sure, yeah, yeah, No, I've had I mean like off

0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:59.640
<v Speaker 3>and on for you know, twenty five years. I've had

0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:00.920
<v Speaker 3>a different Yeah.

0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:04.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know from my own experience that you have

0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:07.320
<v Speaker 2>this idea sometimes when you go for a long enough

0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:10.160
<v Speaker 2>period of time that you're fixed and there shouldn't be

0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:14.400
<v Speaker 2>another issue. Like for me, I'm always like, Okay, I

0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:17.079
<v Speaker 2>sorted all of that out. I shouldn't have to face

0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:19.400
<v Speaker 2>anything like that again. And so then when you're faced

0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:22.160
<v Speaker 2>with it again, and you may act in a seemingly

0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:26.640
<v Speaker 2>similar way, you're definitely like, there's self flagellation evolved because

0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:28.800
<v Speaker 2>you're like, fuck, I already learned that lesson what am

0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:29.960
<v Speaker 2>I doing this again for?

0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:33.880
<v Speaker 3>Why did I do it differently? Yeah, I've had many

0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:37.280
<v Speaker 3>different therapists. I have a therapist that I went to

0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:41.160
<v Speaker 3>for many, many years, and I realized I sort of

0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:45.280
<v Speaker 3>hit a wall with this therapist. And I realized when

0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:48.520
<v Speaker 3>I hit the wall, he sort of like I was

0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:51.200
<v Speaker 3>telling him a story and he sort of like glasped

0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:53.360
<v Speaker 3>over it in a little bit like I could I

0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:57.800
<v Speaker 3>could tell he wasn't listening. And then he said to me, Andrew,

0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:03.320
<v Speaker 3>what's too aimful to remember? It's simply hard to forget.

0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:08.480
<v Speaker 3>So what's the laughter? We remember, and I said, did

0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:11.200
<v Speaker 3>you just quote the fucking way we were to me?

0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:17.480
<v Speaker 3>And he said, oh god, I'm so sorry. I guess

0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:20.680
<v Speaker 3>I did. And I said, you quoted the way we

0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:22.400
<v Speaker 3>were to a gay man.

0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:25.120
<v Speaker 1>And thought you wouldn't catch it?

0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:28.520
<v Speaker 2>Was he gay? Because he is now? He's now gay?

0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:30.960
<v Speaker 3>He was not gay? But I was like, how could

0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:31.520
<v Speaker 3>that happen?

0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:36.760
<v Speaker 2>That's so funny and so possibly say that right. I've

0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:38.920
<v Speaker 2>had moments like that with people when they've said something.

0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:41.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, that's the end. That's the end of our friendship.

0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:43.240
<v Speaker 2>You just crossed the rubicon.

0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:47.320
<v Speaker 3>Can I tell you one more therapist please? That I

0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:50.600
<v Speaker 3>wrote in my book, And I'm sure my ex boyfriend

0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:53.560
<v Speaker 3>would like my ex boyfriend and I His name was Michael.

0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:56.760
<v Speaker 3>We really tried. We went to a lot of couple's therapy.

0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:03.520
<v Speaker 3>We really really tried. And we went to the couple's therapist.

0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:07.040
<v Speaker 3>He was, you know, talking to a therapist, and he said,

0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:11.520
<v Speaker 3>Andrew sucks the air out of every room we go into.

0:16:12.040 --> 0:16:14.680
<v Speaker 3>It's like I'm not even there. Every time we walk

0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:17.360
<v Speaker 3>into a room. It's like no one even sees me.

0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:23.160
<v Speaker 3>He went on and on and on and then and

0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:27.400
<v Speaker 3>then the therapist said, Andrew, did you hear it? Brian

0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:32.440
<v Speaker 3>just said and I said, his name is Michael. He

0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.840
<v Speaker 3>went what and I said, his name is Michael.

0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:40.040
<v Speaker 1>The same thing happened to me. I talked about this

0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:44.000
<v Speaker 1>on an earlier episode. My therapist was like, oh, your

0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:46.640
<v Speaker 1>boyfriend Greg. I'm like, you mean my husband, Brad.

0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:49.600
<v Speaker 2>I love it. I love it.

0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:52.200
<v Speaker 3>Not great, It's not great, Chelsea. Not great.

0:16:52.280 --> 0:16:54.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to bring up my favorite story in the book,

0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:56.880
<v Speaker 2>which of course, is you having sex with a married

0:16:56.960 --> 0:17:00.000
<v Speaker 2>man and then having his wife return your panties to you.

0:17:00.800 --> 0:17:07.160
<v Speaker 2>Oh no, yeah, Oh I actually read it. Oh yeah, yeah,

0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:08.000
<v Speaker 2>we read it together.

0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:09.240
<v Speaker 3>Read the book.

0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:11.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah yeah, yeah. I'm a reader and Catherine is a

0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:15.120
<v Speaker 2>podcast producer, like you said earlier, So that's our job

0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:15.920
<v Speaker 2>to read your book.

0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:19.560
<v Speaker 3>I know, but I didn't think most people actually read it. Oh.

0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:21.200
<v Speaker 1>I forced her Taine to send it to us.

0:17:21.359 --> 0:17:25.720
<v Speaker 3>Oh god, okay. I did have sex with a very

0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:30.200
<v Speaker 3>ultra conservative married man, just like a one night stand,

0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:35.919
<v Speaker 3>and it was a strange situation and I regret doing it.

0:17:36.760 --> 0:17:40.960
<v Speaker 3>I wonder how he's doing now. It's sort of my

0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:44.000
<v Speaker 3>because I've not kept in touch well.

0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:46.360
<v Speaker 2>And then the part about his wife returning your underwear

0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:46.639
<v Speaker 2>to you?

0:17:46.800 --> 0:17:49.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, what was the hell like when she started getting

0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:51.120
<v Speaker 1>texts from her being like I want to talk to you.

0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:54.680
<v Speaker 3>Oh that was a little tricky. So I left. He

0:17:55.359 --> 0:18:00.080
<v Speaker 3>sort of took all of my clothing with him, and

0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:04.160
<v Speaker 3>we were doing a musical together. And a couple days

0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:07.320
<v Speaker 3>later she showed up in town and she did arrive

0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:14.080
<v Speaker 3>with my washed and cleaned underwear and like a little baggy.

0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:14.720
<v Speaker 2>Like a sachet.

0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:17.920
<v Speaker 3>Well it was like a little FedEx.

0:18:17.560 --> 0:18:20.040
<v Speaker 2>Bag and was totally fine with the fact that he

0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:22.240
<v Speaker 2>was gallivancing around with men.

0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:23.120
<v Speaker 1>Correct.

0:18:23.440 --> 0:18:25.640
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I don't know if she was fine with it,

0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:28.440
<v Speaker 3>but I think that she had come to terms with it.

0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:31.159
<v Speaker 3>I think she had made up her mind that like,

0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:33.000
<v Speaker 3>we're going to get through this.

0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:36.000
<v Speaker 2>Well, if you think about the dynamic between a gay

0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:38.960
<v Speaker 2>man and a woman, right, like your bestie, whoever your

0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:42.360
<v Speaker 2>best friend is, that's a gay man. Ideally, the best

0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:44.240
<v Speaker 2>chemistry would be for the two of you to be

0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:48.040
<v Speaker 2>married and just like her man on the side, you're

0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:50.000
<v Speaker 2>in a long term relationship. I know you two are

0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:52.600
<v Speaker 2>a very hot couple. You and your boyfriend talks your partner,

0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:56.080
<v Speaker 2>I should say, well, because you're more than boyfriend and boyfriend.

0:18:55.640 --> 0:18:59.879
<v Speaker 3>Right, well, yeah, boyfriends partners. Yeah, we're not married. We

0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:04.959
<v Speaker 3>met doing Boys in the Band together twenty eighteen, and

0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:09.119
<v Speaker 3>we've like, you know, it's the laziest story ever that

0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:13.280
<v Speaker 3>like two actors met doing like a show together. Couldn't

0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:13.600
<v Speaker 3>have been.

0:19:13.560 --> 0:19:16.080
<v Speaker 1>Lazier, I have to say. I told Chelsea this morning.

0:19:16.119 --> 0:19:19.520
<v Speaker 1>I was like, when I realized that's who Andrew Reynolds

0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:22.040
<v Speaker 1>was dating, it was like, the two of you together

0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:26.080
<v Speaker 1>are so incredibly hot as a couple. I was taken aback.

0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:29.520
<v Speaker 2>You also kind of look alike similar, so I'm sure

0:19:29.560 --> 0:19:30.600
<v Speaker 2>you've heard that before.

0:19:30.960 --> 0:19:33.640
<v Speaker 3>We do have a similar vibe.

0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:36.160
<v Speaker 2>Yea, yeah, you look like you're both from a different decade,

0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:37.240
<v Speaker 2>but a very similar.

0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:40.560
<v Speaker 3>Is that narcissistic that I'm sort of dating myself?

0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:43.399
<v Speaker 2>Probably? I mean what else could it be?

0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:49.679
<v Speaker 3>I now dumb actor? DOUWMB actor? Yeah no, And people

0:19:49.840 --> 0:19:51.960
<v Speaker 3>have asked me like, well, how did you guys meet?

0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:54.840
<v Speaker 3>I was like, well, we were playing boyfriends in a

0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:57.479
<v Speaker 3>movie and that's as simple as it is.

0:19:59.400 --> 0:20:01.040
<v Speaker 2>But aren't you like a stepfather?

0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:01.280
<v Speaker 3>Now?

0:20:01.600 --> 0:20:02.800
<v Speaker 2>Doesn't he have two children?

0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:06.320
<v Speaker 3>He does have two children? Yes, you know, am I

0:20:06.400 --> 0:20:11.600
<v Speaker 3>a stepfather? You know? I try my best to sort

0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:16.440
<v Speaker 3>of be as present as possible. I'm not there a lot, unfortunately.

0:20:17.160 --> 0:20:20.560
<v Speaker 3>I work a lot in New York, and he's in

0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:23.439
<v Speaker 3>LA and he's in Los Angeles. Yeah, and I.

0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:25.600
<v Speaker 2>Can just pop over there and look after the kids.

0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:28.159
<v Speaker 2>I love children, So you just tell me when I

0:20:28.200 --> 0:20:29.920
<v Speaker 2>know I can take some of the load off.

0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:33.640
<v Speaker 3>I know you dig a kid. I know that from

0:20:33.680 --> 0:20:36.120
<v Speaker 3>just being a fan. But you know, it's like it's

0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:40.240
<v Speaker 3>tough because I'm gone a lot. I try to be

0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:42.760
<v Speaker 3>as present as possible. I really do.

0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:46.000
<v Speaker 1>I really liked in the book how you talked about

0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:49.240
<v Speaker 1>sometimes having a difficult time connecting with them. Chelsea and

0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:51.120
<v Speaker 1>I have talked about this too. It's like, because they're

0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:53.520
<v Speaker 1>like preteenish, right, they're like eleven.

0:20:53.040 --> 0:20:55.720
<v Speaker 3>Ish, they're ten, okay.

0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:57.680
<v Speaker 1>But it's like sometimes you're like, what do I talk

0:20:57.680 --> 0:21:01.000
<v Speaker 1>about with a ten year old? It can be difful Yeah,

0:21:01.040 --> 0:21:01.600
<v Speaker 1>but you.

0:21:01.560 --> 0:21:05.080
<v Speaker 2>Know, I hate fucking having to make conversation. I fucking

0:21:05.119 --> 0:21:07.239
<v Speaker 2>hate that. So when you're talking to a ten year

0:21:07.280 --> 0:21:09.959
<v Speaker 2>old like that isn't related to you, even when they

0:21:09.960 --> 0:21:12.439
<v Speaker 2>are related to you, sometimes it's like it can be

0:21:12.480 --> 0:21:15.320
<v Speaker 2>a chore. Like that's why people become parents because they're

0:21:15.320 --> 0:21:18.040
<v Speaker 2>ready to take that responsibility on. And I think what

0:21:18.119 --> 0:21:20.320
<v Speaker 2>I find so annoying is that I'm not supposed to

0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:22.040
<v Speaker 2>take that on. I chose not to do that. So

0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:25.439
<v Speaker 2>don't expect me to mingle like with your kids unless

0:21:25.480 --> 0:21:27.840
<v Speaker 2>they're fucking cool. And then I'm into your kids, like

0:21:27.880 --> 0:21:30.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm in really cool kids. My friend Jamie Greenberg has

0:21:30.119 --> 0:21:32.359
<v Speaker 2>a really cool kid, yeah money, and I like her.

0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:34.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but kids are mostly not cool.

0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:38.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they're idiots because they haven't grown up yet.

0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:41.760
<v Speaker 3>And and I think being a parent, and I really

0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:46.639
<v Speaker 3>appreciate my siblings skill at this, that they really do

0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:50.240
<v Speaker 3>engage with their kids in a great way. And I

0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:54.879
<v Speaker 3>found that I maybe don't have that skill, Like I

0:21:55.000 --> 0:22:00.800
<v Speaker 3>don't I don't have that like natural thing where I'm like, oh,

0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:03.440
<v Speaker 3>I know how to talk to a kid. I don't

0:22:03.520 --> 0:22:07.159
<v Speaker 3>always know how to. Sometimes I can like sort of

0:22:07.280 --> 0:22:09.960
<v Speaker 3>drop in and be and there are moments with TuS

0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:14.440
<v Speaker 3>kids where like I do it well, but like, sometimes

0:22:14.480 --> 0:22:18.000
<v Speaker 3>I don't do it well, and it's really hard to

0:22:18.320 --> 0:22:22.760
<v Speaker 3>It was a really hard lesson to learn, Oh, you're

0:22:22.880 --> 0:22:26.680
<v Speaker 3>not naturally good at this, and some people are naturally

0:22:26.720 --> 0:22:28.760
<v Speaker 3>good at it. Some people just like know how to

0:22:28.840 --> 0:22:31.080
<v Speaker 3>do it and know how to talk and like fuck

0:22:31.160 --> 0:22:34.520
<v Speaker 3>around with kids. But like I don't have that gene,

0:22:35.040 --> 0:22:39.680
<v Speaker 3>and it was a really hard lesson to figure out. Oh,

0:22:39.920 --> 0:22:42.480
<v Speaker 3>you don't know how to do it, that was tricky.

0:22:42.800 --> 0:22:45.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm good with like the fun stuff I'm good at,

0:22:45.560 --> 0:22:52.200
<v Speaker 3>like messing around at a target, right, doing having some fun,

0:22:52.640 --> 0:22:57.240
<v Speaker 3>I'm good at that. Taking them to school not so good.

0:22:58.240 --> 0:23:02.120
<v Speaker 3>Not so good at making breakfast now that's so good him.

0:23:02.920 --> 0:23:05.320
<v Speaker 2>What do you think that you're really good at, not

0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:07.960
<v Speaker 2>with regard to parenting, but in life in general, Like,

0:23:08.000 --> 0:23:10.200
<v Speaker 2>what do you think one of your greatest gifts is?

0:23:10.960 --> 0:23:14.000
<v Speaker 3>I feel like I'm a pretty good friend, Like I

0:23:14.119 --> 0:23:14.840
<v Speaker 3>keep in touch.

0:23:15.000 --> 0:23:17.200
<v Speaker 2>Well, okay, I think.

0:23:17.119 --> 0:23:19.359
<v Speaker 3>Now you're going to get some responses from my friends.

0:23:19.359 --> 0:23:21.679
<v Speaker 3>They're going to be like, no, he doesn't, No, he doesn't.

0:23:22.280 --> 0:23:24.359
<v Speaker 2>I don't need a lot of things or people to

0:23:24.440 --> 0:23:25.240
<v Speaker 2>be on top of me.

0:23:25.600 --> 0:23:28.439
<v Speaker 3>Well I don't feel like I do either, And I

0:23:28.480 --> 0:23:30.399
<v Speaker 3>feel like sometimes that bites me in the ass a

0:23:30.440 --> 0:23:33.600
<v Speaker 3>little bit, that, like, because I don't need a lot,

0:23:34.000 --> 0:23:38.160
<v Speaker 3>then sometimes I don't maybe necessarily give.

0:23:38.400 --> 0:23:43.440
<v Speaker 2>Ah, yes, sir, I think those two things are yes. Yes.

0:23:43.480 --> 0:23:46.359
<v Speaker 2>I think if you do one, you do the other exactly. Yeah,

0:23:46.480 --> 0:23:47.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm guilty of the same thing.

0:23:48.640 --> 0:23:51.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I don't need a ton from you, So then

0:23:51.280 --> 0:23:53.920
<v Speaker 3>maybe if I don't always give it back, then I'm

0:23:54.200 --> 0:23:58.040
<v Speaker 3>looked at as sort of being selfish or being I

0:23:58.040 --> 0:24:00.639
<v Speaker 3>don't know. That's a thing that I just sort of

0:24:00.800 --> 0:24:02.520
<v Speaker 3>realized about myself.

0:24:02.640 --> 0:24:05.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but selfish is a judgment, so like you shouldn't

0:24:05.359 --> 0:24:07.280
<v Speaker 2>think about it that way. You should think about like

0:24:07.359 --> 0:24:10.280
<v Speaker 2>are you taking good care of yourself or are you

0:24:10.400 --> 0:24:13.080
<v Speaker 2>actually like ignoring the needs of other people that are

0:24:13.080 --> 0:24:15.000
<v Speaker 2>important to you that kind of thing.

0:24:15.400 --> 0:24:16.880
<v Speaker 3>Well, that's a nice way to say it.

0:24:17.160 --> 0:24:18.680
<v Speaker 1>Well, that's I learned that in therapy.

0:24:19.320 --> 0:24:21.320
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to give you. I'm going to just send

0:24:21.359 --> 0:24:23.720
<v Speaker 3>you like a venmo because I feel like this has

0:24:23.760 --> 0:24:25.880
<v Speaker 3>been a real therapy session.

0:24:26.040 --> 0:24:28.560
<v Speaker 2>Well that's great, because you're you're about to give therapy

0:24:28.600 --> 0:24:31.560
<v Speaker 2>to our callers that we have people live. I know.

0:24:31.760 --> 0:24:32.840
<v Speaker 3>I'm very excited.

0:24:32.960 --> 0:24:35.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so get ready, Catherine is going to give us

0:24:35.640 --> 0:24:38.119
<v Speaker 2>up to get us at speed. Hold on, No, you

0:24:38.160 --> 0:24:40.280
<v Speaker 2>don't get any REPI you don't get.

0:24:40.359 --> 0:24:45.640
<v Speaker 3>Any Is there anything that I should know, like anything

0:24:45.720 --> 0:24:47.280
<v Speaker 3>I should be prepared for you?

0:24:47.440 --> 0:24:49.879
<v Speaker 1>Well, there's a couple of sex questions but we're going

0:24:49.960 --> 0:24:51.640
<v Speaker 1>to take a quick break and we will be back

0:24:51.680 --> 0:24:52.439
<v Speaker 1>with colors and.

0:24:52.520 --> 0:25:01.119
<v Speaker 2>Questions and and we're back.

0:25:01.600 --> 0:25:05.760
<v Speaker 1>We are back. Let's start with a breakup question.

0:25:07.040 --> 0:25:08.600
<v Speaker 3>Oh boy, are you ready? Andrew?

0:25:08.880 --> 0:25:09.480
<v Speaker 2>Are you ready?

0:25:10.400 --> 0:25:11.520
<v Speaker 3>My guess?

0:25:11.760 --> 0:25:14.080
<v Speaker 1>Yes, this might be This might be a quickie, but

0:25:14.160 --> 0:25:16.480
<v Speaker 1>we'll see what comes out of it. This comes from

0:25:16.520 --> 0:25:20.200
<v Speaker 1>Tea in New Zealand. Dear Chelsea, I need to break

0:25:20.280 --> 0:25:22.639
<v Speaker 1>up with my boyfriend. We met last summer when we

0:25:22.680 --> 0:25:25.920
<v Speaker 1>started a new job together. Things moved super quickly. We've

0:25:25.960 --> 0:25:28.199
<v Speaker 1>been dating for about seven months now, but it's just

0:25:28.280 --> 0:25:30.800
<v Speaker 1>not working out. He's still a great person and I

0:25:30.880 --> 0:25:33.280
<v Speaker 1>care about him. I'm a twenty eight year old male

0:25:33.320 --> 0:25:36.240
<v Speaker 1>and he is twenty four. Now. My dilemma is this,

0:25:36.840 --> 0:25:39.919
<v Speaker 1>our work schedules are totally opposite. The days I'm not

0:25:40.000 --> 0:25:42.520
<v Speaker 1>working are the days he is working. And it's just

0:25:42.560 --> 0:25:45.679
<v Speaker 1>how our fixed schedules happen to work out. Not only that,

0:25:45.840 --> 0:25:48.359
<v Speaker 1>but we live eighty five kilometers, which is about fifty

0:25:48.400 --> 0:25:49.720
<v Speaker 1>miles apart from each other.

0:25:50.359 --> 0:25:51.719
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for that conversion.

0:25:51.880 --> 0:25:52.439
<v Speaker 1>You're welcome.

0:25:52.680 --> 0:25:54.840
<v Speaker 3>Thank you, thank you for doing that. I was trying

0:25:54.880 --> 0:25:55.880
<v Speaker 3>to do the math in my head.

0:25:56.400 --> 0:25:59.000
<v Speaker 1>I can't do That's impossible. Even Sirih couldn't do it.

0:25:59.040 --> 0:26:01.600
<v Speaker 1>I had to find again. Okay later. We live fifty

0:26:01.640 --> 0:26:04.200
<v Speaker 1>miles apart from each other and work somewhere in the middle.

0:26:04.880 --> 0:26:06.960
<v Speaker 1>We don't see each other often, and I've been trying

0:26:07.000 --> 0:26:10.360
<v Speaker 1>to schedule a time to hang out, but it's proven unsuccessful.

0:26:10.920 --> 0:26:12.760
<v Speaker 1>He wants to hang out on Wednesday when I'm finished

0:26:12.760 --> 0:26:15.000
<v Speaker 1>with work, but I feel bad. He'd drive all that

0:26:15.040 --> 0:26:17.200
<v Speaker 1>way just for me to end things, and then he'd

0:26:17.200 --> 0:26:20.320
<v Speaker 1>have to drive back. However, I know ending things over

0:26:20.359 --> 0:26:23.560
<v Speaker 1>the phone is like the cliche movie Scumbag Move. Do

0:26:23.600 --> 0:26:26.800
<v Speaker 1>you think it's acceptable in this situation? If you were

0:26:26.800 --> 0:26:29.159
<v Speaker 1>in issues, would you hate the person who broke up

0:26:29.160 --> 0:26:31.320
<v Speaker 1>with you over the phone more than the person who

0:26:31.359 --> 0:26:34.840
<v Speaker 1>made you drive one hundred and seventy kilometers? Thank you, tea.

0:26:35.720 --> 0:26:36.880
<v Speaker 1>I think that's a phone call.

0:26:37.000 --> 0:26:39.879
<v Speaker 2>Then if he's gonna be driving, yeah, that's just the

0:26:39.960 --> 0:26:40.560
<v Speaker 2>right thing to do.

0:26:40.680 --> 0:26:41.160
<v Speaker 1>Like I can't.

0:26:41.320 --> 0:26:43.720
<v Speaker 2>You can't make somebody drive to you to get broken

0:26:43.800 --> 0:26:44.720
<v Speaker 2>up with, right.

0:26:44.880 --> 0:26:49.160
<v Speaker 3>That's so fucking stupid that, first of all, that entire

0:26:49.280 --> 0:26:55.640
<v Speaker 3>conversation is stupid. They're in their twenties, they're not really dating.

0:26:55.840 --> 0:27:01.320
<v Speaker 3>They'd live in the same city, fuck up in a relationship,

0:27:01.640 --> 0:27:04.119
<v Speaker 3>you don't live in the same city. You're in your

0:27:04.400 --> 0:27:06.040
<v Speaker 3>early twenties, You're not.

0:27:06.160 --> 0:27:07.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's not a big deal.

0:27:07.359 --> 0:27:08.160
<v Speaker 3>Beating each other.

0:27:08.400 --> 0:27:10.520
<v Speaker 2>It's not a big deal. I'll just go out side

0:27:10.600 --> 0:27:12.639
<v Speaker 2>over the phone. Do not drag that out. That is

0:27:12.640 --> 0:27:13.480
<v Speaker 2>so obnoxious.

0:27:13.520 --> 0:27:15.360
<v Speaker 1>I agreed, no text but phone call.

0:27:15.440 --> 0:27:18.200
<v Speaker 3>Yes, I know. I'm sure they have really cute accents.

0:27:18.320 --> 0:27:22.080
<v Speaker 3>But like done, I'm done. Yeah, I'm done with that one.

0:27:22.119 --> 0:27:23.200
<v Speaker 1>Got a nip it in the bud.

0:27:23.600 --> 0:27:26.400
<v Speaker 2>Next collar, well, our next.

0:27:26.200 --> 0:27:32.720
<v Speaker 1>Collar is Devin. Devin says Dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty

0:27:32.800 --> 0:27:35.439
<v Speaker 1>nine year old gay man living in Portland, Oregon, and

0:27:35.480 --> 0:27:38.480
<v Speaker 1>on Halloween of twenty twenty one, my ex boyfriend of

0:27:38.520 --> 0:27:40.800
<v Speaker 1>two and a half years broke up with me. We

0:27:40.880 --> 0:27:43.280
<v Speaker 1>had a good relationship, but he often felt bound by

0:27:43.280 --> 0:27:45.800
<v Speaker 1>the constraints of our relationship. When we broke up, I

0:27:45.840 --> 0:27:49.000
<v Speaker 1>was utterly devastated. I've come a long way since our

0:27:49.040 --> 0:27:51.840
<v Speaker 1>breakup and have embraced my slutty phase by sleeping with

0:27:51.960 --> 0:27:55.480
<v Speaker 1>dozens and dozens of men and exploring other kinks that

0:27:55.560 --> 0:27:58.800
<v Speaker 1>I didn't have a chance to explore before. My problem

0:27:58.840 --> 0:28:01.280
<v Speaker 1>is this, even after a year and a half of

0:28:01.320 --> 0:28:04.560
<v Speaker 1>being separated. I still feel insecure about seeing my ex

0:28:04.600 --> 0:28:08.000
<v Speaker 1>in public or running into him at a party. Portland

0:28:08.119 --> 0:28:10.320
<v Speaker 1>is a small gay community, and I often see him

0:28:10.359 --> 0:28:12.480
<v Speaker 1>at our local gym. I can't help myself but think

0:28:12.480 --> 0:28:14.280
<v Speaker 1>about the guys he's sleeping with or the men he

0:28:14.359 --> 0:28:17.840
<v Speaker 1>might casually be dating. To add insult to injury, I

0:28:17.920 --> 0:28:20.399
<v Speaker 1>was primarily the bottom in our relationship and he rarely

0:28:20.480 --> 0:28:23.560
<v Speaker 1>let me top. I told him time and time again

0:28:23.600 --> 0:28:26.360
<v Speaker 1>that I wanted to top, but somehow we always found

0:28:26.400 --> 0:28:29.720
<v Speaker 1>ourselves in the same positions. After our breakup, I was

0:28:29.760 --> 0:28:32.280
<v Speaker 1>still logged into his Amazon account when I found a

0:28:32.320 --> 0:28:35.280
<v Speaker 1>douche used to clean your butthole before sex, and I

0:28:35.400 --> 0:28:37.880
<v Speaker 1>really got in my hat about him bottoming for other

0:28:37.920 --> 0:28:40.880
<v Speaker 1>guys when he wouldn't do that. In our relationship, we

0:28:40.960 --> 0:28:44.080
<v Speaker 1>struggled a lot with insecurities on both sides, and both

0:28:44.120 --> 0:28:46.880
<v Speaker 1>suspected the other wanted to sleep with guys with bigger dicks.

0:28:47.240 --> 0:28:50.000
<v Speaker 1>Did these feelings come up in heterosexual relationships as well?

0:28:50.600 --> 0:28:53.360
<v Speaker 1>I've tried to refocus and channel my thoughts other places

0:28:53.360 --> 0:28:55.720
<v Speaker 1>when these things come up, but sometimes I can't help

0:28:55.760 --> 0:28:58.239
<v Speaker 1>but fixate on them. Any advice you have is much

0:28:58.320 --> 0:29:01.920
<v Speaker 1>appreciated much love, Debth and Devin is here with us

0:29:02.000 --> 0:29:02.920
<v Speaker 1>on the phone.

0:29:03.120 --> 0:29:05.760
<v Speaker 2>Devon's here. You can counsel him directly, Andrew. I can't

0:29:05.800 --> 0:29:06.200
<v Speaker 2>wait for.

0:29:06.160 --> 0:29:10.640
<v Speaker 3>This, Devin. I the bottoming conversation. It really took a turn.

0:29:10.520 --> 0:29:13.080
<v Speaker 2>Den, I did not. I was not following hold on

0:29:13.160 --> 0:29:18.600
<v Speaker 2>Devon's muted first. Welcome your role, Andrew, your role? Okay, Devin,

0:29:18.720 --> 0:29:21.160
<v Speaker 2>do you see Andrew? Here's our special guest. How lucky

0:29:21.200 --> 0:29:21.520
<v Speaker 2>are you?

0:29:22.280 --> 0:29:27.640
<v Speaker 3>Hi? Hello, Devin? Have you since found a top that

0:29:28.040 --> 0:29:29.280
<v Speaker 3>satisfies your needs?

0:29:29.440 --> 0:29:32.240
<v Speaker 4>I'm still dating. I actually had a date last night,

0:29:32.720 --> 0:29:35.240
<v Speaker 4>just sort of like casually dating and kind of checking

0:29:35.240 --> 0:29:37.840
<v Speaker 4>things out, all right, So the answer, the short answer

0:29:37.880 --> 0:29:40.160
<v Speaker 4>is no, I just am kind of like still doing

0:29:40.160 --> 0:29:42.520
<v Speaker 4>my thing, sleeping around, doing what I can.

0:29:42.760 --> 0:29:47.120
<v Speaker 3>And what's the Portland scene. Light, it's a big gay scene.

0:29:47.480 --> 0:29:49.840
<v Speaker 4>It's relatively big, I would say, but it's a lot

0:29:49.840 --> 0:29:53.120
<v Speaker 4>of the same people. The pool is still kind of limited,

0:29:53.160 --> 0:29:55.280
<v Speaker 4>it seems like. And a lot of what I've encountered

0:29:55.400 --> 0:29:58.040
<v Speaker 4>is a lot of people are in open relationships.

0:29:58.040 --> 0:30:02.280
<v Speaker 3>Also. I now that's such a weird headache, right, people

0:30:02.280 --> 0:30:05.480
<v Speaker 3>who are like an open relationships and you're like, yeah,

0:30:05.680 --> 0:30:07.479
<v Speaker 3>do it or don't come on now.

0:30:08.160 --> 0:30:09.680
<v Speaker 2>How long have you guys been broken up? You and

0:30:09.680 --> 0:30:10.720
<v Speaker 2>your ex boyfriend.

0:30:10.480 --> 0:30:13.840
<v Speaker 4>About a year and a half, so Halloween of twenty one,

0:30:14.440 --> 0:30:15.240
<v Speaker 4>so quite a while.

0:30:15.360 --> 0:30:18.040
<v Speaker 3>What did you dress up as on Halloween?

0:30:18.480 --> 0:30:19.600
<v Speaker 2>Is that really necessary?

0:30:19.880 --> 0:30:24.280
<v Speaker 3>Chelsea? I think it's impertinent question in this conversation. It's important.

0:30:24.320 --> 0:30:26.400
<v Speaker 4>The last few years I've dressed up is Trixie Mattel.

0:30:26.800 --> 0:30:30.600
<v Speaker 3>Okay, So that, Chelsea, I feel like that's very informative. Okay,

0:30:30.640 --> 0:30:32.000
<v Speaker 3>I feel like we needed to hear that.

0:30:32.240 --> 0:30:35.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Well, and then how does that change and pivot

0:30:35.120 --> 0:30:35.640
<v Speaker 2>your thinking?

0:30:35.720 --> 0:30:39.400
<v Speaker 3>Andrew, Well, I feel like you're a power bottom.

0:30:39.760 --> 0:30:43.440
<v Speaker 2>Uh huh Okay, so you're definitely a power bottom. I

0:30:43.480 --> 0:30:45.560
<v Speaker 2>think that it's a long time for you to be

0:30:45.880 --> 0:30:49.960
<v Speaker 2>still obsessing about your ex. So have you been to therapy?

0:30:50.400 --> 0:30:53.560
<v Speaker 4>I have, yes, but it's been quite a while, just

0:30:53.600 --> 0:30:56.640
<v Speaker 4>because I was seeing a woman therapist and her and

0:30:56.680 --> 0:30:59.520
<v Speaker 4>I really hit it off. But then she recommended I

0:30:59.520 --> 0:31:02.239
<v Speaker 4>start singing a gay therapist because I was teaching her

0:31:02.280 --> 0:31:04.880
<v Speaker 4>more than I was I guess getting back. So she

0:31:04.960 --> 0:31:06.840
<v Speaker 4>recommended I see a gay therapist.

0:31:06.560 --> 0:31:07.800
<v Speaker 2>And she sounds like a bottom.

0:31:08.360 --> 0:31:11.680
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and the two guys that I saw I didn't

0:31:11.720 --> 0:31:13.880
<v Speaker 4>connect with them enough. I felt like I was venting

0:31:13.920 --> 0:31:15.480
<v Speaker 4>more than I was receiving.

0:31:15.520 --> 0:31:18.239
<v Speaker 3>I guess, how are you meeting people in Portland? Are

0:31:18.240 --> 0:31:20.280
<v Speaker 3>you like on apps or is it just sort of

0:31:20.320 --> 0:31:23.000
<v Speaker 3>more of a general you're just hanging out in bars

0:31:23.000 --> 0:31:23.800
<v Speaker 3>and things or.

0:31:24.280 --> 0:31:27.080
<v Speaker 4>A little bit of both, like the Grinder, But it's

0:31:27.120 --> 0:31:29.280
<v Speaker 4>that's a lot of just like hookup culture, you know

0:31:29.320 --> 0:31:31.840
<v Speaker 4>what I mean. Yeah, Whereas like, so I went on

0:31:31.840 --> 0:31:34.400
<v Speaker 4>a date last night in fact, and I saw him

0:31:34.440 --> 0:31:36.760
<v Speaker 4>on Instagram, and that's kind of in a way, and

0:31:36.800 --> 0:31:38.080
<v Speaker 4>I kind of reached out and just kind of went

0:31:38.120 --> 0:31:40.720
<v Speaker 4>out on a limb, like, hey, I think you're really handsome,

0:31:41.440 --> 0:31:43.000
<v Speaker 4>kind of put myself out there. I said, I know

0:31:43.080 --> 0:31:44.640
<v Speaker 4>this is a little forward, but like, I think you're

0:31:44.640 --> 0:31:46.920
<v Speaker 4>really handsome. You seem like a cool guy. Can I

0:31:46.960 --> 0:31:48.960
<v Speaker 4>take you out? So we went out for a drink.

0:31:49.440 --> 0:31:50.280
<v Speaker 3>So how'd that go?

0:31:51.120 --> 0:31:53.920
<v Speaker 4>It was really positive? Yeah, it was really yeah good,

0:31:54.040 --> 0:31:54.880
<v Speaker 4>it was a good experience.

0:31:54.920 --> 0:31:56.040
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, well that's good.

0:31:56.240 --> 0:31:56.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:31:56.600 --> 0:31:58.200
<v Speaker 2>I think you have like a lot going on. I

0:31:58.200 --> 0:32:00.640
<v Speaker 2>think you're like allowing yourself to fix, which is just

0:32:00.720 --> 0:32:03.000
<v Speaker 2>kind of like a mental game that you're playing with yourself.

0:32:03.360 --> 0:32:05.760
<v Speaker 2>And I think, you know, talk therapy is a good

0:32:05.800 --> 0:32:08.400
<v Speaker 2>way to like deal with that, because you shouldn't have

0:32:08.440 --> 0:32:10.280
<v Speaker 2>to be obsessing about, like it's none of your business

0:32:10.320 --> 0:32:12.680
<v Speaker 2>what he's doing with other people. He's not your boyfriend anyway,

0:32:12.800 --> 0:32:15.800
<v Speaker 2>it really doesn't matter. You're gonna have like a succession

0:32:15.800 --> 0:32:18.760
<v Speaker 2>of men in your life moving forward, and regardless of

0:32:18.800 --> 0:32:21.720
<v Speaker 2>Portland being a small town, so what, so like, the

0:32:21.800 --> 0:32:23.760
<v Speaker 2>sooner you warm up to the idea of bumping into

0:32:23.840 --> 0:32:26.320
<v Speaker 2>him and not being so injured by it, I think,

0:32:26.520 --> 0:32:29.200
<v Speaker 2>the sooner that it will become normalized, and the sooner

0:32:29.240 --> 0:32:31.200
<v Speaker 2>you can move on from this kind of tethering you

0:32:31.280 --> 0:32:31.920
<v Speaker 2>have to him.

0:32:32.320 --> 0:32:34.360
<v Speaker 3>That's a very good way to say that, Chelsea is like,

0:32:34.640 --> 0:32:37.720
<v Speaker 3>he's not your ex boyfriend, He's just a man, just

0:32:37.800 --> 0:32:38.560
<v Speaker 3>another person.

0:32:38.840 --> 0:32:41.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you should, like you should actually try to

0:32:41.240 --> 0:32:44.000
<v Speaker 2>bump into him so that the quicker that that happens,

0:32:44.000 --> 0:32:46.440
<v Speaker 2>and the sooner you get the ball rolling of normalizing it,

0:32:46.480 --> 0:32:48.360
<v Speaker 2>even though if it might feel gross right now or

0:32:48.400 --> 0:32:50.560
<v Speaker 2>like you're not ready, I think you should kind of

0:32:50.600 --> 0:32:53.160
<v Speaker 2>just force yourself it's been enough time, and just force

0:32:53.160 --> 0:32:56.000
<v Speaker 2>yourself to be around him when you know you see him,

0:32:56.120 --> 0:32:59.080
<v Speaker 2>be cool. Hey, it's nice to see you don't bring

0:32:59.120 --> 0:33:02.440
<v Speaker 2>anything else other then just complete, like just be cool,

0:33:02.560 --> 0:33:05.200
<v Speaker 2>so that way you can leave that situation, he knows,

0:33:05.280 --> 0:33:07.640
<v Speaker 2>and then you kind of diminish the tension between you two.

0:33:08.520 --> 0:33:09.640
<v Speaker 3>Mm hmm. Yeah.

0:33:09.640 --> 0:33:12.840
<v Speaker 4>And I think I run into him primarily at the gym,

0:33:12.840 --> 0:33:15.800
<v Speaker 4>and like you'll ask me to walk the dog or

0:33:15.800 --> 0:33:16.960
<v Speaker 4>watch her if he's out of town.

0:33:17.360 --> 0:33:19.800
<v Speaker 3>And there's part of it like that I don't.

0:33:19.600 --> 0:33:21.400
<v Speaker 4>Love it either, because I don't like to be in

0:33:21.400 --> 0:33:23.440
<v Speaker 4>his space, Like I don't like going into his apartment.

0:33:23.480 --> 0:33:25.680
<v Speaker 4>I don't mind running into him at the gym, sure,

0:33:26.160 --> 0:33:27.720
<v Speaker 4>but yeah, it's like I don't really want to be

0:33:27.760 --> 0:33:29.320
<v Speaker 4>in a space I don't want to And I think

0:33:29.320 --> 0:33:31.440
<v Speaker 4>part of it's like I identify that I'm still a

0:33:31.480 --> 0:33:34.320
<v Speaker 4>little injured by some of these things, and like it's

0:33:34.320 --> 0:33:37.040
<v Speaker 4>all feels very surface level what we end up talking about.

0:33:37.080 --> 0:33:40.480
<v Speaker 4>It's all like bs, hey, how's it going, Just stupid stuff.

0:33:40.720 --> 0:33:42.320
<v Speaker 4>I feel like there's part of me that I still

0:33:42.360 --> 0:33:44.440
<v Speaker 4>want to talk about some things that I'm injured by

0:33:44.520 --> 0:33:46.600
<v Speaker 4>and some unresolved feelings. I guess, but I don't know

0:33:46.640 --> 0:33:48.720
<v Speaker 4>if I just need to like let that go and

0:33:48.720 --> 0:33:51.680
<v Speaker 4>move on and yeah, yeahybe, you just let that go.

0:33:51.920 --> 0:33:54.000
<v Speaker 2>I think it's a practice of letting things go. It's

0:33:54.000 --> 0:33:56.000
<v Speaker 2>doesn't It's not the easiest thing because you can hold

0:33:56.040 --> 0:33:58.800
<v Speaker 2>grudges against people and lay blame because as long as

0:33:58.800 --> 0:34:01.480
<v Speaker 2>you're doing that, you're kind of the victim. And I

0:34:01.480 --> 0:34:04.120
<v Speaker 2>think there's a little bit of victim victimanus in there,

0:34:04.240 --> 0:34:06.440
<v Speaker 2>you know what I'm saying. I think you should really

0:34:06.560 --> 0:34:08.960
<v Speaker 2>really try to practice letting go of any anger you

0:34:09.000 --> 0:34:11.600
<v Speaker 2>have towards him. Relationships don't work out all the time.

0:34:11.640 --> 0:34:13.600
<v Speaker 2>It's really nobody's fault, you know what I mean, It's

0:34:13.640 --> 0:34:16.959
<v Speaker 2>just a matter of chemistry and longevity. So like, don't

0:34:17.040 --> 0:34:18.759
<v Speaker 2>hold I mean, I know you do, and I know

0:34:18.800 --> 0:34:20.520
<v Speaker 2>we all do. But it's something that you want to

0:34:20.560 --> 0:34:23.279
<v Speaker 2>start thinking about and actually start practicing, Like whether it's

0:34:23.280 --> 0:34:26.320
<v Speaker 2>a mantra, whether it's a meditation, whether it's you reminding

0:34:26.320 --> 0:34:28.200
<v Speaker 2>yourself every morning, like you want to give out love

0:34:28.320 --> 0:34:30.600
<v Speaker 2>not resentment. You know, as long as you're holding on

0:34:30.680 --> 0:34:32.840
<v Speaker 2>to that, it'll kind of have a negative effect on you.

0:34:33.360 --> 0:34:36.560
<v Speaker 3>Sure, Okay, I mean that's something that I could use

0:34:36.600 --> 0:34:37.000
<v Speaker 3>as well.

0:34:37.360 --> 0:34:42.200
<v Speaker 2>So thank you, he's getting double dose. We're giving to you,

0:34:42.280 --> 0:34:44.160
<v Speaker 2>and we're giving advice to you and to Andrew.

0:34:44.600 --> 0:34:50.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, thank you, You've also given it to me, Devin. So, like, now,

0:34:50.120 --> 0:34:52.680
<v Speaker 3>when you're like looking to date people, are you looking

0:34:52.719 --> 0:34:56.280
<v Speaker 3>for the opposite sort of person or are you looking

0:34:56.320 --> 0:34:59.279
<v Speaker 3>for someone who's sort of similar? Like I've not been

0:34:59.320 --> 0:35:02.319
<v Speaker 3>on the dating, but when you're scrolling through, are you

0:35:02.400 --> 0:35:05.560
<v Speaker 3>looking through sort of a similar situation or do you

0:35:05.600 --> 0:35:06.160
<v Speaker 3>feel like you.

0:35:07.040 --> 0:35:09.720
<v Speaker 2>Are you hitting on him right now? Are you, Andrew?

0:35:09.800 --> 0:35:13.200
<v Speaker 3>Are you hitting on the Oh?

0:35:13.640 --> 0:35:15.360
<v Speaker 2>Oh, I'm sorry, Devin?

0:35:16.320 --> 0:35:18.480
<v Speaker 1>Are you looking for someone that's based in New York.

0:35:18.320 --> 0:35:27.880
<v Speaker 2>And sing whoopsy doodle? Anyway, Devin, are you good with

0:35:27.920 --> 0:35:29.800
<v Speaker 2>that advice? Can you start doing that? Can you do

0:35:29.840 --> 0:35:32.160
<v Speaker 2>you understand what I'm saying when I say start practicing it?

0:35:32.200 --> 0:35:34.799
<v Speaker 4>Like does that just sort of like let go kind

0:35:34.800 --> 0:35:36.440
<v Speaker 4>of forget about it, move on, just kind of like

0:35:36.600 --> 0:35:39.080
<v Speaker 4>let the like kind of like give up the resentment.

0:35:39.480 --> 0:35:42.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, look at him with love. Like whenever I don't

0:35:42.160 --> 0:35:44.399
<v Speaker 2>like someone, I'm always have to say, I'm like love

0:35:44.680 --> 0:35:46.960
<v Speaker 2>just love people who cares. You don't have to hang

0:35:47.000 --> 0:35:49.719
<v Speaker 2>out with that person, but just show them kindness and love.

0:35:49.760 --> 0:35:51.960
<v Speaker 2>It's just good vibes to be given out anyway, you

0:35:52.000 --> 0:35:52.480
<v Speaker 2>know what I mean?

0:35:52.840 --> 0:35:55.239
<v Speaker 4>Sure? And I think kind of what right now, what's

0:35:55.320 --> 0:35:58.040
<v Speaker 4>kind of happening is begin these little fights or spats

0:35:58.080 --> 0:36:01.360
<v Speaker 4>and so then I like leave kind of like resentful,

0:36:01.360 --> 0:36:02.600
<v Speaker 4>and I'm like upset, and then I.

0:36:02.600 --> 0:36:04.480
<v Speaker 2>Just like, where do you get in fights and spats?

0:36:04.800 --> 0:36:06.160
<v Speaker 3>Well, he's watching his dog.

0:36:06.800 --> 0:36:09.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah no no, no, no no no no, no, no more

0:36:09.440 --> 0:36:11.719
<v Speaker 2>watching the dog. That's no, that's a wrap on that.

0:36:11.800 --> 0:36:13.239
<v Speaker 2>Like Andrews said, he doesn't like that.

0:36:13.320 --> 0:36:15.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't like that either. Yeah, And you don't need

0:36:15.960 --> 0:36:17.880
<v Speaker 1>to be like his friend. You don't don't need to

0:36:17.880 --> 0:36:19.120
<v Speaker 1>be there to support him.

0:36:19.360 --> 0:36:21.480
<v Speaker 2>Especially, you shouldn't be arguing with your ex boyfriend. There's

0:36:21.480 --> 0:36:22.960
<v Speaker 2>nothing to argue about. You're not together.

0:36:23.560 --> 0:36:25.160
<v Speaker 1>But that makes sense why you're still hung up a

0:36:25.200 --> 0:36:26.920
<v Speaker 1>year and a half later, since there's been this sort

0:36:26.920 --> 0:36:27.400
<v Speaker 1>of punting.

0:36:27.520 --> 0:36:30.719
<v Speaker 2>You are postponing this situation for yourself. So you have

0:36:30.760 --> 0:36:33.120
<v Speaker 2>to stop going over there and taking care of his dog,

0:36:33.400 --> 0:36:36.239
<v Speaker 2>and you certainly have to stop arguing with him. There's

0:36:36.280 --> 0:36:40.920
<v Speaker 2>no more arguing. You just won't participate in it. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay,

0:36:40.960 --> 0:36:41.520
<v Speaker 2>you can do this.

0:36:41.880 --> 0:36:42.480
<v Speaker 4>I can do it.

0:36:42.680 --> 0:36:46.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, go get them tiger. Okay, thanks for.

0:36:46.120 --> 0:36:48.360
<v Speaker 4>Calling, all right, Yeah, thank you guys.

0:36:48.600 --> 0:36:51.440
<v Speaker 2>Thanks seven some people need a very firm hand.

0:36:52.360 --> 0:36:54.239
<v Speaker 3>Was a real sweetheart, he was, and.

0:36:54.160 --> 0:36:56.880
<v Speaker 2>He needed a swift kick in the ass because he's.

0:36:56.800 --> 0:36:59.279
<v Speaker 3>Like he did, he cannot watch that man's.

0:36:58.960 --> 0:37:01.279
<v Speaker 2>Dog going over watch oh and then fighting with that

0:37:01.360 --> 0:37:04.759
<v Speaker 2>fuck Oh. I'm like a fucking babysitting your dog. I

0:37:04.760 --> 0:37:08.360
<v Speaker 2>would never babysit anyone's dog. I once babysat this couple's

0:37:08.440 --> 0:37:10.560
<v Speaker 2>I worked with this girl at this restaurant once, and

0:37:10.600 --> 0:37:12.920
<v Speaker 2>she asked me to babysit her dogs and stay at

0:37:12.960 --> 0:37:15.040
<v Speaker 2>her house, which she thought was like fun for me.

0:37:15.320 --> 0:37:15.799
<v Speaker 1>It wasn't.

0:37:16.320 --> 0:37:18.480
<v Speaker 2>And so I decided after two nights, I'm like, I

0:37:18.520 --> 0:37:20.279
<v Speaker 2>can't stay here anymore. So I just wanted to stay

0:37:20.280 --> 0:37:22.520
<v Speaker 2>at my own place or I had a boyfriend or something.

0:37:22.800 --> 0:37:24.680
<v Speaker 2>And so then I would just leave the dogs there

0:37:24.680 --> 0:37:26.560
<v Speaker 2>and go and feed them in the daytime and take

0:37:26.600 --> 0:37:29.919
<v Speaker 2>them for like maybe a walk. Yeah, and I did

0:37:29.920 --> 0:37:32.080
<v Speaker 2>that the whole week. I was like the worst dog

0:37:32.120 --> 0:37:33.040
<v Speaker 2>sitter in the world.

0:37:33.560 --> 0:37:35.080
<v Speaker 3>But they were fine, right.

0:37:34.960 --> 0:37:37.239
<v Speaker 2>Yeah they were. But I wasn't dog sitting them. I

0:37:37.320 --> 0:37:38.000
<v Speaker 2>was feeding them.

0:37:38.239 --> 0:37:40.800
<v Speaker 3>Well, that's one can argue. That's more important.

0:37:41.080 --> 0:37:42.960
<v Speaker 2>Should we have to our next caller, Yes, let's go.

0:37:42.880 --> 0:37:46.719
<v Speaker 3>To our another one. Yeah, I'm very excited.

0:37:46.920 --> 0:37:48.320
<v Speaker 1>Okay, well this look alive.

0:37:50.200 --> 0:37:51.400
<v Speaker 3>What have we got? What have we got?

0:37:51.760 --> 0:37:58.640
<v Speaker 1>Ramone? Ramone? Right, hey, Chelsea, I'm having a serious problem.

0:37:59.280 --> 0:38:02.279
<v Speaker 1>My last three long term relationships have begun well, or

0:38:02.280 --> 0:38:06.440
<v Speaker 1>so I thought, they turned into toxic relationships that involved addiction,

0:38:07.000 --> 0:38:10.920
<v Speaker 1>me being subjected to emotional abuse, manipulation, and sometimes violence.

0:38:11.480 --> 0:38:13.719
<v Speaker 1>I ignored quite a few red flags at the beginning of

0:38:13.719 --> 0:38:16.080
<v Speaker 1>these relationships because I was raised to give people the

0:38:16.120 --> 0:38:18.640
<v Speaker 1>benefit of the doubt. I would also try to ignore

0:38:18.719 --> 0:38:21.240
<v Speaker 1>the bad and focus on the good, hoping they would change,

0:38:21.280 --> 0:38:23.840
<v Speaker 1>and they never did. My question is, how do I

0:38:23.880 --> 0:38:26.680
<v Speaker 1>avoid ending up in yet another relationship with a toxic

0:38:26.800 --> 0:38:30.680
<v Speaker 1>or narcissistic manipulator without sacrificing my belief that people can

0:38:30.760 --> 0:38:34.440
<v Speaker 1>change and deserve second chances. I'm taking some steps already,

0:38:34.480 --> 0:38:37.680
<v Speaker 1>like listening to my intuition, being careful with ignoring red

0:38:37.719 --> 0:38:40.440
<v Speaker 1>flags as they appear, and just generally trying to protect

0:38:40.440 --> 0:38:43.280
<v Speaker 1>my energy and not give it so freely. I appreciate

0:38:43.320 --> 0:38:46.880
<v Speaker 1>any help and insights. Ramone, Hi, Ramone.

0:38:46.520 --> 0:38:52.200
<v Speaker 3>Hi, Ramone, that was a very thorough description of your relationships.

0:38:52.520 --> 0:38:53.600
<v Speaker 3>Thank you for sharing that.

0:38:53.880 --> 0:38:56.400
<v Speaker 5>Well, thank you. Yeah, it's been three in a row

0:38:56.800 --> 0:39:01.160
<v Speaker 5>of verbal and physical abuse, addiction, and then realizing my

0:39:01.200 --> 0:39:03.680
<v Speaker 5>most recent relationship was a narcissist on top of all

0:39:03.680 --> 0:39:04.160
<v Speaker 5>that as well.

0:39:04.440 --> 0:39:07.480
<v Speaker 3>Oh boy, how long did the relationships last?

0:39:07.880 --> 0:39:10.920
<v Speaker 5>So my first with my ex husband was ten years?

0:39:11.120 --> 0:39:11.680
<v Speaker 3>Oh wow?

0:39:12.040 --> 0:39:14.080
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, and then the third one was about five and

0:39:14.120 --> 0:39:16.880
<v Speaker 5>this most recent was three, So it's almost spent twenty years.

0:39:17.320 --> 0:39:20.879
<v Speaker 3>That's a long time. Yeah, Chelsea, what do you I mean?

0:39:20.960 --> 0:39:23.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure that you had a lot of childhood trauma,

0:39:24.440 --> 0:39:24.759
<v Speaker 2>have you.

0:39:25.320 --> 0:39:27.480
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, So I was kind of raised to give people

0:39:27.560 --> 0:39:29.600
<v Speaker 5>second chances, and that's part of why I wrote in

0:39:29.760 --> 0:39:31.239
<v Speaker 5>was I don't want to give that up, and I

0:39:31.239 --> 0:39:32.799
<v Speaker 5>want to see people for who they are. But you

0:39:32.840 --> 0:39:35.120
<v Speaker 5>know I did. My dad used to beat my mom,

0:39:35.280 --> 0:39:37.200
<v Speaker 5>and you know, I grew up as an only child.

0:39:37.280 --> 0:39:39.560
<v Speaker 5>So I guess there's a lot of I can relate

0:39:39.600 --> 0:39:41.680
<v Speaker 5>to people and maybe in these situations and I kind

0:39:41.680 --> 0:39:42.239
<v Speaker 5>of bring them in.

0:39:42.880 --> 0:39:45.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Okay, Well I can tell by everything you're saying

0:39:45.960 --> 0:39:48.960
<v Speaker 2>that this is like textbook trauma. You believe that this

0:39:49.040 --> 0:39:51.360
<v Speaker 2>is you deserve this and that you can fix people.

0:39:51.400 --> 0:39:53.080
<v Speaker 2>Then that this is good enough for you, and that's

0:39:53.120 --> 0:39:55.680
<v Speaker 2>not good enough for you, and what you're in charge

0:39:55.719 --> 0:39:58.399
<v Speaker 2>of is changing the narrative of your own story. You're

0:39:58.440 --> 0:40:00.480
<v Speaker 2>the only person in the world that can and say

0:40:01.080 --> 0:40:03.560
<v Speaker 2>this is beneath me. I am no longer settling for this,

0:40:03.800 --> 0:40:05.560
<v Speaker 2>like no one else can do that for you. So

0:40:05.680 --> 0:40:08.960
<v Speaker 2>until you're ready to make that decision and that declaration

0:40:09.120 --> 0:40:12.719
<v Speaker 2>to yourself and to the entire world, then you're going

0:40:12.760 --> 0:40:15.680
<v Speaker 2>to keep bringing these people into your life. You have

0:40:15.760 --> 0:40:19.040
<v Speaker 2>the ability to stop this. It does not have power

0:40:19.080 --> 0:40:20.160
<v Speaker 2>over you. It does not.

0:40:20.760 --> 0:40:24.040
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, with the most recent relationship, I did end it.

0:40:24.160 --> 0:40:26.520
<v Speaker 5>He's still, you know, harassing me here there. But for

0:40:26.560 --> 0:40:29.640
<v Speaker 5>the most part I'm away from it, and I'm being

0:40:29.640 --> 0:40:31.520
<v Speaker 5>more protective of my energy who I give it to,

0:40:31.640 --> 0:40:35.040
<v Speaker 5>who's around me, and just trying to be observant that

0:40:35.080 --> 0:40:38.719
<v Speaker 5>I don't again court that same energy to me. And

0:40:38.880 --> 0:40:41.279
<v Speaker 5>listening to podcasts like this and some other resources I've

0:40:41.280 --> 0:40:43.960
<v Speaker 5>been using is kind of getting me to that headspace

0:40:44.000 --> 0:40:47.240
<v Speaker 5>where I can maybe be a little more defensive without

0:40:47.239 --> 0:40:49.520
<v Speaker 5>giving up my belief that you know, we should bet.

0:40:49.719 --> 0:40:51.400
<v Speaker 2>You don't have to think of it as a negative.

0:40:51.480 --> 0:40:54.120
<v Speaker 2>Those two things aren't mutually exclusive, is what I'm trying

0:40:54.120 --> 0:40:56.600
<v Speaker 2>to say. You can hold all of that in a

0:40:56.719 --> 0:40:59.480
<v Speaker 2>very positive light. It's not like you're rejecting people. You're

0:40:59.480 --> 0:41:02.480
<v Speaker 2>a protect yourself. You don't have to think of it

0:41:02.520 --> 0:41:05.440
<v Speaker 2>as a rejection or as a defense mechanism. It's a

0:41:05.600 --> 0:41:08.839
<v Speaker 2>self preservation as self protection, something that you haven't been

0:41:08.880 --> 0:41:11.879
<v Speaker 2>practicing your entire life because of something that you had

0:41:11.880 --> 0:41:13.920
<v Speaker 2>no control over that happened to you as a child.

0:41:14.239 --> 0:41:16.719
<v Speaker 2>But the difference here is you're an adult now, you

0:41:16.800 --> 0:41:19.719
<v Speaker 2>have all the control, and you're choosing to still set

0:41:19.800 --> 0:41:23.399
<v Speaker 2>up situations that are emblematic of your childhood. So it's

0:41:23.440 --> 0:41:25.440
<v Speaker 2>so much simpler than you even think it is, and

0:41:25.480 --> 0:41:27.880
<v Speaker 2>it's so much easier for somebody like an outsider to

0:41:28.239 --> 0:41:31.080
<v Speaker 2>point it out to you. Right, So I just want

0:41:31.120 --> 0:41:33.839
<v Speaker 2>you to have clarity about how easy this can be

0:41:33.920 --> 0:41:36.760
<v Speaker 2>once you, like really make the decision that you're done.

0:41:36.920 --> 0:41:38.279
<v Speaker 2>And it sounds like you already have.

0:41:39.280 --> 0:41:41.880
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, you know, like I said, that relationship's over, I

0:41:41.920 --> 0:41:43.879
<v Speaker 5>still feel for these people, you know, and I wish

0:41:43.920 --> 0:41:45.560
<v Speaker 5>them ill. I want them to meet the most successful

0:41:45.560 --> 0:41:47.680
<v Speaker 5>people on the planet just over there, you know, away

0:41:47.719 --> 0:41:50.120
<v Speaker 5>from me. And you know, when I left this person,

0:41:50.120 --> 0:41:51.480
<v Speaker 5>I said, look, I got to look out for me.

0:41:51.480 --> 0:41:53.560
<v Speaker 5>I got to protect myself because I was getting to

0:41:53.760 --> 0:41:56.680
<v Speaker 5>a really kind of dangerous space, Like it was just

0:41:56.880 --> 0:41:59.200
<v Speaker 5>very stressful. I was constantly like fight or flight. I

0:41:59.200 --> 0:42:00.799
<v Speaker 5>couldn't sleep because I'm like, is it going to come

0:42:00.840 --> 0:42:04.280
<v Speaker 5>into the bedroom and cause a scene or do something drastic.

0:42:04.320 --> 0:42:06.840
<v Speaker 5>So but now I'm in my own place, my own space,

0:42:07.120 --> 0:42:10.719
<v Speaker 5>and just trying to focus. As you said, I'm protecting myself.

0:42:11.040 --> 0:42:12.480
<v Speaker 5>But just you know, I don't want to lose that

0:42:12.520 --> 0:42:13.480
<v Speaker 5>empathy for the people.

0:42:13.800 --> 0:42:16.200
<v Speaker 2>You're not going to lose that. You don't lose that stuff.

0:42:16.239 --> 0:42:18.279
<v Speaker 2>That stuff is ingrained in you. You know, you either

0:42:18.320 --> 0:42:21.160
<v Speaker 2>have empathy and you don't. I mean, you can gain

0:42:21.200 --> 0:42:23.200
<v Speaker 2>empathy if you don't have it, you can practice it.

0:42:23.239 --> 0:42:25.520
<v Speaker 2>I've done that, But you don't lose what you have,

0:42:25.719 --> 0:42:29.240
<v Speaker 2>Like that's a natural gift. Most people have it, some don't.

0:42:29.400 --> 0:42:33.560
<v Speaker 2>But you know, that's a separate conversation. But I believe

0:42:33.600 --> 0:42:36.280
<v Speaker 2>in you. I believe that you can totally make these changes.

0:42:36.400 --> 0:42:39.200
<v Speaker 2>I know you can because you're thinking about it and

0:42:39.600 --> 0:42:42.480
<v Speaker 2>you don't have to be worried about you know, these

0:42:42.560 --> 0:42:44.960
<v Speaker 2>kinds of people coming into your life. You know how

0:42:44.960 --> 0:42:47.840
<v Speaker 2>to recognize it right away. Like you have a huge

0:42:47.880 --> 0:42:52.200
<v Speaker 2>advantage and it's not a rejection. It's a protection. Just

0:42:52.239 --> 0:42:54.959
<v Speaker 2>put a positive word to every negative word you're thinking,

0:42:54.960 --> 0:42:57.640
<v Speaker 2>because there always is one and it's usually the opposite.

0:42:58.239 --> 0:43:00.279
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And you don't have to think of empathy as

0:43:00.320 --> 0:43:03.239
<v Speaker 1>like this thing you're going to lose. The truth is

0:43:03.280 --> 0:43:05.600
<v Speaker 1>like there are red flags, there are orange flags, there

0:43:05.600 --> 0:43:08.839
<v Speaker 1>are yellow flags. So as you move forward.

0:43:08.520 --> 0:43:11.680
<v Speaker 2>Trying to a purple, I'm blue and green. Yeah.

0:43:11.880 --> 0:43:14.480
<v Speaker 1>But just because you have empathy for someone doesn't mean

0:43:14.480 --> 0:43:17.880
<v Speaker 1>you need to let them into your innermost being or

0:43:17.920 --> 0:43:21.240
<v Speaker 1>you're checking account or or your life or your life

0:43:21.320 --> 0:43:24.400
<v Speaker 1>or any of those other things. Like Chelsea said, protecting

0:43:24.400 --> 0:43:27.799
<v Speaker 1>your energy and recognizing like, oh this person is showing

0:43:27.840 --> 0:43:30.480
<v Speaker 1>me red flags that means they're not a good partner

0:43:30.520 --> 0:43:32.440
<v Speaker 1>for me, but like I can still be friends with

0:43:32.480 --> 0:43:35.440
<v Speaker 1>them whatever. But seeing like some yellow flags like that

0:43:35.520 --> 0:43:38.440
<v Speaker 1>might be okay. It just depends on what that is

0:43:38.480 --> 0:43:41.320
<v Speaker 1>for you. But also knowing like you have a history

0:43:41.360 --> 0:43:44.040
<v Speaker 1>of being okay with those red flags coming into your space.

0:43:44.320 --> 0:43:46.200
<v Speaker 5>That's part of that acceptance. You know, I accept the

0:43:46.239 --> 0:43:48.879
<v Speaker 5>people as they are, And I'm good at compartmentalizing things

0:43:48.920 --> 0:43:50.120
<v Speaker 5>because I think I did that as a kid. It

0:43:50.120 --> 0:43:52.160
<v Speaker 5>compartmentalized on my dad beat my mom, but he also

0:43:52.239 --> 0:43:54.920
<v Speaker 5>loves me, So how do I resolve that? So when

0:43:54.960 --> 0:43:56.879
<v Speaker 5>a person's terrible to me, I'm like, well, but they're

0:43:56.880 --> 0:43:58.880
<v Speaker 5>really sweet here, so I'll just put this away and

0:43:58.920 --> 0:44:02.359
<v Speaker 5>I'll fix it later or we'll work on that. But yeah, now,

0:44:02.400 --> 0:44:04.719
<v Speaker 5>I mean, after you know, eighteen years of this, I

0:44:04.760 --> 0:44:09.880
<v Speaker 5>think I'm done hopefully, But yeah, I think that the

0:44:09.960 --> 0:44:11.759
<v Speaker 5>key is I just didn't want to just be so

0:44:11.840 --> 0:44:14.279
<v Speaker 5>cold and just like shut it all off, but kind

0:44:14.280 --> 0:44:17.279
<v Speaker 5>of bouncing it better, not giving it away and you know,

0:44:17.360 --> 0:44:18.160
<v Speaker 5>losing that part of me.

0:44:18.239 --> 0:44:20.560
<v Speaker 2>But also like you're the conductor. It's not up to

0:44:20.600 --> 0:44:22.759
<v Speaker 2>other people, It's up to you. So it's easy when

0:44:22.800 --> 0:44:26.120
<v Speaker 2>you're in charge to you know that, like, Okay, I'm

0:44:26.160 --> 0:44:29.520
<v Speaker 2>the one who who's making these decisions ultimately to allow

0:44:29.560 --> 0:44:32.160
<v Speaker 2>these people into your lives. So it's not like, you know,

0:44:32.200 --> 0:44:34.080
<v Speaker 2>you have to defer to somebody else or you have

0:44:34.120 --> 0:44:37.040
<v Speaker 2>a partner that you're who's doing this. It's you, so

0:44:37.200 --> 0:44:38.400
<v Speaker 2>even and easier to fix.

0:44:38.719 --> 0:44:41.960
<v Speaker 1>I wonder if there is an opportunity here because you

0:44:42.040 --> 0:44:43.920
<v Speaker 1>are continually attracted to these people who are.

0:44:43.880 --> 0:44:46.080
<v Speaker 2>Horrible, You're gone to read that book attached also that

0:44:46.200 --> 0:44:48.560
<v Speaker 2>talks all about these kinds of unhealthy attachments. Have you

0:44:48.600 --> 0:44:48.880
<v Speaker 2>read that?

0:44:49.320 --> 0:44:51.280
<v Speaker 5>I got it on my audio read.

0:44:51.120 --> 0:44:52.399
<v Speaker 2>It started today.

0:44:52.480 --> 0:44:55.120
<v Speaker 1>Please there might be a way to bring in some reinforcements,

0:44:55.160 --> 0:44:57.399
<v Speaker 1>whether that's the friend who's been telling you for years

0:44:57.440 --> 0:44:59.600
<v Speaker 1>that this guy's bad for you, he's awful for you,

0:45:00.120 --> 0:45:02.960
<v Speaker 1>way bringing in a friend, bringing in a therapist to

0:45:03.000 --> 0:45:05.839
<v Speaker 1>be like, Okay, here's what I'm experiencing in this new relationship.

0:45:05.960 --> 0:45:08.120
<v Speaker 1>Is this actually healthy? Is this something I should move

0:45:08.120 --> 0:45:10.560
<v Speaker 1>toward or cut off right now or move into the

0:45:10.560 --> 0:45:11.480
<v Speaker 1>friend zone right now?

0:45:12.320 --> 0:45:15.239
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, my company has some resources for therapy that I'm

0:45:15.280 --> 0:45:17.600
<v Speaker 5>going to, you know, look into, because it's just unaccepted.

0:45:17.640 --> 0:45:19.840
<v Speaker 5>I can't do it anymore. Like, I mean, it's just

0:45:19.840 --> 0:45:21.680
<v Speaker 5>been too long, you know, at my age, I don't

0:45:21.680 --> 0:45:23.960
<v Speaker 5>want to have another one of these pop ups. So yeah,

0:45:24.000 --> 0:45:27.600
<v Speaker 5>I definitely want to focus on making that not happen again.

0:45:28.239 --> 0:45:31.920
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, and they're not your responsibility, you know, these

0:45:32.320 --> 0:45:33.640
<v Speaker 1>these other people in the relationship.

0:45:33.920 --> 0:45:36.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Ramone, go get your act together. I've got faith

0:45:36.400 --> 0:45:36.719
<v Speaker 2>in you.

0:45:37.440 --> 0:45:40.200
<v Speaker 5>Thank you. And like I said this podcast, actually when

0:45:40.320 --> 0:45:43.240
<v Speaker 5>I was in the darkest times with this person, helped

0:45:43.239 --> 0:45:46.480
<v Speaker 5>me get away from it because these conversations that you

0:45:46.520 --> 0:45:48.960
<v Speaker 5>have with people and the people you have calling in.

0:45:49.280 --> 0:45:50.640
<v Speaker 5>It really did help me a lot.

0:45:50.920 --> 0:45:52.080
<v Speaker 2>Thank you. I'd love to hear that.

0:45:52.400 --> 0:45:52.680
<v Speaker 3>All right.

0:45:52.719 --> 0:45:56.680
<v Speaker 1>Well, thanks for calling in ramone.

0:45:57.280 --> 0:45:57.920
<v Speaker 5>Thank you guys.

0:45:59.320 --> 0:46:00.640
<v Speaker 3>Jesus.

0:46:01.040 --> 0:46:06.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, lots of serious you got down your business. We're

0:46:06.520 --> 0:46:09.000
<v Speaker 2>running a medical practice here. This is serious ship.

0:46:09.680 --> 0:46:11.920
<v Speaker 3>I know you're doctors.

0:46:12.360 --> 0:46:15.640
<v Speaker 2>Everyone needs a self esteem boost, everybody. Everybody needs like

0:46:15.680 --> 0:46:18.040
<v Speaker 2>an injection of self esteem every morning.

0:46:18.920 --> 0:46:21.560
<v Speaker 3>It is really true. I think we could all use that.

0:46:21.680 --> 0:46:23.440
<v Speaker 2>I know, I wish I knew what that could be.

0:46:24.400 --> 0:46:25.680
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I feel like you come in the room

0:46:25.680 --> 0:46:28.440
<v Speaker 1>and it's an injection of self esteem. It's just like

0:46:28.440 --> 0:46:30.839
<v Speaker 1>like you give that to yourself in the morning because

0:46:30.880 --> 0:46:32.839
<v Speaker 1>you come in the room and it's just like here,

0:46:32.880 --> 0:46:36.360
<v Speaker 1>I am, I'm present. I don't know. It's big energy

0:46:36.400 --> 0:46:37.120
<v Speaker 1>in a good way.

0:46:37.239 --> 0:46:40.960
<v Speaker 2>Thank you. I appreciate that you are good energy. Andrew.

0:46:41.239 --> 0:46:45.719
<v Speaker 2>I think let's take a quick break. Okay, Oh my god,

0:46:46.080 --> 0:46:50.680
<v Speaker 2>you you always interrupt the breaks, Andrew, God, there's so long. Okay,

0:46:50.800 --> 0:46:52.719
<v Speaker 2>We're going to take a quick break. Andrew's not going

0:46:52.760 --> 0:46:59.080
<v Speaker 2>to say anything, and then we'll be right back and

0:46:59.080 --> 0:46:59.600
<v Speaker 2>we're back.

0:46:59.840 --> 0:47:02.359
<v Speaker 1>We are back. This one should be an easy one.

0:47:02.360 --> 0:47:07.360
<v Speaker 1>For Andrew. I'm back, I'm back, He's back. Dear Chelsea,

0:47:07.480 --> 0:47:10.439
<v Speaker 1>I'm forty one and my boyfriend is twenty six. We

0:47:10.440 --> 0:47:14.120
<v Speaker 1>met almost two years ago and he was super inexperienced sexually.

0:47:14.680 --> 0:47:17.319
<v Speaker 1>When we met, we agreed we'd have an open relationship,

0:47:17.360 --> 0:47:20.359
<v Speaker 1>but so far we've been monogamous. Our sex is very

0:47:20.400 --> 0:47:23.640
<v Speaker 1>regular but incredibly vanilla. I've tried to spice it up,

0:47:23.680 --> 0:47:26.399
<v Speaker 1>but it's been met with very little enthusiasm. I feel

0:47:26.440 --> 0:47:29.479
<v Speaker 1>like he needs to experience more dick, a variety of dick.

0:47:29.880 --> 0:47:32.040
<v Speaker 1>The thing is, I get anxiety when I think about

0:47:32.040 --> 0:47:34.319
<v Speaker 1>opening him up to others, but I really think it's

0:47:34.320 --> 0:47:37.680
<v Speaker 1>time to bring this up. What's your advice for go

0:47:37.800 --> 0:47:40.520
<v Speaker 1>out and get some dick? What's your advice for getting

0:47:40.520 --> 0:47:43.840
<v Speaker 1>myself comfortable and accepting that this young guy deserves my

0:47:43.880 --> 0:47:51.440
<v Speaker 1>permission for more penetration? Robert Andrew, Robert Robert No.

0:47:51.440 --> 0:47:55.520
<v Speaker 3>No, he's forty one and his boyfriend is twenty six.

0:47:55.719 --> 0:47:58.400
<v Speaker 1>Yes, and they've been talked together since his everyone was

0:47:58.400 --> 0:47:58.839
<v Speaker 1>twenty four.

0:47:59.640 --> 0:48:03.080
<v Speaker 3>No, get no, let him go, set him.

0:48:03.000 --> 0:48:07.160
<v Speaker 1>Free, like totally go yeah or a little bit who cares?

0:48:07.280 --> 0:48:09.680
<v Speaker 2>Just let yeah, he let him? I mean, you can't

0:48:09.680 --> 0:48:12.520
<v Speaker 2>force him to go get Dick. No, but you can

0:48:12.719 --> 0:48:13.759
<v Speaker 2>make the suggestion.

0:48:14.520 --> 0:48:17.440
<v Speaker 3>Yes, No, let him go, Robert, let him go.

0:48:17.800 --> 0:48:19.920
<v Speaker 2>Everyone needs to sew their oats. I really am a

0:48:19.920 --> 0:48:22.319
<v Speaker 2>firm believer of that. I mean, how do you know

0:48:22.400 --> 0:48:25.600
<v Speaker 2>what you like unless you try tons of different things.

0:48:25.960 --> 0:48:28.520
<v Speaker 3>Yes, you do a bunch of different stuff and then

0:48:28.680 --> 0:48:31.719
<v Speaker 3>figure it out. No, Robert, let him go.

0:48:32.200 --> 0:48:34.200
<v Speaker 2>How old were you when you lost your virginity? Andrew?

0:48:35.160 --> 0:48:37.000
<v Speaker 3>I was sixteen?

0:48:37.760 --> 0:48:42.360
<v Speaker 1>Are you gold star that? I'm a gold start woman?

0:48:45.080 --> 0:48:46.880
<v Speaker 3>Gold star? But not platinum?

0:48:47.440 --> 0:48:48.600
<v Speaker 1>Oh wait, what's platinum?

0:48:49.120 --> 0:48:50.400
<v Speaker 3>Born via C section?

0:48:53.440 --> 0:48:55.800
<v Speaker 2>So never touched him, touched a vagina?

0:48:56.120 --> 0:48:56.440
<v Speaker 1>Got it?

0:48:57.480 --> 0:48:58.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm good enough.

0:48:58.400 --> 0:49:01.640
<v Speaker 1>Platinum, okay, fantastic.

0:49:01.719 --> 0:49:06.160
<v Speaker 2>What's better than the platinum? Anything? No, I mean I

0:49:06.200 --> 0:49:08.440
<v Speaker 2>don't know there weren't father, If your mother was a

0:49:08.480 --> 0:49:12.120
<v Speaker 2>father and you never were even inside a woman's body? Well, no,

0:49:12.239 --> 0:49:15.120
<v Speaker 2>that because you have to Well no, I have to

0:49:15.120 --> 0:49:15.879
<v Speaker 2>take that one through.

0:49:16.880 --> 0:49:18.799
<v Speaker 3>Workshop it, workshop it, I will.

0:49:18.800 --> 0:49:20.760
<v Speaker 2>I'll continue to workshop it. I'm sure it won't offend

0:49:20.800 --> 0:49:26.280
<v Speaker 2>anybody me questioning. Right, Well, we're ready to wrap it up, Andrew,

0:49:26.320 --> 0:49:28.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to encourage everybody to get your book.

0:49:28.760 --> 0:49:31.040
<v Speaker 3>Well, thank you so much. And I can't thank you

0:49:31.160 --> 0:49:36.280
<v Speaker 3>enough for having me again, huge, huge fan, first time caller,

0:49:37.239 --> 0:49:40.800
<v Speaker 3>but longtime listener, and man, no man, am I a

0:49:40.920 --> 0:49:43.640
<v Speaker 3>fan of yours And I'm so happy to meet you.

0:49:43.880 --> 0:49:45.719
<v Speaker 2>Thanks, honey, it's so nice to meet you.

0:49:46.160 --> 0:49:49.400
<v Speaker 3>We can end with that something, of course.

0:49:49.840 --> 0:49:52.000
<v Speaker 2>Wait, make sure you guys all get a copy of

0:49:52.080 --> 0:49:54.759
<v Speaker 2>Uncle of the Year. That's his second book, andrew second book.

0:49:54.760 --> 0:49:58.200
<v Speaker 2>Congratulations on the publication. It's very funny. Everybody grab a

0:49:58.239 --> 0:50:00.200
<v Speaker 2>copy and read it. You're going to love it.

0:50:00.280 --> 0:50:02.719
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, no problem, have a great.

0:50:02.560 --> 0:50:06.840
<v Speaker 3>Day, Thank you, bye bye.

0:50:07.600 --> 0:50:10.320
<v Speaker 2>And I have just announced new stand updates for my

0:50:10.360 --> 0:50:11.360
<v Speaker 2>Little Big Bitch tour.

0:50:11.400 --> 0:50:11.720
<v Speaker 3>Guys.

0:50:11.760 --> 0:50:15.319
<v Speaker 2>I announced twenty five new cities. These are probably a

0:50:15.360 --> 0:50:18.200
<v Speaker 2>lot of the cities people have been mentioning in the comments.

0:50:18.760 --> 0:50:20.440
<v Speaker 2>I start out in East Hampton.

0:50:20.680 --> 0:50:21.680
<v Speaker 1>I go to New York, d C.

0:50:21.920 --> 0:50:27.360
<v Speaker 2>During North Carolina, LA, Phoenix, Cleveland, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Chicago, Madison, Portland,

0:50:27.680 --> 0:50:30.960
<v Speaker 2>to name just some. I will be performing at the

0:50:31.000 --> 0:50:34.919
<v Speaker 2>Kennedy Center, everybody that's in DC October sixth. I'm super

0:50:34.960 --> 0:50:36.240
<v Speaker 2>psyched to be performing there.

0:50:36.440 --> 0:50:36.720
<v Speaker 1>Also.

0:50:36.920 --> 0:50:40.360
<v Speaker 2>I just outed second shows in New York, DC, Seattle,

0:50:40.480 --> 0:50:44.439
<v Speaker 2>and San Francisco. There are more I have dates coming

0:50:44.520 --> 0:50:47.280
<v Speaker 2>up for the next three months and then more dates

0:50:47.280 --> 0:50:49.480
<v Speaker 2>coming up in the fall. So those have all been announced.

0:50:49.480 --> 0:50:51.200
<v Speaker 1>They're on my Instagram page, or you can go to

0:50:51.280 --> 0:50:54.600
<v Speaker 1>Chelsea Hamma dot com. Thank you. If you'd like advice

0:50:54.600 --> 0:50:57.800
<v Speaker 1>from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast

0:50:57.840 --> 0:51:00.000
<v Speaker 1>at gmail dot com and be sure to include your

0:51:00.040 --> 0:51:03.560
<v Speaker 1>phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad

0:51:03.600 --> 0:51:06.719
<v Speaker 1>Dickert executive producer Katherine Law and be sure to check

0:51:06.719 --> 0:51:12.480
<v Speaker 1>out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.