Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you claim and.
Speaker 3: Give us time and a terminol and gay a.
Speaker 2: We want to send you off InStyle.
Speaker 3: We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all
Speaker 3: about it.
Speaker 2: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: Porn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need.
Speaker 1: With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: My name is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 2: My name is Karen Colgara.
Speaker 1: Never said my name is I know what am I? Eminem?
Speaker 2: But here's the hi? What who my names?
Speaker 1: Fairbanks?
Speaker 3: Remember the power of Eminem At the time when he
Speaker 3: came out, it was a white doctor dre approved rapper.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, even the Beastie Boys didn't have that stamp.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 6: I would get excited when certain people would like the
Speaker 6: Beastie Boys, and then Eminem came along and.
Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, it's over, it's over, It's next level.
Speaker 1: Do I still like him though?
Speaker 2: Eminem?
Speaker 1: Yes? Like the question. Here's the thing he made me
Speaker 1: like spaghetti again. He really.
Speaker 3: Spaghetti is one of the funniest works. Uh barf or
Speaker 3: just eating straight off the plate.
Speaker 6: I am impressed with what he can do, but I
Speaker 6: never really liked him. And because he's like, oh, I'm
Speaker 6: super serious, and I get mad at me.
Speaker 3: He gets mad and then he loves to talk about
Speaker 3: beating and killing his ex partner, right, which I don't
Speaker 3: love in terms of feeling really like a.
Speaker 1: Reasonable He's got beating and killing ex partner lyrics.
Speaker 3: Yep, wow, several And I'm not a fan and I
Speaker 3: know that, so get with it.
Speaker 1: Well. I like when he is mean to Ray Romano
Speaker 1: in whatever.
Speaker 2: Movie that was Welcome to Mooseport.
Speaker 6: No, yeah, he was in several seasons of Northern exposure.
Speaker 1: Welcome to News. Okay, Yeah, I know you're.
Speaker 2: Talking about classic Ray Romano film.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's what everyone that was on the tip of
Speaker 1: everyone's tongue.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's kind of the movie people love to talk about,
Speaker 3: Welcome to Mooseport.
Speaker 2: What else is anything going on?
Speaker 1: Uh? With my body? I'm glad you asked.
Speaker 6: I am riddled with unbridled pain and I do not
Speaker 6: know why I can go skateboarding now I can fall
Speaker 6: on my face hip I went bowling for five games,
Speaker 6: and now I walk like John.
Speaker 1: Wayne with heel implants. Did you know that's why he limped?
Speaker 6: He was self conscious, but that he wasn't tall and
Speaker 6: he put big wedges in his boots.
Speaker 1: Oh, and that's why John Wayne limped.
Speaker 3: You said, heel implants, which is a different thing than
Speaker 3: than putting lists alone.
Speaker 2: High heels in his own heels.
Speaker 1: Yes, they didn't make him yet. He just uses breasts
Speaker 1: put him.
Speaker 3: In his feet weird fifties points of breast, so it's
Speaker 3: very Whenever he walked on said, they'd be like, here
Speaker 3: comes jel Oh, but I'm kind of attracted to the
Speaker 3: bottom of his speed.
Speaker 2: Clear the set.
Speaker 1: So I can masturbate.
Speaker 2: To the Duke's. Everyone is a perv in the Hollywood.
Speaker 1: Oh god, aren't they?
Speaker 5: Though?
Speaker 2: What are we to start?
Speaker 1: I went bowling and I'm very sore. Both shouldered my
Speaker 1: hir I'm walking.
Speaker 3: I was going to say to you, is that you
Speaker 3: you talk about being in this physical pain? Sure, I
Speaker 3: am go on to then describe what is essentially an
Speaker 3: eighth grader's birthday party that you seem to need to
Speaker 3: participate in every weekend, Like, here's the thing anyone on.
Speaker 2: Our age, or I'll say your age and then up
Speaker 2: to my age. That's what's going to happen. Bowling is
Speaker 2: hard work.
Speaker 1: It is like a kettlebell workout. It is.
Speaker 6: And I was using a new heavy ball, like I'm
Speaker 6: actually trying to learn how to bowl where you spin
Speaker 6: it and uh so I got a real ball that's
Speaker 6: way to Yeah, it's lopsided.
Speaker 1: And it helps it spen.
Speaker 6: And i was starting to get the hang of it.
Speaker 6: So I'm like, let's bowl another game. Got first of all,
Speaker 6: I spent one hundred bucks on bowling.
Speaker 2: Member, it's not cheap when it was a quarter, No,
Speaker 2: it's never been a quarter.
Speaker 6: You jam your fingers in these municipal holes and then
Speaker 6: you go eat chicken wings with the same hand.
Speaker 5: Yeap.
Speaker 2: Then you go back and then you do some more.
Speaker 1: No, I go back to complain that I've worms.
Speaker 2: It is one of the dirtier pastime. It is.
Speaker 6: And my buddy Jim was like, everyone knows you eat
Speaker 6: with your left hand and bowl with your right.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, two hands. I forgot.
Speaker 6: Usually I wiped this onund in the cheese cloth and
Speaker 6: let it dangle uselessly.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Really, no one in my family knows this.
Speaker 3: It is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had a great time.
Speaker 6: I didn't bowl well because I'm trying to learn this
Speaker 6: new style, but I am so sore.
Speaker 7: And also it's been too Yeah. Also I have the
Speaker 7: fingers of the chicken feathers and yeah, so that's all
Speaker 7: I did limping around.
Speaker 2: That's good though.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I feel like after after forty, limping
Speaker 3: is a big part of life. Yeah, exactly, just as
Speaker 3: a it's a weekly occurrence.
Speaker 2: You can really look forward to it.
Speaker 6: I've just been bragging about being back at one hundred percent. Yeah,
Speaker 6: because I ran once and I've been able to sort
Speaker 6: of skateboard, but I went bowling and that that made
Speaker 6: me bed ridden.
Speaker 1: You can really laid in bed next day.
Speaker 3: Well that's fine, but I mean, like you can. You
Speaker 3: can be back one hundred percent, but still, like, have
Speaker 3: you impact your body?
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, it's it's there and it's happening. But a
Speaker 6: little ice. And how about you? You ready for your
Speaker 6: big tour?
Speaker 2: I am? I mean I did some.
Speaker 3: I did some my sport, which is light shopping at Macy's.
Speaker 3: Yeah no, and I'm very sore, but yeah, I mean
Speaker 3: I don't That's the thing is we we had it.
Speaker 3: We had it down to such a science at the
Speaker 3: beginning of the year, the touring that now when it
Speaker 3: comes up, I just I know how to pack the bag.
Speaker 3: I know that even though I want to take twenty things,
Speaker 3: I'm only going to wear three, Like I can kind
Speaker 3: of really do it pretty clean and clear cut. So
Speaker 3: and I've been slowly preparing so like I weeks ago
Speaker 3: sent away for the body shaper that I needed, and
Speaker 3: weeks ago got the crimper that actually keeps my hair
Speaker 3: full on stage.
Speaker 2: Right, it doesn't get flat.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all the different tricks, Yeah, show tricks I call, Yeah,
Speaker 3: of course stage stage craft and yeah, so I'm I'm
Speaker 3: definitely excited.
Speaker 1: Do you have a list?
Speaker 6: One night before I travel, I just decided I'm going
Speaker 6: to consult a list. Who I likedre bag? Well, you know,
Speaker 6: underwear usually all the underwear I possess. Now that's new
Speaker 6: I've got I bought on the road. Yeah, why to
Speaker 6: pack underwear when you can just come back with it?
Speaker 3: Well, and also I go to pack underwear and then
Speaker 3: go do I actually only have six working pair of underwear?
Speaker 3: Like if I go on a ten day trip, I'm
Speaker 3: already down four like, it's strange discovering that stuff about,
Speaker 3: like I will, I will wear underwear till I'm like,
Speaker 3: is this from the eighties?
Speaker 2: There's it's just yeah, I'm a grown woman.
Speaker 3: I should have nice underwear minimum at all times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a lot of. I have a lot of,
Speaker 1: you know, weekend underwear.
Speaker 2: Private.
Speaker 3: I call it the private collection, which means you're absolutely
Speaker 3: positive no one's ever going.
Speaker 2: To look at it.
Speaker 3: And that's the private collection that makes it sound fancy.
Speaker 3: You can make yourself feel better where it's actually like,
Speaker 3: I'm terribly alone with my private collection underwear.
Speaker 6: But look now on my website for my lonely reserve.
Speaker 6: You too can hold in the center of a butt
Speaker 6: cheek for no reason. What am I sitting on?
Speaker 1: Tax?
Speaker 2: What's happening?
Speaker 1: Why do I have buttholes?
Speaker 5: What is.
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: It's for script extrement, Yes, the main one.
Speaker 3: They're ugly, ugly, you're rearing their ugly rears.
Speaker 2: Come on, don't force me into it.
Speaker 1: You know I'm on board.
Speaker 6: We are in the midt, we're in the we're beginning
Speaker 6: another Q and A episode.
Speaker 1: Because they're fun.
Speaker 6: Yes, they spark new stories and they're interactive.
Speaker 3: And you guys get to have a say. What's what's
Speaker 3: more fun than that? In podcasting, where you never get
Speaker 3: to have a say in what you listen to? We
Speaker 3: say you do? Yeah, we say who else? Sound their
Speaker 3: promises that no one will talk to you about us?
Speaker 3: Come back to our thing. No one's left. They're listening.
Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, what am I saying? No, don't even get
Speaker 1: up for that sandwich.
Speaker 2: Don't get to put it down.
Speaker 1: It's too late.
Speaker 2: If you do any sandwich right this second, which one
Speaker 2: would it be?
Speaker 1: I'm starting this Q and ahl right now.
Speaker 2: Do you want me to answer yes?
Speaker 3: Because I just thought how delicious it would be to
Speaker 3: have a cream I love cream sandwiches, just heavy cream
Speaker 3: poured on wheat bread.
Speaker 1: Oh, just like during the famine.
Speaker 3: No, I was gonna say, a cheese sandwich, A plain
Speaker 3: cheese sandwich on bread, maybe with a couple of pickles
Speaker 3: on there.
Speaker 2: But it doesn't even have to be.
Speaker 1: And you're not scared of a tuna mel.
Speaker 2: I am hot tuna? No, thank you, No.
Speaker 1: That's I've seen you eat tuna in front of me.
Speaker 3: You've you've seen me eat tuna salad. I would never
Speaker 3: eat it heated up. Oh okay, so I'm a. I
Speaker 3: will enjoy it tuna salad sandwich, sure, but if it's heated,
Speaker 3: I will leave that restaurant.
Speaker 1: I like that. Just temperature can make it a salad.
Speaker 2: That's because that's all the different.
Speaker 3: I don't tuna with mayonnaise in it should never be heated.
Speaker 2: That's disgusting. It's disgusting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I suppose it is.
Speaker 6: If I really think about warm mayonnaise, you probably.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't like it.
Speaker 2: What's your sandwich, emergency sandwich?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but it is a tuna melt.
Speaker 6: Here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was trying to bring you over to the
Speaker 1: dark warm side.
Speaker 2: Sorry. I will not go to that fish side hot fish.
Speaker 1: And you know what when someone does there.
Speaker 6: I had a roommate and Ben, that used to steam
Speaker 6: his tuna just above the boiled water that was coming
Speaker 6: from the ramen that he is about to mix it in.
Speaker 1: Everyone complained about the smell.
Speaker 8: Of tuna, and I thought it was just, you know,
Speaker 8: reminded me of home, Ma, Mama, Mamay, cat foods sandwiches.
Speaker 2: That guy, okay, and a Cadillac SUV just peeled out
Speaker 2: from the light. That's some nerd shit. I'm sorry.
Speaker 6: Now they're going slow. Yeah, They're like, he just wants
Speaker 6: to make sure he still has it.
Speaker 3: He's like, look, I did buy a Tan per Lescent
Speaker 3: Cadillac SUV, but I'm young inside, is what he was.
Speaker 2: Just the message he was trying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh I've gone, I'm mid block. Now, let's get old.
Speaker 2: Let's let's calm it down. There's a crosswalk right up
Speaker 2: here by Cheetahs strip club. Let's calmet, Darryl.
Speaker 1: You don't want to run over some lady of the
Speaker 1: night's child.
Speaker 2: Please, No, I can know what I mean.
Speaker 1: The entertainer of the.
Speaker 3: Ignorant, Yes, entertainer of the year usually because that is
Speaker 3: a grit. One of the better strip clubs.
Speaker 1: Oh god, it's with great establishment. They shoot Comedy Central
Speaker 1: things there.
Speaker 6: Of course, the storytelling things happen on the strippery catwalk well, because.
Speaker 3: Comedians love the idea, yeah, that they can quote unquote
Speaker 3: get a stripper, right, which is like, I think kind
Speaker 3: of ironic.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, I think it's funny when anyone tries to
Speaker 6: connect comedy with sex having in any way.
Speaker 2: And also just that the reflection would be like, you're
Speaker 2: so sexy.
Speaker 3: You told these stupid, fucking self indulgent jokes that's that
Speaker 3: a super hot woman who makes money being hot, she
Speaker 3: likes you like that is the most self kind of
Speaker 3: congratulatory bullshit of all the self congratulatory bullshit that comedy does.
Speaker 2: That's one of my least favorites.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's up there.
Speaker 2: And uh, there's a bunch of other stuff.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: There's mother layer out sexist bullshit that I don't like anyhow,
Speaker 3: Let's not get into it, Steve.
Speaker 2: Let's have a first question.
Speaker 9: The April Society says, you can hear the sound of
Speaker 9: the ice cream man's truck steadily approach it from.
Speaker 10: Down the street. You make it outside just in time
Speaker 10: to flag them down. What do you buy?
Speaker 6: See, I've had a joke about this where my mom
Speaker 6: said the ice cream man only plays music when they're
Speaker 6: out of ice cream, which is just silly.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 6: I thought that would be a good But I'm you know,
Speaker 6: I'm I'm boring when it comes to ice cream. Okay,
Speaker 6: I think that I will look for something that is
Speaker 6: kind of like a drumstick and anything vanilla dipped in
Speaker 6: any kind of chocolate, any nuts involved.
Speaker 1: That's what I go. That's what you like?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't go for these, you know, red, white
Speaker 6: and blue rocket.
Speaker 1: Pops or whatever.
Speaker 2: Oh, that one's good.
Speaker 1: I know, it's just not for me.
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean I'm with you in that.
Speaker 3: When there's choices between like fruit sour flavor and a
Speaker 3: chocolate y ice cream thing, yeah, I'll always also go
Speaker 3: for chocolate ice cream, but not vanilla coated in chocolate.
Speaker 2: That's not good enough for me. I need it to
Speaker 2: be chalked through and through.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm yeah, we differ there.
Speaker 6: I don't really have a sweet tooth or I've tried
Speaker 6: in Still it's in my mouth and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 6: you mean the best thing I've ever had in here,
Speaker 6: But I do crave often Snickers ice cream bars.
Speaker 2: Those things are amazing.
Speaker 6: I will go, I will go to a destiny, I
Speaker 6: will leave my house, I will get in my car
Speaker 6: to go purchase one.
Speaker 2: Well what's cool about those? Is they really?
Speaker 3: It is just like eating a Snickers, except for the
Speaker 3: nugat is now vanilla ice cream. Yeah, they designed it
Speaker 3: it like architecturally the same as a Snickers.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Have you always like Snickers but no one in
Speaker 1: the world, including you, likes nugat.
Speaker 6: Well, welcome to the world of vanilla ice cream melting
Speaker 6: in your mouth with each chocolatey bite Snickers.
Speaker 3: It is satisfying. And then this version is cold. But
Speaker 3: my answers would be fudgeacle. I think just if I
Speaker 3: had to do the quick thing. But really the truth
Speaker 3: of it is because the ice cream man that was
Speaker 3: in our friend's neighborhood. Because the ice cream man never
Speaker 3: came out as far as the neighborhood we lived in ever,
Speaker 3: So it only happened when we were at a friend's
Speaker 3: house and that ice cream man had had those real
Speaker 3: long red red ropes, remember the licorice ropes that were
Speaker 3: like six years long. He sold all kinds of candy
Speaker 3: as well as ice cream. So if I actually had like,
Speaker 3: you know, a dollar and could get whatever I wanted
Speaker 3: from within the one ice cream truck I'm thinking of,
Speaker 3: I would have gotten just regular candy.
Speaker 1: Oh so he had like a dry area.
Speaker 2: Yes, it wasn't all cream based treats.
Speaker 1: That only in Pedaloma, right, we had it all. It
Speaker 1: was a fantasy world.
Speaker 3: I had no idea how good I had it.
Speaker 1: Okay, if you want a few sorry.
Speaker 3: Paradise drive of two Pedaluma, they are all the longest
Speaker 3: lickor is there's nothing Tuma.
Speaker 1: Tuna. There's nothing tuna. They promised that.
Speaker 2: Chris will stop talking Abouttoona.
Speaker 4: I can't stop. I got tune of fever. Seriously, I'm
Speaker 4: hot hot fever. It stop, I'm breaking a sweat. I
Speaker 4: have hot tune of fever.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 9: Question two from RMD rmvder what's the biggest earthquake you've experienced?
Speaker 6: Oh, good question. Funnily enough, it was in Montana. That
Speaker 6: was the first one I remember. But I do recall
Speaker 6: all of the cupboards, like my cupboards hung down from
Speaker 6: the ceiling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, in my.
Speaker 6: Childhood home, and they were waving in a way that
Speaker 6: I didn't know wood could bend.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 6: And we have all these earthquakes now in Los Angele
Speaker 6: of course in Los Angeles and people are like, did
Speaker 6: you feel the seven point two? And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 6: kind of right. I mean I don't know if I'm
Speaker 6: just always in my car, yeah, but I nothing will
Speaker 6: stand out more than that earthquake in the I think
Speaker 6: late eighties in Missoula, Montana.
Speaker 1: If someone lives there, then I remember it was a
Speaker 1: big one. That's crazy. People talked about it and there's
Speaker 1: no fault line.
Speaker 3: Right, that's really scary because that's it doesn't happen there,
Speaker 3: Like that's like a tornado happening in California.
Speaker 2: You don't you wouldn't be prepared.
Speaker 6: I didn't want it to happen there, knowing what I
Speaker 6: know about play tectonics there. Yellowstone Park essentially is a
Speaker 6: giant flat volcano.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know, ready to go.
Speaker 6: You don't want to poke that with a stick. You
Speaker 6: also don't want to jump off after your dog if
Speaker 6: your dog.
Speaker 1: Jumps into one of those calderas.
Speaker 11: Yeah, calderas, thank you, You're welcome with us with them,
Speaker 11: because there's one that's about to go.
Speaker 3: They're like, they're like, there's this one that when it goes,
Speaker 3: it's over for everybody.
Speaker 6: You know what if that's how we go what? I
Speaker 6: talk about this a lot, but you know the way
Speaker 6: things are going right now. If it's a called era, Oh,
Speaker 6: let it be a called just a wave pouring on
Speaker 6: me with houses, neighbors, houses landing on me, I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 6: thank god.
Speaker 3: It's just this, yeah, as opposed to what we all
Speaker 3: fear every g D day.
Speaker 1: Of our lives. Yeah, yeah, and we know the rock's
Speaker 1: going to sweep in and save us.
Speaker 3: I guess the biggest earthquake I've been in aside from
Speaker 3: that film, that great film. Was it fault Line? I
Speaker 3: think so or something like that.
Speaker 6: Like the backup, everyone dies except the Rock and his family.
Speaker 6: I think, yeah, that's right, people won't mind. Yeah, I
Speaker 6: died and I saw my neighborhood. I know I'm dead
Speaker 6: in this movie, Well, too.
Speaker 3: Bad, and the Rock lives and so do other beautiful
Speaker 3: people with insane proportions.
Speaker 1: I still look for my name in the credits.
Speaker 3: I get nervous during that movie because the Rock goes
Speaker 3: to save his daughter, who is so uh. She's the
Speaker 3: girl from the first season of True Detective that has
Speaker 3: the affair with Woody Harrelson. Oh wow, is a technically
Speaker 3: super hot gal.
Speaker 1: She's very naked in that movie. I seem to sort
Speaker 1: of recall.
Speaker 3: I mean, right in the corner of your mind in
Speaker 3: in San Andreas, when the Rock goes to rescue her.
Speaker 2: I'm like, they're going to get together, and that's real.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I was nervous about it, except he's I think he's
Speaker 6: a focused, asexual man.
Speaker 1: I think he just has a slander.
Speaker 2: Yeah, focus, you.
Speaker 6: Don't wear a black fanny pack and a black turtleneck together.
Speaker 2: Oh I love that picture of him.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Well that's because it's a non threat for everyone, for
Speaker 6: everyone except for theater majors.
Speaker 2: Like he's going to get the part instead of me.
Speaker 1: Look at that unshakable confidence.
Speaker 2: It's a triple threat.
Speaker 3: Turtleneck, fanny pack, pleated jeans.
Speaker 2: He had it all in that picture.
Speaker 3: So here's my great story of being a native Californian
Speaker 3: for the big earthquake. The big one then happened in
Speaker 3: nineteen eighty nine. I was in Sacramento. So it happened
Speaker 3: in San Francisco.
Speaker 1: That's the one where the Bay Bridge collapsed, yeah itself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And my father was still a working San
Speaker 3: Francisco fireman, and Pedalama felt it, but they felt it
Speaker 3: much much smaller, obviously than in the city.
Speaker 2: He was working San Francisco fireman.
Speaker 3: And then everybody called him, was like, are you going
Speaker 3: to go into the city, are you going.
Speaker 1: To go help?
Speaker 2: And my dad kept going, now, I'll wait till they
Speaker 2: call me.
Speaker 3: My dad did not do the thing that everyone talks
Speaker 3: about firemen doing in horrible situations, were like and then
Speaker 3: everyone was on duty and everybody showed up and pitched
Speaker 3: in My Dad was like, Nana, I'm gonna wait.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna wait and see what they say. He's just like,
Speaker 2: I'm not going in there.
Speaker 1: Well, so anyways, the fireman should be paid more.
Speaker 3: That's oh yeah, they're they're really suffering, those unionized firemen.
Speaker 2: But I was in Sacramento for that one, so that
Speaker 2: only was like.
Speaker 3: A weird wave feeling because sacrament is two hours away
Speaker 3: and it was like way out of the zone. Then
Speaker 3: I had I lived in San Francisco. I hadn't yet
Speaker 3: moved to LA for the ninety four earthquake, the big
Speaker 3: one in LA.
Speaker 2: I moved there a month later, so basically I have.
Speaker 3: And then I was in Hawaii for this last one
Speaker 3: in LA that was very recently.
Speaker 2: That was like seven point one. Sure, yeah, I was
Speaker 2: in Hawaii, So I've missed all the ones I was
Speaker 2: supposed to have hit.
Speaker 1: Wow, you're just saving up for the big one.
Speaker 3: Huh, I'm gonna I'm saving it for the Caldera baby.
Speaker 2: I'll show up for that. I'll be right on the rim,
Speaker 2: just a.
Speaker 6: Baby that rises from the boiling waters of the cold again.
Speaker 3: The lava baby will save me, soft little hands.
Speaker 5: Okay, next question, Okay, at super bon Bond eighty eight says,
Speaker 5: growing up, what celebrity posters did you have on your
Speaker 5: bedroom wall?
Speaker 2: Great question, amazing question.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: It's funny because I always tell people this. I had
Speaker 6: a I had walls dedicated to different skateboarders.
Speaker 1: My sister had Duran Duran walls that she had one
Speaker 1: for John.
Speaker 6: You know, and I Taylor, yeah yeah, and and I
Speaker 6: had one just dedicated to Jason Lee. Everyone knows him
Speaker 6: as the actor or the guy from my name is Earl,
Speaker 6: but he was one of the more innovative street skaters.
Speaker 1: Today's birthday, actually.
Speaker 6: Wow, yeah, yeah, super yeah, I am on dork. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 6: well it's everyone on Instagram is commending his history. He's
Speaker 6: still owns a skate company. Cool, he's kind of gone
Speaker 6: back to that world. But I, you know, when he
Speaker 6: is in Mall Rats and everything, I was like, how
Speaker 6: how is this happening? How is this skateboarder suddenly this
Speaker 6: actor person that it never happened.
Speaker 3: I I feel like I can answer, yes, he was,
Speaker 3: he is was and is just an absolutely beautiful man.
Speaker 3: Oh really, aside from being I mean, in my opinion, aside.
Speaker 2: From being talented. So obviously he's like a good, you know, athlete,
Speaker 2: sport skateboarder guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like he's put together really nice.
Speaker 1: It's so funny because I just remember him from skate videos.
Speaker 6: I need, his hair seemed unwashed and like he was skilly,
Speaker 6: like he was one of the dirty or skaters. Yeah dirty,
Speaker 6: yeah yeah yeah wow. Well, I you know, I agree
Speaker 6: now that he's a handsome guy.
Speaker 2: He's a very handsome man. He's really nicely assembled.
Speaker 3: I had on my walls a poster of The Outsiders.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I mean because in the height of my
Speaker 3: poster time Duran Durant because I'm the same.
Speaker 1: Age as or So. Sure sure so.
Speaker 3: I also had Duran Durant that I had ripped out
Speaker 3: of teen Beat or Tiger Beat magazine. Sure sure, So
Speaker 3: they weren't really posters, they were pages of a magazine
Speaker 3: in mine.
Speaker 6: Yes, of course, they're all from Thrasher magazine. It was
Speaker 6: just right paper and stapled it to the Yeah, put
Speaker 6: some scotch tape up there. Ripped the paint down later.
Speaker 6: But I had The Outsiders.
Speaker 3: Then I had a super cool arty poster of James Dean,
Speaker 3: which was a strange early mid eighties trend of all
Speaker 3: of a sudden fifty stuff got repopular. Sure, so James
Speaker 3: Dean for some reason was a cool poster and I
Speaker 3: had it like we got frowning he It was basically
Speaker 3: an artist rendition of him from Reble without a Cause,
Speaker 3: where he's yeah, he's his brow is furrowed and just
Speaker 3: like looking on at Meming.
Speaker 6: He's supposed to be the coolest guy ever, but it
Speaker 6: seems like in every photo he won, he's loitering. He's
Speaker 6: not going into the cafe, he's just smoking outside. Yeah,
Speaker 6: with his Porsche park diagonally in the spot, like where
Speaker 6: are you going to learn to drive that thing?
Speaker 3: And then of course and then oh, ironically he heard it,
Speaker 3: well you know, yeah, so that's I think.
Speaker 2: Yeah, those were.
Speaker 3: My big Yeah, please let me put this up mom,
Speaker 3: and my mom going no.
Speaker 2: Take that down? Yeah. The War, the Forever War. Also
Speaker 2: one time, I think one of the first posters I
Speaker 2: ever put up, what's that? Hopefully just a bag?
Speaker 6: Please not a shiny cat?
Speaker 2: Sorry it was way a cat.
Speaker 1: Now Steven's gonna walk away with a limp. No.
Speaker 3: One of the first posters I ever put up from
Speaker 3: from Tiger Tiger Beat magazine was Sean Cassidy who was
Speaker 3: just the king of entertainment. When I was like seven
Speaker 3: years old. He was in the Hardy Boys TV show
Speaker 3: Sure with Parker Stevenson, and then he also then released
Speaker 3: an album.
Speaker 1: Maybe Stevenson's The Blonde Guy Parker Stevenson.
Speaker 3: He was later married to Kurse the Ali in the eighties, okay,
Speaker 3: and he Yeah, of the two, he was the older
Speaker 3: hardy boy and Shawn Castidy was the younger.
Speaker 1: Sure, always trying to solve what had happened in a lighthouse.
Speaker 3: Exactly every single week, and yet I had to tune in.
Speaker 3: But then he recorded this album and it was He's
Speaker 3: a really good singer, and so then we loved him
Speaker 3: even more for more reasons and we're more freaked out.
Speaker 3: And I remember one time my poster fell off the wall,
Speaker 3: like the tape failed or whatever, and so my mom
Speaker 3: was sweeping my room because I linoleum, and she started
Speaker 3: jokingly sweeping up the poster of Sean Casty and she goes,
Speaker 3: let me get rid of this hairless boy for you. Oh,
Speaker 3: that's hilarious, which I thought was gross because I'm like, ew,
Speaker 3: what do you mean they get hair on them?
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like, AIC's your mom suggesting you should have started
Speaker 6: to get into Harryman at that point.
Speaker 1: Yes, he doesn't even have a single back hair.
Speaker 2: This man is in no way a bear.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and she didn't like it anyway.
Speaker 6: Want my daughter seeing a full grown brunnie paper towel man.
Speaker 2: She had her tastes, Yeah, and I had mine.
Speaker 1: Oh lord, Yeah, all right?
Speaker 2: Next question, all.
Speaker 9: Right from Kylie Danger y'all asks what are the worst
Speaker 9: what are the worst weather conditions y'all have driven in m.
Speaker 6: I mean, I think back to growing up in Montana.
Speaker 6: We would drive to ski areas with snowboards bungee corded
Speaker 6: to the top of the car. One time the hood
Speaker 6: flew open we don't on one of my friend's shitty
Speaker 6: cars and bent over the snowboards on the and we
Speaker 6: still strapped it down and we couldn't see. We spun
Speaker 6: and landed in a snowbank. Everyone had two wheel drive
Speaker 6: cars like we were not. We all had four hundred
Speaker 6: dollar used cars.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I would drive in the most ice trucker.
Speaker 6: Like legit scary mountain passes going through Idaho or through
Speaker 6: Washington or in my teenage years, see your parents, I'm
Speaker 6: going on a road trip on these icy roads and
Speaker 6: they knew we'd be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so yeah
Speaker 6: all the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, nothing bad ever happened.
Speaker 3: Thank god. Yeah. My worst one was living in San Francisco.
Speaker 3: I had my dad's Volkswagen. Then he let me use
Speaker 3: that I like to call mine, but he would constantly
Speaker 3: remind me it was his. And so it was a
Speaker 3: seventy one bug and I was in the snow.
Speaker 2: Well and in the rain in San Francisco.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I one time was downtown trying to get home
Speaker 3: and I was by myself in this fucking stick.
Speaker 2: And I was on this hill that's I think it
Speaker 2: was Scott Street.
Speaker 3: I can't remember which street exactly, but it was basically
Speaker 3: right up the hill from it was where the the
Speaker 3: the San Francisco Academy.
Speaker 6: Of Art, Yeah, the Art Institute.
Speaker 2: The Art Institute. So it's right up the street from
Speaker 2: Union Square.
Speaker 3: And so basically if you're in Union Square in San Francisco,
Speaker 3: you're it's it's relatively flat.
Speaker 2: But if you go I think it would be.
Speaker 1: Like Lombard Northwest.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's it's this one of the steeper streets that
Speaker 3: it also has cable car tracks on it. So I
Speaker 3: was on the street it starts pouring rain, and I realized,
Speaker 3: when the light turns green, I am on like a
Speaker 3: forty five degree hill.
Speaker 1: Or more, I mean immediately behind.
Speaker 3: Yes, No, the car was smart enough, thank fucking God,
Speaker 3: to stop at the bottom of the hills. So when
Speaker 3: I went up and then the light turned red, they
Speaker 3: were three car lengths behind me right, And when the
Speaker 3: light turned green, I had the emergency break on.
Speaker 2: My dad had taught me. Yeah, all of this now,
Speaker 2: but it's still hard to do that.
Speaker 3: I had to ease the breakdown and then do the
Speaker 3: clutch gas and spun in the rain on the cable
Speaker 3: car tracks until I could get the traction to go forward.
Speaker 2: And if there was a car.
Speaker 3: Directly behind me, I would have hit it repeatedly. It
Speaker 3: was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do.
Speaker 3: And then I did it and got away with them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yes, it was pretty intense.
Speaker 6: Yeah, neither of us have ever Yeah, we defeated those roads.
Speaker 1: We have.
Speaker 3: I've also been in many car accidents caused by my
Speaker 3: own bad driving.
Speaker 1: You're a great driver. That surprises me, thank you. Yoh.
Speaker 2: Yeah. In the early days, I really couldn't wait to
Speaker 2: rear in something.
Speaker 1: Oh you were drunk.
Speaker 3: No duys though, thank fucking God. Yeah me either, Jesus
Speaker 3: God bless it.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: Okay, next question, have you ever gotten any dui?
Speaker 9: No from Karen Page, Colin asks or at Karen Page,
Speaker 9: Colin says, a favorite Christmas movie?
Speaker 6: And why, oh well, I'm gonna be boring, and because
Speaker 6: it's a tradition, we still sit down and watch. We
Speaker 6: both we watch It's a Wonderful Life, and we watch
Speaker 6: a Christmas story. It just there are other ones out there,
Speaker 6: but the one that no one has watched that I
Speaker 6: just love is called One Magic Christmas and has Mary
Speaker 6: Stein Virgin in it.
Speaker 1: Oh, and who's the.
Speaker 6: Guy that he passed away a couple of years ago. Uh,
Speaker 6: and he was kind of a folk singer and he
Speaker 6: is a very gaunt face, very tall.
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you. He's the Christmas Angel in it.
Speaker 6: And he was always kind of creepy in a way
Speaker 6: that later I watch it and I'm like, he's not
Speaker 6: creepy at all.
Speaker 1: What was I worried about?
Speaker 6: But it is a Christmas movie where she it's kind
Speaker 6: of like, uh, It's a Wonderful Life where she loses
Speaker 6: everything and sees what life would be without her kids.
Speaker 1: But her kids die, her kids and husband dying. This
Speaker 1: I'm gonna yeah.
Speaker 6: They launch off a bridge in icy water and she's sitting.
Speaker 6: It's a Disney movie. No, yeah, and back when they weren't,
Speaker 6: you know, making Star Wars and all this other scandalous,
Speaker 6: sinful shit and making you buy a new TV to
Speaker 6: watch it or whatever to help people.
Speaker 2: Doing God, that guy's hauling ass.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, well look at his legs. He's a specimen.
Speaker 6: Huh Wow, too early for that sweater though, really the
Speaker 6: same one. It's a horse card again, and it's a
Speaker 6: beauty he really is. Actually, can we talk to that guy?
Speaker 1: I want to borrow that.
Speaker 2: It can use a triple X and a horse sweater.
Speaker 6: But yeah, it's it's a very grim story, but then
Speaker 6: it has an amazing payoff. I really think One Magic
Speaker 6: Christmas is great, but it's it doesn't hold up. You
Speaker 6: watch it and you're like, what, No, you will be
Speaker 6: yelling at the TV. Am I really running this hot?
Speaker 6: Your window's clear in my side. It's like a transition lens.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's you. It's your breath, It's all your air.
Speaker 1: Okay, Karen, do I've had breath known that series?
Speaker 3: I've never smelled bad, brother, Okay, thank you, right, not
Speaker 3: in all the years.
Speaker 6: I'm a flosser and I'm a swasher and I'm a
Speaker 6: swisher sweet cigar smoker.
Speaker 1: It's not helping.
Speaker 3: Okay, Off of that recommendation, I'm just going to say,
Speaker 3: and I may have said this before on this show.
Speaker 2: I almost said on this fucking show, but for no reason.
Speaker 3: There's a movie called Dead of Winter starring I believe,
Speaker 3: and I'm ninety nine percent positive it's starring Mary Stein
Speaker 3: Virgin oh wow, and she It is one of the creepiest,
Speaker 3: scariest movies. That's so good, so crazy, very satisfying. If
Speaker 3: you like movies like that. Dead of Winter. It's from
Speaker 3: the late eighties.
Speaker 1: Maybe yeah, late eighties. I got to see it and
Speaker 1: it is.
Speaker 2: Very crazy, disturbing, good thriller movie.
Speaker 1: There's yeah. I love that.
Speaker 6: There was a movie called Black Christmas, which surprise is
Speaker 6: made by the guy who made a Christmas story that
Speaker 6: Bob I forget his name, The sweetest movie ever about
Speaker 6: you know, only a good thing, that Black Christmas. And
Speaker 6: there's a new one and I don't know if it's
Speaker 6: based on the old one, but I love scary Christmas movies.
Speaker 3: It's sorry, Mine is not scary. I mean, Mine's not
Speaker 3: a Christmas movie. I was just recommending it because it
Speaker 3: was Mary.
Speaker 1: Steinberg Okay, I thought Dead a Winter just reeks.
Speaker 12: Of being well, actually maybe it could be.
Speaker 1: It is Mary Steenburgen.
Speaker 10: Is it a Christmas movie?
Speaker 2: I can't say it's not a Christmas movie.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, yeah.
Speaker 9: A fledgling actress has learned to a remote mansion for
Speaker 9: a screen test, soon discovering.
Speaker 3: Don't because that's the beauty of this movie is you
Speaker 3: will be so shocked when you see what happens in
Speaker 3: this movie. It's really good. But I love Mary Steinburgen.
Speaker 3: My Christmas movie recommendation. The first movie that came to mind,
Speaker 3: even though we absolutely watch and rewatch Christmas Story every year,
Speaker 3: you just have to. It's what families do when they
Speaker 3: don't know what else to do with themselves.
Speaker 1: It's non stop scrolling on TBS. Yes, it's just.
Speaker 2: There for you.
Speaker 3: Yes, the first movie that came to mind, so I
Speaker 3: have to say it is The Family Stone, which is
Speaker 3: a kind of charming but also kind of obnoxious family
Speaker 3: Christmas movie. But there's first of all, Rachel McAdams is
Speaker 3: in it, who truly is one of my favorite actresses.
Speaker 3: That surprised me because normally a woman that pretty, that's
Speaker 3: an actress I would write off or want to but
Speaker 3: she is so good and compelling to watch on TV
Speaker 3: and everything I mean in everything I see her in.
Speaker 3: But the Family Stone, Okay, there's this thing where basically
Speaker 3: it's this family, the Stones, and it's there everyone's coming
Speaker 3: home for Christmas, all the adult children and Luke Wilson
Speaker 3: plays kind of the fuck up brother and the older
Speaker 3: brother Dermott Mulroney. His girlfriend Sarah Jessica Parker comes home
Speaker 3: for Christmas with him, and then Luke Wilson decides he's
Speaker 3: in love with her.
Speaker 2: And it's one of the most charming, realistic.
Speaker 3: Seeming like thing where what it's about is like actual
Speaker 3: love doesn't work, Like, oh, you guys both work in banking,
Speaker 3: so you're gonna then you're gonna have this successful life together.
Speaker 3: Like it's not usually about people being the same or
Speaker 3: coming from the same area. It's like about chemistry and
Speaker 3: people striking other people as like, oh my god, I
Speaker 3: kind of love that person in it, and it's all
Speaker 3: like follows that feel and it's I adore it.
Speaker 6: Oh wow, I've never seen it. I'll watch this year.
Speaker 6: It's time to introduce something new to the Fairbanks household.
Speaker 2: Yeah, give it a try.
Speaker 3: But it's also corny, and there's parts of it that
Speaker 3: are kind of embarrassing, but I really like it.
Speaker 1: Sure, Okay, all right?
Speaker 9: Follow up to these Christmas question the April Society asks
Speaker 9: do you believe?
Speaker 10: Did you believe in Santa Claus? And what made you stop?
Speaker 6: I'm embarrassingly believed in Santa Claus till I was in
Speaker 6: my maybe thirteen. Yeah, because my sister played along and
Speaker 6: she never lied to me except with this, and she
Speaker 6: would play along.
Speaker 1: You know, she's six years older than me.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I would stay in her bed on Christmas
Speaker 6: Eve and we would get so she would at least
Speaker 6: pretend to be excited with me in a way where
Speaker 6: it just took it in all my other friends where
Speaker 6: you know, there's no Santa and they're smoking cigarettes.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, oh, that's what you guys think.
Speaker 6: Because my sister, even though she knew at that point
Speaker 6: it was the guy that my dad did radio with,
Speaker 6: she had seen Santa Claus and she would tell me
Speaker 6: that story. Like we've said, meanwhile, there's no talk of
Speaker 6: Jesus or anything. There's never mentioned Christmas. But but yeah,
Speaker 6: but my dad always for someone that wasn't religious. Man,
Speaker 6: he got us into Christmas and my sister backed it up.
Speaker 6: And I really thought Santa Claus was a guy. And
Speaker 6: then he'd do things where, oh, I think there's something
Speaker 6: in the attic. I've talked about that, where he'd come down,
Speaker 6: he's left something up there. There was tangible evidence. Sure,
Speaker 6: I never you know, saw you know, Jesus's blood on
Speaker 6: the floor or whatever. People you know, I don't know
Speaker 6: what they did in those houses to make people believe
Speaker 6: it's not just the Bible, right, you have to have
Speaker 6: a forensic evidence. Oh yeah, Hey, if if Jesus came
Speaker 6: and took a bite out off a fucking cook he wants,
Speaker 6: maybe I would have.
Speaker 1: I'd be living a different life.
Speaker 2: It was baby Jesus, though baby he's not.
Speaker 6: There's blood doesn't come into it till the East still
Speaker 6: celebrating his birthday, blood with droplets of blood.
Speaker 1: Yes, you eat his blood, You drink his blood. You
Speaker 1: drink it and eat it. That's what it's about. Okay, So.
Speaker 3: Basically, the short my short answer is I discovered I
Speaker 3: really I put together that Santa and my mom had
Speaker 3: the same handwriting, because on the on all the little
Speaker 3: tags it would say to Karen from Santa. But I
Speaker 3: was like, but that is my mother's writing, if I've
Speaker 3: ever seen any And so I was actually very embittered
Speaker 3: by the idea that there was this lying uh thing.
Speaker 3: And then my sister so when my niece was little,
Speaker 3: and you know, of course, because of the way people
Speaker 3: parent these days, it's like, no, no, lie is big
Speaker 3: enough for my child. So now it's like elf on
Speaker 3: the shelf, and there's all these things and now these
Speaker 3: elements or whatever. And I finally said to my sister,
Speaker 3: I do not want to lie to her about like
Speaker 3: I want to give her gifts. I want there to
Speaker 3: be good times in the family. But I can't sit
Speaker 3: there and talk to my now full fully formed human
Speaker 3: being of a niece and continue the lie while she's
Speaker 3: going Aunt Karen.
Speaker 2: The elf on the shelf moved and did this and
Speaker 2: did that, and I was just like Laura.
Speaker 3: And then my sister said, I have a plan when
Speaker 3: she when some kid ruins this for her. I have
Speaker 3: the plane, which is a letter that she had been
Speaker 3: she had been recommending to parents and giving to kids
Speaker 3: and whatever the transition she is a Yeah, basically she's
Speaker 3: you know, being a kindergarten teacher, first grade teacher. She
Speaker 3: was there for a lot of kids when they were like,
Speaker 3: wait a second, is this not real? And that's when
Speaker 3: she hits them with it is real because it's human
Speaker 3: beings trying to be nice to each other. And that's
Speaker 3: what it's all about. And now you get to protect
Speaker 3: it for other little kids. You get to be the
Speaker 3: one that tells kids it is real because it is
Speaker 3: real because those presents are there and people are good
Speaker 3: to each other and human goodness.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, and I think my sister was there doing that.
Speaker 2: Yes, of course she wanted you.
Speaker 3: She wanted you to have the good feeling she had
Speaker 3: for as long as you could.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So it isn't about people don't want to lie.
Speaker 6: How prone I was to anger, she knew would this
Speaker 6: a little monster happy? I have to sleep next to
Speaker 6: him just on Christmas Eve's.
Speaker 2: But I also think that's what happens with the little kids.
Speaker 3: You know, I was the youngest too, And when you
Speaker 3: like we spend so much time with our older cousins,
Speaker 3: they fuck with you, They fuck with you and then
Speaker 3: they also like lie to you for your benefit in
Speaker 3: ways where you know.
Speaker 2: That's why I got a hip to it.
Speaker 3: Very early, because I was always like, someone's either lying
Speaker 3: or they're going to like prank me somehow, So I
Speaker 3: have to get ahead of these teens always.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's just important for kids to believe in magic
Speaker 6: or something that you know they're going to lose when
Speaker 6: they're an adult.
Speaker 3: Keep that going, yes, because also that magic is real.
Speaker 3: The magic is human being giving a shit about each other.
Speaker 3: Truly at the end of the day.
Speaker 6: That sounds like it's straight at the end of the
Speaker 6: Rachel McAdams smoothy.
Speaker 3: I just think of all the kids, the unsupervised children
Speaker 3: who did believe in Santa Claus until this episode of
Speaker 3: this piece of shit body.
Speaker 1: Oh no, don't mass we say fuck a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't leave them out of it, okay.
Speaker 10: Uh oh from Buttercup Randy at Buttercup r.
Speaker 3: Andy, that's my favorite wrestler, my little Buttercupry, sweet little Buttercuperry.
Speaker 10: They ask, what's something you love to eat as a
Speaker 10: kid that you wouldn't touch.
Speaker 1: Now, buttercuper Andy. So I hate them. By the handful.
Speaker 1: Oh the rappers were so loud as a kid. W uh.
Speaker 6: You know, I was a deep in the frozen burrito game,
Speaker 6: just as a latchkey kit. You know, you come home,
Speaker 6: there's a couple hours where you just party and you
Speaker 6: much ductails.
Speaker 1: You eat multiple.
Speaker 6: Frozen burritos even though you're only supposed to have one,
Speaker 6: and you know, I starve in.
Speaker 1: The whole day.
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, just oh, and I still that's my gross indulgement.
Speaker 1: Indulgence is where or whatever the word indulgence.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just go to seven eleven and
Speaker 6: I'll sometimes get the grossest lard infused the gross are
Speaker 6: the better bean and cheese breeding Hell yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 6: want one now.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Me and Stephen got him one time from Freder Joe's.
Speaker 3: He was going down and then I was like, please
Speaker 3: get me one. I'm starving. And when we had them,
Speaker 3: I was like, wait a second, I need to have
Speaker 3: these all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So then I made them.
Speaker 3: Pick some up the next time we did like office
Speaker 3: supply run and then I haven't eaten one since.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh that was a real time and place.
Speaker 1: Yeah that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Stephen and I were starving in.
Speaker 13: The office because I was like, you know that I
Speaker 13: have my choice. I don't this would not be much.
Speaker 13: It's like the Christmas spirit spirit you wanted to keep it. Yeah, yes,
Speaker 13: that was my early cooking too. Is like modifying those
Speaker 13: you know.
Speaker 6: I'd hate to do some of the cooking, of course
Speaker 6: in the microwave, but then you gotta crisp it up
Speaker 6: and you bring out one of my mom's pans and
Speaker 6: just put some oil in there.
Speaker 1: And man, I'm getting hungry.
Speaker 2: I'm good hungry, you know.
Speaker 3: I guess my answer would be and this isn't a
Speaker 3: choice or whatever, because I eat almost exactly the same
Speaker 3: way I ate as an abandoned seven year old, sitting
Speaker 3: on the couch, panicking and starving and lonely, just eating
Speaker 3: sour dough toast like it was my job. But it's
Speaker 3: funny to me that in recent years, like doritos used
Speaker 3: to rule my life, I thought about them constantly. I
Speaker 3: think I definitely have a serious.
Speaker 2: And I'm hiccuping.
Speaker 6: Sorry, it's not being edited out.
Speaker 1: That is not being it out as a perfect burd.
Speaker 2: Something something just happened.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is. Are you okay? Is
Speaker 1: it happening? Do I need to grab the wheel.
Speaker 2: It's not happening anymore.
Speaker 3: But like that was I couldn't figure out if I
Speaker 3: was going to hiccup or like if I was stopped breathing.
Speaker 1: And then it was just this weird burd.
Speaker 6: If we if we, you have to, we have to
Speaker 6: get cameras in here before you spend the steering wheel
Speaker 6: vomit episode cones audio.
Speaker 1: What are ruin time? That would be?
Speaker 3: I'm just surprised at how what I was saying is.
Speaker 3: I think I've always had a passion for the chemicals
Speaker 3: that go into processed food. I think they affect me
Speaker 3: stronger than the average person.
Speaker 2: I think it like the second I eat them, I
Speaker 2: crave them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the same thing with fast food. Maybe I'm
Speaker 3: just average and other people have self control or whatever.
Speaker 3: But there used to be a time where I was
Speaker 3: powerless to the to the pull of of Dorito's. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And so the lately there's been times where I've just
Speaker 3: been kind of like bored at seven to eleven and like,
Speaker 3: what could I could have anything I want?
Speaker 1: What do I want? Yeah?
Speaker 3: And looking at those bags and having absolutely no interest
Speaker 3: in Doritos anymore is the weirdest feeling right, but it's not.
Speaker 2: It's less.
Speaker 3: I feel like the warding of that question was kind
Speaker 3: of like you wouldn't touch it, like it's so disgusting.
Speaker 2: I'm not disgusted by them.
Speaker 3: It's just that for some reeron I probably had three
Speaker 3: hundred thousand of them.
Speaker 2: So my system is like, yeah, we're done, we know,
Speaker 2: we know.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: It's just like anything or sex or whatever when you
Speaker 6: discover it late. Like in my house there were not doritos,
Speaker 6: and in that time there were not flaming hot friedos. Yeah,
Speaker 6: but oh my god, flaming hot Fridos. Turns out they're
Speaker 6: pretty damn great. Yes, And maybe that's because I lived
Speaker 6: in Texas, where one of the local cuisines is pouring
Speaker 6: Chili Hill FreeDOS.
Speaker 1: Yes, like really, we just don't give a fuck here.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, it's taken care of. You get to have
Speaker 2: that for dinner.
Speaker 1: Yeah, tex It's.
Speaker 6: Got me into fritos, and now I'm like, I might
Speaker 6: as well drink doctor pepper and go all the way.
Speaker 3: I love fucking fritos, but I can only eat because
Speaker 3: I think they're so satisfying. Because they put triple the
Speaker 3: amount of salt on fritos that they put on any
Speaker 3: other chip. Yeah, it's like a condensed corn salt experience.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm a salty tongued man. Yeah, yeah, that's what
Speaker 6: I want.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, I think we did it.
Speaker 1: We did that. Yeah, we did that. We did it good.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm.
Speaker 11: Perfectly Oh right, now you have it.
Speaker 3: It's like half yond, half burn, half hiccup. It's the weirdest.
Speaker 1: I'm tired and not I'm hungry, all.
Speaker 10: Right at any gag.
Speaker 14: One, If you could only have one of these colors,
Speaker 14: if you could only have one of these powers, would
Speaker 14: you bake dancing really well, always have the perfect comeback,
Speaker 14: or being able to find a clean bathroom whenever you
Speaker 14: need one, the perfect comeback.
Speaker 2: I already have all those powers. I have every single
Speaker 2: one of them.
Speaker 1: Yes, you travel with a lot of bleach.
Speaker 3: I only go to Starbucks bathrooms. Been working on the
Speaker 3: comeback thing for quite some time. Yeah, and then the
Speaker 3: dance thing I was born with.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I wish that I was a person that later was
Speaker 6: like I should have said this, because I'm a person
Speaker 6: that's like I should not have said that. I should
Speaker 6: not have blurted that out just because it's in my head.
Speaker 6: Who do I think I am. Yes, I never late
Speaker 6: thinking oh, this would have got them. No, I've been
Speaker 6: getting them. And guess what it feels bad. People feels
Speaker 6: really bad when.
Speaker 1: They deserve it. It really doesn't feel great.
Speaker 2: It lessens you.
Speaker 1: I'm really good at hurting you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've said to people many times, you don't want this,
Speaker 3: don't do this, you don't want this. I will, as
Speaker 3: my friend Alicia Gonzalez used to say, who's way fucking
Speaker 3: funnier than me?
Speaker 2: Don't make me make you cry?
Speaker 3: And that is I've had that because also for a
Speaker 3: long time, especially in my teens and twenties, I literally couldn't.
Speaker 2: Control what came out of my mouth.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you like triggered me in a certain emotional way,
Speaker 3: the mouth would go and I would just be following
Speaker 3: along behind it, right to devastation of many.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you think you want it, You think.
Speaker 3: You want it, But I will figure out the perfect
Speaker 3: metaphor where you will never stop thinking about the.
Speaker 2: Thing I criticize you on for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: There are people, random, drunk monster people that have taken
Speaker 6: swings at me and I've said things that hurt them
Speaker 6: to the core.
Speaker 1: And I still feel bad about it.
Speaker 6: And I'll be walking in the middle of the day
Speaker 6: smelling flowers and then all of a sudden, I flinch
Speaker 6: and there's an audible exhale, and I feel bad what
Speaker 6: I said to Jake Solomon of the Solomon Brothers.
Speaker 1: One of them broke my nose. You think that I
Speaker 1: would whatever, But.
Speaker 3: That's just it is. It's one thing to incur the hurt.
Speaker 3: It's so ironic. It hurts more to intentionally hurt other people.
Speaker 3: It really does. And there's one things I said casually
Speaker 3: of like what For a long time, I was always like,
Speaker 3: people don't get me.
Speaker 2: And it's like, no, no, no, they get you. They
Speaker 2: don't like it. They don't like you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they don't like this ability that you think is
Speaker 3: so charming, kind of like funny and off a cup.
Speaker 2: It's not.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I still want to have the best comeback, because
Speaker 6: there are perfect ones where it's like, oh, there was
Speaker 6: a levels of kindness and irony and the delivery of
Speaker 6: that was benign and the point was made and I'm
Speaker 6: not angry, Like, the perfect comeback doesn't have to be
Speaker 6: where you hurt someone all the time. You know, that's
Speaker 6: what makes it perfect. It's like makes them think and
Speaker 6: then they change their mind about who they're going to
Speaker 6: be for the rest of their life. Yes, that's the
Speaker 6: perfect comeback. That's it doesn't need to.
Speaker 2: Be a slam.
Speaker 3: It's like a permanent readjustment of who they are as people.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, No.
Speaker 6: Every once in a while, I'll have a comeback and
Speaker 6: it's like, what am I a yoga master?
Speaker 1: Why did I just make that guy feel sensitive? Oh?
Speaker 10: God?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I like those ones the best. I think of those.
Speaker 3: The best is A lady was yelling at me about
Speaker 3: throwing a bag of dog shit into a garbage can
Speaker 3: in my neighborhood where it's like, that's what garbage cans
Speaker 3: are for. Yeah, yeah, And she was doing this thing
Speaker 3: like I was this interloper from outside the neighborhood. It
Speaker 3: was a rich neighborhood, so I was like, fuck you, lady,
Speaker 3: I'm as rich as you are.
Speaker 1: But what I ended up doing was.
Speaker 3: Letting her yell, letting her yell, and then I just
Speaker 3: stared at her and I said, I think you're mad
Speaker 3: about something else. Oh yeah, which is it's so mean
Speaker 3: in its object dismissal of Basically, I see that you're
Speaker 3: a damaged old Gal's basically what I said to her,
Speaker 3: because she hurt my feelings by saying I don't think
Speaker 3: you're rich enough to live here, and I was like,
Speaker 3: that's just because I don't brush.
Speaker 1: My hair.
Speaker 2: Anyway.
Speaker 6: I'm ignoring the fanciest brushes, my lady.
Speaker 3: Every brush in my house is boor bristle, poor bristle,
Speaker 3: and unused and imported.
Speaker 1: You'll never see that. They're still in the wrapper.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna throw two away in your name tonight.
Speaker 11: Because your father was me and to you, Okay, should
Speaker 11: we do just Yeah?
Speaker 10: I think a couple more will be doing.
Speaker 2: This has been quite an episode.
Speaker 1: It's fun.
Speaker 2: We've almost thrown up.
Speaker 1: I've learned a lot. I really have learned a lot
Speaker 1: from that last one. Yeah, that really gotta know. That
Speaker 1: was kind of fun people. Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's our new thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I'm not. We're not. You know, it's it's
Speaker 1: but being.
Speaker 6: Nice, you know, it's it's a it's a ticking time bomb.
Speaker 3: We grew up in a culture where which is of comedy,
Speaker 3: where being able to have the best meanus comeback was
Speaker 3: always only a badge of honor, and then that all
Speaker 3: changed in two thousand and three with the advent of
Speaker 3: the Internet and all of a sudden, everyone was everyone
Speaker 3: else's best friends and it wasn't cool to say the
Speaker 3: meanest thing that you could to other people. And we
Speaker 3: had to make this adjustment. So we've it's been real.
Speaker 3: It's been a tornado of feelings inside of us this
Speaker 3: whole time. And that's why I've avoided roasting people. The roasts,
Speaker 3: the roast battles, all these things that are part of comedy.
Speaker 3: It's a genre comedy.
Speaker 6: I've avoided them, Yeah, because I know, I don't think
Speaker 6: anyone's gonna me laughing when I actually hurt the other
Speaker 6: comics feelings now or Pop Saggert or whoever's the guest
Speaker 6: that night.
Speaker 3: Oh. I do have to say, though, I have ghost
Speaker 3: written a couple times for people that were in roast battle,
Speaker 3: which is such a hard thing to do.
Speaker 1: And you don't know the person. Yeah, yeah, I've I have.
Speaker 3: Well, you know what it is is, I've only helped
Speaker 3: when it was people I didn't like, right, So the
Speaker 3: person that would be doing it, they'd be like, hey,
Speaker 3: can you help me with some jokes for this?
Speaker 2: And I'd be like, who are you roasting? And then
Speaker 2: they name the person.
Speaker 3: I'm like absolutely, yeah, yeah, I'll be there with bells on.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think the rule is it.
Speaker 6: Should be someone that you either respect or know or like,
Speaker 6: and then you can your jokes are going to more clever.
Speaker 9: At LORI met if the car gets a flat during
Speaker 9: the podcast, who's changing the tire?
Speaker 1: I will would you guess? Yes? Super? And I will
Speaker 1: make you time me.
Speaker 2: Will you put all the bolts into the budge?
Speaker 3: I do have Triple A, and I just resigned up
Speaker 3: for it because triple A I have Triple A is
Speaker 3: a thing that I get and then let expire. All
Speaker 3: it basically is you can do a little graph of
Speaker 3: when I have money and when I don't. That's and
Speaker 3: it's just based on if I belong to Triple A
Speaker 3: or not at the time and this last time, because
Speaker 3: yeah it's here, but years so it's like nope, we're
Speaker 3: not we're not flush enough to have triple A.
Speaker 2: This year.
Speaker 3: Well, I signed up for it again because I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm in the clear.
Speaker 2: I can have triple A.
Speaker 3: And then someone goes, yeah, but don't you automatically have
Speaker 3: that with the car that you bought?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I sure do.
Speaker 1: So no, no, I have it with my insurance.
Speaker 2: You can change the tire while other people change that.
Speaker 6: I've grown up with shitty cars and I've used a
Speaker 6: jack so many times that you know, I think that
Speaker 6: I am good at changing a tire into a spare.
Speaker 6: If the spare is flat, however, let's call triple A great.
Speaker 6: Sometimes they get flat.
Speaker 2: Okay, then we'll keep it as a backup.
Speaker 1: Yes, but use me first, and.
Speaker 2: Answers Chris, all right, do you think you have one more?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm good.
Speaker 10: I'm to think at at Melo MICHAELA.
Speaker 9: If you could use only one condiment for the rest
Speaker 9: of your life, what would it be?
Speaker 2: Not mayonnaise?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm either.
Speaker 6: I'm a mustard man, I always have been, and I
Speaker 6: almost put mayonnaise in the same category as ketchup. However,
Speaker 6: when you mix them, something happens to me, and.
Speaker 2: That's called you travel to the Thousand Islands.
Speaker 1: Maybe I just.
Speaker 6: Need to take more leisure leisurely plane trips. Then I
Speaker 6: wanted to eat that's.
Speaker 1: Horrible secret sauce. That's no secret to anyone. I think.
Speaker 3: I think I have to go with ketchup because it's
Speaker 3: so crucial to French fries.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and hamburgers.
Speaker 6: Like you know what, I have my hamburgers and my
Speaker 6: French fries with mustard, and I really people look at
Speaker 6: me weird. My sister and I are when we would
Speaker 6: have we go to a pizza place and she would
Speaker 6: make me ask for mustard, Like, pretend you're younger than
Speaker 6: you are and asked for mustard. I'm embarrassed because you'd
Speaker 6: you put it on the remaining crust. You're suddenly you're
Speaker 6: in a soft pretzel sage. Oh yeah, mustard does a
Speaker 6: lot of good things for a lot of bready stone.
Speaker 2: Ellises, bready stamellis.
Speaker 6: Get with it. Yeah, mustard, My choice is mustard.
Speaker 1: Okay, that salt is great too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's pretty nice.
Speaker 10: All right.
Speaker 9: I'll piggyback off of this one at Man Kisses, what
Speaker 9: are your favorite types of or least favorite least favorite
Speaker 9: types of potatoes? Fries, mashed potatoes, grotten, et cetera.
Speaker 3: Uh, this is where the Q and A turns very
Speaker 3: self indulgence. They're just like, hmm, what do I like
Speaker 3: in this specific subset of food?
Speaker 1: Well, Man Kisses, I think that, Yeah, you go ahead.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 6: I'm not a big potato guy, I've never grew up
Speaker 6: in a famine.
Speaker 2: First of all, offensive.
Speaker 3: Listen, I'll take many types of potatoes except those fucking
Speaker 3: red skinned ones. I do not like a red skinned
Speaker 3: potato in any any part of my life.
Speaker 1: It's that does I mean sweet potato fries?
Speaker 3: No, no, no, sweet potatoes are like kind of a
Speaker 3: different thing. I mean the you know, it's oh yeah,
Speaker 3: it's the only way to describe it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, not Russic, yeah yeah, not.
Speaker 3: A brown skin potato, but a red there. It's thin,
Speaker 3: it's grown there. They're basically the corn, beef and cabbage
Speaker 3: potatoes and that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So.
Speaker 3: I think, of course like McDonald's French fries are primo potato.
Speaker 2: But I love, admire and respect a twice baked potato.
Speaker 1: Sure.
Speaker 3: Have you ever had one of those, like a family holiday?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, they're the greatest invention.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's.
Speaker 3: Just your potato filled with crap that you shouldn't probably
Speaker 3: be eating.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and then and then put back in for another
Speaker 6: baking process.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we did this, do it. Now, we're going to
Speaker 1: do that. That's what I try and do with my
Speaker 1: frozen britos. Time for phase two.
Speaker 2: You fold in some soer cream.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'll do a lot of people won't do it
Speaker 6: because they're sealed up already. I'll open up that fucker
Speaker 6: and get it super super specific.
Speaker 3: And you'll did you buy a taco bell sour cream shooter?
Speaker 3: And then shove it right and are done? You mean
Speaker 3: a guawk nine? Oh my god, we've done it. We've
Speaker 3: buttoned this podcast perfectly.
Speaker 2: Qualk nine.
Speaker 1: It's a line of mine, I get.
Speaker 6: I told that to Matt Bronger and he used it
Speaker 6: in a prey. He had a perfect taco bell joke.
Speaker 6: And so anyway, if someone's.
Speaker 12: Like, that's a Broner joke, we both yes, yeah, that's
Speaker 12: one of That's how so much comedy gets made is
Speaker 12: situations like that, and so many people who don't do
Speaker 12: comedy don't know that I had.
Speaker 1: Like hey, we thought of this, who's using it? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Or or comics watching other comics do sets and then
Speaker 3: going hey, you know what a great tag of this
Speaker 3: would be, and then comic goes, thank you so much,
Speaker 3: this is awesome, and then later on, you know, or.
Speaker 6: Like Pete Holmes gave suddenly a four hundred dollars in
Speaker 6: my venmo is like, hey, that's what you told me
Speaker 6: after my set is working great, here's some money.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's fucking great. Yeah, it's like a bite out
Speaker 1: of a cookie.
Speaker 2: That's pretty nice.
Speaker 3: Jesus's teeth, his blood's on the ground talking about it's Christmas.
Speaker 2: He's a tiny baby. The only way I can get
Speaker 2: my kids to go to church.
Speaker 1: Sprinkle it. Sprinkle the blood.
Speaker 2: We have to go to church and when we come back,
Speaker 2: the blood will be on the ground.
Speaker 1: Mother, this is wine. You've spilled it again.
Speaker 3: They another great Q and a sashon God.
Speaker 1: That was one of our better sessions. Guys all acoustic.
Speaker 3: When you guys show up for our acoustic sets and
Speaker 3: give your questions, that means we don't have a book
Speaker 3: a guest and that's so much less work.
Speaker 2: On our partner.
Speaker 1: You're like that, you're like the best rowdies. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much from both of us, and.
Speaker 2: Thank you for to Stephen for getting collecting up all those.
Speaker 6: Q and electing the best questions. We're sorry if you
Speaker 6: sent a question when we didn't answer it, it's because.
Speaker 11: We of Steve Steen. He's the selector. If you have
Speaker 11: a bone to pick, take it it at Stephen Ray
Speaker 11: cats Mourrick on all social media.
Speaker 2: Ray cats right seems realistic. It seems realistic. But I
Speaker 2: just really gave everyone the slip.
Speaker 6: Yeah, oh that was enjoyable. Enjoy your tour. You'll be
Speaker 6: in the middle of it when this airs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, thank you.
Speaker 1: I will.
Speaker 3: I am in Europe presently. If you're listening to this
Speaker 3: and having the foggiest time.
Speaker 6: Yes, I'm so excited, and I'll be in my living
Speaker 6: room with a smoke machine because I don't travel.
Speaker 1: You've been listening. Do you need a ride? D Yan are.
Speaker 2: After hours?
Speaker 1: I leave? You want to way back? Either way?
Speaker 3: We want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 3: you claim. Give us time and a terminol and gay.
Speaker 2: We want to send you off in style. You want
Speaker 2: to welcome you back home.
Speaker 3: Tell us all about every scared he was?
Speaker 1: It fine?
Speaker 2: Melbourn. Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need with Karen and cressm