WEBVTT - Navigating My Spouse's Hidden Alcoholism 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.720 I don't like that sentence. I don't like the implications 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:09.280 of it. It sounds weak. It sounds like you're a pushover. 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:18.880 What's up, everybody, Welcome back to the podcast. Thanks for 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:21.919 being here to be honest with you. I was planning 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:25.479 on coming to do this podcast and I pulled into 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:29.600 the driveway and I heard my wife, Amber screaming, but 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:31.880 I knew the kind of scream that it was. It 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:34.040 was something to do with an animal, and she was 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:38.440 screaming Luna, Luna, and that's our German short hair, and 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:43.360 I instantly knew what must be happening. Luna's caller went out. 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:47.600 The battery ran out on her proximity collar, which gives 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:49.920 her and Remy, our other German short hair, a beep 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:52.000 when they start getting out of the proximity of the 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:54.880 barn where they live. They have plenty of room to run, 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:58.640 but they can't go a certain distance because we have chickens, 0:00:58.800 --> 0:01:02.960 and the chickens run free. So I instantly knew what 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:06.480 was happening. As Amber was yelling, the battery had gone 0:01:06.480 --> 0:01:09.559 out on Luna's collar and she was on a rampage 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:14.880 chasing a chicken. So I started sprinting this literally is 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:19.440 like fifteen minutes ago. I started sprinting. The chicken is 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:23.800 fast and Luna is a little bit faster. So between 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:28.520 flying and running with these little chicken legs, Luna is 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:31.720 just low to the ground, just full head of steam. 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:35.759 And every time she gets the chicken, she's ripping feathers. 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:41.000 I mean, she wants to kill ye. And so I 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:43.120 am trying to get to either one. I'm trying to 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:46.640 cut off this chase, and so it's the chicken's running 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:48.320 towards me. I try to cut it off, and the 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:50.760 chicken's going between my legs, and then I'm grabbing Luna, 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:53.600 but I'm missing her because she's so sleek and fast, 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:55.600 and when she gets in the mood like this, she 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:59.240 does not listen to any commands. She hasn't been trained 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:01.320 in that way. She's a bird dog and she hasn't 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:03.480 been trained for that either. It's just instinctive in her. 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:10.640 So this poor little chicken is getting feathers, just ripped off. 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:14.280 And finally I'm able to as the chicken goes under me, 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:17.760 I'm able to grab Luna as she's coming towards me, 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:20.000 and I grab her and a flip her over and 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:23.760 a and a position of dominance, and I pin her 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:27.840 shoulders back to the ground, you know, in a position 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:29.520 of dominance like dogs do to each other. And I'm 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:31.600 pinning her shoulders back to the ground, and I'm like, no, 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:35.160 but I am dying inside because I'm so tired. I 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:39.519 haven't made athletic moves like that in ten years, sprinting 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:42.680 and cutting, and who knows tomorrow what kind of sots 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:46.000 I'm gonna have. So I'm holding her down and Amber 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:48.680 is going to get a new battery for her collar, 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:50.720 and she puts the you know, kind of gets the 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:54.400 chickens out of the way, and she replaces the the 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:58.920 battery and the collar. And then as I'm handing Luna 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:03.120 off to Amber, she's off again. She slips between my 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:05.079 hand and Amber's hand as we're doing the trade off. 0:03:05.400 --> 0:03:08.280 And now Luna is heading towards the entire flock of 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:12.240 chickens at the coop and she's just taking out chicken 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:16.359 whatever comes close to her. She's biting and ripping feathers. 0:03:16.600 --> 0:03:19.799 Chickens are running everywhere. So here I am sprinting again, 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:22.480 this time on a gravel road, falling all over the 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:24.760 gravel road as my shoes are slipping on the gravel, 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:29.000 landing on my hands, landing on my elbows, just trying 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:34.360 to grab Luna, finally get her again, get her situated 0:03:34.400 --> 0:03:38.200 back in the barn with the other dog, and made my. 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:39.920 Way up here to do this podcast. 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:42.960 So that is my mentality, that's my mindset going into 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:46.360 this podcast. And I'll try my best to answer these 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:51.680 questions now with my heart rate up and soreness impending 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:54.720 on me tomorrow. I answer your questions. That's the format 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:59.240 of this podcast, and you email me at podcast at 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:04.160 Granger's dot com, podcast at grangersmith dot com. Ask me 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:08.040 anything about life, whatever you want. We'll walk through it. 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:09.520 And I don't have all the right answers. 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:10.120 I just have. 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:14.720 A biblical worldview, and I'll treat you as I would 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:17.520 any other friend in the cab of a truck. The 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:20.320 first one comes from Jamie and it says, Hey, Granger, 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:22.560 I loved the episode with you and Marv. It was 0:04:22.640 --> 0:04:25.279 really interesting to hear his perspective on things and he 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:27.280 seems like a really great guy. Yes, Marv is a 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:31.000 great guy, she says. My question is a follow up 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:36.200 regarding should the husband and wife both work outside the home. 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:40.080 I agree that a strong home life is quite possibly 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:44.039 the most important thing for a child. That said, I 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:46.719 am a fire That said, I am a firefighter, and 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.600 my wife is in school to be a nurse. 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:51.640 So now I'm seeing Jamie's actually a guy's name. 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:55.720 I know a lot of other couples in similar situations 0:04:55.960 --> 0:04:58.279 who are able to work opposing days and keep a 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:01.240 parent at home at all times. We both feel called 0:05:01.240 --> 0:05:03.360 for a number of reasons to serve in this way 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:06.320 using the talents we were given. I'm curious your thoughts 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:10.360 on situations such as this where the wife isn't working 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:13.080 just to pay for a lifestyle, but rather because she 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:16.599 feels called to do so in a specific area. The 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:19.400 dual income is more of a side effect and also 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:22.480 helps pay back the needed student loans. Your podcast has 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:24.800 changed my life completely and I'm forever grateful. I don't 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:26.800 know where I would be if I hadn't listened that 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:29.679 very first time. Thanks and God blessed Jamie. Hey, Jamie, 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:33.159 thank you buddy very much. And I love your question 0:05:33.240 --> 0:05:37.480 because you articulated very well the situation, and you kind 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:40.039 of cut me off at probably common questions that you 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:44.159 thought I might ask, For instance, what's the reason both 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:46.600 of you are working, and you're saying it's not financial, 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:50.760 that's a perk, but it's because we both feel called 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:56.040 in the specific area. And you also made it clear 0:05:56.080 --> 0:05:58.480 that it's possible and you've seen it work where other 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:03.080 people do opposing work shifts so that there is a 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:05.400 parent at home in all days, all times. And you 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:10.160 also said, which I believe you said, a strong home 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:13.200 life is quite possibly the most important thing for a child. 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:15.479 I agree, and I. 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:19.080 Appreciate your vulnerability and vulnerability opening up on something like this, 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:20.960 and I want to walk through it with you because 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:22.719 there's a couple of things that I think we should 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:29.400 discuss in one although Okay, first of all, we're gonna 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.640 completely you already did this, but for everyone listening here, 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:37.039 I'm gonna completely throw out the scenario of both parents 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:42.840 absolutely have to work just to get by, just to 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:46.039 put food on the table for the kids. Both parents 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:49.560 have to work, and that's and the dad is is 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:53.000 also working a few jobs. So that is not the 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:58.080 case here. So don't anything I'm about to say, don't say, granger, 0:06:58.160 --> 0:07:00.520 what if, what if, because that. 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:02.160 Is not a what if in this situation. 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:17.640 Okay, Secondly, there is something biologically, emotionally nurturing, very different 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:22.559 between a father and a mother. God made a father 0:07:22.600 --> 0:07:28.360 and the mother to co inhabit a home because of 0:07:28.760 --> 0:07:32.640 that was the creation order. That's why he created the 0:07:32.720 --> 0:07:37.080 differences between the husband and the differences between the wife. 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:40.000 That translates into being a father and a mother in 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:42.880 different ways. 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:43.960 And children need both. 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:48.680 Don't think right now that what I'm saying is it's 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:52.320 not possible to raise kids in a single family household, 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:56.120 single parent household. Don't think I'm saying that it's not 0:07:56.280 --> 0:07:59.559 possible to have a good upbringing with only one parent. 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:06.160 What I'm saying, I'm saying ideally, in creation, it was intended. Now, 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:09.000 after the fall, a lot of the intentions are lost 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:14.240 because of sin, but the intended creation was that a 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:18.720 man and a woman would co parent and each having 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:22.400 very important attributes that they pass on to the child 0:08:22.800 --> 0:08:27.920 through parenting. And I don't have to get into science 0:08:27.960 --> 0:08:32.959 here to let anyone know that it's very evident what 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:35.600 the father brings in different aspects to the table of 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:40.480 parenting and what the mother brings. That being said, standing 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:45.640 on that foundation when the children are young, it is 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:51.320 in many ways more valuable to have the mother raising 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:54.280 the young ones full time. If you were going to 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:56.480 if you're going to pick, if you had two parents 0:08:56.600 --> 0:08:59.320 co parenting in a household, you said, okay, with young kids, 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:03.200 which one is better, the father or the mother historically, 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:06.480 and it's I don't have to really twist your arm 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:11.200 on this, and according to creation order anyway, the answer 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:15.800 is to mother. That's why you get the term motherly instinct. 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:19.160 That's that's why people that you know, you know, throw 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:22.040 out terms like mother Earth when they think of nurturing 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:30.640 and balance and and sensitivity and sympathy, they you think 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:33.959 of that is in terms of a mother a hen 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:37.520 a mama hen right. And that's not just humans, it's 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:41.480 you see it throughout most of all of creation, through 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:42.520 all the animal kingdom. 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:43.160 Right. 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:51.640 So that's why I would make an argument against saying, well, 0:09:52.080 --> 0:09:53.440 we want to do the best we can, so we're 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:57.240 gonna the father is gonna parent when the mother's on shift, 0:09:57.360 --> 0:09:59.360 and the mother's gonna parent when the father's on shift. 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:03.000 What I'm trying to say here is not that hey, 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:06.040 don't do that, that's bad. I'm trying to say, that's 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:08.600 not the way it's supposed to be. And when you 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:12.679 go against the way it's supposed to be in our nature. 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:16.600 Then you're gonna fight some battles, and there's gonna be 0:10:17.000 --> 0:10:21.240 there's gonna be some casualties in that battle. There's gonna 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:23.800 be some sacrifices you have to make, and you're not 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:26.960 gonna be able to live up to the full potential 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:31.240 of your nature if you fight against it in that way. Right, Listen, 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:38.160 This isn't like a dominance perspective or like a textbook 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.480 way to say things without emotion. 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:42.200 What I mean. 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:46.600 What I mean is your own conscience can attest to 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:50.360 what I'm saying just by looking around you and how 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:54.599 you interact with the world, how most likely you interacted. 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:55.720 With your mother and your father. 0:10:57.200 --> 0:11:00.040 It's how I interacted with my mother and father, and 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:03.600 it's also how I interact with my kids. Now, I 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:09.120 don't have the capability. I don't have the capacity to 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:14.320 nurture my kids at the same level in the same 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:15.680 way as Amber does. 0:11:16.960 --> 0:11:17.280 Now. 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:20.360 Don't get me wrong, I have capabilities of doing things 0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:24.959 that Amber cannot. I have the ability to think about 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:29.240 this a lot to I have the ability to enable 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:33.120 long term compassion. She has a better ability to enable 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:38.439 short term compassion. For instance, when Lincoln falls down and 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:43.440 hurts and skins his knee chasing a chicken. Amber has 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:47.240 the capability in a really good way to have instant 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:51.120 compassion on the situation, let's clean this off, let's get 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:55.760 some hydrogen peroxide, and let's get a band aid. That's 0:11:55.800 --> 0:12:00.560 not where my mind goes. My mind goes, he's gonna 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:03.560 be fine, Brush it off, get up, You're fine. And 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:06.839 that's not because I don't care about his pain or 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:10.680 his immediate compassion. What I do care about is him 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:14.640 learning in the long run to be able to get 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:17.440 up and go and shake things off, because life is 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:20.160 gonna come at you hard, and so I want him 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:24.480 to be able to have a tolerance for pain so 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:28.480 that he could press forward in this world. And that 0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:31.520 is long term compassion, That is caring about his long 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:36.079 term well being, as opposed to Amber, who cares more 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:40.480 and rightly so, for his short term well being, and 0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:44.080 she thinks less of get up, shake it off, You're 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:44.600 gonna be fine. 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:45.080 On the road. 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:48.480 We both Amber and I both have the capability of 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:51.800 dabbling in that. Of course I care now about his knee, 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:54.480 and of course, and of course she cares about the 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:57.320 long term, get up, shake it off. But I'm saying 0:12:57.720 --> 0:12:59.760 I care more about it in that area, and she 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:02.120 cares more about it in that area. Does that make sense? 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:07.439 And that's not something we develop or that's not something 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:10.520 that we've evolved into that we could now de evolve from. 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.880 It's just the way we're created. And so. 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:18.800 Let me hit something else on this to continue to 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:22.400 answer your question, and the question is to remind everybody, 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:30.120 is it okay for both parents to work outside of 0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:35.720 the home with kids at home so that you could 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:38.559 fulfill a calling that you have in a specific area. 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:45.200 And this this instance, service base, calling to help students kids, 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:51.920 or as far as Jamie's concerned, firefighting, So very honorable positions. 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:53.760 I'm you know, That's what I'm trying to say on 0:13:53.800 --> 0:13:54.840 both of these instances. 0:13:55.679 --> 0:13:56.000 And so. 0:13:59.080 --> 0:14:02.319 Knowing what you already know that quite possibly the most 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:06.360 important thing for a child is a strong home life. 0:14:06.679 --> 0:14:10.400 And I've already established that I believe in the created order, 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:16.160 a strong home life must include, if possible, the mother 0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:20.440 staying at home, regardless of a call that the mother 0:14:20.600 --> 0:14:25.080 has in a specific area. Now here's the beautiful thing 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:28.360 about this. This is a beautiful thing and I hope 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:32.880 I've laid this all out in a fair way. The 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:36.480 beautiful thing is kids are at home for such a 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:41.400 short time, such a short window, and I'm talking about 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:45.680 infant to toddler to kindergarten. And once the kids the 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:50.320 lowest child hits kindergarten, the youngest child hits kindergarten, the 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:52.440 mother all of a sudden is freed up during the 0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:57.160 day and has the ability to start dabbling in the 0:14:57.200 --> 0:15:00.360 calling of that specific area you referred to, Jamie. And 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:03.680 then it's just a blink of an eye, a flash. 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:07.760 When the last kid graduates high school. You have the 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:12.320 rest of your life, which is the majority of your life. 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:15.800 The minority of your life is raising kids at home. 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:19.720 That is gone in an instant and the rest of 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:23.760 your life a long time, Lord willing, the kids are gone, 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:28.240 and then you are now free and clear without guilt 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:32.640 to pursue that calling in the specific area, in this case, 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:37.360 to be a teacher. And I think that's a beautiful thing. 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:42.000 And I believe to answer your question, that's the right 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:50.479 thing to do, To deny yourself and be self sacrificing 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:55.120 towards the children. I think that's the right thing to 0:15:55.160 --> 0:16:01.000 do as a mother, And for like the tenth time, 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:03.840 I hope I built that scenario in not some kind 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:11.560 of domineering way, but more more towards showing the highlighted 0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:16.400 strengths of the mother and the father, and the father 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:20.000 just doesn't have the strength that the talent, that's the 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:27.680 ability to empathize compassionately in a way that is better 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:30.400 than the mother at raising the children. And I'll tell 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:36.960 you this and last thing, certainly better than a daycare 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:42.280 system of any kind. Somebody is going to raise your kids, 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:48.400 regardless whether it's a prison warden, or it's a school teacher, 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:54.280 or it's a football coach, or it's a parent. Somebody 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:57.840 is going to raise those kids. Don't you want it 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:01.920 to be you are? Would you rather someone else raise them? 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:04.439 And you follow the calling you feel is on your 0:17:04.480 --> 0:17:07.199 life to be a teacher? The choice is yours. But 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:17.439 I think that's a clear answer. Next question comes from 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:24.080 Nathaniel says, Hey, Grangel, I'm sixteen years old and recently 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:28.359 out of behavioral health residential treatment. I've been out for 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:32.520 three months and I'm already drinking heavy, smoking nicotine, and 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:36.400 watching porn constantly. I want help, but I don't feel 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:38.040 like I could tell my parents because I don't want 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:44.320 to go back to treatment. Yeah, thanks for being honest, Nathaniel. 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:47.240 And I want to tell you first of all that 0:17:47.280 --> 0:17:51.119 there is hope. You're never without hope. As long as 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:54.399 you're breathing air on this planet. You have hope and 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:58.159 a savior, and that is Jesus to free you from 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:00.280 the slavery of sin that. 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:01.000 You're in right now. 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:05.560 It doesn't release you from being free of sin, but 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:08.919 you're free from being a slave to it where you 0:18:08.960 --> 0:18:13.560 can no longer make any other decisions. But it right. 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:17.560 So after I say that, I will say too that 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:24.439 I'm not I'm not totally into behavior health residential treatment centers. 0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:30.439 I'm not totally into that, and I do see failures 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:37.640 all the time with that. Probably we're seeing something that 0:18:37.720 --> 0:18:42.800 connects to the first question with Nathaniel. If I was 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:47.280 betting on the situation, which I'm not, if I was 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:50.000 going to wager on the situation, I would say something 0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:53.679 in that first question I just answered about parenting is 0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:57.320 involved in this second question with a failure of it. 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:01.280 Most likely now, of course there's situations where it's not. 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:04.800 But and I think that also comes with the fear 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:08.320 you have of telling your parents for fear that they 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:12.720 will put you back in this treatment instead of taking 0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:22.399 it on themselves self sacrificially, if that makes sense, Nathan Nathaniel, 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:29.280 what you're doing here drinking heavy, smoking nicotine, watching porn constantly. 0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:39.240 The drinking heavy thing is the only thing that can 0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:44.600 turn into alcoholism, which is detrimental. So nicotine could be 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:46.960 quit and porn can be quit. Not to minimize those 0:19:47.000 --> 0:19:50.000 two things. They are both chemical addictions in a way, 0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:56.080 and we'll talk about that on a an upcoming podcast exclusively, 0:19:56.600 --> 0:20:02.600 so stay tuned for that. But you're you're drinking heavy, 0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:08.879 smoking nicotine, watching porn, there there is always a common 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:11.680 denominator behind that, if you think about it. So those three, 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:15.040 those three things are very different from each other, but 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:17.960 you can't you can't try to tackle with a treatment 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:22.080 facility each one specifically, Like we're gonna deal with alcohol, 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:24.240 and now we're gonna deal with the nicotine addiction. Now, 0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:26.439 now we're gonna deal with the porn. They're so different 0:20:26.600 --> 0:20:30.480 it would take different treatment facilities and different different activities 0:20:30.480 --> 0:20:34.359 and therapy treatments to handle each one. Unless you realize, 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:37.280 I think there's a common denominator. I think there's a 0:20:37.320 --> 0:20:41.560 common cause of this, and the common cause of all 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:43.640 of them is the same common cause I. 0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:45.200 Have, and that's sin. 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:49.440 All have sin and fall short of the glory of God. 0:20:50.000 --> 0:20:52.119 And the only answer to sin is the one who 0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:55.919 defeated it, and that is Jesus. The way this is 0:20:56.720 --> 0:21:00.280 laid out is through the Bible, the revealed Word telling 0:21:00.359 --> 0:21:05.600 us who he is and what he did for sin. Now, 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:12.199 what I would say after at this point is a 0:21:12.320 --> 0:21:18.440 good faithful, healthy church is better in this instant than 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:22.240 you going to a residential treatment facility and failing yet again, 0:21:24.640 --> 0:21:28.480 going to a church and saying, show me what to do. 0:21:28.880 --> 0:21:33.480 I need help. If you went to a good, faithful, 0:21:33.840 --> 0:21:37.720 healthy church, you notice I had to articulate that, because 0:21:38.720 --> 0:21:41.639 just like hospitals, there's good hospitals and bad hospitals. That 0:21:41.720 --> 0:21:44.399 doesn't mean when you see a bad doctor, it doesn't 0:21:44.400 --> 0:21:48.119 mean you stop trusting hospitals. It means you go to 0:21:48.240 --> 0:21:51.360 a good hospital with good doctors. And if you're doing 0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:54.840 that with a good church with good pastors, and you 0:21:55.040 --> 0:21:58.960 wholeheartedly come in and go I need help. I'm sixteen, 0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:00.639 these are my problems. 0:22:01.119 --> 0:22:05.080 Show me what to do. And then Nathaniel, you do it, 0:22:06.880 --> 0:22:07.719 you will be healed. 0:22:08.720 --> 0:22:10.720 That is I don't take that lightly that I just 0:22:10.720 --> 0:22:14.480 said it that way, and I will never retract what 0:22:14.600 --> 0:22:17.320 I said in that way. If you go to a 0:22:17.320 --> 0:22:23.239 Bible believing, good faithful, healthy church with good pastors and 0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:26.240 you tell them I have this problem and they give 0:22:26.280 --> 0:22:27.840 you solutions that are it's not. 0:22:27.800 --> 0:22:31.600 A one and done, it's a walk. It's a continual walk. 0:22:32.680 --> 0:22:34.400 And you say tell me what to do, They show 0:22:34.440 --> 0:22:37.000 you the walk, they say, imitate me, You follow them. 0:22:37.000 --> 0:22:39.680 You do what they say, you will be healed. 0:22:40.920 --> 0:22:43.120 And every month that goes by, every year that goes by, 0:22:43.600 --> 0:22:46.439 you'll become better and less reliant. 0:22:46.080 --> 0:22:55.320 On those old things. That's it. I'm sorry, buddy that 0:22:55.320 --> 0:22:56.800 you're in this situation to begin with. 0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:00.760 The show is sponsored by Betterhelp. So what's the first 0:23:00.800 --> 0:23:02.840 thing you would do if you had an extra hour 0:23:03.200 --> 0:23:03.760 in your day? 0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:04.160 Mike? 0:23:04.200 --> 0:23:06.720 Would you go for a run, take a nap, read 0:23:06.760 --> 0:23:10.119 a book, show up for a friend. I don't know 0:23:10.160 --> 0:23:12.720 your answer, but a lot of us spend our lives 0:23:12.800 --> 0:23:16.119 wishing we had more time. No one on their deathbed 0:23:16.200 --> 0:23:19.439 looks back and says I had too much time. The 0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:23.520 question is time for what if time was unlimited, how 0:23:23.560 --> 0:23:26.199 would you use it. The best way to squeeze that 0:23:26.280 --> 0:23:29.720 special thing into your schedule is to know what's important 0:23:29.760 --> 0:23:32.920 to you and make that a priority. You know, therapy 0:23:32.920 --> 0:23:35.520 could help you find what matters to you, so then 0:23:35.520 --> 0:23:37.679 you could do more of that. And that's what therapy 0:23:37.680 --> 0:23:39.720 did for Amber and I when we went after losing 0:23:39.760 --> 0:23:44.680 riv We were able to see what was triggering us, 0:23:44.960 --> 0:23:48.160 what was important to us, what was a priority to us, 0:23:48.840 --> 0:23:51.200 and then we were able to go back and use 0:23:51.280 --> 0:23:54.960 that less of the triggers, more the priorities. This shouldn't 0:23:55.040 --> 0:23:57.680 just be for me and Amber. If you are thinking 0:23:57.720 --> 0:24:02.240 about starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online. 0:24:02.480 --> 0:24:06.720 It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. 0:24:06.800 --> 0:24:09.199 Just fill out this brief questionnaire to get matched with 0:24:09.240 --> 0:24:12.000 the licensed therapist and then you can switch therapist at 0:24:12.040 --> 0:24:14.399 any time for no additional charge. 0:24:14.800 --> 0:24:16.920 It's super convenient and no green couches. 0:24:17.480 --> 0:24:19.960 Learn to make time for what makes you happy with 0:24:20.119 --> 0:24:24.639 Better Help. Visit Betterhelp dot com slash granger today and 0:24:24.680 --> 0:24:27.760 get ten percent off your first month. That's Better Help 0:24:28.160 --> 0:24:31.360 h e lp dot com slash granger. If you want 0:24:31.359 --> 0:24:33.119 to get a hold of me for any reason. Have 0:24:33.200 --> 0:24:36.920 you thought about cameo. Cameo allows you to reach out 0:24:36.960 --> 0:24:40.080 to me, send me a message or something you want 0:24:40.119 --> 0:24:42.560 me to say, like, Hey, Granger, can you tell my 0:24:42.640 --> 0:24:45.639 brother John happy birthday for me? He's a fan, he 0:24:45.720 --> 0:24:47.200 listens to the podcast, etc. 0:24:47.440 --> 0:24:47.640 Etc. 0:24:47.920 --> 0:24:50.639 And then I can get my phone out, turn my 0:24:50.720 --> 0:24:53.840 camera on and do a selfie where it's like, what's up, John, 0:24:54.119 --> 0:24:56.280 I heard from your brother Mark, and I wanted to 0:24:56.280 --> 0:24:59.080 say happy birthday, man, thank you for listening to the podcast. 0:24:59.440 --> 0:25:02.280 Hope to see one of these days. Maybe whatever you 0:25:02.320 --> 0:25:06.600 want me to say. It's super easy, very convenient, and 0:25:06.640 --> 0:25:10.520