Speaker 1: I don't like that sentence. I don't like the implications
Speaker 1: of it. It sounds weak. It sounds like you're a pushover.
Speaker 1: What's up, everybody, Welcome back to the podcast. Thanks for
Speaker 1: being here to be honest with you. I was planning
Speaker 1: on coming to do this podcast and I pulled into
Speaker 1: the driveway and I heard my wife, Amber screaming, but
Speaker 1: I knew the kind of scream that it was. It
Speaker 1: was something to do with an animal, and she was
Speaker 1: screaming Luna, Luna, and that's our German short hair, and
Speaker 1: I instantly knew what must be happening. Luna's caller went out.
Speaker 1: The battery ran out on her proximity collar, which gives
Speaker 1: her and Remy, our other German short hair, a beep
Speaker 1: when they start getting out of the proximity of the
Speaker 1: barn where they live. They have plenty of room to run,
Speaker 1: but they can't go a certain distance because we have chickens,
Speaker 1: and the chickens run free. So I instantly knew what
Speaker 1: was happening. As Amber was yelling, the battery had gone
Speaker 1: out on Luna's collar and she was on a rampage
Speaker 1: chasing a chicken. So I started sprinting this literally is
Speaker 1: like fifteen minutes ago. I started sprinting. The chicken is
Speaker 1: fast and Luna is a little bit faster. So between
Speaker 1: flying and running with these little chicken legs, Luna is
Speaker 1: just low to the ground, just full head of steam.
Speaker 1: And every time she gets the chicken, she's ripping feathers.
Speaker 1: I mean, she wants to kill ye. And so I
Speaker 1: am trying to get to either one. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: cut off this chase, and so it's the chicken's running
Speaker 1: towards me. I try to cut it off, and the
Speaker 1: chicken's going between my legs, and then I'm grabbing Luna,
Speaker 1: but I'm missing her because she's so sleek and fast,
Speaker 1: and when she gets in the mood like this, she
Speaker 1: does not listen to any commands. She hasn't been trained
Speaker 1: in that way. She's a bird dog and she hasn't
Speaker 1: been trained for that either. It's just instinctive in her.
Speaker 1: So this poor little chicken is getting feathers, just ripped off.
Speaker 1: And finally I'm able to as the chicken goes under me,
Speaker 1: I'm able to grab Luna as she's coming towards me,
Speaker 1: and I grab her and a flip her over and
Speaker 1: a and a position of dominance, and I pin her
Speaker 1: shoulders back to the ground, you know, in a position
Speaker 1: of dominance like dogs do to each other. And I'm
Speaker 1: pinning her shoulders back to the ground, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: but I am dying inside because I'm so tired. I
Speaker 1: haven't made athletic moves like that in ten years, sprinting
Speaker 1: and cutting, and who knows tomorrow what kind of sots
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have. So I'm holding her down and Amber
Speaker 1: is going to get a new battery for her collar,
Speaker 1: and she puts the you know, kind of gets the
Speaker 1: chickens out of the way, and she replaces the the
Speaker 1: battery and the collar. And then as I'm handing Luna
Speaker 1: off to Amber, she's off again. She slips between my
Speaker 1: hand and Amber's hand as we're doing the trade off.
Speaker 1: And now Luna is heading towards the entire flock of
Speaker 1: chickens at the coop and she's just taking out chicken
Speaker 1: whatever comes close to her. She's biting and ripping feathers.
Speaker 1: Chickens are running everywhere. So here I am sprinting again,
Speaker 1: this time on a gravel road, falling all over the
Speaker 1: gravel road as my shoes are slipping on the gravel,
Speaker 1: landing on my hands, landing on my elbows, just trying
Speaker 1: to grab Luna, finally get her again, get her situated
Speaker 1: back in the barn with the other dog, and made my.
Speaker 2: Way up here to do this podcast.
Speaker 1: So that is my mentality, that's my mindset going into
Speaker 1: this podcast. And I'll try my best to answer these
Speaker 1: questions now with my heart rate up and soreness impending
Speaker 1: on me tomorrow. I answer your questions. That's the format
Speaker 1: of this podcast, and you email me at podcast at
Speaker 1: Granger's dot com, podcast at grangersmith dot com. Ask me
Speaker 1: anything about life, whatever you want. We'll walk through it.
Speaker 1: And I don't have all the right answers.
Speaker 2: I just have.
Speaker 1: A biblical worldview, and I'll treat you as I would
Speaker 1: any other friend in the cab of a truck. The
Speaker 1: first one comes from Jamie and it says, Hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: I loved the episode with you and Marv. It was
Speaker 1: really interesting to hear his perspective on things and he
Speaker 1: seems like a really great guy. Yes, Marv is a
Speaker 1: great guy, she says. My question is a follow up
Speaker 1: regarding should the husband and wife both work outside the home.
Speaker 1: I agree that a strong home life is quite possibly
Speaker 1: the most important thing for a child. That said, I
Speaker 1: am a fire That said, I am a firefighter, and
Speaker 1: my wife is in school to be a nurse.
Speaker 2: So now I'm seeing Jamie's actually a guy's name.
Speaker 1: I know a lot of other couples in similar situations
Speaker 1: who are able to work opposing days and keep a
Speaker 1: parent at home at all times. We both feel called
Speaker 1: for a number of reasons to serve in this way
Speaker 1: using the talents we were given. I'm curious your thoughts
Speaker 1: on situations such as this where the wife isn't working
Speaker 1: just to pay for a lifestyle, but rather because she
Speaker 1: feels called to do so in a specific area. The
Speaker 1: dual income is more of a side effect and also
Speaker 1: helps pay back the needed student loans. Your podcast has
Speaker 1: changed my life completely and I'm forever grateful. I don't
Speaker 1: know where I would be if I hadn't listened that
Speaker 1: very first time. Thanks and God blessed Jamie. Hey, Jamie,
Speaker 1: thank you buddy very much. And I love your question
Speaker 1: because you articulated very well the situation, and you kind
Speaker 1: of cut me off at probably common questions that you
Speaker 1: thought I might ask, For instance, what's the reason both
Speaker 1: of you are working, and you're saying it's not financial,
Speaker 1: that's a perk, but it's because we both feel called
Speaker 1: in the specific area. And you also made it clear
Speaker 1: that it's possible and you've seen it work where other
Speaker 1: people do opposing work shifts so that there is a
Speaker 1: parent at home in all days, all times. And you
Speaker 1: also said, which I believe you said, a strong home
Speaker 1: life is quite possibly the most important thing for a child.
Speaker 2: I agree, and I.
Speaker 1: Appreciate your vulnerability and vulnerability opening up on something like this,
Speaker 1: and I want to walk through it with you because
Speaker 1: there's a couple of things that I think we should
Speaker 1: discuss in one although Okay, first of all, we're gonna
Speaker 1: completely you already did this, but for everyone listening here,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna completely throw out the scenario of both parents
Speaker 1: absolutely have to work just to get by, just to
Speaker 1: put food on the table for the kids. Both parents
Speaker 1: have to work, and that's and the dad is is
Speaker 1: also working a few jobs. So that is not the
Speaker 1: case here. So don't anything I'm about to say, don't say, granger,
Speaker 1: what if, what if, because that.
Speaker 2: Is not a what if in this situation.
Speaker 1: Okay, Secondly, there is something biologically, emotionally nurturing, very different
Speaker 1: between a father and a mother. God made a father
Speaker 1: and the mother to co inhabit a home because of
Speaker 1: that was the creation order. That's why he created the
Speaker 1: differences between the husband and the differences between the wife.
Speaker 1: That translates into being a father and a mother in
Speaker 1: different ways.
Speaker 2: And children need both.
Speaker 1: Don't think right now that what I'm saying is it's
Speaker 1: not possible to raise kids in a single family household,
Speaker 1: single parent household. Don't think I'm saying that it's not
Speaker 1: possible to have a good upbringing with only one parent.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying, I'm saying ideally, in creation, it was intended. Now,
Speaker 1: after the fall, a lot of the intentions are lost
Speaker 1: because of sin, but the intended creation was that a
Speaker 1: man and a woman would co parent and each having
Speaker 1: very important attributes that they pass on to the child
Speaker 1: through parenting. And I don't have to get into science
Speaker 1: here to let anyone know that it's very evident what
Speaker 1: the father brings in different aspects to the table of
Speaker 1: parenting and what the mother brings. That being said, standing
Speaker 1: on that foundation when the children are young, it is
Speaker 1: in many ways more valuable to have the mother raising
Speaker 1: the young ones full time. If you were going to
Speaker 1: if you're going to pick, if you had two parents
Speaker 1: co parenting in a household, you said, okay, with young kids,
Speaker 1: which one is better, the father or the mother historically,
Speaker 1: and it's I don't have to really twist your arm
Speaker 1: on this, and according to creation order anyway, the answer
Speaker 1: is to mother. That's why you get the term motherly instinct.
Speaker 1: That's that's why people that you know, you know, throw
Speaker 1: out terms like mother Earth when they think of nurturing
Speaker 1: and balance and and sensitivity and sympathy, they you think
Speaker 1: of that is in terms of a mother a hen
Speaker 1: a mama hen right. And that's not just humans, it's
Speaker 1: you see it throughout most of all of creation, through
Speaker 1: all the animal kingdom.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So that's why I would make an argument against saying, well,
Speaker 1: we want to do the best we can, so we're
Speaker 1: gonna the father is gonna parent when the mother's on shift,
Speaker 1: and the mother's gonna parent when the father's on shift.
Speaker 1: What I'm trying to say here is not that hey,
Speaker 1: don't do that, that's bad. I'm trying to say, that's
Speaker 1: not the way it's supposed to be. And when you
Speaker 1: go against the way it's supposed to be in our nature.
Speaker 1: Then you're gonna fight some battles, and there's gonna be
Speaker 1: there's gonna be some casualties in that battle. There's gonna
Speaker 1: be some sacrifices you have to make, and you're not
Speaker 1: gonna be able to live up to the full potential
Speaker 1: of your nature if you fight against it in that way. Right, Listen,
Speaker 1: This isn't like a dominance perspective or like a textbook
Speaker 1: way to say things without emotion.
Speaker 2: What I mean.
Speaker 1: What I mean is your own conscience can attest to
Speaker 1: what I'm saying just by looking around you and how
Speaker 1: you interact with the world, how most likely you interacted.
Speaker 2: With your mother and your father.
Speaker 1: It's how I interacted with my mother and father, and
Speaker 1: it's also how I interact with my kids. Now, I
Speaker 1: don't have the capability. I don't have the capacity to
Speaker 1: nurture my kids at the same level in the same
Speaker 1: way as Amber does.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong, I have capabilities of doing things
Speaker 1: that Amber cannot. I have the ability to think about
Speaker 1: this a lot to I have the ability to enable
Speaker 1: long term compassion. She has a better ability to enable
Speaker 1: short term compassion. For instance, when Lincoln falls down and
Speaker 1: hurts and skins his knee chasing a chicken. Amber has
Speaker 1: the capability in a really good way to have instant
Speaker 1: compassion on the situation, let's clean this off, let's get
Speaker 1: some hydrogen peroxide, and let's get a band aid. That's
Speaker 1: not where my mind goes. My mind goes, he's gonna
Speaker 1: be fine, Brush it off, get up, You're fine. And
Speaker 1: that's not because I don't care about his pain or
Speaker 1: his immediate compassion. What I do care about is him
Speaker 1: learning in the long run to be able to get
Speaker 1: up and go and shake things off, because life is
Speaker 1: gonna come at you hard, and so I want him
Speaker 1: to be able to have a tolerance for pain so
Speaker 1: that he could press forward in this world. And that
Speaker 1: is long term compassion, That is caring about his long
Speaker 1: term well being, as opposed to Amber, who cares more
Speaker 1: and rightly so, for his short term well being, and
Speaker 1: she thinks less of get up, shake it off, You're
Speaker 1: gonna be fine.
Speaker 2: On the road.
Speaker 1: We both Amber and I both have the capability of
Speaker 1: dabbling in that. Of course I care now about his knee,
Speaker 1: and of course, and of course she cares about the
Speaker 1: long term, get up, shake it off. But I'm saying
Speaker 1: I care more about it in that area, and she
Speaker 1: cares more about it in that area. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: And that's not something we develop or that's not something
Speaker 1: that we've evolved into that we could now de evolve from.
Speaker 2: It's just the way we're created. And so.
Speaker 1: Let me hit something else on this to continue to
Speaker 1: answer your question, and the question is to remind everybody,
Speaker 1: is it okay for both parents to work outside of
Speaker 1: the home with kids at home so that you could
Speaker 1: fulfill a calling that you have in a specific area.
Speaker 1: And this this instance, service base, calling to help students kids,
Speaker 1: or as far as Jamie's concerned, firefighting, So very honorable positions.
Speaker 1: I'm you know, That's what I'm trying to say on
Speaker 1: both of these instances.
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 1: Knowing what you already know that quite possibly the most
Speaker 1: important thing for a child is a strong home life.
Speaker 1: And I've already established that I believe in the created order,
Speaker 1: a strong home life must include, if possible, the mother
Speaker 1: staying at home, regardless of a call that the mother
Speaker 1: has in a specific area. Now here's the beautiful thing
Speaker 1: about this. This is a beautiful thing and I hope
Speaker 1: I've laid this all out in a fair way. The
Speaker 1: beautiful thing is kids are at home for such a
Speaker 1: short time, such a short window, and I'm talking about
Speaker 1: infant to toddler to kindergarten. And once the kids the
Speaker 1: lowest child hits kindergarten, the youngest child hits kindergarten, the
Speaker 1: mother all of a sudden is freed up during the
Speaker 1: day and has the ability to start dabbling in the
Speaker 1: calling of that specific area you referred to, Jamie. And
Speaker 1: then it's just a blink of an eye, a flash.
Speaker 1: When the last kid graduates high school. You have the
Speaker 1: rest of your life, which is the majority of your life.
Speaker 1: The minority of your life is raising kids at home.
Speaker 1: That is gone in an instant and the rest of
Speaker 1: your life a long time, Lord willing, the kids are gone,
Speaker 1: and then you are now free and clear without guilt
Speaker 1: to pursue that calling in the specific area, in this case,
Speaker 1: to be a teacher. And I think that's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1: And I believe to answer your question, that's the right
Speaker 1: thing to do, To deny yourself and be self sacrificing
Speaker 1: towards the children. I think that's the right thing to
Speaker 1: do as a mother, And for like the tenth time,
Speaker 1: I hope I built that scenario in not some kind
Speaker 1: of domineering way, but more more towards showing the highlighted
Speaker 1: strengths of the mother and the father, and the father
Speaker 1: just doesn't have the strength that the talent, that's the
Speaker 1: ability to empathize compassionately in a way that is better
Speaker 1: than the mother at raising the children. And I'll tell
Speaker 1: you this and last thing, certainly better than a daycare
Speaker 1: system of any kind. Somebody is going to raise your kids,
Speaker 1: regardless whether it's a prison warden, or it's a school teacher,
Speaker 1: or it's a football coach, or it's a parent. Somebody
Speaker 1: is going to raise those kids. Don't you want it
Speaker 1: to be you are? Would you rather someone else raise them?
Speaker 1: And you follow the calling you feel is on your
Speaker 1: life to be a teacher? The choice is yours. But
Speaker 1: I think that's a clear answer. Next question comes from
Speaker 1: Nathaniel says, Hey, Grangel, I'm sixteen years old and recently
Speaker 1: out of behavioral health residential treatment. I've been out for
Speaker 1: three months and I'm already drinking heavy, smoking nicotine, and
Speaker 1: watching porn constantly. I want help, but I don't feel
Speaker 1: like I could tell my parents because I don't want
Speaker 1: to go back to treatment. Yeah, thanks for being honest, Nathaniel.
Speaker 1: And I want to tell you first of all that
Speaker 1: there is hope. You're never without hope. As long as
Speaker 1: you're breathing air on this planet. You have hope and
Speaker 1: a savior, and that is Jesus to free you from
Speaker 1: the slavery of sin that.
Speaker 2: You're in right now.
Speaker 1: It doesn't release you from being free of sin, but
Speaker 1: you're free from being a slave to it where you
Speaker 1: can no longer make any other decisions. But it right.
Speaker 1: So after I say that, I will say too that
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not totally into behavior health residential treatment centers.
Speaker 1: I'm not totally into that, and I do see failures
Speaker 1: all the time with that. Probably we're seeing something that
Speaker 1: connects to the first question with Nathaniel. If I was
Speaker 1: betting on the situation, which I'm not, if I was
Speaker 1: going to wager on the situation, I would say something
Speaker 1: in that first question I just answered about parenting is
Speaker 1: involved in this second question with a failure of it.
Speaker 1: Most likely now, of course there's situations where it's not.
Speaker 1: But and I think that also comes with the fear
Speaker 1: you have of telling your parents for fear that they
Speaker 1: will put you back in this treatment instead of taking
Speaker 1: it on themselves self sacrificially, if that makes sense, Nathan Nathaniel,
Speaker 1: what you're doing here drinking heavy, smoking nicotine, watching porn constantly.
Speaker 1: The drinking heavy thing is the only thing that can
Speaker 1: turn into alcoholism, which is detrimental. So nicotine could be
Speaker 1: quit and porn can be quit. Not to minimize those
Speaker 1: two things. They are both chemical addictions in a way,
Speaker 1: and we'll talk about that on a an upcoming podcast exclusively,
Speaker 1: so stay tuned for that. But you're you're drinking heavy,
Speaker 1: smoking nicotine, watching porn, there there is always a common
Speaker 1: denominator behind that, if you think about it. So those three,
Speaker 1: those three things are very different from each other, but
Speaker 1: you can't you can't try to tackle with a treatment
Speaker 1: facility each one specifically, Like we're gonna deal with alcohol,
Speaker 1: and now we're gonna deal with the nicotine addiction. Now,
Speaker 1: now we're gonna deal with the porn. They're so different
Speaker 1: it would take different treatment facilities and different different activities
Speaker 1: and therapy treatments to handle each one. Unless you realize,
Speaker 1: I think there's a common denominator. I think there's a
Speaker 1: common cause of this, and the common cause of all
Speaker 1: of them is the same common cause I.
Speaker 2: Have, and that's sin.
Speaker 1: All have sin and fall short of the glory of God.
Speaker 1: And the only answer to sin is the one who
Speaker 1: defeated it, and that is Jesus. The way this is
Speaker 1: laid out is through the Bible, the revealed Word telling
Speaker 1: us who he is and what he did for sin. Now,
Speaker 1: what I would say after at this point is a
Speaker 1: good faithful, healthy church is better in this instant than
Speaker 1: you going to a residential treatment facility and failing yet again,
Speaker 1: going to a church and saying, show me what to do.
Speaker 1: I need help. If you went to a good, faithful,
Speaker 1: healthy church, you notice I had to articulate that, because
Speaker 1: just like hospitals, there's good hospitals and bad hospitals. That
Speaker 1: doesn't mean when you see a bad doctor, it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you stop trusting hospitals. It means you go to
Speaker 1: a good hospital with good doctors. And if you're doing
Speaker 1: that with a good church with good pastors, and you
Speaker 1: wholeheartedly come in and go I need help. I'm sixteen,
Speaker 1: these are my problems.
Speaker 2: Show me what to do. And then Nathaniel, you do it,
Speaker 2: you will be healed.
Speaker 1: That is I don't take that lightly that I just
Speaker 1: said it that way, and I will never retract what
Speaker 1: I said in that way. If you go to a
Speaker 1: Bible believing, good faithful, healthy church with good pastors and
Speaker 1: you tell them I have this problem and they give
Speaker 1: you solutions that are it's not.
Speaker 2: A one and done, it's a walk. It's a continual walk.
Speaker 1: And you say tell me what to do, They show
Speaker 1: you the walk, they say, imitate me, You follow them.
Speaker 2: You do what they say, you will be healed.
Speaker 1: And every month that goes by, every year that goes by,
Speaker 1: you'll become better and less reliant.
Speaker 2: On those old things. That's it. I'm sorry, buddy that
Speaker 2: you're in this situation to begin with.
Speaker 1: The show is sponsored by Betterhelp. So what's the first
Speaker 1: thing you would do if you had an extra hour
Speaker 1: in your day?
Speaker 2: Mike?
Speaker 1: Would you go for a run, take a nap, read
Speaker 1: a book, show up for a friend. I don't know
Speaker 1: your answer, but a lot of us spend our lives
Speaker 1: wishing we had more time. No one on their deathbed
Speaker 1: looks back and says I had too much time. The
Speaker 1: question is time for what if time was unlimited, how
Speaker 1: would you use it. The best way to squeeze that
Speaker 1: special thing into your schedule is to know what's important
Speaker 1: to you and make that a priority. You know, therapy
Speaker 1: could help you find what matters to you, so then
Speaker 1: you could do more of that. And that's what therapy
Speaker 1: did for Amber and I when we went after losing
Speaker 1: riv We were able to see what was triggering us,
Speaker 1: what was important to us, what was a priority to us,
Speaker 1: and then we were able to go back and use
Speaker 1: that less of the triggers, more the priorities. This shouldn't
Speaker 1: just be for me and Amber. If you are thinking
Speaker 1: about starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online.
Speaker 1: It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.
Speaker 1: Just fill out this brief questionnaire to get matched with
Speaker 1: the licensed therapist and then you can switch therapist at
Speaker 1: any time for no additional charge.
Speaker 2: It's super convenient and no green couches.
Speaker 1: Learn to make time for what makes you happy with
Speaker 1: Better Help. Visit Betterhelp dot com slash granger today and
Speaker 1: get ten percent off your first month. That's Better Help
Speaker 1: h e lp dot com slash granger. If you want
Speaker 1: to get a hold of me for any reason. Have
Speaker 1: you thought about cameo. Cameo allows you to reach out
Speaker 1: to me, send me a message or something you want
Speaker 1: me to say, like, Hey, Granger, can you tell my
Speaker 1: brother John happy birthday for me? He's a fan, he
Speaker 1: listens to the podcast, etc.
Speaker 2: Etc.
Speaker 1: And then I can get my phone out, turn my
Speaker 1: camera on and do a selfie where it's like, what's up, John,
Speaker 1: I heard from your brother Mark, and I wanted to
Speaker 1: say happy birthday, man, thank you for listening to the podcast.
Speaker 1: Hope to see one of these days. Maybe whatever you
Speaker 1: want me to say. It's super easy, very convenient, and
Speaker 1: a great gift for someone that has everything, or a
Speaker 1: great last minute gift if you haven't gotten them anything
Speaker 1: in the days tomorrow or today. Cameo dot com slash Grangersmith.
Speaker 1: That's how you find me, c ame eo dot com
Speaker 1: slash Grangersmith. Next question comes from Bastian says, Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: my name is Bastian and I love your podcast and
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you helping so many people out. I
Speaker 1: have been a singer since high school and I've seen country,
Speaker 1: but I've always had trouble writing the melody and the
Speaker 1: chord progressions.
Speaker 2: I've got a couple.
Speaker 1: I've got a bunch of lyrics, but I don't know
Speaker 1: where they go, where to go from here? And I
Speaker 1: would really appreciate any advice on how to overcome this issue. Again,
Speaker 1: love the podcast, Take care of Bastian. Hey, Bastian, appreciate you, buddy,
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for emailing. And your question is you
Speaker 1: write lyrics. I'm telling myself this as I reached I
Speaker 1: don't read these questions before Handel you've had trouble writing
Speaker 1: melody and chord progressions, but you like you're a lyricist. Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, some people are just lyricist, and there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that. You're a poet, And there are
Speaker 1: other people that only write melodies and they're just not
Speaker 1: great lyricist. Because you can write a chord progression in
Speaker 1: your head, you could sing something, but maybe you're just
Speaker 1: not happy with the way it comes out. And there
Speaker 1: are people that do really good melodies but not really
Speaker 1: happy with the way they do lyrics. So my first
Speaker 1: encouragement is to find those people, find your match, find
Speaker 1: the person that does melody, and you'll have some great
Speaker 1: songs that way, And then secondly, I would I would
Speaker 1: encourage you to learn an instrument and learn it. If
Speaker 1: you say I do know guitar or piano, I would
Speaker 1: say learn it better. The more you know your way
Speaker 1: around a piano or a guitar, the more naturally you're
Speaker 1: going to feel and hear melodies, and the easier it
Speaker 1: is at that point to put your lyrics on top
Speaker 1: of it. So either get together with someone that writes
Speaker 1: melody and you write lyrics, or start advancing through practice
Speaker 1: you playing piano and guitar. Next question comes from anonymous.
Speaker 1: It says, mister Smith, my wife and I are in
Speaker 1: the middle of a divorce and were not at all together.
Speaker 2: It's been rough.
Speaker 1: I found myself in a very dark place and in
Speaker 1: a bad rut. I knew my options were that the
Speaker 1: divorce or possibly another attempt at suicide. I'm grateful to
Speaker 1: survive one. But while this was all going on and
Speaker 1: it seems like all my life is in a dark cloud,
Speaker 1: I met a woman who likes me. She didn't know
Speaker 1: the story or anything. She just thought I was genuine.
Speaker 1: She makes me happy, She treats me like a man
Speaker 1: and is super supportive. She has a son just like me,
Speaker 1: she's an awesome mom and someone who shares faith in
Speaker 1: God like I do. My ex wife didn't at all
Speaker 1: believe in any of that. My question is am I
Speaker 1: a bad guy for already finding someone? I didn't expect
Speaker 1: any of this. It happens so random. Thank you for
Speaker 1: your time, Granger. Okay, Anonymous, bad divorce. There is a
Speaker 1: kid involved. We learned that from the second paragraph. But
Speaker 1: your main question is should I feel guilty for finding
Speaker 1: someone so soon after such a bad experience with the
Speaker 1: first one. So I would say, first of all, no,
Speaker 1: you're not a bad guy for doing that. You're a
Speaker 1: bad guy because you're a sinner like me. And that's
Speaker 1: the inherent problem that we answered a few questions ago.
Speaker 1: So we have to know what the common denominator is
Speaker 1: and why we're bad. That's the first thing we need
Speaker 1: to know. We're not bad because of an action or
Speaker 1: a decision or a bad way before that.
Speaker 2: We have corrupt hearts. That's the problem, and we need
Speaker 2: new hearts.
Speaker 1: I don't believe you, Anonymous. I don't believe you that
Speaker 1: you are a man of God. And I say that
Speaker 1: because you said she's an awesome mom and someone who
Speaker 1: shares faith in God like I do. I don't believe
Speaker 1: in your faith in God. And the reason I say
Speaker 1: it is because because the way you approached suicide with
Speaker 1: no trust in any kind of good plan. That's not
Speaker 1: a judgment on you, that's simply an acknowledgment that I
Speaker 1: don't believe you're there yet. Let me put it that way.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you're out of the race. I just
Speaker 1: don't mean I don't believe you've really opened the door,
Speaker 1: the door to think about what faith in God actually means.
Speaker 1: I think you just say it because that's what we
Speaker 1: say in America. They say, yeah, man, God, first, family,
Speaker 1: second job, third. We certainly don't live that way, and
Speaker 1: I don't think we really even believe it until our
Speaker 1: eyes are opened to it. So that's my first challenge
Speaker 1: to you, is what does that mean to have faith
Speaker 1: in God and live that out? That's my challenge to you.
Speaker 1: But that's not your question. That's a that's just a
Speaker 1: something I'm talking about here, something I'm noticing with your email. Yes,
Speaker 1: there is a danger. I believe you think there's a danger,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna agree with you.
Speaker 2: Although you didn't say it.
Speaker 1: I think the reason you you emailed me is because
Speaker 1: not a lot of time has gone by, and you're
Speaker 1: starting to wonder is it too soon? Am I rebounding?
Speaker 1: Am I just going to this girl because she's saying
Speaker 1: the right things? Am I just going from one problem
Speaker 1: into another potential problem. I don't think you would have
Speaker 1: emailed me unless you've thought that deep down, because I
Speaker 1: think if enough time had gone by and you had
Speaker 1: truly healed and you met a wonderful woman.
Speaker 2: Then I think I think you would You wouldn't email me.
Speaker 2: You'd be like, this is great.
Speaker 1: No one needs to tell me good or bad. This
Speaker 1: is She's great, and I've healed and and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: make her happy and I'm gonna serve her, and she's
Speaker 1: gonna serve me.
Speaker 2: This is great.
Speaker 1: But that's not the case. I believe you're emailing me
Speaker 1: because you haven't healed yet. And since that's the case,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say I think there's a danger here of
Speaker 1: you repeating. I think there's a danger with you not
Speaker 1: being out of the dark place and bad rut that
Speaker 1: you talked about earlier. And there is a way out
Speaker 1: of a dark place and a bad rut that I
Speaker 1: personally have been in myself, and that's through redemption of
Speaker 1: a savior and not through a cute girl that says
Speaker 1: some really nice things about me. So yeah, I would
Speaker 1: say be careful. Let me go straight to your question.
Speaker 1: My question is am I a bad guy for already
Speaker 1: finding someone? You're not a bad guy for already finding someone.
Speaker 1: You were bad before that same as me. But it
Speaker 1: is probably unwise that you're in a relationship this soon,
Speaker 1: and so practically speaking, guard your heart, pump the brakes,
Speaker 1: don't move in with her, be very careful to not
Speaker 1: get her son to attach to you and your son
Speaker 1: attached to her. Let some time go by so that
Speaker 1: you could have the appropriate time to heal, and then
Speaker 1: plant yourself in a good Bible believing church with people
Speaker 1: around you, brothers and sisters around you that could lift
Speaker 1: you up and encourage you and.
Speaker 2: Attest to you.
Speaker 1: Hey, we love this girl, anonymous, We love this girl
Speaker 1: you're with and we think she's great. Or hey, we
Speaker 1: think it's a little too soon for you to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship, and we would advise you to slow
Speaker 1: this down a little bit so that way you don't
Speaker 1: have to email this podcast. And that's for any question
Speaker 1: anyone has. I would advise if you're in a good
Speaker 1: Bible believing church with members of the church that support
Speaker 1: and encourage you and love you, then you don't need
Speaker 1: this podcast at all. Next question comes from Eli. It says,
Speaker 1: Hey Granger, I'm a longtime listener. I love your book
Speaker 1: like a river. I'm twenty four from Whitesville, Kentucky. I'm
Speaker 1: a volunteer firefighter EMT and a pipefitter. My wife of
Speaker 1: three months walked out on me February of twenty twenty four.
Speaker 1: Little backstory. We met and started dating back in August
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty three, and I got married in November
Speaker 1: and had the usual arguments about money, but for the
Speaker 1: most part, our relationship was good and full of love.
Speaker 1: I'm messaging you because I need some advice because she
Speaker 1: is twenty weeks pregnant as of March seventh, and I've
Speaker 1: been gone for a month now. I haven't gotten much
Speaker 1: of an explanation for her leaving, other than she doesn't
Speaker 1: want to be married anymore and she doesn't even want
Speaker 1: to talk to me. I prayed about it, and recently
Speaker 1: she's back with her ex that she dated before me.
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do now and or how
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a good father with a child
Speaker 1: that's growing up into households.
Speaker 2: I appreciate the advice.
Speaker 1: All right, Eli, let's dive into this. Thanks for emailing
Speaker 1: buddy man. That's that's a quick turnaround. You started dating,
Speaker 1: you met in August of twenty three, you married in
Speaker 1: November of twenty three. What just a few months between
Speaker 1: meeting and marriage, and then you divorced in February of
Speaker 1: twenty four. I'm not sure, Eli, I'm not sure how
Speaker 1: this happened, or why this happened, or where your buddies
Speaker 1: are or your family that allowed this to happen. But
Speaker 1: back to the question before this, where we need to
Speaker 1: be surrounded by solid character people that we can give,
Speaker 1: we could ask advice from, They could lift us up,
Speaker 1: they can encourage.
Speaker 2: I just said the same thing last question.
Speaker 1: If you don't do this, then I'm speaking to anyone,
Speaker 1: not you, Eli, I'm speaking to everyone. If you don't
Speaker 1: do this, you have a huge likelihood of being deceived.
Speaker 1: If you don't have people around you that are clear thinking,
Speaker 1: good character, good integrity. If you're not surrounding yourself by that,
Speaker 1: then you have full reign against anyone that might come
Speaker 1: and take you off the rails, and you are being deceived.
Speaker 2: That's just it.
Speaker 1: That's definitely what happened here. You were deceived and there
Speaker 1: was no one around you. I'm assuming or you just
Speaker 1: didn't listen to anybody, but I'm assuming there weren't people
Speaker 1: around you that walked you through this and counseled you
Speaker 1: against marrying this person within two months of August September, October,
Speaker 1: but three months of meeting her and then divorced three
Speaker 1: months after that, you met married and divorced in a
Speaker 1: six month period. That there's nothing wise about that on
Speaker 1: any of those three turns. And now she's pregnant, and
Speaker 1: so after all that commentary, the only card you have
Speaker 1: left to play in this scenario is to be a
Speaker 1: good father to that child. And the only way practically
Speaker 1: to be a good father to that child is to
Speaker 1: be in a close proximity. By the way, the whole thing, hey,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be married anymore, and then she's
Speaker 1: back with the ex. That is just that's so normal,
Speaker 1: that's so predictable. She didn't just wake up and say
Speaker 1: I don't want to be married. She already had her
Speaker 1: eye on someone else that was sweet talking her. So
Speaker 1: now you've got this baby coming, you got to stay
Speaker 1: close to the baby. The only way to be a
Speaker 1: good father is to be there for the child, to
Speaker 1: be involved, to be active, to live down the road,
Speaker 1: to be the one that takes them to school and
Speaker 1: volleyball and soccer practice and all the things church. You
Speaker 1: gotta do that. So that's the only car do you
Speaker 1: have left to play? And let me just say again
Speaker 1: like I've probably said the last four questions, and then.
Speaker 2: Join a good, solid, faithful church.
Speaker 1: Next question comes from anonymous again, and this one says,
Speaker 1: after my husband went on a men's encounter, he came
Speaker 1: back and confessed he had been doing porn and sometimes
Speaker 1: he would secretly drink while driving home from work. I
Speaker 1: accepted this like a Christian wife should.
Speaker 2: No nagging.
Speaker 1: Now a year later, I've been smelling alcohol on his
Speaker 1: breath occasionally.
Speaker 2: What do I do?
Speaker 1: Drinking and driving is not okay? Do I continue praying
Speaker 1: or confront He will most likely deny it. He serves
Speaker 1: regularly in the church and is respected. That's a key
Speaker 1: thing here. He serves regularly in the church and is respected.
Speaker 1: Remember that thing I said earlier about doctors. When there's
Speaker 1: one bad doctor, it doesn't mean you stop going to hospitals.
Speaker 1: You just have to recognize the bad doctor. So here
Speaker 1: we go. I've been preaching let's get involved with church,
Speaker 1: and here we got a guy that is involved, that
Speaker 1: is well respected within the church, and he has a
Speaker 1: major problem, most likely hiding alcoholism.
Speaker 2: So let's dive in. Let's dive in.
Speaker 1: The First thing I want to say is I don't
Speaker 1: like the sentence I accepted this like a Christian wife
Speaker 1: should know nagging.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't like that sentence. I don't like the implications
Speaker 1: of it. It sounds weak. It sounds like you're a pushover.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you're carrying some title where you're just
Speaker 1: you're just supposed to appease the husband, and that's it.
Speaker 1: And I don't even like the word accepting. I would
Speaker 1: take forgive. I forgave him, right, but but with that,
Speaker 1: And it's good that he came to confess this stuff
Speaker 1: to you, and it's good that you didn't.
Speaker 2: Just leave him. So I like that, But but what.
Speaker 1: I want is he comes and confesses this and you say,
Speaker 1: I forgive.
Speaker 2: You, but let me walk with you. Now.
Speaker 1: Now that you've opened the door up to these secret sins.
Speaker 1: Let me walk with you so that we could walk
Speaker 1: together in the light, lean on me. That this is
Speaker 1: what this is what a good marriage should be. And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you don't have one or that you're
Speaker 1: not capable of it. I'm saying, look, this is what
Speaker 1: a good marriage should be. Two people that lean on
Speaker 1: each other the good and the bad times, completely open.
Speaker 2: And I like that.
Speaker 1: You say I'm not nagging, and that should that should
Speaker 1: open up an opportunity for him to say, I'm babe,
Speaker 1: I'm having a craving. I'm having a craving to go
Speaker 1: and buy some alcohol. And you say, good, Let's thank
Speaker 1: you for telling me. Let's work through this together. Let's
Speaker 1: let's replace this with something positive. Let's let me help
Speaker 1: you walk through this together.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: That's the way that I wanted that scenario to work out.
Speaker 1: It didn't, And that's why I say I don't like
Speaker 1: the sentence. I accepted this like a Christian wife should
Speaker 1: know nagging. That's why I don't like it, because that
Speaker 1: that implies you just you agree to brush it under
Speaker 1: the rug and forget about it, and you're being good
Speaker 1: by just not nagging. And I want you to nag,
Speaker 1: not in a bad, naggy way, but I want you
Speaker 1: to and I want you to be able to say.
Speaker 2: Are you good? Are you good? Are you good? So
Speaker 2: there's a difference in saying I know you're gonna mess
Speaker 2: up again.
Speaker 1: Oh I should have known you're gonna mess this all
Speaker 1: up for us and our family. There's a difference between that,
Speaker 1: and there's a difference in you saying, hey, are you good?
Speaker 1: You stayed up late last night, You didn't come to
Speaker 1: bed till after I was asleep.
Speaker 2: Are you good?
Speaker 1: I saw your phone was out on the cabinet in
Speaker 1: the kitchen and it wasn't plugged in. I'm assuming you're
Speaker 1: up late with your phone.
Speaker 2: Are you good? Hey, I noticed the garage went up
Speaker 2: last night and you left.
Speaker 1: Are you good? Are you good? Can I help you?
Speaker 1: How can I encourage you? That's not nagging, that's persistence.
Speaker 1: There's a difference between the two. Right, I know you
Speaker 1: left last night. I know you're probably drinking.
Speaker 2: That would be bad. Don't do that. How can I
Speaker 2: help you? Are you good? Let me help you? That's good? Okay.
Speaker 1: Now that's the past and now here's the present. You
Speaker 1: have been smelling alcohol on his breath, occasionally drinking and
Speaker 1: driver is on. Okay, do I continue praying or confront?
Speaker 1: But well, first of all, there doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: one or the other. Do I continue praying or do
Speaker 1: I confront? You don't have to choose. You're always going
Speaker 1: to continue praying for your husband. Wives, pray for your
Speaker 1: husband's please, Wives, pray for your husbands. Please, don't stop
Speaker 1: even when they're doing good. Wives, don't forget to pray
Speaker 1: for your husband's. Now.
Speaker 2: Do you confront?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, But there's a way to confront without tearing into him,
Speaker 1: without belittling him. Look, babe, you've been You've had a
Speaker 1: lot going on at work. I want you to know
Speaker 1: I want to continue to be here for you. And
Speaker 1: you remember that thing you told me you confessed a
Speaker 1: year ago or so. Remember when you said that and
Speaker 1: I told you I wanted to be here for you.
Speaker 2: I still do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: But I also want to tell you I feel like
Speaker 1: I've been smelling alcohol in your breath and I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna judge you for that. I'm just gonna say I
Speaker 1: want to walk through this with you. Let's bring this
Speaker 1: to the light so that nothing worse happens. Okay, So
Speaker 1: that's what I want you to do. That's the confrontation I'd.
Speaker 2: Like to see.
Speaker 1: And then something else. And this is the part you
Speaker 1: don't want. This is the part you don't want to do.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna tell you.
Speaker 2: You gotta go to the church because if he is.
Speaker 1: Serving the church, they have to know, the hospital has
Speaker 1: to know about the sick doctor. You can't continue to
Speaker 1: let this go. There are things at stake here that
Speaker 1: are very important. So you confront him first, he's in
Speaker 1: the family. You tell him this. If he says, yes,
Speaker 1: I need help, let's do it. Great, you work through it.
Speaker 1: If he denies it, like you said he might. If
Speaker 1: he denies it, you say, I'm here for you. I
Speaker 1: want to be here for you, and you have to
Speaker 1: go to the church. You say, yeah, listen, I want
Speaker 1: to speak to the pastor and you And oh, here's
Speaker 1: another thing, so that you're so that this doesn't get
Speaker 1: bad for you. You should never meet in private with
Speaker 1: the pastor. Women don't meet in private with the pastor,
Speaker 1: especially telling problems about your husband.
Speaker 2: Don't do that. That's bad.
Speaker 1: So you want to have a counsel. The wife comes
Speaker 1: in with a council of pastors, and maybe even that
Speaker 1: the pastor's wives are there too, so that so that
Speaker 1: this doesn't turn into something worse for you, Right, that's
Speaker 1: a protection mechanism. And you say, I love my husband,
Speaker 1: I love this church. I fear that he's drinking again,
Speaker 1: and I don't think it's good to have a man
Speaker 1: that's drinking in private, possibly dealing with alcoholism, possible dealing
Speaker 1: with porn, most likely drinking and driving, serving the church
Speaker 1: and being respected. Something has to give before something worse happens.
Speaker 1: And on that path, Anonymous, something worse will happen unless
Speaker 1: you do this right now, you guys, we walked through
Speaker 1: some tough things on this podcast, and I want you
Speaker 1: to know, as I say a lot that by no
Speaker 1: means am I sitting here in this chair, this blue chair,
Speaker 1: with a microphone saying I'm right about this, I am
Speaker 1: right about this, do this.
Speaker 2: I'm right.
Speaker 1: That's not what I'm saying. The whole format of this
Speaker 1: podcast is if we were friends, this is what I
Speaker 1: would tell you if you came to me with the
Speaker 1: different issues that we got on this podcast today.
Speaker 2: This is what I would tell you. This is this
Speaker 2: is how I would lead you, and.
Speaker 1: They're usually more complicated because I don't know your reaction
Speaker 1: to it, and I don't know the rest of the story.
Speaker 1: So in a real life scenario, not that these aren't,
Speaker 1: but if I was really dealing with you, I would
Speaker 1: know more about it and we would wrestle through this
Speaker 1: together with a Bible with scripture right in front of us.
Speaker 1: But we don't, and so I just I'm making quick
Speaker 1: comments on very difficult questions. And that's why I say
Speaker 1: I don't want to stand here and say I'm right
Speaker 1: about all of these. I want to say with humility.
Speaker 1: We have to trust in the Lord. We have to
Speaker 1: give our hearts to the Lord. We have to run
Speaker 1: to our Savior. We have to realize we are sinners,
Speaker 1: all have fallen short, and we will not ever be
Speaker 1: able to bring glory to God. Our gain favor with
Speaker 1: God apart from the finished work of Jesus and what
Speaker 1: he did on the cross as a substitute for us,
Speaker 1: taking on the punishment that we deserved, so that he
Speaker 1: who knew no sin could become sin, so we could
Speaker 1: become the righteousness of God.
Speaker 2: We'll see you all next Monday.
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate
Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by
Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
Speaker 1: to this channel. Hit that little like button and notification
Speaker 1: spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
Speaker 1: YII