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Speaker 1: I don't like that sentence. I don't like the implications

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Speaker 1: of it. It sounds weak. It sounds like you're a pushover.

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Speaker 1: What's up, everybody, Welcome back to the podcast. Thanks for

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Speaker 1: being here to be honest with you. I was planning

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Speaker 1: on coming to do this podcast and I pulled into

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Speaker 1: the driveway and I heard my wife, Amber screaming, but

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Speaker 1: I knew the kind of scream that it was. It

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Speaker 1: was something to do with an animal, and she was

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Speaker 1: screaming Luna, Luna, and that's our German short hair, and

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Speaker 1: I instantly knew what must be happening. Luna's caller went out.

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Speaker 1: The battery ran out on her proximity collar, which gives

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Speaker 1: her and Remy, our other German short hair, a beep

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Speaker 1: when they start getting out of the proximity of the

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Speaker 1: barn where they live. They have plenty of room to run,

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Speaker 1: but they can't go a certain distance because we have chickens,

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Speaker 1: and the chickens run free. So I instantly knew what

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Speaker 1: was happening. As Amber was yelling, the battery had gone

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Speaker 1: out on Luna's collar and she was on a rampage

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Speaker 1: chasing a chicken. So I started sprinting this literally is

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Speaker 1: like fifteen minutes ago. I started sprinting. The chicken is

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Speaker 1: fast and Luna is a little bit faster. So between

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Speaker 1: flying and running with these little chicken legs, Luna is

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Speaker 1: just low to the ground, just full head of steam.

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Speaker 1: And every time she gets the chicken, she's ripping feathers.

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Speaker 1: I mean, she wants to kill ye. And so I

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Speaker 1: am trying to get to either one. I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: cut off this chase, and so it's the chicken's running

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Speaker 1: towards me. I try to cut it off, and the

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Speaker 1: chicken's going between my legs, and then I'm grabbing Luna,

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Speaker 1: but I'm missing her because she's so sleek and fast,

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Speaker 1: and when she gets in the mood like this, she

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Speaker 1: does not listen to any commands. She hasn't been trained

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Speaker 1: in that way. She's a bird dog and she hasn't

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Speaker 1: been trained for that either. It's just instinctive in her.

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Speaker 1: So this poor little chicken is getting feathers, just ripped off.

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Speaker 1: And finally I'm able to as the chicken goes under me,

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Speaker 1: I'm able to grab Luna as she's coming towards me,

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Speaker 1: and I grab her and a flip her over and

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Speaker 1: a and a position of dominance, and I pin her

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Speaker 1: shoulders back to the ground, you know, in a position

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Speaker 1: of dominance like dogs do to each other. And I'm

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Speaker 1: pinning her shoulders back to the ground, and I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: but I am dying inside because I'm so tired. I

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Speaker 1: haven't made athletic moves like that in ten years, sprinting

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Speaker 1: and cutting, and who knows tomorrow what kind of sots

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna have. So I'm holding her down and Amber

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Speaker 1: is going to get a new battery for her collar,

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Speaker 1: and she puts the you know, kind of gets the

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Speaker 1: chickens out of the way, and she replaces the the

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Speaker 1: battery and the collar. And then as I'm handing Luna

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Speaker 1: off to Amber, she's off again. She slips between my

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Speaker 1: hand and Amber's hand as we're doing the trade off.

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Speaker 1: And now Luna is heading towards the entire flock of

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Speaker 1: chickens at the coop and she's just taking out chicken

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Speaker 1: whatever comes close to her. She's biting and ripping feathers.

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Speaker 1: Chickens are running everywhere. So here I am sprinting again,

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Speaker 1: this time on a gravel road, falling all over the

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Speaker 1: gravel road as my shoes are slipping on the gravel,

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Speaker 1: landing on my hands, landing on my elbows, just trying

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Speaker 1: to grab Luna, finally get her again, get her situated

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Speaker 1: back in the barn with the other dog, and made my.

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Speaker 2: Way up here to do this podcast.

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Speaker 1: So that is my mentality, that's my mindset going into

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Speaker 1: this podcast. And I'll try my best to answer these

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Speaker 1: questions now with my heart rate up and soreness impending

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Speaker 1: on me tomorrow. I answer your questions. That's the format

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Speaker 1: of this podcast, and you email me at podcast at

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Speaker 1: Granger's dot com, podcast at grangersmith dot com. Ask me

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Speaker 1: anything about life, whatever you want. We'll walk through it.

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Speaker 1: And I don't have all the right answers.

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Speaker 2: I just have.

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Speaker 1: A biblical worldview, and I'll treat you as I would

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Speaker 1: any other friend in the cab of a truck. The

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Speaker 1: first one comes from Jamie and it says, Hey, Granger,

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Speaker 1: I loved the episode with you and Marv. It was

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Speaker 1: really interesting to hear his perspective on things and he

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Speaker 1: seems like a really great guy. Yes, Marv is a

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Speaker 1: great guy, she says. My question is a follow up

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Speaker 1: regarding should the husband and wife both work outside the home.

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Speaker 1: I agree that a strong home life is quite possibly

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Speaker 1: the most important thing for a child. That said, I

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Speaker 1: am a fire That said, I am a firefighter, and

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Speaker 1: my wife is in school to be a nurse.

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Speaker 2: So now I'm seeing Jamie's actually a guy's name.

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Speaker 1: I know a lot of other couples in similar situations

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Speaker 1: who are able to work opposing days and keep a

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Speaker 1: parent at home at all times. We both feel called

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Speaker 1: for a number of reasons to serve in this way

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Speaker 1: using the talents we were given. I'm curious your thoughts

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Speaker 1: on situations such as this where the wife isn't working

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Speaker 1: just to pay for a lifestyle, but rather because she

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Speaker 1: feels called to do so in a specific area. The

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Speaker 1: dual income is more of a side effect and also

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Speaker 1: helps pay back the needed student loans. Your podcast has

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Speaker 1: changed my life completely and I'm forever grateful. I don't

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Speaker 1: know where I would be if I hadn't listened that

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Speaker 1: very first time. Thanks and God blessed Jamie. Hey, Jamie,

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Speaker 1: thank you buddy very much. And I love your question

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Speaker 1: because you articulated very well the situation, and you kind

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Speaker 1: of cut me off at probably common questions that you

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Speaker 1: thought I might ask, For instance, what's the reason both

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Speaker 1: of you are working, and you're saying it's not financial,

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Speaker 1: that's a perk, but it's because we both feel called

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Speaker 1: in the specific area. And you also made it clear

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Speaker 1: that it's possible and you've seen it work where other

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Speaker 1: people do opposing work shifts so that there is a

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Speaker 1: parent at home in all days, all times. And you

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Speaker 1: also said, which I believe you said, a strong home

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Speaker 1: life is quite possibly the most important thing for a child.

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Speaker 2: I agree, and I.

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Speaker 1: Appreciate your vulnerability and vulnerability opening up on something like this,

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Speaker 1: and I want to walk through it with you because

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Speaker 1: there's a couple of things that I think we should

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Speaker 1: discuss in one although Okay, first of all, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: completely you already did this, but for everyone listening here,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna completely throw out the scenario of both parents

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Speaker 1: absolutely have to work just to get by, just to

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Speaker 1: put food on the table for the kids. Both parents

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Speaker 1: have to work, and that's and the dad is is

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Speaker 1: also working a few jobs. So that is not the

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Speaker 1: case here. So don't anything I'm about to say, don't say, granger,

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Speaker 1: what if, what if, because that.

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Speaker 2: Is not a what if in this situation.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Secondly, there is something biologically, emotionally nurturing, very different

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Speaker 1: between a father and a mother. God made a father

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Speaker 1: and the mother to co inhabit a home because of

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Speaker 1: that was the creation order. That's why he created the

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Speaker 1: differences between the husband and the differences between the wife.

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Speaker 1: That translates into being a father and a mother in

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Speaker 1: different ways.

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Speaker 2: And children need both.

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Speaker 1: Don't think right now that what I'm saying is it's

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Speaker 1: not possible to raise kids in a single family household,

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Speaker 1: single parent household. Don't think I'm saying that it's not

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Speaker 1: possible to have a good upbringing with only one parent.

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Speaker 1: What I'm saying, I'm saying ideally, in creation, it was intended. Now,

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Speaker 1: after the fall, a lot of the intentions are lost

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Speaker 1: because of sin, but the intended creation was that a

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Speaker 1: man and a woman would co parent and each having

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Speaker 1: very important attributes that they pass on to the child

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Speaker 1: through parenting. And I don't have to get into science

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Speaker 1: here to let anyone know that it's very evident what

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Speaker 1: the father brings in different aspects to the table of

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Speaker 1: parenting and what the mother brings. That being said, standing

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Speaker 1: on that foundation when the children are young, it is

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Speaker 1: in many ways more valuable to have the mother raising

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Speaker 1: the young ones full time. If you were going to

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Speaker 1: if you're going to pick, if you had two parents

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Speaker 1: co parenting in a household, you said, okay, with young kids,

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Speaker 1: which one is better, the father or the mother historically,

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Speaker 1: and it's I don't have to really twist your arm

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Speaker 1: on this, and according to creation order anyway, the answer

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Speaker 1: is to mother. That's why you get the term motherly instinct.

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Speaker 1: That's that's why people that you know, you know, throw

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Speaker 1: out terms like mother Earth when they think of nurturing

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Speaker 1: and balance and and sensitivity and sympathy, they you think

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Speaker 1: of that is in terms of a mother a hen

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Speaker 1: a mama hen right. And that's not just humans, it's

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Speaker 1: you see it throughout most of all of creation, through

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Speaker 1: all the animal kingdom.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: So that's why I would make an argument against saying, well,

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Speaker 1: we want to do the best we can, so we're

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Speaker 1: gonna the father is gonna parent when the mother's on shift,

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Speaker 1: and the mother's gonna parent when the father's on shift.

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Speaker 1: What I'm trying to say here is not that hey,

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Speaker 1: don't do that, that's bad. I'm trying to say, that's

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Speaker 1: not the way it's supposed to be. And when you

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Speaker 1: go against the way it's supposed to be in our nature.

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Speaker 1: Then you're gonna fight some battles, and there's gonna be

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Speaker 1: there's gonna be some casualties in that battle. There's gonna

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Speaker 1: be some sacrifices you have to make, and you're not

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Speaker 1: gonna be able to live up to the full potential

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Speaker 1: of your nature if you fight against it in that way. Right, Listen,

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Speaker 1: This isn't like a dominance perspective or like a textbook

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Speaker 1: way to say things without emotion.

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Speaker 2: What I mean.

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Speaker 1: What I mean is your own conscience can attest to

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying just by looking around you and how

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Speaker 1: you interact with the world, how most likely you interacted.

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Speaker 2: With your mother and your father.

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Speaker 1: It's how I interacted with my mother and father, and

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Speaker 1: it's also how I interact with my kids. Now, I

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Speaker 1: don't have the capability. I don't have the capacity to

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Speaker 1: nurture my kids at the same level in the same

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Speaker 1: way as Amber does.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong, I have capabilities of doing things

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Speaker 1: that Amber cannot. I have the ability to think about

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Speaker 1: this a lot to I have the ability to enable

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Speaker 1: long term compassion. She has a better ability to enable

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Speaker 1: short term compassion. For instance, when Lincoln falls down and

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Speaker 1: hurts and skins his knee chasing a chicken. Amber has

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Speaker 1: the capability in a really good way to have instant

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Speaker 1: compassion on the situation, let's clean this off, let's get

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Speaker 1: some hydrogen peroxide, and let's get a band aid. That's

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Speaker 1: not where my mind goes. My mind goes, he's gonna

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Speaker 1: be fine, Brush it off, get up, You're fine. And

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Speaker 1: that's not because I don't care about his pain or

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Speaker 1: his immediate compassion. What I do care about is him

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Speaker 1: learning in the long run to be able to get

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Speaker 1: up and go and shake things off, because life is

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Speaker 1: gonna come at you hard, and so I want him

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Speaker 1: to be able to have a tolerance for pain so

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Speaker 1: that he could press forward in this world. And that

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Speaker 1: is long term compassion, That is caring about his long

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Speaker 1: term well being, as opposed to Amber, who cares more

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Speaker 1: and rightly so, for his short term well being, and

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Speaker 1: she thinks less of get up, shake it off, You're

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Speaker 1: gonna be fine.

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Speaker 2: On the road.

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Speaker 1: We both Amber and I both have the capability of

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Speaker 1: dabbling in that. Of course I care now about his knee,

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Speaker 1: and of course, and of course she cares about the

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Speaker 1: long term, get up, shake it off. But I'm saying

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Speaker 1: I care more about it in that area, and she

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Speaker 1: cares more about it in that area. Does that make sense?

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Speaker 1: And that's not something we develop or that's not something

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Speaker 1: that we've evolved into that we could now de evolve from.

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Speaker 2: It's just the way we're created. And so.

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Speaker 1: Let me hit something else on this to continue to

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Speaker 1: answer your question, and the question is to remind everybody,

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Speaker 1: is it okay for both parents to work outside of

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Speaker 1: the home with kids at home so that you could

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Speaker 1: fulfill a calling that you have in a specific area.

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Speaker 1: And this this instance, service base, calling to help students kids,

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Speaker 1: or as far as Jamie's concerned, firefighting, So very honorable positions.

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Speaker 1: I'm you know, That's what I'm trying to say on

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Speaker 1: both of these instances.

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Speaker 2: And so.

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Speaker 1: Knowing what you already know that quite possibly the most

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Speaker 1: important thing for a child is a strong home life.

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Speaker 1: And I've already established that I believe in the created order,

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Speaker 1: a strong home life must include, if possible, the mother

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Speaker 1: staying at home, regardless of a call that the mother

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Speaker 1: has in a specific area. Now here's the beautiful thing

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Speaker 1: about this. This is a beautiful thing and I hope

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Speaker 1: I've laid this all out in a fair way. The

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Speaker 1: beautiful thing is kids are at home for such a

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Speaker 1: short time, such a short window, and I'm talking about

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Speaker 1: infant to toddler to kindergarten. And once the kids the

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Speaker 1: lowest child hits kindergarten, the youngest child hits kindergarten, the

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Speaker 1: mother all of a sudden is freed up during the

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Speaker 1: day and has the ability to start dabbling in the

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Speaker 1: calling of that specific area you referred to, Jamie. And

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Speaker 1: then it's just a blink of an eye, a flash.

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Speaker 1: When the last kid graduates high school. You have the

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Speaker 1: rest of your life, which is the majority of your life.

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Speaker 1: The minority of your life is raising kids at home.

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Speaker 1: That is gone in an instant and the rest of

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Speaker 1: your life a long time, Lord willing, the kids are gone,

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Speaker 1: and then you are now free and clear without guilt

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Speaker 1: to pursue that calling in the specific area, in this case,

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Speaker 1: to be a teacher. And I think that's a beautiful thing.

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Speaker 1: And I believe to answer your question, that's the right

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Speaker 1: thing to do, To deny yourself and be self sacrificing

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Speaker 1: towards the children. I think that's the right thing to

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Speaker 1: do as a mother, And for like the tenth time,

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Speaker 1: I hope I built that scenario in not some kind

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Speaker 1: of domineering way, but more more towards showing the highlighted

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Speaker 1: strengths of the mother and the father, and the father

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Speaker 1: just doesn't have the strength that the talent, that's the

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Speaker 1: ability to empathize compassionately in a way that is better

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Speaker 1: than the mother at raising the children. And I'll tell

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Speaker 1: you this and last thing, certainly better than a daycare

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Speaker 1: system of any kind. Somebody is going to raise your kids,

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Speaker 1: regardless whether it's a prison warden, or it's a school teacher,

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Speaker 1: or it's a football coach, or it's a parent. Somebody

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Speaker 1: is going to raise those kids. Don't you want it

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Speaker 1: to be you are? Would you rather someone else raise them?

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Speaker 1: And you follow the calling you feel is on your

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Speaker 1: life to be a teacher? The choice is yours. But

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Speaker 1: I think that's a clear answer. Next question comes from

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Speaker 1: Nathaniel says, Hey, Grangel, I'm sixteen years old and recently

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Speaker 1: out of behavioral health residential treatment. I've been out for

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Speaker 1: three months and I'm already drinking heavy, smoking nicotine, and

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Speaker 1: watching porn constantly. I want help, but I don't feel

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Speaker 1: like I could tell my parents because I don't want

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Speaker 1: to go back to treatment. Yeah, thanks for being honest, Nathaniel.

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Speaker 1: And I want to tell you first of all that

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Speaker 1: there is hope. You're never without hope. As long as

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Speaker 1: you're breathing air on this planet. You have hope and

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Speaker 1: a savior, and that is Jesus to free you from

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Speaker 1: the slavery of sin that.

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Speaker 2: You're in right now.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't release you from being free of sin, but

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Speaker 1: you're free from being a slave to it where you

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Speaker 1: can no longer make any other decisions. But it right.

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Speaker 1: So after I say that, I will say too that

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Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not totally into behavior health residential treatment centers.

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Speaker 1: I'm not totally into that, and I do see failures

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Speaker 1: all the time with that. Probably we're seeing something that

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Speaker 1: connects to the first question with Nathaniel. If I was

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Speaker 1: betting on the situation, which I'm not, if I was

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Speaker 1: going to wager on the situation, I would say something

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Speaker 1: in that first question I just answered about parenting is

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Speaker 1: involved in this second question with a failure of it.

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Speaker 1: Most likely now, of course there's situations where it's not.

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Speaker 1: But and I think that also comes with the fear

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Speaker 1: you have of telling your parents for fear that they

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Speaker 1: will put you back in this treatment instead of taking

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Speaker 1: it on themselves self sacrificially, if that makes sense, Nathan Nathaniel,

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Speaker 1: what you're doing here drinking heavy, smoking nicotine, watching porn constantly.

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Speaker 1: The drinking heavy thing is the only thing that can

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Speaker 1: turn into alcoholism, which is detrimental. So nicotine could be

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Speaker 1: quit and porn can be quit. Not to minimize those

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Speaker 1: two things. They are both chemical addictions in a way,

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Speaker 1: and we'll talk about that on a an upcoming podcast exclusively,

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Speaker 1: so stay tuned for that. But you're you're drinking heavy,

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Speaker 1: smoking nicotine, watching porn, there there is always a common

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Speaker 1: denominator behind that, if you think about it. So those three,

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Speaker 1: those three things are very different from each other, but

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Speaker 1: you can't you can't try to tackle with a treatment

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Speaker 1: facility each one specifically, Like we're gonna deal with alcohol,

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Speaker 1: and now we're gonna deal with the nicotine addiction. Now,

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Speaker 1: now we're gonna deal with the porn. They're so different

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Speaker 1: it would take different treatment facilities and different different activities

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Speaker 1: and therapy treatments to handle each one. Unless you realize,

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Speaker 1: I think there's a common denominator. I think there's a

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Speaker 1: common cause of this, and the common cause of all

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Speaker 1: of them is the same common cause I.

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Speaker 2: Have, and that's sin.

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Speaker 1: All have sin and fall short of the glory of God.

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Speaker 1: And the only answer to sin is the one who

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Speaker 1: defeated it, and that is Jesus. The way this is

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Speaker 1: laid out is through the Bible, the revealed Word telling

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Speaker 1: us who he is and what he did for sin. Now,

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Speaker 1: what I would say after at this point is a

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Speaker 1: good faithful, healthy church is better in this instant than

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Speaker 1: you going to a residential treatment facility and failing yet again,

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Speaker 1: going to a church and saying, show me what to do.

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Speaker 1: I need help. If you went to a good, faithful,

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Speaker 1: healthy church, you notice I had to articulate that, because

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Speaker 1: just like hospitals, there's good hospitals and bad hospitals. That

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean when you see a bad doctor, it doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean you stop trusting hospitals. It means you go to

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Speaker 1: a good hospital with good doctors. And if you're doing

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Speaker 1: that with a good church with good pastors, and you

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Speaker 1: wholeheartedly come in and go I need help. I'm sixteen,

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Speaker 1: these are my problems.

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Speaker 2: Show me what to do. And then Nathaniel, you do it,

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Speaker 2: you will be healed.

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Speaker 1: That is I don't take that lightly that I just

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Speaker 1: said it that way, and I will never retract what

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Speaker 1: I said in that way. If you go to a

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Speaker 1: Bible believing, good faithful, healthy church with good pastors and

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Speaker 1: you tell them I have this problem and they give

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Speaker 1: you solutions that are it's not.

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Speaker 2: A one and done, it's a walk. It's a continual walk.

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Speaker 1: And you say tell me what to do, They show

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Speaker 1: you the walk, they say, imitate me, You follow them.

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Speaker 2: You do what they say, you will be healed.

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Speaker 1: And every month that goes by, every year that goes by,

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Speaker 1: you'll become better and less reliant.

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Speaker 2: On those old things. That's it. I'm sorry, buddy that

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Speaker 2: you're in this situation to begin with.

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Speaker 1: The show is sponsored by Betterhelp. So what's the first

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Speaker 1: thing you would do if you had an extra hour

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Speaker 1: in your day?

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Speaker 2: Mike?

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Speaker 1: Would you go for a run, take a nap, read

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Speaker 1: a book, show up for a friend. I don't know

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Speaker 1: your answer, but a lot of us spend our lives

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Speaker 1: wishing we had more time. No one on their deathbed

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Speaker 1: looks back and says I had too much time. The

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Speaker 1: question is time for what if time was unlimited, how

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Speaker 1: would you use it. The best way to squeeze that

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Speaker 1: special thing into your schedule is to know what's important

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Speaker 1: to you and make that a priority. You know, therapy

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00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 1: could help you find what matters to you, so then

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Speaker 1: you could do more of that. And that's what therapy

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Speaker 1: did for Amber and I when we went after losing

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Speaker 1: riv We were able to see what was triggering us,

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Speaker 1: what was important to us, what was a priority to us,

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00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 1: and then we were able to go back and use

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Speaker 1: that less of the triggers, more the priorities. This shouldn't

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00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 1: just be for me and Amber. If you are thinking

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00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 1: about starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online.

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Speaker 1: It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

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Speaker 1: the licensed therapist and then you can switch therapist at

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Speaker 1: any time for no additional charge.

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Speaker 2: It's super convenient and no green couches.

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00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 1: Learn to make time for what makes you happy with

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00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:24,639
Speaker 1: Better Help. Visit Betterhelp dot com slash granger today and

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Speaker 1: get ten percent off your first month. That's Better Help

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00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,360
Speaker 1: h e lp dot com slash granger. If you want

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00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 1: to get a hold of me for any reason. Have

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00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,920
Speaker 1: you thought about cameo. Cameo allows you to reach out

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00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 1: to me, send me a message or something you want

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00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 1: me to say, like, Hey, Granger, can you tell my

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Speaker 1: brother John happy birthday for me? He's a fan, he

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Speaker 1: listens to the podcast, etc.

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Speaker 2: Etc.

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Speaker 1: And then I can get my phone out, turn my

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Speaker 1: camera on and do a selfie where it's like, what's up, John,

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Speaker 1: I heard from your brother Mark, and I wanted to

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00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 1: say happy birthday, man, thank you for listening to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Hope to see one of these days. Maybe whatever you

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00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: want me to say. It's super easy, very convenient, and

401
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 1: a great gift for someone that has everything, or a

402
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,359
Speaker 1: great last minute gift if you haven't gotten them anything

403
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: in the days tomorrow or today. Cameo dot com slash Grangersmith.

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00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,359
Speaker 1: That's how you find me, c ame eo dot com

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00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: slash Grangersmith. Next question comes from Bastian says, Hey Granger,

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Speaker 1: my name is Bastian and I love your podcast and

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00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you helping so many people out. I

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Speaker 1: have been a singer since high school and I've seen country,

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Speaker 1: but I've always had trouble writing the melody and the

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Speaker 1: chord progressions.

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Speaker 2: I've got a couple.

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Speaker 1: I've got a bunch of lyrics, but I don't know

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Speaker 1: where they go, where to go from here? And I

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Speaker 1: would really appreciate any advice on how to overcome this issue. Again,

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Speaker 1: love the podcast, Take care of Bastian. Hey, Bastian, appreciate you, buddy,

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Speaker 1: Thanks so much for emailing. And your question is you

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Speaker 1: write lyrics. I'm telling myself this as I reached I

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Speaker 1: don't read these questions before Handel you've had trouble writing

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Speaker 1: melody and chord progressions, but you like you're a lyricist. Well,

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Speaker 1: first of all, some people are just lyricist, and there's

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Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that. You're a poet, And there are

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Speaker 1: other people that only write melodies and they're just not

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Speaker 1: great lyricist. Because you can write a chord progression in

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Speaker 1: your head, you could sing something, but maybe you're just

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Speaker 1: not happy with the way it comes out. And there

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Speaker 1: are people that do really good melodies but not really

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Speaker 1: happy with the way they do lyrics. So my first

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Speaker 1: encouragement is to find those people, find your match, find

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Speaker 1: the person that does melody, and you'll have some great

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Speaker 1: songs that way, And then secondly, I would I would

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Speaker 1: encourage you to learn an instrument and learn it. If

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Speaker 1: you say I do know guitar or piano, I would

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Speaker 1: say learn it better. The more you know your way

434
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 1: around a piano or a guitar, the more naturally you're

435
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:14,639
Speaker 1: going to feel and hear melodies, and the easier it

436
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 1: is at that point to put your lyrics on top

437
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 1: of it. So either get together with someone that writes

438
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: melody and you write lyrics, or start advancing through practice

439
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 1: you playing piano and guitar. Next question comes from anonymous.

440
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 1: It says, mister Smith, my wife and I are in

441
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 1: the middle of a divorce and were not at all together.

442
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 2: It's been rough.

443
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 1: I found myself in a very dark place and in

444
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,119
Speaker 1: a bad rut. I knew my options were that the

445
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 1: divorce or possibly another attempt at suicide. I'm grateful to

446
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 1: survive one. But while this was all going on and

447
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: it seems like all my life is in a dark cloud,

448
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: I met a woman who likes me. She didn't know

449
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 1: the story or anything. She just thought I was genuine.

450
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,360
Speaker 1: She makes me happy, She treats me like a man

451
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 1: and is super supportive. She has a son just like me,

452
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 1: she's an awesome mom and someone who shares faith in

453
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,640
Speaker 1: God like I do. My ex wife didn't at all

454
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,359
Speaker 1: believe in any of that. My question is am I

455
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 1: a bad guy for already finding someone? I didn't expect

456
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,879
Speaker 1: any of this. It happens so random. Thank you for

457
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: your time, Granger. Okay, Anonymous, bad divorce. There is a

458
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: kid involved. We learned that from the second paragraph. But

459
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: your main question is should I feel guilty for finding

460
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: someone so soon after such a bad experience with the

461
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 1: first one. So I would say, first of all, no,

462
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 1: you're not a bad guy for doing that. You're a

463
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: bad guy because you're a sinner like me. And that's

464
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 1: the inherent problem that we answered a few questions ago.

465
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 1: So we have to know what the common denominator is

466
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: and why we're bad. That's the first thing we need

467
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: to know. We're not bad because of an action or

468
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: a decision or a bad way before that.

469
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 2: We have corrupt hearts. That's the problem, and we need

470
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:31,760
Speaker 2: new hearts.

471
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 1: I don't believe you, Anonymous. I don't believe you that

472
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 1: you are a man of God. And I say that

473
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 1: because you said she's an awesome mom and someone who

474
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 1: shares faith in God like I do. I don't believe

475
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 1: in your faith in God. And the reason I say

476
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 1: it is because because the way you approached suicide with

477
00:29:55,960 --> 00:30:01,400
Speaker 1: no trust in any kind of good plan. That's not

478
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: a judgment on you, that's simply an acknowledgment that I

479
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: don't believe you're there yet. Let me put it that way.

480
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you're out of the race. I just

481
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 1: don't mean I don't believe you've really opened the door,

482
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 1: the door to think about what faith in God actually means.

483
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 1: I think you just say it because that's what we

484
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 1: say in America. They say, yeah, man, God, first, family,

485
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 1: second job, third. We certainly don't live that way, and

486
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 1: I don't think we really even believe it until our

487
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 1: eyes are opened to it. So that's my first challenge

488
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 1: to you, is what does that mean to have faith

489
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 1: in God and live that out? That's my challenge to you.

490
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 1: But that's not your question. That's a that's just a

491
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 1: something I'm talking about here, something I'm noticing with your email. Yes,

492
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: there is a danger. I believe you think there's a danger,

493
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna agree with you.

494
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 2: Although you didn't say it.

495
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 1: I think the reason you you emailed me is because

496
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 1: not a lot of time has gone by, and you're

497
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 1: starting to wonder is it too soon? Am I rebounding?

498
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: Am I just going to this girl because she's saying

499
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 1: the right things? Am I just going from one problem

500
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: into another potential problem. I don't think you would have

501
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 1: emailed me unless you've thought that deep down, because I

502
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 1: think if enough time had gone by and you had

503
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 1: truly healed and you met a wonderful woman.

504
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 2: Then I think I think you would You wouldn't email me.

505
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 2: You'd be like, this is great.

506
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 1: No one needs to tell me good or bad. This

507
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 1: is She's great, and I've healed and and I'm gonna

508
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 1: make her happy and I'm gonna serve her, and she's

509
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 1: gonna serve me.

510
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 2: This is great.

511
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 1: But that's not the case. I believe you're emailing me

512
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 1: because you haven't healed yet. And since that's the case,

513
00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say I think there's a danger here of

514
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 1: you repeating. I think there's a danger with you not

515
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 1: being out of the dark place and bad rut that

516
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 1: you talked about earlier. And there is a way out

517
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 1: of a dark place and a bad rut that I

518
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: personally have been in myself, and that's through redemption of

519
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 1: a savior and not through a cute girl that says

520
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 1: some really nice things about me. So yeah, I would

521
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 1: say be careful. Let me go straight to your question.

522
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 1: My question is am I a bad guy for already

523
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 1: finding someone? You're not a bad guy for already finding someone.

524
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: You were bad before that same as me. But it

525
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 1: is probably unwise that you're in a relationship this soon,

526
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 1: and so practically speaking, guard your heart, pump the brakes,

527
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: don't move in with her, be very careful to not

528
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 1: get her son to attach to you and your son

529
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: attached to her. Let some time go by so that

530
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 1: you could have the appropriate time to heal, and then

531
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 1: plant yourself in a good Bible believing church with people

532
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 1: around you, brothers and sisters around you that could lift

533
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 1: you up and encourage you and.

534
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 2: Attest to you.

535
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: Hey, we love this girl, anonymous, We love this girl

536
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 1: you're with and we think she's great. Or hey, we

537
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 1: think it's a little too soon for you to be

538
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 1: in a relationship, and we would advise you to slow

539
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 1: this down a little bit so that way you don't

540
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,479
Speaker 1: have to email this podcast. And that's for any question

541
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 1: anyone has. I would advise if you're in a good

542
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:54,480
Speaker 1: Bible believing church with members of the church that support

543
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,239
Speaker 1: and encourage you and love you, then you don't need

544
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: this podcast at all. Next question comes from Eli. It says,

545
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:08,360
Speaker 1: Hey Granger, I'm a longtime listener. I love your book

546
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 1: like a river. I'm twenty four from Whitesville, Kentucky. I'm

547
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 1: a volunteer firefighter EMT and a pipefitter. My wife of

548
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,320
Speaker 1: three months walked out on me February of twenty twenty four.

549
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: Little backstory. We met and started dating back in August

550
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty three, and I got married in November

551
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,400
Speaker 1: and had the usual arguments about money, but for the

552
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 1: most part, our relationship was good and full of love.

553
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:36,319
Speaker 1: I'm messaging you because I need some advice because she

554
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:40,359
Speaker 1: is twenty weeks pregnant as of March seventh, and I've

555
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 1: been gone for a month now. I haven't gotten much

556
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 1: of an explanation for her leaving, other than she doesn't

557
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: want to be married anymore and she doesn't even want

558
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 1: to talk to me. I prayed about it, and recently

559
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 1: she's back with her ex that she dated before me.

560
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do now and or how

561
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a good father with a child

562
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: that's growing up into households.

563
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 2: I appreciate the advice.

564
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 1: All right, Eli, let's dive into this. Thanks for emailing

565
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 1: buddy man. That's that's a quick turnaround. You started dating,

566
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 1: you met in August of twenty three, you married in

567
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 1: November of twenty three. What just a few months between

568
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 1: meeting and marriage, and then you divorced in February of

569
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 1: twenty four. I'm not sure, Eli, I'm not sure how

570
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:44,160
Speaker 1: this happened, or why this happened, or where your buddies

571
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:49,319
Speaker 1: are or your family that allowed this to happen. But

572
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 1: back to the question before this, where we need to

573
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 1: be surrounded by solid character people that we can give,

574
00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 1: we could ask advice from, They could lift us up,

575
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: they can encourage.

576
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 2: I just said the same thing last question.

577
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:07,280
Speaker 1: If you don't do this, then I'm speaking to anyone,

578
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,280
Speaker 1: not you, Eli, I'm speaking to everyone. If you don't

579
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 1: do this, you have a huge likelihood of being deceived.

580
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 1: If you don't have people around you that are clear thinking,

581
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 1: good character, good integrity. If you're not surrounding yourself by that,

582
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 1: then you have full reign against anyone that might come

583
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 1: and take you off the rails, and you are being deceived.

584
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:34,439
Speaker 2: That's just it.

585
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 1: That's definitely what happened here. You were deceived and there

586
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 1: was no one around you. I'm assuming or you just

587
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 1: didn't listen to anybody, but I'm assuming there weren't people

588
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 1: around you that walked you through this and counseled you

589
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 1: against marrying this person within two months of August September, October,

590
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:58,279
Speaker 1: but three months of meeting her and then divorced three

591
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 1: months after that, you met married and divorced in a

592
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: six month period. That there's nothing wise about that on

593
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 1: any of those three turns. And now she's pregnant, and

594
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: so after all that commentary, the only card you have

595
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:24,359
Speaker 1: left to play in this scenario is to be a

596
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 1: good father to that child. And the only way practically

597
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 1: to be a good father to that child is to

598
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:35,919
Speaker 1: be in a close proximity. By the way, the whole thing, hey,

599
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:37,759
Speaker 1: I don't want to be married anymore, and then she's

600
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 1: back with the ex. That is just that's so normal,

601
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:44,239
Speaker 1: that's so predictable. She didn't just wake up and say

602
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: I don't want to be married. She already had her

603
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:49,880
Speaker 1: eye on someone else that was sweet talking her. So

604
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 1: now you've got this baby coming, you got to stay

605
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 1: close to the baby. The only way to be a

606
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:57,360
Speaker 1: good father is to be there for the child, to

607
00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:00,800
Speaker 1: be involved, to be active, to live down the road,

608
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 1: to be the one that takes them to school and

609
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 1: volleyball and soccer practice and all the things church. You

610
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: gotta do that. So that's the only car do you

611
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:17,560
Speaker 1: have left to play? And let me just say again

612
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,879
Speaker 1: like I've probably said the last four questions, and then.

613
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:25,360
Speaker 2: Join a good, solid, faithful church.

614
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:31,879
Speaker 1: Next question comes from anonymous again, and this one says,

615
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:35,439
Speaker 1: after my husband went on a men's encounter, he came

616
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: back and confessed he had been doing porn and sometimes

617
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 1: he would secretly drink while driving home from work. I

618
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:47,320
Speaker 1: accepted this like a Christian wife should.

619
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 2: No nagging.

620
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 1: Now a year later, I've been smelling alcohol on his

621
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:52,840
Speaker 1: breath occasionally.

622
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 2: What do I do?

623
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 1: Drinking and driving is not okay? Do I continue praying

624
00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:01,560
Speaker 1: or confront He will most likely deny it. He serves

625
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 1: regularly in the church and is respected. That's a key

626
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 1: thing here. He serves regularly in the church and is respected.

627
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,319
Speaker 1: Remember that thing I said earlier about doctors. When there's

628
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 1: one bad doctor, it doesn't mean you stop going to hospitals.

629
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 1: You just have to recognize the bad doctor. So here

630
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 1: we go. I've been preaching let's get involved with church,

631
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,840
Speaker 1: and here we got a guy that is involved, that

632
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 1: is well respected within the church, and he has a

633
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:32,440
Speaker 1: major problem, most likely hiding alcoholism.

634
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 2: So let's dive in. Let's dive in.

635
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 1: The First thing I want to say is I don't

636
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: like the sentence I accepted this like a Christian wife

637
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 1: should know nagging.

638
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 2: I don't.

639
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 1: I don't like that sentence. I don't like the implications

640
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 1: of it. It sounds weak. It sounds like you're a pushover.

641
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:52,360
Speaker 1: It sounds like you're carrying some title where you're just

642
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 1: you're just supposed to appease the husband, and that's it.

643
00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 1: And I don't even like the word accepting. I would

644
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 1: take forgive. I forgave him, right, but but with that,

645
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: And it's good that he came to confess this stuff

646
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 1: to you, and it's good that you didn't.

647
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 2: Just leave him. So I like that, But but what.

648
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:20,840
Speaker 1: I want is he comes and confesses this and you say,

649
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:23,240
Speaker 1: I forgive.

650
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 2: You, but let me walk with you. Now.

651
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 1: Now that you've opened the door up to these secret sins.

652
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 1: Let me walk with you so that we could walk

653
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 1: together in the light, lean on me. That this is

654
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 1: what this is what a good marriage should be. And

655
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,399
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you don't have one or that you're

656
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:46,239
Speaker 1: not capable of it. I'm saying, look, this is what

657
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: a good marriage should be. Two people that lean on

658
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 1: each other the good and the bad times, completely open.

659
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 2: And I like that.

660
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 1: You say I'm not nagging, and that should that should

661
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 1: open up an opportunity for him to say, I'm babe,

662
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 1: I'm having a craving. I'm having a craving to go

663
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 1: and buy some alcohol. And you say, good, Let's thank

664
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:13,800
Speaker 1: you for telling me. Let's work through this together. Let's

665
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:18,959
Speaker 1: let's replace this with something positive. Let's let me help

666
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 1: you walk through this together.

667
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 2: Okay.

668
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 1: That's the way that I wanted that scenario to work out.

669
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 1: It didn't, And that's why I say I don't like

670
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,279
Speaker 1: the sentence. I accepted this like a Christian wife should

671
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 1: know nagging. That's why I don't like it, because that

672
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 1: that implies you just you agree to brush it under

673
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: the rug and forget about it, and you're being good

674
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 1: by just not nagging. And I want you to nag,

675
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 1: not in a bad, naggy way, but I want you

676
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:46,759
Speaker 1: to and I want you to be able to say.

677
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,000
Speaker 2: Are you good? Are you good? Are you good? So

678
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,759
Speaker 2: there's a difference in saying I know you're gonna mess

679
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:53,240
Speaker 2: up again.

680
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,399
Speaker 1: Oh I should have known you're gonna mess this all

681
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 1: up for us and our family. There's a difference between that,

682
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: and there's a difference in you saying, hey, are you good?

683
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:07,840
Speaker 1: You stayed up late last night, You didn't come to

684
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 1: bed till after I was asleep.

685
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:09,960
Speaker 2: Are you good?

686
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 1: I saw your phone was out on the cabinet in

687
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:19,319
Speaker 1: the kitchen and it wasn't plugged in. I'm assuming you're

688
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 1: up late with your phone.

689
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 2: Are you good? Hey, I noticed the garage went up

690
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:24,640
Speaker 2: last night and you left.

691
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 1: Are you good? Are you good? Can I help you?

692
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 1: How can I encourage you? That's not nagging, that's persistence.

693
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 1: There's a difference between the two. Right, I know you

694
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:36,800
Speaker 1: left last night. I know you're probably drinking.

695
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:40,560
Speaker 2: That would be bad. Don't do that. How can I

696
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 2: help you? Are you good? Let me help you? That's good? Okay.

697
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:51,919
Speaker 1: Now that's the past and now here's the present. You

698
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 1: have been smelling alcohol on his breath, occasionally drinking and

699
00:42:56,560 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: driver is on. Okay, do I continue praying or confront?

700
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 1: But well, first of all, there doesn't have to be

701
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 1: one or the other. Do I continue praying or do

702
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,920
Speaker 1: I confront? You don't have to choose. You're always going

703
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 1: to continue praying for your husband. Wives, pray for your

704
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: husband's please, Wives, pray for your husbands. Please, don't stop

705
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 1: even when they're doing good. Wives, don't forget to pray

706
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:23,319
Speaker 1: for your husband's. Now.

707
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 2: Do you confront?

708
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:30,719
Speaker 1: Absolutely, But there's a way to confront without tearing into him,

709
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 1: without belittling him. Look, babe, you've been You've had a

710
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:42,040
Speaker 1: lot going on at work. I want you to know

711
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 1: I want to continue to be here for you. And

712
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 1: you remember that thing you told me you confessed a

713
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 1: year ago or so. Remember when you said that and

714
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 1: I told you I wanted to be here for you.

715
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 2: I still do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

716
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 1: But I also want to tell you I feel like

717
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 1: I've been smelling alcohol in your breath and I'm not

718
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 1: gonna judge you for that. I'm just gonna say I

719
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 1: want to walk through this with you. Let's bring this

720
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 1: to the light so that nothing worse happens. Okay, So

721
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 1: that's what I want you to do. That's the confrontation I'd.

722
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:17,840
Speaker 2: Like to see.

723
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,560
Speaker 1: And then something else. And this is the part you

724
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,279
Speaker 1: don't want. This is the part you don't want to do.

725
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna tell you.

726
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 2: You gotta go to the church because if he is.

727
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:36,319
Speaker 1: Serving the church, they have to know, the hospital has

728
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 1: to know about the sick doctor. You can't continue to

729
00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 1: let this go. There are things at stake here that

730
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:49,239
Speaker 1: are very important. So you confront him first, he's in

731
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:52,440
Speaker 1: the family. You tell him this. If he says, yes,

732
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:55,399
Speaker 1: I need help, let's do it. Great, you work through it.

733
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 1: If he denies it, like you said he might. If

734
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:02,359
Speaker 1: he denies it, you say, I'm here for you. I

735
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 1: want to be here for you, and you have to

736
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 1: go to the church. You say, yeah, listen, I want

737
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 1: to speak to the pastor and you And oh, here's

738
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,399
Speaker 1: another thing, so that you're so that this doesn't get

739
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,640
Speaker 1: bad for you. You should never meet in private with

740
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: the pastor. Women don't meet in private with the pastor,

741
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: especially telling problems about your husband.

742
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 2: Don't do that. That's bad.

743
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 1: So you want to have a counsel. The wife comes

744
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 1: in with a council of pastors, and maybe even that

745
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 1: the pastor's wives are there too, so that so that

746
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 1: this doesn't turn into something worse for you, Right, that's

747
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 1: a protection mechanism. And you say, I love my husband,

748
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 1: I love this church. I fear that he's drinking again,

749
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 1: and I don't think it's good to have a man

750
00:45:54,560 --> 00:46:00,439
Speaker 1: that's drinking in private, possibly dealing with alcoholism, possible dealing

751
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: with porn, most likely drinking and driving, serving the church

752
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 1: and being respected. Something has to give before something worse happens.

753
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:18,160
Speaker 1: And on that path, Anonymous, something worse will happen unless

754
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 1: you do this right now, you guys, we walked through

755
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 1: some tough things on this podcast, and I want you

756
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 1: to know, as I say a lot that by no

757
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:37,399
Speaker 1: means am I sitting here in this chair, this blue chair,

758
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 1: with a microphone saying I'm right about this, I am

759
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:41,399
Speaker 1: right about this, do this.

760
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 2: I'm right.

761
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 1: That's not what I'm saying. The whole format of this

762
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,520
Speaker 1: podcast is if we were friends, this is what I

763
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,320
Speaker 1: would tell you if you came to me with the

764
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,320
Speaker 1: different issues that we got on this podcast today.

765
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 2: This is what I would tell you. This is this

766
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,160
Speaker 2: is how I would lead you, and.

767
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,800
Speaker 1: They're usually more complicated because I don't know your reaction

768
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:06,760
Speaker 1: to it, and I don't know the rest of the story.

769
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,360
Speaker 1: So in a real life scenario, not that these aren't,

770
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 1: but if I was really dealing with you, I would

771
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: know more about it and we would wrestle through this

772
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,279
Speaker 1: together with a Bible with scripture right in front of us.

773
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 1: But we don't, and so I just I'm making quick

774
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 1: comments on very difficult questions. And that's why I say

775
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 1: I don't want to stand here and say I'm right

776
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 1: about all of these. I want to say with humility.

777
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 1: We have to trust in the Lord. We have to

778
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 1: give our hearts to the Lord. We have to run

779
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,960
Speaker 1: to our Savior. We have to realize we are sinners,

780
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:43,239
Speaker 1: all have fallen short, and we will not ever be

781
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 1: able to bring glory to God. Our gain favor with

782
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:50,360
Speaker 1: God apart from the finished work of Jesus and what

783
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 1: he did on the cross as a substitute for us,

784
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 1: taking on the punishment that we deserved, so that he

785
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:04,480
Speaker 1: who knew no sin could become sin, so we could

786
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:05,800
Speaker 1: become the righteousness of God.

787
00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 2: We'll see you all next Monday.

788
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:11,359
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate

789
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by

790
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe

791
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 1: to this channel. Hit that little like button and notification

792
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 1: spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.

793
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:25,720
Speaker 1: YII