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Speaker 1: The biggest conversations in my life, the scariest ones won't

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Speaker 1: even lead to like devastation.

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Speaker 2: It just could potentially lead to.

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Speaker 1: Like a moment of discompany, discomfort, of cringe or whatever.

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Speaker 2: And it's worth it.

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Speaker 3: That's something authoring post the number one healthy well in

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Speaker 3: his podcast Purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone, welcome back

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Speaker 3: to on Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.

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Speaker 3: Thanks to each and every one of you that come

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Speaker 3: back every week to listen, learn and grow. It means

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Speaker 3: the world to me that we have this amazing community

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Speaker 3: and I've just been seeing the engagement, the connection that

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Speaker 3: you're all having recently, all the Instagram posts, the TikTok post,

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Speaker 3: the post on Twitter like it's it's unbelievable. Thank you

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Speaker 3: so much for all the love. I really mean that.

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Speaker 3: And a guest comes along in a while which I

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Speaker 3: actually hear about from friends, and friends get fascinated and

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Speaker 3: I go, oh, I need to interview this person. And

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Speaker 3: that's how I discovered today's guest. So I was sitting

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Speaker 3: with a good friend of mine, Ellen DeGeneres, and she

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Speaker 3: said to me that she just watched a special by

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Speaker 3: Gerard Carmichael, and she said this special was so special

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Speaker 3: to not be cliche. This special was so incredible that

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Speaker 3: she was so moved by it, and she was like,

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Speaker 3: you have to want to have him on your show.

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Speaker 3: You have to sit down with him, you have to

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Speaker 3: talk to him. And I was just like okay. So

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Speaker 3: I went and watched it, went and checked him out.

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh, this is incredible. This is really

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Speaker 3: different than anything we've also done on the show. As

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Speaker 3: you all know, we've only had a few stand up

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Speaker 3: comics and comedians on the show so far, you know,

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Speaker 3: so it's really new for us as well. But in

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Speaker 3: the two minutes that I've spent with this gentleman backstage

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Speaker 3: before we go live, I'm already addicted to his personality,

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Speaker 3: which is always which is always a good sign. So

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Speaker 3: please welcome to the show, Emmy nominated comedian Gerard Carmack

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Speaker 3: or Jared, So good to see you. Thank you for

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Speaker 3: doing this. Literally was Ellen. I was sitting in Ellen's

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Speaker 3: house and she and I know she listens to the podcast,

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Speaker 3: so Ellen, thank you for listening to the podcast. But

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Speaker 3: when she listens to this, she was just like, you

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Speaker 3: have to and I think you went on the show

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Speaker 3: too with her.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like yeah, last season, right, it was nice.

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Speaker 2: I've done it for but it was nice to like

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Speaker 2: go back.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, she's a huge fan, she's I'm a fan

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Speaker 1: of hers, Like I told her that, Like obviously, like

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Speaker 1: a comedian that comes out and is incredibly brave, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's rare. And she was at a time where it

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Speaker 1: was really hard where you you really really got canceled

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Speaker 1: for real, you know what I mean, like actually like

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Speaker 1: the show could get canceled, you know, like, and she

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Speaker 1: was so brave and also incredibly good at her job.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean. And and and that's yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's great.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it. Well, it brought us together, so

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Speaker 3: that's what I mean. A few seconds ago, you were

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Speaker 3: saying that you've been watching my stuff on Instagram. But

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Speaker 3: when I look at you, you're very private on social

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Speaker 3: media and you don't post a lot. I wanted to understand,

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Speaker 3: was that intentional?

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Speaker 1: Is that I got my little private I have my

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Speaker 1: private ig that is so weird and someone called me

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Speaker 1: out on it is like you're private and verified, and

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Speaker 1: like it's it's it's still it's really like my publicists

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Speaker 1: like set it up with the intention of like posting

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Speaker 1: about shows and the like. And I'm someone who doesn't

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Speaker 1: want attention unless like I asked for it. I'm probably

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Speaker 1: the worst celebrity whatever ever because I never really chase it.

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Speaker 1: I really just like to work and then present that

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Speaker 1: and that's pretty much it. And like something like Instagram

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Speaker 1: is really it is me. I wouldn't want to present

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Speaker 1: like a false version of myself, so I wouldn't want

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Speaker 1: to be presentational, So I kind of close it off

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Speaker 1: to just like as of right now. Maybe, but I

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Speaker 1: don't know if I'll ever do it. I'll probably delete

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Speaker 1: it before I open it. But I can be like

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Speaker 1: more honest than like a control like I can just

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Speaker 1: post things that I would actually I would actually text

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Speaker 1: these things to everyone, And so I can remain truthful

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Speaker 1: on Instagram and non perform. I'm a performer who's trying

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Speaker 1: to remain nonperformance.

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Speaker 3: How's that going?

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Speaker 1: Okay, it's okay, Yeah, yeah, no, it's a it's I've

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Speaker 1: become funnier, I think, like on stage and stuff by

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Speaker 1: not performing, like by being truthful, like yeah, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think it's a better version of myself.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, it's hard. It's hard to in life, it's

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Speaker 2: hard to do.

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Speaker 3: That well, that must feel very comforting, I can imagine,

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Speaker 3: because I feel like for so many performers, there's someone

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Speaker 3: on stage because that's their job, and then there's someone

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Speaker 3: at home because that's who they are, and so there's

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Speaker 3: always this conflict inside and outside. What for you has

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Speaker 3: been like the biggest impact on who you are today?

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Speaker 3: Like if you had to say, this is a recipe

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Speaker 3: of how I was created, what would you add to

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Speaker 3: that recipe to say, like Gerard is a little bit

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Speaker 3: of this and.

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Speaker 1: A little bit of that, like sugar and spice. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a big question.

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Speaker 3: It's a big question, huge question.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll be able to fully answer

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Speaker 1: it because like, you know, I'm influenced by you know,

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Speaker 1: the time I'm in, the who I am being American,

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Speaker 1: all of those things that we're all influenced by as

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Speaker 1: a performer, influenced by you know, everyone from Cosby to

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Speaker 1: you know, Jack Benny to you know to Rock and

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Speaker 1: Chappelle and really good people like people who are really

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Speaker 1: good at their job. But lately I've been really influenced

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Speaker 1: by just this this drive to not lie, you know,

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Speaker 1: like like to not lie, and like it's made me

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Speaker 1: a storyteller because then like just trying to you know,

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Speaker 1: tell things about me or things in my life that like.

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Speaker 2: Are scary is funnier.

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Speaker 1: I found for the work and being around people that

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Speaker 1: I don't have to try and protect my words with

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Speaker 1: is more confident.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, when when when you were growing up? Like what

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Speaker 3: was the environment for you growing up? We just talked

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Speaker 3: about North Carolina, which is where you were born and raised, right,

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Speaker 3: So like what was the environment like when you were

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Speaker 3: growing up and what you know?

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Speaker 2: For you?

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Speaker 3: How early was it that you discovered that this was

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Speaker 3: going to be a path in life, because I think

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Speaker 3: for me, I'm always intrigued to figure out how people

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Speaker 3: discover things they're passionate about and things that they love,

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Speaker 3: because that's so rare. How early was it for you

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Speaker 3: and what was the environment that you grew up in?

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Speaker 2: It was pretty early.

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Speaker 1: Like I was a kid that performed a lot, Like

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Speaker 1: I asked for a microphone every year at Christmas. That

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Speaker 1: was like my accountant. I was like obsessed with microphones

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Speaker 1: as a kid. I sing on the choir even when

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Speaker 1: I was like a like three. My mom was an

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Speaker 1: usher and she would after church like I would cry,

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Speaker 1: and so she helped me up to the mic so

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Speaker 1: I could. I just like I like it. I really

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Speaker 1: respect it. It's powerful, it amplifies your voice. People listen

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Speaker 1: to it like so intimately in a performance setting even now,

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Speaker 1: like people are listening to this through headphones. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's like so personal and so like my whole life.

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Speaker 1: I've kind of always felt that way. I've always filmed things,

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Speaker 1: I've always written, I've always I've always performed. And then

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Speaker 1: I fought against it. I think for a period I

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Speaker 1: was really encouraged by a friend to make the leap

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Speaker 1: and move to LA and do that. I lived here

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Speaker 1: for like ten years, and I thought it was like arrogant,

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Speaker 1: because I do think asking for people's attention is precious.

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Speaker 1: Like I try not to be like super precious in

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Speaker 1: my work, but like asking for their time, like.

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Speaker 2: Doing a show.

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Speaker 1: If I'm doing a show and I put up tickets

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Speaker 1: and people spend money for tickets and then they drive

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Speaker 1: out to the venue and they sit there and they

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Speaker 1: wait for you and then they listen to you, Like

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Speaker 1: that's that's asking a lot. And so especially recently, like

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Speaker 1: just like respect that more, you know, like like I

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Speaker 1: think I have the respect that has been growing in

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Speaker 1: me since childhood. For the nudging of a frame got

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Speaker 1: me out to LA. But it was, uh yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love performance.

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Speaker 3: I love hearing that because I feel the same way

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Speaker 3: that you know. Some some people listen to this podcast

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Speaker 3: every day, so they listen to the two new episodes

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Speaker 3: and then they'll listen to old episodes. And I'm thinking,

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Speaker 3: sometimes I'm in people's ears every week, five to seven

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Speaker 3: hours a week, and I'm thinking, that is so I'm

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Speaker 3: so fortunate, right, Like there's so much gratitude around that

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Speaker 3: that someone allows you into there, whether you're walking the

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Speaker 3: dog right now, whether you're cooking, whether you're editing, whether

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Speaker 3: you're cleaning, whatever you're doing at home right now. And

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Speaker 3: you said that you've always had that kind of like

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Speaker 3: that belief that having someone's ears or eyes or money

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Speaker 3: them turning up is is precious. Tell me about then,

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Speaker 3: your how does that lead into your creative process because

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Speaker 3: I feel like, for me knowing that I just finished

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Speaker 3: writing my second book, it took me two years to

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Speaker 3: write it, and I put a lot of effort into it,

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Speaker 3: and I know that when I've written a book, it's

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Speaker 3: taken two years in my life to write it, I'm

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Speaker 3: putting it out. I have to. The creative effort is

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Speaker 3: so high because a the book pages don't change. You

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Speaker 3: can't edit those pages once they're out, and someone's going

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Speaker 3: to take their time. It takes like.

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Speaker 2: Potentially like written words word is.

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Speaker 1: So I always thought it was crazy that Twitter uses

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Speaker 1: the word published, right, because like it's like it induces

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Speaker 1: in me such anxiety just thinking about the how permanent

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Speaker 1: it is in placing things out there that you can't

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Speaker 1: get back. And like that's why, like, if I'm going

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Speaker 1: to perform, I think it's like I don't do social

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Speaker 1: media because I would like to put all of that

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Speaker 1: energy and I don't even say I don't do social media.

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Speaker 1: Even that in itself could be a grand performance. I mean,

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Speaker 1: look like Kanye is an incredible well perform like you know,

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Speaker 1: like it is very warhol Ish in that, like it's

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Speaker 1: spectacle to use an important peel word. But uh, you

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Speaker 1: know that's its own art form. It can be its

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Speaker 1: own art form. But but like I put all of

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Speaker 1: my energy into like I'm a comedian and I make

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Speaker 1: specials and I make television programming or whatever programs. I

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Speaker 1: make movies occasionally, uh and and whenever I'm doing that,

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Speaker 1: I would only like for all of my energy and

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Speaker 1: all of my thoughts to go to that, yeah.

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Speaker 2: And then present that. And I'm kind of repeating myself.

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Speaker 3: No no, no, no, deeper into it, yeah, deeper into it.

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Speaker 3: And what's your creative process? Like you're saying you put

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Speaker 3: all of your energy, but like when you're building a

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Speaker 3: special or one of those TV shows, like how do

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Speaker 3: you even start? Like where, where's the process? What's the

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Speaker 3: starting point? Like how do you get inspired at the

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Speaker 3: beginning of it?

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Speaker 1: I mean it's a spark of something, you know, something.

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Speaker 1: A lot of times it's like anger. I think that's

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Speaker 1: started this, just like a little angry. Then just started performing,

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Speaker 1: doing clubs and then solo shows and then uh, you know,

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Speaker 1: preparing to do it for television and like like I

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Speaker 1: do stand up for specials. I think at my core

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Speaker 1: that's like like I think my attention reads better in

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Speaker 1: that medium, and working backward from what that is, then

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Speaker 1: you know, take the writing and like form a show

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Speaker 1: and like it just kind of happened. That's it happened

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Speaker 1: my last special, It happened really fast. Just frustrations with

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Speaker 1: secrets and feeling too old, to keep them and too,

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Speaker 1: you know, like I didn't feel like an adult. I

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Speaker 1: didn't feel like I had control of my own life,

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Speaker 1: and so that, you know, created a lot of urgency

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Speaker 1: to find a way to resolve that.

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Speaker 2: In art.

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Speaker 1: It's just that attempt like making a special and that's

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Speaker 1: like my attemp. I'm sorry, I'm probably not.

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Speaker 3: I mean, that's a great answer to hear the that honestly,

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Speaker 3: that's that's not I'm speaking.

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Speaker 2: I'm trying not to be like evasive about it.

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Speaker 1: It really is just like it's I've been writing for years,

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Speaker 1: like like, and I'm always writing. Sometimes that becomes a show,

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Speaker 1: sometimes it becomes something that like it's mostly like most

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Speaker 1: of creating is just a bunch of like trying and

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Speaker 1: failing that no one sees, you know, and like, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, failing in my own writing, failing in my

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Speaker 1: own head over and over and over and over again,

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Speaker 1: and like trying to make something, write a show, you know,

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Speaker 1: structure a show.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. But I love what you said that anger or

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Speaker 3: frustration with your own identity and your secrets. I mean

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Speaker 3: that that whole concept is so real. I think for

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Speaker 3: so many of us, whatever that secret may be, whatever

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Speaker 3: that identity may be personally.

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Speaker 1: I say to like, you know, my friends, like I

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Speaker 1: really think, like everybody's in the closet about something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, right, there's a thing.

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Speaker 1: Shame is such a powerful emotion of strong I mean,

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Speaker 1: plenty of books about just how it can dictate the

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Speaker 1: course of your life and your actions and your behavior,

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Speaker 1: and so much is driven by shame, and so much

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Speaker 1: of who we are is just our attempts to hide

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Speaker 1: that little piece of ourselves that can never be seen.

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Speaker 1: At least It's been a common experience amongst people I've

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Speaker 1: talked to in friends. I'm sure you get a high

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Speaker 1: volume moved of it. And so yeah, it was exciting

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Speaker 1: and really scary to try and make something that dealt

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Speaker 1: with that head on. And that's how I've been feeling

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Speaker 1: in my personal life, just even though it's kind of

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Speaker 1: a blurb between my work and my personal life now,

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Speaker 1: but I've been trying to have conversations that I've never

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Speaker 1: had and trying to deal with shame and trying to

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Speaker 1: restructure my relationship with God. You know, like, am I

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Speaker 1: the funniest comedian you've had on the show?

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Speaker 2: I'm the funniest.

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Speaker 3: That's a scary question, but the shame parts. I love

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Speaker 3: that you went in that direction because I think that naturally,

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Speaker 3: shame is one of those topics that isn't talked about

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Speaker 3: a lot publicly, So to even bring it up in

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Speaker 3: a podcast is great because we can actually talk about it.

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Speaker 3: But I find like we also live in a culture

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Speaker 3: where shaming has become more normal. Right, So we're talking

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Speaker 3: about a time when we realize how powerful shame is

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Speaker 3: as an emotion and how much it limits us from

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Speaker 3: truly being ourselves. At the same time, shaming or cancel

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Speaker 3: culture is is growing. At the same time, I feel

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Speaker 3: like today we point more fingers at others because we

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Speaker 3: know more of what others are doing. We're more likely

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Speaker 3: to tear someone down because we can, whereas in the

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Speaker 3: past you wouldn't have access to do that. You might

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Speaker 3: do it in your dining table, or you might do

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Speaker 3: it on your couch at home, but you didn't have

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Speaker 3: the ability to go on social media and leave hate

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Speaker 3: comments or whatever. So it's interesting that you're saying that

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Speaker 3: at the same time as you're saying that, hey, we

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Speaker 3: need you know shame is holding people back from being themselves,

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Speaker 3: we're also shaming others more. I guess, well, we have

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Speaker 3: more opportunity to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we have an opportunity to speak

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Speaker 1: a lot. It's it's it's so much of that, so

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Speaker 1: much of that, and to speak constantly and emotionally, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's it's hard to like have intention in every tweet,

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Speaker 1: in every post and every.

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Speaker 3: Should we is the question?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well it's it's even more powerful than the

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Speaker 1: words spoken in a private setting, you know, because it's

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Speaker 1: something that is even if you have one follower, you know,

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Speaker 1: it has the potential of being seen and expressed amongst others.

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Speaker 1: So like, you know, your intention reads and and yeah,

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Speaker 1: and and I question that a lot. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: mean we could go down and on for hours and

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Speaker 1: hours about like its effect on us, and like, you know,

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Speaker 1: even just thinking about even myself when I'm on like

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Speaker 1: Instagram on my little private ig, right, I you know,

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Speaker 1: I have a decent group of friends that I follow,

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Speaker 1: and it's just it's so abnormal to catch up or

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Speaker 1: have the illusion of catching up with all of them,

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Speaker 1: you know, like constantly on like on loop. There are

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Speaker 1: people sometimes that I see that I feel like I've seen,

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Speaker 1: but I haven't actually had that experience with them. I've

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Speaker 1: only had like this experience with the representative that's you know, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, like like on close friends or whatever, you know,

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Speaker 1: and and and yeah, it's just not.

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Speaker 2: Like expressing that much.

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Speaker 1: Like I have this theory that we all are kind

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Speaker 1: of becoming our own news channel, Like we're all the

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Speaker 1: news and we have to we're all CNN or Fox

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Speaker 1: or whatever, and we all have to fill the time,

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Speaker 1: like we have to fill the space. Like and the

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Speaker 1: more you do it, the more inclinent you are to

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Speaker 1: do it. And again, it's just hard to keep that

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Speaker 1: marriat to intention, you know, like the sheer volume if

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Speaker 1: you just speak. If I wake up in the morning,

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Speaker 1: I just speak all day and I never pause. It

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Speaker 1: would be difficult to promise that everything I say would

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Speaker 1: have as much intention.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, just the sheer volume.

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Speaker 3: Yep. I like that theory. I like that theory a lot.

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Speaker 3: That's cool because I went to someone's house once and it's,

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Speaker 3: without doubt the coolest house I've ever been to.

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Speaker 1: This is a very cool house. So you're saying that

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Speaker 1: from a very cool.

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Speaker 3: House, No, but this was like this is like and

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Speaker 3: I'm saying it's a cool house, not because of the

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Speaker 3: bil not because of the grandeur. Not same with this.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that's why I think I like my

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Speaker 3: own house, was because of what he had in it.

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Speaker 3: So he had a whole war, and he called it

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Speaker 3: the fake news war because it was every piece of

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Speaker 3: news that was published before they knew the time. So

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Speaker 3: back in the day, if a newspaper was being printed,

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Speaker 3: if a game wasn't over, they'd have to print the

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Speaker 3: news with who was winning at the time. In hope

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Speaker 3: that right, Well, all of this, whether it was people

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Speaker 3: winning games, whether it's votes, whether whatever it was, it

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Speaker 3: was like articles that have been printed before the fact.

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Speaker 3: So he had all of it in America, like all

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Speaker 3: these big and I was thinking, this is fascinating. And

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Speaker 3: what you're saying right now is that without intention, a

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Speaker 3: lot of what we create is fake news in our

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Speaker 3: own little news channels.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, because things change.

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Speaker 1: You know, your your my opinion on an album, for instance,

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Speaker 1: even just something as trivial as like you know, my

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Speaker 1: my feelings toward a song or an album or whatever,

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Speaker 1: like it changes. It changes over the course of a week.

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Speaker 1: It changes through how I've listened to it.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: I imagine if I were just talking publicly about Kendrick's

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Speaker 1: last album, which I went from not understanding to not

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Speaker 1: liking to only liking the interludes to then listening to

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Speaker 1: it while I was getting a Mandy petty and I

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Speaker 1: turned the volume halfway down so I could like actually

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Speaker 1: like hear the words. I had to focus on the

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Speaker 1: word something about like the lower volume, Yeah, made me

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Speaker 1: pay attention more and like hearing what he was saying

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Speaker 1: and then being in love with the album and those

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Speaker 1: tweets would have been a roller coaster, Like it's just

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Speaker 1: like of emotion if I just like if I put

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Speaker 1: that out like constantly, because your thoughts towards something should

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Speaker 1: like change and evolve and like sometimes may take a

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Speaker 1: little while to reach stable ground on.

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Speaker 3: And some people would argue that the journey is authenticity, Yes,

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Speaker 3: but what is what is authenticity to you as a comedian,

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Speaker 3: as someone who's like the theories that you just said, Like,

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Speaker 3: how do you how do you define what is authentic

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Speaker 3: and real and what isn't for you?

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Speaker 1: I try, And a lot of things are true, right

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Speaker 1: like you can go I could. I was presenting a

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Speaker 1: lot of true things right, like things that I thought

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Speaker 1: were hard facts or perspective that people wouldn't want.

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Speaker 2: To say out loud or be able to tolerate.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I did believe it and it was true,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't like in my eyes, the most compelling

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Speaker 1: version of the truth I've found like now, like when working,

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Speaker 1: I run towards things I'm afraid of and that that

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Speaker 1: have personal consequence in my life. So talking about me,

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Speaker 1: because I never really talked about myself before, never considered

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Speaker 1: myself a storyteller, and this is something I'm in many

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Speaker 1: ways making art while learning and real time. But but

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Speaker 1: it is and has become with my live show, just

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Speaker 1: like this kind of personal exploration, not just that things

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Speaker 1: that bring me shame, things that bring like and again

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Speaker 1: it's hard to talk about the show, yeah, only because

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Speaker 1: I'm sure I'm making it, so I must give the

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Speaker 1: the caveat that it's actually funnier than I've been. But

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Speaker 1: I try and keep it compelling, you know, like I

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Speaker 1: trying to keep stakes in the act and like tension there,

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Speaker 1: like that's my new focus is you know, both says

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Speaker 1: I like give the audience a lot, like I'm more

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Speaker 1: like more giving and I have more need of for

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Speaker 1: them now more than ever, and I like that experience,

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Speaker 1: so yeah, yeah, yeah, it's really personal now, like it's

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Speaker 1: it's the things that are dangerous to me, like the

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Speaker 1: evil canievral things are like my feelings toward you know, myself,

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Speaker 1: or my feelings toward you know, relationships that I have.

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Speaker 3: What was what was the first thing you think you

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Speaker 3: ever combated through that art exploration internally as a fear

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Speaker 3: Like I love that idea that your storytelling now or

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Speaker 3: your special is there a exploration of something you're scared of?

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Speaker 3: What was the first ever thing? Do you remember that

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Speaker 3: you were scared of?

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Speaker 1: No, that's I kind of baby stepped into my last project.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, I made these documentaries for HBO

424
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Speaker 1: or I went home and I was confronting like my

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Speaker 1: father's adultery and my mother's forgiveness of him. And I

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Speaker 1: tried to come out to my mom, but I did

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Speaker 1: it in a very it was fearful, so like I

428
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Speaker 1: was like I hooked up with dudes before, like just

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Speaker 1: like kind of waiting for a reaction, you know, and

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Speaker 1: it wasn't full truth. And then you know, some time

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Speaker 1: later I came out to my family and it had

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Speaker 1: still resonating consequences to that. It affected our relationship in

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Speaker 1: a real way. There's a lot of anxiety and not

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Speaker 1: speaking of kind of separating myself from my family a

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Speaker 1: lot recently. I only share because I'm still in that

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Speaker 1: part of the process. I want to be honest about it.

437
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know what, like, and I pray

438
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: that it gets better and we should talk later about

439
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:31,400
Speaker 1: what prayer.

440
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 2: Means to me.

441
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's you know it great again, like kind

442
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 1: of personal consequence. And so my last Special Rothaniel was me, Yeah,

443
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 1: you know, really kind of drawn a line in the

444
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 1: sand with my family coming out publicly, contending with my

445
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:57,640
Speaker 1: father's adultery, its effect on me, the kind of generational trauma.

446
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 2: Calls by adultery, calls by having other.

447
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 1: Kids outside the marriage that were kept secrets, and how

448
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: just gears of secrets like kind of repressed us and

449
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,359
Speaker 1: repressed me into a liar, you know, not unable a

450
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: liar and unable to tell my own truth. And so

451
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:20,639
Speaker 1: I look at the special as being the synopsis could

452
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 1: read like on HBO, like man afraid of heights jumps

453
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,439
Speaker 1: out of an airplane for the first time. Yeah, like

454
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 1: that was my last Special, Like that was the the

455
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 1: intention was doing the scariest thing I could imagine. I

456
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,199
Speaker 1: never thought I would ever come out. I was afraid

457
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 1: of the public's reaction. I was mostly afraid of my

458
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 1: mother's That was the feet walking on to the stage

459
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 1: and doing it.

460
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's I mean that even just hearing you say that,

461
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:49,879
Speaker 3: I man, that is so inspiring as a creative person

462
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 3: like to hear that your creative impetus or intentional process

463
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 3: is to confront a fear, a shame, something that difficult.

464
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 3: You're doing it through comedy, which is even harder in

465
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:08,200
Speaker 3: one sense because you're making these extremely deep traumatic events,

466
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,399
Speaker 3: you know, lighthearted to some degree where people are able

467
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 3: to be entertained.

468
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 1: But the thing is, what I found with audiences is

469
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 1: that when I go, when I share things that are

470
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,880
Speaker 1: personal to me, no matter what the danger, and i'veset

471
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,400
Speaker 1: things that are I mean, this has happened in real time,

472
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 1: and like it's like tweets, like art is capturing a

473
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 1: moment in time. That's why I try and focus all

474
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: the energy on one thing, like my my special is

475
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 1: just one ig live, you know what I mean. It's

476
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 1: like it's like the one thing that I focused on.

477
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 1: I found that when I when it's personal, it's not

478
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,200
Speaker 1: the same audiences like you can't like I'm talking about

479
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 1: how I feel, I'm talking about me. I'm talking about

480
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 1: things I went through and how that developed this perspective, right,

481
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: that's all truthful. Is different than if I'm just like

482
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,959
Speaker 1: talking about what you you can't do.

483
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:03,200
Speaker 2: I'm all for.

484
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,199
Speaker 1: Whether you like it or not, kind of comedy, free speech.

485
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,960
Speaker 1: You have every right to do that, like in comedians

486
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 1: do that, and I did that, I mean most of

487
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: my career, but still up until recently was a lot

488
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 1: of that trying to say the thing I like to

489
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 1: think of mine was more intellectual. But that's my own

490
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,720
Speaker 1: egotistical argument for it. But you know, but now I'm

491
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: talking about me, and when I'm talking about me, like

492
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:32,119
Speaker 1: audiences react with empathy or compassion even when I say

493
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,919
Speaker 1: sometimes I say, like some wild things, you know, but

494
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:39,639
Speaker 1: it's mine as personal, like that's that's definite. You have

495
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 1: ownership over how you feel, you know, And that's what

496
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: I want my art to be, just like how I

497
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 1: feel right now, just like an emotion, like a pure

498
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 1: intention bottled.

499
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love Yeah, I get that. You've said.

500
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 3: It's interesting though, your language is like full of like

501
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 3: intention truth, Like.

502
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I almost hate that.

503
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 1: I almost hate it because it's like these are powerful

504
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 1: words that obviously get overused, and I'm sure I'm overusing I.

505
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 2: Don't think you are the word platform, like I hate

506
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 2: the word.

507
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 3: I don't think you're overusing them. I feel like I

508
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 3: don't think you're overusing them from at least what I'm

509
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:19,440
Speaker 3: I'm generating from this conversation, Like I guess, I guess

510
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,240
Speaker 3: what I'm fascinated by is like what you said, you

511
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 3: said you were I think you used the word and

512
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 3: I could have got the word room where you said

513
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 3: you were reconstructing a relationship with God or reframing that.

514
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 3: And then you said, let me define what prayer is

515
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 3: to me, Yes, do both those things what you said,

516
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:33,160
Speaker 3: I pray.

517
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,679
Speaker 1: It's in many ways one and the same because I

518
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 1: think my entire life, I've kind of believed this but

519
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:45,120
Speaker 1: didn't have the language to articulate how I felt. And

520
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: that is truly taking the Christianity that I was taught

521
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 1: growing up my whole life to church every Sunday, even

522
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 1: when my mama worked, I went with my grandma sang

523
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 1: on the choir. Uh Sunday school class into regular service.

524
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 1: Stayed after talking to the parking lot full church boy

525
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: and learning about God, the man in the sky who

526
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:17,399
Speaker 1: at you know, your requests can show you benevolence and

527
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 1: at as consequence for your sins punish you, right, And

528
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:28,840
Speaker 1: I was. I was taught about this man and internalized

529
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:34,160
Speaker 1: this man, and he dictated my actions and my words

530
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: and my fear. And then I read this book by

531
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: Eric Butterworth called Discover the Power Within You, and it

532
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: helped me articulate how how I felt, which is if

533
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 1: you take Christ's words as philosophy, right, like just like

534
00:28:56,280 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: take away this human needs to worship the light and

535
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 1: just listen and accepting your own divinity. And by divinity,

536
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 1: I don't want to be confused because I think lose

537
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 1: sometimes non religious people. I mean your you know, potential

538
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 1: for to function fully. That's all something that Christ has

539
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: said that you have. You have at birth. It is

540
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 1: your right and you are essentially God manifesting himself as

541
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: Jay as Gerard, you know, like it's I accept that

542
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 1: I accept my own potential. I realized that prayers are

543
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 1: just affirmations that you are asking for what you already have.

544
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 1: I think it's why, like good advice feels familiar something

545
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 1: you're like, yes, oh, yes.

546
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 2: I knew that. Yeah, you know, that's why you connect.

547
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 1: With it, and it's it is there, you know, and

548
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: it's divinity that that we all have access to. But

549
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 1: it's always like the you know practice that's rough, right,

550
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 1: because it's easier. It was easier for me, I want

551
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 1: to speak personally. It was easier for me to just

552
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 1: accept a guy that I can send and then ask

553
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: for forgiveness, and you know, a Bible that I didn't

554
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 1: fully understand and and just kind of accept that there's

555
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: this external force dictating and you know that kind of

556
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 1: the devil relinquished me of responsibility for my own actions.

557
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 1: I was able to kind of back away from things

558
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 1: that wasn't me, that was the devil, you know. And

559
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 1: now by internalizing though that philosophy and seeing it as philosophy,

560
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 1: I had to remove the magic from the Bible. Right,

561
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 1: And this is what works for me. And I'm saying

562
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 1: it cautiously because I know, like I can still see

563
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 1: the ears of my mother perking up, so like I'm

564
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 1: saying that this is what has helped me.

565
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 2: And.

566
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:09,239
Speaker 1: Just like realizing that God is me functioning as I

567
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 1: can you know, and things function as they can access

568
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 1: to good, like we all have access to good, even

569
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 1: through tragedy, even through pain. You know, those words of

570
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 1: the Bible become different, they hit a little different when

571
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 1: you accept yourself as innately divine right. You know, all

572
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 1: things work for good, for through God who strengthens me,

573
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 1: you know, like Philippians, is.

574
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 2: Is something that you know, you, Oh, I can use

575
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 2: all of this. We're good.

576
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 1: I can take what you know, I can take the

577
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 1: rubble or things from the ashes and make something new

578
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: out of this and continue forward, like with a sense

579
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: of purpose, with a sense of duty, I can form that,

580
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 1: you know, taking tragedy. And we see it all the time,

581
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 1: like you know parents, some children who've gone through tragedies,

582
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:06,320
Speaker 1: or you know people just with loved ones who've experienced

583
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: something and then they take what's been destroyed and they

584
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 1: make something new, you know. And that is the Bible.

585
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 1: That's using your own innate power to move forward. And

586
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 1: that's the line between me and my mother. That's been

587
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 1: the line between me and the Church my entire life.

588
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 1: I've always wanted to believe that, and it wasn't until

589
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 1: I came out or even accept it. Let's just say

590
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 1: accept it who I was that I was forced to

591
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 1: then say, okay, well God has taught to me is

592
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 1: not accepting of me, and I had to re examine

593
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 1: in order to not destroy myself.

594
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 3: I love hearing your thought process because it's so real,

595
00:32:56,800 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 3: Like you're so in it. And as someone who's created

596
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 3: did a piece of art based on a fear, you've

597
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 3: had to live through that fear again and again and

598
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 3: again in the creation process. How did it feel. Did

599
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 3: you feel that making a piece of art on that

600
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 3: relinquished a fear and now you can move on to

601
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 3: another shame or another guilt or another fear or what

602
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 3: was the what was it like? Yeah? Does that make sense?

603
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah?

604
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 1: And speaking of that fear, like I was, like I

605
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 1: did a few shows on the role in preparation for

606
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 1: the special, and like I was like coming out to

607
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:36,479
Speaker 1: audience members that knew me like every night, like like

608
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 1: it was like a new It was like jumping off

609
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 1: a cliff.

610
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:40,720
Speaker 3: Like that's what I mean.

611
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it was a lot, but it

612
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: is how I knew it's the direction I needed to

613
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 1: go in because it did scare me and you know,

614
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 1: I've learned to trust that feeling isn't always that I'm

615
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: going in the wrong direction, but in fact that I'm

616
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 1: going there's like.

617
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 2: A lot of fertile ground.

618
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

619
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the fear. It just stays.

620
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 1: It just stays the whole time, the whole time until

621
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 1: it's released, and then you kind of release the fear.

622
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 3: Did you feel you released the fear when that happened or.

623
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, in many ways, Well, in many ways because I

624
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 1: feel more truthful publicly now, which feels great.

625
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, that feels really really good.

626
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so I don't have the fear of being

627
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 1: found out in that way. But they're still I'm definitely

628
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: still fighting through shame and how it's manifested itself in

629
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 1: my life through you know, things really like that I

630
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 1: could call hypochondria or OCD or whatever, but really like

631
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 1: anxieties rooted in shame that I'm working through and that

632
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:51,400
Speaker 1: I'm trying to understand better myself, and I feel it

633
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 1: like my job to explore that. You know, so I

634
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 1: kind of chase that feeling. I don't recommend it.

635
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:03,319
Speaker 3: I was just about to say, I was like, how

636
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 3: do you recommend people do this? Because I think that

637
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,840
Speaker 3: whether you're a performer or not, we all have to

638
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 3: go through this process.

639
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do recommend for whatever it's worth

640
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 1: me saying like that, you run toward all of the

641
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,720
Speaker 1: things that you're afraid of in a truthful way, contend

642
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 1: with it with an open mind.

643
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 2: I think that's very very important.

644
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:27,879
Speaker 3: How did you do it in a way that didn't

645
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,239
Speaker 3: break you or hurt you or because I think that's

646
00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:33,319
Speaker 3: where people are scared of shame and guilt because it

647
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,879
Speaker 3: feels like a broken piece of glass, and so when

648
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 3: you pick up a broken piece of glass, you could

649
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,840
Speaker 3: get caught. So people like, oh, it's just better to

650
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 3: just shove it away.

651
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, and I'm still like, you know,

652
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm still picking it up. But good

653
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 1: friends very very important in my case. And you know,

654
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 1: people that remind me where the ground is, you know,

655
00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 1: just get caught up in all of it, all of it.

656
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: Anxiety is real. I'm recently admitting that I experience anxiety.

657
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 1: I ran away from admitting that much of my life.

658
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can relate to that. I remember a few

659
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 3: years ago, my mum would always tell me, I think

660
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 3: you're stressed, and I'd be like, I'm not stressed, I'm fine.

661
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 3: And I didn't even want to admit it to myself.

662
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 3: So it's not that I was lying to her. I

663
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 3: was lying to myself. I didn't even want to because

664
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:31,800
Speaker 3: I was scared that if I let that in then

665
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 3: that would change me somehow. That blocked me stop. Yeah. Yeah,

666
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 3: And I didn't realize that, and that you're weak totally.

667
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,319
Speaker 1: The thought that you're weak weak there, Oh you're being

668
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,719
Speaker 1: consumed by these oh this small little thing is eating

669
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,800
Speaker 1: you up, and it's just like yeah.

670
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, yeah, and it is yeah, it is.

671
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:51,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

672
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 3: And I had a friend that I remember was going

673
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 3: through depression very early on, and like this when we

674
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 3: were much younger, and I didn't I was like, how

675
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 3: can you be depressed? You've got nothing to be you know,

676
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,959
Speaker 3: that kind of mindset, and then you go for something

677
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 3: yourself and you go, oh God. I experienced depression and

678
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 3: I was scared of accepting it, and it took me.

679
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,720
Speaker 3: It was the same for me. It was the weak aspect.

680
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 3: It was the aspect of no, no, no, some people

681
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 3: have it much worse, Like what am I complaining about?

682
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 3: It was it was the shame that came with oh no,

683
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 3: but I'm you know, I if a mom thinks I'm stressed,

684
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:24,440
Speaker 3: and she'll get stressed, and the guilt, all of that.

685
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 2: And any excuse not to correct confront it right.

686
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 3: Confront it, and I feel like you just keep putting

687
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 3: it off. And now I've realized that I need to

688
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 3: talk to that feeling or emotion when it arises, because

689
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 3: me putting it away just makes it get bigger and

690
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 3: darker and deeper. And that's what I find so interesting

691
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 3: doing it through art, because when you're putting it out

692
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,759
Speaker 3: in front of other people again, now it's their mind.

693
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 3: Their impression gets involved too, Like what they're going to

694
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 3: think of it? What is it right now? If you

695
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:00,959
Speaker 3: said that there's a fear right now or a shame

696
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 3: or guilt right now that you're trying to unpack next,

697
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 3: Like is there something that not that you're working on

698
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 3: specifically for a new project, but even just in your

699
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 3: own life.

700
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, probably emotional blocks that like stopped me

701
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 1: from being in like a healthy relationship with with someone

702
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 1: you know, and and as someone who came out publicly later,

703
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 1: I realized that there are phases and things that I

704
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 1: go through and that it's normal to go through.

705
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 2: But but just understanding those.

706
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: Blocks has been interesting to me as a late and

707
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 1: dealing with the the things that don't sound cool. Give

708
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 1: me an example, Yeah, well, well only because not that

709
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 1: I not not even that I don't want to, but

710
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 1: but I'm only respecting that on stage is a different place. Yes,

711
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: that that allows me to say things. I get that

712
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 1: that like that, Like I may say something that I'm like, well,

713
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 1: now we need another hour, you know, I'm like, well

714
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 1: can we can I explain everything that led to that?

715
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:18,360
Speaker 1: You know, like I don't know, I love that. Yeah, yeah, nothing,

716
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, just things that are personally scary

717
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 1: to me. You know, like you know, there are no

718
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:27,280
Speaker 1: bodies or anything, but like but you know there are

719
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 1: like you know, things that have like emotional consequences that.

720
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 2: You know, run from.

721
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:35,480
Speaker 3: I like, how simple you went back to. It's just

722
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 3: like good friends, like you know friends. It just it

723
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,839
Speaker 3: sounds like such a basic thing. And I was. We

724
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 3: had some friends over that hadn't seen for years this

725
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 3: weekend and we were all just appreciating that as well

726
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:49,319
Speaker 3: in terms of I remember, I've been coaching people for

727
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:53,040
Speaker 3: a long time and that was really what my work

728
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 3: was before I did any of what I do today,

729
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:58,240
Speaker 3: and all I ever met was people who were lonely

730
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 3: at the top. Like that was considered with my experience,

731
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 3: and so I would often say to myself that while

732
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 3: I'm building my life, I don't want I want to

733
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 3: make sure that I build relationships at the same time

734
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 3: as build things. And I don't just mean like love

735
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:16,320
Speaker 3: and romantic I mean like friendships, as you're saying. And

736
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 3: I've realized just how much time that takes, how much

737
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 3: energy that takes, how much effort that takes, but how

738
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 3: fulfilling it is. And it sounds so simple and it's

739
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 3: so basic.

740
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 1: Oh it's difficult, and it's almost yeah, and it's almost

741
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:30,360
Speaker 1: a lot of the things that drive you to be

742
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:38,480
Speaker 1: successful are isolating. Like there is a lot of accepted selfishness,

743
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:42,359
Speaker 1: even amongst frank like I at times have been a

744
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,239
Speaker 1: horrible friend, like a very selfish friend. Like I mean

745
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,759
Speaker 1: just like get on the phone, talk about me for

746
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 1: an hour, all right, bye, you know, just like a

747
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: one sided friend, a a friend who's used money to

748
00:40:56,239 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: supplement connection, a friend who's like kept friends at arms

749
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:03,320
Speaker 1: distance so I could work or focus.

750
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 2: Or however I justified it, and I still do that.

751
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 1: I still do that like that, Like I can relate

752
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 1: like like in I and I and I value my

753
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:16,840
Speaker 1: work and so specifically in art, like it's like license

754
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 1: to sometimes indulge in like behavior or in emotions that

755
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 1: are harmful to relationships. And I can't tell if that's Look,

756
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 1: it's not okay because it's like but it's like an

757
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:31,880
Speaker 1: occupation hazard.

758
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 3: Occupational has it?

759
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, it's an occupational hazard. It's like you're I

760
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 1: don't know, I have to go there, like I have

761
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 1: to go into this cave.

762
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:40,840
Speaker 3: Well, I think the part I find fascinating about it

763
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 3: is the awareness of it, right, I think the lack

764
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,239
Speaker 3: of awareness. A lot of people may be doing that

765
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 3: but they don't even know why. Yeah, Whereas and I

766
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 3: can relate to a lot of that, like I've I've

767
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 3: definitely been very clear with friends, family, things like that

768
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 3: about what I can and can't do based on what

769
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 3: I'm working on. But it's different when it's carved out,

770
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 3: when it's communica. Yeah, when it's yeah, right, it helps

771
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 3: exactly helps.

772
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 2: It definitely helps me.

773
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,239
Speaker 1: Like, and that's a part of honesty and not lying

774
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 1: to yourself about what you're doing. Yeah, being able to

775
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 1: say Okay, like I used to be so late to work,

776
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: you know, just because like I'm just in my head

777
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 1: and like I know how long it takes me to

778
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 1: like shift gears, and like I would lie to him

779
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,879
Speaker 1: about I didn't realize I was lying, but I would

780
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 1: be like with starting at three, you know, and then

781
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:32,160
Speaker 1: like five thirty, I'm like, okay, I'm ready, you know,

782
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 1: and he's and I'm wasting his time being a horrible

783
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,920
Speaker 1: It's not even productive for me because like now I'm

784
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: trying to like work closely with someone who's like like

785
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 1: justifiably frustrated with me, you know, and so like just

786
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 1: like learning to communicate even like, oh, look this is

787
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:52,680
Speaker 1: how I'm feeling right now.

788
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 2: That's how I'm feeling today.

789
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:57,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, So working on like I don't even know if

790
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:58,880
Speaker 1: we're going to get to it, and he's like, look,

791
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,839
Speaker 1: then i'll make it as a loose plan exactly, and

792
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 1: I'll either see you at three or in two weeks.

793
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, you know, that's what we're so scared of communicating.

794
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 3: And that's what I feel the same way I was

795
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:16,320
Speaker 3: talking about in relationships, So with my wife, for a

796
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 3: long time, i'd always be like three nights three nights

797
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,839
Speaker 3: this week, I just need to spend time alone. You

798
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,600
Speaker 3: can say that, or you can say, hey, these three

799
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 3: nights I'm working on this thing, which means I need

800
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:31,359
Speaker 3: some time and space. That's totally different to a these

801
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 3: three nights, I'm just going to be And it takes

802
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,360
Speaker 3: a little bit more time and energy and effort. And

803
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 3: this isn't about advice. It's just about the idea of

804
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:41,719
Speaker 3: what you're saying that you're actually creating more issues for

805
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:47,840
Speaker 3: yourself by not communicating, and the courage that it takes

806
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 3: has it just pays off. Like you just said, your friends,

807
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 3: oh I'm clear now.

808
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 2: But saying the thing.

809
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:57,879
Speaker 1: Saying the thing scared potentially awkward and it's not even

810
00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 1: that A lot of times, like the big conversations in

811
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,919
Speaker 1: my life, the scariest ones are that won't even lead

812
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 1: to like devastation, It just could potentially lead to like

813
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 1: a moment of.

814
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:14,839
Speaker 2: Discomfort, discomfort of cringe or whatever. And it's worth it.

815
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:15,360
Speaker 2: It's worth it.

816
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:19,319
Speaker 1: My friends and I'm closest with have caught essentially have

817
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:21,840
Speaker 1: caught me out on a lie, which is a difficult

818
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 1: thing to do, and we survived it and we're closer

819
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 1: because of it.

820
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 3: That's impressive. Yeah, that's impressive. Most people can't take that.

821
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 3: But that's why it comes back to awareness. Like even

822
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 3: earlier you mentioned ego and it was like even the

823
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:39,479
Speaker 3: ability to see your own ego is a healthy sense

824
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 3: of awareness. I mean, we're in this attention economy right now, where,

825
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 3: like you said, we talked about this. We started with this,

826
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:48,360
Speaker 3: the idea that everyone's trying to grapple for people's attention.

827
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:52,359
Speaker 3: People will even invent things in their life to get

828
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 3: attention because it's so hard to get attention when you're

829
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 3: trying to not even get able.

830
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:02,400
Speaker 1: To raising their children and on the internet, like people

831
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:07,280
Speaker 1: are like camera like the children are like sleeping.

832
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,719
Speaker 3: But with that, like the attention part, like how is

833
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:17,240
Speaker 3: it that then in a world where then you're trying

834
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 3: you're saying that you're still you still have to compete

835
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 3: for attention, but you're trying to do it for fear

836
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 3: and exploration and art like.

837
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:28,359
Speaker 1: Well, because to me, that's like interesting to me, it's

838
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:31,719
Speaker 1: interesting because it's scary and it's like yeah, emotion too

839
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:35,919
Speaker 1: for me, and like not only respecting people's time, but realizing,

840
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:39,760
Speaker 1: you know, just how hard it is to get anyone's

841
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:43,760
Speaker 1: attention for a moment and to make people feel anything,

842
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 1: you know, because that's also if you're inundated with bad

843
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 1: nabs even like you you know, people a either seek

844
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 1: good news through their art or be like you know,

845
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:58,240
Speaker 1: only a really authentic version of something can even resonate

846
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:02,040
Speaker 1: or have the potential to resonate with a viewer or listener.

847
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:06,759
Speaker 1: And and so you know, I respect it, and I

848
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 1: know it's hard. So like that's why I like save

849
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 1: it for when it's ready, you know, even if it's

850
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: a daily show. If I were doing a daily show, still,

851
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,359
Speaker 1: I would just save it all for that night, you know,

852
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 1: like like just like but that's just how again I

853
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 1: say that with the disclaimer, with the non judgmental disclaimer

854
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 1: of you know of someone who follows accounts on Instagram

855
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 1: that I find funny or in some ways inspirational or whatever.

856
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:35,880
Speaker 1: But it's always like there's always like the truth that

857
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 1: like really gets me.

858
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,399
Speaker 2: It's why I love sports. Sports is true.

859
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 1: I watch I don't even watch sports, but I watch

860
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:45,359
Speaker 1: ESPN all day every day.

861
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 2: Sports Center around the Horn.

862
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:53,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, PTI like just like like facts, facts, facts, truth, truth, truth, opinions,

863
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 1: like plenty of opinions. It's funny. It's just an honest

864
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: what's your favorite book whatever? Oh right, I also like

865
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,800
Speaker 1: straight things for gay reasons. So like, I'm like really

866
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:13,480
Speaker 1: obsessed with the lighting of basketball. You know, this stadium

867
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 1: is like, you know, this arena is gorgeous, you know,

868
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,240
Speaker 1: like you know, the golden light of the garden or whatever.

869
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 1: Like I'm but but I'm obsessed with the production of it.

870
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:25,000
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with like you.

871
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:29,560
Speaker 3: Know that you never heard that sports is true, it's.

872
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 1: A TV show like my you know friends who really

873
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:36,360
Speaker 1: truly loves sports. But I'm like, yeah, the NBA is

874
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 1: just like a long running television program. Yeah, you know,

875
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 1: like Michael Jordan was one of my favorite stars of

876
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,839
Speaker 1: that program. He got me to watch it on TV.

877
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:50,279
Speaker 1: You know, like it's you know, a tour. It's a

878
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:51,440
Speaker 1: televised tour.

879
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's I mean, that's that's yeah, that's an interesting

880
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 3: way to see. I mean I'm obsessed with soccer football.

881
00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the rules of performance when I go to games,

882
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 1: you know, it's like it's a full show. They're also

883
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 1: trying to keep the audience attention the whole time.

884
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:07,399
Speaker 3: America, it's a show in England. Yeah, in England it's

885
00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 3: not like that. Oh no, on sports in England there

886
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:11,680
Speaker 3: is no entertainment, but the.

887
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 2: Space that's nice.

888
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: Even advertising in England seems so like when you're going

889
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 1: down like in London, if you're walking down the strand.

890
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 1: Part of what makes it gorgeous is that it's just

891
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 1: like these really like these giant brick buildings that reflect

892
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:29,440
Speaker 1: lightwell and and have No, it's not a lot of ads.

893
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, it's just like clean.

894
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 3: Yeah. And sports is like that. You won't you see

895
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 3: sponsors on shirts obviously, and sponsors around the pitch, but

896
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 3: it's it's different. Like I realized that when I came

897
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 3: to the US. I was like, oh wow, everything's entertainment everything,

898
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 3: you know, just a spool.

899
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:46,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you guys do do the giant soccer I

900
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: don't like. I mean some of the jerseys are cool.

901
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,520
Speaker 2: I don't like it. On the NBA jerseys, it's like

902
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 2: not worth.

903
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 1: The yeah, quick and loans right here, like give a

904
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:01,240
Speaker 1: kid a clean like jersey.

905
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:02,399
Speaker 2: I love God.

906
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:06,839
Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, it's like, I mean, America has done

907
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:08,839
Speaker 1: it in a way that's just so it's so part

908
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 1: of the culture.

909
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 2: It's like even like movies.

910
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 1: You know, I fought really hard in my movie to

911
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 1: even keep just like coke bottles or something, because that

912
00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 1: is like to me, that looks American looking at a

913
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:23,040
Speaker 1: photo photograph of New York or LA, like I could

914
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 1: in many places recognize it, but the advertisements and the

915
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 1: pure ubiquity of it totally.

916
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, what's your take on I guess as looking at

917
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,359
Speaker 3: I love how you have theories and insights and all

918
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 3: different industries, looking at the advertising industry or looking at

919
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:41,640
Speaker 3: product placement, looking at that, like, is there do you

920
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:44,879
Speaker 3: have any interesting theories about how ads have changed? Because

921
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 3: obviously now we're going from targeted ads ads everywhere. I mean,

922
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 3: you're you're off social media, but like, I'm just fascinated

923
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:55,239
Speaker 3: to hear your thoughts on advertising and attention, like and

924
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 3: why we fall for every time, because.

925
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:03,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm susceptible to me too, I loved to have

926
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:06,400
Speaker 1: an iPhone. iPhones aren't even the best phones, but I

927
00:50:06,440 --> 00:50:09,719
Speaker 1: bought one, Like I see pixels and stuff, I'm like,

928
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: that is amazing. Well, I mean, no, what I'm gonna

929
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:22,440
Speaker 1: like text my friends from like a green bubble, but

930
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:24,880
Speaker 1: like it's because of the like it really sold like

931
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 1: Apple sold me on a dream and I'm a sucker

932
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,480
Speaker 1: who bought it, and like and it's sleeking.

933
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:29,919
Speaker 2: It's cool.

934
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 1: I mean, they're obviously great qualities to whatever, but like,

935
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: like I'm very susceptible to things. I'm susceptible to words

936
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 1: and images just like you know, and so that's part

937
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:42,719
Speaker 1: of the reason it's hard for me to see things

938
00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 1: because I know, like it's a lot for me. That's

939
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:51,160
Speaker 1: why I have to like do the YouTube no ads. Yeah,

940
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 1: I mean, now it's an interesting thing. Like you know,

941
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:56,719
Speaker 1: it's a lot of brands that are like afraid of

942
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 1: its customer like and really like a lot of corporations

943
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:03,880
Speaker 1: that are very timidly putting friendly, diverse commercials for that,

944
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 1: you know, and they always wanted to appease everyone. But

945
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 1: like now I think there's a lot of timidity to it.

946
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 1: Some of them are still creative.

947
00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 2: You know.

948
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:16,840
Speaker 1: Obviously Geico changed the world. Yeah, definitely there it should

949
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 1: be some type of award just like yeah, like that

950
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:25,360
Speaker 1: Gecko should win like thing of the year, Like.

951
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:27,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, time Gecko.

952
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:30,359
Speaker 1: Of the Year because it's like like I mean it

953
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 1: did like it made everything not about the product, just

954
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 1: like removed from it.

955
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 3: I think that's my opinion. My I probably have an

956
00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 3: interesting view on this. I love good advertising. Yeah, I

957
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 3: respect it, Yeah, because I'm like, if that's if it's true.

958
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 3: Obviously it's true. That's that's a big part of it.

959
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:54,320
Speaker 3: But I love it when someone has thought about the aesthetics,

960
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:58,319
Speaker 3: someone has thought about the presentation. I can respect that

961
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 3: that required a lot of brain power, right, It required

962
00:52:02,960 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 3: that in any potent, it requires some inner potential. It

963
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 3: didn't they didn't just go oh yeah, I just turned up.

964
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 1: I mean, bro, it's like good advertising, Like, oh well

965
00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:18,240
Speaker 1: it's I also respect the Edward Burnet's you know, manipulation

966
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 1: of it all, just like, man, you really got me,

967
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:22,279
Speaker 1: you really get just.

968
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 3: But yeah, but there's something there is fascinating to see.

969
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 3: Who had the ability to shift human behavior that is

970
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 3: fascinating to observe. And I think if we observed that more,

971
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 3: I think we wouldn't get as sucked in by it, right, Like,

972
00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 3: because what we're saying is we like good advertising, but

973
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,880
Speaker 3: we know when it's advertising. Yeah, And so I'm not

974
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,200
Speaker 3: saying I can I'm not susceptible to it, but I'm

975
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 3: saying that being able to see what's working on me.

976
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:49,360
Speaker 2: Well, it's helpful.

977
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just that exactly that that what you're being presented. Okay,

978
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:57,400
Speaker 1: this is a this is probably a lot. So the

979
00:52:57,560 --> 00:53:01,799
Speaker 1: two parts. One, I'm perpetually trying to change my mother

980
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:05,480
Speaker 1: and test their capacity for change and her ability to

981
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:09,880
Speaker 1: question the source. Hey, is religion, as you've learned it

982
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:13,200
Speaker 1: something that may have been manipulated over time? And like,

983
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 1: are all of these things like the divine word of

984
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 1: a divine being or are they influenced by kings and

985
00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 1: politicians alike over the course of the two thousand years since? Right,

986
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 1: So there's always that, And so like I'm probably to

987
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:34,680
Speaker 1: a degree that is unhealthy cynical and skeptical and definitely

988
00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:40,319
Speaker 1: believe conspiracy a lot. But I also think that the

989
00:53:40,360 --> 00:53:45,000
Speaker 1: belief of conspiracy is dangerous, right, Like, so it's like

990
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 1: trying to find middle ground.

991
00:53:46,120 --> 00:53:46,279
Speaker 2: Right.

992
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:49,400
Speaker 1: It's just like because like the belief of conspiracy is

993
00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:53,400
Speaker 1: like why we know anti vaxxers, right, Like, it's just

994
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:57,319
Speaker 1: like every everyone's like but Tuskegee experiment. But I'm like

995
00:53:57,800 --> 00:53:59,640
Speaker 1: one that doesn't really make sense because to me, of

996
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:03,920
Speaker 1: the government's intention was to control the population. Then when

997
00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 1: they put the thing in the vaccine that actually saves

998
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:08,359
Speaker 1: you and kill everybody else.

999
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:09,759
Speaker 2: That's a conspiracy.

1000
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 1: You know. That's a wild thing to say too, but

1001
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 1: like but like, but like it's just a rabbit hole

1002
00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 1: of never ending things. So it's and I get that

1003
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:21,239
Speaker 1: it's difficult to know truth in news source now, but

1004
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: like it's trying to find middle ground between like having

1005
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:29,400
Speaker 1: a respectable I don't know, your own internal checks and

1006
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 1: balances for where you get your information and where you

1007
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,480
Speaker 1: get the information that dictates your life.

1008
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:39,640
Speaker 3: And it's hard. It's it's just plain Yes, it's hard

1009
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:43,680
Speaker 3: because it's like it's exhausting. Its exhausting. Where do it go?

1010
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:46,680
Speaker 3: And I don't And I want to be honest and said,

1011
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 3: there isn't a place to say, hey, go to this

1012
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,120
Speaker 3: website that gives you the best news, because there isn't,

1013
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:53,239
Speaker 3: like you know, and so you're always going to have that,

1014
00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:54,799
Speaker 3: And I I wonder how.

1015
00:54:54,719 --> 00:54:58,920
Speaker 1: You'll definitely be less happy, Yeah, like that that's a thing,

1016
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:01,319
Speaker 1: Like with information, you'll be less out. But I think

1017
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 1: we're all less happy anyway because we're receiving so much

1018
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:08,400
Speaker 1: information anyway, so you might as well, like receive information

1019
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:12,200
Speaker 1: that forces you to self examine correct self explorer.

1020
00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:14,520
Speaker 2: So it's like we're inundated with in any.

1021
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:15,799
Speaker 3: Way, Yeah, if you can make time for.

1022
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:18,560
Speaker 2: But we make.

1023
00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 1: Time, you know what I mean, Like we do make

1024
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:23,719
Speaker 1: time like the busiest person, like like you know, all

1025
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:26,360
Speaker 1: my front and I know that I have like the

1026
00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 1: luxury of not having a day job. It's half a

1027
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:33,960
Speaker 1: luxury because I do need to be busy to not

1028
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:37,759
Speaker 1: drive myself crazy. But like you know, those I know

1029
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:42,280
Speaker 1: that are like working like twelve hour fourteen hour shifts

1030
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 1: still find time to like be inundated with information, you

1031
00:55:46,719 --> 00:55:48,880
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like a lot of it's numbing,

1032
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:53,520
Speaker 1: and again it is exhausting, but it does lead to

1033
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 1: I think a healthier life, you know, like self awareness

1034
00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:01,400
Speaker 1: and being able to increase My mother is fearful of

1035
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 1: the ground that she's been walking on being moved, and

1036
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 1: I get that, but you know not, I just wish

1037
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 1: it wasn't at the sacrifice of self exploration.

1038
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 3: Well, I think that you just hit on something really powerful.

1039
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:22,440
Speaker 3: Like for a long time, I believe that what people

1040
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 3: most needed was care and love, and I started to

1041
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:30,359
Speaker 3: realize that for most people, they weren't searching for that.

1042
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 3: They're searching for safety. Safety, and an ideology. Safety in

1043
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 3: a relationship, safety and security and stability is what people

1044
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:44,280
Speaker 3: are looking for. And so the challenge with confidently exploring

1045
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:49,279
Speaker 3: an emotion or an ideology feels unsafe, yes, because it

1046
00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:51,320
Speaker 3: makes you question what you're standing.

1047
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:52,840
Speaker 2: On everything, everything.

1048
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:56,120
Speaker 3: But that requires you to recognize that it's more unsafe

1049
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:57,640
Speaker 3: to not examine.

1050
00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 2: Yes, what you think, Yeah, that's what. That's a giant leap.

1051
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:01,520
Speaker 3: That's a giant lead.

1052
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:03,040
Speaker 2: It's a very very giant leap.

1053
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:08,080
Speaker 1: And it's like it's easier to live under the law

1054
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 1: of platitudes, you know, and not explore.

1055
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:14,239
Speaker 3: How do you find as a as obviously, like as

1056
00:57:14,239 --> 00:57:17,560
Speaker 3: a comedian then as an actor, right, and like you're directing,

1057
00:57:17,880 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 3: you're you're creating, Like how does that help you explore

1058
00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:25,640
Speaker 3: the truth differently? Or what is that doing that's different

1059
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 3: for you personally because obviously now we just we've literally

1060
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,600
Speaker 3: just been extraveling how you do this as a comedian

1061
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 3: and how you do this in your work, But then

1062
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:37,439
Speaker 3: acting and directing and creating is totally different, right, Yeah, yeah, Well,

1063
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:39,320
Speaker 3: I mean you've been playing your parts of yourself.

1064
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 1: I've been doing that, and I'm trying to do less

1065
00:57:41,200 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 1: of that. I don't want to be a multi hyphen.

1066
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 1: I'm not necessarily chasing that. I do think that I

1067
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:52,520
Speaker 1: have a skill in multiple things, but I would like

1068
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 1: to create focused work and and and so even like

1069
00:57:57,360 --> 00:58:02,520
Speaker 1: acting in directing, my my last movie is something that

1070
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:06,200
Speaker 1: I would never do again, and I'm very thankful. I

1071
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:09,640
Speaker 1: believe we pulled it off and made something that can

1072
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 1: resonate with people. That I would rather focus on one thing.

1073
00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 1: I think that it's important, you know, even like the

1074
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 1: idea of like egot is cool, I would rather be

1075
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 1: the best at one of those things, you know what

1076
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:28,760
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, but they do all have one thing

1077
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 1: in common, and that it's like finding truth. And as

1078
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:35,960
Speaker 1: an actor, I do believe the more I've explored my

1079
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 1: emotion and walls, I started doing psychoanalysis a couple of

1080
00:58:41,720 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 1: years ago, and it's been very helpful, letting me find

1081
00:58:46,360 --> 00:58:50,720
Speaker 1: the thought underneath the thought and actively get in touch

1082
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:55,080
Speaker 1: with intention, right, and acting is believing, And it's easier

1083
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:58,840
Speaker 1: to get in touch with intention when I've explored them,

1084
00:58:59,120 --> 00:58:59,360
Speaker 1: you know.

1085
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 2: And I have more access to.

1086
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:08,080
Speaker 1: Different intention now, uh, and so I am excited to

1087
00:59:08,120 --> 00:59:12,520
Speaker 1: act more Now. I feel like my whole career is

1088
00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:16,320
Speaker 1: you know, just been me learning and building up until

1089
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:20,240
Speaker 1: even it will continue to be that. But recently I

1090
00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:22,480
Speaker 1: feel like I've had more access to the truth and

1091
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:26,960
Speaker 1: made like a conscious decision to do that going forward,

1092
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:30,240
Speaker 1: or at least to try so.

1093
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:33,000
Speaker 2: So I think that would make whatever I'm doing better.

1094
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 2: But yeah, sure, that's like the common threat.

1095
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:37,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, I felt that because even the idea in the

1096
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:40,280
Speaker 3: movie of like two men making a suicide pack, like

1097
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 3: that concept.

1098
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:44,440
Speaker 1: Only works if you play it truthfully. People were afraid

1099
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 1: of that movie. On the counter three was very hard

1100
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:50,360
Speaker 1: to get financed. Nobody wanted to do it, you know,

1101
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 1: very luckily found Two.

1102
00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:55,280
Speaker 3: What was the reason that people don't like making movies?

1103
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:59,480
Speaker 1: Well, well, one because what comedy it's with the assumption

1104
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:04,080
Speaker 1: that it isn't truthful and that it will be made

1105
01:00:04,120 --> 01:00:07,000
Speaker 1: fun of and just dismissed and made light of. Right,

1106
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:11,600
Speaker 1: And I like my show, and like I've always believe

1107
01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 1: that you can find like a lot of humor while

1108
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:19,760
Speaker 1: taking things seriously, you know, like and to me, that's

1109
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 1: the best humor. Like my favorite movies, even the movies

1110
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:26,760
Speaker 1: I think are the funniest, you know, like you know,

1111
01:00:26,840 --> 01:00:31,280
Speaker 1: watching a Coen Brothers movie or Safty brothers movie, or

1112
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:37,120
Speaker 1: even directors who don't have a brother they're funny because

1113
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:40,120
Speaker 1: it's so real. It's hype of real. That's my taste

1114
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:43,080
Speaker 1: in my sense of humor. To me, Counter three is like,

1115
01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:45,720
Speaker 1: because of the stakes of it being your last stay

1116
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 1: on Earth, it's actually aspirational in a way. You know

1117
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:52,720
Speaker 1: that allows itself to be very very very very funny,

1118
01:00:52,720 --> 01:00:56,080
Speaker 1: because it's like, you know, it's sincere.

1119
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:57,560
Speaker 2: They really think this is the end.

1120
01:00:57,840 --> 01:01:01,640
Speaker 1: These two, these two characters and Avou really believe that,

1121
01:01:02,120 --> 01:01:05,920
Speaker 1: and we take seriously the reasons they're there, and it

1122
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:09,840
Speaker 1: just makes a product that keeps my attention. I think

1123
01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:15,080
Speaker 1: people have respected it and respect the film more because

1124
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 1: it takes depression seriously. It takes treatment of it seriously,

1125
01:01:19,320 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 1: and it takes seeing suicide as a resolution seriously. And

1126
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:28,800
Speaker 1: we weren't afraid to treat the audience like the You know,

1127
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:32,640
Speaker 1: if you've experienced this, if you've had these thoughts like one,

1128
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:36,120
Speaker 1: you know, I do believe that it can be triggering,

1129
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:40,240
Speaker 1: so it is important to know yourself when going into it.

1130
01:01:40,720 --> 01:01:43,680
Speaker 1: But I do think people who have and I've now

1131
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:47,000
Speaker 1: been able to talk to people and read things that

1132
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:52,080
Speaker 1: people have written about going through depression, having suicidal ideations

1133
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:55,680
Speaker 1: and even attempts, and connecting with the film in a

1134
01:01:55,720 --> 01:02:01,040
Speaker 1: way that they didn't expect because it was truthful, you know,

1135
01:02:01,160 --> 01:02:03,440
Speaker 1: and that was important, and laughing at it because it

1136
01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:08,920
Speaker 1: was truthful. And so you know, that's always the gamble.

1137
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:12,880
Speaker 1: I'm willing to take that, like being truthful, treating my

1138
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:15,520
Speaker 1: audience as adults will pay off.

1139
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:17,040
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it was hard.

1140
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:19,000
Speaker 1: It was really hard, know one, Like it cost me

1141
01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:22,360
Speaker 1: a lot of my own money, like went broke making

1142
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 1: the movie, you know what I mean, Like like it

1143
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:28,160
Speaker 1: was it was really really hard, but really worth it,

1144
01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:32,800
Speaker 1: really worth even just as an artistic statement of fearlessness

1145
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 1: to explore it was worth it.

1146
01:02:35,480 --> 01:02:39,280
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, just I'd seen your work and

1147
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:41,120
Speaker 3: I think when you sit down with someone and this

1148
01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:43,360
Speaker 3: is why do the podcast, it's like to really hear

1149
01:02:43,400 --> 01:02:46,520
Speaker 3: about why they do it, and then you get a

1150
01:02:46,560 --> 01:02:50,040
Speaker 3: deeper appreciation of what someone does when you know why

1151
01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:52,120
Speaker 3: they do it and how they think about it and

1152
01:02:52,720 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 3: how far they go off the edge to do it.

1153
01:02:55,240 --> 01:02:59,800
Speaker 3: And I just find you really inspiring on in a

1154
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:05,080
Speaker 3: different way than than i'd usually imagine with comedy, because

1155
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:08,920
Speaker 3: it's not just enterainment, it's not just galvanizing a crowd.

1156
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:11,760
Speaker 3: It's not holding attention. It's it's like the ability to

1157
01:03:12,600 --> 01:03:17,680
Speaker 3: encourage us all to move in the direction of our fears. Yeah, yeah,

1158
01:03:17,760 --> 01:03:20,280
Speaker 3: and you're doing that, whether you're saying that or yeah

1159
01:03:20,720 --> 01:03:23,120
Speaker 3: or not, that's what I feel encouraged to do through

1160
01:03:23,160 --> 01:03:23,720
Speaker 3: your work.

1161
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:27,280
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you saying that. My friend Bowl always

1162
01:03:27,280 --> 01:03:31,440
Speaker 1: says that, like more the access to fearlessness, right, and like,

1163
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:36,000
Speaker 1: I'm trying to make things that report on these moments

1164
01:03:36,040 --> 01:03:41,840
Speaker 1: where I gain access to like it's yeah, it's almost

1165
01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:42,640
Speaker 1: like journalism.

1166
01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:47,160
Speaker 3: It's really it's really powerful. It's super powerful I mean

1167
01:03:47,800 --> 01:03:50,520
Speaker 3: I feel moved by it personally because it helps me

1168
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:55,720
Speaker 3: think about how if that's your intention behind the work

1169
01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:59,520
Speaker 3: you're doing, that's the same as any other And if

1170
01:03:59,520 --> 01:04:02,280
Speaker 3: someone is in tension of improving people's lives, that's exactly

1171
01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:06,680
Speaker 3: what that's doing simply by that shift. Because yeah, whatever

1172
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:09,040
Speaker 3: we're scared of is holding us back in so many ways,

1173
01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:11,720
Speaker 3: and and you know, that's the basic thing we all know,

1174
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:16,560
Speaker 3: but it's very rarely exploreding content as the soul intention,

1175
01:04:17,360 --> 01:04:20,200
Speaker 3: like it's you know, yeah, yeah, people think, how do

1176
01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:21,720
Speaker 3: we make this make money? Or how do we make

1177
01:04:21,800 --> 01:04:23,680
Speaker 3: this make people laugh? How do we make that? And

1178
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:26,520
Speaker 3: those are all like beginnings and ends, they're not.

1179
01:04:28,360 --> 01:04:31,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's it's the it's the thing that most has.

1180
01:04:31,840 --> 01:04:36,840
Speaker 1: My attention right, Like it's like it's like, all right,

1181
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:41,160
Speaker 1: there's a monster under the bed. Okay, well I could

1182
01:04:41,160 --> 01:04:43,440
Speaker 1: sit here, I could eat popcorn, I can watch TV,

1183
01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:46,720
Speaker 1: I can think about anything else. Everything in my life

1184
01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:50,880
Speaker 1: is about this monster, like until I look, and I

1185
01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:52,320
Speaker 1: want to make art about looking.

1186
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:56,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that. I love that. Jared,

1187
01:04:56,120 --> 01:04:57,840
Speaker 3: It's been so awsome talking to you.

1188
01:04:57,960 --> 01:04:58,439
Speaker 2: This is great.

1189
01:04:58,560 --> 01:05:01,640
Speaker 3: We taking the time, this is I mean, I'm I'm

1190
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:03,720
Speaker 3: genuinely like, this has been one of the most fun

1191
01:05:03,760 --> 01:05:05,680
Speaker 3: conversations I've had in a long time. And it's because

1192
01:05:05,960 --> 01:05:08,440
Speaker 3: the reason why I do this for myself is I

1193
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:10,479
Speaker 3: love sitting down with people where I don't know where

1194
01:05:10,480 --> 01:05:12,120
Speaker 3: things are going, Like I don't know where the conversation

1195
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:14,040
Speaker 3: is going to go. Yeah, yeah, it's fun, and that's

1196
01:05:14,040 --> 01:05:16,720
Speaker 3: what I enjoy so much because I was like, I

1197
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:20,400
Speaker 3: just want to get to know this fascinating human like.

1198
01:05:21,400 --> 01:05:27,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it feels free, associative and therapeutic. So I

1199
01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:29,520
Speaker 1: really appreciate you and you have beautiful lives.

1200
01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:31,160
Speaker 3: Ah, that's what, that's what.

1201
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:33,600
Speaker 1: It's almost too powerful. I had to look away a

1202
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:34,280
Speaker 1: couple of times.

1203
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:36,440
Speaker 3: I love it. I love the sound of your voice.

1204
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:40,200
Speaker 3: I can listen to your voice, so we've got equal appreciated.

1205
01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:42,200
Speaker 3: I was like, his voice is just so nice.

1206
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:44,560
Speaker 2: We're going to collab on an ASMR channel.

1207
01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:48,160
Speaker 3: I'm in, except my eyes don't help them much.

1208
01:05:48,520 --> 01:05:50,440
Speaker 2: People gaze and I'll read.

1209
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 3: I'm in. You let me know, but Jered, we end

1210
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:57,640
Speaker 3: every episode with the final five. This is the fast five,

1211
01:05:57,760 --> 01:05:59,560
Speaker 3: so the questions have to be answered in one word

1212
01:06:00,160 --> 01:06:03,920
Speaker 3: or one sentence maximum wowe word to one sentence? All right.

1213
01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:06,400
Speaker 3: The first question is what is the best advice you've

1214
01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:07,080
Speaker 3: ever received?

1215
01:06:07,320 --> 01:06:08,120
Speaker 2: Don't take advice?

1216
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:13,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, what is the worst advice you've ever received?

1217
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:14,360
Speaker 2: Listen?

1218
01:06:16,680 --> 01:06:19,600
Speaker 3: I love it? Question number three, I think we already

1219
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:21,320
Speaker 3: answered this through the podcast, but I always like that,

1220
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:25,280
Speaker 3: how would you describe your current purpose with what you're doing?

1221
01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:27,160
Speaker 2: Find truth? Love? That?

1222
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:30,959
Speaker 3: Question number four is what is something that you used

1223
01:06:30,960 --> 01:06:33,120
Speaker 3: to value that you don't value anymore?

1224
01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:34,160
Speaker 2: Privacy?

1225
01:06:34,920 --> 01:06:37,439
Speaker 3: Mm? Why did they? I'm going to go off piece first.

1226
01:06:38,400 --> 01:06:42,280
Speaker 3: That's a really interesting answer. You didn't used to value

1227
01:06:42,360 --> 01:06:44,800
Speaker 3: privacy before what made you start to value it?

1228
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:48,800
Speaker 1: I realized that a lot of the things that I

1229
01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:53,080
Speaker 1: wanted to be private were because I was ashamed of them.

1230
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:55,840
Speaker 1: So I realized that a lot of like people will

1231
01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:58,520
Speaker 1: share anything and quickly I'll tell yeah, please, I want

1232
01:06:58,560 --> 01:07:00,280
Speaker 1: to know sorry about Like my father that kind of

1233
01:07:00,320 --> 01:07:04,560
Speaker 1: represents this thought. Like my father, uh called me and

1234
01:07:04,600 --> 01:07:07,160
Speaker 1: asked me one day, like if I was doing stand

1235
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:09,520
Speaker 1: up again, and it's like, so, you're gonna make another

1236
01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:11,480
Speaker 1: special And I was like, yeah, why he was like,

1237
01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:13,360
Speaker 1: he was like, you're gonna talk about me in it.

1238
01:07:13,840 --> 01:07:16,080
Speaker 1: I was like why, why why? And he said because

1239
01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:18,440
Speaker 1: you mean and it hurts my feelings. And I was

1240
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:20,640
Speaker 1: like why, Like how am I mean? And he was like,

1241
01:07:20,680 --> 01:07:22,320
Speaker 1: you know, you put our business out there like you

1242
01:07:22,360 --> 01:07:23,640
Speaker 1: talk about family business.

1243
01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:26,600
Speaker 2: I talk about like his you know, the kids.

1244
01:07:26,360 --> 01:07:28,800
Speaker 1: That he's had that were a secret for many years,

1245
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:31,840
Speaker 1: and my sexuality and and like and I'm like, one,

1246
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:35,120
Speaker 1: you had all these kids, like you you made it public,

1247
01:07:35,280 --> 01:07:38,360
Speaker 1: like you had children, like you made a public you

1248
01:07:38,400 --> 01:07:40,760
Speaker 1: call it that, you call it put in our business

1249
01:07:40,760 --> 01:07:42,760
Speaker 1: out there because you're ashamed of it. My father, this

1250
01:07:42,800 --> 01:07:45,440
Speaker 1: is a man who will talk to any stranger who

1251
01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:49,640
Speaker 1: will listen in an I hoop lobby about like his

1252
01:07:49,760 --> 01:07:54,280
Speaker 1: open heart surgery and like any private personal like talk

1253
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:58,040
Speaker 1: about his medical history. What anybody will tell everyone his

1254
01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:01,560
Speaker 1: son has a television show and his home address, Like,

1255
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:04,880
Speaker 1: but this is private. It's like, no, this is shameful,

1256
01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:07,520
Speaker 1: Like this is something you haven't contended with, Like just

1257
01:08:07,560 --> 01:08:09,960
Speaker 1: thinking about what privacy means, right, What.

1258
01:08:09,920 --> 01:08:11,880
Speaker 3: I f I'm fascinating about that is how does your

1259
01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:14,840
Speaker 3: I'm going to tell this is not our fast five

1260
01:08:14,920 --> 01:08:16,599
Speaker 3: now and we get to the fifth to one last,

1261
01:08:16,640 --> 01:08:19,599
Speaker 3: But how do you find that, as someone who's had

1262
01:08:19,640 --> 01:08:22,800
Speaker 3: to go through their shame, go through that, uncover it,

1263
01:08:23,800 --> 01:08:27,360
Speaker 3: how do you extend that same process to your father

1264
01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:30,840
Speaker 3: and mother and other people you meet, because now you

1265
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:34,720
Speaker 3: know how hard it is to do that, and when

1266
01:08:34,760 --> 01:08:38,200
Speaker 3: you see their resistance and reluctance to do it, how

1267
01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:39,800
Speaker 3: does that change how you feel about them?

1268
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:42,639
Speaker 2: With their shame, It's hard to be around. It's hard

1269
01:08:42,680 --> 01:08:43,559
Speaker 2: to be around.

1270
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:48,080
Speaker 1: And I realized that in some ways extreme and in

1271
01:08:48,120 --> 01:08:51,120
Speaker 1: some ways it's a luxury to be able to like

1272
01:08:51,960 --> 01:08:54,160
Speaker 1: not talk to certain people in my life, because there

1273
01:08:54,160 --> 01:08:56,479
Speaker 1: are kids who feel that way around their parents, and

1274
01:08:57,880 --> 01:08:59,280
Speaker 1: I wouldn't suggest.

1275
01:08:58,880 --> 01:09:00,760
Speaker 2: That they run away from home, you know what I mean?

1276
01:09:00,840 --> 01:09:04,920
Speaker 1: Like but like, so there are people who have jobs

1277
01:09:04,960 --> 01:09:09,680
Speaker 1: and reasons that it is they can't be fully truthful

1278
01:09:09,800 --> 01:09:14,479
Speaker 1: and I and I do respect that, but I it's

1279
01:09:14,560 --> 01:09:18,280
Speaker 1: hard for me again the monster in the bed. If

1280
01:09:18,280 --> 01:09:21,240
Speaker 1: there's one thing that it's hard to talk about, then

1281
01:09:21,280 --> 01:09:24,320
Speaker 1: it's hard for me to talk about anything. And so

1282
01:09:24,600 --> 01:09:27,160
Speaker 1: right now is my family, my mother and my father

1283
01:09:27,360 --> 01:09:31,040
Speaker 1: come to terms with me being gay. It's difficult to

1284
01:09:31,120 --> 01:09:35,080
Speaker 1: talk to them because we can talk about everything else.

1285
01:09:35,240 --> 01:09:37,560
Speaker 1: You know, they watch My Special and like to me

1286
01:09:37,760 --> 01:09:41,920
Speaker 1: like the most like the part that aches is the

1287
01:09:42,040 --> 01:09:44,040
Speaker 1: part of like me talking about coming out and my

1288
01:09:44,200 --> 01:09:50,120
Speaker 1: struggles to be with them, and that was the part

1289
01:09:50,160 --> 01:09:52,080
Speaker 1: on the first phone call. And even still like they

1290
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:54,800
Speaker 1: didn't even acknowledge they they went like, oh, I know,

1291
01:09:55,600 --> 01:09:57,759
Speaker 1: I know you went through a lot carrying your father's

1292
01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:00,000
Speaker 1: secrets and that type of thing. But they didn't talk

1293
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:05,080
Speaker 1: talk about that because they don't want to, and we

1294
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:09,519
Speaker 1: can and I could have a very pleasant relationship with them,

1295
01:10:10,040 --> 01:10:14,479
Speaker 1: and that would just feel excruciating to me right now,

1296
01:10:14,600 --> 01:10:17,200
Speaker 1: right now, and maybe I'll I don't know if I'll

1297
01:10:17,240 --> 01:10:20,920
Speaker 1: become numb or become calloused, and I always pray that

1298
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:24,559
Speaker 1: I don't become better. Yeah, you know, but it's hard.

1299
01:10:24,640 --> 01:10:27,320
Speaker 1: It's hard to extend because you can't extend. You can't

1300
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:29,800
Speaker 1: make everyone truthful or say the things that you want

1301
01:10:29,800 --> 01:10:33,000
Speaker 1: them to say. Of course, but I am, you know,

1302
01:10:33,160 --> 01:10:37,840
Speaker 1: trying to control the relationships I have based on my

1303
01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:40,920
Speaker 1: ability to be truthful with you.

1304
01:10:41,160 --> 01:10:43,120
Speaker 3: And I love that you're giving yourself the permission to

1305
01:10:43,160 --> 01:10:45,599
Speaker 3: do that because I think that is this step process

1306
01:10:45,680 --> 01:10:49,880
Speaker 3: towards whatever evolution it goes on. It's like when we

1307
01:10:49,880 --> 01:10:53,120
Speaker 3: don't give ourselves permission to be in the uncomfortable of like, well,

1308
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:55,280
Speaker 3: I can't talk about this, so I can't talk about

1309
01:10:55,280 --> 01:10:57,040
Speaker 3: anything else. We're like, no, no, I don't want to be

1310
01:10:57,080 --> 01:10:58,800
Speaker 3: that because that makes me a bad person, right, A

1311
01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:00,400
Speaker 3: lot to be a shame around that.

1312
01:11:00,320 --> 01:11:03,519
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, No, Permission is a good it's a

1313
01:11:03,520 --> 01:11:04,000
Speaker 1: great word.

1314
01:11:04,160 --> 01:11:04,360
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1315
01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:07,439
Speaker 2: Yeah. Otherwise you just live in the cycle. It's crazy

1316
01:11:07,720 --> 01:11:09,759
Speaker 2: easy repeat the past to stay in that jail.

1317
01:11:10,000 --> 01:11:13,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you feel a bitterness internally, yes, because you

1318
01:11:13,479 --> 01:11:14,400
Speaker 3: never freed yourself.

1319
01:11:14,479 --> 01:11:16,960
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, you stayed.

1320
01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:19,439
Speaker 3: Yeah all right. Fifth and final question of the whole

1321
01:11:19,479 --> 01:11:23,040
Speaker 3: interview is if you could create one law that everyone

1322
01:11:23,040 --> 01:11:24,880
Speaker 3: in the world had to follow. What would it be.

1323
01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:29,680
Speaker 1: I do believe that do unto others stands, you know,

1324
01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:33,879
Speaker 1: I think that's probably the it's the golden rule and whatever.

1325
01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:38,920
Speaker 1: But like if that were somehow law, do unto others

1326
01:11:40,200 --> 01:11:42,840
Speaker 1: as you would have done unto you, from seeing the

1327
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:47,519
Speaker 1: divinity in people to being truthful with people, like the

1328
01:11:47,560 --> 01:11:50,000
Speaker 1: things that you want, you know, I think you would

1329
01:11:50,040 --> 01:11:52,240
Speaker 1: give more at least.

1330
01:11:52,360 --> 01:11:55,000
Speaker 3: You know, Gerard Comic or everyone. I hope just the

1331
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:56,640
Speaker 3: first and many times we get to hang out.

1332
01:11:56,800 --> 01:11:59,800
Speaker 1: Yeah more, I feel like I feel like there's still

1333
01:11:59,840 --> 01:12:00,639
Speaker 1: like packets.

1334
01:12:01,880 --> 01:12:04,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is the first to many, this is the

1335
01:12:04,120 --> 01:12:07,720
Speaker 3: first and man more pockets. And it's always nice get

1336
01:12:07,720 --> 01:12:11,760
Speaker 3: into lay the land of someone's foundational thinking and then

1337
01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:13,760
Speaker 3: get to learn more. But thank you so much for

1338
01:12:13,800 --> 01:12:17,840
Speaker 3: doing this. Any last messages, anything you want to everyone

1339
01:12:17,840 --> 01:12:20,479
Speaker 3: who's been listening, watching back at home or whether you're

1340
01:12:20,479 --> 01:12:22,519
Speaker 3: in the car or whether you're at work, wherever you are,

1341
01:12:23,320 --> 01:12:26,360
Speaker 3: make sure you share what you learned, what you took away,

1342
01:12:26,439 --> 01:12:29,320
Speaker 3: any insights that resonated with you. I think for me,

1343
01:12:29,439 --> 01:12:32,160
Speaker 3: I'm being called to think about how I can be

1344
01:12:32,240 --> 01:12:35,320
Speaker 3: pulled to release any shame I have. How I can

1345
01:12:35,760 --> 01:12:38,360
Speaker 3: have more open conversations with my friends about any guilt

1346
01:12:38,400 --> 01:12:40,599
Speaker 3: that I'm holding on to. How I can use art

1347
01:12:40,720 --> 01:12:44,240
Speaker 3: to move towards my fears as opposed to away from them.

1348
01:12:44,240 --> 01:12:46,280
Speaker 3: I think a lot of us think of art as

1349
01:12:46,320 --> 01:12:48,760
Speaker 3: an escape from our fears, when actually they can be

1350
01:12:48,840 --> 01:12:53,080
Speaker 3: an exploration, as Gerard said today. So I thank Gerard

1351
01:12:53,080 --> 01:12:55,519
Speaker 3: for joining us to thank you all. I hope you

1352
01:12:55,520 --> 01:12:58,040
Speaker 3: share this episode with someone who needs it, but thank

1353
01:12:58,080 --> 01:13:00,640
Speaker 3: you for listening. Thank you so much, thank you, thank you.

1354
01:13:00,960 --> 01:13:03,479
Speaker 3: If you love this episode, you're going to love my

1355
01:13:03,600 --> 01:13:07,000
Speaker 3: conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your

1356
01:13:07,040 --> 01:13:10,759
Speaker 3: ex and find true love in your relationships. People should

1357
01:13:10,760 --> 01:13:15,000
Speaker 3: be compassionate to themselves that extend that compassion to your

1358
01:13:15,040 --> 01:13:19,240
Speaker 3: future self, because truly extending your compassion to your future

1359
01:13:19,280 --> 01:13:22,080
Speaker 3: self is doing something that gives him or her a

1360
01:13:22,200 --> 01:13:24,120
Speaker 3: shot at a happy and a peaceful life.