1
00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:04,480
Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, Greetings from Whistler, Canada.

2
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,120
Speaker 2: You guys got dumped on?

3
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:10,520
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I cannot ski in deep powder. I got

4
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:13,200
Speaker 1: buried like three times the other day. The powder is

5
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,640
Speaker 1: so deep that I can't even navigate it. I don't

6
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,360
Speaker 1: know which way to go, and then you fall down

7
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,319
Speaker 1: and it takes forever to get your skis out because

8
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,680
Speaker 1: they're under like six four I was under like four

9
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,760
Speaker 1: feet of snow and I was hanging upside down. At

10
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,240
Speaker 1: one point, I skied through a tree, double ejected, went

11
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,480
Speaker 1: through the woods. Finally, after the third tree I hit,

12
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,840
Speaker 1: I was like, I think it's time to get out

13
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:32,240
Speaker 1: of the woods.

14
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:33,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just.

15
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,640
Speaker 3: A hot mess up here. And now I have children

16
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:36,120
Speaker 3: at my house.

17
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,440
Speaker 1: My cousins are here, Molly and Carrie, and they arrived

18
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,320
Speaker 1: with their three year old and four year old girls,

19
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,800
Speaker 1: so that's cute. I don't have children at my house

20
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:44,640
Speaker 1: very often.

21
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,600
Speaker 2: You know that, little kids.

22
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,000
Speaker 1: And then I had my other children here, Katie, my

23
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:52,320
Speaker 1: little daughters, my twin buddhas Katie and Jesse. And I

24
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:54,319
Speaker 1: was trying to make Katie some food on Saturday night,

25
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,800
Speaker 1: so I made a bunch of hamburger meat and she's like,

26
00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:57,560
Speaker 1: she calls me dad.

27
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:58,680
Speaker 3: She goes, Dad, that's disgusting.

28
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,040
Speaker 1: I'm not eating anything you cook, like you're not a

29
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,680
Speaker 1: good cook, and we all know that we can't eat.

30
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,360
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, all right, I'm fine. I'm like

31
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,280
Speaker 1: it's good. I put seasoning, I put onions. I'm like

32
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,960
Speaker 1: it's good, it's good. And I took a bite. I'm like, oh,

33
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,000
Speaker 1: this is terrible. You know, I destroy everything I cook.

34
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,240
Speaker 1: So the next morning I gave it to Doug because I,

35
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,880
Speaker 1: you know, I figured dogs like hamburger meat. Doug has

36
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,119
Speaker 1: had an explosive diarrhea now for forty eight hours.

37
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,400
Speaker 3: Oh no, he exploded all over.

38
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,959
Speaker 1: My carpet, and Molly, my cousin, is trying to clean

39
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,880
Speaker 1: it up because she knows. I don't know how to clean.

40
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,680
Speaker 2: Up feces PSA.

41
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,240
Speaker 4: Dogs are not supposed to have onions, so maybe that

42
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:31,800
Speaker 4: is why.

43
00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:34,600
Speaker 3: Oh cool, what about hamburger meat?

44
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,480
Speaker 2: Though hamburger meat should be fine?

45
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, what is it? Maybe too fatty

46
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,320
Speaker 1: for him, that's why he got the diarrhea.

47
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:40,679
Speaker 3: I don't know.

48
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,559
Speaker 1: It's a hot shit show in this house, though, you should.

49
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:48,000
Speaker 1: Literally this morning, the dog walker friends coming going diarrhea.

50
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,400
Speaker 3: My friend stepped in the diarrhea.

51
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,160
Speaker 2: How many of errors?

52
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,960
Speaker 1: I added a new show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, and

53
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,600
Speaker 1: then I added a new show in Santa Rosa, California.

54
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,680
Speaker 1: Second shows for that, so you can go to Chelseahandler

55
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,840
Speaker 1: dot com. I'm kind of a Salt Lake city too,

56
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,560
Speaker 1: which is exciting in April and Denver, Colorado. So go

57
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,600
Speaker 1: to Chelsea Handler dot com for all my tickets and

58
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,799
Speaker 1: we're going to be adding more and more dates.

59
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:14,359
Speaker 2: Excellent, just always adding more dates. That's always happening. That's

60
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:14,840
Speaker 2: a great thing.

61
00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:18,040
Speaker 1: This weekend I have Coloonna and Victoria both are sold out,

62
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:22,400
Speaker 1: but Victoria on Vancouver Island and then Colowna and then

63
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to go to the Oscar parties on Sunday.

64
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,040
Speaker 3: I think I can just get dressed up for the

65
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:27,320
Speaker 3: day and then you.

66
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:31,359
Speaker 2: Know, Nike more. That'll be fun. Chelsea. It's International Women's

67
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:32,079
Speaker 2: Day this week?

68
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:33,359
Speaker 1: Is it? Oh?

69
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,480
Speaker 3: My goodness?

70
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:42,240
Speaker 1: Happy International Women's Day. We love women, women, women, women, women, Chelsea.

71
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,880
Speaker 4: Since it's International Women's Day, I wanted to ask you,

72
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,040
Speaker 4: as women, what are some ways that you feel we

73
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,320
Speaker 4: can regain our power?

74
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,840
Speaker 1: I think it's very important for you to be honest

75
00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:58,280
Speaker 1: with yourself and never to sublimate your feelings for the

76
00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,200
Speaker 1: benefit of others.

77
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:00,440
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

78
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:01,880
Speaker 3: I think you have to.

79
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:05,280
Speaker 1: Really, there's such an overcorrection that needs to be made

80
00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,200
Speaker 1: in order for us to balance out, because we have

81
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,840
Speaker 1: been fed this whole song and dance, our whole lives

82
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,000
Speaker 1: that men are just more valuable, and that's simply not true.

83
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,320
Speaker 3: We are valuable.

84
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,240
Speaker 1: And to understand your value, you have to be in

85
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:21,959
Speaker 1: a relationship with yourself, to understand who you are, what

86
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,040
Speaker 1: you're good at, what your strengths are, what your weaknesses are.

87
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,440
Speaker 1: And once you can figure those things out, like what

88
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,120
Speaker 1: you're good at and what you're not good at, then

89
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,360
Speaker 1: you can excel at the things you're good at and

90
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,800
Speaker 1: kind of minimize your exposure to the things that don't

91
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,000
Speaker 1: bring you as much joy and as much power. But

92
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,600
Speaker 1: I think the most important thing is to always stand

93
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,920
Speaker 1: up for yourself, to always, you know, be your best ally.

94
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, And one thing you talk about a lot is

95
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,320
Speaker 4: like asking for what you want and asking for what

96
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,920
Speaker 4: you need. And I was with someone this weekend who

97
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,360
Speaker 4: you know, when she didn't want to do something, she

98
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,040
Speaker 4: would say, oh, but you guys, go ahead.

99
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,720
Speaker 2: I'm not going to, but you guys go ahead.

100
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,280
Speaker 4: And I just was like, I want her to feel

101
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,800
Speaker 4: confident in to say like, no, you know, let's not

102
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:02,240
Speaker 4: do that.

103
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,000
Speaker 2: I'm not really into that. Let's go to this other

104
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,560
Speaker 2: thing over here. And I think the more we can.

105
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:10,800
Speaker 4: Work that muscle and gain that muscle, the more powerful

106
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:11,080
Speaker 4: will be.

107
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:12,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

108
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,560
Speaker 1: Absolutely, very important to always just kind of I like

109
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,240
Speaker 1: to think of myself as like my own little daughter.

110
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,720
Speaker 1: I'm not going to ever let somebody hurt a little kid,

111
00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:22,440
Speaker 1: so I'm not going to let anybody hurt me either.

112
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, you'd want hurt a stand up for herself, so like,

113
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:25,760
Speaker 2: let's stand up for her.

114
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:26,480
Speaker 5: M M.

115
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,960
Speaker 1: I love that we have a very special guest for

116
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,520
Speaker 1: International Women's Day. Her ted talk has topped over twenty

117
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,680
Speaker 1: two million views, Her reformation campaign went viral this week,

118
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:41,120
Speaker 1: and her self care and anti harassment activism is widespread,

119
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,440
Speaker 1: including her most recent anti bullying efforts with stand upto

120
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:48,919
Speaker 1: yourself dot com. Please welcome producer, activist, public speaker, and

121
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:53,560
Speaker 1: contributing editor at Vanity Fair Monica Lewinsky. I can't believe

122
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:57,040
Speaker 1: you're in my studio, but I'm not there. Yeah, it's

123
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,680
Speaker 1: so good to see you, Monica. Thank you so much

124
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:03,080
Speaker 1: for being our special guest this very important International Women's Day,

125
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,760
Speaker 1: which we should be having more frequently than once a year.

126
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,520
Speaker 1: It seems like, Monica, where do we meet? We've met

127
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,159
Speaker 1: a couple times, right, Once this was with Alissa.

128
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:15,640
Speaker 5: Wright, who I love, and I think we have Maria

129
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:16,599
Speaker 5: Schreiber in common.

130
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:20,039
Speaker 1: Yeah, we probably have some people in common. Well, I

131
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,960
Speaker 1: was meaning to hang out with you at some point.

132
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,160
Speaker 1: We still have to do that anyway, but now we're

133
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:28,160
Speaker 1: hanging out here, so we'll start here. So I'm very

134
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,240
Speaker 1: excited to talk to you because obviously, well you've been

135
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,880
Speaker 1: a very public figure for a very long time, and

136
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:38,080
Speaker 1: now you have a huge, big perspective on all of

137
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,920
Speaker 1: the things that you've been through. So I'm sure the

138
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,240
Speaker 1: way that you look at things has probably changed a

139
00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:43,560
Speaker 1: lot since you were a young girl.

140
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:43,840
Speaker 3: Right.

141
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,039
Speaker 2: Absolutely.

142
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,320
Speaker 5: I've had a lot, a lot of therapy and like

143
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,160
Speaker 5: a lot of healing modalities.

144
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,800
Speaker 2: I do it all, so do you.

145
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:57,039
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, My main therapist is a trauma psychiatrist. I

146
00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,520
Speaker 5: have a somatic therapist I have. I call him my

147
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:05,160
Speaker 5: energy worker, but he's like, I don't know, it's more

148
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,400
Speaker 5: resonance kind of resonance work.

149
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,120
Speaker 2: And I have a friend apist, and.

150
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,680
Speaker 3: What is a friend to pist? I mean, obviously I

151
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:14,360
Speaker 3: can figure that out.

152
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, you know, it's someone that I had started

153
00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:22,680
Speaker 5: working with professionally, not as a therapist, but in other capacities.

154
00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:25,720
Speaker 5: We became friends, and then a few years ago I

155
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,760
Speaker 5: was going through just challenging work stuff and she kept

156
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,839
Speaker 5: stepping up to the plate so much, and I was

157
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,800
Speaker 5: relying on her so much that I just felt like,

158
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:39,440
Speaker 5: because we had had a transactional relationship before and now

159
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,719
Speaker 5: there was this deeper connection, it just didn't feel like

160
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,480
Speaker 5: an even exchange to me. So I was like, I know,

161
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,359
Speaker 5: I'm going to just pay you a tiny bit of

162
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,400
Speaker 5: money each week and then you know, so it's great,

163
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,800
Speaker 5: because I just felt like there needed to be an

164
00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:56,240
Speaker 5: even exchange. But I find what I find really valuable

165
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,400
Speaker 5: is that I don't have to always wait until my

166
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:03,160
Speaker 5: next therapy B session to process something if it's really important.

167
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to catch our listeners up.

168
00:07:05,279 --> 00:07:08,760
Speaker 1: For anyone who's not familiar with Monica or her story,

169
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,240
Speaker 1: this was a very very long time ago. Let's set

170
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,800
Speaker 1: the scene because this was before social media, so we

171
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,520
Speaker 1: didn't have Instagram.

172
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:16,720
Speaker 3: Or even Twitter.

173
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:20,080
Speaker 1: At that time, we had nothing, and you were caught

174
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,960
Speaker 1: up in a very, very, the most public scandal of

175
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,040
Speaker 1: all time probably or one of the most public scandals

176
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,680
Speaker 1: of all time, and you were only a twenty two

177
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,800
Speaker 1: year old girl. So your Ted talk, which has received

178
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,960
Speaker 1: over twenty two million views, was so moving because it

179
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,560
Speaker 1: is on the subject of cyber bullying and what you

180
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,440
Speaker 1: went through and the disparities between men and women and

181
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:47,080
Speaker 1: cyber bullying. So at that time, how were you reading

182
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,080
Speaker 1: this stuff about yourself that people were writing.

183
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,240
Speaker 2: It was horrific.

184
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,080
Speaker 5: I think in large part, I think it's challenging for

185
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,600
Speaker 5: anybody in the public eye to read or hear something

186
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:01,640
Speaker 5: negative about themselves, but chosen to be a public person.

187
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,040
Speaker 5: And I literally went to bed one night a private

188
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:08,880
Speaker 5: person and awaken the next morning and there was my

189
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:12,320
Speaker 5: name above the fold on the newspaper like So it

190
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,840
Speaker 5: was a very jarring transition and obviously not something people

191
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:17,720
Speaker 5: want recognition.

192
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,320
Speaker 2: That's not what you want to become.

193
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:23,320
Speaker 5: Known for, and so it was quite challenging, and I

194
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:28,440
Speaker 5: think I went through a period where I became almost

195
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:31,760
Speaker 5: obsessed with the negativity. But I also felt in many

196
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,120
Speaker 5: ways that I had to follow along with everything that

197
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,920
Speaker 5: was going on because it was giving me clues to

198
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:41,040
Speaker 5: what was happening legally, and even though I had lawyers,

199
00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:43,600
Speaker 5: I think we've all gone through this before. When you

200
00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:48,120
Speaker 5: feel you're in a helpless, feeling situation, any straws that

201
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,679
Speaker 5: you can grasp for agency can feel valuable. So it

202
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,360
Speaker 5: was that way, but it was I mean, it did

203
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:56,400
Speaker 5: a total fucking number on me. So I mean I

204
00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:00,600
Speaker 5: still deal with, you know, with insecurities and issue from

205
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,960
Speaker 5: ways that I was talked about, both true and untrue.

206
00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:08,560
Speaker 5: And didn't you mention in one interview that your parents

207
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,720
Speaker 5: didn't have really the Internet on their computer at home,

208
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,679
Speaker 5: so you had to like go to an internet cafe.

209
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,760
Speaker 2: So my mom, yeah, we didn't. So my parents are divorced.

210
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,800
Speaker 5: I was living with my mom in DC and my

211
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:23,120
Speaker 5: dad and stepmom are in Brentwood, so my at my

212
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,320
Speaker 5: mom's we did not. And then when I went out

213
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,200
Speaker 5: to stay with my dad and stepmom, they had the Internet.

214
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,280
Speaker 5: And that was I was actually just thinking about it

215
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,679
Speaker 5: when we were saying this a few seconds ago. Because

216
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,280
Speaker 5: I would get up super early, I'd go on the internet,

217
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,680
Speaker 5: and they eventually established a rule that I wasn't allowed

218
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:43,560
Speaker 5: to go on the computer until after breakfast because I

219
00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:46,400
Speaker 5: would just dive in and then I was, you know,

220
00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:49,080
Speaker 5: little miss cuckoo pants from what was.

221
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,559
Speaker 2: Being the moment you woke up. I'm sure, yeah, well

222
00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:56,600
Speaker 2: it's just a I mean, it was I wouldn't wish

223
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,319
Speaker 2: the experience of my worst enemy.

224
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:02,480
Speaker 4: So, you know, I think influencers these days, and obviously

225
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,360
Speaker 4: it's it's somewhat different from what you went through, but

226
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,720
Speaker 4: there are bullies out there, there are nasty comments and

227
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,560
Speaker 4: that sort of thing, and most of us are picking

228
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,560
Speaker 4: up our phone first thing in the morning, We're going

229
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,040
Speaker 4: on social media and so like same sort of situation

230
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,320
Speaker 4: where they're filling their minds with that from the moment

231
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:18,880
Speaker 4: they wake up.

232
00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:21,960
Speaker 5: Well, any I think too, what we don't think about

233
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,160
Speaker 5: enough with what we're seeing online is that we all

234
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:29,840
Speaker 5: become collateral damage to that, particularly women, when we observe

235
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,679
Speaker 5: what other people, even if it's other women are saying

236
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:37,160
Speaker 5: about other women, we all relate on some level, and

237
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,320
Speaker 5: so I think that's where it can it can become

238
00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:42,040
Speaker 5: so toxic for the culture.

239
00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:44,560
Speaker 1: When you say, I want to go back to what

240
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,840
Speaker 1: something you just said, When you said you became obsessed

241
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:47,800
Speaker 1: with the negativity.

242
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,079
Speaker 3: Can you expound on that a little bit.

243
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:52,800
Speaker 2: I think it was.

244
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:57,600
Speaker 5: I had I mean, like most young women, I had

245
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,640
Speaker 5: insecurities going in to nineteen ninety eight. I had insecurities

246
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,920
Speaker 5: as a young woman and trauma that led to my

247
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:09,880
Speaker 5: even being in that relationship. I don't know about either

248
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,240
Speaker 5: of you, but I think that there's when I was young,

249
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:16,240
Speaker 5: that feeling of almost the worst thing that could happen

250
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:20,640
Speaker 5: would be someone confirming my worst fears about myself. And

251
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:24,240
Speaker 5: when that's someone is the entire world, it's pretty fucked up.

252
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:28,560
Speaker 5: So it was just I think that it became sort

253
00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:31,280
Speaker 5: of like a wound that you just can't leave alone.

254
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:35,920
Speaker 1: It's fascinating to me that psychology, because it's impossible when

255
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,160
Speaker 1: something is being said about you to just look away, right,

256
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:44,079
Speaker 1: especially with that magnitude or that cacophony of the whole

257
00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,000
Speaker 1: world watching. So I can't even imagine on such a

258
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:50,040
Speaker 1: large scale because you don't have the tools as a

259
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:54,240
Speaker 1: twenty two year old girl. Your brain isn't even fully developed. Yes,

260
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,480
Speaker 1: you don't have the tools to weather that storm. So

261
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,920
Speaker 1: it's like a miracle that you're okay.

262
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,280
Speaker 2: Okay, is no I'm kidding.

263
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,640
Speaker 3: I'm okay, You're okay, okay, but you.

264
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,040
Speaker 2: Know, I've I've found it. I don't know.

265
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,800
Speaker 5: I don't know if either of you've experienced this, but

266
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,080
Speaker 5: I think one of the things that's been so magical

267
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,720
Speaker 5: for me about how things have changed in my life

268
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:20,120
Speaker 5: in the last decade is that I've come to learn

269
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:23,680
Speaker 5: and understand how when you have that balance of things

270
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,920
Speaker 5: starting to sort of gel more in your life. I

271
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,360
Speaker 5: think feeling like I've been seen for more as my

272
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:34,360
Speaker 5: true self, that it has allowed when there's been something negative,

273
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,079
Speaker 5: something that might have laid me low for an entire

274
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,439
Speaker 5: day that I kind of am miffed for five minutes,

275
00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:44,120
Speaker 5: and that there's just a wider landscape that you and

276
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,440
Speaker 5: a wider context that you feel seen and judged in,

277
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,880
Speaker 5: so that's been better.

278
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,840
Speaker 4: Do you think that's something that kind of comes naturally

279
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,520
Speaker 4: a little bit with age or would you talk at

280
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,120
Speaker 4: it mostly to the work that you've done.

281
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,719
Speaker 5: I think it's a combination of both, you know, So

282
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,480
Speaker 5: there's there's the maturity, then there's that, you know, sort

283
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:07,480
Speaker 5: of the alchemy that happens between maturity, age, experience and

284
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:11,200
Speaker 5: how they all sort of work together. But I'm grateful

285
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:12,720
Speaker 5: for it either way, so.

286
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,240
Speaker 1: Right, because without the work, if you didn't have the work,

287
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,240
Speaker 1: you would be a completely different person right now, And

288
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:22,160
Speaker 1: you would be so easily triggered by that experience. You know,

289
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,960
Speaker 1: if not working through that experience, I would only just

290
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,880
Speaker 1: come up and tap you on the shoulder at the worst,

291
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,960
Speaker 1: most inopportune time. So you're kind of left with no

292
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,280
Speaker 1: choice but to do the work right because it's.

293
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,000
Speaker 5: The only way out, exactly. And I think that's for me.

294
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,480
Speaker 5: I had kind of jettisoned what I thought I was doing,

295
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,120
Speaker 5: was jettisoning my public life in two thousand and five,

296
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,480
Speaker 5: and I left the States and I moved to London

297
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:47,679
Speaker 5: and went to graduate school at the London School of Economics.

298
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,839
Speaker 5: And the intention there, I think, was that I would

299
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:55,000
Speaker 5: leave this old Monica Lewinsky behind and now I was

300
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,000
Speaker 5: going to be the new Monica Lewinsky with a new

301
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,720
Speaker 5: scaffolding and start my real life. And of course, you

302
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:01,800
Speaker 5: know that didn't happen.

303
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,480
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously you could clock when we were being

304
00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:08,040
Speaker 1: introduced to people that you have to get over that hurdle.

305
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,920
Speaker 1: I'm so curious as to what that is like. Every

306
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,760
Speaker 1: time someone meets you they're like, oh, that's the story,

307
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,280
Speaker 1: Like how does one handle that?

308
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:18,800
Speaker 3: Like did you go at it with humor?

309
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,000
Speaker 1: Did you try to disarm people or did you just

310
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,440
Speaker 1: let everybody figure it out as they went along?

311
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:24,440
Speaker 2: I think probably.

312
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,640
Speaker 5: I mean I like to think I'm funny, so I

313
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,920
Speaker 5: would I'd like to think it was like disarming with

314
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,760
Speaker 5: humor or just you know, I probably have a much

315
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,720
Speaker 5: higher EQ than I do IQ and just in that

316
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:41,800
Speaker 5: way of sensing people. But also trauma, you know, trauma

317
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:46,720
Speaker 5: will definitely shape your senses and your nervous system around

318
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,480
Speaker 5: how you perceive things, how you try to feel safe.

319
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:53,000
Speaker 5: Someone once said something so interesting to me that people

320
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,600
Speaker 5: with trauma can't feel safe until everyone else in the

321
00:14:56,680 --> 00:15:00,720
Speaker 5: room is safe or feel safe to them comfortable.

322
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,840
Speaker 2: And I think that's definitely true for me.

323
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,440
Speaker 5: But I've had people, which was I took as a compliment,

324
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,080
Speaker 5: people saying that they get over the speed bump really quickly,

325
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,720
Speaker 5: which I think is good. But I mean, then you

326
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 5: have those funny moments where you can just somehow tell

327
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,960
Speaker 5: the difference between Sometimes people don't recognize you, they don't

328
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,520
Speaker 5: know your history, all of those things, and then there'll

329
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:25,440
Speaker 5: be times where someone will pretend that they don't know.

330
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:26,720
Speaker 2: Have you ever had this happen?

331
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:30,400
Speaker 5: Like someone pretends that they don't know you or your history,

332
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,840
Speaker 5: and you're like, wait, I don't know. There's something about

333
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,400
Speaker 5: the way you're doing, like I know you're either trying

334
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,200
Speaker 5: to make me feel comfortable or you're trying to be

335
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:39,640
Speaker 5: cool or whatever that is.

336
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,720
Speaker 2: So what was your first job out of college? Exactly? Exactly?

337
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,720
Speaker 2: Have you ever worn a beret? I think you look

338
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:45,280
Speaker 2: really good.

339
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:51,240
Speaker 1: But and on a larger note, the saying or everything

340
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,680
Speaker 1: happens for a reason, there are a lot of people

341
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,360
Speaker 1: who believe that. You know, what do you think about

342
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,000
Speaker 1: that saying everything happens for a reason.

343
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,400
Speaker 5: I think it's bigger than all of that, because I

344
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:07,520
Speaker 5: believe in karma, and I believe that idea that things

345
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:13,160
Speaker 5: become cyclical in a much larger way over lifetimes. And

346
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:17,920
Speaker 5: so that part of me thinks that's an accurate statement.

347
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,280
Speaker 5: But then there's another part of me that is like, no,

348
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,680
Speaker 5: you just try and survive, and then this is the

349
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:27,000
Speaker 5: story we tell ourselves that, oh, it happened for a

350
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,720
Speaker 5: reason because it's easier.

351
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:28,960
Speaker 2: You know.

352
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,800
Speaker 5: It's sort of like if you've had a friend who's

353
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,600
Speaker 5: not made great choices in relationships for a long time,

354
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,760
Speaker 5: and then they meet their person and then and they're like, well,

355
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,920
Speaker 5: I finally went for the nice guy, you know, and

356
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,560
Speaker 5: it's like okay, or that's just the story you tell yourself.

357
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,680
Speaker 5: You know that you stopped wanting the other things. And

358
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,640
Speaker 5: sometimes that's true and sometimes it's not.

359
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,040
Speaker 4: It does seem that you have sort of intentionally tried

360
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,480
Speaker 4: to arrive at the reason, arrive at the reason that

361
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 4: this happened, and you recently have been doing you know,

362
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:57,880
Speaker 4: in the last several years, have been doing this anti

363
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,560
Speaker 4: bullying work. Can you talk a little bit about turning

364
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,040
Speaker 4: your pain into purpose? And it really seems like that's

365
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:03,760
Speaker 4: what you're doing.

366
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:10,960
Speaker 5: Sure, it really ended up being it was not intentional.

367
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,879
Speaker 5: I think I was trying to find purpose in my

368
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,600
Speaker 5: life and I couldn't. When I got out of graduate school,

369
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,120
Speaker 5: I couldn't get a job, and so then I found

370
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:23,640
Speaker 5: myself approaching my forties and not really having anything close

371
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,800
Speaker 5: to the life I had imagined. But it's the anti

372
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,280
Speaker 5: bulling work that I've been able to do really stemmed

373
00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:33,600
Speaker 5: from the first thing I did a decade ago, which

374
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,159
Speaker 5: was writing a first person essay for Vanity fair, and

375
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:40,119
Speaker 5: I think that opportunity I was given to reclaim my

376
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:44,320
Speaker 5: narrative and reintroduce myself on my own terms was a

377
00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:48,040
Speaker 5: really powerful moment, and it allowed people to start to

378
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:51,560
Speaker 5: see me in a different light, to a reevaluate the story,

379
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,800
Speaker 5: and that allowed me to eventually step into it. Was

380
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,040
Speaker 5: actually an anti bullying group in the UK called Anti

381
00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,600
Speaker 5: Bullying Program that's part of the Diana Award, and they

382
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,640
Speaker 5: were the first ones who were sort of said, hey,

383
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,760
Speaker 5: we'll work with you and really embraced that I had

384
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,240
Speaker 5: a story to share in a way that could help

385
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 5: other people feel less alone, and so that became really

386
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 5: important to me and finding a way that you know,

387
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,440
Speaker 5: so if you're a sensitive person, you just I hate

388
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,520
Speaker 5: to say feel you know, I feel your pain, but

389
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,880
Speaker 5: feeling other people's pain in that sense of the work

390
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:31,320
Speaker 5: that I've been able to do has been incredibly rewarding

391
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:33,919
Speaker 5: for me. And I think that all of the anti

392
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:38,000
Speaker 5: bowling organizations that I'm connected to in different ways, we've

393
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,880
Speaker 5: all tried to make strides in this area. But there's

394
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,000
Speaker 5: still more work to be done, you know. So what's

395
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:47,879
Speaker 5: great is we're now having more conversations about bullying and

396
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:52,720
Speaker 5: public shaming and harassment, and therefore people feel less alone

397
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,000
Speaker 5: if it happens to them, it's less stigmatized, which is

398
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,960
Speaker 5: really important. I believe, you know, the worst things happen

399
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,480
Speaker 5: when someone's suffering in silence.

400
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,480
Speaker 1: I want to talk a little bit about what happens

401
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,679
Speaker 1: to these people who get bullied. Like I was bullied

402
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,280
Speaker 1: in high school or elementary school. I was a bullied

403
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,040
Speaker 1: and I was bullied, and I which came first.

404
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly which came first?

405
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,199
Speaker 1: I think I got bullied and then I started to

406
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,320
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I have to be that way in

407
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,320
Speaker 1: order to defend myself, and then I took yeah, and

408
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,240
Speaker 1: then I was like, oh no, you know, it took

409
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,240
Speaker 1: me many many years to realize that's not you know,

410
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,160
Speaker 1: that's not cool either.

411
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,560
Speaker 3: So I was guilty of both.

412
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 1: But I do remember in high school and or in

413
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,680
Speaker 1: elementary or middle school, all of those terrible periods of time,

414
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,840
Speaker 1: I fucking hated school more than anybody. I couldn't wait

415
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,600
Speaker 1: for it to be over. I just could not wait

416
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,640
Speaker 1: to be out of school because I thought it was torture.

417
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 1: But I remember having this thought, and this is so childish,

418
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:43,719
Speaker 1: and I never was going to go through with it.

419
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,000
Speaker 1: But I remember thinking if I just ended my life,

420
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,800
Speaker 1: if I just took my own life, then I would

421
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,639
Speaker 1: teach everyone a lesson. And I know that that line

422
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,960
Speaker 1: of thinking goes through many people's brains.

423
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,000
Speaker 3: Did you feel that way, Oh?

424
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 2: Absolutely, for sure.

425
00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:01,360
Speaker 5: There were a lot of times that I opped myself

426
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,200
Speaker 5: to sleep, just praying I wouldn't wake up the next

427
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 5: morning and thinking about I mean, really, it was my

428
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 5: family that kind of kept me here. And I think

429
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:14,960
Speaker 5: anybody who's gone through one cycle of that. The only

430
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,639
Speaker 5: thing that's positive about having gone through one cycle is

431
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 5: that the next time it happens, there's that little tiny

432
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,439
Speaker 5: voice in your head that knows, if I can just

433
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:28,520
Speaker 5: get through this moment, it will get better.

434
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:29,800
Speaker 3: Yeah.

435
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,199
Speaker 1: And that's the thing with young people, you know, and

436
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:37,360
Speaker 1: online bullying, is that that thought isn't as fleeting. You know,

437
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:41,080
Speaker 1: everyone can have the thought, but the idea is to

438
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 1: have to be able to tell them this isn't it,

439
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 1: This isn't the end of the world. You will survive this,

440
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 1: and you will get through this, and you will come

441
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 1: out stronger. It's so hard to get through to a teenager.

442
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,439
Speaker 5: Right well, and I think it's so important why we

443
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,919
Speaker 5: tell these kinds of stories. Why we talk about the

444
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,639
Speaker 5: difficult times that we've been through, because especially if you

445
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,639
Speaker 5: have a public platform, because it does allow other people

446
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 5: to hear, Oh, this person went through something shitty, they

447
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:09,920
Speaker 5: felt the way I'm feeling, and their life has shifted

448
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 5: and it's turned around. And that really is sort of

449
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,200
Speaker 5: at the core of using other people suffering and giving

450
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 5: a purpose to your past, is taking that pain and

451
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 5: trying to jiu jitsu it.

452
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,959
Speaker 1: So, and do you communicate with a lot of young girls,

453
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,200
Speaker 1: like do you work with them?

454
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,200
Speaker 2: Not so much directly with a lot of young women.

455
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,640
Speaker 5: I work in with different organizations in different ways and

456
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 5: in opportunities that I have. Sometimes when I'm speaking somewhere,

457
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,400
Speaker 5: someone will have brought their their daughter or their son

458
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 5: or their non binary child, and I'll have sometimes have

459
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 5: an opportunity to talk to people there, and I will

460
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 5: talk to a lot of different people who have gone

461
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:54,360
Speaker 5: through big public shamings, but very privately.

462
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 4: Because you touch in your TED talk on these themes

463
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 4: of you know, how you survived and how everybody does

464
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 4: survive this like public shaming and public bullying. And in

465
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 4: another interview I listened to of you, you mentioned that

466
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,440
Speaker 4: a lot of times people will come up and say,

467
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 4: I showed this to my fifteen or sixteen year old

468
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,719
Speaker 4: kid and like that was a gut punch.

469
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,200
Speaker 2: Oh it was for me too.

470
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:21,399
Speaker 5: It was, I mean on the slightly more humorous side.

471
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 5: It was a nice shift for me for instead of

472
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,000
Speaker 5: people coming up and saying, no offense, but do you

473
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 5: know who you look like, people would come up and

474
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 5: sort of talk about my ted talk, which was very

475
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 5: meaningful to me. But I've had teachers say that they've

476
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,480
Speaker 5: shown it to their students. I've had parents talk about

477
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:43,360
Speaker 5: that it was a very meaningful moment for me. Shortly

478
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 5: after the talk, a friend of mine from graduate school

479
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 5: had gone to visit her cousin who was going through

480
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:52,159
Speaker 5: a hard time, and she saw that he had handwritten

481
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 5: out on a piece of paper that was on his

482
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 5: desk a quote from my talk, and it was sort

483
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 5: of a just did a deep heart moment for me

484
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,159
Speaker 5: and real gratitude there.

485
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:08,360
Speaker 2: So I think it is, yeah, yeah, that's really wonderful.

486
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 1: I think in healing also that there are so many

487
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 1: moments of healing right, Like it doesn't all come in

488
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 1: one fell swoop. You don't all of a sudden feel

489
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 1: like yourself again. But there are these milestones, right, Can

490
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 1: you talk a little bit about what some of yours

491
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,880
Speaker 1: were like over the years she felt like, oh I've

492
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,639
Speaker 1: got I've got my feet back underneath me, or I

493
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,120
Speaker 1: feel like I'm coming into my own in a new way.

494
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 6: Yeah.

495
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 5: I think it's interesting because I've sort of gone through

496
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 5: this a bit this past week after I launched this

497
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 5: get out the vote campaign with Reformation and it was

498
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,639
Speaker 5: received really well, and so I worked all last week

499
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,919
Speaker 5: on Okay, I'm you know, gotten good at weathering a storm.

500
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 5: Now I have to be able to enjoy this sunny day.

501
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 5: And that's fucking hard. Like it's really I can.

502
00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:58,119
Speaker 2: Swear, right, Yeah, yeah, okay, go ahead.

503
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 5: So but yeah, I know, but I'm just checking, just

504
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 5: double checking. So I think that there is I mean,

505
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 5: for me, I would say there were some quieter moments

506
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 5: of like getting my masters. So the morning of graduation,

507
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 5: I was having a really hard time taking in this

508
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,199
Speaker 5: fact that I was getting a master's degree.

509
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 2: And I came up with.

510
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 5: This kakammy thing where I thought, Okay, if I ran

511
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,959
Speaker 5: into someone I hadn't seen in the last two years,

512
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 5: and I said, oh, what are you doing today? And

513
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 5: they said I'm going to get my master's in social

514
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 5: psychology from London School of Economics. I would have thought

515
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,199
Speaker 5: to myself, Oh, I could never do that. Wow, that

516
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 5: would never be me. I could never do that. And

517
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 5: somehow that unlocks something that allowed me to step into

518
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 5: some of the pride that I had for that. But

519
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 5: definitely when the Vanity Fair piece dropped and people started

520
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:53,159
Speaker 5: to I mean not everybody. There was a lot of

521
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:57,119
Speaker 5: controversy around it, but there were loud enough voices that

522
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,720
Speaker 5: wanted to start to revisit the story. Doing the Forbes Talk,

523
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 5: my Ted talk, you know, doing the work with anti

524
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 5: bullying groups, and we did a campaign for Bullying Prevention

525
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 5: Month in twenty eighteen and it was nominated for an

526
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 5: Emmy in the Commercial category. So and that was exactly

527
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,959
Speaker 5: what I had wanted to do coming out of graduate

528
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 5: school and I couldn't get a job in it. So

529
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 5: it was very rewarding for me. But it's people saying

530
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,439
Speaker 5: I'm funny on Twitter, my brother having to finally acknowledge

531
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 5: I'm funny, Like that.

532
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,399
Speaker 3: Was that was such a moment.

533
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 5: After I was I was interviewed by John Oliver and

534
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,879
Speaker 5: my brother's like, okay, fine, you are funny, you know,

535
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 5: because he was always saying, you're really not as funny

536
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 5: as you think you are.

537
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 2: I'm funny. I am funny, you know.

538
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 5: It's so you think those were Those are some of

539
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 5: the moments. I turned fifty last year, and so I

540
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 5: did a lot of personal work leading up to it

541
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 5: of really trying to catalog the past decade from before that,

542
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 5: and I burst into tears one morning just really thinking

543
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 5: about how much had changed and how much had happened,

544
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 5: and just how grateful, just how fucking grateful I am.

545
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:11,160
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for you too. I'm

546
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: grateful at your strength and perseverance. I'm really just I mean,

547
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: if you could get through something like that, you can

548
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:20,439
Speaker 1: get through almost anything. Really, You've turned all of it

549
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,639
Speaker 1: into something positive. And that is just so admirable and

550
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 1: so important for our listeners to hear, because if you're

551
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 1: not a kid you have a kid, or if you're

552
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 1: like me and smart or like Monica and refuse to procreate,

553
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 1: then because I can't.

554
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 3: Prograte because I don't want any of my daughter.

555
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: I don't want a daughter going through any of the

556
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 1: shit that happens in high school. I'm like, I will

557
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 1: never have children because I will never put them through

558
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 1: this that was just regular high school.

559
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 5: Well, I have baby popsicles, so I, you know, I

560
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 5: froze my eggs and I you know, but I think

561
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 5: I'm at a point now where that just didn't happen

562
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 5: for me, which is which has actually been not always easy.

563
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:02,160
Speaker 3: So you know, right, yeah, tell me how is your

564
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:03,200
Speaker 3: trust level?

565
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: Like how is your trust with men and in relationships

566
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 1: with women too?

567
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:08,680
Speaker 6: Right?

568
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 5: Well, I you know, I consider myself really lucky because

569
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 5: I could see, you know, if I stepped outside of

570
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 5: my own experience of this story, I could look at

571
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 5: what happened to me and think, oh, yeah, this is

572
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 5: going to be a person who is bitter and whose

573
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 5: heart is closed for the rest of their lives.

574
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 2: And that's not me.

575
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:30,880
Speaker 5: So I consider myself really lucky that way that I

576
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,199
Speaker 5: can trust. I.

577
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 2: You know, I think it's still a.

578
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:41,040
Speaker 5: Challenge in romantic relationships somewhere of a challenge there. And

579
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,439
Speaker 5: my therapist will often say to me, She's like, well,

580
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 5: the paradox of you is that the very skills and

581
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:50,120
Speaker 5: things that allowed me to survive this sort of well

582
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,640
Speaker 5: of hope or my perseverance and not giving up.

583
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,199
Speaker 2: She's like, it's not.

584
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 5: So it's like a little maladaptive in romantic relationship.

585
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 4: So well, I think not every man can be with

586
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 4: a strong woman. Not every man is up to the challenge.

587
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 2: Well done, Brad.

588
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,920
Speaker 5: And I also think too that there's I think there's

589
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:16,199
Speaker 5: something with this generation too, that we're sort of sandwiched

590
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 5: between the Boomers and the millennials and that where things

591
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 5: were changing, and so you had a lot more people,

592
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 5: particularly I think Gen X men eventually coming out that

593
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 5: was more acceptable. So you still had with the Boomers

594
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,160
Speaker 5: and the silent generation a lot of men who got

595
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 5: married who were gay, a lot of men who were

596
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 5: gay who married women either because it wasn't acceptable or

597
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 5: they didn't even know they were gay, right, And then

598
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 5: our generation it was you know, I think men started

599
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 5: to come out later. But then the younger generations are

600
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 5: the ones where it's been much more fluid, and so

601
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 5: I think that there literally are less straight men available.

602
00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 2: So I mean, it is.

603
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 3: God, thank God, we had an overdose for a while. Truly,

604
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 3: we need some non straight man more of them.

605
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:11,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, So it's a you know, I'm at a point

606
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 5: now where I'm like it'll happen or it won't happen.

607
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 5: You know, I have a lot of great things in

608
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 5: my life.

609
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 2: What I like a partner? Sure, but that's okay.

610
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 3: Well on that. No, we're going to take a break

611
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 3: and we'll be right back. And we're back.

612
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 2: Oh, we are back for our first question.

613
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 4: We're going to have a caller, and Christina is going

614
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 4: to join us on the line. But she says, Dear Chelsea,

615
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 4: I'm a female in my thirties and a resident physician

616
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 4: at a hospital in New York City. During my training,

617
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 4: I've experienced a substantial amount of sexism within my department,

618
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 4: including favoritism, rule bending, inappropriate and non constructive criticism, additional

619
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 4: tasks or tasks withheld, and yes, sexual harassment. I have

620
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 4: discussions with my other female co residents in which we

621
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 4: all have our own experiences to share.

622
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 2: I decided to become involved.

623
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 4: In leadership and was asked to create a project relating

624
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 4: to diversity, equality and inclusion. I thought this would be

625
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 4: the perfect opportunity to conduct a survey with the goal

626
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 4: of bringing to light the gender inequalities in my department.

627
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 4: After finding a legitimate and validated survey with many citations

628
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 4: and publications. I was met with complete pushback. After talking

629
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 4: with higher ups, I received numerous phone calls from URHR

630
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 4: rep expressing concern for potential consequences of the survey. I

631
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 4: was advised to just drop it and go ahead and

632
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:34,360
Speaker 4: find a new project.

633
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 2: The have it caused by a request for.

634
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 4: Permission to conduct a survey along the lines of sexism

635
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 4: tells me all I need to know. I listened to

636
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 4: your podcast every week on my walk to and from

637
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 4: work and all the great advice you provide. I know

638
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 4: there's no quick fix to this, but I met a

639
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,959
Speaker 4: loss as to how I can move past this. How

640
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 4: am I supposed to continue these next few years working

641
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 4: for such a sack of shit place, knowing it covers

642
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 4: all this up and there's nothing I can do about it.

643
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 4: How am I supposed to encourage female medical students to

644
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 4: come here for their residency. I cannot risk my training

645
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 4: position by pushing the issue, and I need some of

646
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 4: the higher ups in question to write me letters of

647
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 4: recommendation upon my departure, any guidance on how to navigate

648
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 4: the sexist political nightmare while we wait for these old

649
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 4: barnacles to fall off.

650
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 2: Christina Wow.

651
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 3: Hi Christina.

652
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, this is Monica, our special guest today, Monica Lewinsky.

653
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 2: Nice to meet you, Christina.

654
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 4: I know you mentioned something to me that I would

655
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 4: love for you to share with Monica as well of

656
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 4: why you were like, I actually have to call it.

657
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 6: I have your biography from ninety eight on my nightstand.

658
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 6: I had about forty pages left when Catherine told me

659
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 6: that you were going to be on and I was like, Okay,

660
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 6: I have to go. I have to do it.

661
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh.

662
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

663
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:53,960
Speaker 5: That was an authorized biography that Andrew Morton did and

664
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 5: that I participated in, and he's a great person. I

665
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 5: do not recommend doing an authorized biography right when you're

666
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 5: coming out of the most traumatic year of your life

667
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 5: that is also written in three months.

668
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:12,520
Speaker 2: But you know, help pay the legal bills, Yeah exactly,

669
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 2: you know, there you go.

670
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, so your situation.

671
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: You have tried to kind of blow the whistle on

672
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 1: the situation there and you were met with a lot

673
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: of pushback, right, correct, And do you see any other

674
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 1: avenues for you to pursue that line of accountability?

675
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 6: So the only other thing I could do is like, go,

676
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 6: I guess find the correct authoritative people to kind of

677
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 6: report things to. But unfortunately, I think it would have

678
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 6: the same outcome or the same negative effect in terms

679
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 6: of what my reputation would be or some of the

680
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,680
Speaker 6: ways I would be treated. And I still need, you know,

681
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 6: a lot of things from these people forward with my career.

682
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 6: Kind of a tough situation.

683
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 1: It sounds like a tough situation, and I'm sorry that

684
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 1: you're in it.

685
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 3: Did you so did you already deal with HR on

686
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 3: this when you asked to do the survey or.

687
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 6: So they just kind of ghosted me. I never heard

688
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 6: anything back. They said they would get to, you know,

689
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 6: touch base with me at some point, but it's like

690
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 6: they wouldn't even say no. You know, it's like I'm

691
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 6: just asking for permission. So if the answers no, then

692
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:24,400
Speaker 6: just say no, and you know, give me whatever reason

693
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 6: you can come up with. But it's like they just

694
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 6: completely brushed it under the rug and just ignored me.

695
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 3: What is the vibe at work? Is it a daily occurrence?

696
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 1: Like, are you constantly just dealing with being marginalized there?

697
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, pretty much. And it's and it's not just the

698
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 6: men either, it's it's the women too. You know, it's

699
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 6: kind of like sometimes the women attendings are harder on

700
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 6: the female residents, and you know, a lot of the

701
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 6: HR people are women. It's tough, it's it's just kind

702
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 6: of you know, no one wants to lose their job.

703
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:58,880
Speaker 3: I know, And I'm so against keeping your head down.

704
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 1: I don't know how you feel about that, Monica, but

705
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 1: like I'm very much about telling on people. I like

706
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 1: to tell on people, especially when it's that this issue,

707
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,360
Speaker 1: because this issue, it's so weird that we're living in

708
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 1: this time, you know, where we just had Me Too

709
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 1: and the repercussion and of Me Too is basically the

710
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 1: overturning of Roe v Wade. Yeah, like I look at

711
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 1: that as all, you know, like we stand up for

712
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 1: ourselves and then they're like shut the fuck up, don't

713
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 1: talk too loudly, and don't stand up for yourself too strongly,

714
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 1: like whack them all?

715
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, right? And how many years do you have

716
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:29,240
Speaker 3: left in the program?

717
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:30,839
Speaker 6: But two?

718
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 1: Right?

719
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 3: And do you think that, like what are you thinking?

720
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 1: Are you thinking that you can survive that and that

721
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 1: you're going to just like get through it?

722
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 6: I mean, I guess I don't really have another choice.

723
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 3: Well, you do have a choice.

724
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 6: You.

725
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 3: You do have choices here.

726
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 1: You can decide to make a big deal out of

727
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 1: this and blow the whole thing up.

728
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:49,919
Speaker 3: You can. I don't know if that's what you want

729
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 3: to do.

730
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 1: It's that doesn't sound like that's necessarily the best option

731
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 1: for you, But it is what I.

732
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 6: Want to do, of course. But no, I don't think

733
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 6: it's the best thing to do in my particular situation.

734
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,800
Speaker 6: But it's kind of like, how do we ever progress

735
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 6: if everyone thinks that way? You know, if everyone is

736
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,520
Speaker 6: putting their head down and just complying because we're trying

737
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,359
Speaker 6: to get, you know, to to get and we've all

738
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,799
Speaker 6: worked very hard to get to this place. You know,

739
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 6: it's not it's a lot to put on the line,

740
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 6: but like, how do you force change if everyone does that?

741
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 1: Well, I think there are other ways to kind of

742
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 1: stand up for yourself without making it this huge thing

743
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 1: where you're calling everyone out. I think there's a you know,

744
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,839
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, you know, how there's microaggressions. There's

745
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: also micro assertions, like ways to make yourself be more

746
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,319
Speaker 1: you know, standing up for yourself in a way where

747
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be kind of a blanket statement.

748
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 1: It's actually individual to you like, I'm actually not willing

749
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 1: to do this, I actually don't appreciate being spoken to

750
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 1: like this, or you know, like little little things where

751
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 1: if that's how you see yourself and you start actually

752
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 1: calling people out on the little things without making it

753
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 1: a huge deal, but being like, I actually don't really

754
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,800
Speaker 1: appreciate being spoken to like that or just being overlooked

755
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 1: in that way.

756
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,320
Speaker 3: It kind of feels like it's because I'm a woman.

757
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:07,440
Speaker 5: I find the phrase that's not going to work for

758
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 5: me sort of sometimes can feel really empowering and also

759
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 5: puts the ball back in someone else's court of Okay,

760
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 5: this isn't going to work, and therefore come up with

761
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 5: another fucking solution, you know, or suggestion of something else.

762
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, you mentioned there are opportunities that are given to

763
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:27,719
Speaker 4: some of the male residents or taken away from the

764
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 4: female residence. Maybe there is just some questioning that you

765
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 4: can do on an individual basis, like, oh, is there

766
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 4: a reason that this task or opportunity is going to

767
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 4: this person instead of this other person, whether it's you

768
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,240
Speaker 4: or another woman resident.

769
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean that's true. For instance, there's a certain

770
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,279
Speaker 6: rotation where if there is a female resident on with

771
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 6: other male residents. This one attending will only ask the

772
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 6: female to go like run errands, like to a console,

773
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,880
Speaker 6: other physicians, or give them cases, like not even their case.

774
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 6: But if there's two females on then you know, he'll

775
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,720
Speaker 6: kind of go back and forth between the two females.

776
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 6: But like, the males never get asked unless there is

777
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 6: no female in service, of course, so things like that.

778
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 6: But yeah, I think that I think you're right. I

779
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,280
Speaker 6: think it does need to be just said in the moment.

780
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, in the moment.

781
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 1: And also, like, you know, I learned this a few

782
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 1: years ago about when I'm having a confrontation to be

783
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,680
Speaker 1: light and happy about it and be overly like smiley,

784
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 1: because you have to actually act that way with people,

785
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,800
Speaker 1: especially men, because they're like, oh, all of a sudden,

786
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 1: you're you're contesting something that they're saying and you're a bitch.

787
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 1: But if you're smiling and you're friendly and you're like,

788
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,800
Speaker 1: but wait, it's kind of weird that you're only asking

789
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,799
Speaker 1: the women to do this, right, Like it's almost like

790
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 1: you have to play with their brains, you know, And

791
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 1: it's almost I don't want to say in a flirtatious way,

792
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 1: but sometimes I do do that where I'm like, wait,

793
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 1: I don't understand, are you giving? Because this one guy

794
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 1: I went and I was pulling up to this nail salon.

795
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,839
Speaker 1: I had forgotten something and this guy I was at

796
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:54,359
Speaker 1: a meter and I didn't put money in the meter

797
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:55,839
Speaker 1: because I was just running up to the nail salon

798
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: on Montana Avenue and I came downstairs and the guy goes,

799
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 1: excuse me, miss miss, missmiss, you didn't put any money

800
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 1: in your meter, And I was like, who the fuck

801
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:04,280
Speaker 1: are you my fault?

802
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 3: Like why are you a meter maid? Who cares what

803
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:07,800
Speaker 3: I'm doing?

804
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,240
Speaker 1: But I was like, okay, this is a man telling

805
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 1: a woman what to do, And even though it's not

806
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,799
Speaker 1: the biggest thing, it is a very micro aggression. If

807
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 1: you get enough of those, it becomes a macro aggression

808
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 1: and it's fucking annoying. You know what man would say

809
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:23,960
Speaker 1: that to another man, You forgot to put money in

810
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 1: your meter? Mister Like, no, that's it's definitely a male

811
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: female like dynamic.

812
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 3: So I said to him, I go, I'm sorry, but

813
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 3: I just I'm so confused.

814
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 1: Why do you care what I'm doing with my meter?

815
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: And then I like slapped him on the shoulder, like

816
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,360
Speaker 1: in a playful way. I'm like, I'm just really curious.

817
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 1: He goes, well, I'm just looking out for you, and

818
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,239
Speaker 1: I said, but are you? Are you looking out for me?

819
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 1: Like do you think that I don't know about parking

820
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 1: meters like that? I don't know what goes on? You know,

821
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 1: this isn't my So it's like, but just that tonality,

822
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 1: like he clearly saw what he did in our small exchange.

823
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 1: I just wrote about this and he was like, oh god,

824
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,920
Speaker 1: I go it's just kind of unnecessary. Do you understand

825
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: like women were just so sick of being told especially

826
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,880
Speaker 1: by men. I'm sure you meant well, but it doesn't

827
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 1: I don't need you. You're not my babysitter. I'm a

828
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,359
Speaker 1: grown woman. I'm in my like I'm almost fifty, you know,

829
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,800
Speaker 1: like stop so And it was a nice conversation. I

830
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:15,320
Speaker 1: ended up giving a kiss on the cheek as I

831
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:19,400
Speaker 1: left him for being such a good listener. But do

832
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, It's like the small kind

833
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:24,240
Speaker 1: of calibration to just kind of change the narrative so it's.

834
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:26,439
Speaker 3: Not like, oh, you're whining and bitching and moaning, because

835
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 3: that they can use against you.

836
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 1: So if you go in there with like playfulness and

837
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 1: kind of you know, not flirty, you don't need to

838
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 1: flirt with anyone that's like, you know, that's not cool

839
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 1: for us to even have to do, but in a

840
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 1: more playful manner, like, oh, interesting, you should take a

841
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,359
Speaker 1: look at that, And so it doesn't feel like such

842
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 1: a threat to them. I think maybe it's easier for

843
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:47,040
Speaker 1: people to see it that way.

844
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, they're definitely more men, especially are more receptive when

845
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 6: you're a little.

846
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:55,399
Speaker 1: Smiley and yeah, and who cares, like we're just manipulating

847
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 1: them anyway into seeing their own behaviors.

848
00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 3: So I'm all for that.

849
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 1: I feel like we are societally built to think this

850
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:06,600
Speaker 1: is a zero some game and only one woman could succeed,

851
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 1: and we're in competition with each other because of what

852
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 1: men the way that you know, we've all been going

853
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: through the world for millions of years. It is a

854
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 1: man's world, and women are like, oh fuck, there's not

855
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: going to be three of us at the top. There's

856
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,240
Speaker 1: only going to maybe be one of us, so everyone

857
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,239
Speaker 1: else get out of the way. But I think you

858
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,799
Speaker 1: can do the same thing, like actually, it's not even

859
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 1: like confronting them. It's actually pointing out, go oh, that's interesting.

860
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,400
Speaker 1: We're actually working against each other, like because of the guys, Like,

861
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:34,280
Speaker 1: isn't that funny?

862
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:35,240
Speaker 3: Don't you think it's funny?

863
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 1: You know, like in a conversational way, just like pointing

864
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:41,840
Speaker 1: out things that you notice or in the moment that

865
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: they're happening.

866
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 5: Or after the fact, with a version of you know,

867
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 5: I'm sure it was unintentional, but it seems to me

868
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 5: that I've been asked to do this where some of

869
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 5: the other male residents haven't. And is there something personal

870
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 5: to that I don't you know, or that you doubt

871
00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:57,760
Speaker 5: it's personal.

872
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:00,799
Speaker 4: And you can also sort of you know, you know

873
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 4: these things are happening, so you can maybe bypass the

874
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,360
Speaker 4: questioning about it and go straight to the solution. And

875
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 4: I think, especially with the women applying to their better

876
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 4: nature and their mentorship, maybe a good solution saying you

877
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:15,360
Speaker 4: know what, I really am feeling like, I want to challenge.

878
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,480
Speaker 2: Myself over these next few months, you.

879
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,919
Speaker 4: Know, I want to take on additional tasks if there's

880
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,800
Speaker 4: any any time, you know, maybe you have specific examples,

881
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 4: but if there's anything that I can do to do

882
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 4: more challenging work. I'm really interested in doing that because

883
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 4: I want to be the best doctor that I can be,

884
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 4: and like really applying to that sense of mentorship could

885
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 4: be a way through that as well.

886
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, definitely, I think that's I think that's great advice.

887
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 6: I think the sort of it's difficult for women in medicine,

888
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 6: and especially if you're you know, we have a lot

889
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 6: of international attendings too, so I think they had to

890
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 6: work really hard and probably had to experience that stuff themselves.

891
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,320
Speaker 5: My best friend from college is a is a pediatrician,

892
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:58,880
Speaker 5: so I know she's I hear numerous stories about both

893
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:02,240
Speaker 5: ways she's respect and ways she needs to assert herself

894
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 5: at times, and so it is a balance. I think

895
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 5: it is finding that balance, and I'm sure you've done this,

896
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:12,880
Speaker 5: but it's also good to just be documenting what's happening,

897
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,279
Speaker 5: you know. So yeah, it doesn't have to be a

898
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:17,239
Speaker 5: whole report, but.

899
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:18,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree with that too.

900
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, and even if you know, I don't know if

901
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 4: this is the sort of thing that you would talk

902
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:25,800
Speaker 4: to somebody in the media about on an anonymous basis,

903
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 4: but especially if you are documenting it, you have specific

904
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 4: examples and dates and times and people that you can

905
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 4: that you can reference.

906
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,720
Speaker 2: And then again like you know these things are happening.

907
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 4: Maybe it's skipping something like the survey and going straight

908
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:40,400
Speaker 4: to suggesting like hey, you you know you wanted me

909
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 4: to do this leadership and DEI.

910
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 2: Maybe we go ahead and have a training. Maybe we

911
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:46,240
Speaker 2: go ahead and take some steps.

912
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 4: And you know, do some sort of a rotation where

913
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 4: it's like doctors are all about systems, right, you have

914
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,399
Speaker 4: your checklist, you have your system. So maybe it's like, hey,

915
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 4: instead of just like picking willy nilly, here's who gets

916
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 4: the task or here's who gets the opportunity, maybe we

917
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 4: have a rotational thing so everybody is getting you know,

918
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 4: the same level of opportunities. I don't know if that's

919
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 4: something that can happen because I know it's very hierarchical.

920
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,960
Speaker 2: But maybe just bypassing going straight to the solution.

921
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:08,759
Speaker 6: Yeah.

922
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 7: Yeah.

923
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 6: One of the things we talked about for like a

924
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 6: project idea was to do like some sort of PowerPoint

925
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 6: like presentation on you know, workplace microaggressions. But the thing

926
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 6: is is it's already a training. You know, it's already

927
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 6: a module training, right that's required, and so it's like

928
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 6: no one's paying attention to that or the people.

929
00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:32,480
Speaker 5: I think with trying to change social behavior, we found

930
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 5: with some of the PSAs that we did that getting

931
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 5: people to feel an emotion always helps shift thinking and

932
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:43,720
Speaker 5: behavior a lot faster than just hearing information. And maybe

933
00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 5: there's I don't know what that creative solution is, but

934
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 5: maybe there's a way of if you're doing that, maybe

935
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 5: it's writing scripts and having the men be the women

936
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,719
Speaker 5: in something funny and you know, some version of that,

937
00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 5: because that's what people remember is how they felt.

938
00:43:58,160 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so true.

939
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: That's true, especially through humor, even though it's not a

940
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 1: humorous situation. It kind of takes the weight off of it.

941
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 1: It takes the weight off of feeling like you're learning.

942
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:09,359
Speaker 6: Yeah, like a skit or something like that.

943
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, medical snl. Yeah.

944
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like we have to outsmart men now just

945
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:21,720
Speaker 1: to like it's so exhausting, you know, we're not allowed

946
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 1: to be smart, and then we have to become smarter

947
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,280
Speaker 1: than them to like make change or make something different.

948
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:29,520
Speaker 6: And it makes you pay more attention to the you know,

949
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:31,719
Speaker 6: to things that probably are nothing and you're like, oh,

950
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 6: that's something. It's like when I go for a hike

951
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 6: and you know, you're trying to pass somebody and it's

952
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 6: a mail and then he's like, he's like go ahead,

953
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:40,239
Speaker 6: and I'm like, don't tell me what to do.

954
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:44,959
Speaker 5: You know, but it's like, isn't it funny? I find

955
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 5: in the car so much. I don't understand why people

956
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:50,440
Speaker 5: have such an issue of letting someone pass, Like I

957
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:51,799
Speaker 5: want to go faster than you do.

958
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 2: Why do you fucking care? Like it's such a weird thing.

959
00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: It is so it just but also what about people

960
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 1: who scream at people while they're driving?

961
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:03,320
Speaker 3: O wait, road rage?

962
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:07,719
Speaker 2: It's so harossing, I do.

963
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 1: I had a boyfriend once, Ted Harbert, who pulled over

964
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: someone else. He pulled over another car. He's not a

965
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:18,359
Speaker 1: police officer, it wasn't then, and he literally made this

966
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 1: arms gesticulation to this crazy driver. We were in Venice, California,

967
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 1: and he went like this and pulled over and the

968
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 1: woman pulled over.

969
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my god, what are you doing?

970
00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 1: And he's like, I can't deal with this, and he

971
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 1: went out and screamed it her and goes, you have

972
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 1: no friends, That's what he said too.

973
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 3: And I was like, how I'm supposed to be fucking you?

974
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 3: Like are you kidding me? You have no friends? And

975
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 3: like after this and all of it was mind blowing.

976
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,360
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, pulls over for a random man going

977
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 1: like this, talk.

978
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:47,120
Speaker 3: About man's blaming.

979
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

980
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:51,360
Speaker 1: Anyway, I digress. That wasn't a very necessary story, but

981
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 1: when I had to share. But yes, I think it's

982
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 1: great that you're asking these questions, and I think it's

983
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 1: great that you're open to like solutions, like a non

984
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 1: traditional solution, like you have to get creative, and that's

985
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 1: only going to serve you in the long run anyway,

986
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: to deal with more situations like this, because they're gonna,

987
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 1: unfortunately be there, you know what I mean. You're going

988
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:09,319
Speaker 1: into the medical field. This isn't going to be the

989
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:11,279
Speaker 1: first time you're dealing with this. So I think if

990
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: you just try like a couple of different approaches and

991
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: then when you find one that works, then that's going

992
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 1: to be like something that you're going to be able

993
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:20,879
Speaker 1: to use throughout the rest of your career to put

994
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:21,720
Speaker 1: people in their place.

995
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:25,799
Speaker 6: Yeah. No, I think everything you guys said is really

996
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 6: good advice. I think it's you know, you have to

997
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 6: kind of girl the courage to say things in the moment,

998
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:33,839
Speaker 6: and not everything is in the moment. Some things are like,

999
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:35,759
Speaker 6: you know, you talk to my like I'll talk to

1000
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 6: my male co residents and then they'll tell me, oh,

1001
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 6: that's weird, like they didn't have me do that, and

1002
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:42,359
Speaker 6: you're like, really, you know, it's kind of like you're

1003
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:46,320
Speaker 6: finding out after the back things that do happen. I

1004
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 6: think I think you're right. I think I need to

1005
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 6: just address that, just you know, finding the courage.

1006
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and the tone and the right tone, because the

1007
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:56,399
Speaker 1: right tone is everything you could say. You could say

1008
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:58,759
Speaker 1: fuck you eighteen different ways, and one of them can

1009
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:01,520
Speaker 1: be friendly, you know, like you can find different ways

1010
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 1: to say almost anything where it becomes more of a

1011
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 1: conversation and more.

1012
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:06,840
Speaker 3: Of a thought, like oh, you say to your doctor like,

1013
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 3: oh my god, that's so funny.

1014
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 1: I was talking to the male interns like they've never

1015
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 1: done any of this stuff. I wonder why that is.

1016
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 2: They don't know how the coffee maker works. How funny?

1017
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, is that part of the rule, you know, like

1018
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:17,640
Speaker 1: almost kind of in a playful way.

1019
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 3: And see where that gets you.

1020
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:22,920
Speaker 5: As Chelsea said earlier, I'm sorry you're going through this.

1021
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,439
Speaker 5: You shouldn't have to do all this extra fucking work.

1022
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 6: So I agree, But it's everywhere. I mean, that's that's

1023
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 6: the unfortunate part. You know, we're still talking about this. Yeah,

1024
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:35,880
Speaker 6: it happens everywhere, medicine not medicine.

1025
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,760
Speaker 1: So yeah, well, keep us posted, let us know how

1026
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 1: everything is going with you.

1027
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 5: I will hope you enjoyed the last forty pages of

1028
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 5: the book.

1029
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,839
Speaker 6: Bye bye, well.

1030
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:54,799
Speaker 4: Our next caller, Ali says, Dear Chelsea, my dad was

1031
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 4: diagnosed with ALS when I was two and a half

1032
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,879
Speaker 4: and died a week after my fourth birthday. I'm turning

1033
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 4: thirty on March fourteenth, and every year my birthday and

1034
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,319
Speaker 4: the week's leading up to it are awful.

1035
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:07,240
Speaker 2: Try as I may, it's.

1036
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 4: Often an anxiety ridden day that I white knuckle through

1037
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,240
Speaker 4: and often don't enjoy. I get stressed about it months

1038
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 4: in advance. I've tried everything. My grief tends to come

1039
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:17,479
Speaker 4: and deeer the month of March.

1040
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 2: Every year.

1041
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:21,200
Speaker 4: It's like my body is remembering everything and grieving, and

1042
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 4: every year I'm surprised I can't get out from under it. Honestly,

1043
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 4: my best birthdays aren't even up there with neutral days

1044
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,480
Speaker 4: in my life. I'm an extrovert with incredible people in

1045
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 4: my life who want to celebrate me and who know

1046
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:33,960
Speaker 4: this and try to support me each year, and it's

1047
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 4: still a day in a month. I'd rather just fast

1048
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 4: forward right through. Can you help me enjoy my birthday?

1049
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:38,720
Speaker 2: Ali?

1050
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 3: Yes, Yes we can. Ali. Hi, Hi, Hi speak, How

1051
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 3: cute you are? This is Monica Lewinski, our special guest today.

1052
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 2: Hi, nice to meet you.

1053
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,759
Speaker 8: Hi'm lotka, nice to meet you. Nice to see you.

1054
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:55,360
Speaker 3: Catherine, you need to flip it and reverse it. Sister.

1055
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 1: You are going to start now in the month of

1056
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:00,680
Speaker 1: March and just do Every morning you are going to

1057
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 1: get up and do all you're going to write down.

1058
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 1: We're going to get you a list of affirmations where

1059
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 1: you're going to say, this is going to be the

1060
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 1: month that I celebrate my father's life and that he

1061
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: celebrates my birthday with me. And you are going to

1062
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 1: go through that month enjoy because you had a father.

1063
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:19,759
Speaker 1: It wasn't his fault he died. He doesn't want to

1064
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 1: see you mourning for him a month every year. He

1065
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 1: wants you to enjoy your birthday and you're going to

1066
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,480
Speaker 1: enjoy it with his spirit and mind. You have to

1067
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 1: take hold of this and take hold of him and

1068
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:31,399
Speaker 1: be like, we're doing this together. This is the year

1069
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: that I am going to enjoy my birthday, and I'm

1070
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,960
Speaker 1: going to enjoy this month, and I'm just going to

1071
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 1: be appreciative for all the love that I have in

1072
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 1: my heart for you, because that's really what it's all about.

1073
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 1: You know, there's no point in grieving. Obviously it's a

1074
00:49:44,719 --> 00:49:48,280
Speaker 1: natural feeling. You can't control grieving, But there's no point

1075
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 1: in suffering because now you're suffering more than grieving, do

1076
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:52,799
Speaker 1: you understand.

1077
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's the difference.

1078
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:57,799
Speaker 7: So it's like it'll hit me in October and I'm like,

1079
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 7: this is grief, and then every March I'm confied and

1080
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 7: it feels more like suffering and not like grief.

1081
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, Also, what Chelsea's saying in other words, is

1082
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,400
Speaker 5: finding a new story for it. You know. So I

1083
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 5: went through something similar, different underpinnings. But so January sixteenth

1084
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 5: for me, every year was January sixteenth was the day

1085
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 5: I was stung by the FBI and I found out

1086
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 5: about the investigation happening and was told if I didn't

1087
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 5: wear a wire, I was going to jail for twenty

1088
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 5: seven years, blah blah blah, and the sort of next

1089
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:31,799
Speaker 5: year or two, I dreaded that day, I dreaded.

1090
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 2: One oh one pm.

1091
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 5: That's this is when it happened last year, and then

1092
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 5: I think it was maybe by the third year, I

1093
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:40,919
Speaker 5: decided that I was going to celebrate it as Survivor's Day,

1094
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:43,279
Speaker 5: and so my family and I do that every year,

1095
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:47,280
Speaker 5: and January sixteenth is Survivor's Day. I, by myself a present.

1096
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 5: I try to celebrate as much as I can. And

1097
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 5: changing that narrative around that event made a difference. And

1098
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:57,400
Speaker 5: so I wonder if there's you know, is there a

1099
00:50:57,400 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 5: different story to find.

1100
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 8: No, it makes sense. Yeah, it's this bodied remembering.

1101
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, and you just chase. I mean, we have

1102
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:06,359
Speaker 3: the power to do that.

1103
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 1: It's just that we feel kind of wrapped up in

1104
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 1: our own feelings and we don't know how to get

1105
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 1: out of them. Sometime, but like even as simple as

1106
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:15,480
Speaker 1: finding out some of your dad's favorite books, right, or

1107
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 1: some of your dad's favorite things, and spending that time

1108
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 1: when the date is coming along or you know, your

1109
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,920
Speaker 1: birthday's coming along, or whichever the day you know, reading

1110
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:26,839
Speaker 1: what he loved or experiencing some of the things that

1111
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:29,359
Speaker 1: he loved. Whatever his hobbies were like as a way

1112
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 1: of connecting him to your life now. And I guarantee

1113
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:36,319
Speaker 1: you the more you welcome people who are gone, and

1114
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:38,319
Speaker 1: the more you wring them towards.

1115
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 3: You, like I do it in meditation all the time.

1116
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:42,320
Speaker 1: I always just imagine my mom who's passed away, and

1117
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:45,920
Speaker 1: my brother as these kind of like mythical little nymphs

1118
00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 1: like in Greek mythology, like dancing through the sky. I

1119
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 1: always just summon them when I'm meditating because that's like

1120
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 1: my light that's protective, and your father is protecting you.

1121
00:51:55,239 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 1: Like that's what happens. You know, people who are in

1122
00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 1: your life, they never just go away. Their energy is

1123
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:03,360
Speaker 1: with you forever, and it's worth celebrating and it's worth honoring.

1124
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:05,920
Speaker 1: It's not just about the time you didn't have with him.

1125
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:07,759
Speaker 1: It's about the person that he was and that he

1126
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 1: created you. And I think there's a lot of stuff

1127
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 1: that you can do and set yourself up for turn

1128
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:16,080
Speaker 1: it into a celebration. Yeah.

1129
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:18,400
Speaker 5: There Also what comes up for me is I wonder

1130
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:20,879
Speaker 5: too if there was anything that happened when you were

1131
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:24,720
Speaker 5: so little that you somehow coupled you know, kids, as kids,

1132
00:52:24,719 --> 00:52:26,320
Speaker 5: we make our own stories.

1133
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 8: Definitely.

1134
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, was there some narrative or something you you overheard

1135
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:34,120
Speaker 5: that you maybe misinterpreted as a kid that made you

1136
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:37,400
Speaker 5: loop that connection of sort of this negativity and that.

1137
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:40,520
Speaker 5: And I'm clearly not saying you were responsible for your

1138
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:44,239
Speaker 5: dad's death. I think kids can kids can take that

1139
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 5: on and sort of that you know, that version, and

1140
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 5: so there could be you know, your younger self could

1141
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 5: be in there sort of still holding on to that narrative.

1142
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:56,759
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think it's a feeling of a lack of

1143
00:52:56,840 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 7: control that I that's a trigger for me in my life.

1144
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 7: I've in general, but I think, yeah, he did hospice

1145
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:06,000
Speaker 7: in the home, so there were years of me watching

1146
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 7: that that I don't remember, but I was there, right,

1147
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 7: And so every March it's like my body is like

1148
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:14,800
Speaker 7: something happened twenty five.

1149
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:17,359
Speaker 8: Years ago that scared the shit out of us, right,

1150
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:20,319
Speaker 8: and like my body remembers first. And so I.

1151
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:24,680
Speaker 7: Really I think because of that, I avoided this month

1152
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 7: maybe more than I would in a different month, because

1153
00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:29,360
Speaker 7: I'm afraid to kind of like turn into the curve.

1154
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:32,759
Speaker 7: And I like what you're both saying about claiming it,

1155
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 7: not trying to.

1156
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 8: Put it under the rug, because I'm not like that.

1157
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 8: My family is not like that.

1158
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:39,799
Speaker 7: There's no reason for me to say, hey, I really

1159
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:41,800
Speaker 7: miss him today. It's no reason I can't say that

1160
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:43,840
Speaker 7: or do a toast to him at my birthday dinner.

1161
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 5: Do you live either in California or Florida where there's

1162
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:51,000
Speaker 5: like a design I'm in La Okay, you know, going

1163
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:54,320
Speaker 5: to my my energy guy, he talks about like literally

1164
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:57,520
Speaker 5: disrupting the pattern in your body and how it could

1165
00:53:57,520 --> 00:54:00,360
Speaker 5: be so great to like Disneyland is a rate to

1166
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 5: place to do that, going on a roller coaster rides,

1167
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 5: going on the rights and maybe maybe doing doing that

1168
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 5: on your birthday. It's literally shaking up your pattern.

1169
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 7: Yeah, when I travel, My birthdays are better every time

1170
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 7: I travel. Which is interesting that you say that I

1171
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:19,600
Speaker 7: have people coming here which will still be different and good.

1172
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 1: And know something, you know, whatever you focus on intensifies, right,

1173
00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:26,160
Speaker 1: So if you're focusing on the loss, that is intense feeling.

1174
00:54:26,239 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 1: If you focus on the love and the experience that

1175
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:32,440
Speaker 1: you had, that will intensify. So it really is a

1176
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:34,719
Speaker 1: choice that you make and it becomes a practice, but

1177
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:35,400
Speaker 1: it works.

1178
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 3: You know.

1179
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:39,400
Speaker 1: It's like, have you had any somatic healing or somatic therapy.

1180
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,799
Speaker 7: I talked to Catherine about that. I do therapy, and

1181
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 7: I've always done like king.

1182
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:46,400
Speaker 8: And body work. I don't know that I've ever done

1183
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 8: like us somatic therapist.

1184
00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, you might want to look into that because that

1185
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 3: is healing your body.

1186
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:52,240
Speaker 8: Yeah.

1187
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 4: The La Pain and Psychology Center is where I have gone.

1188
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 4: My therapist is there and that's been super super helpful

1189
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 4: for me in getting certain stuff out of my body.

1190
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:03,880
Speaker 4: And just how you say, like it's like your body

1191
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:07,440
Speaker 4: triggers your emotions with this, like it starts in your body.

1192
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:10,880
Speaker 2: That might be something to look into. Yeah, and I know, Monica,

1193
00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:13,600
Speaker 2: you do some semitic I have a sematic. Yeah, every

1194
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 2: other week I do. I have a somatic session.

1195
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:19,160
Speaker 7: So yeah, because your body remembers for sure, I'm like

1196
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:21,200
Speaker 7: always every year, I'm like the last to know why.

1197
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 8: I'm just I'm like, oh, yeah, I do this every year.

1198
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:27,560
Speaker 5: Well can you just you could you like when you

1199
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 5: start to really pay attention to it too, I mean

1200
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 5: they're just the subtle.

1201
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:32,279
Speaker 6: I know.

1202
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:35,799
Speaker 5: Early on working with my somatic therapists, I had this

1203
00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:40,439
Speaker 5: realization that I feel I am on my legs, I'm

1204
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:44,279
Speaker 5: not in my legs, and so like even just a

1205
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 5: little something like that just really reorients how you how

1206
00:55:49,719 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 5: you see and experience your life. You know.

1207
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:56,279
Speaker 8: Yeah, so interesting. Thank you so much. I'm going to

1208
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 8: look into.

1209
00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 2: That happy early birthday.

1210
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:01,640
Speaker 8: Thank you. Ten days until I'm thirty.

1211
00:56:02,239 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 1: Oh this is perfect. This is perfect timing for you

1212
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:06,520
Speaker 1: to turn the beat around.

1213
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, new decade.

1214
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,239
Speaker 1: And also have you ever read have you ever read

1215
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 1: any of like like Signs from the Universe by Laurlyn Jackson?

1216
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:17,239
Speaker 7: I haven't, but I heard her on your podcast and

1217
00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 7: learned about her work.

1218
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:20,799
Speaker 8: I have her book. I haven't read it yet, but

1219
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:21,799
Speaker 8: I do do that.

1220
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 7: I have a sign that I have with him, and

1221
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:26,879
Speaker 7: he does it's the band of who it's and he does.

1222
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,399
Speaker 8: Come to me a lot. I ask for him.

1223
00:56:30,360 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 7: Yeah, I talked to him a lot. I feel connected

1224
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:35,520
Speaker 7: to him. The older I get, which is great. And

1225
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:37,919
Speaker 7: so this year I think I'm like, let's get real dat.

1226
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 1: Okay, yep, yep, yeah, yeah, Well good for you. You're

1227
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:44,319
Speaker 1: going to be fine, It's going to be better.

1228
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 8: Thank you, Thank you, al. I really appreciate this.

1229
00:56:47,480 --> 00:56:50,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay, take care, thank you.

1230
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:51,080
Speaker 8: Bye.

1231
00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:54,279
Speaker 3: What a perfect little face. She I was looking at

1232
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:55,759
Speaker 3: her face. I was like, oh, you're like a little

1233
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:56,319
Speaker 3: baby doll.

1234
00:56:57,239 --> 00:56:59,959
Speaker 4: But I think that idea of turning toward the pain

1235
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:02,680
Speaker 4: you feeling, or turning into your body, that was something

1236
00:57:02,680 --> 00:57:04,880
Speaker 4: that was a real key for me. Was because I

1237
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:06,799
Speaker 4: was having a lot of stress that was manifesting in

1238
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 4: physical pain. And there were times when I would have

1239
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:11,880
Speaker 4: pain in one part of my body and I actually

1240
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:14,799
Speaker 4: turned inward and focused on it, it either changed or

1241
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:19,080
Speaker 4: dissipated or lessened. But also I would notice things like, oh,

1242
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 4: I think I'm only having this pain in this this

1243
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:23,320
Speaker 4: is the only sensation I can focus on. And when

1244
00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:25,360
Speaker 4: I actually did a body scan, I'm like, oh my gosh,

1245
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:27,920
Speaker 4: my hands are tingling, or you know these other body

1246
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 4: sensations that I could I wasn't even aware of because

1247
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 4: I was so focused on trying to not focus on

1248
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 4: the pain.

1249
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 2: And when you actually.

1250
00:57:35,320 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 4: Look inward and focus on it, whether it's emotional, physical pain,

1251
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 4: it can change your relationship to it. Obviously, it doesn't

1252
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:43,920
Speaker 4: cure every pain, but like I can change your relationship

1253
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:49,080
Speaker 4: to it so well. Our last question comes from Adria.

1254
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:53,040
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea, I'm turning fifty in August, and I'm blissfully

1255
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:56,400
Speaker 4: single and child free as such, I've not had a wedding,

1256
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 4: a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, a baby shower, or

1257
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:02,000
Speaker 4: received gifts or money for any major life events beyond

1258
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:05,600
Speaker 4: high school graduation. I didn't even send out graduation notices

1259
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:07,760
Speaker 4: when I earned my undergrad or graduate degrees.

1260
00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 2: My chosen careers have never been.

1261
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 4: Especially lucrative actor teacher, bartender, and I'm currently self employed

1262
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:16,960
Speaker 4: as a pet sitter. I also volunteer five or six

1263
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:20,040
Speaker 4: days a week at my county's woefully underfunded animal shelter.

1264
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:23,120
Speaker 4: My goal is to open a humane society operating on

1265
00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:26,480
Speaker 4: government contracts, essentially doing away with the animal shelter, as

1266
00:58:26,560 --> 00:58:29,560
Speaker 4: was done with great success in a neighboring county. I

1267
00:58:29,640 --> 00:58:32,120
Speaker 4: want to ask my friends and family members for money

1268
00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:34,560
Speaker 4: to start this humane society, with the purpose of the

1269
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 4: announcement being my fiftieth birthday present. My conundrum about doing

1270
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:42,200
Speaker 4: this is twofold. First, will starting something like a GoFundMe

1271
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:45,280
Speaker 4: for this be perceived as ghosh or worse lazy? In

1272
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,800
Speaker 4: other words, why am I not well connected or financially

1273
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 4: solvent enough by this age to accomplish this without their help? Second,

1274
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:54,480
Speaker 4: I think I deserve to be acknowledged. Nay is celebrated

1275
00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 4: for not adding to the world's overpopulation or being another

1276
00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:00,360
Speaker 4: divorced statistic, which I surely would have been if any

1277
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:02,960
Speaker 4: of my prayer relationships had led to marriage. So how

1278
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 4: do I bring this up without offending those who have

1279
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:07,000
Speaker 4: chosen to get married and have kids? Thanks so much,

1280
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:08,160
Speaker 4: love the show, Adria.

1281
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 3: I think starting a gofund me is that what she's asking?

1282
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:17,280
Speaker 1: Like, Yeah, for sure, absolutely, that's perfect go fundme material.

1283
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. I don't have a problem with that at all,

1284
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 1: and I don't wouldn't worry about I mean, the people

1285
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:24,400
Speaker 1: you're gonna offend, You're going to invite a lot of

1286
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:26,640
Speaker 1: people that are not going to be offended to focus

1287
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:27,640
Speaker 1: on those people.

1288
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:30,640
Speaker 4: Right, I think this is a perfect way to like

1289
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 4: reach out. I don't think it's gohosh, I don't think

1290
00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:35,320
Speaker 4: it's seen as lazy. Ask your friends to share it,

1291
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:37,120
Speaker 4: and I think there is You know, this is such

1292
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 4: a cute, funny way to be like, I haven't asked

1293
00:59:39,280 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 4: for you know, baby shower gifts or any of these

1294
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:43,160
Speaker 4: other things, Like this is how you can give back

1295
00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:44,800
Speaker 4: to me because I want I mean, you're not asking

1296
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 4: for yourself you're asking for this humane society that's incredible.

1297
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:50,360
Speaker 5: And also can always sort of say if you can

1298
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:53,440
Speaker 5: to people. I think just like giving people because sometimes

1299
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:56,800
Speaker 5: you know, people feel uncomfortable asking for money. It's like,

1300
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:59,360
Speaker 5: if you can, if you, if you can do this, great,

1301
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:01,840
Speaker 5: this is what I I would like and you should

1302
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:03,960
Speaker 5: feel good about yourself that you have such an amazing

1303
01:00:04,040 --> 01:00:05,840
Speaker 5: friend who this is what she wants.

1304
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:06,920
Speaker 2: For her fiftieth berxactly.

1305
01:00:07,160 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 4: And if you can't give financially, I would love if

1306
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,320
Speaker 4: you share it on your social media exactly, and other

1307
01:00:11,320 --> 01:00:14,120
Speaker 4: people may get involved. It can be a whole community effort.

1308
01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 4: Like I think this is a wonderful thing to do.

1309
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:17,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it. I love it.

1310
01:00:18,120 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, good job, Adria, go for it.

1311
01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:21,440
Speaker 3: Problem solved.

1312
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:22,520
Speaker 2: Well that's all we got.

1313
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:24,840
Speaker 3: Oh okay, well we're going to wrap it up. Monica.

1314
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:29,040
Speaker 1: It was such a pleasure to have you on our show. Yes,

1315
01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 1: being here, and I want to hang out when I'm

1316
01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 1: back in La.

1317
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:34,720
Speaker 3: Okay, for sure, let's go out.

1318
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:36,840
Speaker 1: We'll go out with Maria and we'll have some drinks.

1319
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:38,960
Speaker 1: Maria has to watch me drink though, because she doesn't drink,

1320
01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:40,040
Speaker 1: so I don't drink either.

1321
01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:42,600
Speaker 3: But oh well, then they both watch me and I'll.

1322
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:46,600
Speaker 5: Drink until ten o'clock. I'm like everybody who drinks gets

1323
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:48,960
Speaker 5: boring after ten pm, so no worry.

1324
01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:50,640
Speaker 3: I'm I'm in bed by nine thirty.

1325
01:00:50,680 --> 01:00:53,280
Speaker 2: Oh no problem, me too. Grandma hours. That's what I

1326
01:00:53,360 --> 01:00:55,000
Speaker 2: call it. I keep Grandma hours.

1327
01:00:55,080 --> 01:00:59,240
Speaker 1: So okay, Well take care. So yeah, and Happy International

1328
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: Women's Day. Wow.

1329
01:01:01,120 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 4: We mentioned this at the start of the show, but

1330
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:06,000
Speaker 4: the team here at Dear Chelsea is celebrating International Women's

1331
01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:09,480
Speaker 4: Day this week. For more programming honoring the incredible women

1332
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:12,840
Speaker 4: at the network and worldwide, head over to iHeart Podcasts

1333
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:16,240
Speaker 4: International Women's Day feed by searching Women Take the Mic

1334
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:20,040
Speaker 4: wherever you look for podcasts. We're featured alongside Therapy for

1335
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:23,600
Speaker 4: Black Girls, The Psychology of Your Twenties, Cheeky's and Chill,

1336
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:27,680
Speaker 4: the Nikki Glazer Podcast, and others. That's Women Take the

1337
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:30,880
Speaker 4: Mic on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

1338
01:01:32,080 --> 01:01:35,160
Speaker 1: Okay, so, Chelsea Handler is my name and comedy is

1339
01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:38,520
Speaker 1: my game. Comedy and therapy are my games. I'm sorry,

1340
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:41,760
Speaker 1: I misspoke. I have added more shows. I added a

1341
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:44,440
Speaker 1: second show in Vancouver, so I have two shows in

1342
01:01:44,520 --> 01:01:48,080
Speaker 1: Vancouver March twenty ninth March thirtieth. Then I've added another

1343
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:51,200
Speaker 1: show in Sydney, Australia on July thirteenth, So i have

1344
01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:54,600
Speaker 1: two shows in Sydney July twelfth and thirteenth. For other

1345
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:57,520
Speaker 1: shows in Australia at New Zealand, go to Chelseahandler dot com.

1346
01:01:57,800 --> 01:02:01,840
Speaker 1: And I've added two shows in Oklahoma, Norman, Oklahoma on

1347
01:02:01,920 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 1: May third and one in Thackerville, Oklahoma, which is May fourth,

1348
01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:09,920
Speaker 1: and then I'll be at the YouTube Theater May eleventh

1349
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:13,600
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles with Matteo Laine and Vanessa Gonzalez and

1350
01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:14,840
Speaker 1: Fortune Femmester.

1351
01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:18,360
Speaker 3: And Sam Jay. Those are my updates and more shows

1352
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:19,640
Speaker 3: are coming, so pay attention.

1353
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:22,600
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1354
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:25,560
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1355
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1356
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:32,280
Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and

1357
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:34,760
Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1358
01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:37,720
Speaker 4: com