WEBVTT - Karol Markowicz Show:Parenting in Today's Society with Nicole Neily 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:03.600 Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. 0:00:03.960 --> 0:00:07.159 I got a bunch of notes about that last monologue 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:10.760 on friendship if you didn't hear it, I talked about 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:14.400 the steep decline and number of close friends that people have. 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:17.960 So in the nineteen nineties only about two to three 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:21.480 percent of people said they had no close friends. Now 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:24.800 that number is ten percent for college graduates and twenty 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:29.320 four percent for high school graduates. Again, that's no close 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:33.479 friends at all. So one person wrote in I have 0:00:33.600 --> 0:00:36.640 Facebook friends and people I text with in my hometown, 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:39.239 but I moved to a new town six years ago 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:43.120 and haven't made any close friends here. Another person wrote, 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:45.760 I moved last year and haven't been able to make 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:49.199 friends in my new city. My wife hasn't either. Our 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:52.360 son is two and we have acquaintances through his daycare, 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:56.080 but no actual potential friends. And the last note I'll 0:00:56.160 --> 0:00:59.280 highlight is quote I have close friends who are always 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:01.640 there for me, but I live far away. I don't 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:03.640 have the kind of friends that I see people have 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:05.960 on social media, where they go out to dinner or 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:08.760 the movies. I'm not sure where I would be on 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:11.480 that survey because I do have friends I can count on, 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:14.240 but rarely see end quote. A lot of the people 0:01:14.280 --> 0:01:17.360 who wrote in had recently moved, and I don't know 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:19.839 if that's because I mentioned that a lot of people 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:22.399 have moved, and I've obviously talked about my own move 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:25.920 and the fact that there's been this national realignment where 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:28.880 people have moved in the last few years, or maybe 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:32.000 that's just a coincidence. It's hard when you move to 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.840 start a new friend group, to make new friends. It's 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:37.520 hard to get to know people. People are strange when 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:40.640 you're a stranger. I say that a lot about being 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:44.399 in a new place and meeting new people. Only one 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:47.760 person who wrote in indicated they have a child, and 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:50.440 I think it's so much easier to make friends through 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:53.160 your kids, especially when they're small. When they get a 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:55.960 little older, like mine are a little older, it's harder. 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:58.680 You don't quite get to know their parents of the 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:01.440 kids that your kids like the same way. But when 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:04.880 they're little, you'll see the same parents at school pickup 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:07.080 or drop off or at events, and you'll get to 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:10.200 know people, and your kid will like some kid in 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:12.519 his class, and you'll arrange the playdate, and then you'll 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:15.600 realize the parents are cool too, and that's how it happens. 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:18.200 I think the person who wrote in and has the 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:21.919 small child that he has acquaintances in daycare is actually 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:24.480 in the best position to make friends. The other ones 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:27.560 are tougher. The last one that I read, the one 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.200 who has close friends but no one to actually hang 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:34.359 out with. I think that one's really tough because you're 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:38.919 having the actual friend needs met, but not the socializing part, 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:41.800 and that's a really important part. I wrote about this 0:02:41.840 --> 0:02:44.919 a few years ago after our family moved from Manhattan 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:47.799 to Brooklyn. It was a small move and we had 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:50.480 a lot of friends. Our dance card, as they say, 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:53.840 was full every weekend. We always had places to be 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:57.000 in people to be there with. But I was really 0:02:57.080 --> 0:03:00.800 lacking the day to day the people you talk to 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:03.519 as you push your kids on the swings. The really 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:06.280 just the acquaintances. So this is what I wrote at 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:10.799 the time quote the lack of acquaintances translated into lacking 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:13.160 a sense of being part of a community, which made 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:16.440 me feel isolated. Sure, I could call my best friend 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.000 and talk for an hour about things that really matter, 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:21.960 but what I needed during the other waking hours of 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:24.639 the day was someone with whom to discuss where to 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:27.040 get the best hole in the walled Chinese food, or 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:29.720 to chat about the weather while ordering my coffee. 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:30.560 End quote. 0:03:30.680 --> 0:03:33.840 In that same piece, I wrote about the British anthropologist 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:38.000 Robin Dunbar, and Dunbar theories are really common theory and 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:41.040 it's been discussed a lot. But his theory was that 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:45.080 people can only maintain one hundred and fifty friendships. That's 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:47.560 a very high number of friends in the real world, 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:51.320 but not so high online. So then Dunbar applied his 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:55.040 theory of friendship more recently to Facebook friends, I wrote 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:57.920 Dunbar said that if you have one hundred and fifty 0:03:57.960 --> 0:04:01.040 Facebook friends, you can likely own only count on about 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:03.960 four of them in a time of crisis, and of 0:04:04.000 --> 0:04:07.320 course this was shared across the media spheres, damning evidence 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:11.680 that our Facebook friendships are shallow. But that reaction, while rational, 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:15.480 is wrong. It misunderstands the nature of a social circle 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:19.640 and misses the importance of again, these acquaintances. Four friends 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:21.040 who will be there for you if you need them 0:04:21.080 --> 0:04:24.000 at three AM is a solid number, but there's nothing 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:26.159 wrong with the other one hundred and forty six friends 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:29.040 playing a different role for you. The truth is that 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:32.359 the three am crisises are hopefully few and far between, 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:34.960 and if you have four friends you can turn to 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:38.719 during those times, you're already in a great place friend wise. 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:40.800 But for the rest of your life, it's fine to 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:43.000 have friends and acquaintances or tell you how cute you 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:45.839 look in your profile picture, play online games with you, 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:49.320 or leave comments when you crowdsource restaurants in a new 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:52.560 city offline. This can translate to your neighbor taking in 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:55.880 your packages while you're away, or a mom friend keeping 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:57.800 an eye on one of your children while you chase 0:04:57.800 --> 0:05:01.039 the other one around, or a variety of other casual 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:04.480 interactions that make up our everyday lives. I really think 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:08.080 we need acquaintances, and they can become real friends too 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:10.960 along the way. So I think that the two people 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:13.160 who said that they do have close friends but not 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:16.719 in their new city or town should work on developing 0:05:16.760 --> 0:05:19.880 acquaintances first and foremost. And I got to tell you, 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:22.240 I have to admit I'm lacking that in my life 0:05:22.320 --> 0:05:24.839 right now. I have a lot of friends, but I 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:26.719 don't know a lot of people in my neighborhood. And 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.640 I've talked about this on here before, and I want 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:32.000 to make that change because I think it's important to 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:34.440 recognize people where you live. I think it's important to 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:36.359 say hello to people. I think it's important to have 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:39.760 those little interactions. Someone you see on a regular basis 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:43.000 and have a cordial relationship with can end up becoming 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:46.000 a friend, a good friend. Maybe at some point it'll 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:47.839 get friendly enough that you can go grab a drink 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:50.680 or do an activity and it'll grow from there. I'd say, 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:55.359 don't let age and geographical change rob you from the 0:05:55.400 --> 0:05:59.400 experience of making friends and developing bonds with people. It's 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:03.000 harder as we get older, definitely, of course, and it's 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:06.200 harder when we move in adulthood. But it's worth the effort, 0:06:06.360 --> 0:06:09.400 and I hope the people who wrote in won't give up. 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:13.560 Thanks for listening. Coming up next and interview with Nicole Neely. 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:14.880 Join us after the break. 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:21.520 Welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. My 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:26.440 guest today is Nicky Neely, founder of Parents Defending Education. Hi, Nikki, 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:27.560 so nice to have you on. 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:28.720 Thanks for having me. 0:06:29.480 --> 0:06:31.400 So I should mention right up front I'm on the 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:34.800 board of Parents Defending Education. I don't know if that 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:37.200 needs to be mentioned, but I figured why not, And 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:39.159 that's how I've gotten to know you and think you 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:44.320 are a fascinating person, super funny and interesting, and thought, 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:47.719 let's delve into who you are on the show cool 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:49.200 and you're very excited about. 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:50.200 That, super excited. 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:53.719 So how did you Did you always want to defend education? 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:56.200 Did you always want to be a parent defending education? 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:57.760 Never? No? Never. 0:06:57.880 --> 0:06:59.520 It's funny because I think back to one my first 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:02.320 job in DC, I was a CATO, and I was like, 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:04.520 the one issue I did not like when I was 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:06.440 working in PR for a CATO, I was like, I 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:09.279 hate education policy, so like haha. 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:09.800 Because it was like boring. 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:11.840 It was like school choice, right, it was like school 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:15.480 choice good, Union's bad. But school education has gone like 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:17.280 a lot more interesting in the past couple of years, 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:19.520 not necessarily for good, but it's more interesting now, at 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:20.720 least for sure. 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:22.880 So what made you change your mind? 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:26.040 So I actually am really passionate about civil liberties, and 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:27.600 that's kind of how so I sort of fell into 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:31.440 it backwards, so kind of to like wayback machine. My grandparents, 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.320 actually on my dad's side, met in an internment camp 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:36.360 in Manzinar in California during World War Two. 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:38.320 They're Japanese Americans, and. 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:40.160 So that's saying, a government big enough to give you 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:42.400 everything you want is big enough to take away everything 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:42.680 you have. 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:44.600 Like that totally resonates. 0:07:44.200 --> 0:07:45.880 With me, like I know it does with you because 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:49.160 it did happen to my family, right, and so that 0:07:49.320 --> 0:07:51.320 to me was just always something was really interesting. And 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:54.200 so I'm married to a lawyer, Like we have boring 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:56.400 dinner parties, we talk about the fourteenth Amendment like I'm 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:59.680 a super fun person. But to me, the kind of 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:01.960 the most exciting area of law right now is the 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:04.200 intersection of the First Amendment. I used to run a 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:08.000 campus free speech group and Title six, Title nine, you know, 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:12.040 on the racial sex discrimination issues, and so that is 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:14.040 kind of like where I have fallen into this. Just 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:18.040 watching our education system both put you know, be weaponized 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:20.680 against kids in the name of you know, doing good 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:23.000 in the name of papty, but then also just sort 0:08:23.040 --> 0:08:25.480 of watching how the lessons and how kids are treated 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:27.840 in school then ends up impacting wider society. 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:32.760 Did having kids along the way there probably factor in somewhat. 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:34.839 Yes, absolutely, I mean yeah, I was like a die 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:37.880 in the whole libertarian until I had kids. And yeah, 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:40.920 so my political views have moderated somewhat, or I guess, 0:08:40.920 --> 0:08:43.400 as my dad said, I he considered me to the 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:44.640 right of a tilibahun. 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:46.600 And so you know, it's kind of in the beholder, 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:47.319 I suppose. 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:48.120 Wait and where are you now? 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:51.760 I mean, I'm a conservative now, much to my core 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:53.240 libertarian husband's great chagrin. 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:56.120 It's funny, like, you know, you never think about that. 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.640 People get married and they you know, switch politically and 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:01.000 it's always like left to right or to left or whatever. 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:03.360 But this is like sort of an inter right. 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:05.600 Battle, right. Yeah. 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:07.840 So yeah, I mean he he like talks, he talks 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:09.840 to my kids about qualified immunity and like I talked 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:10.520 about immigration. 0:09:10.640 --> 0:09:14.400 So it's like it's a never ending you know. The kids. 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:16.760 Yeah, do the kids enjoy it? 0:09:17.320 --> 0:09:17.679 They do. 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:19.439 Yeah. A couple of years ago, they were off school 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:22.000 the day actually the Harvard students for a fair admissions argument, 0:09:22.120 --> 0:09:24.800 and my my friends were arguing it. 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:26.480 So they were inside the court, and so I took 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:27.400 the kids to the outside. 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:29.520 And it was funny because like, I'm Asian, and so 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:31.640 I was outside the court with my little Asian kids 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:35.320 and we had some protesters, some pro affirmative action protesters 0:09:35.400 --> 0:09:36.880 come up to us and start to try and give 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:39.960 us materials like little propaganda sweatshirts and stuff. 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:41.760 I said, sorry, we're on the other side of this issue. 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:44.280 And I got to talk to them just very you know, 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:44.880 straight up. 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:46.640 I said, you know, those people, do you think that 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:48.880 you should be able to get into a cuege or 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:51.080 not because of the color of your skin? And they 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:52.480 were like, what what are you talking about. I was like, 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:55.079 that's what those people think. That's why we hat taking 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:57.400 those sweatshirts. And they were like, oh weird. And so 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:00.000 really to kind of, you know, explain what's going on 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:02.160 and in term, you know, in the news kind of 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:04.520 through the lens of your family's I. 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:06.600 Feel like kids get that. They get the whole. I 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:08.559 don't want to be I don't want to be somewhere 0:10:08.600 --> 0:10:10.839 just because of like the accident of my birth or 0:10:11.240 --> 0:10:14.040 or you know, somewhere I don't deserve to be, or 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:16.959 like my daughter's been offered opportunities because she's a girl, 0:10:17.000 --> 0:10:18.720 and she's like, I don't want to be the girl 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:20.560 on this whatever this is. 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:22.960 I think they see that really clearly. 0:10:23.320 --> 0:10:27.160 Yeah, yeah, and they're yeah, they're not kind of biased 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:30.000 by like societal things. They're just like their gut feeling 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:31.520 about like what is right and what is wrong, and 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:33.880 so yeah, it's trying and trying to keep them on 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:34.360 that path. 0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:37.719 So what do you worry about? What's the concern for you? 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:40.240 I mean I worry about my kids NonStop. 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.240 Obviously, I was like realizing of the day, you know, 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:43.880 you have to kind of teach them how to navigate 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:46.560 the world, but then also like the rules of baseball, 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:50.160 Like it's like like like there's very complicated things of 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:52.560 like right small hygiene, and then like how to act 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:54.840 in society, and then like how to use the metro 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:56.679 and so it's it's like a weird it's like a 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:59.080 weird thing. But I really I want them to be 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:03.760 so reliant. I don't want them to be followers. And 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:06.079 right now we're homeschooling them this year, so I don't 0:11:06.080 --> 0:11:08.760 want them to be weird either, And so like how 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:11.240 do you sort of like get them to be citizens 0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:13.360 of the world in a way that's not like strange. 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:16.200 And then I guess kind of aside from my family, 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:18.120 I also just worry about kind of the globe, like 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:19.160 the general. 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.480 Unraveling of society in America, right now, which is I 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:23.280 guess kind of intercepts with having kids. 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:25.760 Do you feel better about it since the Trump election 0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:26.560 are same. 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:29.600 So, I mean, I think there's a lot of work 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:31.840 to be read to be done over the next couple 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:34.800 of years, because I think just trust and institutions has 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:37.160 crumbled so much, I mean just in the past decade, 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:40.760 and so you know, to restore trust in the healthcare. 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:43.120 System and the education system. The Wall Street Journal had. 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:45.400 A great article a few weeks ago and calling this 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:47.160 basically America's glastnhost period. 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:49.319 And I think we're sort of in that error. 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:51.320 Right now because it's like people feel that they can 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:53.480 kind of speak truth that they've had in their heart 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:55.800 for a long time, and just what do we do 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:59.120 with that is kind of an interesting, you know, mystery. 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:01.840 Yeah that actually that's a really good good way of 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:04.079 putting it. But I mean, people like I think us 0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:07.440 we're speaking the truths all along. But it's definitely I 0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:10.240 feel like regular people are no longer whispering to me. 0:12:10.320 --> 0:12:13.440 It's like they're if they're not by regular people, I mean, 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:16.559 like not in our political world. I feel like they're 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:19.199 much more likely to say things out loud in a 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:21.360 way that they couldn't in the last four years. 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:24.839 Yeah, and just like me working on the civil liberty stuff. 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:25.880 I mean, it's funny. 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:27.960 Because we have so many friends that are so freaked 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:30.040 out about the courts and you know, support packing and 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:31.200 Supreme Court and all that stuff. 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:33.120 And to me, what has really been. 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:35.520 Worrisome over the past couple of years, and particularly in 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.960 the wake of October seventh, was watching how there was 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:42.280 just a really obviously unequal adjudication of civil rights law 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:44.520 in this country. I mean you could tell a little 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:46.640 kid in school Hitler should have finish the job, and 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:49.120 that was considered acceptable, right, Like there were I saw 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:51.520 a school in California where they there were swastika is 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:53.520 drawn and they said, oh, this is a Buddhist religious 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:57.720 symbol like kitty yeah, versus like if you called my 0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:00.640 kids some Asian slur. I mean, the full force of 0:13:00.679 --> 0:13:02.880 the state and federal government will come down on your shoulders. 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:05.840 And so just average people saw, you know, based on 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:08.040 the color of your skin or what's between your legs, 0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:10.440 you will get a fair shake or not. And so 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:13.280 I just I think that then gave people a coverage 0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:13.840 to say. 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:15.439 I'm just not going to fall the laws. 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:17.480 You know, the laws don't matter anymore, and that like 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:20.640 erosion of faith in just the rule of law is 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:22.240 something that really really worries me. 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:24.319 Do you think we can come back from that? How 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:25.440 do you dial back. 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:26.160 The erosion of law? 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:28.480 I mean, I think you know this is I will 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:31.520 wave my libertarian card very briefly. There are too many 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:34.439 laws and they're sporadically enforced. And so to get back 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:37.120 to a place where like murder is bad, full stop, 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.720 rape is bad, full stop, Like let's actually go after 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:42.680 those major crimes and really make sure that those people 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:45.200 are held accountable and like maybe not get so mad 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:47.280 at like, you know, people doing like little things here 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:48.840 or there. I mean the fact that New York City 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:51.360 has a biased response team or right, like things like that, 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:53.880 like is the biggest problem in New York City that 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:55.320 like people are calling names? 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:58.160 I'm pretty sure not. And so like let's actually use 0:13:58.200 --> 0:13:59.320 the law for what it's intended. 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:02.960 Yeah, I look being libertarian and Jason, I'm all for it. 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:06.839 I'm I'm in full support. I love libertarians. I Mean, 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:09.600 in another world I'd be libertarian. 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:11.880 But if they're cute, it's like this world or yeah, 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:14.640 I'm close, but not quite there were trouble for this one. 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:19.520 What would you be doing if not this, Like, what 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:21.960 would be a totally different like plan B for you? 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:24.440 I mean, I keep saying I'm going to fix education, 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:26.400 so I could just day drink. I frankly, I think 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:29.360 I'd probably get bored. I keep having this fantasy of 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:31.080 my mom is Irish, like I have like a very 0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:32.920 weird family history, so I keep thinking I want to 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:34.400 like buy an Irish country estate and. 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:34.880 Fix it up. 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:37.880 Although a couple of years ago I watched too much 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:40.400 HDTV when I was on maternity leave and I decided 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:41.600 that we should move to Texas. 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:43.720 I think I was like really into that fixed rubber show. 0:14:44.320 --> 0:14:45.480 Who among Us? Yeah? 0:14:45.560 --> 0:14:49.280 Yeah, like the actual like really actually doing house things. 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:51.560 I'm not a handy person whatsoever. Like I'm like a 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:53.720 write a check person that also dates me. 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:56.560 I guess I'm like the same. Yeah, I would like. 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:59.280 To think I would like supervise like home renovations or something, 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:00.640 but I problem. 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:02.160 That's you know, look, you could hire people to do 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:04.240 stuff you don't have to, like, you know, reel the 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:08.120 hammer yourself. I yeah, feel like, but no, an Irish 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:11.520 pub in the countryside. I think it's not a bad life. 0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:15.680 I you know, bring libertarianism to Ireland. They really could 0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:20.120 do some They're really a mess. It's it's unfortunate. So 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:24.080 what advice would you give a sixteen year old Nikki Mealy? 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:28.240 So I'm a super insecure growing up and I think 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:31.720 probably what I would tell myself is not everyone's opinion matters, 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:34.520 Which is funny now because like I like, I don't 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:38.080 like my Twitter, Like I like things go out, but 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:40.560 like I don't read the messages because somebody like I 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:42.840 did your mom sixty nine on Twitter saying something mean 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:46.840 like devastating where it's like the Washington Post thing, I'm 0:15:46.920 --> 0:15:49.280 like a like a hateful bigot is like kind of 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:51.800 doesn't bother me. And so I just like there are 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:55.560 a few people whose opinions actually matter. But otherwise, like 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:57.560 there's so much sound and noise out there, and this 0:15:57.640 --> 0:15:59.360 is even like you know, I mean when you were 0:15:59.400 --> 0:16:01.480 growing up, it was for social media, and so just 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:04.040 really you know, to kind of drown out the noise 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:06.920 and really focus in on whose opinion you value. 0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:08.640 Where did you grow up? 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:10.080 I grew up in Chicago. 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:11.840 I grew up in the North Shore. So I'm an 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:15.560 aspiring jew. I was one of the few Christians and 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:16.480 so yeah, I tried to. 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:16.680 Get my. 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:21.480 Yeah, I feel like you're You're totally an honorary one. 0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:22.680 If you ever want to join. 0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:24.560 The fold, Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm on my way. 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:26.640 How did you get to d C? What was the path? 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:29.520 I went to grad school in California. I was looking 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:31.320 at I was looking at grad schools in d C. 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:33.960 And in California, I got a scholarship to go to Pepperdine. 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:36.280 I didn't get scholarships to go to DC, but I 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:37.880 was working in commercial real estate at the time, and 0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:39.120 so I flew to d C. I met with the 0:16:39.120 --> 0:16:41.880 admissions people at the DC schools and I said, this 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:43.000 is what Pepperdine's offering. 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:44.400 Can you match it? Can you beat it? And they 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:46.360 were like, we don't do scholarships that way. 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:50.840 And I was like, California, it is so I have 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:52.520 family out there. I had not spent a lot of 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:55.160 time out there, you know, and it was fun. I 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:58.000 decided that after a couple months of living in Malibu, fine, 0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:00.600 I would actually go to college, like you know, it's 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:01.320 sonny every day. 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:02.480 It was fun. 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:04.720 It was actually that was where I was a Democrat 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:06.520 growing up, like all through college, like I was in 0:17:06.560 --> 0:17:09.560 the student aclu, I put free Mooma posters up in 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.760 like my sworty, like what the good retrospect was the doing? 0:17:13.960 --> 0:17:15.760 And it was in grad school that I had a 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:18.399 professor who had me read Milton Friedman, had me read Hayek, 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:19.679 and I was like, oh, there was a way to 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:22.520