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Speaker 1: Is stay or go? All right, Mark, Good morning, Mark,

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Speaker 1: how you doing. Welcome to the show.

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Speaker 2: I'm doing great today.

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Speaker 3: How are you for doing?

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Speaker 1: All right? Man? What's going on with with your wife? Here?

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Speaker 1: This is the idea here is people hit us up,

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Speaker 1: believe it or not. People hit us up on you know,

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Speaker 1: the ig. They hit us up on the website Fretshire

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Speaker 1: Radio dot com wherever, and they're like, hey, run this

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Speaker 1: by the thirteen. What's going on with your wife? Oh? Well,

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Speaker 1: we got the robot voice a guy. All right, hold

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Speaker 1: on you there, Yeah, I'm here. Hold on. I had

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Speaker 1: to add gas to the generator. Sorry, sorry about that.

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Speaker 1: I forgot him. And Paulina's supposed to pour diesel in it.

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Speaker 1: Oh not the cheap one. No, we can't use eighty

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Speaker 1: seven of this thing man. Anyway, Sorry, Mark, go ahead.

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Speaker 2: No worries. I just don't know what to do, to

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Speaker 2: be honest with you. Well, it starts off the first

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Speaker 2: d it's my daughter's senior year in college and she

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Speaker 2: wants to take a senior trip. I don't have anything

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Speaker 2: against I'm all for having some fun. She wants to

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Speaker 2: go down to Cabo in Mexico, right, man, I just

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Speaker 2: don't know about that. With the cartel and everything going

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Speaker 2: on right now, I'm kind of iffy on that whole situation.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there are parts of Mexico there, you know, a

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Speaker 1: bit of dismay these days. Yeah, but a little upset

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Speaker 1: parts of parts of it, though I don't know that

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Speaker 1: Cobo was included, but parts of whatever. It's not necessarily

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Speaker 1: maybe not the ideal time for a college kid to

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Speaker 1: go to Mexico. And don't at me on that. It's just,

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Speaker 1: you know, I understand your concern.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well, my wife and I sat down with my

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Speaker 2: daughter and just kind of laid down the law, saying, hey,

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Speaker 2: I don't think it's a good idea for you to go.

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Speaker 2: Maybe we should reschedule this trip or try to find

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Speaker 2: somewhere else to go. Then I find out later that

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Speaker 2: my wife has gone behind my back and talk to

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Speaker 2: my daughter, told her it's okay for her to go

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Speaker 2: and that she'll just handle me later on. I don't

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Speaker 2: understand this, like I don't understand what's going on, Like

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Speaker 2: there's a mutiny in my house of sorts.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So she overrode you, is what you're saying? Absolutely yes, okay,

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Speaker 1: and she did it behind your back. Like you guys,

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Speaker 1: as a couple, mom and dad made a decision separate

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Speaker 1: from your daughter. Hey, I don't know that this is

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Speaker 1: this may not be a great idea. I'm not comfortable

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Speaker 1: with this for whatever reason, whether you're right or wrong,

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Speaker 1: you're not comfortable with it, and you would like a

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Speaker 1: different planet. And your wife is like, fine, okay, and

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Speaker 1: then separate from that. Told your daughter no, go, it's fine.

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Speaker 1: I'll deal with your dad absolutely. Okay.

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Speaker 2: Don't get me wrong. I don't want to crush my

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Speaker 2: daughter's dreams of going on her senior trip. But at

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Speaker 2: the end of the day, I also am super anxious

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Speaker 2: about her being down there.

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Speaker 1: Hmm, okay, all right. So then you go there, go

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Speaker 1: back to your wife, I assume, and you're like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you know, we're a team. We had a deal, we

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Speaker 1: discussed this, and we're not aligned now, and you sort

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Speaker 1: of undermined me in this way. You know, I know,

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Speaker 1: what does she say?

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Speaker 2: She just kept telling me that everything's going to be okay,

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Speaker 2: that she's a smart girl, we raise her right, and

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Speaker 2: she'll be safe as long as she stays on the resort.

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Speaker 1: I mean that's probably all true, But I guess you

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Speaker 1: guys made a decision together. And look, I'm not married,

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Speaker 1: I don't have kids, but I there were very few,

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Speaker 1: if any instances I can think of growing up where

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Speaker 1: mom decided something and dad with the other way. There

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Speaker 1: may have been some times when dad decided something and

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Speaker 1: mom went the other way, but it was nothing as

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Speaker 1: blatant as this, you know, I like, I don't about like,

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Speaker 1: I don't. There was never a time when it was

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Speaker 1: like fundamental, Hey, I'm concerned about someone's safety, right, you know,

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Speaker 1: And and one said one thing and then one said

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Speaker 1: the other don't mind him whatever. I mean, that's you

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Speaker 1: can't do that right, like in a marriage or a

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Speaker 1: parental situation, like you got to make a decision and

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Speaker 1: then you got to stay on the same page because otherwise,

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Speaker 1: you know, one person looks kind of in effect or

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Speaker 1: like their opinion doesn't matter. That's true, I understand that.

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Speaker 1: And so your wife is basically like you overreacted whatever.

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Speaker 1: So now your daughter knows, she just goes to mom,

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Speaker 1: which a lot in a lot of situations, that's not uncommon.

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Speaker 1: I know where to go, yeah, for certain things. I

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Speaker 1: know who to talk to you on. I know when

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Speaker 1: to call dad, I know when to call mom, But

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Speaker 1: I don't blame you for being kind of upset or

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Speaker 1: real upset. Right, So the resolution is she's going, Oh

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Speaker 1: she's there. Oh even better? Right, So you have no

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Speaker 1: say in the matter.

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Speaker 4: So she's a senior in college, correct, right, she's about

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Speaker 4: twenty twenty one years old.

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Speaker 1: Giver take.

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Speaker 4: I mean, like, does might be a little unpopular, But

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Speaker 4: at the same time, does she really even have to

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Speaker 4: ask for that kind of permission? Essentially, like she's grown

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Speaker 4: enough to make decisions that kind of go on her own.

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't tell my mom probably that I'm going, or

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Speaker 4: if I did, I would tell her when I'm at

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Speaker 4: the airport.

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Speaker 5: Guys, you're still paying for like her college, her trip,

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Speaker 5: or anything in her life. I think they have a

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Speaker 5: say probably correct, Well, she has great parents.

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Speaker 4: I did not have that part. But I would run

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Speaker 4: off a lot to like New York and stuff, just because,

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Speaker 4: like I was like, I want to go hang out

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Speaker 4: my friends and do these things. But I never asked

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Speaker 4: to go, and I recommend that. So when I was listening,

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Speaker 4: like ask your.

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Speaker 1: Parents, Well you would remember if the show for a

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Speaker 1: while a few years ago, well, god, it was six

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Speaker 1: years ago at this point. I had planned to go

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Speaker 1: to Egypt. I want to see the Pyramids. I had

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Speaker 1: the whole trip plan and and my mom watches too much,

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Speaker 1: you know, CNN or whatever, calls me up and is like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you know, there's this COVID thing they're talking about. It's

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Speaker 1: gonna be it's gonna be an issue. It's gonna be

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Speaker 1: a thing. And like I don't want you there when that,

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Speaker 1: if that breaks, or like you know, cause you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have an issue. I don't I'm not comfortable with it.

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Speaker 1: I won't sleep well, don't do it. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: whatever you're creating all everybody here, give me a hard time,

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Speaker 1: go on your trip whatever. You're stupid, you know. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, you're an a joke. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: tell you did you? You? You egged me, you know,

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Speaker 1: and it's like you were grown up man, like you

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Speaker 1: do what you want to do. And I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: but I do. I don't want my mom to be

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Speaker 1: My mom is a very active mom. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to her up it and I don't want to uncomfortable. Well,

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Speaker 1: sure enough, I would have been there when the whole thing,

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Speaker 1: when you had run a pharaoh.

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Speaker 6: By now, I would.

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Speaker 1: I would still be there. Yeah, I would live there now,

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Speaker 1: which may not be so bad, and you know, a

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Speaker 1: nice view the Pyramids every day. But I and my

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Speaker 1: finally my dad called me, was like, look, I'm not

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Speaker 1: You're a grown up. You can do what you want,

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Speaker 1: but you know, it would really help my cause if

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Speaker 1: you don't do it, because she's really upset about it.

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Speaker 1: And so I wound up not doing it, and it

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Speaker 1: wound up being the right decision. But you know, no

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Speaker 1: one was going to undermine each other. But it was like,

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Speaker 1: this is important to us, and they very rarely do that.

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Speaker 1: They very rarely say like, I'm gonna worry too much,

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Speaker 1: please consider another plan. And so I did. But but

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Speaker 1: that's not one person saying that's that's how you guys

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Speaker 1: collectively saying here's our decision, and then mom going nap,

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Speaker 1: just kidding. I don't really care what he thinks. I

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Speaker 1: can see why that feels bad. You guys are both

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Speaker 1: her parent and your opinion does matter, and you made

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Speaker 1: a collective decision. Let me take some phone calls on

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Speaker 1: this mark and see what people have to say. But

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Speaker 1: I wish you the best, man, I hope. I'm sure

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Speaker 1: everything will be fine. She'll she'll be okay and turn

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Speaker 1: safely and all is well. Have a good day. I

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Speaker 1: appreciate you. May he sounds me down. Have a good day, man.

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Speaker 1: I get it. I get it. And again she did

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Speaker 1: ask for their opinion. I don't know if they're paying

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Speaker 1: for it or not, but you know, I do think

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Speaker 1: that she can do whatever she wants. But if both

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Speaker 1: of her parents are like, hey, this is not ideal.

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Speaker 5: Even without the cartel, it's a scary thing to send

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Speaker 5: your kid to another country on like a drink all

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Speaker 5: day trip, I would be terrified.

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Speaker 7: I still actually permission to go out of town. Like

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Speaker 7: my sister and my aunt. They don't played it like

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Speaker 7: they check my location in another country.

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Speaker 1: They're like, are you okay?

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Speaker 7: Like, well, why wouldn't you tell us we need to

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Speaker 7: pray for you before you go.

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I agree that it would be scary.

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Speaker 1: I think it's one thing if you're helicoptering over your

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Speaker 1: twenty one year old kids saying don't go party in Mexico.

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Speaker 1: I think it's another thing if you're like, hey, I'm

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Speaker 1: concerned about some some you know activity down there right

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Speaker 1: now that has caused a lot of problems for people

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Speaker 1: traveling and whatever else, and like I think now may

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Speaker 1: not be the time, you know what I mean, Like

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Speaker 1: I think that's a fair or hey, there's a there's

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Speaker 1: a pandemic coming, you know, maybe not now?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, to be fair, When I went on my senior

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Speaker 5: I think it was in high school, there was like

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Speaker 5: a war of travel warning and we also went and

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Speaker 5: we're fine. So I think that there's often a travel warning.

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Speaker 5: But my mom was with me, so that was maybe

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Speaker 5: the difference.

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Speaker 1: The asia. How you doing, I'm good, good morning, good morning,

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Speaker 1: eight five three five. I mean, what do you guys think?

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Speaker 1: What do you think? Are you a parent? You married?

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Speaker 8: I am a parent? Okay, and no, she shouldn't be

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Speaker 8: able to go unless mom covers it. So his mom

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Speaker 8: wants to be sneaky about it.

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Speaker 1: Mom can cover it if I cover it. What do

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Speaker 1: you mean, like handle it with She did say she's

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Speaker 1: going to handle it with dad, but that doesn't no, no.

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Speaker 8: No, no no, there is no handling it with dad

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Speaker 8: because that's it. No, So you decided to go behind

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Speaker 8: dad and say yes, so you could pay for her passport.

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Speaker 8: You can pay for the plane ticket, the suitcase, you

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Speaker 8: can pay.

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Speaker 1: For everything, but the asia. I don't think this is

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Speaker 1: a money This is about dad had an opinion. Her

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Speaker 1: mom and dad were aligned and then they weren't, and

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Speaker 1: so I think his issue is not with his daughter.

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Speaker 1: I think his issue is with his wife. It's like, hey,

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Speaker 1: wait a minute, we decided together, here is our position

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Speaker 1: as parents, and you decided to override that without telling me. Essentially,

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Speaker 1: that's a lie. So that's the issue.

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Speaker 8: I agree with dad though it's not safe for her

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Speaker 8: to go to Cabo. Yeah, I wants to go to

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Speaker 8: Cabo and they already said no.

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Speaker 1: Well he said no.

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Speaker 8: In my opinion, dad's opinion is important about her safety

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Speaker 8: in Cabo. So since she doesn't care enough to think

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Speaker 8: about her daughter's safety, she.

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Speaker 2: Can cover the trup.

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Speaker 8: Okay, Well, nothing happens to the daughter, It's not going

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Speaker 8: to be dad's fart because dad said no, and my

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Speaker 8: kids do that and we have to tell my kids

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Speaker 8: to stop doing that. When a parent says no, it

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Speaker 8: doesn't matter if mom stated or dad sitting. You don't

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Speaker 8: go to the other parents.

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Speaker 1: Right, And I agree with undred percent.

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Speaker 8: Went behind it and said yes, mom can cover everything,

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Speaker 8: and when something happens, it's on mom.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, de Asia, But I said, not how

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Speaker 1: that's going to work. God forbid, something happens, it's going

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Speaker 1: to affect both of them equally. So I don't know

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Speaker 1: that this is a thing where Okay, you pay for it.

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Speaker 1: And I told you, I don't think anyone's arguing about

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Speaker 1: the money here. It's it has more to do with

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Speaker 1: I mean, whatever the decision is. I mean, I think

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Speaker 1: you know there were I can remember growing up. You know,

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Speaker 1: my sister and I are seven and a half years apart,

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Speaker 1: but there was a I want to say, ear piercing

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Speaker 1: debabe in the house. Yeah, my dad and I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be wrong about this. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: misquote my dad here, but I want to say he

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Speaker 1: didn't want her to get her ear pierced, maybe in

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Speaker 1: a high up in the ear. I can't remember. Cartilage, yeah,

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Speaker 1: there was. There was something belly button maybe, I don't remember.

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Speaker 1: There was one. There was something that was not that

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Speaker 1: he wasn't comfortable with and my mom overrode him on it,

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Speaker 1: and I don't think he was happy about it. But

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Speaker 1: I think that was more like a male female thing like, hey,

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Speaker 1: let me, I'm going to handle the appearance and various

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Speaker 1: other things. I've heard about male female arguments about their

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Speaker 1: daughters and sons when it's like, no, let me take

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Speaker 1: this one because I'm a girl or I'm a guy

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Speaker 1: so I can relate to this. You know, I've heard

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Speaker 1: about swimsuits and.

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Speaker 5: Life shaving is a thing.

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Speaker 1: Where it's like you're allowed to have a say it's

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Speaker 1: your kid, but like maybe in this particular case, let

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Speaker 1: me as the woman, I'm gonna let me take this one. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, I think there were times where my dad

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Speaker 1: probably said to my mom like let me, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: handle this like this, this is for me, and maybe

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Speaker 1: they didn't agree, but it was because maybe they didn't relate.

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Speaker 7: Right, Okay, but it's about partnership at the end of

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Speaker 7: the day, and you got you gotta trust that your

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Speaker 7: partner is making the best decision for your child, and

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Speaker 7: to not consult him or just to sneak behind his

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Speaker 7: back is a big red flag.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, hey, Will, you're saying it it's okay to

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Speaker 1: go down there, so this is all for not Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Cobo is fine. I'm a travel agent. The only place

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Speaker 3: they don't want to go there right now is porta

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Speaker 3: Vota and even that's calming down. But I think the

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Speaker 3: main issue here is the wife. The wife was wrong,

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Speaker 3: she was sold. You don't if your father tells you

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Speaker 3: one thing, the mother shouldn't turn around and say something different,

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Speaker 3: because now you have dissension in the house. This has

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Speaker 3: nothing to do with money. I heard the last call.

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Speaker 3: I was saying, nothing to do with money. This is

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Speaker 3: about you putting me against my father.

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Speaker 5: Now you like wins in that situation, Like if one

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Speaker 5: wants her to go and live her dreams and have

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Speaker 5: the experience and one says it's not safe, one person

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Speaker 5: is winning, And why does that have to be the dad?

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Speaker 1: I guess.

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Speaker 3: Actually, I don't think anybody really wins it here because

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Speaker 3: now if I'm the father, I'm angry now at my wife.

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Speaker 3: And you know, the daughter's gonna have a great time regardless,

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Speaker 3: as long as she goes to Cabo stays on the resort,

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Speaker 3: she'll be fine.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and thank you, will have a great damn got

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Speaker 1: you called. I think it's more like, don't make the

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Speaker 1: dad out to be the loser in that. Like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know that anybody is winning or losing. It's it's like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you asked for our opinion. We together decided we don't

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Speaker 1: think it's safe, and we don't want you to go.

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Speaker 1: If you want to go anyway, that's fine, but like,

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Speaker 1: don't play one against the other. Right the good thing,

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Speaker 1: because it's not like dad is no fun police, Like

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Speaker 1: he has concerns about her safety. Okay, that's valid. Like

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's a bad position to take. It's

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Speaker 1: not like, no, you can't go because like I don't

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Speaker 1: like Mexico, Like that would make him the loser, but

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Speaker 1: like he's taking a position of I don't want anything

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Speaker 1: bad to happen to you. And and granted, you know, regionally,

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Speaker 1: maybe she's safe, but like in general, there's issue, there

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Speaker 1: are issues in certain parts of the world. Maybe not

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Speaker 1: the best time to go. He has a argument if

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Speaker 1: she decides on her own, no, I'm going to override

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Speaker 1: you guys and go. Well, it's her life. But to

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Speaker 1: then go play one against the other, I don't now.

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Speaker 1: Now that's an issue between them, you know, Hey Blanca, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're saying let her go.

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Speaker 6: I'm saying let her go. She's a senior in college,

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Speaker 6: she's a little more grown up. She should know how

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Speaker 6: to be responsible, Like, let her have fun, let her live, let.

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Speaker 2: Her experience new things.

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Speaker 5: But I do think her mom, yeah maybe, but look,

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Speaker 5: I think I think some of the callers and maybe

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Speaker 5: you two are caught up on the wrong part of this.

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Speaker 1: The issue is really about a partnership where one person

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Speaker 1: violated their their united stance, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Like they could have they could have remained divided. You know,

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Speaker 1: she could have said no. I really think she should go.

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Speaker 1: I don't agree with you. I think it's going to

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Speaker 1: be okay, And he can say I'm not comfortable. They

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Speaker 1: can each share their perspective, she can make a decision.

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Speaker 1: They decided together no, and then the mom went and

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Speaker 1: did her own thing.

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Speaker 6: That's I think that you should do that as a mom,

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Speaker 6: Like I have a sixteen year old. Me and my

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Speaker 6: husband literally argued about my sixteen year old getting her

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Speaker 6: belly button pierced. He said no, I said, okay, I

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Speaker 6: still took her. Anyways, It's just some things moms are

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Speaker 6: just going to be like, you know what, Let her live,

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Speaker 6: because we understand dads could be over protective and want

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Speaker 6: to take chance opportunities from their daughters just because they're

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Speaker 6: scared of what the world might be. You can't do that.

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Speaker 6: You can't show and install fear in your kids. You

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Speaker 6: got to let them live, You gotta let them experience.

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Speaker 1: Could be.

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Speaker 6: Could be I feel like that's what the mom is

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Speaker 6: doing in this case.

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Speaker 1: Okay, fair, Nahugh, Hey, thank you, Blank, I have a

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Speaker 1: great day, you too, appreciate you. Josh. Yes, you divorce

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Speaker 1: your wife. Good morning. You divorce your wife over this

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Speaker 1: very thing.

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Speaker 9: Yeah, you know, it's undermining is something I think that

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Speaker 9: understatement in the conversation. I think it needs to be

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Speaker 9: talked about more, one of many issues. But yeah, undermining

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Speaker 9: and parenting. I mean, my kids are younger and actually

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Speaker 9: teenagers now, but constant undermining in parental decisions is something

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Speaker 9: that I think is really the problem here that needs

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Speaker 9: to be discussed more. The fact that they discussed this

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Speaker 9: and agree to it and she went behind his back

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Speaker 9: to me is the biggest problem. I'm not saying the

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Speaker 9: safety of the daughter in Cavo is necessarily not an issue,

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Speaker 9: but the fact that she goes behind his back. I

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Speaker 9: guarantee you is someone that lived in a marriage for

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Speaker 9: fourteen years where this happened repeatedly. This is in the

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Speaker 9: first time he's dealt with.

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Speaker 1: This, so I say go, And I do think that

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Speaker 1: people are caught up on the wrong points, like this

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Speaker 1: has everything to do with mom and dad, not the

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Speaker 1: twenty one year old daughter. Yea, that's exactly what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: It is so important and it is such an important part.

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Speaker 9: Of parenting and being in a marriage and raising children together.

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Speaker 9: And when when partners decide whether they're married or not,

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Speaker 9: when partners decide on certain things and you're especially when

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Speaker 9: you're in the same household and one person undermines the

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Speaker 9: other one, it completely humiliates the other parents in a

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Speaker 9: way that over time cannot be repaired. So, yeah, it

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Speaker 9: would have been I know he's gone now, but it

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Speaker 9: would have been a great question to ask, is this

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Speaker 9: repeated behavior?

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Speaker 1: Has this happened once or twice?

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Speaker 9: Because I bet money that it's happened a lot.

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Speaker 1: I think in any layer of leadership, whether it's at

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Speaker 1: work or in parent, parental relationship or whatever relationship, if

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Speaker 1: someone is going to override someone else's decision in the hierarchy,

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Speaker 1: then that has there has to be a careful dance there,

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Speaker 1: because what happens is the dad now looks like he

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Speaker 1: is power, like he looks like his opinion does not

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Speaker 1: matter about anything, Like, we don't even care what he thinks,

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Speaker 1: and that's not fair to him because he's fifty percent

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Speaker 1: responsible for this child or and you know, in this

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Speaker 1: case adult, but who asked for the opinion? So now

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Speaker 1: it's like, well, if I don't like the answer, I'll

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Speaker 1: just go to mom every single time. And I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that's that's not fair to the part indership.

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Speaker 1: But thank you, Josh, I appreciate you. Man. Have a

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Speaker 1: good day.

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Speaker 9: Yeah, you two guys.

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Speaker 3: Thanks