Speaker 1: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 2: You may know us from posting funny videos.
Speaker 1: With our voice and reading each other publicly as a.
Speaker 3: Form of therapy.
Speaker 2: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 2: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 4: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 4: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 4: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 4: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
Speaker 4: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 4: We about to take philosof to our whole new level.
Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 5: This is the part of the show where we get
Speaker 5: you guys involved, and we let you ask us whenever
Speaker 5: you want to ask us.
Speaker 2: No question is off limits, right, So we.
Speaker 1: Got we got some time with y'all because we didn't
Speaker 1: bring y'all all in the snow for no reasons.
Speaker 3: So we don't get through some questions.
Speaker 1: So we have Denorra and josh Everyone shout out Joshua
Speaker 1: and Dwayne Josh.
Speaker 3: Photos, Videos, podcast everything.
Speaker 1: Well, first off, shout out to the crew who's helping
Speaker 1: to run everything here.
Speaker 3: Everyone has their stations that they're at.
Speaker 2: Josh, Mattello, Dave, Who am I missing?
Speaker 1: Tasha Ben Ben? We love all y'all all over, he said.
Speaker 2: Said Dave twice. Yes you did.
Speaker 5: I don't get nervous now, Josh, because you're pointing stuff
Speaker 5: out yelling. Let me tell y'all something about Josh.
Speaker 1: All right, So they have microphones on either side here,
Speaker 1: and we'd love for y'all to come to the mic
Speaker 1: if you have a question, don't be shy, and we'll
Speaker 1: have a little chit chat.
Speaker 3: This is the best part podcast, all right. That's when
Speaker 3: you get to.
Speaker 1: Talk directly to us. So, who's got a question? You
Speaker 1: can make your way up towards the microphone.
Speaker 2: I see one going to Josh. Oh, now you're going
Speaker 2: to your bathroom?
Speaker 3: Are you a drink?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 2: You want to hear a drink?
Speaker 3: I was like, that's the first time we had a
Speaker 3: brother come up first.
Speaker 1: All right, Donor's got one. Hi there, Hi, what's up girl?
Speaker 3: What's your name? Where are you from?
Speaker 7: I'm from Detroit?
Speaker 3: All right? Now a native of a native I love that.
Speaker 3: And my birthday was last week.
Speaker 5: Happylated birthday started her birthday, see what you started?
Speaker 7: Huh So happy birthday to my best friend.
Speaker 5: She brought me here birthday to Yes, happy birthday best
Speaker 5: friend too.
Speaker 2: Okay, Favelocity a man.
Speaker 7: So I'm kind of a deep person and I saw
Speaker 7: a lot of couples in here and looking at your
Speaker 7: journey all the way back from Black Love TV show,
Speaker 7: shout out to that.
Speaker 3: What is y'all advice for couples overcoming trauma.
Speaker 7: Struggles and how do you create that healthy balance for relationships?
Speaker 2: Wow? You really thought about that question?
Speaker 3: Oh sir, she got nervous.
Speaker 5: So now that I got the mic, how do you
Speaker 5: balance trauma from the situational.
Speaker 2: Activities from my past? You see my fault?
Speaker 3: No, No, that's a great question.
Speaker 2: It's a great question.
Speaker 1: Well for us, there was a lot of unpacking that
Speaker 1: had to happen over the years. Right, So this is,
Speaker 1: like we said, twenty years in the making. And I
Speaker 1: think for Deval and I, we met really young. We
Speaker 1: were eighteen nineteen. I mean knew each other since elementary school,
Speaker 1: but I mean really started dating and.
Speaker 3: Having a relationship in college.
Speaker 1: So we were struggling a bit because we were individuals,
Speaker 1: of course eighteen and nineteen years old, who were still
Speaker 1: trying to find out who we are as people and
Speaker 1: grow right in that. But then also at the same time,
Speaker 1: so to consider the other person's feelings, have to kind
Speaker 1: of make a decision with someone else in mind. So
Speaker 1: early on in our relationship we struggled with a lot
Speaker 1: of that because we felt like we weren't communicating effectively.
Speaker 1: And a lot of it too had to deal with
Speaker 1: our past, and it had to do with the way
Speaker 1: we were raised. I was raised in your traditional West
Speaker 1: Ending household, where we don't really have conversation like that.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like things may go wrong, you might
Speaker 1: feel away about something, but you kind of just hope
Speaker 1: and expect that it'll blow over.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna give details about it. You're not gonna
Speaker 1: tackle the problem. You sweep it under the rug and
Speaker 1: hopefully it goes away. Devout grew up the complete opposite,
Speaker 1: you know. He used to have family debates and family
Speaker 1: they talked about everything and how everyone felt and tried
Speaker 1: to come to a resolution. So when we started dating
Speaker 1: and as our relationship progressed, that was a challenge for us.
Speaker 3: So even in our book and in.
Speaker 1: Writing the book We Over Me, we talk a lot
Speaker 1: about how our childhoods affected us and brought us to
Speaker 1: be the individuals that we are today. And it was
Speaker 1: acknowledging those things and how it manifested itself in the
Speaker 1: way that we communicated, in the way that we showed
Speaker 1: up for each other in our relationship.
Speaker 3: So even taking it a step further.
Speaker 1: Deval, being Husband of the Year, moves my parents in
Speaker 1: to live with us to help us with the boys.
Speaker 1: So in him bringing my parents into live with us,
Speaker 1: now he's literally getting a bird's eye view into how
Speaker 1: even my parents coexist, and he's like, wow, Kadein, I
Speaker 1: have such a greater understanding for you and why you
Speaker 1: are the way you are and why you respond the
Speaker 1: way you sponded to certain things because I can see
Speaker 1: how your parents raised you and what your family dynamic
Speaker 1: was like. So it required a lot of conversation between
Speaker 1: Deval and I, and we never really knew how to
Speaker 1: communicate effectively.
Speaker 3: I felt like we had a lot of roadblocks over
Speaker 3: the year.
Speaker 1: Is because I took devous transparency in his honesty as
Speaker 1: him as him kind of badgering me as him pointing
Speaker 1: out my flaws. I felt very inadequate at times because
Speaker 1: I felt like, man, I'm not living up to the
Speaker 1: standard of what he's looking for in a partner. So
Speaker 1: I used to kind of self loathe and didn't realize
Speaker 1: why I had such a hard time just being able
Speaker 1: to express myself. But we were invested in each other,
Speaker 1: and it required a lot of conversations, a lot of
Speaker 1: deep questions that really caused me to really search deep
Speaker 1: and say, you know what, this is not necessarily in attack.
Speaker 1: It's my husband being invested in wanting to know deep
Speaker 1: down how I feel about whatever the scenario is.
Speaker 3: And just that interest that he.
Speaker 1: Took in me alone made me feel like, man, at
Speaker 1: least somebody really wants to hear me out. He wants
Speaker 1: to understand where I'm coming from. He may not always agree,
Speaker 1: but at least he understands what makes me tick. He
Speaker 1: understands why I made the decision that I made. And
Speaker 1: I can't express to y'all how much that patience and
Speaker 1: that navigating how we communicated helped us get past whatever
Speaker 1: family traumas, whatever generational curses like.
Speaker 3: We like to say, had impacted us. As children now adults.
Speaker 5: Yeah, for me, it was just trying to understand who
Speaker 5: her parents were so that I could then understand who
Speaker 5: she is. And then when she says stuff, I had
Speaker 5: to learn how not to judge her for how she feels. Right, So,
Speaker 5: for example, if she's upset about something in the past,
Speaker 5: and she would tell me, you know, when you said this,
Speaker 5: it hurt my feelings instantly, my thought process is, let
Speaker 5: me explain to you why what I said shouldn't hurt
Speaker 5: your feelings. And I was trying to constantly explain what
Speaker 5: my intention was and pretty much try to invalidate her feelings.
Speaker 5: Now what I do is is, Okay, I said something
Speaker 5: that made you feel away. I'm going to acknowledge that
Speaker 5: you feel a way and apologize that you feel a way.
Speaker 5: I'm still going to explain to you why I did
Speaker 5: what I did, and then it's on you to decide
Speaker 5: if you want to accept my apology and we move forward.
Speaker 5: I'm not going to just sit here and badge her
Speaker 5: to make her change your mind. I'm going to listen
Speaker 5: to her. I understand how you feel, this is how
Speaker 5: I meant it. Can we move on, and we do
Speaker 5: that in real time. We don't just wake up, be
Speaker 5: mad at each other, go throughout the whole day and
Speaker 5: go to sleep. If I have a problem with this
Speaker 5: woman right here, I don't I tell you like this.
Speaker 5: We was about to argue on the way we was
Speaker 5: at what d Fox DC this morning?
Speaker 2: No, Fox Fox Detroit this morning.
Speaker 1: I argue a couple of times this week, so I'm
Speaker 1: trying to figure out which one it was.
Speaker 3: It was La Show, it wasn't.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, yeah, but that's not the story.
Speaker 3: Okay, that's not the story.
Speaker 2: It was Fox this Morning.
Speaker 5: We was getting ready to get on the station rightly,
Speaker 5: and we arguing back and forth, and then we argue no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 5: because we're going in three two one bout we Yes,
Speaker 5: we over me black love, Yes, communication, yeah, psych we communicate,
Speaker 5: well yes, as soon as I cut yo, let me
Speaker 5: talk to you real quick.
Speaker 2: That's exactly how it works in Oh.
Speaker 3: Let me tell y'all. Our glad team, our crew, they're
Speaker 3: probably half.
Speaker 1: The time like, let's tiptoe out of here because these
Speaker 1: two what we're gonna do is deal with it right
Speaker 1: in that moment, because what we don't want to do
Speaker 1: is for ship to fester and to linger and life
Speaker 1: is too short, y'all tackle it.
Speaker 2: Head on it is. Thank you so much for your questions,
Speaker 2: your question.
Speaker 5: Go ahead, Josh got turned the mic on, Josh, Josh
Speaker 5: broke it. Hey charge him, do not charge me for
Speaker 5: that mic.
Speaker 2: So there we go.
Speaker 8: Hello, my nay Tequia and I'm from Detroit.
Speaker 2: Shout out Detroit, shout out tro Yes.
Speaker 3: Okay. First of all, my daughter's name is Brooklyn. You
Speaker 3: love that. You gotta get taste the name.
Speaker 6: I know.
Speaker 8: So I've been watching you, sister, first episode. Okay, okay,
Speaker 8: So backstory, okay, So.
Speaker 2: My birthday fabulous? Is that you? Is that you fabulous?
Speaker 3: My birthday is March eighth? I know? So you have
Speaker 3: to sign I ain't know. Shout out my chape. You
Speaker 3: have to sign my hoodie please, I've watched you.
Speaker 2: Anybody who buy hood I'm.
Speaker 3: Sign body birthday today, Body, I got you. Thank you, Okay,
Speaker 3: thank you. I've been married for thirteen years. My hubsband,
Speaker 3: thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2: What's up? Husband?
Speaker 5: I see you thirteen thirteen year bit did brother and.
Speaker 3: We were sweets just like you are.
Speaker 8: Yes, okay, so here's my question. I have a session
Speaker 8: called marriage Matters Monday. And my question is I want
Speaker 8: to start a podcast and I want to know how
Speaker 8: it's your beginning, and can you give me.
Speaker 2: Some Here's the pointers. Here's the pointers, real talk.
Speaker 5: You have to start, start, and be prepared to do
Speaker 5: podcasts when nobody is listening. Most people quit before the
Speaker 5: audience gets there because they don't believe in themselves enough
Speaker 5: to keep going.
Speaker 2: I was making videos with.
Speaker 5: My wife and my kids for two years before anyone
Speaker 5: of y'all saw that video with freaking Cairo.
Speaker 2: Two years.
Speaker 5: Every single day I did two pictures and a video
Speaker 5: every single day for two years. And I told Matt
Speaker 5: and I told Josh, I was gonna do this every
Speaker 5: day until people started paying attention and now looks and
Speaker 5: to be honest, that's the only advice I can give you.
Speaker 2: You gotta do the work.
Speaker 5: You gotta be consistent, you gotta start, and don't quit
Speaker 5: on yourself.
Speaker 2: You do that. There you go, you'll be successful.
Speaker 3: Good?
Speaker 9: All right?
Speaker 3: Down by donor?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 3: Hello?
Speaker 2: What's up?
Speaker 3: My name is Sierrah.
Speaker 10: He's here, So I'm an aries shout out to the
Speaker 10: bail fellow aries.
Speaker 5: Uh, what's soesbril?
Speaker 2: Second? Happy brother to myself?
Speaker 10: Right, right right, So, and I'm married actually to a Leo,
Speaker 10: So I understand, y'all. Okay on the fireside marriage okay,
Speaker 10: fire sign that is, I understand it. So my question
Speaker 10: is more so for could them you know the veiled
Speaker 10: team aries.
Speaker 3: You can sprinkle al one if you want to.
Speaker 2: But let's the question a question.
Speaker 3: So I just had a baby girl in March.
Speaker 2: Congratulations in November.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, right before thanksgivings?
Speaker 10: Okay to be or Cadie, I didn't even love It's
Speaker 10: all right, go ahead.
Speaker 3: You're looking snatched tonight, honey, Okay, thank you, baby Chell.
Speaker 10: I could barely breathe, but give us the worst overroatine
Speaker 10: give us. I know one of your last podcasts you
Speaker 10: talked about you finally getting into the gym and you
Speaker 10: being consistent this time. Talk about what was different for
Speaker 10: you this time? You know what about it? How you
Speaker 10: getting back snatched after having baby?
Speaker 3: Coda? King, I appreciate the King making right, Thank you,
Speaker 3: thank you.
Speaker 1: So I have a very love hate relationship with the gym,
Speaker 1: with working out, but I'm married to a former athlete,
Speaker 1: so it really just required why are you drinking my
Speaker 1: drink now?
Speaker 5: To tell you answer your question, why are you focusing
Speaker 5: on me anyway?
Speaker 1: Because I'm trying to be intact for y'all. So the
Speaker 1: biggest thing for me was consistency. That was an issue, right,
Speaker 1: And I believe the culture around women having to snap back,
Speaker 1: of course with social media and celebrity culture is a stressor, right.
Speaker 3: The biggest thing that I.
Speaker 1: Learned after each child, well, I learned this information which
Speaker 1: is completely just scientific. My obgyn told me after Jackson,
Speaker 1: go easy on yourself because after having a baby, first
Speaker 1: of all, it took ten months to get to that
Speaker 1: point for you to grow an entire human. What makes
Speaker 1: you think that you're gonna snap back in six weeks.
Speaker 1: The body hormonally after a baby doesn't even regulate to
Speaker 1: baseline for most women until nine to twelve months after birth.
Speaker 3: So think about that.
Speaker 1: You have all these hormonal imbalances going on, you're tied,
Speaker 1: you're maybe breastfeeding, bottle feeding, whatever it is, you're breastfeeding exactly,
Speaker 1: so you're up with a baby every two hours, feeding
Speaker 1: on demand. Then, not to mention too, you're gonna eat
Speaker 1: what you want to eat because you just feel comfortable
Speaker 1: in that space. The biggest thing is giving yourself grace.
Speaker 1: You have to. You have to for your own mental
Speaker 1: health and your own sanity. For me, it was important
Speaker 1: for me to just get back moving again. I feel
Speaker 1: my best self when i'm moving, when i'm active, when
Speaker 1: I'm able to bounce around. Thankfully, having devoured by my side,
Speaker 1: he's able to encourage me. The days that I don't
Speaker 1: feel like going to the gym.
Speaker 3: He's there.
Speaker 2: She cusses me out.
Speaker 1: I do. I have almost where I don't want to go,
Speaker 1: and he hears it too. But also have an accountability partner.
Speaker 1: So I think you had posted something recently about me
Speaker 1: being in shape or something, and some of the backlass
Speaker 1: you got was that you're so overly concerned with my
Speaker 1: body getting back and something like that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, a couple of people, because I always post Kadeen
Speaker 5: in a way to just empower her make her feel
Speaker 5: comfortable about yo, I'm on this journey with you, and
Speaker 5: I guess a couple of ladies felt like I was
Speaker 5: always pushing her to work out right, and reality, I've
Speaker 5: never pushed Kadeen to work out ever. I've always only
Speaker 5: asked her when she's ready, let me know and I
Speaker 5: can help you. But the biggest thing for me, and
Speaker 5: I'm gonna speak to the gentleman here is we like
Speaker 5: to have. We like when our women look a certain way.
Speaker 5: We also have to be involved in their maternal health
Speaker 5: and their health in general so that we can facilitate
Speaker 5: that look, which means I go to the gym her
Speaker 5: with her. I know all of her I know everything
Speaker 5: she's supposed to eat, not supposed to eat, her sleeping pattern.
Speaker 5: I pay attention to all of these details so that
Speaker 5: I can be of assistance to her going through this journey.
Speaker 5: And when she doesn't want to do it, I've learned
Speaker 5: to be like, cool, you have your own process, but
Speaker 5: when you do, we gonna go together.
Speaker 2: Because the more we go together, the more I've noticed.
Speaker 5: Like it's gonna sound crazy, but it's almost like her
Speaker 5: pheromones and my hormones match met Schuell. And when we
Speaker 5: go to the gym together, it's an enjoyable process, but
Speaker 5: not the process of be telling her what to do.
Speaker 5: She has her workout, we go together, I do my workout.
Speaker 5: She'd be watching me from afar. I walk by, tap
Speaker 5: on the booty, give us some encouragement, keep going. But
Speaker 5: I've noticed with that type of encouragement she's just been
Speaker 5: more into going to the gym. But it all started
Speaker 5: with me understanding certain things about like the women's women's body.
Speaker 5: For example, you said you had a baby win November, right,
Speaker 5: and your breastfeeding. I want you guys to think about this, right,
Speaker 5: I want you guys think about this. The most disciplined
Speaker 5: people in the world, right, Navy seals, Army rangers.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 5: These people train for months to learn how to deal
Speaker 5: with sleep deprivation, and they are the most disciplined people
Speaker 5: on the planet. But they even have to train for
Speaker 5: sleep deprivation. But in society, we expect a mom to
Speaker 5: deal with sleep deprivation.
Speaker 2: Be a wife, be a mom, go to work. It's
Speaker 2: a lot. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: And I'm not saying this now as the like I know,
Speaker 5: like I'm so wise.
Speaker 2: No, I'm saying this because it's my four fucking kids.
Speaker 2: And when it was my first kid. When it was
Speaker 2: my first kid, it.
Speaker 3: Was disrespectful, y'all. He was disrespectful.
Speaker 2: I was not disrespectful him.
Speaker 3: What you told me?
Speaker 2: So damn you're gonna put me out there these people
Speaker 2: like me, why would you do that?
Speaker 3: Telling the truth? Are transparent?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 3: We keep it real, right, Hey, I love you, you
Speaker 3: know that. Don't even go there.
Speaker 5: So this is after our first baby. My mom had
Speaker 5: three natural births. So at six weeks I was like,
Speaker 5: what's up. She was just like, I know, babey, no baby.
Speaker 5: We were having an argument. I was like, yo, you
Speaker 5: act like you the first woman to ever have a baby.
Speaker 5: I said that, Yeah, I said it, said it, But
Speaker 5: I was twenty seven. I had no clue what a
Speaker 5: woman's body goes through, and I felt like I was
Speaker 5: doing everything in my power as a husband at that
Speaker 5: time to make sure that her life was good. I
Speaker 5: moved to grandmother in with us. Her mom used to
Speaker 5: come over every day. I made sure that everything around
Speaker 5: her was easy, so I thought that that would help
Speaker 5: her get back. I didn't understand the psychological and physiological
Speaker 5: effects that having a baby was gonna have on her body.
Speaker 5: And the reason why I don't mind telling that story
Speaker 5: is because there's some young couple in here who's probably
Speaker 5: going through the same thing. Who she's looking at her
Speaker 5: baby's father or husband like, YO, like, what's your problem?
Speaker 5: Why aren't you like deval If I only talk about
Speaker 5: how much I know now, rather than saying, oh, you,
Speaker 5: just like Deva.
Speaker 2: Was when he was twenty seven. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: We have to learn as people to give each other grace,
Speaker 5: the same way I gave Kadeen grace as I learned
Speaker 5: about her body. She gave me grace because if you
Speaker 5: didn't give me grace, we would be divorced and she'd
Speaker 5: be cussing.
Speaker 2: Me out like everybody else.
Speaker 5: And I think it's important to tell that part of
Speaker 5: the story too, because I know this is your first child.
Speaker 5: Second okay, so you know a lot of the stuff
Speaker 5: that I've y'all gone through that and now it's the
Speaker 5: second time around and.
Speaker 2: You feel a lot more prepared.
Speaker 5: We're hoping that somebody hears this and says, you know what, babe,
Speaker 5: now that I understand what sleep deprivation is, I'll be
Speaker 5: more inclined to give you some grace. I want you
Speaker 5: all to know, ladies too. You know who else deals
Speaker 5: with sleep deprivation. Your child's father. And this is the truth. Somebody, Look,
Speaker 5: somebody sucked their tea.
Speaker 2: Looks, why are you gonna suck your tee? Why are
Speaker 2: you gonna suck your teeth? Huh huh.
Speaker 5: You don't think I was up you crazy. Let me
Speaker 5: tell Let me tell you. Let me tell you what
Speaker 5: my schedule talking about. Let me tell you what my
Speaker 5: schedule was like with Cairo. Right, Cairo Kadeen wasn't working.
Speaker 5: Stop me when I'm lying. Was I not putting fourteen
Speaker 5: hours in the gym, fourteen hours at the gym working
Speaker 5: I owned the gym. I had to be there to
Speaker 5: make sure that I could supplement whatever she wasn't bringing
Speaker 5: in at the time, because I wanted to make sure
Speaker 5: that my wife didn't have to go back to work.
Speaker 5: Was I not working seven days a week, I had
Speaker 5: no days off. I was working fourteen hours a day.
Speaker 5: When I came home from them, the first thing kay
Speaker 5: did was give me Cairo in my line yep. So
Speaker 5: when was my time as a dad to be off?
Speaker 5: I worked fourteen hours. Soon as I came in, she
Speaker 5: gave me the baby. So now when she goes to
Speaker 5: take the rest, I'm trying to make sure that she
Speaker 5: has some time to herself. It's three or four hours
Speaker 5: that I'm with Cairo. That's eighteen hours already. D Val
Speaker 5: still got to eat and sleep. Every time Kadean got
Speaker 5: up with Kyro to breastfeed. Did I get up.
Speaker 3: Yeah I did.
Speaker 5: I got up and this like this, you good, okay,
Speaker 5: but it's still broken sleep. And after months you don't
Speaker 5: realize how your husband or your child's father is going
Speaker 5: through the same thing. You're going through the same way.
Speaker 5: You got to learn how to deal with sleep deprivation,
Speaker 5: so does he. Because I was a grumpy motherfucker was
Speaker 5: I not? Were so on top of sleep deprivation. I
Speaker 5: wasn't even getting no.
Speaker 2: Booty, no. So we was at each other that he
Speaker 2: was at each other. But here's the biggest thing.
Speaker 5: By Cairo, she and I were a little bit more aware,
Speaker 5: so there wasn't the same type of vitriol towards each
Speaker 5: other as it was for Jackson. But I always want
Speaker 5: to point that out too, because I feel like dads
Speaker 5: who are real involved in their children's lives don't get
Speaker 5: enough credit. And when we do well, people say things like,
Speaker 5: that's what you're supposed to do.
Speaker 2: But if you ever.
Speaker 5: Say to a woman that's what you're supposed to do,
Speaker 5: now you're being massagynistic. So I'm always gonna speak for
Speaker 5: the gentleman fellas.
Speaker 8: All right, now that's fuck God.
Speaker 1: Now they want to talk of I love that and
Speaker 1: when it comes to the workouts. Girl, I've noticed recently
Speaker 1: that I was, yeah, this is the same person that
Speaker 1: whispered to me. Okay, we got to keep it concise
Speaker 1: because it's a lot of people. Meanwhile, about five minutes,
Speaker 1: ten minutes later, my bad.
Speaker 2: You know, I just got into my story.
Speaker 1: It's all good when it comes to workouts. I've noticed
Speaker 1: that it has helped me keep my curves. But slim
Speaker 1: down is higher protein. Trying to eat at least five
Speaker 1: meals a day, and I mean like breakfast, small meals,
Speaker 1: small snack, lunch, small snack, dinner, sometimes a protein shake,
Speaker 1: something that's easy. Like now that I'm on the road,
Speaker 1: I have my greens with me, vitamins with me, protein
Speaker 1: bars like whatever I can just eat so my body
Speaker 1: doesn't go into starvation mode. Also, ladies, quiet as it's kept.
Speaker 1: I know you don't want to be bulky.
Speaker 3: Sometimes. Look, weren't lift weights I lift?
Speaker 2: She didn't want to do it either. I ain't a
Speaker 2: football player. Why I got a hand clean?
Speaker 5: Now her ass on her lower back, and she's like,
Speaker 5: if I look at my ass, I'm like, I know,
Speaker 5: hand clean deadlifts, front squats, back squats.
Speaker 2: Lunges, sprints. Don't get on that trup mill.
Speaker 5: In forty five minutes on the treadmill, you're gonna be skinny.
Speaker 5: You're gonna be skinny like them women that be running
Speaker 5: the marathons. They be skinny fat because they'd be skinny,
Speaker 5: but they still got fat pockets.
Speaker 3: Skinny fat. I've never seen that, y'all seen skinny fat pever.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's a thing.
Speaker 5: Be because people who run marathons their bodies always in
Speaker 5: starvation mode, so they store fats to pocket and places
Speaker 5: and no muscle. So that's why their body looks emaciated
Speaker 5: for doing miles forty five minutes on the treadmill.
Speaker 2: You don't gotta do that.
Speaker 3: Their heart health is probably popping, though it is.
Speaker 5: They have great heart health, great heart health, but poor
Speaker 5: muscular structure is bad for your joints. Lift weights, weights,
Speaker 5: lift weights, squats, deadlifts, lunges.
Speaker 1: And sleep if you can. Know that's hard, but getting
Speaker 1: some decent sleep, Drinking your water literally the basics that
Speaker 1: people tell you it actually works, So take it back
Speaker 1: to the basics, get your rest. Congratulations on baby girl, Yes,
Speaker 1: thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Baby. Running out of a drink you might want to Yeah, whatever.
Speaker 5: People get jewels in their sideburns, and now they want
Speaker 5: it's all crazy, you know, go ahead, you know triple
Speaker 5: for meday? No no, oh no, no, no, HeiG you
Speaker 5: which she?
Speaker 2: I ain't know? I could say, did you? I can't.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, I love Detroit. I love what you're doing.
Speaker 3: We can't gusky song, nothing.
Speaker 11: Worried nor too.
Speaker 2: All right, we gotta get back to the questions we got.
Speaker 2: They about to do a whole medley. It's this group
Speaker 2: right here. It's this group right here.
Speaker 12: Go ahead, literally you talk answer, Oh, give got something
Speaker 12: for round?
Speaker 2: Applause. I was actually great. I was great. I was great.
Speaker 3: Kaoke in the middle, list of letters.
Speaker 2: All right, my bad, Josh, my bad. Broke ahead?
Speaker 3: What's that? Brother?
Speaker 6: Hello Detroit?
Speaker 3: All right, now, what's up?
Speaker 2: What's up?
Speaker 3: Did you trick your wife into the fourth son?
Speaker 6: Or did you have a conversation with her.
Speaker 2: With the hard questions? It was all nice? Set them down.
Speaker 3: I drink for that one.
Speaker 5: Did you trick Kadeen? So I'm gonna be honest, I
Speaker 5: tricked it. No, The question was did I tricked Kadeen?
Speaker 5: Did I trick Kadeen? Or did we agree to have
Speaker 5: a fourth child, because I know everybody knew after the
Speaker 5: three whole boys, she was like, she done, she done,
Speaker 5: she done.
Speaker 2: Here's the truth.
Speaker 5: Kadeen came to me one day and said, I don't
Speaker 5: feel like I'm done having kids. She said she didn't
Speaker 5: feel like she was done having kids. I said to her,
Speaker 5: I said, hey, now, hey, now, I can't guarantee you
Speaker 5: that this is gonna be a girl.
Speaker 2: I can't, I can't, but I can guarantee you that.
Speaker 5: If we have another child, we will be able to
Speaker 5: expand our family and do it in a healthy, positive way,
Speaker 5: and we gonna.
Speaker 2: Love whatever it is.
Speaker 5: That was my way of making sure that if it
Speaker 5: was another boy, it wasn't just my fault. And she
Speaker 5: was just like, I don't care if it's a boy
Speaker 5: or a girl. She just wanted to have another child.
Speaker 5: And once she says she was ready to be a
Speaker 5: mom again, I was like, let's do it.
Speaker 2: Let's let's get it done. So the answer is no,
Speaker 2: I didn't trick her.
Speaker 5: If you read the book, you find out that Kadeen
Speaker 5: and I had an unexpected pregnancy in college. So part
Speaker 5: of the reason why Kadeen and I take childbirth child,
Speaker 5: labor child rearing so like serious is because since we
Speaker 5: were nineteen years old, this has always been part of
Speaker 5: our mindset how we were going to raise our families
Speaker 5: and making sure we do it the right way.
Speaker 6: So when it came to.
Speaker 5: Having children, we joked online about having three hole boys
Speaker 5: and only wanting a daughter. But it didn't matter to
Speaker 5: me if I had five, six, seven, eight sons. It
Speaker 5: didn't matter to me if I had eight daughters. Who Now,
Speaker 5: I just well, we can't have no more.
Speaker 2: Cause uh yeah, go ahead, go ahead. I got cut up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I that episode did. I got the snip snippities.
Speaker 5: I went to sleep one night, woke up in the
Speaker 5: doctor's office. I said, what the fuck am I doing here?
Speaker 5: She was like, nothing, baby, go back to sleep.
Speaker 2: I was like, all right, listen.
Speaker 3: And it was the craziest thing.
Speaker 1: So imagine this, you know, I schedule, I found the
Speaker 1: best roologists I could find out in Atlanta and made
Speaker 1: the appointment.
Speaker 3: So it took the.
Speaker 1: Valin that morning and just imagine driving into this place.
Speaker 1: There's a parking lot full of cars, and literally every
Speaker 1: car was a man taking.
Speaker 3: This really slow, reluctant walk out of the car into
Speaker 3: the office. All of us was like this, and then
Speaker 3: one by one you're seeing the wives.
Speaker 1: Go back in and pick their husband up and walking
Speaker 1: them slowly back out. It was like dropping your kid
Speaker 1: off at daycare and coming back.
Speaker 2: We was looking at each other like.
Speaker 3: Everybody know why they're there.
Speaker 2: Come on, but you next, you next, come on, don't
Speaker 2: fall asleep now, it was. It was a sad day.
Speaker 2: It was a sad day.
Speaker 1: It was.
Speaker 2: It was a sad day.
Speaker 3: I mean, but you know it was time.
Speaker 1: It was.
Speaker 7: But now.
Speaker 2: Here's here's one thing I will tell you. I didn't
Speaker 2: know this women.
Speaker 5: The women's libidos are definitely different than men's, but they
Speaker 5: also every time you lay down with a woman, the
Speaker 5: thought process is I could get pregnant.
Speaker 2: Yes, for men, that's not the thought process. So we'd
Speaker 2: be ready to go. And it wasn't until years.
Speaker 5: Kadeen was explaining to me, like, yo, we laid down
Speaker 5: to have a good time and then we just got
Speaker 5: kash randomly, like that's my biggest fear.
Speaker 3: Then I got the IUD.
Speaker 1: Put in anybody else who've had the IUD supposed to
Speaker 1: be non hormonal. So I'm thinking, oh, this is the
Speaker 1: perfect way to prevent pregnancy, and I can have a
Speaker 1: good time. But that was causing a whole another set
Speaker 1: of issues for me, to the point where I went
Speaker 1: for a physical one day and I was borderline the kneemaic.
Speaker 1: Why because every momth I'm losing tons of blood like this,
Speaker 1: just like I was TMI.
Speaker 3: But ladies, y'all know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So at that point, I said, you know what, I know,
Speaker 3: I wasn't done with children.
Speaker 1: I just had that feeling and any woman that I
Speaker 1: had spoken to, even women older than me, that said,
Speaker 1: you'll know when you're done. It's just like a thing
Speaker 1: that women know when they're done. I just felt like
Speaker 1: I wasn't done regardless if we had a.
Speaker 3: Girl and boy.
Speaker 1: And I just thought of a funny ass story of
Speaker 1: how we found out in the very very early stages
Speaker 1: that it was a boy.
Speaker 3: Did we ever tell us?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't think we did.
Speaker 2: She said, girl tell us, all right, So this real quick,
Speaker 2: real quick.
Speaker 3: Sorry I got questions, but this one was a funny.
Speaker 5: Eden was already pregnant, Kadeen was already pregnant. We were
Speaker 5: trying to find out if it was a boy or
Speaker 5: a girl.
Speaker 2: They got anybody special.
Speaker 3: The test called sneak peak. I never heard of sneak peak.
Speaker 5: So with a sneak peek, you take a blood test,
Speaker 5: you put your finger, you take a blood test, and
Speaker 5: you put it in this thing. You send it into
Speaker 5: a lab and they tell you they send you in
Speaker 5: about a week if you have a boy or a girl.
Speaker 2: But the thing is, with a sneak.
Speaker 5: Peak, you can't have any other testosterone around. So Kay
Speaker 5: has to take the sneak peak by herself, and I
Speaker 5: can't be in a room. Kadeen is a hypochondriac, right,
Speaker 5: so she stabs her finger. Now, before that, Kadeen was
Speaker 5: talking nasty, Yo, tonightmen, where you can We're about to
Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: She was like, yo, babe, I'm about to go in
Speaker 2: the room and change. Go get ready.
Speaker 5: So I'm laying in a bad naked waiting for her
Speaker 5: to come out. She like, Babe, I'm gonna do this
Speaker 5: sneak peak real quick, and I'm gonna come back. It's
Speaker 5: gonna take five minutes.
Speaker 2: So I'm like fine. So I'm sitting there naked and
Speaker 2: I hear a whole bunch of fumbling going on. I'm like, man,
Speaker 2: what the fuck is going on in there, So I
Speaker 2: go in there.
Speaker 5: Kadeen got to turn the kid around her finger, right,
Speaker 5: She's sticking her finger in, sticking her finger and wondering
Speaker 5: why no blood is coming out. So I go, hey, babe,
Speaker 5: you have to take the rubber band off your finger.
Speaker 5: So I take the rubber band off her finger. One
Speaker 5: little piece of blood drops out like this, and Kadeen goes, Now,
Speaker 5: I told y'all, I was in my bed naked. So
Speaker 5: I'm naked and I catch her right, but she naked,
Speaker 5: So now she naked fall into me naked and I'm naked,
Speaker 5: So now I'm naked and hard.
Speaker 2: She like, I'm like, could he wake up? Could he
Speaker 2: wake up?
Speaker 3: She like, I passed out so quick.
Speaker 5: So I drag her back to the bed. I'm dragging
Speaker 5: her back to the bed, but Dick's still hard.
Speaker 3: And the whole time, I'm holding my finger up.
Speaker 2: In the air like like this.
Speaker 3: You can't touch me. Don't touch me, You're gonna contaminate
Speaker 3: the sample.
Speaker 5: So I drag her back to the bed, throw in
Speaker 5: the bed, I go get the blood. I put it
Speaker 5: in there, close everything up, and we send it away.
Speaker 5: I ain't think the shit was gonna work because it's
Speaker 5: not supposed to be no testosteroning around.
Speaker 1: And then it's early, it's like eight weeks, so they
Speaker 1: say it's like ninety five percent.
Speaker 5: Sure, yeah, but I was behind her getting all the
Speaker 5: blood and stuff with a hard dick, like I'm pretty
Speaker 5: sure there's testosterone somewhere.
Speaker 2: In the air, and I dragged her in the back,
Speaker 2: put everything up, going there.
Speaker 5: We get it back in the week. It says you
Speaker 5: having another boy. First person she blame is who.
Speaker 3: I was like, you contaminated the sample.
Speaker 2: She was so mad.
Speaker 1: But then we got from the doctor. Yes, and it's
Speaker 1: the Dakota Marley Ellis is here. Y'all happy and healthy,
Speaker 1: and he's the little soul who's supposed to be here.
Speaker 1: And I couldn't be more thrilled. See he looks just
Speaker 1: like I don't know if y'all seen him, have you
Speaker 1: seen the That is my twin. And I said, Lord,
Speaker 1: I guess I should have been more specific.
Speaker 3: I asked for a mini me. I should have asked
Speaker 3: for one with a vagina. He gave me one with
Speaker 3: a penis. But it's all good.
Speaker 1: We love him just the same, and he's the perfect
Speaker 1: completion to our family.
Speaker 3: Yes, who's next.
Speaker 9: Okay, I'm gonna make this quick, but it is a
Speaker 9: little layered. Okay, So first I want to acknowledge my
Speaker 9: sister that was over here, who said her birthday was
Speaker 9: March eighth, and she has a daughter named Brooklyn. This year, yes, no,
Speaker 9: it's not my birthday. This year on March eighth, my
Speaker 9: son and I it'll be our daughter's fifth birthday.
Speaker 3: And she actually was still.
Speaker 9: Born and her name is Brooke, and lately everywhere we
Speaker 9: go we've been seeing signs of her. So I just
Speaker 9: want to acknowledge her.
Speaker 2: And that was I could have shout out to you.
Speaker 12: Yes.
Speaker 9: So the first part of my question is can I
Speaker 9: give you all a copy of my book? Definitely got
Speaker 9: me a word with B on everything.
Speaker 3: A word would be book right here, Thank you doing.
Speaker 9: Then my question is my husband to know right here,
Speaker 9: being a photographer, we have been married.
Speaker 3: It'll be four years in August.
Speaker 9: We met at work. He was a police officer. I
Speaker 9: was police dispatch. Shout out to Detroit police. We also
Speaker 9: passed three boys. Like I said, our girl was stillborn.
Speaker 9: But my question is how do you keep the balance
Speaker 9: of keeping each other first while being a mother being
Speaker 9: a father, Because I'm I'm family fairy oriented and I
Speaker 9: often put our kids into everything, and he's like, babe,
Speaker 9: what about me? Like, we don't always have to include
Speaker 9: the kids, So how do you keep the balance of
Speaker 9: not including a kid?
Speaker 3: If you cracked open the book? Who knows what the
Speaker 3: chapter is called? The kids ain't first facts?
Speaker 1: And that's a fact Daval and I learned after just
Speaker 1: years of being parents, being spouses and then also having
Speaker 1: businesses together, podcasts, careers, everything that we don't work well
Speaker 1: and nothing around us stays afloat if he and I
Speaker 1: are disconnected. So that's the first thing, because it all
Speaker 1: started here with us. We are very deliberate about setting
Speaker 1: out time now for each other, setting out time for
Speaker 1: the children, Like I mean, shit, we stopped the whole
Speaker 1: show to call Jackson on FaceTime just to make sure
Speaker 1: that the moments that we're not therefore were still present
Speaker 1: for right. So that's the utmost important to us, because
Speaker 1: we too are very family orients, feed byel like we
Speaker 1: grew up in households that were also very family oriented
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, I'm gonna give you an l cheek code right here.
Speaker 5: Ask your husband what he wants and when he tells you,
Speaker 5: don't you judge him?
Speaker 12: Do it?
Speaker 2: Then tell him what you want and say I need
Speaker 2: you to do this. This is what we do. I
Speaker 2: kid you not.
Speaker 5: And when you say that on social media or you
Speaker 5: say that to a bunch of people who are not
Speaker 5: trying to be of service to their partner, all your
Speaker 5: heir is, oh my god, she's too submissive. On my god,
Speaker 5: he's a simp. Your goal in a marriage is to
Speaker 5: be of service to your spouse.
Speaker 2: That's your goal, period.
Speaker 5: The only reason you get married is because you chose
Speaker 5: to be of service. When he asked you, that was
Speaker 5: his choice to ask you. When you accepted, that was
Speaker 5: your choice to say yes.
Speaker 2: Just be like, babe, what you need? Babe, what you need,
Speaker 2: I got you no matter what it is. Don't judge him.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, Like kay, and I will
Speaker 2: go through the list of things that we want every day.
Speaker 2: What you want today? I'm not lying, I'm not lying.
Speaker 1: And it could be something simples like wake up in
Speaker 1: the morning, How can I make your day a little
Speaker 1: bit lighter fast?
Speaker 3: What do you need help with today? How can I
Speaker 3: alleviate some stress? Like something simple like that?
Speaker 1: Because what tends to happen too with our men, particularly
Speaker 1: if there are anything like Devalles. Devala's gonna say I
Speaker 1: got it, I got it until he doesn't.
Speaker 5: Have it, okay, and I'm gonna be mad when she
Speaker 5: don't get it. But I never told love, you never
Speaker 5: told you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And Devao too had a little breakdown last November after
Speaker 1: just the stress of the year and work and everything,
Speaker 1: And I in turn now looked.
Speaker 3: At myself and I was like, how did I not
Speaker 3: pick up on the fact that my husband was in
Speaker 3: need of something?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 3: How did I miss that? How did I not see it?
Speaker 1: And it was just me always being accustomed to him saying, hey,
Speaker 1: I got it, and I'll be like, I know. So
Speaker 1: I'm so much more deliberate now about asking him in
Speaker 1: real time what is it that you need?
Speaker 3: And it takes the guessing out of it too.
Speaker 1: Facts right, while I try to wait for somebody to
Speaker 1: figure out what it is you want, say what it
Speaker 1: is that you want in real time. When the spouse
Speaker 1: or the partner delivers, then you're gonna feel like, Wow,
Speaker 1: she or he actually took the time to give me
Speaker 1: something that I have requested, took the time to anticipate
Speaker 1: my needs. Took the time to anticipate what I may
Speaker 1: want in that omen, and then it makes it easier
Speaker 1: for you to then want to reciprocate that because you
Speaker 1: feel taken care of.
Speaker 3: It's the business of service.
Speaker 1: You can't get married if you don't expect to be
Speaker 1: of service to someone.
Speaker 2: Facts.
Speaker 13: Great question, what's good Chris from Detroit?
Speaker 2: My wife right there. She didn't want me to come
Speaker 2: up here. No look or cover her face. You bought
Speaker 2: the tickets Christmas? Please? Okay? So I got a question.
Speaker 2: I wrote it so I wouldn't know you wrote it down.
Speaker 3: Organized.
Speaker 2: It's not that long.
Speaker 3: Better be organized so I know.
Speaker 13: You guys have probably had different perspectives on business decisions that.
Speaker 2: You needed to that needed to be made.
Speaker 13: Have you have you ever brought like all of your
Speaker 13: all of the facts to Kadeen, like you know.
Speaker 7: This is what it is.
Speaker 5: This is how we Let me tell you something. Let
Speaker 5: me tell you something. There is not a fact in
Speaker 5: my brain that does not go to this woman.
Speaker 2: You want to know why?
Speaker 5: It's my life partner, Like there's when I'm talking about numbers,
Speaker 5: social security, how and I'm gonna tell you why I'm
Speaker 5: gonna tell you, what do you have kids? If something
Speaker 5: happens to me tomorrow, Kadeen is gonna have to know
Speaker 5: where the trust is, who gets paid out, what, how
Speaker 5: much is the life insurance?
Speaker 2: She so what I'm responsible for all of our wealth
Speaker 2: building stuff. That's what I do.
Speaker 5: Me and my partner, We go through all of that.
Speaker 5: At the end of every month, I sit my wife down,
Speaker 5: I say, look, this is the insurance plan. This is
Speaker 5: how much money we have in this account. This is
Speaker 5: how the business works. If something happens to me tomorrow,
Speaker 5: these people have to get paid. This has to get done,
Speaker 5: and you have to continue to do this because we
Speaker 5: got four kids. So fuck me being dead. There's no
Speaker 5: time to gree there's no time to do that.
Speaker 2: You have a responsibility to get it on Jesus. And
Speaker 2: yes we rebuke that. I'm a knock on wood.
Speaker 5: I'm a knock on wood because it is snowing like
Speaker 5: a motherfucker out signs. But there isn't a detail in
Speaker 5: my life that I don't share with my wife. And
Speaker 5: that comes from business to intimacy, because if you choose
Speaker 5: a woman, or you choose a person, and that's the
Speaker 5: person you want to experience everything in life too. You
Speaker 5: should feel comfortable just uploading everything on.
Speaker 2: Her and watching her be like, I got you, babe,
Speaker 2: because I asked her to do the same thing for me.
Speaker 1: Listen, Devouswo has business acumen. Like whenever you have a couple,
Speaker 1: usually one might be stronger at one thing than the other,
Speaker 1: and we understand what our strengths and weaknesses are. So
Speaker 1: business acumen is his thing. Finances that's his thing, Creativity
Speaker 1: that's his thing. So anything that is in that domain.
Speaker 1: I trust him wholeheartedly to know that he'll never lead
Speaker 1: our family astray. So what I am now as a
Speaker 1: team player, because I'm the more organized one. I'll think
Speaker 1: things out, I'll do this a little more.
Speaker 5: I wouldn't even know there was a show today if
Speaker 5: she didn't put it on my calendar in my phone.
Speaker 1: Devou told his brother to come, oh yeah, come to
Speaker 1: come come visit us March March third, Fourthy we home
Speaker 1: that weekend, I said, Devout, We not home that weekend.
Speaker 2: Bro, She organizes we are in Detroit.
Speaker 1: So it takes that partnership and it's so much sweeter
Speaker 1: and it's so much easier when you can celebrate the
Speaker 1: process and the journey, the wins and the losses with
Speaker 1: someone to go ahead and involve each other in that.
Speaker 3: Are you planning to start a business soon?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well yeah, I wasn't kind of done with the question.
Speaker 2: You kind of you know, Oh, my bad, bad? What
Speaker 2: was the question? My bad? I don't even remember that.
Speaker 3: No, so basically pull the phone back out.
Speaker 2: I got add real bad. You said finance. I was
Speaker 2: just like, finance, what you gotta do?
Speaker 3: He didn't say finance? Is that business?
Speaker 2: I didn't even know what she said.
Speaker 13: And I answered the question basically like have you ever
Speaker 13: brought an idea to her?
Speaker 2: And she didn't think it would it will work?
Speaker 13: Yeah?
Speaker 4: This, And.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna let you finish the question. Go ahead, and.
Speaker 13: Y'all like, how did y'all come to a common ground?
Speaker 2: Where like, because you don't want to just listen, no,
Speaker 2: finish finished the question? My bad. I'm sorry. My ad
Speaker 2: D is just my band. That's it, man, I'm fucking
Speaker 2: with you. I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: We gave you extra, though we gave you extra. It's
Speaker 3: around the question how.
Speaker 13: You come to a common ground. You don't want to
Speaker 13: just take control of you be like this, I'm the head.
Speaker 13: This is what I do you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 13: But like you still want her opinion to matter, you
Speaker 13: know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: So here's here's the biggest thing. Here's the true, true answer,
Speaker 5: true answer. Every idea needs a pitch right. When you
Speaker 5: have an idea, you got to pitch it right. You
Speaker 5: want other people to believe in your idea. If you
Speaker 5: can't have the partner, the person you trusted with your life,
Speaker 5: make them believe in your idea, then you.
Speaker 2: Probably picked the wrong partner, or your idea is bullshit.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: Like, you should be able to eloquently articulate what the
Speaker 5: idea is and have the woman that love you be like,
Speaker 5: I see it, babe. And if she don't say I
Speaker 5: see it, babe, she still love you enough to be like, babe,
Speaker 5: let's do it. Because she didn't believe in none of this.
Speaker 2: When I told her I was retiring from football to
Speaker 2: go with it a TV film, she was like, now,
Speaker 2: why would you do that?
Speaker 3: Why would you do that?
Speaker 2: And I was like, well, the Lions don't want me
Speaker 2: no more on they cut me. She's like, you go
Speaker 2: to Canada. Canada's right by Detroit. Mace. She had every
Speaker 2: other idea. Here's I'm gonna tell you something, as are
Speaker 2: you a dreamer? You're a dreamer. You know who has
Speaker 2: to believe in your dream first you.
Speaker 5: If you believe in your dream, keep working at it
Speaker 5: and make your wife a believe in your dream. And
Speaker 5: if you can eloquently articulate to her what your dream is,
Speaker 5: I guarantee you she gonna rock with you and y'all
Speaker 5: gonna build something that's amazing, because that's what we did.
Speaker 2: All of this was a dream that I literally told her.
Speaker 5: I wanted to have a show called de Vows Truth
Speaker 5: hosted by my wife where I could tell stories about
Speaker 5: the shit that we go through after going on social media.
Speaker 5: And then she was like, you're not putting me on
Speaker 5: social media. That's literally what she said twenty fourteen, she said,
Speaker 5: devowed is no way.
Speaker 2: And now look we are see what I'm saying. You
Speaker 2: got it, bro, you got it. Sorry, y'all standing there
Speaker 2: for mad long, My bad.
Speaker 3: I think these have to be the last two questions
Speaker 3: here and here.
Speaker 1: Okay, sorry, y'all write into listening letters though. If y'all
Speaker 1: are online, I'm sorry about that. We can see what
Speaker 1: y'all all night. I mean, I'm feel like it's gonna
Speaker 1: be a big sleepover anyway, because I don't know what
Speaker 1: outside looks like.
Speaker 3: We should have all brought our sleeping bag and just
Speaker 3: hunk her down.
Speaker 1: Together because baby, all right, Okay, got your ponytail is fire?
Speaker 9: Thank you?
Speaker 3: Okay, Jane, I saw you at the Beauty Plus.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 9: Okay.
Speaker 3: Before she asked her question, we're best friends. We go
Speaker 3: out all the time, and we always ask this, especially
Speaker 3: since she's about to ask us, what do you think
Speaker 3: we do as our occupation? Before she asked her question, so.
Speaker 1: You guys are best friends and you both have the
Speaker 1: same occupation. Yes, y'all are giving nurse vibes. Teacher you
Speaker 1: a teacher, kindergarten teachers.
Speaker 2: I knew that white lady in Detroit. She's definitely teaching.
Speaker 2: Uh huh. You got some of your kids parents in here. Huh.
Speaker 2: But what you say she's gonna give your kids back grades?
Speaker 3: We always run into pearans. But okay, now she wants
Speaker 3: to ask her question. Okay, Okay, So you guys said
Speaker 3: nothing was off limits. You guys are very in love.
Speaker 3: I love the way you love each other.
Speaker 9: So I was just wondering if you've ever had a
Speaker 9: threesome before?
Speaker 1: Oohoo, into the think of it, into the think of it. Well,
Speaker 1: let's do a poll, All right, let's do a pole.
Speaker 1: Someone's to read the book. Yeah, read the book.
Speaker 3: I don't know if we left details about that and
Speaker 3: there or not. So we doing three showing hands?
Speaker 1: Yes, how many people think we've done a three son
Speaker 1: within our twenty years?
Speaker 3: Raise your hands high.
Speaker 1: Now if you think, yes, the Valencadin have had a
Speaker 1: three son, raise your hands.
Speaker 3: And if you think we didn't, raise your hands. She asked,
Speaker 3: you asked if we can.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: I was about to say, girl, now, since y'all brought
Speaker 2: it up, I was wondering.
Speaker 3: It's real deadass fan over here with a T shirt like, okay, no,
Speaker 3: just kidding where you said, you're on the fence.
Speaker 5: M M.
Speaker 3: All right, drum roll please, somebody give me a drum roll.
Speaker 3: Deval and I have had a threesome.
Speaker 2: Yes, we had in college.
Speaker 3: In college. In college, don't call me and me put
Speaker 3: your phone down. I see you over here. Yeah we did.
Speaker 3: We didn't in college, Yes we didn't. We were young.
Speaker 3: We were experimenting. You know, you heard a sur vibe.
Speaker 3: So it's like all right, let's give it a try.
Speaker 2: Yes, and we did, and now she hates the woman
Speaker 2: hates her guns.
Speaker 1: I mean it was it was a situation in the
Speaker 1: moments we did it that was trying to, I guess,
Speaker 1: let her down easy by maintaining some sort of cordial relationship.
Speaker 2: I was look at y'all, I was trying to.
Speaker 3: Smash and run, and he was trying to be like,
Speaker 3: but no, let's let her off easy.
Speaker 2: And I was like, stop, I guess.
Speaker 3: Stop ahead.
Speaker 2: All women deserve respect.
Speaker 5: She look at y'all. Y'all talking about no, how you
Speaker 5: gonna say no? She engaged in a sexual activity with
Speaker 5: both of us. She can't be treated and discarded like trash.
Speaker 2: You want to know why?
Speaker 5: You know what women like that do? Fuck your future up?
Speaker 5: I discarded right from her. Get out of here, Get
Speaker 5: out of here. This is gonna be her. We write
Speaker 5: a book. We over meet and she come out.
Speaker 2: We over meet.
Speaker 5: Huh remember college two thousand and seven? Remember me, No,
Speaker 5: I'm not listen. My uncle and my father told me
Speaker 5: to respect any woman who is going to lay down
Speaker 5: with me and open her legs.
Speaker 2: That's what my mother and my father. My mother and
Speaker 2: my father and my uncle said, if you.
Speaker 5: Are going to lay down with me and we're gonna
Speaker 5: engage in something, we want to respect you as a
Speaker 5: human first.
Speaker 2: There's no reason why she has to be treated like trash.
Speaker 2: It's simple. I'm being honest.
Speaker 1: I wasn't saying trash. But she understood the assignment. We
Speaker 1: did the thing one time. Keep it pushing sis, all right,
Speaker 1: you know what she was here for.
Speaker 3: Absolutely she didn't get the assignment. Listen, Okay, it was
Speaker 3: one time. You know, it was a good time.
Speaker 2: It wasn't a long time, but you know it was
Speaker 2: a great time. Though I recorded it, you did, I
Speaker 2: might drop it on only fans.
Speaker 3: Stupid good question, though, good question. You know we're gonna
Speaker 3: be this is what it was. We're in college having
Speaker 3: a good time.
Speaker 2: It was fun too. You know, I don't have a think.
Speaker 2: I don't ever think about it. It be coming in
Speaker 2: my brain.
Speaker 3: I'll be like, don't be reminis suit.
Speaker 1: But I usually found I think I mentioned this on
Speaker 1: another podcast. Someone had asked me it was like two
Speaker 1: truths in the line.
Speaker 3: I said.
Speaker 1: One of the I guess my truth was that I do.
Speaker 1: We did have a threesome, and it's not negotiable. Now though,
Speaker 1: that's something that's off the table, like within our marriage.
Speaker 1: So we were young kids having fun in the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm good, man. You be throwing that thing on me,
Speaker 2: you know, I'll be good, you know.
Speaker 3: Thanks for your question though, appreciate y'all. All right, and
Speaker 3: the last one of the nights.
Speaker 6: What's up, y'all? So my name is I'm from Detroit
Speaker 6: currently living in Jersey City.
Speaker 2: What's up?
Speaker 6: And speaking of women, fucking your future?
Speaker 5: Up?
Speaker 6: I got a question in the story for you.
Speaker 3: Oh lord, one segue into another.
Speaker 2: You here by yourself?
Speaker 6: No, okay, but it's not her.
Speaker 3: It's not her, okay, all right.
Speaker 14: So I'm a recording artist in R and B, and
Speaker 14: I moved to Jersey City to pursue my first record
Speaker 14: deal under Sony. And as a fellow entertainer, I know
Speaker 14: you hear him bro sing something Dune't you thember.
Speaker 7: You told me?
Speaker 6: Love me?
Speaker 2: Babe? Babe? Okay, okay, I.
Speaker 6: See you favorite artists.
Speaker 14: But so as a fellow entertainer, you know, we're constantly
Speaker 14: surrounded by women, beautiful women, all different races, ages, et cetera.
Speaker 6: I'm also.
Speaker 2: Detroit going let me tell you something, Detroit gonna be
Speaker 2: the man. We didn't.
Speaker 5: We didn't have fabulousity twenty two. Joke up, Josh, Now
Speaker 5: somebody told umbout singing something else right now, sing something about.
Speaker 11: Right now, sing Nextwell, but no, this is this is real.
Speaker 11: This is just happened two weeks ago, So no, go ahead.
Speaker 6: My Chelly.
Speaker 11: Lovely has a simmers day ahead.
Speaker 14: So I'm an entertainer right surrounded by a lot of
Speaker 14: beautiful women. And the reason why this is a tricky
Speaker 14: subject because I just found out that one of the
Speaker 14: women that's a part of my team, I have two
Speaker 14: other businesses and she's a part of my music career.
Speaker 14: She's a semi up andcoming choreographer. She's a part of
Speaker 14: my other two businesses, a vital person. But I found
Speaker 14: out through somebody homeboy, that she's trying to sabotage me
Speaker 14: get into a relationship. She wants to break it up
Speaker 14: or avoid me from falling in love because she wants
Speaker 14: to make sure that one we have a situation and
Speaker 14: two it would make my career more desirable as an
Speaker 14: R and B singer. So, paulse the reason why this
Speaker 14: is not easy to give up, right is because we
Speaker 14: make a great team.
Speaker 2: How you don't know. You don't however, now, no, no, however.
Speaker 5: Bro, bro let me stop you, Let me stop you.
Speaker 5: How do you make a great team with someone you
Speaker 5: know is trying to sabotage? And I just kind of
Speaker 5: team you're trying to build? Just found out, I just
Speaker 5: found out two weeks ago.
Speaker 2: How much more Timmy the I got you?
Speaker 7: Brother?
Speaker 6: Hold on?
Speaker 2: How old are you? I'm twenty nine, twenty nine? That's
Speaker 2: that's why go ahead and finish it.
Speaker 14: So as a man, there's temptation around, right, yes, how
Speaker 14: do you avoid temptation?
Speaker 6: Because women you have to kind of feed a fantasy?
Speaker 14: And then two, Kadeen, how do you what makes you
Speaker 14: feel secure with your man being in an entertainment space
Speaker 14: where a lot of women are thirsty and also seeking
Speaker 14: after your man?
Speaker 6: Honestly, So this is the first thing.
Speaker 2: Kadeen and I talked about this the other night.
Speaker 5: In college, there were times where we gave each other breaks.
Speaker 5: There were times where we went and tried to talk
Speaker 5: to other people because I never felt obligated to be here,
Speaker 5: and I'm making a choice to be here. I make
Speaker 5: that choice every single day. There isn't a woman that
Speaker 5: walks by me. I don't care how good she looks,
Speaker 5: that is gonna make me choose her over my wife.
Speaker 2: I had that option.
Speaker 5: Before, you know what I'm saying, when we weren't married,
Speaker 5: When we were out here playing around and I was
Speaker 5: playing around. There was times we was both like, yo,
Speaker 5: we need to give each other space. Because she'll tell
Speaker 5: you this too. I've asked her this question since college.
Speaker 5: I say, you sure you don't ever want to try
Speaker 5: to date anybody else? Because what I don't want is
Speaker 5: for you to wake up at sixty years old, look
Speaker 5: over at me and say, I wish I would have
Speaker 5: did some other things.
Speaker 2: We gave each other the space and time to do
Speaker 2: what we want to do and make a choice to
Speaker 2: be here.
Speaker 5: Now that I've been here, because I've been with other
Speaker 5: women and done other things, I knew I made the
Speaker 5: choice that was gonna make me a better man. For example,
Speaker 5: she not gonna purposely sabotage me, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: So it don't matter how good she look. If you're
Speaker 5: gonna mess up my legacy, my family, my kids.
Speaker 2: There's no way.
Speaker 5: I don't even maturity will happen like you get older
Speaker 5: and you'll realize like that shit is not worse, bro,
Speaker 5: It's not sleeping with someone you work with, no matter
Speaker 5: how good.
Speaker 2: They look, is not worth it. You'll realize it now.
Speaker 5: I don't expect you to know what twenty nine because
Speaker 5: of twenty nine too, Devo was kind of like what
Speaker 5: I But when you start to have kids and you
Speaker 5: start to focus on being the best version of yourself,
Speaker 5: you'll realize that some things.
Speaker 3: You're just not worth it, bro, That's a fact.
Speaker 1: And to answer your question, first of all, plot twist,
Speaker 1: what if your homeboy said this because he was trying
Speaker 1: to sabotage you.
Speaker 6: I got confirmation for somebody else who's friends with her.
Speaker 1: Okay, I was just make sure because you know me,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be done with advocate and be like, well,
Speaker 1: let's look at it from this angle. One thing I've
Speaker 1: learned early on is that no one can teach me
Speaker 1: to be secure, right. I have to be secure. It's
Speaker 1: not Devou's responsibility to make me secure. I have to
Speaker 1: work on that by myself and because I'm in a
Speaker 1: secure space knowing what I have to offer within this
Speaker 1: relationship on what I bring on a daily basis not
Speaker 1: only as a wife for the mom, but everything in totality.
Speaker 3: He knows what he is. I don't gotta worry about
Speaker 3: none of that.
Speaker 1: He can have as many sex sees as he wants,
Speaker 1: he can do whatever you want on TV.
Speaker 3: But baby, he's gonna come home, and I'm confident in that.
Speaker 3: So that's something for me that I just could rest
Speaker 3: easy at night. And this man stays all over me.
Speaker 3: Y'all know if you can tell y'all see how you'll
Speaker 3: be looking at me up here?
Speaker 2: What you gonna do when I come home? Though, That's
Speaker 2: that's the next question they want to know.
Speaker 3: Now, I'm gonna swing from this shandily because why you
Speaker 3: got snips? So I got no fans, no more?
Speaker 2: You know? Is that ponytail secured? That's all I want
Speaker 2: to know. I'm trying, no, not seriously, bro. I appreciate
Speaker 2: the question, but that's not your career. It's not easy.
Speaker 2: It's not easy.
Speaker 5: And when people tell you when you get married that
Speaker 5: all the temptation goes away, it don't it don't. I've
Speaker 5: been married twelve years, we've been together twenty years, almost
Speaker 5: twenty one years.
Speaker 2: A fine woman walk by, it's still gonna look.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna look too.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, beautiful woman like that never changes.
Speaker 5: And anyone tells you when you meet the right one,
Speaker 5: you stop looking, they fucking lying, because what will happen
Speaker 5: is you'll meet the right one and you'll still looking.
Speaker 2: You'll be like, what's wrong with me? Or you'll say
Speaker 2: what's wrong with her that she can't keep my attention?
Speaker 2: It ain't about that.
Speaker 5: It's about you making a choice, and as long as
Speaker 5: you make the choice within your best interest, you'll do good.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, sir, Oh my god, that was just a rate
Speaker 3: list the letter question. Yes, it was, for sure.
Speaker 2: Let me ask a questions. Y'all have a good time tonight?
Speaker 3: Did you?
Speaker 1: Oh? Man, you gotta keep looking out in the audience.
Speaker 1: And oh, I'm so happy y'all were with us tonight.
Speaker 1: We had such a good time. I feel like we
Speaker 1: could have been here all night. I'm like, shit, I
Speaker 1: didn't even look at the time. We don't hold y'all
Speaker 1: up all night, but we thank y'all so much for coming.
Speaker 1: You want to close out the show?
Speaker 2: Can everybody stand up? Please? Fix my tight shirt?
Speaker 3: You definitely ripped your shirt too. Did you see that
Speaker 3: it's ripped? Some swoll get you swo so.
Speaker 5: This is the part of the show that I love
Speaker 5: the most other than listener letters, right, and it's because
Speaker 5: of this.
Speaker 2: One of my cast mates that I work with, his
Speaker 2: name is cam Say Yo.
Speaker 5: Devow, You're one of the greatest manifestos that I know
Speaker 5: because everything that you've said has come to light. Everything
Speaker 5: you said was gonna happen is actually happening. And I
Speaker 5: want to do an exercise with y'all that I do
Speaker 5: every morning. All Right, I want everybody to close your eyes.
Speaker 5: I want you to think about your biggest dream, the
Speaker 5: perfect job, the amount of money you want to make,
Speaker 5: the love of your life, the house that you want
Speaker 5: to retire in, and the car you want to drive.
Speaker 5: I want you to think about the career that you're
Speaker 5: going to choose that's gonna give you purpose and financial security.
Speaker 5: Can everybody see it? Can I tell you something. If
Speaker 5: you can see it, it's already happened. And if it's
Speaker 5: already happened, all you have to do is open your
Speaker 5: eyes and claim it. Claim it for yourself the same
Speaker 5: way I claim for myself. This woman you see right here,
Speaker 5: all of you, you see right here. The money we
Speaker 5: all gonna make, the houses we all gonna buy the
Speaker 5: cars we all gonna drive and the people that we
Speaker 5: are gonna pay it forward to, because when you give
Speaker 5: a chance to live in abundance, you have a fiduciary
Speaker 5: responsibility to always pay it forward.
Speaker 2: Give yourself a round of applause.
Speaker 3: Yes, we love y'all, Detroit.
Speaker 2: So before we leave out of here, we're gonna do
Speaker 2: what ellis goodbye? Yes, do y'all know what Eli's goodbye is?
Speaker 3: What does it look like?
Speaker 5: L's goodbye is when you pat yourself on the chest
Speaker 5: twice and you say peace.
Speaker 2: I love y'all everybody. How are we gonna do this?
Speaker 2: To the camera? I need an others goodbye? On three
Speaker 2: one two three.
Speaker 4: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network, and
Speaker 4: it's produced by Donor Opinya and Triple Follow the podcast
Speaker 4: on social media at dead Ass the podcast and Never
Speaker 4: miss a Thing.