WEBVTT - The Divorced Party

0:00:01.800 --> 0:00:03.600
<v Speaker 1>Get your hands together and we're going to start to

0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:04.880
<v Speaker 1>party starting pod.

0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:15.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm ready to party, the Elvis Duran After Party.

0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:22.479
<v Speaker 3>You're after Party Podcast. Hi y'all, how y'all doing. Here's

0:00:22.520 --> 0:00:26.560
<v Speaker 3>something that we study every five or six years. It's

0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:31.480
<v Speaker 3>on cycle with our show. It's the concept of renewing

0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:33.520
<v Speaker 3>wedding licenses.

0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:35.320
<v Speaker 1>Should be mandatory.

0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:37.000
<v Speaker 3>It should be managed just like a driver's license.

0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:40.040
<v Speaker 1>Right absolutely. I mean, you know, one, we already know

0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:42.640
<v Speaker 1>that the divorce rate is really really high. But I

0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:45.919
<v Speaker 1>think that people change over time, and you know, committing

0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:48.400
<v Speaker 1>to someone when you're twenty five versus thirty five, they're

0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:50.600
<v Speaker 1>probably totally different things. Do you still want to be

0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:52.199
<v Speaker 1>in it? Or should you just be allowed at h

0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:53.040
<v Speaker 1>no strue.

0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:57.080
<v Speaker 3>Here's the question, what's the advantage of renewing license versus

0:00:57.120 --> 0:00:57.720
<v Speaker 3>just divorce?

0:00:58.800 --> 0:01:02.520
<v Speaker 1>Well, I think it's a less messy solution to the divorce.

0:01:02.560 --> 0:01:04.240
<v Speaker 1>Like if in ten years you can say, you know what,

0:01:04.600 --> 0:01:06.280
<v Speaker 1>both of us are not on the same page as

0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:07.479
<v Speaker 1>far as doing this, we're done.

0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:09.959
<v Speaker 4>So it's like a contract. Yeah, it's like a three

0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:11.880
<v Speaker 4>year contract and then okay, we want to.

0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:13.800
<v Speaker 5>Renew this, But then you have to figure out I

0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:17.200
<v Speaker 5>guess all the other things, like do we split things evenly?

0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:19.280
<v Speaker 5>Do we like, like, if you have kids, like, you

0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:20.440
<v Speaker 5>have a contract, you've got to.

0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:23.039
<v Speaker 3>Feel so if you don't rene your contract, it's a

0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:29.200
<v Speaker 3>divorce basically. Yeah, yeah, okay, unless unless you're not married

0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:31.200
<v Speaker 3>anymore because you're you're expired.

0:01:31.480 --> 0:01:31.720
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:33.880
<v Speaker 3>I don't know how it's gonna change that, the financial

0:01:34.120 --> 0:01:37.800
<v Speaker 3>the financial separation stuff. But here's here's a great idea

0:01:38.080 --> 0:01:40.039
<v Speaker 3>that SEMs from this and I like this, Gandhi. Gandhi

0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:43.479
<v Speaker 3>brought it up to us today. It makes you sit

0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:46.800
<v Speaker 3>down and have the conversation. Yeah. Right, if you're just

0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:50.560
<v Speaker 3>in a marriage ten, twenty, thirty years, whatever, how many

0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:53.520
<v Speaker 3>times you actually feel prompted to sit down and have

0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:56.400
<v Speaker 3>to discuss if it's working or not. Yeah, this is

0:01:56.440 --> 0:01:57.960
<v Speaker 3>a case where you both have to sit down and

0:01:58.000 --> 0:01:58.520
<v Speaker 3>talk about it.

0:01:58.640 --> 0:01:58.760
<v Speaker 2>Right.

0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.640
<v Speaker 3>We make it so much easier than it probably is, sure.

0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.440
<v Speaker 1>You know, I think so. I just I mean, how

0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:07.160
<v Speaker 1>many people do we know? We know so many people

0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:09.680
<v Speaker 1>who are in marriages that they cannot stand and they

0:02:09.680 --> 0:02:12.680
<v Speaker 1>have all these reasons why they can't just leave that person,

0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:15.520
<v Speaker 1>and it's really sad. And I'm like, but what if

0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:17.880
<v Speaker 1>the contract is expired and everything was okay, and you

0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:20.440
<v Speaker 1>could move on about, you know, your life in the

0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:21.120
<v Speaker 1>way that you want to.

0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:21.680
<v Speaker 3>That's okay.

0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:24.720
<v Speaker 5>I think Sheldon would pick me again, see, and then

0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:26.160
<v Speaker 5>you wouldn't have to worry about it. And I told,

0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:28.600
<v Speaker 5>because I always tell him how bored he'd be without me.

0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:31.799
<v Speaker 5>He just keep saying a lot of less drama, that's

0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:33.919
<v Speaker 5>for sure, you know, that's the answer I get.

0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:35.520
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but at the end of the day, I mean,

0:02:35.760 --> 0:02:40.040
<v Speaker 3>he would probably miss some of that drama, highly entertained, right,

0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:44.079
<v Speaker 3>So I keep telling him, but yeah, okay. Let's let's

0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:45.880
<v Speaker 3>say you're sitting down with the person you're married to

0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:49.239
<v Speaker 3>and you have you have thirty days left, so you

0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:52.360
<v Speaker 3>have to either you know, march down or go online

0:02:52.400 --> 0:02:54.200
<v Speaker 3>and redo it or whatever. Yeah, you have to get

0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:56.640
<v Speaker 3>it redone. You have to physically maybe pay a fee

0:02:56.680 --> 0:03:00.320
<v Speaker 3>and you know, RELICNSE and up your license. And you're like,

0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:04.520
<v Speaker 3>oh no, no, I can't do it. I think we're done.

0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:08.239
<v Speaker 3>You know. Then the conversation starts, well why are you done?

0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:11.200
<v Speaker 3>And you actually talk about things that you wouldn't talk

0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:12.799
<v Speaker 3>about normally.

0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:15.240
<v Speaker 1>Right, I mean, I think when you commit to someone forever,

0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:18.120
<v Speaker 1>that's a big, big word in a very long time.

0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:21.160
<v Speaker 1>But you might not be thinking about all the things

0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:23.800
<v Speaker 1>that could change down the road. And I think that

0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:25.880
<v Speaker 1>you should just be able to reassess, like, hey, are

0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:28.320
<v Speaker 1>you still happy? How many people would just coast forever

0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:29.800
<v Speaker 1>and not actually be happy?

0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:34.040
<v Speaker 3>What about you? Nate forces you to have that conversation,

0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:34.960
<v Speaker 3>that's for sure.

0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:37.680
<v Speaker 4>And I'll say this, I think for anybody that's been

0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:41.120
<v Speaker 4>through a divorce, you probably know before that conversation even

0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:46.160
<v Speaker 4>happens that it's not going to continue. So yeah, I

0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:49.880
<v Speaker 4>firmly agree with this. Gandhi. I think this is a

0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:52.840
<v Speaker 4>great idea and too bad it's not implemented. I know that,

0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:55.440
<v Speaker 4>fellow divorces.

0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:57.920
<v Speaker 3>Am I I guess you are? Yeah, yes you are.

0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:01.880
<v Speaker 3>You're a gay divorcee.

0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:05.000
<v Speaker 4>You know. I think that you just know that it's

0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:08.200
<v Speaker 4>not going to continue. And if that conversation was forced

0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:11.280
<v Speaker 4>to happen because the contract was expiring, you would be

0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:14.200
<v Speaker 4>able to admit, Okay, let's this is not working for me,

0:04:14.400 --> 0:04:16.560
<v Speaker 4>and then you either come to terms where you can

0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:18.800
<v Speaker 4>renew that contract or.

0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:22.640
<v Speaker 1>You just end it right and with divorces, yeah, when

0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:25.520
<v Speaker 1>you renew a contract, you have to think about what

0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:28.080
<v Speaker 1>you're renewing, and it's it's a good thing for everyone.

0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:29.000
<v Speaker 3>Go hey, gnhi. Sorry.

0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:31.280
<v Speaker 1>Well, with divorces, one person can contest it. But I

0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:33.520
<v Speaker 1>feel like with this marriage license renewal, if one person

0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:36.040
<v Speaker 1>doesn't sign, it's not getting renewed. That's it. You can't

0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:38.000
<v Speaker 1>fight back and forth about it. You both didn't sign,

0:04:38.080 --> 0:04:40.279
<v Speaker 1>so it's not happening, that's it. Whereas you know, we've

0:04:40.279 --> 0:04:42.600
<v Speaker 1>seen so many divorces where one person wants it and

0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:45.359
<v Speaker 1>the other person's contesting it, and it's like, dude or woman,

0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:46.360
<v Speaker 1>why are you doing this?

0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:48.560
<v Speaker 3>Let it go? Yeah, why would you want to contest

0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:49.080
<v Speaker 3>with someone?

0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:49.800
<v Speaker 4>You know?

0:04:49.920 --> 0:04:54.640
<v Speaker 3>I'll change their mind, I'll make them like me again. Yet,

0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:58.320
<v Speaker 3>exactly is this going on in any country in the world,

0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:02.840
<v Speaker 3>any other place I want if they do have marriage

0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:04.800
<v Speaker 3>licenses that expire.

0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:08.960
<v Speaker 4>I don't know much about prenups. Probably contributed to my

0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:14.560
<v Speaker 4>problem is that something you can put any prenup elvis

0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:15.520
<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:18.400
<v Speaker 3>You can put whatever you want. You can put whatever

0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:23.039
<v Speaker 3>you want into a prenup, but different states have have

0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:26.200
<v Speaker 3>different levels and lines that what is what they say

0:05:26.279 --> 0:05:28.760
<v Speaker 3>is fair and not fair. Does that make sense? So

0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:31.680
<v Speaker 3>you could say, well, if we decided to divorce, you

0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:33.800
<v Speaker 3>got to pay me two million dollars. Well, you know,

0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:35.479
<v Speaker 3>the judge at that point will go, well, this is

0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:38.000
<v Speaker 3>this is not going to stand up. No, you know.

0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:40.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh so then what's the point of it.

0:05:40.800 --> 0:05:44.119
<v Speaker 3>The well no, but well okay, Well I can speak

0:05:44.120 --> 0:05:53.640
<v Speaker 3>for a friend. Different states have different numbers that they have.

0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:57.920
<v Speaker 3>It's it's it's it's all kind of formulated where you know,

0:05:58.000 --> 0:05:59.920
<v Speaker 3>if you've been together this many years and you make

0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:04.720
<v Speaker 3>this much money, there's there's there's math involved, and that

0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:07.560
<v Speaker 3>this would be fair. This would be a fair threshold

0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:10.920
<v Speaker 3>for them to be paid out. Okay, if the wedding

0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:14.039
<v Speaker 3>comes to the marriage comes to a close, you could

0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:17.200
<v Speaker 3>actually put a number much lower or number much higher,

0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:20.600
<v Speaker 3>but those would be those would be easily contested by

0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:23.920
<v Speaker 3>the judges in that state. Does it make sense? Yes, okay.

0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:26.799
<v Speaker 4>And it's different from state to state. We just spoke

0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:29.800
<v Speaker 4>to somebody it is state in the Midwest, and I

0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:33.760
<v Speaker 4>was blown away by what their law was versus the

0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:34.320
<v Speaker 4>law here.

0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:38.040
<v Speaker 5>Interesting, right, like, we have a no fault state, right,

0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:42.360
<v Speaker 5>Jersey is a no fault state. I had a friend

0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:45.160
<v Speaker 5>who was not at fault for the divorce. They got

0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:48.279
<v Speaker 5>divorced because he cheated on her and it was really

0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:51.560
<v Speaker 5>really bad, but she made more money, so she had

0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:52.440
<v Speaker 5>to pay him.

0:06:52.800 --> 0:06:55.160
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, dude, he cheating on you and you had

0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:55.840
<v Speaker 3>to pay him.

0:06:56.120 --> 0:06:57.000
<v Speaker 5>That's how it works.

0:06:57.520 --> 0:07:00.360
<v Speaker 3>Another kind of sad thing about the no fault state

0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:02.400
<v Speaker 3>is you can just get a phone call from an

0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:06.400
<v Speaker 3>attorney one day saying, hey, they want to divorce you really,

0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:11.320
<v Speaker 3>and there's there's no contesting it, no, no, they can

0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:13.240
<v Speaker 3>go and if you have a prenup, you got to

0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:15.680
<v Speaker 3>pay him no matter what. That's the way that works.

0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:17.960
<v Speaker 1>One of the interesting things about all this that we

0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:21.160
<v Speaker 1>keep talking about is everybody is talking about these numbers

0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:24.640
<v Speaker 1>because marriage is a business contract, isn't it. It is

0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:27.080
<v Speaker 1>a contract because if it's just love, you don't have

0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:29.880
<v Speaker 1>to get anybody else involved. But when there's a contract,

0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:32.280
<v Speaker 1>because of how it works, it needs to be looked at.

0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:34.480
<v Speaker 1>I think from a more businesslike perspective.

0:07:34.680 --> 0:07:35.080
<v Speaker 6>Agree.

0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:39.240
<v Speaker 5>Oh God, that's one who's never getting mad.

0:07:39.360 --> 0:07:40.320
<v Speaker 3>You're going to get married.

0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:43.360
<v Speaker 1>In my opinion, when he yelsy agrees, no, I do agree.

0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:46.040
<v Speaker 6>Because I feel like we always talk about you change

0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:49.360
<v Speaker 6>as a person day by day, so every two years

0:07:49.360 --> 0:07:53.040
<v Speaker 6>there should be a required a required you know, reup

0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:56.040
<v Speaker 6>of the contract, and you must be required to take

0:07:56.360 --> 0:08:00.520
<v Speaker 6>like an assessment test of all these questionnaire like did

0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:03.120
<v Speaker 6>you fulfill this? Did you honor that? And then this

0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:05.080
<v Speaker 6>way you get graded on it, and you guys look

0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:07.160
<v Speaker 6>at each other's scores and you're like, then you could

0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:08.960
<v Speaker 6>really say, yeah, it's time to get okay.

0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:11.680
<v Speaker 5>So if this was the case, would you marry Robin

0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:15.720
<v Speaker 5>for two years and then sit down and discuss whether

0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:16.160
<v Speaker 5>to re up?

0:08:16.720 --> 0:08:17.600
<v Speaker 3>I would?

0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:25.040
<v Speaker 6>I would think about it, Okay, No, because marriages forever,

0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:27.160
<v Speaker 6>they always say it's forever. You're putting your you know,

0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:29.840
<v Speaker 6>you're taking these vows, and I don't know that to

0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:30.760
<v Speaker 6>me is too permanent.

0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:32.559
<v Speaker 3>I don't like permanence. I don't know. I don't think

0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:35.680
<v Speaker 3>people getting married anymore think of it as permanence. I

0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:39.600
<v Speaker 3>just don't, you know, no, not not realistically, you know,

0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:43.840
<v Speaker 3>to be wetted forever. I don't think people getting married

0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:45.640
<v Speaker 3>a lot. I'm not saying everyone, but a lot of

0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:47.800
<v Speaker 3>people are like, well, it's gonna work, and if it

0:08:47.800 --> 0:08:50.640
<v Speaker 3>doesn't work, we won't together anymore, we'll get out.

0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:52.800
<v Speaker 1>Of it anymore. It seems like I'm gonna try my best.

0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:55.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I'll give my best. Yeah, I'll give it a shot.

0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:57.320
<v Speaker 5>But I think it also depends on how you were

0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:00.440
<v Speaker 5>brought up, and also religious religion plays a big part

0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:03.120
<v Speaker 5>in a lot of people's lives and being married, you know,

0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:05.679
<v Speaker 5>in your church or in your synagogue or you know whatever.

0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:08.520
<v Speaker 5>So I think some people do look at it differently,

0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:10.920
<v Speaker 5>that it's under the eyes of the boy. It's different,

0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:11.160
<v Speaker 5>you know.

0:09:11.760 --> 0:09:15.360
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, they do. And then the divorce, Yeah, some.

0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:18.439
<v Speaker 5>Of them, some of them don't.

0:09:18.800 --> 0:09:20.880
<v Speaker 3>I know, Daniel, that's exactly what I just said, didn't

0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:24.360
<v Speaker 3>I I did. We're good, We're good. Well, there you go,

0:09:24.480 --> 0:09:27.000
<v Speaker 3>a very happy conversation about divorce.

0:09:28.760 --> 0:09:30.800
<v Speaker 1>Be realistic about what's going on. Like you would never

0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:33.400
<v Speaker 1>sign a work contract forever, so you should just think

0:09:33.440 --> 0:09:35.320
<v Speaker 1>about things because it is a business contract in so

0:09:35.320 --> 0:09:37.000
<v Speaker 1>many ways. Think about it in that context.

0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:41.520
<v Speaker 3>I just don't see the difference between just divorcing versus

0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:45.320
<v Speaker 3>it expires. Well, what are the benefits to just having

0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:48.680
<v Speaker 3>expired and you walk away? There's still a business contract.

0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:50.040
<v Speaker 1>I haven't worked it all out in my head yet.

0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:52.719
<v Speaker 3>Go get that work. Starting a business. I think you

0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:55.640
<v Speaker 3>started a business exactly, So go ahead. If you're listening

0:09:55.679 --> 0:09:57.600
<v Speaker 3>to us on the iHeartRadio app, you can hit the

0:09:57.640 --> 0:09:59.199
<v Speaker 3>talk back button tell us what you think we want

0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:00.000
<v Speaker 3>to hear. What's on your

0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:03.600
<v Speaker 2>The Elvista RAN after party