WEBVTT - Viola Davis 0:00:03.800 --> 0:00:06.760 I cannot believe that I'm getting to talk to you. Well, 0:00:06.800 --> 0:00:11.399 I cannot believe I'm going to answer these questions. Left 0:00:11.400 --> 0:00:14.000 the building. Don't worry, mind, let me tell you something. 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:18.480 By all of we're not working with you anymore. Did 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:22.000 your brain fire you? My brain fires me. Every morning 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:24.400 I wake up and they're like, don't call it putting 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:27.280 on any clothes. You're not going anywhere, You're not doing anything. 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:37.760 Guess what. Hello, I'm Mini driver and welcome to the 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:42.400 first episode of many questions. Growing up, my family always 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:45.959 had the radio want I loved the ritual of listening 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:48.800 to shows like Desert Island Discs on a Sunday morning 0:00:49.159 --> 0:00:53.440 and hearing interesting people answer the same set of questions. Later, 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:56.120 whenever I got my copy of Vanity fairback when you 0:00:56.120 --> 0:00:59.360 actually bought hard copies of magazines, I would always turn 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:01.680 to the back page each first and read their version 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:05.360 of Proust's questionnaire. I think it's the scientific method, really. 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:08.960 In asking different people the same set of questions, you 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:11.600 can make interesting observations about the way we're the same 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:16.920 and different. I love this discipline, and it made me wonder, 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:19.440 what if these questions were just the jumping off point 0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:22.679 what greater depths would be revealed if I asked these 0:01:22.760 --> 0:01:27.080 questions as conversation starters with thought leaders and trailblazers across 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:30.520 all these different disciplines. I think of this show as 0:01:30.520 --> 0:01:33.800 a mini archive no pun intended, although it's sort of unavoidable, 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:37.360 where I invite you to observe how these trailblazers overlap 0:01:37.720 --> 0:01:40.360 and also where they don't. So I took the format 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:43.680 of Pruf's questionnaire and adapted what I think are seven 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:46.440 of the most important questions you could ever ask someone 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:51.400 They are When and where were you happiest? What is 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:56.000 the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real 0:01:56.080 --> 0:02:00.320 or fictionalized, defines love for you? What quest in which 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:05.160 you most like answered, What person, place, or experience has 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:08.960 shaped you the most? What would be your last meal? 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:13.000 And can you tell me something in your life that 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:17.240 has grown out of a personal disaster? And I've gathered 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:19.800 a group of remarkable people that I am honored and 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:22.800 humbled to have had the chance to engage with. You 0:02:22.840 --> 0:02:25.280 may not hear their answers to all seven of these questions. 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:28.880 We've selected the ones that felt closest to their experience 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:32.440 or were the most surprising or the ones that provided 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:36.680 the most fertile ground to connect. And we're starting with 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:40.520 Viola Davis, who, to me is one of the most passionate, thoughtful, 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:44.840 and compelling actors I've ever watched on screen. She's one Tony's, 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:49.000 Emmy's and Oscars, but sincerely all that hardware aside. She 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:53.639 is an extremely interesting person with a generosity of spirit 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:55.919 that makes me feel a bit star struck and frankly 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:58.960 a bit tongue tied. I don't think that's a bad thing, 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:01.720 though it is humbling being around people you don't know 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:05.880 very well but admire greatly. I am thrilled I get 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:10.440 to talk to Viola today. It's really hard being an 0:03:10.440 --> 0:03:14.880 actor and interviewing you, because all I really want to 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:17.920 be doing is like sitting in an empty theater asking 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:19.640 you questions and then getting to go and sort of 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:24.320 do scenes and like, welcome stuff. I've watched your movie, 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:29.600 your your most recent beautiful, My Rainey's Black Bottom twice now, 0:03:29.960 --> 0:03:33.120 and I don't know where to start. I don't know 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:35.000 where to start about you, and I don't know where 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:37.640 to start about Chadwick Boseman. And that's not even talking 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:40.200 about the supporting character who are all in their own 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:44.680 movies that are exquisite as well. I'm telling you, I'm 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:47.200 going to get my baseball back and I'll come and 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:49.560 start swinging it around. If you don't really ask her, 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:54.280 I'm good either way. I'm not going to interview you 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:55.920 because you've done have plenty of that. I'm going to 0:03:56.040 --> 0:04:04.360 stick to these questions. First question, what relationship, real or fictionalized, 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:12.920 defined love for you? Now, Lord of Mercy, Oh, I 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:18.280 know shadow Lands, that film is about redemption and the 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:22.239 idea that love it's not the absence of pain, and 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:26.320 we're so we're so conditioned to believe that that it's 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:28.560 supposed to be the absence of pain, that it's meant 0:04:28.600 --> 0:04:32.240 to be joy and happiness, and this it redeems love, 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:35.919 redeems it does redeem, and it's not based in mystery. 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:38.800 A friend of mine at her wedding, she said something 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:43.200 absolutely beautiful with her vows. She told her husband. Then 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:46.640 she said, I promised to love you exactly as God 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:50.640 made you. And I think that that's powerful. I mean, 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:55.520 I watched my mom sit by my dad's David when 0:04:55.560 --> 0:05:00.240 he was dying of pancreatic cancer, and he would he 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:05.719 would just scream her name every two seconds, may Alice, malice, malice, 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:09.919 and she would say damn, damn, I'm right here, and 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:15.960 he say oh oh, and then she would hold him. 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:19.720 And for me that that's it. You know, I've been 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:23.520 with my husband twenty one years and all those things 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:27.720 that probably are not in the sexy romantic comedies are 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:30.719 all the things that I value. Someone who's gonna be 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:35.680 there when you're sick, someone who literally, you know it's 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:41.040 gonna hold your hand when you're going, someone who, like 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:46.120 I said, just simply loves you. I mean, my mom 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:51.680 and dad were together for forty eight years, and at 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:55.359 the end of his life it became about her telling 0:05:55.440 --> 0:06:01.279 him to go. And there is something m for me 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:05.039 in terms of the kind of love I have now 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:10.520 for my husband. It's not about concealer and tight abs, 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:20.040 and you deserve it. What question would you most like answered? Oh, man, 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:23.839 I'll tell you that right now. Why are we so 0:06:24.400 --> 0:06:29.120 cruel to each other? Ah? Please answer that question to me? 0:06:29.960 --> 0:06:33.960 Why are we so vicious? If you were to ask 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:36.840 anyone what's the most vicious animal in the world, I mean, 0:06:36.880 --> 0:06:40.200 they probably would say the black mamba or you know, 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:43.080 a female lion. I mean, I don't know, but the 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:48.080 two legged variety, the depth to which we are cruel. 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:52.159 And here's the thing, the thing that is really really 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:57.480 really interesting is we're cruel and we know how hard 0:06:57.600 --> 0:07:02.240 life is. We know the road, and even after knowing 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:06.320 the road, we go back, and the level of judgment, 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:11.080 how we sort of don't protect each other, how we 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:15.520 think that killing someone will make us feel better. I mean, 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:19.040 I don't know. There's no measure of cruelty, men towards women, 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:22.840 black towards white, and I think there's a human answer 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:25.880 to it. I genuinely don't. The closest I ever came 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:30.680 to understanding it was this extraordinary geneticist called Lord Michael Winstone, 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:34.560 who was part of the team who isolated the genome initially. 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:38.520 And we were saying backstage going on a English talk show. 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:42.680 It was years ago, the Iraq War was happening, and 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:48.120 I was talking about just the share loss of innocent life. 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:51.560 And he said, he's a Christian, a devout Christian, and 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:55.920 he is also you know, this extraordinary scientist. And he said, 0:07:55.960 --> 0:07:59.960 I've always felt the nexus of my spirituality and science 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:08.440 comes in truly understanding that you in the universe energetically, scientifically, 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:12.840 you literally cannot have one without the other. Each thing 0:08:12.880 --> 0:08:16.880 has its counterpart. It has to night and day, good 0:08:16.920 --> 0:08:20.400 and evil. And he said, however simplistic it sounds, it 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:25.160 is part of this, this order. We experience it so harshly. 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:30.440 We also experienced joy so profoundly as human beings, but 0:08:30.560 --> 0:08:33.400 are cruelty to each other. I don't. I don't think 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:35.840 we can understand it or measure it in human terms, 0:08:35.840 --> 0:08:38.880 because I think it's it's an energetic it's sort of 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:42.680 energy that was set in motion by God, source energy, 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:45.840 whatever you want to call it, and and so it is, 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:49.280 and so there are always two halves to everything. I mean, 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:51.960 that's the only way I could ever. That was the 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:55.400 closest I got my head to getting around it. Being 0:08:55.440 --> 0:08:58.480 a theater geek. I remember the one thing I was 0:08:58.559 --> 0:09:02.160 taught that stayed in my it was the divine rights 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:06.160 of kings, the hierarchy to which people feel like they're born. 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:12.079 And the whole idea is to be in a position 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:16.360 in terms of status as high as possible, because then 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:21.000 the only one you're answering to is God. You're basically 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:24.880 dancing with with God and everyone else is beneath you. 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:29.640 When man makes sense of their own existence, there is 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:34.640 something about status. I always say. The bumper sticker in 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:37.120 the eighties it was on the back of everyone's car 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:41.480 that said, he who dies with the most toys wins. 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:44.280 So is the ego? Is that? What is that? What 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:48.880 it is? Ego? It's I don't know who I am 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:52.679 unless I have my foot on someone else's neck. Status 0:09:52.760 --> 0:09:55.920 is your social standing above another person that gives you 0:09:56.000 --> 0:10:00.079 meaning and value. It's powerful. It's a cast system. M 0:10:01.559 --> 0:10:04.679 But I agree with you. I think it defies understanding. 0:10:04.720 --> 0:10:08.280 I always say, I wonder what the caveman thought. That 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:13.320 caveman who didn't have a computer, couldn't speak, didn't have 0:10:13.360 --> 0:10:16.720 any clothes. He's standing there, he's looking at the ocean, 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:19.640 he's looking at the sky. What is he thinking? How 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:23.360 is he making thinking about food or sex or where 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:25.600 he's going to sleep, or how fast you can run 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:28.120 away from the sabots? How I got that's what he's thinking. 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:45.440 That's it total instinct. Where and when in your life 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:49.400 were you happiest? You know what I'm going to have 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:54.760 to say. At When I went to Africa for the 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:57.240 first time, I went to the Gambia, West Africa for 0:10:57.320 --> 0:11:01.560 two weeks and I was at Williard. Juilliard gave me 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:07.160 a scholarship dollars because I guilted them into it. It's 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:10.760 very eurocentric training at Juilliard, and I said, it was 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:14.360 suppressing me so much. It was tethering me so much 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:18.800 that I no longer knew what my voice was. I 0:11:18.840 --> 0:11:22.920 sort of had lost my identity in trying to make 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:27.960 me and my blackness disappear in George Bernard Shaw and 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:32.400 Stringberg and check Off and Shakespeare. I just didn't know 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:34.600 what kind of artists I was supposed to be if 0:11:34.640 --> 0:11:38.640 I couldn't use myself and my voice. So they gave 0:11:38.640 --> 0:11:41.920 me a scholarship and I went to Africa when I 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:45.720 was twenty five to study the dance and music folklore 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:51.600 four different tribes. And it changed my life. It just 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:54.560 changed my life. And maybe it was because also I 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:58.439 had broken up with a boyfriend right before and and 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:02.640 so I was stated, you know, oh my god, it 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:06.040 was like a Greek tragedy. You know. I look back 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:07.760 on that now and said, by, oh, why don't you 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:11.640 just go to McDonald's or something, or just have a drink. No, 0:12:11.840 --> 0:12:15.240 go to Gambia. Yeah, no, I got to Gambia. I'm 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:18.880 gonna geographical. I got at this heartbreak. I went to 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:25.400 the Gambia and it was transformational, like that radical shifting 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:28.400 that takes place in your life that just takes you 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:32.800 by surprise, because it's the power of myth and rituals 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:35.440 that worked for me. It was the getting in the 0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:38.520 car every single day and singing their songs and the 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:42.679 dances and the rituals that were about finding one's value 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:50.240 or becoming a woman or a baby surviving after seven days. 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:55.280 When I saw those Kenylla women and the Mandinka tribe 0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:58.400 in Africa, they were infertile women, women who could not 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:05.480 have children, and they dressed as clowns, oversized clothes and 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:10.240 makeup on their faces, and they went into these compounds screaming, 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:14.400 shouting with the jim Bay drums. Everybody would scream and 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:18.080 shout with them, dozens of people, like a mob scene. 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.960 And then they passed a calabash around with food and 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:25.320 then they sang this song and it translates to I 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:27.920 did not come here for food. My stomach is full. 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:30.240 I did not come here for food. I came for 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:35.480 much more. And the whole ritual was about parting the 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:40.040 clouds of heaven, making so much noise that God would 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:43.160 hear the deepest pain of not being able to have 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:48.200 a child and somehow poured down the blessing. It's like 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:51.360 those types of rituals that I took part in that 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:54.839 made me believe that there was something in the abstract 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:58.960 world that I could I don't know that I could 0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:04.199 cling to to find in myself. I'm extremely moved by 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:08.120 that amazing image, and I wish that we had more 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:12.040 ritual around the hard things in the West, the way 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:16.120 that we live around death, around infertility, around loss, around 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:20.920 getting old. Did you feel that the ritual itself or 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:26.080 the community performing the ritual created the scaffold upon which 0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:29.000 you could actually have something to tell yourself to that 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:31.840 when you came back you would still be connected. I 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.120 love that question. I know exactly what you're saying, and 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:37.280 I think that's a great question. It was more of 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:41.640 the community and the connection. It was more of being seen. 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:45.360 I mean, m a dark skinned woman. From the moment 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:49.400 you come out of the womb and you step forth 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:53.160 into the world, you get all the values associated with 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:57.640 being dark skin and then being at Juilliard with a 0:14:57.720 --> 0:15:01.280 deep voice, dark skinned, wide, no big lips. It's like 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:10.840 you're basically nothing. The invisibility. So a notion of invisibility. Yes, okay, 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:14.600 it's so fascinating because I can only empathize with a 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:18.000 feeling of growing up invisible and then going to a place. 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:20.040 And what you just said of what a community does 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:24.400 is a community sees they see the howling sadness of 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:27.760 these women, and they wrap around it and honor it, 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:34.080 literally to make God listen. So you becoming an actor 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:38.880 and the bizarre oxymoron of the invisibility that there is 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:41.000 supposed to be you know that was saying, Oh she 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:46.040 disappeared into a role. Oh he really disappeared into the character. 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:49.440 It was extraordinary. There must be a very particular attention 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:52.480 for you with that idea of what is it to 0:15:52.520 --> 0:15:56.640 disappear into a character or is it rather to know yourself, 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:59.280 to see yourself and to gather them into what you 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:01.280 already are? But you you've got to know what that 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:03.760 is in the first place. You do have to know 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:06.200 what that is in the first place. I don't know 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:10.360 if I did not know that, or if I just 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:13.600 didn't trust it at the time, if I just didn't 0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:17.640 value it at the time, because as you move through life, 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:21.800 people tell you who you should be or who you 0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:25.560 should not be, and that's what was happening. I don't 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:28.640 mean the blast Juilliard at all. I compared to Musin X. 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:32.640 Like I said, Musin X tastes bad, but it works. 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:37.560 The permission, that's what I want to say. Permission. That's 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:40.400 what I got when I was in Africa. It was 0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:44.120 literally a weekend to that trip that I sat down 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:46.920 at one point and it was the one time in 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:52.160 my life that I had absolutely no anxiety, like none, 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:59.040 like floating on air. So I think that what I 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:04.720 was looking for was permission that God made me right 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:09.960 because I didn't have that permission throughout my entire childhood 0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:15.920 and throughout Juilliard. And that's really overly simplifying it. It's 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:18.919 like Renee Brown says, when you start with the foundation 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:23.600 of worth and value, then you can live better when 0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:27.720 you start with that foundation. When you came back and 0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:31.400 you're back into the check off from the Stromberg, you're 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:34.119 taking a look at Masha, did you feel that the 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:37.399 distance had been lessened or do you always feel that 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:41.480 there is a scrim in between the plethora of white 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:45.359 playwrights and you as a black woman. Yes, I did. 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:49.560 I did. I didn't feel like I was being whipped 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:53.399 for doing everything wrong. But it was only until maybe 0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:57.760 twentysomething years later that I can literally sit here with 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:01.320 you and say that I reject act everything that I've 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:06.360 been taught. I reject people telling me that I'm not 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:11.080 smart if I don't read the classics? So does Tony Morrison? 0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:14.200 Does that qualify as a classic? What does that mean? 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:18.600 Who wrote those rules? Who told me that I wasn't beautiful? 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:22.280 Who told me that if I did not fit into 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:26.800 any character in George Bernard Shaw, then somehow I'm really 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.800 crappy at what I do. What if George Bernard Shaw 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:34.160 doesn't speak to me? What if he doesn't does that 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:40.280 make me what? I think that the keepers of the 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:45.880 structure of the way things should be have been extraordinarily flawed. 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:50.399 I'm coming from a country that's built on a science, 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:55.679 basically a bunk science to explain why I, as a 0:18:55.720 --> 0:19:00.680 black woman, is less than science is a beauty sciences 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:05.720 of intelligent science of sexuality that told us that you're 0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:08.639 never gonna be as pretty, your brains are smaller, So 0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:11.560 You're never gonna be as smart. Black women could take 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:14.920 as much pain as possible because you don't feel any pain. 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:18.520 You're strong, you're almost masculine. You could cut them open 0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:24.520 without any anesthesia. You can rape them with impunity. That's 0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:30.760 where I'm coming from. So now at fifty five, I 0:19:30.800 --> 0:19:37.560 could say the foundation in which you explained my existence 0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:42.320 and who I am, I rejected the fact that you 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:45.800 are telling the stories that you tell now, given that 0:19:45.920 --> 0:20:02.920 you felt voiceless and invisible, is truly inspiring. M What 0:20:03.000 --> 0:20:05.320 is the quot to see you like least about yourself? 0:20:06.240 --> 0:20:10.000 The quality about myself that I like the least is 0:20:10.240 --> 0:20:15.840 my esteem issues. Although I will say that I am 0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:22.000 a lot better than I was like by nine something present, 0:20:22.600 --> 0:20:26.119 but I don't even like feeling one vestige of it 0:20:26.400 --> 0:20:30.239 where all of a sudden you're in a situation and 0:20:30.280 --> 0:20:33.440 then you're right back to where you've started. And if 0:20:33.440 --> 0:20:36.440 I were to track any situation that brings that out 0:20:36.440 --> 0:20:41.200 of me, that feeling of not feeling worthy, it's when 0:20:41.240 --> 0:20:45.040 people try to attack my worth. It could be anything. 0:20:45.080 --> 0:20:48.160 It could be the mommy skills, it could be anything 0:20:48.400 --> 0:20:52.400 with acting, with your work, with your skill set. As 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:55.439 soon as I feel like I'm under attack. I feel it, 0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:59.159 it costs me something. Do you have any ritual to 0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:04.840 heal that in those moments? Well, there's two things that 0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:10.119 I do. I'm a believer in connection and finding people 0:21:10.119 --> 0:21:13.879 in your life that love you. You know, a therapist 0:21:13.920 --> 0:21:17.160 told me that once find someone who loves you, Viola, 0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:21.960 that roots for you, just sweats for you, just has 0:21:22.040 --> 0:21:25.399 your back. I mean, I grew up in really abject 0:21:25.480 --> 0:21:28.280 poverty and people always ask me, how did you get 0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:34.440 from that to this? And I always say, those supernatural allies, 0:21:35.720 --> 0:21:39.360 those people who come out of nowhere, who say, let 0:21:39.400 --> 0:21:42.000 me tell you, this is what you have to do. Okay, 0:21:42.080 --> 0:21:44.439 let's suit up and me and you will fight this 0:21:44.600 --> 0:21:49.879 battle together. Okay. But they're supernatural, which means that you know, 0:21:50.080 --> 0:21:53.359 they come out of nowhere and they're not always the 0:21:53.440 --> 0:21:57.080 people that you think they're going to be. But the 0:21:57.119 --> 0:22:00.200 other thing that I do, and it's really working for me, 0:22:01.119 --> 0:22:04.280 I go to Viola, the little girl, the eight year old. 0:22:05.000 --> 0:22:07.920 I literally talked to her, and I'm not kidding you. 0:22:08.520 --> 0:22:11.560 At first, I would always try to heal her because 0:22:11.600 --> 0:22:16.400 I said, you grew up with an alcoholic father and abuse. 0:22:16.520 --> 0:22:19.600 So I'm gonna heal this little girl, you know, who 0:22:19.680 --> 0:22:24.320 was always fighting, rough and tumble little girl, and then 0:22:24.440 --> 0:22:29.040 someone made me realize that she was a survivor. You 0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:33.000 have to allow her to be excited at the year 0:22:33.040 --> 0:22:38.200 old she's gonna become. Usually gotta let her squeal in delight. 0:22:38.960 --> 0:22:44.320 And so now I'm just gonna say this. If it 0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:46.639 were up to me, I would put all the trophies 0:22:46.680 --> 0:22:52.040 in a box in a garage. I don't like watching myself. 0:22:52.560 --> 0:22:58.199 I have a tendency to not celebrate my victories. I 0:22:58.200 --> 0:23:02.520 have its tendency to some time aims just sort of 0:23:02.720 --> 0:23:08.480 twisted and turning around actually and almost let it destroy me. 0:23:08.600 --> 0:23:14.560 Sometimes it's a weird dichotomy there when I tap into 0:23:14.600 --> 0:23:18.040 that eight year old girl and say, Viola, guess what 0:23:18.960 --> 0:23:23.359 we're gonna eat some French fries today? We are Viola, 0:23:23.720 --> 0:23:27.440 guess what We're gonna get dressed up today in acute dress. 0:23:27.520 --> 0:23:30.360 I hate getting dressed up because I hate heels. We're 0:23:30.400 --> 0:23:33.960 gonna dress up today in some heels and we're gonna 0:23:34.000 --> 0:23:36.840 go to an awards show. Oh my god. Then I 0:23:36.960 --> 0:23:42.600 have an appreciation for my life that is the equivalent 0:23:43.080 --> 0:23:48.280 of a child's joy. That's helping me a lot. It's 0:23:48.280 --> 0:23:51.359 helped me sleep at night. It helps me enjoy every 0:23:51.359 --> 0:24:00.119 single moment. What person, place, or experience most alter to 0:24:00.160 --> 0:24:04.480 you in life. My dad dying was a big one. 0:24:05.160 --> 0:24:08.960 That's a hard one because I was there. I wish 0:24:09.000 --> 0:24:13.800 I were more brave during that time in what way. 0:24:14.040 --> 0:24:16.280 It was after he died that I went on the 0:24:16.320 --> 0:24:21.119 hospice page and they had a whole section that talked 0:24:21.119 --> 0:24:28.000 about how to help someone die. That they will have 0:24:28.200 --> 0:24:31.360 dementia and they will see people that had passed before them. 0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:35.080 They would literally call out their names, and you have 0:24:35.280 --> 0:24:38.679 to validate them. You can't just say it's delusional, because 0:24:38.680 --> 0:24:41.679 what that is is once again it's the word permission. 0:24:42.080 --> 0:24:46.000 They're asking for permission to cross over. I didn't want 0:24:46.000 --> 0:24:48.840 to look at that. They just want you to hold 0:24:48.840 --> 0:24:52.600 their hand. I didn't want to look at that. They 0:24:52.680 --> 0:24:56.760 just want their lips to stay moist. I want to 0:24:56.800 --> 0:25:02.960 know that no one tells you about death, No one 0:25:03.040 --> 0:25:06.720 talks about it. So to literally see a parent take 0:25:06.840 --> 0:25:09.959 the last breath and they have to sit there and go, Daddy, 0:25:10.320 --> 0:25:13.960 it's okay to go. And then at his funeral, I 0:25:14.040 --> 0:25:17.240 remember when we closed the casket and my nieces and 0:25:17.280 --> 0:25:19.960 nephews had all these pictures they put in the casket 0:25:20.000 --> 0:25:22.960 with him. Was beautiful. And I looked in the casket 0:25:23.000 --> 0:25:26.560 and he didn't have any shoes on, and I was pissed. 0:25:28.000 --> 0:25:30.480 I was like, we paid you all this money in 0:25:30.560 --> 0:25:33.600 my brain because I was about to custom out, and 0:25:33.640 --> 0:25:36.400 you didn't put any shoes on. My daddy looks greatly. 0:25:36.440 --> 0:25:39.239 He didn't put shoes, and the next thought was he 0:25:39.280 --> 0:25:45.920 didn't need shoes. That encapsulates life. It does, don't care 0:25:45.960 --> 0:25:50.040 what anyone says it does. After he died, you're not 0:25:50.160 --> 0:25:53.240 thinking about how he pissed you off. You're not thinking 0:25:53.280 --> 0:25:56.000 about that he was an alcoholic. You're just thinking about 0:25:56.040 --> 0:25:59.439 the fact that I loved him. He was my father 0:26:00.800 --> 0:26:06.880 and he's gone. And then you're thinking about forgiveness. You're 0:26:06.920 --> 0:26:10.320 thinking about mercy. You think about all those things that 0:26:10.359 --> 0:26:14.040 nobody teaches you about in life. There's no other way 0:26:14.080 --> 0:26:18.840 to measure life. It whittles life down to absolutely the 0:26:19.000 --> 0:26:24.000 essentials of really what makes a life and what makes joy. 0:26:24.400 --> 0:26:28.840 I would say that would be it. It It leveled me. 0:26:30.160 --> 0:26:33.919 Do you find that after these big moments in your life, 0:26:34.040 --> 0:26:38.480 you can take them with you into the evolution of 0:26:38.480 --> 0:26:42.000 who you are after them. Are you aware of practicing 0:26:42.000 --> 0:26:45.040 those things that you've observed? Yeah, I do, But then 0:26:45.080 --> 0:26:47.280 I have to move through life and someone comes along 0:26:47.280 --> 0:26:49.359 and knocks my ass down. Yeah knowing now, I mean 0:26:49.359 --> 0:26:52.560 it's a war of attrition a lot of the time. Yeah, absolutely, 0:26:52.680 --> 0:26:55.480 it's it's difficult, but I do, and I'll tell you 0:26:55.520 --> 0:26:58.760 when I do. People notice when I came back from Africa, 0:26:58.880 --> 0:27:01.440 everyone noticed the ship it so I know I bring 0:27:01.480 --> 0:27:06.200 it back. But then I got to navigate through life. 0:27:06.920 --> 0:27:08.480 You know what my dad used to say, He said, 0:27:08.480 --> 0:27:12.080 I don't know why you keep aiming for of everything, 0:27:12.119 --> 0:27:13.760 he said, this is the biggest miss name where we 0:27:13.800 --> 0:27:19.280 should be aiming for, like like fifty eight percent. If 0:27:19.320 --> 0:27:22.679 that's let that be your because it's never you're always 0:27:22.680 --> 0:27:24.760 going to be disappointed. You're never going to get it right. 0:27:25.440 --> 0:27:28.080 And he was like, it doesn't have lower standards. It's 0:27:28.160 --> 0:27:31.919