1 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,760 Speaker 1: Well, this is exciting. I am here today to do 2 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:14,239 Speaker 1: my very first podcast, something I never imagine doing and 3 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,680 Speaker 1: definitely out of my comfort zone. I feel like all 4 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:21,119 Speaker 1: my life, all I've ever done is do things that 5 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,880 Speaker 1: are uncomfortable for me, which makes me grow as a person. 6 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 1: And so I was literally born just such a quiet 7 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: and shy person, and I feel like every single day 8 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: I'm always out of my element and doing something uncomfortable. 9 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: Most of you probably know me from a show I'm 10 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,559 Speaker 1: on called The Valley, and I'm doing this because I 11 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 1: want you to know who I really am. I know 12 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,200 Speaker 1: that I'm hard to read at times. It's something I've 13 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,319 Speaker 1: heard all my life. I'm more shy and quiet than 14 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: most people on reality TV. But this is my life 15 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 1: and I want you all to know the real me. 16 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: I do think in order to understand who I am, 17 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: I am you really need to kind of know where 18 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 1: I come from and how I got here. So I 19 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:09,680 Speaker 1: have two immigrant parents that came to LA in nineteen 20 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 1: eighty five. My mom is from Guiliacan, Mexico, and my 21 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 1: dad is from Tehran, Iran. They were both born and 22 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,360 Speaker 1: raised in their countries and decided to move to LA 23 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 1: in their thirties. My dad was super intelligent, very strict 24 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,560 Speaker 1: with me, and he spoke five languages, hence why I 25 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,960 Speaker 1: have a little accent. I was raised by two parents 26 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: that came from two different sides of the world, and 27 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 1: I loved it because I got to experience two different cultures, food, languages, lifestyles. 28 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:45,800 Speaker 1: But they were both super loving and I couldn't have 29 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:50,880 Speaker 1: had a better upbringing In terms of love. I saw 30 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: my parents truly love each other, respect one another, and 31 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 1: it was an ideal marriage, at least in terms of 32 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 1: my eyes. Prior to my parents getting married, my mom 33 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 1: was actually married in Mexico and had my brother and sister, 34 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 1: but her first husband passed away in a plane crash, 35 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,959 Speaker 1: and that is one of the reasons why she went 36 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 1: to La. That is when she met my dad, and 37 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,760 Speaker 1: my dad said, come to LA I want to get married. 38 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: And he raised my brother and sister as if it 39 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,360 Speaker 1: was his own children. So I never even got to 40 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 1: feel that I had a half brother and sister. To me, 41 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 1: they were just my brother and sister. So for a 42 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: very long time, everything was amazing with my parents, my 43 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: brother and sister, you would call it like the perfect family. 44 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 1: I didn't see them fight, they respected each other. My 45 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 1: dad was romantic. It was just like a very loving, 46 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:52,640 Speaker 1: normal household. And when I was about twelve years old, 47 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 1: things slowly started changing with my dad's personality and mental state. 48 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: Was studying psychology, she was getting a master's degree, and 49 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: my mom would tell my sister the things that my 50 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 1: dad was saying and doing, and we all had to 51 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: sit down and have a conversation with him that he 52 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: needed to get help and maybe get diagnosed. And that 53 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 1: is when I remember. My dad picked me up from 54 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 1: school one day and sat me down, and it was 55 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: the first time I saw my dad cry. And he 56 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,280 Speaker 1: asked me if it was okay if he divorced my 57 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:31,520 Speaker 1: mom and if he could leave me because he didn't 58 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 1: think it was safe for me to be around. And 59 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:38,840 Speaker 1: I said yes. So my life drastically changed in a 60 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: matter of a day. I went from loving parents to 61 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,680 Speaker 1: suddenly my mom has to get her act together and 62 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: figure out how to financially take care of me, to 63 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: get a job, and to do everything else at the house. 64 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,400 Speaker 1: I was raised in West Hollywood and then we went 65 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: to a really nice neighborhood in South Pasadena. That's where 66 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: I lived with my parents and I went from living 67 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: to a very nice community to all of a sudden, 68 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: I had to move to San Diego by the border, 69 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 1: a city called sanny Sidro, and everybody lived by the 70 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 1: Mexican border, so you either lived in Mexico or in 71 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 1: Sandy Sidro, and everybody spoke Spanish and it was just 72 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: like a completely different culture change overnight for me. So 73 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,919 Speaker 1: fast forward to a crazy high school where I have 74 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 1: girls just want to fight me, and it was just 75 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,320 Speaker 1: really hard because they called me the white girl. So 76 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 1: I never really quite fit in because when I lived 77 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,679 Speaker 1: in La I was the Mexican Persian girl with the accent, 78 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: and then I go to a Mexican school and then 79 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 1: I'm the white girl, so I was just always out 80 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,680 Speaker 1: of place. Then I go to college and I have 81 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: to support myself because my brother and sister had a degree, 82 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,640 Speaker 1: so I have to of course have a degree just 83 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,599 Speaker 1: because I want to be like everybody else. And that 84 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,359 Speaker 1: was always important to my dad. He always thought, no 85 00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: matter what school, even with a new general, that you 86 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: need to have that knowledge and background. So to me, 87 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm going to go to cal 88 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,560 Speaker 1: State get a degree, but I also have to pay 89 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: for school and there was a Hooters nearby, so I 90 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: was like, what is the best way to have a 91 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 1: night job, get paid well, and go to school. So 92 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,800 Speaker 1: I was a Hooters girl for about five to six years. 93 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 1: And I was naturally a very quiet and shy girl. 94 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 1: So working at Hooters was actually one of the best 95 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: things that I could have ever done for myself because 96 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 1: I opened up for my show. I had to have 97 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: conversations with people that I didn't necessarily want to have 98 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,680 Speaker 1: conversations with, and it just helped me grow into who 99 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 1: I am today. So I thank Hooters for that. So 100 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 1: once I started working at Hooters, I started making really 101 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 1: good money, and I realized, like I was a hustler 102 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,720 Speaker 1: by heart. I always wanted more. I was like, how 103 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 1: can I make more money? How can I work harder? 104 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 1: How can I just live a nice life? And that 105 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 1: was the first time that I got a tape of 106 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,360 Speaker 1: having some of my own money while I'm in college. 107 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 1: And so when I graduated, I knew I got a 108 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: business degree. I knew I wanted to be a real 109 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,800 Speaker 1: estate agent. My brother owned. My brother was a very 110 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:17,040 Speaker 1: successful lender. So I graduated, I went and moved in 111 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,200 Speaker 1: with my brother while I was studying to get my 112 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:23,919 Speaker 1: real estate license and I was his assistant. He told me, 113 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: if you want to make really good money, the only 114 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: way to do that is to prospect, and you do 115 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 1: that by three ways, but the most important is one 116 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:37,360 Speaker 1: cold calling. So you literally have a list of five 117 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:41,360 Speaker 1: hundred numbers and you call one after the other and 118 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,560 Speaker 1: you set up listing appointments, and then you go door 119 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,599 Speaker 1: to door. So you go on a street, you pick 120 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: a street, and you're gonna knock on fifty houses and 121 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 1: you're going to introduce yourself and ask people if they 122 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,720 Speaker 1: want to sell their house. And that is literally how 123 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 1: I first did it. And it was kind of crazy 124 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,600 Speaker 1: because I got my license and in the matter of 125 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:06,599 Speaker 1: eight months, I sold nineteen houses all by myself. And 126 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 1: I worked for a prestigious company in San Diego, co 127 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: WOA Banker, and I got Rookie of the Year. My 128 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 1: brother at the time, so I started doing really well 129 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 1: and he's like, have you ever watched Million Dollar Listing 130 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: New York? I had never seen it, so I start 131 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: watching it and I'm like, holy shit, I want to 132 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 1: be just like these guys. They sell ten million dollar condos, 133 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:32,240 Speaker 1: twenty million they're hustlers, they wear nice suits. Like I 134 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: want to be that version in a woman. So I 135 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 1: google all of their names and email and I email 136 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 1: all of them and Ryan Sarhant emails me back and 137 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 1: he says, I'm opening up an office in LA. I'll 138 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 1: be there next week if you want to have a meeting. 139 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 1: So I did. I remember that meeting with him. I 140 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: was very nervous because I'm like, oh my god, there's 141 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 1: this guy on TV and opening up an office. And 142 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: I remember driving down LA and I was in Beverly Hills. 143 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: It's they call it the Beverly Hills Flats and it's 144 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:13,240 Speaker 1: close to Rodale Drive and I was just driving by myself, 145 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: not knowing the area, and I'm like, wow, holy shit, 146 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: if I just sell one or two of these houses, 147 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:23,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna make so much money. So I impressed him 148 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: with what I told him, and I think he saw 149 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 1: what a go getter I was and that I just 150 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: had huge dreams for myself, and he hired me immediately. 151 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 1: He said, you can work under my team. I'm opening 152 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: up sir Hanna in LA. And mind you, I didn't 153 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,679 Speaker 1: know anybody in La. I was from there when I 154 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,559 Speaker 1: was a child, but I didn't talk to people I 155 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,320 Speaker 1: went to school with. So I went from being such 156 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 1: a successful agent at what twenty four years old in 157 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 1: San Diego, already knowing that if I stayed there, like 158 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 1: I would make millions of dollars. But I just had 159 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 1: this fire in me and I'm like, I need to 160 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: do this. I want more in my life, Like I 161 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: want to live in LA. I want to live in 162 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 1: Beverly Hills. I want to meet millionaires and celebrities, and 163 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 1: I want that life for myself. So I literally told 164 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,680 Speaker 1: my family, I'm like, sorry, I'm leaving. And I found 165 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 1: an apartment online and I moved. And it was very 166 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,559 Speaker 1: scary because I'm like, I don't have any source of income, 167 00:09:23,679 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: and I went I started from scratch. So here I 168 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: am in LA working for nest Seekers, which was a 169 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:44,520 Speaker 1: huge company in New York, but it wasn't big in LA. 170 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 1: They were just starting their brand in LA. And so 171 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: after being there for a couple of weeks, everybody kept 172 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:55,319 Speaker 1: saying the most prestigious, the highest, the hardest place to 173 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: work for is Hilton and Highland. They only hire really 174 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 1: top agents. They are the best of the best. So 175 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 1: what do I do I call Hilton and Highland and 176 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: I set up a meeting and I have an interview 177 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:13,720 Speaker 1: with the bosses. Rick Hilton, which is Kathy Hilton's husband, 178 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: met with me and again I think you could just 179 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,680 Speaker 1: I always had this fire in me, especially in my twenties, 180 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,679 Speaker 1: because I just thought anything's possible, and if you do 181 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: the work, it will show and I'll be okay, I'll 182 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 1: figure it out. I did it in San Diego, I 183 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,719 Speaker 1: can do it again. And they saw that and they 184 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,960 Speaker 1: actually hired me, not being a big agent in La 185 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 1: so I just start working at Hilton and Highland. And 186 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: after a couple of weeks, I remember walking in one 187 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,719 Speaker 1: day and I was on the phone having a conversation 188 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,440 Speaker 1: with my mom and I had to pick up some 189 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 1: marketing materials and Jesse Lally was working at Hilton and 190 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 1: Highland and he saw me and so he follows me 191 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,000 Speaker 1: down the street, hoping that I get off the phone, 192 00:10:56,160 --> 00:11:00,479 Speaker 1: which I don't. So then he actually messages me on FAMEOK, 193 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:05,280 Speaker 1: this is back in twenty fifteen. He messages me on 194 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:09,560 Speaker 1: Facebook and he says something cheesy. It was like I 195 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 1: don't even remember. It was something about air conditioning. It 196 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:15,079 Speaker 1: was really hot, so I had never seen him in person. 197 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 1: When he messaged me, he had seen me and he 198 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 1: asked me, Hey, we have an office meeting on Tuesday. 199 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: Would you like to go out on a date with 200 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,720 Speaker 1: me that night? And I said sure, and he's like, great, 201 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 1: why don't we have a cup of coffee before the 202 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: office meeting so you can get to know who I am, 203 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:34,880 Speaker 1: and then we'll go out at night. So I see him, 204 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:39,200 Speaker 1: and I think he's very handsome, but he does literally 205 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:43,079 Speaker 1: all the wrong things any guy can ever do. He 206 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 1: sits down, apparently he had like twenty cups of coffee. 207 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 1: He doesn't ask me a single question about me. He's 208 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: just talking about, rambling on about himself. And then he's 209 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 1: he's saying things like, oh, I just got out of 210 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:02,119 Speaker 1: a committed five year relationship and I don't want anything serious, 211 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,559 Speaker 1: and I'm just looking like he's just that is not 212 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:08,160 Speaker 1: what I wanted to hear. Mind you, in my mind, 213 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,720 Speaker 1: I'm like, I need to be married before thirty. So 214 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:15,359 Speaker 1: I was trying to find a serious boyfriend, a serious relationship, 215 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: and he's literally telling me the opposite of what I 216 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 1: want to hear. So I go to the office meeting, 217 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 1: I'm like, how am I going to get out of 218 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,680 Speaker 1: this date? And so that night I text him, I'm 219 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,720 Speaker 1: so sorry, I have a migraine, and I end up 220 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,840 Speaker 1: going out with my girls. So this is the infamous 221 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,719 Speaker 1: story because a lot of people I got feedback and 222 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,600 Speaker 1: they're like, why would you Why would you have a 223 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,680 Speaker 1: child with a one night stand. But I don't think 224 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 1: people realize that that is not what I was looking for. 225 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,160 Speaker 1: I go out with my girlfriends. Yes, I get drunk, 226 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna He's not husband material, 227 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,680 Speaker 1: so I'm just gonna use him as a booty call, 228 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,440 Speaker 1: and that is what I did. So the following day, 229 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,720 Speaker 1: he actually acts totally normal. He's contact me, he's texting me, 230 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,559 Speaker 1: he wants to see me, and we just start spending 231 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 1: every day together. And that is what I was looking for. 232 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: I wanted something serious. So it was very contradicting what 233 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:13,680 Speaker 1: he first told me when he met me as to 234 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 1: how he was treating me and him and I started 235 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: going out a lot, going to restaurants, sitting at bars 236 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:24,640 Speaker 1: and people. We were just organically having conversations with people 237 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,559 Speaker 1: about the real estate market and about buying and selling, 238 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,920 Speaker 1: and so we would meet people and they're like, oh, 239 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 1: we want to look for a house, and we're like, oh, 240 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 1: we can help you. So we just became partners without 241 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 1: even trying to be partners, because it just made sense, 242 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 1: like we can both help you, and so it just 243 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:45,839 Speaker 1: organically happened. Where As soon as we started dating, we 244 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,680 Speaker 1: were business partners and we started closing a lot of 245 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:55,160 Speaker 1: deals together. Jesse and I were I think people get 246 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,240 Speaker 1: confused because they saw the very end of our relationship, 247 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:02,959 Speaker 1: but it was like that in the beginning. It was amazing, 248 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 1: it was easy. I thought. What I loved most about 249 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: Jesse is that I saw that we could build a 250 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 1: great life together, that I could have a partner, that 251 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: we could you know, we didn't have a lot of 252 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:22,120 Speaker 1: money at the time, and throughout the years we were 253 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: doing bigger deals. We started from three million to ten 254 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:28,000 Speaker 1: million to twenty million. We sold the house for forty million, 255 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: and I just saw that we could enjoy life, travel 256 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 1: and just do it together. And that's really what I 257 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,360 Speaker 1: wanted because all my life I felt like I always 258 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: did everything on my own and I wanted that partner. 259 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 1: So Jesse and I were together for a long time 260 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:48,640 Speaker 1: and things were really good. There were obviously red flags, 261 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,240 Speaker 1: but when you're young, you don't really pay attention to them, 262 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 1: or you just think you brush them under the rug 263 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 1: and you just think it's going to be fine. And 264 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 1: for the most part, things were good, and I just thought, 265 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:02,240 Speaker 1: nobody's perfect, it'll be okay, we'll figure it out and 266 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 1: just keep moving forward. You guys watched season one. Our 267 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: marriage didn't end up working, but I'll get back to 268 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,840 Speaker 1: that in a second. While we were married, Jesse and 269 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 1: I are constantly going out meeting people, and we meet 270 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 1: two very important people, Jack's and Brittany. Apparently Jack's and 271 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:28,000 Speaker 1: Jesse were roommates over twenty years ago. They lived in 272 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: New York City and they were trying to be actors 273 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: and models. They had a falling out, and I don't 274 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: really know what happened, and I think that's their story 275 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: to tell. So Jackson Jesse finally reconnected once Jesse and 276 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:45,880 Speaker 1: I were married, and he introduced me to Brittany. I 277 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:50,440 Speaker 1: remember when Brittany and I first met where we talked 278 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 1: about how old we were were the same age. Then 279 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,360 Speaker 1: she mentioned she was a Hooters girl and I said 280 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 1: it too, and we're like, wait, what, We're both Hooter girls. 281 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 1: We were Hooter managers, and we just like, from that 282 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:05,080 Speaker 1: moment on, we got it, because you know, once a 283 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 1: Hooter's girl, always a Hooters girl. I guess what I 284 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 1: really love about Brittany is that she was just a 285 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 1: happy person. No matter what, She's always happy. She was 286 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: very inviting, and she introduced me to everybody. So the 287 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,360 Speaker 1: more I would hang out at Brittany's house, the more 288 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,320 Speaker 1: I was meeting everybody. And then I ended up being 289 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:28,560 Speaker 1: friends with Stasi, La, La, Sheena, Katie, just basically everybody. 290 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,040 Speaker 1: And what's ironic is I would hang out with all 291 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 1: of these girls and people would send me messages and 292 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I've never seen Vanderpump Rules. I'm not 293 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,520 Speaker 1: gonna watch it now because that would feel weird that 294 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 1: like I'm watching my friends on TV. So to this day, 295 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:46,280 Speaker 1: I've never watched the show. So here I am back 296 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 1: in twenty eighteen. I'm married to Jesse. We have an 297 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,200 Speaker 1: amazing friend group, and I finally have a group of 298 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 1: girlfriends that you know, I call my girlfriends, which I 299 00:16:56,440 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 1: never really had before growing up. Things are great. We 300 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 1: finally say we want to have a child, so I 301 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,600 Speaker 1: get pregnant and we're looking forward. I always wanted a girl. 302 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: We get the news that we're having a girl in 303 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 1: twenty twenty, and what happens. COVID hits And actually, the 304 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,760 Speaker 1: one of the biggest fears I ever had in life 305 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 1: was giving birth. I hate hospitals, I hate blood. I 306 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,000 Speaker 1: can't stand any of those things. I'm like, how am 307 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,160 Speaker 1: I going to have a child? It's my biggest fear. 308 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,720 Speaker 1: I've thought about it since I'm a little girl. Crazy 309 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:32,640 Speaker 1: but true. And so I'm eight months pregnant and then 310 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,720 Speaker 1: we start hearing about COVID things. I'm like, what is 311 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:39,520 Speaker 1: this COVID? And It'll be fine, And then suddenly in April, 312 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:43,919 Speaker 1: the worst time to have a baby. I'm like, I 313 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,119 Speaker 1: am scared out of my mind to have a child. 314 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,679 Speaker 1: I can't do this on my own. So every single 315 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 1: day before I had a baby, I didn't even know 316 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,200 Speaker 1: if I was going to be by myself or not 317 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: during labor. So April fifteen rolls around. I am a 318 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:04,880 Speaker 1: week early and at night on the thirteenth, I I'm 319 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,600 Speaker 1: sleeping and I wake up and I start having contractions 320 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,360 Speaker 1: and I tell Jesse and he's like, wait as long 321 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 1: as you can, because people get sent back to the hospital. 322 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,480 Speaker 1: So I let the guy sleep all night while I'm 323 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 1: having contractions at home by myself, and so I wait. 324 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 1: He finally wakes up and he's like relaxed, and he's like, 325 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:24,920 Speaker 1: all right, are you ready to go to the hospital. 326 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 1: And I'm like shaking at this point, I'm like, we 327 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 1: need to go right now. And he's like, well, why 328 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,280 Speaker 1: don't you have breakfast because they don't have good food 329 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 1: at the hospital, and then we can go. So he 330 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:39,640 Speaker 1: makes me eggs and I immediately vomit the eggs and 331 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 1: he's like, I'm like, we need to go to the 332 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,679 Speaker 1: hospital now. I don't think you understand I'm having a baby. 333 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 1: I don't even remember arriving, Like he had to get 334 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 1: a whale chair because I couldn't walk up to the elevator. 335 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: They're like, well, wait a minute, we have to check 336 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 1: if she's if she can stay. They're like, but by 337 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,359 Speaker 1: the sound of it, I think she's good. So as 338 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,120 Speaker 1: soon as I check and they're like, oh, yeah, she's 339 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 1: four centimeters, she's good. So they I go in the 340 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:08,439 Speaker 1: hospital and they said there's very strict rules. People are 341 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,840 Speaker 1: not allowed. I'm at the best hospital in La theaters 342 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,720 Speaker 1: and it looks like ghost town, like it literally looks 343 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,000 Speaker 1: like like the Walking Dead, like it was like walking 344 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 1: Dead at the hospital, like dark, nobody around, and they 345 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 1: put me in the last like dungeon room with no window. 346 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,880 Speaker 1: I get anxiety just thinking about that day. So so 347 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,359 Speaker 1: I arrived to the hospital and I said give me 348 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 1: that epidural immediately. And Jesse was very anti everything he 349 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 1: wanted natural and like, this is not happening. I'm four 350 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 1: centimeters and I'm gonna die, so give me it now. 351 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 1: So they gave it to me. And when I did 352 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:52,040 Speaker 1: do the epidural, I was stuck at seven centimeters for 353 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:56,000 Speaker 1: like a day, and so my doctor was like, you 354 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,360 Speaker 1: have high pressure. I wasn't feeling well. He's like, if 355 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 1: we don't do someth thing about it, then we're gonna 356 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:04,400 Speaker 1: have to do C section. And then Jesse starts arguing 357 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,080 Speaker 1: with the doctor like, no, she's not gonna have there 358 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: was something he wanted to help induce me, and they're 359 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 1: arguing he's and finally my doctor is like, do you 360 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,159 Speaker 1: want her to die or do you want to have 361 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,960 Speaker 1: a healthy baby. We're doing this now, I'm overruling you, 362 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,800 Speaker 1: and she's I'm doing it, and he did it, and 363 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 1: thank God, that night I delivered Isabella. So Jesse actually 364 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 1: got to be with Isabella for about ten minutes and 365 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,200 Speaker 1: then he had to leave and they it was one 366 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,359 Speaker 1: in the morning. They put me in my room and 367 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,720 Speaker 1: I had no nurses. I had nobody around, nobody. I 368 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 1: didn't even know that. I couldn't get out of bed 369 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 1: and like walk to the bathroom and pee. Like when 370 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 1: I tried, I was like, oh, I like stitched up. 371 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 1: I couldn't do anything, so and even ringing the nurse button, 372 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,240 Speaker 1: it took like thirty minutes to get a nurse. So 373 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 1: I just had the worst COVID baby experience that any 374 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,679 Speaker 1: woman fears of. Then of course that happened to me. 375 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,840 Speaker 1: So finally my life was checking off all the boxes 376 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,920 Speaker 1: and everything was great. I wanted to have a husband, 377 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 1: I wanted to have a beautiful, healthy baby girl, thank 378 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: the Lord, and everything seemed great. But once I had 379 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 1: a child, your life instantly changes as a mother, and 380 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,879 Speaker 1: that is when things slowly started changing. And this is 381 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:41,119 Speaker 1: the part that my marriage became a nightmare. It was 382 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,680 Speaker 1: a very lonely time for me. But my world at 383 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:49,119 Speaker 1: the time was my daughter. And my home, and unfortunately 384 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:54,119 Speaker 1: that wasn't the same with Jesse. He continued his life 385 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 1: as if he was still kind of a single guy, 386 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 1: and I was expected to be at home, and he 387 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,600 Speaker 1: really kind of stop communicating with me. He was gone 388 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 1: all the time, and even when he was home, he 389 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,960 Speaker 1: was always on the phone or he had his vodka 390 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,000 Speaker 1: on the rocks. And I never had that one on 391 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,600 Speaker 1: one where somebody asked me how I'm doing, or would 392 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,440 Speaker 1: have a conversation with me. And he was just getting 393 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 1: further away while I was becoming more of a mother. 394 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 1: He was not doing his part in trying to be 395 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,840 Speaker 1: a father. A lot of people ask me why didn't 396 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 1: I leave sooner? When you're married, you don't just walk away. 397 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 1: It takes time, and us as women, it's like you're married. 398 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,160 Speaker 1: I got married and I had no intention of ever 399 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 1: getting divorced. I wanted to be married to him for 400 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 1: the rest of my life. That was my mindset and 401 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:49,399 Speaker 1: what I wanted as a goal of happiness. But he 402 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,679 Speaker 1: changed and not for the better. I felt like I 403 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 1: grew and he was just going backwards in life and 404 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: I stay. I stayed as long as I did because 405 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 1: the unknown is super scary. I had no idea how 406 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,320 Speaker 1: was I going to start all over in my thirties 407 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,400 Speaker 1: now with the child and have to move out and 408 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 1: possibly get a new work at a different place. Because 409 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,919 Speaker 1: we work at the same office, and my life with 410 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 1: Jesse was very intertwined. We had work together, our entire relationship, 411 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 1: we did a TV show together, we share a child together, 412 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 1: and it was just so scary to think that I 413 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:38,200 Speaker 1: would be literally starting over from scratch. And it takes 414 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:42,440 Speaker 1: a lot to be able to tell yourself like, this 415 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,800 Speaker 1: is not what I deserved, this is not what I 416 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,920 Speaker 1: want in my life, and I'm going to do something 417 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,760 Speaker 1: about it and start over, even though it's going to 418 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: be one of the hardest things I have to do 419 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:56,040 Speaker 1: in my life. So our relationship really started changing once 420 00:23:56,080 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 1: we had a child, and when Isabella was about one 421 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:05,360 Speaker 1: years old, that's when we were introduced about possibly doing 422 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:09,320 Speaker 1: a reality TV show together. And things weren't that bad. 423 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,480 Speaker 1: There were you know, I thought there were bumpy roads 424 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,000 Speaker 1: and ups and downs and marriages, so I just thought 425 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,920 Speaker 1: this was something that was going to get better with time. 426 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,159 Speaker 1: And then we get a call and they're like, well, 427 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,879 Speaker 1: you're we're going to start doing this show soon, and 428 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 1: that was literally the worst time of our relationship, and 429 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,879 Speaker 1: it was also the worst time of my life. I 430 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 1: had the worst news anybody could ever get before starting 431 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:40,000 Speaker 1: to film a TV show. So before we start filming 432 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,240 Speaker 1: the show, my mom comes to visit me in La 433 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 1: We go out to a restaurant and she actually thought 434 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,399 Speaker 1: she had food poisoning because she wasn't feeling well the 435 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 1: following day, and I said, I felt fine, why don't 436 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,240 Speaker 1: you go to the hospital or go to the doctor 437 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,879 Speaker 1: and get a checkup. My mom had always gone to 438 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:59,159 Speaker 1: the doctor's yearly get checkups. She was always proud of 439 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,440 Speaker 1: how healthy she was was and didn't even have any 440 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,280 Speaker 1: high blood pressure or anything like that. So she calls 441 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:07,879 Speaker 1: me and she's like, I'm a little confused. They have 442 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,600 Speaker 1: to do all these MRIs. We don't know what's happening. 443 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,600 Speaker 1: So my sister immediately goes with my mom, and my 444 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:18,200 Speaker 1: sister and Mom call me and she's like, Mom has 445 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 1: stage four cancer. And this is probably a week or 446 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 1: two before I start filming the show. So internally, I'm 447 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:34,160 Speaker 1: going through such a difficult marriage and I'm confused because 448 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. I'm like, do I leave, 449 00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 1: Do I stay? Do I do this TV show? My 450 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:43,240 Speaker 1: mom has cancer? What does that mean? I've never known 451 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:47,639 Speaker 1: anybody to be sick, let alone cancer, and it was 452 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:51,159 Speaker 1: stage four, so they said she had to have surgery 453 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:56,199 Speaker 1: immediately and then do chemo right after. So right, I 454 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 1: think it was a week before filming. I had to 455 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,800 Speaker 1: go to San Diego be with my mom while she 456 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 1: had all of these surgeries, and then go into filming 457 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:09,400 Speaker 1: while me and my husband want to kill each other 458 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 1: and everything is just horrible. And I thought naive of me. 459 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,440 Speaker 1: But I had never seen reality TV. I had thought 460 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 1: I could just hide it and not say anything and 461 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:26,040 Speaker 1: just keep it to myself. And now watching back the show, 462 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 1: I see how miserable I was and how much I 463 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:34,400 Speaker 1: was actually going through mentally, and I tried to hide it. 464 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:38,600 Speaker 1: And you know, I've heard that I look like a robot, 465 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,159 Speaker 1: and I think it's because I was. I didn't know 466 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:46,199 Speaker 1: how to handle it internally. I didn't know if was 467 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,919 Speaker 1: my mom going to get better with chemo? Was she 468 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,640 Speaker 1: going to die? Like? There was just so many unknowns, 469 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:57,160 Speaker 1: and I could not at the time make the decision 470 00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:01,239 Speaker 1: whether I was going to stay or leave. One thing 471 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,960 Speaker 1: I want to mention is before filming, there was a 472 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:08,159 Speaker 1: point where Jesse and I were really bad and I 473 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,640 Speaker 1: didn't even think about it, and I just sat him 474 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,960 Speaker 1: down and I'm like, I want a divorce. This is horrible. 475 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,640 Speaker 1: I'm going to get an apartment a block away and 476 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,480 Speaker 1: we'll figure it out and we can do therapy. And 477 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,719 Speaker 1: I remember doing it in my office because I just 478 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:26,000 Speaker 1: didn't want him to change my mind, and he was 479 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,120 Speaker 1: crying so much, and he it was a four hour 480 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,879 Speaker 1: conversation and he really begged me, and he made me 481 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,600 Speaker 1: feel like he woke up and was going to change, 482 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:40,720 Speaker 1: and I was very vocal. I told him that I 483 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:44,240 Speaker 1: was so unhappy and all of the things he did 484 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:48,840 Speaker 1: were very severe. His drinking was very severe, his spending 485 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,119 Speaker 1: habits was very severe, him never being home. It was 486 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:56,560 Speaker 1: just it took a real toll on our relationship. And 487 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,160 Speaker 1: so he promised me, and he said, give me a year, 488 00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:02,520 Speaker 1: and if you're unhappy in a year, I will walk 489 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,399 Speaker 1: away and I will make sure you're taken care of. 490 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 1: I will make sure everything is good. And I said, well, 491 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,720 Speaker 1: I owe that to our marriage and to our daughter. 492 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,880 Speaker 1: And so I did stay because I wanted to give 493 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:19,760 Speaker 1: him that last chance, so I gave him the chance, 494 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 1: and that's when we got the call that we were 495 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,240 Speaker 1: going to start filming. So I was giving him the 496 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:29,639 Speaker 1: opportunity when in fact I was already mentally done. And 497 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:33,000 Speaker 1: Jesse can be very convincing, and he convinced me that 498 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,520 Speaker 1: he was going to change and he was going to 499 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:41,280 Speaker 1: do anything to fix the marriage, and he guaranteed me 500 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:45,600 Speaker 1: and promised me that he would make sure that everything 501 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:49,720 Speaker 1: would go smoothly even if I wanted to leave, and 502 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:54,520 Speaker 1: that didn't happen. I should have known, but that didn't happen, 503 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 1: and I'm still struggling. But I'm happy that I left 504 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 1: because I'm not miserable every single day, and so much 505 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:08,800 Speaker 1: has happened since then, and it's a very difficult divorce. 506 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,480 Speaker 1: I think I'm going through one of the most difficult 507 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:15,800 Speaker 1: and complicated divorce because I'm dealing with a difficult person, 508 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,680 Speaker 1: and even though it should be easier, it's not. But 509 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:24,120 Speaker 1: I'm trying to navigate that because I know that this 510 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,080 Speaker 1: is not going to last forever. I was in a 511 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:31,719 Speaker 1: really bad place mentally while filming, and it really showed 512 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:36,520 Speaker 1: in my demeanor, and I was just so unhappy and 513 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 1: I wasn't true to myself. And finally, when we stopped filming, 514 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:45,480 Speaker 1: I just realized, like, it's now or never. I have 515 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,480 Speaker 1: a at the time two year old. I don't want 516 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:50,520 Speaker 1: to do it when she's ten. Why am I going 517 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,959 Speaker 1: to be unhappy year after year? This is not what 518 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,440 Speaker 1: I signed up for. This isn't when I said I 519 00:29:56,560 --> 00:30:00,120 Speaker 1: do this is this was not the agreement. And so oh, 520 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:04,120 Speaker 1: we had a wedding anniversary right after filming, and I 521 00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:08,160 Speaker 1: just told myself, like, do I want another wedding anniversary 522 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:12,720 Speaker 1: and be miserable? And I said no. So I woke 523 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:14,920 Speaker 1: up and I sat him down and I said, there 524 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,880 Speaker 1: is nothing you can do or say to change my mind, 525 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 1: so please listen to what I have to say. And 526 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 1: I feel like I was very fair. I said, I 527 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,680 Speaker 1: gave you the time, but I'm going to ask for 528 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:31,480 Speaker 1: a divorce. Nothing's changed, and I want it to be 529 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,239 Speaker 1: as easy as possible. I don't want to take your 530 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:37,400 Speaker 1: child away. I want to be fifty to fifty. I 531 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,200 Speaker 1: want to live near each other. I want to learn 532 00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,960 Speaker 1: to co parent and be friends with one another. And 533 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,800 Speaker 1: I think that I couldn't have made it easier on him. 534 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 1: And I realized that I had a responsibility to show 535 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:56,720 Speaker 1: my daughter what a healthy relationship was because I started 536 00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,800 Speaker 1: envisioning my parents, and I remember being three years old 537 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:04,560 Speaker 1: and five and ten and looking at my parents in 538 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:08,200 Speaker 1: love and my dad coming home and bringing my mom 539 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,320 Speaker 1: and I flowers, and he would put music on and 540 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:15,040 Speaker 1: dance and it was just such a happy household that 541 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,080 Speaker 1: I thought to myself, Isabella doesn't even know what that 542 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:23,080 Speaker 1: looks like. She's never even seen her dad kiss or 543 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:27,520 Speaker 1: hug her mother, and that was not something that I 544 00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:31,960 Speaker 1: wanted her to grow up thinking that was normal. And 545 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:36,040 Speaker 1: I really thought about her before anything, and I just 546 00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,760 Speaker 1: realized that this will be the best thing that I 547 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,920 Speaker 1: ever do for my daughter. My mom was such a 548 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,840 Speaker 1: strong woman, and I want to raise my daughter the 549 00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,360 Speaker 1: same way. I want her to look at me and 550 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 1: think one day when she grows up like my mom 551 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 1: was a strong woman and she did everything she could 552 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,360 Speaker 1: to be happy, and so that I'm happy and have 553 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:02,000 Speaker 1: a good life. And don't get me wrong, it's not 554 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:07,000 Speaker 1: easy getting divorced, and there's different stages and it's difficult 555 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 1: before it gets better, and I'm in the heart of it, 556 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,800 Speaker 1: and it is hard and dealing with lawyers and fighting 557 00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:18,640 Speaker 1: with an ex about custody or financials. It's not fun stuff, 558 00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:23,200 Speaker 1: but I think that in the end it's going to 559 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:27,440 Speaker 1: be worth it for me and my daughter. And I 560 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,680 Speaker 1: wanted to do this podcast because I want you to 561 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 1: know the different layers of me and to be able 562 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 1: to talk about friendships, marriage, divorce, co parenting, having a child, 563 00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 1: being a mother, death, finding love again, business, real estate, 564 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,680 Speaker 1: you name it. No topic is off limit. I have 565 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,320 Speaker 1: felt a lot of support from friends and even on 566 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,640 Speaker 1: Instagram people I don't know, and this is why I 567 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:58,080 Speaker 1: want to share, so that I feel the support and 568 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,400 Speaker 1: so that I can support you. So if there's anything 569 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,480 Speaker 1: you want to know or want me to talk about, 570 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:06,120 Speaker 1: please do share. I do read the comments. I see 571 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,560 Speaker 1: the good ones and the bad ones, so whatever you want, 572 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 1: nothing is off limits. I've always been in the pursuit 573 00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,720 Speaker 1: of something, apparently ever since I was born. I've had 574 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 1: a difficult life, and I have always been in the 575 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:25,800 Speaker 1: pursuit of happiness, of joy, and now sassiness. This isn't 576 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 1: just my own pursuit of sassiness, but it's all of us. 577 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,000 Speaker 1: So I'm super excited that we're gonna go on this 578 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 1: journey together.