1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: Swine Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast. 2 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:10,800 Speaker 2: I just burnt my tongue so bad on a coffee. 3 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 1: On my coffee coffee, yours is the extra hot one. 4 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 1: So I don't know how you bump your tongue on mine. 5 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,800 Speaker 2: Because I it was still it was a hot one. 6 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: What do you call yours? 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:24,079 Speaker 2: I get a extra hot chi latte with oat milk. 8 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: From Starby's grand a cup of sugar. 9 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:33,239 Speaker 2: You know what, not talk about your twix obsessions. So 10 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 2: you literally cannot speak to my Starbucks when you devour 11 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 2: king size twigs. Thank you. 12 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,880 Speaker 1: I go for a phezes. I go for afhezes normally 13 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:52,279 Speaker 1: when I'm a bit stressed, I will I'll go through 14 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 1: a binge on some king sized Twixes. 15 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 2: You know what the funniest piece of it, though, is, 16 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 2: is you try to take me down in your binges. 17 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 2: Like last night we're watching his show. He said about 18 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:08,679 Speaker 2: five times, ooh, hungry, Tommy's rumbling, and I'm like, then 19 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 2: go eat something. He's like, do you want something? I 20 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 2: was like, no, I'm good. Thanks. A minute later, Oh, 21 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 2: I'm hungry, rumbling, babe, go go eat something, because I 22 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,640 Speaker 2: know you're trying to not have your cereal at night, 23 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,040 Speaker 2: trying to be You've been trying to get off of that, 24 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,920 Speaker 2: but you kept saying asking to me, do you want 25 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 2: your yogurt? Because normally I have my nice little Siggi's 26 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,399 Speaker 2: vanilla cinnamon yogurt. It's delicious. It's like a desserts. It's 27 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,920 Speaker 2: not an ad, it's a dessert. It's like having a 28 00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 2: cup of ice cream every night. It's so good. It's 29 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 2: like just the right amount of cinnamon, the right amount 30 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 2: of vanilla. And I normally have one around like eight 31 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 2: o'clock at night, once I tuck the kids in, Once 32 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 2: we took the kids in, it's normally the my my 33 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 2: yogurt time. And so you kept asking do you want 34 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 2: your yogurt? Do you want some chips? 35 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 3: No? 36 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,880 Speaker 2: I actually didn't want any tonight. And then lo and behold, 37 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 2: he gets up three minutes after that, comes back in 38 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 2: with a yogurt and spoon. I'm like, I don't want 39 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 2: to eat right now. Stop forcing food on me just 40 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,200 Speaker 2: because you want to feel better about the food you're 41 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,559 Speaker 2: about to digest. 42 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 1: Mine was a protein shake made with water protein powder, 43 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,359 Speaker 1: and I. 44 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 2: Know, but still, anyways, do you feel like you have 45 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 2: to do you need a partner in it? Because I 46 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 2: get that to an extent, like nobody wants to squirrel alone. 47 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 1: Okay, there's two sides to this, Okay, to give context 48 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: to people that are listening. So the first side is 49 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 1: I will ask you something and you'll say no, it's fine, 50 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: and I don't do it, and you're like, oh wait 51 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: is it? I'm like, would you say that, No, it's. 52 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 2: Fine, I want to do it joking though, after like, 53 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 2: I really like. 54 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 1: Baby, you need to realize that sometimes no it's fine 55 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:56,080 Speaker 1: means actually I want something. Last night was one of 56 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 1: those moments. Could have been one of those moments. Well 57 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,639 Speaker 1: it doesn't want to you, but really she does want one. 58 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 1: So I'm going to take it in anyway. And the 59 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:04,920 Speaker 1: second thing is you don't eat enough. 60 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,760 Speaker 2: True, that is true podcast days. I really struggle to 61 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,160 Speaker 2: eat because where we go for like three hours and 62 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 2: like you, I forget, I don't have time. Mark doesn't 63 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 2: let me eat on the podcast. No one wants there shopping. 64 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:23,679 Speaker 1: You're always on the move, You're naturally athletic, you abundant 65 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: log oficalities. So yog at Night is you should have 66 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 1: you should have actually eaten it. 67 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 2: Okay, okay. 68 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 1: Anyway, anyway, there's your week been to been good? Mine's 69 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: being good? 70 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 2: Yeah? Do youone tell us about it? 71 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: Again? It's two sides, and so you're like. 72 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,480 Speaker 2: How's your weak mind's been good? 73 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: So you don't care about you're a week, just that mind? 74 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 2: Please tell us. 75 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 1: The first thing is my I'll probably say this, but 76 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: my what permit has been authorized? 77 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 2: Can we just back up an hour and a half 78 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 2: to our conversation this morning? Yeah, where you said. 79 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: It was a fleeting comment, It wasn't a conversation. 80 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 2: He literally says, what are we talking about for host 81 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 2: chat today? I was like, I don't know. What do 82 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,839 Speaker 2: you got? And he's like, well, we shouldn't talk about 83 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 2: the fact that my work visa came up. And I said, okay, 84 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 2: visa or your green card, whatever, your work completely give 85 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,760 Speaker 2: me your work authorization card. He's like, we shouldn't talk 86 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 2: about that. Cut to an hour later. 87 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 1: So I've digested my comment and it's because a part 88 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,279 Speaker 1: of it leads into a guest who's coming on, but 89 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:34,520 Speaker 1: also does it gives me it's been good, but it 90 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: will be good because it now gives me the It 91 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:43,040 Speaker 1: gives me the freedom to create the business opportunities and. 92 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:46,720 Speaker 2: So basically the people that don't know when he applied 93 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 2: for his Green card, because obviously we're married, you are 94 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 2: technically you need a work authorization through your Green card 95 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,880 Speaker 2: to be able to work in the United States. 96 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 1: Yes, with restrictions whereas visas. 97 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 2: And without getting in trouble. Yes, because he's had the 98 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,600 Speaker 2: work visas. But there is restrictions with work visas. They 99 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 2: make it very difficult for the people that want to 100 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 2: do it legally in this country. 101 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 1: So they make it very different difficult for entrepreneurial people. Yes, 102 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 1: if you want to just stick to one thing and 103 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,800 Speaker 1: that's your job and that's what you do, then a 104 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 1: visa is fine. But if you want to like we do, 105 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:27,040 Speaker 1: we've got different avenues of income and careers. So it's 106 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 1: difficult to then do that because you can't essentially do 107 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: it right. So now the permit is in the work 108 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: authorization will still wait, it's coming through the mail that 109 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 1: and the travel authorization. 110 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 2: It's nice because now you don't have the restrictions, so 111 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,599 Speaker 2: you can do things outside of your working visa, which 112 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:49,039 Speaker 2: is really nice, and you can you know, not have 113 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 2: that restriction, which I think has been a stressor this, 114 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 2: it's been a stressor for you, and you know. 115 00:05:56,040 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: Absolutely there's been limited to one thing. Yeah, obviously it's 116 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,440 Speaker 1: the travel. Not being able to travel has been has 117 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 1: been stressful. So it's been the good way in terms 118 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,719 Speaker 1: of email from the lawyer saying okay, it's been granted. 119 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 1: Wait on your your card coming through, and then you're 120 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 1: you're good to go. Essentially, the second thing is I'm 121 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,360 Speaker 1: at this phase now when I grow my hair. 122 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 2: This is why your week is good for sure. Yeah good. 123 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 1: That doesn't make a week good, but it's so that 124 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,359 Speaker 1: comes to that comes a point where I can no 125 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 1: longer push it forward and mess it up and I 126 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,440 Speaker 1: have to wear it back from now. 127 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,440 Speaker 2: At that point, and that's what you want. 128 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,039 Speaker 1: Yeah, But sometimes when I look at it, it's a 129 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:44,839 Speaker 1: bit like Stephen Sigal eighties, like Afroy and Cigau Afro. 130 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,719 Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know, I don't know what is Stephen. 131 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: Sagall eighties Stephen Cigal. 132 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 2: Of course I know who it is, but I'm sorry 133 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 2: I haven't tracked his hairstyles. Stephen Sigall eighties air what 134 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 2: he didn't have any hair the No, that's in the eighties. 135 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 2: Oh okay, So like slick back. I would not say 136 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 2: it's anything even remotely close to that hairstyle you have, 137 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 2: like a poof You've got a Texas thing going on 138 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,960 Speaker 2: for those women, how they poof their hair out Texas 139 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 2: thing like you know, it's like it looks like it's 140 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 2: teased anyway. 141 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,320 Speaker 1: It needs to get slick back, and it can no longer. 142 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,480 Speaker 2: Be freeased on. Slick it back, You're just slick it back. 143 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 1: No, like it has to go back, has to be 144 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,559 Speaker 1: brushed back the way it can no longer go forward. Okay, 145 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: I've reached the point of no return. 146 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 2: And this is a part of the good week. 147 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: Fascinating, it's not part of the good week. There's been 148 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 1: there's been a few good parts of this week. Well, 149 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,960 Speaker 1: and that leads us into our next guest. 150 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 2: And I guess not my week. So that's okay, we 151 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 2: can bypass it. That's fine. 152 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: We have time for your week. 153 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 2: Oh see, wow, guess not. 154 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 1: I would love to hear about your week. 155 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 2: No, I'm good. Let's talk about money, and because that's 156 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 2: fun for couples to talk about money. Great subject, it's 157 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 2: a wonderful subject which I think a lot of people 158 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 2: and a lot of relationships struggle with having financial conversations together. 159 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 2: We had her meet on when I was pregnant with Roman, 160 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 2: when we were staying in that old Airbnb, when he 161 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 2: had a book out, and I've followed a few things 162 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 2: from that conversation from that podcast. Very knowledgeable. He's an 163 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,119 Speaker 2: American author, entrepreneur, and media personality. But he's the author 164 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,360 Speaker 2: of two thousand and nine New York Times bestseller I 165 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 2: Will Teach You to Be Rich most of that I 166 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 2: Will Teach You to Be Rich podcast. He also had 167 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 2: a Netflix seri in twenty twenty three called How to 168 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,000 Speaker 2: Get Rich, and he has a book now out called 169 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 2: Money for Couples. Before he comes on, what is the 170 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 2: area around money that kind of gives you that lump 171 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 2: in your throat? 172 00:08:56,040 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: Well, sometimes sometimes if you have that, you have to 173 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: sometimes if you have to justify spend, then something that 174 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:09,679 Speaker 1: you felt was just spend and maybe the other person doesn't. 175 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 1: I think that would always be a difficult, difficult. 176 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 2: Well, I think you you you've lived a life where 177 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 2: when you got divorced, correct me if I'm wrong, your 178 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 2: spending money was on cars and nice cars, sports cars. Yeah, 179 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 2: and so I think that's probably an area where you'd 180 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,760 Speaker 2: want to spend money again, but maybe that you might 181 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 2: feel hesitant in a relationship because that cost is is 182 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 2: that the most responsible cost to Yeah, that thing to do. 183 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,720 Speaker 1: That's a good point. It's a good way to word 184 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,720 Speaker 1: that because you know that that piece of my life 185 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,920 Speaker 1: had did a lot of irresponsible things, but it's. 186 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,240 Speaker 2: Stuff that brought you. You love cars, it brings you joy. 187 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,679 Speaker 2: So I think there's a piece in that too where 188 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 2: I'd love to talk to Meat about this says, where's 189 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 2: the balance? Where's wow, that's Michigan. Where is the balance 190 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:09,600 Speaker 2: in you being able to do things and me too 191 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 2: with but keeping the responsibility in mind of a family 192 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:14,720 Speaker 2: and our money. 193 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,480 Speaker 1: I think it's difficult because in that period of my 194 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:21,599 Speaker 1: life I was in charge of all my financial decisions. 195 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: I bought whatever I wanted when I wanted to, which 196 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:30,679 Speaker 1: is not a good thing. So the responsibility side, of 197 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 1: the irresponsibility side kind of still haunts me. And for 198 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 1: me to prioritize now and our situation, for me to 199 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 1: prioritize buying another car like that with feel irresponsible and 200 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: selfish to me, and I don't want to feel irresponsible 201 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,720 Speaker 1: and selfish. They'll come a point where I think I 202 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,520 Speaker 1: made a comment about it this morning. But I'll eventually 203 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: get another supercar or whether it is when the time's right, 204 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,800 Speaker 1: but the time is not right right now, it's not 205 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 1: it's not a priority. 206 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:09,559 Speaker 2: Well, and I think the miss with couples is because 207 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:16,079 Speaker 2: if those if people aren't respecting what the relationship has 208 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 2: as a whole, then that's where someone feels disrespected or 209 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:24,720 Speaker 2: that's or the other person is you know, irresponsible or 210 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 2: whatever it is. Like I mean not to like draw 211 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 2: up past stuff, but this is something we've talked about, 212 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,200 Speaker 2: is where it's like when one person spent more, obviously 213 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,440 Speaker 2: that might even my lash relationship, Like he spent more money, 214 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 2: I worked more, and that was really hard for our 215 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 2: marriage because I didn't buy anything. So then I came 216 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 2: to a point where I was like, Okay, what can 217 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 2: be fair. Let's both have a salary, not a salary, 218 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,679 Speaker 2: but like a spending cap, right, so let's say five 219 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,040 Speaker 2: hundred dollars a month or I don't know, like that's 220 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,679 Speaker 2: whatever it was, Like I would love to say fifty 221 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,480 Speaker 2: because that's so much. I don't like to buy things 222 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 2: for myself, like you know, I would had I think 223 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,079 Speaker 2: it was two hundred dollars. It was like a two 224 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 2: hundred dollars cap like just to see, you know, looking 225 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,200 Speaker 2: at really bad well because it's just not to butt 226 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,560 Speaker 2: like you know, like I don't, I don't know whatever 227 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:15,880 Speaker 2: it was, but he way went over it. And of 228 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 2: course I didn't buy anything for myself that month because 229 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 2: I pretty much figured he would step out of that price. 230 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,880 Speaker 2: And he was like, who cares, and I'm like, it 231 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 2: was because we agreed to it, like and it was 232 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 2: like we agreed to that number, and it was like 233 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:34,439 Speaker 2: that disrespect that someone even something that we agreed on, 234 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 2: and you know, it's but I think the problem was 235 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 2: was because it wasn't equal people giving into the pot. 236 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,600 Speaker 2: And I think that's also where that can draw friction 237 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:48,840 Speaker 2: into a marriage. Absolutely, if it's not both people contributing 238 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,959 Speaker 2: something into the pot, it doesn't have to think. I 239 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:56,679 Speaker 2: don't think there's ever total equality with it. I don't know, 240 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 2: you know, some people have like you're gonna half better 241 00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 2: months than I'll have, you know, and then and vice versa. 242 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 2: But when there isn't that person contributing and abusing what's 243 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 2: coming in, I think that's where it can get really icky. 244 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 2: But Remy is here so let's take a break and 245 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 2: get them on. Hi, so good to see you again. 246 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 2: Jump right into it. I was so excited to see 247 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,120 Speaker 2: your name, and I was pumped because your book came 248 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 2: in the mail and I was like, well, this is 249 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 2: a great this is a great thing. Because though I 250 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,080 Speaker 2: was excited to get the book, it also you know 251 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 2: how we talked about this the last time you're on 252 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 2: talking about money gives me he begb's and so and 253 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:50,720 Speaker 2: then even in a relationship, it's that, oh like money 254 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 2: for couples, like I want to look at it as 255 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 2: a positive, a positive thing, but sometimes money can be 256 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 2: such a conflict in a relationship and a marriage. And 257 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 2: so in your book, a is there tips on how 258 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:08,120 Speaker 2: to again frame the wording of money so that it's 259 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,559 Speaker 2: a comfortable conversation. 260 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 1: Rob, nice to meet you, and this is awesome. My husband, Hey, 261 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 1: nice to meet. 262 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 3: You, Alan, right, Yes, good to meet you. Good hummer, meet, 263 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:21,600 Speaker 3: nice to meet you. You know what I have to 264 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 3: tell you. When I started talking about money with my wife, 265 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 3: I just wanted to know what were people saying, how 266 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 3: were they saying it? And I'm talking about the exact 267 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,320 Speaker 3: words because there's so much advice out there that was 268 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:38,160 Speaker 3: have the conversation, like what conversation? Tell me what to say? 269 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 3: And so in the book, I have the exact words 270 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 3: to use, word for word. And also, what do you 271 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,600 Speaker 3: do if your partner avoids money? What if they shut 272 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,320 Speaker 3: it down? What if they want to jump right into 273 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 3: the weeds and talk about the credit card debt? There 274 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 3: are ways to avoid that, There are ways to pin 275 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 3: your conversation to the north star. So I made it 276 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 3: exdreamely specific, regardless of how you look at money, so 277 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 3: that you and your partner can actually connect over money, 278 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 3: not use it as a wedge. 279 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 2: Can you give us an example of how to do 280 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 2: that within a marriage? 281 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, let me give you an example of how 282 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:19,320 Speaker 3: to have your first positive conversation about money. Okay, I 283 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 3: say this because most couples have actually never had one. 284 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 3: When couples talk about money, they fight, I can't believe 285 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,240 Speaker 3: you spent that much at the grocery store yesterday, And 286 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 3: they basically sleep on opposite ends of the bed and 287 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 3: then they wake up and ignore it, pretend it didn't 288 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 3: happen until it happens again six weeks later. This sucks. 289 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 3: What kind of life is this? So we're going to 290 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 3: have our first positive conversation about money. It's very simple. 291 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 3: It's four parts. First, tell them why you're excited to 292 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 3: talk about money. Say something like this. You know what, babe, 293 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 3: I realize in the past when we talk about money, 294 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 3: it hasn't gone the way I wanted to. I think 295 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:01,000 Speaker 3: sometimes I can be a little bit overbearing, and I 296 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 3: know that it doesn't feel good for either of us. 297 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,800 Speaker 3: So I'm excited for us to get a chance to 298 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 3: talk about money in a different way. That's part one, 299 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 3: Part two. Right now, when I think about money, I 300 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 3: feel overwhelmed, I feel confused, I feel alone. How about you. 301 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,360 Speaker 3: What I'm doing there is I'm sharing my feelings and 302 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 3: then I'm inviting my partner so that it's not a monologue. 303 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:35,800 Speaker 3: I want to hear from them. Third, when I think 304 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 3: about money, here's how I want to feel. I want 305 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 3: to feel calm. I want to feel confident. I want 306 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 3: to feel connected. How about you get your partner in there, 307 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,320 Speaker 3: get them engaged. And then the fourth part, when should 308 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 3: we talk about money? 309 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 1: Next? 310 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,640 Speaker 3: That's it. Give each other a big hug and a 311 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:01,040 Speaker 3: big kiss and pat yourself on the back, declare victory 312 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 3: and go home. Notice that I'm not talking about your 313 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,200 Speaker 3: freaking portfolio. So many people when they start talking about money, 314 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,960 Speaker 3: they end up within thirty seconds talking about credit card debt. 315 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 3: Y'all think that's going to be a good conversation from 316 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 3: a guy who's had more conversations about money than anybody, 317 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,760 Speaker 3: let me tell you it's not. So part of having 318 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 3: a positive conversation is acknowledging where you are, maybe with 319 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,360 Speaker 3: a little vulnerability, because I bet you have a part 320 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 3: to play in your money dynamic. Maybe it's telling them 321 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,919 Speaker 3: how you feel and how you want to feel, and 322 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:35,120 Speaker 3: then discussing when you want to talk next. That's it. 323 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,200 Speaker 3: That's your first positive conversation about money. 324 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:40,960 Speaker 2: Where do you think we struggle the most with money 325 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 2: in our relationship, like conversation wise? 326 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:47,959 Speaker 1: Probably the fact that obviously I left the life in 327 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 1: England and came over here, and I'm glad that obviously, 328 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:59,119 Speaker 1: so I still repeedid that I'm still funding that life 329 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 1: I had in England a certain degree, and I felt 330 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,600 Speaker 1: that we always kind of kept that separate. It was 331 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,400 Speaker 1: almost like a yeah, let's it will cause conflict, let's 332 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,800 Speaker 1: not discuss it. So I think at the beginning it 333 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:17,760 Speaker 1: was probably it was probably in that area. Now, I 334 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,160 Speaker 1: don't think we really struggle that much on the when 335 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 1: we both work hard and contribute. I don't know, like 336 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,480 Speaker 1: one area where I'll be like, Okay, I don't want 337 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 1: to raise this with struggling. 338 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 2: With this, will you freak out more? Well, I think, 339 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:39,440 Speaker 2: and you know, speaking to it where I think we 340 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:43,359 Speaker 2: both have our money stressors, Like he financially stresses about money. 341 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,840 Speaker 2: I financially stress about money, and so then we stress together. 342 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,760 Speaker 2: It's just more stress. 343 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,639 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's also a part where So 344 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 1: I got divorced in twenty eighteen, and it took me 345 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,720 Speaker 1: years to get divorced, but I went through a phase 346 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: of five years where I didn't have to justify what 347 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,280 Speaker 1: I was spending to anyone. I didn't have to. I 348 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 1: didn't have to No one was asking me why I'm 349 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 1: spending money on what I'm spending on. So I went 350 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,600 Speaker 1: from kind of being in that phase to then we were, 351 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,679 Speaker 1: we were together, we were having a baby, So it 352 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:20,359 Speaker 1: was almost like trying to bridge that transition of and listen, 353 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:25,080 Speaker 1: I you know this. I was irresponsible with my finances 354 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: at that point in time. Was going through a lot 355 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:31,480 Speaker 1: of things that most people wouldn't want to go through. 356 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 1: But so there was the transition from Okay, I've been 357 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 1: on my own for five years with my own money, 358 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 1: and then we come into we have this amazing relationship, 359 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 1: we have a baby, we get married. So I think 360 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:50,440 Speaker 1: I could have transitioned that a lot better. I also, unfortunately, 361 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,280 Speaker 1: have a passion for. 362 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 2: Cars, which I remember you telling me, don't spend your 363 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,879 Speaker 2: money on a car, m or the house? Was it 364 00:19:58,920 --> 00:19:59,359 Speaker 2: the house? 365 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 3: Well, well, remember your rich life is yours. If you 366 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 3: love a car and you can afford it, I'm all 367 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 3: for it. But you know, especially in American culture, we 368 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,439 Speaker 3: tend to blindly believe that we have to buy a 369 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,399 Speaker 3: house and we have to buy a huge car. Do 370 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,160 Speaker 3: you mind if I ask you both a couple of questions? 371 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:15,720 Speaker 2: Sure? 372 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:16,760 Speaker 1: Yeah. 373 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,359 Speaker 3: How often do you talk about money? 374 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,119 Speaker 1: Normally? If we just talk about money, it's a reactive, 375 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,120 Speaker 1: reactive conversation. 376 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 2: How often I think again, because I think you're stressed 377 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:32,040 Speaker 2: about at the moment because of his work, visa stuff. 378 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 2: He doesn't maybe feel like he's contributing as much, so 379 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 2: there's pressure on his and so I think that's if 380 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,960 Speaker 2: I'm speaking, you know, just at the moment, you know, yeah, 381 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 2: and so that is then I'm like, well, you know, 382 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 2: so that causes strain because he doesn't feel like he's 383 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,920 Speaker 2: contributing as much as he wants to, you know, the 384 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,680 Speaker 2: c word contributing. 385 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:58,479 Speaker 3: It's very common. Typically the lower earner is obsessed with 386 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,359 Speaker 3: the word contribute. Just to give you a little color 387 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:10,000 Speaker 3: on why, we believe in America that that which is 388 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:15,679 Speaker 3: quantifiable is valuable. So we believe that money is the 389 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 3: ultimate contribution in a relationship, which, of course I find 390 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,359 Speaker 3: ridiculous because I think there are lots of ways to contribute. 391 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:28,719 Speaker 3: There's childcare, there's emotional support, there's so many different ways. 392 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:33,200 Speaker 3: But because it doesn't show up in a spreadsheet, partners, 393 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:37,920 Speaker 3: particularly the lower earner, becomes obsessed with it. And part 394 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,919 Speaker 3: of living a rich life, in my opinion, is to 395 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 3: really understand the role of money. Yeah, money is important, 396 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 3: of course, but it's not everything. Money is just a 397 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,240 Speaker 3: small part of a rich life. So I'm not surprised 398 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 3: to hear the contribution comments very common. 399 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,359 Speaker 2: Now and I'm always saying too to him, but you 400 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,479 Speaker 2: do so much, like you've helped with this and that, 401 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,240 Speaker 2: and I'm like, I'm so thankful for that, and like 402 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 2: that's what like, and I like, I try to highlight 403 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,280 Speaker 2: those areas. I'm like, I don't need that. We are good, 404 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,119 Speaker 2: we don't need that right now. And I appreciate you 405 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:14,680 Speaker 2: being here. And he does that now I do, and. 406 00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 1: No, I hear it, I hear it, I hear it. 407 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,440 Speaker 1: I know she means it. But it's also difficult to 408 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 1: as a man. 409 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:25,640 Speaker 2: I think you have your. 410 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, because I've been so I've been so restricted based 411 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 1: on what I can do here work wise in the 412 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:34,119 Speaker 1: US for what eighteen months over eighteen months, which is 413 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:38,880 Speaker 1: finally alleviated this week. So I think as a man, 414 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 1: and I've been a professional coach now for ten years, 415 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 1: always earned good money, done, always had my career. I've 416 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: come here and it's been different. I've had to kind 417 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 1: of be more creative with other ventures. So I think 418 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,639 Speaker 1: I think there's a part of you as as a 419 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,240 Speaker 1: man when you used to be in You're used to 420 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:02,680 Speaker 1: being the guy who contributes and and and pays everything. 421 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 1: So for me, it was slightly defferent common here. 422 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 3: What's your role alan when it comes to the finances, 423 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:14,719 Speaker 3: how would you describe it? I am a what I am? 424 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 1: A contributa Okay, I don't. I wouldn't really, I don't 425 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 1: have a name for Okay, what for what that would 426 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:23,720 Speaker 1: what that would be? 427 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 2: What's an example that would you say? 428 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:26,240 Speaker 1: So? 429 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, like, what's I'm a what would what would be 430 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,440 Speaker 2: like a if you were to kind of step into 431 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:31,919 Speaker 2: his place? 432 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 3: Men almost always say provider. I'm a provider. I provide 433 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:41,440 Speaker 3: And so in situations where they are not a provider, 434 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,679 Speaker 3: for example, in a heterosexual relationship where maybe their partner 435 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 3: earns more than they do, I ask him, well, you're 436 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,880 Speaker 3: not providing right now relative to your partner, she's providing. 437 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,639 Speaker 3: So what are you? If you're not a provider, what 438 00:23:55,840 --> 00:24:02,160 Speaker 3: are you? And men are bewildered because we are raised 439 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:08,359 Speaker 3: with culture telling us we are providers. There's a word, 440 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 3: that's a word out there, it's on dating profile, it's everywhere. 441 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:16,440 Speaker 3: So if you're not a provider, what are you? And 442 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:20,480 Speaker 3: what I would challenge everyone to really do is to 443 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:24,320 Speaker 3: reconceptualize some of these labels. Hey, if you want to 444 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,359 Speaker 3: be a provider, fantastic, I don't mind it. I like 445 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 3: to provide. But there are different ways to provide. Sometimes 446 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,680 Speaker 3: it's with money, sometimes it's contributing in different ways around 447 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,040 Speaker 3: the house, maybe you're not a provider. Maybe I'm not. 448 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,240 Speaker 3: That's fine too. There are lots of different roles we 449 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 3: can have. But gender plays a huge role. Socioeconomic plays 450 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 3: a huge role. You know, having a divorce recently plays 451 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 3: a huge role. There's no doubt about that. Can I 452 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,840 Speaker 3: ask one more question? When I say the word money, 453 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:55,919 Speaker 3: what feeling comes to mind for each of you? 454 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 2: Stress? 455 00:24:58,400 --> 00:24:58,600 Speaker 1: Yeah? 456 00:24:59,240 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 2: Both? 457 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:00,920 Speaker 1: Yeah? 458 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:08,600 Speaker 3: Oh now that's interesting. Any joy around money? No, damn, 459 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:13,160 Speaker 3: all right, I love what I walked into today. This 460 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:17,240 Speaker 3: is amazing. All right, Well, I'm very joyful about money. 461 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,359 Speaker 2: And can I just say though, yeah, really, And I 462 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,639 Speaker 2: don't want it to seem like I'm not. I like 463 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,600 Speaker 2: I've gotten to a place now, like I am, I 464 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,919 Speaker 2: am grateful for everything. Having said that, because of my 465 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 2: line of work, it's the stress of that is like, 466 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,280 Speaker 2: and the paying child supports and the pressure, and it's 467 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:39,159 Speaker 2: like I feel like that stress is that I just 468 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,200 Speaker 2: I am like the hamster wheel, Like I have to provide. 469 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,280 Speaker 2: I have to work, I have to create something new 470 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 2: or next to this, that and the other to pay 471 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,040 Speaker 2: my ex husband and to make sure my kids are good. 472 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,400 Speaker 2: And so it's like the joy. But but I can 473 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 2: see now, okay, we are going to go on vacations 474 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,119 Speaker 2: and that money brings us joy and that's happy. So 475 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:58,960 Speaker 2: I've I've been trying to shift focus on that side, 476 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:02,439 Speaker 2: but the underlying feeling of it is that. 477 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:05,479 Speaker 3: And when was the last time either of you can 478 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 3: remember feeling good about money? 479 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,240 Speaker 2: I feel good? Like That's like, actually, I told my 480 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,400 Speaker 2: therapist this year, I always stress about money, and this 481 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:14,919 Speaker 2: is my first year where I'm like, I'm not going 482 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,359 Speaker 2: to do it. I'm just gonna be grateful and thankful 483 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,320 Speaker 2: for the things and the movies that I'm doing and this, 484 00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:23,400 Speaker 2: that and the other, and do some fun vacations and 485 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 2: let that and not be angry or angry with my 486 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:32,119 Speaker 2: ex about giving him money. And it's just just like 487 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,720 Speaker 2: the gratefulness and abundance of all good things, you know, 488 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 2: and it's all going to come, and it's all gonna 489 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,119 Speaker 2: and I'm not gonna because I don't like that feeling 490 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:43,120 Speaker 2: of feeling stressed around it. 491 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 1: So cool. 492 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,840 Speaker 2: That was like my last therapy session. 493 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 1: I don't then the last time I felt good about 494 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 1: money being in professional football. I think those pods will 495 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 1: you have a lot of money and PE's we have less, 496 00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:03,080 Speaker 1: and it fluctuates, and I've always I've never been at 497 00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:06,520 Speaker 1: a point where, regardless how much is sitting in the bank, 498 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, it needs to be this, it needs to 499 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,639 Speaker 1: look better because I needed to be here. But I 500 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 1: can't have less than this, but I need more than this. 501 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,680 Speaker 1: And I've just never been I've never, like a lot 502 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,439 Speaker 1: of things in my life, I've never been able to 503 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,080 Speaker 1: actually sit back, reflect and appreciate where I am at times, 504 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:30,680 Speaker 1: therefore never happy there because it could always be more, 505 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:32,919 Speaker 1: which is not a good thing. That it's not a 506 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,960 Speaker 1: good way to think about it. 507 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,080 Speaker 2: And so as a couple, so for with your book, 508 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,399 Speaker 2: how do we knowing these two pieces, like, what is 509 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,640 Speaker 2: like a good tip for us to, you know, with 510 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,880 Speaker 2: our money and how to change the narrative around it. 511 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 3: I love that you said the word narrative because so 512 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:56,240 Speaker 3: many of us have a narrative around money. We believe 513 00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 3: that if we just had five thousand dollars more, twenty 514 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 3: five one hundred thousand more, we would finally stop worrying 515 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:08,879 Speaker 3: about money never going to happen. Never. I talked to 516 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:13,040 Speaker 3: thousands of couples never gonna happen. In fact, I've talked 517 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,520 Speaker 3: to many multimillionaire couples on my podcast and five eight 518 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:20,520 Speaker 3: ten million dollars they agonize over the price of blueberries. 519 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 3: Rich people are freaking obsessed over the price of blueberries. Ooh, 520 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,640 Speaker 3: let me open up five Firefox tabs and cross correlate 521 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,159 Speaker 3: where I can get the best deal. In order to 522 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,760 Speaker 3: live a rich life, you've got to do two things. One, 523 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 3: you got to know your numbers. You cannot go on 524 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:40,120 Speaker 3: vibes alone. You got to know your four key numbers. 525 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 3: You have to be fluent in the basic language of 526 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 3: personal finance. The vast majority of people who worry about 527 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 3: money feel stressed about money, have never read a single 528 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,880 Speaker 3: book about personal finance. So let's get real. If you 529 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,640 Speaker 3: actually want to become good at this, you have to 530 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,560 Speaker 3: learn the basic language. It's not that hard. The second 531 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:02,960 Speaker 3: thing you have to do is to master your money psychology. 532 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:05,960 Speaker 3: What do I mean by that? I mean just having 533 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 3: more money is not going to make you feel better 534 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 3: or telling yourself if once this happens, once we pay 535 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:16,080 Speaker 3: our debt off, then we'll be happy. Then we can 536 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:19,360 Speaker 3: live our retch left. No, we live our rich life 537 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,560 Speaker 3: today and we live a richer life tomorrow. So to 538 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,880 Speaker 3: master your money psychology, especially in a couple. Probably got 539 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,480 Speaker 3: to talk about money regularly, i'd recommend every month. Probably 540 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,920 Speaker 3: got to start with a compliment, say babe, I'm so 541 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:34,800 Speaker 3: excited we get to talk about money this month. I 542 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,080 Speaker 3: love you. Every time we travel, you pick the best 543 00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:41,800 Speaker 3: airline seat. Thank you. Really starting to connect joy with 544 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 3: your finances, and you probably have to set up some 545 00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:50,760 Speaker 3: ways for you to enjoy money regularly. Yes, you have debt, 546 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:55,520 Speaker 3: maybe pay it off, build a payoff plan and get 547 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:59,120 Speaker 3: a babysitter or even get a second iPhone charger so 548 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 3: you feel good in the kitchen and you don't have 549 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,120 Speaker 3: to walk across the house or the apartment. These are 550 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:06,520 Speaker 3: the two parts of living a rich life. Know your numbers, 551 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:11,600 Speaker 3: master your money psychology, and it really changes your experience 552 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:21,600 Speaker 3: and relationship with money. 553 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 2: Question for you around do you believe that couples should 554 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:30,120 Speaker 2: have pre nups. 555 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:35,240 Speaker 3: Oh that's a good question. Well, I have nothing against prenups. 556 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 3: My wife and I have a prenup and we went 557 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 3: through a pretty difficult series of conversations around it. First off, 558 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 3: most people don't need a prenup. Okay, the only real 559 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,600 Speaker 3: reason you need a prenup is if one or both 560 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,680 Speaker 3: of you are coming to the marriage with some substantial 561 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:57,760 Speaker 3: pre marital asset. It could be a business, a house, portfolio, 562 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 3: it could be a variety of different things. You know, 563 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 3: most people don't need it because most people have nice jobs. 564 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 3: They get married and maybe they've saved up a few 565 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:10,360 Speaker 3: thousand here, a few thousand there, Maybe they have a 566 00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 3: little bit of debt. They combine their income and that's fine. 567 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:20,920 Speaker 3: The view on prenups in America is really hilarious. Like 568 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 3: people actually think when somebody suggests a prenup, it's like 569 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,440 Speaker 3: they're sitting in the back of a limo and they 570 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:29,720 Speaker 3: roll down the window, they take off their top hat, 571 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:33,400 Speaker 3: and they go sign this fun prenup right now. I'm like, 572 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 3: that's not how it works. And also, that's Richie Rich. 573 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,360 Speaker 3: You literally believe a prenup is an episode of a 574 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:43,400 Speaker 3: freaking Richie Rich show. What's wrong with You? Prenups are 575 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:47,560 Speaker 3: simply saying, look, we're getting married, I love you. I 576 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:52,440 Speaker 3: hope this lasts forever. In the unfortunate circumstance that it doesn't, 577 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:59,200 Speaker 3: let's decide what happens to our pre marital assets, the 578 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,040 Speaker 3: things that we brought to the marriage before we ever 579 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:06,640 Speaker 3: got married. Let's decide that now at our best, so 580 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:10,720 Speaker 3: we don't have to decide it in some obscure situation 581 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,840 Speaker 3: at our worst. Remember that that has nothing to do 582 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:15,680 Speaker 3: with what happened. We're very little to do with what 583 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:19,520 Speaker 3: happens during the marriage. That's how prenups work. I can 584 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,360 Speaker 3: certainly tell you about our conversations. They were pretty challenging, 585 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:25,240 Speaker 3: and we ended up seeing a therapist and it really 586 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,160 Speaker 3: unlocked a lot for us, but it was it was hard. 587 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,120 Speaker 2: I love how you just went around that, though, because 588 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,520 Speaker 2: it really is about the pre Everything you do during 589 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:37,080 Speaker 2: is you know, but like the pre part of that. 590 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:38,880 Speaker 2: I love how you just explained that. That was probably 591 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:42,920 Speaker 2: one of my favorite explanations around that, to kind of 592 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 2: wrap up if there was a you know, in relationships, 593 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,320 Speaker 2: obviously one person usually wants to spend more, any other 594 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 2: person wants to save. How do you get those two 595 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:53,960 Speaker 2: people to meet in the middle. 596 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 3: Well, you don't have to meet in the middle, okay. 597 00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 3: What you have to do is create a shared vision 598 00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 3: of a rich life. Almost no couple has this. So 599 00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:05,680 Speaker 3: this is why I talked to couples they've been married 600 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:08,920 Speaker 3: twenty five years and they fight. They fight about the 601 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:13,280 Speaker 3: most basic minutia. I can't believe you spent thirty five 602 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:16,400 Speaker 3: extra dollars at Target? Y'all really want to go your 603 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 3: entire lives fighting about Target expense? Fucking sucks? Why are 604 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:25,440 Speaker 3: you playing so small? And really, it's not about how 605 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:27,640 Speaker 3: much you spent on energy drinks at the gas station 606 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,480 Speaker 3: or who bought an extra box of checks mix. There 607 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 3: has nothing to do with that. It's that they never 608 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:39,120 Speaker 3: sat down and said, what is our rich life? 609 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:39,400 Speaker 2: Now? 610 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 3: Let's talk about this, because I guarantee if people listening 611 00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 3: haven't done this, what is our rich life? Have you 612 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:47,560 Speaker 3: all asked each other this question? 613 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:48,320 Speaker 2: No? 614 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:50,000 Speaker 3: No, should we do it right now? 615 00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:53,880 Speaker 1: But you're you're inspiring this certainly and settling nothing like 616 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 1: the present? 617 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:56,560 Speaker 3: What's your rich life? Together? 618 00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,000 Speaker 2: I don't know if this is the right answer or 619 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:00,440 Speaker 2: because if this is what you're meaning, But when I 620 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 2: hear you say that, I think of you know. I 621 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:08,680 Speaker 2: want us to. I'd like us to have our lake 622 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:12,560 Speaker 2: house work really hard, to be able to enjoy and 623 00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:13,600 Speaker 2: buy a lake house. 624 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,840 Speaker 3: Okay, pause, right there? Love that. Let's go back and 625 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:17,560 Speaker 3: forth one by one. Let's see a few of these 626 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:18,640 Speaker 3: lake house I love it. 627 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:22,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, a rich life is being a position where we 628 00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:27,160 Speaker 1: feel both of us feel less stressed, openly discuss and 629 00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:32,240 Speaker 1: put chase things, bigger things, legacy things like lake houses. 630 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,280 Speaker 3: Wait did you just copy her answer? 631 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,400 Speaker 2: Yeah? He did, And I'm like, that's not That's not 632 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:39,719 Speaker 2: what he wanted to say. I think he wanted to 633 00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:41,759 Speaker 2: say to be able to purchase cars? 634 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 1: No, not at all. 635 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:44,600 Speaker 3: But do you like cars? Right? No? 636 00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:48,200 Speaker 1: So my bigger point was, Okay, make it. Lets it 637 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:51,120 Speaker 1: not be a stress to discuss it so you don't 638 00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:54,120 Speaker 1: feel So. My first point was be in a position 639 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 1: when none of us feel stressed a bit money and 640 00:34:56,480 --> 00:35:00,520 Speaker 1: we can openly talk about future and legacy like a 641 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,000 Speaker 1: lake house. So maybe it's a pot chase on another 642 00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:06,680 Speaker 1: property with its an investment or investment. 643 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,799 Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, I love that. So you're saying what I'm 644 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:12,800 Speaker 3: hearing you say, allan is to feel comfortable talking about money, 645 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 3: to be open with it, to be able to communicate 646 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,520 Speaker 3: transparently and not in a stressed way. Yeah beautiful, I 647 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:20,839 Speaker 3: love that. What else? 648 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:25,000 Speaker 2: I want to travel more, you know, to have more 649 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:26,400 Speaker 2: experiences within it? 650 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:27,279 Speaker 3: How much more? 651 00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:30,799 Speaker 2: Triple more? So? 652 00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:31,799 Speaker 3: How many weeks a year? 653 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:34,800 Speaker 2: Four? 654 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:36,000 Speaker 3: Okay? 655 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,400 Speaker 2: Two weeks in England, you know, in the summertime, and 656 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:41,359 Speaker 2: then a week for fall break, and then a week 657 00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:42,560 Speaker 2: for him and. 658 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:48,360 Speaker 3: I WHOA love the specificity. That was awesome. Okay, four weeks. 659 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:49,480 Speaker 3: I love how it down. 660 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 1: She's pretty organized, wretch. Life is us having less restrictions 661 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,279 Speaker 1: on where we need to be and what we need 662 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:03,680 Speaker 1: to do at certain times and be spontaneous and things 663 00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:08,479 Speaker 1: like trips and vacations. So I'm not copying your answer. 664 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:12,319 Speaker 1: I'll just running around. That's okay. We have really a 665 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:16,080 Speaker 1: shared vision of things that are important in our lives. 666 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,759 Speaker 1: The only thing being is I have a severe and 667 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:24,000 Speaker 1: utter passion for cars, which I've suppressed in Subinia. 668 00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:25,799 Speaker 3: How many cars do you have on now? 669 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 1: I've only got one. 670 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:27,799 Speaker 3: What is it? 671 00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,240 Speaker 1: Oh, it's just a truck and I get it for free. 672 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:32,280 Speaker 3: What how do you have a free truck? 673 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:36,400 Speaker 2: He's superior striker I have. 674 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,040 Speaker 1: I have a friend who owns a Chevy dealership who 675 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,879 Speaker 1: wanted me to run around in one of his high 676 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:43,720 Speaker 1: end trucks. 677 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,640 Speaker 3: That's pretty cool, all right. 678 00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,799 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's a passions. It's not a show off thing. 679 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,960 Speaker 1: It's just I love everything about cars, how they look, 680 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:53,280 Speaker 1: how they sound, how they function. 681 00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,480 Speaker 3: You know, I'll tell you something. One thing people often 682 00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,919 Speaker 3: assume because like I come on here, I'm the money guy. 683 00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,719 Speaker 3: They go, remeet's good to judge me. He's gonna say 684 00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:07,320 Speaker 3: it's bad to like cars or expensive sweaters or whatever, hotel. 685 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:09,480 Speaker 3: I don't care. I actually love it. I love hearing 686 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,000 Speaker 3: your excitement when you talk about cars. The only thing 687 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,440 Speaker 3: I care about is two questions. Do you love it? 688 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,640 Speaker 3: And can you afford it? If you can, your rich 689 00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:21,240 Speaker 3: life is yours, right. I don't want to own a truck. 690 00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,320 Speaker 3: I don't even want to sit in a truck. I 691 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,560 Speaker 3: don't own a screwdriver. That's not my rich life. My 692 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,440 Speaker 3: rich life part of it is having somebody come and 693 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:31,120 Speaker 3: repair stuff. Yeah, so I don't have to learn how 694 00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,560 Speaker 3: to use a tool or set foot in a home depot. Okay, 695 00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:37,200 Speaker 3: that's my rich life. It's different than yours. So for 696 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,879 Speaker 3: everybody listening, if you love a handbag, you love self care, 697 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:45,040 Speaker 3: you love golf, that's totally fine. That's your rich life 698 00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:46,680 Speaker 3: as long as you love it and you can afford it. 699 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,319 Speaker 3: So back to your rich life answers. I thought they 700 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:55,600 Speaker 3: were very interesting. A couple of observations. One the best 701 00:37:55,680 --> 00:38:00,640 Speaker 3: rich life answers are positive, not negative. So people often 702 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,640 Speaker 3: will say, I don't want to do X. I don't 703 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,279 Speaker 3: want to feel restricted, I don't want to feel stressed. Uh, 704 00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,680 Speaker 3: let's flip that. When we talk about money once a month, 705 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:15,360 Speaker 3: I want us to do it in a beautiful spot, 706 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,960 Speaker 3: and I want us to start and end with a 707 00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,919 Speaker 3: compliment and a hug. I want us to feel good. 708 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,480 Speaker 3: So we flip it from the negative to the positive, 709 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,600 Speaker 3: which makes it easier to act on. Second thing is 710 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:30,160 Speaker 3: I love the specificity. I want to travel this much. 711 00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:33,040 Speaker 3: That's so awesome. That's the kind of specificity I want. 712 00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,560 Speaker 3: When I ask people what do they like to do, 713 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,799 Speaker 3: they go travel. I want to travel where I go, uh, 714 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,719 Speaker 3: where by the end they go, I want to go 715 00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:45,840 Speaker 3: drink Italian wine, watch the sunset over the coliseum, and 716 00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:50,000 Speaker 3: I want to sit in two f on the way over. Now, 717 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:54,600 Speaker 3: that is a vision that is specific. If we're taking 718 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,120 Speaker 3: time to define our rich life, what could be more important. 719 00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,680 Speaker 3: I want to pick up my kids from school every 720 00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:04,960 Speaker 3: appa afternoon. Doesn't have to be expensive. I want to 721 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:10,280 Speaker 3: have awesome coffee beans in our kitchen every day. Amazing. 722 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:13,440 Speaker 3: Your rich life doesn't mean you have to be a multimillionaire. 723 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,000 Speaker 3: When I was young, my rich life was being able 724 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,400 Speaker 3: to order appetizers at a restaurant. Really, it made me 725 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:22,239 Speaker 3: feel incredibly rich. You know why because when I was 726 00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:26,879 Speaker 3: a kid, we couldn't afford appetizers. So to be able 727 00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,360 Speaker 3: to buy a ten dollars appetizer was incredibly meaningful for me. 728 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,719 Speaker 3: So as you go through this exercise of what is 729 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 3: our rich life, remember that it probably the more you 730 00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:40,759 Speaker 3: really turn that dial and become unique and specific, it's 731 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,360 Speaker 3: going to become incredibly personal to you. Like on my 732 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:46,080 Speaker 3: rich life. Of course, I love glamorous travel. I'm a 733 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,959 Speaker 3: hotel guy. I have a list of all the places. Yes, 734 00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:51,840 Speaker 3: that's awesome and very expensive. But also part of my 735 00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:54,759 Speaker 3: rich life is ordering appetizers, and that means whenever I 736 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:56,520 Speaker 3: eat out with friends, I say, look, I only have 737 00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:58,279 Speaker 3: one rule when you eat with me, whatever you see 738 00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,160 Speaker 3: on the menu that looks good, get it. And that's 739 00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:04,640 Speaker 3: my way of being abundant because I have so much 740 00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:08,960 Speaker 3: gratitude for how I was raised. Any observations from you 741 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:11,520 Speaker 3: about the rich life process. 742 00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:14,080 Speaker 2: No, I think it's great because it's not. It's it's 743 00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:16,200 Speaker 2: little things too, and I think that's what's so great 744 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,480 Speaker 2: because right now, you know, the price of things is 745 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,680 Speaker 2: so high, and so there's a piece of me that 746 00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:22,600 Speaker 2: when I speak, I'm like, man, I'm you know, I'm 747 00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:26,080 Speaker 2: almost sound ungrateful or you know, I'm like, I should 748 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:27,360 Speaker 2: I should be so grateful. 749 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,640 Speaker 3: Are you saying that wanting more means you're ungrateful, because 750 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:30,479 Speaker 3: I don't think that's true. 751 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,440 Speaker 2: Well, I just know. I mean, people are struggling to 752 00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:35,080 Speaker 2: buy groceries, you know, And so I think there's a 753 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,759 Speaker 2: piece of like, no matter how hard I worked and 754 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,600 Speaker 2: I'm so grateful, there's still a lot of people out 755 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,040 Speaker 2: there struggling, you know, because things are so cost of 756 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,200 Speaker 2: living is so high right now, and freaking you know, 757 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:49,239 Speaker 2: to buy blueberries are expensive, you know, I mean to 758 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:50,840 Speaker 2: your point, but like it's just there's a lot of 759 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,759 Speaker 2: very expensive things, and people are paycheck to paycheck, and 760 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,880 Speaker 2: I just I also want to So that's why I 761 00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:58,799 Speaker 2: don't want to, you know, just sound like, oh, I'm 762 00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:02,520 Speaker 2: so stressed about money. It's like we are. There's so 763 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,920 Speaker 2: many people that are struggling with money. So and not struggling, 764 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,040 Speaker 2: you know, with money, but like that they again, cost 765 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:10,799 Speaker 2: of living and all that stuff. So I just want 766 00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:11,719 Speaker 2: to have a piece of that. 767 00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,680 Speaker 3: If that's an important consideration for you, then maybe part 768 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,640 Speaker 3: of your rich life is also donating more. 769 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:21,279 Speaker 2: Right, which we do. But you know, my point is 770 00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,360 Speaker 2: being fun is primarily to my acsessment. 771 00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:28,960 Speaker 3: My point is you don't get an award for playing small. 772 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:29,959 Speaker 1: You don't. 773 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:36,520 Speaker 3: And I agree costs are high in various areas, and 774 00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,719 Speaker 3: if that's critically important to you, I agree, donate more. 775 00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:41,759 Speaker 3: You know, I think there are several ways to do it, 776 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,719 Speaker 3: to be more generous. Generosity is one of our core 777 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,680 Speaker 3: values in our household. And that might mean you all 778 00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:50,320 Speaker 3: agree that every time we go out, we're going to 779 00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:51,760 Speaker 3: tip a minimum of thirty percent. 780 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,640 Speaker 2: Oh I always I am like forty percent. I'm like 781 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,279 Speaker 2: because I just I used to be a waitress. I 782 00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,279 Speaker 2: get it, and these people are working their ass off 783 00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:01,839 Speaker 2: and so I mean, I even my nail lady, it's 784 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:04,600 Speaker 2: seventy bucks. I give her forty bucks tip every single time, 785 00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,440 Speaker 2: Like I'm always over because like she's working her ass 786 00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:09,920 Speaker 2: off and she's got that business that she's building. Like, 787 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,400 Speaker 2: so I'm very big on that. Like I love that 788 00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,759 Speaker 2: because we can you know, in that those areas. 789 00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,840 Speaker 3: We talk about money rules, I think a lot of 790 00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,480 Speaker 3: times rules we think of as negative and restrictive. You 791 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,799 Speaker 3: can't eat too much candy, that type of thing. No, no, 792 00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:27,799 Speaker 3: no, no no. I have ten money rules. You can search 793 00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:33,359 Speaker 3: them online, real meets money rules. And some of them 794 00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,640 Speaker 3: are like real logistical, like save and invest twenty percent 795 00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,920 Speaker 3: of gross income whatever. Maybe adjust it for your own situation, 796 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:46,200 Speaker 3: maybe it's five, ten, whatever. Some of them are quite extravagant. 797 00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:49,800 Speaker 3: You know, fly business class on any flight over four hours. 798 00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:54,640 Speaker 3: Unlimited spending on health and fitness. That's very extravagant, probably 799 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:57,240 Speaker 3: not relevant for most people, but for me it's important 800 00:42:57,239 --> 00:42:59,399 Speaker 3: and I can afford it. But some of them are 801 00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:04,560 Speaker 3: about the values I have, like unlimited spending on education, 802 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,239 Speaker 3: being generous, and it seems to me like I love 803 00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:10,480 Speaker 3: that you worked as a waitress and it's important to you. 804 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,960 Speaker 3: Maybe both of you, maybe that could earn its way 805 00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:16,080 Speaker 3: onto your money roles, which I think will be really cool. 806 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:18,480 Speaker 1: I think we're both hard workers. When I was a 807 00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:21,239 Speaker 1: professional soccer player, I also I wanted to go and 808 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,000 Speaker 1: work in a bank. I always wanted to earn more 809 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:26,640 Speaker 1: and do more. So going back to just before we 810 00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:30,160 Speaker 1: wrap them back to yeah, we need to wrap but 811 00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,520 Speaker 1: what I like about speaking to you is we're both 812 00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:34,919 Speaker 1: saying that money is a stressful thing for us, even 813 00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,880 Speaker 1: to discuss it and think about it. Where you have 814 00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,840 Speaker 1: inspired me as a man and as a human being 815 00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:45,120 Speaker 1: is you inspire people to make things less of a 816 00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,840 Speaker 1: transactional conversation and more like an emotional conversation. And I 817 00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:53,360 Speaker 1: think any sort of emotional conversation in the marriage is valuable, 818 00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:56,960 Speaker 1: even if it's about something else rather than money. So 819 00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,480 Speaker 1: I will definitely pick up your book and read it. 820 00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:02,680 Speaker 2: And it's on the bedside right now, so we should 821 00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,280 Speaker 2: read together as a couple. Since it's money for couples, 822 00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:08,440 Speaker 2: we should read the book as a couple. Yeah, but 823 00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,320 Speaker 2: I hate to realize it, but we we appreciate you 824 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:15,319 Speaker 2: coming on and yeah, thank you. I'm excited, excited dive 825 00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:15,680 Speaker 2: in with you. 826 00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:18,560 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. It's been really insightful. 827 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:23,440 Speaker 2: And everyone go get money for couples. And we chatted 828 00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,839 Speaker 2: all about your podcast and other books before. So thank 829 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:29,080 Speaker 2: you so much, Thanks so much, thank you.