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Speaker 1: My husband and I went on a break to fix

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Speaker 1: our marriage, but I think I'm falling for his friend.

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Speaker 1: An age old dilemma.

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Speaker 2: What age are you from?

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Speaker 1: My husband, twenty eight male, and I twenty eight female,

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Speaker 1: have been married for two years and together for five.

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Speaker 1: I honestly don't even know where to begin. My husband

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Speaker 1: has been making a lot of changes in his life,

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Speaker 1: quitting one of his two jobs, almost finishing up his degree,

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Speaker 1: and trying to lose weight. Where I tried to really

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Speaker 1: support him, it felt like he was distancing himself from

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Speaker 1: me for a few weeks before everything happened. And by

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Speaker 1: the way, this comes from Altruistic Mess nine oh two

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Speaker 1: four on the ar slash Okay storytime subpreddit and also

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Speaker 1: we have a guest. Hi. Hi, this is Keon. You

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Speaker 1: may have seen him before.

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Speaker 2: Hi, guys yourself, I'm Keon spell spell it's a fun fact.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, really? Okay, Yeah, I'm putting my foot down.

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Speaker 2: Last time I was your guys, I did not do

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Speaker 2: a great job with the fun fact.

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Speaker 1: So stalling.

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Speaker 2: Fun fact is crocodiles can't stick their tongues out about you.

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Speaker 3: I think not having is about me, Riley.

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Speaker 1: Maybe he's related to a crocodile?

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Speaker 2: Did you ever think about fun?

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Speaker 3: Talked about me? I love Star Wars.

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Speaker 1: That's great.

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Speaker 3: I love Star Wars. And if you love Star Wars,

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Speaker 3: I love you.

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Speaker 1: That's so sweet. One thing that's done. Let's move on.

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Speaker 1: One thing that stood out during this time was how

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Speaker 1: he started becoming really close to his coworker, and I

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Speaker 1: would notice them texting each other every day. Who texts

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Speaker 1: their coworkers?

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Speaker 3: Coworkers? Oh, I text Riley other time sometimes.

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Speaker 1: Actually, you're blurry by really.

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Speaker 2: Okay, look at this, Look at this? Look at any

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Speaker 2: times I've texted her.

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Speaker 3: At that. It's kind of okay.

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Speaker 1: To be fair, it's a lot of Riley do this

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Speaker 1: for me?

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Speaker 2: Oh should I told the sh before we get into this,

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Speaker 2: how to spell my name? They're saying it right, It's okay.

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Speaker 2: I know that's the sound of it.

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Speaker 3: K E I A N.

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 3: I didn't have a choice, that wasn't up to me.

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Speaker 3: But k E I an.

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Speaker 1: Excellent, don't get it wrong. I became very insecure about

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Speaker 1: their friendship and told him it makes me uncomfortable. He

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Speaker 1: offered to show me their texts and said they mainly

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Speaker 1: just send each other memes. Then he would talk to

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Speaker 1: me about her relationship problems, and I tried giving her

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Speaker 1: advice through him.

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Speaker 4: Ooh, emotional cheating, sharing memes and talking about your relationship

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Speaker 4: problems not good?

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Speaker 1: What if he's talking about his relationship problems with her?

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Speaker 1: He stopped talking to me about his feelings, saying he

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Speaker 1: was feeling exhausted and just needed to distress. He stopped

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Speaker 1: trying to do things together. He became short with me,

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Speaker 1: ditched me on hikes and a bunch of smaller things

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Speaker 1: that I couldn't ignore anymore. Wait, like, they went on

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Speaker 1: a hike and then he just left during that. That's

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Speaker 1: what that sounds like?

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Speaker 2: Wait?

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Speaker 3: Or did he just ditch her for to like that?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Did Did she go on a hike? And he

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Speaker 1: was like, nah, I'm going to pass. He was like,

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Speaker 1: take a hike or were they actively hiking? He was like,

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Speaker 1: I gotta go.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, coworkers call, coworker call.

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Speaker 1: Then, one day, after crying myself to sleep, No, that's

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Speaker 1: so sad, I decided to ask him do you still

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Speaker 1: even like me? He stayed quiet and said he needs

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Speaker 1: to sort out his feelings.

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Speaker 2: Whoa really oh, red flag, huge red flag to be like,

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Speaker 2: do you even like me, and he's like, I gotta.

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Speaker 1: Circle back to this. Yeah, I gotta think about this.

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Speaker 1: You really put me on the spot here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, fun fact.

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Speaker 1: You the onslought of apologies. Oh wait. I stayed quiet

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Speaker 1: for a few moments and realized he didn't say he

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Speaker 1: still liked me though, I said, just that you the

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Speaker 1: onslaught of apologies. I realized that I was in a

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Speaker 1: marriage where my husband doesn't like me anymore. So I

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Speaker 1: ran away where I've been with my parents since.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, would a Hey, mom and dad are cool.

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Speaker 1: That's cooling school and probably way better than this guy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Probably get make your little smiley faced pancakes and.

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Speaker 2: Chips, and they like you. They have to like.

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Speaker 1: This all happened during the summer where I was taking

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Speaker 1: a really hard stem class. In this class, I befriended

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Speaker 1: his friend. We had never met before. They were more

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Speaker 1: acquaintances than friends that I'll call Tommy. Tommy noticed something

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Speaker 1: was off about me during class, so he asked if

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Speaker 1: I was okay. Wow, he's already doing way better than

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Speaker 1: his husband. Tommy. Uh. I told him everything that happened

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Speaker 1: after class, and he was ready to get to the

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Speaker 1: bottom of why my husband was acting like this, tell

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Speaker 1: me is pulling out the stops. I asked that he'd

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Speaker 1: not do that, but appreciated it, and then he made

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Speaker 1: me laugh. Tommy and I also happened to work together

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Speaker 1: at the same company, but different departments. Since the day

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Speaker 1: I told him, he's offered to go to lunch together

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Speaker 1: and just talk. We have almost every day for a month,

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Speaker 1: and we text, albeit not as frequently because we're both

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Speaker 1: bad texters. During this time apart, my husband and I

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Speaker 1: decided to go on a break until November. When did

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Speaker 1: this start? Riley, do we know? Okay'm gona follow me? Okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't know until November. Until November, if it's presumed,

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Speaker 1: it might be right now, so like August in November,

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Speaker 1: during this break, we decided to not date other people

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Speaker 1: and hang out once every two weeks and have very

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Speaker 1: limited communication. His proposal, I agreed, and it's been this

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Speaker 1: way for a little over a month. We were supposed

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Speaker 1: to hang out on Friday, but I unfortunately got injured

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Speaker 1: and was bedbound. He texted me asking for my ETA,

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Speaker 1: and I completely spaced about her hang and called him

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Speaker 1: to tell him everything that's happened. We talked on the

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Speaker 1: phone for a few hours, and yesterday he brought me

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Speaker 1: my favorite snacks, my switch because I mentioned how bored

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Speaker 1: I was during our phone call, and a bowl of

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Speaker 1: my favorite meal he had prepared for our hang on Friday.

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Speaker 1: I was completely blown away because this is the most

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Speaker 1: he's done for me in months. Maybe he's realizing that

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Speaker 1: he needs to step up.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes it's too it's like too late.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I think I think it might be too late.

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Speaker 1: I think she's already falling.

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Speaker 3: For Tommy, someone else Tommy Tommy, Yeah, or making her

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Speaker 3: rethink for relationship.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I at least if you're already taking a break, you're

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Speaker 2: already rethinking it.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, and then you have someone else who's actively

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Speaker 1: trying to.

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Speaker 2: Not even above and beyond, just going about going above

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Speaker 2: or just not even going above that was just going

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Speaker 2: going forward, just base level, not below, when you're her

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Speaker 2: husband is not Yeah, yis well?

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Speaker 1: Because I was bedridden, Oh, I said that. I'm not

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Speaker 1: sure what to no. I didn't say that well because

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Speaker 1: I was bedridden, I couldn't go to work. Tommy noticed

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Speaker 1: and texted me on Friday to see if I was okay.

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Speaker 1: This man he's doing the most. I said, yes, but

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Speaker 1: that I was extremely bored. He sent me a list

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Speaker 1: of his favorite movies and asked if I needed anything

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Speaker 1: so he can swing by after work. I declined this

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Speaker 1: offer because I felt extremely gross. He has texted me

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Speaker 1: more often since, even making fun of me sometimes a

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Speaker 1: little playful banza, a little bansa between them, a little

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Speaker 1: bantam between to of.

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Speaker 2: Me, cheeky, cheeky banza.

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Speaker 1: I like it.

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Speaker 2: You just wanted to pull out the British.

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Speaker 1: I just like banter. You can't say banter, you can't

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Speaker 1: banta banza, banza, a little cheeky banza. I'm not sure

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Speaker 1: what to do anymore. I initially wanted to work things

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Speaker 1: out with my husband, but now I'm realizing that maybe

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Speaker 1: we weren't good together. I'm not sure if my judgment

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Speaker 1: is getting cloudy because I think I'm falling for Tommy,

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Speaker 1: or maybe I don't really even like Tommy and I'm

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Speaker 1: just misplacing the feelings I have for my husband on

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Speaker 1: to Tommy. Could be it could be she's just looking

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Speaker 1: for someone and Tommy is the first person who's been

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Speaker 1: nice to her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, if someone's comforting you in a time of where

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Speaker 2: you need comfort, that's feeling the void.

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Speaker 3: It's filling a void, that void.

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Speaker 2: It feels good. It feels good.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I should mention that my husband and

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Speaker 1: I are seeing our own individual therapist, and when we're ready,

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Speaker 1: we'll be seeing a marriage counselor any advice would be

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Speaker 1: greatly appreciated. Thank you. And there is an edit.

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Speaker 2: Oh what just happened?

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Speaker 1: Okay, there is an edit. But what's your what's your

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Speaker 1: thoughts right now? Do you think divorce? Do you think

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Speaker 1: see how this therapy goes?

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Speaker 2: If you love this person, I feel like you're gonna

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Speaker 2: give it a chance. Yeah, you're gonna try because that's

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Speaker 2: what you want to do. Give him a second chance

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Speaker 2: kind of thing. I'm I mean, I'm kind of person

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Speaker 2: I like giving a second chance.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I think it's just you got to

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Speaker 3: see where this goes.

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Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I think it needs to be. He

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Speaker 1: has to put in a lot of work. It seems

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Speaker 1: like he is kind of giving us, you know, a

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Speaker 1: slow second chance.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Of let's take a break, let's see each other, let's communicate,

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Speaker 1: let's go to therapy. Uh. And it seems like he's

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Speaker 1: trying to put in some effort of you know, bringing her.

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Speaker 2: Maybe maybe he got tired of the other.

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Speaker 1: Oh, it really depends on whether or not he was cheating.

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Speaker 2: That's the thing. I mean, it seemed like he kind

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Speaker 2: of was emotional. Yeah, most emotion cheating because he was

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Speaker 2: putting all his eggs in the basket, ducks in a

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Speaker 2: row in that that's not applicable, all his eggs in

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Speaker 2: one basket, thank you, thank you, and just focused on

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Speaker 2: that other coworker.

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Speaker 1: That other girl and helping her relationship. Yeah, where he

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Speaker 1: was kind of putting his relationship with Ope to the side,

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Speaker 1: all right, Yeah, and then maybe taking that break is

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Speaker 1: making him realize, oh, I actually do value this relationship.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Uh.

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Speaker 1: And it just kind of depends. I don't think he's

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Speaker 1: done anything yet.

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Speaker 3: Well that we know of. That we know of, but

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Speaker 3: we don't want to assume.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't want to say that he's cheating. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: if he did not cheat, if we find out that

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Speaker 1: there was no cheating, I think that this could mean

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Speaker 1: a second chance only if he puts in the work.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I think he even agreed to do yeah counseling

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Speaker 2: and therapy, marriage therapy, accounseling. Yeah, and he agreed to

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Speaker 2: just like, Okay, we'll have a break. Yeah, we'll do

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Speaker 2: a break and but we'll still communicate. If he was

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Speaker 2: really like, oh, I'm cheating, I'm.

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Speaker 1: Done, he would just go yeah he could have.

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Speaker 3: He could, but I'm done. I'm like, okay, cool bye.

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Speaker 1: I think also if OP comes out of this, I

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Speaker 1: think there is a chance that O people come out

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Speaker 1: of this and say, oh, I actually I don't want

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Speaker 1: this relationship. I see myself with someone who appreciates me more.

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Speaker 1: So that's that's something that.

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Speaker 3: Can maybe you read ahead.

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Speaker 1: No, I didn't, I swear chat. I don't even find

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Speaker 1: these stories anymore, but there is an edit.

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Speaker 3: But they find you, can they find me.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people have been asking why November. We

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Speaker 1: decided on November because that's when we asked for the

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Speaker 1: entire week off of work back in January. We thought,

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Speaker 1: no matter the outcome, having a week off to recover

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Speaker 1: would be best. As for the Tommy thing, I'm not

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Speaker 1: sleeping with him. I'm not doing anything with him. We

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Speaker 1: work in different departments, think it and accounting. He's also

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Speaker 1: not looking for a relationship. And if my husband and

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Speaker 1: I do break up, I won't think about dating anyone

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Speaker 1: seriously until after I finish getting my Bachelor's Spring of

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Speaker 1: twenty six.

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Speaker 2: Which I think is a great great Yeah, I think

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Speaker 2: that's also. Another thing is the Tommy. Yeah, I think

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Speaker 2: it's just a good not placeholder, but it's just a

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Speaker 2: good friend.

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Speaker 1: He's a good friend. And I think I think regardless

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Speaker 1: of whether or not she likes him or not, I

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Speaker 1: think she needs to take time for herself if she

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Speaker 1: decides that she just want to be in this relationship.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I know, I get that. No, so let's

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Speaker 3: see see where this goes.

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Speaker 1: Before we decided on the break, we saw our marriage

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Speaker 1: counselor who suggested we just break up Dan, whoa. But

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Speaker 1: we didn't want to do that, which is how we

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Speaker 1: both agreed on November.

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Speaker 3: That's we don't pay you to break up.

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Speaker 1: How do we fix this relationship with the marriage counselors?

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Speaker 1: Like you can't, it's done.

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Speaker 3: That's that's a weird marriage counselor, not a very.

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Speaker 1: Good marriage counselor. We haven't gone to another marriage counselor

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Speaker 1: because navigating our insurance is not easy. I will update

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Speaker 1: everyone when we hang out next Saturday, and there are

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Speaker 1: some relevant comments. And that's it.

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Speaker 3: That's it.

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Speaker 1: That's it. Oh, OOI, but Melty, we have some relevant

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Speaker 1: comments in the chat. Okay, Malty says he is someone

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Speaker 1: who shows how she's supposed to be treated, which I

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Speaker 1: think is tony. Yeah towards op Jony Pony says, marriage

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Speaker 1: counselor said break up. You know it's bad then.

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Speaker 3: That yeah that is Yeah, that's kind of crazy.

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Speaker 1: Maybe the marriage counselors like this is a lost.

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Speaker 3: Cause right into it. Yeah, done, I don't.

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Speaker 1: See this progressing any further.

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Speaker 3: You want to try, try not doing it?

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Speaker 1: Triving apart. Vix Max thank you for the ten gifted memberships,

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Speaker 1: and one of those say thank you, vix Max. We

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Speaker 1: appreciate that you, thank you, thank you.

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Speaker 2: Finish this Okay, yeah, we gotta we gotta focus on

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Speaker 2: chibby Lee.

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Speaker 1: Chibby Lee says shock value therapy, and Schwack says, imagine

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Speaker 1: paying for a marriage counselor who didn't drag everything on

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Speaker 1: for a paycheck. That's true.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe maybe they just maybe that was the reality

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Speaker 2: check that you needed.

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Speaker 1: Maybe they just have they care a lot about their

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Speaker 1: job and their integrity, and they're like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I don't see this going.

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Speaker 3: Do you ever say I do care about you Oh

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Speaker 3: no that I know of.

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Speaker 1: Oh he didn't explicitly say that, just that he when

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Speaker 1: she was sick, came over and that's brutal.

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Speaker 3: I don't I don't know's it might be over.

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Speaker 2: Like I said, I'm all forgiving second chances, but boy,

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Speaker 2: oh boy, you really didn't. You have to put in, like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: a lot to make it up for that relationship.

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Speaker 1: Agreed relevant comments, though own position says, typically there's two

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Speaker 1: sides to every story, with truth somewhere in the middle.

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Speaker 1: Normally things don't fall apart in a few weeks. So

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Speaker 1: just curious how bad things were for a therapist to

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Speaker 1: recommend divorce. If you and the husband worked this out,

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Speaker 1: would he be okay with your friendship with Tommy? And

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Speaker 1: OHP says we went to our therapist because he was

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Speaker 1: initially not good at communicating.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, shocking, shocking, shocking.

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Speaker 1: I told him if we were to get married, this

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Speaker 1: was something that I needed from him. He agreed, and

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Speaker 1: he was doing well until everything fell apart a few

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Speaker 1: weeks prior to our break. We agreed that they weren't

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Speaker 1: a good therapist because they were putting words in our mouths,

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Speaker 1: and we left the session dissatisfied. I'm not sure he

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Speaker 1: knows how close Tommy and I have become. That being said,

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Speaker 1: I haven't talked to him since posting this because I

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Speaker 1: do think I need to separate myself from him for

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Speaker 1: a while, which I think, I think. I hopefully, Oh,

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Speaker 1: he's talking to her individual therapists. Yeah, getting this advice.

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Speaker 2: The marriage counselor just nots bad doesn't sound like a

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Speaker 2: good marriage counselor. No.

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Speaker 1: I think you do have to be somewhat unbiased when

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Speaker 1: you're a marriage counselor very unbiased. If your longest consor.

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Speaker 2: Both parties seem like they're trying to work through it

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Speaker 2: or at least put in some effort, Yeah, then you're like,

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Speaker 2: all right, let's give it a shot, kids, let's do it.

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Speaker 1: I think that, Yeah, I think that if you're at

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Speaker 1: marriage counseling, you're at least trying.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, you are trying. There's effort.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's ever being, but effort. No, maybe get degrees,

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Speaker 1: get sees, get marriage, get divorces. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Uh ho.

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Speaker 1: Says nothing happens all of a sudden. I agree with

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Speaker 1: the comment. For me, there were previous signs that went unnoticed.

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Speaker 1: There must have been and well op even says that, yeah,

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Speaker 1: Opie says that there was a lack of communication going on.

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Speaker 4: That's good. That's good that there's red flags. I mean,

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Speaker 4: I hate to say that there were red flags before,

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Speaker 4: but it's good that the person, like all of a

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Speaker 4: sudden wasn't just like I'm a red flag. There were little, little,

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Speaker 4: tiny ones.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but the thing is all those little tiny red

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Speaker 2: flags pile up to become just a crazy red flag

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Speaker 2: on top of the red flags. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, m lou Marquis Basteau says, who needs marriage

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Speaker 1: counseling when you have read it?

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Speaker 3: And yeah, where your counselor your therapy?

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00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:03,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we're free exactly, and you can watch us

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Speaker 1: every weekday at three pm just to have our profile. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but let's get into this next story also that whoa,

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Speaker 1: I didn't even notice this. You didn't notice, so, I mean,

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Speaker 1: like I noticed it when you handed to me, so

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Speaker 1: you did notice. I didn't know, but I mean like

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Speaker 1: I noticed it today. I didn't know it was a thing.

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Speaker 2: But you're lying everyone, right, I don't even notice this

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Speaker 2: whole thing that's new.

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Speaker 4: It's actually new today.

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Speaker 1: It's new today.

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Speaker 3: Oh, should we take a look at the donation job.

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Speaker 2: Look at me, I'm doing such a good job.

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Speaker 4: Guys, rex Po, thanks for becoming a member.

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Speaker 1: We see you. Lady of the Elephants, thank you for

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00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:50,240
Speaker 1: becoming a new member. Celebrates one month of membership. Oh wait, no,

363
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,360
Speaker 1: remember to go exit the chat and like the video.

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00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:58,159
Speaker 1: Exit the chat like the video right now, eggs, so

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00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,920
Speaker 1: we can go in the wheel.

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Speaker 4: I got some good will spins.

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Speaker 1: Come on, Caitlin von Compin. Thank you for the twenty

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Speaker 1: five bucks tip. Currently watching y'all while I work out,

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00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:11,760
Speaker 1: getting swool. You guys make it go by so much faster?

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Speaker 4: How much to me getting say something?

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Speaker 3: No?

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00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,840
Speaker 2: I mean okay, yeah, I.

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00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,960
Speaker 4: Have no comment about women working out. What what said?

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Speaker 4: I thought you were gonna say something and you said nothing.

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00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:29,440
Speaker 3: You took away the Sophia just showing off her muscles.

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00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:31,399
Speaker 3: Look at those guys.

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00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,440
Speaker 1: It's not a good show.

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00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,520
Speaker 4: We can't do this, Sofia, but we're gonna have to

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Speaker 4: shut it off.

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Speaker 1: Fire up.

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Speaker 2: Did you do that.

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Speaker 3: Night at the museum?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, vix Megs, thank you for the ten bucks. The

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Speaker 1: lunch Lady is back at work and ready to fill

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Speaker 1: your bellies lol. Like the stream my bellies are full.

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Speaker 4: I'm actually be.

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00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 1: Vix Maggs again. Thank you for the ten gifted membership.

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Speaker 2: Let's go.

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Speaker 4: Oh if you got a memberships, I thank you, thank you.

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Speaker 1: All right, let's get into this next door. My husband's

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00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:11,680
Speaker 1: scheduled a bros Only trip right after I gave birth.

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Speaker 1: I demanded he cancel it. I can't imagine leaving your

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Speaker 1: pregnant partner.

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Speaker 2: Your new born, new baby for the boy.

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Speaker 1: But nothing comes in between the boys.

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00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:36,480
Speaker 4: But what about the what about dirty myrtle, myrtle, dirty

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00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:37,840
Speaker 4: myrtle beach?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god, why did I I hate how

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Speaker 2: I knew what you were talking about?

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Speaker 1: Idea.

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00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's really for the boys, for the boys.

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Speaker 1: This situation has caused a lot of tension between my

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Speaker 1: husband and me, and now I'm questioning whether I'm being unreasonable. No,

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00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:56,560
Speaker 1: you're not.

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Speaker 4: I'll go ahead and put up a pole by the way.

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00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 1: This comes for four an Ostrich eight nine three seven

407
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:05,919
Speaker 1: on the r slash Okay storytime, sep read it. I

408
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:10,440
Speaker 1: thirty female, gave birth to our first child, Olivia, months ago.

409
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,159
Speaker 2: Oh so sweet.

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00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 1: Being a first time mom has been both beautiful and overwhelming.

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00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 1: My husband, Jake, thirty two male, was incredibly supportive during

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00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,000
Speaker 1: the pregnancy and promised that after Olivia was born, he

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Speaker 1: would be there for me every step of the way,

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00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:31,359
Speaker 1: especially during those challenging first few months. Scept if the

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Speaker 1: boys need.

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Speaker 2: Him, well, that was a lie.

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00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,479
Speaker 1: The boys needed him. When the boys call, you gotta answer.

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Speaker 3: He's batman, He's the boys man.

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00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,960
Speaker 1: Before Olivia was born, Jake and his friends had been

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Speaker 1: planning a bro's only trip for this summer, a week

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00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 1: long vacation to a cabin in the mountains for hiking, fishing,

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00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:55,400
Speaker 1: and bonding. Why don't you bond with your daughter? When

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00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 1: the trip was being discussed, I reminded Jake that Olivia

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00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,880
Speaker 1: would only be a few months old and we would

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00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,879
Speaker 1: be in deep in the newborn phase. He reassured me

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Speaker 1: that if things got too tough, he would cancel the

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00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 1: trip to help me out, and I trusted him. I

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00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:11,359
Speaker 1: feel like you, even if they're not too tough, you

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be.

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Speaker 3: No, yeah, don't.

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00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:17,920
Speaker 2: You're your love of your life, love of your life,

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00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:22,639
Speaker 2: love of your life, and you're a newborn child, daughter, baby.

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Speaker 2: What are you doing?

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Speaker 1: Where are you going? What is more important? Nothing? Truly nothing?

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00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 1: I also, what is what is the soonest that you

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00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:37,199
Speaker 1: can go on a trip when you have a newborn.

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00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 2: Maybe I think that's a thing you can talk to.

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00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,360
Speaker 2: That's what you talk to you you talk to your

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Speaker 2: partner about that after like three months.

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00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, you wait three So you wait three months and

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Speaker 1: then you can broach the topic.

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Speaker 3: Could I go bro out?

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Speaker 1: I really need to go bro out, like so bad?

444
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 2: Well, I mean before we like go continue. I had

445
00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:00,240
Speaker 2: a family friend who like, the first time that I like,

446
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 2: they have four kids. The first time, it was like

447
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,360
Speaker 2: obviously cloud old stayed. Second time, same thing. Third time,

448
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 2: She's like, I got this, I got it. Go bro like,

449
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 2: but yeah, it's the first time, but you're first born.

450
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,760
Speaker 2: Not even that's not defending any of that. It's just

451
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 2: communicate with your partner and especially the mother.

452
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 1: The mother, Yeah, she needs all the help exactly. And

453
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: also I don't like the idea of him saying wait

454
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,159
Speaker 1: until like we'll see if it gets too tough, Like

455
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 1: I feel like you would want to be you wouldn't

456
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 1: want it.

457
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 2: Also, why would you plan a boy's trip when you

458
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,439
Speaker 2: know the timeframe of having your child.

459
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, he said that he planned it last summer, but

460
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,879
Speaker 1: they would have known that they were she was probably

461
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 1: pregnant at least, I don't know what he was thinking.

462
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 1: Iron Tea Bag says, him going on a trip? Where

463
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,280
Speaker 1: is it him going on? Him? Going on a trip

464
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 1: isn't enough for a divorce. People make mistakes and make

465
00:22:54,680 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 1: the wrong choices. Maybe he's tired and they uh, maybe

466
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 1: he's scared and rather would trip. Not excusing the behavior.

467
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: A divorce is quick. Uh. Nikki Bordeouz is like it's

468
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:09,119
Speaker 1: vile what he's done. But I wonder if he just

469
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 1: needs to get something. Yeah, I think I don't think

470
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 1: it's divorced.

471
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 3: I don't think it's divorced.

472
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:13,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it is.

473
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 2: This is the father of your newborn baby and you

474
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:18,160
Speaker 2: love him. Yeah.

475
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 1: I think it's just op he needs to say I

476
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:26,400
Speaker 1: need you here. Yeah. Now that Olivia is here, things

477
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 1: have been harder than I anticipated. Between the sleepless nights,

478
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 1: breastfeeding struggles, and just trying to adjust to motherhood. I've

479
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,919
Speaker 1: been feeling overwhelmed. Dake has been helpful, but I can

480
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 1: tell he's excited about this trip, which is coming up

481
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 1: next month. Last week I asked Jake if he could

482
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 1: consider canceling the trip, reminding him of his promise. I

483
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,120
Speaker 1: told him that I'm struggling and that having him gone

484
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:51,639
Speaker 1: for a whole week would be really off on me.

485
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 2: Uh.

486
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,879
Speaker 1: He seems surprised and a bit hurt that I was

487
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 1: asking him to cancel. He said he's been looking forward

488
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 1: to this trip for months, and then he needs a

489
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 1: break too. He also pointed out that his parents lived

490
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,879
Speaker 1: nearby and could help if I needed support while I

491
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:08,160
Speaker 1: was while he was away. I understand that Jake needs

492
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 1: a break and wants to spend time with his friends,

493
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,640
Speaker 1: but I can't help feeling like this is a time

494
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,360
Speaker 1: when I really need him by my side. I tried

495
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,120
Speaker 1: to explain that while I appreciate his parents' help, it's

496
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,440
Speaker 1: not the same as having him here. Jake said that

497
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 1: I'm being unfair by asking him to cancel the trip

498
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,679
Speaker 1: after all the planning that went into it, and that

499
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 1: I need to trust him to make sure I'm supported

500
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,919
Speaker 1: even if he's not physically there. Now we're at a

501
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,159
Speaker 1: bit of a standoff. Some of my friends think I

502
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 1: should let him go, saying that it's important for him

503
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: to have some time away, especially after all the stress

504
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: of becoming a new dad, but others agree that it's

505
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 1: too soon for him to take off for a week,

506
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 1: and that he should prioritize being home with me and Olivia.

507
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 1: So am I the a hole for asking my husband

508
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,639
Speaker 1: to cancel his bro's only trip to help me with

509
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: our newborn after he promised he would And there is

510
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 1: an edit? Oh row, But I don't think he needs

511
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: a break as much as she does.

512
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 2: No, No, I cannot imagine that he need, if anything,

513
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 2: she needs a break. Yeah. I mean she wants to

514
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 2: be obviously, she wants to be able to Livia. Yeah,

515
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 2: which he should do, would Yeah, but mom needs a break.

516
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think that. I don't think it's unfair

517
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 1: for OP to ask no cal because they already talked

518
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:23,639
Speaker 1: about it.

519
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, but way in advance he said I will do this.

520
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 2: I will if you need me to do this.

521
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's now kind of going back on his word,

522
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,719
Speaker 1: or at least making her feel guilty.

523
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 3: He has like no common like there's that's common sense.

524
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:42,720
Speaker 5: That's common sense I've heard. Yeah, you would know, no way,

525
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,439
Speaker 5: how old's this guy? Thirty thirty two? Yeah, dude, you

526
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 5: should know. I also think what if he was like

527
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,720
Speaker 5: twenty five? Are you still his brain's not developed yet?

528
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 5: He has a little bit in an excuse.

529
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 1: Telling me that you wouldn't know right now.

530
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 4: I'm just saying, I'm twenty three and my frontal cortex

531
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,679
Speaker 4: is not completely together, so I don't even know if

532
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 4: I've had a full thought yet.

533
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,159
Speaker 3: At least you're handsome.

534
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 1: Thanks, that's pretty I think that there is a kind

535
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 1: of middle ground that they could possibly reach up, saying

536
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 1: if he says that he's feeling really overwhelmed, maybe he

537
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 1: takes a day off. You know, maybe it does a.

538
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 3: Little day trip.

539
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, not but a week is way too long

540
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,880
Speaker 1: after two months old. Yeah, that's I think that's way

541
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 1: too long.

542
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 2: I don't let again. Some of the friends were like, oh,

543
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 2: let him take a break. Jake deserves a break. Like bro,

544
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:36,640
Speaker 2: I had baby in me, I push baby, push baby out.

545
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 2: I had baby in me and now baby.

546
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 1: Baby crying, baby crying like we're doing a slam poetry.

547
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 1: Baby crying, baby crying, baby, breastfeed.

548
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 2: I'm baby baby said, full frontal cortex right there? Iley,

549
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 2: Are you old enough to have it?

550
00:26:59,119 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: How old are you?

551
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:07,200
Speaker 3: How ever old you want me to be enough?

552
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 1: Anyways, Artika Waterman says, I'm a single parent and I

553
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 1: never have a break, and when I was even married,

554
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 1: my ex didn't even do a lot. So yeah, having

555
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,119
Speaker 1: a break is fine. But when the mother of your

556
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 1: child says that I need you here, then be there.

557
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 3: It's just it's common sense.

558
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:30,200
Speaker 2: No Opie was never an a hole at all.

559
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: Agreed, But there is an edit THAT'SIO get into with edit.

560
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I just wanted to give a quick update.

561
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 1: After reading through most of the replies, I was honestly

562
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 1: overwhelmed by the amount of support and understanding I received.

563
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 1: Thank you so much to everyone who took the time

564
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:51,440
Speaker 1: to respond. Your kind words and thoughtful advice really helped

565
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: me feel less alone in this situation. A lot of

566
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 1: you suggested that I should also take a week off,

567
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 1: letting Jake stay with Olivia to get a break for myself.

568
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:04,199
Speaker 1: I really appreciate the sentiment behind that suggestion, but there

569
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 1: are a couple of reasons why it's not realistic for

570
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: me right now. First of all, I'm breastfeeding, which yeah,

571
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: it makes so much sense, so being away from Olivia

572
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,959
Speaker 1: for that long would be really difficult logistically. But beyond that,

573
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 1: and this is something I know I need to work on,

574
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 1: I just don't feel comfortable being away from my baby.

575
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 2: Yet.

576
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 1: I don't think that's necessarily something you have to work

577
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 1: on quite yet. I think that's a very common thing

578
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: for new parents.

579
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 2: I think, just rain check that break. Yeah, you know,

580
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 2: I think.

581
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 1: So just give it, like, wait a couple more months. Yeah,

582
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: at least until the baby's you know, leaping a little

583
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 1: bit more soundly through the night.

584
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 2: And that's what the baby's comfortable, and you're comfortable, and

585
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 2: your husband's feel like.

586
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 1: You can handle it on your.

587
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 3: Own altogether as a family.

588
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: Family units. But beyond that, and this is I said that,

589
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 1: I know it's not healthy to feel like I can't

590
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,239
Speaker 1: have her out of my sight, but I can't help it.

591
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: I guess it's just the new anxiety that that's really

592
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 1: hard to shake. I've been debating whether or not to

593
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 1: show Jake this thread. I'm worried that reading is it

594
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 1: might hurt his feelings. But I'm definitely going to have

595
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 1: another conversation with him about everything. I'm willing to compromise

596
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 1: and let him go on the trip, but I think

597
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 1: a whole week is just too much. I'm leaning towards

598
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 1: suggesting that he limit the trip to a maximum of

599
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 1: three nights, which is so fair, so he can still

600
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: have some time away with his friends, but not be

601
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 1: gone for an entire week. I'll update again after we've talked.

602
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: Thanks again for all the support everyone, It really means

603
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: a lot. An update, an update.

604
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 4: I went to go find it. I thought it wasn't here,

605
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 4: but they deleted it off their thing.

606
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:43,480
Speaker 1: Okay, it's here.

607
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 3: Let's worry. Don't you worry? Okay, I mean she's she's awesome.

608
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 1: He's awesome.

609
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 3: She's trying, like, you know what, I get it.

610
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 1: He's working, she's trying to figure out.

611
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 3: He's trying to do a compromise, and it seems like

612
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 3: is Jake trying.

613
00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 1: To do here, He's trying to get at it, trying

614
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 1: to get out of parenting. One comment says from Fancy

615
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 1: and Bab says, you were uncomfortable for nine months, you

616
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 1: went through labor, you're now breastfeeding. What the f does

617
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 1: he need a break from? Yeah, he was a giant

618
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 1: a hole when he planned this trip. He was a

619
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 1: bigger a hole when he lied about canceling, And he's

620
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: the giant, gaping, insaney awful a hole now that he

621
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 1: thinks it's unreasonable for you not to want him to

622
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 1: be gone for an entire week when you're already overwhelmed.

623
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like you'd want his parents to stay

624
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 1: for that week while he's gone. This may be furious.

625
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 1: I hope this is only his only missed up, though

626
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 1: I doubt it. Not the a hole. And there is

627
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,920
Speaker 1: an update that came. It's eleven hours later.

628
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 3: Oh wow, eleven hours later.

629
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,840
Speaker 4: Yeah?

630
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 1: Is that your conspiracy theory clos yours?

631
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 3: Olivia is not his child?

632
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: Yeah? Make it crazy putting chopstick on the Yeah, I

633
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: think that. I don't know. It really depends on what

634
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 1: Jake's next move is.

635
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 3: This is it was all in Jake's court.

636
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: It's all in Jake square.

637
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 3: Mom had an opie mom? Yeah, hadn't. She has every right,

638
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 3: every right to say he Olivia has every right.

639
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: Olivia if she cries, says bapa. I don't know if

640
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 1: she could speak, probably not, but she goes, I want

641
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 1: my father, and that's what all of those grunts meet.

642
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 1: But there is an update. Hey everyone, I just wanted

643
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 1: to share another update after having a very long and

644
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: emotional talk with Jake. I won't get into every detail

645
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 1: of our conversation, but I'll touch on the most important points.

646
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 1: After putting Olivia to bed, I went straight to bed myself,

647
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 1: feeling utterly exhausted. Jake was already asleep, but for some reason,

648
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,959
Speaker 1: the weight of everything just hit me all and I

649
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 1: started crying uncontrollably. My sobbing woke Jake up, and he

650
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 1: immediately asked me what was wrong? Do you mean what's wrong?

651
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 2: You're you're what's wrong?

652
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 1: I told him that I was just tired, But then

653
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,920
Speaker 1: I open up about how anxious I'd been feeling about

654
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 1: his trip and being left alone with Olivia. I admitted

655
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: something I've been reluctant to say it out loud, that

656
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 1: Jake hasn't been as involved as I thought he would be.

657
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: This was one of my biggest fears when we found

658
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 1: out we were having a baby. Which it this seems true.

659
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: I mean, oh, he even said earlier he's been helpful,

660
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 1: which doesn't really sound like it sounds like your parent

661
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 1: came over and helped out with some tours or something.

662
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 3: Like like they pat you on the back, grub some

663
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 3: dirt on it.

664
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, he brought her some I don't know, a snack

665
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 1: one day.

666
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like that's.

667
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 2: Nice, thank you, Like she probably had to ask him

668
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 2: to help and do things rather than him.

669
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 1: Just do doing it preemptively or asking her asking her

670
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: what she needs for context. Jake has a rocky relationship

671
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 1: with his own dad. I won't go into detail about

672
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 1: why his dad isn't the best, but his mom, my

673
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 1: mother in law, remarried when Jake was in middle school

674
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: and his dad wasn't very present in his life. Jake

675
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: has expressed to me because before that, before that, becoming

676
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 1: a father was scary for him because he's afraid of

677
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 1: being a bad one, just like his dad. When he

678
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 1: first told me that, I thought it would make him

679
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 1: into a great father, because it showed how much he

680
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,719
Speaker 1: cared about being a good dad, long before we were

681
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 1: even pregnant. But I mean sometimes fear can make people

682
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 1: kind of go back. Yeah, but not that this is

683
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 1: an excuse it. I'm just saying, like, oh, he thought

684
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 1: this would make him try harder, but maybe he was

685
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: so afraid that I don't even want to try and

686
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 1: mess it up. When I vented to him about all

687
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: of this at first, he tried to defend himself. He

688
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 1: admitted that he's been freaking out about having baby for

689
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 1: so long and just didn't want to tell me. He

690
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:04,800
Speaker 1: said he didn't want to stress me out while I

691
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 1: was pregnant, because he knows how much I've always wanted

692
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: to be a mother. Hearing him say that made me

693
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 1: feel guilty, like I hadn't seen how much he's been

694
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:15,360
Speaker 1: struggling internally. I had tried to convince him that he

695
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: was going to be a great dad when we had

696
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:21,839
Speaker 1: this conversation long ago, and now it all felt more complicated.

697
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, this can't go on much longer.

698
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 1: I realized that if he was going to keep pulling

699
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 1: away like this, I didn't know if I could handle it.

700
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 1: So I asked him, is this what our life is

701
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 1: going to look like from now on? Be with Olivia

702
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 1: and you away? Because if it is, Jake, then I

703
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 1: don't think I can continue on like this. Jake told

704
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 1: me to calm down and assured me that he wasn't

705
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 1: going anywhere. Then he got really emotional. He started to

706
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 1: even tear up. He said he didn't want to turn

707
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,879
Speaker 1: into his dad, and that he hadn't realized that going

708
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 1: on this trip could be a preliminary step towards becoming

709
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 1: the absentee father he might be. He apologized for not

710
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 1: considering me and Olivia as much as he should have.

711
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,399
Speaker 1: Long story short, Jake called his friends and told them

712
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: he wouldn't be able to make the trip.

713
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 3: Well, whoa, whoa, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going,

714
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 3: keep going.

715
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 1: He's even started planning a little faily getaway for the

716
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 1: three of us next year when Olivia is a bit older.

717
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:21,400
Speaker 5: Yay.

718
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 1: It was a tough conversation, but I feel like we're

719
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 1: on the same page now and I'm hopeful that things

720
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 1: will get better from here. Thanks again to everyone for

721
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 1: your support and advice. It's been an emotional rollercoaster, but

722
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for this community helping me navigate. And that

723
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 1: is it.

724
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 4: The comments are not buying this.

725
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 1: He's lying to you. Well, the thing is that he

726
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 1: could be. He fully could be. He could just be

727
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,319
Speaker 1: saying this and not actually do it.

728
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 2: But you talked to him a chan, Yeah, I give

729
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,799
Speaker 2: him a chance, and he already he's like, all right,

730
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:01,919
Speaker 2: you know what I heard you.

731
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 3: I finally am hearing.

732
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:07,239
Speaker 1: You canceled the transl did make you guilty for it?

733
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 1: Said I should be there. Uh So I think that

734
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 1: I think it's totally fair to have your suspicions and

735
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 1: keep an eye out. But I think that this is,

736
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 1: you know, possibility.

737
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 2: This is where now we're going above and beyond. Now

738
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 2: we're going up. We can only it started from the bottom.

739
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 1: And now we've crossed the line.

740
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 2: We're going only up from here.

741
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:31,880
Speaker 4: Is this gas lighting or not?

742
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,800
Speaker 1: I don't think so. It's only gaslighting if he doesn't

743
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 1: do it.

744
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:35,800
Speaker 3: It was gaslighting.

745
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,279
Speaker 2: If he was using as an excuse and he's like,

746
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 2: all right, I'm gonna do it.

747
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,759
Speaker 4: Because he said this is he's still doing the trip

748
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 4: or did he cancel No, cancel the trip?

749
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, cancel the trip.

750
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 1: He said he's going to prepare. He started planning a

751
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,839
Speaker 1: trip for the whole family, and he said he's got

752
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 1: to step up. So yeah, Mariah from Alasco says it's

753
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:56,399
Speaker 1: a step in the right direction, and teacher goes says, yay,

754
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,759
Speaker 1: good turnaround, but actually does stay on a better path.

755
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,760
Speaker 1: I'm scared there will be more stumbles along the way, though.

756
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:06,880
Speaker 2: But I think it's part of a part of marriage.

757
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 1: We're ever going to make all the right decisions. It's

758
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 1: just yeah, what were you saying?

759
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 2: As long as they talk and it looks like communicated

760
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 2: and that he wasn't like, I'm not listening to you.

761
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 2: I'm doing the boy's trip. Yeah, no, it's done.

762
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 1: OPI kind of broke down. He broke down, and they

763
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 1: had a conversation that needed to happen.

764
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 3: I just don't think it. Maybe it just didn't hit him.

765
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:30,399
Speaker 1: I think he just I think he was afraid and

766
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 1: pulling back and probably didn't think, oh, you know, I

767
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 1: thought I could be gone for a week. And it

768
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:42,759
Speaker 1: is now hitting him now that OPI is like, is

769
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 1: just exhausted.

770
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean I think we all all genuinely

771
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 2: agree that this was it started off really bad. Yes,

772
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:59,240
Speaker 2: it doesn't excuse him being the a hole from the beginning.

773
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 1: A hole, but he's a whole with a redemption arc.

774
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, he's redeeming himself as long as he follows

775
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 2: that path.

776
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,359
Speaker 1: As long as he follows up. Uh. Tough Diddies says,

777
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,839
Speaker 1: gaslighting is not lying to someone, is making them not

778
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:17,839
Speaker 1: trust their own thoughts or reality. Yeah, this would be more. Yeah,

779
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 1: I don't know if that would be gassing. Josephine mcdolber quiz,

780
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 1: thank you for the two sixty five. Not doub Jake,

781
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:26,719
Speaker 1: He's just doing the bare minimum, which right now he is.

782
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 1: But I think that this is hope for going yeah,

783
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 1: for going out.

784
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 2: He's he's but here's the thing, and we don't know.

785
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 2: But at least he's trying at least. But he did

786
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 2: also make empty promises in the past when he's like, Okay,

787
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 2: I will do this, you hope.

788
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 1: He can really only know what's.

789
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 2: It once it's fulfilled, once he actually makes that promise

790
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:53,320
Speaker 2: and fulfills that promise.

791
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:58,279
Speaker 1: Agreed. But that is the end of that story. Do

792
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,879
Speaker 1: we have any donations to read? I already read them.

793
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 1: Let's get into this next story.

794
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, hi, guys, if you're tuning in, Yeah, introduce yourself again.

795
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:11,799
Speaker 2: I'm keon k e I a n Try to throw

796
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 2: another fun fact for them, Give them another fun fact.

797
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 3: Another fun fact. I love to travel and I haven't

798
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,160
Speaker 3: had a vacation in over two years.

799
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:24,759
Speaker 2: Maybe you need so I need a break. I need

800
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:28,319
Speaker 2: a break right now, sometime soon.

801
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 1: Wait four hours.

802
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 4: I'm sad, but that's good to know.

803
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 2: Okay, French people, these guys just got back from France.

804
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:39,320
Speaker 4: It was work related.

805
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 2: That's still like a Jason. For three days, I did work,

806
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 2: you worked, You worked on those baguettes.

807
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I had to. That's true, get fed so true.

808
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: But let's get into this next story. I'm trying to

809
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 1: move up in my career, but my wife accused me

810
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 1: of not being around enough for our kids. Not another

811
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: absentee parent. I've never posted here, so I hope that

812
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 1: I provide enough context to get some feedback. My wife

813
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,880
Speaker 1: and I have been together for thirteen years with three

814
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:16,319
Speaker 1: beautiful kids, ages eight, six, and three. We are both

815
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 1: working professionals and with great careers. I've always had a

816
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 1: more natural ability to multitask and take on more responsibilities,

817
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 1: where my wife can sometimes feel overwhelmed and has troubles

818
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 1: separating the stressors of work from personal life. By the way,

819
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: this comes from Doda to Nubi on the r slash

820
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 1: Okay sport Time subreddit. I'm a very involved husband and father.

821
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 1: I take care of a majority of the household chores

822
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 1: such as the cooking for the family, kids, lunches, outdoor maintenance, laundry, folding, etc.

823
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: We've outsourced our house cleaning to a company as it

824
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: would as it was a lot for us to keep

825
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,759
Speaker 1: up to keep up on and was becoming a contentious

826
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 1: point in our relationship. In addition to all the kids' activities.

827
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 1: My wife and I also have a few activities we

828
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 1: sneak away for independently throughout the week to get a

829
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 1: break and take care of ourselves.

830
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 2: There's that word physically. Here's that word again, a break,

831
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 2: A break.

832
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,840
Speaker 1: That always comes back to that when it comes to

833
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 1: the kids. I'm off and the one who wakes them

834
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:18,600
Speaker 1: up in the morning gets them ready for the day.

835
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 1: They are great kids, but my wife finds it hard

836
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,959
Speaker 1: to watch them all as it can be exhausting, as

837
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 1: all parents can relate, Yeah, watching three kids is hard.

838
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:29,880
Speaker 1: I've I've had to do four kids. I think that

839
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 1: was my most babysitting.

840
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 3: I was a camp counselor.

841
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,320
Speaker 1: Oh well, okay, if you're talking about camp counseling that

842
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:37,839
Speaker 1: I had to do like thirty.

843
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, it's a competition.

844
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 3: I had more kids than you did.

845
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:48,479
Speaker 1: I was watching more kids than you were. Yeah, when

846
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 1: it goes, they are great kids. I take care of

847
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 1: bedtime routines mostly on my own. I get them in

848
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 1: their pajamas, read books for a three year old, and

849
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: then my wife comes in and sings her song or too,

850
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 1: and puts her down for the other two. She often

851
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 1: says I'm too tired. Mommy's gonna say good night here

852
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 1: in our living room and asks if I'm okay to

853
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 1: take them up and put them to bed. Our spicy

854
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,920
Speaker 1: sleep life isn't that great? Maybe once a month and

855
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: all initiating is my job and she's often too tired.

856
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:21,399
Speaker 2: What are you grunting about?

857
00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 3: That sucks.

858
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 4: Saying that's hard?

859
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 1: Ah, But I couldn't tell you the last time she

860
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 1: initiated intimacy despite knowing how important that connection. I think

861
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,799
Speaker 1: this is a time where you have to communicate, talk

862
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 1: it out. Ask her why she's feeling so overwhelmed.

863
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,279
Speaker 3: Why is she not putting I mean that goes with.

864
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:48,360
Speaker 2: It, not putting out effort?

865
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:52,840
Speaker 3: Watch she not putting effort.

866
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 1: It seems like she doesn't seem like she's doing a

867
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,879
Speaker 1: great you know, I don't know. I don't. I don't

868
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 1: want to like judge her because I don't know why

869
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 1: this is happening right, But I understand what he's saying

870
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 1: of like, I feel like I don't have a partner

871
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:08,759
Speaker 1: right now, and that can be really hard. But I

872
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:10,920
Speaker 1: think that communication is was this.

873
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 2: Like a prolonged version of previous ops like Jake and

874
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 2: like it just seems like they flipped. Yeah, yeah, I

875
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 2: don't know. Yeah, something this dad, This seems like a

876
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 2: this dad's going on and he's doing a lot, according

877
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 2: to him, according to him. According Again, there's always two

878
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 2: sides to every story.

879
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 1: But Vicky the Purple Witch says communication. She may be

880
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 1: struggling mentally, which is true. She could be going you know,

881
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:37,880
Speaker 1: she could have depression. There could be a lot of

882
00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:40,800
Speaker 1: other things, which is why communication is the first step

883
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:46,759
Speaker 1: if you are annoyed with your partner. Uh communication, is

884
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,440
Speaker 1: you need or you're just gonna build resentment.

885
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 3: Or something's just off?

886
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:55,280
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, is this different behavior?

887
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:55,880
Speaker 3: Yeah?

888
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 1: It was it? You know, was she stepping up before

889
00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:00,800
Speaker 1: with the other two kids and then this third kid?

890
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 1: She's been struggling. When did the intimacy issue start? You

891
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 1: know what's different?

892
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 2: Now, give me a timeline out of every single child?

893
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 1: Tell me. Uh, tonight, we got into a huge argument

894
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 1: argument as I've got two events coming up in September

895
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 1: that will take me away on Saturday and half of

896
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:24,319
Speaker 1: Sunday followed by another Saturday, which means she'd be left

897
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: on her own with the kids. She knew about the events,

898
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: but I don't think either of us realized they were

899
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 1: back to back weeks when I agreed to them. She

900
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 1: brought it up on the walk, and it felt like

901
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:36,400
Speaker 1: it was coming from a place of you need to

902
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: change something, as I can't do all of this because

903
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 1: I need my rest so I can be rested going

904
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 1: back to work. I said that I made these commitments

905
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:46,719
Speaker 1: and tried to get creative, seeing if a grandparent might

906
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 1: be able to help by either coming to us or

907
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,839
Speaker 1: sending a few kids to them. She didn't want that,

908
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 1: as she finds help from my mom her mother in

909
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,280
Speaker 1: law well more work than it's worth, and she doesn't

910
00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:00,400
Speaker 1: want to be away from the kids. It's probably important

911
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:04,839
Speaker 1: to note that it's our anniversary one of those weekends elis,

912
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 1: which happens to also be on my birthday.

913
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 3: Oh wow.

914
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,560
Speaker 1: Always had an understanding that we would celebrate my birthday

915
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 1: first and figure out a day to celebrate our marriage. Well,

916
00:45:15,719 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: we don't have plans yet for our eleventh anniversary. It's

917
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 1: something we usually figure out a week or two unless

918
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 1: it's a big one. She freaked out on me that

919
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,840
Speaker 1: I don't see things from her perspective and that I

920
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:31,920
Speaker 1: should be more understanding. Meanwhile, I give this household everything,

921
00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 1: rarely am gone from the family and always support her

922
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:39,880
Speaker 1: for nights out with her girlfriends for dinner or girl trips. I'm,

923
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 1: by no means a perfect husband or father, but I

924
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:45,319
Speaker 1: feel like I give everything, and when I stand up

925
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:48,879
Speaker 1: for myself, it just creates these issues and tension. She says,

926
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 1: I don't understand her or look at it from her perspective.

927
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,719
Speaker 1: To be honest, She's not wrong when it comes to this.

928
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 1: Why the hell is this such a big deal? What's

929
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 1: the bigger problem? Am I just an ahole? I feel

930
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 1: like absolute crap after that argument, But part of me,

931
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 1: deep down thinks I've done nothing wrong. But what do

932
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:12,760
Speaker 1: you think, Kean?

933
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 3: I think she I think both parents need a break.

934
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 1: I think both parents seem pretty stressed.

935
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 2: They're just overwhelmed, like they're he's I mean again, she

936
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 2: could be doing super mom stuff and he's doing super

937
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 2: dad stuff. She's overwhelmed, and I don't. I didn't like

938
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:32,840
Speaker 2: the thing where he's like my mother in law is

939
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 2: more like more work for her, he said. She said

940
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:39,280
Speaker 2: yeah about her mother in law or about her mother yeah,

941
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 2: and she declined wanting help.

942
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, that it seems like he's trying to find solutions.

943
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 3: Or at least make it easier for her.

944
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:49,919
Speaker 2: But again, he did plant like this was a work

945
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 2: thing that was was scheduled last minute. It was scheduled,

946
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 2: and I feel like they did talk about it.

947
00:46:55,880 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think that I think that they just

948
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:02,759
Speaker 1: need to. Like a lot of people are saying counseling,

949
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 1: which I agree with. I think that it seems like

950
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:10,359
Speaker 1: on even if this may be more a problem that

951
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:14,719
Speaker 1: his wife kind of are not started, but you know

952
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 1: it's coming from her side maybe more, it seems like

953
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:21,280
Speaker 1: the communication is bad on both ends because he says,

954
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 1: I don't understand I cannot see it from her point

955
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,279
Speaker 1: of view. Yeah, And I think even if you don't

956
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 1: agree with your partner and you want them to step

957
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 1: up more, you do have to kind of meet somewhere

958
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 1: in the middle so that there is that you do

959
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:37,000
Speaker 1: move forward. Otherwise you're just both like banging at a wall.

960
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's I feel like.

961
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 2: Because it seems like it's coming from his perspective, yes,

962
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:46,640
Speaker 2: where he's doing so much and she's not.

963
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 3: It seems like she's not doing anything. Really she's doing

964
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 3: so but but.

965
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 1: Is putting a lot of the burden on him.

966
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:57,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, but he's also he's not working for himself.

967
00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 2: He's working hard for his family. He's missing out on

968
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 2: it sucks, but the anniversary to support them, to support.

969
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:05,880
Speaker 3: Them, and his birthday.

970
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:06,239
Speaker 1: Yeah.

971
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:08,360
Speaker 3: Also, why would you do that?

972
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 2: Why?

973
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,880
Speaker 1: Why would you? Why would you work on your birthday?

974
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:14,759
Speaker 1: I guarantee because disregarding the problem at hand, why are

975
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:18,800
Speaker 1: you working on your birthday? Don Lasky says she's overwhelmed

976
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:22,919
Speaker 1: but won't accept help. Stop being a victim. Uh and wait,

977
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 1: can you scrow up just a little bit? Jay? Wait?

978
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 1: Joanna Jensen says sometimes mother in laws can be judgmental

979
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 1: and that can be exhausting. Yeah, I think this is

980
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:33,239
Speaker 1: unless I misread it. I think this is her mother.

981
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 2: This is this is his mother in law.

982
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, his mother, her mother in law, So this is

983
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 1: his mother his mother, Okay, okay, which, yeah, sometimes that

984
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 1: can be hard to deal with. Pigeon Royal Eli Thad

985
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 1: says they're both they both need breaks and need therapy.

986
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:50,839
Speaker 1: They need to communicate as well. Yeah, agreed, But there

987
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 1: is one relevant comment from a pee and a response

988
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 1: to finish this story off, Opie says she is an

989
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 1: incredible mothers right, not loving the all of the work

990
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 1: stuff that comes along with it are good times way out,

991
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:10,280
Speaker 1: way way out, weigh the current challenges, and I believe

992
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,839
Speaker 1: every marriage goes through highs and lows. We've been through

993
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 1: a lot together and tackled some big life decisions and

994
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 1: challenges along the way. I've always had more energy and

995
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:22,680
Speaker 1: capacity to juggle. It's just who I am. That said,

996
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 1: I do feel like she takes it for granted now

997
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 1: and she wouldn't fully agree with my perspective. And then

998
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:32,439
Speaker 1: one comment says, not the Agle, your workload doesn't sound

999
00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:35,319
Speaker 1: like it's even close to equitable. She sounds like the

1000
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:39,000
Speaker 1: deadbeat dads who are always we're always seeing complaints about.

1001
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,319
Speaker 1: Of course she's worried about your trip because she's going

1002
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 1: to have to step up and parent. The best suggestion

1003
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,040
Speaker 1: I can offer is to ask her what she needs

1004
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:48,399
Speaker 1: to make it work, meaning do you need to buy

1005
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 1: some meals for the freezer or have her get takeout

1006
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 1: for dinner. Ask her to come up with ideas that

1007
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 1: do not involve you. Canceling doesn't need to parent perfectly,

1008
00:49:57,000 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 1: but she should parent also babysitting.

1009
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,759
Speaker 2: That's what I was good to say. I mean, sure

1010
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:07,240
Speaker 2: it helps with because maybe babysitting. Babysitters are but there's pricey.

1011
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 2: But you can also ask a friend.

1012
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:09,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can ask a friend.

1013
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 3: Ask a friend.

1014
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:11,879
Speaker 1: She look into it.

1015
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,279
Speaker 2: Your wife has a lot of friends. She goes out

1016
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:17,640
Speaker 2: with what's like one friend one night or another friend

1017
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 2: another night.

1018
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:21,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also I think even with the babysitting, if

1019
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to be away from the kids. There

1020
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:26,439
Speaker 1: were some times where I was like, I was there

1021
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:27,160
Speaker 1: with the parents.

1022
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:29,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's okay to have help.

1023
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's okay to ask for help if you need it.

1024
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 2: But it seemed like she was like, I don't know,

1025
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:37,919
Speaker 2: maybe he didn't bring up babysitting or getting any help.

1026
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,240
Speaker 2: Was that an option maybe like the like his mom

1027
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,600
Speaker 2: was like, that's the help, and she's like, I don't

1028
00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 2: that's not the help.

1029
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:49,120
Speaker 1: But yeah, OPI responds, those saturdays will definitely be McDonald's

1030
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 1: or pizza. She doesn't cook. I did offer some suggestions,

1031
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 1: and my mom is always willing to come by and help,

1032
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:58,279
Speaker 1: but she finds that more work. Her response was, so

1033
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 1: you're basically telling me that it is the way it

1034
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 1: is and I should deal with it, which is where

1035
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 1: things started to get a bit tense. I said, to

1036
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:08,239
Speaker 1: her that whenever she is a night out or an

1037
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 1: evening away with their girlfriends, I would never, nor have

1038
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:14,799
Speaker 1: I made her feel guilty of it. In fact, I

1039
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:17,200
Speaker 1: encourage it. It's nice to have some solo time with

1040
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:19,759
Speaker 1: the kids, and she gets a much neat break from

1041
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 1: a busy life. It was that comment there that she

1042
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:25,320
Speaker 1: took great offense to and sent us into a tailspin.

1043
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:28,279
Speaker 1: She said, I failed to see things from her perspective

1044
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,400
Speaker 1: except I do see it and just happened to disagree.

1045
00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 1: Of course I didn't say that, but I wanted to,

1046
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 1: and that is the end of that story.

1047
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 2: It sucks because he is doing it for his family.

1048
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:46,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's not doing it to get away.

1049
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's not going to.

1050
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:53,080
Speaker 3: He's going back to back weekends.

1051
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:53,760
Speaker 1: Because he's in his birthday.

1052
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:55,879
Speaker 3: He also seems like he wants to spend time with

1053
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 3: his kids.

1054
00:51:57,120 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 1: It seems like he from his perspective or from his

1055
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 1: own admission, that he is able to better multitask and

1056
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 1: like spending time with all of his kids and is

1057
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:07,120
Speaker 1: able to handle that.

1058
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:10,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, he gets overwhelmed. He definitely seems like he gets overwhelmed. Yeah,

1059
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:15,239
Speaker 2: but he's I feel like he can handle it way

1060
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:19,239
Speaker 2: way easier than his partner. Yeah, but still that's not

1061
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:19,960
Speaker 2: an excuse.

1062
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 3: You are. That's what you signed up to be.

1063
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:23,760
Speaker 1: Sign it when you were a parent. I think you

1064
00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:27,480
Speaker 1: sign up for a certain amount of being overwhelmed. Yeah,

1065
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 1: unfortunate and obviously congratulation's.

1066
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:30,920
Speaker 3: Going to be overwhelmed for a while.

1067
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:33,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, he got eighteen years of that and then you

1068
00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:35,000
Speaker 2: added more kids to be overwhelmed.

1069
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,960
Speaker 1: But that's the joy, the joy of parenting. And when

1070
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 1: you have a partner, obviously you want help and you

1071
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 1: want them to be there for you, but can't put

1072
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:46,399
Speaker 1: everything on them.

1073
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,839
Speaker 3: I don't I don't think Opie is an a hole.

1074
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 1: No, I don't think so.

1075
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:55,279
Speaker 2: I think Opie, I think you just need to find

1076
00:52:55,280 --> 00:53:02,040
Speaker 2: a solution with your wife and see what how she

1077
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 2: can get better and mean also you can help their

1078
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:08,319
Speaker 2: relationship too. You think they're not they're not having sexy.

1079
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:10,800
Speaker 1: Time, Yeah, and that's a problem.

1080
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:14,280
Speaker 3: That's a problem, but I think.

1081
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 1: That it is. The answer cannot be just put all

1082
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:21,720
Speaker 1: the pressure on the LP and needs to be somewhere

1083
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 1: in the middle ground, somewhere where they're both relieve relieving

1084
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:25,960
Speaker 1: pressure from each other.