1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,479 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,799 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:36,959 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode one hundred. Today we'll 11 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,560 Speaker 1: be talking with Andrea Walter, who is an adoptive mom 12 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,519 Speaker 1: and a clinical pharmacist, and she's got an amazing story 13 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 1: of how her family came to be, so we're really 14 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: looking forward to that. But to start this off, this 15 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,199 Speaker 1: is the one hundredth episode, or if it doesn't air 16 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: as our hundredth episode because we've had something fall through, 17 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,640 Speaker 1: it's at least going to be close to the one 18 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,960 Speaker 1: hundredth episode, so we can, you know, still celebrate it 19 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 1: as if it was. We'll do an official to year 20 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,040 Speaker 1: anniversary episode in August looking at our best ones of 21 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:10,559 Speaker 1: the year, but yay, one hundred episodes. One hundred episodes. Yeah, 22 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,840 Speaker 1: I think we also owe our listeners kind of a 23 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,479 Speaker 1: meta episode on how we do this and how it's evolved. 24 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: And that's why Laura said, you know, we think this 25 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,400 Speaker 1: is our hundred episode, but we do work fairly far 26 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 1: in advance when we can, so you know, there is 27 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: room for things to get moved around, which is actually 28 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: a good thing. We never want you to have to 29 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 1: suffer through a Tuesday morning commute without best of both 30 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: worlds if we can help it. So that's why we're 31 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:38,880 Speaker 1: not able to be one hundred percent exact. But I 32 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,240 Speaker 1: will say most likely are most of the time, our 33 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 1: plans do seem to come to fruition, so it probably 34 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 1: will be on target. Yeah. Do you listen to our 35 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,680 Speaker 1: episodes after they air? I would say I actually listen 36 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 1: to almost all of them, and you know, partly just 37 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:56,560 Speaker 1: to see how we come across and see what things 38 00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:00,160 Speaker 1: we could do better. I wish I could say I 39 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 1: listened to all of well, I don't know. I listened 40 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: to probably fifty percent of them. I think that's about target. 41 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: I would like to listen to all of them, but 42 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: I also like to listen to other things, so you know, 43 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: every yes is a no, So I choose to do 44 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,720 Speaker 1: it about half the time. I will admit that when 45 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: I do listen, I do find a lot of constructive 46 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: feedback for myself, often the way I use my voice, 47 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: or the way we answer questions, or maybe you know, 48 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,079 Speaker 1: we figured out that it helped to go video, for example, 49 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 1: because it was easier to engage with our intervieweys if 50 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 1: we could all see each other and kind of know 51 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: who was going to talk first. I'd love to say, Oh, 52 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,120 Speaker 1: I've listened to enough that I've gotten to a place 53 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: where I love exactly how I sound every time. I 54 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 1: don't think I'm quite there yet, but I do think 55 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 1: we've improved a lot. Oh, I definitely think we have. 56 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 1: And yeah, the video component helps just that we can 57 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,720 Speaker 1: see each other and have a better conversation, even though 58 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: we're not capturing the video for sharing anywhere. You know, Yeah, 59 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 1: I listened to my verbal tics that you know so 60 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 1: and the yeah, like we all have those things and 61 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:05,160 Speaker 1: that's somewhat the nature of the conversation, but hopefully improve 62 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: a little bit on that front. Yeah, it's amazing to 63 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: think that it's been one hundred episodes. That's too fast. 64 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 1: I you went pretty fast, and we were saying, so 65 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 1: much has changed since then. Genevieve was not born yet 66 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,359 Speaker 1: when we first began. In fact, Laura was the one 67 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,040 Speaker 1: with a toddler and my kids were, you know, three 68 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,079 Speaker 1: and a half and five and a half. I guess 69 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 1: when we started. And now I've got a toddler five 70 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:33,799 Speaker 1: and seven and she has way bigger kids. Yeah. Now 71 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 1: well now they're eleven. Well there'll be twelve, nine, seven 72 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:41,160 Speaker 1: and four when this airs. So that's yeah, getting into 73 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: the big kid world and it's a brave new place. 74 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: But yeah, one hundred episodes. We hope you will continue 75 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: to listen, and it's very exciting for us because we 76 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 1: get to bring you great stories like Andrea's, which we 77 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 1: are about to hear. Well, Sarah and I are thrilled 78 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: to welcome Andrea Walter to the program today. Andrea is 79 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 1: a clinical pharmacist for the VA, also an adoptive mom. 80 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: We're very excited to hear her story. So, Andrew, why 81 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 1: don't you go ahead and introduce yourself to our listeners. Yeah, 82 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: So I'm Andrea Walter. I have been married to my husband, 83 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 1: Adam for almost fifteen years. About a couple of years 84 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,720 Speaker 1: into our marriage, we decided we were ready to start 85 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: a family. It didn't really happen for us the way 86 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 1: a lot of people do it, and so ultimately we 87 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:35,720 Speaker 1: ended up becoming licensed foster parents and adopting. So this 88 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 1: all happened about seven years ago. We went from zero 89 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 1: to four kids in about five months, which is an 90 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:48,039 Speaker 1: impressive change. Our story is a little crazy, kind of funny. 91 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: And then this also happened during I graduated from pharmacy 92 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 1: school and did a pharmacy residency, so it kind of 93 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 1: all happened right at the same time. And so, like 94 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 1: you said, now I'm a clinical pharmacist for the Department 95 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,360 Speaker 1: of Veterans Affairs. I work in the mental health clinic. Yeah, 96 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: and so life is life is crazy but pretty good. 97 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: That's where exactly were you in your training when the 98 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 1: kids arrived? Were you still doing the residency or were 99 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:18,159 Speaker 1: you had you just started your new job. Oh wow, 100 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: so a resident who went from zero to forge Yeah, 101 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:25,839 Speaker 1: what we were thinking, Well, you have these awesome kids 102 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: available to you, as what you were thinking, right right? Yeah, 103 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,719 Speaker 1: So yeah, I went to pharmacy school and it was 104 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,160 Speaker 1: actually early on in pharmacy school that we were kind 105 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,800 Speaker 1: of planning our family, and I thought, well, you know, 106 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:40,240 Speaker 1: we'll just kind of figure it out as we go along, 107 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 1: and you know, at one point we went to a 108 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:45,600 Speaker 1: fertility specialist and decided that wasn't really for us. And 109 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 1: then early on in pharmacy school, we had looked at 110 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,279 Speaker 1: adoption and then we kind of backed out because I 111 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: realized school was a little bit harder than I thought 112 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 1: it was going to be. You know, I didn't start 113 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 1: pharmacy school until a little bit later. This is a 114 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,599 Speaker 1: second career for me, and so I thought, oh, you know, 115 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 1: I'll be good, but pharmacy school was a little bit harder. 116 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,799 Speaker 1: So it was during my last year of pharmacy school 117 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:08,320 Speaker 1: we do clinicals, which is a little bit less stressful 118 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,440 Speaker 1: than a lot of the coursework, and so we became 119 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: licensed foster parents at that time. So it was in 120 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 1: January of twenty eleven that we became licensed, and we 121 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,920 Speaker 1: were originally going to be licensed for two kids because 122 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 1: we thought, well, you know, a lot of our friends 123 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,839 Speaker 1: have toddler preschool aged children, so our goal was to 124 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 1: you know, maybe take in one or two kids about 125 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 1: that age because we didn't feel like we needed a 126 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 1: newborn baby, and so when they were completing our licensure, 127 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: they said, well, you know, you have enough room for 128 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,160 Speaker 1: four kids. Do you mind if we just make your 129 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,920 Speaker 1: license for four kids? And you know, I didn't even 130 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: ask my husband. I said sure, you know, that's fine, 131 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,679 Speaker 1: and then didn't feel like an obligation. It just felt like, okay, yeah, 132 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,800 Speaker 1: that makes sense, easier going back to get the paperwork 133 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: done if for some reason, yeah right, yeah, they said, oh, 134 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,919 Speaker 1: the paperwork is easier. And then in March of that year, 135 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: so this again is my last year of pharmacy. Schoo, 136 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 1: I'm finishing up. I went to a continuing education for 137 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: foster care and I met a woman and I told 138 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:09,080 Speaker 1: her we were interested in adopting, and she said, oh, 139 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 1: I have these three kids that they're just like the 140 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 1: best kids I've ever had, you know, And she is 141 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:17,040 Speaker 1: about the age of my parents, so you know, she 142 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 1: I think would have kept them, but you know, to 143 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 1: see a younger family, you know, wanting to have kids, 144 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 1: it just seemed like the perfect situation. And so so 145 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 1: I thought, yeah, you know, I would love to meet them. 146 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 1: But on the way home that night, I thought, wow, 147 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 1: three kids. That's that's a lot. And at the time 148 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: they were five four and three years of my goodness, 149 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: and so we did meet them a couple months later, 150 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 1: and we just had this connection with them, and I 151 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: really hoped that we would be able to adopt them 152 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,960 Speaker 1: at some point because it was just kind of like 153 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,960 Speaker 1: we met them, we got this feeling and then but 154 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: we still didn't really know what was happening so with 155 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: their birth mom. At the time, their birth mom was 156 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,040 Speaker 1: still kind of trying to get her life together, and 157 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,239 Speaker 1: so we didn't know, you know, they make back with her. 158 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,880 Speaker 1: And so I started residency in July and that's kind 159 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,400 Speaker 1: of when we met them for the first time. And 160 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 1: then in August we got a call saying, we have 161 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: a newborn baby that looks like he'll be free for adoption. 162 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 1: Do you want do you want this newborn baby? You 163 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 1: have until five pm today to decide. And so I 164 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: at first I thought, no, I mean, this is crazy. 165 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:32,040 Speaker 1: I just started my residency program. But my husband said, 166 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,839 Speaker 1: you know, just talk to your residency director, just kind 167 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: of see if it's even a possibility. And so I 168 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,199 Speaker 1: met with her and she said, you know, we can 169 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,319 Speaker 1: work this out. You know if this is something that 170 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,760 Speaker 1: you want to do for your family, go ahead, and 171 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 1: so we you know, prayed about it, we you know, 172 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:52,120 Speaker 1: had lunch together, talked about it, and decided to go 173 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: ahead and do it. And so then he was delivered 174 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 1: to our house the next day, so we didn't really 175 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: have a lot of prep time. So a lot of 176 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,120 Speaker 1: good friends of ours came together kind of helped just 177 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 1: get get what we needed. I'm very curious. Sorry, this 178 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:06,679 Speaker 1: is a great story. I don't mean to interrupt here, 179 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: but the conversation at that lunch, can you maybe are 180 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 1: we going to be parents tomorrow? Yeah? I know it 181 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 1: was crazy. Are we really ready for this? Yeah? I 182 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 1: don't know. It just it's kind of surreal thinking about 183 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 1: it now. But it's something that we definitely had wanted, 184 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 1: and it wasn't the way we thought it was going 185 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: to happen, because again, we've kind of been planning on 186 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,719 Speaker 1: toddler preschool age kids, but you know, we didn't know 187 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,080 Speaker 1: if we were going to get the chance to have 188 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: a newborn baby again. And in foster care, it's pretty 189 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:43,480 Speaker 1: rare to get a newborn baby that looks like they're 190 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 1: likely going to be up, you know, available for adoption. 191 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:50,559 Speaker 1: Which is what we really wanted, and especially so last 192 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: minute like that. Like, I guess I've heard of some 193 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: people who have adopted newborns, but it seems like it 194 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 1: was arranged months prior. Yeah, but in your case, it 195 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: was kind of like surprise. Yeah yeah again yeah, I mean, 196 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 1: through foster care system, it's a little bit different than 197 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 1: an arranged adoption ahead of time, which is also you know, 198 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: a beautiful thing too. So I think that we just 199 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 1: kind of decided to go for it, thinking, you know, 200 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,080 Speaker 1: we might not get this opportunity again, and you know, 201 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 1: we really did want to have, you know, kids, and 202 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 1: this just seemed like the way to start our family. 203 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:27,000 Speaker 1: So everything in one night we did. We went to 204 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 1: Target that night. A good friend of ours had a 205 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 1: car seat that they no longer needed. We got the 206 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 1: car seat. We went to Target. We bought a couple outfits, 207 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 1: you know, some diapers, yeah, for I think we got 208 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,240 Speaker 1: some formula, I don't remember. It was just kind of 209 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,199 Speaker 1: some really basic stuff and then we just basically kind 210 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,720 Speaker 1: of figured it out as we went along. I mean, 211 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 1: we started with a pack and play, and you know, 212 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 1: kind of a lot of that other stuff came came 213 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 1: later and It was kind of funny because one of 214 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,360 Speaker 1: my coworkers, when she was pregnant, was kind of agonizing over, oh, 215 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: what kind of baby monitor should we get. I was like, oh, 216 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:02,319 Speaker 1: I didn't even have time to think about getting off 217 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: the band aid. Yeah, exactly. So so then you're adjusting 218 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,960 Speaker 1: to this, and were you both able to take some 219 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,839 Speaker 1: leave then through through your program, because that, of course 220 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 1: was the complication, right, Like you're in the middle of 221 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: this program, you have to ask for right. So I 222 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: was able to take FMLA time, and I didn't. I 223 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 1: didn't max it out because I didn't know what I 224 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 1: would need later, like if you know, if he got 225 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: sick or anything like that. But I took about eight 226 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:31,080 Speaker 1: weeks and for listeners got tack billed. Sorry, let me 227 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 1: just interrupt. For listeners who you know may or may 228 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:37,040 Speaker 1: not be familiar. FMLA is unpaid leave. You can take 229 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,319 Speaker 1: up to twelve weeks per year. It only applies in 230 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,720 Speaker 1: companies that are a certain size. Obviously the VA Health 231 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:46,920 Speaker 1: System would certainly be big enough, or any large hospital system, 232 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 1: and you can take that, yeah, throughout the year. So 233 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 1: if you wanted to take like eight weeks and then 234 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,680 Speaker 1: four weeks, you're protect It doesn't give you anything paid, 235 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 1: but it will protect you against losing your position, right yep. 236 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,160 Speaker 1: So I had approval to do that, and then my 237 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,560 Speaker 1: time that I took off was basically just tacked on 238 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:06,040 Speaker 1: to my residency program, which for pharmacy is a one 239 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 1: year program. It seemed like it worked out pretty well. 240 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 1: And then my husband also had adoption benefits through his company, 241 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,679 Speaker 1: so he also was able to take some time off. 242 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,200 Speaker 1: So oh, how much time did he take off? I 243 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 1: think he took just a week off. But then later 244 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: in our story about when the baby was about a 245 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,320 Speaker 1: month old, so this would have been in September, we 246 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: found out that the other three kids that we had 247 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 1: made this connection with were they were looking for an 248 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaker 1: adoptive home for them, and so then they called us 249 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 1: and said, are you still interested? And because we had 250 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 1: met them and had this connection, we definitely were. And 251 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 1: so then we started to make plans to transition them 252 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 1: into our home from their previous foster home. And that 253 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 1: was a bit more gradual than right, Like, they came 254 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,840 Speaker 1: for weekend visits and yeah, okay, yep, yep, So we 255 00:12:55,920 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 1: did weekends and then we did you know, after or 256 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,680 Speaker 1: a month or two we did a full week where 257 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:04,319 Speaker 1: they came and stayed a week, and so we got 258 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:07,199 Speaker 1: to kind of test drive how is childcare drop off 259 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 1: gonna work? How is you know, cooking dinner every night 260 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 1: after we're gonna fit into our schedule. And then it 261 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:17,559 Speaker 1: was in January of that year that they they moved 262 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 1: in with us, and so I didn't take any extra 263 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 1: time off when they moved in, but my husband again 264 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 1: used some more of that adoption leave to kind of 265 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,200 Speaker 1: help during that transition time. And so that was really 266 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,600 Speaker 1: nice to have that. Now, because they were coming from 267 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 1: another foster family in the community, was there able to 268 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 1: be some continuity there in terms of things like, you know, 269 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,720 Speaker 1: whether their activities are schooling, their childcare, all that. Yes, 270 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:43,200 Speaker 1: so their foster mom is still in our lives. She 271 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:47,439 Speaker 1: has become grandma and you know, all of our kids, 272 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 1: even you know what was our baby who never never 273 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,319 Speaker 1: lived with her, she's grandma to him and she often 274 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,640 Speaker 1: will take him overnight and just helps us a lot. 275 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 1: She's been a great social support for us. She's just 276 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:03,200 Speaker 1: a fantastic lady. So yeah, and was it I mean, 277 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 1: I guess at that point you're still in the like 278 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,320 Speaker 1: surrealness of having become parents, you know, overnight, and then 279 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,360 Speaker 1: you're adding these other family and I mean, did it 280 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 1: change the family dynamic at all? Because suddenly you've doubled 281 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,840 Speaker 1: the size of your family. You know, somebody asked me 282 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,839 Speaker 1: one time, what was the hardest part about it? And 283 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: I'm not even joking. It was the laundry to go 284 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 1: to go from you had two people, then you had 285 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: three people, and then all of a sudden, you have 286 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 1: six people and including an infant, and it was super overwhelming. 287 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 1: And so then when we were able to adopt the kids, 288 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: one of our friends as a gift, gave us a 289 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 1: bottle of laundry detergent. Also in those younger years, bath 290 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 1: time was also kind of deal with so many small 291 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 1: kids because they, you know, still all needed to do 292 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 1: at least two shifts. Yes, that's great. We will return 293 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,840 Speaker 1: to our interview with Andrea in a moment. We're going 294 00:14:56,920 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 1: to take a brief break to talk about today's sponsor Circle. Listeners, 295 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 1: are you struggling to make sure that five more minutes 296 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 1: of screen time doesn't end up being five more hours? 297 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 1: You can use circle to set limits and end the 298 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,840 Speaker 1: screen time debate with your kids once and for all. 299 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 1: Circle is the easiest way to manage your famili's online 300 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 1: time across all their connected devices, both inside and outside 301 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,920 Speaker 1: your home. With Circle Home Plus and the Circle App, 302 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: parents can filter what content is allowed, set limits for 303 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: screen time, and monitor history and usage. You can keep 304 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 1: track across every connected device, from laptops, phones, and tablets 305 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,080 Speaker 1: to smart TVs, streaming devices, and video game consoles, so 306 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 1: kids aren't learning. There's one set of rules for one 307 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 1: thing and one for another, and you could do this 308 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,680 Speaker 1: all from one app. Each family member has a profile 309 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:50,360 Speaker 1: that's fully customizable to their needs, age and maturity, so 310 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,640 Speaker 1: you could allow your older children to access things that 311 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,360 Speaker 1: perhaps you don't want your younger kids to see. You'll 312 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 1: never stop worrying about your kids, but with Circle, you'll 313 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,960 Speaker 1: have one less thing to worry about. And right now, 314 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,160 Speaker 1: our listeners get a limited time offer of thirty dollars 315 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:07,480 Speaker 1: off a Circle home Plus when you visit meetcircle dot 316 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 1: com slash best of and enter best of at checkout. 317 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,800 Speaker 1: That's thirty dollars off when you visit meetcircle dot com, 318 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,840 Speaker 1: M E E T C I R C L E 319 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:22,000 Speaker 1: dot com slash best of that's b E s t 320 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 1: o F and inter best of at checkout. This is 321 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 1: a limited time podcast exclusive offer. So that's Meatcircle dot 322 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,240 Speaker 1: Com slash best of and inter best of to save 323 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,800 Speaker 1: thirty dollars. It's such a cool concept, particularly for those 324 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,120 Speaker 1: of us that feel pretty passionate about keeping tabs on 325 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 1: our kids' screen time and our own for that matter. 326 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:44,320 Speaker 1: Now back to our interview with Andrea and you know, well, 327 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 1: you talked about how your you know, your husband was 328 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 1: able to take some time off when the second set 329 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 1: of children joined your family, and I'm very curious. When 330 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: we talked earlier, Andrea, you mentioned one of the one 331 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: of the things that is interesting for you observing this 332 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 1: is because you didn't physically give birth to these children, 333 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:04,160 Speaker 1: there were some different assumptions. There's probably still some gendered 334 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,200 Speaker 1: assumptions in terms of parenthood, but fewer than you might 335 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:12,440 Speaker 1: have had in a situation where you personally these four children. Yeah, 336 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:16,600 Speaker 1: I feel like we have a pretty even split between 337 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 1: you know, kind of gender roles a little bit because 338 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,959 Speaker 1: you know, from the time our baby, you know, he 339 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,680 Speaker 1: was you know, because he was adopted. I mean, breastfeeding 340 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 1: wasn't even an option for us. And so getting up 341 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,720 Speaker 1: in the middle of the night was very split evenly, 342 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 1: and just that caregiving was was pretty even and so 343 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: uh and then with the other kids, they were already 344 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,800 Speaker 1: past that stage. So when it came to bedtime, you know, 345 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:48,639 Speaker 1: kind of rocking them and laying by them. And you know, 346 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,679 Speaker 1: because we've just always had so many we've just kind 347 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:54,719 Speaker 1: of had to divide and conquer. And my husband is awesome. 348 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,439 Speaker 1: I mean, he does a lot of cooking and you know, 349 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 1: so I don't know, I feel like it is pretty even. 350 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,000 Speaker 1: He does school pick up. Now, he has a job 351 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,040 Speaker 1: now that's a lot more flexible than mineus. He actually, 352 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: we both had you know, full time employment through companies 353 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,160 Speaker 1: where the leave was very you know, kind of very strict, like, 354 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,919 Speaker 1: you know, I'm going to leave an hour early, so 355 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,280 Speaker 1: I have to take an hour of leave and that 356 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,440 Speaker 1: was kind of hard to balance. And so a couple 357 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,119 Speaker 1: of years ago he decided to leave, you know, his 358 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 1: regular job and then start his own company. And that's 359 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,679 Speaker 1: been a real benefit to us because it's given us 360 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:31,920 Speaker 1: a lot more flexibility with our schedule. And you know, 361 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,399 Speaker 1: I'm still sensitive to the fact that you know, he 362 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,600 Speaker 1: can't dedicate all of his time, you know, because he 363 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:42,120 Speaker 1: you know, has to. Yes, yes, you know, we want 364 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,640 Speaker 1: him to be able to make money too, but it's 365 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,679 Speaker 1: been a lot easier to kind of restructure our daily 366 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:51,920 Speaker 1: schedule in a way that is very helpful for us. So, yeah, 367 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,760 Speaker 1: it does seem like a no, I was saying, because 368 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 1: if you have reasonable benefits through your job at the VA, 369 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 1: then you know that that's that works right like that? Yes, 370 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,159 Speaker 1: yeah it does because all of yeah, all of our 371 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 1: health insurance and everything came from my job, and you know, 372 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:11,920 Speaker 1: just my income is is pretty good. So it really 373 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 1: did give us the freedom to do that and kind 374 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 1: of help him, you know, get started with you know, 375 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 1: with his consulting business. So I was going to say 376 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 1: that it does seem to be a theme where you 377 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,600 Speaker 1: can certainly have two big jobs, but two rigid jobs 378 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:29,600 Speaker 1: is a little tougher. There's definitely families that make it work. Yeah, 379 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,400 Speaker 1: but wow, it is nice when you can have one 380 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:35,400 Speaker 1: big and slightly flexible job and then one less, yes 381 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,439 Speaker 1: giving job. Sorry, go ahead, I was just gonna say, 382 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,440 Speaker 1: I feel like for me to have kind of more 383 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 1: rigid is good. You know, I think that I have 384 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,760 Speaker 1: a tendency to kind of work and work and work 385 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 1: and work, but it's it's good for me to have 386 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,399 Speaker 1: my day you know, normally start at eight a m. 387 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 1: And ends at four thirty. And when I'm at home, 388 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,200 Speaker 1: I'm at home, like my work doesn't bleed over into 389 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,960 Speaker 1: my you know, home time with the kids. And then 390 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,720 Speaker 1: you know, I like knowing, like I get leave through work, 391 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,600 Speaker 1: but I and I use a lot of it too 392 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,199 Speaker 1: to go on a field trip or you know, to 393 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,119 Speaker 1: take a snow day with the kids if I need to, 394 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: or you know, I have people to cover me if 395 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 1: if my kids are sick, and so that's that's been 396 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:15,880 Speaker 1: really nice. I think that if I had a job 397 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 1: that was kind of more like really flexible like his, 398 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,639 Speaker 1: I would probably not take as much leave as I 399 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,359 Speaker 1: should because I just have the tendency to work and work. 400 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:29,439 Speaker 1: Probably interesting. Yeah, well, and I mean we definitely want 401 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,080 Speaker 1: to hear about the a day in the life of 402 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: a clinical pharmacist because I think a lot of people 403 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,959 Speaker 1: have no idea what that you know, what pharmacy involves 404 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,720 Speaker 1: other than you know, when they go fill a prescription 405 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: at CBS, which is not what you do at all. 406 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,959 Speaker 1: But I mean, before we get to that, you know, 407 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,960 Speaker 1: it sounds like, you guys have an amazing situation, and 408 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 1: but you know, we don't want to be totally Pollyanna 409 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,959 Speaker 1: Pollyanna about this. I mean, what are some of the 410 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:56,399 Speaker 1: challenges of adoption. I know that you guys, you know, 411 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,679 Speaker 1: have a few sort of mild special needs. Yes, you know, 412 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: there's complications with birth families still being around, you know, 413 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 1: positives and negatives with that. So can you talk a 414 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,679 Speaker 1: little bit about all that. Yeah, I think you know, 415 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,159 Speaker 1: on the surface, our story does seem pretty amazing. It 416 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,960 Speaker 1: is very amazing. It seems a little bit too easy. 417 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,320 Speaker 1: And at the time, you know, the baby, the newborn 418 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 1: baby we took is seven years old now, so this 419 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,320 Speaker 1: all happened quite a while ago. But what we thought 420 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:28,239 Speaker 1: was going to be a relatively easy road to his 421 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 1: adoption ended up not being so easy. His birth mom 422 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:37,880 Speaker 1: had three older kids, and her parental rights to them 423 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:42,360 Speaker 1: had been terminated, and so it looked like it was very, 424 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,439 Speaker 1: very unlikely that she would be given the opportunity to 425 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,680 Speaker 1: parent this child. But early on, when he was a newborn, 426 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:52,240 Speaker 1: they still he still had visits with her, and you know, 427 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,679 Speaker 1: they kind of had to give her some chances because 428 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,879 Speaker 1: everything with her older three children wasn't final, and that 429 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,119 Speaker 1: was really difficult because you know, you're kind of co 430 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,120 Speaker 1: parenting a little bit with a person that that's not 431 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,640 Speaker 1: like you. You're co parenting with a person that actually 432 00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:12,159 Speaker 1: really dislikes you and what you're doing and is is 433 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 1: not happy about the situation of course. Yeah, so so 434 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,639 Speaker 1: that was difficult. When Elijah was about three months old, 435 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,960 Speaker 1: then her you know, the court determined that she was 436 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,440 Speaker 1: not you know, they didn't need to give her any 437 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 1: more services. But around that same time, his birth father 438 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:33,280 Speaker 1: was identified and really wanted to parent you know, the baby, 439 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,879 Speaker 1: which is understandable, and so for a year and a half, 440 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: this kind of went through the foster care system where 441 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 1: he had visits with the birth father, and so you're 442 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:46,360 Speaker 1: kind of dealing with you know, their needs and their wants, 443 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: and you know, they have certain you know, just certain 444 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 1: things like like foster parents can't decide to cut their 445 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,960 Speaker 1: child's hair without you know, without the authorization of the 446 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,040 Speaker 1: birth parent. And so you know, our our youngest kid 447 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,520 Speaker 1: is black, and so he had his hair just kind 448 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,399 Speaker 1: of like grew and grew and grew and grew and grew, 449 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 1: and we thought, well, you know, we'd like to trim 450 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:07,919 Speaker 1: it up, but you know, we never got permission to 451 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,280 Speaker 1: do it. And then Elijah was about a year and 452 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,040 Speaker 1: a half old and he came home from a visit 453 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:16,040 Speaker 1: and all of his hair was shaved off, just super suddenly. 454 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,320 Speaker 1: And this is just kind of a funny thing. But 455 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,240 Speaker 1: they sent it back with him in a ziploc bag, 456 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,280 Speaker 1: which is kind of weird. They thought we would want it, 457 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,760 Speaker 1: but it's just things like that. You know, you're you're 458 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: dealing with people that you know, grew up in a 459 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:32,160 Speaker 1: different way from you, you know, that have different values 460 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,560 Speaker 1: and different priorities, and then you're kind of trying to 461 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,159 Speaker 1: kind of coordinate, you know, taking care of care of 462 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,360 Speaker 1: a child in ways that you might not always agree on. 463 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,760 Speaker 1: And so that was kind of hard because that lasted 464 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 1: a long time. And so our youngest, our baby, we 465 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: actually weren't able to adapt him until he was three 466 00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,160 Speaker 1: years old. So that's kind of how long we had 467 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 1: to wait for this to work through the system. And 468 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 1: then our older kids it was a little easier. You know, 469 00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 1: their birth mom had relinquished her or rights because she, 470 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,639 Speaker 1: you know, eventually agreed that you know, it would be 471 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:06,960 Speaker 1: good to put them in a home and we were 472 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,119 Speaker 1: open to having an open adoption with her, and so 473 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 1: we we do see her, you know, a couple times 474 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,600 Speaker 1: a year, we meet up at a park and the 475 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,360 Speaker 1: kids see her, and that I think that's difficult for her. 476 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 1: I mean, I think it is kind of sad for her. 477 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,560 Speaker 1: She she loves, she loves her kids, and you know, 478 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,159 Speaker 1: if she had her preference, I think that you know, 479 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 1: she would want them with her. And so I mean 480 00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,720 Speaker 1: that there is hard situations, you know, because you realize 481 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 1: you have these kids because somebody else was deemed that 482 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:38,040 Speaker 1: they you know, couldn't or or shouldn't parent them, and 483 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,560 Speaker 1: so sometimes that can be kind of difficult. And then overall, 484 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 1: I would say foster care, the goal really is to 485 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:49,240 Speaker 1: reunite kids with their birth families. And so I wouldn't 486 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,720 Speaker 1: encourage anyone to go into foster care just expecting that, 487 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 1: you know, they're going to take this kid into their 488 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,159 Speaker 1: home and that kid's going to be with them forever, 489 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 1: because it it does, you know, they can go back. 490 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,600 Speaker 1: And we've had some good friends that did foster care, 491 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,320 Speaker 1: and you know, in some ways it's kind of hard 492 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,119 Speaker 1: to see them go back with their birth family, but 493 00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:08,639 Speaker 1: it's really good in a lot of ways too, And 494 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 1: some friends of ours just became really good friends with 495 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,200 Speaker 1: the birth parents of kids that were in their home. 496 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 1: And you know, some people just need a little help 497 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,000 Speaker 1: to get through a tough time. And you know that's 498 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 1: kind of part of foster care too, yeah, which is 499 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,919 Speaker 1: amazing work for the people who do it. That you 500 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,840 Speaker 1: can be part of a family's being able to be reunited. Yeah, 501 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,919 Speaker 1: that's been such an important role. Well, I'd love to 502 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,639 Speaker 1: hear about a day in the life now, I mean, 503 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,359 Speaker 1: because yes, you know how it works, then what you 504 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:38,200 Speaker 1: do professionally, like during the day, and of sure obviously 505 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:42,520 Speaker 1: very complex cases that you create. Yeah, so my day 506 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:46,000 Speaker 1: normally starts around five five point fifteen in the morning. 507 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:47,919 Speaker 1: You know, I like to get up and have a 508 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,440 Speaker 1: little bit of Bible study, quiet meditation time while everybody 509 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,480 Speaker 1: else is asleep and I'm not interrupted, and then I 510 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:58,879 Speaker 1: usually do a workout in my basement, just kind of 511 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,440 Speaker 1: get some exercise out. I know Sarah likes beach body. 512 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:05,159 Speaker 1: I usually do each body workouts and then you know, 513 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 1: then I kind of head up and kind of get 514 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,399 Speaker 1: myself some breakfast and kind of get the kids up 515 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 1: and get them moving. My husband and I split drop off. 516 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 1: Our girls are in middle school and so I usually 517 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,480 Speaker 1: drop them off at their school. And then our boys 518 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,560 Speaker 1: are still in elementary school, and so my husband drops 519 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,520 Speaker 1: them off. And so then I go to work, and 520 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: my job is at the VA. I will just kind 521 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,840 Speaker 1: of explain a little bit about what I do. I 522 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,120 Speaker 1: guess my office is in the mental health clinic, and 523 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,439 Speaker 1: so I'm not actually in the pharmacy all that oftense. 524 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,480 Speaker 1: So it's kind of funny when I'm asking people I 525 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,639 Speaker 1: go through their medicines with them and they're like, I 526 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 1: don't know the name. It's the blue round tablet. And 527 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,159 Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't actually look at the pills. All 528 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,680 Speaker 1: that I do always know. But what I do is 529 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,040 Speaker 1: I help with some monitoring for some of the mental 530 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 1: health medications. You have to check labs, you know, evaluate 531 00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,840 Speaker 1: for side effects. I do a lot of to baco cessation. 532 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: I work with patients who want to do medications to 533 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:07,360 Speaker 1: quit smoking, you know. I talked to patients with diabetes 534 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:11,159 Speaker 1: and I help them adjust their insulin. So I have people, 535 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:12,760 Speaker 1: you know. I usually I start with a face to 536 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:14,959 Speaker 1: face visit and then I do phone follow up with 537 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,879 Speaker 1: them and they give me their blood sugars and I 538 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,840 Speaker 1: kind of tell them, okay, increase this. Are you a 539 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:22,520 Speaker 1: diabetes educator too? No, I don't think it should be one. 540 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,760 Speaker 1: I thought about it, but you have to like the 541 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,600 Speaker 1: number of hours that you need to prove that you 542 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,160 Speaker 1: do clinically. I just don't know if I would meet 543 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,000 Speaker 1: that because there's so many other things that I that 544 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:38,960 Speaker 1: I do for my job too. So yeah, that's actually 545 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,119 Speaker 1: what I thought I would do in pharmacy school is 546 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,560 Speaker 1: I was super interested in diabetes diabetes education, and it 547 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,280 Speaker 1: was kind of by accident that I ended up in 548 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:49,680 Speaker 1: mental health. I really wanted to stay at this VA 549 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,360 Speaker 1: system because we were kind of locked into living in Lincoln, 550 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 1: and then this was a job that they opened up. 551 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,800 Speaker 1: It was a brand new position that I've kind of 552 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,320 Speaker 1: basically had to build. So so yeah, so I do 553 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:05,040 Speaker 1: you know, I have scheduled appointments with patients, and within 554 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,639 Speaker 1: the VIA system, pharmacists can basically act kind of like 555 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 1: mid level providers in a way. So I would say 556 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,280 Speaker 1: it's kind of equivalent to like a PA or a 557 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:16,720 Speaker 1: nurse practitioner because I can order medications, I can order labs, 558 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,280 Speaker 1: and you know, do follow ups. So so Yeah, it's 559 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 1: pretty cool. I work pretty closely with the psychiatrists. Sometimes 560 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 1: when they have kind of a difficult patient with a 561 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,160 Speaker 1: difficult history, they'll kind of have me do a med 562 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,680 Speaker 1: review and make some recommendations about how to treat them. 563 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 1: And so mental illness has really become a like a 564 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,639 Speaker 1: big interest of mine, just I feel like it's an 565 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,760 Speaker 1: underserved population and so now that I'm here in mental health, 566 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:42,240 Speaker 1: I really like it. And you know, I really like 567 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,800 Speaker 1: helping people learn about the benefits the risks of their 568 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 1: medications and kind of tailoring their regimen to meet their needs. 569 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,800 Speaker 1: So kind I'm going to be honest, I've like always 570 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,480 Speaker 1: had pharmacists envy, like ever since I was in residency 571 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,840 Speaker 1: and we had this amazing clinical pharmacist in our nick you, 572 00:28:57,880 --> 00:28:59,360 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I would love to be 573 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:06,480 Speaker 1: a pharmacist. Yeah, and your description is definitely continuing to propagate. Yeah, 574 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:10,320 Speaker 1: pharmacy has definitely evolved over time. You know, many many 575 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,960 Speaker 1: years ago, like one hundred years ago, it was an apprenticeship, 576 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 1: and then it was like a two year technical degree, 577 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 1: and then it was a bachelor's degree, and now it's 578 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:22,120 Speaker 1: a doctorate level program. And so really you are trained 579 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 1: to do a lot more than what traditionally pharmacists have done. 580 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,840 Speaker 1: You know, I think even I think even a lot 581 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,400 Speaker 1: of people don't fully understand everything that goes on behind 582 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 1: the scenes. When you fill a prescription out of pharmacy. 583 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,120 Speaker 1: You know, they're looking for drug interactions, they're trying to 584 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,760 Speaker 1: make sure your DOS is safe. You know, there's a 585 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 1: lot of clinical work that goes on, you know, with 586 00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:49,120 Speaker 1: what you see as a traditional pharmacist too, but you know, 587 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 1: clinical pharmacy, especially within the VA, we say we practice 588 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,360 Speaker 1: at the top of our license because we really use 589 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,560 Speaker 1: a lot of the stuff that we learned learned in school. 590 00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,880 Speaker 1: So and at the same time, I hope there are 591 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,760 Speaker 1: so some nice boundaries for you, Like there's not usually 592 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 1: a lot of night call on those kind of no 593 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,880 Speaker 1: no no call. Yeah, for pharmacy, it's a pretty sweet 594 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,280 Speaker 1: schedule because I work eight to four thirty most days. 595 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:13,680 Speaker 1: A couple times a year I have to work till 596 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,520 Speaker 1: six thirty on a Wednesday and work eight to noon 597 00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,880 Speaker 1: on a Saturday. You know, there's a bunch of us here, 598 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,760 Speaker 1: you know, I think I don't know exactly how many 599 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,920 Speaker 1: we have. There's maybe twelve other clinical pharmacists here, and 600 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,520 Speaker 1: so you know, if I do take a sick day, 601 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 1: you know there's people to cover for me. And then 602 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 1: you know, we kind of take turns doing those evening 603 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,400 Speaker 1: and weekend hours. And the VA is mostly open eight 604 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:39,600 Speaker 1: to four thirty because I work in an outpatient clinic, 605 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:44,040 Speaker 1: only we don't have have inpatients here, so it really 606 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,800 Speaker 1: is a good schedule for pharmacists. And then you're done 607 00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:51,120 Speaker 1: it for thirty Then what yeah, I've done it for thirty. Yeah. 608 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,000 Speaker 1: Sometimes my boys go to after school care and then 609 00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:55,960 Speaker 1: I pick them up, you know, kind of depending on 610 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,720 Speaker 1: my husband's schedule, but usually my husband picks up the kids. 611 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:04,080 Speaker 1: The girls take the bus home, and yeah, usually by 612 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 1: the time I get home, my husband's at home, he's 613 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:10,600 Speaker 1: starting dinner, he's kind of overseeing homework, and they're kind 614 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,000 Speaker 1: of the kids are getting their thing done, and then 615 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,800 Speaker 1: we we often eat together as a family, unless there's 616 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:20,760 Speaker 1: some activity. With four kids, we haven't really gone overboard 617 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,360 Speaker 1: in a lot of the activities. We've kind of had 618 00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,760 Speaker 1: to stream nine that a little bit, just because there's 619 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,280 Speaker 1: two of us and four them, so we have to 620 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,320 Speaker 1: kind of keep that a little bit simple. But sometimes 621 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,880 Speaker 1: we have a concert or a like a sports thing. 622 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:35,160 Speaker 1: And yeah, so then in the evening we have dinner 623 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 1: together usually, and then we kind of have some family time. 624 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,160 Speaker 1: You know, we still read together as a family. I 625 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 1: kind of read one on one with the kids. That's 626 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,640 Speaker 1: just been you know, of all the things about parenting 627 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,520 Speaker 1: that that's the time that I feel like the best 628 00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,760 Speaker 1: mom is when I'm sitting reading with my kids and 629 00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,800 Speaker 1: kind of teaching them to love what I love. And 630 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,280 Speaker 1: our kids go to bed fairly early, you know, still 631 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:58,240 Speaker 1: like between eight and nine, and so we usually take 632 00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 1: turns kind of laying bare kids at night, and that's 633 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,160 Speaker 1: kind of the time where we kind of have ours 634 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:06,800 Speaker 1: I guess it's one on two, one parent with two kids, 635 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,520 Speaker 1: but we kind of talk with them about their day, 636 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,280 Speaker 1: the good things and the hard things, and then put 637 00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,120 Speaker 1: them to bed and then you know, then it's kind 638 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,120 Speaker 1: of our time for a little bit. And you know, 639 00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,320 Speaker 1: I had to bed at ten o'clock so I can 640 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:22,120 Speaker 1: do it all all over them again. Sounds awesome, Sarah, 641 00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:23,680 Speaker 1: Did you have any more questions? Or should we do 642 00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,000 Speaker 1: our Love of the Week? Yeah, I think we could 643 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:27,560 Speaker 1: go into our love oft we do our Love of 644 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:29,320 Speaker 1: the Week, well, Sarah and I can go first. Although 645 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,000 Speaker 1: I'm looking at our notes and this is the episode 646 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:37,000 Speaker 1: we didn't write down our pre it's at the bottom end. Okay, 647 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,320 Speaker 1: I think you did not. I did not. Okay, Well, Sarah, 648 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,360 Speaker 1: what's your love of the week? So about approximately a 649 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,880 Speaker 1: week after this airs, we are going to be headed 650 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,160 Speaker 1: to Lego Land, which is my love of the week 651 00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:50,800 Speaker 1: because it's like Disney Light and for little kids it's awesome. 652 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 1: It's much less expensive, it's still really fun for the kids. 653 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:58,240 Speaker 1: And this will be our second time there. So Legal Land, Yeah, 654 00:32:58,240 --> 00:32:59,959 Speaker 1: I know that's a that's a favorite of ours. Two, 655 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,280 Speaker 1: although I won't copy you and have that be our 656 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:07,640 Speaker 1: love of the week. Although this, you know, there's a 657 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:12,400 Speaker 1: couple of smaller places around my home in Pennsylvania we 658 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,000 Speaker 1: like to go to to as well, like Hershey Park, 659 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,840 Speaker 1: for instance, is a good one, a Dutch wonderland also 660 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:23,000 Speaker 1: pretty manageable. Sesame place gets a little crazy in the 661 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:26,320 Speaker 1: course of the summer, but some days you get it 662 00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:30,120 Speaker 1: and it's good. So here's to cheers to small amusement parks. 663 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:31,960 Speaker 1: All right, Andrea, how about you? It doesn't have to 664 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:36,400 Speaker 1: be anything amusement park? Really mine? Is I love listening 665 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,240 Speaker 1: to you guys talk about what you read. And I 666 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:44,080 Speaker 1: actually read Crazy Rich Asians because of Sarah's recommendation. And 667 00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:45,640 Speaker 1: so I guess my love of the week is I 668 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 1: love using Audible. And then our local library also has 669 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,320 Speaker 1: you can do audio books because that's how I do. 670 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,640 Speaker 1: The majority of my reading is in the car or 671 00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:57,400 Speaker 1: just on the go while I'm vacuuming or things like that. 672 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,440 Speaker 1: And it's just been wonderful to help me get a 673 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 1: bunch of reading reading time in stay on top of 674 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:06,440 Speaker 1: books I want to want to read. Awesome, Awesome. I 675 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 1: hope there's going to be a fourth Crazy Rich age 676 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 1: in Yeah, that sounds plus. I keep seeing part of 677 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,520 Speaker 1: it on every time I'm on a plane, like somebody's 678 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,080 Speaker 1: watching it next to me, so I feel like I've 679 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:21,440 Speaker 1: seen it without listening to it. Yes, immediate watched the 680 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:25,359 Speaker 1: movie too, so exactly. All right, Well, Andrew, thank you 681 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,839 Speaker 1: so much for joining us. We really appreciate it. This 682 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,600 Speaker 1: is been awesome. Yeah, thank you this. You know, I've 683 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:32,200 Speaker 1: been listening to you guys for a long time, so 684 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:36,680 Speaker 1: this is super exciting for me. Today. Our Q and 685 00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,759 Speaker 1: A segment came to us via email. She writes, I 686 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,360 Speaker 1: was wondering about your opinion on the last name debate, 687 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,680 Speaker 1: both with women and kids. I was with my mother 688 00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:46,320 Speaker 1: and my sister brought up that she is planning to 689 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:48,200 Speaker 1: keep her last name when she gets married, and I 690 00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,520 Speaker 1: told her I was planning to hyphenate. My mom was 691 00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,919 Speaker 1: very surprised and said, what kind of kids did I raise? 692 00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:56,880 Speaker 1: I noticed that, Sarah, you hyphenate, and I was wondering 693 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,400 Speaker 1: how you made that decision, and did you hyphenate your 694 00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:01,840 Speaker 1: kids last name? Is there weight to this discussion or 695 00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,040 Speaker 1: is my mom just being old fashioned? Thank you very 696 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 1: much and I love your podcast. Oh, thank you, well, gotcha? 697 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,279 Speaker 1: And she may not even have realized, Laura, that you 698 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:13,600 Speaker 1: have your own You know, you did not take your 699 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:15,760 Speaker 1: husband's name either, and we'll get into that in a second. 700 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,759 Speaker 1: But my answer is I'm not sure there's as much 701 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:20,640 Speaker 1: meaning to it as there used to be. I think 702 00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 1: there previously was a bit of a feminist bent to 703 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,160 Speaker 1: keeping your own name. I don't really feel like that's 704 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:28,640 Speaker 1: why I kept my name. It was more just not 705 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,400 Speaker 1: wanting to let go of what I felt like was 706 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,120 Speaker 1: a piece of me, which I guess maybe that could 707 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,959 Speaker 1: be interpreted as feminist but I don't know. I didn't 708 00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 1: do it to make any kind of statement. I also 709 00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 1: felt like Sarah Hunger did not flow very well. There's 710 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,000 Speaker 1: that little guttural stop in the middle. So I thought 711 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,400 Speaker 1: about that. And I certainly didn't want to just be 712 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,759 Speaker 1: Sarah Hart because it was a very short name that 713 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:49,520 Speaker 1: if you google it you can find like nine million 714 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,239 Speaker 1: different people, and I didn't like that very much. I 715 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:55,520 Speaker 1: wanted to fancy your name, so I decided to hyphenate, 716 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,040 Speaker 1: and I'm Sarah Hart Hunger, which a lot of people. 717 00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:01,040 Speaker 1: I did the name Shoo. Actually during my fellowship, we 718 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:03,800 Speaker 1: had two fellows named Sarah, and so I was Shoe 719 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,040 Speaker 1: to make things less confusing, which is why my blog 720 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,759 Speaker 1: is anyway. So that's my initials, which I really like. 721 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,759 Speaker 1: And if you google Sarah Harthunger, you're only going to 722 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,719 Speaker 1: find me. So I really like that. I did not 723 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:17,040 Speaker 1: hyphenate my children because I mean, part of me felt 724 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,279 Speaker 1: like it's not a very sustainable solution because if they 725 00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:20,960 Speaker 1: choose to hyphenate later on, what are they going to 726 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,920 Speaker 1: hyphenate like ten names? But also because yeah, I just 727 00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 1: didn't want it to be too cumbersome, but instead a 728 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,200 Speaker 1: tradition in my husband's family is to make the mother's 729 00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,520 Speaker 1: last name the children's middle name. So all of my 730 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,160 Speaker 1: children have middle names of Heart, which actually is a 731 00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,160 Speaker 1: very middle name sounding last name. So it works out well. Yeah, 732 00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:39,839 Speaker 1: I no, that works. That works well because then they 733 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,839 Speaker 1: are the same last name as you. It's just they 734 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,160 Speaker 1: don't have a hyphen, you know, and people don't necessarily 735 00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:47,600 Speaker 1: know that that's what it is. Now, that's really cool. 736 00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:50,279 Speaker 1: I like the idea of giving kids both names, even 737 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,120 Speaker 1: if one parent's name is the middle name. I agree 738 00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,080 Speaker 1: that it's completely a personal choice, Sarah, I'd put in 739 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,799 Speaker 1: the notes where there's plenty of cultures where it isn't 740 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:02,120 Speaker 1: automatic that you don't or the permutation is different of 741 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,400 Speaker 1: how you do it. There's the whole thing of Spanish 742 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:08,080 Speaker 1: surnames that goes entirely different in terms of how you 743 00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,239 Speaker 1: change it. But one thing I would say, I did 744 00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,040 Speaker 1: not change my name. So Vandercam is my maiden name, 745 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,200 Speaker 1: and my name now my only name, my only name. 746 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:21,520 Speaker 1: And if you have a career where name recognition is 747 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,279 Speaker 1: going to matter, I think there's something to be said 748 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:29,480 Speaker 1: for taking this into account. My husband's last name is 749 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:34,920 Speaker 1: more common so if you googled Laura and then his 750 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:38,640 Speaker 1: last name, there'd be other people, tons of people. It's 751 00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:41,799 Speaker 1: just a very common name, whereas there is only one 752 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:46,560 Speaker 1: Laura Vandercam, So that's it was. It was sad when 753 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,759 Speaker 1: I was like in seventh grade and they're calling your 754 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:50,719 Speaker 1: name to assign you classes from the gym on the 755 00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:52,480 Speaker 1: first day, and people would ruin it. I think the 756 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:55,319 Speaker 1: lady yelled Laura van Dorkam, which of course was the 757 00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,160 Speaker 1: worst thing ever to shout. But now in the Google era, 758 00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,360 Speaker 1: it is a exciting to have a name that nobody 759 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,319 Speaker 1: else has. Another thing, I just think about the Google era. 760 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,080 Speaker 1: Back in the day, it was kind of cool to 761 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,640 Speaker 1: have the same name as a celebrity, and now you 762 00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:11,880 Speaker 1: definitely do not want the same name as a celebrity 763 00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:13,640 Speaker 1: because you will never get to the top of your 764 00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,400 Speaker 1: Google rankings if that's yeah, or you'll have to have 765 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:20,600 Speaker 1: an Instagram handle with like fifteen. Middle's not know, whatever 766 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,359 Speaker 1: your name is fifteen, or remember your name is two 767 00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:27,160 Speaker 1: thirty five, or the name of your college or something 768 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:29,840 Speaker 1: else that you've had had to throw in there. So 769 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:33,200 Speaker 1: I would say, just do whatever feels right for you. 770 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,200 Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with whether you are part 771 00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:39,319 Speaker 1: of the team of your family or not. I would 772 00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,480 Speaker 1: say probably half the people in my personal life call 773 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:45,759 Speaker 1: me by my husband's last name anyway, just because it's 774 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,600 Speaker 1: the same name as my kids. And do you correct 775 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:49,600 Speaker 1: them or do you know? I don't correct them, although 776 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:54,360 Speaker 1: once I was paged with that last name and I 777 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,680 Speaker 1: didn't know it was me. I mean I was so 778 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,880 Speaker 1: it was one of these situations where my kid at 779 00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:03,640 Speaker 1: a party, like you know, big thing whatever, had wandered 780 00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,319 Speaker 1: up to the DJ and was trying to find me 781 00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,360 Speaker 1: and asked the DJ to call me. And so the 782 00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:12,200 Speaker 1: DJ said, well, what's your name? And and then what's 783 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:15,200 Speaker 1: your mom's name? And so did that, and they're paging 784 00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,360 Speaker 1: this this woman, which is not the name that does 785 00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:19,920 Speaker 1: all exist. Yeah, and I was like, my husband's like 786 00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,720 Speaker 1: I think that's supposed to be you. I'm like, okay, 787 00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,160 Speaker 1: I go. And then yeah, of course my kids just 788 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,640 Speaker 1: hanging out there wondering we're in this in this big 789 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,839 Speaker 1: room we were. But yeah, so it was funny because 790 00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,359 Speaker 1: I you know, it said like when we were getting married, 791 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:35,920 Speaker 1: I was planning to keep my name professionally and legally, 792 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,680 Speaker 1: but then sort of goes socially by by his name, 793 00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:40,440 Speaker 1: and people are like, oh, well, would you answer to it? 794 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:41,719 Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, sure, I'd answered to it, but 795 00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:43,680 Speaker 1: the problem and then when I was being paid with it, 796 00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:46,280 Speaker 1: I didn't, not because I don't like the name or anything. 797 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:49,640 Speaker 1: It's just not really part of my identity, I guess. 798 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:53,520 Speaker 1: But now it's personal, personal choice, and it isn't nice 799 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,840 Speaker 1: to live in a time and era where you can choose. 800 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,160 Speaker 1: You don't have to do one or the other. So 801 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,279 Speaker 1: I think that's pretty cool. All right, Well, this has 802 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:05,000 Speaker 1: been Best of Both Worlds Episode one hundred. We've been 803 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:09,839 Speaker 1: talking with Andrea Walter about being an adoptive parent. We're 804 00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:13,000 Speaker 1: also celebrating our one hundredth episode, we think so We'll 805 00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:14,520 Speaker 1: be back with next week for the one hundred and 806 00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,520 Speaker 1: first episode with more on making work and life fit together. 807 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:22,400 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 808 00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:26,799 Speaker 1: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, 809 00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:31,280 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 810 00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,840 Speaker 1: This has been the best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please 811 00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,480 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 812 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:38,720 Speaker 1: life work together.