WEBVTT - “I WAS AN ALASKAN FISHERMAN”

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Hello.

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<v Speaker 2>Can you hear me?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I can hear you. What's your name, sir? My

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<v Speaker 3>name is Casey, Casey. How you doing has life?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm doing pretty good. On my lunch break, eating some

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<v Speaker 2>fa fa It's like microwaveable.

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<v Speaker 3>I love fu. Just chilling, just chilling, pretty good, pretty good?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Uh oh listen, man, here's the thing. Uh today, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>happy to just chit chat about whatever. But uh, if

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<v Speaker 3>you have a thing that you wanted to call in

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<v Speaker 3>to talk about, uh, we could do that as well.

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<v Speaker 3>What are you feeling? What are you thinking?

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<v Speaker 4>You know?

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<v Speaker 2>I kind of just called spur of the moment. There's

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<v Speaker 2>been multiple times where I'm like, oh, I want to

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<v Speaker 2>call because I have this talk about but I'm just

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<v Speaker 2>kind of, you know, on my lunch break, just hanging out.

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<v Speaker 2>Was there anything on your mind?

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<v Speaker 3>Well let's do this. Man. What last time that you

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<v Speaker 3>were like, Okay, I have this thing I want to

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<v Speaker 3>talk about. What was that thing?

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<v Speaker 2>Well? I so there's a couple of things I could

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<v Speaker 2>either and I'll let you decide what you think sounds

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<v Speaker 2>more interesting. So they're equally interesting to me. I one

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<v Speaker 2>time lived on a commercial salmon fishing boat for a summer,

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<v Speaker 2>which in Alaska, and we lived on the boat on

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<v Speaker 2>the water for like six weeks, which was interesting and

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<v Speaker 2>I have some fun stories from that. And then I'm

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<v Speaker 2>also kind of in the midst of figuring out what

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna do for grad school. Yeah, so that's also

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<v Speaker 2>been something that's on my mind. So what sounds what

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<v Speaker 2>sounds more interesting you?

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<v Speaker 3>So you you were on a salmon fishing boat for

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<v Speaker 3>six months?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 3>And where where was this boat located? Like where in

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<v Speaker 3>the ocean?

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<v Speaker 2>So it was it's a Bristol Bay, Alaska.

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<v Speaker 3>Bristol Bay, Alaska. I always wanted to go to Alaska.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know what the hell's going on over.

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<v Speaker 2>There, man, it let me tell you. It is a weird,

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<v Speaker 2>very very strange place. We didn't really spend much time

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<v Speaker 2>in like the populated areas. So what we did was

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<v Speaker 2>we got there in the around the beginning of June,

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<v Speaker 2>and we flew into anchorage and immediately got on a small,

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<v Speaker 2>super small plane where we got to this point called

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<v Speaker 2>Saint Petersborough And it's literally like I think there's less

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<v Speaker 2>than fifty people that live there year round, and like

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<v Speaker 2>during the summer when there's a bunch of different people there.

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<v Speaker 2>There's like probably two to three hundred people just all

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<v Speaker 2>at this like port essentially, and there are places where

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<v Speaker 2>the fishermen live. There's like four or five different quarters.

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<v Speaker 2>And then other than that, it's just like it's funny.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a lot of convicts that come in because they

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<v Speaker 2>work at the cannery. Usually instead of like having them

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<v Speaker 2>rot in a cell or something, they have they fly

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<v Speaker 2>them out and they work in the canaries where they

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<v Speaker 2>like can the fish that comes in. And that was

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<v Speaker 2>actually a stabbing in one of the quarters the year

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<v Speaker 2>before I was there. It's a very chaotic place, for sure.

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<v Speaker 3>Did you get into any trouble while you were on

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<v Speaker 3>the boat, so, did you stab anyone? Did you do

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<v Speaker 3>anything crazy?

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<v Speaker 2>No stabbing. While on land, it was mostly just a

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<v Speaker 2>bunch of heavy drinking and waking up, putting Bailey's in

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<v Speaker 2>coffee and getting the boat prepared. And then so we

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<v Speaker 2>lived on land for like three weeks getting the boat

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<v Speaker 2>prepared ready to go out to sea, and that was

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<v Speaker 2>basically like getting everything painted, like working on the engine

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<v Speaker 2>and working on all the maintenance that needed to be

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<v Speaker 2>done for it. And then after living on land for

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<v Speaker 2>like two and a half weeks. Then we went out

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<v Speaker 2>to the water and we spent like five weeks on

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<v Speaker 2>the water.

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<v Speaker 3>Wow, uh, five weeks on the water. How many people

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<v Speaker 3>are on this boat?

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<v Speaker 2>So that's the that's the thing. It was for like

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<v Speaker 2>two weeks it was four of us, and then the

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<v Speaker 2>last three and a half weeks it was three of us.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a super small.

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<v Speaker 3>Boat and uh for five and you what you live

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<v Speaker 3>in like little bunk beds and stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>Dude, Yeah, it is like the smallest bed like I've

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<v Speaker 2>ever slept on. It was. It was. It was quite miserable. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>super super super sight quarters. We all like it was

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<v Speaker 2>basically on the end of the boat. Like you know

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<v Speaker 2>how a boat it kind of at the front, it

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<v Speaker 2>kind of curves up, so it like you know, functions

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<v Speaker 2>on the water where you're basically in that point and

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<v Speaker 2>the beds are kind of a diagonal diagonalized going to

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<v Speaker 2>the end of the boat. It's kind of hard to explain,

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<v Speaker 2>but point is very small.

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<v Speaker 3>And tell me about the other guys. Did you get

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<v Speaker 3>along with them or was their conflict on the boat?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? So, so how I actually got the job was

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<v Speaker 2>my buddy I was I was at I was doing

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<v Speaker 2>undergrad at the time, and my buddy just texted in

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<v Speaker 2>the group chat. He was like, Hey, my my mom's

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<v Speaker 2>friend's husband needs somebody to come out to Alaska for

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<v Speaker 2>the summer and work on his boat with him and

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<v Speaker 2>uh catch some salmon. And he just texted it in

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<v Speaker 2>the group chat, and it was like piranhas fighting for

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<v Speaker 2>fighting for food. Like everybody snapped on it. But I

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<v Speaker 2>was the first one to respond. And so Parker connected me,

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<v Speaker 2>or his name was Parker connected me to the to

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<v Speaker 2>the guy that was the captain of the boat. And

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<v Speaker 2>so Parker and I were super close. We were really

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<v Speaker 2>good friends. And but the captain, his name was Dale.

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<v Speaker 2>He was a dick. He was honestly insufferable a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of time.

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<v Speaker 3>When what was it that made Dale a dick?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, let's see he uh he. So when you when

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<v Speaker 2>you're a commercial fisherman and you spend something like I

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<v Speaker 2>think Alaska does weird things to people living out there

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<v Speaker 2>for a long time because they have such little contact

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<v Speaker 2>and the only people there around are other sweaty, pissy

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<v Speaker 2>fishermen Soka. No, you're good, No, you're good. He uh.

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<v Speaker 2>He had a really terrible attitude. He was he was

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<v Speaker 2>a yeller, like he was really power tripping over the

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<v Speaker 2>fact that it was his boat. He was the captain,

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<v Speaker 2>so he so there was a lot of power tripping

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<v Speaker 2>going on and he he uh, he would always talk

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<v Speaker 2>about how fucking horny he was because he hadn't been

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<v Speaker 2>around women, because you know, it's just us three dudes

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<v Speaker 2>on the boat at the time, So just a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of uncomfortable talking points, power tripping, yelling all the time,

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<v Speaker 2>like we would always he like we were always having

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<v Speaker 2>to cook for him, and shit, he was just a

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<v Speaker 2>power tripping asshole. Not okay.

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<v Speaker 3>This does bring up an interesting and interesting question is

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<v Speaker 3>do well, what's the masturbation situation looking like on this

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<v Speaker 3>boat or are we just abstaining for the five weeks

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<v Speaker 3>or are you kind of picking your spots? Are you

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<v Speaker 3>doing it just straight up into the ocean.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's it's pretty much nil while you're on the boat.

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<v Speaker 2>So a lot of nutless aggravation, you know, yeah, nut

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<v Speaker 2>deprived aggravation for sure. Five weeks, you know, sense to

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<v Speaker 2>the whole crew pretty much. We did go back on land.

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<v Speaker 2>We went back on land like three and a half

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<v Speaker 2>weeks in, i want to say, and then we went

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<v Speaker 2>back out for another week and a half, So I

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<v Speaker 2>think everybody got a nut in during that, But other

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<v Speaker 2>than that, yeah, pretty much nothing.

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<v Speaker 3>And was that like, did that add to the general

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<v Speaker 3>vibe of frustration amongst the gang?

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<v Speaker 2>I definitely think so, Yeah, definitely there was, Yeah, a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of yelling, a lot of arguing. Yeah, that definitely contributed.

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<v Speaker 2>And there was also like I'll tell you the schedule

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<v Speaker 2>because it really puts things into context of like what

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<v Speaker 2>this job is like. So when you're on the boat,

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<v Speaker 2>basically any time that you're allowed to fish, you have

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<v Speaker 2>to fish because when you're not fishing, you're not making

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<v Speaker 2>money essentially, because all of your money is based off

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<v Speaker 2>how much fish you catch. Right, So the fishing periods

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<v Speaker 2>were like eight hour time. So here would be like

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<v Speaker 2>an average day, wake up at two am, make oatmeal,

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<v Speaker 2>make coffee, dale the captain would start driving the boat

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<v Speaker 2>out to where driving from the anchorage where we achre

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<v Speaker 2>down out to where we're going to go fish for

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<v Speaker 2>the day. That takes about like forty five minutes to

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<v Speaker 2>an hour. We get where we're going to fish at

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<v Speaker 2>three am, we roll out the net and we start

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<v Speaker 2>fishing essentially, and we fish for about six hours so

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<v Speaker 2>then it would hit about nine am, say, after that,

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<v Speaker 2>we get all our fish into the bins, we drive

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<v Speaker 2>back to the anchorage, take all of our fish and

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<v Speaker 2>drop it off to the tender boat which takes all

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<v Speaker 2>the fish from the small boats and gets it weighed

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<v Speaker 2>out and processed. That takes about an hour, so at

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<v Speaker 2>this point it's about like ten thirty probably, and then

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<v Speaker 2>after that we go anchor up. You have to scrub

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<v Speaker 2>the entire deck otherwise it smells like, you know, one

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<v Speaker 2>of the worst smells you can imagine, Like you have

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<v Speaker 2>to scrub it after every time you fish. Otherwise it's

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<v Speaker 2>just going to be like you can't be out there

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<v Speaker 2>for too long. So that takes about thirty minutes. And

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<v Speaker 2>so then you know, you have like essentially forty five

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<v Speaker 2>minutes to eat and just like do whatever you want

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<v Speaker 2>to do in your free time, and then you have

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<v Speaker 2>about two two to three hours to sleep, depending on

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<v Speaker 2>the day. And then the next session starts at around

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<v Speaker 2>like you know, one or two pm, so you all

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<v Speaker 2>over again until like you know, one two am.

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<v Speaker 3>So you basically you break up your sleep scheduling.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, right in the blocks of like two hours.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that sounds like hell, how did you like feel

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<v Speaker 3>during this time?

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<v Speaker 2>I was, I've that was the like it probably sounds cliche,

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<v Speaker 2>but I genuinely think that was the first time I've

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<v Speaker 2>ever felt myself kind of like slipping mentally. I did.

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<v Speaker 2>I did. Actually near the end, I had some like

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<v Speaker 2>hallucinations in the water whoa, which was crazy because I've

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<v Speaker 2>never had, you know, visuals like you know, not coming

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<v Speaker 2>out of you know, my brain processing what's in front

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<v Speaker 2>of me, you know, besides like tripping balls, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>So that was very strange. And yeah, I think the

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<v Speaker 2>only thing that really got me through it was in

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<v Speaker 2>my free time. I was reading The Myth of Sisssis.

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<v Speaker 2>If you ever heard of that book?

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<v Speaker 3>What is that?

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<v Speaker 2>It's a it's a it's a philosophy book. It's I

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<v Speaker 2>first really got I was into philosophy as an undergrad originally,

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<v Speaker 2>but I brought this book with me. And since there's

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<v Speaker 2>no there's no service or anything, there's nothing you can

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<v Speaker 2>really do besides you know, read or you know, do

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<v Speaker 2>jack shit. So basically reading in my free time that

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<v Speaker 2>book got me through it. But it was I did

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<v Speaker 2>feel myself going insane and that level of exhaustion definitely

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<v Speaker 2>also contributed to the tension between the crewmates.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and did you what did you learn from the

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<v Speaker 3>Myth of Sisyphus?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, it's it's one of it's not the founding book

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<v Speaker 2>of absurdism, but it's it's like it's canon. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>it's very it's very it's a very important work and

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<v Speaker 2>the idea of absurdism, and I don't know it it.

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<v Speaker 2>Before this, I was having a hard time wrestling with

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<v Speaker 2>you know what a lot of people wrestle with on

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<v Speaker 2>this podcast, the Meaning of life, you know, that type

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<v Speaker 2>of stuff. But I think after reading that book, I

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<v Speaker 2>think the biggest takeaway I took from it was that, like,

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<v Speaker 2>the insignificance of our existence is not something to be

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<v Speaker 2>upset about, but it's something to be taken advantage of

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<v Speaker 2>because the impact or the lack of impact that we're

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<v Speaker 2>actually leaving on the world gives us the freedom to

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<v Speaker 2>take advantage of that insignificance and do what we think

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<v Speaker 2>we want to do. And you know, that's not an

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<v Speaker 2>excuse to dick around and do nothing, but it's like

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<v Speaker 2>it's it's a good motivator for me personally to go

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<v Speaker 2>out and do shit that I'm passionate about you know which,

0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:39.240
<v Speaker 2>So now I'm like trying to go for my PhD

0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:42.200
<v Speaker 2>for mass which I never would have saw myself doing.

0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:46.000
<v Speaker 2>But after the fishing trip and after reading that book,

0:14:46.000 --> 0:14:49.240
<v Speaker 2>it kind of realized, like, hey, I like maths. Why

0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:52.760
<v Speaker 2>don't I do it for school instead of, you know,

0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:55.680
<v Speaker 2>fucking around in a business degree where I have no interest,

0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:58.000
<v Speaker 2>And now I want to go for my PhD. So

0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:01.640
<v Speaker 2>it's helped me figure out what I wanted to do

0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:02.120
<v Speaker 2>for sure.

0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:05.240
<v Speaker 3>First of all, congratulations, that's awesome, But second of all,

0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:11.040
<v Speaker 3>how lucky did you get that your passion was math? Oh?

0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.440
<v Speaker 3>My god? Some people are like, my passion is to

0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:19.320
<v Speaker 3>become a fucking call of duty live streamer or something,

0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:22.040
<v Speaker 3>you know, you know what I mean? Like, it's how

0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:24.360
<v Speaker 3>lucky did you get that your passion was matt Like? So,

0:15:24.600 --> 0:15:26.280
<v Speaker 3>how lucky did you get that your passion was like

0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:32.160
<v Speaker 3>something tangible that you can you can actually do something

0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:34.880
<v Speaker 3>productive with, you know what I mean?

0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:40.800
<v Speaker 2>Yes? That, And I mean I think I think a lot.

0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:45.280
<v Speaker 2>I think more people could find a passion in something

0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:49.800
<v Speaker 2>like that, Like, well, I guess what you said tangible,

0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:52.760
<v Speaker 2>But I think it's kind of it's really hard to

0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:55.440
<v Speaker 2>unlock that with the way that we're educated now. I

0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:59.080
<v Speaker 2>think people have a lot more potential in education that

0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:03.000
<v Speaker 2>they just can't see because it's you know, it's it's

0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:05.800
<v Speaker 2>not unlocked in the proper way because you know, nobody

0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:08.200
<v Speaker 2>fucking likes math in high school. I hated math in

0:16:08.280 --> 0:16:11.160
<v Speaker 2>high school. I got a dog shit education in math

0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:16.760
<v Speaker 2>in high school, and so I think I think that's

0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:18.840
<v Speaker 2>part of it as well. But yeah, I definitely got

0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:22.920
<v Speaker 2>lucky that. I'm very glad that I enjoy it. It's

0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:26.080
<v Speaker 2>it's it's fun funnily enough, though, I am in the

0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:29.600
<v Speaker 2>part of math it's called pure math. It's pretty much

0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:34.000
<v Speaker 2>it's about as applicable to life as philosophy itself, which

0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:37.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, there's a threshold. It's basically just Greek. It's

0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:41.280
<v Speaker 2>like writing proofs. It's just like Greek letters that mean

0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:44.720
<v Speaker 2>absolutely nothing to the context of our actual, you know,

0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:48.280
<v Speaker 2>real world experience. But I still enjoy it.

0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:54.040
<v Speaker 3>So pure math, you say, yeah, pure math, and and

0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:56.680
<v Speaker 3>it's your writing proofs, as in your like, Okay, I'm

0:16:56.680 --> 0:17:00.400
<v Speaker 3>going to prove to you without any shaft of a

0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:02.120
<v Speaker 3>doubt the two plus two equals.

0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:04.680
<v Speaker 2>Exactly pretty much.

0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:08.480
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, that's insane. How do you approve that that's

0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:12.040
<v Speaker 3>just like, uh something that is you.

0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:16.720
<v Speaker 2>Know, it's uh. So, you know, the most obvious stuff

0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:20.240
<v Speaker 2>is actually the hardest stuff to prove. I think the

0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:26.280
<v Speaker 2>like widely accepted proof for one plus one equals to

0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:30.960
<v Speaker 2>like completely rigorous and logical and one hundred percent without

0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:35.879
<v Speaker 2>any like holes. It's like, I think it's like thirty

0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:36.520
<v Speaker 2>six pages.

0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:39.840
<v Speaker 3>Actually it's really okay, so you can break that down

0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:42.720
<v Speaker 3>even further, yes.

0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:48.320
<v Speaker 2>Like it's so non intuitive. The easiest stuff to prove

0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:51.160
<v Speaker 2>is the stuff that you learn later on in your

0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:55.480
<v Speaker 2>high school or like middle school education in math. The

0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:58.119
<v Speaker 2>hardest shit to prove is the shit that you teach

0:17:58.240 --> 0:18:00.000
<v Speaker 2>the young kids.

0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:05.280
<v Speaker 3>That's so god, God, that's so fucking god. That's so

0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:08.679
<v Speaker 3>fucked up. That's so fucked up. There is you know

0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:11.639
<v Speaker 3>what's funny is, yeah, you're talking about uh and God

0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:16.119
<v Speaker 3>damn it, I've roped myself in once again to to

0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:20.960
<v Speaker 3>getting existential. But it's what I'm having fun with it

0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:24.880
<v Speaker 3>right now, is you know you're talking about like, oh,

0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:30.800
<v Speaker 3>insignificance and whatever. It's like, there is so much to

0:18:31.359 --> 0:18:34.080
<v Speaker 3>grasp in the world, and at a certain point you

0:18:34.160 --> 0:18:38.840
<v Speaker 3>must accept that you cannot grasp at all, you know.

0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:45.639
<v Speaker 3>And I think once you accept that and you just

0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:50.840
<v Speaker 3>enjoy whatever it is, you enjoy your little bite of

0:18:50.880 --> 0:18:53.800
<v Speaker 3>apple that you get if you're lucky as a human being,

0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:59.240
<v Speaker 3>is probably where you find uh, the most happiness, you know,

0:19:00.920 --> 0:19:04.240
<v Speaker 3>because I mean, just the knowledge that there's thirty six

0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:07.840
<v Speaker 3>pages of proof involved to prove that one plus one

0:19:07.840 --> 0:19:12.280
<v Speaker 3>equals too. I mean, that's there's just infinite every all things.

0:19:12.320 --> 0:19:14.240
<v Speaker 3>And that's just the stuff that we know. Then there's

0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:18.520
<v Speaker 3>the stuff that we don't know that's infinite, and it's like, god, damn,

0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:22.240
<v Speaker 3>do I just want to play Mario Kart and Jack

0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:25.960
<v Speaker 3>Off and you know, not think about any of this stuff,

0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:28.560
<v Speaker 3>you know, or just I mean, I have this this

0:19:28.680 --> 0:19:30.120
<v Speaker 3>I'm bringing this back to me. I don't know why,

0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:31.359
<v Speaker 3>but this is just what I'm thinking about. It's like,

0:19:31.359 --> 0:19:34.639
<v Speaker 3>I have this. This podcast is very interesting to me

0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:36.959
<v Speaker 3>because it's been a vessel for me of like, oh,

0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:41.000
<v Speaker 3>I want to suck up the whole world. I want

0:19:41.000 --> 0:19:43.320
<v Speaker 3>to get to talk to as many people as possible,

0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:48.879
<v Speaker 3>go as many places as possible, experience as much as possible.

0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:53.119
<v Speaker 3>But I mean it's weird. There's no end, you know,

0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:59.120
<v Speaker 3>it just keeps going and once you like, when you're

0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:05.440
<v Speaker 3>trying to find aimed finality or something like that, you

0:20:05.480 --> 0:20:08.520
<v Speaker 3>it kind of lead, it kind of makes you go crazy, right,

0:20:08.560 --> 0:20:10.960
<v Speaker 3>you have to just accept what there is.

0:20:11.400 --> 0:20:15.159
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yep, that's a lot of what absurdism is about,

0:20:15.200 --> 0:20:15.560
<v Speaker 2>for sure.

0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:16.040
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:20:16.119 --> 0:20:19.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, kind of you know, whining like a little bit

0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:23.000
<v Speaker 2>about it, just sucking it up and admitting that it

0:20:23.160 --> 0:20:28.480
<v Speaker 2>actually you know, but look at cliche enough. It is

0:20:28.560 --> 0:20:31.119
<v Speaker 2>kind of looking on the brighter side of that, you know,

0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:34.240
<v Speaker 2>terrifying an abysmal fact of life.

0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:37.120
<v Speaker 3>What's your name again?

0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:40.000
<v Speaker 2>I definitely recommend Casey, Casey.

0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:42.359
<v Speaker 3>How old are you, Casey? I'm curious what stage of

0:20:42.359 --> 0:20:46.360
<v Speaker 3>life are you? Three twenty three? Very cool, very nice.

0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:49.800
<v Speaker 3>That's nice that you've made peace with all this stuff

0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:53.760
<v Speaker 3>pretty early in your life.

0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:57.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, shout out drugs. That definitely helped.

0:20:57.359 --> 0:20:59.000
<v Speaker 3>A lot too, which ones.

0:21:00.440 --> 0:21:04.000
<v Speaker 2>Psychedelics mostly, So it's funny I quit smoking weed a

0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:04.480
<v Speaker 2>while ago.

0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:08.119
<v Speaker 3>But it's funny me because I I psychedelics, right, Like

0:21:08.960 --> 0:21:10.080
<v Speaker 3>I would think.

0:21:11.520 --> 0:21:14.560
<v Speaker 2>I actually have to stop you. My lunch break is

0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:18.320
<v Speaker 2>actually over. I really enjoyed this conversation though.

0:21:18.400 --> 0:21:21.680
<v Speaker 3>I enjoyed this conversation with you too, Okay, Yeah, let's

0:21:21.800 --> 0:21:23.040
<v Speaker 3>just we'll part two.

0:21:23.000 --> 0:21:26.360
<v Speaker 2>This, Yes, we we we will come back for sure.

0:21:26.359 --> 0:21:28.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna try to get on again and keep doing

0:21:28.880 --> 0:21:29.920
<v Speaker 2>what you're doing with the podcast.

0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:33.600
<v Speaker 3>W I love it all right, Thanks, thanks man, good

0:21:33.640 --> 0:21:35.200
<v Speaker 3>I have have a have a good day at work.

0:21:36.200 --> 0:21:38.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you too, have a good rest of the podcast talking.

0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:42.879
<v Speaker 3>About take care of bye bye bye bye bye, what

0:21:42.960 --> 0:21:44.720
<v Speaker 3>a bummer. I liked talking to that guy a lot.

0:21:44.760 --> 0:21:48.080
<v Speaker 3>That was great. I guess the to finish what I

0:21:48.160 --> 0:21:50.840
<v Speaker 3>was going to say is that it's funny with Psychedelics

0:21:50.840 --> 0:21:55.080
<v Speaker 3>are an interesting thing to me because they the whole

0:21:55.280 --> 0:22:01.080
<v Speaker 3>selling point is that they are supposed to expand consciousness.

0:22:02.080 --> 0:22:09.080
<v Speaker 3>But for me personally, I'm like, it's interesting to hear

0:22:09.119 --> 0:22:16.600
<v Speaker 3>that they helped this guy solve his existentialism because for me,

0:22:17.440 --> 0:22:21.080
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, isn't the like you want to be less conscious?

0:22:22.080 --> 0:22:24.199
<v Speaker 3>Don't you? Don't you want? Isn't the whole point to

0:22:24.240 --> 0:22:29.040
<v Speaker 3>be a little bit less conscious? Like I feel? Correct?

0:22:29.400 --> 0:22:29.760
<v Speaker 2>You know what?

0:22:30.280 --> 0:22:34.720
<v Speaker 3>Tell me, folks in the comments section on the Spotify

0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:37.879
<v Speaker 3>or YouTube what you think of this. I'm curious what

0:22:37.960 --> 0:22:42.000
<v Speaker 3>people think about this because I think I read this

0:22:42.240 --> 0:22:47.359
<v Speaker 3>quote from uh someone, I don't actually I don't know

0:22:47.359 --> 0:22:49.639
<v Speaker 3>if like someone fucking famous said this or if this

0:22:49.720 --> 0:22:52.680
<v Speaker 3>is just something I read on Reddit. In my crazy

0:22:52.760 --> 0:22:57.400
<v Speaker 3>musings is that you know, if ignorance is bliss, then

0:22:57.720 --> 0:23:03.159
<v Speaker 3>clarity is misery. And I kind of felt that a

0:23:03.240 --> 0:23:07.160
<v Speaker 3>little bit. So it's like the expansion of consciousness seems

0:23:07.520 --> 0:23:13.320
<v Speaker 3>counterintuitive to happiness, although everyone is wired a little differently,

0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:17.480
<v Speaker 3>you know. I mean, the happiest I think human beings

0:23:17.480 --> 0:23:21.040
<v Speaker 3>are is when they're the least conscious, is when they're

0:23:21.280 --> 0:23:26.480
<v Speaker 3>just you know, in life. In they are when when

0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:30.560
<v Speaker 3>you are present and where you are. I was at

0:23:31.880 --> 0:23:35.479
<v Speaker 3>I was at dinner with friends last night and I

0:23:35.640 --> 0:23:38.639
<v Speaker 3>was I was just having like crazy anxiety, and I

0:23:38.680 --> 0:23:40.600
<v Speaker 3>was on my phone and I was in my notes app,

0:23:40.640 --> 0:23:44.600
<v Speaker 3>and I was on Instagram, and I was just fucking like, look,

0:23:44.880 --> 0:23:46.480
<v Speaker 3>it was just like trying to find You're trying to

0:23:46.480 --> 0:23:51.240
<v Speaker 3>find answers everywhere except where you fucking are. And I

0:23:52.160 --> 0:23:58.880
<v Speaker 3>do think there's something to that, because anxiety, at least

0:23:58.960 --> 0:24:02.719
<v Speaker 3>for me, is a sign that you're living your present moment,

0:24:03.119 --> 0:24:09.280
<v Speaker 3>is is kind of out of sync with your desires

0:24:09.760 --> 0:24:12.640
<v Speaker 3>in a way. But you got to kind of balance

0:24:12.800 --> 0:24:16.520
<v Speaker 3>that with like, uh, if you need to fulfill every

0:24:16.560 --> 0:24:22.120
<v Speaker 3>single desire all the time. Then you're you're just gonna suffer,

0:24:22.480 --> 0:24:25.000
<v Speaker 3>you know. But it's it's a balancing act. Because I

0:24:25.000 --> 0:24:27.280
<v Speaker 3>I and I talk about this on the fucking show

0:24:27.320 --> 0:24:31.720
<v Speaker 3>a lot. Is like there's a weird balancing act between

0:24:32.280 --> 0:24:35.359
<v Speaker 3>the the internal and the external of like, Okay, how

0:24:35.440 --> 0:24:42.840
<v Speaker 3>much of anxiety is is is going to be solved

0:24:43.040 --> 0:24:48.560
<v Speaker 3>by like internal acceptance and breathing or whatever versus Oh no,

0:24:48.640 --> 0:24:52.520
<v Speaker 3>there's actually stuff going on in your life that you

0:24:52.640 --> 0:25:00.240
<v Speaker 3>need to like change or or you know, you can

0:25:00.320 --> 0:25:05.159
<v Speaker 3>actually like like how much can you capitalism yourself? How

0:25:05.240 --> 0:25:13.760
<v Speaker 3>much can you capitalism yourself out of anxiety or depression?

0:25:14.200 --> 0:25:16.280
<v Speaker 3>And I'm not even talking about like money. I'm talking

0:25:16.320 --> 0:25:22.879
<v Speaker 3>about like by like doing stuff, by making things or

0:25:22.880 --> 0:25:27.360
<v Speaker 3>making changes externally versus like, Okay, I need to breathe,

0:25:27.359 --> 0:25:30.240
<v Speaker 3>I need to fucking do whatever. And I don't know,

0:25:30.280 --> 0:25:33.760
<v Speaker 3>if I knew, I wouldn't be ranting crazy about it

0:25:33.800 --> 0:25:37.480
<v Speaker 3>on a podcast. But whatever, interesting things to talk about.

0:25:37.600 --> 0:25:40.439
<v Speaker 3>I liked that guy. That guy was cool, Like I was,

0:25:40.600 --> 0:25:46.840
<v Speaker 3>uh interesting, fella. I gotta go to Alaska. I gotta

0:25:46.840 --> 0:25:47.920
<v Speaker 3>see what's going on over there.

0:25:48.600 --> 0:25:50.040
<v Speaker 4>Hello, Yeah, what's up?

0:25:50.960 --> 0:25:52.960
<v Speaker 3>Hey? What's what's going on, sir?

0:25:53.880 --> 0:25:54.560
<v Speaker 2>Not much?

0:25:54.720 --> 0:25:56.719
<v Speaker 4>I was calling. I was like, finally I got on.

0:25:56.920 --> 0:26:02.440
<v Speaker 4>But uh yeah I had pretty decent as of late.

0:26:02.520 --> 0:26:05.719
<v Speaker 4>I think, how about yourself if you mind me asking?

0:26:06.160 --> 0:26:13.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, sure, life spend interesting. I mean doing things like

0:26:13.920 --> 0:26:17.719
<v Speaker 3>this that kind of keep you like in the present

0:26:18.400 --> 0:26:25.520
<v Speaker 3>is good. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, what what's going on

0:26:25.600 --> 0:26:27.080
<v Speaker 3>with you? What's happening in your life?

0:26:28.640 --> 0:26:34.080
<v Speaker 4>Well, hmm, so I recently went to California this weekend,

0:26:35.119 --> 0:26:37.399
<v Speaker 4>so yeah, that was pretty fun. I went to Rolling

0:26:37.480 --> 0:26:39.200
<v Speaker 4>Wild you know that like festival.

0:26:39.560 --> 0:26:41.560
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, how was that?

0:26:41.560 --> 0:26:45.520
<v Speaker 4>That was very like anxiety inducing just because of like, yeah,

0:26:45.520 --> 0:26:48.159
<v Speaker 4>the crowds. I realized I really hate crowds.

0:26:50.520 --> 0:26:53.600
<v Speaker 3>But you didn't get you didn't get astro worlded, did you?

0:26:54.760 --> 0:26:58.080
<v Speaker 4>Oh no, luckily not. Yeah, but it was getting bad

0:26:58.080 --> 0:26:59.920
<v Speaker 4>at like when Playboy Party was playing, they had to

0:27:00.200 --> 0:27:03.479
<v Speaker 4>stop for like twenty minutes, and then like Kaysonatt was

0:27:03.520 --> 0:27:05.800
<v Speaker 4>on stage, he was yelling at us to like back

0:27:05.880 --> 0:27:10.680
<v Speaker 4>up because like ten people passed out. But yeah, yeah,

0:27:10.680 --> 0:27:13.000
<v Speaker 4>it gets crazy sometimes. But no, Astro World.

0:27:12.800 --> 0:27:18.919
<v Speaker 3>Luckily pretty good. What else is going on in life?

0:27:19.880 --> 0:27:21.720
<v Speaker 4>Well? I think I did want to talk about a

0:27:21.840 --> 0:27:26.720
<v Speaker 4>story because yeah, it was about I guess me breaking

0:27:26.800 --> 0:27:29.439
<v Speaker 4>will dislocating myself in a monstrapit and it kind of

0:27:29.920 --> 0:27:34.520
<v Speaker 4>I guess taught me gratitude and patient.

0:27:35.240 --> 0:27:39.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

0:27:39.520 --> 0:27:42.800
<v Speaker 4>So yeah, I guess the long story short. So I

0:27:42.840 --> 0:27:44.639
<v Speaker 4>went to my first so you know, the Auto Bar

0:27:44.720 --> 0:27:46.479
<v Speaker 4>in Baltimore, something originally from Maryland.

0:27:47.000 --> 0:27:47.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I did a show there.

0:27:47.800 --> 0:27:51.120
<v Speaker 4>I love. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw you there. So

0:27:51.160 --> 0:27:54.000
<v Speaker 4>I went to my first hardcore show, which is like

0:27:54.040 --> 0:27:57.040
<v Speaker 4>a couple of years ago, and yeah, I got into

0:27:57.080 --> 0:27:59.239
<v Speaker 4>the pit. It was like the first band playing and

0:27:59.280 --> 0:28:02.560
<v Speaker 4>then yeah, someone leaned when my thumb got stuck in

0:28:02.600 --> 0:28:05.080
<v Speaker 4>someone's shirt and then it leaned back and like I

0:28:05.160 --> 0:28:08.399
<v Speaker 4>heard a crack. I popped it back in place. I

0:28:08.480 --> 0:28:10.639
<v Speaker 4>was like, we're good. It's still moving. So I was like,

0:28:10.800 --> 0:28:11.119
<v Speaker 4>let's go.

0:28:11.160 --> 0:28:11.520
<v Speaker 2>We're good.

0:28:11.560 --> 0:28:15.199
<v Speaker 4>So I kept going. Turns out I tore like a

0:28:15.240 --> 0:28:17.920
<v Speaker 4>whole ligament in my thumb. This is my dominant hands,

0:28:18.200 --> 0:28:20.560
<v Speaker 4>mind you, And then I realized I had to get surgery.

0:28:20.600 --> 0:28:23.919
<v Speaker 4>So then I got surgery on my right hand, and

0:28:23.960 --> 0:28:26.760
<v Speaker 4>I was in a cast I think for like two months.

0:28:26.760 --> 0:28:28.800
<v Speaker 4>So I did like learn everything with my left hand.

0:28:28.800 --> 0:28:32.040
<v Speaker 4>I had to learn how to brush my teeth and

0:28:32.080 --> 0:28:33.840
<v Speaker 4>I'm also an artist too, so I did learn to

0:28:33.920 --> 0:28:35.960
<v Speaker 4>draw with my left hand for those two months I

0:28:36.240 --> 0:28:38.320
<v Speaker 4>find out how to do work for two months. I

0:28:38.320 --> 0:28:40.960
<v Speaker 4>don't know. I think that time, I don't know, it

0:28:41.040 --> 0:28:44.400
<v Speaker 4>kind of like taught me to just like really slowed down,

0:28:44.480 --> 0:28:47.160
<v Speaker 4>especially like just the simple act of like brushing the

0:28:47.240 --> 0:28:50.040
<v Speaker 4>teeth with like your left hand. It's so difficult if

0:28:50.040 --> 0:28:51.960
<v Speaker 4>it's like not your dominant hand because you're not usually

0:28:51.960 --> 0:28:54.080
<v Speaker 4>thinking about you doing any mind with sleep. But like

0:28:54.240 --> 0:28:56.600
<v Speaker 4>now I actually have to like learn how to do

0:28:56.680 --> 0:29:00.440
<v Speaker 4>that circular emotion, do everything like that. But yeah, doing

0:29:00.520 --> 0:29:02.800
<v Speaker 4>artwork as well kind of like slowed down a lot.

0:29:03.080 --> 0:29:07.760
<v Speaker 4>Like I actually was like more I guess what's that word.

0:29:08.240 --> 0:29:14.600
<v Speaker 4>I guess, hmmm, decisive with my movements and more like yeah,

0:29:14.800 --> 0:29:16.840
<v Speaker 4>I think more decisive with it. And it had like

0:29:16.880 --> 0:29:21.600
<v Speaker 4>a better like mythology of going your valid and stuff

0:29:21.640 --> 0:29:24.320
<v Speaker 4>like that. But yeah, it was kind of weird, weird

0:29:24.360 --> 0:29:26.640
<v Speaker 4>situation because it was like I do everything with my

0:29:26.720 --> 0:29:30.840
<v Speaker 4>right hand. I do everything just mindlessly a lot, and

0:29:30.880 --> 0:29:33.480
<v Speaker 4>this kind of taught me like WHOA, just because of

0:29:33.480 --> 0:29:36.400
<v Speaker 4>how uncoordinated I was with my left hand. I kind

0:29:36.400 --> 0:29:39.480
<v Speaker 4>of learned to just like yeah, kind of be with

0:29:39.560 --> 0:29:41.760
<v Speaker 4>the flow of things and kind of adjust to those

0:29:41.800 --> 0:29:45.080
<v Speaker 4>things and being okay with it, even if I kind

0:29:45.080 --> 0:29:45.920
<v Speaker 4>of like suck at it.

0:29:46.240 --> 0:29:52.960
<v Speaker 3>So yeah, yeah, M And how is your how how

0:29:53.040 --> 0:29:55.960
<v Speaker 3>long was your right hand out of commission?

0:29:57.400 --> 0:29:59.560
<v Speaker 4>So yeah, two months in the cast and then I

0:29:59.560 --> 0:30:03.160
<v Speaker 4>had therapy, so it was about like three months. But

0:30:03.400 --> 0:30:05.120
<v Speaker 4>I think those three months are really good because I

0:30:05.160 --> 0:30:07.640
<v Speaker 4>was like really grateful for like the times I do

0:30:07.720 --> 0:30:10.320
<v Speaker 4>have two hands, because having one hand kind of sucks.

0:30:10.320 --> 0:30:11.920
<v Speaker 4>So I kind of feel bad. Well I feel really

0:30:11.920 --> 0:30:15.120
<v Speaker 4>bad for people with one hand or no hands, but yeah,

0:30:15.560 --> 0:30:19.360
<v Speaker 4>having that one hand kind of yeah, put things in

0:30:19.400 --> 0:30:22.560
<v Speaker 4>perspective a lot. It made me kind of, yeah, very

0:30:22.560 --> 0:30:24.600
<v Speaker 4>slow down. I think the main thing was like slow

0:30:24.680 --> 0:30:25.800
<v Speaker 4>down to a lot of stuff.

0:30:26.120 --> 0:30:30.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, what was the hardest thing to learn with your

0:30:30.200 --> 0:30:30.920
<v Speaker 3>left hands?

0:30:32.200 --> 0:30:34.360
<v Speaker 4>Ooh, so I have this big dog. I have a dog.

0:30:34.520 --> 0:30:36.280
<v Speaker 4>She's in the key to She's like eighty pounds. That

0:30:36.360 --> 0:30:38.680
<v Speaker 4>was kind of hard to like walk her. So I

0:30:38.720 --> 0:30:41.240
<v Speaker 4>had this LEAs. I got this leash, like it's basically

0:30:41.320 --> 0:30:43.920
<v Speaker 4>kind of like the avatar leavest like basically connected to me.

0:30:44.560 --> 0:30:47.760
<v Speaker 4>So it's like at least that goes across my body.

0:30:47.840 --> 0:30:50.960
<v Speaker 4>And then yeah, she just connected things like that. But yeah,

0:30:50.960 --> 0:30:54.680
<v Speaker 4>other than that, I think what else was really hard?

0:30:54.760 --> 0:30:58.200
<v Speaker 4>Opening things? Opening things was awful. I couldn't open things

0:30:58.240 --> 0:31:01.040
<v Speaker 4>and that was really hard. Yeah. I think it was

0:31:01.080 --> 0:31:04.560
<v Speaker 4>like those those daily things. Taking a shower was really difficult.

0:31:05.080 --> 0:31:07.000
<v Speaker 4>It was very difficult because you can't get your cast

0:31:07.080 --> 0:31:10.360
<v Speaker 4>web or any of that web. Yeah, I like the

0:31:10.440 --> 0:31:12.600
<v Speaker 4>day to day stuff very difficult.

0:31:16.040 --> 0:31:19.240
<v Speaker 3>And so how long ago is this?

0:31:19.240 --> 0:31:22.960
<v Speaker 4>This was twenty so twenty twenty two going into twenty

0:31:22.960 --> 0:31:26.280
<v Speaker 4>twenty three, so it's been basically almost Yeah, a year

0:31:26.480 --> 0:31:28.520
<v Speaker 4>since the surgery. Has been a year since the surgery.

0:31:29.800 --> 0:31:32.240
<v Speaker 4>Oh now twenty three, No, twenty twenty three going into

0:31:32.240 --> 0:31:34.960
<v Speaker 4>twenty twenty four, So yeah, like a year.

0:31:35.360 --> 0:31:40.040
<v Speaker 3>So has Because here's the thing about like epiphanies I

0:31:40.400 --> 0:31:44.200
<v Speaker 3>notice a lot is that they're not one and done things.

0:31:44.240 --> 0:31:46.480
<v Speaker 3>They're they're kind of things you have to remind yourself of.

0:31:46.680 --> 0:31:52.760
<v Speaker 3>And so do you feel like that gratefulness and that

0:31:52.800 --> 0:31:56.240
<v Speaker 3>awareness has stayed with you throughout this?

0:31:56.440 --> 0:32:00.000
<v Speaker 4>See? That's hard too. Yeah, So that's what I sometimes

0:32:00.120 --> 0:32:03.560
<v Speaker 4>I do definitely like just get back into like the

0:32:03.680 --> 0:32:08.120
<v Speaker 4>mindless stroll of things. I think. Yeah, No, it's really

0:32:08.200 --> 0:32:12.720
<v Speaker 4>hard to kind of always remain and remember that. I

0:32:12.760 --> 0:32:16.520
<v Speaker 4>guess these I guess that finite thing of like that

0:32:16.640 --> 0:32:19.040
<v Speaker 4>impermanence of everything, and that you need to just enjoy

0:32:19.080 --> 0:32:24.160
<v Speaker 4>and be grateful for those just those simple things like that,

0:32:24.320 --> 0:32:26.960
<v Speaker 4>going back to just brushing your teeth. You take those

0:32:26.960 --> 0:32:29.400
<v Speaker 4>things for granted. So I don't know, I kind of

0:32:29.560 --> 0:32:33.360
<v Speaker 4>sometimes I guess there's those times where I like, yeah,

0:32:33.360 --> 0:32:35.440
<v Speaker 4>I might have an epiphany off of like mushrooms again,

0:32:35.440 --> 0:32:37.720
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, I need to go back to the simplistic thing.

0:32:38.160 --> 0:32:41.320
<v Speaker 4>And then sometimes I just lose that strain of thought

0:32:41.360 --> 0:32:43.680
<v Speaker 4>and I just get caught into to think of it

0:32:43.720 --> 0:32:45.960
<v Speaker 4>and stuff like that. But I don't know. I think

0:32:47.120 --> 0:32:48.880
<v Speaker 4>what helps me a lot. I do a lot of

0:32:48.960 --> 0:32:53.440
<v Speaker 4>like yoga, which puts me into that framework of like

0:32:53.560 --> 0:32:56.760
<v Speaker 4>being there in that moment and just breathing. So I

0:32:56.760 --> 0:32:59.800
<v Speaker 4>feel like those kind of like revert back to those

0:32:59.800 --> 0:33:02.360
<v Speaker 4>times of like when I had that one hand and

0:33:02.360 --> 0:33:06.120
<v Speaker 4>I was basically purple to do gradit that one hand

0:33:06.160 --> 0:33:08.720
<v Speaker 4>to do everything and had to focus on that activity

0:33:08.760 --> 0:33:12.440
<v Speaker 4>I was usually doing that I thought usually with two

0:33:12.480 --> 0:33:16.680
<v Speaker 4>hands wasn't important and stuff like that. So yeah, I

0:33:16.720 --> 0:33:19.360
<v Speaker 4>don't know. It's really like a roller coaster effect. I

0:33:19.400 --> 0:33:21.680
<v Speaker 4>feel like there's always those highs and lows of like

0:33:21.840 --> 0:33:24.960
<v Speaker 4>figuring it out, remaining in that state. I don't know.

0:33:24.960 --> 0:33:27.040
<v Speaker 4>I don't think we should be like I think we

0:33:27.040 --> 0:33:29.040
<v Speaker 4>should cheer ourselves with the grace too when we do

0:33:29.160 --> 0:33:32.160
<v Speaker 4>forget about that stuff as well, because that like, yeah,

0:33:32.160 --> 0:33:37.760
<v Speaker 4>we're just human. We're just learning, growing, failing, succeeding. You know.

0:33:38.480 --> 0:33:40.960
<v Speaker 3>So what's going on with you now that you have

0:33:41.000 --> 0:33:44.080
<v Speaker 3>two hands? What are you doing with your hands?

0:33:45.400 --> 0:33:49.000
<v Speaker 4>I'm doing so I'm grabbing so many things. Yeah, so

0:33:49.520 --> 0:33:52.360
<v Speaker 4>I guess what I'll do. Yeah, I like to like

0:33:52.680 --> 0:33:56.520
<v Speaker 4>be outside a lot, so and like just yeah, work out,

0:33:56.920 --> 0:33:59.440
<v Speaker 4>I do more tie a lot. That's fun. You do

0:33:59.480 --> 0:34:02.000
<v Speaker 4>more time sports and stuff like, Yeah, more time is

0:34:02.000 --> 0:34:02.440
<v Speaker 4>really funny.

0:34:02.520 --> 0:34:05.120
<v Speaker 3>You're you're really out there trying to fuck up your

0:34:05.120 --> 0:34:07.760
<v Speaker 3>hands again, You're really you're like, I didn't get injured

0:34:08.360 --> 0:34:12.000
<v Speaker 3>hard enough to fuck up myself even.

0:34:11.840 --> 0:34:17.040
<v Speaker 4>More exactly, I think. Yeah, I like those like high

0:34:17.040 --> 0:34:20.359
<v Speaker 4>stake things. I don't know if that's like dangerous, but

0:34:20.760 --> 0:34:23.759
<v Speaker 4>you know, yolo, but I do go back to the

0:34:23.760 --> 0:34:26.600
<v Speaker 4>pits and stuff like that way more safer, keeping my

0:34:26.640 --> 0:34:31.400
<v Speaker 4>hands like away from my clothing and people sometimes and

0:34:31.400 --> 0:34:35.640
<v Speaker 4>stuff like that. But I've been using my hands a lot.

0:34:35.680 --> 0:34:37.919
<v Speaker 4>I think I've been creating a lot like art. I said,

0:34:37.920 --> 0:34:39.400
<v Speaker 4>I was an artist, so now I know how to

0:34:39.480 --> 0:34:41.120
<v Speaker 4>use both of my hands with art. So that's like

0:34:41.200 --> 0:34:44.720
<v Speaker 4>been like really cool. Actually it's been really fun. Yeah,

0:34:46.120 --> 0:34:48.600
<v Speaker 4>you know, what's your favorite thing to do with two hands?

0:34:48.920 --> 0:34:52.320
<v Speaker 3>What's my favorite thing to do with uh two hands?

0:34:52.360 --> 0:34:57.839
<v Speaker 3>I guess fucking play video games? That's probably the Yeah.

0:34:57.880 --> 0:35:01.279
<v Speaker 3>I've thought about whether I would, I would be whether

0:35:01.320 --> 0:35:04.160
<v Speaker 3>I would Would you rather have no hands or no feet?

0:35:04.360 --> 0:35:09.120
<v Speaker 3>I feel like no, I feel like I no feet, right.

0:35:09.200 --> 0:35:11.520
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, no, no, no, because you can't.

0:35:11.320 --> 0:35:13.520
<v Speaker 3>Walk, but you could use a wheelchair.

0:35:14.719 --> 0:35:15.320
<v Speaker 4>That's true.

0:35:15.600 --> 0:35:16.760
<v Speaker 3>There's so many things.

0:35:16.520 --> 0:35:19.080
<v Speaker 4>A lot of your hands, but a lot of places

0:35:19.080 --> 0:35:21.279
<v Speaker 4>aren't like wheelchair accessible either. Like what if there's like

0:35:21.719 --> 0:35:24.120
<v Speaker 4>stairs in your fuck you know.

0:35:24.960 --> 0:35:26.480
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but what if you have to what if there's

0:35:26.480 --> 0:35:28.120
<v Speaker 3>a door and you gotta open it, then you're really

0:35:28.120 --> 0:35:29.880
<v Speaker 3>fucking You can.

0:35:29.800 --> 0:35:31.879
<v Speaker 4>Use your mouth or you can use your feet too,

0:35:32.280 --> 0:35:32.520
<v Speaker 4>you know.

0:35:33.160 --> 0:35:37.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, I guess you would have to learn how

0:35:37.080 --> 0:35:41.520
<v Speaker 3>to use your feet. Yeah, you know. I I feel

0:35:41.560 --> 0:35:45.360
<v Speaker 3>like I feel like a wimp. A lot of the times,

0:35:45.440 --> 0:35:47.120
<v Speaker 3>I'm like I feel like I'm like, oh, I only

0:35:47.160 --> 0:35:52.440
<v Speaker 3>have the strength for like, yeah, you're you're feel that way.

0:35:52.440 --> 0:35:54.680
<v Speaker 3>You're like, I don't feel like I have the strength

0:35:55.400 --> 0:36:01.040
<v Speaker 3>for like tons and tons of adversity. But yet you

0:36:01.200 --> 0:36:06.200
<v Speaker 3>see yet, you know out there there exists tons and

0:36:06.239 --> 0:36:09.160
<v Speaker 3>tons of adversity and people are doing it. People are

0:36:09.280 --> 0:36:15.560
<v Speaker 3>getting themselves through adversity, you know. I often that's that's

0:36:15.560 --> 0:36:17.359
<v Speaker 3>one of my problems is I often feel as though

0:36:17.400 --> 0:36:24.279
<v Speaker 3>I don't have the strength to overcome adversity, which is

0:36:24.320 --> 0:36:30.120
<v Speaker 3>hard because I think life just throws adversity around in

0:36:30.160 --> 0:36:32.520
<v Speaker 3>a way that doesn't really care who you are or

0:36:32.560 --> 0:36:35.319
<v Speaker 3>what the fuck if you've experienced it before or not.

0:36:35.560 --> 0:36:39.160
<v Speaker 4>You know, yeah, life doesn't give a shit. Going back

0:36:39.200 --> 0:36:41.160
<v Speaker 4>to that, there is that guy that has like no

0:36:41.280 --> 0:36:45.120
<v Speaker 4>limbs at all, but he climbs mountains. I saw something. Yeah,

0:36:45.160 --> 0:36:47.240
<v Speaker 4>he climbed like one of the tallest mountain in Africa

0:36:47.320 --> 0:36:50.080
<v Speaker 4>or something. Yeah, and he has no arms or legs.

0:36:50.120 --> 0:36:54.160
<v Speaker 4>But yeah, going back to like adversity, Yeah, I don't know. Yes,

0:36:54.200 --> 0:36:56.600
<v Speaker 4>it's kind of like how do you come up to

0:36:56.640 --> 0:36:59.640
<v Speaker 4>the plate for it? A lot of the times, the

0:36:59.680 --> 0:37:01.919
<v Speaker 4>most of times we don't, And I think that's okay too,

0:37:02.520 --> 0:37:04.640
<v Speaker 4>because it's like, I don't know, we learned from that

0:37:04.680 --> 0:37:07.640
<v Speaker 4>adversity even though we might have not came to the

0:37:07.719 --> 0:37:09.479
<v Speaker 4>challenge too, and stuff like that.

0:37:10.320 --> 0:37:13.759
<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, that guy, that guy, well there's a lot

0:37:13.760 --> 0:37:15.359
<v Speaker 3>of I mean, that guy's doing pretty good. But I

0:37:15.360 --> 0:37:17.120
<v Speaker 3>also think about all the people who don't have arms

0:37:17.160 --> 0:37:18.800
<v Speaker 3>and legs, who are like, man, this is not I

0:37:18.800 --> 0:37:19.359
<v Speaker 3>don't like this.

0:37:19.680 --> 0:37:25.319
<v Speaker 4>Yeah that's true too. Damn yeah, life, life can be

0:37:25.440 --> 0:37:25.759
<v Speaker 4>like that.

0:37:26.840 --> 0:37:29.680
<v Speaker 3>Well realize, I guess, I guess you know what you're

0:37:29.719 --> 0:37:32.200
<v Speaker 3>making me feel. Grateful to have arms and legs, which

0:37:32.280 --> 0:37:36.799
<v Speaker 3>is that. I think, honestly, probably the baseline to wake

0:37:36.880 --> 0:37:39.200
<v Speaker 3>up every day with is just grateful you have arms

0:37:39.200 --> 0:37:40.040
<v Speaker 3>and legs.

0:37:41.160 --> 0:37:43.359
<v Speaker 4>For sure, but definitely try to do stuff with your

0:37:43.360 --> 0:37:47.279
<v Speaker 4>opposite hand though. It definitely puts you into like perspective

0:37:47.560 --> 0:37:50.320
<v Speaker 4>and it keeps you because you were talking about presence

0:37:50.360 --> 0:37:53.000
<v Speaker 4>a lot. You talk about that flow stick. It gives

0:37:53.040 --> 0:37:55.880
<v Speaker 4>you at presence that I feel like, because you're actually

0:37:55.960 --> 0:37:58.160
<v Speaker 4>going to have to focus on the cash you're doing,

0:37:58.680 --> 0:38:00.239
<v Speaker 4>even though because most of the time we do it

0:38:00.280 --> 0:38:03.640
<v Speaker 4>mindlessly with that dominant hand or something like that. But yeah,

0:38:03.800 --> 0:38:07.399
<v Speaker 4>I feel like everyone even chat or anyone that might

0:38:07.440 --> 0:38:11.359
<v Speaker 4>listen to this. Yeah, try to do things that you're

0:38:11.360 --> 0:38:14.480
<v Speaker 4>not usually comfortable with, and that can be simple things

0:38:14.520 --> 0:38:16.960
<v Speaker 4>because they kind of yeah, put those things in perspective.

0:38:17.040 --> 0:38:19.239
<v Speaker 3>You know, what's your name again, sir?

0:38:20.520 --> 0:38:23.680
<v Speaker 4>Oh, I went by poop, but Poop, I go by friend.

0:38:23.840 --> 0:38:24.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:38:24.239 --> 0:38:27.560
<v Speaker 4>But but but I did call you with flying loads

0:38:27.600 --> 0:38:30.040
<v Speaker 4>that one time, and I was so nervous and I

0:38:30.160 --> 0:38:33.239
<v Speaker 4>really want to call back, and I think it went

0:38:33.320 --> 0:38:35.680
<v Speaker 4>way better because I actually knew what to talk about.

0:38:35.880 --> 0:38:39.399
<v Speaker 4>But yeah, you know, shit happens and then you over

0:38:39.440 --> 0:38:39.839
<v Speaker 4>here again.

0:38:40.040 --> 0:38:43.040
<v Speaker 3>So yeah, Poop, is there anything else you gonna say

0:38:43.040 --> 0:38:44.200
<v Speaker 3>to the people the computer before we go?

0:38:47.840 --> 0:38:54.080
<v Speaker 4>Stay yourself, guys, do what you love and yeah, love.

0:38:53.880 --> 0:38:56.960
<v Speaker 3>You get Thank you, Poop, you have a good rest

0:38:56.960 --> 0:39:01.319
<v Speaker 3>of the night. Good luck to you, sir, you too?

0:39:00.239 --> 0:39:06.600
<v Speaker 3>H Yeah, this why is I don't like doing I'm

0:39:06.640 --> 0:39:09.880
<v Speaker 3>okay with like embarrassing myself, but I don't like doing

0:39:10.200 --> 0:39:13.600
<v Speaker 3>putting myself out there like physically, Like I have no

0:39:13.640 --> 0:39:16.799
<v Speaker 3>interest in skydiving or skateboarding or anything where you can

0:39:16.880 --> 0:39:21.040
<v Speaker 3>like really fuck yourself up. But I have respect for

0:39:21.080 --> 0:39:29.680
<v Speaker 3>people who do do that. Hello, Hey, Hey, what's up?

0:39:29.719 --> 0:39:30.359
<v Speaker 3>What's your name?

0:39:31.600 --> 0:39:34.839
<v Speaker 5>My name is Graciana. We've talked once.

0:39:34.600 --> 0:39:38.040
<v Speaker 3>Before, Graciana. How long ago did we talk?

0:39:40.080 --> 0:39:43.120
<v Speaker 5>It was like when you like, you know, when COVID

0:39:43.239 --> 0:39:47.359
<v Speaker 5>was was a thing that everyone was we were all

0:39:47.440 --> 0:39:49.479
<v Speaker 5>hiding from well some of us, some.

0:39:49.440 --> 0:39:52.640
<v Speaker 3>Of us are anyone, Okay, so a while ago.

0:39:53.920 --> 0:39:54.480
<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

0:39:54.719 --> 0:39:54.959
<v Speaker 6>Yeah.

0:39:55.000 --> 0:39:59.680
<v Speaker 5>The last subject we talked about. I was explaining how

0:39:59.800 --> 0:40:03.920
<v Speaker 5>I I had my first kid at fifteen and my

0:40:04.320 --> 0:40:07.440
<v Speaker 5>next one at twenty two and the difference between the two,

0:40:07.680 --> 0:40:08.480
<v Speaker 5>and oh.

0:40:08.400 --> 0:40:14.400
<v Speaker 3>Shit, well how are they doing? How are the kids?

0:40:15.719 --> 0:40:24.080
<v Speaker 5>Oh, you know, that's complicated. Listen, kids. My three year

0:40:24.120 --> 0:40:28.200
<v Speaker 5>old he changes every day, if not every week, if

0:40:28.280 --> 0:40:32.600
<v Speaker 5>not like every month. And he's a little easier because

0:40:32.640 --> 0:40:36.480
<v Speaker 5>you know, he's three in the way of you know,

0:40:36.680 --> 0:40:42.040
<v Speaker 5>it's he can't talk that much. My eleven year old,

0:40:42.960 --> 0:40:51.040
<v Speaker 5>she's on this whole discovering herself in questioning life and

0:40:51.040 --> 0:40:57.680
<v Speaker 5>and I mean some stuff is going on there for sure.

0:40:57.920 --> 0:41:00.960
<v Speaker 5>That's kind of terrifying in the way of she obviously

0:41:01.000 --> 0:41:07.240
<v Speaker 5>has depression and she's made it clear that you know, she's.

0:41:07.280 --> 0:41:10.160
<v Speaker 3>She's asking for help and she's eleven.

0:41:11.360 --> 0:41:12.520
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, she's eleven, dude.

0:41:13.080 --> 0:41:17.680
<v Speaker 3>Oh man, so how do you uh uh? I've been

0:41:17.760 --> 0:41:20.200
<v Speaker 3>thinking you know, it's funny. So I don't think I'm

0:41:20.320 --> 0:41:24.279
<v Speaker 3>gonna have kids for a while, but I know that

0:41:24.400 --> 0:41:28.120
<v Speaker 3>I want to eventually. And I was thinking about that.

0:41:28.200 --> 0:41:33.239
<v Speaker 3>I was like, how if you know, like you this

0:41:33.360 --> 0:41:35.440
<v Speaker 3>is this might be a negative viewpoint, but it's like,

0:41:36.520 --> 0:41:38.520
<v Speaker 3>you know, I think having kids like can introduce a

0:41:38.560 --> 0:41:40.080
<v Speaker 3>lot of joy in your life, but also a lot

0:41:40.080 --> 0:41:43.680
<v Speaker 3>of suffering because like whatever you take, whatever they have,

0:41:44.600 --> 0:41:47.000
<v Speaker 3>you know, that's kind of part of your job. I

0:41:47.560 --> 0:41:50.719
<v Speaker 3>think is like if your kid is suffering, you kind

0:41:50.719 --> 0:41:54.400
<v Speaker 3>of have to, you know, be in that suffering with

0:41:54.520 --> 0:41:56.720
<v Speaker 3>them to help. You got to dive into the black

0:41:56.840 --> 0:41:59.239
<v Speaker 3>pit to help get them out of there, and you

0:41:59.280 --> 0:42:01.680
<v Speaker 3>got to go in there. You know, what is it?

0:42:02.160 --> 0:42:03.879
<v Speaker 3>I mean? Is that accurate? Do you feel that way?

0:42:05.080 --> 0:42:08.319
<v Speaker 5>I see, I feel a lot like I think that

0:42:08.360 --> 0:42:10.479
<v Speaker 5>we feel a lot of the same in that way.

0:42:10.600 --> 0:42:14.040
<v Speaker 5>Like although you know, when I got pregnant at fifteen,

0:42:14.400 --> 0:42:16.960
<v Speaker 5>I thought it was going to be a beautiful, wonderful thing.

0:42:17.000 --> 0:42:23.200
<v Speaker 5>Obviously I was a fucking kid, right, but like and

0:42:23.239 --> 0:42:26.520
<v Speaker 5>then as as I got older, like and then having

0:42:26.560 --> 0:42:33.239
<v Speaker 5>my newest, my newest boy, it's I'm realizing that I

0:42:33.480 --> 0:42:37.920
<v Speaker 5>have a lot, Like I stopped. I essentially stopped at

0:42:37.960 --> 0:42:42.719
<v Speaker 5>fifteen kind of like discovering myself and all that. So

0:42:43.960 --> 0:42:49.400
<v Speaker 5>I encourage people to just kind of enjoy themselves, like

0:42:49.440 --> 0:42:53.880
<v Speaker 5>get to know themselves, because yes, having a kid it

0:42:53.920 --> 0:42:57.480
<v Speaker 5>has given me a lot of joy and perspective, but

0:42:57.640 --> 0:43:03.120
<v Speaker 5>it is also really hard and and it's at some

0:43:03.320 --> 0:43:06.200
<v Speaker 5>times like currently, I feel like with my eleven year olds,

0:43:06.320 --> 0:43:10.600
<v Speaker 5>it's kind of like your you don't know if if

0:43:10.640 --> 0:43:12.759
<v Speaker 5>you're going to get a bank you in the end

0:43:12.840 --> 0:43:17.719
<v Speaker 5>for all of the actual sacrifices that you do make

0:43:18.560 --> 0:43:24.279
<v Speaker 5>in just like mentally and and physically and like and

0:43:24.320 --> 0:43:27.800
<v Speaker 5>you know, just like all the all the stuff. The

0:43:27.960 --> 0:43:35.040
<v Speaker 5>fucking doctor visits the it's it's just it's you. It's

0:43:35.520 --> 0:43:39.400
<v Speaker 5>you caring for a whole other person. And also like

0:43:39.480 --> 0:43:45.240
<v Speaker 5>I'm I'm you know, I knew after a while, uh

0:43:45.520 --> 0:43:51.759
<v Speaker 5>that I'm essentially teaching her what what life is going

0:43:51.800 --> 0:43:58.080
<v Speaker 5>to be, like everything everything that I give her, Like

0:43:59.800 --> 0:44:02.919
<v Speaker 5>she she's watching me, like how I handle things, That's

0:44:02.920 --> 0:44:04.880
<v Speaker 5>how she's gonna handle things, right, Yeah.

0:44:05.000 --> 0:44:07.000
<v Speaker 3>You're giving her the context of life.

0:44:08.440 --> 0:44:12.080
<v Speaker 5>Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like I was fifteen when

0:44:12.080 --> 0:44:17.600
<v Speaker 5>I had her, and so it wasn't the prettiest scene.

0:44:17.880 --> 0:44:22.360
<v Speaker 5>You know, it really wasn't. I mean, granted, I don't like,

0:44:23.640 --> 0:44:28.840
<v Speaker 5>it wasn't like a you know, I don't I don't know.

0:44:29.560 --> 0:44:31.319
<v Speaker 5>Me and my partner are both fifteen, So it was

0:44:31.360 --> 0:44:34.960
<v Speaker 5>it was it was like two kids that all of

0:44:34.960 --> 0:44:41.520
<v Speaker 5>a sudden moved in together and like my family is

0:44:41.560 --> 0:44:43.640
<v Speaker 5>falling apart. So then as all of a sudden, was

0:44:43.680 --> 0:44:46.440
<v Speaker 5>like adopted by his mom with my brothers, and so

0:44:46.600 --> 0:44:51.720
<v Speaker 5>it's just like to a certain extent, I understand why.

0:44:52.880 --> 0:44:55.879
<v Speaker 2>Why it was so hard.

0:44:55.800 --> 0:44:58.600
<v Speaker 5>For because I was fucking fifteen, and so like it

0:44:58.680 --> 0:45:03.760
<v Speaker 5>wasn't It wasn't a about oh I should I should

0:45:04.960 --> 0:45:09.360
<v Speaker 5>be not crying in the closet, and I just that

0:45:09.560 --> 0:45:13.640
<v Speaker 5>all the time, like I should be I don't know,

0:45:13.840 --> 0:45:19.239
<v Speaker 5>trying to do things and paying more attention and and uh,

0:45:19.440 --> 0:45:22.799
<v Speaker 5>I don't know, dude, I think his is I think

0:45:22.840 --> 0:45:27.800
<v Speaker 5>having kids is a beautiful thing, and but I also

0:45:27.920 --> 0:45:35.560
<v Speaker 5>feel like it's it's not it's not what they told us.

0:45:35.600 --> 0:45:40.279
<v Speaker 3>You know, are you still with that, You're still with

0:45:40.320 --> 0:45:44.839
<v Speaker 3>the guy that you had the kid with, not my.

0:45:45.400 --> 0:45:51.000
<v Speaker 5>Eleven year old. I'm with a new partner and he's

0:45:51.080 --> 0:45:52.680
<v Speaker 5>the father of my three year old.

0:45:53.520 --> 0:45:57.880
<v Speaker 3>Okay, okay, uh, and how how is he? Because I

0:45:57.920 --> 0:46:02.440
<v Speaker 3>feel like that is the because this really feels like

0:46:02.480 --> 0:46:05.880
<v Speaker 3>something you kind of can't do alone. It feels like

0:46:06.040 --> 0:46:09.360
<v Speaker 3>something that that you got to have the right person

0:46:09.440 --> 0:46:09.799
<v Speaker 3>to do.

0:46:09.760 --> 0:46:10.240
<v Speaker 4>It with.

0:46:11.680 --> 0:46:18.000
<v Speaker 5>Absolutely, and that is something that I really really advocate for. Um, Like,

0:46:18.160 --> 0:46:21.719
<v Speaker 5>I'm like the you just want to you know how

0:46:21.760 --> 0:46:25.640
<v Speaker 5>they say you want to vet someone kind of like

0:46:25.719 --> 0:46:28.479
<v Speaker 5>you kind of want to vet someone in the way

0:46:28.560 --> 0:46:30.959
<v Speaker 5>of how are they going to be in a tough

0:46:31.000 --> 0:46:35.200
<v Speaker 5>situation if your kid like is crying and it's been

0:46:35.600 --> 0:46:38.839
<v Speaker 5>fucking hours and you're both sleep deprived and like you're

0:46:38.880 --> 0:46:42.279
<v Speaker 5>irritated obviously and they're irritated, how are they going to

0:46:42.320 --> 0:46:42.799
<v Speaker 5>handle it?

0:46:42.960 --> 0:46:45.319
<v Speaker 2>Or like.

0:46:46.840 --> 0:46:48.760
<v Speaker 5>I don't know, it's.

0:46:48.800 --> 0:46:51.319
<v Speaker 6>How how do they How did they take care of

0:46:51.360 --> 0:46:54.080
<v Speaker 6>you and pick up the house? And how does your guys'

0:46:54.640 --> 0:46:59.919
<v Speaker 6>relationship kind of like feel together? And and because it's

0:47:00.120 --> 0:47:02.960
<v Speaker 6>once you have a kid, that's balancing your relationship with

0:47:03.000 --> 0:47:07.600
<v Speaker 6>this person and then also having a child together and

0:47:07.880 --> 0:47:08.359
<v Speaker 6>being a.

0:47:08.280 --> 0:47:18.360
<v Speaker 5>Family, right, It's it's it's a mixed bag patience, patience

0:47:18.520 --> 0:47:24.319
<v Speaker 5>and really really getting to know that person a little bit.

0:47:26.360 --> 0:47:30.560
<v Speaker 3>And how is your new partner doing with all that.

0:47:32.480 --> 0:47:38.080
<v Speaker 5>He's been great, you know, he's he really Sometimes I

0:47:38.120 --> 0:47:44.480
<v Speaker 5>get worried that, like I'm I don't know, because my

0:47:44.560 --> 0:47:50.479
<v Speaker 5>last relationship was so it's just I didn't I only

0:47:52.000 --> 0:47:55.160
<v Speaker 5>it wasn't. It wasn't it wasn't the sweetest at times,

0:47:55.640 --> 0:47:58.680
<v Speaker 5>so I was kind of I don't know. I feel

0:47:58.680 --> 0:48:01.120
<v Speaker 5>like I'm kind of hard times in the way of like,

0:48:01.680 --> 0:48:08.200
<v Speaker 5>I don't, I don't know. I I get scared of

0:48:08.440 --> 0:48:13.839
<v Speaker 5>keeping things to myself, so I'll just like say what

0:48:13.880 --> 0:48:18.719
<v Speaker 5>I'm thinking or whatever, not like negative stuff, but like,

0:48:21.840 --> 0:48:25.200
<v Speaker 5>I don't know, I'm pretty open about if I think

0:48:25.239 --> 0:48:29.040
<v Speaker 5>someone's pretty or not, and I think that that's sometimes

0:48:29.600 --> 0:48:37.680
<v Speaker 5>uh kind of affects like how he feels sometimes and

0:48:37.719 --> 0:48:38.440
<v Speaker 5>I feel kind of.

0:48:38.440 --> 0:48:40.640
<v Speaker 3>Like, oh, if you say, like another girl is.

0:48:40.600 --> 0:48:45.640
<v Speaker 5>Pretty or like a guy or something, but yeah, girls too.

0:48:46.320 --> 0:48:49.840
<v Speaker 3>Sure, Well, you have a buzzing in the background. What

0:48:49.920 --> 0:48:51.600
<v Speaker 3>is that?

0:48:51.600 --> 0:48:56.000
<v Speaker 5>That is my sister trying to call me. She likes

0:48:56.040 --> 0:48:57.600
<v Speaker 5>to call me every day.

0:48:58.440 --> 0:49:01.240
<v Speaker 3>Oh that's nice. Yea a good relationship with your sister

0:49:01.440 --> 0:49:04.319
<v Speaker 3>or I guess, I guess not good enough that you're

0:49:04.360 --> 0:49:06.080
<v Speaker 3>going to hang up on me to call to talk

0:49:06.120 --> 0:49:07.359
<v Speaker 3>to her. But is it good?

0:49:09.640 --> 0:49:13.560
<v Speaker 5>Yeah? I mean she I love her, she's younger, she's

0:49:13.680 --> 0:49:19.680
<v Speaker 5>she's actually my first my last partner's sister. Like I

0:49:20.080 --> 0:49:24.040
<v Speaker 5>moved in with them at fifteen basically, and he had

0:49:24.640 --> 0:49:34.319
<v Speaker 5>uh three two no, I think it was two at

0:49:34.360 --> 0:49:36.800
<v Speaker 5>the time, two brothers and then a sister.

0:49:37.040 --> 0:49:39.600
<v Speaker 3>Because so this is like your this is like your

0:49:39.640 --> 0:49:46.320
<v Speaker 3>ex sister in law, but you call her your sister. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

0:49:46.719 --> 0:49:46.799
<v Speaker 2>M.

0:49:49.120 --> 0:49:54.200
<v Speaker 3>Well let me see here, let me think. Well, I

0:49:54.200 --> 0:49:57.879
<v Speaker 3>guess I'll ask you this before we go, is uh,

0:49:57.960 --> 0:50:01.200
<v Speaker 3>I guess? So on the let's this on the topic

0:50:01.280 --> 0:50:04.760
<v Speaker 3>of self discovery and whatnot, do you feel as though

0:50:05.360 --> 0:50:09.840
<v Speaker 3>you have been able to do any self discovery lately?

0:50:09.880 --> 0:50:12.960
<v Speaker 3>And if so, have you learned anything?

0:50:14.960 --> 0:50:21.560
<v Speaker 5>Definitely? So something that really started like kickstarting everything is

0:50:21.800 --> 0:50:27.760
<v Speaker 5>I started just going to like immediately after I graduated

0:50:27.880 --> 0:50:30.720
<v Speaker 5>high school. My teacher was telling me, go to college,

0:50:30.760 --> 0:50:34.080
<v Speaker 5>go to college, go to college, and so I was like, okay, whatever,

0:50:34.360 --> 0:50:38.160
<v Speaker 5>And I went to College of the Redwoods shout out.

0:50:40.080 --> 0:50:46.319
<v Speaker 5>And I loved every English teacher. I loved just like

0:50:46.400 --> 0:50:49.960
<v Speaker 5>how we would like dissect things. And then that made

0:50:50.000 --> 0:50:52.520
<v Speaker 5>me really think and keep thinking in the way of

0:50:52.600 --> 0:50:55.720
<v Speaker 5>like I don't know just like life. And I feel

0:50:55.760 --> 0:50:58.960
<v Speaker 5>like no one that I was around was really thinking

0:50:59.040 --> 0:51:04.320
<v Speaker 5>that way, and so it just kind of kept watering this, Well,

0:51:04.719 --> 0:51:07.279
<v Speaker 5>what do I think and what what would I like

0:51:07.360 --> 0:51:10.879
<v Speaker 5>to do? And what do I enjoy? And hey, this

0:51:10.920 --> 0:51:15.600
<v Speaker 5>book is actually really interesting and like things like that,

0:51:15.680 --> 0:51:21.160
<v Speaker 5>and then like also uh, attending parenting classes and things

0:51:21.200 --> 0:51:25.600
<v Speaker 5>like I I try to attend every parenting class that

0:51:26.360 --> 0:51:31.000
<v Speaker 5>I can find, just because it even though they kind

0:51:31.040 --> 0:51:33.799
<v Speaker 5>of like talk about the same stuff, it's the other

0:51:33.880 --> 0:51:36.000
<v Speaker 5>parents that are in there that really help and just

0:51:36.080 --> 0:51:39.600
<v Speaker 5>make you like feel connected and think and learn new

0:51:39.640 --> 0:51:44.000
<v Speaker 5>ways and feel like, uh, you know, we're all just

0:51:44.080 --> 0:51:45.080
<v Speaker 5>kind of figuring it out.

0:51:49.840 --> 0:51:50.120
<v Speaker 2>Well.

0:51:50.239 --> 0:51:54.400
<v Speaker 3>I appreciate this. This perspective is a good is a

0:51:54.440 --> 0:51:56.680
<v Speaker 3>good perspective to have, because I think when you think

0:51:56.680 --> 0:51:59.960
<v Speaker 3>that when you I don't know when I when I imagine

0:52:00.760 --> 0:52:04.600
<v Speaker 3>life ahead, you always, uh you always imagine that everything's

0:52:04.640 --> 0:52:06.840
<v Speaker 3>gonna be awesome, and you kind of forget you're gonna

0:52:07.480 --> 0:52:10.000
<v Speaker 3>look forward with rose colored glasses and you kind of

0:52:10.000 --> 0:52:16.400
<v Speaker 3>forget that things remain difficult. But uh, I don't know,

0:52:16.560 --> 0:52:20.760
<v Speaker 3>you kind of pick your poison I suppose in life.

0:52:20.880 --> 0:52:26.040
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, yeah, it's a it is it is a giving thing.

0:52:26.280 --> 0:52:28.800
<v Speaker 5>I don't want it to sound like I'm not grateful.

0:52:29.000 --> 0:52:31.120
<v Speaker 3>No, no, no, no, that's not what I've been flying

0:52:31.160 --> 0:52:32.319
<v Speaker 3>at all. I was just kind of.

0:52:32.440 --> 0:52:37.839
<v Speaker 7>Musing, Yeah, it's it is. I do feel like there's

0:52:37.880 --> 0:52:41.400
<v Speaker 7>a rose like, there's like rose color glasses. Absolutely like

0:52:41.960 --> 0:52:46.880
<v Speaker 7>there's still hardships and you're still gonna have different things

0:52:47.080 --> 0:52:50.919
<v Speaker 7>that you're gonna have to learn to navigate through.

0:52:51.440 --> 0:52:55.880
<v Speaker 3>What's your name again, Grace Siana? Is there anything else

0:52:55.920 --> 0:52:57.600
<v Speaker 3>you want to say to the people of the computer

0:52:57.719 --> 0:52:58.319
<v Speaker 3>before we go?

0:53:02.239 --> 0:53:05.480
<v Speaker 5>You guys should read Billions and Billions. It's a really

0:53:05.480 --> 0:53:06.000
<v Speaker 5>fun book.

0:53:06.760 --> 0:53:14.040
<v Speaker 3>Billions and Billions. Mhm uh, well, thank you, Graciana. You

0:53:14.040 --> 0:53:16.799
<v Speaker 3>have a good rest of the night, you too.

0:53:16.920 --> 0:53:21.680
<v Speaker 5>Li'le talk to you again someday by Graciana. Bye.

0:53:23.280 --> 0:53:25.440
<v Speaker 3>All right, let's look this up. Billions and Billions.

0:53:25.440 --> 0:53:25.920
<v Speaker 4>What is this?

0:53:26.040 --> 0:53:31.160
<v Speaker 3>Billions and Billions. It's a book by Carl Sagan. Billions

0:53:31.160 --> 0:53:33.960
<v Speaker 3>and Billions. Thoughts on life and death at the Brink

0:53:34.120 --> 0:53:36.439
<v Speaker 3>of the Millennium. Now I know I'm not reading this book.

0:53:36.480 --> 0:53:39.000
<v Speaker 3>I'm you know what. Look, we did, we had a

0:53:39.040 --> 0:53:45.680
<v Speaker 3>good run with existentialist thought, and I'm coming back. I'm

0:53:45.760 --> 0:53:49.680
<v Speaker 3>joining the living, dude, I'm joining the living. Sorry not

0:53:49.719 --> 0:53:54.719
<v Speaker 3>to shit on this person's book recommendation, but i've I

0:53:55.120 --> 0:53:57.719
<v Speaker 3>I want to I'm not reading this book. I'm not

0:53:57.760 --> 0:54:01.919
<v Speaker 3>reading the Sissyphus. I'm reading fucking Cat in the Hat.

0:54:02.719 --> 0:54:09.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm reading. Uh, I don't know what's a I don't know.

0:54:09.560 --> 0:54:11.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm trying to join. I'm trying to join the living.

0:54:12.360 --> 0:54:15.759
<v Speaker 3>You know, how do I how do you do that?

0:54:15.840 --> 0:54:18.640
<v Speaker 3>How do you rejoin the living? You fucking play kickball?

0:54:19.400 --> 0:54:19.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:54:22.040 --> 0:54:30.399
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, get really into competitive super Smash Brothers whatever it is. Yeah,

0:54:30.400 --> 0:54:33.839
<v Speaker 3>I'm gonna join the living once more. That's my goal.

0:54:35.640 --> 0:54:37.479
<v Speaker 3>But thank you? Uh crap. I forget what the person

0:54:37.480 --> 0:54:39.200
<v Speaker 3>who I just talked to his name was, because it

0:54:39.320 --> 0:54:43.520
<v Speaker 3>was quite elegant, but I appreciate them sharing, sharing their life,

0:54:44.160 --> 0:54:48.759
<v Speaker 3>sharing their life. It was a Casiana. Let me ask

0:54:48.800 --> 0:54:55.359
<v Speaker 3>the twitch chat is a Caseiana, right? Caseiana? I don't know.

0:54:55.440 --> 0:54:59.280
<v Speaker 3>Maybe someone said to read the lorax So oh, Graciana. Okay,

0:54:59.280 --> 0:55:08.440
<v Speaker 3>that was close. Those close, Graciana, Thank you very much, Graciana. Hello, Hello,

0:55:09.320 --> 0:55:13.520
<v Speaker 3>hi there. What is your name? My name is Jonathan, Jonathan.

0:55:13.640 --> 0:55:16.319
<v Speaker 3>What's going on, Jonathan? How is life?

0:55:17.000 --> 0:55:17.160
<v Speaker 2>Uh?

0:55:17.719 --> 0:55:20.640
<v Speaker 1>Pretty pretty good man? I'm I'm I'm kind of hanging out.

0:55:20.680 --> 0:55:23.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm working from home. I'm just kind of I'm

0:55:23.560 --> 0:55:25.719
<v Speaker 1>just just just kind of sucking around right now. I

0:55:25.719 --> 0:55:30.120
<v Speaker 1>guess I had some free time. It's funny, are you like,

0:55:31.080 --> 0:55:34.520
<v Speaker 1>I don't know I called and don't actually, I mean,

0:55:35.040 --> 0:55:38.080
<v Speaker 1>things are all right, I guess. I'm like, I'm just

0:55:38.160 --> 0:55:40.560
<v Speaker 1>kind of I've been busy. I've been I've been traveling

0:55:40.560 --> 0:55:41.200
<v Speaker 1>a bunch good.

0:55:42.400 --> 0:55:44.640
<v Speaker 3>I just I just to just to make it clear

0:55:45.040 --> 0:55:48.239
<v Speaker 3>your life, just I guess the listeners, your life does

0:55:48.280 --> 0:55:50.480
<v Speaker 3>not have to be on the brink of collapse for

0:55:50.520 --> 0:55:54.399
<v Speaker 3>you to call into this show. In fact, in fact,

0:55:54.440 --> 0:55:58.120
<v Speaker 3>I would prefer I would prefer you know what I

0:55:58.160 --> 0:56:00.640
<v Speaker 3>love doing. I know this is I feel feel bad

0:56:00.680 --> 0:56:03.359
<v Speaker 3>about this. It feels selfish, but like I just I

0:56:03.480 --> 0:56:09.080
<v Speaker 3>love doing the the outside version of this show so

0:56:09.239 --> 0:56:11.960
<v Speaker 3>much because it's like I just like chat. I just

0:56:12.040 --> 0:56:15.439
<v Speaker 3>like chatting with people, you know, Like I I feel

0:56:15.480 --> 0:56:20.200
<v Speaker 3>like I'm not equipped anymore to like, uh, you know,

0:56:20.880 --> 0:56:23.120
<v Speaker 3>help folks whose life is on the brink of collapse,

0:56:23.160 --> 0:56:26.160
<v Speaker 3>because I'm also I feel like I'm in a dire

0:56:26.360 --> 0:56:31.319
<v Speaker 3>state all the time. And uh, it's actually it's it's

0:56:31.440 --> 0:56:33.120
<v Speaker 3>nice to just I just like chatting with people. I

0:56:33.160 --> 0:56:36.240
<v Speaker 3>really do. Like I'm not I've talked. I've fucking complained

0:56:36.280 --> 0:56:38.480
<v Speaker 3>about this so many times, but like, I like just

0:56:38.640 --> 0:56:41.919
<v Speaker 3>chatting with folks, you know, So I'm happy to just chat.

0:56:42.000 --> 0:56:46.319
<v Speaker 3>You do not need to be oh, your life does

0:56:46.360 --> 0:56:48.239
<v Speaker 3>not need to be on the brink of collapse for

0:56:48.320 --> 0:56:49.080
<v Speaker 3>us to just chat.

0:56:50.080 --> 0:56:50.879
<v Speaker 2>Thick cool.

0:56:51.000 --> 0:56:53.239
<v Speaker 1>I'm glad to hear it because I I think there

0:56:53.320 --> 0:56:55.600
<v Speaker 1>was a time long ago when I was in very

0:56:55.640 --> 0:56:59.280
<v Speaker 1>dire straits. But I've been to real therapy and I

0:56:59.320 --> 0:57:02.399
<v Speaker 1>got I have normal things happening now, and it's kind

0:57:02.400 --> 0:57:03.480
<v Speaker 1>of chill now, you know.

0:57:03.640 --> 0:57:09.600
<v Speaker 3>I like, I would love to hear how you got

0:57:09.640 --> 0:57:12.160
<v Speaker 3>your life out of dire straits and and how things

0:57:12.160 --> 0:57:13.000
<v Speaker 3>have come to be chill.

0:57:14.160 --> 0:57:18.600
<v Speaker 1>Uh sure, yeah, I mean, so I went to school

0:57:18.760 --> 0:57:23.360
<v Speaker 1>in Florida where I went to school for engineering, and

0:57:23.440 --> 0:57:28.760
<v Speaker 1>that's how shit went awful. And you know, eventually you

0:57:28.880 --> 0:57:33.080
<v Speaker 1>graduate and God willing to get a job, so I did,

0:57:33.320 --> 0:57:37.960
<v Speaker 1>and that one sucked, and so eventually, uh started going

0:57:37.960 --> 0:57:40.920
<v Speaker 1>to therapy to cope with all that, and then eventually

0:57:41.840 --> 0:57:46.080
<v Speaker 1>got a new job, moved across the country. I moved

0:57:46.120 --> 0:57:51.760
<v Speaker 1>in with somebodies from college, and I started working a

0:57:51.760 --> 0:57:55.880
<v Speaker 1>way chiller job, and I started to you know, pay

0:57:55.920 --> 0:57:58.440
<v Speaker 1>off debt, I guess, and I and I found hobbies.

0:57:58.720 --> 0:58:01.240
<v Speaker 1>So I spent all my time when you know, I mean,

0:58:01.280 --> 0:58:03.600
<v Speaker 1>I work a lot, but like I spent a lot

0:58:03.600 --> 0:58:08.120
<v Speaker 1>of time, you know, fucking doing things like I played

0:58:08.120 --> 0:58:13.080
<v Speaker 1>dodgeball for fun, and that ship rocks, and I make

0:58:14.000 --> 0:58:17.600
<v Speaker 1>I make neat insider also for fun and to drink

0:58:17.640 --> 0:58:18.960
<v Speaker 1>with my friend. And it's it's been.

0:58:19.280 --> 0:58:19.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

0:58:19.720 --> 0:58:22.800
<v Speaker 1>I feel I spent a good amount of time in therapy,

0:58:23.440 --> 0:58:27.480
<v Speaker 1>some time on and then off of antidepressants, and I

0:58:27.520 --> 0:58:29.360
<v Speaker 1>don't know now just kind of hanging out. I had

0:58:29.400 --> 0:58:31.680
<v Speaker 1>I had yogurt for breakfast. It was all right.

0:58:31.840 --> 0:58:35.400
<v Speaker 3>I don't know which antidepressants were you were you rocking with?

0:58:35.520 --> 0:58:40.720
<v Speaker 3>I've recently gotten on the antidepressant train. Which ones have

0:58:40.760 --> 0:58:41.640
<v Speaker 3>you been rocking with?

0:58:42.520 --> 0:58:45.240
<v Speaker 1>So I was pretty I was lucky enough. They you know,

0:58:45.280 --> 0:58:48.040
<v Speaker 1>they put you on LESU pro first, and that worked

0:58:48.080 --> 0:58:50.160
<v Speaker 1>for me. So I stuck with it for a little

0:58:50.160 --> 0:58:52.120
<v Speaker 1>while and that that that was pretty nice. I was

0:58:52.160 --> 0:58:54.040
<v Speaker 1>on that for a little over a year year and

0:58:54.080 --> 0:58:54.400
<v Speaker 1>a half.

0:58:55.600 --> 0:58:57.000
<v Speaker 3>Now, how long does it take because I know that,

0:58:58.080 --> 0:59:00.640
<v Speaker 3>Like the psychiatrist is like, okay, now, just so you know,

0:59:00.840 --> 0:59:03.040
<v Speaker 3>the first three weeks of this, you were going to

0:59:03.080 --> 0:59:05.720
<v Speaker 3>want to kill yourself every day, but that'll go away.

0:59:06.040 --> 0:59:06.960
<v Speaker 3>That's what they always say.

0:59:07.080 --> 0:59:10.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, And I don't think my psychiatrist put it

0:59:10.920 --> 0:59:13.479
<v Speaker 1>quite so bluntly, but he did. What he said was yeah,

0:59:13.480 --> 0:59:16.360
<v Speaker 1>for the first like two three, four weeks, it's gonna

0:59:16.400 --> 0:59:20.000
<v Speaker 1>feel odd, is what he said. And I was like,

0:59:20.040 --> 0:59:23.080
<v Speaker 1>can you elaborate. He's like, it's different for everyone, but

0:59:23.120 --> 0:59:25.920
<v Speaker 1>it's gonna be a little weird. Just just stick with it.

0:59:26.080 --> 0:59:30.720
<v Speaker 1>It's like, okay, man, sure, And so yeah, I was

0:59:30.760 --> 0:59:33.760
<v Speaker 1>like two three, I think four weeks. I want to

0:59:33.760 --> 0:59:36.640
<v Speaker 1>say it was like after the three third or fourth

0:59:36.640 --> 0:59:39.400
<v Speaker 1>week was when I started being able to like get

0:59:39.440 --> 0:59:44.480
<v Speaker 1>out of bed regularly and like without as much difficulty,

0:59:46.600 --> 0:59:49.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, stopped wanting to kill myself, which was cool,

0:59:51.480 --> 0:59:54.160
<v Speaker 1>and it just kind of like, yeah, I want to

0:59:54.200 --> 0:59:56.480
<v Speaker 1>say that I felt like I was like properly in

0:59:56.560 --> 0:59:59.240
<v Speaker 1>full swing after like a month, month and a half

1:00:00.840 --> 1:00:03.360
<v Speaker 1>and then just like it's one of those things that like, yeah,

1:00:03.360 --> 1:00:08.080
<v Speaker 1>the the answer depressions aren't like they're not they're not

1:00:08.240 --> 1:00:12.000
<v Speaker 1>the fixer. They just kind of make it easier for

1:00:12.080 --> 1:00:16.280
<v Speaker 1>you to make the life changes that you probably need

1:00:16.320 --> 1:00:19.840
<v Speaker 1>to make so that this start your life so that

1:00:19.920 --> 1:00:21.960
<v Speaker 1>you can make your own life better.

1:00:23.280 --> 1:00:28.240
<v Speaker 3>Were the uh like okay, so you eventually yeah, okay,

1:00:28.360 --> 1:00:30.120
<v Speaker 3>I mean that's how it works, I think, right, it

1:00:30.160 --> 1:00:33.040
<v Speaker 3>is like you because that's when your brain is like

1:00:33.080 --> 1:00:35.720
<v Speaker 3>attacking you. You're like, oh, I'm too weak to like

1:00:35.960 --> 1:00:39.720
<v Speaker 3>do the things I need to do to externally change

1:00:39.800 --> 1:00:42.640
<v Speaker 3>the circumstances of my life and shit, right, and so

1:00:42.720 --> 1:00:44.800
<v Speaker 3>the kind of get you to the point where you're like,

1:00:44.840 --> 1:00:47.360
<v Speaker 3>all right, I feel like I can actually like do things.

1:00:47.640 --> 1:00:50.760
<v Speaker 3>So once you got to the point where you go, yeah,

1:00:50.760 --> 1:00:52.080
<v Speaker 3>so so once you once you get to the point

1:00:52.080 --> 1:00:53.720
<v Speaker 3>where you can actually do things, what were you doing

1:00:54.200 --> 1:00:56.640
<v Speaker 3>that let kind of change the circumstances?

1:00:57.720 --> 1:00:59.960
<v Speaker 1>I was, you know, it's like just just going out

1:01:00.080 --> 1:01:02.600
<v Speaker 1>out more, not like going out to like bars, and

1:01:02.640 --> 1:01:03.840
<v Speaker 1>I mean I guess I did that too, but like

1:01:03.880 --> 1:01:05.360
<v Speaker 1>I was just like getting out of the house a

1:01:05.360 --> 1:01:08.200
<v Speaker 1>little more. You know, I was like fucking taking out

1:01:08.240 --> 1:01:16.200
<v Speaker 1>my garbage and like brushing my teeth and uh, you know,

1:01:16.560 --> 1:01:20.120
<v Speaker 1>I just started, like, you know, I signed up for

1:01:20.320 --> 1:01:24.400
<v Speaker 1>a recreational sports league you know, like just just like

1:01:25.000 --> 1:01:27.960
<v Speaker 1>exercising a little more and like cooked a little more,

1:01:28.040 --> 1:01:30.840
<v Speaker 1>and it's like it sounds like a lot to start.

1:01:31.240 --> 1:01:34.360
<v Speaker 1>I didn't do all those things at the same time, obviously.

1:01:34.400 --> 1:01:36.479
<v Speaker 1>It was like I think I started with just taking

1:01:36.520 --> 1:01:39.400
<v Speaker 1>out my garbage and like doing laundry more frequently, and

1:01:39.400 --> 1:01:42.360
<v Speaker 1>then I was like, okay, well, eventually that became part

1:01:42.360 --> 1:01:44.720
<v Speaker 1>of my routine. I was like, okay, well, now I

1:01:44.760 --> 1:01:46.760
<v Speaker 1>think I can add a little more to this plate.

1:01:46.920 --> 1:01:52.320
<v Speaker 1>And so I started, you know, going on walks, you know,

1:01:52.520 --> 1:01:55.720
<v Speaker 1>seeing people more often. I started applying to jobs, and

1:01:55.760 --> 1:01:57.760
<v Speaker 1>I quit the job that was making me want to

1:01:57.800 --> 1:02:01.000
<v Speaker 1>kill myself. Things like that.

1:02:01.160 --> 1:02:01.360
<v Speaker 6>You know.

1:02:01.480 --> 1:02:03.640
<v Speaker 1>It was just like just just steadily adding a little

1:02:03.640 --> 1:02:07.280
<v Speaker 1>bit more to the plate as I felt like I

1:02:07.320 --> 1:02:11.080
<v Speaker 1>was able to eat them, you know, mm hm.

1:02:11.120 --> 1:02:14.240
<v Speaker 3>And what where did you move? Did you say?

1:02:14.400 --> 1:02:14.920
<v Speaker 2>I moved?

1:02:15.200 --> 1:02:19.400
<v Speaker 1>I moved from Orlando to New England. So I lived

1:02:19.440 --> 1:02:20.720
<v Speaker 1>like in the Boston metro.

1:02:20.880 --> 1:02:23.920
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, okay, And what do you know when did you

1:02:24.000 --> 1:02:25.880
<v Speaker 3>move to? Uh? Boston?

1:02:27.120 --> 1:02:30.200
<v Speaker 1>Uh? Three three and a half years ago.

1:02:30.080 --> 1:02:33.400
<v Speaker 3>Now, And uh was it tough when you first made

1:02:33.400 --> 1:02:33.720
<v Speaker 3>the move?

1:02:35.480 --> 1:02:35.800
<v Speaker 4>Uh?

1:02:35.840 --> 1:02:38.800
<v Speaker 1>It was the thing that was so I moved in

1:02:38.840 --> 1:02:41.919
<v Speaker 1>the winter, So that kind of sucked. But I think

1:02:41.920 --> 1:02:44.240
<v Speaker 1>more than anything was that, like I didn't have.

1:02:44.120 --> 1:02:45.960
<v Speaker 2>A lease yet.

1:02:46.160 --> 1:02:48.960
<v Speaker 1>I moved here, and I was just like bouncing around

1:02:49.720 --> 1:02:53.960
<v Speaker 1>airbnbs for like six months until I actually was able

1:02:54.000 --> 1:02:54.720
<v Speaker 1>to live somewhere.

1:02:55.160 --> 1:02:57.919
<v Speaker 3>Yeah I've done that. I've done that. Yeah.

1:02:58.000 --> 1:03:00.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that was tough because I wasn't I wasn't able

1:03:00.720 --> 1:03:03.560
<v Speaker 1>to so I had I had a roommate in Orlando

1:03:03.640 --> 1:03:05.840
<v Speaker 1>whom I left, and I wasn't able to break my

1:03:05.920 --> 1:03:07.760
<v Speaker 1>leaf because it would have been too expensive.

1:03:08.360 --> 1:03:09.600
<v Speaker 2>But he wouldn't.

1:03:10.000 --> 1:03:12.920
<v Speaker 1>He wasn't helping me find a sub lease, so I

1:03:13.040 --> 1:03:17.280
<v Speaker 1>was just like actually absolutely broke paying two rents for

1:03:17.440 --> 1:03:21.560
<v Speaker 1>like four months until until the other leaf ended and

1:03:21.600 --> 1:03:22.760
<v Speaker 1>I could get on a new one and.

1:03:22.680 --> 1:03:27.320
<v Speaker 2>Stop paying double rents. Yeah.

1:03:27.640 --> 1:03:30.200
<v Speaker 1>But aside from that, like the social was easy a

1:03:30.200 --> 1:03:31.800
<v Speaker 1>little bit because like I had a couple of friends

1:03:31.800 --> 1:03:33.280
<v Speaker 1>who lived here. It was kind of part of why

1:03:33.800 --> 1:03:35.760
<v Speaker 1>this was a city that I had in mind. I mean,

1:03:35.840 --> 1:03:37.720
<v Speaker 1>like I got I had a couple of buddies from

1:03:37.760 --> 1:03:40.720
<v Speaker 1>college who were the guys who told me to move.

1:03:40.840 --> 1:03:44.040
<v Speaker 1>They're like, hey, I think I visited them. We linked

1:03:44.120 --> 1:03:46.800
<v Speaker 1>up for a wedding sometime in the summer, and uh,

1:03:47.120 --> 1:03:48.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, we were just hanging out, like having a

1:03:48.920 --> 1:03:52.280
<v Speaker 1>few drinks, and eventually I was just like drunkenly, I've been,

1:03:52.400 --> 1:03:54.320
<v Speaker 1>you know, exploring Boston for a few days. I was like, guys,

1:03:54.320 --> 1:03:56.680
<v Speaker 1>I could fucking I should live here, and you know,

1:03:56.720 --> 1:03:58.040
<v Speaker 1>everybody like laughs ahaha.

1:03:58.160 --> 1:03:58.400
<v Speaker 6>Sure.

1:03:58.920 --> 1:04:01.760
<v Speaker 1>And then like three months later they called me and

1:04:01.800 --> 1:04:06.439
<v Speaker 1>they're like, hey, man, so about you moving here? We

1:04:06.520 --> 1:04:08.920
<v Speaker 1>want another roommate. Fuck it, you've got You've got eight

1:04:08.960 --> 1:04:12.320
<v Speaker 1>months to figure it out. And I was like, oh, good, okay,

1:04:12.440 --> 1:04:15.720
<v Speaker 1>that's kind of that's enough time. And so you know,

1:04:15.760 --> 1:04:18.920
<v Speaker 1>I fucking updated my resume and I got on LinkedIn

1:04:18.960 --> 1:04:21.920
<v Speaker 1>and stuff, and I just I figured it out. I

1:04:21.960 --> 1:04:26.280
<v Speaker 1>guess I moved too early because obviously their least wasn't

1:04:26.360 --> 1:04:29.440
<v Speaker 1>up until June or whatever, and so I moved in November.

1:04:31.280 --> 1:04:34.560
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, yeah, I mean I had friends, I have,

1:04:34.840 --> 1:04:38.400
<v Speaker 1>I have some family in the general region, Like I

1:04:38.400 --> 1:04:40.880
<v Speaker 1>got family in like Connecticut and New Hampshire and stuff.

1:04:40.920 --> 1:04:42.840
<v Speaker 1>So it's like, you know, I could make the trek

1:04:42.880 --> 1:04:45.080
<v Speaker 1>out for those things if I if I needed them.

1:04:45.120 --> 1:04:49.480
<v Speaker 1>It was it was weird, but and I guess it

1:04:49.520 --> 1:04:51.480
<v Speaker 1>was hard, but like, at no point did it ever

1:04:51.520 --> 1:04:53.720
<v Speaker 1>feel like it really sucked. I Like, I think this

1:04:53.760 --> 1:04:56.120
<v Speaker 1>is a pretty cool town, you know, like the people

1:04:56.120 --> 1:04:58.640
<v Speaker 1>are nice and the food is really good. So I'm

1:04:58.680 --> 1:04:59.280
<v Speaker 1>hanging you.

1:04:59.240 --> 1:05:02.520
<v Speaker 3>Know, pretty good, pretty good. What is the What is

1:05:02.560 --> 1:05:03.560
<v Speaker 3>the job that you do out there?

1:05:05.400 --> 1:05:09.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm a I'm an engineer. I I design motion sensors.

1:05:10.800 --> 1:05:11.960
<v Speaker 8>The company I work for.

1:05:13.560 --> 1:05:17.200
<v Speaker 1>They do like bathroom appliances, so I design like the

1:05:17.320 --> 1:05:18.720
<v Speaker 1>faucet sensors.

1:05:18.840 --> 1:05:21.479
<v Speaker 3>Oh okay, Well, I gotta tell you something. You're doing

1:05:21.520 --> 1:05:26.640
<v Speaker 3>a fucking shitty job because every time, every time I

1:05:26.760 --> 1:05:32.120
<v Speaker 3>use a public bathroom, those motherfuckers are not recognizing my

1:05:32.320 --> 1:05:34.840
<v Speaker 3>hands and I'm walking out of here with you know,

1:05:35.040 --> 1:05:41.760
<v Speaker 3>I no soap, no uhh, no dryer, no nothing. So

1:05:42.040 --> 1:05:44.040
<v Speaker 3>you know, you gotta I don't know, I don't know

1:05:44.080 --> 1:05:48.320
<v Speaker 3>what's going on at big bathroom motion Sensors, but you

1:05:48.320 --> 1:05:50.800
<v Speaker 3>you got to make some changes on the inside, man,

1:05:50.840 --> 1:05:53.240
<v Speaker 3>because it's not as you guys aren't doing a good job.

1:05:54.120 --> 1:05:56.320
<v Speaker 1>Dude, I fucking I hear you, man. I mean, this

1:05:56.480 --> 1:05:58.720
<v Speaker 1>wasn't even a job that I knew existed until it

1:05:58.760 --> 1:06:00.840
<v Speaker 1>was my job and now I and I just got here.

1:06:00.880 --> 1:06:02.960
<v Speaker 1>I was like, how the how did how the fuck

1:06:03.000 --> 1:06:03.800
<v Speaker 1>does this even work?

1:06:04.080 --> 1:06:04.280
<v Speaker 2>You know?

1:06:06.280 --> 1:06:09.800
<v Speaker 1>So? Yeah, I mean I I actually I haven't been

1:06:09.840 --> 1:06:13.080
<v Speaker 1>here long enough for you to have ever used one

1:06:13.080 --> 1:06:16.440
<v Speaker 1>of my sensors. I don't think I got one. I

1:06:16.440 --> 1:06:18.480
<v Speaker 1>have one sensor on the market right now, and it's

1:06:18.480 --> 1:06:24.200
<v Speaker 1>a it's a water bottle filler. But aside from that, like, yeah,

1:06:24.280 --> 1:06:26.160
<v Speaker 1>we're we're still we're still in the R and D

1:06:26.320 --> 1:06:29.840
<v Speaker 1>phase for everything else. It's it's a weird it's a

1:06:29.880 --> 1:06:33.840
<v Speaker 1>weird job. I don't know. But yeah, I mean, go ahead,

1:06:34.040 --> 1:06:36.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, leave me a shitty yelp review. Uh and

1:06:36.720 --> 1:06:39.920
<v Speaker 1>and and we'll see if we can't get your faucets replaced.

1:06:40.160 --> 1:06:42.680
<v Speaker 3>Every time I walk out of an airport bathroom with

1:06:42.720 --> 1:06:45.080
<v Speaker 3>wet hands, I'm gonna be like fucking Jonathan.

1:06:46.360 --> 1:06:49.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, man, yeah, fuck that guy, Jonathan, No man, he

1:06:49.440 --> 1:06:49.880
<v Speaker 1>blew it.

1:06:50.960 --> 1:06:53.000
<v Speaker 3>That's cool though, that's cool. It sounds like you have

1:06:53.080 --> 1:06:56.360
<v Speaker 3>a good, uh a good thing going on. Are you

1:06:56.400 --> 1:06:58.640
<v Speaker 3>still living with those two guys?

1:06:58.880 --> 1:07:01.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, it's it's pretty good. I mean, one of

1:07:01.280 --> 1:07:03.280
<v Speaker 1>them is moving out, but we got another guy coming in.

1:07:03.440 --> 1:07:07.320
<v Speaker 1>It's it's hanging, we're chilling it it's it's we've been

1:07:07.360 --> 1:07:10.280
<v Speaker 1>living in this apartment basically, this is the apartment that

1:07:10.320 --> 1:07:12.640
<v Speaker 1>I moved into. It's been three years and I'm not

1:07:12.800 --> 1:07:15.680
<v Speaker 1>going anywhere. It's just me, the boys and a cat.

1:07:16.160 --> 1:07:17.040
<v Speaker 2>It's been nice.

1:07:17.360 --> 1:07:19.440
<v Speaker 3>How old are you guys? What's the age range of

1:07:19.440 --> 1:07:20.640
<v Speaker 3>the of the of the boys.

1:07:21.480 --> 1:07:23.480
<v Speaker 1>We're twenty eight, twenty nine.

1:07:23.600 --> 1:07:25.120
<v Speaker 3>Cool, pretty good.

1:07:25.200 --> 1:07:27.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's been solid.

1:07:27.880 --> 1:07:28.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

1:07:28.720 --> 1:07:31.360
<v Speaker 1>Now, I don't know. Now we're just like we've kind

1:07:31.360 --> 1:07:33.800
<v Speaker 1>of like exited the stage of getting used to each

1:07:33.800 --> 1:07:35.240
<v Speaker 1>other and now we're just kind of I don't know,

1:07:35.280 --> 1:07:39.840
<v Speaker 1>we're walking around and like it's just playing sports. I guess,

1:07:39.880 --> 1:07:43.160
<v Speaker 1>you know. We had a we had a we had

1:07:43.160 --> 1:07:44.560
<v Speaker 1>a Saint Patti's Day party.

1:07:44.880 --> 1:07:45.480
<v Speaker 2>That was one thing.

1:07:45.480 --> 1:07:47.520
<v Speaker 1>It's like, Saint Patrick's Day is not a thing that

1:07:47.560 --> 1:07:50.120
<v Speaker 1>people gave much of a shit about in Florida, at

1:07:50.200 --> 1:07:53.160
<v Speaker 1>least not an experience. I moved here and it's like, oh, no,

1:07:53.720 --> 1:07:57.000
<v Speaker 1>you guys do this ship. Oh this is this is real.

1:07:58.760 --> 1:08:01.560
<v Speaker 1>You drink a lot. You drink a lot. Actually, that's

1:08:01.600 --> 1:08:03.400
<v Speaker 1>one thing I would say so when I was on

1:08:03.440 --> 1:08:07.480
<v Speaker 1>my antidepressants, you know, like I wouldn't say I like

1:08:07.560 --> 1:08:09.240
<v Speaker 1>to go crazy when I drink, but I like to

1:08:09.400 --> 1:08:13.880
<v Speaker 1>have a few drinks. You know, I've never been. I

1:08:13.920 --> 1:08:18.240
<v Speaker 1>have blacked out in my life four times, and all

1:08:18.280 --> 1:08:21.920
<v Speaker 1>of four of those times were while I was on antidepressants.

1:08:22.280 --> 1:08:26.519
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, they do tend to amplify the effects of like

1:08:26.600 --> 1:08:28.000
<v Speaker 3>drugs and alcohol.

1:08:28.479 --> 1:08:28.799
<v Speaker 2>Dude.

1:08:28.800 --> 1:08:29.599
<v Speaker 4>It was nuts.

1:08:29.720 --> 1:08:32.720
<v Speaker 1>It was absolutely nuts. I mean like it wasn't like, oh,

1:08:32.760 --> 1:08:34.920
<v Speaker 1>I had five or six drinks. Is like, no, I'm

1:08:34.960 --> 1:08:38.280
<v Speaker 1>on beer number four and I don't remember yesterday anymore,

1:08:38.360 --> 1:08:42.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, Like, so, yeah, some crazy shit happened while

1:08:42.760 --> 1:08:46.200
<v Speaker 1>I was while I was on antidepressants, and eventually I

1:08:46.240 --> 1:08:48.639
<v Speaker 1>was just like, I don't know, I'm not gonna I'm

1:08:48.680 --> 1:08:52.320
<v Speaker 1>not gonna stop drinking, but I guess I I guess

1:08:52.400 --> 1:08:54.240
<v Speaker 1>I can't. I guess I have to, you know. So

1:08:54.280 --> 1:08:56.400
<v Speaker 1>that was a weird That was a weird stage.

1:08:56.560 --> 1:09:01.000
<v Speaker 3>You know, did you get I was I gonna say,

1:09:01.000 --> 1:09:03.280
<v Speaker 3>did you get into any trouble when you blacked out?

1:09:03.320 --> 1:09:05.320
<v Speaker 3>Like did you did you fuck yourself up? Or was

1:09:05.360 --> 1:09:08.800
<v Speaker 3>it typically pretty controlled blackout?

1:09:09.439 --> 1:09:10.000
<v Speaker 5>I would say.

1:09:10.040 --> 1:09:12.040
<v Speaker 1>The weirdest thing that happened to me while I was

1:09:12.640 --> 1:09:16.760
<v Speaker 1>on anti presidens blacking out was that I went to

1:09:16.920 --> 1:09:20.680
<v Speaker 1>a birthday like travel day. We went to We got

1:09:20.720 --> 1:09:25.599
<v Speaker 1>an airbnb in like Pensacola, Florida, and I blacked out,

1:09:25.640 --> 1:09:27.600
<v Speaker 1>and I learned that I had like slept with a

1:09:27.640 --> 1:09:31.240
<v Speaker 1>girl while I was fully blacked out the first night,

1:09:31.960 --> 1:09:34.320
<v Speaker 1>and that was, like, I guess it was fine. It

1:09:34.400 --> 1:09:36.599
<v Speaker 1>was like a long weekend, and clearly nobody felt weird

1:09:36.640 --> 1:09:39.040
<v Speaker 1>about it. I felt a little weird because these were

1:09:39.040 --> 1:09:41.080
<v Speaker 1>all new people to me, like I didn't know them

1:09:41.240 --> 1:09:44.439
<v Speaker 1>that well. So I woke up after the first night

1:09:44.800 --> 1:09:47.160
<v Speaker 1>and everybody was being like super chummy with me and

1:09:47.240 --> 1:09:50.400
<v Speaker 1>super like cool and like friendly, like we had clearly

1:09:50.439 --> 1:09:53.680
<v Speaker 1>made great memories, except I couldn't remember fucking.

1:09:53.479 --> 1:09:54.240
<v Speaker 3>End of that.

1:09:54.360 --> 1:09:59.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So I was like, okay, great, now I'm with

1:09:59.320 --> 1:10:02.200
<v Speaker 1>all these strang and they're being extra nice to me,

1:10:02.360 --> 1:10:04.639
<v Speaker 1>and also I guess I'm sleeping with one of them.

1:10:04.720 --> 1:10:07.280
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, okay, well, you know, we're gonna

1:10:07.320 --> 1:10:09.400
<v Speaker 1>relax a little bit and I'm gonna remember tonight. It

1:10:09.439 --> 1:10:11.679
<v Speaker 1>was like a two or three day weekend. So the

1:10:11.720 --> 1:10:17.120
<v Speaker 1>second night happened, and it happens again the exact same thing,

1:10:17.360 --> 1:10:20.479
<v Speaker 1>like fully blacked out, apparently slept with the same girl

1:10:21.000 --> 1:10:23.960
<v Speaker 1>and apparently, you know, everybody had a blast and we're

1:10:23.960 --> 1:10:25.120
<v Speaker 1>all good friends now.

1:10:26.360 --> 1:10:26.759
<v Speaker 5>And.

1:10:28.160 --> 1:10:31.200
<v Speaker 1>So I was just like, I was like flabbergas. I

1:10:31.200 --> 1:10:33.559
<v Speaker 1>was like, Okay, this is cool. I guess. So that

1:10:33.720 --> 1:10:37.120
<v Speaker 1>weekend ends and I go home and I'm like, okay, cool.

1:10:37.160 --> 1:10:40.080
<v Speaker 1>Well now I have new friends, I think. And also

1:10:40.240 --> 1:10:42.320
<v Speaker 1>there's a girl I guess I'm interested in. I should

1:10:42.320 --> 1:10:44.880
<v Speaker 1>probably kick her out on like a proper date, and like,

1:10:45.360 --> 1:10:48.479
<v Speaker 1>you know, see how that goes. So I do, and

1:10:49.040 --> 1:10:51.040
<v Speaker 1>we have a couple of glasses of wine at dinner,

1:10:51.400 --> 1:10:55.360
<v Speaker 1>and it fucking happens again, and so I have gone.

1:10:55.479 --> 1:10:57.920
<v Speaker 1>I've been like, apparently I've known this girl for a while,

1:10:58.000 --> 1:11:00.719
<v Speaker 1>and I've apparently slept with her on them birth times

1:11:00.800 --> 1:11:03.559
<v Speaker 1>and I had forgotten every single time of it. And

1:11:03.640 --> 1:11:05.479
<v Speaker 1>at that point I was just done. I was like, fuck,

1:11:05.560 --> 1:11:07.840
<v Speaker 1>this this sucks. You know what, I think, I'm good,

1:11:08.160 --> 1:11:11.639
<v Speaker 1>I'm good on Gainesville. I'm just gonna I'm gonna stop

1:11:11.680 --> 1:11:13.640
<v Speaker 1>doing whatever the fuck this is. And so yeah, I

1:11:13.640 --> 1:11:16.080
<v Speaker 1>think that was That was my inciting event. I stopped

1:11:16.080 --> 1:11:18.400
<v Speaker 1>talking to that girl and I just stopped drinking for

1:11:18.439 --> 1:11:20.360
<v Speaker 1>a while until I was off the ended at presence,

1:11:20.400 --> 1:11:22.040
<v Speaker 1>it was. It was a fucking bummer.

1:11:23.160 --> 1:11:24.800
<v Speaker 3>I've never blacked out to the point where like I

1:11:24.800 --> 1:11:29.160
<v Speaker 3>don't remember stuff, you know, like that's it. It's a

1:11:29.240 --> 1:11:33.640
<v Speaker 3>that's an interesting phenomenon, Like I don't know what that's like.

1:11:34.040 --> 1:11:37.479
<v Speaker 1>I remember, I remember like screenshots, you know, I got it.

1:11:37.720 --> 1:11:40.280
<v Speaker 1>I have a couple of glimpses. They're in there somewhere,

1:11:40.439 --> 1:11:42.320
<v Speaker 1>you know, and I could recall them to the best

1:11:42.320 --> 1:11:44.519
<v Speaker 1>of my but like if I recalled them, I could

1:11:44.520 --> 1:11:46.600
<v Speaker 1>get a little bit, you know. It was all of

1:11:46.600 --> 1:11:48.680
<v Speaker 1>those things, like I could wake up having known that

1:11:48.760 --> 1:11:51.759
<v Speaker 1>I had done that, right. But yeah, it was bizarre

1:11:51.840 --> 1:11:54.760
<v Speaker 1>and I've never had that experience since, like even this

1:11:54.840 --> 1:11:57.439
<v Speaker 1>past Saint Patrick's Day. I mean, I had a fair

1:11:57.479 --> 1:11:59.519
<v Speaker 1>amount to drink, you know, Saint Patrick's Day, but I

1:11:59.560 --> 1:12:02.639
<v Speaker 1>was like perfectly, I remember it all. It's all in here.

1:12:04.640 --> 1:12:07.880
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, I will say it's bizarre. It's comforting when

1:12:07.880 --> 1:12:10.920
<v Speaker 1>somebody tells you, hey, yeah, hey man, you were pretty drunk.

1:12:11.040 --> 1:12:13.760
<v Speaker 1>Wasn't that fun? And like there was no there's no

1:12:13.840 --> 1:12:17.360
<v Speaker 1>bad news, So like, at the very least that was comforting.

1:12:17.800 --> 1:12:21.880
<v Speaker 1>But it's it's bizarre and not very like I don't

1:12:21.920 --> 1:12:24.200
<v Speaker 1>know it. It doesn't feel good, I'll tell you that.

1:12:24.680 --> 1:12:31.160
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, sure, Jonathan John, thanks for sharing your life story.

1:12:31.200 --> 1:12:35.240
<v Speaker 3>This was cool. It's good to think. I always like,

1:12:35.680 --> 1:12:39.200
<v Speaker 3>I always like a story of someone turning their life around.

1:12:39.800 --> 1:12:42.360
<v Speaker 3>You know, it gives it gives it gives hope to

1:12:42.400 --> 1:12:46.400
<v Speaker 3>the people. So thanks for giving hope to the people.

1:12:48.720 --> 1:12:51.559
<v Speaker 3>You know, you should do a better job at making

1:12:51.600 --> 1:12:55.320
<v Speaker 3>the sensors in the bathroom's work. But other than that,

1:12:55.880 --> 1:12:59.559
<v Speaker 3>other than that, you're doing pretty good. Is there anything

1:12:59.520 --> 1:13:00.799
<v Speaker 3>else you want to say the people of the computer

1:13:00.840 --> 1:13:01.719
<v Speaker 3>before we go, Jonathan?

1:13:03.680 --> 1:13:06.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean, I guess if you're if anybody's thinking

1:13:06.280 --> 1:13:09.360
<v Speaker 1>of I guess, turning your life around or whatever, just

1:13:09.360 --> 1:13:12.360
<v Speaker 1>just find something you think is cool and do it.

1:13:12.479 --> 1:13:17.200
<v Speaker 1>Just like, be somewhere regularly. Be at the I don't know, yeah,

1:13:17.280 --> 1:13:20.400
<v Speaker 1>be at a sport, be at the mall, be at

1:13:20.960 --> 1:13:24.640
<v Speaker 1>a coffee shot, just be somewhere. You'll meet people and

1:13:24.680 --> 1:13:26.320
<v Speaker 1>they'll probably help you through it.

1:13:26.439 --> 1:13:26.680
<v Speaker 3>You know.

1:13:26.800 --> 1:13:30.479
<v Speaker 1>It's it's it's it's not easy, but it is a

1:13:30.479 --> 1:13:31.160
<v Speaker 1>little simple.

1:13:32.600 --> 1:13:35.720
<v Speaker 3>Hey, take care of Jonathan, good luck. Yeah, man, you too,

1:13:38.320 --> 1:13:41.160
<v Speaker 3>I do agree with that. That's good. Uh, good advice.

1:13:41.320 --> 1:13:43.679
<v Speaker 3>That's good advice. I mean that is kind of the secret.

1:13:43.760 --> 1:13:49.040
<v Speaker 3>I think the community is just showing up regularly somewhere.

1:13:49.600 --> 1:13:51.479
<v Speaker 3>You know, you every want you kind of want to

1:13:51.560 --> 1:13:58.200
<v Speaker 3>try to accomplish big things in one fell swoop, but

1:13:58.320 --> 1:14:00.439
<v Speaker 3>at the end of the day, it's like, yeah, fuck,

1:14:00.479 --> 1:14:05.680
<v Speaker 3>you gotta put in reps. Did fucking do anything? That

1:14:05.800 --> 1:14:10.240
<v Speaker 3>was Jonathan. This was the Therapy Gecko podcast. Thank you

1:14:10.280 --> 1:14:13.559
<v Speaker 3>all very much for listening. Thank you everyone who, by

1:14:13.560 --> 1:14:19.479
<v Speaker 3>the way, came out to my trash art event. If

1:14:19.479 --> 1:14:22.320
<v Speaker 3>you still want to come see it, it's on display

1:14:22.600 --> 1:14:30.280
<v Speaker 3>at the Kaleidoscope Gallery two six seven Irving Avenue, Brooklyn,

1:14:30.320 --> 1:14:32.639
<v Speaker 3>New York. It's on display I think until the twenty

1:14:32.840 --> 1:14:35.639
<v Speaker 3>second if you want to come see my trash Thank

1:14:35.680 --> 1:14:38.200
<v Speaker 3>you everyone came to that event. That was fun. I

1:14:38.240 --> 1:14:40.080
<v Speaker 3>want to do more shit like that. I don't know

1:14:40.080 --> 1:14:43.679
<v Speaker 3>what exactly. I don't know where exactly, probably probably still

1:14:43.680 --> 1:14:46.640
<v Speaker 3>in New York, but you know I'll be doing more

1:14:46.680 --> 1:14:50.760
<v Speaker 3>shit like that, So stay tuned. Thank you all very much.

1:14:51.520 --> 1:14:56.120
<v Speaker 3>I shall return soon with more podcasts of talking to

1:14:56.200 --> 1:14:59.880
<v Speaker 3>people and learning about life. Bye by talking to Pe.

1:15:00.920 --> 1:15:05.000
<v Speaker 3>I've been a Gecko and this has been the therapyical podcast.

1:15:05.080 --> 1:15:10.719
<v Speaker 3>Thank you all for listening. Hello folks, it's Lyle here.

1:15:11.080 --> 1:15:14.439
<v Speaker 3>That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm

1:15:14.479 --> 1:15:19.240
<v Speaker 3>releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire

1:15:19.760 --> 1:15:23.240
<v Speaker 3>extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to

1:15:23.360 --> 1:15:27.599
<v Speaker 3>by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at

1:15:27.680 --> 1:15:32.519
<v Speaker 3>therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access

1:15:32.560 --> 1:15:36.440
<v Speaker 3>to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad free podcast

1:15:36.479 --> 1:15:39.280
<v Speaker 3>feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my

1:15:39.400 --> 1:15:43.000
<v Speaker 3>live shows, members only streams, and they help support my

1:15:43.080 --> 1:15:46.679
<v Speaker 3>ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip

1:15:46.880 --> 1:15:50.240
<v Speaker 3>from this week's members only bonus episode.

1:15:50.439 --> 1:15:54.760
<v Speaker 8>You guys would probably love each other, like, not in like, oh,

1:15:54.800 --> 1:15:57.479
<v Speaker 8>you guys should get married and live a long lifetile,

1:15:57.560 --> 1:16:00.800
<v Speaker 8>but more like you guys should bang it out and

1:16:01.800 --> 1:16:02.680
<v Speaker 8>you know, get off my.

1:16:02.680 --> 1:16:03.320
<v Speaker 2>Back with a bit.

1:16:03.680 --> 1:16:05.439
<v Speaker 3>That was nice, by the way, to set up your

1:16:05.720 --> 1:16:07.000
<v Speaker 3>your ex wife with your boss.

1:16:07.920 --> 1:16:10.479
<v Speaker 8>Yeah, like people buy guns or buy guns. We're totally cool.

1:16:10.479 --> 1:16:12.240
<v Speaker 1>We have a good we have a better relationship now

1:16:12.280 --> 1:16:13.280
<v Speaker 1>than you ever get at any.

1:16:13.160 --> 1:16:14.120
<v Speaker 8>Point in our marriage.

1:16:14.360 --> 1:16:15.000
<v Speaker 3>That's wonderful.

1:16:15.040 --> 1:16:19.240
<v Speaker 8>Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, it works out well. But she

1:16:19.400 --> 1:16:22.360
<v Speaker 8>got pregnant within two two weeks of even meeting him.

1:16:22.479 --> 1:16:26.720
<v Speaker 8>But he can't stand her, and I understand it.

1:16:26.800 --> 1:16:28.840
<v Speaker 3>If you want to hear this full conversation, you can

1:16:28.880 --> 1:16:31.960
<v Speaker 3>sign up to become a Premium member at therapy Gecko

1:16:32.120 --> 1:16:35.960
<v Speaker 3>dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the

1:16:36.000 --> 1:16:41.760
<v Speaker 3>episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,

1:16:42.200 --> 1:16:45.439
<v Speaker 3>I have nothing else to say

1:16:45.479 --> 1:16:50.559
<v Speaker 8>Again, goes on the line thank you every nine goes

1:16:51.439 --> 1:16:53.559
<v Speaker 8>he's teaching you in line