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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello.

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Speaker 2: Can you hear me?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I can hear you. What's your name, sir? My

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Speaker 3: name is Casey, Casey. How you doing has life?

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Speaker 2: I'm doing pretty good. On my lunch break, eating some

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Speaker 2: fa fa It's like microwaveable.

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Speaker 3: I love fu. Just chilling, just chilling, pretty good, pretty good?

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Uh oh listen, man, here's the thing. Uh today, I'm

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Speaker 3: happy to just chit chat about whatever. But uh, if

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Speaker 3: you have a thing that you wanted to call in

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Speaker 3: to talk about, uh, we could do that as well.

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Speaker 3: What are you feeling? What are you thinking?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 2: I kind of just called spur of the moment. There's

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Speaker 2: been multiple times where I'm like, oh, I want to

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Speaker 2: call because I have this talk about but I'm just

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Speaker 2: kind of, you know, on my lunch break, just hanging out.

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Speaker 2: Was there anything on your mind?

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Speaker 3: Well let's do this. Man. What last time that you

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Speaker 3: were like, Okay, I have this thing I want to

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Speaker 3: talk about. What was that thing?

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Speaker 2: Well? I so there's a couple of things I could

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Speaker 2: either and I'll let you decide what you think sounds

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Speaker 2: more interesting. So they're equally interesting to me. I one

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Speaker 2: time lived on a commercial salmon fishing boat for a summer,

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Speaker 2: which in Alaska, and we lived on the boat on

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Speaker 2: the water for like six weeks, which was interesting and

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Speaker 2: I have some fun stories from that. And then I'm

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Speaker 2: also kind of in the midst of figuring out what

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna do for grad school. Yeah, so that's also

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Speaker 2: been something that's on my mind. So what sounds what

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Speaker 2: sounds more interesting you?

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Speaker 3: So you you were on a salmon fishing boat for

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Speaker 3: six months?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: And where where was this boat located? Like where in

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Speaker 3: the ocean?

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Speaker 2: So it was it's a Bristol Bay, Alaska.

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Speaker 3: Bristol Bay, Alaska. I always wanted to go to Alaska.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what the hell's going on over.

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Speaker 2: There, man, it let me tell you. It is a weird,

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Speaker 2: very very strange place. We didn't really spend much time

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Speaker 2: in like the populated areas. So what we did was

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Speaker 2: we got there in the around the beginning of June,

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Speaker 2: and we flew into anchorage and immediately got on a small,

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Speaker 2: super small plane where we got to this point called

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Speaker 2: Saint Petersborough And it's literally like I think there's less

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Speaker 2: than fifty people that live there year round, and like

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Speaker 2: during the summer when there's a bunch of different people there.

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Speaker 2: There's like probably two to three hundred people just all

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Speaker 2: at this like port essentially, and there are places where

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Speaker 2: the fishermen live. There's like four or five different quarters.

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Speaker 2: And then other than that, it's just like it's funny.

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Speaker 2: It's a lot of convicts that come in because they

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Speaker 2: work at the cannery. Usually instead of like having them

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Speaker 2: rot in a cell or something, they have they fly

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Speaker 2: them out and they work in the canaries where they

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Speaker 2: like can the fish that comes in. And that was

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Speaker 2: actually a stabbing in one of the quarters the year

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Speaker 2: before I was there. It's a very chaotic place, for sure.

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Speaker 3: Did you get into any trouble while you were on

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Speaker 3: the boat, so, did you stab anyone? Did you do

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Speaker 3: anything crazy?

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Speaker 2: No stabbing. While on land, it was mostly just a

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Speaker 2: bunch of heavy drinking and waking up, putting Bailey's in

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Speaker 2: coffee and getting the boat prepared. And then so we

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Speaker 2: lived on land for like three weeks getting the boat

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Speaker 2: prepared ready to go out to sea, and that was

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Speaker 2: basically like getting everything painted, like working on the engine

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Speaker 2: and working on all the maintenance that needed to be

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Speaker 2: done for it. And then after living on land for

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Speaker 2: like two and a half weeks. Then we went out

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Speaker 2: to the water and we spent like five weeks on

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Speaker 2: the water.

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Speaker 3: Wow, uh, five weeks on the water. How many people

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Speaker 3: are on this boat?

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Speaker 2: So that's the that's the thing. It was for like

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Speaker 2: two weeks it was four of us, and then the

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Speaker 2: last three and a half weeks it was three of us.

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Speaker 2: It's a super small.

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Speaker 3: Boat and uh for five and you what you live

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Speaker 3: in like little bunk beds and stuff.

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Speaker 2: Dude, Yeah, it is like the smallest bed like I've

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Speaker 2: ever slept on. It was. It was. It was quite miserable. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: super super super sight quarters. We all like it was

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Speaker 2: basically on the end of the boat. Like you know

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Speaker 2: how a boat it kind of at the front, it

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Speaker 2: kind of curves up, so it like you know, functions

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Speaker 2: on the water where you're basically in that point and

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Speaker 2: the beds are kind of a diagonal diagonalized going to

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Speaker 2: the end of the boat. It's kind of hard to explain,

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Speaker 2: but point is very small.

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Speaker 3: And tell me about the other guys. Did you get

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Speaker 3: along with them or was their conflict on the boat?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? So, so how I actually got the job was

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Speaker 2: my buddy I was I was at I was doing

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Speaker 2: undergrad at the time, and my buddy just texted in

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Speaker 2: the group chat. He was like, Hey, my my mom's

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Speaker 2: friend's husband needs somebody to come out to Alaska for

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Speaker 2: the summer and work on his boat with him and

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Speaker 2: uh catch some salmon. And he just texted it in

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Speaker 2: the group chat, and it was like piranhas fighting for

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Speaker 2: fighting for food. Like everybody snapped on it. But I

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Speaker 2: was the first one to respond. And so Parker connected me,

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Speaker 2: or his name was Parker connected me to the to

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Speaker 2: the guy that was the captain of the boat. And

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Speaker 2: so Parker and I were super close. We were really

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Speaker 2: good friends. And but the captain, his name was Dale.

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Speaker 2: He was a dick. He was honestly insufferable a lot

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Speaker 2: of time.

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Speaker 3: When what was it that made Dale a dick?

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Speaker 2: Oh, let's see he uh he. So when you when

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Speaker 2: you're a commercial fisherman and you spend something like I

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Speaker 2: think Alaska does weird things to people living out there

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Speaker 2: for a long time because they have such little contact

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Speaker 2: and the only people there around are other sweaty, pissy

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Speaker 2: fishermen Soka. No, you're good, No, you're good. He uh.

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Speaker 2: He had a really terrible attitude. He was he was

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Speaker 2: a yeller, like he was really power tripping over the

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Speaker 2: fact that it was his boat. He was the captain,

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Speaker 2: so he so there was a lot of power tripping

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Speaker 2: going on and he he uh, he would always talk

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Speaker 2: about how fucking horny he was because he hadn't been

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Speaker 2: around women, because you know, it's just us three dudes

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Speaker 2: on the boat at the time, So just a lot

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Speaker 2: of uncomfortable talking points, power tripping, yelling all the time,

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Speaker 2: like we would always he like we were always having

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Speaker 2: to cook for him, and shit, he was just a

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Speaker 2: power tripping asshole. Not okay.

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Speaker 3: This does bring up an interesting and interesting question is

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Speaker 3: do well, what's the masturbation situation looking like on this

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Speaker 3: boat or are we just abstaining for the five weeks

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Speaker 3: or are you kind of picking your spots? Are you

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Speaker 3: doing it just straight up into the ocean.

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Speaker 2: So it's it's pretty much nil while you're on the boat.

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Speaker 2: So a lot of nutless aggravation, you know, yeah, nut

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Speaker 2: deprived aggravation for sure. Five weeks, you know, sense to

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Speaker 2: the whole crew pretty much. We did go back on land.

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Speaker 2: We went back on land like three and a half

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Speaker 2: weeks in, i want to say, and then we went

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Speaker 2: back out for another week and a half, So I

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Speaker 2: think everybody got a nut in during that, But other

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Speaker 2: than that, yeah, pretty much nothing.

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Speaker 3: And was that like, did that add to the general

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Speaker 3: vibe of frustration amongst the gang?

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Speaker 2: I definitely think so, Yeah, definitely there was, Yeah, a

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Speaker 2: lot of yelling, a lot of arguing. Yeah, that definitely contributed.

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Speaker 2: And there was also like I'll tell you the schedule

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Speaker 2: because it really puts things into context of like what

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Speaker 2: this job is like. So when you're on the boat,

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Speaker 2: basically any time that you're allowed to fish, you have

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Speaker 2: to fish because when you're not fishing, you're not making

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Speaker 2: money essentially, because all of your money is based off

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Speaker 2: how much fish you catch. Right, So the fishing periods

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Speaker 2: were like eight hour time. So here would be like

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Speaker 2: an average day, wake up at two am, make oatmeal,

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Speaker 2: make coffee, dale the captain would start driving the boat

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Speaker 2: out to where driving from the anchorage where we achre

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Speaker 2: down out to where we're going to go fish for

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Speaker 2: the day. That takes about like forty five minutes to

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Speaker 2: an hour. We get where we're going to fish at

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Speaker 2: three am, we roll out the net and we start

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Speaker 2: fishing essentially, and we fish for about six hours so

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Speaker 2: then it would hit about nine am, say, after that,

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Speaker 2: we get all our fish into the bins, we drive

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Speaker 2: back to the anchorage, take all of our fish and

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Speaker 2: drop it off to the tender boat which takes all

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Speaker 2: the fish from the small boats and gets it weighed

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Speaker 2: out and processed. That takes about an hour, so at

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Speaker 2: this point it's about like ten thirty probably, and then

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Speaker 2: after that we go anchor up. You have to scrub

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Speaker 2: the entire deck otherwise it smells like, you know, one

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Speaker 2: of the worst smells you can imagine, Like you have

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Speaker 2: to scrub it after every time you fish. Otherwise it's

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Speaker 2: just going to be like you can't be out there

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Speaker 2: for too long. So that takes about thirty minutes. And

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Speaker 2: so then you know, you have like essentially forty five

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Speaker 2: minutes to eat and just like do whatever you want

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Speaker 2: to do in your free time, and then you have

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Speaker 2: about two two to three hours to sleep, depending on

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Speaker 2: the day. And then the next session starts at around

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Speaker 2: like you know, one or two pm, so you all

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Speaker 2: over again until like you know, one two am.

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Speaker 3: So you basically you break up your sleep scheduling.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, right in the blocks of like two hours.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that sounds like hell, how did you like feel

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Speaker 3: during this time?

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Speaker 2: I was, I've that was the like it probably sounds cliche,

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Speaker 2: but I genuinely think that was the first time I've

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Speaker 2: ever felt myself kind of like slipping mentally. I did.

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Speaker 2: I did. Actually near the end, I had some like

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Speaker 2: hallucinations in the water whoa, which was crazy because I've

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Speaker 2: never had, you know, visuals like you know, not coming

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Speaker 2: out of you know, my brain processing what's in front

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Speaker 2: of me, you know, besides like tripping balls, you know,

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Speaker 2: So that was very strange. And yeah, I think the

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Speaker 2: only thing that really got me through it was in

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Speaker 2: my free time. I was reading The Myth of Sisssis.

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Speaker 2: If you ever heard of that book?

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Speaker 3: What is that?

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Speaker 2: It's a it's a it's a philosophy book. It's I

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Speaker 2: first really got I was into philosophy as an undergrad originally,

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Speaker 2: but I brought this book with me. And since there's

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Speaker 2: no there's no service or anything, there's nothing you can

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Speaker 2: really do besides you know, read or you know, do

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Speaker 2: jack shit. So basically reading in my free time that

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Speaker 2: book got me through it. But it was I did

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Speaker 2: feel myself going insane and that level of exhaustion definitely

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Speaker 2: also contributed to the tension between the crewmates.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and did you what did you learn from the

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Speaker 3: Myth of Sisyphus?

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Speaker 2: Well, it's it's one of it's not the founding book

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Speaker 2: of absurdism, but it's it's like it's canon. You know,

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Speaker 2: it's very it's very it's a very important work and

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Speaker 2: the idea of absurdism, and I don't know it it.

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Speaker 2: Before this, I was having a hard time wrestling with

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Speaker 2: you know what a lot of people wrestle with on

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Speaker 2: this podcast, the Meaning of life, you know, that type

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Speaker 2: of stuff. But I think after reading that book, I

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Speaker 2: think the biggest takeaway I took from it was that, like,

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Speaker 2: the insignificance of our existence is not something to be

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Speaker 2: upset about, but it's something to be taken advantage of

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Speaker 2: because the impact or the lack of impact that we're

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Speaker 2: actually leaving on the world gives us the freedom to

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Speaker 2: take advantage of that insignificance and do what we think

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Speaker 2: we want to do. And you know, that's not an

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Speaker 2: excuse to dick around and do nothing, but it's like

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Speaker 2: it's it's a good motivator for me personally to go

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Speaker 2: out and do shit that I'm passionate about you know which,

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Speaker 2: So now I'm like trying to go for my PhD

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Speaker 2: for mass which I never would have saw myself doing.

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Speaker 2: But after the fishing trip and after reading that book,

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Speaker 2: it kind of realized, like, hey, I like maths. Why

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Speaker 2: don't I do it for school instead of, you know,

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Speaker 2: fucking around in a business degree where I have no interest,

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Speaker 2: And now I want to go for my PhD. So

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Speaker 2: it's helped me figure out what I wanted to do

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Speaker 2: for sure.

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Speaker 3: First of all, congratulations, that's awesome, But second of all,

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Speaker 3: how lucky did you get that your passion was math? Oh?

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Speaker 3: My god? Some people are like, my passion is to

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Speaker 3: become a fucking call of duty live streamer or something,

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Speaker 3: you know, you know what I mean? Like, it's how

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Speaker 3: lucky did you get that your passion was matt Like? So,

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Speaker 3: how lucky did you get that your passion was like

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Speaker 3: something tangible that you can you can actually do something

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Speaker 3: productive with, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Yes? That, And I mean I think I think a lot.

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Speaker 2: I think more people could find a passion in something

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Speaker 2: like that, Like, well, I guess what you said tangible,

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Speaker 2: But I think it's kind of it's really hard to

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Speaker 2: unlock that with the way that we're educated now. I

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Speaker 2: think people have a lot more potential in education that

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Speaker 2: they just can't see because it's you know, it's it's

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Speaker 2: not unlocked in the proper way because you know, nobody

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Speaker 2: fucking likes math in high school. I hated math in

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Speaker 2: high school. I got a dog shit education in math

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Speaker 2: in high school, and so I think I think that's

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Speaker 2: part of it as well. But yeah, I definitely got

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Speaker 2: lucky that. I'm very glad that I enjoy it. It's

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Speaker 2: it's it's fun funnily enough, though, I am in the

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Speaker 2: part of math it's called pure math. It's pretty much

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Speaker 2: it's about as applicable to life as philosophy itself, which

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Speaker 2: you know, there's a threshold. It's basically just Greek. It's

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Speaker 2: like writing proofs. It's just like Greek letters that mean

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Speaker 2: absolutely nothing to the context of our actual, you know,

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Speaker 2: real world experience. But I still enjoy it.

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Speaker 3: So pure math, you say, yeah, pure math, and and

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Speaker 3: it's your writing proofs, as in your like, Okay, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to prove to you without any shaft of a

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Speaker 3: doubt the two plus two equals.

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Speaker 2: Exactly pretty much.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's insane. How do you approve that that's

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Speaker 3: just like, uh something that is you.

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Speaker 2: Know, it's uh. So, you know, the most obvious stuff

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Speaker 2: is actually the hardest stuff to prove. I think the

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Speaker 2: like widely accepted proof for one plus one equals to

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Speaker 2: like completely rigorous and logical and one hundred percent without

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Speaker 2: any like holes. It's like, I think it's like thirty

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Speaker 2: six pages.

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Speaker 3: Actually it's really okay, so you can break that down

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Speaker 3: even further, yes.

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Speaker 2: Like it's so non intuitive. The easiest stuff to prove

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Speaker 2: is the stuff that you learn later on in your

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Speaker 2: high school or like middle school education in math. The

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Speaker 2: hardest shit to prove is the shit that you teach

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Speaker 2: the young kids.

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Speaker 3: That's so god, God, that's so fucking god. That's so

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Speaker 3: fucked up. That's so fucked up. There is you know

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00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,639
Speaker 3: what's funny is, yeah, you're talking about uh and God

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Speaker 3: damn it, I've roped myself in once again to to

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Speaker 3: getting existential. But it's what I'm having fun with it

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Speaker 3: right now, is you know you're talking about like, oh,

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Speaker 3: insignificance and whatever. It's like, there is so much to

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Speaker 3: grasp in the world, and at a certain point you

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00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:38,840
Speaker 3: must accept that you cannot grasp at all, you know.

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Speaker 3: And I think once you accept that and you just

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Speaker 3: enjoy whatever it is, you enjoy your little bite of

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Speaker 3: apple that you get if you're lucky as a human being,

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Speaker 3: is probably where you find uh, the most happiness, you know,

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00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,240
Speaker 3: because I mean, just the knowledge that there's thirty six

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00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 3: pages of proof involved to prove that one plus one

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Speaker 3: equals too. I mean, that's there's just infinite every all things.

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00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,240
Speaker 3: And that's just the stuff that we know. Then there's

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00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 3: the stuff that we don't know that's infinite, and it's like, god, damn,

307
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:22,240
Speaker 3: do I just want to play Mario Kart and Jack

308
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,960
Speaker 3: Off and you know, not think about any of this stuff,

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00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,560
Speaker 3: you know, or just I mean, I have this this

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Speaker 3: I'm bringing this back to me. I don't know why,

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00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:31,359
Speaker 3: but this is just what I'm thinking about. It's like,

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Speaker 3: I have this. This podcast is very interesting to me

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00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,959
Speaker 3: because it's been a vessel for me of like, oh,

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00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:41,000
Speaker 3: I want to suck up the whole world. I want

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00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,320
Speaker 3: to get to talk to as many people as possible,

316
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:48,879
Speaker 3: go as many places as possible, experience as much as possible.

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Speaker 3: But I mean it's weird. There's no end, you know,

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Speaker 3: it just keeps going and once you like, when you're

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Speaker 3: trying to find aimed finality or something like that, you

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00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,520
Speaker 3: it kind of lead, it kind of makes you go crazy, right,

321
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,960
Speaker 3: you have to just accept what there is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yep, that's a lot of what absurdism is about,

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Speaker 2: for sure.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of you know, whining like a little bit

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00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:23,000
Speaker 2: about it, just sucking it up and admitting that it

327
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 2: actually you know, but look at cliche enough. It is

328
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,119
Speaker 2: kind of looking on the brighter side of that, you know,

329
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 2: terrifying an abysmal fact of life.

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Speaker 3: What's your name again?

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Speaker 2: I definitely recommend Casey, Casey.

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00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 3: How old are you, Casey? I'm curious what stage of

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00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:46,360
Speaker 3: life are you? Three twenty three? Very cool, very nice.

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00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 3: That's nice that you've made peace with all this stuff

335
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,760
Speaker 3: pretty early in your life.

336
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:57,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, shout out drugs. That definitely helped.

337
00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:59,000
Speaker 3: A lot too, which ones.

338
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 2: Psychedelics mostly, So it's funny I quit smoking weed a

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00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:04,480
Speaker 2: while ago.

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Speaker 3: But it's funny me because I I psychedelics, right, Like

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00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 3: I would think.

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Speaker 2: I actually have to stop you. My lunch break is

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Speaker 2: actually over. I really enjoyed this conversation though.

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00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 3: I enjoyed this conversation with you too, Okay, Yeah, let's

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00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 3: just we'll part two.

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Speaker 2: This, Yes, we we we will come back for sure.

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00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 2: I'm gonna try to get on again and keep doing

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00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:29,920
Speaker 2: what you're doing with the podcast.

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Speaker 3: W I love it all right, Thanks, thanks man, good

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00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 3: I have have a have a good day at work.

351
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, you too, have a good rest of the podcast talking.

352
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:42,879
Speaker 3: About take care of bye bye bye bye bye, what

353
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,720
Speaker 3: a bummer. I liked talking to that guy a lot.

354
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 3: That was great. I guess the to finish what I

355
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 3: was going to say is that it's funny with Psychedelics

356
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 3: are an interesting thing to me because they the whole

357
00:21:55,280 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 3: selling point is that they are supposed to expand consciousness.

358
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 3: But for me personally, I'm like, it's interesting to hear

359
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 3: that they helped this guy solve his existentialism because for me,

360
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 3: I'm like, isn't the like you want to be less conscious?

361
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,199
Speaker 3: Don't you? Don't you want? Isn't the whole point to

362
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:29,040
Speaker 3: be a little bit less conscious? Like I feel? Correct?

363
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 2: You know what?

364
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 3: Tell me, folks in the comments section on the Spotify

365
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,879
Speaker 3: or YouTube what you think of this. I'm curious what

366
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 3: people think about this because I think I read this

367
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 3: quote from uh someone, I don't actually I don't know

368
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:49,639
Speaker 3: if like someone fucking famous said this or if this

369
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,680
Speaker 3: is just something I read on Reddit. In my crazy

370
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:57,400
Speaker 3: musings is that you know, if ignorance is bliss, then

371
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:03,159
Speaker 3: clarity is misery. And I kind of felt that a

372
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 3: little bit. So it's like the expansion of consciousness seems

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00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 3: counterintuitive to happiness, although everyone is wired a little differently,

374
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 3: you know. I mean, the happiest I think human beings

375
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:21,040
Speaker 3: are is when they're the least conscious, is when they're

376
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 3: just you know, in life. In they are when when

377
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 3: you are present and where you are. I was at

378
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:35,479
Speaker 3: I was at dinner with friends last night and I

379
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 3: was I was just having like crazy anxiety, and I

380
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 3: was on my phone and I was in my notes app,

381
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 3: and I was on Instagram, and I was just fucking like, look,

382
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 3: it was just like trying to find You're trying to

383
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 3: find answers everywhere except where you fucking are. And I

384
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:58,880
Speaker 3: do think there's something to that, because anxiety, at least

385
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:02,719
Speaker 3: for me, is a sign that you're living your present moment,

386
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 3: is is kind of out of sync with your desires

387
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,640
Speaker 3: in a way. But you got to kind of balance

388
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 3: that with like, uh, if you need to fulfill every

389
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:22,120
Speaker 3: single desire all the time. Then you're you're just gonna suffer,

390
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 3: you know. But it's it's a balancing act. Because I

391
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 3: I and I talk about this on the fucking show

392
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 3: a lot. Is like there's a weird balancing act between

393
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,359
Speaker 3: the the internal and the external of like, Okay, how

394
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 3: much of anxiety is is is going to be solved

395
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 3: by like internal acceptance and breathing or whatever versus Oh no,

396
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 3: there's actually stuff going on in your life that you

397
00:24:52,640 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 3: need to like change or or you know, you can

398
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:05,159
Speaker 3: actually like like how much can you capitalism yourself? How

399
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 3: much can you capitalism yourself out of anxiety or depression?

400
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 3: And I'm not even talking about like money. I'm talking

401
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 3: about like by like doing stuff, by making things or

402
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:27,360
Speaker 3: making changes externally versus like, Okay, I need to breathe,

403
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 3: I need to fucking do whatever. And I don't know,

404
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 3: if I knew, I wouldn't be ranting crazy about it

405
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 3: on a podcast. But whatever, interesting things to talk about.

406
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,439
Speaker 3: I liked that guy. That guy was cool, Like I was,

407
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 3: uh interesting, fella. I gotta go to Alaska. I gotta

408
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 3: see what's going on over there.

409
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 4: Hello, Yeah, what's up?

410
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 3: Hey? What's what's going on, sir?

411
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 2: Not much?

412
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,719
Speaker 4: I was calling. I was like, finally I got on.

413
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 4: But uh yeah I had pretty decent as of late.

414
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,719
Speaker 4: I think, how about yourself if you mind me asking?

415
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, life spend interesting. I mean doing things like

416
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,719
Speaker 3: this that kind of keep you like in the present

417
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 3: is good. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, what what's going on

418
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 3: with you? What's happening in your life?

419
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 4: Well, hmm, so I recently went to California this weekend,

420
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 4: so yeah, that was pretty fun. I went to Rolling

421
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 4: Wild you know that like festival.

422
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, how was that?

423
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 4: That was very like anxiety inducing just because of like, yeah,

424
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,159
Speaker 4: the crowds. I realized I really hate crowds.

425
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 3: But you didn't get you didn't get astro worlded, did you?

426
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 4: Oh no, luckily not. Yeah, but it was getting bad

427
00:26:58,080 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 4: at like when Playboy Party was playing, they had to

428
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,479
Speaker 4: stop for like twenty minutes, and then like Kaysonatt was

429
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 4: on stage, he was yelling at us to like back

430
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:10,680
Speaker 4: up because like ten people passed out. But yeah, yeah,

431
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 4: it gets crazy sometimes. But no, Astro World.

432
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:18,919
Speaker 3: Luckily pretty good. What else is going on in life?

433
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 4: Well? I think I did want to talk about a

434
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 4: story because yeah, it was about I guess me breaking

435
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,439
Speaker 4: will dislocating myself in a monstrapit and it kind of

436
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 4: I guess taught me gratitude and patient.

437
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

438
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 4: So yeah, I guess the long story short. So I

439
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 4: went to my first so you know, the Auto Bar

440
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,479
Speaker 4: in Baltimore, something originally from Maryland.

441
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I did a show there.

442
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,120
Speaker 4: I love. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw you there. So

443
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 4: I went to my first hardcore show, which is like

444
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 4: a couple of years ago, and yeah, I got into

445
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,239
Speaker 4: the pit. It was like the first band playing and

446
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 4: then yeah, someone leaned when my thumb got stuck in

447
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 4: someone's shirt and then it leaned back and like I

448
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 4: heard a crack. I popped it back in place. I

449
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 4: was like, we're good. It's still moving. So I was like,

450
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:11,119
Speaker 4: let's go.

451
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 2: We're good.

452
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:15,199
Speaker 4: So I kept going. Turns out I tore like a

453
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,920
Speaker 4: whole ligament in my thumb. This is my dominant hands,

454
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 4: mind you, And then I realized I had to get surgery.

455
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:23,919
Speaker 4: So then I got surgery on my right hand, and

456
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 4: I was in a cast I think for like two months.

457
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 4: So I did like learn everything with my left hand.

458
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 4: I had to learn how to brush my teeth and

459
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 4: I'm also an artist too, so I did learn to

460
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 4: draw with my left hand for those two months I

461
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 4: find out how to do work for two months. I

462
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 4: don't know. I think that time, I don't know, it

463
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 4: kind of like taught me to just like really slowed down,

464
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 4: especially like just the simple act of like brushing the

465
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 4: teeth with like your left hand. It's so difficult if

466
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 4: it's like not your dominant hand because you're not usually

467
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 4: thinking about you doing any mind with sleep. But like

468
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 4: now I actually have to like learn how to do

469
00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 4: that circular emotion, do everything like that. But yeah, doing

470
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 4: artwork as well kind of like slowed down a lot.

471
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 4: Like I actually was like more I guess what's that word.

472
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 4: I guess, hmmm, decisive with my movements and more like yeah,

473
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 4: I think more decisive with it. And it had like

474
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 4: a better like mythology of going your valid and stuff

475
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 4: like that. But yeah, it was kind of weird, weird

476
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 4: situation because it was like I do everything with my

477
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 4: right hand. I do everything just mindlessly a lot, and

478
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 4: this kind of taught me like WHOA, just because of

479
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 4: how uncoordinated I was with my left hand. I kind

480
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 4: of learned to just like yeah, kind of be with

481
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 4: the flow of things and kind of adjust to those

482
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 4: things and being okay with it, even if I kind

483
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 4: of like suck at it.

484
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, M And how is your how how

485
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 3: long was your right hand out of commission?

486
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 4: So yeah, two months in the cast and then I

487
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 4: had therapy, so it was about like three months. But

488
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 4: I think those three months are really good because I

489
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 4: was like really grateful for like the times I do

490
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 4: have two hands, because having one hand kind of sucks.

491
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 4: So I kind of feel bad. Well I feel really

492
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 4: bad for people with one hand or no hands, but yeah,

493
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 4: having that one hand kind of yeah, put things in

494
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 4: perspective a lot. It made me kind of, yeah, very

495
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 4: slow down. I think the main thing was like slow

496
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 4: down to a lot of stuff.

497
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, what was the hardest thing to learn with your

498
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 3: left hands?

499
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,360
Speaker 4: Ooh, so I have this big dog. I have a dog.

500
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 4: She's in the key to She's like eighty pounds. That

501
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 4: was kind of hard to like walk her. So I

502
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 4: had this LEAs. I got this leash, like it's basically

503
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 4: kind of like the avatar leavest like basically connected to me.

504
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 4: So it's like at least that goes across my body.

505
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 4: And then yeah, she just connected things like that. But yeah,

506
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 4: other than that, I think what else was really hard?

507
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 4: Opening things? Opening things was awful. I couldn't open things

508
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 4: and that was really hard. Yeah. I think it was

509
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 4: like those those daily things. Taking a shower was really difficult.

510
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 4: It was very difficult because you can't get your cast

511
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 4: web or any of that web. Yeah, I like the

512
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 4: day to day stuff very difficult.

513
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 3: And so how long ago is this?

514
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 4: This was twenty so twenty twenty two going into twenty

515
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 4: twenty three, so it's been basically almost Yeah, a year

516
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 4: since the surgery. Has been a year since the surgery.

517
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 4: Oh now twenty three, No, twenty twenty three going into

518
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 4: twenty twenty four, So yeah, like a year.

519
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 3: So has Because here's the thing about like epiphanies I

520
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 3: notice a lot is that they're not one and done things.

521
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 3: They're they're kind of things you have to remind yourself of.

522
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 3: And so do you feel like that gratefulness and that

523
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 3: awareness has stayed with you throughout this?

524
00:31:56,440 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 4: See? That's hard too. Yeah, So that's what I sometimes

525
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 4: I do definitely like just get back into like the

526
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:08,120
Speaker 4: mindless stroll of things. I think. Yeah, No, it's really

527
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 4: hard to kind of always remain and remember that. I

528
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 4: guess these I guess that finite thing of like that

529
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 4: impermanence of everything, and that you need to just enjoy

530
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 4: and be grateful for those just those simple things like that,

531
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 4: going back to just brushing your teeth. You take those

532
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 4: things for granted. So I don't know, I kind of

533
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 4: sometimes I guess there's those times where I like, yeah,

534
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 4: I might have an epiphany off of like mushrooms again,

535
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 4: I'm like, I need to go back to the simplistic thing.

536
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 4: And then sometimes I just lose that strain of thought

537
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 4: and I just get caught into to think of it

538
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 4: and stuff like that. But I don't know. I think

539
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 4: what helps me a lot. I do a lot of

540
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 4: like yoga, which puts me into that framework of like

541
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 4: being there in that moment and just breathing. So I

542
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 4: feel like those kind of like revert back to those

543
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 4: times of like when I had that one hand and

544
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 4: I was basically purple to do gradit that one hand

545
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 4: to do everything and had to focus on that activity

546
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 4: I was usually doing that I thought usually with two

547
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 4: hands wasn't important and stuff like that. So yeah, I

548
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 4: don't know. It's really like a roller coaster effect. I

549
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 4: feel like there's always those highs and lows of like

550
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 4: figuring it out, remaining in that state. I don't know.

551
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 4: I don't think we should be like I think we

552
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 4: should cheer ourselves with the grace too when we do

553
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 4: forget about that stuff as well, because that like, yeah,

554
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 4: we're just human. We're just learning, growing, failing, succeeding. You know.

555
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 3: So what's going on with you now that you have

556
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 3: two hands? What are you doing with your hands?

557
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 4: I'm doing so I'm grabbing so many things. Yeah, so

558
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 4: I guess what I'll do. Yeah, I like to like

559
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 4: be outside a lot, so and like just yeah, work out,

560
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 4: I do more tie a lot. That's fun. You do

561
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 4: more time sports and stuff like, Yeah, more time is

562
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 4: really funny.

563
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 3: You're you're really out there trying to fuck up your

564
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 3: hands again, You're really you're like, I didn't get injured

565
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:12,000
Speaker 3: hard enough to fuck up myself even.

566
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 4: More exactly, I think. Yeah, I like those like high

567
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:20,359
Speaker 4: stake things. I don't know if that's like dangerous, but

568
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 4: you know, yolo, but I do go back to the

569
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 4: pits and stuff like that way more safer, keeping my

570
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 4: hands like away from my clothing and people sometimes and

571
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 4: stuff like that. But I've been using my hands a lot.

572
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:37,919
Speaker 4: I think I've been creating a lot like art. I said,

573
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 4: I was an artist, so now I know how to

574
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 4: use both of my hands with art. So that's like

575
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,720
Speaker 4: been like really cool. Actually it's been really fun. Yeah,

576
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 4: you know, what's your favorite thing to do with two hands?

577
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:52,320
Speaker 3: What's my favorite thing to do with uh two hands?

578
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:57,839
Speaker 3: I guess fucking play video games? That's probably the Yeah.

579
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 3: I've thought about whether I would, I would be whether

580
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 3: I would Would you rather have no hands or no feet?

581
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 3: I feel like no, I feel like I no feet, right.

582
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, no, no, because you can't.

583
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 3: Walk, but you could use a wheelchair.

584
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:15,320
Speaker 4: That's true.

585
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:16,760
Speaker 3: There's so many things.

586
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 4: A lot of your hands, but a lot of places

587
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 4: aren't like wheelchair accessible either. Like what if there's like

588
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 4: stairs in your fuck you know.

589
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, but what if you have to what if there's

590
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 3: a door and you gotta open it, then you're really

591
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 3: fucking You can.

592
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:31,879
Speaker 4: Use your mouth or you can use your feet too,

593
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 4: you know.

594
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I guess you would have to learn how

595
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 3: to use your feet. Yeah, you know. I I feel

596
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 3: like I feel like a wimp. A lot of the times,

597
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 3: I'm like I feel like I'm like, oh, I only

598
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 3: have the strength for like, yeah, you're you're feel that way.

599
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 3: You're like, I don't feel like I have the strength

600
00:35:55,400 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 3: for like tons and tons of adversity. But yet you

601
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 3: see yet, you know out there there exists tons and

602
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 3: tons of adversity and people are doing it. People are

603
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 3: getting themselves through adversity, you know. I often that's that's

604
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,359
Speaker 3: one of my problems is I often feel as though

605
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 3: I don't have the strength to overcome adversity, which is

606
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 3: hard because I think life just throws adversity around in

607
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 3: a way that doesn't really care who you are or

608
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,319
Speaker 3: what the fuck if you've experienced it before or not.

609
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 4: You know, yeah, life doesn't give a shit. Going back

610
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 4: to that, there is that guy that has like no

611
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 4: limbs at all, but he climbs mountains. I saw something. Yeah,

612
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,240
Speaker 4: he climbed like one of the tallest mountain in Africa

613
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 4: or something. Yeah, and he has no arms or legs.

614
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 4: But yeah, going back to like adversity, Yeah, I don't know. Yes,

615
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 4: it's kind of like how do you come up to

616
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 4: the plate for it? A lot of the times, the

617
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:01,919
Speaker 4: most of times we don't, And I think that's okay too,

618
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 4: because it's like, I don't know, we learned from that

619
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 4: adversity even though we might have not came to the

620
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:09,479
Speaker 4: challenge too, and stuff like that.

621
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,759
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that guy, that guy, well there's a lot

622
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,359
Speaker 3: of I mean, that guy's doing pretty good. But I

623
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 3: also think about all the people who don't have arms

624
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:18,800
Speaker 3: and legs, who are like, man, this is not I

625
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:19,359
Speaker 3: don't like this.

626
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:25,319
Speaker 4: Yeah that's true too. Damn yeah, life, life can be

627
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 4: like that.

628
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 3: Well realize, I guess, I guess you know what you're

629
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 3: making me feel. Grateful to have arms and legs, which

630
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:36,799
Speaker 3: is that. I think, honestly, probably the baseline to wake

631
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 3: up every day with is just grateful you have arms

632
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 3: and legs.

633
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,359
Speaker 4: For sure, but definitely try to do stuff with your

634
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 4: opposite hand though. It definitely puts you into like perspective

635
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,320
Speaker 4: and it keeps you because you were talking about presence

636
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 4: a lot. You talk about that flow stick. It gives

637
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:55,880
Speaker 4: you at presence that I feel like, because you're actually

638
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 4: going to have to focus on the cash you're doing,

639
00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 4: even though because most of the time we do it

640
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 4: mindlessly with that dominant hand or something like that. But yeah,

641
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:07,399
Speaker 4: I feel like everyone even chat or anyone that might

642
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:11,359
Speaker 4: listen to this. Yeah, try to do things that you're

643
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 4: not usually comfortable with, and that can be simple things

644
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 4: because they kind of yeah, put those things in perspective.

645
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 3: You know, what's your name again, sir?

646
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 4: Oh, I went by poop, but Poop, I go by friend.

647
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

648
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 4: But but but I did call you with flying loads

649
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 4: that one time, and I was so nervous and I

650
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 4: really want to call back, and I think it went

651
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 4: way better because I actually knew what to talk about.

652
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,399
Speaker 4: But yeah, you know, shit happens and then you over

653
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:39,839
Speaker 4: here again.

654
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 3: So yeah, Poop, is there anything else you gonna say

655
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 3: to the people the computer before we go?

656
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 4: Stay yourself, guys, do what you love and yeah, love.

657
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 3: You get Thank you, Poop, you have a good rest

658
00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:01,319
Speaker 3: of the night. Good luck to you, sir, you too?

659
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 3: H Yeah, this why is I don't like doing I'm

660
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 3: okay with like embarrassing myself, but I don't like doing

661
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 3: putting myself out there like physically, Like I have no

662
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,799
Speaker 3: interest in skydiving or skateboarding or anything where you can

663
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 3: like really fuck yourself up. But I have respect for

664
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 3: people who do do that. Hello, Hey, Hey, what's up?

665
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 3: What's your name?

666
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,839
Speaker 5: My name is Graciana. We've talked once.

667
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 3: Before, Graciana. How long ago did we talk?

668
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 5: It was like when you like, you know, when COVID

669
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 5: was was a thing that everyone was we were all

670
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,479
Speaker 5: hiding from well some of us, some.

671
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 3: Of us are anyone, Okay, so a while ago.

672
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 5: Yeah.

673
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:54,959
Speaker 6: Yeah.

674
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 5: The last subject we talked about. I was explaining how

675
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 5: I I had my first kid at fifteen and my

676
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:07,440
Speaker 5: next one at twenty two and the difference between the two,

677
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 5: and oh.

678
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 3: Shit, well how are they doing? How are the kids?

679
00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 5: Oh, you know, that's complicated. Listen, kids. My three year

680
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 5: old he changes every day, if not every week, if

681
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 5: not like every month. And he's a little easier because

682
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 5: you know, he's three in the way of you know,

683
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 5: it's he can't talk that much. My eleven year old,

684
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:51,040
Speaker 5: she's on this whole discovering herself in questioning life and

685
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 5: and I mean some stuff is going on there for sure.

686
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 5: That's kind of terrifying in the way of she obviously

687
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:07,240
Speaker 5: has depression and she's made it clear that you know, she's.

688
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 3: She's asking for help and she's eleven.

689
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's eleven, dude.

690
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 3: Oh man, so how do you uh uh? I've been

691
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 3: thinking you know, it's funny. So I don't think I'm

692
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 3: gonna have kids for a while, but I know that

693
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 3: I want to eventually. And I was thinking about that.

694
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:33,239
Speaker 3: I was like, how if you know, like you this

695
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 3: is this might be a negative viewpoint, but it's like,

696
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 3: you know, I think having kids like can introduce a

697
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 3: lot of joy in your life, but also a lot

698
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 3: of suffering because like whatever you take, whatever they have,

699
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 3: you know, that's kind of part of your job. I

700
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 3: think is like if your kid is suffering, you kind

701
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 3: of have to, you know, be in that suffering with

702
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:56,720
Speaker 3: them to help. You got to dive into the black

703
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 3: pit to help get them out of there, and you

704
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,680
Speaker 3: got to go in there. You know, what is it?

705
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:03,879
Speaker 3: I mean? Is that accurate? Do you feel that way?

706
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:08,319
Speaker 5: I see, I feel a lot like I think that

707
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:10,479
Speaker 5: we feel a lot of the same in that way.

708
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 5: Like although you know, when I got pregnant at fifteen,

709
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 5: I thought it was going to be a beautiful, wonderful thing.

710
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:23,200
Speaker 5: Obviously I was a fucking kid, right, but like and

711
00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 5: then as as I got older, like and then having

712
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 5: my newest, my newest boy, it's I'm realizing that I

713
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,920
Speaker 5: have a lot, Like I stopped. I essentially stopped at

714
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 5: fifteen kind of like discovering myself and all that. So

715
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:49,400
Speaker 5: I encourage people to just kind of enjoy themselves, like

716
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:53,880
Speaker 5: get to know themselves, because yes, having a kid it

717
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 5: has given me a lot of joy and perspective, but

718
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 5: it is also really hard and and it's at some

719
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 5: times like currently, I feel like with my eleven year olds,

720
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 5: it's kind of like your you don't know if if

721
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 5: you're going to get a bank you in the end

722
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 5: for all of the actual sacrifices that you do make

723
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 5: in just like mentally and and physically and like and

724
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,800
Speaker 5: you know, just like all the all the stuff. The

725
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 5: fucking doctor visits the it's it's just it's you. It's

726
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 5: you caring for a whole other person. And also like

727
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:45,240
Speaker 5: I'm I'm you know, I knew after a while, uh

728
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 5: that I'm essentially teaching her what what life is going

729
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 5: to be, like everything everything that I give her, Like

730
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,919
Speaker 5: she she's watching me, like how I handle things, That's

731
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:04,880
Speaker 5: how she's gonna handle things, right, Yeah.

732
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 3: You're giving her the context of life.

733
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like I was fifteen when

734
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 5: I had her, and so it wasn't the prettiest scene.

735
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:22,360
Speaker 5: You know, it really wasn't. I mean, granted, I don't like,

736
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:28,840
Speaker 5: it wasn't like a you know, I don't I don't know.

737
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:31,319
Speaker 5: Me and my partner are both fifteen, So it was

738
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 5: it was it was like two kids that all of

739
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 5: a sudden moved in together and like my family is

740
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 5: falling apart. So then as all of a sudden, was

741
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,440
Speaker 5: like adopted by his mom with my brothers, and so

742
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:51,720
Speaker 5: it's just like to a certain extent, I understand why.

743
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:55,879
Speaker 2: Why it was so hard.

744
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 5: For because I was fucking fifteen, and so like it

745
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:03,760
Speaker 5: wasn't It wasn't a about oh I should I should

746
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:09,360
Speaker 5: be not crying in the closet, and I just that

747
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 5: all the time, like I should be I don't know,

748
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 5: trying to do things and paying more attention and and uh,

749
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:22,799
Speaker 5: I don't know, dude, I think his is I think

750
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:27,800
Speaker 5: having kids is a beautiful thing, and but I also

751
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:35,560
Speaker 5: feel like it's it's not it's not what they told us.

752
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 3: You know, are you still with that, You're still with

753
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:44,839
Speaker 3: the guy that you had the kid with, not my.

754
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 5: Eleven year old. I'm with a new partner and he's

755
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 5: the father of my three year old.

756
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, uh, and how how is he? Because I

757
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 3: feel like that is the because this really feels like

758
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 3: something you kind of can't do alone. It feels like

759
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:09,360
Speaker 3: something that that you got to have the right person

760
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:09,799
Speaker 3: to do.

761
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:10,240
Speaker 4: It with.

762
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 5: Absolutely, and that is something that I really really advocate for. Um, Like,

763
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 5: I'm like the you just want to you know how

764
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 5: they say you want to vet someone kind of like

765
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:28,479
Speaker 5: you kind of want to vet someone in the way

766
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:30,959
Speaker 5: of how are they going to be in a tough

767
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 5: situation if your kid like is crying and it's been

768
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:38,839
Speaker 5: fucking hours and you're both sleep deprived and like you're

769
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:42,279
Speaker 5: irritated obviously and they're irritated, how are they going to

770
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:42,799
Speaker 5: handle it?

771
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,319
Speaker 2: Or like.

772
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:48,760
Speaker 5: I don't know, it's.

773
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,319
Speaker 6: How how do they How did they take care of

774
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 6: you and pick up the house? And how does your guys'

775
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:59,919
Speaker 6: relationship kind of like feel together? And and because it's

776
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 6: once you have a kid, that's balancing your relationship with

777
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 6: this person and then also having a child together and

778
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:08,359
Speaker 6: being a.

779
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 5: Family, right, It's it's it's a mixed bag patience, patience

780
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:24,319
Speaker 5: and really really getting to know that person a little bit.

781
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 3: And how is your new partner doing with all that.

782
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 5: He's been great, you know, he's he really Sometimes I

783
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:44,480
Speaker 5: get worried that, like I'm I don't know, because my

784
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:50,479
Speaker 5: last relationship was so it's just I didn't I only

785
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 5: it wasn't. It wasn't it wasn't the sweetest at times,

786
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 5: so I was kind of I don't know. I feel

787
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 5: like I'm kind of hard times in the way of like,

788
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 5: I don't, I don't know. I I get scared of

789
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:13,839
Speaker 5: keeping things to myself, so I'll just like say what

790
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:18,719
Speaker 5: I'm thinking or whatever, not like negative stuff, but like,

791
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 5: I don't know, I'm pretty open about if I think

792
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 5: someone's pretty or not, and I think that that's sometimes

793
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 5: uh kind of affects like how he feels sometimes and

794
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:38,440
Speaker 5: I feel kind of.

795
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 3: Like, oh, if you say, like another girl is.

796
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 5: Pretty or like a guy or something, but yeah, girls too.

797
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:49,840
Speaker 3: Sure, Well, you have a buzzing in the background. What

798
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 3: is that?

799
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 5: That is my sister trying to call me. She likes

800
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 5: to call me every day.

801
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:01,240
Speaker 3: Oh that's nice. Yea a good relationship with your sister

802
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:04,319
Speaker 3: or I guess, I guess not good enough that you're

803
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 3: going to hang up on me to call to talk

804
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:07,359
Speaker 3: to her. But is it good?

805
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 5: Yeah? I mean she I love her, she's younger, she's

806
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 5: she's actually my first my last partner's sister. Like I

807
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:24,040
Speaker 5: moved in with them at fifteen basically, and he had

808
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:34,319
Speaker 5: uh three two no, I think it was two at

809
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:36,800
Speaker 5: the time, two brothers and then a sister.

810
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 3: Because so this is like your this is like your

811
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:46,320
Speaker 3: ex sister in law, but you call her your sister. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

812
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:46,799
Speaker 2: M.

813
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 3: Well let me see here, let me think. Well, I

814
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,879
Speaker 3: guess I'll ask you this before we go, is uh,

815
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:01,200
Speaker 3: I guess? So on the let's this on the topic

816
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,760
Speaker 3: of self discovery and whatnot, do you feel as though

817
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:09,840
Speaker 3: you have been able to do any self discovery lately?

818
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:12,960
Speaker 3: And if so, have you learned anything?

819
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:21,560
Speaker 5: Definitely? So something that really started like kickstarting everything is

820
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:27,760
Speaker 5: I started just going to like immediately after I graduated

821
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:30,720
Speaker 5: high school. My teacher was telling me, go to college,

822
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 5: go to college, go to college, and so I was like, okay, whatever,

823
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 5: And I went to College of the Redwoods shout out.

824
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:46,319
Speaker 5: And I loved every English teacher. I loved just like

825
00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 5: how we would like dissect things. And then that made

826
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 5: me really think and keep thinking in the way of

827
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:55,720
Speaker 5: like I don't know just like life. And I feel

828
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,960
Speaker 5: like no one that I was around was really thinking

829
00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:04,320
Speaker 5: that way, and so it just kind of kept watering this, Well,

830
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:07,279
Speaker 5: what do I think and what what would I like

831
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:10,879
Speaker 5: to do? And what do I enjoy? And hey, this

832
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:15,600
Speaker 5: book is actually really interesting and like things like that,

833
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:21,160
Speaker 5: and then like also uh, attending parenting classes and things

834
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 5: like I I try to attend every parenting class that

835
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 5: I can find, just because it even though they kind

836
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 5: of like talk about the same stuff, it's the other

837
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 5: parents that are in there that really help and just

838
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 5: make you like feel connected and think and learn new

839
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 5: ways and feel like, uh, you know, we're all just

840
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:45,080
Speaker 5: kind of figuring it out.

841
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:50,120
Speaker 2: Well.

842
00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:54,400
Speaker 3: I appreciate this. This perspective is a good is a

843
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 3: good perspective to have, because I think when you think

844
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 3: that when you I don't know when I when I imagine

845
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:04,600
Speaker 3: life ahead, you always, uh you always imagine that everything's

846
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:06,840
Speaker 3: gonna be awesome, and you kind of forget you're gonna

847
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 3: look forward with rose colored glasses and you kind of

848
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 3: forget that things remain difficult. But uh, I don't know,

849
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:20,760
Speaker 3: you kind of pick your poison I suppose in life.

850
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's a it is it is a giving thing.

851
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,800
Speaker 5: I don't want it to sound like I'm not grateful.

852
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, that's not what I've been flying

853
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:32,319
Speaker 3: at all. I was just kind of.

854
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:37,839
Speaker 7: Musing, Yeah, it's it is. I do feel like there's

855
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:41,400
Speaker 7: a rose like, there's like rose color glasses. Absolutely like

856
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 7: there's still hardships and you're still gonna have different things

857
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:50,919
Speaker 7: that you're gonna have to learn to navigate through.

858
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:55,880
Speaker 3: What's your name again, Grace Siana? Is there anything else

859
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 3: you want to say to the people of the computer

860
00:52:57,719 --> 00:52:58,319
Speaker 3: before we go?

861
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:05,480
Speaker 5: You guys should read Billions and Billions. It's a really

862
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:06,000
Speaker 5: fun book.

863
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 3: Billions and Billions. Mhm uh, well, thank you, Graciana. You

864
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,799
Speaker 3: have a good rest of the night, you too.

865
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:21,680
Speaker 5: Li'le talk to you again someday by Graciana. Bye.

866
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 3: All right, let's look this up. Billions and Billions.

867
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:25,920
Speaker 4: What is this?

868
00:53:26,040 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 3: Billions and Billions. It's a book by Carl Sagan. Billions

869
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 3: and Billions. Thoughts on life and death at the Brink

870
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:36,439
Speaker 3: of the Millennium. Now I know I'm not reading this book.

871
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 3: I'm you know what. Look, we did, we had a

872
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 3: good run with existentialist thought, and I'm coming back. I'm

873
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:49,680
Speaker 3: joining the living, dude, I'm joining the living. Sorry not

874
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 3: to shit on this person's book recommendation, but i've I

875
00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:57,719
Speaker 3: I want to I'm not reading this book. I'm not

876
00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:01,919
Speaker 3: reading the Sissyphus. I'm reading fucking Cat in the Hat.

877
00:54:02,719 --> 00:54:09,520
Speaker 3: I'm reading. Uh, I don't know what's a I don't know.

878
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 3: I'm trying to join. I'm trying to join the living.

879
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:15,759
Speaker 3: You know, how do I how do you do that?

880
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 3: How do you rejoin the living? You fucking play kickball?

881
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:19,640
Speaker 2: Yeah?

882
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:30,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, get really into competitive super Smash Brothers whatever it is. Yeah,

883
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:33,839
Speaker 3: I'm gonna join the living once more. That's my goal.

884
00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:37,479
Speaker 3: But thank you? Uh crap. I forget what the person

885
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 3: who I just talked to his name was, because it

886
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 3: was quite elegant, but I appreciate them sharing, sharing their life,

887
00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:48,759
Speaker 3: sharing their life. It was a Casiana. Let me ask

888
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:55,359
Speaker 3: the twitch chat is a Caseiana, right? Caseiana? I don't know.

889
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:59,280
Speaker 3: Maybe someone said to read the lorax So oh, Graciana. Okay,

890
00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:08,440
Speaker 3: that was close. Those close, Graciana, Thank you very much, Graciana. Hello, Hello,

891
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:13,520
Speaker 3: hi there. What is your name? My name is Jonathan, Jonathan.

892
00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:16,319
Speaker 3: What's going on, Jonathan? How is life?

893
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:17,160
Speaker 2: Uh?

894
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:20,640
Speaker 1: Pretty pretty good man? I'm I'm I'm kind of hanging out.

895
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 1: I'm I'm working from home. I'm just kind of I'm

896
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:25,719
Speaker 1: just just just kind of sucking around right now. I

897
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 1: guess I had some free time. It's funny, are you like,

898
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 1: I don't know I called and don't actually, I mean,

899
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:38,080
Speaker 1: things are all right, I guess. I'm like, I'm just

900
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:40,560
Speaker 1: kind of I've been busy. I've been I've been traveling

901
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 1: a bunch good.

902
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:44,640
Speaker 3: I just I just to just to make it clear

903
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 3: your life, just I guess the listeners, your life does

904
00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 3: not have to be on the brink of collapse for

905
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:54,399
Speaker 3: you to call into this show. In fact, in fact,

906
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:58,120
Speaker 3: I would prefer I would prefer you know what I

907
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 3: love doing. I know this is I feel feel bad

908
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:03,359
Speaker 3: about this. It feels selfish, but like I just I

909
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:09,080
Speaker 3: love doing the the outside version of this show so

910
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:11,960
Speaker 3: much because it's like I just like chat. I just

911
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:15,439
Speaker 3: like chatting with people, you know, Like I I feel

912
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:20,200
Speaker 3: like I'm not equipped anymore to like, uh, you know,

913
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 3: help folks whose life is on the brink of collapse,

914
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:26,160
Speaker 3: because I'm also I feel like I'm in a dire

915
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:31,319
Speaker 3: state all the time. And uh, it's actually it's it's

916
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:33,120
Speaker 3: nice to just I just like chatting with people. I

917
00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:36,240
Speaker 3: really do. Like I'm not I've talked. I've fucking complained

918
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:38,480
Speaker 3: about this so many times, but like, I like just

919
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:41,919
Speaker 3: chatting with folks, you know, So I'm happy to just chat.

920
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:46,319
Speaker 3: You do not need to be oh, your life does

921
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:48,239
Speaker 3: not need to be on the brink of collapse for

922
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:49,080
Speaker 3: us to just chat.

923
00:56:50,080 --> 00:56:50,879
Speaker 2: Thick cool.

924
00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:53,239
Speaker 1: I'm glad to hear it because I I think there

925
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:55,600
Speaker 1: was a time long ago when I was in very

926
00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:59,280
Speaker 1: dire straits. But I've been to real therapy and I

927
00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:02,399
Speaker 1: got I have normal things happening now, and it's kind

928
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:03,480
Speaker 1: of chill now, you know.

929
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 3: I like, I would love to hear how you got

930
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:12,160
Speaker 3: your life out of dire straits and and how things

931
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:13,000
Speaker 3: have come to be chill.

932
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:18,600
Speaker 1: Uh sure, yeah, I mean, so I went to school

933
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:23,360
Speaker 1: in Florida where I went to school for engineering, and

934
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:28,760
Speaker 1: that's how shit went awful. And you know, eventually you

935
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:33,080
Speaker 1: graduate and God willing to get a job, so I did,

936
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 1: and that one sucked, and so eventually, uh started going

937
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:40,920
Speaker 1: to therapy to cope with all that, and then eventually

938
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 1: got a new job, moved across the country. I moved

939
00:57:46,120 --> 00:57:51,760
Speaker 1: in with somebodies from college, and I started working a

940
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:55,880
Speaker 1: way chiller job, and I started to you know, pay

941
00:57:55,920 --> 00:57:58,440
Speaker 1: off debt, I guess, and I and I found hobbies.

942
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 1: So I spent all my time when you know, I mean,

943
00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:03,600
Speaker 1: I work a lot, but like I spent a lot

944
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:08,120
Speaker 1: of time, you know, fucking doing things like I played

945
00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:13,080
Speaker 1: dodgeball for fun, and that ship rocks, and I make

946
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 1: I make neat insider also for fun and to drink

947
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:18,960
Speaker 1: with my friend. And it's it's been.

948
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:19,640
Speaker 2: I don't know.

949
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:22,800
Speaker 1: I feel I spent a good amount of time in therapy,

950
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:27,480
Speaker 1: some time on and then off of antidepressants, and I

951
00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:29,360
Speaker 1: don't know now just kind of hanging out. I had

952
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 1: I had yogurt for breakfast. It was all right.

953
00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:35,400
Speaker 3: I don't know which antidepressants were you were you rocking with?

954
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:40,720
Speaker 3: I've recently gotten on the antidepressant train. Which ones have

955
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 3: you been rocking with?

956
00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:45,240
Speaker 1: So I was pretty I was lucky enough. They you know,

957
00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:48,040
Speaker 1: they put you on LESU pro first, and that worked

958
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 1: for me. So I stuck with it for a little

959
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 1: while and that that that was pretty nice. I was

960
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:54,040
Speaker 1: on that for a little over a year year and

961
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:54,400
Speaker 1: a half.

962
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:57,000
Speaker 3: Now, how long does it take because I know that,

963
00:58:58,080 --> 00:59:00,640
Speaker 3: Like the psychiatrist is like, okay, now, just so you know,

964
00:59:00,840 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 3: the first three weeks of this, you were going to

965
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:05,720
Speaker 3: want to kill yourself every day, but that'll go away.

966
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:06,960
Speaker 3: That's what they always say.

967
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:10,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And I don't think my psychiatrist put it

968
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:13,479
Speaker 1: quite so bluntly, but he did. What he said was yeah,

969
00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:16,360
Speaker 1: for the first like two three, four weeks, it's gonna

970
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:20,000
Speaker 1: feel odd, is what he said. And I was like,

971
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 1: can you elaborate. He's like, it's different for everyone, but

972
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:25,920
Speaker 1: it's gonna be a little weird. Just just stick with it.

973
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:30,720
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, man, sure, And so yeah, I was

974
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 1: like two three, I think four weeks. I want to

975
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:36,640
Speaker 1: say it was like after the three third or fourth

976
00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:39,400
Speaker 1: week was when I started being able to like get

977
00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:44,480
Speaker 1: out of bed regularly and like without as much difficulty,

978
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:49,720
Speaker 1: you know, stopped wanting to kill myself, which was cool,

979
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:54,160
Speaker 1: and it just kind of like, yeah, I want to

980
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:56,480
Speaker 1: say that I felt like I was like properly in

981
00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 1: full swing after like a month, month and a half

982
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,360
Speaker 1: and then just like it's one of those things that like, yeah,

983
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 1: the the answer depressions aren't like they're not they're not

984
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 1: the fixer. They just kind of make it easier for

985
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 1: you to make the life changes that you probably need

986
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 1: to make so that this start your life so that

987
01:00:19,920 --> 01:00:21,960
Speaker 1: you can make your own life better.

988
01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 3: Were the uh like okay, so you eventually yeah, okay,

989
01:00:28,360 --> 01:00:30,120
Speaker 3: I mean that's how it works, I think, right, it

990
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 3: is like you because that's when your brain is like

991
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:35,720
Speaker 3: attacking you. You're like, oh, I'm too weak to like

992
01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 3: do the things I need to do to externally change

993
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:42,640
Speaker 3: the circumstances of my life and shit, right, and so

994
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:44,800
Speaker 3: the kind of get you to the point where you're like,

995
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 3: all right, I feel like I can actually like do things.

996
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 3: So once you got to the point where you go, yeah,

997
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:52,080
Speaker 3: so so once you once you get to the point

998
01:00:52,080 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 3: where you can actually do things, what were you doing

999
01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:56,640
Speaker 3: that let kind of change the circumstances?

1000
01:00:57,720 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 1: I was, you know, it's like just just going out

1001
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:02,600
Speaker 1: out more, not like going out to like bars, and

1002
01:01:02,640 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 1: I mean I guess I did that too, but like

1003
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:05,360
Speaker 1: I was just like getting out of the house a

1004
01:01:05,360 --> 01:01:08,200
Speaker 1: little more. You know, I was like fucking taking out

1005
01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:16,200
Speaker 1: my garbage and like brushing my teeth and uh, you know,

1006
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 1: I just started, like, you know, I signed up for

1007
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:24,400
Speaker 1: a recreational sports league you know, like just just like

1008
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 1: exercising a little more and like cooked a little more,

1009
01:01:28,040 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 1: and it's like it sounds like a lot to start.

1010
01:01:31,240 --> 01:01:34,360
Speaker 1: I didn't do all those things at the same time, obviously.

1011
01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:36,479
Speaker 1: It was like I think I started with just taking

1012
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:39,400
Speaker 1: out my garbage and like doing laundry more frequently, and

1013
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:42,360
Speaker 1: then I was like, okay, well, eventually that became part

1014
01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:44,720
Speaker 1: of my routine. I was like, okay, well, now I

1015
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:46,760
Speaker 1: think I can add a little more to this plate.

1016
01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:52,320
Speaker 1: And so I started, you know, going on walks, you know,

1017
01:01:52,520 --> 01:01:55,720
Speaker 1: seeing people more often. I started applying to jobs, and

1018
01:01:55,760 --> 01:01:57,760
Speaker 1: I quit the job that was making me want to

1019
01:01:57,800 --> 01:02:01,000
Speaker 1: kill myself. Things like that.

1020
01:02:01,160 --> 01:02:01,360
Speaker 6: You know.

1021
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:03,640
Speaker 1: It was just like just just steadily adding a little

1022
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:07,280
Speaker 1: bit more to the plate as I felt like I

1023
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:11,080
Speaker 1: was able to eat them, you know, mm hm.

1024
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:14,240
Speaker 3: And what where did you move? Did you say?

1025
01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:14,920
Speaker 2: I moved?

1026
01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:19,400
Speaker 1: I moved from Orlando to New England. So I lived

1027
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:20,720
Speaker 1: like in the Boston metro.

1028
01:02:20,880 --> 01:02:23,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, And what do you know when did you

1029
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:25,880
Speaker 3: move to? Uh? Boston?

1030
01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:30,200
Speaker 1: Uh? Three three and a half years ago.

1031
01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:33,400
Speaker 3: Now, And uh was it tough when you first made

1032
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:33,720
Speaker 3: the move?

1033
01:02:35,480 --> 01:02:35,800
Speaker 4: Uh?

1034
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,800
Speaker 1: It was the thing that was so I moved in

1035
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:41,919
Speaker 1: the winter, So that kind of sucked. But I think

1036
01:02:41,920 --> 01:02:44,240
Speaker 1: more than anything was that, like I didn't have.

1037
01:02:44,120 --> 01:02:45,960
Speaker 2: A lease yet.

1038
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:48,960
Speaker 1: I moved here, and I was just like bouncing around

1039
01:02:49,720 --> 01:02:53,960
Speaker 1: airbnbs for like six months until I actually was able

1040
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:54,720
Speaker 1: to live somewhere.

1041
01:02:55,160 --> 01:02:57,919
Speaker 3: Yeah I've done that. I've done that. Yeah.

1042
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:00,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was tough because I wasn't I wasn't able

1043
01:03:00,720 --> 01:03:03,560
Speaker 1: to so I had I had a roommate in Orlando

1044
01:03:03,640 --> 01:03:05,840
Speaker 1: whom I left, and I wasn't able to break my

1045
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:07,760
Speaker 1: leaf because it would have been too expensive.

1046
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:09,600
Speaker 2: But he wouldn't.

1047
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:12,920
Speaker 1: He wasn't helping me find a sub lease, so I

1048
01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:17,280
Speaker 1: was just like actually absolutely broke paying two rents for

1049
01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:21,560
Speaker 1: like four months until until the other leaf ended and

1050
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:22,760
Speaker 1: I could get on a new one and.

1051
01:03:22,680 --> 01:03:27,320
Speaker 2: Stop paying double rents. Yeah.

1052
01:03:27,640 --> 01:03:30,200
Speaker 1: But aside from that, like the social was easy a

1053
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:31,800
Speaker 1: little bit because like I had a couple of friends

1054
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:33,280
Speaker 1: who lived here. It was kind of part of why

1055
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:35,760
Speaker 1: this was a city that I had in mind. I mean,

1056
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:37,720
Speaker 1: like I got I had a couple of buddies from

1057
01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:40,720
Speaker 1: college who were the guys who told me to move.

1058
01:03:40,840 --> 01:03:44,040
Speaker 1: They're like, hey, I think I visited them. We linked

1059
01:03:44,120 --> 01:03:46,800
Speaker 1: up for a wedding sometime in the summer, and uh,

1060
01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:48,920
Speaker 1: you know, we were just hanging out, like having a

1061
01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:52,280
Speaker 1: few drinks, and eventually I was just like drunkenly, I've been,

1062
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:54,320
Speaker 1: you know, exploring Boston for a few days. I was like, guys,

1063
01:03:54,320 --> 01:03:56,680
Speaker 1: I could fucking I should live here, and you know,

1064
01:03:56,720 --> 01:03:58,040
Speaker 1: everybody like laughs ahaha.

1065
01:03:58,160 --> 01:03:58,400
Speaker 6: Sure.

1066
01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:01,760
Speaker 1: And then like three months later they called me and

1067
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:06,439
Speaker 1: they're like, hey, man, so about you moving here? We

1068
01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:08,920
Speaker 1: want another roommate. Fuck it, you've got You've got eight

1069
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:12,320
Speaker 1: months to figure it out. And I was like, oh, good, okay,

1070
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:15,720
Speaker 1: that's kind of that's enough time. And so you know,

1071
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:18,920
Speaker 1: I fucking updated my resume and I got on LinkedIn

1072
01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:21,920
Speaker 1: and stuff, and I just I figured it out. I

1073
01:04:21,960 --> 01:04:26,280
Speaker 1: guess I moved too early because obviously their least wasn't

1074
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:29,440
Speaker 1: up until June or whatever, and so I moved in November.

1075
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:34,560
Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, I mean I had friends, I have,

1076
01:04:34,840 --> 01:04:38,400
Speaker 1: I have some family in the general region, Like I

1077
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:40,880
Speaker 1: got family in like Connecticut and New Hampshire and stuff.

1078
01:04:40,920 --> 01:04:42,840
Speaker 1: So it's like, you know, I could make the trek

1079
01:04:42,880 --> 01:04:45,080
Speaker 1: out for those things if I if I needed them.

1080
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:49,480
Speaker 1: It was it was weird, but and I guess it

1081
01:04:49,520 --> 01:04:51,480
Speaker 1: was hard, but like, at no point did it ever

1082
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:53,720
Speaker 1: feel like it really sucked. I Like, I think this

1083
01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:56,120
Speaker 1: is a pretty cool town, you know, like the people

1084
01:04:56,120 --> 01:04:58,640
Speaker 1: are nice and the food is really good. So I'm

1085
01:04:58,680 --> 01:04:59,280
Speaker 1: hanging you.

1086
01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:02,520
Speaker 3: Know, pretty good, pretty good. What is the What is

1087
01:05:02,560 --> 01:05:03,560
Speaker 3: the job that you do out there?

1088
01:05:05,400 --> 01:05:09,440
Speaker 1: I'm a I'm an engineer. I I design motion sensors.

1089
01:05:10,800 --> 01:05:11,960
Speaker 8: The company I work for.

1090
01:05:13,560 --> 01:05:17,200
Speaker 1: They do like bathroom appliances, so I design like the

1091
01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:18,720
Speaker 1: faucet sensors.

1092
01:05:18,840 --> 01:05:21,479
Speaker 3: Oh okay, Well, I gotta tell you something. You're doing

1093
01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:26,640
Speaker 3: a fucking shitty job because every time, every time I

1094
01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:32,120
Speaker 3: use a public bathroom, those motherfuckers are not recognizing my

1095
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:34,840
Speaker 3: hands and I'm walking out of here with you know,

1096
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:41,760
Speaker 3: I no soap, no uhh, no dryer, no nothing. So

1097
01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:44,040
Speaker 3: you know, you gotta I don't know, I don't know

1098
01:05:44,080 --> 01:05:48,320
Speaker 3: what's going on at big bathroom motion Sensors, but you

1099
01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:50,800
Speaker 3: you got to make some changes on the inside, man,

1100
01:05:50,840 --> 01:05:53,240
Speaker 3: because it's not as you guys aren't doing a good job.

1101
01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:56,320
Speaker 1: Dude, I fucking I hear you, man. I mean, this

1102
01:05:56,480 --> 01:05:58,720
Speaker 1: wasn't even a job that I knew existed until it

1103
01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:00,840
Speaker 1: was my job and now I and I just got here.

1104
01:06:00,880 --> 01:06:02,960
Speaker 1: I was like, how the how did how the fuck

1105
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:03,800
Speaker 1: does this even work?

1106
01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:04,280
Speaker 2: You know?

1107
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:09,800
Speaker 1: So? Yeah, I mean I I actually I haven't been

1108
01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:13,080
Speaker 1: here long enough for you to have ever used one

1109
01:06:13,080 --> 01:06:16,440
Speaker 1: of my sensors. I don't think I got one. I

1110
01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:18,480
Speaker 1: have one sensor on the market right now, and it's

1111
01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:24,200
Speaker 1: a it's a water bottle filler. But aside from that, like, yeah,

1112
01:06:24,280 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 1: we're we're still we're still in the R and D

1113
01:06:26,320 --> 01:06:29,840
Speaker 1: phase for everything else. It's it's a weird it's a

1114
01:06:29,880 --> 01:06:33,840
Speaker 1: weird job. I don't know. But yeah, I mean, go ahead,

1115
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:36,720
Speaker 1: you know, leave me a shitty yelp review. Uh and

1116
01:06:36,720 --> 01:06:39,920
Speaker 1: and and we'll see if we can't get your faucets replaced.

1117
01:06:40,160 --> 01:06:42,680
Speaker 3: Every time I walk out of an airport bathroom with

1118
01:06:42,720 --> 01:06:45,080
Speaker 3: wet hands, I'm gonna be like fucking Jonathan.

1119
01:06:46,360 --> 01:06:49,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, yeah, fuck that guy, Jonathan, No man, he

1120
01:06:49,440 --> 01:06:49,880
Speaker 1: blew it.

1121
01:06:50,960 --> 01:06:53,000
Speaker 3: That's cool though, that's cool. It sounds like you have

1122
01:06:53,080 --> 01:06:56,360
Speaker 3: a good, uh a good thing going on. Are you

1123
01:06:56,400 --> 01:06:58,640
Speaker 3: still living with those two guys?

1124
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's it's pretty good. I mean, one of

1125
01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:03,280
Speaker 1: them is moving out, but we got another guy coming in.

1126
01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:07,320
Speaker 1: It's it's hanging, we're chilling it it's it's we've been

1127
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:10,280
Speaker 1: living in this apartment basically, this is the apartment that

1128
01:07:10,320 --> 01:07:12,640
Speaker 1: I moved into. It's been three years and I'm not

1129
01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:15,680
Speaker 1: going anywhere. It's just me, the boys and a cat.

1130
01:07:16,160 --> 01:07:17,040
Speaker 2: It's been nice.

1131
01:07:17,360 --> 01:07:19,440
Speaker 3: How old are you guys? What's the age range of

1132
01:07:19,440 --> 01:07:20,640
Speaker 3: the of the of the boys.

1133
01:07:21,480 --> 01:07:23,480
Speaker 1: We're twenty eight, twenty nine.

1134
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:25,120
Speaker 3: Cool, pretty good.

1135
01:07:25,200 --> 01:07:27,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's been solid.

1136
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:28,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1137
01:07:28,720 --> 01:07:31,360
Speaker 1: Now, I don't know. Now we're just like we've kind

1138
01:07:31,360 --> 01:07:33,800
Speaker 1: of like exited the stage of getting used to each

1139
01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:35,240
Speaker 1: other and now we're just kind of I don't know,

1140
01:07:35,280 --> 01:07:39,840
Speaker 1: we're walking around and like it's just playing sports. I guess,

1141
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:43,160
Speaker 1: you know. We had a we had a we had

1142
01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:44,560
Speaker 1: a Saint Patti's Day party.

1143
01:07:44,880 --> 01:07:45,480
Speaker 2: That was one thing.

1144
01:07:45,480 --> 01:07:47,520
Speaker 1: It's like, Saint Patrick's Day is not a thing that

1145
01:07:47,560 --> 01:07:50,120
Speaker 1: people gave much of a shit about in Florida, at

1146
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:53,160
Speaker 1: least not an experience. I moved here and it's like, oh, no,

1147
01:07:53,720 --> 01:07:57,000
Speaker 1: you guys do this ship. Oh this is this is real.

1148
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:01,560
Speaker 1: You drink a lot. You drink a lot. Actually, that's

1149
01:08:01,600 --> 01:08:03,400
Speaker 1: one thing I would say so when I was on

1150
01:08:03,440 --> 01:08:07,480
Speaker 1: my antidepressants, you know, like I wouldn't say I like

1151
01:08:07,560 --> 01:08:09,240
Speaker 1: to go crazy when I drink, but I like to

1152
01:08:09,400 --> 01:08:13,880
Speaker 1: have a few drinks. You know, I've never been. I

1153
01:08:13,920 --> 01:08:18,240
Speaker 1: have blacked out in my life four times, and all

1154
01:08:18,280 --> 01:08:21,920
Speaker 1: of four of those times were while I was on antidepressants.

1155
01:08:22,280 --> 01:08:26,519
Speaker 3: Yeah, they do tend to amplify the effects of like

1156
01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:28,000
Speaker 3: drugs and alcohol.

1157
01:08:28,479 --> 01:08:28,799
Speaker 2: Dude.

1158
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:29,599
Speaker 4: It was nuts.

1159
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:32,720
Speaker 1: It was absolutely nuts. I mean like it wasn't like, oh,

1160
01:08:32,760 --> 01:08:34,920
Speaker 1: I had five or six drinks. Is like, no, I'm

1161
01:08:34,960 --> 01:08:38,280
Speaker 1: on beer number four and I don't remember yesterday anymore,

1162
01:08:38,360 --> 01:08:42,720
Speaker 1: you know, Like, so, yeah, some crazy shit happened while

1163
01:08:42,760 --> 01:08:46,200
Speaker 1: I was while I was on antidepressants, and eventually I

1164
01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:48,639
Speaker 1: was just like, I don't know, I'm not gonna I'm

1165
01:08:48,680 --> 01:08:52,320
Speaker 1: not gonna stop drinking, but I guess I I guess

1166
01:08:52,400 --> 01:08:54,240
Speaker 1: I can't. I guess I have to, you know. So

1167
01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:56,400
Speaker 1: that was a weird That was a weird stage.

1168
01:08:56,560 --> 01:09:01,000
Speaker 3: You know, did you get I was I gonna say,

1169
01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:03,280
Speaker 3: did you get into any trouble when you blacked out?

1170
01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:05,320
Speaker 3: Like did you did you fuck yourself up? Or was

1171
01:09:05,360 --> 01:09:08,800
Speaker 3: it typically pretty controlled blackout?

1172
01:09:09,439 --> 01:09:10,000
Speaker 5: I would say.

1173
01:09:10,040 --> 01:09:12,040
Speaker 1: The weirdest thing that happened to me while I was

1174
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:16,760
Speaker 1: on anti presidens blacking out was that I went to

1175
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:20,680
Speaker 1: a birthday like travel day. We went to We got

1176
01:09:20,720 --> 01:09:25,599
Speaker 1: an airbnb in like Pensacola, Florida, and I blacked out,

1177
01:09:25,640 --> 01:09:27,600
Speaker 1: and I learned that I had like slept with a

1178
01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:31,240
Speaker 1: girl while I was fully blacked out the first night,

1179
01:09:31,960 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 1: and that was, like, I guess it was fine. It

1180
01:09:34,400 --> 01:09:36,599
Speaker 1: was like a long weekend, and clearly nobody felt weird

1181
01:09:36,640 --> 01:09:39,040
Speaker 1: about it. I felt a little weird because these were

1182
01:09:39,040 --> 01:09:41,080
Speaker 1: all new people to me, like I didn't know them

1183
01:09:41,240 --> 01:09:44,439
Speaker 1: that well. So I woke up after the first night

1184
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:47,160
Speaker 1: and everybody was being like super chummy with me and

1185
01:09:47,240 --> 01:09:50,400
Speaker 1: super like cool and like friendly, like we had clearly

1186
01:09:50,439 --> 01:09:53,680
Speaker 1: made great memories, except I couldn't remember fucking.

1187
01:09:53,479 --> 01:09:54,240
Speaker 3: End of that.

1188
01:09:54,360 --> 01:09:59,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I was like, okay, great, now I'm with

1189
01:09:59,320 --> 01:10:02,200
Speaker 1: all these strang and they're being extra nice to me,

1190
01:10:02,360 --> 01:10:04,639
Speaker 1: and also I guess I'm sleeping with one of them.

1191
01:10:04,720 --> 01:10:07,280
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, well, you know, we're gonna

1192
01:10:07,320 --> 01:10:09,400
Speaker 1: relax a little bit and I'm gonna remember tonight. It

1193
01:10:09,439 --> 01:10:11,679
Speaker 1: was like a two or three day weekend. So the

1194
01:10:11,720 --> 01:10:17,120
Speaker 1: second night happened, and it happens again the exact same thing,

1195
01:10:17,360 --> 01:10:20,479
Speaker 1: like fully blacked out, apparently slept with the same girl

1196
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:23,960
Speaker 1: and apparently, you know, everybody had a blast and we're

1197
01:10:23,960 --> 01:10:25,120
Speaker 1: all good friends now.

1198
01:10:26,360 --> 01:10:26,759
Speaker 5: And.

1199
01:10:28,160 --> 01:10:31,200
Speaker 1: So I was just like, I was like flabbergas. I

1200
01:10:31,200 --> 01:10:33,559
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, this is cool. I guess. So that

1201
01:10:33,720 --> 01:10:37,120
Speaker 1: weekend ends and I go home and I'm like, okay, cool.

1202
01:10:37,160 --> 01:10:40,080
Speaker 1: Well now I have new friends, I think. And also

1203
01:10:40,240 --> 01:10:42,320
Speaker 1: there's a girl I guess I'm interested in. I should

1204
01:10:42,320 --> 01:10:44,880
Speaker 1: probably kick her out on like a proper date, and like,

1205
01:10:45,360 --> 01:10:48,479
Speaker 1: you know, see how that goes. So I do, and

1206
01:10:49,040 --> 01:10:51,040
Speaker 1: we have a couple of glasses of wine at dinner,

1207
01:10:51,400 --> 01:10:55,360
Speaker 1: and it fucking happens again, and so I have gone.

1208
01:10:55,479 --> 01:10:57,920
Speaker 1: I've been like, apparently I've known this girl for a while,

1209
01:10:58,000 --> 01:11:00,719
Speaker 1: and I've apparently slept with her on them birth times

1210
01:11:00,800 --> 01:11:03,559
Speaker 1: and I had forgotten every single time of it. And

1211
01:11:03,640 --> 01:11:05,479
Speaker 1: at that point I was just done. I was like, fuck,

1212
01:11:05,560 --> 01:11:07,840
Speaker 1: this this sucks. You know what, I think, I'm good,

1213
01:11:08,160 --> 01:11:11,639
Speaker 1: I'm good on Gainesville. I'm just gonna I'm gonna stop

1214
01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:13,640
Speaker 1: doing whatever the fuck this is. And so yeah, I

1215
01:11:13,640 --> 01:11:16,080
Speaker 1: think that was That was my inciting event. I stopped

1216
01:11:16,080 --> 01:11:18,400
Speaker 1: talking to that girl and I just stopped drinking for

1217
01:11:18,439 --> 01:11:20,360
Speaker 1: a while until I was off the ended at presence,

1218
01:11:20,400 --> 01:11:22,040
Speaker 1: it was. It was a fucking bummer.

1219
01:11:23,160 --> 01:11:24,800
Speaker 3: I've never blacked out to the point where like I

1220
01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:29,160
Speaker 3: don't remember stuff, you know, like that's it. It's a

1221
01:11:29,240 --> 01:11:33,640
Speaker 3: that's an interesting phenomenon, Like I don't know what that's like.

1222
01:11:34,040 --> 01:11:37,479
Speaker 1: I remember, I remember like screenshots, you know, I got it.

1223
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:40,280
Speaker 1: I have a couple of glimpses. They're in there somewhere,

1224
01:11:40,439 --> 01:11:42,320
Speaker 1: you know, and I could recall them to the best

1225
01:11:42,320 --> 01:11:44,519
Speaker 1: of my but like if I recalled them, I could

1226
01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:46,600
Speaker 1: get a little bit, you know. It was all of

1227
01:11:46,600 --> 01:11:48,680
Speaker 1: those things, like I could wake up having known that

1228
01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:51,759
Speaker 1: I had done that, right. But yeah, it was bizarre

1229
01:11:51,840 --> 01:11:54,760
Speaker 1: and I've never had that experience since, like even this

1230
01:11:54,840 --> 01:11:57,439
Speaker 1: past Saint Patrick's Day. I mean, I had a fair

1231
01:11:57,479 --> 01:11:59,519
Speaker 1: amount to drink, you know, Saint Patrick's Day, but I

1232
01:11:59,560 --> 01:12:02,639
Speaker 1: was like perfectly, I remember it all. It's all in here.

1233
01:12:04,640 --> 01:12:07,880
Speaker 1: So yeah, I will say it's bizarre. It's comforting when

1234
01:12:07,880 --> 01:12:10,920
Speaker 1: somebody tells you, hey, yeah, hey man, you were pretty drunk.

1235
01:12:11,040 --> 01:12:13,760
Speaker 1: Wasn't that fun? And like there was no there's no

1236
01:12:13,840 --> 01:12:17,360
Speaker 1: bad news, So like, at the very least that was comforting.

1237
01:12:17,800 --> 01:12:21,880
Speaker 1: But it's it's bizarre and not very like I don't

1238
01:12:21,920 --> 01:12:24,200
Speaker 1: know it. It doesn't feel good, I'll tell you that.

1239
01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:31,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, Jonathan John, thanks for sharing your life story.

1240
01:12:31,200 --> 01:12:35,240
Speaker 3: This was cool. It's good to think. I always like,

1241
01:12:35,680 --> 01:12:39,200
Speaker 3: I always like a story of someone turning their life around.

1242
01:12:39,800 --> 01:12:42,360
Speaker 3: You know, it gives it gives it gives hope to

1243
01:12:42,400 --> 01:12:46,400
Speaker 3: the people. So thanks for giving hope to the people.

1244
01:12:48,720 --> 01:12:51,559
Speaker 3: You know, you should do a better job at making

1245
01:12:51,600 --> 01:12:55,320
Speaker 3: the sensors in the bathroom's work. But other than that,

1246
01:12:55,880 --> 01:12:59,559
Speaker 3: other than that, you're doing pretty good. Is there anything

1247
01:12:59,520 --> 01:13:00,799
Speaker 3: else you want to say the people of the computer

1248
01:13:00,840 --> 01:13:01,719
Speaker 3: before we go, Jonathan?

1249
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:06,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I guess if you're if anybody's thinking

1250
01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:09,360
Speaker 1: of I guess, turning your life around or whatever, just

1251
01:13:09,360 --> 01:13:12,360
Speaker 1: just find something you think is cool and do it.

1252
01:13:12,479 --> 01:13:17,200
Speaker 1: Just like, be somewhere regularly. Be at the I don't know, yeah,

1253
01:13:17,280 --> 01:13:20,400
Speaker 1: be at a sport, be at the mall, be at

1254
01:13:20,960 --> 01:13:24,640
Speaker 1: a coffee shot, just be somewhere. You'll meet people and

1255
01:13:24,680 --> 01:13:26,320
Speaker 1: they'll probably help you through it.

1256
01:13:26,439 --> 01:13:26,680
Speaker 3: You know.

1257
01:13:26,800 --> 01:13:30,479
Speaker 1: It's it's it's it's not easy, but it is a

1258
01:13:30,479 --> 01:13:31,160
Speaker 1: little simple.

1259
01:13:32,600 --> 01:13:35,720
Speaker 3: Hey, take care of Jonathan, good luck. Yeah, man, you too,

1260
01:13:38,320 --> 01:13:41,160
Speaker 3: I do agree with that. That's good. Uh, good advice.

1261
01:13:41,320 --> 01:13:43,679
Speaker 3: That's good advice. I mean that is kind of the secret.

1262
01:13:43,760 --> 01:13:49,040
Speaker 3: I think the community is just showing up regularly somewhere.

1263
01:13:49,600 --> 01:13:51,479
Speaker 3: You know, you every want you kind of want to

1264
01:13:51,560 --> 01:13:58,200
Speaker 3: try to accomplish big things in one fell swoop, but

1265
01:13:58,320 --> 01:14:00,439
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, it's like, yeah, fuck,

1266
01:14:00,479 --> 01:14:05,680
Speaker 3: you gotta put in reps. Did fucking do anything? That

1267
01:14:05,800 --> 01:14:10,240
Speaker 3: was Jonathan. This was the Therapy Gecko podcast. Thank you

1268
01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:13,559
Speaker 3: all very much for listening. Thank you everyone who, by

1269
01:14:13,560 --> 01:14:19,479
Speaker 3: the way, came out to my trash art event. If

1270
01:14:19,479 --> 01:14:22,320
Speaker 3: you still want to come see it, it's on display

1271
01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:30,280
Speaker 3: at the Kaleidoscope Gallery two six seven Irving Avenue, Brooklyn,

1272
01:14:30,320 --> 01:14:32,639
Speaker 3: New York. It's on display I think until the twenty

1273
01:14:32,840 --> 01:14:35,639
Speaker 3: second if you want to come see my trash Thank

1274
01:14:35,680 --> 01:14:38,200
Speaker 3: you everyone came to that event. That was fun. I

1275
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:40,080
Speaker 3: want to do more shit like that. I don't know

1276
01:14:40,080 --> 01:14:43,679
Speaker 3: what exactly. I don't know where exactly, probably probably still

1277
01:14:43,680 --> 01:14:46,640
Speaker 3: in New York, but you know I'll be doing more

1278
01:14:46,680 --> 01:14:50,760
Speaker 3: shit like that, So stay tuned. Thank you all very much.

1279
01:14:51,520 --> 01:14:56,120
Speaker 3: I shall return soon with more podcasts of talking to

1280
01:14:56,200 --> 01:14:59,880
Speaker 3: people and learning about life. Bye by talking to Pe.

1281
01:15:00,920 --> 01:15:05,000
Speaker 3: I've been a Gecko and this has been the therapyical podcast.

1282
01:15:05,080 --> 01:15:10,719
Speaker 3: Thank you all for listening. Hello folks, it's Lyle here.

1283
01:15:11,080 --> 01:15:14,439
Speaker 3: That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm

1284
01:15:14,479 --> 01:15:19,240
Speaker 3: releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire

1285
01:15:19,760 --> 01:15:23,240
Speaker 3: extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to

1286
01:15:23,360 --> 01:15:27,599
Speaker 3: by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at

1287
01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:32,519
Speaker 3: therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access

1288
01:15:32,560 --> 01:15:36,440
Speaker 3: to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad free podcast

1289
01:15:36,479 --> 01:15:39,280
Speaker 3: feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my

1290
01:15:39,400 --> 01:15:43,000
Speaker 3: live shows, members only streams, and they help support my

1291
01:15:43,080 --> 01:15:46,679
Speaker 3: ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip

1292
01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:50,240
Speaker 3: from this week's members only bonus episode.

1293
01:15:50,439 --> 01:15:54,760
Speaker 8: You guys would probably love each other, like, not in like, oh,

1294
01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:57,479
Speaker 8: you guys should get married and live a long lifetile,

1295
01:15:57,560 --> 01:16:00,800
Speaker 8: but more like you guys should bang it out and

1296
01:16:01,800 --> 01:16:02,680
Speaker 8: you know, get off my.

1297
01:16:02,680 --> 01:16:03,320
Speaker 2: Back with a bit.

1298
01:16:03,680 --> 01:16:05,439
Speaker 3: That was nice, by the way, to set up your

1299
01:16:05,720 --> 01:16:07,000
Speaker 3: your ex wife with your boss.

1300
01:16:07,920 --> 01:16:10,479
Speaker 8: Yeah, like people buy guns or buy guns. We're totally cool.

1301
01:16:10,479 --> 01:16:12,240
Speaker 1: We have a good we have a better relationship now

1302
01:16:12,280 --> 01:16:13,280
Speaker 1: than you ever get at any.

1303
01:16:13,160 --> 01:16:14,120
Speaker 8: Point in our marriage.

1304
01:16:14,360 --> 01:16:15,000
Speaker 3: That's wonderful.

1305
01:16:15,040 --> 01:16:19,240
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, it works out well. But she

1306
01:16:19,400 --> 01:16:22,360
Speaker 8: got pregnant within two two weeks of even meeting him.

1307
01:16:22,479 --> 01:16:26,720
Speaker 8: But he can't stand her, and I understand it.

1308
01:16:26,800 --> 01:16:28,840
Speaker 3: If you want to hear this full conversation, you can

1309
01:16:28,880 --> 01:16:31,960
Speaker 3: sign up to become a Premium member at therapy Gecko

1310
01:16:32,120 --> 01:16:35,960
Speaker 3: dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the

1311
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:41,760
Speaker 3: episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,

1312
01:16:42,200 --> 01:16:45,439
Speaker 3: I have nothing else to say

1313
01:16:45,479 --> 01:16:50,559
Speaker 8: Again, goes on the line thank you every nine goes

1314
01:16:51,439 --> 01:16:53,559
Speaker 8: he's teaching you in line